Mufti Menk – Have you lost a loved one
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Losing a loved one is one of the
most difficult challenges that a person faces.
And this loved one could be anyone depending
on who you are or depending on who
those
you have left behind are in the case
of your death. May Allah Almighty make it
easy for everyone.
We achieve lesson from the life of Rasulullah
salallahu alaihi wasalam. He lost his father before
he was born.
He lost his mother when he was little.
So here is a young boy
before he was born, actually prior to his
birth,
his father had already passed away. So when
he was born,
he didn't actually have a moment with his
own father.
But when he was a little boy,
he lost his mother at the tender age
of 6.
And subhanAllah,
it must have been challenging because
it's not easy when you have passed away
leaving behind little children.
One wonders, why does Allah do this?
It's a question that sometimes
might arise in the hearts and minds of
people,
not because they are questioning Allah's decree, but
they just want to know what's the wisdom.
You may never know the wisdom, but if
you go back to the best of creation,
the one whom Allah loved the most,
Allah chose for him certain things in this
life.
And one of them was that he was
an orphan.
One of them was, he was going to
lose his mother. And then his grandfather
was going to take over.
And then 2 years later, he was going
to lose his grandfather.
Imagine how tough that must have been. Here
is a child whom Allah has
chosen to be the best of creation,
the most noble of all prophets.
And look at how the beginning was.
That goes to show that if you've lost
a loved one or you were born an
orphan, an orphan, or you were orphaned a
little bit later.
It is never a sign of the displeasure
of Allah.
Rather,
it is a test for those around you
who
is going to look after this particular child.
You have brothers,
sisters, uncles, and aunts. We have squabbles in
this world.
In this life, we argue.
We sometimes have a bit of a powwow,
a little fight or something. Our own siblings,
our own family.
Wallahi, if one were to die, it is
incumbent upon the other.
Take care of the children. They are mine.
It's okay. I had 2 arguments with my
brother or my sister or whoever it may
be. The fact that they are not there,
Allah is watching. Here's your paradise. Are you
going to look after these innocent children or
not? If you don't, you failed.
And if you do, you have passed.
And sometimes it doesn't mean that you have
to take them into your home, but you
have to take care of them. Even if
it's from a slight distance, ensure
that they are
everything is done for them. Ensure that, subhanAllah,
they have a decent life and Allah will
give you Jannah
as a result of your
concern.
Amazing.
You're concerned. You were really concerned. They needed
anything. I was there.
May Allah Almighty make it easy for us.
And then you look at the other way
around where sometimes you're an adult and you
lose your father.
No matter how old you are, you feel
orphaned to a degree because Allah has wiped
away
a certain generation that you were accustomed to
associating
with. I'm used to seeing my father every
day, mashaAllah.
One day he may not be there. It's
going to be tough on me and everyone
else. But when they have grown of age,
it may not be that difficult because you
were expecting it to come at some point.
A hard one is when we're all adults
and your father loses you and perhaps
you also had children. Now there's a few
generations
and we lose the one in the middle.
That's not easy.
Very difficult. For a parent to bury a
child is a great, great challenge.
Allah asks you to bear patience. He says
it is his plan. When you are happy
with the plan of Allah, for you is
paradise.
Allah put you on earth. You did not
belong to anyone but Allah.
Allah gave you for a moment to your
parents and gave you for a moment children.
That moment is only a few years.
Allah will take someone away in that equation.
He has
to. Someone has to go. That's life.
Either your parents go first. Your children go
first, you go first, your grandchildren
go first. It's not easy. You hear of
a young
boy
dying in car accident.
It's not easy. It's tough. But that person's
death was written when they were born or
before they were born. SubhanAllah.
What were you going to do about it?
Allah says, look. This is in my hands.
Life and death is in the hands of
Allah.
Are you prepared to say
We all belong to Allah and we belong
to him in the first place and we
are all going to return to Allah.
No need to depress yourself, to stress yourself.
Yes. It's tough. Yes. You cry. Yes. You
grieve.
No problem. But the grief must lead you
to do a few things. One of them
is get closer to Allah yourself.
Because on the other side, I want to
be with my loved ones.
Those who believe and their families followed them
in belief.
We will bring them together in the hereafter.
That's the promise of Allah. Allah will bring
them together. Allah will connect you with them.
So if someone passes away and that distance
to me from Allah, I'm the loser. I
may never meet them again in a hurry
unless Allah grants me Jannah after forgiving me.
But
nonetheless, if I have lost a loved one,
Allah wants you to realize
that's my way. That's how it is on
earth. You come and you go.
He came and went or she came and
went. You have come and now you are
also going to have to go. So the
winner is only the one who who prepared
for the day he's going to go with
Allah. There is no other winner.
Nobody can win if they did not prepare
for the day they're going to meet with
Allah. You will lose come what may. It's
impossible to win if you were not conscious
of the day you're going to meet with
Allah.
May Allah grant us paradise.
So if I'm conscious of the day I'm
going to meet with Allah, one of the
most beautiful things is I connect with Allah.
I start realizing
my gap
or the distance or the absence of the
person who died before me is only temporary.
That's what I realized. It's temporary. I'm going
to meet him again or her just now.
Soon. How soon? As soon as I close
my eyes, insha Allah. Before you know it,
it's the day of judgment and before you
know it, we are already in Jannah. And
it's like, oh, subhanallah.
In fact, there is a narration that states
that those who pass away a good death,
they get to meet the souls of those
who passed away earlier, and there is a
little conversation between them as to what happened
to so and so and so and so.
And there could be some answers and so
on. There is a narration that actually says
that.
But what we know for certain is
what is everlasting is paradise.
If I am temporarily separated,
don't let it bog you down to the
degree that you cannot carry on with life.
Many times a spouse passes away. Now this
is also a loved one that was introduced
to your life a little bit later on,
not related to you by blood, but related
to you through marriage. You become so close
to your spouse at times, closer than your
own siblings.
If your spouse were to die, many people
say, I'll never marry again because I want
to be with that particular person when I
get into the hereafter. The truth of the
matter is,
let's work to get to Jannah. Don't worry
about thing other things.
Let's work to get to paradise. When you
get there, Allah promises you.
Once you are there,
and you are now thinking with the perfect
brain
and with total perfection, then
whatever you want, we will give it to
you. That's a promise of Allah. I can't
think from now.
People say, in Jannah, I want this and
that. And if they say some absurd things
and they say, well, Allah promises me that
I get anything, so why can I not
think absurd? The reality is all these thoughts
are diverting you from working towards paradise, so
you may not even make it there. Forget
about the thoughts. Bear in mind, I'm a
happy man because I know Allah is gonna
give me whatever he's promised. Anything I wish
and I want. But first, I need to
go there.
When I go there, you gauge the situation.
You're gonna have a different mind and everything
will be perfect. You look different. Everything will
be amazing. Then think.
Then if you think of your cats and
your dogs which you won't, then perhaps you
may have had because why? Allah promises you.
You notice how I slipped in you won't.
Why? Because you won't. That's why. You can't
come at it. Like a person who drinks
alcohol on earth. One narration says, they won't
be tasting from the wines of paradise. Well,
what if I go there and I want
it? You won't want it. Game over. You
won't ever think of it. Never. Because there
cannot be a contradiction in the Quran. And
there can't be a contradiction in the teachings
of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam. You won't
know you're missing out on something.
If I tell you, did you hear of
the gadget? He says, what's the gadget? He
says,
when you talk to it and it does
whatever you want, you know, you just speak
to it and it does whatever. If you
don't know of the gadget, how will you
miss it? You don't even know about it.
You won't miss it because for you, it's
not there. You only miss something when you
know it's there. You have the latest car.
For you, you're the king of vehicles because
I've got the latest and the best car
Until you see one slightly
better in model than yours, then you've got
a problem. But if you've never seen the
other one, you don't have a problem because
you're thanking Allah. Let's get back to what
we were saying. So when you lose a
loved one, you are going to get to
paradise. And when you get to paradise, you
will get what you want. I was saying
when you lose a spouse, people say, I'll
never marry again. 1 year passes and they're
thinking of marrying again.
It's a plan of Allah. 2 years pass,
3 years depending on your age.
In fact, I want to tell you something.
If you've lost a parent at the age
of 60, 70, 80, 90 and the other
one is still alive, wallahi, ask them if
they want to marry and let them marry.
It is not they are not marrying for
intimacy like the young. No. They are marrying
for company and it helps them and boosts
them. They can gain closeness to Allah, worship
Allah together. Many people say, I don't want
my father to marry because the woman who's
going to come is going to steal our
money. Wallahi. I've heard this more than a
100 times.
That is that is absurd.
This man earned his whole life. Now at
78, he wants to marry and he's gonna
marry obviously 50, 60, 70, whatever the age
may be. But I promise you, if you
say no because you're worried about money, you
will die a poor person because sustenance is
from Allah. Allah will * away that money
from you without your father having gotten married
again or without your mother having gotten married
again. You never ever say, I won't allow
my father to marry again because another person's
gonna come and fight with us about the
money.
How? But that's what the world is today.
And this is where we're going wrong. You
help them to get married. No problem. If
they want, no problem. Let them get married.
So what? What does a wife get? She
gets a small portion. What are you worried
about? Your sustenance shouldn't be the greed of
your eyes upon the one who's going to
die. No.
It should be your own hard work and
your dua to Allah. Allah will give you
even if you had nothing from your parents
and grandparents.
Nothing. 0. I don't mind. Why? Because Allah
will give me. He will bless me. But
to block your father who earned all of
that money, you're saying, no, I need the
cash. Your father needs someone
just to be with in company. Wallahi, be
careful. This is a solid message. People don't
talk about it. I'm telling you, you would
be punished by Allah
if you block someone's marriage for this particular
reason. May Allah Almighty safeguard all of us.
Then
if there is a person who's lost a
parent, like say you're a teenager, you lost
your father, questions come about why. I already
gave you the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam's example.
You need to bear patience. Take it in
your stride. Don't stop your life.
It will sadden you.
One of the coping mechanisms of grief is
to cry. It's okay to cry. It's okay
to shed tears. It's normal.
But not to the degree where you can't
work, you can't sleep, you can't eat.
After a few days, you have to understand
the plan of Allah.
And you have to know, let me carry
on. I must carry on. Your father's gone,
for example. Let me look after my brothers,
my sisters, my mother, and whoever else it
may be. I need to work. I'm the
oldest or I am able or I have
something decent going on for me. Get up
and make an effort, and work hard, and
understand the separation is temporary. It's not
permanent.
May Allah Almighty grant us ease. And the
reason I say this is many people are
coming about questioning. You know, there is a
lot of death happening. And even in our
community lately, there have been quite a few
people who've passed on.
We ask Allah to make it easy for
their families.
When you make dua to Allah to help
those
who've lost loved ones, Allah will make it
easy for your loved ones the day they
lose you or for you the day you
lose some loved ones. That's how Allah works.
Help someone in the situation. Allah will help
you in that situation. And Allah will help
you even beyond that.
So we ask Allah to help us and
to guide us. A few things.
Number 1, we should make du'a for the
deceased. Always ask Allah
or
if it's a female or if there are
many.
Simple du'a. O Allah, forgive them. Have mercy
on them. Give them jannah. Repeat that dua
again and again and again. Every time you
think of them, That dua is one of
the most powerful gifts you can give them.
Oh Allah, grant them paradise.
And what do you do? You can give
a charity on their behalf. You can, for
example, build a masjid. You can do a
borehole. You can do something. You can plant
trees. You can help the orphans, the widows
on behalf of the deceased. You could do
that. That's okay. It's permissible. May Allah Almighty
grant us the ability to do for the
deceased
and to do for ourselves as well. Many
people say, you know, I built 2 mosques
for my late this and my late that
and my late this. Well, what have you
done for yourself?
Nothing. So are you waiting for someone else
to do it after you die? Is that
what it is? You've got to do for
yourself as well. Remember this. So I I
have a ball hole. I did 1. Insha
Allah. May Allah accept it from me. Then
I did one for the late this and
another one for the late that. Alhamdulillah. Now
you're talking.
That's why when someone was going to make
Hajj for another, the prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam
asked him a simple question.
He says, la. The pro I didn't. Did
you make Hajj for yourself? He says, no.
Not yet. First make Hajj for yourself, then
you can make Hajj for the others.
That's a hadith. The man's name was Shubroma,
the late person. May Allah Almighty grant us
goodness. Now
sometimes we lose children. I tell you what,
nobody can explain to you the type of
pain,
loss and emptiness
that a person who's lost a child
feels.
Now what? They say, it would have been
easier if I lost a spouse. It would
have been easier if I lost a parent.
It would have been easier if I lost
a sibling. But a child?
It's a tough one. What is it? I'll
tell you what it is. It's Allah's
gift to you as an opportunity
to bear sabr, through which you will get
paradise. That's what it is. Allah gives you
a chance to engage in sabr. I always
say, sabr which is
loosely translated as patience,
although it's very big. In fact, the other
day I was speaking about the types of
sabr, and I realized I only spoke about
1, not the others. But no nonetheless, I'm
sure you would know.
Sabr
is an act of worship that Allah says
the following.
One verse out of so many. Allah says,
we give the reward of those who are
patient
as
unlimited reward. Unlimited.
It's with Allah. Dear, your patience unlimited. So
bear patience.
You talk about poverty. Some people might never
earn
as much. What will happen next?
We say poverty will never last forever.
But it's my death and I'm I'm still
poor. Well, you might die a poor person,
but death was not forever. The forever part
of it is still coming. You follow what
we're
saying? So you're still gonna get it. But
for us, it's temporary. It's on earth. I've
been poor for the last 20 years. What's
when is it going to change? You promised
that it's going to change. Well, I tell
you what, it might change in the hereafter.
Are you prepared for that? If the answer
is no, you lose the dunya and the
akhira. And And if the answer is well,
yes, I surrender to the degree of Allah.
Allah says you might lose the dunya, but
you did not lose the akhira. When when
the poor people go into paradise
500 years before the rich, you know what's
the simple reason?
They don't have anything to declare.
When you walk through customs here airport, for
example, you got so many bags. First thing
they say,
hey,
come here. Put it in the scanner. You
know the story. Right? You put it through
the scanner and they want to open every
bag and delay you.
The other guys got just hand luggage. What
do they say? Good morning, sir. You may
proceed. Green root. What happened? He didn't have
much. The same applies when you don't have
much. You get it. So remember this.
When Allah wants you to engage in an
act of worship that is
known as
very high rewarding act of worship?
He chooses.
He chooses. And what does he choose? He
chooses you to go through something
that others are not chosen for. The prophet
sallallahu alaihi wasallam lost a child and another
child and another child and all his children
in his life.
What happened? I lost 1. Not me, but
I'm giving you an example.
Lost one child. Okay. It's tough. I'm not
belittling it, but go easy. Allah chose the
best to go through more than that because
the sabr
He engaged in is way beyond all of
us.
Are you prepared to go through Do you
want paradise without reckoning? Well then you're gonna
have to be tested with patience. What type
of patience are you prepared to engage in?
People say, try me. Don't ever say, try
me. No. Say, Insha'a Allah will help me
through whatever he has chosen for me. And
I ask him, Allah test you with hardship,
with sickness, with ailment, disease, loss of life
and so on. We're talking of loss of
life. So
someone died. Your child passed away. Your brother
passed away. Your father. Whoever it may be,
you bear patience. Allah says, this is your
opportunity.
Are you going to take it in your
stride? You're going to try? You break down
once in a while. It's okay. You can
remember Allah. It's okay. It brought you closer
to Allah. It's okay. But you bore patience.
Allah says the patience that we allowed
you to go through was through this death.
Because of this death, your life changed, and
now you are going to go to paradise.
Had it not been for this, perhaps you
were not even going to get what we
have in store for you.
So from this, what I want to say,
I trust Allah.
Please trust Allah. No matter what happens, get
closer to Allah. Trust him. He knows. We
are on earth for a short time. You
have to go. I have to go.
If I were to ask you,
how would you like to die?
People will say, I'd like to die in
my sleep. Someone say, I'd like to die
in Sujood, and so many different answers. When
would you like to die?
Question. Right?
On that one, some might say, okay, I'm
almost ready for it or ready for it.
But very few.
The bulk would say, no no no no,
not now. Even if the guy is 80
years old, he'll tell you not now.
Then when? So Allah makes you ill and
sick, and you are in pain for such
a while that you start looking forward
to meeting with Allah because you're in so
much of pain. I know people say, Wallahi,
he's in a much more peaceful condition because
he was in pain for 2 years. Look
at him. He's looking so happy. It's true.
May Allah make it easy for us.
I know everyone's just listening so quietly. I
don't mean to doom the people, but this
was a subject that we needed to talk
about. From the angle that if you lose
a loved one, take it in your stride.
Allah does not hate you. In fact, he
has honored you. Look at what the hadith
says.
When Allah loves a slave, he tests him.
Why?
Simply because
He gives him opportunities
of getting closer to him and reward that
he did not give others. And in another
narration, he says,
the greater the test,
the greater the reward.
Someone lost 3 people, 2 people, 5 people
at once.
There was an accident not too long ago
in Johannesburg.
And to be honest, young boys, one after
the other,
In fact, they were together. They passed on.
They passed away. 1 car crash.
Imagine how difficult it is for their loved
ones. Today, from this pulpit, we say, may
Allah make it easy for their parents
and their family members and all those who've
lost loved ones. And may Allah grant those
boys and all the and those who've passed
on,
And finally,
the day Allah takes us away.
May he be pleased with us. May he
forgive us. May he grant us Jannah. May
he take care of those whom we leave
behind.
And may Allah Almighty grant them steadfastness and
unite us all.