Mufti Menk – Elderly and Parents

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			de la la la
		

			la de la wash hadoo Allah Allah, Allah Allahu la sharika wash Havana Mohammed and Abdo Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wa ala aalihi he was happy as mine, my bad.
		

			My beloved brothers and sisters in Islam, it is important for us to be conscious of our maker, the
one who made us the one who is in absolute control of every aspect of our existence, and the one
whom we are going to return to very, very soon. It is only a person who is conscious of this fact
that would be fortunate to be able to worship Allah subhanho wa Taala in the best way. And this is
why we have heard so many verses in the Quran where Allah subhanho wa Taala makes mention of the
issue of Kappa, the issue of consciousness. One of them is a verse that we hear often Yeah, are you
living in Amanita cola? Waltons or not? So Martha definitely read in water law in the law b&b mata
		

			Malone. Oh you who believe be conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And every single one of you
should look into what you have prepared for tomorrow. Be conscious of Allah indeed he is all knowing
of your deeds.
		

			So this would mean every one of us needs to make sure that whatever deeds we do, they are in
preparation for the day that we will meet with Allah and that is known as tomorrow tomorrow meaning
the future. This is why Allah says well done good enough soon, McDermott needed each soul, each
individual should look into his own deeds, and each individual should look at what he has prepared
for tomorrow. This is something that Allah subhanho wa Taala has made quite clear. So my job is to
look at what I have done for the day when I meet with Allah. And the same applies to you. This would
help us from engaging negatively in the lives of one another. Sometimes we can become engrossed in
		

			the lives of one another in a way that we forget our own life. It is important to remind one
another, be concerned about your own goodness, primarily May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us ease.
		

			What is of importance for us to realize also is that Allah subhana wa Taala has created us in a
state of weakness every one of us when we were made, we were very weak, so much so that if we were
left by our parents or those who looked after us, perhaps we would have died. So Allah says Allah,
Levy, Salah, comin darphin Masha Allah member to attend Masha Allah member, the poo, watching,
laughing worship.
		

			Allah subhanho wa Taala has indeed created you in a state of weakness and from that state of
weakness, he then caused you to get to a state of strength. And after the state of strength, he
returned you back to weakness and gray hair. And the reason why the scholars make mention of the
reason why he starts off by saying He created you in a state of weakness. And then right at the end,
he says weakness and gray hair is because when a child is weak, it is much easier to handle the
child, the parents of a child handle the child with hope, with prayer to say may you have a long
life, when you have good health and so on. But when you when a person becomes old, after they had
		

			knowledge and after they had strength, and after they had led a life full of whatever energies they
have had, it becomes very difficult when they cannot walk anymore because they are irritated and
they become irritant. And this is why when they become so old, it's not so easy to carry an older
person around just like it was to carry a little child. But this is the test of Allah subhanho wa
Taala for us, because each one of us seated here and all of us who may listen to this later on,
we've all been little babies at one stage, and our parents or our guardians looked after us
wholeheartedly. They carried us around. They changed literally our nappies. And they did so much for
		

			us. As we have now grown in strength in our own lives. We will witness the same parents who looked
after us when we were babies, we will now be given an opportunity to look after them in the same way
if we are lucky. And this is why
		

			narration says that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has shown surprise and those who see one
or two of their parents, one or both of their parents in their lives, who have become old in the
presence of the people meaning of us, for example, and they have not resulted in the entry into
paradise of us through their service. Because it becomes extremely difficult when a child is young,
you teach the child, but when a person is old, forget about teaching them, they will teach you, they
will tell you even if there is a generation gap, they might keep on telling you something that may
not be applicable in your life anymore due to the generation gap. And yet you will have to listen,
		

			you will have to be quiet, you will have to answer in a beautiful way. And this is why Allah
subhanho wa Taala has made it quite clear in a verse in Surah.
		

			In surah, surah, in fact, in Surah, till calf where Allah Subhana Allah says,
		

			Allah Jabu Illa Yahuwah Sana, that Allah subhanho wa Taala has declared that you shall worship none
but him. And you will be kind and good to your parents. And this includes whether they are Muslim or
not Muslim, whether they are difficult, or whether they are easygoing, whether they happen to have
their own bad habits, or whether their bad habits are less, they have more good habits than bad,
whatever the instance, is, kindness, there is no excuse to leave out. Never, you need to be kind,
what is the meaning of kindness say that there is a parent who is unreasonable, and they are
swearing at you, Your duty is to be kind in return by knowing how to deal with it, if you swear in
		

			return, you have lost. But if you respond in a positive way, you may engage them in a respectful
kind of discussion. That is something that is called for. And this is why when a parent is not a
Muslim, we have to obey them, we have to listen to them, we have to be kind to them. And the only
exception is when they are telling us to do that which is against the law of Allah. And then two
things need to happen. One is law to treat Homer and the other is Sahiba Houma for dunya Moreover,
it means do not follow what they have told you against the law, they want you to go against Allah.
So Allah worship is for example, dictating that you will not be party to buying and selling alcohol.
		

			And if your father or your parent tells you that you need to now go to the market, for example, and
purchase the alcohol for for him or for her, may Allah protect us all, it's just an example, you
would not go and at the same time you do not swear them in return, nor do you scold them or beat
them up sometimes or even say a word that is bad, but you need to be candid and respectful together
with kindness. So you may start off by saying, I will not be able to do this. And if they start
yelling at you and say why, for example, you will have to engage them you see there is a verse of
the Quran, alcohol is bad for you and so on in a beautiful way. And if they continue screaming, you
		

			do not scream. And this is the beauty of a Muslim. When someone does something bad to you, you do
not need to do the same bad in return to them. If someone swears that you you come down, smile at
them, perhaps it may make them realize what I've done is wrong. That's the most that's a Muslim. The
way you deal with someone they will realize immediately what I did is actually very bad. This person
is a good person, they will come to you after a day after a week after a month after a year. And I
apologize to you to say you know I actually did something very bad. I saw at you I shouted at you I
did this and that, you know sometimes it happens with so many people, we become impatient with those
		

			who are slow, you know the elderly, sometimes they are slow when we drive on the roads Mashallah
sometimes you find the elderly, you know, they might find difficulty in turning their necks, they
might sometimes not be able to see so clearly and they may have just cut you up slightly instead of
honing and starting to swear them. Understand one day you might get to the same position, may Allah
protect us. All you need to do is come down Look at him, perhaps, you know, you don't even need to
get angry or upset. You may want to horn in order to avoid an accident, but not unnecessarily. And
this is why sometimes we use the horn so much that it becomes a point of temper and the point of
		

			heat and argument and sometimes even fighting just because we who did somebody for no reason. So
come down, this is a Muslim, relax, we need to understand the rights of all moreso the rights of the
elderly. So Allah subhanho wa Taala has reminded us of this. In fact, there is a beautiful narration
of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam wherein he makes mention of something very interesting that
if a person has helped someone in need if a person has helped someone
		

			needed one stage, one day when they are in need. Allah subhanho wa Taala will already have appointed
someone to come for that particular need of this. So if I were to help someone cross the road who is
say for example, unable to see clearly or to walk properly because they are old, by the will of
Allah one of two things would happen, and maybe even more but all positive things, I either Allah
will give me strength, such that Allah has given strength to me, would not let me require someone to
help me cross the road because Allah has given me the strength. that's point number one. So I will,
I will not be a person who would need help to cross the road, although I used to help a lot of
		

			people cross the road. Because Allah says, I will help you cross the road by giving you the energy
you don't even need to rely on someone. Or point number two is sometimes if we are unable to do it,
and we have been helping others in the same or we have been helping others who are in need the day
we are in that need, a person will come along to help us to cross that particular road and that
path. For example, a wealthy person who continues to assist those who might be in debt within
specific limits. If a day comes, when that particular person happens to be in some form of need,
Allah will create people who will come and help that particular person. And this is why we believe
		

			as you do unto others, so it shall be done unto you. We believe this. And we also believe when you
do good, the good will return to you in reward. And in many other ways. This is why Allah says if
you bring a good deed on the Day of Judgment, we will multiply tenfold for you in reward. But whilst
you were in the world, we would give you the benefit of it in so many different ways. Do you know
that respecting the elderly, and sitting with them and listening to their stories and learning from
their experiences? And perhaps for example, spending on our own parents? That is an important point,
because when we were young, they spent on us they did not ask for something from us. They were not
		

			reluctant. We needed food, they fed us we needed medication, they rushed us to the hospital, we
needed anything, they did it for us. So when we grow old, why is it we become reluctant to spend on
them, Father is sick, may Allah protect us all in our fathers. I mean, if the father is ill and
sick, we sit back and we're waiting, it's going to be a bit expensive to get this thing done. Let's
just see if we can get it done for free. When we were sick, they did it for us without even batting
an eyelid. That's a test of Allah, yet we now have more wealth than sometimes they had a long time
ago. So this is why to sit with them to spend time with them to learn from their experiences and so
		

			on. All this is part and parcel of earning the blessings of Allah subhanho wa Taala. You know,
sometimes we have a life full of stress. Sometimes we have a life full of agony, sometimes full of
different worries and so on. You need to realize when you spend time with the elderly for the sake
of Allah, especially your parents, you will find the blessings of Allah descend upon you, the mercy
of Allah descend upon you because the Rama is closely connected to your parents. And we do know that
us as we develop ourselves and we become parents, we should not be difficult parents, a difficult
parent is he or she who really is unreasonable with his or her own children. Sometimes the
		

			weaknesses of human nature make us become so terrible as parents that our children don't even want
to see us and they don't even want to contact us. Why because every time we talk to them, we are
harsh. Every time we talk to them, we are raising past issues, or we are saying something
unreasonable. Let Islam be the measure. Let the law of Allah be the measure. Whatever Allah has
taught, if you were to engage in it with your own children, it will be an honor for them to call you
on a daily basis, my dad or my mom, how are you doing? And what is happening I'm missing you. It is
better someone calls you regularly to say how much they are missing you. Then when you call them
		

			they ignore the call. And then later on, they say I did not see the missed call. May Allah Subhana
Allah Allah safeguard us from falsehood.
		

			So my brothers and sisters, these are some of the gifts of Allah subhanho wa Taala upon us. A quick
example that I'd like to save today is the example of Musa alayhi salatu was Salam.
		

			At his time when he arrived in Meridian, he assisted two women folk with the sheep with the flock,
I'm sure we've heard of that. Allah subhanho wa Taala makes mention of it in certain cases. And
Allah Subhana Allah says that these women, they were not supposed to actually be there, but they
gave a reason why they were there in the midst of all the male shepherds. They said law must be used
to do the Abu Abu Dhabi
		

			They said, We are not going to let quench the thirst of our flock until these other male shepherds
actually move away. That's why we're waiting on the side. And our father is an old man. Why did they
have to add that our father is an old man? Because one might ask, what are you doing here as women,
the men are supposed to be here doing this job. So before anything negative comes to the mind, they
immediately said, Look, our Father is an old man had he not been old. This means had he not been
old, he would have been here doing it himself. But look at how they as women folk got up to assist
the father in his duty. They actually got up to help the father in his duty. How many of us even as
		

			males would get up to assist our fathers in earning a livelihood and in their duties, it's something
to ponder over. So musala, his salatu wa sallam happened to help them and he helped them in a very
beautiful way. The reason is, that he saw that these people are here for a valid reason. And they
are people who are modest, they are sitting back for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala. He
assisted them and he made it ended such that he met the father of these women. And he ended up
several years later getting married to one of them by the help of Allah subhanho wa Taala. I want to
pause there for a moment and just say something to make us think. Do you understand how, by
		

			assisting with the correct intention, Allah will open your other doors that you did not even
imagine? Here was musala he, Sam, did he even think for a minute that I'm going to get married here?
Not even at all, but he helped with the correct intention. When the father saw that this man is
genuine, he is sincere and so on. He made the offer and was in need of that at the time. May Allah
subhanho wa Taala fulfill our needs, and may He make us from those who understand and realize, take
a look at another example from the life of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. When Abu Bakr Siddiq
or the Allahu anhu came in, this was in muckety, muck of Rama, he came with his old father
		

			to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Now Abu Bakar his name was Abdullah Abu hanifa and Abu
hanifa his name was men. So Abu Bakr is to detail the law and who his name was Abdullah Abner is
man, but he was called Abu Bakar. And his father was called Abu hanifa. So Abu Bakr Siddiq.
		

			He came in with Abu Hamza, and he walked into the company of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
and when Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam saw the old man being driven to him, as in being
assisted, he immediately said the O abubaker. Why did you have to bring the old man here? I would
have come to where he was. Why did you have to bring him to me? I would have come to him. Amazing.
Look at the etiquette not old man is listening. And he knows. And this is Muhammad sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam Makkah you know that they were Kfar of Makkah, who did not even like him. They tried very
hard to smear his name. sallallahu alayhi wasallam. But here he is. He continued with the good
		

			character with the good conduct. He says Oh, Abu Bakr Siddiq of your loved one. Had you not brought
him I would have come there or why did you bring him here? I would have come to see him. And so he
sat right next to him. And when the two sat close, they spoke for a little while and Mohammed
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam asked him would you enter Islam he said, by all means I'm entering Islam
now. Subhan Allah. In Arabic it is worded so beautifully. Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Allah
who are slim for us, Lama It sounds so simple and so easy, but the background to it was the good
character, the good speech, the good words, and to say amazingly that you know what the old man I
		

			must make time for the old people to come to them rather than making them come to me. This is
something amazing. This is why my brothers and sisters if you want to blessings one afternoon, take
a drive to meet your elderly parents, your elderly relatives with your children and with anyone else
who would like to go solely for the fact that it isn't a bad and it will result in the mercy of
Allah descending upon you. You find so much today we are quick to run out on a holiday to run out to
have a meal at a certain restaurant to do this and to do that we are not saying that is wrong but
what we are saying is have you not spent some time with the elderly. It is an act of worship. You do
		

			need to try out amazing if I were to tell you right now that there is an amazing new restaurant down
the street and the food is just too good. I think at some stage we will try it out wouldn't we? We
will probably try it out. But this is the gift of Allah subhanho wa Taala he is telling you you want
the mercy of Allah will try this out. This is amazing. Let's do it more often. My brothers and
sisters, let us visit our parents sometimes not only those who are related to you, but anyone who is
elderly, visit them
		

			Listen to them learn from their experiences, some of it may be relevant, a lot of it will be
relevant. Some of it may be irrelevant and see do not get upset and angry, let them talk let them
have their say they are also in need of love. They are also part and parcel of the community. And do
you know what the day you grow old people will also come and reciprocate that love and they will
come by the health of Allah subhanho wa Taala and give you the company when you are very lonely.
Today it's easy, we have a job to go to whole day we are out, we come back we can we're enjoying the
day will come if Allah wills he might take us away earlier than that. May He grant us gentlemen, and
		

			may He make it easy for us. But if he wants to give us a longer life, we will live for a while and
what will happen thereafter, we become old and lonely Once again, no more job. I'm sitting at home.
Nobody's calling me nobody's there. You know, by that time technology will be so far that we don't
know how to be in touch with people. You know, today, if you have a person who's 90 years old, do
you really think you're going to find him on WhatsApp? Well, I hope not. But at the same time, the
day we are so old, they will be other technology and we don't know if we will even be in touch and
in June. So make time go back to the original method of meeting and talking and see the mercy of
		

			Allah subhanho wa Taala that will descend upon you. There is also a narration of Abdullah live in a
bus with a llama and who who was one of the young of the Sahaba of the Allahu anhu. he assisted
David in his habit of the Allahu anhu of his conveyance, and he actually put his hand in order to
help him off and they looked at him and he says this is how we treat the elderly and the
knowledgeable from amongst us imagine this is something amazing. How do we treat the elderly and the
knowledgeable amongst us? Do we treat them with respect? Remember one thing and I have to say this
there is a fine line between respect and worship. Sometimes we have scholarly figures Mashallah we
		

			respect them. We have the elderly we respect them, but we do not engage in an act of worship because
then we contaminate our link with Allah subhanho wa Taala who is the owner of worship, and this is
why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when speaking about the elderly, he makes mention of an
interesting point he says laser minimal Ameer Hamza Viola killed cabbie Rana. He is not from amongst
us who does not have mercy on the young and respects the older or the elder. When you see someone
younger than you have mercy on them, they might still need a little bit of learning, you know, you
see a teenager running and dashing around instead of getting angry and upset, educate them
		

			positively in a beautiful way. Usually you lead the way they will look at you as a role model in no
time. But if you are also to act as barbaric, then what will happen to society and community. Then
also we need to respect those who are older than us. And we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us
the respect as well every one of us would like to be respected. Well, it's about time we started
respecting others and then inshallah we will find that it is reciprocated. So Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam has taught us in so many different ways. The most important way he taught us was
that he led by example, he did it not just to speak, you know, sometimes we tend to instruct our
		

			children, but we don't realize they watch us doing something opposite what we told them, how will
that be of impact? When you tell them something, do it, show them and inshallah in that way, there
will be lots of growth. Allah subhanho wa Taala makes mention of the verse that I spoke about a
little bit earlier in Surah. In Surah Surah. In fact, it's a verse of surah.
		

			Allah subhanho wa Taala says that he has declared that none will will be worshipped besides Him and
you will be kind to your parents. He continues thereafter to mention something very interesting. He
says, if one or both of them arrive at old age in your presence, watch out how you speak to them. Be
careful how you talk to them. Watch your tongue with your parents Watch out for Allah tala Hama
often do not tell them a bad word. Don't tell them a bad word, or disrespect. That is the term in
the Arabic language. Don't even tell them that relax, calm down. Let them have their say. You had
your say when you cried and cried all night as a colleague child, what did they do? Perhaps they
		

			were awake with you all night every night for so many months. Now they are just blurting out a few
words once in a while. You also relax Calm down, pat them on their backs and tell them you know
what, don't worry you my dad and I love you. Mashallah. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us
understand that akula Houma wallet and her Huma do not rebuke them. It is very tempting to say bad
words to your folks when they are old. very tempting. Why? Because they are unreasonable according
to you, because there is a generation gap sometimes the thinking is different. Allah has addressed
the matter warning myself and yourself that
		

			Watch out what you say and do not rebuke, do not use a swear word do not use a word that is bad or
hurtful. May Allah grant us ease sometimes we have to advise them because they are unreasonable do
so in a kind and respectful way. Remember this, sometimes we have to advise them because it does not
mean you allow your parent to continue doing something haram and opressing you or your wife, or any
one of your family and so on. There has to be a limit to things so when it is getting beyond the
limit, you need to bring it down but with respect and kindness, address them have a meeting 234 or
five times with them to address the matter until they understand in a beautiful way. Then Allah
		

			subhanho wa Taala says, You need to be merciful towards them and you need to make a dua and
supplication of mercy for them because they are the ones who brought you up when you were young. So
you say oh, I'm Homer, Kamara, biryani sorry, Allah La. Oh Allah have mercy on them. In the same way
that they have brought me up. In fact, this is a verse of surah to disrupt verse number 23 and 24
May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless every single one of us and grant us is my brothers and sisters, we
have spoken quite a bit when it comes to the elderly, and our parents and so on. Remember that Allah
subhanho wa Taala has instructed us this immediately after he speaks about worshiping Him, that
		

			shows how important it is. And I want to end by making mention of how important that is. One of the
reasons is, Allah created myself and yourself, He created us so we owe him worship. Who did he
choose to bring me into the world and you into the world. He chose parents, those parents because he
created and he chose them for me and you we have an obligation towards them. It is a taste of Allah
subhanho wa Taala May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless every single one of us and our parents make it
easy for us to respect the elderly and our own parents, our Guru, Callie
		

			muslimeen