Mufti Menk – Dealing with Difficulty #23 Haraam Relationships
AI: Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of avoiding sexual interactions and cutting out relationships with sexist people. They stress the need to protect oneself and avoid giving up on relationships, as well as the challenges of avoiding a blunder and cutting out relationships. The speakers also emphasize the importance of protecting oneself and not compromising on relationships, and advise people to stay in a way that is SELitting themselves and what one should be doing. They stress the need to stay in a way that is SELitting oneself and what one should be doing, and warn of the potential for mistakes and regret in these relationships.
AI: Summary ©
Many people develop a relationship with the opposite
*
and don't realize that it is a haram
relationship
because it crosses the boundaries
of what Islam has taught. Yes. Interaction with
the opposite * is permissible
within certain limits.
But to flirt and thereafter to slide into
the DMs, and thereafter to start saying inappropriate
things, to promise someone I love you. I
love you too. And so on. I miss
you. I take care of you. I do
this. I do that. And then this person
says this, and that person says that and
so
on. That's brewing a relationship
that probably will end up in a lot
of sadness
and perhaps
a lot of anxiety or depression
at times.
Because anything
that is planted
with a haram seed
would germinate
a tree or a plant
that is equally
wrong.
May Allah Almighty protect all of us. So
it's difficult because young people, boys and girls
get to interact, they get to meet with
each other. Many of them promise each other,
I'm gonna marry you and so on. And
they end up using one another.
And end of the day, they throw each
other out. And that's it, the end of
it. And who struggles and suffers?
More so, the females suffer more than the
males. But sometimes the males suffer too.
The reason is,
emotionally
a woman may get attached.
A girl may get attached. Be careful.
A lot of the times what's being said
is actually not genuine, even if it sounds
very, very genuine.
And sometimes it may be genuine to the
degree where the guy does actually
care for you. But the way he is
dealing with it is not in the pleasure
of Allah. And therefore,
it won't end up in marriage as you
wish or you thought. Because firstly, maybe he
can't even afford to be married and the
hadith says,
whoever is able, capable should get married.
Not able, not capable. Secondly,
the parents
may never agree. And that's why I tell
people, do not develop a haram relationship.
And if it does ever happen,
then it better be someone whom your parents
would really be
proud of the fact that that person's come
to ask for my daughter's hand in marriage.
We're not condoning it at all, but if
you are going to tell someone to speak
to my father, let it be a person
whom your father's gonna be proud of.
Your father's looked after you for years decades
and he's provided for you or your mother
or your family members. They've provided for you
and taken care of you. Why would you
make such a big blunder as to spoil
everything
on the last leg of your
living in with them?
By bringing in someone whom you know is
a disaster.
Nobody is going to agree. Nobody would want
to look towards a person of that nature
at times.
However, there is another problem. Because of the
haram,
if it did go in that way,
because of the Haram, sometimes Allah
doesn't want it to continue beyond a point.
So he doesn't.
And the sad part is when you've been
used in the sense that it's become
deeper
than anything. It's it's reached the limit.
Zina was committed.
If that's the case, then wallahi to come
back at times is very,
very challenging.
In fact,
it may cause lots of anxiety, lots of
hardship and difficulty. All I can say is
seek the forgiveness of Allah for indeed he's
most forgiving, most merciful, but it will definitely
have an impact
upon you. Because you know deep down, you
know what? What happened here?
And this person came in and they promised
me x y and zed. That's because you
were also a part of it.
You allowed it to a degree. No. But
they promised me, but you allowed it to
a degree.
You were told already. Don't believe the promises,
especially promises made by young guys. A lot
of the times they are just hot air.
So you need to be careful.
We want to deal with the difficulty of
this haram relationship
by either by making it halal or by
cutting it out. There's no third option.
You have you have to cut it out
or you have to make it halal.
If you're going to cut it out, it
comes at a price.
Sometimes people say, oh, I'm very sad. How
could you cut me out? You know, we
developed a relation for so long. Now you're
just cutting it out. That's another way of
keeping it going on and on and on.
There's no closure.
You can slice it for the sake of
Allah. And if you do slice it for
the sake of Allah, let them deal with
the withdrawal.
Allah will help them if they turn to
Allah. And if they turn to shaitan, they
won't be helped. And with you, Allah will
help you. But whenever a cutting comes and
the blocking comes, it needs to be a
clean
slice off,
over, gone for good.
And then I'm not worried about what's going
to happen to this person or that person
because they were not worried when they were
developing a haram relationship.
They and if they really wanted, they could
have taken the halal steps, be brave enough
to come and bold enough to come and
say, listen, I got to know you Alhamdulillah.
I'd really love to get married to you
and I want to take this forward and
take it forward.
But for someone to keep promising, to keep
dillydallying, to keep saying things, a year passes
or a few months pass, a year passes,
2 years pass, and so on. You know
what? They're playing you. That's what they're doing.
May
Allah strengthen us.
Many people when they develop a haram relationship,
especially
in
the subcontinent
and even in some other places,
they exchange
pictures of each other. Sometimes,
may
Allah protect us. They end up exchanging nudes.
And when they do that,
they become enslaved by that particular person.
Even if you send a one time view,
some of these young guys, what they're doing,
they take an image of it, sometimes they're
playing with your emotions completely. I know of
people who've then passed those images around the
whole school,
And I know of people who've then,
passed them online, and sold some of this.
And I've dealt with cases where people were
so suicidal because of what happened to
pictures, images,
sometimes video calls or audio calls that were
recorded by the other party that happened to
be inappropriate completely.
Unbelievable sometimes, but people do it because they
fall in the trap of shaitan.
Today we are here to say, do you
know what? Protect yourself.
Haram haram relationships come at a price, and
at a that price sometimes is a bit
much.
You end up sometimes
far worse than where you started. So as
much as it is a little bit difficult
to get married nowadays to decent people,
but it's there. And there are still a
lot of good people on earth. Keep trying
and Allah will open your doors.
Don't compromise your relationship with Allah for your
relationship
with someone else besides Allah.
Don't compromise your relationship with Allah for a
relationship with another human.
More so, don't ever compromise your relationship with
Allah for something haram that is displeasing to
Allah. Imagine
Allah has a connection with me. I'm cutting
that to connect with someone else. Where am
I left? I'm left in the hands of
shaitan. That's exactly what has happened.
So in order to protect ourselves from this,
we must ensure and make sure that we
stay
in a way that is befitting
who we are
and what we should be doing.
So if you want to have a relationship,
make sure it's upright.
If you want to get to know someone,
make sure
some of your family know and those who
are your guardians
are a part of it, then inshallah you
won't go wrong. They won't be able to
mess with you. They won't be able to
play games with you, and only the serious
ones would come in. You know what? I
require marriage.
But my brothers and sisters, haram relationships come
with a lot of tragedy because sometimes
people then wonder,
should I tell
a spouse that is that I'm going to
be marrying
that I've been in a haram relationship before
and so on? The truth of the matter
is if you've repented and you've turned back
to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala
completely,
In that particular instance, you don't have to
say anything because Allah has already wiped it
out. It's not there. Allah has wiped out
the sin. It's gone. You're a changed person.
Completely different.
However,
many people make a mistake. They are proud
about their haram relations. They openly engage in
it. They talk to all their friends about
it. Then it's more difficult to come back
to the path sometimes. Because even if you've
changed, a lot of your friends would probably
repeat that, oh, you were like this and
you were like that, and you might end
up,
you know, people might end up knowing all
of this, whom you didn't really want to
tell. But that is a part of the
problem. And this is why we say
abstain from it. Be strong if you need
to cut it a clean-cut and Allah will
help both parties by his will and his
mercy.