Mufti Menk – Character Development

			Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
		

			smilla rahmanir rahim In the name of Allah subhanho wa Taala Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Alhamdulillah we praise Allah subhanho wa Taala we thank him upon all conditions we send blessings
and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his household his companions May Allah
subhanho wa Taala bless them all. And may Allah subhanahu wa Jalla bless every single one of us and
grant us goodness and ease. I mean,
		

			my brothers and sisters in Islam,
		

			I'd like to share with you a beautiful narration of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam today.
And I'd like to
		

			bear in mind that we don't have much time.
		

			Many times, people look at each other and say that man is a good Muslim. That one's not a good
Muslim. This lady is a brilliant Muslim and that one's not what do they look at? They look at your
outward appearance, am I right? They sometimes look at how charitable you are. They sometimes look
at a few other qualities you may have, but generally, they tend to look at your outward appearance.
Now, if we want to know who is closer to Allah subhanho wa Taala we will never be able to know the
closeness to Allah subhanho wa Taala unless we knew what lies in the hearts of the people and this
is something very interesting and very important. Never judge a book by its cover. We've heard that
		

			a million times but unfortunately when it comes to putting into practice, you find that it's very
difficult. We still tend to judge people. May Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy for us. Now, we
go back to the Sunnah of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam, we will find something interesting he
tells us who the best from amongst us are, he always says the best from among you are these the best
from among you are those so who are those? Who are those SubhanAllah.
		

			Firstly, you will take a look at character and conduct. The one who has the best character the best
conduct is known as the best from among you. This is over and above believing in Allah and
fulfilling your primary duties because when the Prophet sallallahu Sallam says how you come, he
means the best from among you.
		

			The best from among you, who are you? You are already those who believe you are already those who
pray, you are already those who try your best to fulfill your obligations unto Allah. So the best
from among you are the following. And then he mentioned a few things of different occasions,
different things. And some people think that perhaps there is a contradiction. No, there is not. For
example, the most powerful of those narrations bearing in mind that inshallah there will be an
association of any car after the Salah, and all the brothers and sisters are invited to participate
in Sharla. But bearing that in mind, the most powerful narration is Cairo, Cairo, commonly ie the
		

			best from among you are those who are best to their wives done full stop, the Hadith is ended gone.
The best from among you are those who are best to your wives. Wow. Imagine
		

			pause for a moment and think do I fit into that category? In a lot of cases? The answer would be, I
can do better.
		

			Imagine someone had to get up a prophet of Allah. And he did. And he says the best from among you,
those who are best to your wives. Why? Now the term also includes your family members. And in the
case of a woman, it's your husband obviously, right? Mashallah. See the men start smiling again. So
my beloved brothers and sisters, what we need to know is
		

			the people who live with you are the only ones who actually see you early morning, when you've just
gotten out of bed. They see when you upset how you react, they see you when you're under pressure,
they see you when you late, they see you in all conditions. If you can strengthen yourself to the
degree that they can bear witness, this man is the best than you are indeed the best because they
know you better than anybody else. Now, do you see how that fits in? So if your wife can get up and
say this is a very good man, you don't need to hear anybody else's witness. Obviously, unless you're
putting a gun to her head, may Allah make it easy for all of us. So
		

			if you were to interact with someone for an hour or two hours, it's easy for them to just see the
signs that you're showing to them. And to say, Wow, lovely guy. How long did you meet him for and we
had a 30 minute meeting with him. He was showing you one side of him. He could have been bipolar or
anything else may Allah grant cure to those who are seeking deal.
		

			But the problem with us is we judge people based on their external looks, and that is not it. It's
based on your character after your belief in Allah and the Last Day. Then there is another narrator
		

			When the Prophet salallahu Salam says something similar on similar lines, he says, he has you know,
Kamala Khan, the best form amongst you are those who have the best character and conduct. Now one
might say there's a contradiction between the two there isn't. Because if you have best character
and conduct, you're going to be the best to your wife, you're going to be the best at home, your
children, how many of us spend time at home with our own children? How many? Let's be honest. As we
get to work, and we become older and we have kids, we don't even spend time in the early stages and
ages of those children trying to keep them quiet. No, I'm supposed to be sleeping, you take care of
		

			the kids. That's not how it should be so panela you're supposed to be helping, assisting even if it
means with a good word, Mashallah, I appreciate what you're doing. May Allah give you Jenna, my
beloved wife
		

			Subhana, Allah, May Allah give you agenda we make do as for them, we ask Allah to bless them, it
shows the goodness in your heart, wherever you can extinguish the anger that's about to erupt.
That's what makes you the best of people. If you extinguish the anger, Allah gives you good news of
Paradise in the Koran, one of the qualities of those who will be entering Jannah. This is one car we
mean.
		

			Those who extinguish their anger, and those who forgive people,
		

			the difficulty with us, the people who are the most deserving of our forgiveness and have not
forgiven, you notice that you live with your husband, I'm giving you a typical example. That is a
reality on the ground. You live with your husband for 35 years, one day, he did something wrong.
That's it, it's over, I'm out and I'm gone. I'm at home, why I made the mistake. 35 years I recall
back at home where I come from, there was a gentleman who had a helping hand, who worked for him
Helping Hand meaning some a domestic helper, who worked for him for 14 years thereafter, one day, he
stole something. And after that the men forgave him and kept him still and people said, but you're
		

			foolish. He said, Hey, listen, 14 years made one mistake. And he's acknowledged it and he's asked
for forgiveness. I will keep it because you will not get someone as honest as that, you know, the
situation changed. The country changed, the difficulties came in, the men needed some food items,
and this is what he did. I'm not justifying stealing, but I'm just telling you, sometimes you need
to think those who are deserving of your forgiveness. Why don't we forgive them. It's part of the
goodness of your character to forgive people, especially your family members, your children, your
son did something wrong. No matter what it is, I'm sure you will find it in your heart to say
		

			nevermind, that's my son, I forgive him. Well, the same applies to your spouse, that's the mother or
the father of your son SubhanAllah. You see where I'm heading, because we are finding more and more
people because we've become so accessible. And because of the Internet, and because of
communications, we've become so accessible, and others have become accessible to us. Before you saw
someone of the opposite *. For example, it would take you a long time before you even found out
what their name was panela. And even if you did, you'd probably just have it at the back of your
mind. But today, no, you want to communicate to them in three minutes. Hi, you look lovely. And you
		

			know what the difficulties are long time ago, they would say Shut up, get out now they say
Mashallah. JazakAllah Thank you so much. I'm flattered. Allah, look at how the world has changed.
where Allah subhanho wa Taala. Bless us. And then those messages are seen by your spouse. And that's
it. It's the AMA.
		

			Yes, what has happened, you're brought to judgment, and the judgment is issued, and I'm out of here
and gone. Hang on, you made a mistake. Learn to acknowledge your errors. My brothers and sisters.
I'm talking about this because in marriage, we all make mistakes. Yes, I do agree. Some may cross a
certain threshold. And it might become semi unforgivable, if I can word it that way. Yes, we do know
that. But the vast amount of mistakes that people make you acknowledge and you seek forgiveness and
you make amends. never listen to the advice of those who tell you break that home. No, that is not
the first step. And that is not the correct advice. Unless there is abuse there is bashing because
		

			wife bashing is not permissible. And more than that, we need to talk about husband bashing that is
on the rise today. Unbelievable. I saw a guy with a blue eye. I told him what happened. He says,
		

			too embarrassed to even admit
		

			Subhana Allah May Allah forgive us. Later on, it became clear. He was bashed up by whom? by his
wife.
		

			So it's becoming a trend but at the same time, remember, never raise your hand never. No matter what
may Allah subhanahu wa
		

			Allah grant has a deep understanding.
		

			If a person is being oppressed, I agree. There are steps to be taken beyond which you may want to
seek separation and divorce. But
		

			my brothers and sisters little mistakes that we make we all do we all do.
		

			We need to acknowledge that we are on Earth as human beings, we are not perfect. You want to live
with someone you will have to the best today I think 80% compatibility the other 20 you're not going
to get it. You're not unless you're an angel Subhana Allah. And even if you call each other Angel
Angel, they'll come a day when you realize that's just a word. So panela of endearment. May Allah
make us angelic I mean,
		

			so my brothers and sisters, look at the prophets of Allah son, speaking of the best of us, and I
want you to leave today, asking yourself, how good am I? And what is the test? For My goodness. Now,
can I tell you what's the test? Every one of us sitting here wants to know, how good am I right?
There's a litmus test. You see, sometimes you put in that litmus paper and you find out exactly what
it is. So what is the test? There is one thing you've got to ask yourself and we're learning you
will know exactly who you are, in terms of your character. Okay, here goes. And don't forget this,
and spread it, repeat it and keep on asking yourself, okay, so I want to know my character. And I
		

			want to know, if I fall in the category of being a person who's the best of character, I need to
look at, the more the person who might need the least according to me on Earth, the person whom the
world looks at, as totally insignificant. The person whom the world may not even look at the person
who perhaps is the lowest in the ranking of those who work for me, perhaps the person who is the
least paid the person who is the lowest in material income, what is my treatment to that person
determines exactly who I am? topic closed.
		

			Did you hear that? When you walk into the airport, there's a little guy who calls you Welcome to my
office. Have you heard that?
		

			The restrooms, okay, as you enter, there's a young man day sometimes, you know, slightly elderly,
and he tells you Welcome to my office. And you know, he you walk in you perhaps relieve yourself,
you come out? Did you greet him? Did you acknowledge him? Did you make him feel important? Do you
know the job he's doing? Very few people would? Do you know, had he had a little bit more? He
wouldn't be there? Do you know that? Have you acknowledged him? Well, it says the world about who
you are. So I've given you an example. Someone cleaning the street, a guy who is for example, a
warden, directing traffic, what's your treatment to that person, that's who you are. And there is no
		

			way that the response can be wrong. Every one of us has a certain sense of pride. Let that not get
to you remember prior to types in Islam, when we say I'm proud to be Muslim, it actually means I'm
happy to be Muslim. I'm happy to be a Muslim that is a declared Muslim. I'm okay. And I'm very happy
to show that I'm a Muslim. That's what we say that we mean when we say I'm a proud Muslim, I'm proud
to be Muslim. We don't mean the arrogance. We don't mean the haughtiness. We don't mean the
belittlement of others, because in that case, we are we are the losers. So we will never develop the
haughtiness we will never develop the arrogance. How do you treat the children of others? How do you
		

			treat people who may not have much relevance in your life? A person whom you have no proper big
business dealings with? Do you greet them? Do you acknowledge them or the minimum is do you stay
away from harming them?
		

			A person who begs yesterday I was reading Surah Taha, and every time I read the surah, I tell
myself, this is one of the most powerful sutras in the Quran, as simple as it is. Do you know what
it says in Surah Taha, it speaks about the goodness that Allah has bestowed us with that we tend to
forget and Allah subhanho wa Taala says, alchemia GDK ottima.
		

			address to Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, did we not find you an orphan, meaning were you not an
orphan, and we gave you refuge or we looked after you, we took care of you? What do I learn from
that verse? I learn
		

			to look back into my own life when I was a kid, and perhaps we couldn't afford shoes, perhaps we
couldn't afford things. And where are we today? We are sitting in a far greater higher position than
our parents were yet we are still not grateful. That's what Allah is drawing your attention to say,
Hey, you know where you were a few years back. Where are you today? Who gave that to you? And why
are you still ungrateful? Why is the ingratitude you're still not fulfilling your Salah.
		

			You couldn't even care to dress appropriately but we gave you everything look at you so Hannah law,
that's the lesson drone, although the verse is much higher than that. And then Allah says, while
agenda campo
		

			bajada we found you among those are in the midst of those who were astray but you we guided you so
para la This was Mohammed salatu salam the most rightly guided ever to exist Subhana Allah, but the
lesson for us is religiously where were we? This beautiful machine of pinelands Where was it? 50
years ago? Was it here? When it is now here? What are you doing about it? You live around the corner
but you don't even come? It's the house of Allah it shows your link with a lot can be better. May
Allah subhanho wa Taala help us improve?
		

			It's something amazing. So take a look at it. Where were you in the past? I'm not going to do I'm
not showing you the path Allah gave you so much. Anyway, after mentioning a few verses, Allah says
For millennia tema Fela de bajo
		

			de la Vela. Going back to the question I said was the litmus test Allah says, As for the orphan
child, when someone is an orphan, as for the orphan child, don't speak to them harshly, don't be
hard on them. speak calmly, make them feel comfortable, feel wanted, address them with respect
Subhana Allah After all, the best of creation, Allah chose that he would be born an orphan. It shows
that Allah is closer to those perhaps orphan.
		

			Subhana Allah. Amazing. So when you see someone weak, when you see someone who seemingly is weak,
treat them with respect that that will make you
		

			Subhana Allah and the Last part of it Allah says,
		

			Do not rebuke the beggar. Do not rebuke the one asking you see people ask you you don't want to
give, don't give. But do it respectfully, respectfully. You don't have to lower your Windows Start
swearing, shouting, screaming, accusing, and then walk off know,
		

			if you would like to give with respect, you don't throw money or goodness at anyone, you don't throw
an apple or a banana or food at people you give it to them. When you give it to them. It should be
with respect you acknowledge had it not been for this person? Where would I have been giving my
charities zaca as far as why Allah says, Well, we've kept people poor so that you the rich can give
them. That's why they are there as a test for you.
		

			So this is character development. This is what Allah has taught us character development, my
brothers and sisters, I hope and pray that we can all develop our character. I really would like us
all to go home today and work on it. And I really want us to keep asking our question to ourselves
again, to say how do I treat the weakest or whom the world considers the lowest? I don't want to say
the lowest because in the eyes of Allah, that's not low. The world considers someone low, but
they're not low in the eyes of Allah. How do we treat those people? Do we treat them with respect?
Do we give them acknowledgement? Do we smile at them? Subhana Allah, and guess what? charity begins
		

			at home. That is so true. So true, it is Islamic. If we were to say that, you start at home, your
children are waiting for you. They're waiting for a smile, they're waiting for an I love you, my
child, I adore you. I will help you through your problem, your issue, they are waiting for you.
Allah bless you with children for a reason. And my beloved children, your parents are waiting for
you. They are waiting for you to acknowledge yesterday, one of my own children told me you know
what?
		

			My grandfather, meaning My father told me this and told me that and I said listen to everything and
Don't utter one word. Why? That's your grandfather, the end of the day. They've told you something,
it's okay. They might have told you in a way that belongs to the 60s or 70s. But it's where they
were born in the 30s and 40s. You don't blame them. But you can't expect them to say whatever suits
your ear. Some people are that way they want to see perfection for you. So they keep on telling you.
So my dear children with your parents, learn to respect them. Learn to be kind to them. And at the
same token, my beloved parents, make it easy for your children to be good to you and to respect you
		

			live your life in such a way that you earn that respect from your own children. May Allah make it
easy for us all. And I end with a word of encouragement for those who are married. May Allah
subhanho wa Taala help you to fulfill each other's rights. Marriage is not easy. It is very tough.
Your life changes completely. You have to sacrifice you have to dedicate you have to put your phone
aside. You have to put your phone aside. Now it's no longer
		

			WhatsApp is WhatsApp.
		

			WhatsApp is on the phone. It's an application WhatsApp is communication. You talk with each other
speak, put your phone away, put it aside one line, you will build that relationship. He will build
it. So it's a huge sacrifice those who are not married May Allah bless you with spouses who will be
the coolness of your eyes. Those who have children in Allah make those children the coolness of your
eyes, those who don't have children, may Allah bless you with offspring, my brothers and sisters
it's been an absolute pleasure to be here today. I've spoken for exactly 20 minutes 33 seconds and
inshallah I'll close it the Apollo cola for sallallahu wasallam