Mufti Menk – Be Careful When Sharing Your Matters To Others
AI: Summary ©
The speaker advises the audience to not unnecessarily relate their problems to others and avoid interfering in their relationships. They also suggest seeking advice from a person who knows the situation and not giving them advice on resolving the matter. The speaker warns against giving advice to anyone who is experiencing a situation where they have experienced physical abuse and suggests finding a solution to their mental health issues.
AI: Summary ©
We will have differences. It is only human
to have differences,
but
it is not
the quality of a believing male or female
to give up
so easily.
Don't.
You need to try your best. You need
to sit together. The almighty has given guidelines
of how to solve marital discord by telling
us
that there are several stages. If you cannot
together resolve it just the 2 of you,
then only
then only should you involve
seniors from either side. And that is if
necessary.
The reason why I say then only is
because
my brothers, my sisters,
the initial problem that you may face
within your
marriage or within your family,
The world does not need to know about
it. Your close friends don't need to know
about it.
At times even the broader family do not
need to know about it.
Do not unnecessarily
relate your problems to others.
It makes it more difficult to resolve.
They will start interfering and each one who
loves you more will probably not be as
tolerant as you would be
with either your spouse or whomsoever
the problem is with,
and they might give you the wrong guidance
out of love for you.
They might tell you, fix him, leave him,
you can do better, you will get married
again, etcetera. This is the type of advice
you hear from people. But if that's your
first port of call, do you know what?
You need to make sure
that you've understood I told the wrong person.
I told someone who really loves me so
much, they're not even prepared to give this
person a chance.
Sometimes when you expose what has happened in
your own
unit in terms of problem
to those who are around you, you may
have solved the problem but a long time
later they all still believe that you have
that problem. They may cause embarrassment
not just for you but for your spouse
whom you've already solved the problem with. So
therefore,
understand who you're speaking to. When seeking advice,
you may want to seek advice from someone
who doesn't know either of you at a
certain point.
Then if still you cannot resolve the matter,
you cannot solve the problem. Do you know
what?
Then you try something else. Then you may
want to get the families involved
and like I have said always,
it depends what exactly the matter is. If
it is so big and so serious,
then you might want to involve your family.
If you are in a situation where you
are facing for example
physical abuse,
we won't tell you calm down, sit down,
it's okay, forgive him, relax. No, that's unacceptable.
You are not supposed to be abused physically
as a Muslim.
People might cite verses and so on. They
have not interpreted them correctly. That's what it
is.
They might say, well I'm allowed to do
this and hang on. Hang on. You may
think you're allowed to do things.
I want to give you one quick example.
In Islam,
there are 2 types of
dissolving of the marriage. 1 is through divorce
issued by the male,
and the other is through a nullification
or a dissolution
that has nothing to do with the male,
but rather it's done
by the justice system. The kabis. I'm sure
in this country that's how it works too.
Or in countries where they don't have that,
then the panel of scholars.
One of the reasons that a marriage can
be dissolved is when there has been physical
abuse.
If physical abuse was permissible in Islam, why
would
the same laws
dictate
that you have the right to apply for
dissolution
of the marriage based on physical abuse?
Woah. Doesn't it show you that physical abuse
is not permissible? Hence, I said earlier,
when you are being abused to that degree,
please involve people who are going to save
you.
Today you might be beaten, tomorrow you might
be choked, and the following day you might
be murdered.
So don't let anyone tell you that, you
know what? You must solve all your problems.
Remember, at times
the problem may necessitate
that
you have escalated it to a degree where
maybe the marriage might break as a last
resort.
As a last resort it is a gift
of the almighty as a last resort. The
reason is we will not impose on you
to live in a situation that is unbearable.
It is torturing to your mental health.
Nobody should ever tell you, you must stay
there. My beloved parents who are here, if
your children are struggling in this way, do
not
give them the wrong advice.
Do not lead them to suicidal thoughts
in the name of solving family problems.