Mufti Menk – Practical Marriage Advice

			talk after which you initiate it
		

			and after that inshallah they would be mean sector we hope to complete by the time of
		

			this meeting
		

			t zoom
		

			as
		

			you
		

			wanna learn
		

			to say,
		

			VV
		

			to be
		

			in army
		

			rahmanir rahim
		

			In the name of Allah subhanho wa Taala was gracious, most forgiving, Most Merciful. We asked the
almighty to bless us all this evening we asked Allah subhana wa tada to grant the presence and
segmentations to all the messages that he has sent to us from the beginning of time, all the way to
the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him less than all the prophets that he has sent to us.
		

			Around the Prophet Noah, owning
		

			the Prophet Abraham May peace be upon him. Mousavi salatu salam, the Prophet Moses made peace be
upon him. This is Salatu was salam, the Prophet Jesus made peace be upon him and all the other
messengers, including Muhammad,
		

			peace be upon him and all his companions and make the same peace and blessings be upon every one of
us.
		

			Brothers and sisters this evening, we are here to officiate the nikka of Alabama, to Asia. And we
asked the almighty to bless this occasion. And at the same time the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon
us to seize the opportunity to address those who attended in order to leave them with a message. So
this evening myself, I see many of my friends as well as being a very close friend of mine. And by
the rule of law, I happened to make it this evening and I'm feeling happier than he is for him
hamdulillah I can't say that but I can just
		

			at the same time we need to know two or three things firstly what is mega mega is the appreciation
of a magnet religiously. It is the simplest thing possible in order to protect us from adultery and
in order for nobody to have an excuse that you know what I committed adultery because marriage was
too difficult religious. So what do you need to get married religiously. You need a proposal from
one side that can be either from the boy side or the good side. You know the culture tells you that
only the boy side must propose Islam tells you either way, you can have a woman who is proposed to
medic no problem you like someone you really think they're a good person or you feel you've come
		

			across someone okay. So on get it official. You see for as long as it is an efficient you could be
being used, the minute it is efficient, then by the will of Allah you are protected by a bill of
rights. Allah subhanho wa Taala condors protection so there is the proposal that comes from one side
number one, then there is something known as the kaboom the acceptance comes from the other side. In
the interim between these two, the two can get to know one another property. They can meet each
other as many times as possible on condition that it is done within close proximity of a male
chaperone, or of the girl or the female. The reason is, we don't want someone to come our daughter
		

			We don't want someone to try and show the goodness, we don't want someone to abuse or misuse or
should I say, sees perhaps the gullibility of our daughter and so, so for that reason, he may come
home and he may see that he may ask her questions and so on in our presence, and when we say
presence, close proximity, and he may ask as many questions as he wants, and she may do the same,
they may then agree or disagree, if they agree, they may want to meet again and again and again. The
minute they feel that now, it's we don't want to continue with this, they now break off completely,
and it's quite easy because you would not have been attached the minute there is an attachment, it's
		

			quite hard to break up when you say No, you know what, even though I'm not so much for it, but now
everything is gone. So far, we've already had three children now with
		

			a project with us, it's not supposed to be the case, we are supposed to be doing this in a proper
spiritual manner. Manage is actually a spiritual union. It's not just a union of fun, alone, but it
has spirituality in it, which makes it even more fun. Allah projectors thereafter, if they do agree
to continue, you have an acceptance from the other party in the presence of a minimum of two male
witnesses. And you need to have something known as a man a man is not a dowry. Amar is I like to
turn it a down payment you know, it's a down payment. That means this is my first amount the rest of
		

			money is a gift from the groom to the bride. Pure gift today, Mashallah. If he doesn't mind me
making mention of he had spoken to me earlier what should we give them they need to decide that this
is where they are easygoing people.
		

			So Mashallah, it goes Dina. Proper gold nano, Idina and 10, silver, have been given asthma. So it's
something very good, it is more symbolic than anything else. It is just to say, Look, your
responsibility of food to the accommodation looking after is now I am the husband, and this is the
gift to you, and she does whatever she wants with you. Remember, in Islam, a female has her own
ownership and possession, which the husband does not have a right to enter into or to, you said he
can only guide her if she's going wrong, Look, don't spend in this direction. So we asked MIT to
help us understand the rights of the woman in his lab,
		

			when you need to have also the father of the bride giving the bride away, that is the ideal
situation that should be happening and to see the agenda, we will be witnessing that. So, the father
will be the guardian and representative at the same time known as a woody What are you getting the
bride away, if there is a difficulty or an issue with that, then in Java, you can speak to the Rama
sometimes you know people are deceased, sometimes there is another problem and so on, we speak to
the scholars and you try and get an understanding and explanation perhaps another person can fit
that position. Once that happens, and all this has happened in one city, the two are declared
		

			married. So there is nothing happening more than that. So today you will hear a question posed to
the Father of the Bride. Do you give your daughter a question posed thereafter to the groom? Have
you accepted this? And he will say yes, and we will make mention of a Maha Maha meaning the gift
given to the bride. And we will make mention of the witnesses who are witnessing here this evening.
One in particular, but everyone can be seated here. So that is as far as how it goes. Look at how
simple it is. We asked the almighty to grant us ease and witness. The second part of my talk this
evening will focus on what they have been managing works around or what it works with. Number one
		

			first issue is the issue of trust. If you do not trust your spouse, you're wasting your time. Trust
comes now it is built and so right now the seeds of trust are sown right now. So you trust one
another come one may when you hear an anonymous caller calling you That is a lie. No matter how true
it sounds, it's a lie. Throw it out you will be happier. The minute you want to entertain someone
else in their stories, you are not going to be happy and the day you break up, they will be laughing
and they will be excited. May the almighty protect us from Mischief Makers, and many make us from
those who can help our spouses trust us. There's no point in saying trust me, trust me, but
		

			everything you're doing is testing my trust for you, maybe Almighty God as witness. And this leads
us to something else. We need time with one another spend maximum time with one another. The
prophets Allah says Leah Sokka make you want to succeed in life and spend maximum time at home your
wife, your children's panela your children and men
		

			opinions and so on when you're at home, especially after the evening prayer, he says, If you do not
have something constructive to do, make sure you're at home. because much of you sitting with one
another, you're talking to each other, you have time to bond with your family and so nobody doubts
you because 90% of sin is committed after the sunset. Have you thought that that is what the prophet
peace be upon him says, You go home when the sun sets meaning after the night pray go unless you
have something constructive and beneficial to do. So if you want to solve your marital crisis, you
need trust, you need to spend maximum time quality time, this means your friends, so he's looking at
		

			you, but your friends become secondary, your wife becomes kind of first.
		

			Which means if your friends feel bad that others guys know you know what he is controlled by his
wife, they can keep on uttering those statements for as long as you are happy. That doesn't mean
anything Mashallah.
		

			Listen,
		

			this is a fact you want to manage to work your spouse comes number one, your immediate family number
one, they are after your friends. So if you have a 911 from them, and from them, you know where to
go first and shelter. Now, let's say if God doesn't grant this goodness and made him open our doors,
it's something very important. People don't know how to prioritize, you want to go in and take them
with you. You want to get some way, take a region. And another thing, transparency, they all start
with to trust. We said time now we're talking of transparency, be transparent as possible, don't
have hidden agendas in the closet. You know, the phone is when three blocks wide. The first one in
		

			case she gets to the second case she gets to navigate. What's the reason? If you have transparency,
Nothing will go wrong. That having been said do not go into your spouse's phone for nothing. No
matter what don't. This is the policy we've taught people as counselors today, we are in an age of
advanced technology where people send m w h so many times to people they hate just to say hello, you
see that people say loving when they actually hate you. So if you see something on this phone of
your spouse saying I love you a little heart, you should know that that is not actually genuine.
Today, we are in an age of people being fake. When people have proven it to you by living too.
		

			That's good enough. Although we are taught to utter, that brings me to another point reassurance of
the spouse or to the spouse of your love verbally. And in other ways is very, very important. Keep
on uttering into him. Keep on every day in different ways. Look at them smile at them. And you utter
these words of how much you love them. You make a difference? No point it's a country feel it, come
on, come on, what do I do for you, that's not good enough, as much as you do for them, you still
need to under the words of love for them. And every day just like you are engaging in an act of
worship, you know, you need to tell them how much you love them in various ways. You know, you need
		

			to keep on looking at them staring at them how beautiful they are, because you don't want them to
feel that coming from someone else than yourself. The minute that happens, we are in a danger zone,
we ask the almighty to grant us goodness. And we always tell people you know, you're supposed to
dress for your husband, so that he can appreciate you. The difficulty is husbands do not appreciate
their spouses. So that's a good comment. Are you looking awesome, you're looking gorgeous. Wow. You
know, and you can even pretend to be blushing if you want to.
		

			The beauty of it is when someone else says those words, they will be very cheap, they will not be
turning towards them. But if you've never uttered sweet words or romantic words to your spouse, the
minute a person in the mall begins to turn around so badly. They will get their attention the devil
comes in make someone feel that you know what, I don't even get this good from my spouse. So now
when they're going to the mall, they will talk but when they are
		

			smelling of the cooking and the onions and so on. And nevertheless Pamela Doudna protect us and come
to seize and goodness, I am a person I'm sure you all know me, we press the red button. We like to
speak reality not fairy tale, it must be applicable in my life and yours. And believe me works.
Believe me. There has to be the Almighty, who has taught us not only trust not only
		

			time, and not only transparency, but together with that tolerance. You need to tolerate some
differences that you may have. You've been brought up totally different, different parents different
sometimes countries, cities, likes, dislikes, whatever is within the limits of the law, you need to
try your best to adopt and adjust to it. Whatever is out of line, you need to make it clear this
thing here. I'm not happy with it because the almighty could be displeased if we do it this way.
There you are, you've made your lines very clear. But for example, you know, you're thinking of
buying a car and so on. So now you've settled on a BMW five series. And then after there is an
		

			argument should it be blue or should it be white, whatever the color is, believe me, it's mine. If
White
		

			Cover is going to solve a medical problem medically might come to if it's a minor issue, but you've
got the car seat. So you make the bigger decisions and you notice my
		

			goodness at ease. So you need to prioritize and know if you disagree with everything that is said,
and you just want to be a pain in the major decisions, you will never ever get the right. Remember
in your marital life in the year, you probably have three or four major decisions to be made, the
others are all minor. So when it comes to the minor ones, you can compromise a little bit more
either way, to the degree that either is compromising and you find goodness in what is coming up
made your mighty conscious every form of ease. And goodness me I've spoken quite a bit in Sharla
regarding what may make your marriage work by the will of Allah subhana wa Tada. Remember, never be
		

			vulgar your tongue. That's another tip, look at it, your turn, use it properly. Don't be vulgar, do
not lie, do not say utterances that will displease the maker No. And we ask the almighty to protect
us because the time is something that is repeated in the verses we shall be reading in a few
moments. Every time the Almighty says Be conscious of your maker.
		

			And then he says at only that which is upright because 90% of medical problems are connected to the
time how you use your time, if you don't know how to use your time, you know, you will suffer a lot
of turbulence May the almighty protect us from that type of behavior and the abuse of the time. Now
I'd like to end off by the remainder of the prophet may peace be upon him to those who normally
attended then he can he used to address all the people, you know from amongst us, there are those
who are not yet married. But when you look at this day, you need to tell yourself one day I want to
be here. So you need to start actively looking for a spouse, no matter who you are. There are two
		

			types of people who are not married, either those who have never been married or those who have been
married before you've lost your spouse either through divorce or death. Don't worry, it's not the
end of the world, you need to try again. And you need to make sure that you can right and at the
same time look for the correct qualities in the spouse and make it your aim to please your maker. If
it's your aim to please your maker, you become such a fantastic person, character wise conduct wise,
you look at the rest of humanity. You look at all the other creatures of the Almighty and you feel
you are in sync with them. Even if they do not happen to share your favorite well, even if there are
		

			animals for example, in the real sense, or plants or the water you feel so cool and current because
you're trying to please the maker you're not a destructive person who is abusive and who has bad
qualities may remind you cannot discriminate. So those who are not married, you need to look at
what's going on and it needs to give you a kick I hope and pray Charla today is 10 1112. According
to the data. Next year, we're going to have 11 1213 correctly. So I hope to be here again, with a
few of you guys. It's a good day, I'd like to think probably from the guardian. You know, if you
look at it from the colonial Canada after, you're not going to have a 1213 and 14 because there's no
		

			13 months. So we asked the almighty to grant us goodness, or go I'd like to just briefly clarify
there is no Islamic significance of the data. But it's something that's nice to like to continue
them
		

			and it will also be good drives 11 1213 the youngsters I met some of them and I told them next year,
I want to see them here. But then when I was coming in I changed my mind and I thought the missing
does is when the new guy is ready when the parties are okay with everything Don't delay because the
more you delay, the greater the chances of committing adultery with a person you ready to marry
what's the point man the almighty grant us safety and may protect us at all times? Secondly, we need
to realize and understand that from amongst us there are those who are married right now. Ask
yourself when I went through this date how excited was it? How happy was I? Am I as happy or am I
		

			not as happy? Or am I even happier Mashallah, if you're even happier they won't talk to you know we
say no light upon light we are so excited for you you've actually worked in light perhaps afterwards
we can meet at the back and exchange notes is
		

			happier than the day you were married. But we asked the almighty to grant that to Alisha and the
others well, so we're getting married by the will of the others are those who are as happy when you
say oh Mashallah you also agree that everything is working to keep it that way and remember to share
your some tips with the others you don't need to tell anyone so happy so excited to give us some
time you know the evil I can affect a person and we asked you a mighty to protect us from the enemy.
But the third category is the one that we need to address those who are not as happy. You need to
ask yourself today Why? What went wrong and look at yourself critically was it
		

			Problem. That's what I need to do. Was I the problem, if I was the problem as the almighty for
forgiveness, make amends and get back home, resolve the problem, change your life. This is why the
Prophet peace be upon him says Nika must be in the masjid open for everybody to attend. There is no
restriction on entry here. Why? Because everyone comes, they can sit and watch, get a reminder. And
at the same time, they can think to themselves, you know what, I need to resolve my own problems. I
need to make myself a person who can learn a lesson from this go home and say, Look, I'm sorry. I'm
really, really very sorry. You know, we don't want it like the amount of domestic.
		

			When you go home, I'm sure you've heard this from me before. You need to make sure you praise
cooking of your wife. She's been working so hard in the kitchen. She's actually been there for so
long. And whatever she cooks, when last Did you say Wow, what a means. What do you mean?
		

			Today I received an email where somebody said and I'm sure you must have seen it to be doing exams
for a few years. They say the son was watching his father, when the mother had read the toasts and
he came in and he didn't even notice that the toast was burnt. He didn't even notice he ate it and
he said while it was such an amine, and later on when they were going to sleep the sun goes to the
pharmacist. Do you really like burnt toast? Because he added a comment I love burritos you know this
type of toaster really like burnt toast? So the son the father called his son closes his
		

			boots toast doesn't hurt anyone. But what you see from your mouth can be very hurtful.
		

			Because
		

			the bird toast doesn't hurt anyone don't what you've said from your mouth can be very helpful so
just say I love it. I like it. The only thing is just telling tomorrow I bought for something else
		

			for you every day
		

			so I will say that the mom says go home and praise the cooking of your wife man comes home and he
praises the cooking wow lovely dish. Oh I've never tasted delicious and the wife gives him the pan
on his head.
		

			Oh What happened here? She says for 23 years I've been cooking for you You never praised my food.
Today when the food came from the neighbors
		

			he had to explain himself he wasn't meant to be.
		

			So let us not praise the cooking of our wives 23 years down the line. You know there is a lot of
sacrifice that goes into that and even if there is a little bit more a pinch of salt and so on. So
what as we said the words mean a lot by the Almighty God is goodness and how has a few moments we
will get the appreciation of unica calling for
		

			Baraka