Fiqh of Love

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Topics: Fiqh

Episode Notes

Mufti Menk Lecture – Singapore 31 May 2015

Mufti Menk discusses the Fiqh of Love. Download the complete lecture below.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Levine is

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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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smilla rahmanir rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam O Allah shuffle ambia, mousseline Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sahbihi Norman Tebbit son, Elijah Medina.

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We always commenced by praising Allah subhanho wa Taala because he is the one who gave us this life that we are living, and He is the creator of absolutely everything and he is the one who is in absolute control of every aspect of our existence.

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And we always send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam because the goodness that we are in he was the one chosen to actually deliver it to us and his companions, his household, they were chosen to be with him and they were chosen to sacrifice right at the beginning, we ask Allah to bless them all and to bless every single one of us. I mean,

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my brothers and sisters as I walked into this Masjid,

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I need to tell you a few things. We are here for the love of Allah subhanho wa Taala and I love you for the sake of Allah. Perhaps we don't know each other except maybe online. And some of the faces look like they are quite heavy tweeters here Mashallah.

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So we know to some of the faces and I say I think I know this face from Twitter, so panela before I came in the vehicle, I was noticing some of the tweets of the brothers and sisters connected to this particular event. And I saw pictures of some of the brothers who were seated here from Salatu Lhasa Do you know that?

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So I felt so embarrassed. And when I walked in Subhana Allah I noticed that the heat was intense and demons and I was telling myself I'm going to cut this program short because I don't know how I will be sweating and speaking and I brought very few tissues here. And I was about to ask the brothers to say please can I have a box of tissues but guess what happened?

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When we were reading Salah, the machine was packed Mashallah.

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And the heat was intense, and I felt the sweat trickling down my back.

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And I thought to myself, so hon Allah We are here for who for Allah. And Allah He as I sat on this chair, I smiled because I felt how cool it was Mashallah, the fan in the back fan of the front that can only happen in Singapore, Mashallah.

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And I see the sisters as well and Mashallah enthusiastically sitting here. Tonight's talk is on love. That's why I say I love you all my brothers and sisters for the sake of Allah.

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And we may never get to know each other personally, because it's impossible for me to sit and shake hands with so many people. But inshallah consider it a feeling from the heart. If I was able, I would. And if I meet you sometime, incidentally, somewhere, perhaps, in a public place, like a mall, or maybe an airport or somewhere. Don't be embarrassed to shy to greet. And I won't be either. I will greet you and I will smile at you whether you know me or not, that doesn't mean much.

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But let's learn to greet each other. There is a major problem amongst the people of the oma, we see our brothers and sisters and we walk

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past them without even smiling because we don't know them. And that's a prophecy of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam where he says there will come a time when Salam will only be for margaretha if you know the person or if you want something from them,

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you know them or they are somebody distinguished so you greet them Salaam Alaikum. Brother the day you sell your Mercedes Benz they won't be interested in greeting you.

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May Allah grant us all iPhone sevens and handler.

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So my brothers and sisters

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we should not be only greeting those we No, no, at least acknowledge the people you don't know as well. Salaam Alaikum. As you walk past, it's nothing around your greeting the person you are acknowledging, in fact, we should be acknowledging even the kuffar around us, perhaps not with the Islamic greeting because they perhaps would know Good morning Good afternoon. Good evening and hi and good night.

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It's better than they would know the Islamic greeting and some of them may be insulted by it. And it's an Islamic injunction to be careful of this, but at the same time, acknowledge greed. When we are Muslims, imagine I was in the lift a few minutes ago, not too long ago, maybe half an hour ago, I was in the lift where I'm staying. And there were some people who were in the lift, I don't know who they were, where they were from, but I greeted them.

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And I said, Good evening, as I walked in, and they looked at me.

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Yes, and they acknowledged. And a little while later, as they were leaving the lift on another floor, you know, we had chatted, they were asking me where you're from, and I was asking them where they were from, and so on. And I said, you have a nice day.

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Now, my wife was with me, and she says, hey, it's not a, it's night.

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I said, I didn't say Have a nice day. I said, Have a nice day. And I speak with the dream. So I hope you understand.

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And honestly, if you don't understand what I say, please send me an email because it means I need to correct myself. And I love to be corrected. I am one of those who loves to speak simple language. I want everyone to understand. And I opened my mouth and I speak quite clearly with the greed and I'm sure you know that it's a fact, isn't it?

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy. This is why when I entered the brothers will will confirm I asked how's the sound?

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Is it loud? Because I want people to hear me I don't want to scream and yell. Can you hear what I'm saying? No, let this microphone carry it. We love each other for the sake of Allah. And we need to be able to speak to each other in a beautiful way. When I look at you when you look at me we need to feel the bond of the Shahada.

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You know, I tweeted an image,

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the soft afternoon, it was late morning.

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Have a brother who gave me a big hug. And I didn't really know where it was. But later on, I remembered you know what happened? I was in a city known as Tao Do you know where that is?

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It's in the Philippines. Mashallah. Beautiful place.

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And we had an open q&a session question and answer session. And one brother was enthusiastically putting up his hand to ask a question, you know, so a little while later, I said, Yes. What is the question? And he got the microphone. That's it. I just want a big hug from you.

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So I got up and gave him a big hug, Mashallah.

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And somebody captured that image and they sent it to me today. And I remember it was genuine. I don't know him. I can't recall his name. But I know that he shared with me the Shahada. And he might have been going through whatever he was, or maybe he wasn't, but he just wanted that reassurance, the feeling of love between us, my brothers and sisters, it is their will. Oh without the hug. Allah subhanho wa Taala help us hug each other with good words at least Masha Allah.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala grant is good. So it was such a nice feeling.

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As I entered I asked how was the sound and when I opened my mouth urine now I was happy that Mashallah the masjid is definitely upgraded. I was here last year, and it was not looking as posh as it is today. Mashallah, this is the house of Allah. We're so happy to be here this evening, my brothers and sisters. So think for a moment and I'm going to dive into the topic. When I say I love you, or when you say I love you to someone. Firstly, who do you say to and what do you mean?

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Think about it for a moment. I think a lot of us when we think of I love you, it all depends on how you're saying it. If I say brothers and sisters, I love you for the sake of Allah, the tone of that shows you that the love is not I love you, you see, it's a different tone, right?

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So it would mean something slightly different, wouldn't it?

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It is because the rights that are to be fulfilled of those you utter those words to a great when you say I love you to someone, you are reconfirming the rights that they have over you and the fact that you will fulfill them in order to please Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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But let's face facts,

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today when young people and sometimes even those who are slightly older, when they tell the opposite sex, I love you.

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A lot of the times it's connected to some feature that is external and physical.

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So you see someone looking very, very good, pretty or handsome or gorgeous or famous or someone of that nature, who I love you. Which means I love the way you look.

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I love your money. That's what it also means.

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But we just said I love you, you your money is an extension of you. And this is why the infatuation of some of the people

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and the way they say I love you and they expect to be told I love you too. It's like a common it's like Salam aleikum wa Alaykum masala. So I love you. I love you, too. That's not the answer of I love you.

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Not necessarily, it depends who is saying it, when they are saying it, why they are saying it, how they are saying it. May Allah subhanho wa Taala make us genuine. May He make us sincere. Because I've seen many cases, even marriages, people claim that they love each other, but actually they don't, they end up marrying, and they start fighting because we can no longer go out to eat every day, we can no longer be on a perpetual honeymoon. And we can no longer be people who you know, live the life of the night, every evening, where we go out to the parties and so on. Love is not all about that love is about sacrifice. When you say I love you to someone, in essence, you are actually

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telling them I care for you to the degree that I will fulfill all your rights. And I will look after you through thick and thin.

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us happy homes.

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And the reason why I start off with the love of the opposite sex is because generally when we say the face of love, and people see a big heart, you know, I always wonder why do they use the heart to depict love? Even on WhatsApp? Have you noticed what they did? Now? If you put one heart it becomes big and it starts pumping?

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Have you noticed that?

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Yes, it suddenly becomes big and it goes Do

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you see that?

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Well, I have as well. And don't worry, I send it to the right people myself.

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So it's because it's supposed to come from the heart. But nowadays it comes from the tongue. So I think they should show a title rather than a heart. They should just your tongue I love you. And, you know, Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us.

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Because we deal with our tongues, what's not in our hearts, we say what we do not do. And we do the opposite of what we say. So I love you. And five minutes later, you see someone a little bit prettier. I love you now.

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That's what it is. A month later, the money runs out. And you say well, now I love the other guy because he's taking me to a bigger party. Yes, you can no longer take me to the party. This is why those who really love one another they stick with one another. Even through difficult days. They are a pillar of support. Look at those who married a long time back when they married for the right reasons. And this is why we need to take cue from the Hadith of the Prophet peace be upon him where he speaks about marriage. And he says you marry the opposite sex for several reasons. Some marry for looks, some marry for wealth, some marry for lineage, some marry for various other issues and some

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marry for the dean for the religion of a character and conduct combined with religion known as a dean.

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So he says the one who is most successful or if you wish to be the most successful, you need to consider the last points as the most strong, the strongest of the lot.

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Which means I will look at what my spouse looks like. Yes, and if I'm comfortable with it doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous. Have you ever thought of that statement? Drop dead? Gorgeous. Have you heard it before? Yes, you have. Have you ever thought of why they say it?

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Because a little while later in the gorgeousness goes then you actually dropped it.

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Because we start developing wrinkles in no time. Have you seen that? People get married and A while later they get gray hairs? What happened? My brother stress.

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Not me stress, but just the stress. When Allah subhanho wa Taala Forgive us, like I heard someone say the other day that you know,

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may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant disease, we really know the mobile phone has taken over completely. It hasn't slaved us, honestly. So they say when you see a missed call, you don't get worried. But when you see a Mrs. Call when you get really worried. May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us.

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So we need to learn from the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam that we will have a peek at what your spouse looks like not even have a peep alone, but you need to be comfortable with what they look like. But that's not the only thing that you should be looking at. It's one of the things

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but it's not the prime item. I tell you why in a few years, looks change.

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People say hey, listen, come and see me 20 years down the line.

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May Allah forgive us.

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We won't want to see.

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Take a look at your own photographs of a long time back anyone who's 50 Plus, Mashallah.

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Few years ago you will, how are you looking? You might see the picture and says hello.

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And you say you owe me okay? Okay? You look at the mirror and you say, Oh, I wish I looked like this.

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No, it changes with the changing of time, it actually changes, whether you like it or not, you can be whoever, whoever it changes. So we get to the Hadith where he speaks of, well, if you marry for money, guess what happens? It goes. And if it doesn't go, you go before it is its effect. Your wealth either goes or you go one of the two. And when you go the others fight over it, the more you leave, the bigger the fight because there is a larger amount at stake.

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So if you left $500 when you died, no one's worried because they say

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it's okay. It's okay. You must remember Allah says, Allah, your portion you have to take, you cannot deny as part of the injunction of Allah subhanho wa Taala. But if you've left 500 million, guess what happens? suddenly everyone is related to you. They become a relative.

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I've known of a case among the Muslims where they've gone into DNA testing, in order to prove a point, may Allah subhanho wa Taala, forgive us, just because there were millions left the same people if there was a small amount left, it wouldn't have been the case.

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So this is why Allah says spend spending his cause Don't be miserly spend on your family, your children spend on a good cause. Because whatever you spend goes down next to your name, you spent it whatever you leave behind, someone else's name is written next to it. You know that.

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So you marry for Well, you will be tested.

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You marry for looks, you will be tested.

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You marry because someone you consider them lineage. Okay? The status, Power Authority, this person is a mayor, and they will only marry someone who comes from another mayor's family. Mayor, Mashallah. May Allah grant us all goodness, and may He make us fulfill our obligations as they are meant to be fulfilled? And I'm sure from amongst us, they are males who do a good job but Allah make it easy for them.

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Allah can drop a person down in five seconds, you know that? How many have dropped?

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Allah protect us. FIFA, what happened to FIFA?

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You know, and the reason I say it is because it's fresh in the news. You know what happened? Suddenly, there was a big letdown. And then I heard one of them say, well, the ball is round. It can be kicked anyway. said, Oh, you're trying to justify.

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We don't know whether allegations are true or not. That's a fact. But the reality is they've been made.

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And it's been a big letdown for a lot of people. So many companies have said, Look, this is something that we were not expecting, and it's very bad for the image of football.

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Yet, one hour prior to that, the same people had no clue that their faces were going to be splattered all over the media in a derogatory way, did they?

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So from the seven star hotels, luxury home, into a little prison in how many minutes 10 minutes, 20 minutes, life changed completely. Imagine the amount of distress and if they are innocent, they probably will come out innocent. But you get the distress. Who did that? Well, sometimes their own doings and sometimes it's just a test from Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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So Allah subhanho wa Taala

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can test us in any way in any way.

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But if you have based your choice of marriage on a person, that you really look up to in terms of the character, the conduct, the way they are connected to Allah, the way they speak, their politeness, their sweetness, their the manner that they interact with people the way they care for the rest of humanity, these qualities can only get better as time passes.

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If a person is of good character, the chances of that good character being or becoming bad

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or minimized, or they are made small as the person grows older. In fact, those who have been grown up or those who have grown up

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with bad habits and character, as they grow older the chances of them coming towards goodness grow.

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So this is why we say if you have this character and conduct and dedication to the deen and to Allah subhanho wa Taala that you have looked at. You are the winner. The Hadith says

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Be that he didn't become victorious by marrying the one who has been in the meaning of Deen is the one who has a link with Allah the one who's developed their character and conduct. It's explained in another Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam where he is speaking of the to the Olia of the females, and he is saying either attackmen carbona. Dino, Luca who has a widow who, if someone has proposed to marry your daughter, and they happen to be a person who has exemplary or good character and conduct, if you are happy with the level of Deen and character, then let them get married. If your daughter is happy with it, let it happen. If you don't, they will be great chaos on

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Earth. This is the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So we learn from this, that love is based on something deeper than just the time. something deeper than physical looks.

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Look.

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It's deeper than that. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala help us. So what is the ultimate love? What is it that we are we grow up with? You know, one might talk about the love of our parents.

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It's a different type of love altogether.

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But let's pause for a moment and speak about what we mean when we say I love you to mom and dad. And what they mean when they say I love you what parents mean when they say I love you to their children, and what they're supposed to be doing to prove that love.

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So I need to spend the moment because a lot of us are lost in this regard. You tell your child I love you. I love you so much. Oh my son, I love you. So now when the son does something wrong, I love you. I love you. Don't worry. Let's go to the mall. You want to buy candy? Let's Let's go buy it. You want the whole box of chocolates? It's yours. What else? You want to do this? You can do it. You want to buy food go buy? You want to do this go and have it is that love?

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Let's be honest. Giving your child whatever the child wants. Oh, I love my dad. That's what it's become today. We cannot correct them and we cannot accept correction. That's what it is.

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I love my dad, right? He buys everything for me. Look at that. Well, I read the statements made by kids. I love my mom. Whoo. She's cool. She doesn't tell me anything. I can bring my friends over anytime. And I can do whatever I want. You know, mom, she's so cool, man. You heard that? Oh, I love her. But the minute mom gets you up in the morning for Salah. That is true love Mom, don't you love me. You don't want me to sleep.

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This is a fact. This is why when we speak of the fifth of love, you know the essence of this love what is supposed to be

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shown in our deeds actions in words to prove this love. It's not that mum gets you up for Salatin fudger or dad, scold you sometime or disciplines you by telling you to stand in the corner there. Or by telling you listen, you've got to give me your iPad, and we're going to take it away for one week because of what you said

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to your school teacher.

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If you were for example,

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vulgar or you lied, or you did something bad

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part of the love of your mother and father for you is to discipline you as a child. Remember this.

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Then you say I love you, Mom, thank you so much for correcting me.

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But sometimes you will only realize this when you grow old and have your own children. And they will still think you don't love them. But now you realize your mom loves you, your dad sacrificed for you.

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You love your child, spend time with them. Spend time with them. A lot of it. Sit with the Quran with your child and open it up and make them read.

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Make him read meaning teach them be patient with them. A lot of us are impatient. We say I love you, my child. What love You don't even have the time to spend with your children and you claiming you love them. Your love means something else. It means for as long as you don't mess for as long as I don't need to teach you anything for as long as I don't need to tell you anything. I love you. It's okay. It's a statement from my mouth. When your child does something wrong, how do you correct the child that also will prove how much you love the child. You don't have to yell. You don't have to beat up your child in order to prove love. Not at all you need to address the matter.

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Here in this country a few days ago we were faced with people or young men who are brainwashed online perhaps.

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And they decided to

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you know, engage or do things that

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We're not taught by Islam at all thinking that it's Islam. One of the reasons is there's a vacuum somewhere, which was being filled by someone online. That's what it is. And I am quite sure that one of the solutions of that is to consolidate the relationship in the home between parents and children. You don't need to keep an eye and spy on your kids. But you need to have such a brilliant relationship, that they won't be the need to spy because they will confide in you, they will get their knowledge from you, they will get guidance from you. They see you going to the masjid, they see who you connect with. They want to connect with similar people because they see the positive

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impact it has had in your life. The problem with us we don't have a connection with the machine. We don't go to the Shanahan or the dedicada or the lectures, whatever you want to call it. We don't attend. We're not connected to any of the scholars. So when the children want to turn to Allah, they've got nowhere to go. You never take them to the house of Allah, you don't come and attend at all. You show no interest. You don't even read your own Salah. So the child starts googling and when they start googling they're bowed out.

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Completely make wicked out.

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Because they are getting knowledge from the unknown sources.

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And these extremists are using the internet wholesale.

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Trust me they have departments where they concentrate on young people they concentrate on the frustrations of the of the young and the youth

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and they give them soothing words.

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It's like some of the rapists Do you know what they do?

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They prey on the unsuspecting by telling them they care and they love and so on. I love you.

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No one's ever told me that. I love you too.

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will lie this is happening and it's happening online. I love you in it's like a password to your heart. That's what we say. I love you. heart is open. Now you can do what you want.

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The next thing I want to meet you okay let's meet for coffee. Who was that? What law he if the parents have been saying I love you truly to the child and they've been taking a keen interest in the life of the child spending time to go out and have clean fun with the child. No, there is no benefit or it will not help you to say Listen, you know to go here and go there is haram so sit at home to go here and to go there is haram. So to go to the other places this place and the other places halaal It's okay. We will go we will have fun and we will have fun as a family and we're going to go on an outing.

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By the way, tomorrow is the holiday you can practice you can start shopping, take your kids out inshallah go somewhere, spend the time with them the day go picnicking, dad for once inshallah cook.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala help us.

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So you spend time with them. You've taken them. They've come out with you. They've seen you. You've played with them. You rode a boat with them. You went out to the sling with them.

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What's it called?

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Subhanallah reverse bungee. Have you heard that? It's here. They were showing me they were trying to talk me into going there.

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Trust me.

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I told him no, that's child's play jazz play. We do skydiving, Masha.

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us. This is clean fun. People wonder why on earth did you go skydiving? Well, I'm talking about it today. And that's what I'm telling you that you know, the alternatives for our children. What are they? It may not be something as difficult as a skydive. But it will be

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something that will keep them occupied. They have something to talk about, you know, really, because it's better than a nightclub and it's better than so many other things that they want to do that that sometimes their friends pressurize them into doing. When you go to school on a Monday morning the children go to school, and what do they hear? Oh, I watched that movie did you see? Now there are 51 Shades of Grey style.

00:29:16--> 00:29:18

Allah forgive us they added one more shade.

00:29:20--> 00:29:59

Guess what that shade is? The last shade of gray is called Black. Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us. it darkens you darkens your heart completely chases away the new chases away everything. So if you're not going to, in fact, when they hear these things, they start thinking what's this all about? When they come home? You know nothing about it because you're living in the 60s dead. That's what it is. You need to be alert. You need to know what's going on. You need to know it and you need to be able to talk about it. And you need to be able to tell your child Listen, you know what, that's not what we're supposed to be doing. Because and then you start rattling out the reasons

00:30:00--> 00:30:00

Proper reasons.

00:30:03--> 00:30:25

And they hear how people went to the nightclub and they enjoyed themselves with drugs and alcohol and the children hear about it. And when they hear about it, what do they think? You know, after some time, some of the children might be trapped by shaitan because of peer pressure, and you need to know peer pressure is a reality. It can make a child suicidal Do you know that some have already committed suicide because of peer pressure?

00:30:26--> 00:30:43

And so we need to be alert it's the love we're talking about that love should make you be concerned enough to be able to take your child and to go on an outing have fun, climb the mountains go mountain climbing Mashallah go biking right to Johor, Mashallah around the corner I believe

00:30:46--> 00:30:47

Subhan Allah

00:30:49--> 00:31:08

go somewhere, do something constructive, occupy them with something permissible, not necessarily something that is you know, a direct act of worship only something permissible so you go and have fun time of Salah you make it very interesting to fulfill Salah because you know children nowadays, you tell them salah

00:31:10--> 00:31:27

and you tell them movie they all day Mashallah so you make Salah as interesting as that and even more by not delaying don't read long prayers. You know, when I read with Dad, you know, dad says he wants to read me a story from a good Islamic book. But when he says to read 45 minutes later, he's reading and we will

00:31:28--> 00:31:51

read it for five minutes. You don't have to read it, you read it and just give a summary to your children. Or today we have DVDs we have audio CDs, we have mp3, we have the internet, we have YouTube, you select something very interesting and play it Let it be short. This is the reason why I prefer for talks to be between 30 minutes to one hour, not more.

00:31:53--> 00:31:54

30 minutes is good.

00:31:56--> 00:31:59

45 minutes. Okay. How long do you want me to talk for today?

00:32:02--> 00:32:07

Oh, someone says two hours is it you said two hours? I don't think the women will agree they've been here since go.

00:32:08--> 00:32:11

Allah subhanho wa Taala accept us all.

00:32:14--> 00:32:28

So my brothers and sisters, yes, something short, be considerate of them. When I see young children sitting in the talk, I feel for them to say you know what, these children these children are staying awake. Let me round up quickly Subhan Allah

00:32:31--> 00:32:49

or make it very interesting that they don't mind sitting every little while they're smiling and looking at you and laughing because they've caught the joke, everything. Mashallah a moment, a light moment, but we can no longer, you know, deliver a sermon in a way that we are blasting the people for two hours, they will all look at you and feel the heat of janome already.

00:32:51--> 00:32:53

Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us.

00:32:55--> 00:33:02

The Times have changed, the message has not changed. So the method of delivery will need to change, but the content will not change.

00:33:03--> 00:33:41

I will still call you towards Salah. But we give you beautiful examples still call you towards wearing your hijab. But we give you beautiful examples why it's the love, it's the care, we care for you we understand the environment, we have to understand the environment. When you love your sisters, for example, for the sake of Allah and the brothers, you need to understand they are living in a situation that makes it difficult for them to abide by Islamic rulings. They need a lot of courage. They need a lot of good words. They need people who who will encourage them in a sweet, beautiful way and they need a pat on the back. They need to be able to be acknowledged the fact that

00:33:41--> 00:33:50

they are trying so many of us discourage our brothers and sisters without knowing that they've come a long, long way from where they were some time back.

00:33:52--> 00:34:28

For you to be seated here in the house of Allah. It is my duty to acknowledge that you are a guest of Allah. That's the first thing and you have come here to listen to a good speech. You did not come here to listen to politics. You did not come here for me to be named calling the rest of the Muslim Ummah, this guy is that that guy is a deviant. And this guy is like this. No, that's not what you're here for. You want to hear something uplifting, something that you can go back home, apply it in your lives and feel like a good Muslim, am I right? Well, that's why I'm here. I also want to feel like a good Muslim, and I want to feel a part of your family. That's the fact. So you are the guest

00:34:28--> 00:34:42

of Allah, guess what so am I. I need to respect you. I need to love you. I need to say words that are correct and upright. You don't want to hear things that are far off from what Allah has taught and his rhassoul have taught agreed.

00:34:44--> 00:34:53

So we will continue reminding what Allah has said. I was speaking about the parents and the children while I it's a topic, it's a huge topic,

00:34:54--> 00:34:54

the love.

00:34:56--> 00:35:00

You love your child you correct the child but the manner in which to speak with your children.

00:35:00--> 00:35:01

You know, many times

00:35:03--> 00:35:19

a typical scenario, mom and dad or sometimes dad or sometimes mom, sometimes both of them do not participate in the lives of their children for many years. They don't discuss topics they are not they are closed. You know, our fathers and our forefathers.

00:35:20--> 00:35:35

Their generations were different. They did not use to speak. I've never heard my dad tell my mom, I love you. But I know he probably loves her more than the love we understand when we say I love you to our own spouses. Hey, that doesn't mean I don't love my family. I do I do.

00:35:37--> 00:35:58

But without uttering it, they knew it. And they they did not wait for one another to say I love you. If they did say they may have said it behind closed doors. I wonder what their fathers did their mothers did today. Every day. If you do not send 20 text messages to your wife or husband, I love you. They will be a mini judgment day when you get back home.

00:36:02--> 00:36:18

in tough times, may Allah subhanho wa Taala help us daily and we have internet, Whatsapp free calling free this but still we don't use it, send it send the roses, it doesn't cost you anything. You can send the whole garden on WhatsApp. And guess what costed you nothing.

00:36:20--> 00:36:22

The only thing that's missing is the smell.

00:36:23--> 00:36:37

I think soon there'll be technology I was reading about Ebola, he they without a joke. I'm not joking, I'm serious. They are saying that very soon technology will get to the point where you will be able to send the smell through your mobile device.

00:36:39--> 00:36:44

I see people saying go and read about it. Share Google will confirm

00:36:50--> 00:37:23

my brothers and sisters. So it's very important for us to know that while technology has advanced and communication has been made so easy with people who are very far away from you. We sometimes forget those who are the nearest those who are the nearest. Like I said, our parents, we didn't hear them say that. But in our case, you have to and you have to spend more time and the sacrifice levels are less you have to admit you have to agree.

00:37:24--> 00:37:33

A long time ago they would sacrifice I recall a case where people suffered marital turbulence and they separated for a long time.

00:37:34--> 00:37:47

And many years later they got together house on fire problem solved everything gone. Mashallah. But they sacrificed for about, I think, between five and 10 years. We were very young, but I recall this.

00:37:48--> 00:37:54

And Mashallah, the problem resolved today, five to 10 minutes, we get irritated, honestly, we cannot handle

00:37:56--> 00:38:05

sleeping in the couch separately, and gone. You won't see me out of the gate out of the door. Without Allah forgive us really, love

00:38:06--> 00:38:07

is tested.

00:38:09--> 00:38:11

At the time of sacrifice.

00:38:13--> 00:38:23

When the person you claim to love is now going through the most difficult times of their lives, do you still stand by them? Do you still look at their tears and wipe them off and say I love you?

00:38:24--> 00:38:26

That is far more genuine.

00:38:28--> 00:38:32

When they've been embarrassed when they've been

00:38:35--> 00:38:43

struggling with something, when they've lost their money lost their job? Do you still stand by them? And do you still say I love you. So

00:38:45--> 00:39:03

May Allah help us to sacrifice sacrifice for our own children. Like I say I was giving you the example of how people don't play a role in the lives of their children. And then at the age of 18, your son comes and says you know I want to marry this person you say No way, not over my dead body.

00:39:05--> 00:39:09

So at night you hear the son getting up for tarjolla take my father away

00:39:10--> 00:39:13

because he needs to go.

00:39:14--> 00:39:34

Such a simple matter. If you were really interested in played a role from the very beginning, you would have guided your child as to what to do and what not to do. And your child would have come to you not when it's too late. Your daughter comes to you and says you know what? stem from Allah forgive us. May Allah subhanho wa Taala not do that to us. But an example that needs to be given

00:39:36--> 00:39:38

is an unwanted pregnancy.

00:39:39--> 00:39:51

Will your child come up to you to confess or to say I need your help that I need you help mom? If that's the case, there is love between you. You need to get up and help them. If you don't,

00:39:52--> 00:39:56

they will get help from somewhere else. You may lose them even as a Muslim.

00:39:57--> 00:39:59

They made a mistake very bad.

00:40:00--> 00:40:15

is it happening? It's happening in our communities? Yes. In our communities? How are they dealing with it? Well go and find out. If that happens in your case, may Allah never make it happen to us. But if it does, and it may, and it can, you need to know how to deal with it.

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True love would make you stand up, rise to the occasion, embrace your child, say, Chuck, I'm very, very let down by what you've done. But let's see what how we can deal with this.

00:40:28--> 00:40:41

Let's see how best we can deal with this. Go for help, seek some counseling, take your child here. And they asked for religious ruling, see what's the case what has happened. And you don't need to scream and yell. Because that doesn't help.

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We need to be disciplined people.

00:40:45--> 00:40:48

A few years ago, the advice would have been different.

00:40:50--> 00:40:51

But

00:40:52--> 00:40:54

today, the world has changed. Like I said,

00:40:55--> 00:40:58

the ruling remains the same, it's still wrong.

00:40:59--> 00:41:04

It will not be right. But how to deal with Iran in a way that it is not repeated

00:41:05--> 00:41:15

in a way that we do not lose the person as a Muslim. People have left Islam, because their parents have not dealt with them in the correct way when they made mistakes.

00:41:17--> 00:41:22

And here come the church and it provided shelter and help come we'll give you help.

00:41:23--> 00:41:26

So the people converted, we're lucky I know of cases.

00:41:29--> 00:41:36

Why should that be the case? When we have a perfect deal the problem with us, sometimes we have contaminated it

00:41:37--> 00:41:56

with cultural norms that happened to be far from the dean. And we've always said culture comes with a lot of goodness. But where it makes life difficult for people and where it contradicts Islam and what Allah has revealed, then we will say that culture is not good. Let me give you an example.

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Today I heard earlier on and this is my fourth session for today. So you know I might be looking a bit tired, but I'm trying not to look tired. And pretending.

00:42:09--> 00:42:11

Earlier today, I heard that

00:42:12--> 00:42:19

a lot of boys and men are not getting married. In Singapore. They delay is that true?

00:42:21--> 00:42:24

Oh, I heard the Yes, it sounds quite feminine, Mashallah.

00:42:27--> 00:42:32

The truth is, there must be a reason, there has to be a reason. Maybe it's too expensive.

00:42:34--> 00:42:37

Maybe we have a culture that charges them too much.

00:42:38--> 00:42:49

Maybe there is something wrong in society where it's an Islamic, that's the problem. I'm not supporting the men, but I'm saying deal with your crisis. stop selling the girl's

00:42:50--> 00:43:00

father says I need 25,000 Hey, I have to work for 25 years, because I save 1000 a year. So adultery happens for 25 years. Three unwanted kids no problem. I need my 25,000

00:43:01--> 00:43:19

is that the attitude? I hope not. But it is in some countries. I'm not too sure about the culture here. I promise you I don't know. I haven't asked anyone. But I'm just presuming that there has to be something. If I were to ask you and sit with you, I would get to the bottom of it. And I'm sure you know what the problem is. There is something wrong.

00:43:21--> 00:43:38

We demand too much we've become people who've made marriage difficult. So adultery becomes easy. Where is the love of Allah? Where is the true love for our daughters, when we are making life difficult for them, they want to marry they have someone they want to marry. But no, he's going to revert unembarrassed.

00:43:40--> 00:43:47

If he's ready to revert, open the doors, I will fly down to Singapore to get that nikka done if the need be.

00:43:48--> 00:44:01

So what he's revealed is probably cleaner than you and me. He's got a slate that is far fresher. The pages of his book are not even the first one is not yet full. And I was 20 pages of sins already filled. And we say revert I'm not accepting.

00:44:03--> 00:44:23

What love do you have for Allah? What love do you have for the soul? What love do you have for the sooner? What love do you have for Islam? What love do you have for your son? What love do you have for your daughter? That's not love. That is your pride and your own pride? What it does. It shows that when you say I love you, it's just a hypocritical statement. That means nothing.

00:44:24--> 00:44:34

You don't love them. It's only a statement of convenience. You want to show off to people that in my family, everything is going to happen perfect. Whereas you are living in a very imperfect world.

00:44:36--> 00:44:39

Perfection will only be in general, not here.

00:44:40--> 00:44:59

So if you are too embarrassed about the truth, it means you don't really love Allah and his or her soul. And you don't really love your family members. It's a fact. You need to get up. You cannot disown your child simply because they made a mistake. That's not luck. You need to correct them you need to stand by them. Allah blessed you with a child. The child came

00:45:00--> 00:45:12

And told you something that you did not like the child has now yes caused some embarrassment. I do agree it might be embarrassment but that does not mean that you now need to deal with it in a way that will embarrass the entire oma.

00:45:13--> 00:45:30

You need to get up and deal with it in a beautiful way. You need to ask Allah guidance, cry for the help of Allah and try and help me facilitate make it easy. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us all the next time I come here inshallah I want to hear that the bulk of the boys are married.

00:45:33--> 00:46:10

I'm sure the girls want to marry as well. So the fathers please can you make it easy for everyone and the mothers? Please make it easy. Don't worry, have a simple wedding. The most Baraka the most blessings are in those weddings that have the least amount of money used and cost have a simple wedding have any cash in the masjid and guess what? distribute some plates of sweets and that's it. Mashallah, that was your walima small one where we just gave sweetmeats to everyone is not wrong. It doesn't mean you need to live up to the Joneses in my part of the world do you know what happens? People go to the bank to get a loan in order to prove that we have had a big wedding. They keep on

00:46:10--> 00:46:24

paying back the loan by that time the marriage is broken and they are now having another marriage. The loan is the loan of the first marriage is still being paid imagine and the loan is now taken from another bank because you're too embarrassed to go to the first bank and say daughter needs to marry again.

00:46:25--> 00:46:37

Allah forgive us. This is when we want to make a show. Don't make a show be real. The happiest of homes are those that are real, not those that are just to show you get tired of the show after a while.

00:46:39--> 00:46:46

Your husband cannot afford a BMW seven series no problem. inshallah you drive a Toyota like mine hamdulillah

00:46:47--> 00:47:00

Allah subhanho wa Taala help us you might want to know what Chi drive it's called a Toyota ours Have you come across it and all this small little car Mashallah hamdulillah and I also have a little vellfire By the will of Allah.

00:47:04--> 00:47:05

But it's still a Toyota, isn't it?

00:47:07--> 00:47:25

Allah subhanho wa Taala granted goodness and ease and by the way, we get the leftovers from Singapore, do you know that they come to our countries and they're sold on our streets, I drove a MK x for many years, which came from Singapore, you know that you're one of you might have owned it. I don't even know. Perhaps that's why I'm smiling so much. But by the way, I sold it.

00:47:28--> 00:47:54

But my brothers and sisters, if you want your husband or your spouse or your you know, your family member, to have the Porsche vehicle and this and to live in the upmarket area before they marry the it's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. We use public transport Alhamdulillah I don't mind one lucky I don't mind jumping into a little taxi or a bus. I really don't mind.

00:47:56--> 00:48:04

If that's how it is. That's how it should be no matter who you are. Learn to understand. The reality shouldn't be a show. It's not a show.

00:48:06--> 00:48:12

We are not living in a movie where we are actors. Because go and ask the same actors in real life. They are struggling.

00:48:14--> 00:48:20

They are struggling read about them. Like I told me she has Google knows a lot. A lot he does. He will tell you so many things.

00:48:23--> 00:48:30

Their love lives are upside down because of the glamour and the glitter. And that's it. They are changing.

00:48:32--> 00:48:35

boyfriends and girlfriends. Like they change underwear.

00:48:37--> 00:48:42

Some of you might say that means they don't really change underway. Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us really

00:48:43--> 00:48:51

upside down. The breaking people prefer not to get married. Today in the Western world. Do you know what's happening? They prefer to just be a partner. That's my partner.

00:48:53--> 00:48:54

Sometimes they many partners.

00:48:57--> 00:49:06

I don't want commitment, because we are no longer genuine. When we say I love you, you can't even make a commitment. That's what it is.

00:49:07--> 00:49:47

So my brothers and sisters. Now let's speak up to the children for a few minutes. Regarding your parents. If your father or mother never corrects you, they do not love you. Remember that? If they tell you get a foreshortened future, they have true love for you. If they correct the way you speak, if they correct the way you walk, they love you. If they correct the way you dress people your character. If they correct the way you eat, they love you. If they correct the way you pray, they love you. If they constantly tell you what's right and wrong, they love you. But if they buy everything in anything you want, they do not love you. They just saying I love you because they just

00:49:47--> 00:49:48

want to keep you quiet.

00:49:49--> 00:50:00

It's like the people who say my child makes a lot of noise. So what do you do? Well, I turn on the TV and put them in front of the television. And that's it. Quiet. Give them the iPad and tell the play Angry Birds. So on

00:50:00--> 00:50:00

My birds are angry.

00:50:04--> 00:50:07

Allah subhanho wa Taala help us I've always wanted

00:50:08--> 00:50:11

to ask someone to create a game called Happy birds.

00:50:12--> 00:50:13

Really, it will make my day

00:50:15--> 00:50:15

happy birds.

00:50:22--> 00:50:40

It's not good enough to to be happy at the silence of your child, no, oh, my child is quite so well behaved, they're not well behaved. They are being indoctrinated. Even through games. A lot of the games breach violence. And I'm saying preaching because it's become a religion, you know that.

00:50:42--> 00:50:45

And these games are made by the same people who call us terrorists.

00:50:46--> 00:51:19

Really, they make these games where you get points to kill people. That is terrorism. They are training little children to become terrorists. And they're telling us, I would never allow my child to play such a game, never, no matter how popular it is. And when I say never allow, I won't just tell them, this is not allowed. sit them down and explain to them why and the harms of it. And look at this. And this is why I believe that such games should be banned across the globe. Because they really are unacceptable.

00:51:20--> 00:51:33

Because it's just a game just to go and see the amount of shootings happening in the United States of America, in the schools, little children going to shoot the teachers because the teacher didn't give them 100%.

00:51:35--> 00:51:43

The colleges and so many other places people disagree with each other, the gun is out next thing, shoot, shoot, shoot, so many bikers dead.

00:51:44--> 00:51:45

It's affect

00:51:47--> 00:52:07

the most murders on Earth, are committed in those countries that have made the whole country play these games. And it's considered the same thing. What love Do they have for the nation? I think we need to love our nations enough to be able to contribute positively to a nation not negatively. What have you done?

00:52:09--> 00:52:10

Have you invented something?

00:52:13--> 00:52:33

Have you been a part of the renovation of this machine? Have you contributed in some way to your community, to your nation, that is love of the nation that is love of the machine. That is love of the community love the love of humanity at large the concern when you see the enemies of Islam, those who detest Islam, what have you done to try and bring them closer to Islam.

00:52:35--> 00:52:40

You need to love the creatures of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Obviously love is of different levels.

00:52:42--> 00:52:46

I don't expect you to love a movement and they will move in the same.

00:52:49--> 00:52:59

But what we do need to know is we they all have rights, like I said at the beginning, love. True love would be a commitment to fulfill the rights of those whom you've uttered the words to

00:53:01--> 00:53:18

fulfill your rights brother, the person is a human being my brother, my sister, my father, my mother, if these people are not Muslim, what is my duty towards them? They are not Muslim? Do I just take a gun and shoot all of them and say right, that's what we've been taught by ISIS stuff. That's not Islam, not at all.

00:53:19--> 00:53:57

Islamic Islam is to treat them so well. The Quran says the non Muslim parents of yours, go out sacrifice for them, fulfill the duties towards them, serve them. The only thing is if they try and bring you back to the old faith of this, that you don't go, if they try to make you do things that are in the displeasure of Allah, you don't do but even though they are trying, you still continue to fulfill their rights and be kind to them and good. We're in jaha Dhaka Allah and Toshi cabbie ma la sala cabbie in Fela, tahoma, Warsaw Hippo Murphy dunya mahabhava. Look at the love between parents and children.

00:53:59--> 00:54:08

Allah says, if they are struggling and striving, the term use these jahad aka if they work hard on you,

00:54:09--> 00:54:28

to associate partners with Allah to remove you from Islam to take you back to the old faith, then don't follow that much. But the verse continues to say you will still continue to fulfill their rights, live with them in a good way, peaceful way, serving them still in this life. Imagine non Muslim parents.

00:54:32--> 00:54:48

Because the concern we're supposed to be having for the non Muslim is such that we should want to see them come to this goodness. But when we live our lives in such a way that they cannot see any goodness in our lives. How do we expect them to come to the goodness

00:54:50--> 00:54:57

Allah help us? So my brothers and sisters, the little children that we were speaking to a few moments ago.

00:54:58--> 00:55:00

Let us concentrate on

00:55:00--> 00:55:07

Let us help them. What is the point of sending them to top schools, when we haven't yet taught them elephant bar?

00:55:09--> 00:55:14

We haven't yet taught them how to read Salah. They've never witnessed us pick up the Quran.

00:55:15--> 00:55:32

What would they do? A day will come when they might meet someone by the help of Allah who might guide them towards the goodness. But who knows, after a little while, they might be misguided by people who are waiting like vultures in order to prey on these children.

00:55:33--> 00:55:53

So play a role. It's your duty while law it is your duty. If you know what's going on, you would realize that it's your duty as parents, to care for your children to spend time with them, to smile at them, to look at them to tell them you love them, even when you're disciplining them. Repeat. I love you so many times while taking away the iPad.

00:55:55--> 00:56:26

I love you so much. I wouldn't want to do this. I really I've done it with my own children. And I'm telling you, it's not easy to see your child cry for the iPad. But you say you know, I don't want to do this. But I have to discipline you. I have to make sure this doesn't happen. You have to this is a punishment that says I have to take this iPad away. Trust me it is more painful than any beating that that child would have got in the previous generations. When I was young, I wouldn't have minded the beating walloping I wouldn't have minded

00:56:28--> 00:56:34

but today they mind in a bigger way. When you take away a gadget of this a toy of this, that's it.

00:56:35--> 00:56:37

May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us.

00:56:39--> 00:56:41

In fact, there is a certain age

00:56:43--> 00:56:51

after which you give a child some form of gadget before which you do not give them these electronic gadgets. It stunts their growth.

00:56:53--> 00:56:55

Allah subhanho wa Taala help us all.

00:56:56--> 00:57:31

So these are just some of the pointers regarding parents and children. But let's get to society community. We love each other for the sake of Allah that's what we say right? Are we considerate of one another? We come to the masjid the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala today is boiling. It's hot. Do you agree and Subhanallah it's humid. The fan cannot face everyone not everyone can be under the fan. Mashallah, we've got a huge fan the first time. The first time I saw these fans was here in Singapore and Marshall, I was so impressed. And I seen such a big fan. I think if this was a helicopter would have taken off.

00:57:37--> 00:57:45

But my brothers and sisters, it may not reach everyone you need to be people who care for one another. One of the beautiful teachings of Islam

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is that when you are smelling offensive, don't come to the masjid until you deal with the smell. Did you know that? If you've eaten fresh onions Go and wash your mouth thoroughly before you come to the masjid. You will offend people. These are your brothers in Islam. You are going to say he didn't know Serato who's talking with your mouth open and someone else's thing. They putting the

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fingers on their noses and you are saying Allah guide me to the straight path and he's saying next time guide yourself not to eat the onions.

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It's a fact it happens.

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perspiration we perspire use some underarm. If you have a problem of perspiration that is offensive in smell.

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Understand it's part of your duty.

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This is what love is all about to be considerate of the other. You love them well when you are selling something, don't just put a price that is mad be considered and say you know what, these are human beings I'll make my profit and each other they will be happy with the commodity that's love.

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But to rip them off completely and say oh I made my money and you go away they all look at you and say that's the cuckoo even though you drive in your bins no problem. They don't like you. The reason is you had no feeling for them. Where's the love

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This is why we need to be charitable, charitable give learn to give

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and giving is not only money, your time, effort, energy

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your expertise sometimes you're a doctor will go and volunteer somewhere for a short period of time. See what happens that's the love you have for humanity at large. May Allah subhanho wa Taala accepted from us

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So in a nutshell in this whole hour Do you know when I was gone

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58 minutes 59 minutes on the dots

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I hope I've spoke imagine this so much of love. We didn't even feel the time right? That's the feeling of love Mashallah.

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I hope I've spoken about a few pointers of love. And the main thing is, we need to be genuine. We need to sacrifice we need to be able to understand the message of Allah subhanho wa Taala

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Just uttered the words I love you to people without meaning it, you love for the sake of Allah Alhamdulillah Yes, and you can love someone even for your own sake. Alhamdulillah in the sense, it's your spouse, they give you comfort but remember that love is always governed by the limits of Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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When the person you love the most tells you to do something against the instruction of Allah, that's where it stops. Whether it is a spouse, or anyone else,

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a child, a parent, whoever it is, may Allah subhanho wa Taala help us all my brothers and sisters, I really want to go on but guess what, I have the worst news ever.

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I have a flight to catch.

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So hon Allah, may Allah make it easy for us? May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless you in this beautiful country of Singapore. May He protect you from extremism? May he protect you from instability?

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And May He grant you such goodness that the nation flourishes in a way that even the non Muslims realize that Islam is a religion of peace?

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant you the love in your homes, the love in your communities in your massage and the love everywhere else may Allah protect us

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from falling in love with the devil.

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I mean,

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because when we say everything is all about love with the devil, it's all about hate. We detest the devil. We don't like the devil, we are supposed to be disliking the devil, no love between us and the devil. But sometimes the devil loves us because we need massages early morning, we find that he finds that that massage has been successful he he makes us sleep.

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When he keeps on telling us you know if you are to show yourself as a Muslim, you are going to be embarrassed, people are not going to look at you in a good way. So we are embarrassed to even appear as Muslim mean, let that not happen. Be proud of your identity for indeed that is what will take you two gentlemen, one day when you die, and you come face to face with the Prophet peace be upon him. He will recognize you

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as being from the oma if you were really from amongst those who are recognizable as being from his humor in this world.

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So that is why make yourself recognizable as a member of the room even if it's through your proper name. To start with.

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us develop over time. Sometimes people cannot change overnight. Some people can

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but at least make an effort. Try look into yourself and say you know what? I'm sure I can they all can Mashallah they all can.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us ease I recall, you know, a beautiful conversation I had with someone in Singapore. The last time I came, there was a gentleman I'm not too sure. He perhaps didn't know English very well. Or he might have spoken Malay or something else. And

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I wanted to do something.

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So I looked at him and because I knew he couldn't speak properly. I said Can he said Can

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that was a whole discussion. That was a complete discussion. I smiled at him. I almost wanted to give him a hug. Because I just told him he said can which means Can I do this? And he said yes, obviously you can come on with all play. I've heard all these words in one can.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala Bless you. Oh, goodness and ease until we meet again in this beautiful Masjid. Mashallah, what a lovely crowd of people. I don't feel like you can see that country. I already told you an hour's up one hour, three minutes 27 seconds. Oh, Allah subhanho wa Taala Bless you. Oh sal Allahu wa Sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad Subhana Allah Subhana Allah, Masha Allah Allah, Allah Allah and anastasiou kawana