Channel: Moutasem al-Hameedy
Family matters conference, Durban, South Africa, March 2015
Salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh
al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi etchmiadzin I'd like to start off with two things that really
captured my attention as Shadi was speaking. The analogy he gave that your parents are all parents are fruits. I love fruits. So that analogy works for me such as like a Lucha that's, that's a mind shift for me. So it's gonna inshallah take my relationship with my parents to the next level.
The second. The second one is this suggestion by the end, which was emphasized
by almost rater respected moderators, our love here is actually to send a text message, or at least go until your parent or your daughter or your son that you really love them and appreciate them and make it sincere. I have a very special experience with this.
About nine years ago, I was doing
a show on Ramadan daily Ramadan show in Huda TV. So I was out of town I was I was in Egypt.
And I was doing the show live. And that specific episode was about parents. What about being good to parents, so and I thought of a practical kind of advice to give people and it was simply call your parents, your father, or your mother or both of them, and tell them from the bottom of your heart, how much you appreciate everything they've done for you.
But I've taken an oath for myself that before I give any advice to the audience, or the viewers, that I'll do it myself, my relationship with my parents is very good. But it's very formal as well. That's the kind of culture I grew up in. So I never had the guts in my life to go to my dad face to face and tell him that I love you, I would just melt out of embarrassment. So what I thought of I said, Okay, I'm in a different country. I tried to call my mom.
But I couldn't get through. So what I did, I sent her a text message. And I said, I just want to tell you one thing that I appreciate everything you and my dad have done for us.
So now I could actually appear on screen, you know, having fulfilled that kind of thing. And I advise people to do it.
A month later, I go back home, and I meet my mom and she says, What made you send that message? She had no clue about that episode.
So I told her the story. She said, Do you know what she said I was traveling, she was in France in Paris, she had a connection in Paris airport, International Airport, and was for about three hours. And because she's covered. Unfortunately, there was some people there who treated her really badly, showing some contempt and Islamophobia kind of stuff. So she felt lonely, and alone and a bit depressed. So she said, I sat down on a sat on the bench.
really feeling so bad. And at that moment, my phone received the message, I opened the message and I read it and it made my day. So you don't know it's just a simple act like this could make the day for your parent or maybe for your daughter, your son. So go go you know, just go ahead and do it. Don't hesitate. A break that kind of barrier. It will open a new horizon for you and ever since upon a law, I'd say my relationship with my parents has really grown exponentially. So now I can say to my dad, dad, I really love you. I don't need to feel embarrassed about it. And it just takes the relationship to the next level. Okay.
Khadija probably Alon
this topic is very emotional for me.
And the reason I love this topic is that for DJ is is a school of thought Khadija Lila Anna is a legacy and she's I think she's under appreciated among Muslims, generally speaking. We don't really appreciate Khadija most of us love attention. We'll have people who make lots of noise and create a lot of you know havoc and clamor in their lives. But the people who probably do the the most
powerful or impactful change in our societies are people who work silently and usually these are the sisters. Now let me say a bit with the sisters. Usually the sisters do their work silently without uttering a word. And they make a huge difference. And they're most of the word goes on unappreciated, and I see this as an advantage.
Because hopefully, this is something that will strengthen their sincerity. So you don't need people's praise. You don't need people's recognition you don't need their appreciation of what you do. So this actually paves the way for you to be sincere in everything you do. And hopefully it's Allah subhanaw taala who appreciates what you do.
There's a beautiful Hadith from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when he says, I have been asked Allah kulu Muhammadu
Buhari, listen, amongst the dearest people to Allah, the Most Beloved people to Allah subhanho wa Taala is a person who does not seek recognition or attention. He wants to live this life unnoticed, but the tongue is pure and the hardest sincere. So on the Day of Judgment, this person will stand out maybe in this life there won't be appreciated. There won't be like pointed to or held in high esteem yet with Allah subhanho wa Taala. These people will probably be in the highest ranks in Paradise, because of sincerity, because what really matters with Allah subhanaw taala is our sincerity Hyderabadi Allahu Allah is the perfect example of this.
She lived her life and she sacrificed her wealth, her own well being for the sake of the Islamic Dawa. And yet she received no worldly rewards. She didn't see the victory of Islam, she never witnessed it. She died at probably one of the lowest points in the life of the Prophet sallallahu sallam.
And basically what this means is that Allah has saved her the reward on the Day of Judgment, and actually, she received the glad tidings in her life about this. One day the Prophet sallallahu Sallam was at home and jabril descends to him, he approaches him.
So gibreel says, to the professor Salama, salaam aleikum, wa rahmatullah. Allah has sent me down, and he's telling you, a DJ is about to come home, she was out she was doing something out, and she just came back home. So, and the law tells you her DJ is now approaching home. So tell her when she comes that Allah subhana wa tada is sending her his greetings, and he's giving her glad tidings of a special house built for her in paradise that was during the life of Khadija probably alone.
Khadija was, as I said, Heidi, just not only a person is she's not a normal person. She's a legacy. She's a school of thought. She's a role model, not only for sisters, but even for brothers. She's an exemplary that we should really hold in high esteem and learn from practical stuff.
Just to give you an idea what kind of person Khadija was. Khadija was one of the most respected women and the tribe of Croatia, in Mecca in general. She was a very wealthy woman, she was a businesswoman. So the first
trait that we can actually recognize about for the job was that she was a proactive person, she had a sense of initiative. She was an entrepreneur. So she had her own business, and she would hire or employ men to lead the caravan, her caravans, which some books of history mentioned that some of her caravans amounted to 1000s of camels, carrying goods, traveling to Syria, Palestine, and even to India.
So for those who study international business, Khadija was there 1400 years before us, she was doing international business, there was Khadija. So she was very wealthy, she was a very resourceful woman.
there was a man who really wanted to have a son, a male boy, but his wife, like for a few times has only given birth to daughters, girls, so he was completely frustrated.
And one day, she was like, in her ninth month of pregnancy, and he just said to her Listen, if it's gonna be a girl this time, that's the these are the last days in your life.
I'm gonna kill you. So, you know, it's among our culture. Sometimes we hold women responsible for the gender of the of the child but actually science shows us it's actually the father that decides it's the father's sperm type of sperm that decides the sex or the gender of the of the child. So the woman really felt petrified so she went to what a cup No, no foul water cup. No, no foul. Who knows what a cup No, no fun.
Who is known often?
Who is accountable? especially the younger brothers, the youngest sisters who's what are called known often?
He's not your neighbor. He's not my neighbor. He doesn't live in Durban or Cape Town. watercop No, no, come on, guys. Sisters.
Come on sisters, I thought you were going to do better than the brothers. It was her uncle. He was her uncle. And he actually converted to Christianity. And he studied the Torah and the Gospels and all that stuff. And he turned into or he converted into Christianity from paganism.
And basically the the woman's social story sought shelter with,
with what a cup No, no foul because he was a respected man. And no one would actually violate his protection. So she went there, and she gave birth and it was a girl.
So she stayed at the house of work of No, no fun, who was an old man at the time, and he was blind. So then the man came back to his senses, the husband, and he approached, we're coming off and he said, I really regret the threats that I made to my wife, I really want her back. I want to take care of her and take care of the daughter as well. So, so I accept reality.
So he said, Then He justified his position. He said, I'm struggling financially. I've been always struggling and I need sons who can actually work grow up to work help me financially in the future. That's the reason I feel bad about having a daughter. So what I've got enough, I said, Don't worry about this. There is a woman she's my niece, Khadija, you go to her and she's going to find you a job. She was a resourceful woman. So the guy went to for the job we allow and her and she gave him a full time job. So she would send him with the caravans to travel and make trade for her. So she was a resourceful woman. She was in community
kind of support and work. So she was an activist, she was an activist and intrapreneur you can see the breadth of her character and her personality.
So then Khadija was acquainted with the beautiful people, McCann, she noticed the Prophet, Mohammed sauce on them. That was before Prophethood, he was a very special, a special breed of human beings. So she developed this interest in her. She had been married before and she was divorced. But she developed that interest and that shows that there's nothing wrong with a woman
looking for a good husband. But don't violate, you know the norms of society by doing something that might actually constitute a slight to Your Honor, or cause people to talk about you. So she was aware of the norms of society. She developed that interest in the prophet SAW Selim, some books of history mentioned that she had employed him and some of her trade caravans and she saw his honesty, she admired him, and she saw that it was a very perfect fit between her and Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, she didn't approach him herself. But she sent one of her friends. One of her friends, her friend went to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam satin, somehow met him. She was a relative
as well to the prophets of Salaam. So she told him, why don't you get married?
So Mohammed Sonam at the time said, Well, I don't have enough wealth, to really, you know, get married at the moment. I just need to get better off financially. So she said, Why didn't you marry Khadija? a DJ is already wealthy. She's a very good woman and noble woman, highly respected and correlation. You seem to be a perfect match the professors and then said, Can I, you know, ask for her hand can I propose for her? She said, why not? Just go to her uncle.
Acid go to her uncle.
So the professor actually went to her uncle Khadija had already agreed with her uncle and explained to him the situation so he was ready to cooperate. But there was a big hurdle. And the big hurdle was her father. Her father had some kind of attitude against Mohammed sauce and um, oh, probably his family, the family of
So he refused to marry Mohammed sauce, Adam to Khadija. Now, Khadija being resourceful, intelligent, what did she do? She didn't stop there. She didn't say okay, that's the end of this love story. No, she decided to take things in all matters in her own in her own hands. But in a very intelligent way. What she did, she invited her father's friends for a feast.
And they ate the food. And it was the habit among the Oh, the tradition among the people of Croatia after a big feast, they would drink alcohol. So Khadija brought lots of alcohol.
Yeah, that was before Islam, of course.
was the norm. In other words, she organized a cocktail party for them. They came, they drank, okay. They all became drunk. Then she came to her father and he was obviously completely out. She said, Mohamed is asking for my hand, you're going to say yes. He said, Yeah, no problem, you'll marry him. And there was they had this tradition, they had some kind of a chain that they would adorn with pieces of cloth and flowers. And when a father gave his daughter in marriage or agreed to that marriage, they would place that chain on his neck or around his neck. So Khadija had this already prepared, she put it on her father's neck, and they celebrated it and the cocktail party, so they
were happy about it. A few hours later, he wakes up to the brutal fact he looks at this and says, What's this? She said, You've just, you know, married me to Mohammed. He said No way. She said, you've done this in front of the honorable men of Croatia friends here. They're still here. They said, yes, you just did. So he was stuck. And Khadija was married to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Okay, sisters don't organize any cocktail parties, please.
But what we want is the sense of initiative, and really being so out there resourceful, being resourceful.
I need to be resourceful. I have 10 minutes and I have to squeeze everything in that time, okay.
The prophets of Allah married Khadija and the word like the best perfect husband and wife. There was love in the house, the prophets of Salaam, respectable man, very kind to his family. Khadija has this motherly character, this motherly attitude. So the professor send them really like it was so fortunate to have someone like Khadija now let me
challenge some of the you know, long held beliefs Yeah, it's not a big issue but it's it's it's something good actually to talk about. How old was the prophet SAW someone he married Khadija? Let me see please sisters outside with the brothers first let me see how old was the gentleman he married deja?
25 Sure. Okay. 25 How old was Khadija that's for the sisters
40 4040 to make your mind up
Okay, that's this narration is mentioned in the books of Sierra the books of history, as specifically the main source was see a lot of enemies have, which is that one of the main sources of this era of the prophet SAW Salem. But this is a very weak nursery. Actually, it has no chain of narrators. So it's just a historical narration.
All the narrations about the age of Khadija are weak, all of them are there is no chain of narration altogether. The strongest among them states that the age of Khadija when she married the prophets of Salaam was 2828. To me that from the science of Hadeeth perspective, okay, that's the strongest opinion. From a logical perspective, that makes lots of sense because if a woman gets married at the age of 40, or 42, how could she have five children after that? And there was some space between the mother
there was some gaps between them. How could that be? It's very unlikely so probably she was 28 for this he was 28 so I side with that, but it's not a big deal. It's not a big issue.
The promises unloved Khadija she loved him, she supported him. And the most important moment was when the prophets of Salaam first met jabril when he was in the heart Hara was obviously the President would spend a month in heart Hara and imagine what kind of woman who would allow her husband to leave for a month and she would go on a like every other day, and going give him give him the food, the provisions that he needed for the next couple of days. She would go out of her way out of Mecca. And you've been to our highlight, you've seen how far it is from from Mecca from where the helm is. So she would actually do this. And sometimes she would stay with him for the whole month in
This is not a non fact about her DJ used to do this as well with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam contemplating and thinking and introspecting about the meaning of life and about what this world was all about. So
when the prophet of Islam received our first met gibreel he was overcome by fear and confusion. He didn't know what it was
And just think about the context the Arabs believed in superstition believed in so it like they had some crazy
explanations about certain phenomena, supernatural phenomena. So basically when the prophet SAW some of them came to him he was overcome by fear. When he came to her he found her composed, and firm and strong she was, she maintained her emotional balance when the profit and her calm so when the prophets of Salaam came, he found her very calm. And probably this is something very important in counseling when someone is really emotionally troubled. If you are so calm, you can absorb
the the the the state of being emotionally troubled, and it can actually help them calm down and think more clearly. That was natural that came naturally to her digitally allow her and her. And so she said to the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wasallam when she when he narrated to her what happened she said, Don't worry, calm down,
calm down, don't worry. You are a person who helps the weak. You feed the poor, you take care of your guests. And you're a noble you like you're an ethical person, you're a moral person, and a law is not going to cause harm to come to you. What kind of attitude that is what kind of understanding it shows the depth, it shows, I would say, the moral intelligence, Khadija robley Allahu Ahad.
She could read she could interpret that situation so intelligently and so deeply, and she could see actually through it, and she could think about the conclusions that this must be something good but apparently on the face value, okay. This is something troubling and scary at the time of, of the Arabs at that stage. But she was so common she could see through it, she said Allah, La your physique, Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. So don't worry about this. She could she could actually link someone's attitudes, behaviors, character to what Allah is going to bring to them just to share the said during his talk, what goes around comes around. Some people call this karma is
comes from the Eastern religions or Eastern philosophies. But there is basis to it. Okay, what goes around comes around Khadija was aware of this, she had this depth, this understanding. She supported the prophets of Allah and he will send them and then she supported the debt well financially to the extent that she spent over her wealth, everything which Khadija was amongst the richest of Mecca, very rich, now we're talking about, like multimillionaires, she was a multi millionaire, she lost she spent all her wealth for the sake of Allah and she didn't see any actual results any tangible results she passed away before that. But Allah has saved for her prepared for her something better
than the hereafter
during the boycott, or the embargo when the Muslims were placed in the shrimp, okay, the Muslims during the Mexican period and they were boycotted completely no trade, no business, no gifts, no interactions with them, no marital relations, no social relations. They were completely cut off Mecca. The only one who could smuggle food into that kind of camp was was a DJ that shows you how much resourceful she was. She had so many connections, she could actually use her connections and she broke the embargo so many times so she saved lives because some Muslims actually died out of hunger during that stage. Then she passed away by the end of that embargo after it was lifted, she
passed away May Allah subhanaw taala be pleased with her. Now we want to finish on conclude with one story that shows how the Prophet how much the prophet SAW some or two stories actually how much the prophets of Salaam appreciated Khadija she was on his mind throughout the rest of his life until he died
after the Battle of the Muslims captured how many captives from
Battle of better way. There were 70 people who died from among the army of kurush and there were how much kept taking captive
No one knows.
70 excellent. What's your name?
Achmed. Mashallah. willdan Ahmed, double correct answers. You got it twice. Okay. Yeah. 70 captives from among them was someone called above us ignore Robbie abou has not labia. He was a non Muslim at the time, he was in the army of Porsche. Now, he was taken captive then they were given the opportunity to be ransomed by their families. I will also note Robbie, who was his family. She was Xena. Xena, the
Daughter of the prophets of Salaam the daughter of Khadija, probably Allahu anhand. She was in Makkah but she was Muslim, still married to that non Muslim man. So every family sent money to ransom and to free their the family member and then something special came to ransom. I will ask not labia the prophets of Salaam got hold of it and he looked at it. And he cried.
He looked at that.
And he took a while.
And it was a necklace.
a necklace that zeyneb sent to ransom her husband.
Why did the prophet SAW Selim cry?
Because this was a D just necklace.
She gave it to Zainab as a wedding gift.
And actually Khadija was the one who married a boathouse, not labia to Xena because I will also not be I was head nephew, and he was a very noble man.
So the process of sending remember Khadija
so he said to the companions, if you can free this man and then send Zainab, a necklace back, this has a special value. The Muslims agreed.
So they for the last little while the process I'm told him, I wasn't saying they have to come here. He said, you'll get that. So he later on sent Zainab to Medina and she joined the prophets of Solomon he later became a Muslim, and they they were reunited. The second the last
example or story I want to mention was that Alisha got really fed up one day, about how much the professor said him praise Khadija. So she got so fed up. She said, You know what's, you know what's wrong with that you keep mentioning Khadija. She's an old lady that Allah has, like taken away, and Allah has given you something better, somebody better.
The Prophet sallallaahu salam was offended. And he told her, Khadija was the only one who believed in me when everyone disbelieved in me, she was my only friend, when everyone was my enemy. She was the only one who supported me when everyone let me down. And she was and she was and she was and she was, and I, she said, I really wish that he just, you know, stopped mentioning her her good, you know, traits and characteristics.
Then the prophets are silent for two months, kept mentioning Khadija to her Asia, praising her for everything she's done. Now, not only sisters need to be like Khadija even brothers because these are universal treats. So what I could conclude where there's actually Khadija was proactive, was resourceful, was supportive and motherly. So she did a lot of social work, she did business entrepreneurship, and she was very proactive, she would pursue the best for herself and she would observe the norms of her society and not go in are blatantly against them. She was she was a very intelligent woman. And this is why she deserves the best from Allah subhanaw taala what can you do
in sha Allah? What can we do to become like Khadija shala this is something I'll talk about in my next talk, which is Look, a look in the mirror. I'll connect with both topics because they are strongly related. Anyway, does that Camilla hair was a little long, Selim I don't have you ever met, whether it was