Mohammad Elshinawy – Defuse the Divorce Bomb

			As unconventional as this topic may be, I do believe it is yet another angle to appreciate the
beauty and the wisdom and matchless guidance that exists in Islam is code. Islam is legal code.
Islam is lifestyle code, the Sharia of Allah azza wa jal, and that is the topic, believe it or not
of divorce. You know, we live in a time when fewer and fewer people are getting married. And then
fewer are staying within the marriage who are married. And so I consider it a golden opportunity to
realize the wisdom of the divorce process in Islam. Because if you were just to acquaint yourself
with the process, and I will try my best not to keep it too stiff and legalistic the discussion
		

			right now, but just the structure, the framework of divorce in Islam is designed in such a way that
actually minimizes the incidence or the occurrence of divorce number one, and then it prevents as a
result of that incalculable unmeasurable amounts of suffering, that people that all parties involved
may suffer for a lifetime. Whether they're oblivious to the fact that they're about to dive into
that or in denial about it.
		

			Just studying how Islam does it is is very refreshing.
		

			You see,
		

			number one, Islam allows for divorce.
		

			Otherwise, if a person feels trapped in a marriage, it could get uglier than ever. Or maybe they
will never allow themselves into that trap to begin with. So there is an exit for a man there is an
exit to initiate it for a woman there's a different exit to initiate but there is an out but it's
not just any out and it's not a spontaneous out. Abdullah had an aroma of the Allahu Anhu Ummah one
time divorced his wife during her menses during her period. And when use of this reach the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
		

			He became very angry at him because Allah azza wa jal said politico Hootenanny, right? That he when
you have to divorce a woman in a way that allows her to begin counting three cycles, basically. And
so he got very angry at him. And he said to him, take your wife back and wait till she emerges from
that period, that menstrual period. And then at that later time, if you still wish to divorce her,
then divorce her then. And so the scholars of Islam agree that it is whether the divorce counselor
doesn't as a different issue, they still agree that it is sinful, even if it might count, it's still
sinful either way for you to divorce your wife at a moment when she is going through her menstrual
		

			period. But that's not just it. It is also sinful for you to divorce her after she comes out of that
period, if you came into physical contact with her meaning full blown intimacy, if you were intimate
with her, then you will then have to wait for the next period and her to exit from that next period
and then revisit the subject. Do you notice how it's dragging the process?
		

			It is not an impulsive move to divorce, right? There's so many roadblocks to slow it down so that
good things can happen in sha Allah. And then if if you wait till the right time and you're still
bent on divorcing, then when you divorce Allah says you have to divorce three times. And they have
to be separate of palapa Murata and Allah says divorce happens twice, meaning in the sense that you
can still revoke it reverse it after the first two times for him sad can be my roof in outer city
home it exam. So and then after each of those two times you think am I going to hold on and live
better hold on in on good terms, or I'm going to let them go in the Most Gracious, the Most kind,
		

			the most honorable manner.
		

			Each of those times you divorce, you gotta wait. You can't just say divorce, divorce divorce, it's
all over, even waiting till you can say it. Then when you say it, it has to be a waiting period of
up to three months. You got to wait before the divorce becomes finalized. Not just that you have to
wait. You can't go wait in different parts of the world where the relationship would become drier
and the warmth would disappear. You have to wait together inside the same house. Allah azza wa jal
says in Surah Tala for the chapter on divorce led to read Johann nawala Rajan, you are not allowed
to expel them in that waiting period from the marital home, nor are they allowed to opt out of it to
		

			just leave on their own. Right. This is the ordinary circumstances the default exception to every
rule, but this is the rule. This is how it works. And you Don't expel
		

			them and they don't leave. Later in the verse Allah says, What do you do the law? These are the
boundaries of God. Well man yet I will do the law in fact the volume and EFSA and whomever
overstepped the bounds of God has truly wrong themselves. Then he says, letter de la Allah Allah
your daily camera, here's some of the wisdom. Allah says you never know. Maybe something may come
about a new atmosphere may emerge in the home that
		

			Allah causes to to emerge that you never expected. See, that's the thing. When a person gets locked,
deadlocked sometimes in these situations, you assume Okay, loves God, warm is gone. It's over. No
love. Falling means love fluctuates means it moves, if it moves, then it can also move back up,
can't it? So just hold your horses, anchor yourself, don't be a compulsive creature wait in the
marital home until the waiting period is over. You never know Maybe Allah who will bring about a
fresh start for you guys. You know, interestingly, I came across a
		

			a fascinating tidbit of European history, that in a in a village they call it the Barton village in
Transylvania. It's a region within Romania, the country Romania, that in that village, the church
had a divorce reconciliation room.
		

			If any congregant of their community wanted to divorce, they told them you have to come in first,
we're not going to issue the divorce. You have to come into this room with your spouse and live
there for two weeks. And it's a tight room, one bed, small bed, one table, one chair, one plate, one
spoon.
		

			Do you know what the result of this proximity is? That in 300 years, they only had one case of
divorce that actually went the full length of the journey actually got finalized. So you see that
some of the wisdom is very clear here of why Allah azza wa jal puts that three month on average
waiting period for it.
		

			And then during those three months also, the Quran made it categorically haram, unacceptable for an
outside party
		

			to make sure that divorce happens. Allah azza wa jal says Ebola to Hoonah have to be ready he Nephi
Velyka in Colorado, Lohan and their husbands have the full right the undisputed right to reverse the
divorce process.
		

			In that fee, that is for the duration of that period in that waiting period, if they wish to
reconcile if they believe and they decide, you can't say no, I'm gonna penalize him, I'm not letting
my daughter go back to him, or I'm not gonna let my sister go back to that month. If the two of them
want to, and they are hopeful it can get better. No one is allowed to get in the way. Nobody.
		

			Not just this, outsiders cannot even encourage you the divorce.
		

			Without clear justifications. They are not allowed to because the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam
forbid them from that, unless you have the knowledge of Islam framework, and you have the
neutrality, right that you're you're being objective. And unless you have the familiarity you
actually heard from both sides of the story and all of this, you're not allowed to have an opinion.
And what you should do is to encourage them to try to make up you can't say I can't tell you to stay
or go no, you have to say try to stay because Allah azza wa jal said was sold to higher. Reconciling
is better, meaning better than separation. So you need to advise them with the advice of Allah azza
		

			wa jal
		

			and then the wife herself is also not allowed to demand the divorce during this period or before it
without the justification. Look at how many safeguards and show you what's the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam said any woman who seeks divorce demands a divorce from her husband without there
being clear harm real harm. Then the fragrance of Jana becomes haram on her prohibited for her
		

			if she can't stand to be with him, and there's ads and I mean,
		

			zeyneb Radi Allahu Ana, she divorced you know, the adopted son of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe
Salam, Xena, because she feared she feared she could never look at him as the husband. And so she
went through the proper channels and she got that divorce likewise, you know, falling into place, or
when she came to the Prophet sallallahu sallam said I cannot complain about anything. His Deen his
character not but I fear for myself. I'm not slandering him here. I'm fearing that I will fall into
haram meaning I can't have relations with him. I can't I'm not attracted on that level. And I have
needs but he can't fulfill them for me. He said to her returned back to him his garden which he gave
		

			you as a gift, then you will have your divorce. Right? Because the harm was like a subjective harm.
It's not like the men you know.
		

			If violent or the man is a drunkard, or the man is a fornicator, or the man doesn't pay his five or
has left Islam, those would be real harms you ask and you don't need to return anything. Otherwise,
you need to know that if I want out I need to return the bridle dowry, so they both have outs and
this is the way but just look at how Islam drags the process is all I want you to recognize. If it
becomes completely deadlocked the Quran says fair battle Hakim and min Allahi wa Hakim I mean
earlier in you read the law, how you work with Allah who by now Homer was well soul who played well,
literati enforcer show,
		

			send a representative from her side and a representative from his side relatives or whatnot. And
then if they are actually trying to fix things, Allah will facilitate a resolution, Allah will
facilitate it, right, because sometimes a person comes from your side, it's hoped that they won't be
as hot headed and emotionally charged as you because you're right there in it, one step removed,
it's hoped That's why Allah saying if you actually are being fair, or are being concerned about the
family and the suffering that could happen to the family, then you will figure out a way to impose a
compromise basically, on both parties that will fix the train, and the marital journey can resume.
		

			And Allah says well laid out the Enforcer. Sure, that part of the eye says, and the greed of the
soul is present meaning Beware, beware in these negotiations, that you're not here for vengeance, it
is unbefitting of a believer to be consumed with the hate of another person, right? You're here to
try to get the best possible outcome of the situation, whether it's a compromise to make it
continue, or the smoothest exit if it really is in the best interest of all parties involved.
		

			And so what do you do you you look for these arbiters or representatives to try to reconcile the
marriage if you can't, and you keep in mind the importance of compromising? If you were identical
twins, you would still have differences, right? Imagine when you're from two different places and
two different parents and two different upbringings and all of that you got to realize what you
think is ideal the other person will never think is ideal. And don't try to bend something
unbendable you'll break it. That's what the Prophet SAW. Selim said, Well Kessel will help balaclava
and breaking her is divorced singer.
		

			And that's why the Quran said Why shouldn't I build my roof treat them the women kindly?
		

			Why was hands Accra who che and wedge out Allah houfy hyaluron kathira. And maybe you hate
something, there could be something that just bothering you so much, stop fixating on it. The Quran
says perhaps you hate something, and Allah causes there to be so much good. You just need to open
your eyes so much good in that something so much better a situation,
		

			even if you may hate a certain aspect of it. And that's why the Hadith comes and confirms that and
says no believing man hates a believing woman. If he hates one of her qualities, let him like
another quality. And on the flip side, he said to that he said to the women that I've seen you the
majority of the people of the fire, they said why he said you deny the kindness of your husband's?
And if he's good to you forever, and then you see one bad day from him. See, you're expecting
perfection, right? You see one bad day from him, you say, I've never seen any good from you never
seen any good from you. Right. And so both parties putting their egos aside, removing them from the
		

			negotiation table. And if they can't have someone outside parties do that. For them. It's part of
what the Quran enjoins upon us. And just to realize, before I sit down that marriage is not easy,
okay. But it is necessary for almost every single one of us. If we don't own the responsibility of
upholding our marriages and protecting our homes, we will live with even greater confusion in our
life, and greater insecurity in our life. And fornication and haram relationships will become more
and more rampant, and the children because now the bickering at the top, the adults being childish
will cause a lifetime of suffering for those on the way up. And so it requires so much effort, not
		

			just effort to compromise effort to learn effort to step outside of your comfort and grow. Don't
just do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. That's insane, isn't it?
Right? Effort also to protect what could threaten your home. It's not just you know, it's you to
stop looking at people outside stop looking at people online. So you stop saying, Oh, she's so much
more beautiful, right? Or this person, her husband gets her so many more other things. It's it's all
of us, right? Don't selectively hear this hutzpah on a gender specific basis and zone out the other
half of the story that she was talking about the other side of the divider that she had talked about
		

			the other side of the barrier. Every single one's needs to own that share of their responsibility to
protect their hearts protect their homes, protect their eyes, protect their children. A whole lot
Holly has stuff for la familia, welcome.
		

			Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Milena be about that shadow Allah you know how Illallah Hua
Hua la sharika who shadow under Muhammad
		

			who want to be who are our pseudo Robin I have learned I mean, as well as you know with reality in
our Kurata Aryan,
		

			oh Allah make for us out of our spouses and our children, the comfort of our eyes, you ask Allah for
that, that's where you start with your effort. But it's not where it ends, right? You put in your
own effort, do everything Allah made available for you step out of what you're accustomed to us to
saw from your own parents, or anything else.
		

			You know, the shaitan told us is something else to remember, to defuse the divorce bomb from
exploding on our homes.
		

			That the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to us that a primary target for shaytaan is our
marriages. He said Shavon sets his throne daily on the water on the ocean somewhere. And he sends
out his recruits. And at the end of the day, when he's asking them to do to brief him, one of them
says, I didn't leave the person alone till such and such. So he did this and XY and Z. And he tells
them all my shit, you didn't do anything. That's nothing, no accomplishment there, until one of them
says I did not leave him alone until I separated between him and his spouse. And then he says to him
end to end, it's you. You're the one. You're the one that has actually achieved something, something
		

			impactful, something with long lasting effects. You're the one you're the hero today. You come and
he sits him down next to him and says, nevermind, what an excellent soldier you are. And so the
child theme you for recall a banal model it was LJ the Quran says they specifically put in the
crosshairs, how to cause that riff to grow and grow between a husband and a wife between the two
spouses. But it's not just the sheltering that whisper in our heads to do this. We also now if you
know someone whose marriage is being is turbulent, beware of being one of the recruits of Shaitan in
human form, as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, lays a min min hob Emirates and Allah
		

			Zoji they are not us those who meaning without justification, rile up a woman against her husband
and vice versa, of course, a spouse against their spouse, you can do better forget it, you can get
some you don't deserve this and he doesn't value you or she doesn't. You know, whoever adds to that
concurs with that notion. They are lace me now they're not of us, meaning they're not on the
prophetic way. They're behaving in a satanic way. That's the idea. This is chiffons target. And it's
not just the Ginni that whisper this, humans do it as well.
		

			They come and beautify for you divorce, you have to be aware of this. Beware of divorce being
beautified or seen as normal. Beware of seeing the grass greener on the other side, you always
imagine now it's fine, I'm going to be better off I'm sure of it, the kids will be better off as I
can still handle as a single parents, right, or even on a monetary level. As we say the you know,
the lawyers always say oh, it's no big deal. It's gonna be quick 510 k max on here. And then between
the two parties, that Brexit process is drag. Neither one wins except to the lawyer wins. He's the
one that cashes in big and everyone else is left, right. They bait you into these things and they
		

			beautify for you the process. These are of the works of the shaytaan.
		

			And so the grass is not greener on the other side, resist that whisper the grass is greener where,
where you water it, water your grass, keep your home together, exert that effort, understand why
Islam dragged out the process to do this for you to help you with this. And the final point I will
say here is if you want to make sure you keep divorce off your tongue, keep it out of your head, you
gotta guard your thoughts or else they become ideas, the idea becomes an intention. The intention
becomes a plan, the plan becomes an action and you think you aced it. And then you have to answer to
Allah azza wa jal for it well as a biller.
		

			And so if there will be a divorce, just bring this full circle, this will not be your decision that
you initiated your thought. You try everything you can, and then you are humble enough to seek help
from the outside. And if the help from the outside sort of all settles on, it's better for you to go
your separate ways, then they do it and then you execute it in the most beautiful way. And that is
always the exception that is not the norm. May Allah azza wa jal bring peace to our homes and our
families. May Allah azza wa jal to bring peace to our homes and our families help us exert greater
and smarter effort than ever before. May Allah azza wa jal make us of those who live honorably with
		

			our spouses, to treat them kindly when we're with them, and to guard them and their privacy's when
they're not around, and if we must go our separate ways to go so as believers who follow the
prophetic way, Allah whom I mean