Mohamed Magid – Let’s Talk About Domestic Violence
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As I said in my today,
that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala almighty
spoke about
the importance of marriage in the Quran,
and there's so many verses in the Quran
talks about the
the foundation
of healthy marriages.
What it looks like.
And if we do adhere to those foundation,
then we do not we will not see
the problem that have manifest itself in our
community,
especially the issue of violence, family violence,
and
domestic violence and abuse.
As I said in,
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
Allah says and among the sign of Allah
in the universe
is that he created his spouses from among
yourself,
so he might deal with them in tranquility.
And Allah is he who put love and
mercy between your hearts.
Very surely in that are signs for those
who reflect.
This verse, from Surat al Noh, say it
all
about the foundation
of relationship.
Number 1, Allah says,
and among the sign of Allah in the
universe.
Why marriage is a sign of Allah?
Because 2 stranger
who do not have any kind of rights
on each other,
They become husband and wife,
and then they demand their rights.
They're asking for their rights on their husband
and wife.
They become having
the obligations
and duty toward one another.
That's why
marriage contract
is one of the most important contract.
Allah call it in Quran and
You know, Allah says in the Quran,
and how comes you take the dawdi back
from the woman after you've given them?
The word
in Quran, very interesting word.
You expose yourself. You become open to the
person.
There's nothing make you more vulnerable or make
a person more vulnerable than marriage,
because you say to the person, this is
who I am.
Either trust me or crush me,
and some people crush people.
You know what I'm saying?
For vulnerability
in marriage.
And that's why
the greatest contract a person write
and sign ever
after the contract with Habiullah al Iman
is marriage. Nothing come close. Not the car
that you bought, the house you bought, the
application of college that you signed. Nothing come
close,
because of the amount of investment
and the amount of trust
the person have put in another person.
And that's why
during when people used to get married,
a man will shake a hand
with his son-in-law and he says,
this is my daughter.
Strong covenant.
And
either you stay with her in good terms,
If you don't like to stay with my
daughter,
don't abuse her, don't take her life, don't
kill her, as you just heard what happened.
You let her go in good terms.
That way it is.
And therefore,
the marriage contract have a lot of weight.
There's heavy weight on it,
and that's why
that the Muslims during time,
even the companions,
when they exchange their vows,
they understood that about 52 side effects
of the marriage contract by just exchanging the
vows. They
call
the implications
of signing marriage contract.
So a lot of implication.
Many people think that's a drive through.
That why sometimes they said, can you just
do it for us? I said, do you
understand what marriage is all about? We need
to sit and talk.
And therefore,
that the principles in which the relationship is
based
are highlighted in this I am.
That among the sign of lying the universe
is that he created spouses
from among yourself.
And the word here mean amfusicum is very
important word.
Can someone
physically
hurt themselves unless they are not
together?
Hurting is
is hurting oneself.
Look at the beauty of the Quran. When
the Quran says don't take other people life,
what he says.
Don't take the life of others because by
doing so, you have taken your own life.
And that's why the Quran
whoever take a life has no right to
do so.
As if have taken the life of all
humanity.
Whoever
help a person to sustain life,
as if have saved all humanity.
He said,
from among yourself.
And Allah says
Oh, humanity be conscious of the Lord, the
one who created you from a single soul.
I'm clear from that soul is me.
And from them, it come what?
Children.
So Adam and Hawa
and whoever come after them as husband and
wife. And that's why in Surat Al Furqan,
the
surah that I recited in, Asia,
Allah says,
Allah says,
Allah
grant us spouses
will be the comfort of our eyes.
Spouses and other spring will be the comfortable
eyes.
2 words be repeated.
The one that you ask your mutual rights
in his name.
Allah watch over you whether you fulfill the
contract or violate the contract. Allah
Therefore, he says,
and therefore,
that a person
will think all about themselves in marriage.
They don't know what marriage is all about.
A person who is self centered,
it doesn't know what marriage is about. I
mean, I'm.
You have to think about the other person
feeling.
We have to think about the other person's
needs. That's why it says.
The word or means parity,
meaning that husband and wife have to function
as pair,
and this parity is very important.
Why? You think about the other person.
In any decision that we make, we accompany
a person with us. Allah's
when you say parity, he change the person
from I to we, from me to us.
It's not cannot be all about me.
That's why
when he used to enter the home,
he used to help in the household.
Fix his own shoes, wash his clothes,
just to help.
And when he enter the house, he bring
happiness.
No one
saw come to the house to get frightened.
No one saw coming getting scared.
No one saw coming start whispering.
Even in the present people were singing.
You know the hadith?
They were singing.
And says, you you sing in the house
of said,
leave them. It's okay.
He used to bring comfort.
When he used to come to the house,
he used to bring an ocean of happiness.
Everyone loved to see him.
They're excited
that he's with them. When he leaves them,
they feel sad that he left.
There are some people when they leave, people
say.
It's true or not?
Person doesn't want to come home.
Am I correct?
No one become a true believer unless he
or she love to their brother or their
sister what they love for them, for themselves.
That's why I mean, I'm physical. Become oneself.
Disparity.
If Quran says the purpose of marriage
is to have sakinah
and tranquility on the spouse,
then what is domestic violence come in the
Muslim community from?
Can you tell me? Where it come from?
Why are you hearing about people beating their
spouses?
Why heal hearing about verbal abuse?
Why we're hearing about emotional abuse?
Of course, some brother demanded me, said also
that some sister hit their husbands.
That does not exempt them from that.
It's not only
when you talk about abuse, you talk all
form of abuse. But the statistic shows
90% of abuse abuse against
women.
Statistics shows that. I can guarantee you the
statistic in America,
the statistic in Pakistan,
the statistic in Sudan, the statistics in Bangladesh,
the statistics in Afghanistan.
I can whatever you you come from, it
is. Don't take it personal. Even Britannia.
I saw my brother from Britannia. It's statistic
all over the place.
No one exam. It happening in every place.
It does.
It happened during
time to the extent
of the masjid.
I come to know that some people are
physically abusing their spouse.
Those are not the best among you. They
are not good people.
He said
so.
The best among you, the best of the
family.
It is not a person
of social status. It's not a person but
known in the community famous. He's not a
person who has money. He or she
is a person he or she are kind
to their what?
Their family.
They take care of their family.
That how we there's a criteria in here.
Said,
the best among you, they're the best of
their family.
I'm the best among you to my family.
Interview my family.
Made it open. Then interview. We have interviewed
I can tell you that we have already
interviewed Hadija
Open any book of Hadith or seerah. You
see the interview there. Publish
interview. Who have already interviewed Aisha?
Whoever interview
what? Khartoum. Whoever interviewed
what?
Musalim. I'm sorry.
And all of have sir who interviewed those
people. They tell you how yeah. A lady
married to Rasool Allah sallam.
She come from a Jewish background.
Who that lady was? Sophia.
Sophia.
Rasulullah Salaam on Beth dying, Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam,
last minute of his life.
And she said to him, he comes into
the I wish what you feeling come to
me. I want you to feel better.
And the wife said, come on.
You know,
stop this. Stop it.
Yeah. They doubted her like, don't don't say
that. You know what the Rasoolam said?
I said, by Allah, she's speaking the truth.
This woman loves me so much. She meant
it.
Don't doubt that. I don't think she said
that to show off.
Why would she say that?
If she didn't saw the see the kindness
of Rasulullah,
the love of Rasulullah
And therefore,
that he may seek tranquility.
And look the word.
I said in the that
the home is second.
The house where you live is second.
You come from work, you come home for
what?
Why you leave work, go home?
But you will go home.
Tranquility.
To find a place of rest, plus of
privacy. Be yourself. Have you seen a person
wearing, like, a suit like myself and cooking
fish in the kitchen?
That's what I ate for dinner. Okay?
You have seen that?
No. Be yourself.
How comes a husband or a wife been
around someone and feel walking on eggshells?
If I say something, you're gonna say something
to me. You're gonna abuse me or she
gonna abuse me. What you're gonna say? Say?
Why what we walk in egg shops?
What is the sakina?
What is?
White people come to me in my office
says,
I don't feel I can say anything in
my house because anything I say, I'm scared.
I said, Subhanallah, scared of whom? Scared of
my spouse. I said, Subhanallah,
how it comes?
When he
received the wahi,
when he was scared, where did he go?
He went
to
He has he has male friends, didn't he?
Didn't have male friend? Yes.
Where did he go? Go to his wife.
Go to his wife.
You find that there's an ocean of tranquility
there.
What do you think with Khadija,
she felt insecure. Where did she go?
She come to him,
That how it is. It
has.
You see tranguality in them.
And what are the ingredients of tranquility?
2 things.
Mawaddah
or Rahma.
Husband and wife have to be kind to
each other.
And let me, so that make make this
too long, we'll get back in here.
Rahma
is one of the most important ingredients in
human
relationship.
If somebody is not kind to you, you
don't want to be around.
Am I correct?
There's a absence of Rahma.
Some people claim love
but show no mercy. I say you're contradicting
yourself
because
love is a is a
verb. Allah says so.
Don't claim love. Show it in action, Allah
says. If you claim that you love Allah,
follow the prophet Muhammad
that Allah will love you.
That that how
Rahmah,
it is the foundation
of all human relationship.
Husband or wife
should be kind to each other
by not abusing each other verbally or physically
or mentally,
all this form of abuse.
The greater somebody calling them names,
good for nothing.
You know? I wish I met somebody better
than you. You are you're good for nothing.
Or man or woman say to each other,
don't they?
They're called verbal abuse.
And mental abuse, you tell them you are
not worth of anything.
You know, I could have gotten somebody better
than you.
My mother said my cousin was available,
and I left you for my cousin.
Who are you on?
I'm a big shot. I could I could
get somebody better than you.
Mental abuse.
Low self esteem.
My brothers and sisters,
this topic make sometime the Muslim community not
comfortable.
And people telling me sometime, please, you don't
have to talk about it.
Why?
Why shouldn't talk about it?
We must talk about it.
It makes some people edgy, sometimes says, a
witch, you know.
You you mentioned this brother, people misunderstand or
sister
might say. Now
we have to talk about this issue. In
the Muslim community, we cannot
do what?
What does?
The head on the what?
The sand. In the sand.
A Muslim
now.
You are the best community of America to
humanity.
To command what is good.
To forbid what is evil.
Muslim community is not a community that they
bury their hand head in the sand. They
they raise their head and say, we call
it as we see it.
Whether some people like it or some people
not, but we have to educate the community.
Rahma
cannot be
in the marriage
if there's abuse
in marriage.
And I would like to just
be frank,
if marriage people do not get together,
they don't feel the tranquility,
they don't feel the.
They just
like one another's,
then there's exit. What the exit?
You know what means? The word in Arabic?
To loosen the tie.
He didn't say cut.
It's called
and then he losing it losing it. And
that's it.
Become normal. That's okay. Now we go back.
Or you
separate in what?
In a beautiful,
kind
way.
I used to have lectures. I go for
lectures here at Adams before and Daron Hijra
actually.
And people tell me, can you change the
title? I said, no. I'm not changing the
title. The lecture calls successful divorce.
He says, so hang on. That's too complicated
terms.
In Islam, a Muslim have to do anything
with success,
but.
Always
what? In success. They pray with success. They
divorce with success. They every was they do
it in the way Allah asked them to
do it. That's success.
If they don't do it in the way
Allah asked to do, they have failed.
Am I correct?
Now you understand it, it goes together.
Now
Rahma.
Rahma
means husband and wife,
they should not burden each other
with things that a person cannot bear.
They should not speak in a manner that
make a person feel enough worth of anything.
Abraham means appreciation.
Husband and wife appreciate, recognize
one another,
effort.
And that recognition of appreciation,
it's called shukr.
Make a person want to give more.
Quran says, but also it happen to human
being. That Shukr make a person being grateful,
appreciating,
make a person want to get more.
This is Rahma.
Therefore, my brothers and sisters, we have to
spread the words.
Talk to our family. Talk to our friends.
We want our marriages to be based on
rahma.
Our community
has to be a model and example in
America.
We have to set the model and examples.
My brothers and sister, I know
This abuse
take place in every community and every society.
It's not a Muslim phenomena.
In every minute,
there's somebody been abused. Am I correct?
In America,
and not all of them by Muslims for
sure.
You go to the shelters.
Shelter full it's Muslim women only there?
Other people. There's some people have done
traffic perfect crimes,
taking the life of a spouse, taking the
life of children.
And therefore,
we should not ever say Islam have caused
this problem. Islam never cause problems.
Islam brings solutions.
And we said that to media, to everyone,
do not think that Islam is the cause
of this problem because this problem does not
know any religion, does not know any race,
does not know any social status, doesn't know
all of that. It occurred in all level
of the community.
But Muslim
community, because Allah have ordered us and commanded
us
to do what is right,
We should look to ourselves all the times
and says we are supposed to be the
best community emerge
to mankind.
We have to do our best
to change our attitudes
toward the marriage,
And to think that relationship,
it based on those principle.
Either stay in good term, out of 3
or let go in a kind way.
Now what
why the word?
Allah use the word.
He didn't use the word.
You know why?
Is active love.
The husband and wife do their best to
their spouse so they love them more.
They show kindness
and care
so that they love increased.
And more that is two way streets.
Many people,
they think they have the rights to be
loved,
but
there's no obligation to love other people. And
they love what?
Did you cook for me? Did they claim
or show me love? But I will not
do anything, you know. All the sister says,
you don't mind me buy me that new
car, you don't love me.
You know?
Both ways.
Love
love,
it based on what?
You know, to burden other persons with things.
You don't impose things on people that they
cannot bear. Many people, they're abusive,
and they come to me and say that
we love. I love my spouse. I said,
how show me.
You call them names, and the self say
that you love them.
Therefore,
here means active love.
People show it in actions.
Can I give you some some of the
from life?
Like
That comes
and feel frightened and scared,
and he and his wife says, don't worry
about it. Everything will be fine.
He shouldn't say to him, why didn't you
go to the mountain? Didn't I tell you
not to go there?
A mountain of mountain of love.
She said,
are you scared of my beloved husband? He
said, yes.
How many spouses
they say to their husband or their wife
this?
When a person said I'm scared, I'm frightened.
Because some of the spouses, they are the
one who causing the fright and the scared
themselves.
Seriously.
They do.
Mhmm. Therefore,
he came to her, and she gave him
the love, the comfort, the physical comfort.
She covered him.
She he said
the the
the the Can you cover me?
You know, she put a blanket on him.
And Quran said, yeah,
because Khadija
did
that.
Here.
Then she took him for counseling.
What did she do?
She took to to
explain
what happened to him.
And he told him you are the prophet
of this Ummah.
My brothers and sisters,
that what does a spouse a husband for?
A husband
is a person bring comfort,
tranquility
to the household,
comfort his wife, and if there's any problem
in their marriage, seek counseling.
No physical abuse,
Period.
No hitting. No beating.
He never hit anyone in his life. So
life of Rasulullah.
Very soon the prophet have the best model
and examples.
Some people said to me, if a person
takes someone life
or somebody broke somebody arms, brother, you need
to ask them, why he didn't do that?
Can you ask? I said, no, I'm not
gonna ask
Because there's no excuse
for a person to do so.
Don't try to justify my brothers, sisters.
No justification for that.
Take someone life, someone to be a spouse,
and they tell me that you need to
ask me why did I do it.
I break someone arms
and have them in the in the in
in hospital. Ask me why?
I said to you that you have the
options. If you don't like to stay in
the marriage, you do what?
Exit.
You exit.
You don't destroy someone life. Don't take someone
life. Don't break somebody.
What is this?
Now to conclude this ayah,
Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala in this beautiful ayah,
every single word of it, it meant something.
But the end of it, he says,
Those who really think,
reflect,
understand,
they will apply these persons.
Those who do otherwise, they will not apply
It can have PhD. Because all the respect
to have people have PhD here.
It can be a person be a medical
doctor. Respect to all the people medical doctors.
It can be engineer.
It can be a a person can be
the most famous intellectual Muslims in the Muslim
community.
Their name is all over the place.
Does not apply this principle is the person
of no intellect or ancestor.
They call me
Those who think,
those who reflect,
those who respect
those principles.
To conclude,
my prayer, my dua,
that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
have all of us to be ambassadors of
Islam
in our action, in our words.
And I said Islam is a pretty practical
religion.
Not not every marriage works.
It's true or not?
Not every marriage works.
That's why the Quran says you can exit.
I said,
there's no advertisement for divorce.
But I said, the Quran says,
Allah said that
the wife of the Rasulullah.
They ask for more money,
prophet couldn't have it. He doesn't have the
money. The Quran said to him what?
Give them the option to stay with you
or they leave you.
But he did not say if they to
leave you, go after them.
Would the name destroy their reputations
or beat them or do Quran say that?
If you want the material life,
it's okay, we can give it to you.
But
I cannot afford
keep paying you. I cannot do this. Do
we lump some money?
And we I would really see what?
What? What kind of?
Jamilah.
What Jamil is what? What Jamil means?
Beautiful.
No person have arrived if his wife
filed for divorce, go and take her life.
Or sparking her. Go after her.
Send people to watch her where she's going
and this and that. No, Yahem, let go.
Let go.
Beautiful way.
This not my words,
my brothers. I'm speaking, I'm telling you, convey
to you the word of Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala.
Release them in the most beautiful way.
If you want to sell the prophet,
you want
you do not care about dunya, you gonna
be patient with the prophet, for
for the not having enough money,
because
he had enough money, by the way, he
does not make them starve.
They wanted they say, he will get all
of these booties, get this all this money.
We see the money on his hand and
give it to other people, then we should
have more of it.
One of the condition of the prophet
is to know that the prophet does not
leave inheritance.
They will come with a package.
You know what the the condition of the
contract is so clear
that you will not marry after him.
You will,
not got inheritance.
That was the contract.
Therefore, inter
interwilliness.
Do you know that the in
life, there's 2 women, Rasu as salam, have
let go. You know that?
You know that from the
A woman said to Rasool Allah
from you. Another woman
sent his hand his hand to her, she
hold her
hand.
Although he's Rasoolullah salaam,
she doesn't want to stay she doesn't want
to marry him.
Would Rasulullah
salaam force that? He let her go. He
said, send her a gift,
give her a gift. He didn't say, by
the way put her on the blacklist,
She cannot come to Medina anymore.
He didn't say
that. That what it is.
That is practical. This is Islam.
The heart of Rasulullah,
the life of Rasulullah.
This ego thinks.
You divorce me, see what I'm gonna do
to you. You do this to me, I'm
gonna do it. Why?
Why?
This egoistic things is not a sunnah. It's
not the life of a.
That what it is. I can still tell
you that the amount of complaints I got
from stalking,
hitting,
somebody burned somebody car,
a person jumps out of their apartment, finds
all the fault tires are cut with a
knife.
Why is this? Why terrorizing a person?
Why we do this?
It's, you know, we have to all of
us, when you see this kind of behavior,
we tell a person, you're doing wrong.
You should not have done that. This is
not acceptable.
Justice.
We, as a Muslim, said to the person,
even if my brother, my own brother,
my kin,
I have to tell them stop it.
We do that collectively.
We will reduce amount of abuse we've seen
of Muslim community.
Finally,
I like to end
in
this high note. I hope it's high note.
Okay. Sometimes we don't have to say high
note because
maybe doctor Al Taft, we think it's a
low note.
But because I'm gonna call the Quran, I
know for sure is a high note.
By the talking of the time,
fairly, surely humanity lost.
Except those who
believe.
They tell each other the truth.
No matter how
better
sometime it is.
Better or, you know, people may not like
the truth.
The truth.
Those who believe the Russian
That we tell the members of our community
what is right.
And my sisters,
there's no shame
for you
to talk to somebody if somebody hitting you
up using your home.
There's no shame on that.
Don't let anyone say this is be a
public business. We will come to know about
it, let people know about it. They complain.
A woman named how how would you know
about Khawla?
You know a woman named? How would you
know about her if she didn't come to
and
complain about her husband?
She become famous.
Allah
have heard
say the Aisha Alaihi wa Salam, you talk
about confidential counseling?
When she talked to Rasool Allah alaihi wa
Salam,
first of all, the Quran did not say
her name. She said her name. Said,
I Allah said about me this. Then she
become famous.
Say the Aisha of Allah and said,
by Allah I was in the same room,
and she was talking to the rasa as
well. I did not hear what she said
to him. Until Allah says Allah heard it.
Allah heard the talking.
To tell you the power of Allah.
I've I've heard
Allah heard of the complain of the woman
that she come to complain to you, Muhammad
salallahu alaihi wa sallam, about her husband.
She complaining to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Allah have heard the dialogue of Rasulullah with
this lady. You know what
happened?
This woman is stopping,
said, yeah, yeah, we don't want to talk
to you. He said, sure.
Where would you like me to talk to?
Then he took pull him aside,
I talked to him, and the companions
that were with him, they get annoyed.
So what does she keep talking. This woman
took too much. Talked too much. She don't
need to go, you know. What's the deal
about? And then what what did he when
he came, he said
this woman just took us from you.
Took too long.
It's very important for all of us, Tawasaw
will help.
Tawasaw
will suffer.
That means we have to stay the course
of Islam,
perseveres.
And I would like to conclude by saying
this,
the dua
that Allah says in the Quran, the Surat
Al Furqan,
is a dua that you should keep repeat
our self.
Grant us
gift.
Spouses are gift from Allah. Children are gift
from Allah.
Make
them the cup of our eyes and make
us the leader of the righteous.
This is my dua,
my supplication.
And this moment I ask Allah to bestow
the mercy upon the sister
that have lost her life,
very violent, very violent way,
that contradict all those principle that I shared
with you,
have shaped the core
of every one of us, the conscious of
every one of us, why such a thing
would take place in the Muslim community.
As I said, Islam have no blame on
this. It's not because of Islam somebody have
done it. Not because they open the Quran
says, oh, I'm gonna do this because the
Quran says so.
But we, the Ummah
of Hairea,
the best nation,
best community.
We should talk about this issue.
All I beseech the blessing of our gathering.
We need the gathering of paradise.
Allah grant us spouses and offspring
with the comfort of our eyes because the
leader of the righteous.
Allah bestowed mercy and rahma upon our sister
Ase Hassan.
Oh Allah, forgive her sin.
Oh Allah,
reward her for the patient, for the pain
and the suffering that she went through. O'Halla,
we know that her life was taken in
very violent way. O'Halla compensate her for that
frightening
with security
within your present.
Oh, Allah. The time that she face the
fighting and the pain, make it
a time of peace and tranquility in your
present.
Oh Allah, you are the kareem, the most
generous
and she's your guest. Beside your blessing upon
hayamda.
Oh Allah, bless the blessing upon our family
and our children.
Make us do what is right. Mhmm. Or
Allah make us forbid what is evil. Mhmm.
Or Allah make us our heart being clean
from envious,
from hatred,
from jealousy.
And fill it with your love and love
of Prophet Muhammadu alayhi wa sallam. Oh Allah
make us a forgiving people, forgive one another,
overlook the shortcoming and mistake of one another.
Oh Allah, you as a patient and perseverance
to do what is right. Oh Allah, we
ask you to unite us in paradise in
the company for Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.
Oh, Allah, let us see this model and
examples that we talked about when we meet
them in Jannah. Khadija of Allahu Anha. Al
Musa Fassallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. Ibrahim Wa Hajjel Ibrahim
Wasallam. Oh Allah, those beautiful people. Make us
follow the model and examples.
Walk the footprint and footsteps
and gather us with them in paradise.