Mirza Yawar Baig – What’s a Life Goal 2

AI: Summary ©
The importance of researching and narrowing choices for a job is emphasized, with a focus on social media and empowering people to show up and stay true to their values. Consistent behavior is also crucial for a lifetime career and personal success, and affirming one's feelings and emotions is essential for happiness. The speaker provides advice on collecting and sharing data to determine a course of action, and emphasizes the importance of being mindful of one's behavior and not giving up on one's expectations.
AI: Summary ©
So, we're talking about the coming at or
deciding on your lifeboat.
And as I mentioned to you yesterday, or
not yesterday, I recorded yesterday but the last
episode on this, the first one, that I
suggested to you that you should narrow down
your choices to not more than two, two
different voices.
So, after that, what you do is as
much in-depth research about those choices as
you possibly can.
Research on different careers and so forth has
become now, thanks to the internet, thanks to
social media and so on, has become much
easier than it was.
So, utilize that.
Social media is generally harmful or negative but
in this case it's useful.
So, utilize that and we do as much
research as you can and find out about
the two career choices that you have narrowed
down to.
Once you have done that, part of that
research you should have come up with the
names of the top people in that profession
and they should be part of your research.
So, you would have...
you would have names.
Pick three top ones of that.
Now, these are people who are in effect
living your dream.
They have been there, done that, they have
achieved what you are setting out to achieve.
They are at the goal and you are
starting out on the path to get to
the goal.
Now, I'm not suggesting to you that these
people will give you, you know, their life
is exact copy or exact model of what
you should do with your life.
No.
But it's the closest that you're going to
get to that and you're looking at a
success model.
So, you're looking at somebody who's had done
that, who's struggled and who was successful.
So, obviously they will have wonderful things and
potentially they will have a lot to teach
you.
So, value.
So, take that and then contact them and
request to be allowed to shadow them.
Now, this is very important because you want
to get as much of a hands-on
experience...
as much of a hands-on experience of
the profession before you actually get into the
profession.
And the way to do that is to
shadow somebody who is in that profession.
So, if you want to become a, you
know, bus driver, for example, or say a
long-distance 16-wheeler truck driver.
So, before you actually get a truck license
and whatnot, ask one of the truckers if
you can ride with him.
And my experience of people is that most
people who are successful are very open to
sharing their lives and their struggles and their
goals with anyone who is genuinely interested in
listening to them.
And please notice my words.
Genuinely interested.
Not somebody who is sort of passing by.
No.
Genuinely interested.
So, you need to convince that person that
you are truly interested in learning from them.
Once you convince them, and it doesn't take
long, anyone worth his salt will figure out
in the first, you know, thirty seconds of
your conversation whether you're serious or not.
So, then request to shadow them.
As I mentioned, people are very willing and
open to that.
And once they agree, then you shadow them
and do it for a few days, maybe
a week or so, because otherwise you don't
get a clear idea of that profession.
Especially if it's something you want to do,
it would seem very exciting and nice to
begin with, and before you can come to
the painful aspects of it, which every single
profession has, you would have got out and
you would have got out with a wrong
impression.
So, you don't want to do that.
You want to make sure that you understand
it fully.
And to understand it fully, you need to
be…
to have enough of an experience.
One week is still not enough, but it's
the best you can do.
So, ask for that.
And then, that one week must be the
most serious week of your life.
Be very, very serious with them and with
their time, because their time is valuable.
And for you, it's something which is even
more valuable.
So, don't treat that lightly.
They have taken the trouble to share their
life with you.
So, take it seriously.
Now, what does that mean?
In practice, it means that you show up
before they show up.
So, if their working hours begin at, depending
on who you are shadowing, if you are
shadowing, for example, a surgeon, most surgeons begin
their surgery very early in the morning, 5
a.m. So, if the surgeon is beginning
at 5 a.m., you make sure that
you are there well before that, and so
on.
And then, stick in there.
Don't say, I'm feeling hungry, or I am
tired, I need to take my afternoon nap,
or I need to run to mama for
my milk.
No.
Stick in there.
No complaints.
Where you need to, where you are with
them, for example, the surgeon takes you after
surgery, takes you to the cafeteria, pull out
your wallet, and pay for the coffee, or
pay for the lunch, or whatever you are
having.
If he stops you, then you might gracefully
accept his hospitality one time, but otherwise, always
be the first.
Open their car doors, pull out chairs for
them to sit, right?
Treat the whole thing as that this person
is doing you an enormous favor, and for
the duration of that week, you are their
servant, and you are honored that they took
you into their service.
So, you're not doing them a favor.
They are doing, and they have done a
favor to you, and you're trying to pay
it back to the extent possible, knowing full
well that you can never pay it back,
because they, it was their initiative, they agreed
in the first place.
Otherwise, you wouldn't be having this conversation in
the first place.
So, treat it with respect.
Treat them with respect.
Treat their time with respect.
This is very, very, very important.
I've had many cases where people ask to
be mentored, they ask to be coached, and
then they try to call the shots.
I have this very important thing that I
need to talk to you about.
Okay, fantastic.
Can I see you at 6 p.m.
on Wednesday?
I'm saying, what?
Can you see me at 6 p.m.
on Wednesday?
Now, whose need is it?
Your need or my need?
And you want to call the shots?
You want to tell me when I must
make myself available to you?
Come on, give me a break.
I wasn't born yesterday, right?
You ask me, when can I see you?
And if I tell you that I can
see you at 9 a.m. on Monday,
don't tell me, oh, but you know, that's
my working day.
Tough luck, brother.
I didn't ask to see you.
It's your working day?
Big deal.
So, take it off.
If it's so important for you, take a
day off.
Take two hours off, right?
Whatever, but don't dictate to me when you
want to be with me, when you want
to see me.
So, be very careful with that.
Don't blow it before it even begins.
Shadowing.
Now, one extremely important thing with shadowing, apart
from these things which I told you already,
what this is, that keep notes.
You might think you have a great memory,
you might even have a great memory, but
don't trust the memory.
Keep notes, because you want to take these
notes and you want to go over these
notes in detail, reflecting, like I mentioned the
last time, reflection, introspection, conceptualization.
So, you want to be able to do
all that.
And for that, it's essential that you take
copious notes.
So, keep a…
don't…
don't record conversations, because it is even illegal
in many places.
Don't take photographs without permission.
Just write down on a pad.
And that also, seek permission first.
I said to them that I would like
to make sure that I remember everything you
tell me, everything I see.
So, with your permission, can I take notes?
And everybody will say yes.
And then take notes.
Write down everything.
Don't…
don't think, oh, this is easy, this is
not important.
Write everything.
Write absolutely everything.
And then, request again, and this is part
of your, what I call the mentoring contract.
Request the person for some time, at the
end of the day, at their convenience, where
you can sit with them and debrief.
And you can ask them questions, ask for
clarifications, and so on.
So, at the end of the day, get
time to do that.
Debrief.
So, once you've done all of that, now
you are at a point where you have
enough data to be able to decide.
And this is also a time to decide.
Don't fall into the trap of trying to
get more and more and more and more
data, because you will just get confused.
There is a value in collecting data, and
there is a value…
and there is a negative value in collecting
too much data.
So, you need to have enough data, not
insufficient data.
But if you have too many things, then
it will only confuse you.
Accept and understand the fact that there is
always, no matter what, going to be uncertainty
in life.
This is the nature of life.
There is no certainty in life.
And the sooner you get used to ambiguity,
the sooner you get used to dealing with
uncertainty, the sooner you get used to not
allowing uncertainty to phase you or to freeze
you, the happier you will be.
So, and that's what excitement is about.
Excitement is uncertainty with…
about which you have a happy thought, something
that you hope will end well.
And you try to assure that ending well
by doing your homework.
So, it doesn't matter about the uncertainty, then
you take a decision of the career that
you want to do.
Final point, the question of consistency, which is
that once you have decided on the career,
now go ahead, do what you need to
do.
Your, you know, thoughts and ideas and do
what you need to do with regard to
applying to colleges, universities, depending on what it
is, apprenticeship for skills, whatever it was, and
get on with it and do your absolute
best.
Remember, when you are studying and preparing for
a career, you are in a lifetime project.
It's not about that one exam.
It is a result of that exam.
That result of that exam, if it is
good, it will open doors for you, which
will be open for the rest of your
life.
And if the result of that exam is
bad, and you don't need to fail in
the exam, if you don't have a decent
GPA, then it means that more than likely,
some very important doors in your life will
be shut, usually forever.
There's nothing more pointless and hopeless than to
have to say, if only I had done
this, if only I had done that.
Today we live in a world where we
have been fooled and beguiled into believing that
our feelings are the only thing which matter.
Nothing else matters.
My feelings matter, and my feelings supersede everything
in the world.
My feelings supersede everyone else's feelings.
My feelings supersede social norms.
My feelings supersede ethics and morals.
My feelings supersede everything.
This is the complete and total falsehood.
This is the big lie, which somebody called
the tyranny of feelings.
We have allowed our feelings to tyrannize us.
You are not your feeling.
You feel the feeling.
You own the feeling.
In my book I have said that my
feelings are my feelings because they are my
feelings.
It's like saying my dog.
It's my dog because I own the dog.
I am not the dog.
So stop being the dog.
You own the dog.
Now what's the benefit of that?
The benefit of understanding the true position of
your feelings is that you put them in
their place.
What is the place of your feelings?
The place of your my feelings is as
somethings that are in my control.
I choose to feel this way or that.
Watch your conversation.
Anytime you are saying things like, he made
me angry.
She broke my heart.
He, you know, is responsible for I'm feeling
bad and he's responsible.
This external affirmation, the need for external affirmation,
affiliation needs, the need for somebody else to
affirm that I am a good human being,
that I am successful.
Think about that.
You know, there are people in the world,
and I'm really talking to myself, who have
enormously successful careers.
You know, I mean, they're absolutely tops.
Number one.
And they have these amazing careers.
And yet, they get very unhappy if they
don't get somebody or the other to affirm
that for them.
They don't have somebody praising them and saying,
oh, wow, you are the best.
They get very upset.
Now think about that.
The reason I took this picture of these
beautiful, beautiful hibiscus is this.
Here's this flower being the best it can
be.
And it doesn't give a damn what I
think.
It's not doing it for me.
So I'm appreciating the flower.
By appreciating the flower, I'm showing that I
have a good aesthetic sense that I have
the sense to appreciate something which is beautiful.
So by appreciating the flower, I'm really affirming
my, within quotes, good sense.
The flower doesn't give anything.
The flower doesn't care whether I appreciate it
or not.
The flower is being itself.
And that is the mindset to cultivate.
To say, I will be the best that
I can be.
And I'm being that because of who I
am.
Not because of what anybody else might think.
Not because I'm not playing to any gallery.
I'm not doing it because somebody else is
watching.
I'm not, you know, stopping midway to listen
for the applause.
Who is clapping?
No.
I am going to be the best that
I'm going to be.
So it's very, very important to keep this
thing in mind.
Work to do the best.
Because as far as you are concerned, there
is no other way.
Because in the end, it's about you.
It's not about them.
It's not about somebody else.
It's about you.
So we do the best we can do,
because it's about me.
I wish you all the very best.
Follow this advice and inshallah you will, you
will be the best.
And questions, comments, post them, ask them, and
I'll do my best to answer.