Mirza Yawar Baig – Raising your children in the West
AI: Summary ©
The importance of praying before the start of the day and finding a clear goal and progress towards one is emphasized. The speakers also discuss the funeral of a woman in Rhode Island and the importance of burying her body in snow and ice. The discussion on raising children and learning in a classroom is also emphasized. The importance of raising children is emphasized, particularly those who have a large influence on their parents' behavior. Severe learning and spending time with children is also emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim, alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen, wa salatu
wa salamu ala sharafi al-anbiyai wal mursaleen,
Muhammadur Rasulullahi sallallahu alayhi wa ala alihi wa
sahbihi wa sallam, tasliman kathiran kathira.
Faman badu, first question is, would you please
talk about Nizamul Awqat.
Now, the best Nizamul Awqat that Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala is the one that Allah
has given us, which is in the Sunnah
of Rasulullahi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
What I advise people is as follows, which
is to wake up one hour before the
time for Salatul Fajr starts, so now it
is starting around 5, in this place around
5.15 or 5.20, something like this,
around 5.15, right?
5.12, so 5.12. And so wake
up around 4.15, so wake up at
say 4 o'clock, wake up one hour
before the time for Salatul Fajr starts, pray
Tahajjud, at least two rakat, if Allah gives
Tawfiq, pray more, and then read at least
one juz of Quran.
Before you go for Salatul Fajr, for the
men, go to Salatul Fajr in the Masjid,
and if you can't go to the Masjid,
pray at home, and if you are married
and you have children, make a jama'ah
with your wife and children, and pray Salatul
Fajr.
So from the time one hour before you
have prayed, you have made du'a, you
have prayed Tahajjud, you have read one juz
of Quran, and then you pray Salatul Fajr,
Alhamdulillah, this is how your day should start.
And then you see the barakah of that
in your life, your whole life will be
based on that.
Number two, we have the Hadith of Rasulullah
Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, the Hadith Qudsi, Allah Subh
'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la said, if my
slave prays the five prescribed Salawat, Fajr, Zuhr,
Asr, Maghrib, Isha, at their correct time, then
Allah said, I will take the responsibility on
myself of forgiving them and entering them into
Jannah.
And if they do not do that, then
this responsibility is not on me, I may
do it, I may not do it.
So this should be also our framework for
the rest of the day, which is to
pray the first Salah on time, wherever we
might be, if you are in the Masjid,
Alhamdulillah, Summa Alhamdulillah, if you can't pray in
the Masjid, pray in your workplace, pray in
your home, wherever it is, but make sure
that the Salah is prayed at its time,
as much as possible.
And then if Allah gives Tawfiq, Inshallah, the
Sunan Mu'akkadah with the Salawat, this should
be also definitely prayed.
So don't leave the Sunnah just like that,
it's only Sunnah, no.
The Sunnah is very, very, very important, because
Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la made
it important.
Allah said that the life of Muhammad Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam is the best example, is the
best example for the one who looks forward
to the meeting with Allah and who makes
the Zikr of Allah a great deal, we
should be among them, Inshallah.
So make sure you also pray the Sunnah.
And third thing, as far as Nizam-ul
-Awqat is concerned, is clarify for yourself, what
is my life goal?
Why do I exist?
Right?
Broad goal, yesterday we spoke about, we exist
to worship Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A
'la, to obey Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta
-A'la, Alhamdulillah.
But in which way are you going to
do that?
Is it through business?
Is it through employment?
Is it through something else, service?
Clarify that and write down your life goal
as clearly as possible.
Then work backward from that and make steps
for it and say, how will I achieve
that life goal?
Inshallah, if Allah gives and if I am
here again, I will, Inshallah, one day do
a goal setting workshop for you, Inshallah.
So if we have the time, Inshallah, we'll
do it.
Okay, second question is, what should a wife
do to raise her kids here, almost by
herself, when the father is not involved so
much at teaching the kids Quran and Islam
as it should be, and she did not
study any Ilm or Shariah, what should she
do?
Now you see, this is the problem.
The problem is that we take our situation
as the given, cannot be changed.
And then say, how can the Deen be
changed to suit my situation?
This is a big problem.
This is the biggest problem.
The biggest problem is we say that whatever
I am, should be like this.
It's like saying, I want to become a
doctor, please show me how can I become
a doctor without going to medical school?
I don't have time to go to medical
school, but I want to be a doctor.
How should I be a doctor?
It is as insane as that.
Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, Alhamdulillah, gave the
parents, the father and the mother a position,
not because they are biologically the parents.
But because of the Tarbiyah, what do they
give to the children?
We have the Hadith of Prophet Sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam, when a man dies, all his
deeds end with his death except three.
What are the three?
Al-Walad-us-Saleh, Awlaad who know Allah,
Awlaad who will make Dua, Awlaad who will
cry before Allah and say, forgive my father,
forgive my mother.
Yes?
And then, Sadaqah Jariyah.
No?
Whatever work of charity he does, Alhamdulillah, this
carries on.
And third one is Ilm-ul-Nafi which
he has or she has taught others.
Where I live in Massachusetts in 1997, one
day we got a call from Rhode Island.
So we live in Massachusetts, Rhode Island, way
north.
We get a call saying this lady died
and she has to be buried.
And at that time, in those days, the
only Muslim cemetery was connected with our Masjid.
So they said, we are bringing the bodies,
Alhamdulillah.
So now, none of us, we never heard
her name, we don't know who is this
woman, nothing.
So my brother-in-law and I, both
of us, we said, at least let us
go to the cemetery because we know.
And they said, we will bring, we will
bury all this.
I said, no, at least as a courtesy,
you know, we should go because they have
called us.
By the time it's winter, so there is
snow, ice everywhere.
So by the time we were in touch
with them, are you coming?
By the time they came, it was way
past Maghrib, it was dark.
When we reached there, now I'm going there
with my the mental image that when I
go there, maybe there is going to be
like, you know, three people or something who
brought them.
When we go there, we cannot find parking.
There are cars and cars and cars.
Right?
We had to park way somewhere and walk
in that snow and ice.
Then we get into the cemetery.
The place is full of people.
I said, SubhanAllah, Allah, who are these people?
Where are all these people?
This is America.
It's a weekday.
Right?
It's a weekday.
It is America.
It is winter.
Bad road condition.
Place is full of people.
Who are these people?
Anyway, we finished the janaza and the tatfi
and everything else.
And I caught hold of one of these
people who brought the body.
I said, who is this woman?
He said, Sheikh, she is a housewife.
She is somebody's wife.
I said, who are all these people?
Why is that?
Why are there so many people here?
This is like some fancy funeral of some
big Sheikh or something.
He said, no, she used to teach children
Quran.
All her life, she used to teach children
Quran.
Fee sabi lillah.
I said, who are these people?
They are our students.
So, this child studied Quran.
Today, he's a doctor.
He's an engineer.
He's this.
He's that.
He's that.
Teacher died.
They came from all over the place.
Then the funeral, the driver of the funeral,
the hearse, he saw me.
He came to me.
He said, you are the Imam?
I said, yes.
He said, your body, when they put the
body in the thing, do they put perfume?
I said, no, we don't put perfume.
He said, come here.
He opened the door.
It's beautiful smell of flowers.
Beautiful smell of flowers.
I wept.
I said, this is not perfume.
This is malaika.
This is keram.
This is keram in the light.
For this woman, who taught Quran.
While we were coming, today driving, so somebody
said my, when I was learning, when I
was a little child, my, you know, in
Hyderabad, we say maulvi sahib.
There's maulvi sahib.
Usually, it's the Imam of the Masjid who
comes home to teach children Quran.
Nazara, just reading.
So, somebody said my maulvi sahib was very
nice and so on.
And, you know, he told us stories and
this and that and I don't think they
learned very much.
Then somebody said our maulvi was a torturer
because he used to take a pencil and
put it in his fingers like this and
press.
So, he used to invent new ways of
torturing the children to teach.
I said my maulvi was my mother.
My mother taught me to read Quran.
My mother taught five children to read Quran
and my mother taught my father to read
Quran.
For various reasons, my father, he was a
doctor, physician and surgeon.
Until he completed medical college and until he
got married, he did not know how to
read Quran.
My mother taught him to read Quran.
I was maybe three or four years old.
So, we had, she would sit me down
on the carpet and she had this big
mushaf with big writing, green background, black writing.
Now, there was a door open and there
was a garden.
So, I'm like three and a half or
four.
So, she would make sure I would have
a bath.
I would be wearing, you know, white clothes
properly, topi on my head and all that
and she would sit and then she would
make me sit and she would say read
now.
She would teach me and she would say
read loudly because the trees will hear and
the trees will bear witness for you on
the day of judgment that you are reading
Quran.
So, read.
Now, you know, three-year-old, four-year
-old, how much attention?
So, I would read like one line.
Then I would get up.
I would run out into the garden.
My mother would not stop me.
She did not stop me.
She did not punish me.
She did not catch me, come sit, nothing.
But she would not leave the place.
She would sit there.
My job was to read one page.
One page is 15 lines.
I had to read one page.
In that 15 lines, even if I get
up and run 15 times, she never said
anything.
So, I would be running around then, you
know, my heart to myself.
My mother is sitting there.
I have to go back.
I go back.
I come and sit down.
She would say okay.
Now, start again.
So, my point is, the sister who asked
the question, parenting is a two-person job.
Alhamdulillah, if your husband is alive, your wife
is alive, it is the job of both
the parents to raise the children.
Please understand, your children are your real investment
in your life.
Not your business, not your shop, not your
whatever, whatever, right?
The real investment is the children.
If Allah has not given you children, Alhamdulillah,
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has not given
me any children.
We have been, my wife and I, Alhamdulillah,
we have been married now.
Next year will be 40 years, Alhamdulillah.
But people, children, my students and so on,
Inshallah, they are all my children.
They make dua for me.
I'm very happy because they will make dua
for me and I never paid one meal
for them.
So, Alhamdulillah, right?
But if Allah has given you children, please
value that.
We give them gadgets.
Yesterday we had this youth program, we had
all the little kids sitting there.
Those kids had phones more expensive than my
phone.
They want the latest iPhone that costs around
$1,600.
I got an Android phone which I was
tracking the other day, it fell down and
it cracked.
Alhamdulillah, it still works, so it's no problem.
I'm just saying.
So, you can give your kid a $1
,600 phone, but you cannot spend the time
to sit with your child and teach him
to read Quran.
How sad is that?
Tell me.
We think that it is the job of
the Imam, it is the job of the
Maktab, it is the job of the Madrasa,
the Masjid, somebody else to raise my children.
No, sorry.
Sorry.
Your job is to raise your children.
That is your job.
The Imam, the Maktab, the Madrasa, are support
systems.
Alhamdulillah, they are there, but they do not
have the responsibility to raise your child.
When you die, Allah will ask you about
your child.
Allah will not ask this Imam or me
or any Imam about your child.
No.
Right?
Allah will ask you about your child.
If Allah has given you, like in this
Masjid, mashaAllah, may Allah bless you, beautiful Masjid,
beautiful facilities, you have got a beautiful scholar,
may Allah bless Sheikh Ana and give him
health and wealth and may Allah make the
Quran complete and firm in his life and
his heart.
Alhamdulillah.
But this is not, you can't outsource it
and say, Sheikh, here is my child, take
care of him.
No, no, no, no.
No.
Your child is your responsibility.
There is no question of saying father has
no time.
Father has to make the time.
Otherwise, father will answer to Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala.
Believe me.
Wallahi.
It is your job.
It is your number one responsibility to raise
your children, to introduce them to Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala.
I have a book.
My book is called Raising a Muslim Child.
Did it?
Introduce them to Allah.
Introduce them to Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
In your home, create an atmosphere of the
sunnah of Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa sallam so
that the children can see the seerah in
action in your life, in your home.
This is your primary response, number one primary
responsibility about which you as the father, you
as the mother will be questioned by Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala.
So fear Allah.
Have taqwa of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Right?
There is no question of saying father has
no time.
There is no, as I said, we have
turned this whole world, may Allah forgive us,
is upside down.
Mukibban ala wajhi.
Walking on our faces instead of walking on
our feet.
How can we have any sense?
We make our desires and our wishes muqaddam
and Allah and the orders of Allah and
the commands of Allah, everything muakhar.
Everything is around this.
No.
Other way around.
This is what the Sahaba did.
Remember the Sahaba Ridwanullahi alaihi majmain, they were
human beings like us, right?
They had families, they had businesses, they had
this, they had problems, they had debts and
all, everything, whatever we had, they had.
The difference was that they said the deen
is muqaddam, this is the deen, everything in
my life will be changed to suit this.
And Allah opened the world for them.
Allah gave them so much dunya that some
of the Sahaba used to cry and say,
wallahi, maybe Allah is giving us everything here,
maybe we have nothing in because of the
wealth they got.
How did they get that?
By making the deen muqaddam.
Everything will change.
We have the other way around.
I am muqaddam, my desire is muqaddam, what
I want is muqaddam, that cannot be changed,
deen should be changed.
About this kind of mentality, Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala, what did he say?
Ara'ayta manitakhaza ilahahu awa, afa anta takoonu
alaihi wakila.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said, have you
seen them, ya Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
who have made their hawa, their desire, their
ilah, their god.
What are we?
Abdullah or Abdul Hawar?
This has to change.
There is no question of saying father has
no time.
If you had time to make that baby,
you have time to raise the baby.
Simple as that.
Simple as that.
So, change your schedule, do what you need
to do, spend time with the child.
If you don't know how to read Quran,
bring the child, not send the child, bring
the child to the ustad, sit there with
the ustad and learn the Quran with the
ustad and with your child.
That has two benefits.
Number one, you need to learn also because
you can't say I outsource it.
Second thing is, when you are sitting with
the ustad, it adds value to what you
want the child to learn.
So, there is a big difference between just
sending off the child.
You don't just send off the child.
No.
Come with the child, sit with the child.
Sit with the teacher, the teacher will teach
you and the teacher will teach the child.
The child also will feel the importance, my
father is here sitting with me, my mother
is here sitting with me, this thing must
be important.
So, Inshallah, this is my answer to that
question.
Jazakumullah Khair.