Mirza Yawar Baig – Marriage #03
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the meaning of "immaterial" in various movie and television shows, emphasizing the importance of mercy in relationships and avoiding "immaterial" in older relationships. They stress the need for mercy in older situations and caution against practices such as speaking or communicating too much until the anger is gone. The speakers also stress the importance of respecting past experiences and avoiding "immaterial" in one's life.
AI: Summary ©
My brothers and sisters, we come to the
3rd word that Allah
used in this beautiful
where he said,
Allah
said and from his ayat and from his
signs is that he has created
from among you your mates
so that you may find tranquility
in one another
and he placed between you love
and mercy, Rahma.
In this, there are signs for people who
reflect.
The thing I want to remind myself and
you is this word Rahma.
What is the meaning of rahma?
Rahma
is the quality of arrahman.
It is the quality of Allah
himself. It is the quality of mercy.
It is the basis of forgiveness.
Maghfirah
comes out of rahma, out of mercy.
And, we expect this and we ask this,
we beg Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala for this
for ourselves.
Rasul Rasool Rasoolam said the one who is
merciful to the people on the earth and
the the one on above the heavens will
be merciful to him.
The meaning of the hadith, Rasool Allah SWALLAM
said the person who is merciful to others
in this life, Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala will
be merciful to that person
in the hereafter. We ask Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala for his mercy. So let
us begin with being merciful to one another,
especially
the person most deserving of mercy is your
spouse, is your husband, is your wife.
Now, the important thing to understand as far
as mercy is concerned,
is mercy is not good for good.
Good for good is justice.
Mercy is good for bad.
Now the reason I say that is because
sometimes people say,
oh, what do you see? He did this
or she did that.
The reason is
you why do you forgive because they did
that? If they had not done anything, there
was no there was no need for forgiveness.
They needed they need not have asked forgiveness
and you need not have forgiven them because
nothing happened.
But because they did something which they should
not have done because they did something wrong,
because they hurt you, because they,
did not give you your dues, that is
the reason why there is even a place
or a a reason for mercy.
So that is why it is very important
to remember that and to be merciful.
And remember that Allah will
be merciful to you if you are merciful
to the other person.
Our little sister, it is very important. Click
click. Your hearing is by camera.
There are,
gold finches on the peach tree,
which, that's a beautiful picture of the peach
flowers and the goldfish sitting there. So I'm
taking pictures as I am talking to you.
So the the thing about mercy
is Allah.
This is one of his qualities. And Allah
said I put this between
the spouses.
Now where is this useful?
As I mentioned to you, mercy is
the place for mercy is on in your
on your in your daily life
as you live your life,
the chances for and the time to be
merciful is on a daily basis,
especially
when something is wrong.
That is a place for special mercy,
even more mercy than you would normally have
shown.
Right? 2 things. 3rd thing is a place
for mercy is when as life passes,
things pass, we get older
and
you find that your spouse
is unable
to do what he or she could do
or used to do
when they were younger.
And that is the time when you still
honor them, you still treat them with
kindness, you still treat them with,
with with, with affection,
You still treat them like they are the
king or the queen of the world because
of what you receive from them
when they were able to give it to
you.
Now, this is something this is something that
sometimes
we find people forget. Right? Because this is
a it is human nature.
It is human nature. And in in a
way, this is something that Allah have put
inside a human being,
which
guarantees progress and going forward, which is that
people get tired of or people get used
to things.
Something which is new
is that feeling of newness
is by definition
when it is new. The same thing a
day later,
a week later, a month later, a year
later.
Technically, maybe the same thing, but you get
used to it. You no longer enjoy it.
You no longer, you know, feel so fantastic
in it,
when you use it, when you when you
experience it, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th time. You
get bored. You get used to it. It
becomes routine.
Now the same thing
also happens in marriages.
So once
you have been married for some time,
then there is this tendency of taking things
for granted
and so forth.
Now that is to be something to be
avoided and something to be very careful not
to fall into that trap.
Finally, the mercy that I mentioned to you
is when
a person is
not doing what they should be doing,
or not acting in the way that they
should be acting.
Especially with women, what happens is during the
time of their periods,
they go through this period of, you know,
of of emotional turmoil. It's basically
very dying and testing time for the woman.
Men cannot even be expected to understand that
because Allah has
has not afflicted us with that. But for
the woman, this is an affliction. It is
it is something which is difficult,
and she's already going through that. So she
will be more irritable. She will be more,
you know, cranky and,
more emotional and more tending to maybe in
some cases, tending to cry, in some cases,
tending to get angry about nothing and so
forth. And it is therefore expected,
of the man to understand this.
To
make sure that you
that you don't treat,
the person with,
you know, that you don't meet the
irritability with irritability. You don't meet the irritation
with irritation. This is very important to keep
in mind,
and to have patience.
Again, as I mentioned in the in the
last,
selective memory. Remember the good, forget the bad.
Selective perception.
Just ignore.
The one of the you know, somebody sent
me this lovely little story.
Again, these are these are all teaching stories,
not necessarily true.
This,
girl goes to
yeah. Newly married girl. She goes to her,
to a doctor, to go to a psychiatrist
and says that my husband has an anger
problem. So he said, describe for me. He
said, oh, you know, this is what happens.
I I I say this and so on
and so forth, and he gets
irritated. He gets upset and,
whatnot whatnot. So she's,
you know, explaining her,
predicament and problem to this psychiatrist.
And then he gets more and more angry
and, you know, I just can't calm him
down and so forth. So the psychiatrist so
what shall I do? So the psychiatrist tells
that,
she she said, can can this be cured?
He said, of course, it can be cured.
It's very easy. I will,
I will teach you the way in which
you can cure this.
So she said, what must I do? She
says, every time your husband
gets
angry, he says, take some water in your
mouth
and swill.
Right?
Like we say,
So he said every time he gets angry,
take the water in your mouth and swell.
She said, how long? He said, just keep
swelling. Keep swimming and swimming and swimming and
swimming and swimming until
his anger dissipates.
And you will find he will cool down.
He will cool absolutely cool down, and
he will be fine.
But you have to keep swimming until that
happens.
No long no matter how long it takes,
swill the water and keep swilling the water
until he cools down.
So she thinks to herself, well, this is,
you know, simple enough.
You know, how how complicated is swilling water?
So,
let me do that. So she does that.
And,
so she's done the moment he gets angry.
So she maybe she said something or whatnot.
He got angry. He she's takes his water
into her mouth. She's swilling it and swilling
it, and she's,
until he comes down.
Finally,
one day she meets the doctor again and
she says, you showed me this
wonderful thing and it really worked and thank
you so much for for teaching me.
But what is it? You know, I mean,
is it what what that what happens? What's
the psychological process? He said psychological process is
silence.
Nothing else.
The thing which happens with anger, especially with
spouses, mostly is he says something, you say
something, you say something, you say something. And
there's a big competition now of who's saying
who and who's saying what. And that is
what is the worst thing, because this is
what will completely destroy the whole thing. So
he says,
just silent. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. I mean, if
somebody is behaving in an irrational manner, why
must you respond to that? Right? It's
it is even more irrational for you to
respond to that because this person is already
being irrational. Now you're being even more irrational.
So why why would you do that?
That is the the thing about this. Keep
quiet.
Just keep quiet. Right?
It's like somebody said to someone else, the
other day, what is it about the word
shut up that you don't understand?
But that's very true.
So I'm just saying that, you know, jokingly,
but it jokes about it is so true
that the power of silence. Just keep quiet.
Don't say anything, and you will find that
the anger or whatnot will go away.
So very, very important, mercy
for the good times you had, for the
service you received, for the help you got,
for the comfort you got.
And,
you do that even when you are not
getting it because this is the,
meaning of honor. Honor is to
honor what was given to you in the
past.
And that is the element of mercy. We
ask Allah to make us merciful,
and we ask Allah to therefore treat us
with mercy.
As the Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that
Allah would treat us with mercy,