Living Islam #61

Mirza Yawar Baig


Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig


File Size: 38.40MB

Episode Notes

Share Page

Transcript ©

AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

00:00:00--> 00:00:15

Ramallah Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa sallahu wa salam ala l mursaleen. Muhammad Rasul Allah is Allah Allah while he while he was on he was alum. Just leave on kathira Babu, my dear brothers and sisters

00:00:16--> 00:00:26

in our lesson of leaving Islam, Allah subhanaw taala bless you the purpose of all of this is for us to be able to

00:00:28--> 00:00:40

live our lives according to the beautiful Deen the beautiful religion, the beautiful way of life. Do remember when we say Dean,

00:00:41--> 00:00:50

what is the dean is not just a set of rituals, Dean is the whole gamut of its which is everything to do with

00:00:52--> 00:00:55

life. And so therefore

00:00:58--> 00:01:07

in this beautiful day in Allah subhanho wa Taala showed us what we must do and how we must live our lives right.

00:01:09--> 00:01:09


00:01:12--> 00:01:20

in this vein, I want to talk about one very important thing which is the controlling of anger.

00:01:22--> 00:01:26

In a very beautiful Hadees which is narrated in many places.

00:01:28--> 00:01:39

In one place, the narrator is a Buddha, the Allahu anhu. In another place in Muslim, Rama the Saudis is a narrated by Abu huraira, Delano

00:01:42--> 00:01:43

and GamePro is a solemn.

00:01:45--> 00:01:45


00:01:46--> 00:01:48

this man said to him,

00:01:52--> 00:02:02

he said he also like give me some advice or Allah, Allah, give me some advice. Then he qualified that. He said, I just want a few words that I can live by.

00:02:04--> 00:02:06

Right? I just want a few words. And then he said,

00:02:10--> 00:02:26

Please do not elaborate. Don't give me a long advice, because I might forget those words. So just give me a few words that I will be able to remember. And I can take as life advice that I can live by for the rest of my life.

00:02:27--> 00:02:29

Those who said to him last.

00:02:31--> 00:02:32

He said do not become angry.

00:02:34--> 00:02:35

Do not become angry.

00:02:36--> 00:02:45

Now the man said the jasola Please give me some more advice. And maybe, you know, he didn't he wanted. He asked for

00:02:46--> 00:02:47

a quick short solution.

00:02:48--> 00:02:58

But maybe he thought you know, he didn't want it so short. So he asked him again he said yes. Please give me advice. I wish there was a laptop.

00:03:01--> 00:03:06

Then again, he said jasola Please give me advice. also serves a lot of

00:03:07--> 00:03:09

right now.

00:03:10--> 00:03:19

In this is this Harrison is also in say Buhari. Now he said do not become furious and angry. My brothers and sisters, if you think about this

00:03:25--> 00:03:35

controlling anger. Remember, Ross Ross is not saying to him don't become angry. Right either control your anger. He doesn't say to him don't feel angry.

00:03:37--> 00:03:55

In another place. Also, as SLM said, the person was truly strong is not the one who can overcome his opponent. It's not somebody that when a wrestling match, is able to throw down his opponent. This is not the man who's really strong. He said the one who is truly strong

00:03:57--> 00:04:03

is the one who can control himself when he's angry.

00:04:04--> 00:04:05


00:04:07--> 00:04:15

In nama, a shaded a lovely human sick nafsa who in the law,

00:04:16--> 00:04:20

he said the man who truly has power,

00:04:21--> 00:04:30

Shadi, very strong is the one who is able to overcome himself who was able to control himself when he is angry.

00:04:31--> 00:04:37

Now, it's a difficult thing. It's not It's not easy. Because the

00:04:39--> 00:04:43

the, I mean, anger is a is a very is one of the

00:04:44--> 00:04:51

fundamental emotions, right? One of the fundamental emotions is anger. It's like hunger for example.

00:04:52--> 00:04:59

So and many other similar, very fundamental things. If it happens, it happens every day. There is no way you can stop being angry.

00:05:00--> 00:05:03

You cannot stop yourself from being angry, you cannot

00:05:04--> 00:05:44

prevent yourself from being angry. In some cases, in many cases, the anger might be unjustified. But still you feel angry, and especially where the anger is justified. And you know, you might say, Well, here is a situation where I have every reason to be angry. See, the word is other person is behaving, maybe somebody is abusing you, maybe somebody is, you know, falsely accusing you of something you never did. People do all kinds of other things. So it may be many things like this. And you might say, Well, you know what I mean, if I if I do not get angry in this situation, it means that either I am a complete fool, that I really don't even know what's going on. Or I'm a

00:05:44--> 00:05:50

coward. You know, I am angry. But I, you know, I don't want to say it because I'm afraid of the man.

00:05:52--> 00:05:57

So feeling anger is a natural emotion. But what is Islam digitus

00:05:58--> 00:06:18

Islam is saying, feel the anger, if it is justified, yes, it is justified, but do not give in to that anger and do not behave in ways which are negative. You know, one of those one of the most important things to understand and I think this is a good deterrent,

00:06:19--> 00:06:23

for those who get angry, which is, is think of the consequences of that.

00:06:24--> 00:06:31

So once you are angry, and once you're finished, you know you are raving and ranting once your anger has been

00:06:32--> 00:07:04

has been thrown out. Then what happens? Now see destruction all around, because now you have heard somebody you have cursed somebody you have offended somebody, the other people are angry with you, and so on, so forth. And what happens if you have any shame at all? Right, if you've got any shame at all, then you will then go and apologize to those people. So you have to go now and humiliate yourself in front of people and say, You know what, I'm extremely sorry. Somehow I lost my temper, blah, blah, blah. Now my point is, why would you want to subject yourself to that humiliation?

00:07:06--> 00:07:07


00:07:08--> 00:07:35

To add the time, when you become angry, a good idea is to remind yourself and say that, once again, if I express this anger in a negative way, then I'm going to have to go and make up all that and that is not worth the trouble. So whatever release I get from expressing this anger, whatever release I get from raving and ranting and shouting, it is better for me to,

00:07:37--> 00:08:05

to control that, that is easier than going on going later on to the same people that I was shouting at and then you know, begging them and saying, Please forgive me and so on and so on. Now, if you don't do that there are other consequences. They might say, Well, you know, I don't care I will not apologize, don't apologize, then what happens, then there are other consequences, which might be worse. So that is why it's a very important thing to be clear in your mind about this and not

00:08:08--> 00:08:11

and not express this anger in a

00:08:12--> 00:08:13

in a bad way, right.

00:08:16--> 00:08:18

My religious does, it is

00:08:20--> 00:08:21

very, very important.

00:08:23--> 00:08:31

To be clear in your mind, about these things. Now, one of the one of the very beautiful

00:08:33--> 00:08:37

stories of Xerox, with regard to anger and and so on.

00:08:43--> 00:08:43


00:08:46--> 00:08:53

Let me tell you stories. One is a story related to the grandson of Russell's a solemn

00:08:54--> 00:08:55

say that has an even earlier

00:08:57--> 00:09:04

he had a slave who was he was making Voodoo, and this slave was out of his

00:09:05--> 00:09:06

brought water

00:09:07--> 00:09:47

to pour and his water was very hot, it was winter and his water was very hot. And when he poured the water, it burnt his he burns the hands of second hassle. So obviously, you had looked up like this, he added this person and there was anger on his face. But while people were, you know people, even the servants and so on in terms of religious knowledge, people people with knowledge and people with wisdom, this was a slave and the slave suddenly saw his master getting very angry. So he recited this I he said, Whoa Nafisa, he was alright.

00:09:48--> 00:09:53

This is the the eyes from from sort of diving around

00:09:56--> 00:09:59

it which is what I say these are the people who

00:10:00--> 00:10:13

Spread when they have less than when they have more. Well, guys, well, girls, women are highs, right? Welcome, demeanor wise, these are the people who swallow their anger. So when he said they're welcome even though Vice

00:10:14--> 00:10:22

President Hassan kept quiet, he didn't say anything, then the man decided to say something more. So he said, while laughing are in us.

00:10:24--> 00:10:25

He said, these are people who

00:10:27--> 00:10:52

forgive people who are phenol in us. So he said that has another and he said, I have forgiven you, I forgiven you. And then demand completed that he said, Allah who you have bull was a need. And Allah subhanho wa Taala loves those who who do a son, who do even more. And so there hasn't said to him, I have free to go,

00:10:54--> 00:11:00

that you are no longer my slave, I have freed you. Now, this is the beauty of also knowing your religion.

00:11:01--> 00:11:24

Were in a situation where the man may have you know, I mean, as I say there hasn't We don't expect that he would have beaten him or something. But obviously you would have got angry with him. Instead of that this man actually got his one his freedom because he knew the Quran. And he knew how to respond in that situation. Very, very interesting story.

00:11:26--> 00:11:26

Another one

00:11:28--> 00:11:31

is another very beautiful story. He is

00:11:32--> 00:11:34

a man came to rustlers

00:11:35--> 00:11:54

from the battle for either the Jewish tribe which one of the one of the three Jewish tribes which lived in Medina. So this one came from the menorah, Luisa Salah, and he walked into the gathering, and he started yelling at us.

00:11:56--> 00:12:18

And he said, You owe me money. You owe me money. And he started yelling at him. So I have the date has not passed, meaning that I owe you money. I agree. And I'm supposed to pay obeisances a date that date has not come. So I will pay you. So he said Ah you people are like this, he started mocking, right? He started mocking. And

00:12:19--> 00:13:10

he said you people are are are all like this, you are always late with your money. You never pay your debts on time. It's all false. But he started this Jewish guy. He started, you know, screaming and saying all of this. Now Santa Clara Delano was then in Santa Ana Amara Delano was a very big and powerful band. He was a he used to be a professional wrestler before he before he became Muslim. And he was a very big and very well built and being a professional professional wrestler, obviously he was massive with big muscles. So set an hour couldn't tolerate that he was very, you know, very forbearing himself. where a woman stood up in the middle of the jumada, Jama and you know he she

00:13:10--> 00:13:33

yelled at him, he kept quiet and in many other places. But when Russell's and Salim is being insulted in front of him, says Anna O'Meara couldn't handle it. So he got up. And he walked up to that man, and he said to Russell assylum, give me an order. Allow me and I will finish it. Allow me and I will read you have this man.

00:13:35--> 00:13:37

That just give me the order. And he's got this man is dead.

00:13:38--> 00:13:42

Now the man was obviously afraid because he thought he was going to kill me.

00:13:43--> 00:13:46

And as soon as I said to Omar,

00:13:49--> 00:14:01

he said, this is not why the man came. He said this is not what he what we wanted from you say that our Java seven saying I don't expect you to talk like this to set an hour ago.

00:14:03--> 00:14:18

There is. So now it's a dig the man to the Treasury and give him 20 handful updates or 20 pounds, whatever it was, which is what I owe him. And then he'll another 24 the way you treated him.

00:14:19--> 00:14:50

Right. And he said, You have to walk him there. And you have to pay. So he's not going to leave here and go away. And maybe there's somebody else who's angry with him and somebody else might attack him or something you are going to be now his bodyguard take him to the Treasury. Give him even though it's not Judas now it is due later. So give it to him. The entire amount whatever is due to him and give him double that as payment as punishment as fine for the way you treated him.

00:14:52--> 00:14:59

So then our other arrow now starts walking with his man and he doesn't want to talk to the guy

00:15:00--> 00:15:06

But this man says to him, Do you know who I am? Yeah, I'm gonna shut up. He said, Do you know who I am?

00:15:07--> 00:15:10

So Sarah O'Meara said no, I don't know.

00:15:11--> 00:15:17

He said, I am zayde been observed in Santa am they'd been Santa.

00:15:18--> 00:15:19

Now, when

00:15:20--> 00:15:45

Oberon who heard the name Zaid bin Santa, he said, Have Rolly hold, he said you are the Rabbi of the Jews. Now, Zed manzana was not just a Rabbi of the Jews, he was one of the greatest scholars and one of the greatest rabbis of the time in in Medina and elsewhere, that is very famous man. So he said, I am right been Santa.

00:15:47--> 00:15:55

Say that our said, said will Santa have Ron Hubbard is means rabbi, he says hello, yo.

00:15:56--> 00:15:57

The man said yes.

00:16:00--> 00:16:02

So says Rama, Rama, Rama said then,

00:16:03--> 00:16:04

then why did you behave like this?

00:16:05--> 00:16:24

Why did you behave like this? Now meaning that you are a person with a reputation, you are a well known person, you are known as a noble and dignified person, you are a scholar of your religion, you are a rabbi, we have heard about you, we respect you, why did you treat me this way in this in this manner?

00:16:25--> 00:16:25


00:16:27--> 00:16:30

He says Why did you treat him in this manner?

00:16:32--> 00:16:33

The man said to him

00:16:35--> 00:16:37

I did this for a reason.

00:16:39--> 00:16:51

He said because he said I was looking for the signs of prophethood in our book in the Torah, and he said I found all of them in my Amazon seller

00:16:52--> 00:16:54

except this one which I had to test.

00:16:55--> 00:17:01

Right? So says an hour said What is that? He said? That?

00:17:02--> 00:17:17

Yes. Be who hilma who Jalla his forbearance his sobor his self control is more than his gel. And gel. They didn't do the error just use gel meaning meaning anger.

00:17:19--> 00:17:24

Right to each other. How do I how do I find this out without testing?

00:17:25--> 00:17:26

So is that I

00:17:29--> 00:17:55

wanted to test and see because this is the only sign of prophethood that I was not able to find not because it's not there but because I had to test it. And I had not tested it so I didn't know. And that is yes. buco Hill Maho Jalla, that is Helm is more than his anger. His server is self control his dignity is more than his anger. I had to test it out.

00:17:57--> 00:18:04

So seven hours other uncertain so now what is a now a shadow Allah, Allah, Allah Allah, wa shadow Hamada Rasulullah

00:18:06--> 00:18:22

so they've been Santa Nadella, who he was a second grade Rabbi of Medina to actually accept Islam after Abdullah bin Salaam Abdullah Abdullah bin Salah was the first one to accept. And then the besana was a wealthy man.

00:18:23--> 00:18:30

So he then dedicated half his wealth to South Africa. So half his wealth to give away to charity.

00:18:31--> 00:18:36

Right. And then he said, I will make obrah when the time presents itself.

00:18:37--> 00:19:05

Now, the point is that this is, you know, this is sort of this is the way in which he taught us to control our anger. We know the famous story of Southern Alameda Delano. In the middle of battle, let's see the kind of therapy are these people had? See the kind of self control they had that says an alley in Abuja, Delano is in the middle of a battle.

00:19:07--> 00:19:08

And he is

00:19:11--> 00:19:37

he was with the with these, he was the middle of battle. He the enemy was in front of him. He, he picked up this enemy threw him on the ground, and he had his sword in his hand and he was about to kill the man he was used on his chest said and it was on this mass just like this. And he was going to take his head off. When the man spat at him, that he spat in his face, says and it immediately stood up.

00:19:39--> 00:19:40

He left him he stood up.

00:19:41--> 00:19:43

Other man stood up is astrology. So what happened?

00:19:45--> 00:19:49

Is that whatever you are going to give me just now. Now what happened? You got to

00:19:50--> 00:19:59

say that I said I was fighting you for the sake of Islam. That this was a this is a battle between you and me.

00:20:00--> 00:20:17

And this was between Islam and you came to attack us. So this was I was fighting you for the sake of Allah. When you spat at me, my ego came in, I got angry, which means now if I had killed you, I would be killing you for myself.

00:20:20--> 00:20:23

I would be killing you to satisfy my ego. He said, I can't do that.

00:20:24--> 00:20:25

I get onto that.

00:20:27--> 00:20:29

The man said, this is your religion. He said, Yes.

00:20:30--> 00:20:33

The monster shadow Laila. Hi, Lola, wash. My mother.

00:20:35--> 00:20:43

My brother, sister Islam gave into this world and Islam spread by the actions of people, by the behavior of people.

00:20:45--> 00:20:45


00:20:46--> 00:20:48

now, another beautiful one of how

00:20:50--> 00:20:53

our soldiers are seldom, you know, used to behave with people.

00:20:57--> 00:20:57

One day,

00:20:59--> 00:21:03

the restaurant had some guests. So

00:21:08--> 00:21:09

they were all sitting there.

00:21:10--> 00:21:11


00:21:12--> 00:21:23

they the agency, the kind of delana was cooking something right in the house. And these guests were all sitting there. Now I shall there are highs

00:21:24--> 00:21:42

is our mother she is she's one of the greatest scholars of Islam. One of the greatest scholars of Islam. People used to go to her for fatawa and so on. She's quoted 1000s of IDs, and so on. But cooking was not her thing. She was not a great cook.

00:21:43--> 00:22:15

So some of the other women actually there's too teaser. Some of the other ways in which are solemn, and others. They used to teaser this to say when you don't know what you don't know how to cook and so on. So in on that day, when the pseudo Salam was sitting with his guests, no matter this is the Prophet of Allah made himself he's in his own house. He's sitting with his with his guests. And in the in the in the living room and you know, they're all sitting in a circle like this to sit on a helicopter. Now almost

00:22:17--> 00:22:18

also the other wife when

00:22:20--> 00:22:30

she realized that these people are here and so on, she wasn't sure what His eyes are doing. Are they allowing her so almost 11 cents on food, a dish to the house of eyeshadow galana

00:22:32--> 00:22:33


00:22:34--> 00:22:48

they place the dish right between in the middle, right they brought this vision they bred the Isola Bella Anna was preparing her own dish, whatever it was she was cooking. When she suddenly saw this

00:22:49--> 00:23:00

that they are about to eat this good food that is brought from oma Salima Golan has house so what does she do? Say the eyeshadow delana walks in.

00:23:01--> 00:23:07

In between all these people, she walks in and she picks up the plates and plate and throws it breaks it

00:23:08--> 00:23:09

and then she walks away

00:23:13--> 00:23:14

imagine put yourself in the situation.

00:23:16--> 00:23:17

If you were there in your house

00:23:19--> 00:23:21

and your wife did this

00:23:23--> 00:23:34

whatever reason she didn't you know she was upset with you or whatever. So in front of all of your friends and so on. So he walks in and she picks up later she picks up your plate we're going to eat the food and trust

00:23:36--> 00:23:38

what will you do? What will you say?

00:23:43--> 00:23:44

So now there is this

00:23:46--> 00:23:57

complete dead silence. Everyone is totally shocked. They don't know what to say. Because this is the this is not just the wife of the province of Salaam She is the mother of the believers.

00:23:59--> 00:24:01

So it's this is a you know what you have

00:24:03--> 00:24:04

to have

00:24:06--> 00:24:07

you know your

00:24:08--> 00:24:09

tummies you have also been

00:24:14--> 00:24:18

have are all dead silent is waiting to see what is the promises of when

00:24:20--> 00:24:21

is he going to shout at his wife?

00:24:22--> 00:24:32

Is he going to be able to shout at her in front of them? Is he is he going to get up and go inside and you know whatever corrector or something?

00:24:33--> 00:24:34

What is you

00:24:35--> 00:24:37

know his or her thumb size smiles?

00:24:38--> 00:24:41

He's wise and he says Your mother is jealous.

00:24:42--> 00:24:45

He says your mother became jealous. And then this is cool it

00:24:48--> 00:24:49

huh? It

00:24:51--> 00:24:54

The food is good food is there. Let's not waste the food.

00:24:56--> 00:24:58

He said your mother became jealous. It

00:25:02--> 00:25:11

And then what he should do. So they have they finished the food each and every one. Now what is zero? When he goes inside, he simply says to say that

00:25:12--> 00:25:19

you must send a plate to masala because you broke a plate. So send one of your own that's it

00:25:21--> 00:25:29

he doesn't say why did you do that? You know should you not have some consideration I'm after the after all them no prophet of Allah and you know you insulted me or whatnot

00:25:32--> 00:25:32


00:25:38--> 00:25:38


00:25:41--> 00:25:46

but justice I mean you broke up late so set her up let matters over.

00:25:47--> 00:25:51

My brother and sisters really think about this and say

00:25:52--> 00:25:55

that if we were in

00:25:58--> 00:26:00

her place or if we were at his place

00:26:02--> 00:26:03

what would we be doing?

00:26:05--> 00:26:08

Think about this what would be doing? And

00:26:10--> 00:26:12

what is it that we

00:26:13--> 00:26:14

what would happen to us

00:26:16--> 00:26:17


00:26:19--> 00:26:30

so this man knows autism says to him a lot of them do not have Don't get angry, don't get overcome with anger. Right?

00:26:34--> 00:26:36

I was referring to the alarm who says

00:26:38--> 00:26:39


00:26:40--> 00:26:51

now I did use them you know, who have also told her some antidote for this. And I was referring to Golan who also was one of these people who had was on a short fuse.

00:26:52--> 00:26:53


00:26:54--> 00:27:00

I taught him ways to deal with his anger that anger management is a is a is a big big issue for me for a lot of people

00:27:03--> 00:27:04

you know who are a

00:27:07--> 00:27:24

lot of people who are really good people by but you know the one Steve that's why as soon as your anger is a form of madness it's it's a it's not just a simple thing. It's just like it's like a form of madness because you when you lose your temper you're completely your

00:27:27--> 00:27:29

your your brain goes dead right

00:27:32--> 00:27:33

it's it's

00:27:35--> 00:27:50

your your your your reasoning power, everything's gone. Yeah, it is just pure passion. And that is where I said, you know, at the end of that, it ends up with more more problem than it's worth. So you don't want it to have to be like that. So I will

00:27:52--> 00:27:52

give him

00:27:53--> 00:27:56

a lot of advice about

00:27:57--> 00:28:00

about anger what to do. So one of the things

00:28:02--> 00:28:03

which Rossy

00:28:05--> 00:28:14

draw says, and I was on fire, he said that if you get angry, he said, if you are standing Sit down.

00:28:16--> 00:28:21

If you're standing, when you are when you get angry, if you're standing, he says and he said if you are sitting light up

00:28:23--> 00:28:24

this is something which

00:28:27--> 00:28:28


00:28:30--> 00:28:35

which cools, anger, he said, if you are studying, then sit down and if you are

00:28:36--> 00:28:44

sitting then lighter. Another thing which is very good for controlling anger is to make

00:28:45--> 00:28:54

so you're not making Moodle because you're broke. And it's not that you do breaks if you get angry. No. But just to control the anger. There is a lesson

00:28:56--> 00:29:15

so obviously, your anger is going to get control now but think about that. I mean, you're you're angry, you want to yell and scream and now you're going to sit over the water and so on and put water on your face and so on and gargling I mean where's the time to scream? So by the time you're finished your will and this is this is about that you're going to get reward for it is well, your anger is under control inshallah

00:29:16--> 00:29:25

for other people around nevertheless and I'm sad if you find a situation where somebody is getting very angry and so on is called the other

00:29:26--> 00:29:32

because anger is from shatta. And when the airline is called shut down on the way

00:29:33--> 00:29:38

so is it to other people is it called the other side.

00:29:40--> 00:29:42

So this is another way of,

00:29:44--> 00:29:47

of controlling our anger.

00:29:49--> 00:29:50

Paragon sisters.

00:29:54--> 00:29:59

It is very, very important for us to think about decency. Now. In

00:30:00--> 00:30:13

In this case of anger, let me then go to the next step, which is that it's if you want to succeed in this, then one of the key things to do is to try to identify the triggers.

00:30:14--> 00:30:23

What is it that triggers your anger? Because not everyone gets angry about about the same things. Maybe you don't want to be different people have different

00:30:25--> 00:30:37

different triggers. So it is very useful to identify the triggers, which set off the anger,

00:30:39--> 00:30:50

the angry behavior, different people have different triggers, it's very important for us to identify that and say what is what is the thing that I must do?

00:30:51--> 00:30:58

Now, in the case of the referee of the law, no, let me tell you this story, which I've said I mentioned earlier also,

00:30:59--> 00:31:44

which shows few things it shows is, first of all, and most importantly, it shows his own sincerity and this is the quality of the size of the nano. But it also shows what I mentioned earlier, which is that because you get angry and say something then in order to make amends, you end up having to you know, humiliate yourself unnecessarily which otherwise you would not have needed to do. So I was referring to the law one day got upset. He says bla bla bla bla bla, one of the greatest of this album is a seldom and particularly close confidant of Rosa, Santa, he got angry with him and he called him he said, he said, You are the son of a black mother. Now, obviously, he says the beloved

00:31:44--> 00:31:48

mother was African, she was black. But the way he

00:31:49--> 00:31:49


00:31:51--> 00:32:02

said that, obviously he didn't mean that as a compliment. To say that I belcarra got upset, quite rightly. And he complained, Rosen says and he says rossano Sallam called

00:32:04--> 00:32:10

and he said, Have you gone back to the days of jelly? I mean, what behavior is this?

00:32:11--> 00:32:13

Why was to use language like this?

00:32:14--> 00:32:24

So I was a reefer there are no now he went to see a biller. And he profusely apologize to him. No, this is what I'm saying. See the sincerity of the Sahaba or the Lanois?

00:32:26--> 00:32:45

Both of them. So he went to me profusely apologize to him. Then he said, I'm going to lie down on the ground, I'll put my face like this, I want you to stamp on my face with your shoe. Right? I put my face to the ground, I want you to stamp on my face with your shoe, Sarah, Bill? And I said No, I have not. I will not do anything like this.

00:32:46--> 00:32:51

So So forget it, you apologize to me that is in a formula, I forgive no matter what.

00:32:54--> 00:32:58

He said, No, no, no, I have to make amends. I don't want to, you know, be

00:33:00--> 00:33:13

in trouble before Allah subhanaw taala. So you must do this. And he kept on insisting and said that I will absolutely refuse this, I'm not going to do it. So he said that. So say that I was worried then again, he said, I've got a couple of issues.

00:33:16--> 00:33:21

This is good. I mean, you got angry, you got yourself into trouble. And now you are getting angry again,

00:33:23--> 00:33:25

about this, you know, this is

00:33:27--> 00:33:59

your your request or whatever you want to call it. Because I will not do it. He said you want to complain, complain, but I'm not going to do it. Now, the point I'm making here is that of course we hugely respect the sincere sincerity of this habit. But also it's a point to remember that the problem happens because we are unable to control our anger. If we are able to control our anger, we don't get into this problem in the first place. Right? We don't get to the problem. But if you don't control your anger, then of course,

00:34:00--> 00:34:03

this can become a masala for

00:34:04--> 00:34:05

for all of us.

00:34:07--> 00:34:08

My brother and sisters.

00:34:10--> 00:34:15

So think about this and say how do I come to the

00:34:17--> 00:34:41

come to identify what are my triggers? Now one of the ways in many cases it is difficult sometimes to identify these things for yourself. And one of the greatest and most helpful things is to ask somebody else. So as people usually you're those of your near and dear ones are the ones who often become the

00:34:43--> 00:34:50

you know, the sufferers of your passion, your anger. So ask them and they say please tell me what what is it that I do?

00:34:52--> 00:34:53

What triggers me off

00:34:55--> 00:34:59

this kind of a conversation of seeking this feedback has a very positive effect because it's

00:35:00--> 00:35:04

To everything in it also alerts others, that

00:35:05--> 00:35:25

they might sometimes unconsciously be doing things which make you angry. But that's not the reason you ask, you're not saying, Well, you know, let's identify what is this stuff you do, so that you can start doing it though, you are saying I want to identify this, so I will control my anger, I will not allow myself to become angry, even if you do that.

00:35:27--> 00:35:28

But the,

00:35:29--> 00:36:01

the positive fallout of such a conversation is, is two ways because what happens is that the other person also realizes that, okay, we both need to live in harmony in this place. And so if I'm going to continue to make statements or do things, which get this person angry and more irate or angry, then obviously that doesn't help. And as a result of that, this person is only going to get, you know, it's going to get to it will only get worse. So, instead of that, let me also try to

00:36:03--> 00:36:14

be more considerate and not do those things, which unnecessarily irritate my partner or whoever you are, whether it's a

00:36:16--> 00:36:34

relationship between spouses or parents and children or whatever, right. So, it has a very nice positive effect, if you both sit down my suggestion to you would be sit with a pen and paper that sit with a pen and paper write down the things that trigger your anger

00:36:35--> 00:36:42

then identify the places the actual physical locations, where these triggers happen most often

00:36:43--> 00:37:08

this is really what some what some effort believing, you will make out you will be a much happier person if you do this. So say that, you know, this is something which I get angry in this place. I get angry when people do this and that happens in such and such a place, whatever is that place that whether it see in the office, during your tea break in the parking lot in the toilet or wherever, right?

00:37:09--> 00:37:19

What is it that makes you angry, what are the triggers, and physical location where this kind of thing happens, then you have some options. The first option is

00:37:20--> 00:37:24

as far as possible, try to avoid those physical locations. Just don't go there.

00:37:26--> 00:37:31

Don't go there. If you don't go there, you don't see what's happening and your anger doesn't happen.

00:37:32--> 00:37:34

Second thing is if you have to go there

00:37:35--> 00:37:47

because some places are not avoidable. Then what you do is you make sure you go there but you go there with this awareness to say this is where things generally go wrong.

00:37:49--> 00:37:54

So let me be clear my mind and when I'm in this place, let me watch myself.

00:37:57--> 00:38:05

So make a note of that. Keep a note of that. And then keep track of what happens thereafter.

00:38:07--> 00:38:32

Okay, I want to end with a very nice teaching story. The story is that there was this young boy a little boy not very little but you know, maybe 10 years old or something who had an anger problem he had a he had an anger problem is to rave and rant and scream and go ballistic and you know, all kinds of problems. And it became a big issue became a big problem in the school became a big problem at home and so on and so forth.

00:38:34--> 00:38:43

Teachers complaining and and threatening to throw him out of school. So one day his father called him and he gave him a bag of nails and a hammer.

00:38:45--> 00:38:49

And he said to him Look, he said Do me a favor. He said every time you get angry

00:38:51--> 00:38:52

take a nail and

00:38:53--> 00:39:05

they had a fence house fence was a wooden fence. He said go and hammer or nail in that fence. Anytime you get angry take a nail knock it in the fence

00:39:07--> 00:39:07


00:39:08--> 00:39:12

this bag of nails is over, or your anger is controlled

00:39:14--> 00:39:23

supervisor Okay. Now a few days past few weeks passed and you would get angry or he'd go hammer a nail to get angry.

00:39:24--> 00:39:44

So after some time past few weeks, this boy decided that okay now I think I have control over anger. I am not getting angry like this anymore. Even if I get angry I'm able to control myself. So he came back to his father he said daddy here is a lot of the nails are still there. his nails are the hammer.

00:39:46--> 00:39:59

I think everything is under control. And here is what you gave me back to fasten on hold on. He said now what I want you to do is go and pull out all those nails right the hammer as this nail

00:40:00--> 00:40:05

Put on the back. I said take this, go and pull out all the nails that you knocked in the fence.

00:40:07--> 00:40:09

So he said, Okay, so he went and he pulled out all the knives.

00:40:11--> 00:40:13

The father said, No, go look at the fence.

00:40:15--> 00:40:18

How does it look? He said it has holes.

00:40:20--> 00:40:21

It has all these holes.

00:40:22--> 00:40:27

So the father said before you started hammering the rails of the fence, the fence was neat.

00:40:29--> 00:40:31

It was safe. It was neat, it was clean.

00:40:33--> 00:40:37

He said now you have the nails in and you pull them out and now the fences wall holds it's become ugly.

00:40:40--> 00:40:41

What lesson do you learn?

00:40:43--> 00:40:56

The Butcher the lesson I learned is that I may get over Mangere but because of my anger, I'm leaving holes in the hearts of people in the minds of people. I'm leaving scars.

00:40:58--> 00:41:00

So the scars of my anger

00:41:01--> 00:41:02

are ugly.

00:41:03--> 00:41:11

Even though I may go and apologize and whatnot, but I'm leaving a scar. Even though I put out the nail polish in there.

00:41:12--> 00:41:27

ask Allah subhanaw taala to enable us to control our anger and to ensure that we do not get angry and will not lose our temper and we don't behave in ways which are undignified and which are negative.

00:41:28--> 00:41:34

ask Allah to please with you and they were to be displeased was Alanna Vickery while he was a member of

00:41:35--> 00:41:37

Santa Monica, Raja Lovato.