Mirza Yawar Baig – How to deal with sadness
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My brothers and sisters, I gave a qudba
yesterday
called, do not be sad. Don't be sad.
And as I mentioned in the,
sadness is something that is
prohibited
in Islam.
It is mentioned in the Quran only in
the form of
negating it
and never
as something which is
which is good.
Allah said, do not falter or grieve. Don't
be sad for you will have the upper
hand if you are true believers
or in the form of negating it. Where
Allah SWT said about the people of Jannah
Surely those who say our Rab is Allah
and then remain steadfast,
remain firm on that, there will be no
fear for them nor will they grieve.
Now,
as I mentioned, the the reason,
basic reason for sadness
or prohibition of sadness
is that there's no benefit in sadness. Sadness
doesn't do anything positive.
For example,
take anger, right, which we think of as
a
negative emotion. The first thing I want to
say to you is that,
emotions are not negative or positive in themselves.
It is what you do with that emotion.
It's how you express that emotion. It's how
you feel that emotion.
It is what you allow that emotion to
do with you.
Meaning,
what is the what kind of behavior
does that emotion
create? What kind of behavior does that emotion,
inspire in you? This can be positive or
negative. So for example, anger, which usually
is considered to be negative,
is one of the strongest
motivators
for all kinds of goodness.
Anger,
righteous anger
can create
revolutions.
Most of the time, anger anger is the
dominant emotion in
any revolution.
Anger can create a complete transformation
of life itself,
a person's life. For example,
an alcoholic,
he might be,
you know, he might he might
he knows he's an alcoholic. It's not that
he's,
he's proud of that.
But
he's unable to give it up
until maybe one day he,
realizes
what is happening to him, and he gets
very angry with himself.
And this results in a complete transformation of
his life.
This is possible. This happens.
There's a beautiful,
story about Sheikh Abdul Kaladin, which
one of my very good friends,
he asked him for a word. He said,
can I,
can I say something to you? And the
chef stopped. He said, yes.
He said, can Allah elevate me to your
rank?
Can Allah elevate me
to your rank? The Sheikh said, of course.
The man followed it up and he said,
how fast can he do that? The sheriff
said, in an instant, if he wills.
So here is a man who's smelling of
alcohol. So, obviously, he's
he's he's an alcoholic. He's drinking.
This conversation would have happened during daylight or,
obviously, not in the middle of the night.
So
drinking in the daytime is one of the
signs of being alcoholic. So here the man
who's an alcoholic,
you can smell his breath, which is horrible.
He's talking to Sheikh Abdul Khaled Jira and
he's asking him,
can Allah elevate me to your rank?
And the Sheikh says, without hesitation, of course.
The man says,
he asked, and how fast can Allah do
that? How fast can he do that? The
Sheikh says, in an instant,
if he wills.
Then the man asked him another question which
made the Sheikh's eyes
swell up with tears before replying.
The man said, and
can Allah bring you down from your lofty
state to my miserable state?
Now listen to the words. He says, and
can Allah bring you down from your lofty
state, your high state
to my miserable state.
Sheikh Abdul Khaz,
his voice trembling, he said,
in an instant.
In an instant.
In the first case,
he said yes, and he said in an
instant only when the man asked that how
long. In this case, he didn't even say
that. He didn't even wait for the man
to ask a second question. He said in
an instant. Now
quite apart from the,
absolutely beautiful example of the,
humbleness and humility of Sheikh which
is a sign of a true
true scholar is one who is humble.
A true scholar is not one who is
arrogant. A true scholar, The one who
becomes arrogant with his knowledge is Iblis. The
one who became arrogant with his knowledge was
Iblis.
And see what see how his knowledge within
quotes helped him. It helped him to get
into jahannams.
Right. Nobody was more
knowledgeable than Iblis,
but because that knowledge produced arrogance in him,
he landed in Jahannam.
So the aapulit,
the true knowledge produces,
it produces
humbleness and humility.
So in this case, a beautiful example of
the humility
of the of Sheikh Abdul Khaziz.
But apart from that, see the
the the state of this,
the man himself, the kind of question he's
asking. He's saying, can Allah bring you down
from your lofty high
state to my miserable state? Now when he's
saying miserable state, what does it mean? Is
he happy about about himself? No. He's not.
Right? That's why another friend of mine sent
me another thing today. And he said, why
is it that,
have you ever thought,
why is it that alcohol companies
never use a drug person to advertise their
product? I mean, they should do that. I
mean,
here's what will happen to you. Use our
product.
Yeah. You know, at least it's like the
like, sort of weight loss,
weight loss,
drugs or food supplements that people,
people sell.
The promotion
will never show
a a fat man or a fat woman.
They show people who are absolutely cemented
and then there will be a before and
after kind of thing. Here was this person
before and here was this person after. Now
imagine if alcohol company did the same thing.
Here was this person sale, a very sane
person with a beautiful family. Everybody loves him,
and here is the same person,
who is drunk and lying,
in a gutter in his own vomit. This
is what alcohol does. This is our alcohol
promotion, alcohol advertisement.
Why don't they do that? So think about
that. Right? So the point I'm making here
is that,
here was the man who is himself saying
my miserable state. So the man is not
proud of what he's doing. He's he's,
you know, he's not proud of what he's
doing. He's sad about that. He is,
he is, you know, he's he's he's,
he regrets that.
So what is that what is that show?
It shows that the man is angry with
himself. So this anger can produce,
some good results. And so one one can
hope that after this encounter
with the,
the man would have transformed would have transformed
himself and stopped,
drinking alcohol and he would have, you know,
really
straightened out his life.
The the the thing here is that with
sadness, this doesn't happen. Sadness just sits you
down in one place and that's it. It
doesn't do anything for you. It doesn't even
anger does something for you.
Love does something for you, kindness, compassion, all
of these
are action oriented things that that do. Sadness
is not sadness just settles you down,
takes you from being sad to being depressed,
to being
to getting into despair. All of this,
it takes you it it just there's no
action involved with that. Right?
So what must you do to get out
of this? A couple of quick ones. 1
is number 1,
turn towards Allah SWAN WUH and
make lots of dua.
Number 2,
or maybe that should be even sort of,
you know, part of number 1, which is
remember one very important thing and which is
that the reason you are sad is because
you lost something. Obviously, nobody is sad because
they gained something. So they lost something.
Remember that that thing which you lost, whether
it was
a person, whether it was,
material wealth, whether it was name and fame,
whatever it was, would have gone anyway.
That is that thing which you lost was
in any case
a temporary thing. It was not something which
is permanent. It is not something that, oh
my god. This thing was mine and now
I can never have it. No. Because that
thing wasn't yours in the first place. You
would have lost it anyway.
You probably would have lost it before you
died, but, definitely on death, we all lose
it.
So what's the what what so what is
the real loss?
The thing to do is
to focus on the.
Now that takes over the sadness because it's
okay so instead of losing it tomorrow I
lost it today, big deal. I mean
so forget that. Focus on Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala. How can I please Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala
with
my with my with my actions and my
speech? And then,
see
that
2 things. 1 is focus on
the time that you had this thing, which
you you enjoyed this thing. So if this
is a person, for example, most people get
sad because somebody dies. So, you know, bereavement.
Focus on the pre
death, pre bereavement time and say all the
years that I spent with,
this person of happiness, of fulfillment, you know,
how what wonderful people, what wonderful times we
had, focus on that.
Instead of saying, oh my god, they died,
they died. No. Focus on the time that
you enjoyed. Allah
gave me this person and because of this
person, it added so much value to my
life. Focus on the fact that this person
died, but they left behind these beautiful memories.
So focus on those memories.
Focus on the beautiful time you had. And
third thing is physically,
it is very important especially when you are
feeling sad to do some rigorous physical aerobic
exercise.
So go for a walk go for a
walk, cycle, whatever.
Tired yourself out, put get gets full of
sweat
because this releases
hormones in the body which are cheerful hormones.
So they they they take away your sadness.
Physical fitness in any case is good for
you. So don't eat stuff and and so
on.
Do physical exercise.
That physical exercise will so it keeps your
also keeps your mind busy.
So, you know, instead of brooding over what
happened, read something new, start a project,
physical exercise.
If you have a, you know, if you
have pets, for example, one of the good
things about having pets is that they force
you to, into a schedule, you know, it's
not for yourself then for the pet you
have to go and do this and do
that and so on. So that's one of
the good one of the very good things
that pets do.
So do that. Get into activities.
So and then you'll find that this atmosphere
inshallah go away. There are things which will
never go away. I mean, and this is
good. It's it's a sign of the the
more you love somebody, the greater the pain
of partying. That's an absolute logical thing. Right?
So that pain will always be there, but
it will be a nice pain. It will
be the pain,
which reminds you of the wonderful times you
had and so on and so forth. And
InshaAllah we hope to
if that person died with ima then we
hope to meet them InshaAllah InshaAllah