Mirza Yawar Baig – Homeschooling thoughtshare
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My brothers and sisters, we're talking about
I,
uploaded,
several,
other reminders
on the topic of,
isolation is death.
And,
one of the things that I mentioned in
that,
zimnan, which is in the same subject,
is,
the importance of
how we raise children.
And, we talked about the importance of
homeschooling, which is fantastic,
and,
ensuring
that in the homeschooling,
the child has
access to
an experience of
living and working
with diverse people.
Because
in my,
experience of homeschooling,
I've not homeschooled anybody, but I
know many people, many of my friends, relatives,
you know, neighbors and nieces and so on.
They homeschool their children and, they'll have very
good results.
But one of the things that happens in
homeschooling,
by definition, is a sense of
isolation, a sense of,
exclusivity,
which is very detrimental, which is very harmful
because it doesn't give the child,
experience of dealing with diverse people, dealing with
people who,
believe differently from us, who
eat and bring differently from us, whose culture
is different from our souls,
who look different
and so on and so forth and you
know?
And the problem of that
is that
it's
normal
human tendency.
It's,
literally conditioning
that happens very unconsciously,
but very, very powerfully.
And their conditioning is that
everyone like me is good,
and everyone unlike me is bad.
And
the level of bad can be from,
being irritating to being positively evil.
Now this is,
first of all, a big fallacy.
It's completely un Islamic,
and it is, something which is,
you know, in the level of being
extremist
and totally to be avoided.
Second thing is that
if we go purely by,
interest of in in in the aspect of
self interest.
Remember,
for every
Muslim in the world, there are 4 people
who are not Muslim.
So if you don't know how to deal
with people who are not Muslim,
then you are,
your education is hugely deficient.
You don't learn this by
reading books. You learn this in the same
way as you
learn swimming.
So I say to people that if
you want to
make sure that you're
say for example you're living on an island,
which is surrounded by
water, where you're living
on and on. You have a waterfront house,
you're living on the sea, you're living on
the river,
and
you don't want your child, or even if
you have a swimming pool in your house,
you don't want your child to fall in
and drown,
then what do you do?
You don't you obviously don't,
rivet
a
life jacket onto his back. Right? That's
you don't do that. What you do is
you make him
drown proof. And what's drown proof? It is
to make him is to teach him how
to swim.
So if you want to if you want
to save your child from drowning,
the thing to do is teach them how
to swim.
If you wanna teach them how to swim,
the first thing to do is to get
them into the water.
Because we cannot teach people how to swim
by
watching video
or by reading books.
It is a contact sport.
Therefore you need
to get into the water. And that's exactly
how human relation is.
Human relation is a contact sport.
It's also a,
inevitable.
If you want to use the word sport,
an inevitable sport,
but inevitable.
Because we live in a world
of people.
And even if you are going to say
that I will live
off grid, you know, in the middle of
the forest somewhere,
at some point you are going to come
into contact with somebody.
And, you need to know how to deal
with them. And of course, this is an
extreme example nobody does that.
Most of us
have,
you know, we hope to have
raised children who will have great careers,
in different parts, in in the corporate world,
in government, in religion, in academics,
and so on and so forth,
and so forth, and and, you know, do
something with their lives and make something of
themselves,
all of which
without exception
means that they would have
to deal with people.
So people skills
are
quite simply,
without exaggeration,
the most critical
and the most important skills
that you or I can ever teach
our children.
People skills don't come,
just like that by themselves.
They are not magic.
They won't just happen because you feel like,
you know, I want my children to learn
them so they don't. They learn them somehow
magically no.
They have to be taught
like anything else.
And the sooner we start teaching
the better
for them and us.
So this is what I,
summoned you that people skills are the number
one thing that,
that children need.
Now one of the
important things in people skills is
manners.
Adam,
these are rules of behavior.
Please understand this. I have said this many
times and I,
stand by this,
that parents have a very critical and important
role,
and that role is to teach children boundaries.
This is a safety
it's a hygiene and safety role.
What is right? What is not right?
What are the boundaries? What you can do
and you cannot do? What is polite? What
is not polite?
What is considered? What is not considered?
If anyone thinks that
a child learns all of this
by themselves,
left to themselves
without any direction,
without anybody telling them anything,
then I'm sorry. I beg to differ. I
am not interested in arguing with anyone.
If you want to believe that, good for
you.
I don't believe that,
as my training in psychology
teaches me
that is
not supported by any
empirical,
evidence
that children
just learn to be responsible,
citizens,
with beautiful manners
just by themselves.
We are mammals. Let's not forget that. We
are basically animals.
And all animals,
whether it's a dog or a cat or
a child,
has to be trained.
The whole,
theory of civilized behavior
is to do that
which does not come naturally,
but to do it because we know that
this is the best thing to do for
ourselves
and for others who share our space.
I want to quote from
something that Margaret Mead,
the famous
anthropologist, said
when they asked her,
when was
what would she could date
when civilization started.
And she said it started from
the time when
it was discovered
in an archaeological
dig
that
somebody
who had fractured their femur
femur is the big bone that,
connects the knee to the to the hip.
Somebody who had fractured their femur
had been nursed back to health.
So she said that civilization began
from this discovery,
that somebody
nurse this person
back to health. And they said, why would
you say that? Because
in nature,
if you fracture your femur,
then you are dead because you can't
move, you can't hunt, you can't escape your
predators, and it's just a matter of,
waiting for
some predator
to come and eat you.
The fact that this femur healed
meant that there was somebody there
who took care of this individual,
who carried them to safety,
who nursed them,
who hunted for them, who gathered for them,
who fed them, who looked after them
until
that person was back on their feet.
Now she said that this is the finest
indication
of civilization.
I want to say to you that if
anyone tells me that children automatically learn what
is good, then show me how it happens
in nature.
In nature, if something is weak, if something
breaks,
then that thing is just left to die.
It is very unnatural
to look after something and bring it back
to
a state of health.
And that is civilization.
That's the kind of unnatural behavior
that we want to inculcate
in our children.
So it is being unnatural in a positive,
entirely,
beautiful sense.
It's not being unnatural and doing some nonsense.
It's,
being unnatural in a very
positive sense where
because of our behavior, which
does not come naturally, which goes against nature,
something good results.
It is natural
for a small child
as it is for anyone who is house
trained, a puppy knows that. It is natural
for the puppy or your child.
Believe me, there's no difference.
The difference comes only because of your training
in boats.
Otherwise, a child is
a puppy walking on two legs.
Both are mammals.
They get they get diseases from each other.
We are that close.
So
the
it is entirely natural for your puppy or
your child
to
do it when they feel the need to
do it.
To urinate or defecate
when they feel the need to do it.
No matter where they are.
Might be on the carpet in the middle
of your living room. It makes no difference
to them.
They're not trying to be nasty. They're not
trying to be evil.
It's natural.
It is absolutely
entirely
natural.
Then why do you
house train a puppy? Why do you house
train your child?
Pottery train your child. You don't call it
house train or potty train. So why do
you potty train your child?
If you think that they are going to
do the right thing, come to the right
decisions by themselves, they leave them.
Right? Maybe they will, maybe they won't. Now
in the case of potty training, I guess
once they grow to a certain age, they
will themselves realize that this is wrong. But
do you want to wait that long?
And this doesn't apply to everything else.
Any form of consideration
to stand up for someone who is older,
to show respect for for scholars,
to show respect even for yourself as a
parent,
to serve others,
to put the needs of others before
your need.
This is the most unnatural thing in the
world,
to put your need
behind
and to put the needs of others.
This goes against every survival rule.
Every rule of survival tells
you take it when it is there. Competition
is a rule of survival.
The devil take the last.
Civilization means
that you tone down this competition. You still
compete, but you compete at a much different
level at a very different level.
You're not going to allow someone else to
die.
You will share that last piece of bread.
All of this, I'm giving you some very
sort of, you know, basic fundamental examples.
You can expand this as much as you
wish.
All of these are signs of civilization. Every
single one of them needs to be trained.
So please do not have any hesitation
about
training your children. This is why Allah
created you. This is what gives you
the status,
oh, mothers,
that Jannah is beneath your feet.
It's not because of biology,
it's because of theology.
It's because
of
raising
good human beings
who recognize Allah
who love Allah
who love his
messenger, Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam,
who know about Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, who
know the sunnah of Rasulullah Sallam,
and who live their lives according to that
sun.
All of this, every single
atom of it needs to be trained.
It does not come naturally.
For a child to wake up
for and
pray
go to the masjid, I don't know if
any living child does that unless
he or she is trained by their parents.
For a child to wake up for the
Hajjut,
forget
it. It's not gonna happen
unless that child has a role model of
a parent
who is to do that.
My father bless
him
and give him
My entire life,
I have this memory of my father
who used to wake up at the Hajjati.
He would wake up around half past 2
or
so. He would make,
and you could hear the whole thing because
in those days, there was no hot and
cold running water from taps.
There were
the taps didn't,
in in the bathroom,
we had
tanks, water tanks, and buckets. And the buckets,
this was before plastics. Can you imagine there
was a world before plastics? There's an article
of mine on this.
The buckets were made
of galvanized iron,
GI,
metal buckets, and they came with a handle.
So my father would put the bucket on
the floor and drop the handle, it it
would clang, blang.
And and then he would make, so we
know he'll make he'll make he'll make
and then he would pray the Hajjids, and
then he would
recite Quran. He would sit with the Quran.
And he would recite Quran until it was
time for salatul fari.
Then he would come
into the bedroom. He never woke us up
for the Hajjus.
He did not wake us up for the
Hajjus. All his 5 children and my mother,
he never woke us up. My mother used
to wake up on her own, but others
but they never woke us up.
But, sir, the Fajr,
nonnegotiable.
It didn't matter. You were tired, not tired.
You had exams, no exams.
If you had exams, you prayed even more.
He would come into the room, turn the
lights on,
and he would,
you know,
if if he were under blankets, he would
pull those off, and he would say
Right? Sound very oppressive. Right? But let me
tell you the result of that within course
oppression.
The result of that oppression is that all
these children,
they all pray the judges.
Every single one of
us without being told
because we had that role model.
So
if someone is telling me that
children will do it on their own, good
luck to you.
That's why you exist. That is why Jannah
is beneath the feet of the mother. That
is why the father is the door of
the Jannah.
That is why when your parents die, when
one dies,
one door of Jannah shuts.
And the other dies, the other door of
Jannah shuts.
That's why the dua of the parents is
so
critical and and so accepted.
Dua of the parents for the children.
And may Allah forgive us against the children
if the children have been,
traveling there and and injuring and harming them.
So my brothers and sisters, feel absolutely
not just feel free and comfortable, but remember,
this is your duty.
You were sent as parents
to guide your children,
to show them the boundaries,
not to leave them like little wild animals
to discover for themselves what is right and
what's wrong because that
leads only to one place. And I'm not
saying this, Allah said this. And so the
use of Allah said,
truly my nafs, my feeling, my desire,
takes
only to live well,
except for the one on whom Allah has
mercy.
So if you leave your children
to fend for themselves or decide for themselves,
then you
you want to fool yourself by saying that,
oh, but you know, they're all coming to
the right decisions.
Well,
that statement is against the Quran.
And Allah should know because Allah is our
maker, our creator.
And then last
said about those
who give in to the tyranny of feelings
and who succumb to feelings
and who
become
slaves
of their feelings.
And
so the said,
have you not seen, oh, Muhammad,
those who have taken
their feelings
to be their lords, to be their ilah.
They worship their feelings.
And are you going to intercede for them?
Are you going to be our kill over
them? Are you going to be somebody who,
is going to take responsibility for them? Meaning,
don't do it.
We have to understand this,
that
to be a decent,
a respect
responsible, productive woman bee
means
to overcome
feelings.
Not saying deny them. I'm not saying
refuse to acknowledge them. I'm not saying,
you know,
trash them. No.
I'm saying
acknowledge them,
and then
if they are positive,
then
follow
them. But if they are negative,
then deny those feelings.
Do not do what your
heart and mind is telling you to do.
And how will you decide
whether it is positive or negative?
Unless
you are taught this
and unless you understand
the Quran and Sunnah.
That is the only way that you and
I will learn
what is positive and negative
by
in this way.
So please understand this and say that I
will
I'm created as a parent
for a reason.
And that reason is to
guide my children
to do that
which pleases Allah
and which will be
an asset and benefit for them when they
meet him.