Maryam Amir – Youth Struggling Islam Amina Darwish and Jannah Institute
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AI: Transcript ©
Miss Melis.
Lord, have mercy. They give her mercy and prayers and blessings
beyond his beloved prophet, I think you should introduce
yourself first. It's an honor and a blessing to be here with you. My
name is Mary Mir, and I am beyond thrilled to be with the one and
only doctor, Amina Darwish, masha Allah, may Allah bless her and
usteva Mashallah, an incredible person of knowledge, a chaplain at
Stanford. I'm so excited to learn with her today inshallah and talk
about the issue of youth. Inshallah,
okay, so since you did my intro, now, I guess I'm doing your intro
about you. That's not really an intro,
mashallah, so this was actually originally Sheikha Mariam just
cast, and I kind of just tagged along because I like hanging out
with my friend. I'm not complaining. I'm very happy to
hang out with you, as we know. This is Dr hay FAST program. It's
an honor to fill in for her. And Inshallah, we are going to start
with the topic. So Doctor, why don't you go ahead and introduce
the Hadith for us? Alright, so my understanding is that doctor Haifa
actually started with the Hadith last week, and we're covering the
second part of it, and the Hadith,
the Prophet says so on the Day of Judgment, may Allah make it a
happy day for all of us when we meet Allah. That the Prophet I
said, I'm saying that there's seven, seven, and it means seven
groups of people that Allah panatana shades them under his
shade. And in another version of the Hadith, it says Allah panatana
shades them under his throne on the day that there is no shade,
except for the shade that Allah provides. And my understanding is
that last week, Doctor Haifa talked about Imam una Adil, a just
a just ruler, and that today, Inshallah, we're going to talk
about shabuna. So just as a quick note, just because we we're well,
I guess the two of us are women. The word rajud in Arabic, it means
someone who stood up. And the way that the Arabic language works, if
it's the masculine, the masculine, it doesn't necessarily mean male.
It just means a general term. So it's not specifying men. It is
saying anyone that is upright and stands up. And one of the things
that I always thought was so fascinating about this hadith is
when, as we're talking about the youth that at each of these seven
categories hands off to the other, that if we have justice in our
leadership, then hopefully that means that youth are taken care
of. And I just always thought that was very beautiful, just part of
that hadith, subhanAllah, that's a beautiful connection, just knowing
that when we create an environment where young people feel nurtured,
that they grow up, knowing that they have the mentorship to make
mistakes, but to be able to come back. And when we're talking about
youth, and like, What is the age of youth in this hadith,
subhanAllah scholars actually differ. Some of them, like Ibn
Habib, for example, mentions as between the ages of 17 and 51,
other scholars say like 1213, when they hit puberty,
and Ibn Amin says 15, and they differ on when it ends. Many of
the scholars say 30, but some of the scholars actually say 50. So
if you are under 30 or under 50, you can take the opinion that you
are still one of those youth where you can still try and what does it
actually mean to be someone who is a young person who is in this
obedience of Allah? Scholars also differ in the way that they
understand this as well. So some of them say it means that from the
very beginning, since childhood, this person was very intentionally
worshiping Allah, that from childhood, they were always
someone who strived, even if they made mistakes, but they always
came back to that worship of Allah and to that obedience of Allah,
while other scholars say that it's actually a young person who
chooses to do more good deeds than the mistakes that they make So
they might sin. We all sin. They sin often at times, but the good
that they do is greater in the amount than the long that they do.
And albeji mentions that this is a person. This is a young person who
chose to worship Allah before reaching an elder age. Because
when you are older, some of the scholars said you don't have the
same enthusiasm, the same energy, the same passion that you might
feel for some of the different activities that you may be
encouraged to do based on your peer group. Sometimes when you're
older, I know that it's nicer to just drink some tea and sleep a.
Little earlier, and those are things that maybe myself and
Doctor enjoy, but might not have been something we enjoyed when we
were younger. So things change for you as you grow. And when you're
young, you have all that energy, and yet you still choose to to use
that for the sake of Allah, that is something that's so beautiful
and so powerful. And actually, my grandma recently told me a really
beautiful phrase, and she said that a young person who worships
Allah breaks the back of shaven because it's like, shaytan is
like, Who are you going to get right? But it's it's so much, it's
so much more powerful when you have so many options of what you
can do, but you still choose to worship Allah. You still choose to
do something or leave something for the sake of Allah. And that's,
you know, theory. We're talking about it in theory. But I think
Doctor Amina and I are going to talk about it in a little more, in
a little more tangible terms. Inshallah, so Doctor Amina, would
you like to continue? Sure. Bismillah. So one of the things
that we talked about was that when, when someone, by the way, I
just want to say I really like the under 51 because that made my
heart a part of that category. I mean, that's four categories, the
upper end of it, so I'm very appreciative of that. But, but the
earlier end of it, of just so part of the part of why the person, a
person, becomes mkla, for responsible when they hit the age
of puberty, is because this is the point in their life where they're
physically, emotionally and spiritually developing into an
adult. So we there's some uncomfortable changes that are
happening at that time. There's there's beginning to try to
regulate your own emotions, but there's also the point where you
can finally ask life's big questions, like, what is the point
of life?
What is Allah want from us? And a seven year old would never have
the capacity to ask that, but a 14 year old goes home to their
parents, and they're like, Mama, what do we know about Allah? And
they're like, Oh, my God, you forgot everything I ever taught
you. And it's not that they forgot. They just finally have the
capacity to ask for the first time in their lives, and I just
SubhanAllah. I think it's really incredible how, like, I don't
know, when we meet someone that is interested in Islam or a new
convert, we want to engage with them on these big Akita
discussions. And yet, somehow, we don't always do that with the
youth, and it's really important to do that with the youth. One of
the privileges that I had Subhanallah was working for Mina,
and it was, it's, it's my happy like, I don't know it's my happy
place, still, ham did that. Minna is the Muslim youth of North
America, and they do camps in different places, and they were 12
to 18 year olds, and we'd be in the middle of the woods just
asking these big questions,
yes, being able to be acknowledged,
the importance of your process at that age. And we have a Hadith of
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. We have many companions of
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam that were young people
who changed the shape of history, but the course of history. But
let's talk about hitting puberty in front of the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa salam. So there's a companion. Name is Umayyad bin
space, and this is in Ibn sadz tobakat, and it's mentioned also
by Imam Ahmed. And she came with a tribe of women from the RIFA, and
they asked the Prophet sallallahu alaihi salam, if they could join
him in khaybar to help with the wounded and the sick in the
battle, and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, acknowledging
these women, he didn't tell them, why would you want to be on the
battlefield? You're a woman. Sallallahu alaihi wasallam, he
didn't say to them,
Well, are you trying to compete with men? Salahu alaihi wasallam,
he honored their desire to be a part of this effort for the sake
of Allah. And he gave them blessings. By the blessings of
Allah. He gave him his blessings, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and
affirmed the blessings of Allah to them. Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
with them was umayyah bin space, and she was a young child, and the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had her sitting on his
camel, and there was also luggage. And so as she's sitting and the
camel sits down, she sees
and now I should have mentioned, for the viewers who might feel
uncomfortable with this topic, we're going to mention puberty and
a little bit of detail, because the Hadith mentioned that in
detail. So for for those who may have needed a warning on that this
hadith mentions details of puberty. So just letting you know,
this might be a good time to take action if that's uncomfortable.
So umaya radiah, she sees blood. She is so embarrassed the the
Hadith mentions that she she's mentioning this in first in first
person, narrating. And she says she was embarrassed, and she tried
to scoot around to cover the area so the Prophet sallallahu Sallam
doesn't see. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam sees, and she's
and he says, very so kindly, so gently, perhaps you've gotten your
period. Mm.
Perhaps you're bleeding. And she replies, Yes. Now the Prophet
sallallahu, sallam, didn't turn away in disgust. He didn't shame
her. He didn't ask why she came and when this could have happened,
Salalah. He was salam. He didn't make her feel in more embarrassed
than she already did. In fact, he mentored her Salalah Ali. He would
send them. He honored her by teaching her Phil in that moment,
she learned the fifth of pahara from the Prophet sallallahu,
alayhi wa sallam. I know so many share stories about you know this
moment where, where it's happened in front of other people, and
they've been so embarrassed by the stain, they've never told me they
felt empowered. They never told me they felt closer to Allah because
of this moment, this woman was taught stuck by the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in what could have been the most
embarrassing moment of her life and after the The battle ended,
the Prophet sallallahu put a necklace on her Subhan Allah from
the goods of khaba. She never took that necklace off, and she
stipulated that she wanted to be buried with that necklace. And now
today, in America, centuries later, we are talking about the
moment that this wonderful companion will be Allah became,
you know, entered onto womanhood, and it was because the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was so caring, so nurturing, so kind, so
loving. And imagine if all of us have that type of mentorship in
front of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, that type of
mentorship in our communities for young people that these moments
which could actually cause them to feel immense self loathing or
intensely impact their self esteem, which young people
already, not young people all of us already struggle with, but
especially in that process of finding your identity, that
process of going through physical emotional changes, to find that
you know that your worth Still is so important to the Prophet
sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam of God. He he really Salalah, alaihi
salam, and reinforced how much he mattered to Allah. Being able to
honor our young, our our youth with that experience is something
that we we need to emulate in our communities, salawahala salam,
that's so beautiful. SubhanAllah. I'm just picturing this because
he's not just the prophet at the time. He's leading the army.
This is a military general that you're just like, I don't know,
with all of the unfortunate ideas of what we have, of like toxic
masculinity, that like this is the moment where he needs to project
strength to an entire army of people. That example, that the
example of manhood. And this is the example of manhood.
Subhanallah, I just, I love him so much.
She's so cute. He was so so such, such an honor to be a part of
this. Oma, and that's the example that he gave to so many, to so
many companions. Do you want to share some of their examples.
Yeah, subhanAllah, there's so many like. It's actually, there are
countless examples of the prophets, not just with Sayyida,
Umayyad al Ilan Ha, that the Prophet would just, would just be
traveling with young people, that he would be just conversing with
them, that he never thought and again, the reason I'm mentioning
he's, he's, he's, he's managing an army. He's leading an army. He was
managing a city. Yeah, he's managing everyone's spiritual well
being, but also, like just trying to navigate day to day life for
lots of people. And he never felt like this is below me. I don't
have time for this. He honored them and dignified them by
spending time with them. And there's a really beautiful Hadith
where, again, someone that was riding on the horse with the
Prophet. I sent him from the Lord, when he's narrating this hadith,
he's a young man. He's saying Allah, so he's riding with the
Prophet. He's just riding behind him. Like, if you imagine, like, I
don't know, you have, you have a scholar coming to visit, and
you're riding shotgun, like you're, yeah, you're traveling
with them, hanging out, right? Just, just hanging out. And the
Prophet, he's towards the end of his life, and Abdul NAMAs at this
point is really young, and he wants to teach him something that
will really just carry him through the rest of his life. And this
hadith really had a huge impact for me in my life. And he tells
him, yam, oh young man,
or alimaka limit, oh young man, I'm going to teach you some words.
And he's telling him this so that he can pay attention. And he's
telling him, be mindful of Allah, and Allah will be mindful of you,
Jack, be mindful of Allah, and you'll see that Allah is in a way
that is befitting of Allah. It's not that he's facing you. He's you
are right there with Allah. You know, when someone's paying
attention to you, they're looking at you. And that's what he's
trying to convey to him. And he's telling him, either Santa felila
or either Stan tafa Stan bila, that if you ask, ask ALLAH, if you
rely, rely on Allah. This is actually.
Of the this is Hadith number 19 in the 40 hadith of Imam knowI. And
it's a longer Hadith, but, and there's, there's different
versions of it, but the one part that is very consistent is
Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will be mindful of you
and I just Subhanallah so beautiful. Abdullaan was a scholar
among the sahaba. So he was a young man when the Prophet saw him
passed away, and he took it upon himself to go learn from all of
the older Sahaba and to collect all of that information and to
collect that knowledge and to make sure it gets passed on to the next
generation. He was a scholar Subhanallah, and this was the
beginning of his scholarship. Was the prophet saw that giving him
these simple words, be mindful of Allah. Allah will be mindful of
you. Be mindful of Allah. Allah will turn towards you. If you ask,
ask Allah. If you rely, rely on Allah.
Words that we
we have a
fans who kind of like took the lead as as youth,
yeah. So kind of Lot Like, not just that. I mean, looking at the
average age of the Sahaba at at the Battle of Beth, that the
average age was 25
and a lot they were young. There were so many of the Sahaba, like
even the 10 that were promised Jannah, the majority of them were
under the age of 40. We don't realize this. We all know
Sayyidina Adela was about 10 years old, Saddam, Abu, Asmaa, navam, a
lot of the other companions that were mentioned in that hadith,
they were all teenagers. And Allah cool as posse, right? And it's
just like it's and the reason that hadith in particular is important
is a lot of them actually ended up becoming the Khalifa and becoming
the leaders. So when we're talking about talking to the youth, and
we're like, You are the future. No, they're the present, we're the
ones that are not paying attention, like this is happening
now, and we need to pay attention now and be sowing those seeds now.
Dr Rania, I love this. I really appreciate her. Masha, Allah,
she's our whole appreciates her. Allah, bless her. I mean,
text, yes, I mean she directs the Muslim mental health lab here at
in the Stanford Medical Center Subhanallah, and she one of the
things that she consistently tells our MSA is this is the time where
you build habits, because life is it, life is easier now you're more
malleable. You're more able to to stick to these habits. It's much
harder to make them later. So this is the point in your life where
you're hopefully developing these habits to worship Allah, and part
of that worship we don't meet just mean like, okay, pray and fast. I
mean, it's easier on your body to pray and fast when you're younger,
but still really develop that deep connection with Allah, the
Prophet. He's telling him, be mindful of these words. Be mindful
of Allah. That's what he gave him salary, and
the fact that you mentioned that so many of them became the rulers
of the entire Muslim empire, and there are so many examples in the
Sira in which the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam gave
that responsibility to the young people in his community. There's a
There's a woman named rufey al Asmaa, and she was known as like a
woman with medicinal skills. And while I couldn't find her exact
age, she was counted as one of the shad, that of a companion, so one
of the like young woman of the companions, radila, and when in
the Battle of Ahzab, when Saad Ibn wad was injured, the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wasalam, asks, will fail to care for sad because
she was The most skilled, and she had set up basically like a
civilian, or, excuse me, a civilian, a medical camp, a
medical tent next to the message of the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi
wa salam, where she could overlook the care of those being wounded.
And we have rabiah Binti Murad will be Ana. And she said that we
used to battle with the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and give water
to the people serve Him. We turn the dead and the sick to Medina um
SubhanAllah. We have Asmaa radila, the daughter of Abu book. And we
know the famous story of, you know, her cutting her garment so
that she could, you know, support the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi
salam and her father while they were making Hijra. And yet we
don't talk about the fact that she was in her third trimester of
pregnancy when she did this. She is a young person. She's pregnant.
She's, you know, committing an act of political rebellion, because
the Prophet at this time are fugitives out of the city. And
Asmaa, odila, they if she was caught, and she was known despite
her pregnant position, she could have been physically, you know,
hurt because of of the the rage of the Quraysh, and yet the
commitment to supporting the cause of dawah was so strong.
On the passion that all of these women and men felt for Islam was
so intense that they used their their energy so that they could
support the deen of Allah subhanahu
wa. I really love that story, because I don't know anytime
someone's like, Muslim women can't do this. And I'm like, every time
someone would say that, I'm like, Excuse me, Asmaa, no, no. And I
just that story of like, I remember when someone told me,
like, oh, women can't keep things to themselves. And I'm like, okay,
so this life and death secret we trusted it to Asmaa Delano when
she was eight months pregnant.
It doesn't get more hormonal than your last trimester, where you're
tired, you're exhausted. And the Prophet, I said to them, didn't
trust anyone else with the secret, besides her
only person that knew exactly where he was, Salah, send him, him
and her father, SubhanAllah. And I just, I really love say that it's
not Aliana, anyone, someone time, someone's like, Oh, don't do that.
I'm like, no, no. As long as I'm on her side, I'm okay. I can do
whatever it is. And you know, asmaaz, in the time of the Prophet
solim, who's like, stories were so, so powerful, like they made
powerful statements. They, you know, competed, were part of
battle. Like, there's so many asmaaths who who really, like,
impacted the economic, the political, the familial, every
part of society. And Pamela, we see their examples today in the
young people that we have in our Ummah today. But Dr Amina, why
don't we maybe talk about what our experiences have been as kind of
like being in mentorship roles for younger Muslims? What are some of
the things that you've come across? What are the some of the
some of the stories you've heard, some of the questions you've been
asked SubhanAllah? Unfortunately, because there isn't the focus that
there needs to be in the Ummah to towards young people like it. It
boggles my mind knowing all of this, that we don't have a youth
director in every Masjid across the country, that we don't have a
Muslim Chaplain on every campus across the country. This is the
formative time where you are building your spiritual connection
to Allah subhanahu, building your relationship with the community,
building these habits we keep talking about how critical this
time is. Where is the support that we give people great I remember we
had a session SubhanAllah. We were talking about, say, the Mariam,
who was a young woman who was a teenager, yes, and Allah subhanahu
that is giving her this huge test.
She's, all she did all day was, was, was worship and and support
other people. All she did was like, pray and feed the poor,
right? And Allah gave her this, this, this really difficult test,
and he told her, you're going to have this child. And she's just
like, how am I supposed to go back to my religious community and tell
them this? Community and tell them this? She comes back into the
city. She's carrying the child, and it doesn't occur to anyone,
like, I don't know. Maybe it's an orphan child. Maybe she's
babysitting. None of that. They immediately start shaming her, and
she points to the child, and immediately they're like, how can
we speak to this child? And subhanAllah Sayyidina Isaac, he
says, I am the servant of Allah, and
I have my mother's back SubhanAllah. I just really love
the relationship that they had. And I remember we were sharing
this story, and it was a group of, again, 12 to 18 year old young
women,
and say, in the money Salam, mom, before she was born, she was
saying, call it Rabi in you will doctor. She thought, I'm going to
have the next the next prophet. And when Sayyida Mari Malay Salam
is born, she's saying yellow, I had a girl
and the men in like, she's saying that male and female are not the
same. Like, how what do I do? Is she going to be able to also lift
up the Ummah in the way that I intended?
And I remember asking these young women, and I was saying, at some
point did you feel like, at what point did you feel like being a
woman gave you an advantage? And at what point did you feel like it
made something more challenging?
And this group of very practicing young women said we never felt
like being a woman ever gave me an advantage.
And it so broke my heart.
As we are teaching the stories of, say, the many money Salam. Why are
we not why are we not lifting them up? Why are we not allowing them
to see themselves in her like, No, you are you like you have so much
to offer to the Ummah, and you are valuable.
And even in as even if you make mistakes, not even if, even when
you make mistakes, we all make mistakes. That's what doba's For.
It's when you make a mistake, how do you get up again? Right? When
you are struggling, how do you get get up again? Yes, knowing that
Allah panathana has got your backs. Pan Allah,
there are so many young people, you know, so many people who so
many women too, especially
who have that same sentiment. And one of the things that I've seen a
lot is because there's a feeling of, there isn't an advantage of
being a woman. There is no there's
really no place. Sometimes.
This young woman have told me, and
then sometimes it comes from the messaging in their own families.
There's a lot of a lot of you know men and women who get that, that
messaging. I remember being at a youth camp, and a young man came
up to me and he asked me
if he should still pray, because his mom always tells him that he's
going to * because he doesn't listen to her. So he's wondering
whether or not he should still pray he wasn't maybe in college
and had a lot I just
there are so many times that I think, you know parents with all
of their love, their their desire to encourage their children to do
the you know, the type of actions that parents may feel are healthy
for their child, they don't know how to have that type of influence
sometimes, especially if they came from a different culture, things
are different. They don't necessarily know how to connect in
that way. They've never taken parenting classes. That's not
something that's necessarily actively pursued in every
community. And so sometimes for them, their tool of control
becomes religion. Their tool of control becomes the name of Allah.
And what I've seen when you mentioned, you know, these women
and the story of many Ali Hassan, there was a young woman who
approached me at a Muslim lecture, and gave a lecture about Allah's
mercy. And she came up to me afterwards, and she told me that
it was the first time ever that she felt like Allah could love
her. And she cried so hard and she felt she told me how relieved she
felt. She just, I remember sitting with her for over an hour just,
she was just crying, and I held her and she said, I feel so much
relief. I feel so much hope. And I mean, I would, I just spoke at a
like it was a lecture. It's not someone that I knew, who I you
know, was in the same city that I connected with all the time, and I
was devastated to find that eventually it's kind of law that
she's no longer with us anymore.
Um, she had mentioned being suicidal before. She had mentioned
that it was something she had attempted, and years later to find
that she's no longer here. May Allah have mercy on her.
Broke me because I wondered, if you know, even though my role was
only to give a lecture that one time. How many of how many, how
many other young people in our communities do we lose? Literally
lose because we don't give the mentorship that they just need to
go through their, their whatever they're going through. And when
you mention the story of many of Ali has Salam, she herself calls
out in the middle of giving birth that she wishes, yeah, late, any
mid to covid, that she wishes, wishes that she had died before
this moment, and that she was something forgotten and never
remembered. And subhanAllah, what's so so interesting is that
Allah in response to her statement, and of course, she
makes a statement out of physical pain, out of emotional pain, but
also the Dala. She is the epitome of righteousness. What are people
going to say about about Islam, about about about piety, when,
when they think these things about her example, and so when she calls
out, what is the next verse? What is all this mental response? It's
both acknowledging and affirming her pain and comforting her, but
it's also asking her to shake the palm tree. And I know many of us
talk about shaking the palm tree, or Musa alaihi salam hitting his
staff with the water. As you know, we have to do our part in dua we
have to do our part. But she is literally doing her part. She's
literally giving birth. She is already doing a part, a very good
part. The researchers today talked about when someone is suicidal and
having suicidal thoughts. And I should have mentioned a trigger
warning Doctor Amina, that, you know, we're we're talking about
things that are very triggering, that young people go through very
triggering things.
And so one of the, one of the ways that psychologists talk about
stopping their train of thoughts is by asking them to do something
or to to have a completely unrelated statement so that it
breaks the cycle of thoughts, and that the intensity of the emotion
that goes into those thoughts are then shifted a little bit. And so
when Allah is telling her to shake that palm tree. He's comforting
her. He's acknowledging her. He's not shaming her for the way she
feels. He's not saying He is Allah to Allah, and he knows it is that
this is a miracle. Angel Jibreel literally called it a gift, the
miracle the
wahaba, it is literally, he is literally being given as a gift.
But she doesn't feel like it's a gift. And when she respond in that
moment when she's reacting, Allah doesn't, you know, Awa, like
shame, her guilt, her make her feel like, how could you feel this
way about the miracle of Allah?
No, He comforts her. And then sukanu watana, he gives her
something to do, to think about that's not about her pain, while
acknowledging her pain and still giving her relief. I think part of
our part of our community structure right now is when young
people come to us with issues like suicide, with issues like
depression, with issues like struggling with trauma, with
sexual assault, all of these realities. Sometimes the response
is, it's because you don't pray enough. It's because you don't
make enough dua. It's because you're not reading enough Quran.
If only you were closer to Allah, you'd have none of these problems.
And that then reaffirms the point that they're feeling, which is,
Allah doesn't care about them, or Islam isn't relevant to them,
because no matter how much they prayed, they don't feel better.
And Allah and Doctor Rania talks so much about Dr Rania Webb, you
mentioned her research is specifically in this and maristan,
M, A, R, i, s, t, a n.org/resources,
is a really important resource for anyone to look into for a
therapist, but she talks about the importance of directing
Imams, chaplains, people who are in the care of individuals going
through immense emotional needs, to then say there's a part of
faith where we pray, we make the art, but we also take action,
which is seeking professional help. And we need to help create
that link so that we can let let you know, especially young people,
know that they're not alone, and it's not because Allah doesn't
love them.
I just say really bothers me when we tell someone just go pray more.
First of all, none of us are going to pray as much as say the money
to them,
like,
sorry. That cut out for a second. Our Prophet Jacob Alaihi, Salam or
yahubalahi Salam Subhanallah, it's not at all when Ayaz abuna The
idea that Allah doesn't love us, I don't know it's such a toxic,
horrible thought that, like, we really need to work to stamp this
out of our community. But imagine someone having a broken leg and be
like, stand up and pray that'll fix it. It's not, it's not a magic
pill. Allah gave us intellect gave us medicine, gave us mental
health, therapist gave us, like all of these different things, is
a means of us getting closer to Allah. The Prophet said, adebanir,
my Lord, has taught me Adam, and he was talking about it in terms
of the struggles that he went through in his life. It's not that
he didn't feel pain. He did. He cried,
he mourned the loss of loved ones. He would felt all of that.
Subhanallah
say that many money said, I'm feeling that doesn't make like it
doesn't make her a bad person at all, if anything, she still, she
still is our role model. Okay? So then what is the next step? I
think the other thing that is really important to to reflect on
just how lonely she must have felt in that moment. Yes, she was the
only woman that is worshiping in in Beit and makdis, right? Because
they kicked out all of the other women. The only reason she was
allowed to be there is because of her lineage, because Sayyidina,
Zakari, alaihi salam is her kafir, and he saying that, said she gets
to stay. It was like an exception upon it an exception
that community shaming her, kicking her out means she loses
her home,
how lonely she must have felt in that moment. The reason, I think
this is important that Subhanallah, coming out of covid,
the anxiety rates of young people is, like, so much higher than it
normally ever would be.
Like they say that, like college students are at a 60% anxiety
rate. It's so high, and it's not normally this high, but because
we've all felt so isolated, we felt so lonely just coming out of
that when you when you are struggling. Another really
beautiful story that I love in the Quran, Sayyidina, Musa alaihi
salam,
when Allah is giving him this huge task, and he's like, so can Harun
Come with me?
It's not at all wrong to ask for help, if anything, it is the
bravest thing to do. We see our role models doing this, asking for
their family members to support them and to help them.
And when he's given a task that's huge, he's saying, Yeah, Allah, I
need you to increase my capacity.
It's it's good and important to acknowledge where you are. This is
my capacity right now. Ya, Allah, allow me to increase in my
capacity. This is what I can do right now. How can I increase my
capacity? Allah, increase it for me. Allah, give me the help that I
need. And even with all of that, Allah, panatan is telling the two
of them, one at the HAFA, don't be scared. Allah is acknowledging
their fear like walking to the court of Pharaoh. He's trying to
kill him.
There's so much that's happening. And Allah, don't be afraid in the
imag Asmaa Ara, I'm with you. I hear and I see
Subhanallah again. What Allah Prophet SAW and told Abdullah,
Allah will be with you.
It's a huge task. It's difficult Allah's got you. Allah loves us.
Law wants us to succeed. Yes,
and you mentioned, you know this, this, this
affirmation that was pronounced with us that he's hearing and he's
seeing what will amacula, he's with you, wherever you are.
Um, maybe we could segue into talking about when someone is in
high school, in college and they don't know what to do, they feel
so much anxiety when they pray or when they read the Quran that they
need to stop. They literally stop in the middle of prayer because of
the maybe spiritual trauma that they've experienced, and so they
can't approach spirituality without feeling like it's an
anxiety inducing experience. Um, maybe they they, maybe they pray.
They pray all their prayers. Maybe they even wake up in the middle of
the night, but they don't feel a connection. But if they don't feel
that spiritual connection, what about someone who is, you know,
the the victim or the survivor of assault, and there's many
different ways that it happens, and they have been consistently
told that it's their fault because of the way that they were dressed,
or because of where they were, because they weren't reading the
Quran. A friend of mine got into a car accident, and her mom told her
it was because you didn't read enough Quran. So when those are
the messages that they're receiving and they feel further
and further away. What do you recommend someone going through
this? Does
that just boggles my mind? I mean, we look at the life of the
prophet, sallayman salam, they were the most tested people. They
had the most car crashes, anybody else. How? How can we possibly say
that going through a challenge is because Allah doesn't love you.
And ayah, when the Prophet himself told us that Allah test the ones
that he the ones that he loves, and Allah saying, I'm not going to
give you more than you can bear.
And in every difficulty, Allah is going to give you waves of ease.
That single difficulty, there's a first wave of ease, there's a
second wave of ease. And this is again, all documented from our
traditions, subhanAllah, there's sorry, I, I'm, I don't, I'm not
directly answering your question. But I thought of another story
that I really, really love. So the prophets, I sent him in this, this
narrations in the Musnad of Imam Ahmed, the Prophet, saw them in
Abu Bakr Al, the fleeing Mecca. And we kind of talked about the
Hijra. We talked about, say this not all the Allah and Ha, and
they're at during the hijra, there's a place where they pass,
and their guide is telling them, we can't go through the mountains.
We have to go around the mountains. And it's a much longer
path, because there's there's thieves, and this is their spot.
Great. So the Prophet SAW I said, I'm like mind you. If you capture,
capture either one of them, you and your family will be rich for
the rest of your lives. And the Prophet SAW and they're thieves.
And the Prophet saw him says, Those are people I can talk to.
So he goes in the crevice between the two mountains, and he starts
calling out to them. And you can imagine the thieves are confused,
like, this is our spot. You know we're here. You know we're
thieves. Like, what's happening, right? And the Prophet saw them,
asks them, What are your names? And they said, We're the two low
lives, like we're thieves, right? And when I first heard this
hadith, I thought that they were calling themselves low lives. Even
worse, it was the name their tribe gave them. Oh. And I was just
like, oh, no, the prophet lies Adam looks at the two of them. He
says, Bel and Toma mukraman,
no, you are two dignified people. And these are two young people
that are actively engaged in criminal acts that any of us would
have dismissed right off hand,
and the Prophet lies Adam tells them, No, you are two dignified
people. And he tells them about Islam, and he tells them, I'm
going to Medina. Join me in Medina.
And these two young men go from thieving to becoming Sabbath.
How incredible is our tradition that it sees your potential,
and that's what love is. This is why I'm saying Allah subhanahu
wants us to succeed. Allah subhanahu knows that we can build
up the spiritual, emotional and physical strength. Allah knows how
far and how incredible we can all be. He made us all valuable. He
made us all so valuable. Like, there's angels writing down
everything that you do, like, if when you're an important person,
you have people following you around writing what you do. Allah
created angels just to sit around and write everything that you do,
because you are that important.
Subhanallah,
and we just why would we like this is love to see someone's potential
and to say, No, this is what you actually can be, and to love them
enough to see them through that journey. Yes,
again, never did he shame them. He's like, man, Stop thief, like I
at least would have told like, maybe don't be a thief anymore. I
know,
right? He tells them, join me in Medina maybe comes to her little
Lula on him, and that's so powerful, because he.
Gave them an alternative.
He didn't stop and tell them, stop, stop, stop. And then left
them alone. He gave them somewhere else to look, another way, to feel
purpose
and then and also the affirmation of love. I mean, we know about the
companion who would, you know, become publicly drunk, and there
was a public consequence for that. And his name is Abdullah, and the
Companions got really frustrated, and some of them started to curse
him. And many of us know this hadith that the Prophet sallallahu
sallam, reminded them not to help shave tahun against him, not to
curse him, because in doing so, despite the fact he's literally in
the middle of experiencing a public, you know, punishment, or
an act that had public consequence. I mean, because it
was public, it was a consequence that Subhan Allah, the the
companions are shaming him. And the Prophet sallallahu doesn't
just stop them, but he actually speaks on behalf of this man and
testifies that this man loves Allah and His messenger so Allahu,
alayhi wa sindam Being able to see someone who is in the depth of
their shortcoming, of their mistake, of their self loathing,
of whatever causes them to make decisions that
make other people judge them. And in the middle of that,
until the end of time, we have recorded that this man loves Allah
and His Messenger, so Allahu, alaihi wasallam being able to have
that alternative, that that place to go. Doctor Mina, why don't you
speak about the power of of someone who believes in you?
Subhanallah, so we talked about this. There's, um, I'm blanking
out on his name, but he's, he's, he's a public speaker, and he
talks about A Harvard study of just that like follow people
throughout their lives. Some of them started off with a lot of
privilege and a lot of money in their family. A lot of people,
some started with very little money, very little familial
support. And the one factor of success is when they were a young
person, that at least one adult believed in them.
They told them they could make it
Subhanallah, the power of love is so incredible.
It's what, like, we really should not be cheap with this. You never
know. I had one. There's a one of my students, subhanAllah, we were
talking about, like, Oh, your memory starts to fade as you get
older. And I
was like, yeah, just as an offhanded comment, I'm like,
whoever's memorizing, you should work on your memorization.
Subhanallah, she went over the summer and came back. She's like,
Oh, I finished. And I'm like, finished. What? Like, I don't know
what you're talking about. She's telling me that. She's like,
didn't you say to memorize Quran? And I was like,
I mean maybe, like, I'm My mind is blown, and I'm looking at her. And
I was like, You know what? First of all, this had nothing to do
with me. Like, like, there were lots of other people in the room,
and you're the only one that went and did it. So clearly, this was
for you. This wasn't about me. But just in case, when you meet Allah,
tell him it was me. Because if you go to Jamaica, I want to come with
you like and I just
like SubhanAllah. I just, I love her so much, and we had a
foundation of love to begin with. And Alhamdulillah, that like, I
want to see everyone succeed. I want us to be in Jannah together.
Why wouldn't I
Allah Spano that is so generous and his love is so vast. I
remember, I had another student that came and said, Oh, you know,
I have this friend, but they're not practicing. And I got so
frustrated. I'm like, Really, what sin do you think they did that's
bigger than the Mercy of Allah?
Because thinking anything is bigger than the Mercy of Allah is
a far bigger problem.
Oh, subhanAllah, the Quran tells us, don't lose hope in Allah and
as adults in the community or as youth even for each other, one of
the other categories, as mentioned in the Hadith that we began with,
is two people that love each other for the sake of Allah, that they
come together for the love of Allah, and they separate based on
the love of Allah. Everything in the world is going to end except
Allah. This is like you have a love that literally transcends the
world.
Subhan, Allah and I just again having these spiritual moments
with people, it binds you together, someone that just even
if you met them by chance, you know what, you're incredible, and
keep making an eye for you, and then maybe one day, I don't know,
you just happen to save the world, and I happen to get to go to
agenda with you. This sounds incredible to me. Incredible
investment. That's an investment.
We have so many incredible people in our community. Like, why would
we ever dare look at them
and say, You're not going to like, How dare we? Yeah, and you know,
especially right now because of social media, one of the
statements I've heard often is, you know, the youth are just so
deluded by this dunya. You know, they're so obsessed.
Because, you know, they're being led astray by social media and and
I absolutely understand that there is, for all of us, there is a
pull, you know, when we see certain things, or some things are
normalized that we want to be a part of, or, you know, there are
certain things that like we question, you know, especially,
especially when it's your peer group and everyone's involved.
It's like, why can't I do this? But often times I also feel like,
how can we even expect more when they are battling so many things?
Like, you know, we grew up in a generation, you and I, where we
didn't have social media. We went home and we went home. We left
everything that happened in school, at school. So now it's in
every part of your day, the pressure, the intensity, all of it
is in every part of your day. So what do you do when you don't have
a relationship with adults where you feel like you can navigate
this with support. What do you when you don't have a mentor who
you can speak to about something that you've gone through and know
that they'll listen to the mistakes you've made? You know one
of the most powerful things my parents told me growing up, and
I'm so grateful for this. May Allah bless them. They kept
telling me, listen,
talk to us. We know what you're going through. Your friends are
going through it with you, but we've already gone through it. And
no matter what you do, we are here to help you process it. And that
always made me know that I could go back to them if I made a
mistake, because even if they were going to be upset, rightfully so,
they were going to help me process it. I didn't feel like I had to to
hide it or to bear it on my own. So even before I got into Islam, I
knew that if it was something that I, you know, was unhealthy and an
unhealthy decision, that they would help me figure it out. And
I'm so blessed to have had that. It's a huge privilege, but so many
people don't have that with their parents, and so many people don't
have that in their community space. And so how can we expect
that young people are going to desperately want to be memorizers
of the Quran or, you know, salaha Deen or nurdin or esmeta deen and
and yet they we expect that without giving them alternatives
or support. And there are so many organizations. Mina is one of
them. There are so many organizations, Jenna Institute,
Robo talk, that is doing this critical work that is, you know,
supporting every, every age group, but especially you know, people
who are, you know, in their high school, college years, who young
professionals, who need that, who need that, that core group, so
handila, we do have so many organizations and so many Imams
and Sheikha who are deeply invested in helping young people
get to that place in their life where they love themselves for the
sake of Allah. Loving yourself for the sake of Allah is a an act of
worship, because if you hate yourself and you pass that blame
onto how you see Allah, you believe that Allah hates you
because you hate yourself. How is your relationship with Allah going
to be when you heal yourself, you also work on healing your
relationship with Allah. And if we are able to provide that type of
support for our community, Inshallah, the person who is
struggling on that path will know that even if they make a mistake,
they can come back to their community. And that goes back to
the understanding of the Hadith that they do more good than bad,
that, yes, they do that, but they do more good, and that's the point
that they're still a person, a shad who was raised in the
obedience of Allah. Because they go back to
SubhanAllah. There was a question about weekly sessions with
for Teen Girls, be it teen girls or teen boys. Make sure there is
an alternative. It doesn't have to be like, No, we memorize Quran
every week, yeah, play basketball, have a dance party, whatever it
is. Giving people a halal alternative, in and of itself, is
protecting them. There's the SubhanAllah. When the Prophet saw
him himself, was was, was a young man, and the other young boys at
his time, they're like, oh, go to the party. Go to the wedding. Go
check it out. Before
Subhanallah, the way that Allah protected him is he fell asleep.
Just, I remember, I had a student that came and said, I'm really,
really tempted to drink. And I and at the time, I was in New York,
and I was like, so here's our plan. You're going to go drink
every Halal drink in the city of New York, and then we'll come back
and talk. And he's like, they're never going to end. And I'm like,
That's exactly the point.
Come join people. Come sit with good company. The point good
company is so critical when you're younger, it becomes the effects of
it wear off as you get older, but especially in your early years,
just having good company is so critical and so important. And
even beyond like mashallah institutions or scholars,
just being a good older sister, a good older brother, a good aunt,
a.
Good uncle, a good parent, all of those people we should like. We
should be surrounding each other with love in our community.
And hopefully every Masjid has more than enough people that if
someone walks in and they're in pain, the people surround them by
love.
Yes, absolutely. Um, we only have a few minutes, and we have a few
questions as well. Um, Doctor Amina, do you want to give a one
liner closing on advice to a young person who's struggling?
Um, I had it in my head and it disappeared. Okay, maintain good
company. Was the one that I had. But go ahead. Oh, that was a great
one. If you are going through something, know that Allah sees
you, he hears you, he's with you, and that if you've gone through
some sort of trauma in the past, your neurons have been shifted.
It's actually like your brain has been impacted by trauma. So don't
be so hard on yourself when someone tells you that the reason
you're not close to Allah is a reason why you're going through
difficulties. Remember that the greatest prophets have
difficulties, as we talked about, and instead a go to therapy,
which, by the way, to answer the question, maristan.org/resources.
M, A, R, i, s, t, a n.org/resources.
Also create new experiences with your worship. So if the Quran was
never something that was introduced to you with love or
with light, now you create new experiences with the Quran. Take
the Quran on a walk on the beach. Take the Quran to a cafe and hug
it. If you can't read it yet, just hold it. Just hold it. Read it in
translation, but know that Allah sees you and he appreciates your
effort. He is a Shakur, the appreciative. And there's also a
really important book. It's called reflecting on the names of Allah
by Jina and Yusuf reflecting on the names of Allah. And this book
goes through the names of Allah. You can read one name of allah a
week as salam, the source of peace. It's a two minute read that
whole week. Make dua to Allah by the name as salam. Yes, salam. Ya
Allah and salam, please bring peace into my life and look for
those connections. And if you don't feel an emotional euphoria,
the fact that you're still working for that connection is a sign of
your love for him and a sign that he has put his love in your heart.
It's from him. So don't give up on yourself. And certainly know that
Allah doesn't give up on you.
No mind. I just there's a beautiful Hadith that sums that
up. And it says, Whoever Allah is saying, Whoever comes to me a
hands length, they come to him in arms length. Whoever comes to me
in arms length, they come to him a yards length. Whoever comes to
Allah, walking Allah, will come running towards them.
Subhanallah, just turn to Allah.
Mas want
to end with a with a hadith?
I just ended with a hadith. Do you want to end with a specific
Hadith?
I'm
blanking out. Oh,
never mind.
I forgot that we actually talked about it, the important, the
importance of support, the importance of knowing that when
you make a mistake, you come back for all of right now, also hanging
out with good friends, friends, yeah,
I think we can end with one question, if, if, if it could be
brought up to the screen, and if not, then, Inshallah, we can just
go ahead and
close with the door and Allah, wala ILAHA, illallah, Allahu,
Akbar, actually. Mina, do you want to go ahead and close with the
door?
May Allah grant us to the money with the best ever Emmy.
I mean, that
was great. Okay, thank you for making that so selfishly.
All About me, Allah, grant us your love, the love of those that you
love, and the love of everything that blows brings us closer to
your love and prayers and blessings via his beloved Prophet
and his family and his companions in the Institute for having us,
for inviting me. It was an honor, Doctor hate that we make you so
much and never
please forgive us to all the listeners who were expecting. Dr
hayfat, may Allah bless her and increase her in every good,
everyone that she loves and honor us with all meeting her paradise.
We lady. He said, Well, US and every
single
person you.