Maryam Amir – Virgin Mary in Islam
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Where her research focused on the effects of mentorship, rooted in
critical race theory for urban high school students of color. She
holds a second bachelor's degree in Islamic studies through Al
Azhar University. Miriam has studied in Egypt memorizing the
Quran and has received a variety of religious sciences ranging from
Quranic exegesis, exegesis, Islamic jurisprudence, prophetic
narrations and commentary, women's right within Islamic law and more.
For the past 15 years, Miriam is an extract, is an instructor with
hekma Institute and an author with virtual mosque and Juma online.
She's featured in
in a video series on faith produced by a good, good cast.net
called the Miriam Amir show. Man's focus in the fields of spiritual
connections, identity, actualization, social justice and
woman studies have humbled her and given her the opportunity to
lecture throughout the United States and the world, including
Jerusalem, Mecca, Medina, Stockholm, London, Toronto and
more. She holds a second degree black belt in Taekwondo and speaks
multiple languages, Mashallah. She lives in California with her
husband and children. She may be contacted on social media, via
Facebook as Miriam Amir, or on Instagram as the Miriam Amir. And
with that, Inshallah, super excited to welcome sister Miriam
Amir Ibrahim, me to the stage and yeah,
salaam alaikum, when the mother of Virgin Mary, when the mother of
Maryam Alaihe Salam, when she was pregnant, she was so excited to
have a baby, we read in classical tafsir, different scholars,
commentators of the Quran talk about this joy that she has with
her husband, Amran. And there's a really beautiful passage in the
Quran that so many people talk about when having a child, when
talking about the story of Virgin Mary, that her mother calls out
and she starts making a and she calls out to Allah, and she says,
Robbie In need to like muharra, Oh Allah, My Lord, I give what is in
my womb to you. Muharramini, so accept it from me.
But the reality is that when she's making this door, she's not making
this to AD, just like you know, this excited mother is praying for
her child. She's making this to a because her husband, Amon, passed
away,
and she was looking at becoming a mother with the joy of that first
baby with her husband, to now being a widow
and facing life as a single mother.
And so she's going, and she's calling out to Allah, and she's
saying, Oh Allah, I dedicate what is in my womb to you, taka belmini
In Nakia, and to semi Ola alim, you are the one who is constantly
listening and aware. She calls out to Allah by these two names, a
simir and a la alim,
and she's calling out to Allah in her pain. So when we have these
moments of pain and difficulty, and we call out to Allah like she
did, be knowing that he is able to listen and aware of everything
that you're saying and that he knows the circumstances that
you're going through in the semi wala Alim and then what happens
after this. Allah then talks about when she gives birth.
Salamah WADA ATA, Kalat Robb be ini. WADA to Ha untha wallahu
Alamo Bima WADA at Wales, verse of the
Quran passes through her whole pregnancy. It goes from not even
mentioning it. Goes from mentioning this in which her
husband had passed away, and desperation, in which she is
dedicating this baby to bes, to muharra, to this place of worship
of God Almighty, to the next verse being she gives birth. And when
she gives birth, what does she give birth to? Who does she give
birth to? She was expecting that she's going to have a boy, because
at that time, the only ones who served betel nukdis were men. So
she assumed that she's going to give birth to this baby boy, that
she's going to give in dedication to God's worship.
But instead.
She has a little girl. And tafsir Razi mentions that when she says
Wale said that karukel unfa, the boy is not like the girl, what
she's really saying is, the boy that I wanted was not the girl
that Allah gifted me with. And another classical scholar, a
commentator of tafsir Ibn Ashur. He mentions, what in me send me to
her, what in me, what in me, what in me, she keeps saying, in me,
why? Because of her shock and her dislike of the fact that she had a
girl, and then she's trying to talk to herself about it. She's
trying to process that information. She's emotionally
overwhelmed with what she just is going through. And she's trying to
talk, talk it out, and talk to Allah, because she names her
daughter, Miriam, a servant of God. And then she makes dua for
Miriam, and in making that dua, that is a sign of her acceptance
that she doesn't know why God chose this for her, but she's
accepting that God chose this for her for a reason, and she's
praying to God to protect that baby
when she has given this girl and she's not happy with that, we can
see that there are times in our own lives when We're being tested
and we think, Okay, this is enough, and yet, we're given
another test.
She already lost her husband. She's facing life as a widow and
now also
as a single mom. At the very least, she could have been given a
boy to make things easier for her, to just be able to submit this
baby for beitel muctus,
but Subhan Allah Now she has a girl,
and it's very similar to the fact that the mother of Moses, she had
a boy when Allah could have given her a girl.
Why did the mother of Musa, alayhima salam, why did she have a
baby boy when there were baby boys being slaughtered by the Pharaoh?
Why wasn't she just gifted with a girl?
Subhanallah, in both of these circumstances, God gave that baby
to that mother, not because of just that mom, but because of an
entire plan that lasts until the end of time, look at the impact
that the that Musa Moses peace be upon him had. He had to be born a
boy in that time period so that he could challenge the Pharaoh, and
he was given back to his mom in protection after he was delivered
to the very palace of the murder of all these babies.
And the same way the mother of Maryam had to have a girl, because
when I'm one passed away,
it drove this mother to make this and this dedication for this girl
to be given to a space in which everyone knew was for those who
are righteous, who prayed, who fasted, who did nothing but
worship, and she had to be in that place
so that woman would be entered into that space. It was because of
her being the first woman ever to become a worshiper in beitel
muktis that we today can go to Masjid Al Aqsa, that we today as
women can enter this blessed space. The reason for which Mariam
aleha Salam had to become a girl was because there was an entire
life stage set because of the impact that she was going to have
until the end of time. And that was because of the sacrifice of
her mom. That was because of the pain that her mother went through.
And sometimes we're going through something right now, and we don't
understand why, but some pan Allah,
it's something that is perhaps the blessings of which we won't see
right now. But are great, great great great, great grandchildren
might see inshallah because of a seed that we planted right now.
So when we look at Mariam alaihi salam, she is now dedicated to
Masjid Al Aqsa, she's dedicated not to mesh itself at that time to
betel Noctus. She is dedicated to this place and who is taking care
of her. The next verse starts talking about zakiriya, her uncle,
the prophet Zechariah, alaihi salam. Peace be upon him. And
every time he enters her space of worship, he sees what that she has
this fruit that's out of season, and he's like, where did you get
this from? And she says, who I'm in.
This is from Allah. He provides for whoever he was, without
measure. Now prophet Zechariah.
And his wife are in their old, older ages. At this time, his wife
has never been able to have a baby, and we can imagine that he,
as a prophet, has made dua over his lifetime, perhaps making dua
over and over for a child.
But it was in the moment in which he saw Miriam having fruit out of
season, which is what struck him as the moment to make dua for a
child with this intensity that Allah describes him calling out in
that he turns in that moment. In that moment, he goes, he turns, he
makes dua in that moment, what is he saying? He's talking to Allah,
and said, shoot melody. He's calling out, I'm my bones are
feeble, my white, my hair has turned white, and he's begging
Allah's panel to Allah for this child, for the sake of the people
that come after him. He's a prophet. He's worried about the
message. What will happen to this message if there isn't someone who
can continue to hear it? And Subhan Allah, in that moment,
Angel Jibreel comes down and gives him the glad tidings of having
yah, of having John, Prophet John. And this isn't the only time in
which Angel Gabriel is going to give glad tidings in this space.
Because, in a parallel story, what is happening with Virgin Mary,
it taught the Quran talks about her entering this room,
and what does she see in this room?
All of a sudden, there's a man there,
and this man is incredibly beautiful, and she's a woman who
lives by herself in a space of worship in which noone should be
able to get to. And so suddenly she's a very attractive man, as
the scholars of tiffer mentioned, and she's looking at him, and what
does she say? Her first reaction could have been really anything.
She could have ran, she could have screamed, she could have done
anything. But what does she do? She makes Dawa. Her first reaction
as a worshiper of God wasn't simply to just pray and fast and
that's all she does. She also calls people to God. She calls an
angel to God. She says in the Abu Rahmani mink in
so what does she say? I seek refuge with the most compassionate
from you, if you are someone who is God conscious.
And when we look at these two words that she uses,
who does she seek refuge from a Rahman? Why? Because she's
reminding him that even if you came to do something completely
wrong, oppressive, abusive, taking advantage of whatever reason you
might have come here for,
remember the Allah He is, the one who you can still turn to. Don't
do anything wrong. Go back to Allah first.
She says in Kunta, why?
Because taqwa, yes, is God consciousness. We're aware of God.
We're thinking about him. But there's also this concept of this
fear of doing something that's displeasing to Him. So she's
joining these two reminders. And she's saying a Rahman and Taqwa,
that the one who is so merciful can forgive, he's accepting, he's
compassionate, if you're someone who will remember. And Ibn Kathir,
he says, in this reaction, that the angel became so afraid of
Mariam alaihi salam, the Jibreel Alam Angel Gabriel, just flipped
into the form of an angel as soon as she started speaking. He's like
in the
I am only an angel. I'm just an angel. I'm an angel, and I'm here
to give you the ahada Lucky to give you the gift, the glad
tidings of a boy that she's going to have a boy.
So she went from a worshiper, and all she did was worship.
And then what happened from her worship?
She became a DARIAH. She was assertive, she was strong, she was
dynamic, and she spoke with confidence and calling him back to
God. And I want you to recognize this theme happens in the story of
Mariam alaihi salam more than one time, because she could have
called her uncle, and she could have said, Come here quickly. She
could have called any other male worshiper.
She was the only female worshiper, and she could have called someone
else to talk to this person who's in her chamber, but she chose to
make Dawa to him in that moment. And then what happened when he
gave her the glad tidings the ahaba, Lucky ahaba, Lucky. This
gift, this glad tidings of a boy. What is her reaction? Her reaction
isn't like, Oh, me, of course, I'm like a worshiper. No wonder it
wasn't like so pan Allah. Allah chose me. It wasn't an angel
descended from the heavens to talk to me. You are Angel. You are
Angel. Gabriel,
her reaction was like, but no man has touched me. How could this
possibly be true? She's asserting who she is. She's asserting her
identity. She is being strong in the fact that her purity and her
worship of God is something that she has been focused on. This is
how people know her as a worshiper. And how could someone
bring the news of something so different from that?
And it's incredible that she her focus isn't Allah's panel to Allah
is so miraculous. He sent an angel, it was. But what about my
relationship with Allah, and how people are going to look at that
relationship with Him?
Allah uses the word the ahada, lucky
that this gift, this Bushra, this glad tidings, but she didn't see
it as good news. And the next verse after it talks about her
pregnancy. Is her delivering? It talks about Maryam alaiha Salam
going to deliver this baby.
And what does she say?
She isn't praying for her child. She isn't asking Allah to make it
a blessed time for her baby. And maybe she is, in fact, maybe she
is, but that's not what the Quran recorded. What did Allah record?
Allah recorded her crying out, ya lay tiny. Mitsu Kabbalah, havakon,
Tunisia, men see ya. The Quran
recorded her crying out that she wished, wished she had died before
this had been something forgotten and never mentioned.
Ibn Kathir talks about that this actually being permissibility,
that when someone is in such a difficult time that it's okay to
have thoughts like this that you wish you were never even born.
And other scholars of tips here talk about the fact that she's so
worried that she's supposed to be this symbol of worshiping God, and
what are people going to say about her when she comes to them with a
baby? But what I want us to take away from this statement is the
fact that she was miraculously pregnant. She was given news from
an angel, and yet, as someone who did nothing but fast and pray all
day and all night,
she was worried, she was in pain, she was emotionally distressed,
and it wasn't because of a lack of connection with God.
It wasn't because she didn't do enough Quran or salah or Siam or
go to the masjid or be in spaces of Islam,
it was because she's a human being,
and any of us who are going through difficult times,
it is very normal. It is a very normal human reaction that even
when Musa alayhis salam is seeing a staff turn into a snake, even
when he is seeing miracles in front of his eyes, when Allah
tells him his task, he is afraid,
because even If God Almighty is talking to you directly.
It is okay to be afraid, it is normal to be human. And there are
times that we may feel like while I'm reading my Quran every single
day, but I'm still going through depression. Or you may be told,
Well, shouldn't you get over it? You're not showing contentment
with Allah's decree. You should just get over it by now. But in
these examples, Mariam alaihi salam is literally saying, I wish
I could have died. Yeah, late and admit she's wishing that she was
never born. And the reality is that when we talk about people who
are close to God, part of their.
Closeness came through their trials, through their pain of
being human,
and that's what in our trials and in our pain, that's what will
bring us closer to God as well. Not that because I'm close to God,
I won't be tested. It's because I'm close to God, I'm going to
have someone who will help me through these tests. And that
doesn't mean you don't make an effort. You still go to therapy,
you still have a support group, you still shake the date palm
tree, which is what Miriam alaihi salam was told to do. Virgin Mary
was told to shake that date palm tree. And literally, she's in the
middle of having a baby. How is she going to shake a day palm
tree? But she's putting in the effort, she's doing what she needs
to do
so that she can break those thoughts. Because therapists talk
about one of the ways of breaking the cycle of thoughts that don't
help and just take you through a cycle of pain, anxiety,
questioning, wondering, Am I doing it right? Am I doing wrong? Why
did this happen? You break it by taking action. So in Allah's
mercy, what does he do? He knows her psychology. He breaks that
thought process for her and tells her to take action. She takes
action. She She shakes that date palm tree. And then after this,
what does the Quran focus on? Then the Quran focuses on her, going to
her people. The attebe, he go, she goes to her people. Tashmilu,
she's holding she's holding the baby. And the people are like
you. You the child of Enron, the daughter of your mother. How could
you bring this baby?
And I want you to think about the fact
that she had just had a child. She could have asked Angel Jibreel to
go with her baby. God could have said, Angel Jibreel is going to go
with her baby, that Gabriel, peace be upon him, is going to come and
say, This is a miraculous birth of a boy. I am an angel from God. She
could have said that she wants her uncle to go. She could have asked
Allah, can my uncle go instead? God could have ordered that her
uncle go instead, he's a prophet of God. People are going to
believe a prophet of God who come with a baby.
But for all of you who have wondered, Where are women's voices
in the Quran, here are women's roles in the Quran that God
Almighty shows us
that women need to be in spaces that women are there, part of the
Dawa, part of calling people to God. She was given the task of
carrying her own baby.
She was given the task of facing the insults and the slander that
people are going to give
and knowing that she's going to face this. And why look at how
Allah subhanho wa taala, he actually made her reputation so
clear when he had the baby speak Jesus, peace be upon him in her
arms, in infancy, as a newborn, speak on her behalf,
there are so many times where we wonder,
what do we do when we are facing such trials, over and over and
over and in The story of Miriam, what we see is that she
consistently found despite the emotional turmoil she faced, she
consistently found her strength and her resolve and her resilience
and her fortitude, in her faith, she had this strength to continue
to believe that even if she didn't necessarily emotionally feel like,
Alhamdulillah, everything is wonderful. And being so tested
Allahu Akbar, she was able to recognize that Allah's panel to
Allah, God Almighty, is still going to be with her through every
single part of that process.
And so when she's given this gift that she didn't see as a gift, in
that moment when she's going through the pain and she's
recognizing it for what it is, and when she goes to her people, and
her people are shocked, but then are in awe of the miracle of God.
It teaches us that when we are continued,
when we continue to be connected to him,
that despite what we're going through, he will get us through
it.
And there is a theme in the story of Miriam in Virgin Mary, of Angel
Gabriel, and it's connected to the theme of that of her uncle. So.
This concept of angels when we read about them, sometimes we feel
like they are a part of stories of righteous people, but angels are a
part of our lives every single day. We know that we have angels
right now on our right and our left shoulders. We know that Allah
sends angels to record what we do. But the Quran also talks about
angels behind us and in front of us, that there are angels that
protect us, that there are angels waiting here for you to say,
Allahumma salli wa sallam, ala Nabi na Wahabi na Muhammad, that
when you send Salawat on the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa
sallam, who sends that blessings to him. Angels. There are so many
ways to bring angels into our lives and when angels come, there
are so many verses in the Quran that talk about angels,
but over and over in these verses that talk about them being
protection for us and a means of forgiveness for us and barakah for
us and mercy for us. There is one verse in particular that I am
obsessed with, and it is this verse that angels surround the
arship of Allah, that they go around it, and they're praising
him, while you mean abihi, and they believe in him. Why is still
firu Nalina?
And they ask Allah for forgiveness for the people who believe. Rob
gana was here at a cool lady in a taboo whatever, jahid that these
angels are just going around, and they are constantly making dua to
Allah, and they're asking for the forgiveness of the believers. But
what's so powerful about the fact that they make toa for them to be
safe from the hellfire, to go to paradise for them and the people
that they love is that Allah uses this word lil ladina and Manu. He
didn't say little mohsinin, which would be the people who always
pray, always go to the masjid, always fast do everything right in
terms of religious guidance,
they are the ladina emanu,
the people who believed in their hearts. But sometimes they
struggle with the action. Their actions haven't necessarily
reflected the belief that they have in their hearts and angels
can't do anything unless Allah, unless God orders them to do it,
which means that there are angels who God has ordered to do
absolutely nothing, but constantly make dua for us, and not just us
who are here attending a lecture on a Saturday, but people who
believe in Him,
but are struggling with the action of that,
and if those are the people that he has ordered To make dua for her
all the time. 24/7, yes, it's a verb that is constant, that never
ends.
And what about you and me,
who sometimes struggle with the fact that we despise ourselves,
who struggle with the tests that we're facing, whose immediate
reaction in the face of a miracle from God could be how?
But why am I tested again and again and again a girl? How could
I have a girl when it should have been a boy?
In the midst of these very human reactions,
the fact
that we still try our best to come back to Allah, that, in and of
itself,
is a sign that if he created these angels just to make Istar, just to
ask for forgiveness and make dua for people who sometimes think
about him, Then what about the people who, every single time
you're struggling with yourself, and you project that self loathing
that you feel for yourself onto God, and you say, Allah hates me
because you hate yourself, when, in reality, every time you make
Toba, Allah promises that He will forgive you, He promises your
forgiveness, and you can't let go of something you did five years
ago or five months ago or five days ago, despite the fact that
you keep making Toba, you keep asking Allah to forgive, you keep
asking God to just forgive your mistakes, and you can't let go of
that. And so you think that because you can't let go, Allah
hasn't let go. Allah has promised, promised forgiveness for the one
who repents, and so the way that you see yourself, don't portray
that or and project that onto the way Allah sees you. Allah promises
forgiveness that He promises, that he listens to the of the.
Who is calling when he calls or when she calls.
So just like the mother of Maria made dua in the anti semi Ola Ali,
you are the one who hears, and you are the one who knows, remember,
the one. You are facing these trials, when you are facing your
doubts and faith, when you are going through something with your
family, or when you are dealing with trying to find your purpose,
but also constantly hearing voices from different people that maybe
this isn't the right space for you. Remember Subhan, Allah
Alam. He sees what you're going through, he hears what you're
going through, he knows what you're going through. And when you
are gifted a test, maybe that test isn't because it's easy in this
moment, but it's part of your legacy for a time that you might
not be here on Earth in 1000 years, in 200 years, and none of
us are any longer able to remember who any of us are. But there's a
part of this earth that mourns for you, there's a tree that cries for
you. There's a part of a rug that still exists when someone has
taken over your apartment 100 years after you're gone, and they
still have the same carpet,
and it mourns that you no longer making sajda on it.
And maybe your tests are difficult,
but maybe the reward and the blessings and the long term
success in this life and the next,
maybe that's part of what we can't see is a greater plan, just like
Allah had for the mother of Maryam alaihem,
and we take from their example, so that we ourselves can know that
our voices are important, that even with worship, action is
needed, and that as humans, it's okay to be extremely connected to
Allah, but still mourn,
and that's part of our connection with him.
Inshallah, I think we're going to close and take questions since
we've been talking for more than half an hour, Subhanahu wa those
of you who are just joining, feel free to either raise your hand and
we can unmute you so you can ask a question, or if you're not
comfortable with that, You can just leave a question in the
comment section.
Okay. Mehdi, family is raising their hand. I'm going to unmute
you, or you can unmute yourself.
So Emily, Asmaa, so much for this talk. It was truly inspirational.
I wanted to see if you guys will have a recording of this because I
wanted to share it with some of my loved ones who were not able to
listen to it right now. That's so sweet. Matthew family, thank you
so much for your comment.
Thank you to you. Zach lo Hayden, so we have it on Facebook Live,
and I think it'll stay on that page if Mariam is okay with it.
And so you can access it through the MCA Bay Area Facebook page, if
you have Facebook, and if not, do you have Facebook? Matthew family,
I do, but I can get access to that from my cousins or someone else.
Thank you. No worries.
Not to I'm not trying to, like plug myself here, but Matthew
family. Inshallah, I'll upload this also onto my YouTube page.
And if you just look up my name, which is m, A R, Y, a m, Miriam,
last name, a m, I R, Amir. If you just look up that name on YouTube,
I have a channel that has lectures and Inshallah, upload it, and then
Inshallah, you'll be able to share that link. Thank you so much.
Betty, family.
I also love awkwardly staring at the screen. I think, I think Aisha
Mahdi. I'm not sure if that's another question or
yeah, come
I just wanted to say
Sister Maria. I know you're from Al madhb days, Davis college days,
and I am so happy to hear you.
See you. May I love your family. Bless you. I wish I could see you
generation.
You know, it's not fair, but,
but, yeah, it's fun.
To give you lots of dua. Thank you for
an insightful thought. I had
not never thought of it like that when you said, you know, why did
Musa alai salam's Mom had to have a boy. It would have been great
for her to have a girl in that time would have been perfect, but
it's a test. And
the
comment, or when you said, you know, like a mom who really wants
to have a boy has a girl, and she's like, Why did I have a girl?
And it's such a human emotion, and talking about feminism, a lot of
women still go through it. So thank you for highlighting that
and talk bring mental health into it.
Thank you so
much for that comment. You know, it's so interesting. When you look
at
the mother of Miriam, you know, I think something that maybe I
should have clarified is that it's a lot of cultures don't want to
have girls, which is really terrible and against Islam
completely. But her reaction wasn't because she didn't want to
have a baby girl, because she didn't think girls are amazing. It
was because she thought that in her prayer, right, you know, being
able to to have this baby boy go into this place of worship, that
she'd have to have a boy. What was so powerful is that Allah changed
the whole game on people. And was like, girls are going to come into
this space. She's going to be bored, and women relish in that
SubhanAllah.
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
Can I ask a question that's okay, okay, so I guess my question is in
terms of, I think, kind of just going back to that, that mental
health aspect, and where, you know, oftentimes you're in the
state, like, where you're just immense in all of this deep, deep
depression. And so I guess
maybe like tips on how to, like overcome that or come out of it? I
know you did mention action when you're kind of like in that
circling state, but sometimes people stay in that cycle, but at
the same time, how do they how? How can you prevent someone from
staying stagnant in that cycle? If that makes sense, that's a such an
important Excuse me. I'm such an important question, and so many
times for our community. Alhamdulillah, I think we're
getting to a place as a community where we're talking about mental
health so much more versus, I think men, maybe a generation ago,
it was kind of like, well, you're not reading the Quran. And problem
with saying something like you're not reading the Quran is that you
have people who have memorized the whole Quran and they're depressed,
and they then they think it's a problem with their faith, and then
it becomes a huge problem with their Iman, because they're
wondering all the time, what are they doing wrong with, you know,
the relationship with God, what are they doing wrong and and all
becomes about God and how deficient they are in the
relationship with Him, when really they're just going through a lot
as an individual, as a human being, like the prophets did, and
sometimes they just need, you know, a process to go through that
with support.
I always massively recommend therapy that is so important to
get through what you're going through and actually quickly type
into the chat box a therapist who's actually my mother in law,
but she's mashallah incredible. Her name is Noah Shukri Sakina,
counseling.com and she merges, you know, Islamic knowledge and
spirituality with therapy. And so it's so beautiful to be able to
have both of those perspectives when you're trying to process
something emotionally and understanding like, I think this
example is really important, which is, you know, there's, there's a
mountain, and you want to climb this mountain, and so you have
this rope. You hold on to that rope. You pull yourself up with
that rope. And that is the Quran that is Salah, that is the kid
that is dua, that's all of the things of worship. But then you
also need, like, a backpack to carry your food. You need picks.
You need shoes, clothes. All those things are the are the things you
need to get at that mountain and so like therapy, a support group
of friends or family who you feel you can trust and that you feel
safe with, taking care of yourself. You know, exercising
food. You know, food, all of those types of things. I'm sure everyone
has heard of before. But also creating new experiences is really
important, specifically with worship, because a lot of people
struggle with
they struggle with acts of faith and kind of like an A feeling of
trauma. So many times, people have been told like, if you're not
going to pray, you might as well not do something else, or.
Been, like, hit with the Quran physically, or also guilted into
reading Quran, or guilted into praying, or you might as well take
off your hijab, like, very angry, like, like, things like, if you're
not going to do it like this, you might as well not do it at all.
And so a lot of us have this trauma when it comes to
spirituality, because we have this anger, this frustration, this
hurt, this like, Fine, I will just take it off. You know, this, like,
intense reaction, which is absolutely understandable because
we feel like we don't have a safe place to worship. Sometimes people
don't feel that safety in certain places, whether that's with people
or with a space, and so creating new experiences with worship is
very important for you. So, for example, reading the Quran in a
place you love, like if you love to drink coffee, and you have a
specific place you enjoy drinking it, sitting down, drinking coffee
and sitting in that place that's a place of safety for you. You know,
doing these types of things that you can feel
like you're creating experiences based in joy and love that are on
your terms with worship, and the more that you create those new
experiences when you pray by the ocean,
when you are able to make the kid and you are just taking A walk and
staring at the trees. You know, connecting to these creations of
Allah is very grounding, and being able to create those new
experiences with worship helps you, in your mind, set a new way
to think about them.
And so recognizing that it's okay to have these emotions, that's
that's the first thing it's very important to be, you know,
acceptable to this, like accepting the fact that you have these
emotions, and then, at the same time with that, finding a support
group, working with a therapist and creating new experiences for
you to get through it, and finally, journaling your thoughts
and breaking your thoughts so you can have a cycle that's not
helpful. For example, my mother in law taught me this. By the way,
this is not, this is not, that's not, I'm not a therapist. Just
like you might drop something and you hit it and it hurts your foot
when it drops like, really hurts. And your first thought might not
be like, Ow, or Allahu Akbar. Your first thought might be like, I
hate when I drop things like, I hate I'm so clumsy, or like
something very, you know, intense. It's about yourself. And then you
just go into the cycle, and I always do this, I I'm lazy, and
then you just start saying all these things about yourself, and
none of those things are helpful, nor are they true. So instead, you
break your thought pattern and you say, I dropped something because
I'm having a difficult moment. No, I dropped something because I'm a
difficult person at all times you take it as a trait, not a state.
It was a trait, not No, no, sorry. It's a state, not a trait. It's
not your trait. It's the state of the moment. And looking at things,
journaling those thoughts, breaking your thought pattern,
recognizing that thought, and replacing it with one that has to
do with your state, not your trait. Are things that can help,
Inshallah, with processing your your mental health struggles. I
was just going to say there's a comment sister Samira said, I
think it's interesting that both pregnancies were by single moms
and how they reacted to it. Subhanallah, it's so interesting
in the Quran how Allah talks about women in different ways. For
example, we talked about single moms here, and then when we look
at the Queen of Sheba in Saba, subhanAllah, she is talked about
as a ruler. She's not talked about as a mother, she's talked about as
a queen. It's so powerful how we see all the different spaces and
roles in which women are in our lives, in different spaces. Some
women are going to be mothers, some are not. Some are going to be
married, some are not. Some are going to be married and single
moms and some are not. But we're all reflected in the Quran and
being able to have that conversation with our daughters
and our sons that, or loved ones or friends that or ourselves
honestly, that our stories are reflected in the Quran is very
healing when it comes to connection with the book of Allah.
You're so sweet. Thank you for that super kind comment.
Sister Aisha, Matthew, you still have your hand raised. I'm not
sure if you have another question that you wanted to ask.
I'm assuming not.
Oh. Aisha, iPhone has raised their hand. You can unmute I first.
Oh, there. Okay, okay, just allow me to unmute. Okay. Salma sister
Mariam, that was such a great topic that you discussed. And I
love the mentor.
Health lens that you used especially good for the beginning
of the year when we're all trying to set goals, especially with
mental health. I wanted to comment on how you brought up that you
know, during marima Islam's childbirth, when she, like, called
out to Allah and she was saying she wished she would have died and
been forgotten. I guess I it really does bring a point where we
can vent like this to outlaw. I just wonder the best approach to
calming this negativity, like, is it best to kind of vent out loud
like this? Is it better to journal about it? Is it also okay to talk
to a friend in this kind of manner. I mean, it is really
intense, but I do think the revelation of these kind of true,
deep inner feelings is important. I just want you to comment further
on the best way to kind of let this out in a productive way, but
also in a way to release Thank you. That's really important. I
think that it's going to be different for each person. Some
people need to talk it out with someone, and having a safe person
that they can talk to and they can trust is really critical. But not
everyone has that person. And so talking it out to Allah, whether
you have that person or not, is really helpful. And knowing that
Allah knows what you're going through, so it's okay to say you
know you're it's okay to express your feelings, and then also when
you're seeing these things at the same time, you're you're saying
that you know, I know that I don't know why I'm going through this,
and I trust you. I I'm seeking your help to help me get through
it, help me find the resources I need to heal, and then to help me
help my healing, so that recognition, that you know this is
all a part of your your journey to him, and that he he doesn't
condemn you for feeling your feelings. And what are you going
to do with that? That's when you seek help for the action
afterwards. Um, journaling is something that's also very
important, because another phrase that
my mother in law says is that if you don't control your thoughts,
they will control you. And it's just so helpful to know that you
know you might be on autopilot just doing things, but in your
mind, who, if anyone stared at you, they would have no clue that
those are the thoughts that are going through your head. And
really, just being able to sit, journal them, recognize them, look
at what thoughts are actually helpful to you and which ones are
not, and then see how you need to address them is really it's really
critical for being able to move forward. And also, I am not a
mental health professional. So just putting them out there, you
sound like it, though,
I'm very, very blessed to to have lots of conversations with mental
health professionals, for the blessing of them who work in this
field, Dr Rania Awad, who is in Northern California, Hiba al
Haddad, who's part of MC, part of that, which is working with MCA.
You know, these are spaces that we need to take advantage of and
really recognize that sometimes when we feel like, I just got a
message today who someone was saying that she just feels so
unproductive and unable to focus on her worship, and she feels
really apathetic. And I was like, Well, what's going on in your
life? Look at the reality of your life. You have all these struggles
like, that's not about your faith. That's about you have a lot going
on in your life, and you need to address them and and when you're
able to address them, you're able to go into your healing and then
focus on your faith in a much more in a much more compassionate,
passionate way. So Right? Focusing on our mental health allows us to
be able to focus on our worship in ways that are wholesome and
healing, instead of completely based in trauma, which is still
important. We need both. We need to go to Allah with our trauma,
and we need to seek our healing from him, but we seek our healing
from him with the means he's given us, because he says, the people
who know, if you don't know and that can expand on everything, and
the people who know are people who are trained in these fields to
help us process our emotions. Thank you so much for asking that
question. Oh, does that feel a fair
and then I think Mehdi family has another question.
Assalamu alaikum. Does that for giving me another chance to ask a
question. I just wanted to know, how do you create a balance
between encouraging your loved ones to have a connection with the
word of Allah and also allowing them to have their own space?
Yeah?
I think that it really depends on your relationship to each person,
being able to be there as someone who
lives your life in this way, excuse me, and people know that
about you is one thing like.
Like I know lugna. When I'm around Lubna, she never talks to me about
did you reach the Quran today? Did you are you fasting today? She
doesn't do those things, but she'll do those things on her own.
And when I'm around her, I just feel that sense of closeness to
God, because that's who she is. She exudes that. And the way that
she interacts with me never makes me feel judged. It never makes me
feel like I'm less than it never makes me feel like I shouldn't be
doing something. She just helps me figure out my life while being
herself. And I know that I can go to her with my questions. I know
that she'll be supportive if I'm going through something, and being
that person for someone while practicing your faith with
conviction will allow them to have an example for when they're ready
for that you're just a beautiful person in their life that can help
them, because they know that you'll be there to help them.
Inshallah, at the same time, if this is someone who you have an
influence on and are responsible for their health, for example, a
child, that's kind of like a different circumstance, where you
look at what are the boundaries, what are the conversations that
you have with that person? Sometimes a friend is actually
open to advice and asking for advice, or a loved one is willing
to accept that those are different conversations. But a lot of times,
I know myself, when I was super excited about Islam, I got into
it. And then I was like, everyone, drop everything. We have to pray
right now. And people were like, we don't even what we pray. Like,
I went. I went, like, hardcore. Like, stop. We cannot do, are you
seriously going to watch a movie a thug through the law? Like I made
people not want to hear my voice, be in my presence. It was
terrible, and I thought I was making dawah, reminding everyone
of a lot else. I remember this one time I had a conversation people,
I don't know what people were talking about. I just like, walked
up, and I was like, I better mention Allah in this
conversation. And so I was like, did you know that the Prophet
Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam told us? And they were
like,
so Anyway, don't be awkward like me. You I've learned my lessons.
Be, be someone who worships Allah yourself and with your love for
him, you pray that, Inshallah, other people, if they're if, if
and when they would like to go to that space, are comfortable
talking to you about it, and you make to offer them. You just you
pray for yourself, and you pray for the people that you love. And
if, if anyone has a different approach, please share. Please do
share. Does that go up there? Sister Maria?
So I think we have time for one more question.
If anyone has any more lingering questions? I don't know, Luna, if
there are any questions in the Facebook there's nothing common
at the moment, but aside from a question asking if we were going
to save it to watch for later. But I want to just add really quickly
to mariams point
that one thing that I know for myself at least,
is I always have to ask myself, did I remember to make dua for
that person, right? Like, whether it's my family member or my
friend, and I really want them, like, you know, I want a certain
thing for them, like, did I sit and ask Allah to bless them with
that or to guide them? Right? Because sometimes we
we take it upon ourselves so much to be that person that's going to,
you know, help guide someone or help take someone out of a
situation, and we forget that guidance comes from Allah, right,
and we need to turn to him first and foremost, and like pour our
hearts out to him so that he can help us to be those people that
are Going to help others be guided.
Thank you. Livna McDowell, for me
and you, please make to offer me
beautiful words. And with that, I want to once again, thank sister.
This was such a much needed conversation, I think, and the
fact that we were able to connect it back to miramale Salam, I think
that was really, really important and very beneficial for me
personally. And I'm assuming for those of you who are also in this
call
with that, I guess Miriam, if you wanted to end with like, a dua as
a closing one quick thing, oh yes, read the comment in this chat. I
think we missed it, and it's a pretty nice one. Actually, I read
it, but so it says the idea of perception is reality in some
ways, is perception? Is reality in some ways, is relevant to today.
But it was super helpful to hear how Mariam and I said, I'm also
struggled with as the idea of I have a reputation of being a
certain type of person, and having a child when I'm a worshiper is
antithetical to to that reputation. It's important to
understand the examples that are given to us in Scripture as folks
that were also human, that also had human struggles that we can
draw from for ourselves. So I'm doing.
Yeah, thank you. That's such an important comment. Like a lot of
times people say, Oh, you shouldn't care what other people
think. And it's like, it's very real to care what other people
think, and acknowledging that, but then also recognizing that
sometimes the thoughts of how people perceive us limits us in
what we're going to do, and as long as we're going to do what we
believe is right, for the sake of God, we just keep doing it, and we
pray to Him to protect our reputations, like he rejected.
Mariam Ali has said, and but there are so many times where we limit
ourselves because we're worried about what people are going to
think. And I think the reality is, while the Quran recognizes that
that's very real, that that, that being concerned about your
reputation when it comes to spaces of worship, like she was so
worried, she's like the pair. She's a paragon of Dawa, like
she's she's a parent of
she's the the prime example of worship, and this is not worship
in in other people's eyes. And so she's worried, how are going to
people? People People going to see Islam. But there was something
actually very beautiful that remember hearing that, you know,
sometimes we're so worried about how people will perceive Islam
when it's not on us, that's on God. We do the actions correctly
as much as we can, but even when we mess up, we recognize that God
is the one who can help people's hearts calibrate with him, not us.
And so we focus on our worship with him, and we keep praying to
Him, and we focus on ourselves and how we can be productive and
beneficial to other people, but we leave it in the hands of God.
Thank you for that. Comments. Awesome. You.
Um, and I think with that, Miriam, you can feel free to close.
Inshallah. Thank you so much for joining. It was such an honor and
such a blessing. And I'm getting some private messages. If you want
to connect privately, please send me a message on Instagram. It's at
the Miriam Amir, and I'd love to continue the conversation there
inshallah and Inshallah, may Allah bless you and and Inshallah, we'll
continue the conversation there. May Allah bless all of you and all
of your loved ones. So Hanukkah love conditional, and that ILAHA,
ILA and this. Thank you so much, MCA, for having this. Really
appreciate this conversation. And Inshallah, you will continue, and
we will continue to have them. Shall I? Thank you all for coming
applause.