Maryam Amir – Struggling Hijab

			Years ago, I looked at myself in
the mirror, and I thought, I hate
		

			the way that I look in hijab. This
is before I had started studying
		

			Islam seriously, and I remember
taking all of that emotion
		

			straight into dua. I asked Allah's
Panama to Allah to make hijab
		

			beloved to me, to let me love
wearing hijab. In addition to dua,
		

			I was reading the Quran in
translation every single day. I
		

			had a translation that was half
English, and I would very, very
		

			slowly at the time, read the
Arabic, and I wouldn't let myself
		

			sleep without reading the Quran.
The more that I read the Quran,
		

			the more that I felt like I began
to really know who Allah's panuata
		

			Allah is. And it no longer became
about the what hijab, but it
		

			became about the who Allah,
subhana wa taala. I started to
		

			love hijab so much that I wanted
to wear every version of it,
		

			including, at the time, starting
to wear Naqab. Naqb is a different
		

			discussion, but the point is, it
just became so beloved to me,
		

			Alhamdulillah. And now there is a
book that my friend Dr Gina and
		

			Yusuf has written. It's called
reflecting on the names of Allah.
		

			You should read it and take one
name of allah a week and make dua
		

			to Allah by that name. Get to know
who Allah, spanoa Tala is. The
		

			other part is looking at the
community of the Prophet. Peace be
		

			upon him. Hijab was revealed as a
legal obligation 13 to 14 years
		

			after the initial revelation. And
the woman companions, the way they
		

			describe their reaction to the
verses of hijab being legalized is
		

			that they took the curtains of
their homes and just started like
		

			covering themselves, covering
their hair, covering their bodies
		

			with it. Their reaction was
immediate, and it was full. It was
		

			complete. There weren't like
stages to their hijab journey, but
		

			there's a reason for that. The
reason is because Islam was
		

			already being revealed in stages.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
		

			sallam mentored his community.
Peace be upon him. That
		

			mentorship, I think, sometimes, is
just not always available, or
		

			there, not just in hijab, but in
so many different aspects of the
		

			way that sometimes some
communities may teach Islam. The
		

			Hijab discussion that just
happened all over Tiktok right now
		

			is a great example of that,
sometimes in an effort to bring
		

			people closer to practicing Islam,
		

			people motivate through shame and
guilt, and because so many of us,
		

			at times, have been wired to see
Allah already in that light, in
		

			the light of you hate yourself,
and therefore you cast your self
		

			hatred onto who you assume Allah
may be, and Then you think the
		

			Allah sees you in the same
negative way that you see
		

			yourself. Those are your own self
thoughts. But what if instead you
		

			thought about the way that the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
		

			sallam described someone like you,
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
		

			sallam said that the Mujahid, in
this context, I will translate it
		

			as a spiritual warrior, is the one
who strives against his or her own
		

			soul in the obedience of Allah
subhanahu wa that
		

			means if you are doing something,
and the only reason you are doing
		

			it, even when you really, really
struggle with it, is for the sake
		

			of Allah, or you're not doing
something even though you really
		

			Want to do it, and it's only
because, you know, it's what Allah
		

			wants. It doesn't make you a
hypocrite.
		

			It makes you inshaAllah, a
spiritual warrior. Finally, it
		

			helped me to remember the
Companions roll the Allahu, anhu,
		

			Sumayya, RadiAllahu, anhu, who was
martyred, the first martyr of
		

			Islam, a woman, the woman of Raza,
the woman of Sudan. Those who wear
		

			hijab in those places, their
commitment to this act of worship
		

			to hijab is so great that they're
not removing it when they sleep.
		

			What if you're sitting here hating
yourself? But what if Allah, Spano
		

			wa Tala loves you?