Maryam Amir – Missing who you used to be in Ramadan

For those of you who missed who you used to be in Ramadan, and as

the last 10 nights are approaching, you look through your

Ramadan and think you didn't do anything from what you used to do,

that you didn't feel what you used to feel when you just had time,

when you weren't a full time parent or working full time, or

studying full time, or caring for other people, or navigating your

own trauma and mental health issues. The Prophet sallallahu,

alayhi wa sallam taught us that if a person does worship and then

they get sick or they travel and that worship that they do all the

time has to stop because of their circumstance, that the reward

continues as if they were doing it, even if they're not in that

moment, because they would be doing that if they could. So talk

to Allah and tell him say, Oh Allah, I miss who I used to be,

except for me, who I used to be. And tell him how if you could, you

would, if you didn't have the responsibilities that Allah put in

your life right now, you inshaAllah, would still do those

actions. You would, but Alhamdulillah for the

responsibilities that he's placed in your life. And so you ask him,

Ya Allah, let me see those responsibilities as worship. Give

me the wisdom to taste the sweetness of My relationship with

you in taking care of what you've put in my life. And you can tell

him, do you remember, Ya Allah, when I used to be so lost and you

guided me. Do you remember the way and tell him the way you used to,

whatever it was that used to bring that sweetness in your

relationship with him, that Oh, Allah, if I could tell him that

you would leave everything and just focus on that worship, but

also know that in his sight, maybe what you're so busy with is more

beloved to him than when you secluded yourself, because now

you're you're helping and supporting other people, or maybe

you're taking care of your own, navigating faith with trauma. Tell

him that you love him

and that you miss him, and that you miss being able to worship Him

the way you used to be, to accept who you used to be, and accept

those deeds as if you were doing them now, accept them as if

they've continued for all of these years. Because if you could, you

would and ask him that even if you haven't felt anything this rumbled

on, even if you haven't done all that you wanted to do or that you

could have done,

to count you as the people that love him, because you do and ask

him to write you as someone whom He loves you.