Maryam Amir – Missing who you used to be in Ramadan

			For those of you who missed who
you used to be in Ramadan, and as
		

			the last 10 nights are
approaching, you look through your
		

			Ramadan and think you didn't do
anything from what you used to do,
		

			that you didn't feel what you used
to feel when you just had time,
		

			when you weren't a full time
parent or working full time, or
		

			studying full time, or caring for
other people, or navigating your
		

			own trauma and mental health
issues. The Prophet sallallahu,
		

			alayhi wa sallam taught us that if
a person does worship and then
		

			they get sick or they travel and
that worship that they do all the
		

			time has to stop because of their
circumstance, that the reward
		

			continues as if they were doing
it, even if they're not in that
		

			moment, because they would be
doing that if they could. So talk
		

			to Allah and tell him say, Oh
Allah, I miss who I used to be,
		

			except for me, who I used to be.
And tell him how if you could, you
		

			would, if you didn't have the
responsibilities that Allah put in
		

			your life right now, you
inshaAllah, would still do those
		

			actions. You would, but
Alhamdulillah for the
		

			responsibilities that he's placed
in your life. And so you ask him,
		

			Ya Allah, let me see those
responsibilities as worship. Give
		

			me the wisdom to taste the
sweetness of My relationship with
		

			you in taking care of what you've
put in my life. And you can tell
		

			him, do you remember, Ya Allah,
when I used to be so lost and you
		

			guided me. Do you remember the way
and tell him the way you used to,
		

			whatever it was that used to bring
that sweetness in your
		

			relationship with him, that Oh,
Allah, if I could tell him that
		

			you would leave everything and
just focus on that worship, but
		

			also know that in his sight, maybe
what you're so busy with is more
		

			beloved to him than when you
secluded yourself, because now
		

			you're you're helping and
supporting other people, or maybe
		

			you're taking care of your own,
navigating faith with trauma. Tell
		

			him that you love him
		

			and that you miss him, and that
you miss being able to worship Him
		

			the way you used to be, to accept
who you used to be, and accept
		

			those deeds as if you were doing
them now, accept them as if
		

			they've continued for all of these
years. Because if you could, you
		

			would and ask him that even if you
haven't felt anything this rumbled
		

			on, even if you haven't done all
that you wanted to do or that you
		

			could have done,
		

			to count you as the people that
love him, because you do and ask
		

			him to write you as someone whom
He loves you.