Maryam Amir – Journey to Sacred Knowledge and Sacred Spaces Ustada Fatima Lette
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
What
an honor. Masha Allah, it's an honor to have all of you. Masha
Allah, Claudia wardah did a
an interview with us last time. Baraka lo fiha, she sounds like
Apple bus. It Okay. Mashallah,
can you hear me? Well,
um,
a little bit, but maybe
it's like,
I'm okay, Hello, yes, that's good. Okay, perfect. It's such an honor
to have you bottle of fiki for joining us tonight. Thank you so
much for having me. Thank you.
This is a Stella Fatima. Let it is such an honor to have her Masha
Allah, she is a teacher. She is a lecturer. She's someone who
teaches tafsir. I've been listening to her lectures online
because I have always wanted to attend one of her Masha Allah
sacred trips. Masha Allah, she graduated from Kalam. She teaches
with Kalam and with the root center. Um Masha Allah, she
teaches with sofa, and she does international trips to Mecca,
Medina, mashallah to Turkey, and gives lectures in these holy
spaces. Masha Allah, and I can't tell you how many times I have
seen pictures of you lecturing and wishing that I was like the ant
crawling
the sacred space in which you lecture. May Allah bless you. I'm
so grateful that you're giving us your time. I know it's late in the
East Coast. Oh, no worries. Thank you so much for speaking with us.
I would love to know if you could share with us what was your
journey like? Why did you want to study? How did you start to study
why did you choose this path that Joseph Walker for the introduction
may last one time, I accept that's a very good question. You know, a
lot of times when that question comes up, I have a hard time
answering it, because there's, there's a two part like, I guess
you could say there's two parts to that particular question. And the
first part is that, you know, there was a time where I felt like
I needed to learn Arabic. So it all started with wanting to learn
Arabic, and at least for me, on my part, and I say that because
there's like, another part to it, and I felt like I wanted to learn
Arabic, so that's when I decided, okay, you know what, I'm going to
take some time off to go and learn Arabic. But, you know, my parents,
they put in a lot of drug you know, my mom would constantly talk
to me about, you know, maybe you should think about studying this,
or you should think about studying that. And my head was just not
there, like I was focused on doing, you know, other things in
my life, college and so on and so forth. So, when I came to study
Arabic. I came to Dallas to study Arabic.
You know, a big part of me studying was that I wanted to
understand my religion for myself. I wanted to understand, you know,
what I'm reading. I wanted to understand what I'm practicing. I
wanted to be able to also kind of make it digestible for what you
could say, like youth and things of that nature, because I was big
and used to work growing up. So then what happened was that when I
got here, I well before I got here, actually, I got into contact
with Shakopee Nasser, and, you know, he gave me a lot of
motivation for my studies and, like, what I should do, and a lot
of advice. And I remember that a big part of what I wanted was for
was for a mentor, someone to help me in my journey, in a way that
would be suitable for me. And I'm a big person. I'm a big proponent
of keeping your your personality. You know that your personality is
something that Allah has given you. Thank you for being that so
many of us hear that, especially when you start religious studies
as a woman. Yeah, so I didn't want to be changed like I wasn't
interested in being a different person. I wasn't interested in
being like anyone else. I wanted to be the best version of myself.
And even though that's a life journey, you know, you have to
start somewhere. And so I remember that first meeting with Shalom
Nasser, and he was basically, you know, giving advice. And one of
the things that he talked about is refining the self that you should,
you know, go on this journey, wanting to be a better person,
wanting to be better for yourself. And then also there's the serving
the community aspect. And I thought to myself.
A Flash Man. Like, if I could, you know, study with him, or, like, be
able to get mentorship from him, that would be awesome. But at the
time, it was like, kind of felt far fetched. So fast forward
through my studies. My first year at learning Arabic, afterwards,
column announced that they will be doing a foundational Islamic
Studies program. And so I was like, okay,
yeah, so they announced that it won't happen that first year that
I was in Dallas was actually the year that it launched. But I
didn't qualify to go that year because it basically I needed to
know Arabic. So I was in the right place learning Arabic. But then
there was, like, a bunch of other factors. And I remember, you know,
just feeling like this is something that I needed to do for
the purpose of being a better person. Like the whole goal was
being a better person and trying to be, you know, the best version
of myself. So reading up, reading up on, you know that what the
seminary was for and what I was promoting, I was like, Okay, this
is the program that I wanted to do. So I did the seminary the
following year. So now this is two years, but there was no such thing
as an alum course for the column at the time. And I think was like,
I really liked the culture and the way that sugar master was as a
teacher, in terms of even just again, like motivating students
and teaching students to be like the best version of themselves.
And then it's like one thing to learn from a teacher who just
teaches from a book, but it's a whole nother thing to learn from a
teacher that implements the things that they're teaching. So he will
tell us about how we should treat our families and how we should act
and how we should speak and how we should, you know, deal with
conflict and deal with different situations. And then you're seeing
him in action, like we go to conferences and like, you know, we
go to conferences and we see how he is and how he deals with
everyone, and how, I don't know if you met shalom, so, you know, he's
a very personable person, you know. So you're seeing teaching
something, and then implement it right away. It's just living,
yeah, and then you we got to know his as class, as the class, and
it's very common because are very much so like a family field, you
get to know his family, and you get to know how he treats his
family, and all these things. I was like, Okay, this is good,
because I am a very big person of learning. You know, by what I see,
I don't only learn from books. I learn from actions and people, and
I pick up on those things. And so that was, like, one of the biggest
things that made me want to say.
But it all in all, what inspired the journey to keep going is
actually that Allah SWT just opened up the doors for it at the
end of the day, I didn't I didn't know where I was going to end up.
I didn't know that I will study further. I didn't exist, like a
full on course, did not even exist at that time. And so I was very
grateful when the doors did open up, and they opened up in ways
that were just very unpredictable, like I just definitely did not
again. I didn't know that that was something I wanted to do. I knew I
wanted to study, but I didn't know what capacity or how it would be,
and I lost my time. I just opened those doors up. And I always tell
people that sometimes things happen in your happens in your
life that are not even a result of your own dua but as a result of
the doors of the people around you, you know, I know my mom's
made a lot of dua for me. I know my friends have made a lot of dua
for me. And sometimes I talk to my friends and they tell me, like,
oh, we knew this was going to happen, like we knew you were end
up studying, and there's something I didn't even know about myself.
So it's so important to keep good people around you that remind you
of Allah and that they're going to pray for you at night and not even
tell you, you know, I've been making dua for you. And so a lot
of times, your journey and the blessings that come into your life
are not the result of your own dua, the results of the dua of
others. But yeah, so studying happened all because Allah wanted
it to happen. That is the Spark Notes version of that story.
So it's so powerful, especially when you gave us all you know, and
a very particular insight, which is that sometimes we want
something and we don't even know we want something, but that's
something that Angela has tons of other people for us,
talks about Kalam. Why did you choose halam out of any other
program or going somewhere else? What led you?
So that's a really good question. I actually did look at programs
all over the states, and I looked at programs overseas as well. At
one point, I thought I was going to move to Yemen, and then I
thought I was going to move to Malaysia, so it was just like a
lot, but I realized that, you know, for me, even though I'm
from, like, ethnically, I'm from Gambia, and I'm my mom, she
resides there, I just know that I would probably always reside in
the United States. So a big part is for me that I will always be
here in the United States and and I wanted to be able to have
Islamic knowledge and.
A way that's understandable for me and my context and the environment
that I live in. And so I didn't feel comfortable going overseas,
so that kind of ruled that out. The second thing was that being
here in the States, I also wanted it again to be relatable, to be
understandable, to be digestible, to be, you know, able to be
implementable as well. So I wanted a very practical approach, but
also didn't want it to be so Western. I wanted it also to be a
very traditional approach. So you don't come across many
institutions that is able, that are able to actually blend in
those two aspects, the classical, traditional aspect, and then also
having it in a modern context, it's very difficult to come across
those programs. So that was one of the things. But the ultimate thing
is that, you know, sorry about that. It's
so important for you to know who you're studying under, and the
fact that the teachers are so transparent about their
background, they're so transparent about even their personalities and
how they are. And I just, I really vibe with the culture. I really
vibe with the teachers. I really, I really have a lot of respect for
them. And then on top of that, you know, they treat me and my family
like family, and that's like, my ultimate goal. You know, you can
accept me and my family, then we're in this together. We're
ready to, like, you know, go on a journey. So you're talking about
family and kind of like this culture that's created when you're
studying Arabic and you're studying Quranic sciences,
you know, many, many people ask, How can I study this? Because they
can't leave the country, but they can go to another state, like,
call them, for example, going to,
but the, but there's a certain, like, you know,
culture that's when you're learning with other people how to,
like, how did you feel? That was created
as a woman going face of knowledge, but also a place in
which you walk outside and you're speaking English and you're just
in Texas, like, not like in Yemen, going to a masjid, or in Malaysia,
going to a message, you are going to message in Texas. But like,
what? What is that like studying here versus studying in E, for
example, not that you would have experiences in Egypt, but like
this, just this concept of like column is like a culture that you
create in and of itself, right? Right? So I think one of the
things, the biggest things is that, you know, it depends on your
goal of learning Arabic, right? So if your goal is to understand, if
your goal is to speak it, and you want to speak like the natives,
then you should go to a country that you want to speak that that
particular dialect, and, you know, immerse yourself in into it. And
that's probably the best way that you're going to get that
experience. But then if it's for the purpose of understanding the
Quran and understanding classical text, then that's a whole
different ballgame. So that that one you can, and I believe you can
learn other dialects in the in the States as well, but if you want
that fully immersed experience. So for me, my goal is not was not to
speak Arabic. It wasn't to it wasn't spoken or conversational
Arabic. My goal was to understand the Quran, and ultimately I was
able to also understand classical text. I didn't really know that.
You know, going in with the goal to understand the Quran was going
to unlock so many other books for me, because, again, I had just one
focused intention coming coming into that program. So that was the
thing. So basically, what happened is, what happens is that you are,
you are put into an environment that helps you understand Arabic,
from the aspect of being someone who does not speak Arabic, it's
Arabic for a non Arabic speaker or not a person does not have that,
who does not have the Arabic background, and I feel like that's
so important, because so many times we're trying to learn Arabic
from the aspect of being an Arabic speaker, that makes it very
difficult. And so it's it's a journey of years where someone
spend years learning different books, or whatever the case may
be, and they still don't grasp the language because they're trying to
learn it like a native. When you're not a native, and not being
a native means that, okay, you have to approach it from a
different angle. So that's kind of the culture that's created. It's
created that, listen, we understand that you're not a
native to this language. And so let us teach you the basics and
teach you how to understand and give you the foundations, and give
you the tools, and then the rest of refining the skills, and, you
know, refining the grammar, refining the reading, all of that
stuff. It comes with time, and obviously it comes with
continuation of your studies and readings and so on so forth.
I'm so glad talked about you.
Knowing the goals that you have so many somebody will ask me, you
know that they want to study Islam, but then it's like, what do
you want to do with that? And and there are options where, if you
just want to be able to read the text on your own, this is a
program that you can go through and get achieve that goal when
you're when you are learning, not specifically at Kalam as an
institute, but just in general, in your process of learning and now
as your process of teaching, did you come across any particular
challenges, whether it was as a non native Arab, as a non native
Arabic speaker, or if it was as a woman or any other like, what
challenges did you find that you faced, and how did you kind of
like process them? I think every year presented a different
challenge, because that's the nature of doing something, you
know, trying to be sincere, trying to go on a journey and do
something for the sake of Allah, like, you know, it's not going to
be easy. You know, sometimes we think that okay, because I'm doing
this good thing, or I do this thing, that I feel like it's going
to be great for me, it's going to be easy every step of the way,
like I'm going to float on clouds, like through the journey. And then
that's, yeah, it's like, you know, everything is rainbows and
unicorns. It's not, you know, it's not every day, it's not rainbows
and unicorns, but every year presented ish challenges. And I
would think, like, for the for Arabic, one of my biggest
challenges was the language itself, in the sense that, like,
you know, I'm a type of student that I like to take a lot of
notes, and I like to write a lot. And, like, you know, memorizing
takes a lot of time, and so memorizing was a big portion of
the program. And so it just at least vocabulary and things of
that nature. So that was very difficult for me. But
with difficulty, comes east, you know, like the ISS. But with
difficulty, Allah SWT always puts their people or different things
there to really release that, you know. And so for me throughout the
years, I had many close friends and close family that really
helped and facilitate my studies and my journey, and my classmates
played a big role, because as a class, you're going through it
together, right? So someone's going through there, someone's
going through that, and so you lean on each other, you help each
other out like sometimes you come in with an attitude the other
person has to remind you, like, you know, we are blessed to be
here. We're blessed to be able to read the verses of Allah, Swan,
Tala and the words of the Prophet every single day. And, like, work
towards this. Your teachers, who pick up on the vibes of the
classroom, and they realize, okay, we need what we like to call a
shakedown, where everybody needs, like, a motivational like, really
kick and, you know, kick into the right direction. I think that's
but that's just like challenges with studying and doing something
good in general. I think personal challenges, whether it be from
gender or whether it be from my race or whether it be from from
different aspects, to be completely honest, that is why I
stayed at the institution that I was at, because I didn't have to
deal with those types of things, in the sense that our teachers
recognize the realities of the world. And in fact, it quite
opposite happened, where they equipped me with tools and to be
able to deal with the real world. So, you know, you have like, it's
kind of like being at home is your bubble. You have your morals, your
values, your thoughts, your way of thinking, your your opinions and
things of that nature in your bubble at home and parents teach
your children how to deal with the outside world. It's the same thing
with studying, you know, it's a bubble, it's nice, it's safe,
it's, you know, it's great. But we did get taught all of us, from the
guys in the class to the females in the class, like we all knew
that there are certain stereotypes and challenges that each of us are
going to face when we go out into the community, and so our teachers
prepared us collectively to deal with those challenges.
So
so then what you were learning, you talked about it being applied
by your teachers when they are living, but they're all tools to
apply into your own lives in the United States, where you're going
to act challenges. I think one of the things that when I went to go
study Arabic in Egypt, and then I was doing Islamic Studies,
a lot of people told me they're so immersed in living there and in
the culture,
know how to come back in.
But when you have a teacher who is there and they know what's
happening, and they know the realities of the challenges, they
what kinds of tools did they give you to help you get through and to
help you face what you whatever you were facing or ended up facing
after.
It definitely depends on the situation. But I will say that the
biggest thing was, the biggest tools that we got was one, okay,
so there are many. So the very first one was, like the tool of.
Recognizing that we are a means to an end. We're not the end all, be
all like you're not the end all. Be all like you're not. Someone
doesn't come, you don't teach a class, and that's the only place
that this person can get this information. Like, no, there's
information everywhere, you know. So you're not the end all, be all.
And what that, what that does is that releases a lot of anxieties.
It releases a lot of stress. It also makes you very humble, like
it humbles you in the position that you're in. You're like, Okay,
well, I'm teaching this class. I'm like, they have many other
options, you know. And what that does is it keeps your focus on, on
what your your purpose is for that time, what your purpose is for
that class, you know, so for us, we've always been taught, like,
listen your purpose, and what you're doing is for the sake of
Allah, it's not for anybody else. And we're all here as a means to
an end. Like, if we all pass away today or we all die, this mission,
this religion, is all going to keep going. You know, it's all
going to keep it has its own. What you could say, like, engine,
you're not the engine. You're not the end all be all there. And so
that helped a lot. That helps a lot, because when you do face
things in the community, it's just like, Okay, well, this is I'm not
be all maybe someone else may be better to come and explain this
situation. Or do fix out, fix this. I mean, do this particular
class or do this particular program. So that was one of the
one of the things. The second thing was support. As long you put
in your you put in your effort with your relationship between you
and your teachers, and they will support you. And so it's so
important, because a lot of times people think that mentorship it's
just you going and knocking on someone's door saying, I want a
mentor. No, you have to put in work, because those people also,
they want to invest in you. They're going to put in work in
you. And so when you do that, when it's like a mentorship
relationship, that you understand that, hey, like, I have to put in
work for this. And they understand that they're supporting you. You
go into the community ready to be able to face those issues, because
you know, you have a lot of support behind you. And then the
third thing that we learned is that it's not everything. We
should not be fighting about everything, not everything's worth
us speaking about, just because you have a bigger mission that
you're going for, right? And so from for me to go in the
community, be ready to fight every single fight. It's just
counterproductive, right? So sometimes you have to be there's
that's why hikma is so important. You know, wisdom is so important
and and we don't have that wisdom just yet because we're junior
students and teachers coming up. So we have, again, goes back to
support, and that support takes us back to the fact that this is for
the sake of a lost one fella. So this is not about you. If your ego
is hurt, then you need to be pulled back, you know. So I think
those are the biggest things that really help to get get beat in the
community. And then a lot of times, like, when these
conversations happen, it kind of seems like the communities all
that is not, you get a lot of support from the community as
well. You get a lot of, you know, it's just really, it's really,
it's really humbling serving the community. It's really humbling
being able to be in a position that I can see, you know, so many
amazing people, so many great people, and talk to so many people
who have so many great stories and have accomplished so many things
in their life. And it's very inspiring. It's very inspiring. It
helps you to want to keep going. And then the last thing is dua,
that we always have to make dua for acceptance. We have to always
make dua the last one time makes things easy. We have to always
make dua that Allah SWT keeps us sincere and really purifies our
intentions. I mean, did you ever have particular courses that just
or or a focus on like intention. A lot of people, when they're
studying, they ask, how do you keep a pure, pure intention,
especially once you start teaching, what are, what are
things that you were taught, or things that you teach when it
comes to intention? So we don't have a particular class on
intention, um, it's just because, like, as different subjects come
up, we have to get sidetracked. And so you have a lot of the
lessons come in, the tangents in the in the lesson, right? So you
have, like, your lesson that you're learning, and then you have
a tangent that happens, and then you're like, This is Anita, if I
wasn't paying attention before, I definitely need to pay attention
now. So a lot of the lessons come in in that time. But another,
again, another thing that we've learned in terms of keeping our
intentions pure is that, you know you have ibada, you have your own
ibada. You have your own relationship between you and
Allah, and that's something that's the primary focus. Like your
primary focus is your Salah, your primary focus is your you know,
your AV, your DUA, all of that, like you have to be in constantly
doing those things for yourself and your relationship between you
and Allah. And those are things that are private. That's very
private, that's very much so between me and Allah, you know? So
that's the first thing. The second thing is, again, that humbling.
They're very, our teachers are very, they.
Have no problem humbling us, you know, like we don't, we don't ever
ask to be humbled, because we don't get to that point, you know.
So it's very, it's a very humbling experience, like, and you see the
sacrifice like it's a sacrifice. You see the sacrifice in them, you
know, you see the sacrifice of them spending time with their
family. Or you see the sacrifice of, you know, they're even
sometimes their health, like they're so serving the community
to their last breath. And that, to me, is, it's not people like to
glorify it, but it's, to me, it's hard work. It's like seeing
someone like a farmer, like, it's a lot of hard work, and so it
takes a lot of compassion, a lot of love, a lot of, you know,
cultivating a lot of bringing up, you know, the community, and so
it's a lot of hard work that we're witnesses and witnessing, and when
we witness them, and they've been doing this for 2530,
you know, plus years, it's very humbling, you know, extremely
humbling. And it it definitely keeps your intentions pure. And
then the third thing is that, you know, we don't, we've been taught
our again. We've been taught what our end goal is and what the
purpose is, and our purpose is for the pleasure and the sake of
Allah. And so we do the things that we do for the pleasure and
for the sake of Allah. And so because we're constantly reminded
of that throughout our studies, we're constantly reminded of that,
and now that we were, you know done formal studies, because
you're never done studying. We're still being reminded of that. Then
it definitely also keeps you, you know, very grounded. Yes,
absolutely.
Um Subhanallah, you are talking about studying
in Texas.
Has
been so honored
in the holiest places in the world.
Sometimes people go to these places with the intention of
changing and the intention of reviving their Imaan
different to go there and have not just experiencing it, experience
it personally, but also help other people in their process. Can you
share with us? Maybe we could, maybe we could go through each
each place, if you're comfortable with that, and sharing with us
some experiences, or how it felt like, what about when you first
went for Umrah, and, like, we're teaching in Metcalf, like, what
was that like for you? How was that experience? So what's really
interesting is that Alhamdulillah Kalam does these, these trips, and
they go for Umrah, and they go to like, Aksa as well. And so what's
really interesting is that half of the time, you know, I go as either
attendee or go as a group leader, and I don't really know that
that's what's happening. So we'll go as a group leader, and that's
as a group leader, what you're doing is, like, you're basically
making sure that everybody is like, on the bus. Like, that's
your biggest job is to count and make sure no one gets left in
Mecca when we're going to Medina. And so I would say that really,
like I actually have not taught in Mecca and Medina. Is that true? I
don't really remember, but I do. I was a group leader in Mecca and
Medina, and one of the beautiful things that I've witnessed in that
time is actually when you see people's duas, like, when they
make dua there, like they are listening to all the lectures and
everything that's happening, and then they like go, and they like
make dua. And then the peace that they feel afterwards, like it's
it's really inspiring. And so for me, one of the biggest the last
time I went for Umrah, I got to go with one of the girls from the
community, and that was really awesome. She's like, 19 or 18 at
the time. And what was really nice was that I just wanted to see her
experience a good time, like I just wanted her to experience, I
don't know, being out the country. I wanted her to experience being
in Mecca. I wanted her to experience Madina. And when we
would do the walking tours with sheikhasi Noor, you would see the
Sita come to life, and that is so powerful. And you know, for her,
she had just done what we call cedar intensive, and then we went
for Umrah, and so she's like, Oh, this is when this story happened.
Like, this is when the battle happened. This is where, you know,
the Kipling changed, and this is this, and this is that. And it's
so powerful, because now all of those things that you read in
textbooks are coming to life. You know, they're coming to life, and
they feel very real. So that's Mecca, and Medina and Aksa only
went once, and it was probably one of the most amazing experiences I
ever had in my life. And I would say that one of the biggest
moments was going to the mehrab of the place of worship of many of
Alas, and so they have, like all these different areas like
Preserve.
And going there and witnessing and it just felt very powerful because
so many of them is one of my favorite stories, one of my
favorite stories. And, like, I'm the story of many of them is one
of my favorite stories. And I remember just being there and
wrecking and realizing that, like, you know, it's just so it's so
important to dedicate yourself to a lost one fella, like, it's so
important to have places in your home that this is my prayer area.
This is my dua area. This it just brings a powerful energy, you
know. And so for me, going there and like witnessing that, and it
just a lot of also a lot of cedar and a lot of Stories of the
Prophets coming to life. Was just very beautiful. And then being
with the group and being with everybody, and being able to sit
with them and reflect over these different things, it was just Mind
Blow. Mind blown.
Can you? I know that you, like just kind of shrugged off your
role, but when you are doing something like group leader, you
you have a responsibility of people so like you
having conversation
in these spaces, you're not solely able to focus on your own worship.
Have
you do? How do you process that? How did you process that when
you're in the space of responsibility and leadership, not
just able to sit back and all you're going to do is make dua and
pray, because you have to be at a meeting to make sure that
everything is going correctly, and like, watching out to make sure
everything is smooth. Like, how did you still feel that type of
like Iman high in the holiest places when you still have to deal
with other things. And let me just phrase why I'm asking you this
question, because a lot of times when we do Islamic work, whether
it's with an organization or whether it's doing some sort of,
you know, preparing a conference in MSA, people are so caught in
the work that sometimes they feel like Ramadan went by and all
Ramadan, I was volunteering in the masjid, and I didn't even feel
like my heart tastes the sweetness of it. So how did you feel the
sweetness? Or how did you feel like it impacted you personally,
when you still have so much responsibility,
one of the biggest things is
planning properly, like you have to be a good planner, because you
and I'm the type person that when I've committed to something, I
give everything like I will forget to do everything that I'm supposed
to do for me and just do whatever I need to do for whatever it is
that I I've committed to. But you have to plan properly, because
again, at the end of the day, your relationship between you and Allah
comes first. I am no use to anyone else. If spiritually I'm not
there, or spiritually I'm not, you know, and it doesn't mean being
there, but spiritually, I'm not constantly working on my
relationship between me and Allah. So you have that in these
beautiful places that we went to, there are times that I did take
time to step away and go do my own personal ibada. And I made sure it
wasn't in the time that I had a responsibility. So if I had a
responsibility to be somewhere or to be with someone, or to have a
conversation with somebody, then I fulfilled that responsibility. I
was there and I was present. Um, but then I did say, Okay, from
this time to this time, we're going to go and we're going to do
our own ibadah. We're going to do our own worship. I'm going to
spend our time there, you know. And when we went to Aksa, it was a
lot easier. And Mecca, you know, Mecca is very busy. So it's like,
you know, you do your then you have, like, the tours and all this
stuff, and then you come back, and it's late, so you shower, you come
back, you pray all that. So it's really busy, and you kind of
gotta, yeah, use non stop. So you got to fit it in there. And, like,
yeah, maka and Medina is, like a different is Madina is much
slower. So you have time to go sit, you know, and the masjid and
the Prophet's mosque and things of that nature. So just really
focusing and trying to take out time for that. And then Aksa, I
remember that there was a time between the Advent and a long time
between the Advent and federal prayer. And so that was the time
where everybody was doing their personal environment. So you the
time where everybody's doing their personal battle. You just sneak in
and you take your time as well. You know, that's not no one needs
to be checked on when they're making dua to Allah. You know, no
one needs, yeah, they got God like noone needs to be checked on when
they're making dua to Allah, they're completely fine. They're
in their own world, and they're talking to Allah Swan Tara. You
should let them have that, that conversation, as you should be
having a conversation with Allah. And then in your daily, your
everyday, you know, programming and your everyday, like lectures
and classes and stuff, you have to feed your own soul, you know, you
have to be constantly renewing your your relation, not renewing,
but adding to and fueling your relationship between you and
Allah. And it just depends on the person. Depends on the time that
you're in. It depends on the environment that you're in in that
time. So for me, sometimes what that looked like was studying
more, you know, spending more time in the classroom than.
I did teaching. And then, you know, as time went on, roles
change, and then what that looks like is playing more. It can look
like fasting more. It can look like doing more thicker. It can
look like reading. Can look like doing research. So it just all
depends on the person and how things kind of, you know, kind of
shift, and how circumstances are at that time. And I cannot stress
dua enough, like your duas, asking Allah to put buttercream your time
and asking Allah to, you know, let this, let me be able to invest in
my relationship with you all Allah, like those. Make it all the
time. Just always making dogs constantly making dogs to Allah
for your relationship between you and him to be strengthened, and it
goes a long way.
Something I thought about while you were speaking was how you
spoke about intention earlier, and you are talking about taking time
for yourself, but also, when you give to something you're committed
to, you fully commit with your intention. Did you find yourself
intending? Okay, my worship is through my service right now.
Like, would you? Would you be
purposeful about that? Or I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked it of
you personally. But I mean, like, a lot of times I think that it can
be hard to, like, remember that in the moment you're exhausted, you
didn't get to finish the Quran you wanted to do. Now somebody needs
something like, how do you go from this? Yes, I am here to serve, but
I also need my time for myself, but I didn't finish all the things
I wanted to do. How do you shift it and see everything else as
worship?
So that's really interesting. It depends like on. For the most
part, I don't see my work as worship like that. Doesn't feel my
relation my work, the lectures, the classes that I do, all of
that, the people, the serving, the community I don't that doesn't
fill my soul for my relationship with me and Allah, because that's
my that's my AMA, like, that's the work, that's the actions that I
do, but that's, it's much deeper than that. So for me, my
relationship with me and Allah is my private conversations that I
have with Allah. Spandella, you know, it's my private duas. It's
my private salah. It's like these things are their their adornments,
you know, their extras. You know, I'm saying, if they did not exist,
my relationship between me and Allah will still exist, and it
will still be strong. Inshallah. So for me that I don't feel my
spirituality through my programming, but they do give me a
lot more knowledge, and they do, you know, enhance my
understanding. And it does help me better when I make dua, and it
helps me better when I pray. Like, yeah, I learned from a lot of
everything that I teach. I learned from it, especially in my research
and so on and so forth. So, yeah, it does enhance me, but it's not
the source of my relationship or my connection with the lost one
fella, and that's so important to to differentiate. Because when
you're in service, you're in service, you know, and so you're
serving a community, and you're helping and so on and so forth.
But they are not the source of your relationship between you and
God, you know. Because you can just pray in the night or pray
your five prayers, and that can be sufficient for Allah Swan fella.
So you don't, you don't have to. When you put your your
relationship with a lot in the hands of people, or the hands of
Yeah, in the hands of people or an audience, it becomes very
dangerous, because then all of a sudden, the days that you don't
have lectures, you kind of feel down like, Oh, am I doing enough?
Do I have that? So you start to add to your plate more, because
you're trying to chase this, this high that's just there, right?
When, in reality, you know any relationship has as like a a
plateau moment. You know any relationship where it's just like,
for example, friends driving in the car, just chipping like,
nobody's saying anything, right? So, and that's, that's, but
there's a comfort there. There's a comfort level in that silence. So
you want to have that comfort in your presence between you and
Allah Swan, Tala, so that's, that's so important. Subhanallah,
that is so incredible. I literally felt my heart open at what you
were saying. Baraka, lofiki, that is so grounding.
SubhanAllah.
When you are
looking at this private worship, you talked about the importance of
dua, and this that was so powerful the way you you talked about this
being having the silence with Allah, like you're comfortable in
your cells with Allah, because you're right when you're with a
friend or when, especially in a car,
they're all there, yeah, like you have to be what connects you, it's
your of their presence. And your awareness of the Presence of Allah
is something that connects to.
All the time. What about if somebody feels like they have a
certain type of worship that they're struggling with? Like, for
example, maybe they struggle with freedom. Maybe they don't find
like. They don't really find that enjoyment in it. Or maybe they
struggle with dua because they feel like they do make dog, but
they don't see the the benefits of it. Like,
would you what would you recommend to someone when they are
struggling with even that type of private connection?
I think that a lot of times what happens is that we try to jump to
this, to this high feeling of like private connection with Allah,
without doing the basics that we would do with any type of
relationship, and that's getting to know the person that you're in
the relationship with. So with Allah Swan Tala is very similar.
That's why Allah swt has so many names and attributes. Because he
wants us to know you know who Allah is, right? So if you if
you're sitting and you're thinking about the name of Allah, and one
of the names of Allah that I like is that Allah swt is the one who's
all loving. And so for me, that that calms my heart, it makes me
feel good, you know. And but what makes me feel good may not make
the next person feel good. Maybe for somebody else, the name of
Allah ajbar is what, what really connects them that last month, I
was the one who puts things together. He's the healer of
hearts. Maybe that's what, what that person is able to focus on.
So I know a lot of times, you know, when we're going to classes
or lectures and stuff, we're like, oh, we're going to find this high
level, like fit class, which, there's nothing wrong with that.
But you should also be taking classes that help you understand
who Allah subantara is, because it's there, like Allah spantara
introduces himself in the Quran so many times. And one, one thing
that I that really helped me, and what I like to do with, you know,
some of the kids that I mentor and stuff is going through the Quran
and looking at the ways that last ones are introduced himself. And
you have in intro introduces himself to Musa alaislam. He says
that, He says that I'm your Lord, and we reflecting on the word rub
really brings like a sense of calmness to my heart, because Rob
is someone who creates something and takes care of it. You know,
they they nurture it, they take care of it, they build it, they
allow it to grow. They make it, you know, the best thing that I
can be and and so for me, that's very comforting that I know that
God just wants me the best, wants me to be the best that I can. And
so the different things and stuff, the trials that I go through my
life, they're going to just make me better. And like, you know,
every single day is me waking up and realizing that I have another
opportunity to please Allah, like I have another opportunity to be
great, I have another opportunity to be the and it's not quantified
by anything else that anybody else is saying. It's literally
quantified by just me, and it's qualified by what Allah SWT wants
from me. And so you you work towards that every day. Now it's
difficult. That's what devotion and worship is. It's something
that's difficult. Faith is something that sometimes it may
not even make sense, like to you. In your brain, it may not make
sense. You may not understand why you have to pray five times a day,
but that simple level of submission to Allah and pray five
times a day, whether you like it or not, it's pleasurable to Allah
and then it that's what grows the sweetness. You know, it grows the
sweetness. It's not every single day that you open the Quran and
you read it, you're going to feel mind blown. But as you keep
learning more, and you keep, you know, investing more in your
relationship with you and Allah, your relationship with your
worship, your relationship with your religion, then it also gives
you that sweetness more and more. So you start to feel it more and
more often. A lot of times, our spiritual voids are from lack of
knowledge, and that lack of knowledge and lack of
understanding just leaves you in a place of just annoyance because
you don't you're not understanding what you're why you're doing what
you're doing. You're not understanding, or not even the why
you're not understanding for whom you know. You're not understanding
you know Allah Swan fella, so you're not understanding why he
wants you to do this, right? So you don't have an understanding
that, well, wants what's best for me. He always wants what's best
for me. So for you, sometimes doing the simple act is like,
well, maybe this is not what's best for me, but that's because
you're not truly internalizing what God wants for you, and God
always wants good for us. So
us so focusing on who
with the with who he is, versus focusing on the specific action
you struggle with. From the names of Allah, I know that a book that
I always recommend
Yousef just published, published which is reflecting on the names
of Allah. Do you have a
recommendation on, on, on people learning how, how they can learn
on the names of Allah? Recommendation
on how they should go about it? Yeah. So there are lectures
online. There's a good amount of lectures on.
On. In addition to that, you can go to virtual mosque.com
and they have a whole series on the names of the law, and it's
broken down very well. It's not a very long read. Like, I think each
of them are, like, five minutes long. And it gives you, like, you
know, it's it ranges for people who are, like, really nerdy that
want to know, like, the root letters and stuff. And then for
people who don't care too much for the root letters, but just want to
get to the essence of what is being said. So you'll get a good
variety of everything. Mashallah, that's the that's
the the author turned that into a book. That's the book. Oh,
perfect. Uh, yeah. I that series is just so transformative, because
you just feel like you see how Allah's Name plays out into your
own life, personally, subhanAllah,
so you talked about your trips to Mecca and Medina and Michelle
Elsa, can you share us? Share with us? Any reflections in Turkey?
Yeah, Turkey was fun. Turkey was it was a fun trip in Turkey. It
was really interesting seeing history and Mecca and Medina and
Aksa is more of a very much, much more so of a spiritual, you know,
kind of kind of experience where in Turkey, obviously there's a
spiritual aspect to it, but there is definitely much more history
there. And so for me, it was really it was really nice to see
that. It was really nice to see different things I had read about,
but also in Turkey, I so I'm not a big history person, so when I got
to Turkey, that's when I learned a lot of things, and then it made me
read more. And so it was a really nice trip. And it was really nice
to be able to learn a lot of history there. In addition to
that, just being able to mustard hop was like a different ballgame.
The massager there are very beautiful. There are obviously
very grand. And I will say that one, one of the biggest places,
one of the places that I enjoyed seeing the most was, is fear.
Because it was, I felt like it was like a blend of Islamic history
and Christianity, because they still had some of the, like,
glass, the glass, the stained glass
windows up and so on and so forth. So there was a lot of history
preserved in the walls, but then you still had, like, the
calligraphy of, like, the 4k and like, all this stuff. And so that
was really beautiful. And then another thing that we did was we
were able to study some pick out some Hadith, and we studied some
Hadith in one of them, as I did there. And so that was nice to be
able to kind of wrap it all together and do that. So that was,
it was a really awesome trip. It's good to travel and see other
people and see you know the world, because it teaches you a lot.
Teaches you how to deal with with different cultures. It teaches you
what other people live like. You know you're just outside of your
bubble. It teaches you to be more tolerant. It teaches you to be
more understanding. Teach You To Be a team player like you have to,
you have to do learn these things, and so it's so important to travel
and, you know, go out into the world, yeah, but what's so also
unique about what your program does is, just like you said, it's
not
going Next, but it's also sitting and studying Hadith in Turkey,
like somehow, you know, that's so incredible.
Is there like, a specific,
either Hadith or like lesson that you can remember from any of your
trips that you can share with us, like you've taught us so much in
this time? I love reward you. I am so inspired, and I feel like
sometimes, you know when you feel like this, like, actually, I
just realized that's something personal I should keep in trying
to like like, both for myself. I'm getting a moment of so much growth
from this conversation. Um, is there, is there another lesson
that you can share with us from any of your trips where you sat
and you studied something and then you saw it come to life while you
were traveling?
Um, that's a hard question. Oh my gosh. I don't want to think, no,
it's okay. It's okay. Um, let me think
you that's a really hard question. There's so many things. So I'm,
like, a big fan of Sira. Sira is one of my like, I just enjoy it so
much. And just learning it also, because I've, I've learned it from
Sheila Nasir, and he's huge on research. And you know, if anybody
knows him, they know that he talks Sita a lot, talks about the life
of the Paso film a whole lot. And so I think one of the most
inspiring, or one of the most amazing times, was going to the
battlefield of mother. And you know, the Battle of butter is such
an.
Inspiring moment, and it's such an inspiring time in our history,
because of a lot of times on a daily basis, we feel like the odds
are against us. And Allah spontane always comes through. And so you
you hear it, you hear the stories, but then being at the battlefield,
and it's a battlefield, right? So you feel like it should be like, a
little, you know, you should feel a little anxious, and you should
feel like a little weird. But in, in the battlefield that at the
place where brother took place, it was very trend, like, the air was
very tranquil, like it was very like, like it was just like you
could fall asleep walking. And I remember turning to shagunas, and
I told him, like, it's so calm here. He said, of course it would
be calm in a place where angels descended. And for me, I remember
that a lot, because a lot of times, even when situations get
very tough or life gets very hard and or I'm talking to somebody,
they they're going through a lot, or whatever the case may be, I
always remember the Allah will always come through. And Allah
will always come through in in ways that you don't even realize,
like in situation, like doors will open that you didn't even imagine
could happen, you know? And one of the things that the Prophet did
the night before the early morning, before the battle, was
that he stood in Salah, and he was was praying to making dua to
Allah. And it's such a powerful moment because he's making dua.
But this is after he has, you know, calmed his whole army down.
He lines them up, tells them what they need to do, and he goes, and
he's standing in dua. He's making dua. He's making dua. He's asking
Allah, you know, if you let this humble group of worshippers just
die here. I don't know who will utter your name or who will
worship you. And he's crying so much that his show, like, fell off
of his off of his body, and you have the Abu Bakr Siddiq comes and
embraces him from behind and lets him know. Like, listen, Allah,
heard your Dwarves and your Lord will not. Your Lord's not gonna,
like, let you fail. You know Allah's gonna let you fail, and
it's it. I like that story so much because it just reminds me of
tough times, and that also is so important to keep good people
around you, to remind you of tough times. Like to remind you that law
will be there, you know. So you have this incredible scene in this
incredible situation, and then the outcome is even more incredible.
Well, lost Fontana descends, you know, angels now to help them in
the battlefield. And you have companions talking about how they
just look down, and people are just, you know, falling, and
they're like, What is going on? I don't have to raise my sword like
I can just walk through this battlefield. And that's when you
keep in mind that Allah swt is on your side, and Allah span Tala
wants you to succeed, and Allah wants you to be great, and Allah
spalla is is pushing you towards greatness, then it makes this
battlefield of the world a lot easier to navigate. And so that's
why that one is one of the biggest moments that really stood out to
me.
I of course, you know, we study it all in general, but, but I've
never heard about using this, this being in the and seeing it,
feeling it, and then imagining how Allah's in your own life as he
brought angels to protect the small group of believers, and that
dua, the prophecy is so heartbreaking, but it goes to that
reminder that you said that you always make dua and don't ever
belittle the importance of it. Um, do you teach classes on Sierra and
tsir? How can people take classes with you right now? So I don't, I
teach, um, I teach classes on from roots. So roots is a basically
community space is under column, so I teach classes to see your
classes on Wednesday nights at 737, o'clock. CST, because I know
you're a CSP, so at seven o'clock, CST, on the roots DFW Instagram
page. So it's on my so I teach there. Can you spell it out so
people can look it up? Yes, it's R, o, o, t, s, okay, roots DFW,
DFW. And so I teach them on Wednesday nights at seven. And
then I also teach on Thursday nights, same page at 730
Cst.
Yes, people can attend. So on Saturday, on Thursdays, people can
attend in person. We do social distancing. There's things of that
nature in Dallas. And then on Wednesday nights, it's just a live
class. It's only online right now, but before, I used to be in
person. Okay, wow, now everyone can access it.
So much for your time. I don't I don't mean we only have like five
minutes. Oh, I have like 30 more questions to ask you.
I.
Final advice that you you can share, because you've mashallah
given us so much to think about. But is there any parting advice
you can give us?
Um, yeah, my parting advice will be like I've been saying this the
whole night with dua, you know, and I like to you've talked about
it in a different way.
May Allah, bless you.
Yes, but I would say duas, and I think it's so important to make
dua for other people. You know, a lot of people are going through, a
lot a lot of people are suffering, and a lot of people are having
some amazing moments too. They're having, you know, a lot of
happiness is happening. A lot of sadness is going on. Make duas for
people. Make dua for yourself. Make dua for your family. I think
it's so important to keep each other in our duos, because that is
how we keep the about the connection of a community. And so
like you know, I was reading the other day about certain factia and
where we say, Ya cannot budue yakin, a stain and the scholars
were saying the how human beings are based in community. They're
based in unity. And so even in our Fatiha, when, when it's definitely
a conversation between just us and Allah, and Allah says that
himself, that it's a conversation between us and Allah, but we
saying, oh, Allah, is you alone? We worship, and you alone, we ask
for help. And so it's so important for us to not, you know, to not
forget about our neighbors, even though we don't we're not seeing
them. So important for us to not forget about our brothers and
sisters, and we know we're not seeing them every single day, and
we're trying to be safe. So just keep, keep everybody in your
doors, and keep, you know, keep making dua to Allah and renewing
your relationship between you and
Allah,
especially because you just brought in and you were like, you
know, Allah talks about our community, even just in Our
conversation with
JazakAllah Kayden, we have let you work.
If you ever go through any man low, what? What is your go to not?
Okay, sorry, I don't mean personally, you can't talk about
course, but someone is going super Eman low, and they're reading
about the names of Allah, but they're not stealing it. They're
praying, but they're not what do you tell them? It takes time. It
takes time a lot of times we think it's just a magical door that
opens. No it takes time. It takes work. It takes effort. It takes
energy. It takes a lot of time and and what I would recommend is that
you don't give up on your fund. You know, the things that you're
obligated to do, you still push through. You do them. And if you
can add on things slowly as you start to feel better, then that
that's, you know, good. But I think one thing is that we should
not rush our relationship with us in the law. So it's so important
that when you're reading these the names of Allah, you're listening
to lectures about it, you're also opening your heart. You know
you're not just reading for the sake of knowledge or listening for
the sake of knowledge. You're listening and reading for the sake
of your heart being open. Another thing is that it's so important to
add the life of the prophet there. Because, you know, there's a time
where companion came to Aisha, rabiah anha, and he asked her,
What was the character, the lifestyle, the way of the Prophet?
And her response was that the character and the lifestyle way of
the Prophet Quran, that his character was the Quran. And so
for us, when we're reading the Quran, the understanding, the
proper implementation of it, comes from the Prophet, right? So you
learn about how the Prophet carried himself, and you realize
that, oh, this is what Allah is asking of us. When the Prophet
says that you know the best of you is the one who's best in my
family, and I'm best in my family. It's not him just showing off.
It's him letting you know like this is how you act. This is how
you are to treat. You know your family members. This is how you
are supposed to be. This is how you pray, you know. And so you you
see the level of relationship that the prophet had with Allah,
subhanta wa and you go through his life story, and you understand
that more you know. You understand, oh man, like he was a
prophet. He was tested in this way, and this is how his faith
strengthened. You know, you have the story of thought. If when the
people are stoning his feet, and then he sits down, he takes some
relief at a tree, and the Angelo comes to him and asks him, what do
you want to make law for? What does he say? Maybe I had some type
of deficiency in the way that I communicate the message. If it was
us, we're like, these people are crazy. Get them out of him. Yeah,
get them out of here. You know, take them away. But no. Then you
see that that level and of the processor, and then he continues
on his door. What if you say, like, are you gonna let a group of
people who are wretched and mean and this and that just have their
way with me?
And then he says he ends up off by saying to Allah swampala, as long
as you're pleased with me, I'm fine with whatever you decree. But
how do you get to that level? You get there by realizing his life
story this look at the things that happen and look at the message
that Allah swampala brings down and every single stage of his
life. So it's life is about growing your relationship with
Allah. And the way that you grow your relationship with Allah is
through knowledge. And so you have to invest that time, and you can't
rush it. You have to invest in you have to invest it sincerely. And
you make a lot of the law like before. You sit down to watch a
lecture or listen to a class or, you know, read a book about Allah
or your religion, or deepen your understanding. You ask Allah to
open your heart. You ask Allah, like Allah, it won't penetrate my
heart unless you will it. It won't go into my heart unless you will
it. I can't have a great relationship with you unless you
will it like you make that sincere dual to Allah span tallah To help
you to open up your heart and to help you feel those feelings that
you're searching for.
Aloha, a lot. Thank you so much for taking your time to teach us
life and you shared reflections. But more than that, you you, you
taught us how to look inside of our own hearts. I literally have a
plan of action for myself from this conversation. Inshallah, I
pray that I can improve and that, Inshallah, our whole ummah will
come closer to us. Allah, thank you so much for taking the time to
teach us tonight. You can follow with that on her Instagram, which
is F, A, T, I m, a, l, e, t, t, e, is there any other way that you
would like people to how? What's the best way for people to
communicate with you, or if they want to follow
Instagram? It's fine.
Okay.
Thank you so much for tonight. It was such an honor. Lot of
Hayden for having me and may Allah, bless you and bless your
family, you too, and bless your community, bless everyone
supported you who supports the work that you do. Reward your
mentors, masha Allah, it's very obvious from the way that you
speak the people that you learn from.
May Allah bless them, please keep them in your doors as well them
and their families. Allah bless them, keep them in the best of
health and Amen. I mean, I mean all of them, and raise their ranks
in this life and the next big and on the conversation
taking the time SubhanaHu wa that's
SubhanAllah.