Maryam Amir – If you hate yourself in Ramadan

			If you hate yourself more than
usual, right now, you're not
		

			alone. Ramadan is often a time
where your feelings of self
		

			loathing are magnified because you
are constantly reminded how you
		

			are not hitting the level that you
should be. And you might have made
		

			Ramadan goals yourself. Maybe you
have had had a plan of where you
		

			should have been by now, and
you've done really so little of
		

			it, and you take that as a
reflection on how you are not that
		

			committed in your worship. And so
you start blaming yourself, and
		

			oftentimes cast that conversation
up onto who Allah is, assuming
		

			that the way that you see yourself
is how Allah is witnessing you a
		

			reminder that that's not true,
because you are not Allah, and so
		

			however you talk to yourself, is
you talking to you, not Allah,
		

			commenting on you? But I want you
to remember that if you are
		

			someone who has other
responsibilities, whether they are
		

			your own mental health
responsibilities, taking care of
		

			yourself so that you don't
		

			spiral, whether it's
responsibilities of taking care of
		

			kids or working or supporting your
parents in some way or literally
		

			studying whatever it is that is
worship in and of itself, when you
		

			make the intention that it's for
the sake of Allah, also the
		

			emotional toll of obviously, the
privilege of safety, of not being
		

			in a genocide, But witnessing a
genocide, feeling helpless for not
		

			being able to support stop a
genocide, a rage, your emotion,
		

			your inability to feel emotion
because you're so numb, all of
		

			that is going to affect your
capability of worship if you
		

			haven't felt the sweetness of
Ramadan at this point, I Want to
		

			remind you that there is nowhere
in Islam where Allah's panawata,
		

			Allah requires you to feel a
sweet, emotional experience in
		

			Ramadan. In fact, Allah tells us
that the way that we come closer
		

			to him is through doing the
obligation and then doing the
		

			extra. So if you're doing the
obligation, and that's all you're
		

			doing while, of course, Ramadan is
the time to do as much as we can.
		

			You're doing enough if you are
struggling with the obligation,
		

			but you wish you could, you want
to. You're trying acknowledge that
		

			maybe last year you didn't care,
but this year, you do that is
		

			incredible progress for your
faith, and if you're comparing
		

			yourself to who you were years
ago, when you used to spend so
		

			much time worshiping in Ramadan,
and you feel like you've
		

			completely lost that aspect of
your identity because you are in a
		

			very different place. Then I want
you to know that if you were in
		

			front of the Kaaba, if you were in
Medina, your Ramadan would
		

			probably look a little bit
different. You would be the exact
		

			same person, but you would
probably have a different type of
		

			Ramadan, because your environment
is different, your
		

			responsibilities are not there the
way they normally are, and Allah
		

			knows how terrible you feel and
how much you wish you could do
		

			better. So how do you think Allah
sees you while you're hating
		

			yourself for not being good
enough? Perhaps Allah is recording
		

			you as someone who has done the
utmost worship, because that is
		

			what your capacity is in this
particular Ramadan. Remember Allah
		

			is as you think he is. Have hope
in Him. He wants you to win a.