Maryam Amir – How can I get build a relationship God when I feel terrible about my relationship God

How much individuals can impact how we feel about ourselves and

our relationship with Allah. So if you are as a child, we're

constantly hit to read the Quran, or maybe you had a teacher who

spiritually abused you instantly. And Dr RANIA is the expert on

this. May Allah, bless her, when you have a relationship with Islam

that started with parents who used Hellfire to threaten you, to get

you to go to bed on time, like when Islam has been used in these

ways, which is not from the revelation, it's not from the

sumna, to teach Islam in these very literally painful ways. A lot

of times as an adult, you can have an aversion. May Allah protect us,

to prayer, to Quran. And I've, I've encountered so many people

who ask me this, like, how do they process wanting a relationship

when the beginning of the relationship started with a very

painful experience? And the first thing to recognize is the fact

that you want a relationship speaks to how strong your love is

for a law. Second thing is realize that sometimes we project the way

that we feel about ourselves onto Allah. So if I don't like myself,

if I loathe myself, if I can't get over a sin I committed 567, years

ago, months ago, weeks ago, and I'm constantly making Toba and I

can't, can't, can't even imagine Allah forgiving me, and so I

assume that, because I hate myself so much, that's how Allah sees me.

So then I've met people who say that they feel embarrassed to pray

because they don't think Allah would want them to pray because

they're not righteous enough for prayer, for every type of worship.

Someone has said this, whether it's salah or hijab or walking

into a masjid space. Versus Allah keeps telling us that anytime we

go back to him, we are sincere in our repentance, he accepts and he

forgives, and that we do good deeds to wipe out the bad. So

realistically, look at yourself and think about where does this

feeling stem from? Some of us are really just caught up in life

that's very human. But for others, there's some reason why examine

what that is for you and work on healing yourself from a spiritual

place with the help of Allah. So what that looks like is a for

example, working with a Muslim therapist if you've actually gone

through trauma. The second thing is creating new experiences with

worship. You don't let someone who when you were 13 had to say

whether or not you're going to pray when you're 27 don't give

them that power. You have the power. Why Allah's Will to choose

to pray today. Don't give anyone that level of pordence in your

head. But choose it's going to be your relationship with Allah, and

you build new experiences with that relationship. So let's say,

when you used to read Quran, it was in a very, you know, in a very

particular room. Choose to read the Quran on the beach, read of

Quran on a cafe, read of Quran taking a hike. Re establish new

experiences with the Quran, so that your brain makes new neuronic

experiences with that, that worship and make sure you have

very consistent worship. Obviously, we have Salah and we

have the Quran. But beyond that, number one, read the Quran every

single day. I didn't know Arabic. I read it in English. The Quran

changed my life. Changed my life in English, until I learned

Arabic. So every single day, take a certain amount in whatever

language you can understand, if you can read Arabic, to do it,

even if you're super slow, do it every day. One verse, five verses,

one page, consistently. And for a Quran translation, I recommend

Mustafa work with mentors. Find sisters, mentors Sheikha that you

can study with, because a lot of times, you're going to go to a

random Islamic website to ask about a woman's question, and

you're going to walk away from there going, how do I process that

answer? Instead, seek mentorship with real people. You don't have

to go through this journey alone, and that anytime you doubt

yourself, remember, if you doubt yourself and you wonder, where are

you with Allah, it's because you care about Allah.