Maryam Amir – Hijab Part 2 Haifaa Younis and
AI: Summary ©
The importance of finding the right person for one's relationship with Islam is emphasized, particularly in women who need support and supportive resources. The speaker emphasizes the need for women to find their own success and not give up on their views, as it is crucial for them to learn to speak English and memorize the Quran. The importance of finding support and finding the right person for the right job is emphasized, as it is crucial for them to learn to speak English and memorize the Quran and not give up on their views.
AI: Summary ©
As salaam alaikum, Salaam alashi wa minwala, Dima, Alam Tana in Abu
dhabiha,
Rabbana, Tuesday
night, seven
o'clock, our beautiful meeting. And I call it beautiful because I
enjoy it personally more than probably anybody else. It's
beautiful to get together 7pm or we, most of us, 7pm Central Time,
and most of the people are either the end of the day, or some maybe
people overseas, they are beginning of the day. And so
beautiful you end your day, or you start your day with the
remembrance of Allah subhanahu. What more pleasure. And we have to
be so grateful that Allah allow us to be in this presence, in His
presence, and in this situation where others, or we could have
been anywhere else, gives me a great pleasure today, again, to
have our special guest. And I call her beautiful Maryam, Masha,
Allah, may Allah protect her Abu, I mean Sheik hamari, and anybody
who have studied Islamic Studies is usually, we call them Sheik,
but I will not call myself or Mariam scholars, because that's
way, way, way higher level. So Mariam join us from California,
and she allows me. I call her Mariam, just out of love
joining us from California, and so grateful to Allah pantala We have
the internet and the ability to meet each other and the zoom.
We're going to continue on part one, which we did about six weeks
ago, two months ago. Mariam, you remind me. And topic, yeah, it's a
maybe two months, three months.
Yeah,
topic which is extremely important, and we are not going to
be discussing the part of it. We're going to discuss reality.
And I was talking with Mariam before the the class, and we have
had this discussion before. It's a reality, and it is
a sad reality, but it is a reality, and we all, as Muslims,
men and women, by the way, we need to face every reality. And before
we start the blaming, we really need to look into why this is
happening. Number one, we have to agree and accept that this is a
reality, sad, unfortunately, but it is the number two, we need to
why this is happening. Maybe it's my fault, maybe it's mariams
fault, maybe it's the masjid fault. Maybe it's nobody's fault,
but we need to sit down as Muslim Ummah that we care about each
other. We care about the woman who wants to obey Allah Subhanallah
and wear the proper dress that pleases Allah, but they can, they
find it very difficult, or those who Allah Subhanallah gave it to
them, and for whatever the reason, found it very difficult and they
removed it. And we're not blaming we need to come and say, where is
the problem? Because that's how we change. Number two is, where is
the problem? And number three, which is the most important. What
can we do? We cannot change people. Allah is the one who
changes in a kalata demon. Abub, well at all you do not guide
people. You do not guide the one you love. Noah guide whom he ever
wills, or whomsoever He wills. But we can at least, at least share
with everybody what Allah taught us, what Allah gave us, also as a
personal experience, what made me and what made Maryam and what made
the like of Mariam and the like of me continue to wear it. Nothing
special about us, nothing Alhamdulillah. Rami. I mean, we
all everybody listening to us, have two ears and two eyes and one
tongue. And hamdullah, there's something. Maybe I have seen it
and practice it and felt it same thing with Maryam. Maybe the
others have not. And this is the whole idea. So to tackle it and
Mariam, you can jump in anytime. The phenomena of and today, this
is what we are going to be focusing on.
That there is a lot of there is a good number of women who, and I
am, I can share with you from my personal experience friends,
friends who has been wearing the proper hijab since age 18,
and now they are in the late 40s, and they removed it recently, and
the only thing I got from them a text message saying, Please pray
for me
that the text message tells me they need the.
Prayer.
It's a moment of weakness. So this is not not happening. It is, and
it is not only the young people, it's everyone. And this is where,
where are we going to start another one person also, I know
same story all her life. Moved here for the last 15 years, and
then just very recently. So, Miriam, I want you to jump in
welcome. So good to have you with us. An honor. So jump in right
away. Yeah. Mariam,
Bismillah, think when we're talking about the concept of
Punjab, and you know so many beautiful women choosing to remove
it are struggling with even putting it on.
Obviously, every person's personal experience is different. You and I
can't speak for, you know, she we can't speak for everyone's, you
know, different circumstances. But I think that what we can do is
kind of touch on some of the stories that we've heard and draw
from them and see what we can do as a community to support them, as
you mentioned, what are the solutions? What are our roles as
sisters who are invested in other women? And I think that when I've
heard stories of women who've decided to remove the hijab, it
has very rarely had to do with hijab in and of itself. I'll give
you so many examples. One sister talked to me about how she
was going through abuse, and then, because of that, she just got to a
point where she didn't want to continue to live, and she
attempted suicide, and she was hospitalized. And in the hospital,
the staff told her she needed to remove her hijab to protect
herself, because it could be used as a tool may Allah protect her.
So when she came out of the hospital, she decided to keep it
off because she felt like it was just too much for her to think
about trying to stay alive every day, and then also think about the
emotional
weight of wearing hijab as well. And when she had attempted
suicide, so many people in her Masjid knew about it, and nobody
came to see. How can I help you heal? But when she removed her
hijab, so many people came to her and they said, How can I help you
put your hijab back on? And I shared a story like this on
Facebook. I heard from other sisters who literally, literally
told me the exact same thing, that this story was just like their
story, whether it was because of depression or because of a
relationship or something they were struggling with, they had
actually attempted after they self harm or attempted suicide, people
in the community knew about it, and they felt too vulnerable to
ask for people's help, and nobody was there to support them, until
they removed their hijab, and suddenly, then people cared about
them, and the message that they felt was people care more about my
hijab than they care about my life. And as difficult as it might
be for us to talk about issues like mental health and protecting
your life and all of those things. It's easier to simply talk about
hijab, but when we make hijab the only focus for women, I think we
neglect to look at her as a comprehensive worshiper of Allah
and as a comprehensive submitter to Allah. And so, for example,
when I was growing up, I didn't hear about the female companions.
I didn't even feel connected to the female companions. Radi Allahu
Akman. I only knew about the male companions because in the message,
in the message, they only talked about, you know, Khalid Ibn Walid
radila Abu I wanted to be the Khalid Ibn Walid radila and sad
Ibn Abu Asmaa. These are my role models, Bilal, dillahu, anhu, I
just long to be like them. And when I would hear the name Aisha
or Khadijah, abuma, I just I really have to sit and think, why
don't I feel connected to them? And then I realized it's because I
only hear about them if they're going to talk about hijab. I
rarely hear about the female companions and how they prayed in
the night, or how they recited the Quran, or how Aisha radila and her
scholarship, or Khadijah as a mother and as a wife. You know, we
hear about she was a businesswoman, but we don't hear
about the intimate experiences with the Prophet sallallahu,
alayhi wa and supporting the message and all the other female
companions. I mean, there are so many women who, when I learned
about them, I felt like I could see myself in these women, and it
made me feel stronger in my hijab. And I think that, because often
our focus is so much talking about, you know, women as being
modest.
Christ and only that lens, instead of also talking about, you know,
woman and mental health woman and when they're dealing with abusive
situations. In another circumstance, a sister told me
that she had been physically abused by her husband and her her
ex husband, to the point that he almost took her life, and every
Imam that she went to to tell him, they told her that she should stay
and be patient in the marriage. And I told her, of course, of
course, it's the protection of your life. Of course you shouldn't
be in a marriage like this. And she said, You're the only person
who has ever told me that it's okay to protect my life. And I was
so saddened to hear that, because when sisters are hearing those
messages, but at the same time, they're also hearing the message
that their hijab is the most important thing and they're not
cared for when it comes to their very painful circumstances, I
think that the message that they hear is hijab is more important
than answering the doubts they have in their faith or the
confusion like they have, you know, in terms of, like, their
personal circumstances, the depression they're experiencing,
or so many times, a lot of women right now, especially with the
social media culture, there is so much emphasis on beauty and a
certain type of Beauty, and that's a lot to hear and to constantly be
dealing with these messages is a lot. And on top of that, when we
go out, when we wear hijab, and somebody says something to us, or
makes us feel uncomfortable, or maybe yell something at us, so
many women have also told me they go into the masjid they just want
to pray to Raka is asking ALLAH to help them keep their hijab on, and
they have been told leave the masjid is not for women. And I
know that these are not experiences in every Muslim
community. There are so many Muslim community, so many Imams
who are caring and who are supportive of women, but there,
this is also a reality of so many communities, and I think that when
we're looking at women in just one role or one place instead of as a
comprehensive worshiper, then when her struggles are focused on
hijab, she no longer even feels like she has the same type of
resources and comfort and mentorship that she should be able
to have had our community been focusing as her, as an entire
believer,
she I don't hear you at all
okay, because I muted myself so you can
be alright. So so let's look at it this way, I fully agree with you
that we should not look at the woman, as we always say, as a
symbol of beauty. And the same time, we should not look at the
Muslim woman as only the woman who wear hijab, because then we are
removing 80%
what Allah gave her. But since our discussion today, today about
this, and we have Alhamdulillah Ramin, if you have been following
our Tuesday program, all of you who are listening to us, we have
covered this. Actually, two weeks ago we had also a young
psychologist from New York. Mental health is a huge issue. Yeah, I am
not exaggerating if I saying at least daily, and I am not a
psychiatrist, at least daily, I get one or two. Think about mental
health, right? In fact, I just got one yesterday. And I'm not
exaggerating if I say two or three a day, and I'm not a counselor
about marital issues and the abuse, absolutely, absolutely. But
when we come because of the time and and we are, we are looking at
phenomenas, right? And then where is the So, where good it is? And
then women, they say, Well, I am not welcomed. Could be I'm not
welcomed in masjid and I, and I have to say, it's not all the
masjid where I live. Since I moved to Saint Louis, one of the most
welcoming masjid, I have been a beautiful place just for the
woman. We almost a million dollar just to expand the woman area. So
it could be the Masjid. It could be I am in a relationship that is
not nurturing. My relationship with Allah and my Deen, but I want
to focus on number one, and I, again, as I've always said, I'm
going to be very transparent and honest. And if somebody asked me,
what's made you put your hijab? And I was much younger, in a
family and in a country where I was growing up where hijab was not
accepted. And I grew up in a Muslim country,
and especially being in medical school, and I am going to say it,
and this is the treatment number one,
is when you know Allah.
And I remember the first time I had a discussion with a colleague
about Allah.
Allah and the discussion, I don't recall. The only thing I recall
was the names of Allah, Subhanahu wa.
And then I was like, taken back, and there was no talk about hijab,
nothing at all.
And I was taken back, and I was like,
I need to learn more about my Creator.
And that's the road. This is my advice to every woman who's
listening to me thinking of doing it, doing it, and took it off. She
is now hesitant. Every person who a woman comes to her or to him
asking advice about the hijab. I will say number one, before even
you say it's an obligation, which we agree on, is learn who is
Allah, and don't learn superficial by reading the Quran, as we, most
of us, when we read the Quran, we don't know what we are reading,
but Alhamdulillah, we are reading. Spend time knowing Allah, your
Creator, Allah the first, nothing before, Al, Ah, nothing after,
nothing after. The one who gives me everything, the one who can
takes everything from me in a second, and we all witnessed it.
The more I think of Allah, the more my relationship with Allah
gets stronger. Wallahi LED you will not see people. You will not
see people doing this to you or that to you. You will not wear it
for people. You will not even wear it for yourself. You're gonna do
it because Allah wanted me to do it. And then it becomes, and I'm
speaking feelings so trivial, the fact that your hair is not showing
and everybody else is think they are more beautiful. The core
bottom line in this
problem, and not about Hijab only. You can apply it on salah. You can
apply it on obedience to Allah, right? Everything because hijab is
in obedience to Allah. Salah is an obedience to Allah. Nice to my
parents, obedience to Allah, not lying, obedience to Allah,
the more I know about him, and these days, everybody, everyone
have an access to knowledge. That's number two, yeah. Mariam,
what you said is knowledge. Everybody have an access to
knowledge. 10 years ago, you probably felt it the same way,
yeah. Mariam, 12 years ago, when I packed and moved because there was
nothing remember and the truth was nothing, nothing. Literally, it
was this lecture somewhere, and this lecture somewhere, and you
have to travel was very hard these days. La ilaha, illallah, you
sometimes you don't know which one, which course. Literally,
which course. So, number one, the reason that we become weaker in
our relationship with Allah. That leads to taking off hijab, not
wearing hijab, lazy in Salah, not obeying all what Allah told me to
do is work on your relationship with Allah. Men who Allah
has. There is a beautiful book in Arabic. I don't know if you read
the tiamaria, you know the title of the book,
actually even
nicer,
because you are Allah.
And he dedicated, he said, he dedicated to his mother. And he
said, Because, yeah, it's amazing when you read it is he said
because, because that pleases Allah.
So number one, yes, number one as an individual, as an individual,
work on your relationship with Allah. Subhanta, Allah, the weaker
my relationship with Allah the harder and harder and harder to
obey Him Absolutely. This is how I look at it. Mariam, you come
number two or number one from your side.
I struggle. Anyone who struggles with the relationship with Allah,
looking at, what about my
What am I doing? You know, there's this quote that imasu Webb said
once, and it was when someone asks you, when someone says, I fear I
feel far from Allah, ask them, who move?
And I thought that that was so powerful. It's like, who is, who
is?
Say it again. I didn't hear it well. When someone asks you, when
someone says, I feel far from Allah, ask them who moved
and I love that, because all of us are going to struggle at times
with.
Relationship with Allah and knowing who he is. As you
mentioned books, there's a beautiful book by the SATA Jinan
Yusuf. It just came out. It's called
reflecting on the names of Allah. It's in English, reflecting on the
names of Allah. You can find it on Amazon, jinann Yusuf And
subhanAllah, all of us are going to have times where we feel
farther away and we feel closer. That's part of being human. If any
of us, if all we did was just pray in Mecca or pray in masjid and
Nabawi or pray and masala, and our whole life was just praying and
fasting and Quran. It's so easy to do worship when we're in these
types of spaces, and that's all our focuses. But Allah says, He
tells us, in naswalati wa nusuki wa mahiya wa Nati, vilahi, Robin,
Allah Santana is saying that our our prayers, our sacrifice, our
life and our death are only for Allah. And he could have just
said, our Salah is for Allah, our hijab is for Allah, but he is
encompassing everything. And so when we feel like we're struggling
in our relationship with Him, I think the question is, Who is he
to us, just like that book,
I think that the more we focus on who is Al Hakim, the most wise,
Who is Allah dude, the source of love, who is assalam. Knowing who
he is makes it easier for us to understand that even if we don't
necessarily see the wisdom behind a ruling, or we don't feel it. A
lot of times, people tell me, I don't feel it anymore, or they
don't feel salah, and that's why they don't want to pray. We don't
have to experience an emotional high. Every time we do an act of
worship, we do it because we love Allah, out of this love for him.
Yes, we fear punishment, and yes, we want the reward, but the
absolute biggest form of fear, fearing is the fearing of
displeasing Allah, because we don't want him to be displeased
with us, because our love for him is so great. But one of the things
that I've experienced, she when we're talking about knowing who
Allah is, a lot of women talk to me about the fact that there are
certain ayat or certain Ahadi that they don't know how to understand.
As women, they just feel like, how could the Quran say this? Or how
could the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam say this? And
they've never heard it explained in a way that makes sense to them.
And I have spoken with so many women who have chosen to remove
their hijab specifically because they just don't feel like in
Islam, women are given enough agency because of a
misunderstanding of a way that these ayat or Ahadith have been
implemented. So when we look at who Allah is, and we come across
an Ayah or a hadith we don't understand once we know who he is,
by reading the Quran in a translation on a regular basis, so
that we understand His words, by learning about his names and
making dua to Allah by one of those names every single week, by
spending this time reflecting in nature and thinking about who he
is. A lot of times people right now in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s,
70s, they have a, you know, discomfort with Islam or with
religious practices because somebody in their life spiritually
manipulated or spiritually abused them. So, for example, a Quran
teacher who, God forbid, somehow, you know, was hitting a child
saying, learn Quran, learn Quran. And they're hitting the child.
Parents who say you're going to go to *, you're going to go to
*, because you're not praying you're going to go to * so
intensely that they just, they just can't. And so now those
voices are the ones that they hear. They're not hearing my
personal connection with Allah. They're hearing *, *, *,
hit, hit, hit, all this negative reinforcement, which maybe works
for some people, but for many people doesn't. And so now these
voices who, you know, at 70 and at 40, at 20, they don't have the
same power that they held of them when they were children, but they
still go back to that place, and they want to, you know, go back to
a space where this is how they felt. They had no control, they
had no protection, they had no safety. And so now, when you learn
about who Allah is, we need to create new memories and new
experiences with Allah, subhanho wa taala, so that when you're
reading Quran, if when you were reading Quran, your only
experience with Quran was one where you are afraid or you felt
guilted or shamed into reading Quran instead. Make a new
experience with the Quran. Go to the beach, go to a hike, go
outside, sit in a cafe, drink while outside of covid, even a
tear, some coffee.
Be and just say, oh, Allah, I want to get to know you for the first
time.
I don't want everyone else to tell me how I should know I want to
know you. I want to build my relationship with you. And you
choose to have the power of your own voice making the decisions for
yourself on how your relationship with Allah should be, instead of
someone else's voice who no longer has control over your life, you're
giving them more control over your life by allowing them to control
your spirituality. So when we're talking about knowing who he is,
also building new experiences with him and acts of worship, and then
when you come across a hadith or an ayah that you don't understand
and that you struggle with, even though you need to learn what that
means. You know that it's coming from someone who knows you and
knows all humankind and who cares about you, and that it's coming
from a place of love and from a place of healing, and that Allah
would never reveal something that means to hurt all women, Abu DHA,
but instead, I can work on my understanding of it, and I can
accept that because I know that it's coming from the one who
understands me
here about yourself, yes. So
just to to summarize what we said for those who are joining us,
number one, number one, the reason that, again, I'm not going to
focus only on hijab. It's the title is hijab, but it's actually
when my my ability as a human being, man or a woman, to obey
Allah, to do what he wants me to do, becomes too difficult, too
hard, lazy, not motivated you put the words, the answer is the
following, the relationship with Him is becoming weaker. It's just
exactly Think of it this way, somebody who I used to be so close
to, and I text and call almost daily, and then I got very busy,
and I did not keep this and then becomes a week, and then becomes
every month. What happened? I I pulled away.
That's exactly number one. So number one, when I feel weak,
put selfie on your heart and look, where is Allah in the heart,
right? How many other things are in the heart and my thinking. So
that's number one. Number two, I want to bring it up, especially I
wouldn't say Allah for the youth. I will say for everybody else
these days. Who is your company?
Who are you spending time with? And I'm not talking one to one. We
are living in the covid time. Everybody is exactly. Look at the
people that you trust. You take advice from you spend time with,
if these people, and I can assure you, the couple of the friends who
I shared with you in the beginning who took up their hijab, I was not
surprised, because when you spend all your time with the people
around you who are not doing it absolutely you will be weaker when
you are with people who don't pray regularly. You will end up not
praying. And this is not only in Deen. This is even in medicine.
When people tells me I've been smoking since I'm age 16, and I
say, why is that? I grew up? Everybody in the house is smoking.
All my friends were smoking. The company, peer pressure. And you
know, that's here. Mariam wala Tupa, when angina wa taba Wakana,
don't follow. Allah, and we read this every Friday,
reminder that's the Quran don't follow. Don't obey. Lot who he or
she became heedless, heedless of what, heedless about what
remembrance of Allah watabaha Follow his own desire. I like it.
It's easy. Everybody else is doing. What kind of amru who
follow, and then his matter become shattered. Number two, I think,
and I see it, not all, even myself. I can see myself when I am
spending more time with the people who bring me closer to Allah. Of
course, my Iman is much stronger so your company, whether the
people you follow, the people you like, the the things you see you
watch, it affects drop by drop. Am I right here? Maria, I agree. Of
course, I think there's a little bit of nuance that maybe I could
do, yes, I know that you agree that there are so many women who
wear hijab, but they they maybe do harmful things to other people,
and they don't pray. A woman who don't wear hijab, and they do
pray, and they have excellent character, I think that we're
talking about, you know, friends who are.
There are so many. There are so many, you know, people I've met
who on the outside look like, you know, they wear hijab, even
sometimes we're Naq, but they have been very negative influences to
me. And on the other side, people who don't wear hijab, but who are
aware and conscientious of Allah, and they deeply want to, you know,
build this relationship with him, and it's just they are building it
in different ways. So I agree with you, shekha, I think the only
thing that I would add is it depends on the person, because
some, some people are very much influenced by every, every single
trend, every person around them. They know that about themselves,
and so they need to be aware of who they're keeping company with,
who they're following on social media, what they're watching on
TV, what they're reading, but other people, because I get this
question a lot, other people who say that they have, you know,
friends or relatives, and they're the only person who you know is is
actively worshiping Allah, and they don't know if They should
still continue to be friends with these people. And I think for
someone like that, they need to look at, is their presence helping
other people, and are they not being negatively impacted by other
people? Because when we look at the time of the Prophet
sallallahu, alayhi wa salam, I mean SubhanAllah. I remember in
high school, I would just walk around, you know, and in high
school is where I really started finding my love for hijab and
Islam and and sometimes I would feel like, you know, there's so
much pressure not to wear hijab, there's so much pressure not to
pray and not to fast. And I remember one of my classmates
saying, religion is just a ball. It's just a ball and chains around
your ankles. And I thought about that, and I was like, really
thinking, Is he right? Is he right about that? I was in the ninth
grade, and I remember thinking that. And then when I come to
that, I was so blessed to go to Amara after a few months. After
that, I started reading the Quran in translation, because my mom
said reading and translation. So you understand, most of my family
members are converts, Alhamdulillah. And so, you know,
learning that the English is the Quran is so applicable, even in
the English translation, reading all of that. And then I realized,
like, you know, all of the the hardships that I saw myself going
through, the pressures, the peer pressure, be like this, be like
that. When I thought about the companions of the Prophet
sallallahu, sallam, they were in Mecca. They were surrounded by
people. They had to hide their Islam, and they were surrounded by
people who were hostile to them. But those people not only did they
help other people learn about the beauty of Allah. It is their
examples that, until today, their sacrifice has given us strength.
And so I think the nuance to this discussion of of course, your
friends impact you 1,000,000%
if you don't have friends who are going to help you in your journey,
then they're not going to be supportive and they're going to
bring you down. But at the same time, you might be surrounded by
people who are not dressed in the same way or have the same values,
but you also can benefit in a different way from them if they're
supportive of you, like, for example, sisters who tell me, you
know, they have friends who don't work hijab, who are not even
Muslim, but they ask them, Did you go pray? Why aren't you you? You
didn't pray? Why didn't you leave the movie theater and go pray? You
know, Maghrib is coming in. They're not even Muslim, and they
know the word Maghrib. Why? Because of the influence of that
Muslim friend. And so you have people who can benefit, you know,
Inshallah, one another and coming closer to Allah. And so many times
you know people with these experiences also, they help other
people find Allah in their own journey. It's, it's a very good
point. So the company meaning it to summarize what my point, and
what Maryam said, the company is, is that company that help and
strengthen your relationship with Allah, right? And and don't judge.
And I say this in many interfaith Yeah, and now I'm saying it even
to Muslims, don't judge the religion by people, yes, people
don't practice. People practice, but not the right way. People
practice, some in the right way and some not in the right way. May
Allah guide us all. And this is actually a point to myself before
anyone is I always say this, that I am the ambassador of this Dean
women when we are walking in the street and wearing hijab. I am.
People don't look at me. What is her name? What does she do? The
Muslim woman, I am the ambassador. And the same thing with the with
the brother with the beard, and when obviously he's a Muslim, we
need to show the beauty of Islam by our action. Yeah, and if I
don't see it from someone, I'm not going to put an X on the religion,
right, but one thing, one thing we all have to remember, one of the
most beautiful thing for me in Islam, yes. And maybe this will
surprise you, yeah, Maria, yeah, it is 002. Is raw.
No soul will carry the burden or the.
Sin of any other soul. When I am in this private meeting, private
interview, and we all will have it with Allah. Subhanta, Allah, he's
not going to tell me Maryam said this or did that. And when Mariam
in that private meeting, he's not going to ask her, Hey, said this
or did that. He is going to tell me and her, I send you the Quran.
I send you the messenger. I made it easy for you to learn in every
language. Why didn't you do it? Yes, yes. And I have, and I say
this to myself, I have to have a really good reason to to answer,
to say why I didn't do it. Because if I'm going to say, Ya Allah,
send me back, I'm going to be different. You know that ya Maria,
Yamada,
Kaila in Karima, tua, Kailua, Allah said this and sort of mummy,
no, he will say, Send me back. Ya Allah, I'll do different. There is
no second chance once we go So number one, again, relationship
with Allah. Number two, look for the company that strengthen your
religion, strengthen your relationship with Allah, and when
you are alone, also look for the company that's strengthen your
relationship with Allah. I'm not talking about people even, what I
am I? What am I reading? What, what? What am I spending my time
with? So that's number two. Number three. I leave it to you, Maria,
and I will comment on it.
Um,
when we're talking about number three, I'm going to, I'm going to
expand on number two, make it into a number three. Let your
companions be the female companions of the Prophet,
sallAllahu, alayhi wa salam, even if you don't have friends who
support you, or friends who are doing what you think is the way to
come close to Allah, or you feel like the examples you hear. I hear
this all the time. Oh, you know, I can't rush hijab because hijab is
because of men. Only men tell us to a hijab. Only male scholars
tell women to Rajab. Men don't understand what women have to go
through. I'm tired of hearing from men. There are so many cases of
men abusing women or spiritually disempowering women who are Imams.
And we're just tired of hearing from men. And I understand
absolutely where that's coming from. And I think that when we
look at hijab and when it was revealed, we have it in the Quran.
And by the way, just because we're not going to go into the flip of
this, I did a video specifically on where the Quran talks about
covering your hair, and the female companions Rob and whom the Hadith
that talks about the hijab and the obligation of it. You can find it
on on YouTube. Just search my name, Miriam Amir hijab. I have a
channel that has this hijab video that breaks it down into detail.
But the reason that I wanted to mention this is because when we're
looking at how the Quran is revealed,
it was, it was over a decade of the Prophet sallallahu, a Salam,
receiving revelation about Jannah, about Jahannam, about the
hereafter, about building a relationship with Allah, about
social justice in the community, about supporting the vulnerable
pan Allah. All this caricature building and this building of our
relationship with Allah, and then they went to Medina, and then
still, it was a few more years before hijab was revealed. And
when we see the example of the female companions, what was their
reaction, and also who were the female companions narrating the
Hadith about hijab. It was Aisha, radiAllahu anha, it was Hafsah
Radi Allahu. Anha, it was um omartia, nusayba, rabila. These
are women who were not just, you know, masha Allah, all of the
female companions are better than all of us combined. We are not
even the dirt on their shoes. But they're not not they're not small
names that no one knows.
She was fighting in the battlefield protecting the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in buchad, everywhere he looked
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he would see her protecting him, and
she fought in a number of battles. Aisha radila As a scholar. She is
energetic. The way she speaks is so assertive. We see that in the
example of how salah, these are women who are scholars. These are
women who are are aware of their identity and their connection to
Allah. And when the verses on hijab were revealed, they didn't
question them. Instead, they immediately wore them and they
shared them with their sisters. And the reason that I think us
understanding the reaction of the female companions and making them
our friends is important is because, again, when we talk
about, you know, I grew up and doctor, hey, fat like you
mentioned, 1015, years ago, that's when I grew up, maybe like 20
years ago, I only heard about marriage and.
Honesty and motherhood and these are so important. But I really
didn't hear or even see many female scholars, many women who
memorize the Quran like these are, these are what the female
companions also did. Faulty model the an amazing mother, an amazing
mother. If you are a mother struggling with postpartum
depression and struggling with your hijab, you don't have the
same support you had in the MSA when you were, you know, when you
were 19 and 20 and everything was like passionate Islam. Now you're,
you know, you're struggling with your children. You don't have any
time to yourself in doctor, heyfa Mashallah, she's an OBGYN. She
sees women who are struggling with postpartum depression. This is
very real, and you need the help of a professional Absolutely, and
as you're processing that like take baltimo anha to be your
friend. Learn about the female companions. What would they have
done? Learn about Khan Sabin Tama who loved poetry. What would she
have done? She was a poet, Sophia rodi ohana, the aunt of the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, who defended the fortress
of of the woman in the Battle of ahazad. How would they have
understood hijab when you feel like you're in the Battle of your
work, or you're the Battle of your home, or whatever it is, these
female companions went through it too. They were they were so strong
in their voice and their understanding of Allah. And
connect to them, learn their stories. And you can through a
book Sheik Akram Nadu we wrote. It's called Al muhadita, a, l, m,
U, H, A, D, I, T, H, A, A T, by Sheik Mohammed Akram nadui. And he
talks about so many female scholars from the time of the
Prophet sallallahu sallam, all the way until centuries later. And I
think, when we're able to look at their examples, so that when we
hear, Oh, hijab is only something that men want women to wear. No,
who were the teachers of those men? Imam Malik Rahima Allah, this
great scholar, was taught by the daughter of the famous companion,
Sadi lahaim Asmaa radila. So when you look at, excuse me, Aisha,
radila, when you look at Imam ashefri, the great granddaughter
of the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi, wasallam, Sayyidina, Nafis have
taught Imada, Shahi, Rahima, Allah. These are great scholars,
and we have so many names of male scholars who who attribute their
knowledge to the female scholars who taught them. I think we are so
healing when we're looking at hijab, because we see a hijab and
we see this isn't just, you know, only I'm relegated to this. No,
I'm a comprehensive believer, whether I'm a full time mother or
a full time OBGYN or a full time scholar, whatever I am,
I'm I'm following in the footsteps of Maryam alaiha Salam, the
examples that Allah has given us of women, allowing us to feel like
we can find our voices in their voices. And I think for me, that
gives me so much strength. I think I fully agree with you And
subhanAllah, we just finished a Jannah Institute 12 weeks and we
called it a course pearls around the raswari satosina. And we
covered the 12 wives of raswari satosina, not historically,
historically you read it, it's what, where do I see myself as a
woman? Right, living in the 20th, 21st century, in the West or in
the east, younger, old, yes, which one for 12 weeks, I can tell you
those sisters who joined the course we just finished, and
because it, it had a lot of positive feedback. We are actually
doing from January about the four daughters of raswari saw to sell.
What did I learn? Yes, what did I learn as I was preparing for it is
in every woman, in every one of them, they were all different,
absolutely different, different, but they are all connected with
one thing, their love to Allah, their submission to Allah, and the
way they worshiped Allah outside the obligatory is what they use,
what Allah gave them. Meaning, how do, how do I apply this? If I now
as a woman, say, well, there is only men teaching us, I will say,
please forgive me. 15 years ago, this could be true, right not now,
when I left to study, there was none, maybe one. I remember then,
when I moved to Jeddah to study and I everyone taught me absolute
scholars woman, I was blown out. I was like, wow, what is this, if
she can do it, I can do it. That's how I that's how I said it. I was
like, if she can memorize the Quran, I can do it. If she can, if
she can speak this beautiful, eloquent I honestly, I've had one
taught me better than many men I have studied with.
And the issue is not about man or a woman, yeah? Issue is because
now we have so many women who are physicians, and they are very
good, right? I we as women, yeah? Mariam, and this is now I'm
talking to my beautiful sisters. We women as we took the lead, 20,
3040, years ago, about 40 years ago, to take some professions that
were absolutely for men only. I was the first when I did training
in OBGYN. We were the first class, nine women only. And this is less
than 20 years
right? So the we women, and this is to everybody, we need to start
taking the leadership and not being scholars, but in learning.
Yes, and as I want to be a lawyer, a teacher, or I want to be an
excellent Mom, I want to be an excellent Muslim by knowledge, not
by what they told me. And let's stop blaming the others. Let's
stop blaming what Imam says, or dad says, or the husband. Why not
me teach myself. That's that's the other thing. Now, one more thing,
one more thing. And this goes to there's so many comments I know if
you're reading it, and I'm going to bring this top this, because
it's a question, and I get it a lot, and maybe you too. Yeah,
Mariam,
if someone comes and tell me take off your hijab, otherwise you will
not get the job. That was the question. What should I do?
My answer, and I will leave it to Mariam, or go ahead, Mariam,
I can never speak before you please. This is what I said. And
actually, you will be surprised. I was told this when I went for my
interview for my OB GYN, can't tell you how many people told me
they will not take you.
Frank in my face,
and I remember Subhanallah at that point, I was studying. I was
memorizing my call. I was studying, but not yet studied, but
I'm studying basically connecting, strengthening my relationship with
Allah. I remember when I sat in that interview before I went, and
I looked at them before they were asking me, and I remember Allah
brought it in my heart, and I said, Ya, Allah, and
you are the one who gives sustenance. You are the one who's
going to give me this, yeah, or you are the one who's not going to
give me this. These are only the tools that you will move.
And if it is good for me, you will give me, and if you it is not, you
will not give me. That's what I will need. I will never, I will
say this to all everyone listening to us, don't you ever sell your
akhira for your dunya?
It doesn't worth it.
It's a lost trade, right? You will go out of business. Yes. Allah is
a Raza. Allah is the One Who owns the employment. Will employee,
will company, the the land where the company is, and the bank, the
where the money it's all by Allah's hand, obey Him, and if he
gave it to you. And 20 years ago, I remember this very well. I had a
Somali lady in in a small class I was running, and she said she
works in a factory,
and she had like, three or four children, single mother 20 years
ago. And she said they told me in the factory, take off your hijab
or you will lose the job. And she said, I am not, and if you want to
fire me, Allah will give me and they fired her.
But then she said, Allah gave me better job.
That's what we are missing.
Yeah, certainty in Allah, yes. Don't look at people yes, at all,
at all. They are a layer right right between us and Allah, so
answer this or comment on this employment, because that's and
there's another question, which is really also good. So what do you
tell I'm sure, or younger girls will tell you, I'm not they're not
going to take me in this college of that college because of my
hijab. What do you tell them? I would tell them to watch the
Facebook Live episode Dr hayfat talking about her experience with
PJ
that was amazing.
I mean, you've been through it, I'm sure you as a younger mom, you
went through this weaker points. All of us did. Do you think we are
like nobody were human being when you go through this weak point,
and I'm going to be very frank, when you look at the mirror and
then you say, what did I do to myself?
You have these moments.
Of course, we do right, right? What did what made you.
Will not take it off, and I will tell you what's made me not take
off, but after I hear from you, because we all go through it,
yeah, you know,
of course, yeah, yeah. You know, my struggle actually might be
slightly different. I think a lot of people struggle in this way
too. But for me, the struggle is actually the physical action of
hijab
because I'm chasing after the little boys. So I like, sometimes
I trip. Sometimes I'm trying to change a diaper and that hijab is
in my face.
Sometimes I'm just hot. I just feel like I'm outside and it's
like 105 degrees, and I'm just like Allahu, Akbar, I just wish I
could be feeling the wind, you know, and in those moments for me,
I just think like, Yo Allah, give me better in paradise. Put Baraka
in my life because of this struggle, and give me better in
paradise. Like I think about how worship is so beloved to Allah, if
it's easy, that's so beloved to him, but how much more beloved is
it to him that you still do it and you just struggle with it, like
you really have to love someone to keep doing it, even though it
brings you so much frustration, or whatever it is that you just feel
like, Oh, that's anxiety. You just take that into dua, just pouring
all that emotion into dua, and like, Oh Allah, give me better in
the hereafter. Bless my loved ones because of it, and let me see the
barakah of your worship and SubhanAllah. I don't think that
there's ever been a time. And you know,
I am not one of those people that comes home and loves to wear my
hijab for the next three hours. Like, no, I come home and it's
Alhamdulillah for hijab outside, Alhamdulillah. But when I think
about that, like that struggle and that journey, I just ask Allah,
like, oh, Allah, you see the struggle in it. Please make it
blessed for me and love me more because of it. And we know that
one of the people that's the most beloved to Allah, and obviously I
don't count on this as this anymore. I'm an old person, older
person, but as a youth, as a young person, who you could have been
doing so many other things, but for only for the sake of Allah,
you chose to stay on his path, or only for the sake of Allah as an
elder person, you're like, oh, this doesn't matter anymore. We
chose only to stay on his path, even though it's a struggle after
all these years. And you think I hear from women who are older, who
are in their elder years, and who they think, like, was it really
worth all these years of wearing hijab? I think the question is,
what will you be asking yourself as you face your final moments,
will you be thinking, was it worth it? You
Oh, there's no lot. There's only God in it. Absolutely, I'll tell
you what the
the question of being hot. And this is, this is a true story. I
went through it. And this was April. I remember very well, April
15, the day of taxes. And I wasn't this long before, this is before
we pay taxes online. And long line was so hot here in Saint Louis,
long line in the
post office. And of course, I'm the only woman who wears hijab and
abaya, and everybody was looking at me because was extremely hot
that day. And then I reached to the desk, and the man looked at me
in a very nice way, and I will say this in a very nice way, and he
said, Aren't you hot?
And I said, who is not? It's
100
it's 100 degree outside,
right? The point is, the point is, you need to work on yourself
inside. Because I remember one of the first questions I asked
May Allah reward the sister, when I was thinking of putting the
hijab. What about if I changed my mind? I always had this, and I was
like, I can do this with Allah.
We feel ashamed to change our mind with people. How can I be this
with Allah? And that's the DUA she taught me. May Allah give her
genetic dose.
I met her maybe two times only, and this is what it is, and we can
put it here. Allahummat
Ya, Allah, I ask you to keep me steadfast.
That's it. That's it. Because if I am steadfast and i It's not me, my
ability. Allah
Dakari be strong, back to his names and his attributes, if he
makes me steadfast, who can move me right? Not me,
not even me, not even Shalini, not even people.
Allah, we need to keep this connection with Allah. Turn to
Him. And when I am so down and weak and I'm about, that's it, I'm
I'm going to take it out, or no way I'm about to put it in. And I
was like, No, I can't. This is so weird. What people will say about
me. The answer is, Allah, Ummah inibat, last question, Mariam, and
I'm sure you get this too, and this was on the on the chat. This
is compulsory when the woman becomes 40 years of age, that's
the question. I didn't put the age. The age was put on the on the
chat. You are the chair, so please answer. This is important for you
to answer. Well, well, the sister is referring to the verse. I'm
sorry
if you know well, Hawaii, dominanicahan,
yes,
right,
right now people know only the part one, because part one comes
easy. Yes, what is Allah saying? Says those. He didn't put an age,
by the way. So we cannot put an age. He said those. And Allah
described them as in the Arabic language, meaning those women who
have lost hope, or actually not hope, lost the desire to get
married.
What is this age?
It's not 40. Wow,
right?
60. These days, these days. Right? Do I tell you what I see in my
office. Yeah, this is the idea when the women lost the interest
in getting married with the meaning, then what did he say?
There is no
no harm. And he didn't say, put off your hijab.
Jalabi bihin, and what is it? Jill, Bab the third quote that the
woman put on the top, and even that Allah says, if
they don't do it is better for them. Yes, yes. Subhanallah, yes,
SubhanAllah. There's a there's a statement of half. I'm so sorry. I
literally cut you off. I'm so sorry. Please keep going.
No, go ahead. Just on that point, there's a statement. I believe
this. I think at the tribute to have some I've
been sitting I've been saying that wrong. I can't remember who it is
off the top of my head, but she was one of the scholars who came
in the early time of the Muslims. And there were some of her
students who were asking her, you know, you're like an elder woman
now, why are you still wearing her your your your hijab? And she
said, Don't you because I said, haven't you heard welcome? I do
mean Anisa in Latina, um. And then she said, But didn't you hear the
other part?
So she responded with that same verse of Hannah, exactly. This is,
this is when we learn our Quran, my beautiful sisters and we have
brothers also listening to us. Don't read or learn the Quran copy
and paste, or actually cut and paste. Quran is a whole book, so
I'm not going to read wala Takhar Abu salah. Bring it close to
Salah. Yeah, and then, oh, great. I don't have to pray right
when you are intoxicated.
The bottom line, and I don't know if there's other questions, well,
there's one real Mariam, this would be also nice. So what is the
advice specifically for a new, revert or convert. Who's not
comfortable with starting to wear hijab this session, sister, may
Allah, bless you and bless you your entire family. Um, it's it is
so real. I've seen people walking through the masjid and before they
even give their shahada keep women are putting a hijab on their head,
as if hijab is the most important thing you need to do right away.
Of course, hijab is an obligation, but getting to the place where you
are wearing hijab, focus on your relationship with Allah, as we
talked about, read the Quran every single day, just one page, one
verse in the English translation. And I also recommend a beautiful
book of the Sierra of the Prophet. Peace be upon him. It's a
biography called Muhammad man and prophet. It is by Adil Salahi, A,
D, I, L, S, A L, A H, I, Muhammad man and prophet. Peace be upon
him. To help you know, I mean, you know, we all know who the Prophet,
sallAllahu, alayhi wa salam, is. But being able to love him and
just feel like I want to follow this in every way. It's not
because you're not already following it. It just gives you
strength to know that you know this is where I derive this from.
This is where I find my strength from. And also, like we talked
about a support group and Michelle agenda Institute is an amazing
Institute where you can take online classes privately,
secretly, take these classes on your own time, and feel like.
Building your relationship with God. And also on Instagram, you
can find me at the T H, E, Miriam, M, A R, Y, a m, a m, I R at the
Mary Amir and I have something called the hijab series. If you
look for the hashtag hijab series on my account, I'm trying to
address all of the different parts of hijab that women struggle with,
that they feel personally, or going into the masjid, the spaces
that they struggle with. And as a convert, you're going to come
across issues where sometimes you don't know what to excuse me, not
just as a convert. What I mean is as a recent convert, because there
are converts who converted before I was born, and people are still
saying, masha Allah, you've learned how to pray. And they're
like, please, I've, I've been Muslim longer than you were born.
You've been alive. Um, but, but as a new convert, you know, learning
about as you face these issues, and people saying, you know,
you're supposed to do this, you're supposed to do that, I think it's
helpful to have some, some some some support and clarity on which,
what, what that really is supposed to look like for you. So, A, the
Quran in your relationship with God. B, the Prophet Muhammad,
peace be upon him. SallAllahu, sallam, and three, a support group
like Jannah Institute, learning about Hijab through the hijab
series, which I hope is helpful. And then also, again, the hijab,
the hijab video. It's a 45 minute lecture that talks about, you
know, it walks you through why we were hijab. What's What in the
Quran talks about hijab, all of that, which is on YouTube. Just
look up my name, Miriam Amir on the channel. And I'm sorry I'm not
trying to promote my page or my Instagram. I hope it doesn't come
off like that. I've just been doing so much work on this topic,
so I'm trying to give it as a resource Absolutely. And actually,
this is why we, when, when we when I thought about this topic, Mariam
came to my mind. This is how it is, is some people put their
efforts or their their passion. And when you do things with
passion, as we say, when it comes out from the heart goes to the
heart, the for the sister, for the Revert Sister, this is how I
say. Hijab is either the beginning or the end. What does that mean?
Either you start your journey with Allah, and the first point is the
hijab, and those people does that. Does it this way? But and then, as
you get stronger and stronger and stronger, becomes easier easier,
and you can do more and more. Some people find it very challenging,
very challenging. And I'm being very honest, right? I'm not saying
it's not important, may Allah forgive me. I'm not saying it's
not a form of another obligation, may Allah forgive me. But I'm I'm
being very realistic. If you are finding it difficult, then your
relationship with Allah is not strong. And I remember very well
someone I know when they put their hijab the first year, they
finished the Quran every month, not memorized reading, but they
know they know what it means. And I remember when we were discussing
this, she said, This kept me stronger and stronger, and I
became more comfortable with what I who I am, the person I become
and I am absolutely people see around me that I am comfortable so
I don't get much harassed. Strengthen the relationship with
Allah, the ayah that many people are asking that we quoted. Well,
how I do mean any say, Let's ensure to Noor I don't remember
the number of the verse. This is how I remember it is the page
before the end. Maybe honey, our our staff here, can put it here,
the number of the ayah, the last one, or somebody saying, May Allah
reward you, marine for all of what you do. MashaAllah, may Allah.
This is how I will say, May Allah reward everyone, young and old man
or a woman who is working for the sake of Allah, for no reason but
to please Allah. Number one, number two, each one of us have to
make dua for the other. Yes, couple of things. Number one, make
what we say and do and learn and attend only for his sake. Call,
because Allah will not accept it unless it's pure for his sake. And
this is not easy. Let's all pray for everybody, anyone who's
working for this deed, even if you are not a big fan of them, it's
not they are working for Allah. Yes, and judge them. Don't judge
them. Pray for them. You think there is things they need to
change. Pray for them. But don't put them down. They're working for
Allah and all of us have to purify ourselves. I go and Mariam knows
me very well. I love this purification of the heart. Unless
your heart and mind and us is pure, everything else becomes
mercury. When the heart is pure, everything becomes pure. Miriam, I
leave the last words to you. It's over eight o'clock. I didn't feel
a moment of it. And you know how long there I had today. I just
shared
it.
Last words were you?
Will be for you. And one thing I want to share, and this is
personal, but it's really affected me. Today, I was telling you, I
delivered the Muslim patient today in a C section, and I normally do
this in
any surgery with a Muslim patient, I breathe the Quran and I put it
next to her ear,
right, and the and of course, I'm the only Muslim, and she's the
only Muslim. So everybody was listening. So I left the C
section, and the nurse came to me and says, You know what I like
about you, Doctor Eunice, I said, What is it? I said, this prayers,
you do. I don't know what it is they were asking me. I said. She
said to them, it's the music they use in their religion. So how? She
said, it makes the patient much calmer.
Be proud of who you are, everybody, Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah and hadan, Allah. Allah said this so gratefully,
Allah, we the people of Jannah, will say this, Alhamdulillah.
Praise all to Allah who guided us to this and we will never be
guided unless he guided us. Ya Rabbi, ami, last words for you. Ya
Maria, you ended with my last words. I was just going to share
that you know, the anytime I've struggled with my faith, going
back to the Quran has saved me, go to the Quran. Read it in
translation, build a connection with it and inshallah through
knowing the words that Allah sent from an angel with an angel on the
lips of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi was sent him to you
Inshallah, your relationship with him and your strength and your
belief in Him, will will completely
shift. Last word I want to say, reminded me now when you see a
woman or a man not obeying Allah, please pray for them. Don't say
anything. Don't put them down. Don't judge them. Allah knows
Allah, pray for them. Pray for them. She's not addressed
properly. Say it, Ya Allah, Ya Allah, make it easy for her to
dress properly. He is not praying, Ya Allah, make him pray. Don't put
people down. We don't need that. We have so many people put us
down. We need each other to to be to make each other stronger.
Mariam jazakillah, is just the time ended. Mashallah, you
have to do this again. Inshallah, I had a feeling I'm going to be
the last one.
Reward you all for being with us. For all the comments. There was a
lot of comments, forgive me and forgive Miriam. If we couldn't
address all the comments and all the questions. SubhanAllah
tubulek, salallahu, Allah, Muhammad wala, Alaikum.