Maryam Amir – Does God Hate Me
AI: Summary ©
The community was ready to support them, but they were worried about someone. They do know how to have conversations about policing, and they were ready to support them when they were worried about her. They also know how to have conversations about policing, and they do know how to have conversations about it. The community was ready to support them, and they were worried about her. They do know how to have conversations about policing, and they are encouraged to pray for their parents. They are also encouraged to come close to Him, even if it doesn't bring them together, and to strive for the best possible experience.
AI: Summary ©
Messenger. Holds a degree in Islamic Studies from other
university. She also studied Arabic in Cairo, Egypt, and
memorized the Quran there. She also holds a master's degree in
education, specifically looking at mentorship of urban and high
school kids rooted in critical race theory. Also holds a
bachelor's degree in child and adolescent development, and she
writes. Most importantly, she and I went to high school together in
San Jose high that's perhaps the most impressive and she She also
writes for the virtual boss, and is a very prolific writer online,
Please join me welcoming.
About three years ago, mdla, my husband and I were very blessed to
find out that we were going to have a baby, and
we were so excited to tell all of our family members we shared this
extreme joy and this extreme blessing in this huge gift.
And then I lost the baby.
And I want to tell you this because so many young women and
spouses of young women have gone through losing a child in their
womb, and they've been told or they've felt that because of
something they did wrong with Allah,
and those were the same feelings that I had. I was wondering if I
had done something to gain Allah's punishment. I was wondering if he
was angry at me. I was wondering if I had done something years ago,
and because of that thing that I had done years ago, Allah somehow
was taking, you know, retribution now,
and those same thoughts are the thoughts that many of us have when
we go through some type of hardship, and sometimes that's
because of the pain that we feel when it comes to the messages
We've been given in the community as to what it means to have a
connection with Allah,
a sister, reached out to me. She had been in extreme depression for
years. She had been practicing self harm for years, and after a
number of years of this, and the community knew about it, people
knew about it. She didn't have any support. She actually attempted
suicide. She was hospitalized. People knew about it, the
community knew about it. No one reached out to support her. And
when you're in that very fragile, vulnerable state, it's really hard
to ask for people's support.
So this happens to her, and in the hospital, she was wearing a hijab,
and they don't allow her to wear a hijab because it could potentially
be something that she could use as a tool if she was thinking about
suicide again, we all not protect everyone.
And after she was released, she decided she just could not
continue wearing hijab. She was just not emotionally in a place
where she can handle it,
and now, all of a sudden, everyone in the community wanted to be her
friend.
Now they reached out to her to ask her what happened. Can I help you?
Let's sit together and let me talk to you about why hijab is
important. Are you still Muslim? Did you lose your iman? Let's be
friends so that I can convince you that hijab is a necessity. She
knows hijab is an obligation. She just this is not a space for her
to practice hijab right now. She can, emotionally, cannot handle
it,
but our community was so ready to be able to support her when they
were worried about her hijab. What does that say about us? I
understand sometimes it's hard for us to have conversations about
mental health, about depression. We don't know how to have those
conversations. We do know how to have conversations about policing
women's stress. That's very normal for us, but when we talk about our
community and being there to support other believers, how can
we ourselves be in a space where it's it's not something that we
question, where we're not worried about Someone's life versus
someone's dress, and when we talk about that message, and we talk
about Allah's the message that we give to someone who's struggling
with that is that it's not your life that's valuable to Allah,
it's your hijab that's valuable to Allah.
And that is terrifying. And talks.
And traumatic when it comes to worrying about a relationship with
Allah, when every single one of us is struggling with what that looks
like
Allah, when we go through hardship, when we feel like we're
being punished for something, we have to remember that he is not
who we think he is, or who, in the sense of this bounds of it being
called to take revenge on us, he is not who. Sometimes we're given
a message of who, if you're not perfect in every way, externally
and internally, that's when he's going to be there for you. That's
when he wants to be your friend. He is. Aloha, Ali,
my friend who started Jina and showed a beautiful series on
virtualmax.com which I really recommend if any of you are trying
to come close to Allah. Read the names of Allah series. She talks
about Ali
in such a beautiful way
that Allah, Allah is the Wali of those who have aminu,
Wali, imazali, Rahima wahi talks about wali being the lover and The
Guardian. He is the lover and the guardian of the those who am in
you, not the mAh sinun Allah. And say the mAh sinun, the mAh Singh,
those who are like striving to every prayer on time, and way more
than that, and constantly in the state of extremely amazing
worship. A new is people whose faith have entered their hearts
but haven't quite settled their actions are not fully there. If
you are someone who is struggling with sinning or shortcomings, or
you feel like in Ramadan, or one way, and the rest of the year
you're another way that doesn't make you hypocritical. It makes
you someone who's struggling to be firm and close to Allah, and then
you falter, and then you come back and think about Yusuf alaihi
salam. How are many trials and Yusuf alaihi salam go through in
his life. I mean, think about the reality of his family issues being
thrown into a well by your siblings. Think about even after
all of the time of being, you know, pursued by a number of
Mormon being jailed, and after all of this, being placed in a
position of power to have those same brothers to your face not
recognize you talk badly about that brother who they have like,
how would that make you feel, emotionally like, ripping open old
wounds you're finally like, now I'm in the space and like, you
know, in a place of privilege, and I can use it in the right way. And
those same people who put you through all of that, they still
think those terrible things about you, Yusuf Ali Islam. He had
difficulty in his life, but obviously he's better than all of
us combined. And yeah, he says, Until Aliyah.
And
Yusuf Ali Islam uses the word Wali, the name of Wali. So when
you and I are going through something, when I go through
something like a miscarriage, may I protect everyone I went through
something of a miscarriage, may I love, protect me, I'll bless you
all. When you go through depression, when you're struggling
with doubts and faith, when you're going through an addiction,
whenever you're going through Remember who you have, Ali is your
friend and your guardian, and that includes those of us who struggle
with sin over and over and over. Some of us feel so far away
because we feel like there's no way we can get over something that
we keep doing. But think about the companion of the Prophet. So
Abdullah, he used to constantly drink. He used to drink alcohol.
He was a communion of the prophets. Will know where they
would send them. He would be punished for his public drinking
over and over to the point that the Companions got frustrated, and
they were like, what's up with this guy? He's constantly sitting
in the same exact way. And they they cursed him. They
were saying things about him that were just wrong, and the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam himself stood up for this man, and
he declared that this man loves Allah and the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam, if the prophet himself, sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam could declare How much this man loves Allah and His Prophet,
and he's a companion of the Prophet, who sees the Prophet on a
regular basis, who has the opportunity to become the best of
Muslims that have ever existed because he's literally, physically
sitting with a prophet. Then why don't you that are struggling in
America, that are dealing with Islamophobia, that are dealing
with all types of different racism or sexism or anything else that
you're struggling with. And on top of that, you're struggling to be
Muslim and Ramadan with crazy long fasting hours. Maybe you have a
crazy schedule, and you're still fasting through it. What about me
and you? Of course, Allah penal is Inshallah, hopefully looking at.
Us, even when we make mistakes and saying that's a servant that loves
me, we pray that we be of those people. He's not looking for
perfection. He loves you anyway. And when we look at those who turn
to him, you know sometimes in your heart, have you ever wanted to you
know you you wanted to do something and you knew it was
wrong, and it didn't make you happy that it was wrong, but the
action itself made you happy. Like, let's say, you knew a
relationship was wrong, but it made you happy to be in it, or
like you knew not praying or
mother missing mother was wrong, but you wanted to watch that movie
in the theaters and you're going to walk out. Okay, so that action,
in and of itself, is wrong, but it made you happy to watch the movie
you got me, but the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam, he
talks about a believer being the person who they're they're the
things that they do that are good. It makes them happy, the things
that they do that are wrong, it makes them sad. So even if you
didn't do the right thing, the fact that it didn't make you happy
that you were doing the wrong thing, that, in and of itself, is
a description of a believer. In and of itself, that's a
description of who you are. And the was, says
the matagalahi that then he turned to them in repentance, so that
they would turn to Him. If, when Allah is saying that Imam, a he,
he turns to you in repentance before you turn to Him. If you've
ever had in your heart for a moment this feeling that you want
to come back to Allah that's not coming from you, that's literally
coming from Allah. He wants you to come back to him. So he puts this
feeling inside of your heart to come back to him. And if you
haven't felt that feeling, it doesn't mean there's no hope for
you at all
in if we all pray that Allah puts that feeling in our hearts and
that we turn to him once we feel that feeling. So even if you
haven't felt it, there's so much hope for you still, as in so many
Ahadi talk about if you just turn to Him, then He accepts you. So
sometimes maybe it's just that you're struggling with who you are
today versus who you used to be. Like today, you may not be able to
do the type of worship you used to do, and it makes you feel guilty.
You maybe feel overwhelmed. And this is something one of my
teachers taught me, which I kind of was like, saved me this from
Adar lesson, even I'll talk if that says something incredible
that you looking outside of the Allah has placed in front of you
for ways to come close to him is a hidden type of hella. Let me
explain that. What that means. Sometimes the way to Allah after
praying your obligatory prayers like the basic obligation, the way
to him after that is taking care of your parents, or the way that
to him, after that is working so you can provide for your family,
or waking up at 6am because your toddler does even in a hold on,
say,
it. The point is, when you're too tired to pray, even to as after a
shot with your collapsing because you have to take care of a child
the next morning,
that is what Allah has placed for you and laid in Rahim talks about
the Leah to what that these are the obligations of the time that
Allah has placed in front of you. So when you have a crazy, big
exam, or when you have to work, you have to take care of your
health, your mental health, whatever it is, and it's stopping
you from doing those things that all the believers are doing, all
of you who are praying here for hours at a time, who love fast and
can't wait for him on all those excited Mulan, Pastor, worshiper
believers, and you don't feel like you're one of them. You know what
you're doing. Instead, you're taking the Asmaa, the means that
Allah has placed in front of you to draw closer to Him, and if you
were to try to remove those just because you wanted to feel a
spiritual high, since you didn't have those responsibilities,
that's not closeness to Allah. That's you trying to find a way
out of the responsibilities he's given you, and the guilt that's
induced from that is not something pious. Instead, find ways to come
close to Allah in the worship he's put in front of you, even if it
doesn't taste sweet, that spiritual sweetness doesn't always
come from changing an explosion diaper. It really doesn't, and it
also doesn't come from having to work crazy, long hours when you're
exhausted. But at the same time, that is a worship that Allah is.
Putting in your place to come closest to him, subhana wa Taala
And subhanAllah. We know that the Prophet saw someone told us in
another bin yet that indeed, actions are my intention. So
whenever you make the intention, whatever you're doing that
Inshallah, in and of itself, is worship.
There was a man who that during the time of Prophet saw them. It
was,
excuse
me, he was strong, and he looked, I guess, strong, and so he was
walking, and the Companions saw him, and they were telling the
Prophet's lesson. They're like, Wouldn't it have better? Been
better if this man was out, you know, out in the Cause of Allah.
And the Prophet saw them, responded and said, If he went to
work to provide for his young children, he was out in the Cause
of Allah. If he went to work to provide for his old, elderly
parents, he was out in the Cause of Allah. If this man was out to
work so that he would be able to sustain himself and not beg
people, he was out in the Cause of Allah. Oh, the Prophet saw
some of this teaching is that, unlike the very narrow view we
have of what closeness to Allah looks like, everything we do,
including the emotional struggles that we have, those are forms of
worship, and those are forms that Allah loves and uses for us to
draw
closer to Him. Allah is Abu Ali to the one who draws close to him
through the obligatory so he tells us, in a hadith, would see that
he's a Wali, that he's on your side, that when you do the
obligations, that's how you come close to him. That's it. That's
what's asking you. He's not asking you to do the obligations and also
weep in sola all night. He's not asking you to the obligations and
also smile with extreme vigor and love for doing worship. And she'll
always bless with those feelings one day. But that's not what's a
requirement for you. The action, in and of itself, is what Allah is
asking for, and when we are trying to do it more, that's awesome.
Let's try to do more, because we should strive to be better
believers. But when, when that is holding you back from Allah, your
own self, because of how guilty you feel, then recognize that's
not from Allah. He wants you however you turn to Him. When I
was studying in Egypt, a few sisters and I went to dinner, and
we had a bunch of money left over after we pulled our money together
from boo. So we decided that we were going to go and give this
homeless boy who used to sleep in front of a grocery store with his
little pet dog, the extra money. And we walked for 20 minutes to
get to this place where this little boy was he's a teenager,
where this teenage boy used to sleep, so he finally got there,
and he's nowhere. But this puppy is there, and there's this tiny
puppy, and he's trying to open a water bottle with his paws, and he
can't get it open. And so we came and we opened the bottle and we
poured some water out, and this puppy drank so much water, and
then once it was done drinking its water, it just just kind of ran
away. And I was thinking, subhanAllah, we are a group of
foreigners. We're group of American students going to a
restaurant with some extra money. Our intention was to donate. We
walked 20 minutes only to open a bottle cap for this adopted
budgets first, and if Allah's penalties is going to take care of
his creation like a small, innocent puppy who doesn't pray
and struggle with worshiping Him, obviously, all creations of
the beliefs, okay, but I mean, like we're struggling to worship
Him. So if he is going to facilitate all of this for this
tiny puppy, like, what is he going to facilitate for the person who
is going through the hardships that you're going through and
trying to think good at him too, Allah tells us I am as my servant
thinks I am. So when you think great of Allah, when you have hope
in Allah, when you are certain of Allah will accept your repentance
and surrendallah understand your struggle. Inshallah, he will do
all of that because he is your wali in any circumstance, in any
space you're in. He is there to be your loving guy. It's just about
reframing our our minds and our framework. So when we approach
Him, we know he's on our side, and then trying our best to live our
lives in a way that even when we falter, it's okay, we just go back
to him, because that's what a loving friend does. They
constantly guard you. They protect you. They're your ally, and they
accept you. We always want to tell them this, except every single one
of us and everyone with that
enemy.