Maryam Amir – An emotional Quran journey
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The speaker discusses the importance
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Here in LA because every Masjid near me in Los Angeles, they were
not reciting a jazz of the Quran. They were reciting a few verses
here, a few verses there, a few Surahs here, a few Surahs there.
And so the first 20 days of Ramadan have gone by, and I didn't
hear the portion that I was waiting to hear. And I knew I
missed it. I knew I missed it.
And then I got the call about my grandfather, Rahima hola and I was
coming up here anyway for the last 10 nights at SubhanAllah. I'm so,
so grateful that I was able to be here.
Being with being with my grandfather was a gift
Alhamdulillah, and he passed away in the last 10 and when we when we
buried him that night, Rahel and all of our loved ones, may Allah
enter all of our loved ones into the highest paradise without he
said, and every single person that has been martyred in Allah and all
Over the somayor of Emmy
that night, I didn't make it for taraweeh because my we have the
Janessa,
but I made it for Liam and Shaykh Sayyid for the first time ever
that year, was no longer reciting a jazz a night in Liam, he used to
recite an entire judge every single night, and I knew that I
missed the verses I was looking for because he was going to be
reciting something different. And then I went and I caught the PM,
and that night, he recited the ayat that I had missed. All of
Ramadan I had been going from one Masjid to another, Masjid to
another, Masjid seeking these specific verses. And for me, in
that moment in that Ramadan, the verses I wanted to hear were,
predictably, the ones about Mariam, adej and Sora Ali Imran.
So tip, if you are ever going to have a child who's a daughter,
please name her Mariam, because it is so special to be able to have
that connection with those verses in the Quran. But I was searching
for those verses, and the night that they came, that I was so
gifted with hearing them, were when I needed the most. Only Allah
knew what was going to happen by the end of Ramadan. For me and for
me, it felt like such an affirmation that Allah sees our
pain, that he sees our losses. It doesn't stop the losses, it
doesn't stop the pain, but that we're not alone in the process,
because we have the word of Allah. And I know that you know that we
are seeing out of Gaza the same that in Raza, they are holding
onto the Quran and they are reciting the Quran as they are
being stitched without medication that they I don't know if you saw
that. There was a
a video of someone who was murdered, and they had a page of
the Quran in their pocket, and the Quran was *. And they, the
people who were taking care of this martyr, they took out the
page, and they said, This is Surah Al boruj. And for anyone who knows
Surah Al buruj. Sura Al buruj is about a young man. This is not
mentioned in the qur, in the ayat itself, in the tafsir. This is a
young man who was supposed to be appointed as the palace sorceress,
after the sorcerer, after the sorcerer,
moved on. So he was being trained by the sorcerer, and at the same
time as he was going to the palace, every day he stopped by
and saw a monk. He saw a monk who was just a very religious person
at the time, who worshiped Allah. And so every day he was learning
more about Allah as he was going to do black magic with the
sorcerer, until finally, he started using the name of Allah
instead of using any magic. And when the King found out that
people had been cured from their illnesses because of Allah's Name,
when they found this out, what they said was, we believe in
Allah. And so now the king said, we're going to have to kill this
man who is spreading this belief, instead of believing that the king
is God. And so they tried to kill him. And I'm sure some of you are
familiar with the story. You probably learned it in Sunday
School at some time or read it at some point, but they they tried to
kill him in multiple ways, and he wouldn't die no matter what they
did. And so he came to the king, and he said, If you want me to be
killed, you're going to have to do it in this way. And he said that
he needs to stand, and they need to the king needs to take an arrow
and say, Bismillah, say in the Name of Allah, and then let the
arrow go. And that is what he did. And this young martyr was
murdered. And everyone watching said that they believe in Allah.
Everyone watching renounced their disbelief, and they said that they
believe in Allah, and when they accepted that they believe in
Allah, so publicly, the king said, dig trenches. Dig trenches. Fill
it with fire and throw the bodies of the people inside of those
trenches. And when they're when they are going to be thrown and
ask them, Are you going to recant in your belief in God? Are you
going.
To say that Allah is the truth. And every single person who was
thrown in, they believed in Allah. And one woman had the hesitation.
One woman, she was carrying an infant who was still nursing, and
she was worried because she has her baby with her. And so then, as
she's holding her baby, her baby speaks to the mother, and the baby
says to the mother, do not be afraid. And so she and the baby go
into the fire together. And that is what Sura Al buruj is about,
these people who did not stop believing in Allah, these people
who maintain their faith when they were being massacred. So when the
people of Gaza are seeing a page of the Quran, and that page of the
Quran is about Surah Al guruj, they said, This is a letter from
Allah to us through our martyrs,
the way that they have taken the Quran is to survive a genocide,
genocide. And many of us, when we look at the faith of people in
this circumstance, I know I myself, have just wondered in the
beginning of of this time, I kept thinking, like, Is Allah going to
allow us to walk on the earth? Still, like, how can we watch it
happen and do nothing, and we still have permission to walk on
the earth? I was waiting, God. I was waiting for to be swallowed by
the Earth and Allah has been so merciful that we're still alive,
despite the fact that we are witnessing it and not stopping it.
That being said, Ramadan is a time that we have been chosen to be
here for a reason. Every single one of us that has been written to
be in Ramadan right now has been written here for a reason. The
martyrs who have passed have been written to be martyred. They have
the highest reward. They don't need any more reward. But those of
us who are here, what are we going to do with this Ramadan?
We know that noone has promised tomorrow. We know that. Okay,
theoretically, right? And especially now, maybe we know that
even more. But what about how we are turning back to the book that
is helping people feel like they are not alone in a time where the
world feels like it's left them alone.
When I have experienced my journey with the Quran, one of the parts
that kept me going every time I felt like I was so far behind, and
every time I feel like I'm so far behind, it is because I feel like
the verses are speaking to me, because Allah knows that I need to
Hear those specific verses. And I'm sure that's very thoughtful.
Oh,
I'm sure that many of you have had experiences like this, where maybe
you are, you know, going through something, or you need, you need a
sign. You ask Allah for a sign, and then you get a whatsapp
forward, and it's like the verse you needed to hear. Or you go into
the masjid and they are reciting that specific surah you want to
hear, Allah knows your heart And Alhamdulillah. I was so blessed
with being in Medina a few months ago and Surah Al guruj, since I
saw that video on Surah Al guruj, I've been reciting it so much like
every salah. It's just Surah Al guruj. It helps me feel connected
to the people of Laza, because I'm reciting a surah that they took as
a sign. So I keep reciting Surah Al buruj. I have the privilege, I
know. I know it's a privilege to be in Medina while there's so I
understand, like I I went, and as soon as I got out of the train
station, for those of you who maybe haven't gone recently,
they've made a train station. So you go from gender to the train
and then you take a cab from the trip from the train station to
Medina, and so we were waiting for the cab, and I'm just making like,
ya, Allah, I have always had an intention for me. Ramadan is
about, sometimes it's about a theme. Like, what is my theme this
Ramadan, is it going to be gratitude? Is it going to be
forgiveness? Is it going to be sir? What is it going to be? And
the same thing, like going into Mecca or Medina, like, what is my
intention for this moment? My intention for Medina was rasa, and
so I and Mecca, I made the intention. And, by the way, from a
silk perspective, for the Hanafi, specifically, if you go and you
make Amra or do good deeds, and you make the intention, just the
intention that the act is for other people, whether they've
passed away or they're still alive, Allah will give you the
reward and them the reward. This is not you doing Amra on behalf of
a specific person that's different. Not you're making Amra
on behalf of someone. But if you go to make Amra and you say, Oh
Allah, I want the reward of this Amra to go to the martyrs of Laza,
the martyrs of Sudan, the martyrs of this ummah, those who have been
wrongly those who are wrongly oppressed, etc, and make and your
parents and your loved ones, and you make that intention, and the
Hanafi Madhab, the reward still goes to all of those people,
including the entire ummah. And so my intention was rasa. I go to
Medina. I'm making dua and say Allah. You know the brokenness of.
This ummah like Ya Allah, Ya Allah, you are the witness. And
then when we go into Medina, Subhan, Allah, do you know what
they recited? What the Imam recited? He recited Surah Al
guruj. He could have recited anything. And is it like, Is it
maybe selfish for me to say, oh, Allah, knew I made that dua, and
then he maybe, but at the same time, I'm sure there were 1000s of
people who also were reciting Surah Al guruj and reading the
tafsir of Surah Al guruj and trying to understand Surah Al
guruj Because of what they saw. I know because people told me the
same thing. When I told them about this video, they said, that's what
I've been doing. I've been obsessed with Surah Al guruj
Because I'm trying to understand how it applies to my life. So when
I'm going to Medina with tears. I'm sure there are 1000s of other
people who are too. And we hear Surah Al buruj. It feels like a
sign from Allah that we have to keep persisting in doing what we
can, because we have a responsibility, whatever that
responsibility is. And in Ramadan, I know many of us, once we get to
the middle of Ramadan, it is very difficult for us to feel like
we've done enough. I know at this point of Ramadan, most of us are
not thinking, Alhamdulillah. I have stayed up all night. I have
prayed all day. I am my best ever in terms of worship. Many of us
are thinking, I have not done enough. Ramadan is almost over. I
feel guilty because I could have done more. And so sometimes the
conversations we are having internally is not about Allah's
mercy and forgiveness. It's about how terrible we are that ALLAH
blessed us with Ramadan, but we haven't used the blessing that
He's given us, considering we have a privilege of safety that so many
people in the world don't. And the reality is that, yes, all of that
is true, but you are also balancing Ramadan with work and
with kids and school and trauma and whatever else you have going
on. And Allah subhana wa Taala is the witness of all of that. He is
the witness of all of that. And the one way that we can process
those emotions is through this book, and I wanted to share with
you two of my most haves. For a reason. This is one of my most
huffs. I actually was very
I never wanted anyone to see my must haves ever in my life. I
always would hide them. But
I think that knowing the must have is important. I think it's
important for art, for people who are trying, for all of you who
are, I think it's an important process of sharing for the journey
of the Quran. This must have I received like
15 years ago. I received it 15 years ago. I was in Mission Al
Aqsa, and I had a group of sisters at that time. 15 years ago, no one
really spoke English and Michelle. Now, if you go, there's so many
travelers who come, and the people of mitsla kept saying, Thank you
for coming. Why? Because the oppressive terrorist, apartheid,
colonized regime, colonial regime, they know that if there are
foreign passport holders in the crowd and they attack randomly and
they accidentally kill foreign passport holders, they are going
to get maybe in slightly more trouble than if they simply
massacre Palestinians. So having foreign people come in is a form
of protection, because if you are in the crowd, there is more of a
responsibility upon this, the terrorists. And so at that time,
spent a lot. I was I was speaking English, and people were like,
where are you? How are how are you here? It was such an incredible
honor. And I was reciting Quran on day, I was sitting in this and I
was reciting out loud, and there was no one around me, and then
this young woman came up to me, and she's like, do you have
maharim? I didn't know what maharam At the time. I was
studying Arabic in Egypt. I had only learned fusha, which is like
classical Arabic. And I knew Egyptian Arabic because I could
hear it in the streets. But mahari meant they met napkins. I have
learned them as men deal. So she said, maharam. I thought Mahara
met my mahram, because maharam is like I thought it was like plural
of mahram. So I was like, no, no, Maham. I'm just reciting Quran.
There's no one, so I'm just just add. So when I tried to explain
that, she's like, where are you from? She asked me in English. I
said, Oh, I'm from, from California. And then she said,
meet me back here tomorrow. And these four young women the next
day met me there, and they gave me a tour of mishla, and they each
gave me a gift, and one of them gave me this must have. And I
don't remember what she looks like. I don't remember her name. I
think she was maybe 15 or 16.
She was a young girl,
and yet I have done so much with this must have, and I asked Allah
to make it a witness for her on the day of judgment that I don't
know what has happened. I don't know where she is, but maybe on
the Day of Judgment, she will come and she will see and she will
wonder, like, how do I have this much reward? And it will be said,
You gave a must have to someone who used it. And this must have,
my uncle gave me. He gave it to me in high school. It's very easy for
me to just put it, put it in my purse, and so I've used.
Must have so many times, I don't even know how many times, and I
always think like my uncle is getting the reward every single
time I read from this must have. And so the first thing I want to
share with you on your journey with the Quran is number one, make
the intention. We're not going to talk about your intention for
yourself yet. We're going to talk about your intention for someone
else. Make the intention to give someone a musthave. Whoever you
know is going to use a Quran. Maybe it's your parents, maybe
it's a friend, maybe it's someone random you literally meet at the
masjid, give them a musthave because you don't know what
they're going to do with it. And every time you're sitting in the
middle of Ramadan and you're thinking, I'm not good enough, on
the Day of Judgment, you might come and someone has accumulated
on your behalf billions of good deeds, and you're sitting there
thinking, Ya Allah, will you ever forgive me? And Allah may have
already promised your forgiveness, because your good deeds overweigh
your bad deeds, and you haven't actually done anything, cuz he's
not merciful, because he wants you to win. Allah never wants to leave
us to ourselves. He never leaves us to ourselves. And that's one of
the of the Prophet, sallAllahu alayhi, he was set up to say in
the morning, in the evening, yeah, however, living, oh, self
sustaining, that do not leave me even for one second of a blink.
Like a blink is too long to leave me. So don't leave us for even the
sins. Leave us for even a blink. So when number one, when you are
are in the process, and all of you are, you're in your own Quran
journeys. I am not at all speaking as if you've never opened up. All
of you have your own Quran journey. Whether it's you're
memorizing it, whether it's you're reading a translation, whether
it's you're trying to read a portion in Ramadan, whether it's
you had an experience with it in the past and you're trying to come
back to it, whether you're a new convert and you converted because
of it. Every single person has a journey with the Quran. So all of
you, me, myself, we are all in our own journey, and the only time
that journey ends is actually never it quite literally, is never
why? Because when we pass away, who is in our grave with us, when
we No, that's wrong. Not no one the Quran. When we pass away, the
Quran is with us. The Quran comes in a physical form and says this
beautiful, beautiful form. And you're like, who are you? And they
say, you don't the Quran says, You don't recognize me. You don't
recognize me that you were reciting, and you'd get so thirsty
and your throat would hurt, and it was me. It was the Quran. The
Quran doesn't leave you in this light. It continues to stay with
you in the hereafter. It stays with you in your grave. It stays
with you on the Day of Judgment. It stays with you in Jannah. Can
you imagine what it's like to ask the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wa
sallam to recite your favorite verses. But then, can you imagine
what it's like to ask Allah to Allah to recite your favorite
verses? And can you imagine if the Prophet SAW asked you to recite
his favorite verses? And I don't even know if in the Prophet saw
that favorite verses. To make that assumption, of course, all of the
Quran is our favorite verses, but this journey is never it literally
never ends. So when we are on our Quran journey, number one, the
first point is our intention with where we are putting that Quran
for someone else who will, inshaAllah, continue to use the
Ibar when we don't the first the second is your personal intention,
my personal intention, and we can remake this intention at all
times. So let's say you made an intention when you began your
Quran journey, 1015, two years ago, one day ago. Okay, what is
your intention right now with it? Because as we change the Quran
meanings change for you, not that the meanings of the Quran change.
They they're more relevant in different ways to your life.
That's what I mean. So who you are right now, you know, in your you
know, mid 40s is different than you were in your mid 20s, and your
Quran journey then looks different than it does right now. Also,
maybe when you were in your mid 20s you were able to read more
Quran, and maybe now you're so busy you just don't have that
time, and you miss who you used to be. But you know what the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught us that when a person is on a
journey or if they get sick, the deeds that they used to do
continue for them as if they used to do them. And while the Hadith
itself does not mention if you're busy, well, I would like to just
make dua, because Allah so merciful that He knows that you
would if you could, and you used to, you used to, and now you're
just in a different phase of your life. So may Allah, accept it from
you as if you did, because you would if you could, and if you are
in that phase where you just have the time, use the time. Use the
time. Because, Inshallah, that's why you make that Oh, Allah, I
won't always have this time, so count it for me as if I do at a
time when I don't. So the first is making the intention sit with
yourself like, what is my intention for the Quran? Number
one, of course, our intention is for coming closer to Allah,
knowing who Allah is living with the Quran and Sheik Abdullah dib,
who many of you.
May have met when he's come to this community, mashallah, he is a
scholar of the Quran, has one of the shortest senates in the world.
And his son, Imam Ahmed, was here last night, or tonight, last
night. Mashallah, such a beautiful, noble family. Tabak
Allah,
just locked in with her sunglasses. Like,
no, actually, if I use this, you're gonna keep having me
crying. Can you hear me without me using this? Okay, yeah, really,
even in the back, yeah. Are you sure? Okay? I actually, like,
usually love microphones, because otherwise I lose my voice. But,
um, you're gonna take care of you sniffled. That's really
embarrassing. Um, well, magnified. That's embarrassing anyway. So
lobna interrupted us, may Allah bless her and raise her ranks and
bless her family and have mercy on her loved ones who have passed
away and increased her blessings. Amin, alright, Sheik Abdullah, so
Sheik Abdullah, something that he says is he doesn't say, he says he
told me, No, do not. You're not living for the sake of Allah.
You're not. You're not living for the sake of Allah. You are living
with Allah. Don't live for Allah. Yes, live for Allah, of course.
But live with Allah, that you are working with him for his sake,
that you are working to die upon the truth with Allah's blessings.
It's with Allah. So when you are making your intentions for the
Quran one, of course, it's to know him. It's to come close to him.
It's to live a life of of success in this life and the next one, and
then two, what is your secondary intention? So for example, there's
a hadith Aneri all the time, literally, because I think it's
the most important Hadith, one of them, one of them to know.
So there's a narration that, sorry, I know that some of you
heard this recently, but in the Saheb and Jubeir, all the Allahu
anhu, there's a there's a tafsir of an ayah, where the Quran
mentions that they will be in paradise, them with their loved
ones. And in the tafsir, the Prophet saw, was narrated from
Sarah Ibn Jubeir to say that there is a person that comes on the day
of judgment, and excuse me not, the Day of Judgment, they come in
here after they're already in Jannah. So they're already in
Jannah, and when they're in Jannah, they're looking around and
they're not seeing their loved ones in Jannah. And so they look
around and they say, where is my father? Where is my son? They're
mentioning specific people that they don't see. And so it is told
to them that you know they didn't do the same work you did. You did
work they they didn't do the same level of work. And maybe in our
lives, we know someone who believes, but maybe they don't
pray at all, or maybe they drink, or maybe they just don't care. But
they do do some days of Ramadan, maybe they do nothing except they
come for salatul or aid. Maybe they tell people that they're
Muslim, but they actually don't know how to say the shahada at
all. But they they do in their minds. They identify as Muslim.
Their lifestyle may not match what Islam shares. They may not even
know how to say Bismillahi Rahman or him, quite literally, but they
do identify as a Muslim, and they believe that Allah is One, and
they believe that there are the prophets, and they believe in
Prophet Muhammad SAW as the final messenger. And if someone were to
tell them, do you also believe that there are angels and that
there are books, they would say yes, but they wouldn't be able to
tell you what those what those are. Do you see what I'm saying?
They might believe without knowing exactly what they believe in, but
if they're told more, they're told more, they're going to say that
they believe. We know people like that. All of us do, probably, or
many of us do, especially living here, especially with growing up.
So if you've grown up here, you've seen people that you love, your
friends or relatives make a choice on how they're going to identify
or not identify as Muslim. So on that day, when you are there
Inshallah, and this person is being asked about where I mean?
They're asking, Where are their loved ones? They are told that
their deeds didn't match. And so what do they say? They respond and
say that their deeds that they did was not just for them. They did
this action for themselves and for other people. They did this action
for themselves and for their loved ones. And so because Allah doesn't
want this person to be sad, Allah will bring the people who are in a
different place into this place of Jannah, so that they are there
together, just so that this person is not sad when you are with the
Quran, when you seek the Quran, when you're having this journey
and this relationship, make the intention that you're not doing it
just for you, like quite literally, try Imagine yourself
carrying the weight of anyone that you love. You say, Ya Allah, let
ya Allah, let this be for me and for every person I love, and not
just for your people right now, the people that come in the future
that this is a journey you're making for yourself, yes, but
you're also making it for so many other people, making the intention
for other people, I think, makes the Quran one that connects you to
people that you love in a in a way that maybe they don't know,
they're not going to know, and in a way that maybe they don't they
can't express it. You can't express to them. But.
Inshallah, we're going to see in the Hereafter. And the third
intention that is on you. What is your intention with the Quran? So
sometimes when you were going through a time of you know, I'm
starting to actually lose my voice. So forgive me, I'm going to
try not to snuggle too much.
Okay? Sorry.
So for example, the Quran, there are scholars who talk about making
different intentions when you approach it. So you make the
intention that. Number one, you're seeking rewards. Number two,
you're seeking knowledge. Number three, you're seeking healing.
You're seeking, obviously, closest Allah. You're seeking to be
connected to the ummah. Like there's different intentions you
can make. And this is a time where you sit and this intention might
change over time, like in one time period you may be sick, or you
love someone and they're sick. And so you make the intention of Allah
through the Quran, through my relationship with the Quran, give
me shifa. Give this person, she fat. That's what Chef my
authorship that I finished my memorization with my elbow plus
and racist ranks one of the things that he would ever tell me every
time I would want to have class, but I was sick, I would call him
and say, Chef, I'm sorry I took the class today because I'm sick.
My throat was like, shocked. And he would say, he would say, like,
yeah, being tea, like my daughter, it's okay. It's okay. Just recite
with the intention that you're seeking healing. Just read with
the intention that you're seeking healing. So whatever that
intention is that you're seeking from the Quran, you seek it,
whether it's risk, like more money, whether it's a particular
job, whether it's a relationship, whether it's difficulty you're
having with someone, go to the Quran with the intention, oh,
Allah. Let this book be a means of answering and healing. And the
reason why that's so affirmed, I guess, in the I don't know the
right word is, but the Prophet salallahu, alaihi wasallam, taught
us that if someone is so busy with the Quran, they're just so busy
with the Quran that they don't have time to make dua. Like,
sometimes there's a difference between a dua that you sit with
and you like, pour your heart out. And is there a difference between
like Robin, and then you run and you're like, oh, did. I didn't
that version of dura is not the same as when you're in sajda and
you are pouring your heart out. And Allah knows that if you're so
busy with your Quran that you don't have time to even get to a
space of the sajda and pouring out your heart, then Allah will accept
the Quran as if you're making the Jah. So the barakah of the Quran
is that even when you're not praying for everything you want to
pray for, Allah is still answering you with things that you don't
even know. And I'm going to give you an example of that. One day I
was I was at home, and I was expecting really good news. I was
waiting all day for this good news. I was told I'm going to get
the good news, and when the news came, it was the exact opposite.
And span a lot. I was so devastated. I had been waiting for
this news for three years. I was waiting for three years. It was
finally time, and it was a note and Subhanallah, I was so
distraught, and I made Jaya and Allah knows where my heart was in
the moment. And you know what I suddenly was craving? Out of
nowhere, out of nowhere. I was craving these very specific home
baked chocolate chip cookies. A friend of mine makes chocolate
chip cookies, and they're really, really delicious. I was craving
home baked chocolate chip cookies. I guess with sadness comes sweet.
So I suddenly get a message from Zach and Billy,
and she's like, Hey, look outside your door.
And outside my door are the specific home baked chocolate chip
cookies that I had was craving in that moment, and when she brought
them, it was like moments after I had wanted them. It's not even
like hours, so she was already baking them. Oh, love you see how
selfish I am. See the same way you see the world. It's
okay. Have a lot of insecurities, so we're working together. I
should have said that out loud. Anyway. The point is that the
point is cookies. And I felt like Allah was answering me with a dua
that I hadn't even made, but he knew would comfort me in the
moment. And Allah comforts you in the small, even when you don't get
the really big, because he knows that maybe this very big thing is
not good for you, which, by the way, it was terrible for me. I
found for me. I found out less than a year later that had that
actually gone through, I wouldn't have been able to do the second
thing that opened for me, but the second thing wouldn't have opened
unless the first closed. And I'm so grateful that the first close
because the second every day. Thank you, Allah, thank you. Know
that the first close because the second was so much better. I
couldn't have perceived that in my like, very limited vision. But the
point is that when you're so busy, busy with the Quran, and not to
have implied, I didn't mean to imply, I'm so busy with the Quran,
and that's why I got cookies, I feel like that, all I need is that
Allah knows what you need, and at the same time, Allah.
Allah doesn't always give you what you want, and part of the Quran
and the journey with it is understanding that he still knows
that what you think is good for you is actually maybe not the
best, and maybe that's why Allah opened a separate door for you,
but the fact that he is with you, and you know that because you open
the Quran and those verses are telling you what you need to hear
and that you're not alone, is a sign of that.
I want to share with you a few
points that I think are important for any person on the Quranic
journey. One is that I know that I've left a lot today, but many
times we wonder what's wrong with us when we're not emotional when
reading the Quran, and this is something I talk about frequently,
I think it's very important to iterate and reiterate and
reiterate, because I went through so much doubting my relationship
with Islam because I wasn't as emotional as I thought I needed to
be. So I would sit in my room after fajr, and I would try to sit
for two hours. That was my my goal, my two hour goal. This was a
long time ago, and I have a lot of time, and I would sit after fajr,
and I would try to make myself cry, like if I'm not crying out of
the fear of Allah. I am not a believer, and that's often because
of messages I heard growing up in the message, and maybe you've
heard them too, especially if you're from this area, they all
help us our beautiful community. But oftentimes those messages were
it's rumbled on. If you're not crying today, Oh, I heard them
after those after such a reminders. They hold us, the
brothers. Inshallah. I don't know why they were really big on that.
They're so big.
If you didn't cry today,
it will not your heart. And I feel like my heart, oh, my God. So I
would go and I couldn't cry. I got Allah, and I was sure that I was
100% going to be the fuel of the Hellfire May Allah SWT,
but I just couldn't cry. And you know, one time I was talking to
Lubna, did you come back and you live now? I just saw her a second
ago.
Why? Okay, I'll tell her. I'll tell you the story when she goes
back. Inshallah.
But it took me quite some time to process the fact that crying is
not a sign of your love for Allah, yes, it's beautiful. Yes, it's a
beautiful emotion that sometimes is, you know, a beautiful
experience that sometimes you want to cry out of the sweetness of
that faith, but to have an expectation that tears are the
witnessing of your iman is really quite one, unrealistic and two,
unexpected. Allah does not require that of us. Yes, the Prophet saw
him, taught us that when you read in the Quran, you should try to
make yourself really feel, focus, the humility, the awe, even so,
the like, sometimes, like, you know, there's this phrase, if you
fake you fake it till you make it, that you attempt to show the
emotion until you feel it, there is definitely an encouragement of
trying to feel the emotion. But you know, I know someone who
doesn't cry ever like literally, I've known this person for 20
years, and I've seen them cry one time. Some people do not cry, or
they don't like to cry in public, and that's funny. Islam doesn't
require tears, and when we're reading the Quran, knowing that we
believe in it, even if we're not feeling the emotional connection,
is important because it's the experience of the companions
themselves. There are many narrations of the companions who,
when they would recite the Quran, like amaldilo, and who would say,
Where are the tears on Sofia odilovu, and the same thing a
group of companions were reciting they made,
and then she said, Where are the tears? This is the session. Where
are the tears? Because the ayah talks about crying too.
Abu Asmaa, when he saw people crying from Yemen, from the
listening to the Quran, he said, we used to be like this. We used
to be like this. So what your Quran journey will not always be
emotional. There are going to be times it's painful. There are
going to be times it's very lonely, very lonely. When I was
studying in Egypt, the sisters would always have like, these
Friday night get togethers. Like, it was so cute. They get like,
Arabic parties. Like all of us were there just to, like, learn.
So they'd go and like, do like Arabic bingo. I'm like, and I was
like, I can't like, I have too much to memorize. And they were
like, I remember one of the sisters was like, You're no fun.
Like, you're never fun, like, all you do is study. I was like,
that's fun. Studying is fun. And look now at one time when she
first came to Egypt, literally the first story,
the first day. So she's rooming with me and two of our roommates.
She's rooming with us, and Sarah and Lubna and I go out to dinner.
So we got to dinner, and we're sitting down in this mall. And
lobna just got to Egypt. So we're like, this is Egypt. This is the
Egypt, Egyptian mall city. Stars for anyone who has been to Egypt.
Court, and we're sitting in like, a taco on the border. Oh yeah,
that's right, that's where it was. And I get out my most half and set
it, gets out her key table, Assassin like, how to learn
Arabic. And I'm like, Luna, can you help me with you? And instead
of just sitting doing her work, and lolina just looks at both of
us like this,
and then she's like, I
need to give you guys advice. Well,
actually, shouldn't say it right then. No, you didn't. You held it
in. You held it in until you were erupted. And this is littered
version of eruption.
Can we talk about something? May I recommend that part of studying
is also seeing Egypt. It's also talking to people. It's also
experiencing Egypt. And I was like,
oh, yeah, the Quran does say that, like, travel the world, see the
world. My Allah was alone so much.
So the point is that sometimes it's lonely and sometimes you can
go into it so much more than you should, because sometimes you need
a break when you are memorizing or reviewing and you can't keep it in
your head. I remember I have so many stories with swords at Toba,
so many stories of swords at Toba, but swords at Tova, when I was in
Egypt trying to memorize that I could not, for the life of me,
memorize sorts of Toba. Yeah, Allah was so hard, and I think I
just could not figure half I couldn't do it. And so I went to
Salah Farah. I don't know if any of you know federal literacy.
She's online. This federal literacy. She was studying in
Egypt. Then she had memorized Quran. And I was like, I don't
know what's wrong. And she said, You have anything happening in
your life right now? I said, Well, yeah, my brother's visiting. I'm
helping someone move this other thing happened, all these things.
And then she said, that's it's not you and Quran. It's life, which is
interesting because my Quran teacher said, first thing she
asked me is, what sin are you committing? And I said, salasara.
Honestly, I don't mean this in like, a prideful way, but, you
know, I moved to Egypt for studies, so like, all I do is I
walk from my apartment to school and then I walk back, and all I do
is study all day long. It's like, there's no like, time, there's
like, no sins to like, I'm sure we all have sins in every way. Like,
of course, a million times a million sins. But like, I'm not,
like, actively seeking out to do something. And she's like, Hmm,
okay, are you, like, not doing more worship than you used to do?
You stop doing the amount of worship that you used to do. And I
was like, Miss Ali saddle, like, again, like, I'm only here to,
like, study. So, like, I've never done more worship in my life. And
she's like, I
don't know the solution. And then instead of fakio, I was like,
Look, you just, you just need a break. So I took a break, and
Alhamdulillah, when I came back, I was able to memorize her in
sitzhoba. And why that's important, why I'm sharing that is
that, you know, sometimes you just need to be easy on yourself. You
need to say, like, look, I wasn't even fasting when I was from
alone. This Ramadan, I am a sister, messaged me, and she was
telling me that, you know she had broken her fast. She wants she's
supposed to be fasting, but she broke it. And I told her, look
like last time alone, you are not fasting. This time alone. You are
like, Yes, we all should be fasting every day. But where are
you from? Where you were, look at where you're trying to go, and how
are you going to get there? And yes, there's stuff for all of it
there. There is there is legal. There are legal opinions on all of
it. But where are you trying to go? And what does the Quran say?
Boom, like, where are you going? Ask yourself that with the Quran,
where am I going? How am I trying to get there? And that doesn't
always look like reading five jazz a day or one just a day. It looks
like, how are you going to live it? How are you going to live the
Quran? That is what the companions did. Not all of them memories the
Quran. Can you imagine being in the time of the Prophet sallallahu
has seeing revelation come, knowing why that verse was
revealed, and you didn't memorize those verses here, like any of
you, when I said that, does your heart kind of feel like, oh, like
I hope I would have memorized the verses like, did you think that
for a slight second? These are the companions with Prophet
sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam, better than all of us combined,
even though the reward for us today is higher Subhanallah,
because the difficulty of practicing without even seeing the
Prophet slice of them is so much higher. But imagine in the time
the Prophet saw them that they are witnessing the verses, and yet
they are not all memorizing them. What are they doing? Though they
are living them, and they are committing major sins. Companions
committed major sins, and then what did they do? They had a head
which was a public consequence, and they they gave they they gave
repentance. They made Toba, cuz we're human, and that's part of
the the process, and that's why the Quran is a lifelong
experience. Because you know who the mistake I've made today, I'm
gonna pray that I'm not going to make it next year, but if I do, I
ask, Oh, well, to help me become better the next one. Let me live
and die for him and as many mistakes I was ever going to make
in between. Let it be one that brings me closer to him. And that
is a very important part of the statements of our scholars of the
past. I
want to say this.
Is Ibn Al I love it. It could have been Ibn Al bam. And if you know,
please correct me, but that sometimes the humility that the
sin will cause you to feel is greater than the pride that a good
deed may make you feel that you do a good deed and you're like Masha
Allah to myself, masha Allah to me. But if you sin. You go back to
Allah with a with a with a vigor of asking for forgiveness. And
then you combine that asking for forgiveness with trying to do good
to make up for the bad that you did. Where is that going to put
you in? What state are you going to be in comparison to if you
thought Masha, Allah to me, you just hear me writing that.
Yeah, you got that. Thank you. I never showed the skills in public,
because
okay. So the point is, if you are trying to seek simpler n and you
feel like you are not quite achieving your goal, make your
goal longer. It's okay if you don't get there and if your last
few months ago, a sister came up to me and she was crying, and she
said, I haven't finished memorizing the Quran. And I said,
How long have you been trying? And she said, one year.
Well, that's a really short amount time. And she said, everyone
finished faster than me. I'm 16. Everyone else is 12 years old,
like they already finished at 12 years old, and they said, you're
just not part of the right community, girl, because to know,
I mean, you are from the right community. But Masha Allah, to be
surrounded by people who finished the Quran at 12 years old is not
every community. Go to another, but in Masha Allah, you are way,
way further than many people. You don't have to compare yourself to
anyone. Compare yourself to you. It took me seven years to memorize
the Quran, and then the review is a lifetime. It's literally a
lifetime. So knowing that the journey is forever makes it
sweeter. One of my Quran, one of the students of my Quran teacher,
Sheik Mohib, she finished in her 70s. Masha Allah. She would come
every single day and bring her grandchild. And she finished in
her 70s. Is anyone here 70? I don't think we have the blessing
or the honor of someone who's in the age. I don't think so. I wish
we had that blessing. May Allah bless all of our brothers and
sisters in every age. But imagine that you could say, I've been
working on this for 30 years. That is the type of that is the type of
of accomplishment that you, that you, that you should speak about
witnessing. And I'm going to end with, I'm
going to end by sharing a story that Manu man shared, and I don't
know if you follow Him, and so Shuman is one of the one of the
people who stayed in lesser He's a Canadian citizen who wanted to
stay because he speaks English, and he wanted to be able to convey
in English the genocide, and he recently left.
So he mentioned that one time he and a group of people, they were
running from building to building, trying to seek protection from the
IOF. And the IOF was, you know, you can, you can imagine, so
they're in a now, they're in a completely destroyed building, and
they're trying to hide. And they're in a completely destroyed
building hiding. And he said that these three men wearing pure white
clothes without a speck of dirt on any part of their body or their
clothing. Suddenly, suddenly came in. And if you've seen the image
of the noone is wearing a bright white garment without any dirt,
they're being subjected to a genocide. They they may, Allah
bless them. Every May every speck of dirt witness for them. May
every speck of dirt witness against their pressure their
oppressors. May every speck of dirt beautify them in every way,
in the same and the next little man, these three men, were just
clean. They were standing and just shining. And they said to man, the
people that he was with, you are going in the wrong direction. Go
the other way. And he showed them. They showed them the way to go.
Mansur at the people went in a different direction. And within
moments, the area that they were planning to go to was hit by an
airstrike.
Subhanallah,
his point when he was sharing this is that they saw the Quran
constantly. He said, he he made so many khatmas of the Quran. He
finished the Quran so many times in rasa. And he said, you can see
the Quran, you can see the verses, you can see the way that the
people are interacting with the Quran. And you see the way that
they live the Quran. He said another time the IOF was
they were facing this way, and he and the group of people were right
there. And there's a verse in the Quran that you can recite that
it's like, oh, Allah, like place a barrier between us and them. He
said that if the soldiers, not the soldiers, if the terrorists, had
turned their eyes like.
Lately they would have seen them. And he said, being captured by the
IOF is worse than than than being murdered, and they're just
waiting. And subhanAllah, the IOF, the terrorists, never looked in
their direction. And he just mentioned this as a sign of the
Quran living, the Quran, that the Quran comes to life, that the
Quran is your life, that the Quran is a form of you, knowing that
even when you are in the most dire, worst circumstances, that it
doesn't mean the circumstances are not there, but it means you're not
alone. Because Allah is a shaheed. He is the witness, and he is
witnessing you, and he is witnessing what you are going
through. He is witnessing everything that's happening in
your heart, in the moment. And he is a witness of where you're going
to go in the hereafter. So knowing that the Quran is never going to
be gone from you, I think for me, one of the reasons why I
desperately wanted to memorize. It was because I didn't want there to
be a minute where I didn't know a verse that I couldn't know for me,
like I wanted to be able to know what verse is going what verse
this moment is. And I can come to that, say that now that I've
finished, and I'm sure that anyone here who has memorized any of it,
the Quran comes to you not not that I finished. It's never
finished, and the review is forever. But like the Quran comes
to you, it does. It comes to you when you need it, the way you need
it, the verses in your head, or when you open a must have, or
someone sends you something, or you walk into a masjid, the Quran
speaks to your heart because Allah knows you, and he knows that the
verse that's being recited in Salah by the Imam means something
for you as it means something for you in different ways, but they
both needed that specific verse to be recited And subhanAllah to end.
One time I was when went to a Salah, and I was with someone, and
I know that that someone was going through Allah. I knew they were
going to Allah. And we get into prayer, and I know their favorite
Surah, and so we start praying, and then I'm waiting. I was so
excited, because it's like, maybe I'm gonna hear somebody
specifically eat here. Like, so excited about what it's gonna be.
And then it was a surah that I knew that they needed to hear.
Like, you know how much more they need this surah than I need a
surah. I get a surah. Of course. I love the surah period. Of course,
like Allah knows how much they needed to hear that surah. And I
felt so privileged to be able to know that they were going through
circumstances that needed them to hear a surah. And afterwards, they
were like, did you hear my surah? I was like, Yes, I did. And I was
like, Mashallah. We hear so much about this YouTube. They get to
hear the surah. I got to miss mine. But no, the Quran is for all
of us, no matter what the surah is. And what's so important to me
is because of that experience. Now, when I hear that Surah, now,
when I hear that Surah, I'm so deeply connected to that person,
because I remember that moment. And so I think y'all while you're
gifting me with the opportunity to feel close to that person, because
I'm hearing that surah.