Khalid Latif – Imam Nawawis 40 Hadiths for Modern Times #19

Khalid Latif
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The speakers stress the importance of seeking out advice and admonition to improve one's spirituality and values, as well as finding insight from others. They also emphasize the need for a conscious mode of exertion and prioritizing one's own interests, avoiding distractions, and building relationships with people who can provide advice to others. The shift in hours for the first half of the semester and a film screening for a documentary are also mentioned, along with potential film screenings for a documentary.

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			Okay. Should we get started?
		
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			So we've been looking at hadith number 7
		
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			of the 40 hadith of Imam Nawi.
		
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			This is a hadith,
		
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			that says,
		
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			The religion is sincere advice.
		
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			People wanna pull it up, and then maybe
		
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			we could have somebody just read it, the
		
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			Arabic and the English.
		
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			And then today, we'll wrap up with this
		
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			Hadith.
		
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			Does anybody have it in front of them?
		
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			Do you not read it? Go ahead.
		
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			On the authority of, Tamima
		
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			Dadi, and Allah be pleased with him. The
		
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			prophet, peace be upon him, said the religion
		
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			is necessary.
		
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			Does anybody wanna read the Arabic?
		
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			I wanna try.
		
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			Okay. Yeah. Go ahead.
		
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			Great.
		
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			So
		
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			we've been looking at this in a little
		
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			bit detail. We looked at the different categories.
		
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			What does it mean to have
		
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			sincere conduct,
		
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			sincerity in the sense of
		
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			to Allah,
		
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			to his book, to his messenger,
		
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			to the leaders of the Muslims, and to
		
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			the common people.
		
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			I talked about it in a lot of
		
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			different frames. Last Monday, we didn't meet.
		
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			Some of you might know one of our
		
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			community members, Willi, the boss, he passed away
		
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			unexpectedly.
		
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			May Allah grant him peace and entrance into
		
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			Jannah without any judgment.
		
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			And so,
		
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			it gone to his and
		
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			just
		
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			didn't end up getting back in time
		
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			for the.
		
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			We still had Iftar. We're gonna have Iftar
		
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			tonight. And then later tonight, we'll talk about
		
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			a couple of things.
		
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			This might be the last
		
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			haleqah we do on Monday here
		
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			before,
		
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			the building hours change. Next Monday, we'll still
		
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			have something.
		
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			There's a doctor in our community who just
		
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			came back from Gaza
		
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			who wanted to share images and videos of
		
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			his kinda time in Gaza. And we're thinking
		
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			we might do that next Monday night,
		
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			if he's not able to come on Friday,
		
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			and do that during Jomad time,
		
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			like how I did when I came back
		
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			from Rafa and from the other trips.
		
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			And then,
		
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			there's another person in our community
		
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			who is also
		
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			was supposed to be in Gaza right now
		
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			on a second humanitarian visit.
		
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			But with the escalated violence,
		
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			the trip got suspended. So he's gonna go
		
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			in late June, Inshallah,
		
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			and wanted to share some stuff. So we're
		
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			trying to figure out days and times for
		
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			all of this while the building hours are
		
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			still,
		
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			kinda till 11,
		
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			before they shift for the summer,
		
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			while students are still around,
		
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			so we can kinda maximize
		
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			on the number of people being present for
		
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			all of it.
		
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			So we'll keep people updated.
		
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			But, likely, what we're gonna do in the
		
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			summer is shift. So is that closer to
		
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			if the hard time there's more people, he'll
		
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			we'll kinda get feedback from everybody,
		
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			because we have options of either maintaining
		
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			our Monday night
		
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			here,
		
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			and then the building closes at 8.
		
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			Or we could potentially shift it to my
		
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			apartment building the way we did last summer,
		
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			and then we can maintain a thaw still
		
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			on Mondays,
		
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			and see kinda what makes the most sense.
		
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			So do you always wanna think I live
		
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			on 23rd Street and Third Avenue. It's not
		
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			a secret where I live. A lot of
		
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			you have been to my house. For Those
		
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			who haven't, I'd love to have you come
		
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			over soon.
		
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			But,
		
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			we'll decide on that
		
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			before we wrap up tonight just in case
		
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			next Monday we're doing the other program. So
		
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			in case I forget, if you can just
		
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			remind me.
		
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			So here we wanna
		
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			kinda get into
		
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			a last discussion on this hadith.
		
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			This is a very foundational hadith in our
		
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			tradition.
		
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			That their dean is, like,
		
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			sincere advice.
		
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			We talked about in a lot of different
		
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			frames. We talked about who the narrator,
		
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			is,
		
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			and you can go to, like, the recordings
		
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			and all of that so we don't have
		
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			to rehash too much of it.
		
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			But fundamentally,
		
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			this is what is the foundation
		
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			of our religion
		
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			to begin with. When the prophet alaihi salaam
		
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			comes to Mecca,
		
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			he's not coming to Mecca to reinforce what's
		
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			already there. He's coming to Mecca to get
		
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			people to shift
		
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			on the way that they interact
		
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			with each other, the way that they interact
		
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			with society,
		
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			the way that they understand and see the
		
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			world.
		
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			He's essentially giving them admonition and counsel.
		
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			They have to determine now if they're going
		
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			to take it or not. And we see
		
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			distinct
		
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			kind of receptive modes. So Khateeja Radhiallahu Ta'ala
		
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			Anha, the prophet's
		
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			wife, she just immediately embraces it.
		
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			Waraka,
		
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			who is Khadija's cousin,
		
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			We have hadith where the prophet speaks about
		
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			him saying that he's seen Waraka and Jannah
		
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			wearing kinda these silver kinda silk robes, cloaks,
		
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			etcetera. So there's a understanding that he believes
		
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			in the prophet also. Right?
		
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			When he sees the prophet and Khadija praying
		
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			together and he inquires what's happening and the
		
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			prophet gives him some insight. If you've come
		
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			to our Wednesday seerah class, we talk about
		
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			this a little bit more detail some months
		
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			ago.
		
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			And then he, like, accepts the religion. Abu
		
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			Bakr accepts the religion. There's handfuls of people
		
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			in the 1st 2 to 3 years of
		
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			revelation that take it, and then there's propagation
		
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			that happens. And there's some people
		
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			who they're staunch enemies of Islam. They eventually
		
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			accept Islam.
		
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			But his
		
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			mode of engagement is essentially
		
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			telling them that the way that they're doing
		
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			things is not the way that things should
		
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			be done
		
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			fundamentally.
		
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			That their theology
		
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			has an
		
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			a gap in it that creates an absence
		
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			of accountability. There's no afterlife believed in the
		
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			Meccan society.
		
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			This is where they can treat people terribly
		
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			who come from the wrong clan, the wrong
		
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			race, the wrong ethnicity.
		
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			They're able to bury their daughters in life.
		
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			He tells people that good religion is not
		
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			self serving, but good religion should bring you
		
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			to take on societal ailments.
		
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			It should bring you to break down social
		
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			inequities.
		
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			And if your practice of religion isn't doing
		
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			this, then fundamentally, what's the point of your
		
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			religion?
		
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			So he's breaking down in a stratified society.
		
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			The same challenges we see today,
		
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			issues around race and class,
		
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			you know, privilege and wealth determine who has
		
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			and who has not.
		
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			But the whole idea
		
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			is that he's telling people
		
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			that this is what's good for you. If
		
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			you follow it, then great, good for you
		
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			in this world and in the next. If
		
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			you don't, then that's between God and you.
		
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			Like, Allah will determine
		
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			where you're at. But their whole willingness to
		
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			receive
		
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			is gonna be rooted
		
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			in their capacity
		
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			to actually take advice and counsel from people.
		
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			Right? This is fundamentally why there is this
		
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			idea that the dean is Naseeha,
		
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			that you're going to have to be able
		
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			to take counsel and advice
		
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			if you're gonna actually be able to
		
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			be elevated
		
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			spiritually within this religious tradition. Does that make
		
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			sense?
		
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			And so we wanna be able to think
		
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			about this in a few different facets
		
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			today. Like, how do I give
		
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			advice?
		
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			How do I take advice?
		
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			How is it that I also take the
		
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			advice that I give to others? Because because
		
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			a good number of people that I sit
		
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			within my office, it's really easy for them
		
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			to give advice to others.
		
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			But when they have to kinda sip their
		
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			own tea, it's very tough. You know, so
		
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			you could tell somebody
		
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			that you should not let your parents treat
		
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			you a certain way.
		
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			You should not let somebody
		
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			be mistreating you in a relationship.
		
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			But when you have to apply it back
		
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			to yourself,
		
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			there's not necessarily that same sense of, well,
		
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			why would I let somebody treat me this
		
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			way when I'm telling you don't treat someone
		
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			this way. Right? And it's not a good
		
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			or a bad in the sense you wanna
		
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			be self deprecating,
		
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			but for us to be able to think
		
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			out some of these things more concretely.
		
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			Do you know what goes into some of
		
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			this,
		
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			is gonna be
		
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			for us to understand
		
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			how these things of counsel and advice become
		
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			applicable
		
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			in these various scenarios. Does this make sense?
		
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			So what I'd love for us to do
		
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			just to start getting
		
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			going,
		
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			so we can kinda be talking a little
		
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			bit.
		
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			Why do you think it's difficult for people
		
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			to take advice from others? Like, what's gets
		
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			in the way? And don't think about it
		
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			just simplistic or reductive,
		
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			but think about
		
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			those areas where someone has actually given you
		
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			some type of feedback
		
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			and you've been willing to take it versus
		
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			the areas where someone has given it to
		
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			you and you're not really down to take
		
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			it. You know, it creates like a challenge
		
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			in being receptive or responsive.
		
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			What's like the variables that are different? Thinking
		
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			about yourself holistically
		
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			as a person.
		
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			Right? Because it can be applicable in a
		
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			lot of different ways, but you wanna become
		
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			a population that when we read the Quran
		
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			and the hadith, we're not hard on ourselves.
		
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			But at the same time, there's a bridge
		
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			now between,
		
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			like, what we know and how we act
		
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			on what we know.
		
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			You know, and that's where contentment resides in
		
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			the connection between these two things.
		
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			But the whole idea is that the book
		
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			is said to be a lot of different
		
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			things. It's Shafa, it's Rahma, but it's also
		
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			Huda, it's Hidayah.
		
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			Right? So
		
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			the guidance is not coming in any other
		
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			way other than in an advisory capacity.
		
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			Like, Allah is gonna say live this way,
		
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			and then you're gonna decide why do I
		
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			not listen to what it is that's being
		
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			said. Do you know what I mean?
		
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			And for this to be something that doesn't
		
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			have us throw our backs against the wall.
		
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			Like, you've probably heard me say it in
		
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			different settings if you've been around here. There's
		
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			no 2 people in this room who could
		
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			have a conversation
		
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			where
		
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			both of us
		
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			are anything other than people who are sinners.
		
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			Right? It's not to be indifferent towards it.
		
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			But there's nobody who doesn't have something to
		
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			improve upon.
		
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			Anybody who's in a conversation with anyone is
		
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			somebody who is doing something
		
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			that likely we shouldn't be doing in some
		
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			capacity. Do you know what I mean? But
		
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			if we can harness this thing
		
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			of both giving, but more so receiving,
		
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			advice and admonition,
		
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			it's gonna be
		
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			quite a game changer in the way our
		
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			spirituality
		
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			and our interaction with our inner selves change
		
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			a lot. You know? And so what makes
		
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			it hard for us to take advice,
		
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			which is different from acting upon advice? They're
		
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			2 different things. We wanna nuance it. So
		
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			step number 1 is how do I, like,
		
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			deal with this? What gets in the way
		
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			for me even wanting to hear when somebody's
		
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			telling me something that
		
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			is gonna
		
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			necessitate me having to kinda take a reflection
		
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			back towards myself
		
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			that I'm not necessarily
		
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			being who I should be or who I
		
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			could be or I'm supposed to be. Does
		
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			that make sense?
		
00:12:35 --> 00:12:37
			So if you can turn to the people
		
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			next to you, these people are trickling in,
		
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			like, share some names. What gets in the
		
00:12:42 --> 00:12:44
			way? What makes it hard for us to
		
00:12:44 --> 00:12:46
			actually take advice from people,
		
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			when it's being given? And think about when
		
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			it's worked and when it's not worked,
		
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			because then embedded within that is also a
		
00:12:54 --> 00:12:56
			conversation on, like, the how to's of us
		
00:12:56 --> 00:12:58
			giving this a little bit better. Does that
		
00:12:58 --> 00:13:01
			make sense? So if you can kinda exchange
		
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			names and then kinda talk about it a
		
00:13:03 --> 00:13:05
			bit, and then we'll come back and discuss.
		
00:13:05 --> 00:13:05
			Go ahead.
		
00:17:27 --> 00:17:28
			Okay.
		
00:17:28 --> 00:17:30
			So what are some of the things? Like,
		
00:17:30 --> 00:17:32
			what what gets in the way?
		
00:17:34 --> 00:17:36
			What do we discuss so far? Yeah.
		
00:17:36 --> 00:17:38
			So one of the things I spoke about
		
00:17:38 --> 00:17:39
			was that
		
00:17:40 --> 00:17:41
			I guess what gets in the way is,
		
00:17:41 --> 00:17:44
			like, there's a certain sense of
		
00:17:45 --> 00:17:46
			ease that comes
		
00:17:47 --> 00:17:48
			from empathy,
		
00:17:49 --> 00:17:51
			and the only way to use you would
		
00:17:51 --> 00:17:54
			get that empathy is through, like,
		
00:17:55 --> 00:17:56
			self victimization.
		
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			And what I mean by that is, like,
		
00:17:59 --> 00:18:01
			you put your you put you made yourself
		
00:18:01 --> 00:18:03
			victim to a bunch of scenarios,
		
00:18:03 --> 00:18:04
			so you get empathy
		
00:18:05 --> 00:18:07
			or you extract empathy from others.
		
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			And that gives you a sense of ease
		
00:18:09 --> 00:18:12
			and comfort that you just don't wanna get
		
00:18:12 --> 00:18:13
			out of. Does that make sense? Can you
		
00:18:13 --> 00:18:15
			give me an example of what you mean?
		
00:18:22 --> 00:18:24
			Okay. We'll see if you can illustrate it
		
00:18:24 --> 00:18:26
			some way so we can kinda yeah. Other
		
00:18:26 --> 00:18:27
			thoughts?
		
00:18:28 --> 00:18:29
			What gets in the way?
		
00:18:30 --> 00:18:32
			Yeah. I was making it sometimes, like, the
		
00:18:32 --> 00:18:34
			difference between when we can take advice and
		
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			not take advice. There's, like, often, it's the
		
00:18:36 --> 00:18:36
			thing.
		
00:18:37 --> 00:18:38
			This couch is something that we think we
		
00:18:38 --> 00:18:40
			have knowledge about or something that's, like, related
		
00:18:40 --> 00:18:40
			to
		
00:18:41 --> 00:18:42
			maybe that's
		
00:18:43 --> 00:18:44
			our family has been doing for a long
		
00:18:44 --> 00:18:47
			time. It's hard to then take advice about
		
00:18:47 --> 00:18:48
			doing something the opposite of it because it's,
		
00:18:48 --> 00:18:49
			like, then the questions,
		
00:18:50 --> 00:18:50
			this whole entire lineage of you or whatever
		
00:18:50 --> 00:18:50
			it may be versus, like, okay. Maybe this
		
00:18:50 --> 00:18:52
			is where it's, like, depending on the situation
		
00:18:52 --> 00:18:53
			that we're going to be doing, I think,
		
00:18:53 --> 00:18:53
			you know, we're going to be doing things.
		
00:18:53 --> 00:18:54
			I think, you know, we're going to be
		
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			doing things. I think, you know, the situation
		
00:18:56 --> 00:18:57
			that we're going to be doing things. I
		
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			think, you know, we're going to be doing
		
00:18:58 --> 00:18:58
			things.
		
00:19:06 --> 00:19:07
			Okay.
		
00:19:07 --> 00:19:08
			Other thoughts?
		
00:19:09 --> 00:19:10
			What did we discuss?
		
00:19:13 --> 00:19:13
			Yeah.
		
00:19:13 --> 00:19:16
			I think, like to question on another person
		
00:19:16 --> 00:19:18
			that has, like, gone through the same experience
		
00:19:18 --> 00:19:20
			or has, like, some level of expertise or
		
00:19:20 --> 00:19:21
			credentials to offer.
		
00:19:23 --> 00:19:25
			Great. Any other thoughts?
		
00:19:34 --> 00:19:35
			Those are the only things again, by the
		
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			way.
		
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			Yeah.
		
00:19:59 --> 00:20:00
			Yeah. So
		
00:20:00 --> 00:20:03
			in getting to a place where we wanna
		
00:20:03 --> 00:20:05
			think about this from the standpoint of spiritual
		
00:20:06 --> 00:20:06
			elevation.
		
00:20:07 --> 00:20:08
			Right? You can't fundamentally
		
00:20:09 --> 00:20:11
			have spiritual growth if there's nothing to improve
		
00:20:11 --> 00:20:12
			upon.
		
00:20:12 --> 00:20:14
			And when you get to a certain place
		
00:20:14 --> 00:20:15
			where exposure to religion
		
00:20:16 --> 00:20:18
			is just fundamentally about, like, do's and don'ts
		
00:20:18 --> 00:20:19
			and rights and wrongs.
		
00:20:20 --> 00:20:22
			The whole idea with Islam as a religion
		
00:20:22 --> 00:20:23
			is that the bar of entry is not
		
00:20:23 --> 00:20:25
			up here. The bar of entry
		
00:20:25 --> 00:20:27
			is purposely very low
		
00:20:27 --> 00:20:29
			because anybody can be Muslim if they want
		
00:20:29 --> 00:20:31
			to. So religion that claims to be a
		
00:20:31 --> 00:20:33
			last religion for all of humanity
		
00:20:34 --> 00:20:35
			for the
		
00:20:35 --> 00:20:38
			end of time. It's already existed for more
		
00:20:38 --> 00:20:39
			than 14 centuries.
		
00:20:39 --> 00:20:41
			It can't be something
		
00:20:41 --> 00:20:45
			that has, like, a very rigid complex set
		
00:20:45 --> 00:20:46
			of obligations and prohibitions
		
00:20:47 --> 00:20:48
			because
		
00:20:48 --> 00:20:50
			everything is fundamentally,
		
00:20:51 --> 00:20:54
			going to then be hard on some segments
		
00:20:54 --> 00:20:57
			of the population because we're so diverse. Does
		
00:20:57 --> 00:20:57
			that make sense?
		
00:20:58 --> 00:21:00
			Right? Like, we're purposely designed to be different
		
00:21:00 --> 00:21:03
			from each other. So what we're all required
		
00:21:03 --> 00:21:05
			to do can't be the same. Do you
		
00:21:05 --> 00:21:06
			know?
		
00:21:06 --> 00:21:09
			So embedded within that now is this idea
		
00:21:09 --> 00:21:12
			of, well, where does the actual growth come
		
00:21:12 --> 00:21:14
			in? And it's not necessarily
		
00:21:14 --> 00:21:17
			just about the performance of postures, but how
		
00:21:17 --> 00:21:19
			are they a means to something? What is
		
00:21:19 --> 00:21:21
			it that's refining my ethics, my values, my
		
00:21:21 --> 00:21:22
			character?
		
00:21:22 --> 00:21:24
			How do I deal with things like intention?
		
00:21:25 --> 00:21:27
			How is it that I act upon what
		
00:21:27 --> 00:21:29
			it is that I've been given? So when
		
00:21:29 --> 00:21:32
			you have scholars who say to us that
		
00:21:32 --> 00:21:34
			if all you have of the Quran is,
		
00:21:35 --> 00:21:36
			that's all you need.
		
00:21:36 --> 00:21:39
			Right? Embedded within it is everything that one
		
00:21:39 --> 00:21:40
			would need to know.
		
00:21:40 --> 00:21:41
			That
		
00:21:42 --> 00:21:45
			essentially holds within it everything that the Quran
		
00:21:45 --> 00:21:47
			speaks of. That is
		
00:21:47 --> 00:21:49
			a third of the Quran. Like, there's so
		
00:21:49 --> 00:21:52
			much that goes into the shorter chapters
		
00:21:52 --> 00:21:55
			that can give to us an opportunity for
		
00:21:55 --> 00:21:57
			growth and development of insight,
		
00:21:58 --> 00:22:00
			but a part of this has to be
		
00:22:00 --> 00:22:01
			that we're willing
		
00:22:01 --> 00:22:04
			to actually be malleable and molded by it.
		
00:22:05 --> 00:22:07
			And if you're in a place where there's
		
00:22:07 --> 00:22:07
			rigidity
		
00:22:08 --> 00:22:09
			inwardly,
		
00:22:09 --> 00:22:12
			then outwardly is gonna also result in rigidity.
		
00:22:13 --> 00:22:15
			There's a paradox to our spiritual tradition
		
00:22:16 --> 00:22:17
			that a hard heart
		
00:22:18 --> 00:22:20
			is a weak heart, and a soft heart
		
00:22:20 --> 00:22:22
			is a strong heart.
		
00:22:22 --> 00:22:25
			We think about something being strong, it's gonna
		
00:22:25 --> 00:22:27
			have stability to it. Right? If I could,
		
00:22:27 --> 00:22:30
			like, punch my hands through this because it
		
00:22:30 --> 00:22:32
			was soft, we wouldn't say that it's strong,
		
00:22:32 --> 00:22:33
			but
		
00:22:33 --> 00:22:36
			the opposite is true in our spiritual tradition
		
00:22:37 --> 00:22:40
			that a soft heart is what's actually strong,
		
00:22:40 --> 00:22:42
			not a heart that's, like, hard.
		
00:22:42 --> 00:22:43
			And what
		
00:22:44 --> 00:22:46
			our tradition teaches us, we have hadith. The
		
00:22:46 --> 00:22:47
			prophet says,
		
00:23:00 --> 00:23:01
			that indeed
		
00:23:02 --> 00:23:03
			for your lord,
		
00:23:12 --> 00:23:14
			That there are vessels,
		
00:23:14 --> 00:23:17
			for your lord amongst the people of the
		
00:23:17 --> 00:23:17
			earth.
		
00:23:19 --> 00:23:21
			And the vessels of your lord,
		
00:23:23 --> 00:23:24
			are the hearts of his righteous servants.
		
00:23:27 --> 00:23:28
			The ones that he loves the most,
		
00:23:30 --> 00:23:32
			are the ones that are the most lean,
		
00:23:33 --> 00:23:34
			and the ones that are most,
		
00:23:35 --> 00:23:37
			soft. Right? The word lean
		
00:23:37 --> 00:23:38
			is light,
		
00:23:39 --> 00:23:41
			but it isn't light the way that we
		
00:23:41 --> 00:23:43
			have lights in the ceiling.
		
00:23:44 --> 00:23:45
			When a heart is lean,
		
00:23:45 --> 00:23:48
			it means that it's willing to take advice.
		
00:23:49 --> 00:23:52
			Like, it's willing to take counsel and admonition.
		
00:23:53 --> 00:23:54
			Do you know?
		
00:23:54 --> 00:23:56
			Somebody tells you you're doing something,
		
00:23:56 --> 00:23:59
			then you're gonna be good to actually hear
		
00:23:59 --> 00:24:01
			what it is that's taking place.
		
00:24:02 --> 00:24:03
			Does that make sense?
		
00:24:03 --> 00:24:05
			Like, when we used to be at the
		
00:24:05 --> 00:24:07
			church basement on sixth Avenue, I don't know
		
00:24:07 --> 00:24:09
			if any of you were ever in that
		
00:24:09 --> 00:24:11
			space. Were any of you here ever in
		
00:24:11 --> 00:24:12
			the church basement?
		
00:24:12 --> 00:24:14
			You were there? Nobody else?
		
00:24:15 --> 00:24:17
			Man, are you kidding me? Yeah. So on
		
00:24:17 --> 00:24:20
			sixth Avenue, there's a spot that we used
		
00:24:20 --> 00:24:22
			to lease while this building was being built,
		
00:24:23 --> 00:24:25
			and that was from 2,008
		
00:24:26 --> 00:24:27
			to 2012.
		
00:24:28 --> 00:24:30
			Right? So in 2,008,
		
00:24:31 --> 00:24:34
			I was 26 years old. Right? I'm 41
		
00:24:34 --> 00:24:35
			now.
		
00:24:36 --> 00:24:38
			And at 26, I started working here when
		
00:24:38 --> 00:24:39
			I was 22.
		
00:24:40 --> 00:24:43
			And so when I was given the Jumah
		
00:24:43 --> 00:24:44
			Khutba over there,
		
00:24:45 --> 00:24:47
			there was an elder man that came up
		
00:24:47 --> 00:24:48
			to me. He's probably as old as your
		
00:24:48 --> 00:24:50
			grandfather, if you wanna picture him in your
		
00:24:50 --> 00:24:50
			head.
		
00:24:51 --> 00:24:53
			And he said to me, you know, your
		
00:24:54 --> 00:24:55
			are very nice,
		
00:24:55 --> 00:24:56
			but,
		
00:24:56 --> 00:24:57
			like,
		
00:24:58 --> 00:24:59
			the pants you wear under your,
		
00:25:01 --> 00:25:02
			they drag on the ground.
		
00:25:03 --> 00:25:05
			You know? I used to wear jeans
		
00:25:05 --> 00:25:07
			that were pretty long.
		
00:25:10 --> 00:25:11
			Now I could tell
		
00:25:12 --> 00:25:14
			all kinds of different things that would come
		
00:25:14 --> 00:25:14
			up
		
00:25:14 --> 00:25:16
			of opinions on
		
00:25:17 --> 00:25:19
			what this idea is of wearing, like, pants
		
00:25:19 --> 00:25:21
			that go below your ankles.
		
00:25:21 --> 00:25:23
			This man is old enough to be on
		
00:25:23 --> 00:25:24
			my grandfather.
		
00:25:25 --> 00:25:25
			Do you know?
		
00:25:26 --> 00:25:28
			But aside from that, he's talking to me
		
00:25:28 --> 00:25:30
			about something that's rooted in the sunnah.
		
00:25:31 --> 00:25:34
			So what's going to rise up in me?
		
00:25:35 --> 00:25:37
			Am I gonna say something that says, well,
		
00:25:37 --> 00:25:39
			here's all these different opinions on this thing,
		
00:25:40 --> 00:25:41
			or am I gonna have a recognition of
		
00:25:41 --> 00:25:44
			who it is that's actually speaking to me
		
00:25:44 --> 00:25:45
			and what it is that I need to
		
00:25:45 --> 00:25:48
			be mindful of in my interactions with him?
		
00:25:48 --> 00:25:49
			Do you get what I'm saying?
		
00:25:50 --> 00:25:52
			And at the slightest of things, we can
		
00:25:52 --> 00:25:54
			get tweaked in our ego
		
00:25:54 --> 00:25:56
			that becomes fundamental
		
00:25:56 --> 00:25:57
			to
		
00:25:57 --> 00:25:58
			our theological
		
00:25:59 --> 00:26:00
			tradition that in an Adamic
		
00:26:01 --> 00:26:02
			narrative of creation,
		
00:26:03 --> 00:26:03
			Iblis,
		
00:26:04 --> 00:26:06
			he doesn't want to hear what Allah is
		
00:26:06 --> 00:26:07
			telling him.
		
00:26:07 --> 00:26:09
			Like, Allah is telling
		
00:26:09 --> 00:26:13
			in this Adamic narrative of creation. Adamari Islam
		
00:26:13 --> 00:26:13
			is created.
		
00:26:14 --> 00:26:17
			Right? He is made of earth. The belief
		
00:26:17 --> 00:26:18
			is made of fire.
		
00:26:19 --> 00:26:22
			Everything is told to prostrate and everything does
		
00:26:22 --> 00:26:23
			accept the beliefs,
		
00:26:23 --> 00:26:26
			and he's the first racist in his act
		
00:26:26 --> 00:26:27
			of flawed logic.
		
00:26:27 --> 00:26:29
			He has arrogance
		
00:26:29 --> 00:26:31
			and limited knowledge.
		
00:26:31 --> 00:26:34
			And all these things combined together create an
		
00:26:34 --> 00:26:34
			absence
		
00:26:35 --> 00:26:36
			of perspective.
		
00:26:36 --> 00:26:38
			Right? How he sees it is different from
		
00:26:38 --> 00:26:41
			how everyone else sees it. But he thinks
		
00:26:41 --> 00:26:43
			because of what he knows,
		
00:26:43 --> 00:26:45
			he doesn't have to then listen
		
00:26:46 --> 00:26:47
			to what it is that he's being told.
		
00:26:48 --> 00:26:50
			He doesn't want to be put in other
		
00:26:50 --> 00:26:53
			places other than what he deems to be
		
00:26:53 --> 00:26:55
			like a lofty place of existence.
		
00:26:56 --> 00:26:57
			Do you get what I mean? Sometimes,
		
00:26:58 --> 00:27:00
			we don't wanna hear from people
		
00:27:00 --> 00:27:02
			because we don't necessarily
		
00:27:02 --> 00:27:03
			want to take
		
00:27:04 --> 00:27:05
			insight or advice
		
00:27:05 --> 00:27:06
			from somebody
		
00:27:07 --> 00:27:10
			that we believe shouldn't be telling us something.
		
00:27:13 --> 00:27:15
			One of the first ways the Meccans
		
00:27:16 --> 00:27:18
			responded to a public propagation
		
00:27:19 --> 00:27:20
			of Quran
		
00:27:21 --> 00:27:21
			was that
		
00:27:23 --> 00:27:25
			they basically mocked the prophet of God.
		
00:27:26 --> 00:27:28
			Like, this is the person that you claim
		
00:27:28 --> 00:27:29
			is a messenger
		
00:27:30 --> 00:27:31
			of Allah.
		
00:27:32 --> 00:27:33
			Looking down at him,
		
00:27:34 --> 00:27:37
			he came from not the wealthiest of backgrounds
		
00:27:37 --> 00:27:40
			in comparison to everybody else. He was a
		
00:27:40 --> 00:27:42
			shepherd. He was married to a woman who
		
00:27:42 --> 00:27:45
			was older than him that was basically,
		
00:27:45 --> 00:27:47
			like, providing for him financially
		
00:27:48 --> 00:27:50
			in those early stages.
		
00:27:50 --> 00:27:51
			There's a lot of different things that when
		
00:27:51 --> 00:27:53
			you don't wanna hear advice from someone,
		
00:27:54 --> 00:27:56
			your mind, like, rolls out all kinds of
		
00:27:56 --> 00:27:59
			things to critique as to why they're not
		
00:27:59 --> 00:28:01
			somebody who should be telling you something. Do
		
00:28:01 --> 00:28:01
			you know?
		
00:28:02 --> 00:28:03
			And that's the problem.
		
00:28:04 --> 00:28:06
			Literally in our religion,
		
00:28:06 --> 00:28:08
			like Abu Herrera
		
00:28:09 --> 00:28:12
			is guarding the Beitul Mal, the place where
		
00:28:12 --> 00:28:14
			the wealth is of the Muslims,
		
00:28:14 --> 00:28:17
			and somebody comes to steal something from it.
		
00:28:18 --> 00:28:19
			And he
		
00:28:19 --> 00:28:22
			is essentially apprehended by Abu Herrera,
		
00:28:22 --> 00:28:25
			and he makes his case. Abu Herrera lets
		
00:28:25 --> 00:28:28
			him go. The prophet, like, asks him about
		
00:28:28 --> 00:28:29
			this person without
		
00:28:30 --> 00:28:31
			bringing it up, and
		
00:28:32 --> 00:28:33
			tells him and the prophet said he's a
		
00:28:33 --> 00:28:36
			liar. The 2nd night, the same thing happens.
		
00:28:36 --> 00:28:38
			The 3rd night, again, it happens, and Abu
		
00:28:38 --> 00:28:39
			Hureira says, I'm gonna take you to the
		
00:28:39 --> 00:28:42
			prophet. And the man says that if you
		
00:28:42 --> 00:28:43
			let me go, I'll teach you something.
		
00:28:44 --> 00:28:46
			And he wants to gain this knowledge, and
		
00:28:46 --> 00:28:48
			so he tells Abu Herrera
		
00:28:48 --> 00:28:49
			that if you recite,
		
00:28:50 --> 00:28:51
			it'll keep the shayateen
		
00:28:52 --> 00:28:54
			away from you. And when he tells the
		
00:28:54 --> 00:28:56
			prophet what takes place when he's asked,
		
00:28:56 --> 00:28:59
			the prophet says this man is indeed a
		
00:28:59 --> 00:29:00
			liar, but he told you the truth. And
		
00:29:00 --> 00:29:02
			he says that this was a belief himself,
		
00:29:03 --> 00:29:06
			Right? Coming to engage you in this way.
		
00:29:08 --> 00:29:10
			We can extrapolate a lot from this hadith,
		
00:29:10 --> 00:29:12
			but what you wanna be able to understand
		
00:29:12 --> 00:29:14
			is that Abu Herrera
		
00:29:14 --> 00:29:14
			learned
		
00:29:15 --> 00:29:16
			something beneficial
		
00:29:17 --> 00:29:19
			from Iblis in the Hadith.
		
00:29:19 --> 00:29:20
			Do you get what I mean?
		
00:29:21 --> 00:29:23
			Hassan and Hussain were children.
		
00:29:23 --> 00:29:25
			Right? Like, we have children sitting with us
		
00:29:25 --> 00:29:28
			that makes our gathering more blessed. Hassan and
		
00:29:28 --> 00:29:30
			Hussain are children,
		
00:29:30 --> 00:29:32
			and they see a older companion
		
00:29:32 --> 00:29:34
			making wudu wrong.
		
00:29:35 --> 00:29:37
			And they go to correct him. They understand
		
00:29:37 --> 00:29:38
			say,
		
00:29:45 --> 00:29:45
			let's make
		
00:29:47 --> 00:29:48
			say,
		
00:29:48 --> 00:29:50
			let's make a competition and ask him to
		
00:29:50 --> 00:29:52
			judge who makes will do better. And then
		
00:29:52 --> 00:29:54
			when one of them makes will do, they
		
00:29:54 --> 00:29:56
			make the same mistake, and they start to
		
00:29:56 --> 00:29:58
			discuss it, and then they ask the Sahaba,
		
00:29:58 --> 00:30:01
			like, which one of us is correct? And
		
00:30:01 --> 00:30:02
			he thanks them
		
00:30:03 --> 00:30:06
			for not, like, embarrassing him. But as an
		
00:30:06 --> 00:30:09
			elder, he learns from the child. Do you
		
00:30:09 --> 00:30:09
			get what I mean?
		
00:30:11 --> 00:30:13
			The whole idea first in being able to
		
00:30:13 --> 00:30:16
			understand one of these obstacles and taking advice
		
00:30:17 --> 00:30:19
			is that the nuffs is real, the ego
		
00:30:19 --> 00:30:21
			is real, and arrogance
		
00:30:21 --> 00:30:23
			is a thing we wanna combat.
		
00:30:24 --> 00:30:26
			So why does somebody
		
00:30:26 --> 00:30:28
			only have to come from your culture or
		
00:30:28 --> 00:30:29
			your race
		
00:30:30 --> 00:30:32
			in order for them to be somebody that
		
00:30:32 --> 00:30:33
			you take advice from?
		
00:30:34 --> 00:30:34
			Why does somebody
		
00:30:35 --> 00:30:37
			have to come from a certain wealth class
		
00:30:37 --> 00:30:39
			or have a certain degree or certain credential?
		
00:30:40 --> 00:30:42
			Like, do you think you could learn something
		
00:30:42 --> 00:30:43
			from somebody
		
00:30:43 --> 00:30:45
			who lives in the park? Do you think
		
00:30:45 --> 00:30:47
			you could learn something from somebody
		
00:30:48 --> 00:30:51
			who's serving you your coffee? If the answer
		
00:30:51 --> 00:30:52
			is no, then this is one of the
		
00:30:52 --> 00:30:54
			reasons why it's hard for you to take
		
00:30:54 --> 00:30:55
			advice from people.
		
00:30:57 --> 00:30:59
			Do you see the connection point here?
		
00:31:00 --> 00:31:02
			If you don't walk on this earth
		
00:31:02 --> 00:31:04
			really invoking Allah
		
00:31:05 --> 00:31:07
			is Right? You're not calling him the rub
		
00:31:07 --> 00:31:08
			of the duniya,
		
00:31:08 --> 00:31:11
			which is the lower materialistic world, but alamin,
		
00:31:12 --> 00:31:14
			the alam is rooted etymologically
		
00:31:14 --> 00:31:16
			in ilam, which is knowledge.
		
00:31:16 --> 00:31:18
			Meaning that like every step you take in
		
00:31:18 --> 00:31:20
			this world can be a step of knowing.
		
00:31:20 --> 00:31:21
			So there's an opportunity
		
00:31:22 --> 00:31:24
			to learn pretty much from everybody.
		
00:31:25 --> 00:31:26
			You just have to have an openness to
		
00:31:26 --> 00:31:27
			the idea
		
00:31:27 --> 00:31:30
			that there are people who will instruct me
		
00:31:30 --> 00:31:33
			in ways that come from Allah's choosing, not
		
00:31:33 --> 00:31:34
			just for me sitting in a classroom
		
00:31:35 --> 00:31:37
			or throwing down x amount of dollars to
		
00:31:37 --> 00:31:38
			be able to be recipient
		
00:31:39 --> 00:31:40
			of some type of information,
		
00:31:41 --> 00:31:44
			like children can teach you, the elderly can
		
00:31:44 --> 00:31:47
			teach you, people who are rich and affluent
		
00:31:47 --> 00:31:49
			can teach you, People who are poor and
		
00:31:49 --> 00:31:52
			have no influence can teach you. There's so
		
00:31:52 --> 00:31:54
			many different opportunities of learning,
		
00:31:56 --> 00:31:58
			but you gotta be open to the idea
		
00:31:58 --> 00:32:02
			first that there's anybody that has capacity to
		
00:32:02 --> 00:32:04
			give me insight. Does that make sense?
		
00:32:05 --> 00:32:05
			Jahaliyah
		
00:32:06 --> 00:32:09
			is not just a state of ignorance,
		
00:32:10 --> 00:32:13
			but Jahaliyah was an actual, like,
		
00:32:13 --> 00:32:16
			time period and a mode of perspective.
		
00:32:17 --> 00:32:17
			Do you know?
		
00:32:18 --> 00:32:20
			And when you look at characteristics of the
		
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21
			time of Jahaliya,
		
00:32:21 --> 00:32:24
			the Hadith give us insight on what kind
		
00:32:24 --> 00:32:26
			of things were taking place at the time
		
00:32:26 --> 00:32:26
			of Jahilia.
		
00:32:27 --> 00:32:29
			And some of the things that were taking
		
00:32:29 --> 00:32:30
			place at the time of Jahilia,
		
00:32:31 --> 00:32:33
			rich people got treated differently from poor people.
		
00:32:34 --> 00:32:38
			The way that laws applied to certain people
		
00:32:38 --> 00:32:39
			did not apply to other people.
		
00:32:40 --> 00:32:42
			It's not any different when you see these
		
00:32:42 --> 00:32:43
			kids
		
00:32:43 --> 00:32:45
			in Ole Miss, the university.
		
00:32:45 --> 00:32:48
			Right? You've probably seen, like, the videos online.
		
00:32:48 --> 00:32:51
			This black woman is being harassed by mobs
		
00:32:51 --> 00:32:52
			of white people.
		
00:32:53 --> 00:32:54
			People know what I'm talking about.
		
00:32:55 --> 00:32:57
			There's a kid who, like, makes gestures
		
00:32:58 --> 00:33:00
			as of a monkey, like, towards this lady
		
00:33:00 --> 00:33:02
			who's getting grilled online right now.
		
00:33:02 --> 00:33:05
			But the majority of those kids,
		
00:33:05 --> 00:33:08
			they're not going to be chastised or penalized
		
00:33:08 --> 00:33:12
			the way children who are minorities would. Right?
		
00:33:12 --> 00:33:14
			Or you look at the protests at UCLA
		
00:33:14 --> 00:33:15
			where there's literally
		
00:33:16 --> 00:33:16
			paid
		
00:33:17 --> 00:33:19
			people who come to harass
		
00:33:20 --> 00:33:22
			and fight and commit acts of violence and
		
00:33:22 --> 00:33:22
			transgressions,
		
00:33:23 --> 00:33:25
			and videos will
		
00:33:25 --> 00:33:26
			move
		
00:33:26 --> 00:33:29
			across and there is, like, entire,
		
00:33:29 --> 00:33:30
			like, contingents
		
00:33:31 --> 00:33:34
			of uniformed officers just standing and watching.
		
00:33:35 --> 00:33:37
			And then when it's all done, they go
		
00:33:37 --> 00:33:40
			and arrest the protesters who are protesting peacefully,
		
00:33:40 --> 00:33:42
			not the ones who are engaged in acts
		
00:33:42 --> 00:33:43
			of violent transgressions.
		
00:33:44 --> 00:33:45
			This is
		
00:33:45 --> 00:33:46
			qualitatively
		
00:33:46 --> 00:33:47
			a definition
		
00:33:48 --> 00:33:48
			of Jahilia.
		
00:33:50 --> 00:33:52
			And this is what was taking place in
		
00:33:52 --> 00:33:55
			a pre Islamic Mecca in Arabia. And this
		
00:33:55 --> 00:33:56
			is the Jahilia
		
00:33:56 --> 00:33:59
			that the prophet is seeking to break down.
		
00:33:59 --> 00:34:00
			It's not Jahil
		
00:34:00 --> 00:34:02
			in the sense that there's an absence of
		
00:34:02 --> 00:34:05
			knowledge, but the ignorance has qualifying
		
00:34:06 --> 00:34:07
			kinda characteristics
		
00:34:08 --> 00:34:10
			to it that we could break down even
		
00:34:10 --> 00:34:10
			further.
		
00:34:12 --> 00:34:14
			You can just go look up hadith that
		
00:34:14 --> 00:34:16
			describe the age of ignorance, the age of
		
00:34:16 --> 00:34:17
			Jahiliya,
		
00:34:17 --> 00:34:19
			and what kind of qualities were there, and
		
00:34:19 --> 00:34:21
			how you see a lot of those replicated
		
00:34:21 --> 00:34:22
			today.
		
00:34:23 --> 00:34:25
			Nobody wants to listen to anybody.
		
00:34:27 --> 00:34:27
			They don't fundamentally
		
00:34:28 --> 00:34:31
			want to hear anything of what anybody has
		
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32
			to tell them,
		
00:34:32 --> 00:34:34
			and they believe that their privilege and power
		
00:34:34 --> 00:34:36
			is what it is that determines
		
00:34:37 --> 00:34:39
			decisions and choices and what is the best
		
00:34:39 --> 00:34:41
			way of actually being. Do you get what
		
00:34:41 --> 00:34:42
			I mean?
		
00:34:43 --> 00:34:45
			You don't want to adopt that way of
		
00:34:45 --> 00:34:46
			thinking.
		
00:34:47 --> 00:34:50
			So sitting with an idea of being able
		
00:34:50 --> 00:34:51
			to think about
		
00:34:52 --> 00:34:55
			how anybody has the potential of actually teaching
		
00:34:55 --> 00:34:56
			me something.
		
00:34:57 --> 00:35:00
			I have full opportunity of actually learning.
		
00:35:01 --> 00:35:04
			And when I can acknowledge that as step
		
00:35:04 --> 00:35:07
			number 1, it then opens up a bunch
		
00:35:07 --> 00:35:08
			of other steps
		
00:35:08 --> 00:35:12
			that kind of get into the formula. Does
		
00:35:12 --> 00:35:13
			that make sense?
		
00:35:14 --> 00:35:14
			So
		
00:35:15 --> 00:35:15
			I
		
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16
			have capacity
		
00:35:17 --> 00:35:19
			to learn from whoever it is
		
00:35:20 --> 00:35:22
			that comes towards me. Right?
		
00:35:23 --> 00:35:24
			But Ramadan, when we used to be in
		
00:35:24 --> 00:35:26
			the church basement over there, one night, I
		
00:35:26 --> 00:35:29
			came out with some extra food that was
		
00:35:29 --> 00:35:31
			left over. There was a man standing on
		
00:35:31 --> 00:35:33
			the street asking people for money. I said,
		
00:35:33 --> 00:35:36
			do you want some sandwiches? He said, no.
		
00:35:36 --> 00:35:37
			I walked away
		
00:35:37 --> 00:35:39
			with whatever was
		
00:35:39 --> 00:35:42
			the reactive thoughts going on in my head.
		
00:35:42 --> 00:35:44
			This guy didn't want my food. He's just
		
00:35:44 --> 00:35:46
			asking for money. He's probably not even homeless.
		
00:35:47 --> 00:35:49
			He just wants money to buy, like, alcohol
		
00:35:49 --> 00:35:51
			and drugs, and the thoughts are very much
		
00:35:51 --> 00:35:53
			present. This is in Ramadan.
		
00:35:54 --> 00:35:56
			So it's telling me something that's about myself.
		
00:35:56 --> 00:35:58
			Right? The Shayateen are chained.
		
00:36:00 --> 00:36:01
			So I took a pause, and I said,
		
00:36:01 --> 00:36:03
			the only person who can tell me why
		
00:36:03 --> 00:36:06
			he doesn't want my food is this man
		
00:36:06 --> 00:36:08
			himself. So I walked back to him and
		
00:36:08 --> 00:36:10
			I said, why don't you want this food?
		
00:36:11 --> 00:36:13
			And he simply walked back to a shopping
		
00:36:13 --> 00:36:15
			cart that held all of his belongings, and
		
00:36:15 --> 00:36:17
			he took out a bag, and he said,
		
00:36:17 --> 00:36:19
			I already have food. And if you were
		
00:36:19 --> 00:36:21
			to give me your food in addition to
		
00:36:21 --> 00:36:23
			the food I have, there's no way I
		
00:36:23 --> 00:36:25
			could finish it all without some of it
		
00:36:25 --> 00:36:27
			going bad, and then I'd have to throw
		
00:36:27 --> 00:36:29
			it away. And he said, me living the
		
00:36:29 --> 00:36:30
			life that I live,
		
00:36:31 --> 00:36:33
			I'm not gonna ever throw food away.
		
00:36:33 --> 00:36:35
			And then I thanked him for not just
		
00:36:35 --> 00:36:37
			teaching me something about him, but teaching me
		
00:36:37 --> 00:36:39
			something about me. Do you get what I
		
00:36:39 --> 00:36:40
			mean?
		
00:36:41 --> 00:36:43
			You're not gonna be able to take advice
		
00:36:43 --> 00:36:44
			concretely
		
00:36:45 --> 00:36:47
			if you don't think that there's room to
		
00:36:47 --> 00:36:50
			learn from people of all different backgrounds.
		
00:36:50 --> 00:36:53
			And if you don't address the obstacles that
		
00:36:53 --> 00:36:54
			are very much there,
		
00:36:55 --> 00:36:57
			that get in the way that I will
		
00:36:57 --> 00:37:00
			only listen to people in positions above me.
		
00:37:00 --> 00:37:03
			I will only listen to people who qualitatively
		
00:37:03 --> 00:37:05
			will offer to me something
		
00:37:06 --> 00:37:07
			from experience
		
00:37:08 --> 00:37:10
			rooted in the things that we take. There's
		
00:37:10 --> 00:37:12
			gonna be some people who you want to
		
00:37:12 --> 00:37:14
			limit that advice to that we'll talk about
		
00:37:14 --> 00:37:17
			in a few steps. Right? Like, you shouldn't
		
00:37:17 --> 00:37:20
			come and ask me for advice when you
		
00:37:20 --> 00:37:22
			have a medical condition. Do you know what
		
00:37:22 --> 00:37:24
			I mean? Right? Just like you shouldn't be
		
00:37:24 --> 00:37:27
			doling stuff out. Do you know? So growing
		
00:37:27 --> 00:37:29
			up as a son of a doctor and
		
00:37:29 --> 00:37:31
			many of my family members are doctors, and
		
00:37:31 --> 00:37:34
			I'm one of the, like, failed brown kids
		
00:37:34 --> 00:37:35
			that didn't become a doctor.
		
00:37:35 --> 00:37:37
			Right? Which a lot of you are too.
		
00:37:40 --> 00:37:43
			If there's a doctor saying, like, I think
		
00:37:43 --> 00:37:46
			this, this, or this, and you think about
		
00:37:46 --> 00:37:47
			the number of people who go to their
		
00:37:47 --> 00:37:48
			physicians
		
00:37:48 --> 00:37:51
			and then act contrary to their advice? Like,
		
00:37:51 --> 00:37:51
			why?
		
00:37:52 --> 00:37:53
			Why do you fundamentally
		
00:37:53 --> 00:37:56
			believe that you know better than your doctor?
		
00:37:57 --> 00:37:59
			They tell you don't eat this stuff, and
		
00:37:59 --> 00:38:00
			then you leave and you go eat it.
		
00:38:00 --> 00:38:02
			Or forget the doctors. Right? Because maybe you
		
00:38:02 --> 00:38:04
			listen to them. Why don't you listen to
		
00:38:04 --> 00:38:05
			dentists?
		
00:38:06 --> 00:38:07
			Do you know?
		
00:38:07 --> 00:38:09
			Like, you don't listen to dentists.
		
00:38:09 --> 00:38:11
			Every time I go to the dentist, because
		
00:38:11 --> 00:38:13
			I know because I don't too. I go
		
00:38:13 --> 00:38:15
			to the dentist, and the dentist says to
		
00:38:15 --> 00:38:18
			me, are you flossing? And I say, clearly,
		
00:38:18 --> 00:38:20
			I'm not flossing. And they say, you should
		
00:38:20 --> 00:38:21
			start flossing.
		
00:38:22 --> 00:38:24
			Otherwise, you're gonna be miserable as an old
		
00:38:24 --> 00:38:25
			person.
		
00:38:25 --> 00:38:27
			And I'll say, okay. And then I go
		
00:38:27 --> 00:38:30
			back for another cleaning. Did you floss? No.
		
00:38:30 --> 00:38:33
			I did not floss. Right? What's getting in
		
00:38:33 --> 00:38:33
			the way?
		
00:38:34 --> 00:38:37
			And I've seen enough old people who have
		
00:38:37 --> 00:38:39
			no teeth in their mouth. Do you know?
		
00:38:39 --> 00:38:41
			So where is the disconnect?
		
00:38:42 --> 00:38:44
			But the understanding
		
00:38:44 --> 00:38:47
			is not from the person giving the advice.
		
00:38:47 --> 00:38:50
			The understanding is within me. Why am I
		
00:38:50 --> 00:38:52
			not adopting it, and what's getting in the
		
00:38:52 --> 00:38:55
			way? Do I not see this person as
		
00:38:55 --> 00:38:57
			somebody that actually has something to teach me?
		
00:38:58 --> 00:38:59
			What creates, like, shortsightedness
		
00:39:00 --> 00:39:02
			for me? Do you get what I mean?
		
00:39:04 --> 00:39:06
			The second part to it then is our
		
00:39:06 --> 00:39:07
			capacity to actually listen.
		
00:39:08 --> 00:39:11
			And listening is in both frames of giving
		
00:39:11 --> 00:39:12
			advice
		
00:39:12 --> 00:39:14
			as well as receiving advice.
		
00:39:14 --> 00:39:16
			Because if I come to ask you, like,
		
00:39:16 --> 00:39:18
			hey, man, should I get married to this
		
00:39:18 --> 00:39:19
			person?
		
00:39:20 --> 00:39:21
			How are you gonna fundamentally
		
00:39:22 --> 00:39:22
			tell me,
		
00:39:23 --> 00:39:25
			like, how I should live in my home
		
00:39:25 --> 00:39:26
			with my wife?
		
00:39:26 --> 00:39:29
			When none of you knows my wife or
		
00:39:29 --> 00:39:30
			knows the way my wife and I live
		
00:39:30 --> 00:39:31
			together.
		
00:39:32 --> 00:39:35
			Most of what that mode of advice is
		
00:39:35 --> 00:39:35
			seeking
		
00:39:35 --> 00:39:36
			is not
		
00:39:36 --> 00:39:38
			a listening to respond,
		
00:39:38 --> 00:39:39
			but an empathetic
		
00:39:39 --> 00:39:41
			listening, a listening to understand.
		
00:39:42 --> 00:39:44
			So when you have a prophet,
		
00:39:44 --> 00:39:46
			alaihi salaam, who doesn't speak so much,
		
00:39:47 --> 00:39:48
			he's just hearing
		
00:39:48 --> 00:39:51
			and absorbing and listening so that somebody doesn't
		
00:39:51 --> 00:39:52
			have to carry
		
00:39:52 --> 00:39:55
			on their own and allows for decision making
		
00:39:55 --> 00:39:57
			to still be in
		
00:39:57 --> 00:39:59
			the power of the one that's seeking the
		
00:39:59 --> 00:40:00
			advice.
		
00:40:01 --> 00:40:04
			That empathetic mode of listening that's listening to
		
00:40:04 --> 00:40:04
			understand
		
00:40:05 --> 00:40:08
			is also one that when somebody's giving you
		
00:40:08 --> 00:40:08
			advice,
		
00:40:09 --> 00:40:11
			you gotta quiet the nuffs
		
00:40:11 --> 00:40:12
			and the ego
		
00:40:12 --> 00:40:14
			and get to a place where you're just
		
00:40:14 --> 00:40:16
			hearing what the person has to say
		
00:40:17 --> 00:40:19
			and not jumping to get fired up in
		
00:40:19 --> 00:40:20
			the middle of it.
		
00:40:21 --> 00:40:23
			That is a product now of me being
		
00:40:23 --> 00:40:25
			able to control
		
00:40:25 --> 00:40:27
			my emotional state
		
00:40:27 --> 00:40:30
			even when things are heavy and things are
		
00:40:30 --> 00:40:32
			difficult because then you stop listening.
		
00:40:33 --> 00:40:35
			How many times have you had a conversation
		
00:40:35 --> 00:40:38
			with someone where you interrupt them or they
		
00:40:38 --> 00:40:39
			interrupt you?
		
00:40:40 --> 00:40:41
			And what's giving
		
00:40:42 --> 00:40:43
			weight to the interruption?
		
00:40:45 --> 00:40:48
			How often does it happen? A friend, a
		
00:40:48 --> 00:40:49
			significant other,
		
00:40:49 --> 00:40:52
			a parent, a child, you don't even give
		
00:40:52 --> 00:40:53
			people room to express.
		
00:40:55 --> 00:40:57
			The listening goes in both directions.
		
00:40:58 --> 00:41:00
			If you jump to give advice before a
		
00:41:00 --> 00:41:03
			sentence is even finished or you understand fully
		
00:41:03 --> 00:41:05
			through all sensory perception
		
00:41:06 --> 00:41:08
			or when the advice is being given and
		
00:41:08 --> 00:41:10
			you can't even stomach hearing it to its
		
00:41:10 --> 00:41:11
			endpoint
		
00:41:11 --> 00:41:13
			is telling you something about you.
		
00:41:16 --> 00:41:18
			So where do I take a breath and
		
00:41:18 --> 00:41:19
			just absorb and hear stuff?
		
00:41:20 --> 00:41:22
			Allow for myself to kind of take it
		
00:41:22 --> 00:41:25
			in, and what gets in the way that
		
00:41:25 --> 00:41:27
			makes it difficult to listen
		
00:41:27 --> 00:41:30
			both in the giving as well as the
		
00:41:30 --> 00:41:32
			receiving of the information. Do you get what
		
00:41:32 --> 00:41:32
			I mean?
		
00:41:33 --> 00:41:35
			If you get married one day, if you're
		
00:41:35 --> 00:41:37
			not married or you're already married, this is
		
00:41:37 --> 00:41:39
			what's going to lend as a key variable
		
00:41:40 --> 00:41:43
			to a healthy home. The giving and receiving
		
00:41:43 --> 00:41:43
			of information,
		
00:41:44 --> 00:41:45
			not the content of it.
		
00:41:46 --> 00:41:46
			Communication
		
00:41:47 --> 00:41:50
			statistically is only 7% rooted in the actual
		
00:41:50 --> 00:41:52
			content of what you say. This is why
		
00:41:52 --> 00:41:54
			when people come and they say, I wanna,
		
00:41:54 --> 00:41:57
			like, be somebody who teaches Islam to people.
		
00:41:57 --> 00:42:00
			You can't just memorize an answer and then
		
00:42:00 --> 00:42:01
			throw it at somebody.
		
00:42:01 --> 00:42:01
			93%
		
00:42:02 --> 00:42:03
			of communication
		
00:42:03 --> 00:42:04
			is non verbalized.
		
00:42:06 --> 00:42:08
			The way that things get packaged,
		
00:42:08 --> 00:42:10
			the tone, the volume. This is why, like,
		
00:42:10 --> 00:42:13
			I can stand on the stage and there's
		
00:42:13 --> 00:42:15
			30,000 people in the audience listening to what
		
00:42:15 --> 00:42:17
			I say and my mother is in the
		
00:42:17 --> 00:42:17
			audience
		
00:42:18 --> 00:42:20
			sitting next to me when I get off
		
00:42:20 --> 00:42:22
			and the next guy gets on the stage.
		
00:42:22 --> 00:42:24
			Literally, it's happened to me more than once.
		
00:42:24 --> 00:42:26
			And the few times that my mom actually
		
00:42:26 --> 00:42:28
			comes to hear me speak at these things,
		
00:42:28 --> 00:42:29
			and the next person says
		
00:42:30 --> 00:42:32
			pretty much verbatim what I said. And my
		
00:42:32 --> 00:42:34
			mother looks at me, and she's like, this
		
00:42:34 --> 00:42:36
			man is so smart. And I'll say, Ami,
		
00:42:36 --> 00:42:38
			I just said what he said. And she's
		
00:42:38 --> 00:42:40
			like, no stupid. You didn't say that. Right?
		
00:42:40 --> 00:42:42
			Because I'm gonna still always be her kid.
		
00:42:43 --> 00:42:45
			And so how she processes what I say
		
00:42:45 --> 00:42:47
			is going to be
		
00:42:47 --> 00:42:50
			based on that relationship. You're not my mom.
		
00:42:50 --> 00:42:52
			You might hear it differently than the way
		
00:42:52 --> 00:42:53
			I say it. Do you get what I
		
00:42:53 --> 00:42:54
			mean?
		
00:42:55 --> 00:42:56
			What gets in the way of listening
		
00:42:58 --> 00:43:00
			just as a skill set empathetically,
		
00:43:00 --> 00:43:02
			listening to understand,
		
00:43:02 --> 00:43:04
			not listening to respond,
		
00:43:05 --> 00:43:06
			not listening to argue,
		
00:43:07 --> 00:43:08
			not listening to deconstruct,
		
00:43:09 --> 00:43:11
			but just listening, which is a hard skill.
		
00:43:11 --> 00:43:13
			And what you wanna be able to think
		
00:43:13 --> 00:43:15
			about this is that it's not that people
		
00:43:16 --> 00:43:16
			innately
		
00:43:16 --> 00:43:18
			are built with these skills.
		
00:43:19 --> 00:43:22
			Your ability to give advice and receive advice
		
00:43:22 --> 00:43:23
			is a concrete
		
00:43:24 --> 00:43:26
			skill that you can actually develop.
		
00:43:27 --> 00:43:30
			It's not something that's just, like, naturally that
		
00:43:30 --> 00:43:33
			somebody's endowed with something. You can have temperaments
		
00:43:33 --> 00:43:36
			that are just what you're built upon,
		
00:43:36 --> 00:43:39
			but the ability to give as well as
		
00:43:39 --> 00:43:40
			receive information
		
00:43:41 --> 00:43:43
			is like a skill set that can actually
		
00:43:43 --> 00:43:46
			be developed well. You know this just by
		
00:43:46 --> 00:43:47
			looking at the companions.
		
00:43:48 --> 00:43:50
			At some level, some of them
		
00:43:50 --> 00:43:53
			just started listening at some point differently.
		
00:43:54 --> 00:43:57
			Right? How did Omar become Omar? Because before
		
00:43:57 --> 00:43:59
			he became Omar, the person who the prophet
		
00:43:59 --> 00:44:00
			said
		
00:44:02 --> 00:44:04
			that if there was a messenger after me,
		
00:44:04 --> 00:44:06
			it'd be best man, Omar. Before that, he
		
00:44:06 --> 00:44:07
			was somebody who drank alcohol.
		
00:44:08 --> 00:44:10
			He was a staunch opponent of the Muslim
		
00:44:10 --> 00:44:11
			community.
		
00:44:11 --> 00:44:13
			He was a champion of the.
		
00:44:14 --> 00:44:16
			At some level, he just started listening differently.
		
00:44:17 --> 00:44:18
			Do you get what I mean?
		
00:44:18 --> 00:44:21
			Like, you wanna build this as a skill,
		
00:44:21 --> 00:44:24
			especially in this frame. So what makes it
		
00:44:24 --> 00:44:25
			hard to listen?
		
00:44:26 --> 00:44:28
			Like, what gets in the way when somebody's
		
00:44:28 --> 00:44:30
			asking for advice
		
00:44:30 --> 00:44:33
			as well as when somebody's giving advice?
		
00:44:33 --> 00:44:34
			Like, what makes it difficult
		
00:44:35 --> 00:44:37
			to just simply listen to understand?
		
00:44:38 --> 00:44:39
			If you could turn to the person next
		
00:44:39 --> 00:44:40
			to you,
		
00:44:40 --> 00:44:42
			and talk this out, if you don't know
		
00:44:42 --> 00:44:43
			the name of the person next to you,
		
00:44:43 --> 00:44:45
			share some names. Like, what makes it hard
		
00:44:45 --> 00:44:47
			to listen? Then we'll come back and discuss.
		
00:44:47 --> 00:44:48
			Go ahead.
		
00:49:04 --> 00:49:06
			Okay. So what what makes it hard to
		
00:49:06 --> 00:49:07
			listen?
		
00:49:07 --> 00:49:09
			Like, what gets in the way?
		
00:49:11 --> 00:49:12
			Yeah.
		
00:49:12 --> 00:49:16
			I think, like, when you're not, like, getting
		
00:49:17 --> 00:49:18
			harm directly
		
00:49:18 --> 00:49:20
			or, like, the signs are not visible,
		
00:49:21 --> 00:49:23
			it's easier to just sort of ignore the
		
00:49:23 --> 00:49:23
			problems
		
00:49:24 --> 00:49:26
			as compared to because, like, the dentist analogy,
		
00:49:26 --> 00:49:28
			I had the same experience, right, they said
		
00:49:28 --> 00:49:30
			that I'm gonna get gingivitis if I don't
		
00:49:30 --> 00:49:32
			floss. But, like, when I see, like, my
		
00:49:32 --> 00:49:34
			gum, if it bleeds or I have loose
		
00:49:34 --> 00:49:36
			tooth, I immediately start flossing
		
00:49:36 --> 00:49:39
			because I see the signs, like, visible or,
		
00:49:39 --> 00:49:41
			like, my family has, like, their plate. A
		
00:49:41 --> 00:49:43
			lot of them are diabetic, but I will
		
00:49:43 --> 00:49:44
			drink a lot of sugar. But if my
		
00:49:44 --> 00:49:46
			doctor tells me that my sugar level is
		
00:49:46 --> 00:49:48
			high, then I it's like a wake up
		
00:49:48 --> 00:49:49
			call. So I feel like until I don't
		
00:49:49 --> 00:49:51
			know I'm in
		
00:49:52 --> 00:49:53
			in a certain danger,
		
00:49:53 --> 00:49:54
			then I will just be, like, help sort
		
00:49:54 --> 00:49:55
			of relax.
		
00:49:56 --> 00:49:57
			Great.
		
00:49:58 --> 00:49:59
			Any other thoughts?
		
00:50:03 --> 00:50:05
			And this is an important thing to think
		
00:50:05 --> 00:50:08
			about. Right? Like, listening in that state is
		
00:50:08 --> 00:50:10
			also not just verbalized things. You know, when
		
00:50:10 --> 00:50:12
			I was in my twenties and I was
		
00:50:12 --> 00:50:14
			working here in the beginning,
		
00:50:15 --> 00:50:17
			my self care was nonexistent.
		
00:50:18 --> 00:50:19
			And throughout the course of my twenties, I
		
00:50:19 --> 00:50:22
			was getting sick all the time. My weight
		
00:50:22 --> 00:50:23
			would fluctuate a lot. It was very heavy.
		
00:50:23 --> 00:50:24
			I was very light.
		
00:50:25 --> 00:50:26
			I,
		
00:50:27 --> 00:50:29
			in my late twenties, got shingles,
		
00:50:29 --> 00:50:31
			which if any of you have ever had
		
00:50:31 --> 00:50:31
			shingles
		
00:50:32 --> 00:50:34
			has anybody ever had shingles?
		
00:50:34 --> 00:50:37
			Oh, it's miserable. Yeah. So shingles is usually,
		
00:50:37 --> 00:50:39
			like, something that very older people get. You
		
00:50:39 --> 00:50:41
			know, I got in my twenties.
		
00:50:41 --> 00:50:43
			If you ever had the chicken pox virus,
		
00:50:43 --> 00:50:46
			it stays dormant in your nervous system. And
		
00:50:46 --> 00:50:48
			when you get to a high level of
		
00:50:48 --> 00:50:49
			stress and low point of immunity,
		
00:50:49 --> 00:50:52
			it reactivates as blisters on a nerve track.
		
00:50:52 --> 00:50:54
			And so I woke up one morning with
		
00:50:54 --> 00:50:56
			these blisters in the middle of my torso
		
00:50:56 --> 00:50:57
			all the way to my back.
		
00:50:57 --> 00:50:58
			And
		
00:50:59 --> 00:51:01
			I went to the doctor
		
00:51:02 --> 00:51:03
			and, you know, they told me what I
		
00:51:03 --> 00:51:05
			had, and it's contagious. I had to be
		
00:51:05 --> 00:51:05
			quarantined.
		
00:51:09 --> 00:51:11
			And so I ended up going to stay
		
00:51:11 --> 00:51:12
			where
		
00:51:12 --> 00:51:14
			my parents lived, the house I grew up
		
00:51:14 --> 00:51:15
			in.
		
00:51:15 --> 00:51:16
			And one night,
		
00:51:16 --> 00:51:19
			I got an email from a young woman
		
00:51:19 --> 00:51:21
			who went to school here at that time,
		
00:51:22 --> 00:51:24
			and she had told me that earlier that
		
00:51:24 --> 00:51:25
			day
		
00:51:25 --> 00:51:27
			in, one of our main buildings,
		
00:51:28 --> 00:51:30
			the large white building that's across the park
		
00:51:30 --> 00:51:32
			is called the silver building. She'd been walking
		
00:51:32 --> 00:51:33
			in that building,
		
00:51:34 --> 00:51:34
			with,
		
00:51:35 --> 00:51:36
			her Muslim boyfriend,
		
00:51:37 --> 00:51:38
			and he grabbed her by the straps of
		
00:51:38 --> 00:51:41
			her book bag, threw her into some lockers,
		
00:51:41 --> 00:51:43
			and she said, had a security guard not
		
00:51:43 --> 00:51:45
			intervene. She didn't know what would have happened.
		
00:51:45 --> 00:51:47
			She was reaching out to me now for
		
00:51:47 --> 00:51:49
			help in this abusive relationship she was in,
		
00:51:49 --> 00:51:51
			and I closed the laptop.
		
00:51:51 --> 00:51:53
			I went down to where my mother was
		
00:51:53 --> 00:51:54
			watching TV
		
00:51:55 --> 00:51:57
			in her living room, and I put my
		
00:51:57 --> 00:51:59
			head in her lap and I started to
		
00:51:59 --> 00:51:59
			cry.
		
00:51:59 --> 00:52:01
			And it wasn't that I didn't know how
		
00:52:01 --> 00:52:03
			to support this girl, but I couldn't take
		
00:52:03 --> 00:52:04
			care of her because I wasn't taking care
		
00:52:04 --> 00:52:05
			of me.
		
00:52:05 --> 00:52:07
			But in paying attention to signs and listening
		
00:52:07 --> 00:52:09
			to those signs, like my body,
		
00:52:10 --> 00:52:13
			my heart, my spirit, my mind, Everything was
		
00:52:13 --> 00:52:15
			giving me indications that I was running on
		
00:52:15 --> 00:52:17
			empty. I just wasn't listening to it. My
		
00:52:17 --> 00:52:20
			body had to literally implode on itself, do
		
00:52:20 --> 00:52:22
			you know, in order for me to wake
		
00:52:22 --> 00:52:24
			up and say, like, what am I really
		
00:52:24 --> 00:52:25
			doing? Do you get what I mean?
		
00:52:28 --> 00:52:30
			What makes it hard to listen? Like, what
		
00:52:30 --> 00:52:31
			gets in the way?
		
00:52:41 --> 00:52:42
			Yeah.
		
00:52:43 --> 00:52:43
			I think
		
00:52:44 --> 00:52:47
			having, like, biased towards some somebody can, a
		
00:52:47 --> 00:52:48
			lot of times, get in the way.
		
00:52:49 --> 00:52:50
			Just to give you an example, like, if
		
00:52:50 --> 00:52:52
			you have if you're talking to somebody with
		
00:52:52 --> 00:52:53
			a different political view, for example,
		
00:52:54 --> 00:52:56
			regardless of what the conversation is, you already
		
00:52:56 --> 00:52:58
			have a preconceived notion of, some of the
		
00:52:58 --> 00:52:59
			things they
		
00:52:59 --> 00:53:00
			believe in or,
		
00:53:01 --> 00:53:02
			think about. So,
		
00:53:02 --> 00:53:04
			it might get in the way of you
		
00:53:04 --> 00:53:04
			kind of listening,
		
00:53:05 --> 00:53:07
			hearing their input and, like, you know, learning
		
00:53:07 --> 00:53:09
			from what they have to say. So I
		
00:53:09 --> 00:53:12
			think just, like, dealing with your bias can,
		
00:53:13 --> 00:53:14
			can file a sentence here.
		
00:53:15 --> 00:53:17
			Yeah. And that could be applicable in a
		
00:53:17 --> 00:53:20
			lot of different situations. Right? Our own internalized
		
00:53:20 --> 00:53:20
			biases.
		
00:53:21 --> 00:53:23
			These aren't things we wanna apply to situations
		
00:53:23 --> 00:53:24
			of abuse and oppression.
		
00:53:25 --> 00:53:26
			Do you get what I mean?
		
00:53:26 --> 00:53:28
			So this conversation is not about how do
		
00:53:28 --> 00:53:30
			we have, like, watered down, tokenized,
		
00:53:31 --> 00:53:34
			like, dialogue sessions with people. That's not what
		
00:53:34 --> 00:53:36
			we're saying. But our day to day where
		
00:53:36 --> 00:53:37
			we have opportunity
		
00:53:38 --> 00:53:39
			to engage in actual,
		
00:53:40 --> 00:53:41
			like, listening,
		
00:53:41 --> 00:53:41
			understanding
		
00:53:42 --> 00:53:44
			the prism of advice and the see
		
00:53:46 --> 00:53:47
			in that way. And sometimes our biases
		
00:53:48 --> 00:53:48
			get
		
00:53:49 --> 00:53:52
			the best of us, and we fundamentally just
		
00:53:52 --> 00:53:54
			don't think that somebody can say something to
		
00:53:54 --> 00:53:55
			us
		
00:53:55 --> 00:53:58
			that they have merit. Right? This happens a
		
00:53:58 --> 00:54:01
			lot across, like, race, class, gender.
		
00:54:01 --> 00:54:03
			You know, we look at people the way
		
00:54:03 --> 00:54:04
			that they're dressed, the way that they're not
		
00:54:04 --> 00:54:05
			dressed,
		
00:54:05 --> 00:54:07
			and that then makes us a determination
		
00:54:08 --> 00:54:10
			of, like, their intellectual capacities,
		
00:54:11 --> 00:54:12
			you know, if they have something to offer
		
00:54:12 --> 00:54:14
			to us or not. Do you see what
		
00:54:14 --> 00:54:14
			I
		
00:54:15 --> 00:54:17
			mean? What else gets in the way?
		
00:54:18 --> 00:54:20
			I wanna say people's egos.
		
00:54:20 --> 00:54:21
			I don't know if that was already said,
		
00:54:21 --> 00:54:23
			but I just walked in. But a lot
		
00:54:23 --> 00:54:25
			of people's egos is, like, sometimes people feel
		
00:54:25 --> 00:54:27
			like they know it all.
		
00:54:27 --> 00:54:29
			They really may not know it all, so
		
00:54:29 --> 00:54:30
			they don't wanna hear nothing at all.
		
00:54:31 --> 00:54:33
			They may feel like also, because I deal
		
00:54:33 --> 00:54:35
			with this in my job. I'm younger than
		
00:54:35 --> 00:54:37
			most of the guys, so they don't like
		
00:54:37 --> 00:54:39
			to listen because they're older than me. They
		
00:54:39 --> 00:54:40
			think, what does this young guy know that
		
00:54:40 --> 00:54:42
			I don't know? And usually,
		
00:54:43 --> 00:54:45
			I'm right a lot of the times, so
		
00:54:45 --> 00:54:47
			that also comes into play, which also
		
00:54:48 --> 00:54:49
			is ego.
		
00:54:50 --> 00:54:52
			Yeah. The ego gets in the way. What
		
00:54:52 --> 00:54:52
			else?
		
00:54:59 --> 00:55:02
			It's hard to, like, listen when you have
		
00:55:02 --> 00:55:04
			all kinds of distractions around you. Right? Like,
		
00:55:04 --> 00:55:06
			if any of you have ever sat with
		
00:55:06 --> 00:55:07
			me in my office,
		
00:55:07 --> 00:55:08
			do you know?
		
00:55:08 --> 00:55:11
			And you're telling me about heaviness in your
		
00:55:11 --> 00:55:13
			life. What if while you were doing that,
		
00:55:13 --> 00:55:15
			I was scrolling on my phone?
		
00:55:15 --> 00:55:16
			Do you know what I mean? And you
		
00:55:16 --> 00:55:18
			could say, well, that's ridiculous,
		
00:55:18 --> 00:55:19
			but
		
00:55:19 --> 00:55:20
			it's purposeful.
		
00:55:22 --> 00:55:24
			When your attention is able to be strategically
		
00:55:24 --> 00:55:25
			drawn away
		
00:55:26 --> 00:55:28
			from being a source of support and presence,
		
00:55:28 --> 00:55:30
			then people are going to turn towards other
		
00:55:30 --> 00:55:31
			things
		
00:55:31 --> 00:55:33
			usually that they have to purchase to numb
		
00:55:33 --> 00:55:35
			whatever it is that they have going on.
		
00:55:36 --> 00:55:38
			And if I can harness your attention in
		
00:55:38 --> 00:55:39
			a consumer driven society
		
00:55:40 --> 00:55:42
			to make you want to be listening to
		
00:55:42 --> 00:55:45
			something else or be focused in 10 different
		
00:55:45 --> 00:55:47
			things. Right? There's certain things that we can
		
00:55:47 --> 00:55:47
			do
		
00:55:48 --> 00:55:50
			while we do something else. Do you know?
		
00:55:51 --> 00:55:53
			So, like, you can drive your car
		
00:55:53 --> 00:55:56
			and sing a song along with whatever is
		
00:55:56 --> 00:55:56
			playing
		
00:55:57 --> 00:55:59
			on your sound system in the car,
		
00:55:59 --> 00:56:01
			and you'll be fine. Do you know what
		
00:56:01 --> 00:56:04
			I mean? You cannot drive your car and
		
00:56:04 --> 00:56:05
			text at the same time.
		
00:56:06 --> 00:56:08
			Right? It's a different level of danger.
		
00:56:09 --> 00:56:10
			And if you think that's not the case,
		
00:56:10 --> 00:56:12
			I can introduce you to people in our
		
00:56:12 --> 00:56:14
			community who can no longer walk.
		
00:56:15 --> 00:56:16
			And so you don't want to put yourself
		
00:56:16 --> 00:56:18
			in a place where something happens that you
		
00:56:18 --> 00:56:20
			think you can do, something that you're just
		
00:56:20 --> 00:56:23
			not wired to do. The way Allah has
		
00:56:23 --> 00:56:24
			created you cognitively
		
00:56:25 --> 00:56:26
			to have 2 things that necessitate
		
00:56:27 --> 00:56:29
			a conscious mode of exertion
		
00:56:29 --> 00:56:32
			is not something that's fundamentally possible. But can
		
00:56:32 --> 00:56:34
			you do something that is habituated
		
00:56:34 --> 00:56:35
			unconsciously
		
00:56:35 --> 00:56:38
			while you do something else consciously? Right? So
		
00:56:38 --> 00:56:40
			can you run on a treadmill while you
		
00:56:40 --> 00:56:42
			watch a TV show? Yeah. You fundamentally, you
		
00:56:42 --> 00:56:44
			can. Do you know? Can you sing in
		
00:56:44 --> 00:56:47
			the shower? Right? Yes. Like, you can. Can
		
00:56:47 --> 00:56:50
			you fold laundry while you're on the phone
		
00:56:50 --> 00:56:52
			with someone? Probably, if you've done it enough.
		
00:56:52 --> 00:56:53
			Do you know what I mean?
		
00:56:54 --> 00:56:56
			But there's a lot of things that people
		
00:56:56 --> 00:56:58
			think they can multitask on that they can't.
		
00:56:58 --> 00:56:59
			You cannot multitask
		
00:57:00 --> 00:57:02
			on the giving and receiving of advice.
		
00:57:02 --> 00:57:05
			Like, it just doesn't work that way. And
		
00:57:05 --> 00:57:07
			so when you have hadith that say that
		
00:57:07 --> 00:57:07
			the prophet
		
00:57:08 --> 00:57:09
			turned his entire attention
		
00:57:10 --> 00:57:12
			towards somebody, did not turn his back towards
		
00:57:12 --> 00:57:14
			anybody that was speaking to him. Right?
		
00:57:15 --> 00:57:18
			Both on the giving and receiving end. If
		
00:57:18 --> 00:57:20
			somebody is addressing you and you are addressed
		
00:57:20 --> 00:57:22
			in a different direction,
		
00:57:22 --> 00:57:24
			how are you gonna, like, hear from them?
		
00:57:24 --> 00:57:26
			Unless it's something that's strategic.
		
00:57:27 --> 00:57:29
			So if you have, like, young children, for
		
00:57:29 --> 00:57:30
			example, in your
		
00:57:30 --> 00:57:33
			life versus, like, teenagers or people who are
		
00:57:33 --> 00:57:34
			a little bit more grown.
		
00:57:35 --> 00:57:35
			So
		
00:57:36 --> 00:57:38
			think about if you've ever been in a
		
00:57:38 --> 00:57:39
			setting with an older person,
		
00:57:40 --> 00:57:43
			and the mode through which advice is given
		
00:57:43 --> 00:57:45
			is not just I'm sitting in this chair
		
00:57:45 --> 00:57:47
			and you're sitting in that chair. So when
		
00:57:47 --> 00:57:49
			you have hadith where the prophet is
		
00:57:49 --> 00:57:51
			sitting on the front of a horse, and
		
00:57:51 --> 00:57:53
			there's somebody sitting on the back of a
		
00:57:53 --> 00:57:56
			horse, and counsel is being given. Right? The
		
00:57:56 --> 00:57:59
			prophet's walking with Mu'ad ibn Jabal to the
		
00:57:59 --> 00:58:01
			outskirts of the city, and he's giving him
		
00:58:01 --> 00:58:02
			advice.
		
00:58:02 --> 00:58:03
			Do you know?
		
00:58:03 --> 00:58:05
			A teenage kid is not gonna listen to
		
00:58:05 --> 00:58:07
			you the same way as somebody who's sitting
		
00:58:07 --> 00:58:08
			in a therapist's office.
		
00:58:09 --> 00:58:10
			Do you get what I mean?
		
00:58:11 --> 00:58:13
			So the mode through which we understand this,
		
00:58:13 --> 00:58:15
			like, front facing engagement
		
00:58:16 --> 00:58:18
			is not always what was done by the
		
00:58:18 --> 00:58:20
			prophet of God who is the best of
		
00:58:20 --> 00:58:22
			teachers. He knew how to
		
00:58:22 --> 00:58:23
			speak to someone
		
00:58:23 --> 00:58:25
			by giving him his full attention
		
00:58:26 --> 00:58:29
			without having it be something that created a
		
00:58:29 --> 00:58:31
			sense of awkwardness amongst them. Do you get
		
00:58:31 --> 00:58:33
			what I mean? So there's a lot of,
		
00:58:33 --> 00:58:36
			like, young men who learn from older men
		
00:58:36 --> 00:58:38
			while they're painting the side of a wall
		
00:58:39 --> 00:58:41
			or they're hammering nails into, like, a wall.
		
00:58:41 --> 00:58:43
			Do you get what I mean? Does that
		
00:58:43 --> 00:58:43
			make sense?
		
00:58:44 --> 00:58:45
			But the capacity
		
00:58:46 --> 00:58:47
			to listen
		
00:58:47 --> 00:58:48
			necessitates
		
00:58:48 --> 00:58:50
			removing the things that are distracting.
		
00:58:51 --> 00:58:54
			And the ability to then give and receive
		
00:58:54 --> 00:58:56
			is also about creating the opportunity
		
00:58:57 --> 00:58:59
			that says, well, where am I mindful
		
00:58:59 --> 00:59:02
			of the other person's ability to actually receive?
		
00:59:02 --> 00:59:04
			Do you know what I mean?
		
00:59:04 --> 00:59:07
			So you want your partner to hear from
		
00:59:07 --> 00:59:07
			you.
		
00:59:07 --> 00:59:10
			It's probably not the best time to call,
		
00:59:10 --> 00:59:12
			like, in the middle of a work meeting.
		
00:59:13 --> 00:59:15
			Somebody's running to get out the door. Right?
		
00:59:15 --> 00:59:17
			My wife and I, our kids are now
		
00:59:17 --> 00:59:19
			8 and 11. It's a little different from
		
00:59:19 --> 00:59:21
			when they were younger.
		
00:59:22 --> 00:59:22
			But
		
00:59:23 --> 00:59:26
			Priya's job is, like, more structured, and it's
		
00:59:26 --> 00:59:26
			ours.
		
00:59:27 --> 00:59:27
			Right?
		
00:59:28 --> 00:59:30
			I have a make a believe job. Do
		
00:59:30 --> 00:59:32
			you know what I mean? So I have,
		
00:59:32 --> 00:59:35
			like I got here this morning at 8:30.
		
00:59:36 --> 00:59:38
			I'm gonna leave here tonight probably at, like,
		
00:59:38 --> 00:59:40
			10 something. Do you know? It's not a
		
00:59:40 --> 00:59:43
			problem. Like, I love what I do. But
		
00:59:43 --> 00:59:44
			tomorrow,
		
00:59:44 --> 00:59:46
			I can, like, schedule my routine a little
		
00:59:46 --> 00:59:49
			bit differently. It's got more malleability to it.
		
00:59:49 --> 00:59:52
			So in the morning, as we're getting kids
		
00:59:52 --> 00:59:53
			ready when they're now
		
00:59:53 --> 00:59:56
			3 and 6 and not 8 and 11
		
00:59:56 --> 00:59:58
			is a little bit different of a stress
		
00:59:59 --> 01:00:00
			in the morning and getting out to day
		
01:00:00 --> 01:00:02
			care and getting out to kindergarten
		
01:00:03 --> 01:00:04
			and getting out to work.
		
01:00:05 --> 01:00:07
			So that's not the time to have a
		
01:00:07 --> 01:00:08
			conversation
		
01:00:08 --> 01:00:10
			because the distraction is not a piece of
		
01:00:10 --> 01:00:11
			technology.
		
01:00:11 --> 01:00:13
			The distraction is all these other things that
		
01:00:13 --> 01:00:15
			are vying for our attentiveness.
		
01:00:15 --> 01:00:16
			Do you get what I mean?
		
01:00:16 --> 01:00:19
			It has to make sense, like, the opportunities
		
01:00:19 --> 01:00:20
			that you're creating
		
01:00:20 --> 01:00:23
			for the environment to be for both parties
		
01:00:23 --> 01:00:25
			to be ready barring, like, emergency
		
01:00:26 --> 01:00:26
			situations.
		
01:00:26 --> 01:00:29
			Do you know? So somebody dies, god forbid,
		
01:00:29 --> 01:00:32
			in the family, and you gotta, like, have
		
01:00:32 --> 01:00:34
			someone be present. They gotta be present. There's
		
01:00:34 --> 01:00:36
			an accident that comes up. There's an emergency
		
01:00:36 --> 01:00:37
			situation.
		
01:00:37 --> 01:00:41
			But most of those conversations that we believe
		
01:00:41 --> 01:00:43
			have to happen right now in the moment,
		
01:00:43 --> 01:00:45
			they probably could happen a little bit later
		
01:00:46 --> 01:00:46
			when everybody's
		
01:00:47 --> 01:00:48
			ready to give and receive a little bit
		
01:00:48 --> 01:00:50
			better. Do you get what I mean?
		
01:00:51 --> 01:00:51
			Identifying
		
01:00:51 --> 01:00:52
			distractions,
		
01:00:52 --> 01:00:55
			though, are going to be important to be
		
01:00:55 --> 01:00:57
			able to break away from, like, what gets
		
01:00:57 --> 01:00:58
			in the way from listening.
		
01:00:59 --> 01:01:01
			Does that make sense? And so then you
		
01:01:01 --> 01:01:02
			take hadith
		
01:01:02 --> 01:01:04
			that give us these insights that, like, there's
		
01:01:04 --> 01:01:07
			no prayer when there's food being served. It
		
01:01:07 --> 01:01:09
			doesn't mean you don't pray at the time
		
01:01:09 --> 01:01:10
			Maghrib comes in,
		
01:01:10 --> 01:01:13
			but your stomach is now where your thoughts
		
01:01:13 --> 01:01:15
			are gonna be if the food is there
		
01:01:15 --> 01:01:17
			on the table and you're trying to bang
		
01:01:17 --> 01:01:19
			out some rakaz. Right? Or, like, you have
		
01:01:19 --> 01:01:21
			to go to the bathroom, and you decide,
		
01:01:21 --> 01:01:23
			I'm not gonna make will do again. So
		
01:01:23 --> 01:01:25
			you're trying to hold your will do in
		
01:01:25 --> 01:01:26
			the course of the jamaah,
		
01:01:26 --> 01:01:29
			praying that the imam reads short surahs,
		
01:01:29 --> 01:01:31
			but, like, they're not going to, and you're
		
01:01:31 --> 01:01:32
			gonna be miserable.
		
01:01:33 --> 01:01:35
			But that's what's gonna be the focus. You're
		
01:01:35 --> 01:01:37
			not gonna have focus in your prayer. You're
		
01:01:37 --> 01:01:39
			gonna be focusing on, like, I hope I
		
01:01:39 --> 01:01:41
			just don't fart right now. Do you know
		
01:01:41 --> 01:01:43
			what I mean? But you're bringing the distraction
		
01:01:43 --> 01:01:44
			in.
		
01:01:44 --> 01:01:45
			Does that make sense?
		
01:01:46 --> 01:01:48
			So it's hard to listen when there's other
		
01:01:48 --> 01:01:50
			things vying for your attention.
		
01:01:52 --> 01:01:53
			And that can also be applied to, like,
		
01:01:54 --> 01:01:56
			your sleep habits being poor,
		
01:01:56 --> 01:01:59
			like your consumption habits not making any sense,
		
01:02:00 --> 01:02:02
			like exhaustion fitting in in a lot of
		
01:02:02 --> 01:02:03
			different ways,
		
01:02:03 --> 01:02:05
			what gets in the way that makes it
		
01:02:05 --> 01:02:07
			hard for me to be paying attention
		
01:02:07 --> 01:02:09
			fully? Do you get what I mean?
		
01:02:12 --> 01:02:14
			And then a third part to this on
		
01:02:14 --> 01:02:15
			the advice
		
01:02:15 --> 01:02:16
			giving and receiving
		
01:02:17 --> 01:02:18
			is
		
01:02:18 --> 01:02:21
			who am I actually going to for the
		
01:02:21 --> 01:02:23
			advice, and why am I answering the questions
		
01:02:23 --> 01:02:25
			that are being asked of me?
		
01:02:26 --> 01:02:28
			I had a teacher who studied
		
01:02:29 --> 01:02:31
			for 7 years, Islamic legal theory,
		
01:02:32 --> 01:02:34
			and somebody asked him a question about whether
		
01:02:34 --> 01:02:35
			a flyer looks good or not.
		
01:02:36 --> 01:02:38
			And he says, I like what I have
		
01:02:38 --> 01:02:40
			a comment on this. Do you know what
		
01:02:40 --> 01:02:40
			I mean?
		
01:02:41 --> 01:02:42
			The challenge comes in that a lot of
		
01:02:42 --> 01:02:45
			our lives get messed up because we're asking
		
01:02:45 --> 01:02:48
			people for advice on things that they're not
		
01:02:48 --> 01:02:50
			qualified to ask, like, to be asked for
		
01:02:50 --> 01:02:51
			advice.
		
01:02:51 --> 01:02:55
			Religious leadership does not equate to absolute leadership
		
01:02:55 --> 01:02:56
			in our tradition.
		
01:02:57 --> 01:03:00
			So anecdotes that you probably are privy to
		
01:03:00 --> 01:03:02
			are things that actually happen quite often.
		
01:03:03 --> 01:03:04
			Friends of mine who studied
		
01:03:04 --> 01:03:05
			Islam
		
01:03:05 --> 01:03:08
			that aren't blessed to serve a community the
		
01:03:08 --> 01:03:10
			way I'm blessed to serve this amazing community.
		
01:03:19 --> 01:03:21
			A why would they be good at marriage
		
01:03:21 --> 01:03:21
			counseling?
		
01:03:23 --> 01:03:25
			And that's not to discount anybody, but now
		
01:03:25 --> 01:03:27
			that person has no choice other than take
		
01:03:27 --> 01:03:29
			that job, and you're gonna walk into an
		
01:03:29 --> 01:03:31
			office, or you're gonna go on YouTube, and
		
01:03:31 --> 01:03:32
			you're gonna say, what does shake so and
		
01:03:32 --> 01:03:35
			so say about this situation?
		
01:03:35 --> 01:03:38
			If someone's not trained in certain capacities or
		
01:03:38 --> 01:03:39
			they don't have that experiential
		
01:03:40 --> 01:03:40
			understanding
		
01:03:40 --> 01:03:42
			as a scholar practitioner,
		
01:03:42 --> 01:03:44
			they're giving you subjective
		
01:03:44 --> 01:03:45
			anecdotal advice.
		
01:03:45 --> 01:03:48
			People ask the prophet alaihis salaam when they
		
01:03:48 --> 01:03:49
			should plant their crop
		
01:03:49 --> 01:03:50
			to get harvest
		
01:03:51 --> 01:03:53
			and he says something to them, and then
		
01:03:53 --> 01:03:55
			they plant, and then there's nothing reared from
		
01:03:55 --> 01:03:56
			the crop.
		
01:03:56 --> 01:03:58
			And they ask, like, why did you tell
		
01:03:58 --> 01:04:00
			us to plant in this way? And he
		
01:04:00 --> 01:04:01
			says, why did you ask me? Like, I'm
		
01:04:01 --> 01:04:02
			not a farmer.
		
01:04:03 --> 01:04:04
			Do do you know what I mean? Does
		
01:04:04 --> 01:04:05
			that make sense?
		
01:04:06 --> 01:04:07
			And so
		
01:04:07 --> 01:04:09
			the ways that you go to ask the
		
01:04:09 --> 01:04:11
			people who know that are not gonna always
		
01:04:11 --> 01:04:14
			be your friends, who have no shortage of
		
01:04:14 --> 01:04:16
			giving you advice. You don't want to tell
		
01:04:16 --> 01:04:19
			people things that make no sense. The amount
		
01:04:19 --> 01:04:21
			of people that sit in my office who
		
01:04:21 --> 01:04:23
			make terrible life decisions
		
01:04:23 --> 01:04:25
			because they have all of their friends and
		
01:04:25 --> 01:04:26
			family members
		
01:04:26 --> 01:04:29
			words and clutter in their heads and their
		
01:04:29 --> 01:04:30
			heart also
		
01:04:30 --> 01:04:33
			because they're asking questions and getting answers from
		
01:04:33 --> 01:04:35
			people who shouldn't be answering those things. Do
		
01:04:35 --> 01:04:36
			you know what I mean?
		
01:04:36 --> 01:04:38
			And then they make decisions
		
01:04:38 --> 01:04:40
			that at the base of it, we're gonna
		
01:04:40 --> 01:04:41
			have accountability
		
01:04:41 --> 01:04:44
			to it. So, Imam Malik, when he's asked
		
01:04:44 --> 01:04:47
			40 questions, and to 36 of them, he
		
01:04:47 --> 01:04:49
			says, I don't know. The person who comes
		
01:04:49 --> 01:04:50
			all the way
		
01:04:50 --> 01:04:53
			from Al Andalus to ask these questions in
		
01:04:53 --> 01:04:54
			Medina
		
01:04:54 --> 01:04:56
			and says, you are the shining star of
		
01:04:56 --> 01:05:00
			Medina. You are Imam Malik, and you are
		
01:05:00 --> 01:05:00
			asking
		
01:05:00 --> 01:05:03
			I'm asking his question. I came from far,
		
01:05:03 --> 01:05:06
			man. Right? And you said, I don't know
		
01:05:06 --> 01:05:08
			to 30 he says, I don't know.
		
01:05:08 --> 01:05:09
			Because it's not a game.
		
01:05:10 --> 01:05:12
			It's like a very real thing.
		
01:05:12 --> 01:05:14
			And you think in the last day, the
		
01:05:14 --> 01:05:16
			last week, the last month,
		
01:05:16 --> 01:05:19
			how many pieces of advice have you given
		
01:05:19 --> 01:05:19
			to people
		
01:05:20 --> 01:05:21
			that they've actually taken
		
01:05:22 --> 01:05:24
			that create potential challenges for them
		
01:05:25 --> 01:05:27
			and how to, like, manage their anxiety
		
01:05:27 --> 01:05:29
			on whether they should get married to somebody
		
01:05:29 --> 01:05:32
			or not. Unlike anything that they have going
		
01:05:32 --> 01:05:34
			on in their life, you gave them some
		
01:05:34 --> 01:05:37
			counsel without even hearing, like, where they're coming
		
01:05:37 --> 01:05:40
			from. Do you know? There's hadith where a
		
01:05:40 --> 01:05:42
			companion comes to the prophet,
		
01:05:43 --> 01:05:45
			can I kiss my wife while I'm fasting?
		
01:05:45 --> 01:05:47
			And he says yes to another, Yarasulullah,
		
01:05:47 --> 01:05:49
			can I kiss while my wife while I'm
		
01:05:49 --> 01:05:50
			fasting? He says no.
		
01:05:50 --> 01:05:53
			They asked the same question and get a
		
01:05:53 --> 01:05:54
			different answer.
		
01:05:55 --> 01:05:56
			Why?
		
01:05:56 --> 01:05:58
			Because they're different people.
		
01:05:58 --> 01:06:00
			If you have like a rote answer that
		
01:06:00 --> 01:06:02
			you give out constantly
		
01:06:02 --> 01:06:04
			to people about stuff,
		
01:06:04 --> 01:06:06
			that's not an absolute.
		
01:06:06 --> 01:06:08
			Don't eat pork means don't eat pork, but
		
01:06:08 --> 01:06:11
			everything is not just don't eat pork type
		
01:06:11 --> 01:06:11
			questions.
		
01:06:12 --> 01:06:13
			Do you get what I mean?
		
01:06:14 --> 01:06:16
			And because a lot of us in this
		
01:06:16 --> 01:06:16
			religion
		
01:06:17 --> 01:06:19
			don't know how to think outside of thick
		
01:06:19 --> 01:06:20
			terminologies
		
01:06:21 --> 01:06:23
			because all we're given is ritual and practice
		
01:06:23 --> 01:06:26
			black and white, we come with what does
		
01:06:26 --> 01:06:28
			Islam say about x, y, and z?
		
01:06:29 --> 01:06:31
			Islam is not a person that manifests in
		
01:06:31 --> 01:06:34
			a human form that then can answer these
		
01:06:34 --> 01:06:34
			questions.
		
01:06:35 --> 01:06:37
			A lot of what we're given in the
		
01:06:37 --> 01:06:37
			Quran
		
01:06:38 --> 01:06:40
			presents to us opportunities for how we resolve
		
01:06:41 --> 01:06:42
			ethical dilemmas.
		
01:06:43 --> 01:06:45
			It doesn't say open this page and it's
		
01:06:45 --> 01:06:48
			gonna tell you here and now this is
		
01:06:48 --> 01:06:49
			how you do these things.
		
01:06:49 --> 01:06:51
			It's gonna want you to make a choice.
		
01:06:52 --> 01:06:53
			And a part of the choices that you
		
01:06:53 --> 01:06:55
			choose are who you're going to give advice
		
01:06:56 --> 01:06:58
			to and who you're taking advice from. Does
		
01:06:58 --> 01:06:59
			that make sense?
		
01:07:00 --> 01:07:01
			What are the criteria
		
01:07:01 --> 01:07:04
			or qualities that you would look for in
		
01:07:04 --> 01:07:05
			somebody
		
01:07:05 --> 01:07:08
			who you would take advice from on different
		
01:07:08 --> 01:07:09
			situations.
		
01:07:09 --> 01:07:11
			The question makes sense? Do you wanna have
		
01:07:11 --> 01:07:13
			a conscious mode of understanding?
		
01:07:13 --> 01:07:15
			Your heart is more precious
		
01:07:15 --> 01:07:18
			than just allowing for sound bites online
		
01:07:19 --> 01:07:22
			of lectures that you weren't even sitting in
		
01:07:22 --> 01:07:25
			that took place years ago to define
		
01:07:25 --> 01:07:27
			how it is that you make your choices.
		
01:07:27 --> 01:07:29
			You gotta build relationships
		
01:07:29 --> 01:07:31
			with people that could be multiple
		
01:07:31 --> 01:07:33
			across different fields.
		
01:07:34 --> 01:07:36
			But as a starting point, what are some
		
01:07:36 --> 01:07:38
			of the qualities we should look for?
		
01:07:39 --> 01:07:41
			This is is Sam, by the way. Sam,
		
01:07:41 --> 01:07:43
			you wanna wave to everybody? Salam. Today's is
		
01:07:43 --> 01:07:46
			Sam's first day working at the IC. He
		
01:07:46 --> 01:07:48
			joined as a digital media coordinator for our
		
01:07:48 --> 01:07:50
			team. It's Mig Dua. He's a really nice
		
01:07:50 --> 01:07:50
			guy.
		
01:07:52 --> 01:07:54
			And you're gonna probably see a lot of
		
01:07:54 --> 01:07:56
			him around. So if you see him, introduce
		
01:07:56 --> 01:07:59
			yourselves to him. Let him feel welcome in
		
01:07:59 --> 01:08:00
			our community,
		
01:08:01 --> 01:08:02
			and what it's like to be part of
		
01:08:02 --> 01:08:05
			this amazing community in service of it,
		
01:08:06 --> 01:08:08
			and introduce him to people as you kinda
		
01:08:08 --> 01:08:09
			see him around. But
		
01:08:10 --> 01:08:11
			he's gonna be around,
		
01:08:12 --> 01:08:13
			a lot more.
		
01:08:13 --> 01:08:16
			So, yeah, feel free to introduce yourselves to
		
01:08:16 --> 01:08:18
			him. So if you could take couple minutes
		
01:08:18 --> 01:08:20
			and turn to the person next to you,
		
01:08:20 --> 01:08:21
			what are some of the qualities we look
		
01:08:21 --> 01:08:23
			for in somebody that gives us advice?
		
01:08:24 --> 01:08:25
			You wanna know this so that you're not
		
01:08:25 --> 01:08:28
			just turning to people at your wits end,
		
01:08:28 --> 01:08:30
			and it's like somebody just helped me. Do
		
01:08:30 --> 01:08:32
			you know what I mean? But proactively,
		
01:08:33 --> 01:08:35
			like, what are some of the things that
		
01:08:35 --> 01:08:37
			should be present in the people that we're
		
01:08:37 --> 01:08:40
			taking kind of advice and counsel from
		
01:08:41 --> 01:08:43
			in whatever the issues might be that are
		
01:08:43 --> 01:08:44
			coming up. So you can turn to the
		
01:08:44 --> 01:08:45
			persons next to you,
		
01:08:46 --> 01:08:49
			and kinda take some insight from one another,
		
01:08:49 --> 01:08:50
			and then we'll come back and discuss. Go
		
01:08:50 --> 01:08:51
			ahead.
		
01:08:59 --> 01:09:01
			I was gonna tell you I was gonna
		
01:09:01 --> 01:09:03
			just record you, like, randomly. So you might
		
01:09:03 --> 01:09:05
			see me just go around. Fine. Yeah.
		
01:09:05 --> 01:09:06
			Yeah. You'll probably just see me around with
		
01:09:06 --> 01:09:08
			the camera funny that you're were you planning
		
01:09:08 --> 01:09:10
			on staying here this late? For I've thought.
		
01:09:10 --> 01:09:12
			You will? Yeah. Yeah. You're not looking to
		
01:09:12 --> 01:09:13
			go see someplace? I was gonna leave, but
		
01:09:13 --> 01:09:14
			then I was like, I might as well
		
01:09:14 --> 01:09:16
			break my desk here as well. Okay.
		
01:09:16 --> 01:09:17
			And then I was helping out,
		
01:09:18 --> 01:09:20
			remember the holiday, set up with the food
		
01:09:20 --> 01:09:22
			and everything. How did that go? It went
		
01:09:22 --> 01:09:22
			well.
		
01:09:23 --> 01:09:25
			It's almost done. Okay. Great.
		
01:11:09 --> 01:11:09
			Okay.
		
01:11:09 --> 01:11:11
			What are some of the things we should
		
01:11:11 --> 01:11:13
			look for? Like, we're looking for somebody
		
01:11:14 --> 01:11:15
			who we're gonna
		
01:11:15 --> 01:11:17
			take advice from.
		
01:11:17 --> 01:11:19
			Like, what should that person be about? What
		
01:11:19 --> 01:11:20
			are some of the qualities?
		
01:11:26 --> 01:11:27
			Good characters.
		
01:11:28 --> 01:11:31
			Good character. Good character. How they act, like,
		
01:11:31 --> 01:11:31
			in adversity.
		
01:11:32 --> 01:11:35
			How they act in adversity? Okay. Yeah. I
		
01:11:35 --> 01:11:36
			was gonna make a good pitch tomorrow. We
		
01:11:36 --> 01:11:38
			might actually listen to. If you're not gonna
		
01:11:38 --> 01:11:40
			listen to him, it's a good start.
		
01:11:40 --> 01:11:43
			Pick somebody you listen to? Okay. Yeah.
		
01:11:44 --> 01:11:45
			Other things?
		
01:11:45 --> 01:11:46
			What other qualities?
		
01:11:47 --> 01:11:48
			Compassionate.
		
01:11:48 --> 01:11:49
			Compassionate.
		
01:11:51 --> 01:11:52
			Yeah.
		
01:11:53 --> 01:11:54
			Someone's open minded.
		
01:11:54 --> 01:11:55
			I should ask you to start from a
		
01:11:55 --> 01:11:58
			person. You're often going to someone for advice
		
01:11:58 --> 01:11:59
			on something that is
		
01:12:09 --> 01:12:09
			Great.
		
01:12:10 --> 01:12:13
			Yeah. I will go for someone who's actually
		
01:12:13 --> 01:12:16
			doing what I'm looking for. Although I won't
		
01:12:16 --> 01:12:17
			discredit no one else,
		
01:12:18 --> 01:12:19
			but I would say I would listen to
		
01:12:19 --> 01:12:21
			someone else, but I will actually strive to
		
01:12:21 --> 01:12:23
			go for someone who's actually doing something. Like,
		
01:12:23 --> 01:12:25
			if and since I need something for education,
		
01:12:25 --> 01:12:26
			for religion,
		
01:12:27 --> 01:12:29
			I will someone like you or anyone or
		
01:12:29 --> 01:12:31
			brothers in here, but I would more aim
		
01:12:31 --> 01:12:33
			someone like you because I know you you
		
01:12:33 --> 01:12:35
			you're more knowledgeable. You can probably help me
		
01:12:35 --> 01:12:38
			more in that category. I wanna just go
		
01:12:38 --> 01:12:40
			to someone sitting on a park bench. Although
		
01:12:40 --> 01:12:41
			I would listen to what they have to
		
01:12:41 --> 01:12:44
			say, though, but I would take your advice
		
01:12:44 --> 01:12:45
			more over this.
		
01:12:46 --> 01:12:46
			Okay.
		
01:12:48 --> 01:12:49
			Other thoughts?
		
01:12:57 --> 01:12:59
			You wanna, like, build that reflection
		
01:13:00 --> 01:13:02
			and think about why do you take advice
		
01:13:02 --> 01:13:03
			from the people that you do,
		
01:13:03 --> 01:13:04
			and why
		
01:13:05 --> 01:13:07
			are there some people that you don't hear
		
01:13:07 --> 01:13:09
			from them or listen to them?
		
01:13:09 --> 01:13:11
			There's a couple of other frames that we
		
01:13:11 --> 01:13:13
			wanna look at this, and we can look
		
01:13:13 --> 01:13:14
			at this also in the frame of, like,
		
01:13:15 --> 01:13:16
			who is it that you should be actually
		
01:13:16 --> 01:13:19
			giving advice to? And advice is different from
		
01:13:19 --> 01:13:20
			emotional support.
		
01:13:21 --> 01:13:22
			A good number of people when they turn
		
01:13:22 --> 01:13:26
			to us, they're not looking for solution orientation.
		
01:13:26 --> 01:13:28
			They're looking for validation of what they're feeling.
		
01:13:29 --> 01:13:31
			Do you know what I mean? Because sometimes
		
01:13:31 --> 01:13:34
			the anxiety that rises in us, it brings
		
01:13:34 --> 01:13:36
			us to a place where we don't want
		
01:13:36 --> 01:13:38
			someone to feel bad, and we love them,
		
01:13:38 --> 01:13:40
			and we care about them. So we'll say,
		
01:13:40 --> 01:13:41
			why don't you do this or try that
		
01:13:41 --> 01:13:42
			or do that?
		
01:13:43 --> 01:13:44
			What they sometimes just need is somebody to
		
01:13:44 --> 01:13:46
			say, like, this is really hard,
		
01:13:46 --> 01:13:49
			and I'm gonna carry this with you. Like,
		
01:13:49 --> 01:13:50
			you don't have to hold this all by
		
01:13:50 --> 01:13:51
			yourself.
		
01:13:51 --> 01:13:52
			Do you know?
		
01:13:53 --> 01:13:55
			Some of the people that you take advice
		
01:13:55 --> 01:13:56
			from, not all of them, but some of
		
01:13:56 --> 01:13:58
			them have to be people who are accessible.
		
01:13:59 --> 01:14:01
			Like, it's gonna be a process. Do you
		
01:14:01 --> 01:14:03
			know what I mean? So sometimes there's an
		
01:14:03 --> 01:14:05
			advantage. You walk into a place and there's
		
01:14:05 --> 01:14:08
			a person who's a prominent expert in a
		
01:14:08 --> 01:14:10
			field and you wanna hear their thoughts on
		
01:14:10 --> 01:14:10
			something,
		
01:14:11 --> 01:14:13
			that person might not be somebody that you're
		
01:14:13 --> 01:14:15
			gonna have interactions with day to day for
		
01:14:15 --> 01:14:17
			the rest of your life. But if you
		
01:14:17 --> 01:14:20
			open up on certain things, there's gotta be,
		
01:14:21 --> 01:14:21
			continuity
		
01:14:22 --> 01:14:25
			to some of that kind of engagement.
		
01:14:25 --> 01:14:27
			And on the other end of it, if
		
01:14:27 --> 01:14:30
			you invite somebody to come speak to you,
		
01:14:30 --> 01:14:31
			it's not a matter of convenience.
		
01:14:32 --> 01:14:35
			It's gotta be something that you make yourself
		
01:14:35 --> 01:14:35
			readily
		
01:14:36 --> 01:14:38
			available at the times that they need
		
01:14:39 --> 01:14:40
			within reason,
		
01:14:41 --> 01:14:43
			but it's not just a one off. Do
		
01:14:43 --> 01:14:43
			you get what I mean?
		
01:14:45 --> 01:14:47
			The last thing that I wanted us to
		
01:14:47 --> 01:14:49
			think about and I would invite you to
		
01:14:49 --> 01:14:51
			reflect on here as well as, like, individually
		
01:14:51 --> 01:14:52
			and together,
		
01:14:53 --> 01:14:55
			Why is it hard for us to take
		
01:14:55 --> 01:14:57
			the advice that we give to others?
		
01:14:59 --> 01:15:00
			Like, what gets in the way?
		
01:15:01 --> 01:15:04
			I've been here for 19 years, and I
		
01:15:04 --> 01:15:06
			can tell you if I sat with someone
		
01:15:06 --> 01:15:07
			in my office
		
01:15:07 --> 01:15:10
			and I said, if somebody else came and
		
01:15:10 --> 01:15:11
			sat in this office
		
01:15:11 --> 01:15:12
			and told me
		
01:15:13 --> 01:15:15
			that they were going through what you were
		
01:15:15 --> 01:15:16
			going through,
		
01:15:16 --> 01:15:18
			you know definitely what you would tell them
		
01:15:18 --> 01:15:21
			to do. Why are you telling yourself something
		
01:15:21 --> 01:15:21
			different?
		
01:15:23 --> 01:15:25
			You know that you would not let your
		
01:15:25 --> 01:15:27
			friend be treated by a boy the way
		
01:15:27 --> 01:15:29
			you let a boy treat you.
		
01:15:30 --> 01:15:32
			You know there's no way that you would
		
01:15:32 --> 01:15:33
			tell
		
01:15:33 --> 01:15:36
			someone close to you that walked in here
		
01:15:36 --> 01:15:38
			that it's okay for their parents to treat
		
01:15:38 --> 01:15:39
			them the way that their parents are treating
		
01:15:39 --> 01:15:40
			them?
		
01:15:42 --> 01:15:44
			Why is it easier for you to give
		
01:15:44 --> 01:15:47
			somebody else some advice, but you're not willing
		
01:15:47 --> 01:15:49
			to give it to yourself in the same
		
01:15:49 --> 01:15:49
			way.
		
01:15:50 --> 01:15:51
			Do you get what I mean?
		
01:15:52 --> 01:15:55
			And this becomes, like, a big challenge for
		
01:15:55 --> 01:15:56
			many of us.
		
01:15:56 --> 01:15:58
			I can give you advice,
		
01:15:59 --> 01:16:01
			but it's hard for me to let myself
		
01:16:02 --> 01:16:05
			be in a place where I'm willing to
		
01:16:05 --> 01:16:08
			take the advice that I'm giving to somebody
		
01:16:08 --> 01:16:10
			else. Do you know? And it's a different
		
01:16:10 --> 01:16:10
			variation
		
01:16:11 --> 01:16:12
			of
		
01:16:14 --> 01:16:16
			that why do you say that which you
		
01:16:16 --> 01:16:18
			do not do? It's not hypocrisy,
		
01:16:19 --> 01:16:21
			but there's absence sometimes
		
01:16:21 --> 01:16:24
			of self care, self love, self kindness,
		
01:16:24 --> 01:16:25
			self compassion.
		
01:16:25 --> 01:16:26
			Do you know?
		
01:16:28 --> 01:16:30
			You don't wanna see somebody else get hurt,
		
01:16:30 --> 01:16:32
			but you make excuses as to why you
		
01:16:32 --> 01:16:34
			let somebody else hurt you. Do you see
		
01:16:34 --> 01:16:36
			what I'm saying? Does that make sense?
		
01:16:37 --> 01:16:39
			My group is gonna come in in 3
		
01:16:39 --> 01:16:39
			minutes,
		
01:16:40 --> 01:16:42
			so we're not gonna delve into those 2
		
01:16:42 --> 01:16:43
			things a little deeper.
		
01:16:44 --> 01:16:46
			Some of the things that I was sharing
		
01:16:46 --> 01:16:48
			with people before we started,
		
01:16:49 --> 01:16:50
			next Monday
		
01:16:50 --> 01:16:53
			is gonna either be, like, the last halica
		
01:16:53 --> 01:16:54
			we do of this text
		
01:16:54 --> 01:16:55
			for the semester
		
01:16:56 --> 01:16:58
			before you shift to summer hours
		
01:16:58 --> 01:16:59
			or,
		
01:16:59 --> 01:17:02
			this one will be. We had a doctor
		
01:17:02 --> 01:17:04
			in our community who returned from Gaza recently.
		
01:17:05 --> 01:17:07
			They wanted to kinda share with us images
		
01:17:07 --> 01:17:10
			and videos. I'm hoping that that'll work out
		
01:17:10 --> 01:17:11
			in Jumah.
		
01:17:12 --> 01:17:15
			But if it doesn't, then what we're gonna
		
01:17:15 --> 01:17:16
			do is probably have on one of the
		
01:17:16 --> 01:17:18
			weeknights before the academic semester ends.
		
01:17:19 --> 01:17:22
			It'll likely be Monday night of next week.
		
01:17:23 --> 01:17:26
			But either way thanks, man.
		
01:17:27 --> 01:17:28
			We're gonna have,
		
01:17:29 --> 01:17:31
			from the following Monday.
		
01:17:31 --> 01:17:32
			So not
		
01:17:34 --> 01:17:36
			the 13th, but 20th,
		
01:17:37 --> 01:17:38
			a shift in building hours,
		
01:17:39 --> 01:17:39
			which,
		
01:17:40 --> 01:17:42
			will have the building closed on the weekends,
		
01:17:43 --> 01:17:46
			following 17th, and it'll be open only till
		
01:17:46 --> 01:17:46
			8 PM,
		
01:17:47 --> 01:17:49
			on week nights.
		
01:17:49 --> 01:17:52
			So, for example, Maghrib is gonna get later
		
01:17:52 --> 01:17:53
			into the summer.
		
01:17:54 --> 01:17:55
			And what we did last semester
		
01:17:56 --> 01:17:58
			or last year, was shift our Monday night
		
01:17:58 --> 01:18:01
			to my apartment building, which is on 23rd
		
01:18:01 --> 01:18:03
			3rd, and then we still had iftar
		
01:18:04 --> 01:18:05
			for everybody, like, potluck style.
		
01:18:08 --> 01:18:09
			You can, like,
		
01:18:09 --> 01:18:11
			just shoot me an email and let me
		
01:18:11 --> 01:18:11
			know.
		
01:18:12 --> 01:18:14
			If you would prefer to maintain this here,
		
01:18:15 --> 01:18:17
			we would go to, like, 7:30
		
01:18:18 --> 01:18:19
			so that people would have time
		
01:18:20 --> 01:18:22
			to get some place to pray Maghrib because
		
01:18:22 --> 01:18:24
			we won't be able to make Maghrib here.
		
01:18:25 --> 01:18:26
			The building closes at 8.
		
01:18:27 --> 01:18:29
			Or if you're good with us shifting it
		
01:18:29 --> 01:18:31
			there and then there's no time limit, and
		
01:18:31 --> 01:18:32
			then we would have the halukkah
		
01:18:32 --> 01:18:34
			probably starting at around, like, 7,
		
01:18:35 --> 01:18:37
			as Maghreb gets later, 6:37.
		
01:18:38 --> 01:18:40
			And then we'd have Ithar. And last year,
		
01:18:40 --> 01:18:42
			we would, like, have people there probably till,
		
01:18:42 --> 01:18:44
			like, around 9:30, 10 o'clock,
		
01:18:45 --> 01:18:46
			and just be in each other's, like, company
		
01:18:46 --> 01:18:47
			and build community in.
		
01:18:50 --> 01:18:52
			But just think about those things and shoot
		
01:18:52 --> 01:18:53
			me a message and let me know so
		
01:18:53 --> 01:18:55
			we're not putting anyone on the spot, and
		
01:18:55 --> 01:18:57
			you can feel comfortable sharing whatever your thoughts
		
01:18:57 --> 01:18:58
			are. Does that make sense?
		
01:18:59 --> 01:19:00
			Okay. Tomorrow,
		
01:19:01 --> 01:19:02
			doctor Murmur will have his helica.
		
01:19:03 --> 01:19:04
			On Wednesday, doctor Madwa
		
01:19:05 --> 01:19:07
			will do hers, and then I'll follow at
		
01:19:07 --> 01:19:08
			7.
		
01:19:08 --> 01:19:09
			And then on Thursday,
		
01:19:10 --> 01:19:13
			with Faith NYC, we'll do their monthly halukkah,
		
01:19:14 --> 01:19:15
			with Imam Zakir.
		
01:19:17 --> 01:19:19
			It's for, like, our professionals community.
		
01:19:19 --> 01:19:21
			Friday, we're gonna have our post Jumak community
		
01:19:21 --> 01:19:24
			lunch. And then Sunday, we're doing a film
		
01:19:24 --> 01:19:24
			screening,
		
01:19:25 --> 01:19:28
			that we sent email out about today of
		
01:19:28 --> 01:19:29
			a documentary,
		
01:19:31 --> 01:19:33
			whose name I'm forgetting. Does anybody remember the
		
01:19:33 --> 01:19:36
			film? Q. The film is called Jude?
		
01:19:37 --> 01:19:39
			Q. Q? The director. The director's name is
		
01:19:39 --> 01:19:42
			Jude. Yeah. Sam, you wanna tell people about
		
01:19:42 --> 01:19:44
			the film since you've watched it? Yeah.
		
01:19:45 --> 01:19:46
			So it won
		
01:20:01 --> 01:20:02
			don't wanna spoil too much, but it just
		
01:20:02 --> 01:20:04
			follows her around
		
01:20:04 --> 01:20:05
			as she talks about her,
		
01:20:06 --> 01:20:08
			experience for her. It's a very good movie.
		
01:20:08 --> 01:20:09
			I
		
01:20:12 --> 01:20:12
			She talks about her, experience for it. It's
		
01:20:12 --> 01:20:13
			a very good movie. I don't wanna say
		
01:20:13 --> 01:20:13
			too much for it, but it's, you guys
		
01:20:13 --> 01:20:14
			check it out. 7 PM, Sunday.
		
01:20:15 --> 01:20:17
			4:30, the doors will open,
		
01:20:18 --> 01:20:20
			and 5 o'clock, we'll start the film screening.
		
01:20:20 --> 01:20:21
			It'll be in the lecture hall of the
		
01:20:21 --> 01:20:23
			base the in the basement of this building.
		
01:20:24 --> 01:20:25
			So come and check it out.
		
01:20:26 --> 01:20:28
			And then there'll be a talk back with
		
01:20:28 --> 01:20:29
			the director, Jude,
		
01:20:31 --> 01:20:33
			who Sam was telling me earlier today he's
		
01:20:33 --> 01:20:35
			met and, like, is a really amazing person.
		
01:20:36 --> 01:20:38
			So you should come check that out. And
		
01:20:38 --> 01:20:39
			then we'll send out info about some of
		
01:20:39 --> 01:20:40
			these,
		
01:20:41 --> 01:20:43
			firsthand experiences on the ground in Gaza
		
01:20:44 --> 01:20:44
			for next
		
01:20:45 --> 01:20:48
			week, and keep people updated on that. And
		
01:20:48 --> 01:20:50
			then later tonight or tomorrow, I'm gonna send
		
01:20:50 --> 01:20:52
			an update on where we're at just in
		
01:20:52 --> 01:20:53
			our building space project.
		
01:20:54 --> 01:20:55
			We're doing pretty well.
		
01:20:56 --> 01:20:59
			We've raised about, I think, 4.5 or $4,600,000.
		
01:21:00 --> 01:21:02
			We're trying to get to 5,000,000,
		
01:21:02 --> 01:21:04
			in this first round of fundraising. So people
		
01:21:04 --> 01:21:07
			can just help to circulate some of that
		
01:21:07 --> 01:21:09
			as the email comes out. We'd appreciate it.
		
01:21:10 --> 01:21:12
			So we're gonna take a pause here. There'll
		
01:21:12 --> 01:21:14
			be Iftar after Maghrib, so please stick around
		
01:21:14 --> 01:21:16
			even if you weren't fasting.
		
01:21:16 --> 01:21:18
			Maybe we just move the chairs back to
		
01:21:18 --> 01:21:19
			the wall,
		
01:21:19 --> 01:21:20
			and then
		
01:21:20 --> 01:21:22
			can one of you guys call the athan?
		
01:21:22 --> 01:21:24
			Anybody feel like coming up?
		
01:21:44 --> 01:21:47
			Doctor Marquez will be till June 30th,
		
01:21:48 --> 01:21:50
			and I'll show her resume again in August.