Refined Manners

Kamal El-Mekki

Channel: Kamal El-Mekki

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In 100, Allah Nakamoto Anna Stein you know who won a stone

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when I met him and slowly unfortunately Missy at the Marina, Mayor de la who Fela Medina woman Yulin fella ha de Allah

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to Allah Allah illallah wa de hula Sheree Kala wash haddow Mohammed and Abdo rasuluh. All praises due to Allah, we praise Him and seek his assistance. We seek refuge with Allah from the evil within ourselves and from the evil of our deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide him. At home ever he allows to go astray none can guide him and I bear witness that there is no god worthy of worship except Allah alone. He has no partner and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and His Messenger yeah you hola Xena Armand otaku, la haka Ducati. He will automaton in LA on to Muslim moon or you who believe fear Allah as you should be feared and do not die except in the state of

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Islam. Yeah you Hallelujah Amen otaku la kulu Conan sadita useless local Amala como la casa Nova con, la hora, Sula, Osaka foes and Avi Ma. Are you who believes fear Allah and speak the truth, he will direct you to do righteous good deed and, and forgive your sins and whomsoever obeys Allah and His messenger. He has indeed achieved a great achievement. I'm about the inner circle haritha tabula rasa Alhaji Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Mashallah Moreno de Vaca llama desert in VEDA wakulla de tiempo la wakulla cynefin our brothers and sisters in Islam

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in the hopper before last meaning the Juma before last. It was about the importance of manners in Islam. And in this hope by inshallah, we're going to be talking about refined manners, high level of good manners, and no one had better manners than our Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, or organization bear, who is the son of the Companion of the legend as the bear or as a better vanilla one. Otherwise his son and he was not a companion. He never saw the Prophet sallallahu Sallam his older brother, Abdullah was a companion, but he was born after the death of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, so he never met a Navy SEAL alongside them. So he goes to his aunt, Ayesha

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robiola, Han. And he asked her how were the manners of the Prophet? sallallahu aurizon? Yeah, and I didn't see him described his manners to me. She said, do not read the Quran. He said, Yes. She said, can hold on. She said his mannerisms were the Quran. What does that mean? It means whatever good you find enjoyment in the Quran, you would find it in the Prophet sallallahu wasallam, whatever evil was prohibited, and whatever you were commanded to stay away from, you would find the prophets of Allah Selim in that way. So he was as if he was the embodiment of all the values in the Quran into one man salallahu alayhi wasallam.

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So we're talking about refined manners, meaning, these are violations that if you do them today, no one would say you have bad manners. But if you continue to do them, no one will also describe you of having very high level manners, meaning refined manners, an example would be interrupting, interrupting people is something that is so common now that it has become an art form. There are people who are experts in interrupting, they wait for you to finish the sentence. And as you take your breath to say the next one, they cut you off immediately, and they think they're talented in doing so. And because it's so common, if you interrupt people today, you may not necessarily be

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labeled as someone who has bad manners, but you'll never keep interrupting people and people will say you have very, very refined and very high quality manners. But one of the interesting things you will notice in this era of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam is that he never ever interrupted anyone, no matter what was being said to him, he never ever once interrupted anyone,

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even in extreme circumstances, in this incident incident, here are two Bognor robbia. He tells the Quraysh would you like for me to sit and negotiate with Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, so that he would stop preaching this message of his? So they said yes. So he goes in. He asked for a sitting with the Prophet sallallahu sallam. Look at his introduction. In his introduction, he says, You have come and you have separated the people and you have weakened our position, and you have insulted our gods, and you have insulted our ancestors perfectly and you've made them so far all of our ancestors. So listen to me. I'm going to present you with a couple of solutions. Perhaps you might accept one of

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them. The problem

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tells them Kalia abahlali usma say, or urban Waleed, because now he's referring to him with his cornea, which is a more respectful way of referring to someone, even though he's coming with these accusations he's coming and being in insulting. The President didn't defend didn't say I never said this. And I didn't do that. He tells him Coulibaly, say, and then he refers to him with the best way he can refer to him. And he says, I will listen.

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And then he gives him these four suggestions or propositions and listen to them, while thinking that he's speaking, remembering while he's speaking to the last prophet of Allah azza wa jal on Earth, how inappropriate is it to speak to the last prophet of Allah in this way? and think what if someone spoke to you in this way, tells you if you're practicing Islam, because you want girls, I will introduce you to girls, how will you feel? He tells him, if it's money you want Gemma and Elena will gather our wealth, until will make you the richest one amongst us. And if all of this claiming to meet jabril and Miss receiving messages from Allah, just because you want money will give you money,

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what an insult. He says, if it's a shutoff, you want position and recognition and that certain sense, so what NACA Elena will make you in charge of us, so that we will not make a single decision without consulting you. And if it's mulk, you want to be the king, if it's leadership, you want moluccana carlina we make you our king, we make you our leader. And if you're sick, if you're saying all these things, because you're sick in the head, there's something wrong with you, we will get you the best of the doctors and we will spend so much of our wealth until you're cured. Imagine someone speaking like this to the last messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the process never

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interrupted him. And me and you, we would have interrupted him from the first one. But the problem listened to all four of these insults and never interrupted him. And when he was done, the problem said occurred for you.

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Are you done? Yeah, I believe you will never ever find the Prophet sallallahu Sallam interrupting anyone. Anytime you look into Syria, you will never ever find this. This is from refined manners.

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So don't interrupt people. Because the other the other benefit when you don't interrupt someone is that when someone is speaking to you, their thought is still not complete. And they don't believe that you've heard them. So when you interrupt them, they're not listening to you. Now, they're either rewording what they want to say to you. Or they're frustrated. And that's why one of the techniques and communication they teach you. If you want someone to listen to you, it's very simple. If you want someone to listen to what you're saying, all you have to do is listen to what they're saying. When they recognize that you're listening to them, they will reciprocate, and they will

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listen to you in return. But when you cut someone off, they still didn't get the thought through. And now they're rewording it, rephrasing it, and they're not really listening to what you're saying. So you benefit very little from interrupting someone, because now they're just thinking of how to rephrase what they're saying. Another communication technique, they tell you, when someone keeps repeating an argument to you, what they're really telling you subconsciously is they're saying, I don't think you heard me, all you have to do is rephrase what they're saying back to them. And that will satisfy them knowing that now I know that you've heard me. So all these benefits you get just

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from not interrupting people, along with it being from very good, and high quality of good manners.

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There are so many other things that can follow from that, for example, not starting a sentence with no, because when you start a sentence with no, you are dismissing every thought, every argument, everything the other person just said, they just gave you their entire thought there, what they're thinking what their opinion was, and us began your sentence by just saying no, everything you just said was wrong. Or I don't accept anything you just said. And perhaps you accept some of the things but when you say no, that is what it conveys, or for the Arabs left, and this is a common thing. Start anything with luck. Even Are you okay, luck. Just so used to saying that in the beginning, no

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for everything. It is so dismissive. And it's not from good refinements. On top of that, also, when someone says I agree with everything you said, but

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they teach you also in communication, that when you say that, when you say I like what you said, but in their mind, it erases everything that you just said before it. So the minute you say but it introduces the introduction you gave, I agree with what you said. But that means you don't agree. Why are you saying but so they teach you to replace it with and I agree with everything you said and I think if we add this that and then you continue with what you're saying

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Because when you do that you erase in their mind every old introduction, which what they call the windup. And then the curve is coming after. But

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all these things were so used to in our day to day conversation, and they don't make us bad mannered, but they also don't take us to the next level of having the very best of manners. Now we move on to indirect insults. Because if we're talking about direct insults, then we're straight up talking about bad manners, but we're not talking about bad manners. We're talking about having better and refined manners. So indirect insults, and this is something that's very common, you insult someone indirectly, or you leave room for doubt, or you leave room for an insult towards them. So they asked you, do you believe someone's brother so and so stole from the masjid? How will

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you defend him? So I don't have evidence, but I also don't like him. So I'm going to defend him. But I'm going to leave the room open for a possibility. Do you think brother so and so stole from the machine, our light I've only known righteousness from him, and I don't think he would ever steal from the masjid. Even though three people saw him and so on. So swears by Allah that He did it, but I don't think he did it. He didn't close the door, you left the room, you left still a gap open, you left the possibility open. Look at how the righteous close the door completely. This is the incident of the if the accusation against Russia or the Allahu Allah. And the Prophet sallallahu wasallam

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went and asked Xena been to judge what she thought of the whole incident and her opinion on our issue. Susanna broke the law on her, she now has an opportunity to to get an edge over Asia. I showed her the law and I said Xena was the one that was my peer and in next in competition to me in beauty and in her love for the Prophet sallallahu wasallam she had a lot of motive here to just see something negative so she can be in the number one position. But what are the people of taqwa say? So Zainab rhodiola Anna, she said, Yasser Allah, me some sorry. She said, Oh prophet of Allah. I protect my hearing and my eyesight meaning from claiming that I have heard or seen anything that I

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haven't will law Hema to Illa Hara will love it. I know nothing except good about our issue. Did she leave the door open? Did she leave any possibility? Did she completely shut it down? She completely shut it down. She didn't leave room for insult room for an accusation. Because you can defend and still leave room for an accusation. Likewise, in the same incident, and Ibiza Lala Hall, he said,

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after a full month of, of stress in the city and anxiety and no revelation coming down, he finally comes to open up the subject without a shadow of a lohana. And you learn in fifth that the judge is supposed to be very explicit in such cases, because it's a matter of life and death. So you're supposed to use very explicit language, but what does the Prophet sallallahu wasallam say to a shadow Gohan so he sat down praised a lot. Then he said I'm about Dr. Aisha. In who Bella Bonnie unki Katha work Heather. He said to proceed or Ayesha, I have heard such and such about you. Such and such. He didn't use explicit language. He said I heard such and such about you. He wouldn't

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explicitly say the word Zina fornication, which would be such a hard word for her to hear from her beloved husband from Allah to send them. And so the scholars said from the manners of the prophet SAW Selim from his refined manners is that he never ever approached you with that which you hated to hear. And so many times people come pretending to be caring and consoling and they're throwing in an insult. And Allah subhanaw taala knows what is in the hearts like someone got fired if someone gets fired. The last word they want to hear from anyone in the community is the word fired. But someone will come with a fake concerned look on their face, pretending to console him and make him feel

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good. I'm so sorry. We heard you got fired and boom he throws in that word just to hurt them. Or a woman is divorced and other sisters come pretending to care. We heard you got divorced. Or we heard your husband took a second wife. Yeah, Nina.

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These things? Allah Subhana Allah knows. Allah subhanaw taala knows when you indirectly want to insult someone, or worse yet, when you can be an insult from someone else. A man came to the companion the sword of Allah hi to them the lead and he said in the Fulani shatta muck so and so insulted you. So how did you read towards him? Carla tilka to folium hobby Masha. He said that his book with the angels are writing in his book. That's his cipher. He can fill it with whatever he wants.

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You dictate the angels right? He wants to insert

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To me, the angels will write and that's what he will put in his book. But the idea is the person who's coming to convey to you that someone else that you didn't hear is insulting you. A man came to the scholar web domina Bay, and he said, so and so insulted you. So I'm gonna borrow him. Allah tells him emoji the shape or Sudan, Iraq, he said the shaytaan couldn't find the messenger besides you. Are you the only messenger the shaytaan found? Someone insulted me and the other part of town, you come in and convey it and bring it all the way to me? What kind of a job is that? A man said to another, so and so insulted you. He said, who are Rahmani? bissa? I mean, what am you Sydney?

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Sydney, he he shot an arrow at me, but he missed four. So why did you carry it and come all the way and put it into my heart?

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And that's why there's a saying that says the one who conveys the insult to you is the one who insulted you. So it's an indirect insult someone comes to you say I didn't say this. But someone said this about you. But someone so said it, and I was having a good day never reached me. And now you're bringing it to me. So then you're the one who's bringing it to me. You're the one who's really insulting me. Masha thomet 11 Bulava is the same. It's not 100. But it's the same amount of chef A man came to him. And he said fula and kuroko de su, a man came to him. I'm a chef here and he said so and so mentioned you negatively. So if I'm a chef, I told him either so Doc, for antenna

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mom, if you're speaking the truth, when you're a mum, someone who's an instigator who brings news from this person to the other to cause problems between people. If you're speaking the truth, then you're just an instigator. We're either corrupt fantastic. And if you're if you're lying, then you're just a dissolute someone who has no moral restraint.

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There is a hadith that's mentioned by

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by a number by Abu Dawood and intermediate model by Loki and others, and some scholars consider it a Hasson, Hadith and others more actually consider it a weak Hadith. We're only mentioning it because the meaning of it is correct. It's narrated by venomous wrote that the prophet SAW Selim said, Lou balloony, a human as hobby and a herding sheep. So do not let any of my companions convey any meaning anything bad or negative about anyone else, for in New Haven. Aleikum, WA Ana said Sally Masada because I love to come out to you with nothing in my heart, nothing in my heart against anyone. And I don't want to come out from my home and come out to meet people with some kind of

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anger against someone because of bad behavior because of something that shouldn't have been said. So don't convey this kind of bad news to me, don't convey to each other these kinds of bad news. So these are from the Refine manners, things are violations that are happening all the time, people will copy and paste an insult and send it to you. I was having a good day until you send it to me. So you're the one bringing it to me then. Don't do that. Don't indirectly insult someone. Don't pretend to console someone while you're actually there to put a knife in their back while they're unaware. Don't interrupt people all the time. Don't start with no don't argue all the time. One of

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the biggest problems we have now is everybody feels they know about everything because they watch the two minute video on the internet. So hello, is there an expert in the field of this kind of science? So everyone's an expert, and everyone's disagreeing and everyone argues no one wants to talk to the other. But in the end, there's no benefit in all of it. And it's not from good, excellent refined manners and definitely learn from the manners that were taught to us by the Prophet salallahu alaihe Salam akula kolyada was tougher La la la la la mean Jamia the new festival through Fairfield, Mr. Varian, ask Allah subhanaw taala for his forgiveness indeed those who ask for

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his forgiveness shall prosper.

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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala rasulillah. I mean, while he was here,

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about

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one of the reasons behind this hotbar is that last week, we had a guest, who flew all the way from Seattle, Washington to come and to address our community. And we've been planning for this for months, emails, going back and forth planning it so that he could come here and ask for funds to assist his community and he oversees hundreds, not 100 but hundreds of youth and he does programs for them and everything. And he knows well of our Masjid and of our community. So he flew all the way here to ask for donations to ask for help. And for those of you who don't don't know a lot of massages are very difficult when it comes to fundraising.

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their community. And they have stipulations. Some of them are impossible to meet. And these are true stories, some massages will say, you can fundraise, but give us 3000. And you can keep the rest. Sometimes all they fundraise is 2000. And they still want the rest

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is incredible. But we don't have that policy in this Masjid. And we have a generous community, may Allah reward all of you. So the man flies all the way over here. And then when he got up to speak, people in the back, the ones who were in a hurry to get out of the masjid,

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they started speaking, and he kept asking them, please, brothers, listen, and these two kept getting louder and louder. And we got up and asked everyone to be quiet. And it didn't work for except two seconds. And people kept going on and on and on. So this is problematic, because it's part of bad manners. That's the truth. Because someone might say, Well, I don't care about your announcement, Allah, Israel commanded Friday prayer, he didn't come and listening to all the news and announcements after the Salah played, or I don't live nearby, or only praying this message because it's close to where I work. So I have another message that's more important to me. And I attend

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their events and I care about their announcements.

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Or I'm not coming to this event, I'm not gonna be in town, so I don't need to hear the announcement, or I just don't care.

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But

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it's common courtesy. It's common courtesy. Yeah. And if someone is watching a movie, you don't interrupt him like that. If someone's on the phone, even if he's backbiting on the phone, you don't cut them off. But when it comes to the announcements in the house of Allah law, who cares? And I want to greet this guy, because I'll die if I don't greet him right now. And I can't wait two minutes until just the announcements are done. What about just listening to the announcement, just even if you're not gonna attend to any of them just to know what's happening? Just to know that there's a care dinner and one day you might need care? Or just to know that there is this count

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session happening or this count conference happening? What about what if I truly don't care, but just out of courtesy, for those who do care, I'll stay quiet for a minute. Or I won't greet people verbally out loud, just with a wave or something just so people can listen.

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We want high level of good Brotherhood in our community. And I'll give you an example of an incredible level of brotherhood. This is narrated and mentioned by Mohammed the hubby in his famous books, theater allama novella. And it's referring to the great companion of the legend above or below on Homer. He said about the Himalaya walk there are four types of people we have a right upon me and a fever upon me a favor and a right upon me. four types of people I consider they have a huge favor upon me and they have a right upon me, number one. Number two, I need to setup whoever begins me with Salah. He has a right and a favor upon me. The one who starts with and says salaam aleikum.

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First number two man was Salif imageless. Whoever made some room for me made space for me in a gathering, and it was always gatherings for them. So this was important, someone who will make room for me just so I can sit in a good position in a gathering. Number three

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Manasa Baraka dama, who decoda Hagerty, whoever dust his shoes on the edge, and he is walking to do something for my sake. So dust comes on his shoes because he's trying to run an errand or do something for my sake. And then number four, you would think number three should be the top of the list. But then number number four, he says.

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He says, As for number four, no one can reward him for me except me. Number four has such a favor upon me. I have no way of thanking Him, and no one can thank him for me and reward him except Allah subhanaw taala problem in the rubble about the Lord of all servants.

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He said Rajan Nasrallah to be he has someone who some calamity some kind of trial, some kind of difficulty touch them for the caliber laid with Hiroshi. So he's turning all night in his bed is unable to sleep for jedynie alone lacava Hagerty, so he thought at night, who can help me with this problem, and he found me to be the right person to help him with this problem for Johnny Yo, Bobby. So he comes to me in the morning, knocking my door, Yoruba, and he asked for it to be fixed, or his help with this problem for help with this problem. He says, No one has more of a fever and a right upon me than this person. And I'm unable to thank him. Only Allah subhanaw taala can reward him well

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enough. Look at this level of brotherhood. He's saying the person who thinks of me at time of calamity, why? Because that means that person thought so well of me. He thought of all of our loves creation, and then he thought that you will be the

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One to help him with that problem. What does that mean? That means he probably thinks you are more righteous than anyone else, he probably thinks that you are more generous than anyone else. And he has given you an opportunity for reward. This is the level we're talking about. So, in light of something like this, how hard is it to just listen to an announcement? How hard is it even other things? And one of the wise men taught me this. When you need to write the phone number in the message, what do you do you immediately just find the flyer from the flyers in the middle, but someone spent money on that flyer, someone put so much effort and so much hope that someone will

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take this flyer and come to the event and make it successful, but to is just a temporary napkin, to put a phone number on. These are the kinds of things that we would love to see improve in all Muslim communities across the United States. And we know that there is much good in our audience in our communities, without worse, colossal khattala to make use of those who recognize the truth as clear truth and follow the best of it. And to make use of those who recognize falsehood as clear false within abstain from it for lahoma and will have to have

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water in a bottle a bottle and worship machine Abba for lahoma Jalla dunya Amina Well, I'm a blogger, Elmina what I don't know Rhema sirona. We ask Allah subhanaw taala to grant victory to Islam and to the Muslims. We ask Allah to grant victory and ease and freedom to all the Muslims who are being held and dealt with unjustly around the world. And we ask Allah azza wa jal to bring ease and victory to the Muslims of Philistine and to the Muslims in Afghanistan, and to the Muslims in Iraq, and in Kashmir, and in Yemen. And in Burma, and in Bangladesh and in all parts of the world the honorable al amin for lahoma Abdullah Hello Madame Rushden Yasuhiro Kartik Alma sciatic Murphy

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hibben maroof were you unhappy? Yes, me ah lahoma barik ala alameen wa. Jemaine homosassa Mohan kumala