Ismail Kamdar – The Case for the Stay-At-Home Mum

AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the negative impact of staying at home during the pandemic and the importance of the traditional family structure in shaping society. They argue that the "slaveristically system" is causing women to become less happy and may lead to divorce. The speaker suggests homeschooling and finding creative solutions to make up for lost time and avoid poverty or debt. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of spending time with children and finding one that brings value to society.
AI: Summary ©
As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
Alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen wassalatu wassalamu ala nabiyyil kareem
wa ala alihi wa ashabihi ajma'een.
Welcome back.
And in this module, we are going to
cover what I think is probably the most
controversial lecture in this entire series, right?
The case for the stay-at-home mom.
This video is based on advice that I
have given many mothers over the years.
And I found that in general, when I
give this advice to mothers, initially, they react
with anger or outrage and they feel offended.
It's not what they wanted to hear.
But what I found is that those who
tried it out, who took my advice to
heart and gave it a try, they had
no regrets about doing so.
So, if you are someone who looks at
this term stay-at-home mom and you
think it's a bad word, you think it's
oppression, you think it's something negative, all I'm
saying is, hear me out.
I just hear what I have to say
in this video and then make your own
choice.
All I'm doing is presenting what I believe,
based on my understanding of the Quran and
the Sunnah and the classical works of fiqh
and the lives of the Sahaba and the
early Muslims, what I believe to be the
Sunnah, the natural and the best way to
raise children.
I'm not saying everybody has to do it,
I'm not saying everybody can do it, I'm
simply saying this is the best way.
So, just hear me out.
I know this topic is controversial, I know
some people don't like to hear it, some
people don't even like that word.
I know that a lot of people tackle
this topic in a very blunt and uncaring
manner, don't worry, it's going to be tackled
with compassion and understanding and looking at the
different situations that people have and how different
people will have different options available to them.
But I hope you give this a hearing
and think about it because I really believe
that this is the best model of parenting
and Allah knows best.
So to begin, this is continuing on our
previous topic that we covered in the previous
two videos, which is that Islam has gender
roles and it encourages a traditional family structure.
This traditional family structure is in danger of
being lost in the modern world, a world
that encourages individualism, the focus on me, myself
and I, that discourages sacrifice for the sake
of the family, a modern world that's all
about making money and getting famous and getting
what you want out of this world.
This world is one where the very idea,
I've noticed in some countries, the very idea
of a woman staying home and focusing on
raising her children is frowned upon.
Understand that Islam encourages us to the best
of our ability, as much as possible, to
have a traditional family structure.
It won't be possible for everybody, especially if
you are living in a modern world, especially
if you are living in a modern culture,
especially if you are living in an economy
where mom and dad have to work.
It's not going to be possible for everyone,
but as many people as possible should try
to aim for it and each of us
should try to get as close to the
model as possible.
The family of Rasulullah ﷺ, that is the
model family.
The closer you get to that, the more
barakah there'll be in your life.
None of us are going to reach perfection
and get exactly the kind of marriage that
the Prophet ﷺ had with any of his
wives, because of course they were on a
higher level than us, but we aim to
be as close as possible.
So when we talk about the traditional structure
that Islam encourages and that has been the
norm throughout Muslim history and is still the
norm in most Muslim countries today, this structure
includes dad works, he provides, protects and leads,
mom stays home, she takes care of the
home, she makes it a beautiful environment, she
cooks home-cooked meal and she raises her
children.
Dad's primary focus, working.
Mom's primary focus, raising the children.
This is the traditional structure.
This is something that is clearly seen in
the Qur'an, in the Sunnah, in the
lives of the Sahaba, in the lives of
the Prophets, in the lives of the Awliya,
of the great scholars throughout history, in the
way the Muslim civilization was structured as well.
If you look at the Abbasid Empire, the
Ottoman Empire, the Umayyad Empire, they all were
structured in a way where a man would
work and his wife would stay home and
raise the children.
This is the ideal that every Muslim should
strive for.
Now not everyone is going to hit the
ideal because we live in difficult times and
many of us live in difficult situations.
Modern society encourages men and women to work
and they tell you to leave the raising
of your children to others.
The nanny, the schools, the television and media,
let others raise the children, you need to
make that money.
And there's two levels to this.
One is they designed the economy such that
you cannot support a family on a single
salary, forcing both the men and women into
the marketplace.
And this of course means that they get
to make more money, they get to hire
people at lower salaries, they get to charge
more taxes, there's a lot of benefits in
this for the governments.
So it's forced upon people in some situations.
In other situations it's encouraged.
It's encouraged in many ways.
For example, many of the feminist movements portray
being a stay-at-home mom as a
type of slavery.
I've literally heard them use the word you
are a slave to your children or you
are a slave to your husband.
So they demonize it and they make it
sound like something really evil.
But working is liberation.
Working is freedom.
So hold on, you've got a righteous husband
who provides for you everything you need, you
don't have to worry about money, you don't
have to worry about safety, you can focus
on raising your children, being in this natural,
loving, beautiful environment raising your children and you're
saying that's slavery.
But being forced to work for minimum wage
as a cashier at McDonald's, that's freedom?
Something's not working out here, something's not right
here.
There's a clear gap in logic here.
And what this really is, this is a
propaganda to break the families.
If you want to destroy society, you begin
by destroying the family.
And they are working hard to destroy the
family on many different levels.
Getting rid of marriage and replacing it with
Zina.
Getting rid of heterosexual relationships and replacing it
with homosexual relationships.
Encouraging people not to have children or to
have as little children as possible.
Forcing mom and dad both to work so
nobody's at home to raise the children.
All of this is part of an agenda
to destroy the very roots of family.
And what we are seeing in the modern
world today is that the family system is
in danger of completely falling apart.
We have more single unmarried people today who
will never get married than any other point
in history.
We have more divorces today than any other
point in history.
We have less children today than any other
point in history.
We have less happy marriages in the West
than any other point in history.
A lot of these statistics that I'm giving
you are specifically for Western countries like Europe
and USA.
They may not apply to Muslim countries or
Eastern countries because to some extent many of
them are safe from this fitna, but some
of them are not.
But aspects of this reach everybody.
Aspects of this reach every culture and every
community.
So here we have a clear clash between
what Islam teaches and what modernity teaches.
Islam teaches that the best, the ideal situation
is dad works, mom raises the kids.
And the West teaches that this is enslaving
the woman to her husband and liberation and
freedom lies in working.
Now to add to this, there has been
in some cultures men who have abused their
power.
And because of their abuse of their power,
this put an entire generation of women off
marriage and made them think that they need
to work and they need to be their
own boss.
So those men are to blame as well
for the way they treated their wives.
They would be held accountable on the day
of judgment and they also caused an entire
generation of women to lose interest in marriage.
But understand what I'm talking about here and
hopefully this isn't your case.
Hopefully this isn't your case.
Hopefully, I'm assuming you signed up for a
parenting course, so I'm assuming that you are
in a happy functional marriage and you have
children.
So in this situation where you have a
good husband who you rely on and who
you trust, then wouldn't it be more liberating
if you didn't have to worry about the
finances?
If you could just focus on raising the
children while he takes care of the finances?
Because really this new system is not working.
It is not working.
Society is suffering.
It's falling apart.
Families are falling apart under this new system.
Children are neglected.
Children are undernourished.
They are undereducated.
There are all kinds of psychological problems.
Marriages are breaking.
Zina is normalized.
Addictions are normalized.
This system is not working.
But what you will find is the more
you visit communities and cultures where the traditional
structure is still the norm, you will find
happier marriages, happier homes, happier children.
Because children who have a full-time stay
-at-home mom generally grow happier because they
are getting the love and attention that they
need.
While children whose moms are out in the
workplace, coming home tired and frustrated, they are
not getting that love and attention that they
need.
Allah created men and women to play different
roles.
Before we move on, I just want to
make something very clear.
Whenever I talk about this, a lot of
people misunderstand.
Just to make this point clear, I am
not saying that it is haram for women
to work.
I am not saying that a woman can
never work or never have her own source
of income.
I am not saying that.
I am simply saying, if you have children
who are young, the best thing you can
do for them is to focus on them.
That is more important than having a career.
That's all I am saying.
So let's look at the harms of not
being a stay-at-home mom.
If you had the choice, if you had
the luxury, if you had the option to
be a stay-at-home mom, but for
whatever reason you believe that freedom and liberation
lies in working, you are unknowingly causing the
following harms to your children.
Number one, you will not be able to
have the same strong loving bond with your
children as someone who is there full-time.
Unless you are working from home.
Unless you are working from home, you are
not going to have the same bond.
I have seen it.
In families where mom works full-time, there
is often a disconnect between mom and child.
But in families where mom is a full
-time stay-at-home mom, the kids love
her to bits.
I am not saying it is always the
case, there are exceptions, but this is the
norm.
The norm is when you are a full
-time stay-at-home mom, you have more
time to play with the kids, to raise
them, to cook for them, to listen to
them, to talk to them, you have more
time to bond with them.
But if you are working, it doesn't only
affect you during work hours, but even when
you are at home, you have to think
about work.
You are coming home with work stress, with
work tiredness, and that affects whatever time you
actually have for the children.
So the first problem with being a working
mom is that you are not going to
be able to connect with your child as
much as you want to.
You always feel that you could be doing
more for your child, you could be spending
more time with your child, and you are
right, you could be.
Number two, when you are at work, you
are allowing others to shape your child's personality
and ideas.
And this is especially true for those ladies
who, even from the time the child is
a baby, they leave them with a nanny
or with a daycare center and they go
to work.
Understand that that child is not growing up
with your ideas, with your beliefs, with your
vision, they are growing up based on what
those people are teaching them.
And so the modern world is designed such
that parents don't have much say in what
their children learn and what ideas they absorb.
And one of the things they do to
ensure this happens is to make sure that
both parents are so busy working and just
making ends meet that they don't have time
for their children.
And this is why I don't just encourage
being a stay-at-home mom, but I
also encourage homeschooling, we'll cover that in the
next video.
But think about it this way, if mom's
at work and dad's at work and they
both are coming home exhausted and they are
both not able to give their children time
and attention, who is the child spending most
of their time with?
Netflix, YouTube, video games, school teachers, maybe non
-Muslim friends, celebrity news sites, what impact is
all of this having on your child?
Now I'm not saying they won't have any
interaction with these things if you are a
stay-at-home mom, no they'll still probably
interact with all of this, but the difference
is if you are a stay-at-home
mom you have more time for your kids,
you have a closer relationship with your kids,
you have more conversations with your kids.
So what happens sometimes if both mom and
dad are working and they're both having a
very busy week at work, no one talks
to their kids all week long.
During that week your kid could have consumed
all kinds of things online and you never
had one conversation with them and all of
that is absorbed into their minds.
But if you make your primary role staying
home and taking care of your kids and
they see something strange on YouTube or one
of their school teachers or school friends says
something that contradicts what you taught them, they'll
bring it up during dinner, during family conversations,
they'll bring it up and they'll ask you,
you know this is what my friend said,
this is what the person on YouTube said
and then you can correct it, you can
explain your side, you can guide them.
You can guide them back to the correct
understanding.
It's important to have these conversations, but to
have these conversations one parent needs to be
full-time at home or at least most
of the time at home.
If both parents are working 10 hours a
day and coming home exhausted, then the kids
are not being raised by the parents and
their kids are being raised by outside influences
and they'll grow up influenced by these which
often leads to them going astray and deviating.
So you'll find very often that sometimes parents
will come to you all shocked that their
son has become an atheist or their daughter
has become a feminist or their son is
gay or their daughter is a lesbian and
this is more likely to happen in a
home where there's no full-time parenting taking
place.
It's more likely to happen in a home
where there's no full-time parenting taking place.
So you have to be very careful.
This is the fitna of our times.
Really we are living in a time where
this has become the norm and with this
course and with these classes and with these
teachings and we are trying to fight back
against the norm and re-establish the natural
Islamic way.
Simply put in the long run, if you
are not there for your children during their
formative years, you will regret this for the
rest of your life because not spending enough
time with your children has a negative impact
on everyone in the family over the long
term.
It has a negative impact on their relationship
with mom, their relationship with dad, their relationship
with each other and their relationship with Allah.
Do we really want to risk this?
This is why I say that I know
this is a topic that people don't like
to hear.
I know it's not the norm today.
I know some people don't have an option.
Some people don't have an option.
I'll discuss that in the next slide.
All I'm saying is if you have the
option, if you have the luxury, if your
husband is earning well enough, then what's more
important?
Spending your child's early years giving him your
full-time attention or making a little bit
of extra cash?
Think what should be the priority for a
Muslim mother?
And I firmly believe spending time with your
children is far more important even if it
means you live a simpler life, even if
it means you don't have that little bit
of extra money every month.
Now, this is not for everyone.
I agree.
We live in a strange and difficult time.
The world is designed such that it's not
possible for everyone to do this.
I agree.
I understand.
I'm simply saying if you have the luxury,
consider it.
If you have the luxury to do so,
consider it.
And by that I mean if your husband
is earning well enough and if you quitting
your job is not going to put your
family into poverty or debt, then consider it.
You should strive to the best of your
ability.
Every mum should strive to the best of
her ability to be a stay-at-home
mum if possible.
Now we know modern society makes this impossible
for some mothers, so there are at least
three situations where it's not going to be
possible to be a stay-at-home mum
and I completely understand and I'll give some
tips for how to deal with those situations
instead.
So, situation number one, the most common norm
for Muslims in the West today is simply
the cost of living in the West is
so high that it's become impossible to survive
on a single income.
And many households today depend on both mum
and dad's income just to get through the
month.
In this case, I understand that mum and
dad both have to work, they don't have
a choice.
So, you have to find other ways to
make up for lost time with your children.
It's not going to be easy, it's not
going to be optimal, it's not going to
have the same results, but you do the
best you can with your situation.
Now, for dads, there is a solution to
this if you're willing to work hard, if
you're willing to be different, if you're willing
to step outside the box, there is a
solution.
And I know many dads who've done it,
I myself have done it, and that simply
means going above and beyond on your end
to earn money.
So, when I was in my twenties, just
to ensure that my wife could stay home
and raise our four children on her own,
full time, without having to worry about making
money, at one point in time, I was
working two jobs and running two businesses.
Working two jobs and running two businesses.
I would work 12 to 16 hours a
day if I needed to, just to ensure
that my wife could focus on raising the
children.
A lot of men don't want to do
that.
They want to work a simple 8 to
5, come home and watch TV, and they
don't want to put any more effort in
that, they'd rather have a working wife than
a mom.
I'm saying, if you want a wife who
is a full time stay at home mom,
and you're living in the West, you have
to work harder.
Have some kind of side hustle.
Maybe have an online business, or a second
job that you can work from home.
Have something that supplements your income, so that
slowly over time your wife doesn't need to
work anymore, that over time you'll be earning
enough.
This is what you can do as a
dad.
As a lady, there are ways around this
as well, and one way to deal with
this would be, for example, if you could
get a remote job.
If you could persuade your organization or company
to let you work from home, that would
allow you to be close to being a
stay at home mom.
Now it won't be the same, because often
you'll be distracted by your work, and you
won't be able to give your kids the
same level of attention, but it's still better
than not being there at all.
Or you could apply for a job that's
a part time job, or a half day
job, so at least you are at home
more than dad is, so you're at least
home long enough to spend quality time with
your children.
Well of course not everyone's going to be
able to do this, I understand.
There are some situations, or a lot of
situations, where unfortunately both mom and dad have
to work 8-10 hours a day, and
they have no way out because the cost
of living is so high and the salaries
are so low.
In that case, I simply say may Allah
help you, and give you a way out,
and open up the doors for you, but
don't give up.
Don't give up.
Think creatively.
There could be a solution.
Maybe you just need to switch to working
online, or start your own business from home,
or do something.
There could be a way out, and may
Allah help you find a way out.
The second situation where it will be impossible
to be a stay at home mom, is
if mom's job is crucial to society.
So in general, I do not encourage women
to work unless they are working in a
field where it's important.
So we need female doctors, we need female
nurses, we need female teachers, we need female
counsellors.
There are a lot of other areas as
well, but these are the four main ones.
These are necessary for society to function well.
So if mom is a doctor, there's no
way she's going to be a stay at
home mom.
But I know a doctor who works only
four hours a day.
Why?
Because her number one priority is raising her
children.
So she found a way around it.
She has her own private practice.
It's open from 9am to 1pm, and that's
it.
The rest of the day she's with her
children.
So I know a doctor who made this
work, who put staying home and raising her
children as her number one priority, while still
being available to the community as a doctor.
Likewise with teachers, teaching is a half day
job in many cases.
And you could take on a lighter teaching
schedule, or maybe an online teaching job.
There are many online schools and universities today
that allow you to work from home and
teach.
You could do that instead.
But at the end of the day, we
do need female teachers.
Especially for the lower grades, for smaller children,
women make better teachers than men for that
age group.
That's just a fact of life.
Same with counselling.
Women need female, righteous Muslim counsellors to go
to.
You don't want to send your wife to
a non-Muslim counsellor or a male counsellor.
Again, this is something you could arrange to
have an office at home, where you just
do counselling for 4 or 5 hours a
day, and the rest of the day you
focus on your kids.
So there are ways around it.
But the point is, I understand that these
jobs are important to society, they are necessary
to society.
So if you're working one of these jobs,
you're not going to give it up.
You're not going to not be a doctor
for 10 years.
That's just not the way it works.
But you could switch to working from home,
or working a lighter schedule, or working your
own hours, or working remotely.
You could do something like that.
Of course, you wouldn't be a full-time
stay-at-home mom, but you could get
as close to it as possible.
And the third case is obviously a single
mother who has no other means of provision.
Widows and divorced moms.
May Allah make things easy for you all,
and open up the doors of goodness for
you all, and open up the doors of
righteous income and protection for all of you.
It's a very difficult situation.
Many, many women are in it.
I know when my dad was murdered, my
mom was only 27 years old, with 4
kids.
She started an Islamic school, so she had
a source of income, so she could take
care of us.
She had to run her school while raising
4 children.
It wasn't easy.
It's not something I'd wish upon anyone.
But she tried her best, and Alhamdulillah, I
am who I am today thanks to her.
And to me that shows it is possible
to work and to still prioritize your children.
Right?
That it's not easy, but it's possible.
So if you are a single mom, and
you have no other source of income, you
have to work full-time.
That is your test.
Allah has put you in a different test
from other people.
And you need to do the best you
can.
Maybe Allah will open the door for you
to marry a righteous man who will take
care of you and your children, so you
can stay home.
That is possible.
If that's what you want to make du
'a for it.
Or maybe you may have to just find
a way to balance.
Find a way to work and to raise
your children at the same time.
There's no easy options for dealing with this.
Now, I must also mention here, that this
problem is a uniquely Western problem.
In a classical Sharia land, this problem should
not exist.
Why should this problem not exist in a
Muslim country?
Because Islam has a system to ensure that
every woman is taken care of financially, so
she doesn't need to work.
The wilayah or the guardian system of Islam
is designed to ensure that no woman has
to work.
That women are taken care of.
So Islamically, if a woman is divorced or
widowed, her dad or her son or her
brother needs to take care of her financially.
Unfortunately, there's no way to enforce this in
the West.
And many Western Muslim men don't care.
And they don't get involved in this.
And they leave these women on their own.
And they are forced to take care of
themselves.
But understand that this is not because of
Islam.
This is because of how the Western system
is structured.
The Western system is a very individualistic system.
Every person for themselves.
They don't have these systems of caring that
are found in the Sharia.
The Sharia is a system of caring.
Everyone's basic needs are taken care of.
And beyond that, you can do extra to
raise your status.
But Islam would not allow a woman to
be in this situation.
If Muslims were in power and they had
a proper Islamic leadership system, a woman would
not be in this situation where she has
to work to provide for her family.
Either her father or her brother or her
son or the state itself would take care
of her.
That's the last resort.
The state itself would have a wakaf that
takes care of single mums so they can
focus on raising their children.
So this is a uniquely Western problem.
It's the same with the issue of needing
two incomes.
Most Muslim countries, even today, have designed the
salary structure such that the man's salary is
enough so mum can stay home and raise
the children.
But the Western system is purposely designed to
force everyone to work.
In some countries it's so bad that mum
and dad both have to work two jobs
each just to get through the month.
So some solutions to this.
Number one, always try to get as close
as possible to the sunnah.
So if you can't be a full-time
stay-at-home mum, try to increase the
amount of hours you spend with your children
and decrease the amount of hours you spend
working.
You could choose to work remotely.
You could choose to work shorter hours to
work part-time.
You could choose to make up the time
you spend with your kids on the weekend.
Whatever the case may be, remember you cannot
neglect your children.
Neglecting your children's upbringing will have long-lasting
negative repercussions in your life.
You need to make that your number one
priority.
And another solution I would propose is to
consider hijra.
If living in a certain country has made
it very difficult to practice Islam and do
things Islamically, and you have the option to
move to a Muslim country or a country
with a cheaper cost of living or a
more traditional lifestyle, take it.
Take it because that will open the doors
for you to be able to do a
much better job.
Don't force yourself to live in a country
where the system is designed against you.
So consider making hijra if that door is
open.
So again, a reminder that in Islam, the
ideal is that mom stays home and raises
the kids and dad works and provides for
the family.
But we said an ideal is not always
possible to achieve, especially in the modern world.
Some economies are designed such that both have
to work.
Some jobs are important for women to do,
like our doctors and our teachers and our
counselors.
And some women are single moms, they have
no choice.
They need to work because the state or
their family does not take care of them,
even though Islamically they should.
So in all of these situations, you do
the best you can and may Allah help
you and open the doors for you to
achieve your goals.
But understand that you are losing out on
precious time with your children when you are
forced to work.
Life is give and take.
If you are at work, you are not
with your children.
If you are with your children, you are
not at work.
You are losing out either way.
You are losing out on money or you
are losing out on time with your children.
That's how this world is.
Everything we do is a trade.
Everything we do, we are giving up something
for something else.
So it really boils down to what is
most important and it boils down to being
creative and finding creative solutions.
I know of some women, their creative solution
was working remotely.
For others, it was starting a business from
home.
For others, the man took over.
He said, you stay home and raise the
kids.
I'll do whatever it takes to provide for
the family.
And he started running multiple businesses or working
multiple jobs or doing both.
Again, every family is different.
But be creative.
Don't feel like because the western system is
designed in a certain way, I have to
live like them.
Don't do that.
Try and figure out a way to do
what is best for your children.
So, does this mean women shouldn't work?
No, it doesn't mean women shouldn't work.
But what I would say is that women
don't need to work.
And work is overrated.
Work is overrated.
Us men, we are all trying to retire
early.
We are all trying to make some money
so we can retire early and just focus
on family and dawah and serving the deen.
Nobody likes to work.
That's a false dream you've been fed by
the west.
That work is liberation and work is freedom.
No, it's not.
Work is slavery.
Work is boring.
Work is time consuming.
It's exhausting.
It's stressful.
It's not freedom.
Even men don't want to work.
But it is our duty as the providers
to the family that we have no choice.
We have to work.
But the average man you speak to, his
goal is I'm earning and working towards a
certain amount of money.
And once I have that money, I'll be
financially free and then I don't need to
work for anyone else ever again.
Men want financial freedom so they can provide
for their families without having to be enslaved
to somebody else.
So, don't think that working is freedom.
Now, I know some people get joy from
working.
That's not the average job.
But that's like if your work is something
that brings value to society.
They understand.
You get joy from that.
Teaching, writing books, being involved in charity organizations.
This kind of work actually brings joy to
the soul because it brings value to society.
So, I understand wanting to do that kind
of work with your life.
So, this is the advice that I would
give moms who want to work but also
want to be stay-at-home moms.
This is my advice.
My advice is get married young, have your
children young.
Once you have your children, tell yourself the
next 10 to 15 years, I'm focusing on
my children.
Once my children are grown up, I'll go
back to work.
Once my children are grown up, then I'll
go back to work.
I believe this is the best way to
find some balance.
If you really want to work and you
really want to be a stay-at-home
mom, then take a 10 to 15 year
break in which you focus on raising your
child and then you go back to work
for the rest of your life because your
kids are grown up.
They don't need you anymore and you can
now focus on what you want to do
with your life.
However, I have a hunch that if you
do this, somewhere down the line you'll realize
that you don't need to work, you don't
want to work and you're actually enjoying being
a stay-at-home mom.
In the meanwhile, your husband will be raising
up in the ranks to such a level
where you won't need to work anymore.
Because he will, inshallah, be increasing with his
salary with each passing year.
Inshallah, he'll be working his way up because
he wants to provide a better life for
you and the kids and you reach a
point where you realize, I don't need to
do this and I enjoy being at home.
But at least for the first 10 years
of your child's life, if you can, stay
home and focus on raising them.
That time goes by so fast and you
miss out on so much if you are
focused on a career instead.
So what are the benefits of being a
stay-at-home mother?
Number one, it is natural.
It is the fitrah.
It is the way Allah created you.
Allah knows what is best for us.
And whatever Allah has prescribed for us is
what is best for us.
So Allah has prescribed for us that men
work and women raise the children.
This is best for everybody.
For mom and child and for the husband.
When you stay home, you will find that
you will live a more natural lifestyle.
You will become more feminine.
You will become more happy, more loving.
You will have more love to give because
you're not stressed out about work and money
and your boss and your deadlines.
No, your focus is you and the kids.
A far more happier thing to focus on.
And this is better for your mental health.
Number two, it will free up time to
focus on your children.
So you can give the best of yourself
to your child.
Now if you are working and raising your
children, you often don't have the best of
yourself to give to your child.
You come home tired.
You come home frustrated.
You come home with work baggage and with
work stress.
Your boss might be messaging you at home
and telling you to meet your deadlines for
tomorrow.
What's left to give to the child?
What's left to give to the child?
This is why dads already are spending less
time with their children.
Do we really want both parents to be
spending less time with their children?
No.
If you are a stay-at-home mom,
your number one priority is your children.
Beyond that, maybe cooking and taking care of
the house and making the house beautiful and
serving the community and hanging out with your
friends or whatever it is.
But number one is your kids.
You give them the best of yourself.
You give them your full attention.
You are not stressed out and distracted by
other things outside the home.
They are your number one priority.
They benefit from this.
You benefit from this.
Number three, it leads to stronger bonds that
last for a lifetime.
The bond between the mom who has sacrificed
so much for her children that she gave
up her career to stay home and raise
her children, that she spent 10 to 15
years, 20 years maybe, where her sole focus
was her children.
The bond between her and those children becomes
unbreakable.
And also the bond between her and her
husband, right?
Because he will appreciate it.
He will appreciate what she is doing for
the children.
And even between husband and wife, this leads
to a more loving relationship.
I have noticed that often when husband and
wife are both working, they don't really have
any clarity on who does what and who
is the leader of the household.
And they both are coming home with work
stress and they are both coming home exhausted
and neither of them have the best of
themselves to give to each other or the
children.
And this takes a toll on the marriage
and it takes a toll on the relationship
with the children.
But if mom is focused on raising the
children and dad is focused on work, it
also brings peace to the father's heart.
He knows mom is at home.
The kids are fine.
The kids are taken care of.
The kids are in good hands.
And this increases his love for his wife
and it increases his appreciation for her.
Especially in this day and age where many
women don't want to do this, men value
women like that even more.
If you are a full-time stay-at
-home mom, you have an eye on the
kids.
You know what they are watching.
You know what they are reading.
You know who they are interacting with, who
their friends are, what they heard at school.
And you are able to intervene.
You are able to offer advice.
You are able to give counterpoints.
You are able to stop things from going
too far.
But, you know, I've seen cases where because
mom and dad are so distracted and busy
with the work life, that they don't even
know that their kids are committing zina or
addicted to drugs or anything like this because
they have no interactions.
They have no time to interact with their
kids.
And as a result, by the time they
find out, it's too late.
By the time they find out, this has
been going on for a long time.
So, be very, very careful about that.
Really, one of the benefits your family will
get from you being a full-time stay
-at-home mom is that you will be
able to counter all of this.
And finally, the main benefit of being a
full-time stay-at-home mom is that
it provides the best scenario in which a
mother can fulfill her responsibilities and raise her
children optimally.
At the end of the day, mom has
a higher status than dad because she puts
more time into parenting.
If you are a full-time stay-at
-home mom, you now have the time and
the ability to do this to the best
you can.
And this allows you to give it your
absolute best shot at parenting.
That you have no distractions.
You have nothing in your life that's a
priority over your children.
This becomes your number one goal.
This becomes the most important thing in the
world to you.
Raising your children.
So, I hope this presentation at the very
least got you to think about it.
And hopefully it convinced you that this is
the best move.
Again, in this day and age, being a
stay-at-home mom is a luxury.
In the past, it was the norm.
But these days, a lot of women don't
have a choice.
They have to work.
May Allah make it easy for them.
These days, many men are lazy.
They don't want to fulfill the role of
qawam.
May Allah guide them and make them more
manly.
We live in a strange time.
And we live in a time where just
having the option to be a stay-at
-home mom is so rare.
It means having a good husband who provides
well and who you trust enough to handle
all the finances of the house so you
can focus on the children.
And that's a beautiful thing to have in
your life.
It means that your husband is earning well
enough that you don't need to earn anything.
And that was the norm for the bulk
of human history.
And it's still the norm in some countries.
But in other countries, it's a luxury.
It means having an option that other people
don't have access to.
Don't give in to this propaganda that stay
-at-home moms are useless or not beneficial
to society.
This is Western propaganda.
Raising children is the most important job.
And because we have a generation who were
brainwashed into thinking that it's not important, we
now have a generation of so-called adults
who are not equipped for the real world
because dad was absent and mom was working.
But if dad could go back to playing
his role in the children's life and if
mom could make raising them her number one
priority, we could go back to having a
civilization where children grow up happy, wholesome, healthy,
and performing at the optimal because they are
getting what they need from both mom and
dad.
So think about it.
Try your best.
If you have any questions, if you're stuck
in a unique situation that I didn't mention,
if you're looking for a way to do
this but you're not sure how to do
it and you need some advice, feel free
to reach out.
I hope you found this beneficial.
Take some time to think about this.
And in our next video, I'll give you
something else to think about, and that is
homeschooling.
So I'll see you then.
Jazakallah khair.
Wa akhirat dawana.
Alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen.