Ismail Kamdar – The Case for the Stay-At-Home Mum

Ismail Kamdar
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AI: Summary ©

The speaker discusses the negative impact of staying at home during the pandemic and the importance of the traditional family structure in shaping society. They argue that the "slaveristically system" is causing women to become less happy and may lead to divorce. The speaker suggests homeschooling and finding creative solutions to make up for lost time and avoid poverty or debt. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of spending time with children and finding one that brings value to society.

AI: Summary ©

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			As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
		
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			Alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen wassalatu wassalamu ala nabiyyil kareem
		
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			wa ala alihi wa ashabihi ajma'een.
		
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			Welcome back.
		
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			And in this module, we are going to
		
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			cover what I think is probably the most
		
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			controversial lecture in this entire series, right?
		
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			The case for the stay-at-home mom.
		
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			This video is based on advice that I
		
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			have given many mothers over the years.
		
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			And I found that in general, when I
		
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			give this advice to mothers, initially, they react
		
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			with anger or outrage and they feel offended.
		
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			It's not what they wanted to hear.
		
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			But what I found is that those who
		
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			tried it out, who took my advice to
		
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			heart and gave it a try, they had
		
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			no regrets about doing so.
		
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			So, if you are someone who looks at
		
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			this term stay-at-home mom and you
		
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			think it's a bad word, you think it's
		
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			oppression, you think it's something negative, all I'm
		
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			saying is, hear me out.
		
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			I just hear what I have to say
		
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			in this video and then make your own
		
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			choice.
		
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			All I'm doing is presenting what I believe,
		
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			based on my understanding of the Quran and
		
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			the Sunnah and the classical works of fiqh
		
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			and the lives of the Sahaba and the
		
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			early Muslims, what I believe to be the
		
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			Sunnah, the natural and the best way to
		
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			raise children.
		
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			I'm not saying everybody has to do it,
		
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			I'm not saying everybody can do it, I'm
		
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			simply saying this is the best way.
		
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			So, just hear me out.
		
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			I know this topic is controversial, I know
		
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			some people don't like to hear it, some
		
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			people don't even like that word.
		
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			I know that a lot of people tackle
		
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			this topic in a very blunt and uncaring
		
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			manner, don't worry, it's going to be tackled
		
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			with compassion and understanding and looking at the
		
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			different situations that people have and how different
		
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			people will have different options available to them.
		
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			But I hope you give this a hearing
		
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			and think about it because I really believe
		
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			that this is the best model of parenting
		
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			and Allah knows best.
		
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			So to begin, this is continuing on our
		
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			previous topic that we covered in the previous
		
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			two videos, which is that Islam has gender
		
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			roles and it encourages a traditional family structure.
		
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			This traditional family structure is in danger of
		
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			being lost in the modern world, a world
		
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			that encourages individualism, the focus on me, myself
		
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			and I, that discourages sacrifice for the sake
		
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			of the family, a modern world that's all
		
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			about making money and getting famous and getting
		
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			what you want out of this world.
		
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			This world is one where the very idea,
		
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			I've noticed in some countries, the very idea
		
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			of a woman staying home and focusing on
		
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			raising her children is frowned upon.
		
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			Understand that Islam encourages us to the best
		
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			of our ability, as much as possible, to
		
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			have a traditional family structure.
		
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			It won't be possible for everybody, especially if
		
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			you are living in a modern world, especially
		
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			if you are living in a modern culture,
		
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			especially if you are living in an economy
		
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			where mom and dad have to work.
		
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			It's not going to be possible for everyone,
		
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			but as many people as possible should try
		
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			to aim for it and each of us
		
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			should try to get as close to the
		
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			model as possible.
		
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			The family of Rasulullah ﷺ, that is the
		
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			model family.
		
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			The closer you get to that, the more
		
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			barakah there'll be in your life.
		
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			None of us are going to reach perfection
		
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			and get exactly the kind of marriage that
		
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			the Prophet ﷺ had with any of his
		
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			wives, because of course they were on a
		
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			higher level than us, but we aim to
		
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			be as close as possible.
		
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			So when we talk about the traditional structure
		
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			that Islam encourages and that has been the
		
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			norm throughout Muslim history and is still the
		
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			norm in most Muslim countries today, this structure
		
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			includes dad works, he provides, protects and leads,
		
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			mom stays home, she takes care of the
		
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			home, she makes it a beautiful environment, she
		
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			cooks home-cooked meal and she raises her
		
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			children.
		
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			Dad's primary focus, working.
		
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			Mom's primary focus, raising the children.
		
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			This is the traditional structure.
		
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			This is something that is clearly seen in
		
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			the Qur'an, in the Sunnah, in the
		
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			lives of the Sahaba, in the lives of
		
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			the Prophets, in the lives of the Awliya,
		
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			of the great scholars throughout history, in the
		
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			way the Muslim civilization was structured as well.
		
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			If you look at the Abbasid Empire, the
		
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			Ottoman Empire, the Umayyad Empire, they all were
		
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			structured in a way where a man would
		
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			work and his wife would stay home and
		
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			raise the children.
		
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			This is the ideal that every Muslim should
		
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			strive for.
		
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			Now not everyone is going to hit the
		
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			ideal because we live in difficult times and
		
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			many of us live in difficult situations.
		
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			Modern society encourages men and women to work
		
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			and they tell you to leave the raising
		
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			of your children to others.
		
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			The nanny, the schools, the television and media,
		
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			let others raise the children, you need to
		
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			make that money.
		
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			And there's two levels to this.
		
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			One is they designed the economy such that
		
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			you cannot support a family on a single
		
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			salary, forcing both the men and women into
		
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			the marketplace.
		
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			And this of course means that they get
		
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			to make more money, they get to hire
		
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			people at lower salaries, they get to charge
		
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			more taxes, there's a lot of benefits in
		
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			this for the governments.
		
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			So it's forced upon people in some situations.
		
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			In other situations it's encouraged.
		
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			It's encouraged in many ways.
		
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			For example, many of the feminist movements portray
		
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			being a stay-at-home mom as a
		
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			type of slavery.
		
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			I've literally heard them use the word you
		
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			are a slave to your children or you
		
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			are a slave to your husband.
		
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			So they demonize it and they make it
		
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			sound like something really evil.
		
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			But working is liberation.
		
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			Working is freedom.
		
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			So hold on, you've got a righteous husband
		
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			who provides for you everything you need, you
		
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			don't have to worry about money, you don't
		
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			have to worry about safety, you can focus
		
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			on raising your children, being in this natural,
		
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			loving, beautiful environment raising your children and you're
		
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			saying that's slavery.
		
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			But being forced to work for minimum wage
		
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			as a cashier at McDonald's, that's freedom?
		
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			Something's not working out here, something's not right
		
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			here.
		
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			There's a clear gap in logic here.
		
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			And what this really is, this is a
		
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			propaganda to break the families.
		
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			If you want to destroy society, you begin
		
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			by destroying the family.
		
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			And they are working hard to destroy the
		
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			family on many different levels.
		
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			Getting rid of marriage and replacing it with
		
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			Zina.
		
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			Getting rid of heterosexual relationships and replacing it
		
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			with homosexual relationships.
		
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			Encouraging people not to have children or to
		
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			have as little children as possible.
		
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			Forcing mom and dad both to work so
		
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			nobody's at home to raise the children.
		
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			All of this is part of an agenda
		
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			to destroy the very roots of family.
		
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			And what we are seeing in the modern
		
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			world today is that the family system is
		
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			in danger of completely falling apart.
		
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			We have more single unmarried people today who
		
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			will never get married than any other point
		
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			in history.
		
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			We have more divorces today than any other
		
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			point in history.
		
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			We have less children today than any other
		
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			point in history.
		
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			We have less happy marriages in the West
		
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			than any other point in history.
		
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			A lot of these statistics that I'm giving
		
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			you are specifically for Western countries like Europe
		
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			and USA.
		
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			They may not apply to Muslim countries or
		
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			Eastern countries because to some extent many of
		
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			them are safe from this fitna, but some
		
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			of them are not.
		
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			But aspects of this reach everybody.
		
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			Aspects of this reach every culture and every
		
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			community.
		
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			So here we have a clear clash between
		
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			what Islam teaches and what modernity teaches.
		
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			Islam teaches that the best, the ideal situation
		
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			is dad works, mom raises the kids.
		
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			And the West teaches that this is enslaving
		
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			the woman to her husband and liberation and
		
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			freedom lies in working.
		
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			Now to add to this, there has been
		
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			in some cultures men who have abused their
		
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			power.
		
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			And because of their abuse of their power,
		
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			this put an entire generation of women off
		
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			marriage and made them think that they need
		
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			to work and they need to be their
		
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			own boss.
		
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			So those men are to blame as well
		
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			for the way they treated their wives.
		
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			They would be held accountable on the day
		
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			of judgment and they also caused an entire
		
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			generation of women to lose interest in marriage.
		
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			But understand what I'm talking about here and
		
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			hopefully this isn't your case.
		
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			Hopefully this isn't your case.
		
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			Hopefully, I'm assuming you signed up for a
		
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			parenting course, so I'm assuming that you are
		
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			in a happy functional marriage and you have
		
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			children.
		
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			So in this situation where you have a
		
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			good husband who you rely on and who
		
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			you trust, then wouldn't it be more liberating
		
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			if you didn't have to worry about the
		
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			finances?
		
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			If you could just focus on raising the
		
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			children while he takes care of the finances?
		
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			Because really this new system is not working.
		
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			It is not working.
		
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			Society is suffering.
		
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			It's falling apart.
		
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			Families are falling apart under this new system.
		
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			Children are neglected.
		
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			Children are undernourished.
		
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			They are undereducated.
		
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			There are all kinds of psychological problems.
		
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			Marriages are breaking.
		
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			Zina is normalized.
		
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			Addictions are normalized.
		
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			This system is not working.
		
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			But what you will find is the more
		
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			you visit communities and cultures where the traditional
		
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			structure is still the norm, you will find
		
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			happier marriages, happier homes, happier children.
		
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			Because children who have a full-time stay
		
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			-at-home mom generally grow happier because they
		
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			are getting the love and attention that they
		
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			need.
		
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			While children whose moms are out in the
		
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			workplace, coming home tired and frustrated, they are
		
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			not getting that love and attention that they
		
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			need.
		
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			Allah created men and women to play different
		
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			roles.
		
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			Before we move on, I just want to
		
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			make something very clear.
		
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			Whenever I talk about this, a lot of
		
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			people misunderstand.
		
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			Just to make this point clear, I am
		
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			not saying that it is haram for women
		
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			to work.
		
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			I am not saying that a woman can
		
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			never work or never have her own source
		
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			of income.
		
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			I am not saying that.
		
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			I am simply saying, if you have children
		
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			who are young, the best thing you can
		
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			do for them is to focus on them.
		
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			That is more important than having a career.
		
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			That's all I am saying.
		
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			So let's look at the harms of not
		
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			being a stay-at-home mom.
		
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			If you had the choice, if you had
		
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			the luxury, if you had the option to
		
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			be a stay-at-home mom, but for
		
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			whatever reason you believe that freedom and liberation
		
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			lies in working, you are unknowingly causing the
		
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			following harms to your children.
		
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			Number one, you will not be able to
		
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			have the same strong loving bond with your
		
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			children as someone who is there full-time.
		
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			Unless you are working from home.
		
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			Unless you are working from home, you are
		
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			not going to have the same bond.
		
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			I have seen it.
		
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			In families where mom works full-time, there
		
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			is often a disconnect between mom and child.
		
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			But in families where mom is a full
		
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			-time stay-at-home mom, the kids love
		
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			her to bits.
		
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			I am not saying it is always the
		
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			case, there are exceptions, but this is the
		
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			norm.
		
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			The norm is when you are a full
		
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			-time stay-at-home mom, you have more
		
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			time to play with the kids, to raise
		
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			them, to cook for them, to listen to
		
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			them, to talk to them, you have more
		
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			time to bond with them.
		
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			But if you are working, it doesn't only
		
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			affect you during work hours, but even when
		
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			you are at home, you have to think
		
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			about work.
		
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			You are coming home with work stress, with
		
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			work tiredness, and that affects whatever time you
		
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			actually have for the children.
		
00:14:02 --> 00:14:05
			So the first problem with being a working
		
00:14:05 --> 00:14:07
			mom is that you are not going to
		
00:14:07 --> 00:14:09
			be able to connect with your child as
		
00:14:09 --> 00:14:10
			much as you want to.
		
00:14:10 --> 00:14:13
			You always feel that you could be doing
		
00:14:13 --> 00:14:14
			more for your child, you could be spending
		
00:14:14 --> 00:14:15
			more time with your child, and you are
		
00:14:15 --> 00:14:16
			right, you could be.
		
00:14:16 --> 00:14:21
			Number two, when you are at work, you
		
00:14:21 --> 00:14:24
			are allowing others to shape your child's personality
		
00:14:24 --> 00:14:25
			and ideas.
		
00:14:25 --> 00:14:29
			And this is especially true for those ladies
		
00:14:29 --> 00:14:31
			who, even from the time the child is
		
00:14:31 --> 00:14:35
			a baby, they leave them with a nanny
		
00:14:35 --> 00:14:36
			or with a daycare center and they go
		
00:14:36 --> 00:14:37
			to work.
		
00:14:40 --> 00:14:44
			Understand that that child is not growing up
		
00:14:44 --> 00:14:49
			with your ideas, with your beliefs, with your
		
00:14:49 --> 00:14:51
			vision, they are growing up based on what
		
00:14:51 --> 00:14:53
			those people are teaching them.
		
00:14:53 --> 00:14:58
			And so the modern world is designed such
		
00:14:58 --> 00:15:02
			that parents don't have much say in what
		
00:15:02 --> 00:15:05
			their children learn and what ideas they absorb.
		
00:15:06 --> 00:15:08
			And one of the things they do to
		
00:15:08 --> 00:15:10
			ensure this happens is to make sure that
		
00:15:10 --> 00:15:12
			both parents are so busy working and just
		
00:15:12 --> 00:15:15
			making ends meet that they don't have time
		
00:15:15 --> 00:15:15
			for their children.
		
00:15:16 --> 00:15:19
			And this is why I don't just encourage
		
00:15:19 --> 00:15:20
			being a stay-at-home mom, but I
		
00:15:20 --> 00:15:22
			also encourage homeschooling, we'll cover that in the
		
00:15:22 --> 00:15:22
			next video.
		
00:15:23 --> 00:15:25
			But think about it this way, if mom's
		
00:15:25 --> 00:15:28
			at work and dad's at work and they
		
00:15:28 --> 00:15:30
			both are coming home exhausted and they are
		
00:15:30 --> 00:15:36
			both not able to give their children time
		
00:15:36 --> 00:15:40
			and attention, who is the child spending most
		
00:15:40 --> 00:15:41
			of their time with?
		
00:15:42 --> 00:15:49
			Netflix, YouTube, video games, school teachers, maybe non
		
00:15:49 --> 00:15:55
			-Muslim friends, celebrity news sites, what impact is
		
00:15:55 --> 00:15:56
			all of this having on your child?
		
00:15:56 --> 00:15:58
			Now I'm not saying they won't have any
		
00:15:58 --> 00:16:00
			interaction with these things if you are a
		
00:16:00 --> 00:16:02
			stay-at-home mom, no they'll still probably
		
00:16:02 --> 00:16:04
			interact with all of this, but the difference
		
00:16:04 --> 00:16:06
			is if you are a stay-at-home
		
00:16:06 --> 00:16:08
			mom you have more time for your kids,
		
00:16:08 --> 00:16:09
			you have a closer relationship with your kids,
		
00:16:09 --> 00:16:12
			you have more conversations with your kids.
		
00:16:13 --> 00:16:15
			So what happens sometimes if both mom and
		
00:16:15 --> 00:16:17
			dad are working and they're both having a
		
00:16:17 --> 00:16:20
			very busy week at work, no one talks
		
00:16:20 --> 00:16:21
			to their kids all week long.
		
00:16:22 --> 00:16:24
			During that week your kid could have consumed
		
00:16:24 --> 00:16:27
			all kinds of things online and you never
		
00:16:27 --> 00:16:29
			had one conversation with them and all of
		
00:16:29 --> 00:16:30
			that is absorbed into their minds.
		
00:16:31 --> 00:16:34
			But if you make your primary role staying
		
00:16:34 --> 00:16:37
			home and taking care of your kids and
		
00:16:37 --> 00:16:42
			they see something strange on YouTube or one
		
00:16:42 --> 00:16:44
			of their school teachers or school friends says
		
00:16:44 --> 00:16:48
			something that contradicts what you taught them, they'll
		
00:16:48 --> 00:16:51
			bring it up during dinner, during family conversations,
		
00:16:51 --> 00:16:53
			they'll bring it up and they'll ask you,
		
00:16:54 --> 00:16:55
			you know this is what my friend said,
		
00:16:55 --> 00:16:56
			this is what the person on YouTube said
		
00:16:56 --> 00:16:58
			and then you can correct it, you can
		
00:16:58 --> 00:17:00
			explain your side, you can guide them.
		
00:17:00 --> 00:17:01
			You can guide them back to the correct
		
00:17:01 --> 00:17:02
			understanding.
		
00:17:03 --> 00:17:06
			It's important to have these conversations, but to
		
00:17:06 --> 00:17:09
			have these conversations one parent needs to be
		
00:17:09 --> 00:17:12
			full-time at home or at least most
		
00:17:12 --> 00:17:13
			of the time at home.
		
00:17:13 --> 00:17:16
			If both parents are working 10 hours a
		
00:17:16 --> 00:17:20
			day and coming home exhausted, then the kids
		
00:17:20 --> 00:17:23
			are not being raised by the parents and
		
00:17:23 --> 00:17:26
			their kids are being raised by outside influences
		
00:17:26 --> 00:17:29
			and they'll grow up influenced by these which
		
00:17:29 --> 00:17:32
			often leads to them going astray and deviating.
		
00:17:32 --> 00:17:36
			So you'll find very often that sometimes parents
		
00:17:36 --> 00:17:39
			will come to you all shocked that their
		
00:17:39 --> 00:17:41
			son has become an atheist or their daughter
		
00:17:41 --> 00:17:44
			has become a feminist or their son is
		
00:17:44 --> 00:17:46
			gay or their daughter is a lesbian and
		
00:17:46 --> 00:17:50
			this is more likely to happen in a
		
00:17:50 --> 00:17:53
			home where there's no full-time parenting taking
		
00:17:53 --> 00:17:54
			place.
		
00:17:55 --> 00:17:57
			It's more likely to happen in a home
		
00:17:57 --> 00:17:59
			where there's no full-time parenting taking place.
		
00:18:00 --> 00:18:01
			So you have to be very careful.
		
00:18:02 --> 00:18:03
			This is the fitna of our times.
		
00:18:03 --> 00:18:04
			Really we are living in a time where
		
00:18:04 --> 00:18:06
			this has become the norm and with this
		
00:18:06 --> 00:18:08
			course and with these classes and with these
		
00:18:08 --> 00:18:10
			teachings and we are trying to fight back
		
00:18:10 --> 00:18:13
			against the norm and re-establish the natural
		
00:18:13 --> 00:18:14
			Islamic way.
		
00:18:15 --> 00:18:18
			Simply put in the long run, if you
		
00:18:18 --> 00:18:21
			are not there for your children during their
		
00:18:21 --> 00:18:25
			formative years, you will regret this for the
		
00:18:25 --> 00:18:29
			rest of your life because not spending enough
		
00:18:29 --> 00:18:32
			time with your children has a negative impact
		
00:18:32 --> 00:18:34
			on everyone in the family over the long
		
00:18:34 --> 00:18:35
			term.
		
00:18:35 --> 00:18:38
			It has a negative impact on their relationship
		
00:18:38 --> 00:18:41
			with mom, their relationship with dad, their relationship
		
00:18:41 --> 00:18:43
			with each other and their relationship with Allah.
		
00:18:46 --> 00:18:47
			Do we really want to risk this?
		
00:18:49 --> 00:18:51
			This is why I say that I know
		
00:18:51 --> 00:18:52
			this is a topic that people don't like
		
00:18:52 --> 00:18:53
			to hear.
		
00:18:53 --> 00:18:55
			I know it's not the norm today.
		
00:18:56 --> 00:18:57
			I know some people don't have an option.
		
00:18:57 --> 00:18:59
			Some people don't have an option.
		
00:18:59 --> 00:19:00
			I'll discuss that in the next slide.
		
00:19:00 --> 00:19:03
			All I'm saying is if you have the
		
00:19:03 --> 00:19:06
			option, if you have the luxury, if your
		
00:19:06 --> 00:19:11
			husband is earning well enough, then what's more
		
00:19:11 --> 00:19:11
			important?
		
00:19:12 --> 00:19:16
			Spending your child's early years giving him your
		
00:19:16 --> 00:19:18
			full-time attention or making a little bit
		
00:19:18 --> 00:19:19
			of extra cash?
		
00:19:20 --> 00:19:23
			Think what should be the priority for a
		
00:19:23 --> 00:19:23
			Muslim mother?
		
00:19:24 --> 00:19:27
			And I firmly believe spending time with your
		
00:19:27 --> 00:19:30
			children is far more important even if it
		
00:19:30 --> 00:19:32
			means you live a simpler life, even if
		
00:19:32 --> 00:19:33
			it means you don't have that little bit
		
00:19:33 --> 00:19:34
			of extra money every month.
		
00:19:36 --> 00:19:38
			Now, this is not for everyone.
		
00:19:38 --> 00:19:39
			I agree.
		
00:19:39 --> 00:19:42
			We live in a strange and difficult time.
		
00:19:42 --> 00:19:45
			The world is designed such that it's not
		
00:19:45 --> 00:19:47
			possible for everyone to do this.
		
00:19:50 --> 00:19:51
			I agree.
		
00:19:51 --> 00:19:52
			I understand.
		
00:19:53 --> 00:19:55
			I'm simply saying if you have the luxury,
		
00:19:56 --> 00:19:56
			consider it.
		
00:19:58 --> 00:20:01
			If you have the luxury to do so,
		
00:20:01 --> 00:20:01
			consider it.
		
00:20:02 --> 00:20:03
			And by that I mean if your husband
		
00:20:03 --> 00:20:08
			is earning well enough and if you quitting
		
00:20:08 --> 00:20:10
			your job is not going to put your
		
00:20:10 --> 00:20:14
			family into poverty or debt, then consider it.
		
00:20:15 --> 00:20:17
			You should strive to the best of your
		
00:20:17 --> 00:20:17
			ability.
		
00:20:18 --> 00:20:20
			Every mum should strive to the best of
		
00:20:20 --> 00:20:22
			her ability to be a stay-at-home
		
00:20:22 --> 00:20:23
			mum if possible.
		
00:20:24 --> 00:20:26
			Now we know modern society makes this impossible
		
00:20:26 --> 00:20:28
			for some mothers, so there are at least
		
00:20:28 --> 00:20:30
			three situations where it's not going to be
		
00:20:30 --> 00:20:32
			possible to be a stay-at-home mum
		
00:20:32 --> 00:20:34
			and I completely understand and I'll give some
		
00:20:34 --> 00:20:37
			tips for how to deal with those situations
		
00:20:37 --> 00:20:37
			instead.
		
00:20:38 --> 00:20:42
			So, situation number one, the most common norm
		
00:20:42 --> 00:20:44
			for Muslims in the West today is simply
		
00:20:44 --> 00:20:47
			the cost of living in the West is
		
00:20:47 --> 00:20:51
			so high that it's become impossible to survive
		
00:20:51 --> 00:20:53
			on a single income.
		
00:20:55 --> 00:20:59
			And many households today depend on both mum
		
00:20:59 --> 00:21:02
			and dad's income just to get through the
		
00:21:02 --> 00:21:02
			month.
		
00:21:03 --> 00:21:07
			In this case, I understand that mum and
		
00:21:07 --> 00:21:08
			dad both have to work, they don't have
		
00:21:08 --> 00:21:08
			a choice.
		
00:21:11 --> 00:21:13
			So, you have to find other ways to
		
00:21:13 --> 00:21:15
			make up for lost time with your children.
		
00:21:16 --> 00:21:18
			It's not going to be easy, it's not
		
00:21:18 --> 00:21:19
			going to be optimal, it's not going to
		
00:21:19 --> 00:21:21
			have the same results, but you do the
		
00:21:21 --> 00:21:23
			best you can with your situation.
		
00:21:23 --> 00:21:26
			Now, for dads, there is a solution to
		
00:21:26 --> 00:21:27
			this if you're willing to work hard, if
		
00:21:27 --> 00:21:29
			you're willing to be different, if you're willing
		
00:21:29 --> 00:21:31
			to step outside the box, there is a
		
00:21:31 --> 00:21:31
			solution.
		
00:21:33 --> 00:21:34
			And I know many dads who've done it,
		
00:21:34 --> 00:21:37
			I myself have done it, and that simply
		
00:21:37 --> 00:21:39
			means going above and beyond on your end
		
00:21:39 --> 00:21:40
			to earn money.
		
00:21:41 --> 00:21:45
			So, when I was in my twenties, just
		
00:21:45 --> 00:21:47
			to ensure that my wife could stay home
		
00:21:47 --> 00:21:50
			and raise our four children on her own,
		
00:21:50 --> 00:21:55
			full time, without having to worry about making
		
00:21:55 --> 00:21:58
			money, at one point in time, I was
		
00:21:58 --> 00:22:00
			working two jobs and running two businesses.
		
00:22:01 --> 00:22:03
			Working two jobs and running two businesses.
		
00:22:03 --> 00:22:05
			I would work 12 to 16 hours a
		
00:22:05 --> 00:22:08
			day if I needed to, just to ensure
		
00:22:08 --> 00:22:10
			that my wife could focus on raising the
		
00:22:10 --> 00:22:10
			children.
		
00:22:11 --> 00:22:13
			A lot of men don't want to do
		
00:22:13 --> 00:22:13
			that.
		
00:22:13 --> 00:22:15
			They want to work a simple 8 to
		
00:22:15 --> 00:22:19
			5, come home and watch TV, and they
		
00:22:19 --> 00:22:20
			don't want to put any more effort in
		
00:22:20 --> 00:22:22
			that, they'd rather have a working wife than
		
00:22:22 --> 00:22:23
			a mom.
		
00:22:23 --> 00:22:27
			I'm saying, if you want a wife who
		
00:22:27 --> 00:22:28
			is a full time stay at home mom,
		
00:22:29 --> 00:22:31
			and you're living in the West, you have
		
00:22:31 --> 00:22:32
			to work harder.
		
00:22:33 --> 00:22:35
			Have some kind of side hustle.
		
00:22:36 --> 00:22:38
			Maybe have an online business, or a second
		
00:22:38 --> 00:22:40
			job that you can work from home.
		
00:22:41 --> 00:22:44
			Have something that supplements your income, so that
		
00:22:44 --> 00:22:46
			slowly over time your wife doesn't need to
		
00:22:46 --> 00:22:48
			work anymore, that over time you'll be earning
		
00:22:48 --> 00:22:48
			enough.
		
00:22:50 --> 00:22:51
			This is what you can do as a
		
00:22:51 --> 00:22:52
			dad.
		
00:22:52 --> 00:22:54
			As a lady, there are ways around this
		
00:22:54 --> 00:22:58
			as well, and one way to deal with
		
00:22:58 --> 00:23:00
			this would be, for example, if you could
		
00:23:00 --> 00:23:02
			get a remote job.
		
00:23:03 --> 00:23:08
			If you could persuade your organization or company
		
00:23:08 --> 00:23:12
			to let you work from home, that would
		
00:23:12 --> 00:23:14
			allow you to be close to being a
		
00:23:14 --> 00:23:15
			stay at home mom.
		
00:23:16 --> 00:23:17
			Now it won't be the same, because often
		
00:23:17 --> 00:23:20
			you'll be distracted by your work, and you
		
00:23:20 --> 00:23:21
			won't be able to give your kids the
		
00:23:21 --> 00:23:23
			same level of attention, but it's still better
		
00:23:23 --> 00:23:25
			than not being there at all.
		
00:23:26 --> 00:23:29
			Or you could apply for a job that's
		
00:23:29 --> 00:23:31
			a part time job, or a half day
		
00:23:31 --> 00:23:33
			job, so at least you are at home
		
00:23:33 --> 00:23:36
			more than dad is, so you're at least
		
00:23:36 --> 00:23:39
			home long enough to spend quality time with
		
00:23:39 --> 00:23:39
			your children.
		
00:23:40 --> 00:23:42
			Well of course not everyone's going to be
		
00:23:42 --> 00:23:44
			able to do this, I understand.
		
00:23:44 --> 00:23:46
			There are some situations, or a lot of
		
00:23:46 --> 00:23:50
			situations, where unfortunately both mom and dad have
		
00:23:50 --> 00:23:53
			to work 8-10 hours a day, and
		
00:23:53 --> 00:23:54
			they have no way out because the cost
		
00:23:54 --> 00:23:56
			of living is so high and the salaries
		
00:23:56 --> 00:23:56
			are so low.
		
00:23:56 --> 00:23:58
			In that case, I simply say may Allah
		
00:23:58 --> 00:24:00
			help you, and give you a way out,
		
00:24:00 --> 00:24:02
			and open up the doors for you, but
		
00:24:02 --> 00:24:03
			don't give up.
		
00:24:04 --> 00:24:05
			Don't give up.
		
00:24:05 --> 00:24:06
			Think creatively.
		
00:24:06 --> 00:24:07
			There could be a solution.
		
00:24:08 --> 00:24:10
			Maybe you just need to switch to working
		
00:24:10 --> 00:24:13
			online, or start your own business from home,
		
00:24:13 --> 00:24:15
			or do something.
		
00:24:15 --> 00:24:17
			There could be a way out, and may
		
00:24:17 --> 00:24:19
			Allah help you find a way out.
		
00:24:20 --> 00:24:24
			The second situation where it will be impossible
		
00:24:24 --> 00:24:29
			to be a stay at home mom, is
		
00:24:29 --> 00:24:33
			if mom's job is crucial to society.
		
00:24:35 --> 00:24:38
			So in general, I do not encourage women
		
00:24:38 --> 00:24:40
			to work unless they are working in a
		
00:24:40 --> 00:24:42
			field where it's important.
		
00:24:44 --> 00:24:46
			So we need female doctors, we need female
		
00:24:46 --> 00:24:48
			nurses, we need female teachers, we need female
		
00:24:48 --> 00:24:49
			counsellors.
		
00:24:51 --> 00:24:52
			There are a lot of other areas as
		
00:24:52 --> 00:24:54
			well, but these are the four main ones.
		
00:24:54 --> 00:24:57
			These are necessary for society to function well.
		
00:24:58 --> 00:25:01
			So if mom is a doctor, there's no
		
00:25:01 --> 00:25:02
			way she's going to be a stay at
		
00:25:02 --> 00:25:03
			home mom.
		
00:25:04 --> 00:25:09
			But I know a doctor who works only
		
00:25:09 --> 00:25:10
			four hours a day.
		
00:25:11 --> 00:25:12
			Why?
		
00:25:12 --> 00:25:15
			Because her number one priority is raising her
		
00:25:15 --> 00:25:15
			children.
		
00:25:16 --> 00:25:17
			So she found a way around it.
		
00:25:17 --> 00:25:19
			She has her own private practice.
		
00:25:19 --> 00:25:23
			It's open from 9am to 1pm, and that's
		
00:25:23 --> 00:25:23
			it.
		
00:25:23 --> 00:25:24
			The rest of the day she's with her
		
00:25:24 --> 00:25:24
			children.
		
00:25:25 --> 00:25:27
			So I know a doctor who made this
		
00:25:27 --> 00:25:29
			work, who put staying home and raising her
		
00:25:29 --> 00:25:32
			children as her number one priority, while still
		
00:25:32 --> 00:25:33
			being available to the community as a doctor.
		
00:25:35 --> 00:25:38
			Likewise with teachers, teaching is a half day
		
00:25:38 --> 00:25:39
			job in many cases.
		
00:25:40 --> 00:25:42
			And you could take on a lighter teaching
		
00:25:42 --> 00:25:44
			schedule, or maybe an online teaching job.
		
00:25:44 --> 00:25:47
			There are many online schools and universities today
		
00:25:47 --> 00:25:48
			that allow you to work from home and
		
00:25:48 --> 00:25:49
			teach.
		
00:25:49 --> 00:25:50
			You could do that instead.
		
00:25:50 --> 00:25:52
			But at the end of the day, we
		
00:25:52 --> 00:25:53
			do need female teachers.
		
00:25:54 --> 00:25:56
			Especially for the lower grades, for smaller children,
		
00:25:57 --> 00:25:59
			women make better teachers than men for that
		
00:25:59 --> 00:25:59
			age group.
		
00:26:00 --> 00:26:02
			That's just a fact of life.
		
00:26:02 --> 00:26:03
			Same with counselling.
		
00:26:05 --> 00:26:09
			Women need female, righteous Muslim counsellors to go
		
00:26:09 --> 00:26:09
			to.
		
00:26:10 --> 00:26:12
			You don't want to send your wife to
		
00:26:12 --> 00:26:14
			a non-Muslim counsellor or a male counsellor.
		
00:26:16 --> 00:26:19
			Again, this is something you could arrange to
		
00:26:19 --> 00:26:21
			have an office at home, where you just
		
00:26:21 --> 00:26:23
			do counselling for 4 or 5 hours a
		
00:26:23 --> 00:26:24
			day, and the rest of the day you
		
00:26:24 --> 00:26:24
			focus on your kids.
		
00:26:25 --> 00:26:26
			So there are ways around it.
		
00:26:26 --> 00:26:28
			But the point is, I understand that these
		
00:26:28 --> 00:26:30
			jobs are important to society, they are necessary
		
00:26:30 --> 00:26:31
			to society.
		
00:26:31 --> 00:26:33
			So if you're working one of these jobs,
		
00:26:34 --> 00:26:35
			you're not going to give it up.
		
00:26:35 --> 00:26:38
			You're not going to not be a doctor
		
00:26:38 --> 00:26:38
			for 10 years.
		
00:26:39 --> 00:26:40
			That's just not the way it works.
		
00:26:40 --> 00:26:43
			But you could switch to working from home,
		
00:26:43 --> 00:26:45
			or working a lighter schedule, or working your
		
00:26:45 --> 00:26:47
			own hours, or working remotely.
		
00:26:48 --> 00:26:49
			You could do something like that.
		
00:26:51 --> 00:26:53
			Of course, you wouldn't be a full-time
		
00:26:53 --> 00:26:55
			stay-at-home mom, but you could get
		
00:26:55 --> 00:26:57
			as close to it as possible.
		
00:26:57 --> 00:27:00
			And the third case is obviously a single
		
00:27:00 --> 00:27:02
			mother who has no other means of provision.
		
00:27:03 --> 00:27:04
			Widows and divorced moms.
		
00:27:05 --> 00:27:06
			May Allah make things easy for you all,
		
00:27:06 --> 00:27:07
			and open up the doors of goodness for
		
00:27:07 --> 00:27:09
			you all, and open up the doors of
		
00:27:09 --> 00:27:14
			righteous income and protection for all of you.
		
00:27:15 --> 00:27:16
			It's a very difficult situation.
		
00:27:16 --> 00:27:17
			Many, many women are in it.
		
00:27:18 --> 00:27:21
			I know when my dad was murdered, my
		
00:27:21 --> 00:27:23
			mom was only 27 years old, with 4
		
00:27:23 --> 00:27:24
			kids.
		
00:27:24 --> 00:27:26
			She started an Islamic school, so she had
		
00:27:26 --> 00:27:28
			a source of income, so she could take
		
00:27:28 --> 00:27:29
			care of us.
		
00:27:29 --> 00:27:30
			She had to run her school while raising
		
00:27:30 --> 00:27:31
			4 children.
		
00:27:31 --> 00:27:32
			It wasn't easy.
		
00:27:32 --> 00:27:34
			It's not something I'd wish upon anyone.
		
00:27:34 --> 00:27:36
			But she tried her best, and Alhamdulillah, I
		
00:27:36 --> 00:27:37
			am who I am today thanks to her.
		
00:27:37 --> 00:27:40
			And to me that shows it is possible
		
00:27:40 --> 00:27:43
			to work and to still prioritize your children.
		
00:27:45 --> 00:27:45
			Right?
		
00:27:46 --> 00:27:50
			That it's not easy, but it's possible.
		
00:27:50 --> 00:27:53
			So if you are a single mom, and
		
00:27:53 --> 00:27:56
			you have no other source of income, you
		
00:27:56 --> 00:27:57
			have to work full-time.
		
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59
			That is your test.
		
00:27:59 --> 00:28:00
			Allah has put you in a different test
		
00:28:00 --> 00:28:01
			from other people.
		
00:28:03 --> 00:28:05
			And you need to do the best you
		
00:28:05 --> 00:28:06
			can.
		
00:28:07 --> 00:28:08
			Maybe Allah will open the door for you
		
00:28:08 --> 00:28:11
			to marry a righteous man who will take
		
00:28:11 --> 00:28:12
			care of you and your children, so you
		
00:28:12 --> 00:28:13
			can stay home.
		
00:28:13 --> 00:28:14
			That is possible.
		
00:28:14 --> 00:28:16
			If that's what you want to make du
		
00:28:16 --> 00:28:16
			'a for it.
		
00:28:17 --> 00:28:19
			Or maybe you may have to just find
		
00:28:19 --> 00:28:20
			a way to balance.
		
00:28:20 --> 00:28:22
			Find a way to work and to raise
		
00:28:22 --> 00:28:23
			your children at the same time.
		
00:28:24 --> 00:28:26
			There's no easy options for dealing with this.
		
00:28:27 --> 00:28:31
			Now, I must also mention here, that this
		
00:28:31 --> 00:28:34
			problem is a uniquely Western problem.
		
00:28:35 --> 00:28:40
			In a classical Sharia land, this problem should
		
00:28:40 --> 00:28:41
			not exist.
		
00:28:42 --> 00:28:44
			Why should this problem not exist in a
		
00:28:44 --> 00:28:45
			Muslim country?
		
00:28:45 --> 00:28:50
			Because Islam has a system to ensure that
		
00:28:50 --> 00:28:53
			every woman is taken care of financially, so
		
00:28:53 --> 00:28:54
			she doesn't need to work.
		
00:28:55 --> 00:28:58
			The wilayah or the guardian system of Islam
		
00:28:58 --> 00:29:01
			is designed to ensure that no woman has
		
00:29:01 --> 00:29:02
			to work.
		
00:29:02 --> 00:29:04
			That women are taken care of.
		
00:29:04 --> 00:29:08
			So Islamically, if a woman is divorced or
		
00:29:08 --> 00:29:11
			widowed, her dad or her son or her
		
00:29:11 --> 00:29:14
			brother needs to take care of her financially.
		
00:29:15 --> 00:29:17
			Unfortunately, there's no way to enforce this in
		
00:29:17 --> 00:29:18
			the West.
		
00:29:18 --> 00:29:21
			And many Western Muslim men don't care.
		
00:29:21 --> 00:29:22
			And they don't get involved in this.
		
00:29:23 --> 00:29:25
			And they leave these women on their own.
		
00:29:25 --> 00:29:26
			And they are forced to take care of
		
00:29:26 --> 00:29:27
			themselves.
		
00:29:28 --> 00:29:31
			But understand that this is not because of
		
00:29:31 --> 00:29:31
			Islam.
		
00:29:32 --> 00:29:34
			This is because of how the Western system
		
00:29:34 --> 00:29:35
			is structured.
		
00:29:35 --> 00:29:40
			The Western system is a very individualistic system.
		
00:29:40 --> 00:29:41
			Every person for themselves.
		
00:29:42 --> 00:29:46
			They don't have these systems of caring that
		
00:29:46 --> 00:29:47
			are found in the Sharia.
		
00:29:48 --> 00:29:51
			The Sharia is a system of caring.
		
00:29:52 --> 00:29:54
			Everyone's basic needs are taken care of.
		
00:29:55 --> 00:29:58
			And beyond that, you can do extra to
		
00:29:58 --> 00:29:59
			raise your status.
		
00:30:00 --> 00:30:04
			But Islam would not allow a woman to
		
00:30:04 --> 00:30:05
			be in this situation.
		
00:30:05 --> 00:30:08
			If Muslims were in power and they had
		
00:30:08 --> 00:30:11
			a proper Islamic leadership system, a woman would
		
00:30:11 --> 00:30:13
			not be in this situation where she has
		
00:30:13 --> 00:30:15
			to work to provide for her family.
		
00:30:15 --> 00:30:18
			Either her father or her brother or her
		
00:30:18 --> 00:30:21
			son or the state itself would take care
		
00:30:21 --> 00:30:21
			of her.
		
00:30:22 --> 00:30:23
			That's the last resort.
		
00:30:23 --> 00:30:25
			The state itself would have a wakaf that
		
00:30:25 --> 00:30:27
			takes care of single mums so they can
		
00:30:27 --> 00:30:28
			focus on raising their children.
		
00:30:30 --> 00:30:31
			So this is a uniquely Western problem.
		
00:30:35 --> 00:30:38
			It's the same with the issue of needing
		
00:30:38 --> 00:30:38
			two incomes.
		
00:30:39 --> 00:30:43
			Most Muslim countries, even today, have designed the
		
00:30:43 --> 00:30:46
			salary structure such that the man's salary is
		
00:30:46 --> 00:30:47
			enough so mum can stay home and raise
		
00:30:47 --> 00:30:48
			the children.
		
00:30:50 --> 00:30:53
			But the Western system is purposely designed to
		
00:30:53 --> 00:30:54
			force everyone to work.
		
00:30:55 --> 00:30:57
			In some countries it's so bad that mum
		
00:30:57 --> 00:30:59
			and dad both have to work two jobs
		
00:30:59 --> 00:31:00
			each just to get through the month.
		
00:31:02 --> 00:31:03
			So some solutions to this.
		
00:31:04 --> 00:31:08
			Number one, always try to get as close
		
00:31:08 --> 00:31:09
			as possible to the sunnah.
		
00:31:10 --> 00:31:11
			So if you can't be a full-time
		
00:31:11 --> 00:31:14
			stay-at-home mum, try to increase the
		
00:31:14 --> 00:31:16
			amount of hours you spend with your children
		
00:31:16 --> 00:31:18
			and decrease the amount of hours you spend
		
00:31:18 --> 00:31:18
			working.
		
00:31:19 --> 00:31:21
			You could choose to work remotely.
		
00:31:21 --> 00:31:24
			You could choose to work shorter hours to
		
00:31:24 --> 00:31:24
			work part-time.
		
00:31:25 --> 00:31:27
			You could choose to make up the time
		
00:31:27 --> 00:31:28
			you spend with your kids on the weekend.
		
00:31:29 --> 00:31:32
			Whatever the case may be, remember you cannot
		
00:31:32 --> 00:31:33
			neglect your children.
		
00:31:34 --> 00:31:39
			Neglecting your children's upbringing will have long-lasting
		
00:31:39 --> 00:31:41
			negative repercussions in your life.
		
00:31:42 --> 00:31:44
			You need to make that your number one
		
00:31:44 --> 00:31:45
			priority.
		
00:31:46 --> 00:31:50
			And another solution I would propose is to
		
00:31:50 --> 00:31:52
			consider hijra.
		
00:31:54 --> 00:31:56
			If living in a certain country has made
		
00:31:56 --> 00:31:58
			it very difficult to practice Islam and do
		
00:31:58 --> 00:32:01
			things Islamically, and you have the option to
		
00:32:01 --> 00:32:03
			move to a Muslim country or a country
		
00:32:03 --> 00:32:06
			with a cheaper cost of living or a
		
00:32:06 --> 00:32:09
			more traditional lifestyle, take it.
		
00:32:10 --> 00:32:12
			Take it because that will open the doors
		
00:32:12 --> 00:32:14
			for you to be able to do a
		
00:32:14 --> 00:32:15
			much better job.
		
00:32:16 --> 00:32:19
			Don't force yourself to live in a country
		
00:32:19 --> 00:32:21
			where the system is designed against you.
		
00:32:22 --> 00:32:25
			So consider making hijra if that door is
		
00:32:25 --> 00:32:25
			open.
		
00:32:25 --> 00:32:31
			So again, a reminder that in Islam, the
		
00:32:31 --> 00:32:33
			ideal is that mom stays home and raises
		
00:32:33 --> 00:32:35
			the kids and dad works and provides for
		
00:32:35 --> 00:32:35
			the family.
		
00:32:36 --> 00:32:38
			But we said an ideal is not always
		
00:32:38 --> 00:32:40
			possible to achieve, especially in the modern world.
		
00:32:40 --> 00:32:43
			Some economies are designed such that both have
		
00:32:43 --> 00:32:43
			to work.
		
00:32:44 --> 00:32:46
			Some jobs are important for women to do,
		
00:32:46 --> 00:32:49
			like our doctors and our teachers and our
		
00:32:49 --> 00:32:49
			counselors.
		
00:32:49 --> 00:32:52
			And some women are single moms, they have
		
00:32:52 --> 00:32:52
			no choice.
		
00:32:52 --> 00:32:55
			They need to work because the state or
		
00:32:55 --> 00:32:56
			their family does not take care of them,
		
00:32:56 --> 00:32:58
			even though Islamically they should.
		
00:32:59 --> 00:33:01
			So in all of these situations, you do
		
00:33:01 --> 00:33:04
			the best you can and may Allah help
		
00:33:04 --> 00:33:05
			you and open the doors for you to
		
00:33:05 --> 00:33:06
			achieve your goals.
		
00:33:07 --> 00:33:10
			But understand that you are losing out on
		
00:33:10 --> 00:33:12
			precious time with your children when you are
		
00:33:12 --> 00:33:13
			forced to work.
		
00:33:13 --> 00:33:14
			Life is give and take.
		
00:33:15 --> 00:33:16
			If you are at work, you are not
		
00:33:16 --> 00:33:17
			with your children.
		
00:33:17 --> 00:33:18
			If you are with your children, you are
		
00:33:18 --> 00:33:19
			not at work.
		
00:33:19 --> 00:33:21
			You are losing out either way.
		
00:33:21 --> 00:33:22
			You are losing out on money or you
		
00:33:22 --> 00:33:23
			are losing out on time with your children.
		
00:33:24 --> 00:33:25
			That's how this world is.
		
00:33:25 --> 00:33:26
			Everything we do is a trade.
		
00:33:27 --> 00:33:29
			Everything we do, we are giving up something
		
00:33:29 --> 00:33:30
			for something else.
		
00:33:31 --> 00:33:32
			So it really boils down to what is
		
00:33:32 --> 00:33:34
			most important and it boils down to being
		
00:33:34 --> 00:33:36
			creative and finding creative solutions.
		
00:33:37 --> 00:33:40
			I know of some women, their creative solution
		
00:33:40 --> 00:33:42
			was working remotely.
		
00:33:43 --> 00:33:45
			For others, it was starting a business from
		
00:33:45 --> 00:33:45
			home.
		
00:33:45 --> 00:33:47
			For others, the man took over.
		
00:33:47 --> 00:33:48
			He said, you stay home and raise the
		
00:33:48 --> 00:33:48
			kids.
		
00:33:48 --> 00:33:50
			I'll do whatever it takes to provide for
		
00:33:50 --> 00:33:50
			the family.
		
00:33:51 --> 00:33:53
			And he started running multiple businesses or working
		
00:33:53 --> 00:33:55
			multiple jobs or doing both.
		
00:33:56 --> 00:33:57
			Again, every family is different.
		
00:33:58 --> 00:33:59
			But be creative.
		
00:33:59 --> 00:34:01
			Don't feel like because the western system is
		
00:34:01 --> 00:34:03
			designed in a certain way, I have to
		
00:34:03 --> 00:34:04
			live like them.
		
00:34:05 --> 00:34:05
			Don't do that.
		
00:34:06 --> 00:34:08
			Try and figure out a way to do
		
00:34:08 --> 00:34:10
			what is best for your children.
		
00:34:11 --> 00:34:13
			So, does this mean women shouldn't work?
		
00:34:13 --> 00:34:15
			No, it doesn't mean women shouldn't work.
		
00:34:16 --> 00:34:21
			But what I would say is that women
		
00:34:21 --> 00:34:22
			don't need to work.
		
00:34:24 --> 00:34:25
			And work is overrated.
		
00:34:26 --> 00:34:27
			Work is overrated.
		
00:34:27 --> 00:34:29
			Us men, we are all trying to retire
		
00:34:29 --> 00:34:29
			early.
		
00:34:30 --> 00:34:31
			We are all trying to make some money
		
00:34:31 --> 00:34:33
			so we can retire early and just focus
		
00:34:33 --> 00:34:35
			on family and dawah and serving the deen.
		
00:34:36 --> 00:34:37
			Nobody likes to work.
		
00:34:37 --> 00:34:42
			That's a false dream you've been fed by
		
00:34:42 --> 00:34:42
			the west.
		
00:34:43 --> 00:34:45
			That work is liberation and work is freedom.
		
00:34:45 --> 00:34:46
			No, it's not.
		
00:34:46 --> 00:34:47
			Work is slavery.
		
00:34:47 --> 00:34:48
			Work is boring.
		
00:34:49 --> 00:34:50
			Work is time consuming.
		
00:34:50 --> 00:34:51
			It's exhausting.
		
00:34:51 --> 00:34:52
			It's stressful.
		
00:34:53 --> 00:34:54
			It's not freedom.
		
00:34:55 --> 00:34:57
			Even men don't want to work.
		
00:34:58 --> 00:35:00
			But it is our duty as the providers
		
00:35:00 --> 00:35:02
			to the family that we have no choice.
		
00:35:02 --> 00:35:03
			We have to work.
		
00:35:03 --> 00:35:06
			But the average man you speak to, his
		
00:35:06 --> 00:35:08
			goal is I'm earning and working towards a
		
00:35:08 --> 00:35:09
			certain amount of money.
		
00:35:09 --> 00:35:11
			And once I have that money, I'll be
		
00:35:11 --> 00:35:12
			financially free and then I don't need to
		
00:35:12 --> 00:35:14
			work for anyone else ever again.
		
00:35:14 --> 00:35:18
			Men want financial freedom so they can provide
		
00:35:18 --> 00:35:20
			for their families without having to be enslaved
		
00:35:20 --> 00:35:21
			to somebody else.
		
00:35:21 --> 00:35:24
			So, don't think that working is freedom.
		
00:35:25 --> 00:35:26
			Now, I know some people get joy from
		
00:35:26 --> 00:35:27
			working.
		
00:35:27 --> 00:35:28
			That's not the average job.
		
00:35:28 --> 00:35:30
			But that's like if your work is something
		
00:35:30 --> 00:35:32
			that brings value to society.
		
00:35:33 --> 00:35:33
			They understand.
		
00:35:33 --> 00:35:34
			You get joy from that.
		
00:35:34 --> 00:35:44
			Teaching, writing books, being involved in charity organizations.
		
00:35:44 --> 00:35:46
			This kind of work actually brings joy to
		
00:35:46 --> 00:35:49
			the soul because it brings value to society.
		
00:35:50 --> 00:35:52
			So, I understand wanting to do that kind
		
00:35:52 --> 00:35:53
			of work with your life.
		
00:35:53 --> 00:35:55
			So, this is the advice that I would
		
00:35:55 --> 00:35:57
			give moms who want to work but also
		
00:35:57 --> 00:35:59
			want to be stay-at-home moms.
		
00:35:59 --> 00:35:59
			This is my advice.
		
00:35:59 --> 00:36:03
			My advice is get married young, have your
		
00:36:03 --> 00:36:03
			children young.
		
00:36:04 --> 00:36:07
			Once you have your children, tell yourself the
		
00:36:07 --> 00:36:09
			next 10 to 15 years, I'm focusing on
		
00:36:09 --> 00:36:10
			my children.
		
00:36:10 --> 00:36:12
			Once my children are grown up, I'll go
		
00:36:12 --> 00:36:13
			back to work.
		
00:36:14 --> 00:36:16
			Once my children are grown up, then I'll
		
00:36:16 --> 00:36:16
			go back to work.
		
00:36:17 --> 00:36:20
			I believe this is the best way to
		
00:36:20 --> 00:36:21
			find some balance.
		
00:36:21 --> 00:36:23
			If you really want to work and you
		
00:36:23 --> 00:36:25
			really want to be a stay-at-home
		
00:36:25 --> 00:36:29
			mom, then take a 10 to 15 year
		
00:36:29 --> 00:36:31
			break in which you focus on raising your
		
00:36:31 --> 00:36:32
			child and then you go back to work
		
00:36:32 --> 00:36:34
			for the rest of your life because your
		
00:36:34 --> 00:36:35
			kids are grown up.
		
00:36:35 --> 00:36:37
			They don't need you anymore and you can
		
00:36:37 --> 00:36:39
			now focus on what you want to do
		
00:36:39 --> 00:36:39
			with your life.
		
00:36:40 --> 00:36:43
			However, I have a hunch that if you
		
00:36:43 --> 00:36:45
			do this, somewhere down the line you'll realize
		
00:36:45 --> 00:36:47
			that you don't need to work, you don't
		
00:36:47 --> 00:36:49
			want to work and you're actually enjoying being
		
00:36:49 --> 00:36:50
			a stay-at-home mom.
		
00:36:51 --> 00:36:54
			In the meanwhile, your husband will be raising
		
00:36:54 --> 00:36:55
			up in the ranks to such a level
		
00:36:55 --> 00:36:57
			where you won't need to work anymore.
		
00:36:57 --> 00:37:00
			Because he will, inshallah, be increasing with his
		
00:37:00 --> 00:37:01
			salary with each passing year.
		
00:37:02 --> 00:37:03
			Inshallah, he'll be working his way up because
		
00:37:03 --> 00:37:05
			he wants to provide a better life for
		
00:37:05 --> 00:37:06
			you and the kids and you reach a
		
00:37:06 --> 00:37:08
			point where you realize, I don't need to
		
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09
			do this and I enjoy being at home.
		
00:37:10 --> 00:37:13
			But at least for the first 10 years
		
00:37:13 --> 00:37:17
			of your child's life, if you can, stay
		
00:37:17 --> 00:37:18
			home and focus on raising them.
		
00:37:18 --> 00:37:22
			That time goes by so fast and you
		
00:37:22 --> 00:37:24
			miss out on so much if you are
		
00:37:24 --> 00:37:25
			focused on a career instead.
		
00:37:27 --> 00:37:29
			So what are the benefits of being a
		
00:37:29 --> 00:37:30
			stay-at-home mother?
		
00:37:33 --> 00:37:37
			Number one, it is natural.
		
00:37:38 --> 00:37:39
			It is the fitrah.
		
00:37:39 --> 00:37:42
			It is the way Allah created you.
		
00:37:43 --> 00:37:45
			Allah knows what is best for us.
		
00:37:45 --> 00:37:48
			And whatever Allah has prescribed for us is
		
00:37:48 --> 00:37:49
			what is best for us.
		
00:37:49 --> 00:37:52
			So Allah has prescribed for us that men
		
00:37:52 --> 00:37:53
			work and women raise the children.
		
00:37:54 --> 00:37:55
			This is best for everybody.
		
00:37:56 --> 00:37:58
			For mom and child and for the husband.
		
00:37:59 --> 00:38:01
			When you stay home, you will find that
		
00:38:01 --> 00:38:04
			you will live a more natural lifestyle.
		
00:38:04 --> 00:38:05
			You will become more feminine.
		
00:38:06 --> 00:38:09
			You will become more happy, more loving.
		
00:38:09 --> 00:38:11
			You will have more love to give because
		
00:38:11 --> 00:38:13
			you're not stressed out about work and money
		
00:38:13 --> 00:38:15
			and your boss and your deadlines.
		
00:38:15 --> 00:38:18
			No, your focus is you and the kids.
		
00:38:18 --> 00:38:20
			A far more happier thing to focus on.
		
00:38:21 --> 00:38:22
			And this is better for your mental health.
		
00:38:23 --> 00:38:26
			Number two, it will free up time to
		
00:38:26 --> 00:38:27
			focus on your children.
		
00:38:28 --> 00:38:30
			So you can give the best of yourself
		
00:38:30 --> 00:38:30
			to your child.
		
00:38:31 --> 00:38:33
			Now if you are working and raising your
		
00:38:33 --> 00:38:35
			children, you often don't have the best of
		
00:38:35 --> 00:38:37
			yourself to give to your child.
		
00:38:37 --> 00:38:38
			You come home tired.
		
00:38:38 --> 00:38:39
			You come home frustrated.
		
00:38:39 --> 00:38:41
			You come home with work baggage and with
		
00:38:41 --> 00:38:42
			work stress.
		
00:38:43 --> 00:38:45
			Your boss might be messaging you at home
		
00:38:45 --> 00:38:47
			and telling you to meet your deadlines for
		
00:38:47 --> 00:38:47
			tomorrow.
		
00:38:48 --> 00:38:49
			What's left to give to the child?
		
00:38:50 --> 00:38:51
			What's left to give to the child?
		
00:38:51 --> 00:38:54
			This is why dads already are spending less
		
00:38:54 --> 00:38:54
			time with their children.
		
00:38:55 --> 00:38:56
			Do we really want both parents to be
		
00:38:56 --> 00:38:57
			spending less time with their children?
		
00:38:58 --> 00:38:58
			No.
		
00:38:59 --> 00:39:01
			If you are a stay-at-home mom,
		
00:39:02 --> 00:39:03
			your number one priority is your children.
		
00:39:04 --> 00:39:07
			Beyond that, maybe cooking and taking care of
		
00:39:07 --> 00:39:09
			the house and making the house beautiful and
		
00:39:09 --> 00:39:12
			serving the community and hanging out with your
		
00:39:12 --> 00:39:13
			friends or whatever it is.
		
00:39:14 --> 00:39:15
			But number one is your kids.
		
00:39:16 --> 00:39:17
			You give them the best of yourself.
		
00:39:18 --> 00:39:19
			You give them your full attention.
		
00:39:19 --> 00:39:22
			You are not stressed out and distracted by
		
00:39:22 --> 00:39:24
			other things outside the home.
		
00:39:24 --> 00:39:26
			They are your number one priority.
		
00:39:26 --> 00:39:27
			They benefit from this.
		
00:39:28 --> 00:39:29
			You benefit from this.
		
00:39:29 --> 00:39:33
			Number three, it leads to stronger bonds that
		
00:39:33 --> 00:39:34
			last for a lifetime.
		
00:39:35 --> 00:39:39
			The bond between the mom who has sacrificed
		
00:39:39 --> 00:39:43
			so much for her children that she gave
		
00:39:43 --> 00:39:44
			up her career to stay home and raise
		
00:39:44 --> 00:39:46
			her children, that she spent 10 to 15
		
00:39:46 --> 00:39:50
			years, 20 years maybe, where her sole focus
		
00:39:50 --> 00:39:52
			was her children.
		
00:39:52 --> 00:39:54
			The bond between her and those children becomes
		
00:39:54 --> 00:39:55
			unbreakable.
		
00:39:56 --> 00:39:57
			And also the bond between her and her
		
00:39:57 --> 00:39:58
			husband, right?
		
00:39:58 --> 00:40:00
			Because he will appreciate it.
		
00:40:00 --> 00:40:04
			He will appreciate what she is doing for
		
00:40:04 --> 00:40:04
			the children.
		
00:40:05 --> 00:40:08
			And even between husband and wife, this leads
		
00:40:08 --> 00:40:09
			to a more loving relationship.
		
00:40:10 --> 00:40:12
			I have noticed that often when husband and
		
00:40:12 --> 00:40:15
			wife are both working, they don't really have
		
00:40:15 --> 00:40:19
			any clarity on who does what and who
		
00:40:19 --> 00:40:21
			is the leader of the household.
		
00:40:21 --> 00:40:23
			And they both are coming home with work
		
00:40:23 --> 00:40:25
			stress and they are both coming home exhausted
		
00:40:25 --> 00:40:27
			and neither of them have the best of
		
00:40:27 --> 00:40:29
			themselves to give to each other or the
		
00:40:29 --> 00:40:29
			children.
		
00:40:29 --> 00:40:31
			And this takes a toll on the marriage
		
00:40:31 --> 00:40:33
			and it takes a toll on the relationship
		
00:40:33 --> 00:40:34
			with the children.
		
00:40:34 --> 00:40:37
			But if mom is focused on raising the
		
00:40:37 --> 00:40:40
			children and dad is focused on work, it
		
00:40:40 --> 00:40:42
			also brings peace to the father's heart.
		
00:40:43 --> 00:40:44
			He knows mom is at home.
		
00:40:44 --> 00:40:45
			The kids are fine.
		
00:40:46 --> 00:40:48
			The kids are taken care of.
		
00:40:48 --> 00:40:50
			The kids are in good hands.
		
00:40:50 --> 00:40:52
			And this increases his love for his wife
		
00:40:53 --> 00:40:55
			and it increases his appreciation for her.
		
00:40:56 --> 00:40:57
			Especially in this day and age where many
		
00:40:57 --> 00:41:00
			women don't want to do this, men value
		
00:41:00 --> 00:41:01
			women like that even more.
		
00:41:11 --> 00:41:12
			If you are a full-time stay-at
		
00:41:12 --> 00:41:14
			-home mom, you have an eye on the
		
00:41:14 --> 00:41:14
			kids.
		
00:41:14 --> 00:41:15
			You know what they are watching.
		
00:41:15 --> 00:41:16
			You know what they are reading.
		
00:41:16 --> 00:41:18
			You know who they are interacting with, who
		
00:41:18 --> 00:41:20
			their friends are, what they heard at school.
		
00:41:20 --> 00:41:21
			And you are able to intervene.
		
00:41:22 --> 00:41:23
			You are able to offer advice.
		
00:41:23 --> 00:41:25
			You are able to give counterpoints.
		
00:41:25 --> 00:41:28
			You are able to stop things from going
		
00:41:28 --> 00:41:29
			too far.
		
00:41:30 --> 00:41:34
			But, you know, I've seen cases where because
		
00:41:34 --> 00:41:36
			mom and dad are so distracted and busy
		
00:41:36 --> 00:41:39
			with the work life, that they don't even
		
00:41:39 --> 00:41:43
			know that their kids are committing zina or
		
00:41:43 --> 00:41:46
			addicted to drugs or anything like this because
		
00:41:46 --> 00:41:48
			they have no interactions.
		
00:41:48 --> 00:41:49
			They have no time to interact with their
		
00:41:49 --> 00:41:50
			kids.
		
00:41:50 --> 00:41:53
			And as a result, by the time they
		
00:41:53 --> 00:41:54
			find out, it's too late.
		
00:41:54 --> 00:41:57
			By the time they find out, this has
		
00:41:57 --> 00:41:58
			been going on for a long time.
		
00:41:59 --> 00:42:02
			So, be very, very careful about that.
		
00:42:03 --> 00:42:05
			Really, one of the benefits your family will
		
00:42:05 --> 00:42:06
			get from you being a full-time stay
		
00:42:06 --> 00:42:10
			-at-home mom is that you will be
		
00:42:10 --> 00:42:11
			able to counter all of this.
		
00:42:13 --> 00:42:16
			And finally, the main benefit of being a
		
00:42:16 --> 00:42:18
			full-time stay-at-home mom is that
		
00:42:18 --> 00:42:20
			it provides the best scenario in which a
		
00:42:20 --> 00:42:24
			mother can fulfill her responsibilities and raise her
		
00:42:24 --> 00:42:25
			children optimally.
		
00:42:25 --> 00:42:28
			At the end of the day, mom has
		
00:42:28 --> 00:42:31
			a higher status than dad because she puts
		
00:42:31 --> 00:42:33
			more time into parenting.
		
00:42:33 --> 00:42:35
			If you are a full-time stay-at
		
00:42:35 --> 00:42:38
			-home mom, you now have the time and
		
00:42:38 --> 00:42:42
			the ability to do this to the best
		
00:42:42 --> 00:42:43
			you can.
		
00:42:43 --> 00:42:48
			And this allows you to give it your
		
00:42:48 --> 00:42:50
			absolute best shot at parenting.
		
00:42:51 --> 00:42:53
			That you have no distractions.
		
00:42:53 --> 00:42:56
			You have nothing in your life that's a
		
00:42:56 --> 00:42:57
			priority over your children.
		
00:42:57 --> 00:42:59
			This becomes your number one goal.
		
00:43:00 --> 00:43:02
			This becomes the most important thing in the
		
00:43:02 --> 00:43:03
			world to you.
		
00:43:04 --> 00:43:05
			Raising your children.
		
00:43:07 --> 00:43:10
			So, I hope this presentation at the very
		
00:43:10 --> 00:43:12
			least got you to think about it.
		
00:43:13 --> 00:43:15
			And hopefully it convinced you that this is
		
00:43:15 --> 00:43:16
			the best move.
		
00:43:17 --> 00:43:20
			Again, in this day and age, being a
		
00:43:20 --> 00:43:21
			stay-at-home mom is a luxury.
		
00:43:22 --> 00:43:23
			In the past, it was the norm.
		
00:43:24 --> 00:43:27
			But these days, a lot of women don't
		
00:43:27 --> 00:43:28
			have a choice.
		
00:43:28 --> 00:43:29
			They have to work.
		
00:43:29 --> 00:43:30
			May Allah make it easy for them.
		
00:43:31 --> 00:43:32
			These days, many men are lazy.
		
00:43:33 --> 00:43:35
			They don't want to fulfill the role of
		
00:43:35 --> 00:43:35
			qawam.
		
00:43:36 --> 00:43:38
			May Allah guide them and make them more
		
00:43:38 --> 00:43:38
			manly.
		
00:43:41 --> 00:43:42
			We live in a strange time.
		
00:43:43 --> 00:43:46
			And we live in a time where just
		
00:43:46 --> 00:43:48
			having the option to be a stay-at
		
00:43:48 --> 00:43:49
			-home mom is so rare.
		
00:43:50 --> 00:43:53
			It means having a good husband who provides
		
00:43:53 --> 00:43:57
			well and who you trust enough to handle
		
00:43:57 --> 00:43:59
			all the finances of the house so you
		
00:43:59 --> 00:44:00
			can focus on the children.
		
00:44:01 --> 00:44:02
			And that's a beautiful thing to have in
		
00:44:02 --> 00:44:03
			your life.
		
00:44:03 --> 00:44:07
			It means that your husband is earning well
		
00:44:07 --> 00:44:09
			enough that you don't need to earn anything.
		
00:44:10 --> 00:44:11
			And that was the norm for the bulk
		
00:44:11 --> 00:44:12
			of human history.
		
00:44:12 --> 00:44:14
			And it's still the norm in some countries.
		
00:44:15 --> 00:44:17
			But in other countries, it's a luxury.
		
00:44:19 --> 00:44:21
			It means having an option that other people
		
00:44:21 --> 00:44:22
			don't have access to.
		
00:44:23 --> 00:44:29
			Don't give in to this propaganda that stay
		
00:44:29 --> 00:44:33
			-at-home moms are useless or not beneficial
		
00:44:33 --> 00:44:34
			to society.
		
00:44:35 --> 00:44:37
			This is Western propaganda.
		
00:44:39 --> 00:44:41
			Raising children is the most important job.
		
00:44:42 --> 00:44:46
			And because we have a generation who were
		
00:44:46 --> 00:44:49
			brainwashed into thinking that it's not important, we
		
00:44:49 --> 00:44:52
			now have a generation of so-called adults
		
00:44:52 --> 00:44:54
			who are not equipped for the real world
		
00:44:54 --> 00:44:57
			because dad was absent and mom was working.
		
00:44:58 --> 00:45:00
			But if dad could go back to playing
		
00:45:00 --> 00:45:02
			his role in the children's life and if
		
00:45:02 --> 00:45:04
			mom could make raising them her number one
		
00:45:04 --> 00:45:06
			priority, we could go back to having a
		
00:45:06 --> 00:45:11
			civilization where children grow up happy, wholesome, healthy,
		
00:45:12 --> 00:45:15
			and performing at the optimal because they are
		
00:45:15 --> 00:45:17
			getting what they need from both mom and
		
00:45:17 --> 00:45:17
			dad.
		
00:45:18 --> 00:45:19
			So think about it.
		
00:45:19 --> 00:45:20
			Try your best.
		
00:45:20 --> 00:45:22
			If you have any questions, if you're stuck
		
00:45:22 --> 00:45:25
			in a unique situation that I didn't mention,
		
00:45:26 --> 00:45:27
			if you're looking for a way to do
		
00:45:27 --> 00:45:29
			this but you're not sure how to do
		
00:45:29 --> 00:45:33
			it and you need some advice, feel free
		
00:45:33 --> 00:45:34
			to reach out.
		
00:45:35 --> 00:45:36
			I hope you found this beneficial.
		
00:45:37 --> 00:45:39
			Take some time to think about this.
		
00:45:39 --> 00:45:41
			And in our next video, I'll give you
		
00:45:41 --> 00:45:43
			something else to think about, and that is
		
00:45:43 --> 00:45:44
			homeschooling.
		
00:45:45 --> 00:45:45
			So I'll see you then.
		
00:45:46 --> 00:45:46
			Jazakallah khair.
		
00:45:46 --> 00:45:47
			Wa akhirat dawana.
		
00:45:47 --> 00:45:48
			Alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen.