Channel: Ismail Kamdar
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samridhi Allahu wa barakato honorable shake and our lovely audience. We are in the second session of Ramadan retreat 2016 and we have an amazing topic for tonight as well. Our first session was held on May 20 by Shere Khan Raheem mccourty, where he spoke about the various doors we could benefit from during the month of Ramadan. He also emphasized on the etiquettes of making those Alhamdulillah the session was very well received. But if you've missed it, you can always access the recording. The link will be posted in the chat box right now. Please do listen to it of course after the session and up now.
As for today's session, the topic is introducing Ramadan to kids.
while raising kids, many times we are faced with situations where we don't know how to introduce a certain concept to them, or perhaps how to instill love for our Deen in their hearts. For some of us it just becomes a monotonous routine of teaching our children Islam, just like any Academy subject, which in a way takes away the love of Islam from them. But today we have with us shaker smile kamdar who will help us with step by step instructions on how we can introduce Ramadan to our children in a way that they will love inshallah. But before that, just to let you know a little bit more about shaker smile gunda. He is the faculty manager of the Islamic online university and also the founder
of Islamic self help.com and the author of several books, including getting the burqa, which is an Islamic guide to time management, best of creation and guidelines for confused Muslims. shake his mind host a weekly radio program on radio alcanzar, which is titled living Islam. It focuses on the practical implementation of Islam in the modern world. He also writes articles for multiple magazines and websites, including IOU insights and Omar magazine. He also homeschools his four children.
He holds a BS from the Islamic online university, which is the BA in Islamic Studies program, as well as a traditional alum degree. And he's currently working towards his master's in Islamic Studies.
And now without further ado, we welcome shake a smile kamdar to reveal his tips on how to introduce Ramadan to our kids
as salaam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was salam wa rahmatullah Allah, we'd like to welcome you all to the session. Thank you for joining us today, and hamdulillah.
Today, we have a very important and a very interesting topic. Today, we are going to be looking at the topic of introducing Ramadan to children, kids.
hungry, I was very happy when this topic was given to me, because this is something which I'm quite passionate about introducing different aspects of the religion to children in a way that gets them to love the dean that gets them excited. And that gradually brings them into the practice of Islam. And so that's going to be the core theme of today's discussion. We are going to be talking about gradually introducing Ramadan to children. I'm not introducing it all at once, but instead over a long period of time.
So before we get into the actual topic, there is something else related to Ramadan, which I wish to speak about for two to five minutes. And this is why do we have a month like Ramadan? Why do you have a month of fasting a month of extra a month of extra ibadah It is important for us as parents to know this and to understand this because this is one of the questions that your children will ask you, they might ask you, why do we fast? Why do we fast in Ramadan specifically, why this matter? Why not any other month? Why point in time My children are full of questions I this is the this is the nature of children that they ask a lot of questions. So before we get into the actual
methodology of introductory introducing Islam to kids, let us understand why. Let us look at the maqasid of Ramadan. The
objectives of the month of Ramadan. And there are many verses in the Quran. Allah tells us why specifically in Surah Baqarah chapter number two verses 183 and verse 185. If you look at these two verses Allah subhanaw taala very clearly mentioned some of the objectives of the month of Ramadan starting with a Lacuna Coil so that you may increase in your taqwa. And in the next verse, verse 185, Allah, Allah says about shaeffer Ramadan, the month of Ramadan, which the Quran was revealed hudl Enos as guidance for mankind, right. So, if we are to look at what are the objectives of the month of Ramadan, we will say that the two primary objectives of the month of Ramadan are to
increase our taqwa and to increase our guidance to increase us in our relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. And in our understanding, and connection to the straight path, this is what Ramadan is about the fasting, the tarawih, the extra Salah, all of it is meant to increase our duct work. All of it is meant to bring us closer to Allah subhanho wa Taala. So this is what Ramadan is about. And we need to understand this and think about whether we are
approaching Ramadan with this mindset. Or we just going through the motions that Ramadan comes, he passed, it ends and we get on with our lives, or is Ramadan, transforming us is Ramadan. improving our taqwa is it improving our level of guidance, because I understand that if we are not implementing this ourselves, if we are not understanding this ourselves, then we will not be able to pass this on to our children. This is why it's very important for us to understand the cost of Ramadan, the goals and objectives of fasting and praying during the month of Ramadan. So to begin our topic on children, I want to first mention the general guidelines in Islam when it comes to
children and acts of acts of worship.
The first and most important of these guidelines is that the acts of Avada. In Islam, the acts of worship in Islam, are only compulsory upon adults, right upon adults, not upon children. And the Islamic definition of an adult is very different. From the western definition of an adult we need to be very clear. In Islam. When we say that fasting is obligatory upon an adult or any act of divided we are talking about, we are referring to someone who has attained puberty. In Islam, when somebody hits puberty, they are an adult, they are responsible to mukalla they are responsible before Allah subhanho wa Taala for the actions.
So your 13 year old, a 14 year old in your home, who has already hit puberty, they are not the kids that you should be introducing Ramadan to they are the adults who should already have been introduced to Ramadan at a younger age, we need to move away from this Western idea of what an adult is, by the way, in the West, there is no clear definition of an adult. Some say 16 Some say 18. Some say 21. But in reality, these numbers are just made up by people. There's nothing really that differentiates a 17 year old from 18 year old. It's just a matter of days. While puberty is a actual biological thing that differentiates an adult from a child. So Islam has a more scientific and
biological approach to what is
the definition of an adult. So when we talk about introducing Ramadan to children, we are not talking about someone who is a teenager, we are talking primarily to children between the ages of four and 12. And I'm going to I'm going to split it up into various groups because as I said, we're going to take a gradual approach. So I will talk about different age groups and what should we introduce at each age. So the first thing to note is that when it comes to children and that is those who are under the age of puberty, it is not compulsory upon them to pass it is not compulsory upon them to play by the bada is not compulsory upon their rather, this childhood, specifically from
the age of seven to 12. This part of childhood is a training time. It is an education time
is a period of time, where you introduce your child to Islam and give them five years to grow into it gradually so that when they attained puberty
They now have known everything they need to know to be a practicing Muslim, and gradually it has entered their lives and hamdulillah it has,
it has become a part of who they are.
So this is the approach you must have when you come to China, I mentioned this because when it comes to kids, I've noticed two opposite extremes when it comes to ibadah. On one extreme, I've noticed those parents who don't emphasize anything, you know, they just say, let the kids do what they want their kids let them do what they want. And very often the parents that go with this mindset, they they come from a Western background, I mean, they say let the kids do what they want to do, referring to the to the 14 year old, the 16 year old, those who islamically already adults. And so that adult is sinning by not praying Salah by not fasting, and the parent is also sinning, for
allowing that to happen and for not teaching the child religion, understand appearance in Islam, that if you have not taught your child Islam, and if you allow your teenager with an adult in Islam to sin, and you have never taught him and showed him the right way, you are also sinning. However, if you taught him what is right and they still do, what is wrong listen is the understand your job is to teach them right from wrong. So that is one extreme where there is no introduction to that at all, to the child. On the other extreme, they are those parents who forced the child to embrace Ramadan as if they were adults. So they we make a five year old fast the entire day for the entire
month of Ramadan, then we have the seven year old pre 20 Raka after hours every single night without any excuses. And in this way, they make the religion difficult on the child. By the time that child comes close to the age of puberty and they enter that rebellious teenage phase, they are burnt out and they are frustrated and they are looking to escape rather than having this love and this gradual growing into the religion. So this is the other extreme. What we want is the middle way and the middle way and we are going to discuss today I am deducing it from a Hadees this Hadees talks about Allah, about introducing Salah to your children. And I'm going to take an analogy from that had his
I'm going to take that Harris's core principles and apply to the concept of fasting as well. Because Salah is the second pillar of Islam. Fasting is the fourth pillar of Islam. So if this methodology works for Salah it should work for fasting as well. What does the Hadees say? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam stated that when your child is seven years old and teach them how to pray, when they are 10 years old, you are allowed to spank them if they don't play. By the way, when we say spank them, we talking about the light, disciplinary spanking, not physical abuse that puts them in the hospital, please be mature enough to be able to differentiate between that which disciplines and
that which ingests May Allah protect us from being a cause of injury very children. So it's important to note that the proper slice them stated, when they are seven, teach them when they attend, you become more strict to them. And then he said when they are 12, they should be responsible and praying by themselves, it should be a part of who they are. This is paraphrasing the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So there's three principles laid out in this heavies about follow up from the age of seven to nine is the education phase where you are teaching your child from 10. And 11 is the enforcement age where you are becoming more strict, and you're
making the child realize that this is something important, it is something that they have to do.
And then from the age of 12, they are now entering their adult life, and they are now responsible for their own deeds. And the act of Nevada is now a part of who they are, it is something that you don't even need to tell them to do. So now we're going to take the same three principles, everyone applied to pass it, that you begin to teach your child about Ramadan from the age of six or seven. And from the age of 10. That's when you start getting strict with them about Ramadan. So would you seven year old, you may tell him that. It would be nice if you fast. Let's see how many parts you can keep this year. But with your 10 year old, he can't make excuses. He has to fast even though
it's not compulsory on him, because he's close to the age of puberty. A 12 year old it shouldn't even be a discussion he should know. It's Ramadan, I have to pass. There's no discussion about it. So this principle Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mentioned it about Allah because Salah is the most important act of worship.
We take the same principle and we apply to fasting and any other act of worship that you wish to introduce to our children.
So he said that he saw that fasting and Ramadan in itself needs to be introduced to our children in a gradual manner. And we need to make it as easy for them as possible to grow into the religion. And again, you go back to the verse of fasting in Surah Al Baqarah, chapter number two verse 185, Allah subhana wa tada under the goals of fasting he mentioned something very important. Allah subhanaw taala says that if you are traveling or you are sick, then you can make it up later. Why? read the translation, see what Allah says next. After seeing that Allah says, Because Allah intends is for you, he does not intend difficulty for you. Allah says about Ramadan and fasting to the adults to
allow once it to be easy for you not difficult. So if Allah once fasting in Ramadan to be easy for the adults, by default, we should be making it even more easy for the children. We should not be enforcing upon a five year old to pass the entire month upon a seven year old to play Ronda Rousey every night. No, we should be making it easy upon them with a gradual introduction.
So I'm going to mention six steps, six things that you as a parent can do. And if you do these six things that insha Allah, it will help you to make Ramadan something that your children look forward to that hamdulillah we know we just have a few days left until Ramadan begins. And personally The only reason that I know exactly how many days are left before Ramadan begins, is because my children are doing a countdown every morning, I wake up, my kids come to me to tell me how many days that Ramadan begin, because they are that excited about Ramadan. And hopefully if you follow the same methodology that we do, your kids will be just as excited for Ramadan, every single year. So step
number one, if you want your kids to be excited about Ramadan, step number one, you must lead by example, you must lead by example, understand or parents that your children do not just follow what you say. Or rather, did not just follow what you say or teach or tell them to read or what they learn in school. Well, more than that, they follow what you do. Don't look at what you say they look at what you do, if you tell your child to sit and recite or if you are sitting in watching television, they are not going to take that seriously. If you tell your child to look forward to Ramadan, but you yourself are dreading Ramadan, you don't want it to come. And that child's going to
look at you and what what you are going through and what you are experiencing. You know, I mean, if you treat Ramadan as something that's a burden, then that's how your child is going to feel as well. So we have to walk the walk, you have to lead by example, understand that you are your child's role model. Especially if your child is under the age of 10. You are the role model, the age of Kenny tends to become the friends who they take more as role models, but below the age of 10, you are your child's role model, your child looks up to you. If you are not paying your five daily so that your child is not going to take it seriously. If you are not observing the Hey job, your child is not
going to take it seriously. If you are not fasting properly, your child is not going to take it seriously. And if you are not looking forward to the month of Ramadan, your child is not going to take that seriously. You have to lead by example to step number one is that we need to be a role model for our children. It's true that we can't be perfect, it's true that we all have our sins. Part of being a role model is admitting that, you know if you do something wrong and your child tells you, you told us that this is wrong, I saw you do it. You should be humble enough to say you are right. And ask Allah to forgive me, thank you for pointing it out. We should be humble enough to
say that your child will actually respect you more for being humble and meek and showing them how to make a stick bar then pretending to be perfect and defending your own sense. So we need to lead by example, leading by example primarily means that whatever our church whatever is compulsory to do in the month of Ramadan, we are doing so we are fasting the month of Ramadan, and we are praying the five daily salah and we are staying away from sins. Beyond that we do what is recommended, what is sooner, like bring the taraweeh and waking up for school. And we do all of these things and our children can see this and they can observe this from the time they are babies. They are observing
this every once a year that the parents are waking up and they are praying and they are eating and they are fasting and as they get older the Christians come. If you are practicing, your child is far more likely to take it seriously. So that's step number one you need to practice the deen yourself and you need to
be able to model step number two if you want your kids to be excited about ramadan you need to be excited about ramadan i mean if you're the kind of father who is sitting around grumbling about how ramadan sapped your productivity and how you're going to be able to watch your sports because it's going to be taraweeh time you got that kind of attitude your kids not going to have a happy attitude about ramadan either if you're the kind of mother who's only complaining about how much cooking is going to be and how you know the fasting is gonna make you weak and you're gonna miss your favorite daytime television shows that again that attitude is going to rub off onto the child you need to be
passionate about ramadan the kids need to see that mom and dad look forward to ramadan every year because it's only when you look forward to ramadan every year that your children will do the same there's a few things you can do to build that excitement right one of the things we do is we have a countdown we count down the number of days until ramadan begins so every day the kids know 13 days left until ramadan 12 days left until ramadan 10 days left until ramadan and this continues and it builds up the excitement and then on the last day to build up excitement even more take your child outside look for the new look for the new moon together make it a family thing that you're all
looking into the sky and trying to walk the moon and you know that feeling that your child will have if they actually see the moon and then after that it's announced that ramadan has started and they will feel a special connection for ramadan that year because they were there and they cited the moon at the time when the announcement was made this becomes a special feeling and will make the people more excited about ramadan every single year
get them involved in the preparations for ramadan know if you know a lot of mothers say that they have a lot of work to do in the kitchen in preparing for ramadan well if that's the case get the children to help you in whatever way they can get him to help you to teach and get them out of that feeling that they're helping the mother prepare sit down with him and give them your expectations for ramadan that they are now a certain age and you expect them to pass as much as they can or to recite extra quran or whatever it is make your expectations clear and make sure that you conveyed in a way that makes them excited or happy to comply rather than making it sound like a bug so you need
to be excited and this excitement if this enthusiasm will inshallah spread to your children the third thing that you can do to introduce ramadan to your kids is to establish in the month of ramadan a family
a family gathering to learn islam together
ramadan is a time when we are supposed to increase our understanding of the for us and our guidance and our understanding of the religion and so this shouldn't just be for the adults it should be for the children as well and one of the best ways to do that is at least once a day even if it's just for 10 minutes we'll gather together and you'll learn something about islam together of course you want to keep it age appropriate you know if you're talking if you have seven year old and five year old children or you don't want to be talking about technical things which they don't understand that their age you want to keep the lessons on the age level but this is something you need to do if you
want ramadan to be memorable that just before it star or just after dharavi whatever time is suitable for your family you will all gather together and you'll either listen to a lecture or watch a lecture or if you have knowledge yourself how do we learn you teach your children you teach them the deen everyday you'll get you get together and you'll discuss something about the religion something that you all can learn together and grow together from this becomes a memorable experience for them growing up they do when they grow up they will have these memories of sitting with their mother and father in the month of ramadan and learning the religion of islam so that's the 13th you
can do and that is to have a family halaqaat number four and this is the one i'm going to spend the most time on is when it comes to the actual acts of worship you want to introduce this to your child gradually now what i'm going to speak about now is for each age group what are you going to tell them and teach them about ramadan right so let's get down to the youngest age group starting with 234 year olds you have a two year old a two year old a four year old in your house you do not expect them and you should not expect them to be doing any ibadah they are kids they are very small kids let them play let them have fun let them be kids right but you tell them promise
daddy's coming up mom and dad are gonna be fasting your big brother and sister gonna be fasting tell them what fasting is we don't eat or drink from wanting to leave me right tell them that you're going to be paying extra get them on board for looking for the moon but don't expect any ibadah from them don't expect your four year old visiting and reciting for your five year old with fasting from blonde to sunset no they are at a very young age the religion does not expect this from them right it should be right we at this age to just introduce them to the concept of ramadan that every year at a certain time of the year the big people they fast see what the child knows that the big people
fast during this time of the year so this is what you do for a child who is two three or four years old from the age of five five and six at this age they gain a bit more understanding and they want to do things you know to be like their parents so at this age you can now start encouraging them to try to
try to you know wake them up for a course or have the e to the family tell them to try to pass maybe four hours five hours sometimes maybe only two hours they'll get through and then they may want to take the pass it's fine the kids do it there's no obligation upon it fast this is now a training period where you're getting accustomed to the idea of staying away from food and drink for a certain amount of hours right so at this age there's no obligation on them there's no pressure on them not even telling them to pass the entire deal the entire month is just a you know something that's a new challenge for them to try and do it and they may surprise you they may fasting entirely once or
twice or they may pass half a day for the entire month but their body is now getting used to this idea of staying away from food and drink for a certain amount of time without any pressure without anyone being strict with them without anyone forcing it upon them it's something that you know five year olds and six year olds they genuinely want to you know take on these challenges and and you know prove they can do what the big people do
so that's a good age way to just let them experiment with fasting on their own even if it's just for a few hours now from the age of seven remember the hadees we spoke about the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had stated that
you teach them to pray at the age of seven so now we apply the same principle for seven year old age old nine year old you teach them to pass you teach them to pass meaning you now start encouraging them to fast the entire day and you start teaching them more details about the laws of pasty so you tell them right you sit down with your seven year old eight year old you teach them that every ramadan is obligatory upon adults fast from dawn until sunset fasting means staying away from food and from eating and drinking right you don't have to tell them at this age obviously about the 30 that they have to stay away from that before he puberty teach them about that at this age you teach
them what is age appropriate that you stay away from food and drinking right so you teach them these basic things about tarawih about the about what breaks the past and about how many days you fast all of these things you start introducing them to different copies at the age of seven eight and nine so this age they are in the education age they are learning every day in learning maths they are learning english they are learning science they are learning all these subjects they can learn to do just as well at this age their minds are like sponges they learn a lot so this is the age we want to focus on teaching them to teach them to fish teach them the history of ramadan teach them the
benefits of fasting teach them about what happens if you if you lie on your back by fasting teach them about tarawih about eat salah everything that you need to teach them about the fasting from the age to seven to nine this is the right age period petition basically
so that's what happened to age seven eight and what will happen now is during this age group they may start fasting the entire month or the entire day for a few days so a seven year old may pass the entire day 15 or 16 days all right oh he may even pass the entire month every child is different again there's no obligation upon them you are teaching them you are forcing them so now they will try and some of them may some of you may not by the age of nine because they have been trying every ramadan for the past three or four years by the age of 90 will be accustomed to it and they may now be fasting every day in the month of ramadan inshallah then comes the age of
And again, the Hadees is clear that when the child is 10 years old, that's when you start to get more strict with them about the acts of worship, to let them know that there's two sides to every act of worship, there's a reward for doing it, and there is punishment for not ISO 14 year old the punishment comes from the parents. But for 12 for someone which puberty and onwards, the punishment is from Allah subhanho wa Taala. So a 10 year old, 11 year old, that's when you're going to start getting a bit more strict and will tell them listen, you are 10 years old, now, you are no more a small child, you are bigger, you have to fast, I want you to fast the entire month. This is
something that you need to learn but it's something that all of the adults do and you're going to be an adult. So at this age now start being more strict that they start fasting the entire month, and they should pray the Ravi, eight o'clock 20 Raka. Whatever opinion you follow, they should play the Dharavi at night as much as they can. Again, Ravi is not compulsory it is a sooner as much as they can they should recite moku on every day, you shouldn't you don't have to expect the six year old or five year old deciding for every day. But the 10 year old you can expect this. It's a reasonable for a 10 year old. Right. So that's what changes the lever. Now, once your child hits 12, that's when
there's no more introducing them to Ramadan. Age of 12. The introduction has come many years ago, introduced to the concept of Ramadan. From the age of two to five, they were introduced to fasting as a activity from the age of five, six and seven. They got accustomed to fasting there the entire day between the ages of seven and nine. And from the age of 10, and 11. They have been fasting and praying the Dharavi and reciting Quran by the age of 12. There's no more introduction to be done. Ramadan, and fasting is not a part of who they are. And it is a part of their way of life, the part of some of how they live Islam. But one thing that you will introduce them to at the age of 12 is
the more detailed laws of fasting, which do not apply to a child, right. So they're going to be hitting puberty soon. So they need to learn the laws of sexuality in Islam, that those things also break the fast and you know that these things have to be spoken to them before they hit puberty Otherwise, they may be doing things that violate the past are realizing by the past after hitting puberty. So as parents and as teachers, it's necessary for us when a child is 11 or 12, just before they hit puberty to educate him on these issues as well. So that is how you gradually introduce the acts of worship to children at each age group, you introduce that which is appropriate for that age.
Moving on to Step number five for making Ramadan exciting for our children, said number five is to make everyday as best as you can make so whole and if there is such a memory for them make it a memorable thing that throughout the year they remember waking up for school, it's a happy memory. Now again, remember if star is a happy memory, and the remember Ed has something they look forward to every single year. So sahul is something that for children is naturally memorable. Because children by the nature, they love to wake up in the middle of the night and snack, right this is something which is appealing to every child. So the idea of the entire family waking up when it is
still dark and eating pancakes or whatever it is the kids enjoy in the middle of the night in their perspective, because we know it's morning, but not yet dawn. But from a child's perspective. They are waking up when it is still dark and enjoying this tasty food. This becomes a memory for them. It's something they start looking forward to every year and they refer to it as a family and inshallah it grows as a family tradition to inshallah, when they are teenagers, they still have to go to the family. And then if that take them to the masjid, let them have if not with the community know let them take things to share and to distribute amongst other people in the masjid and let the
children themselves be the ones that are distributing and giving food to others in the masjid. It's third time so that they grow up with this sense of serving the community that they not just consumers but the people who give back and share with the community. So if done becomes memorable, they are sharing with people they are giving people they are opening the past with all different members of the community, the rich and the poor alike. All sitting together in the masjid opening their past this is possible where you live. Try to do it in Sharla And the third thing is eat right so who is star and the third one is eating make eat special
Every single year, each year try to make it even more special than the year before. In Islam, we only have two religious holidays, it will fit. And it will. So we should go out of our way to make these two days special for our children, we should make our age so special to them that they shouldn't even think about Christmas and Easter and all of these Christian holidays and Hindu holidays because they know they have an edge what gets them excited. Now, one of the reasons why many young children are attracted to the holidays of other religions is because the people of those religions make the holidays fun for the children. But some of us tend to be a bit too strict on Ed.
And we don't really go out of our way to make it fun. So the way to counter this is that we make it a day of fun. And there are many pieces to support the rahula Salah molecule he was serving his time, it was a fun day was the day when people had fun. And when they did things which were fun and memorable. Because this is what it is meant to be. It's meant to be the religious holiday of the new steps that you just completed an entire month of fasting. Now let's have celebrations Let's eat, let's have fun, let's have shared gifts. Let's just have a good day of remembering Allah and having fun and enjoying that which Allah has made a lot for us. So make it memorable. And every year they
go for to eat. And of course they look forward to Ramadan as well because they both go together.
final point about making Ramadan special for your children is that you need to keep that spirit of Ramadan alive throughout the year. You don't want it to be that only in the month of Ramadan. Mom and Dad pray. I'm your kids. They're watching if this is how we are our kids observing this then mom and dad only praying that they only open the Quran in Ramadan. They know mom only covers a hearing Ramadan. They watching this and it's giving them this perception that hold on. Mom and Dad taught us we must do these things all year round, but they don't need to.
So what do you think the child's gonna grow up thinking? What's going to be their perception of Islam? Understand that the obligatory acts of worship, we should go fully to our lives not only in Ramadan, and we should try our best to keep the spirit of Ramadan going throughout the year. Meaning we should live off that Eman boost we get in Ramadan.
That is in Ramadan, you managed to establish a new habit of reciting Quran every day you should keep that momentum throughout the year. Maybe not on the same level right in Ramadan, you were able to recite one juice of the Quran every day Mashallah outside of Ramadan, at least keep the momentum of reciting five minutes or 10 minutes of Quran every day. You know in Ramadan, you played a drop out of gamliel every night Mashallah outside of Ramadan tried to keep the momentum and pray to regard of young lady not saying that your level of ibadah must be the same outside of Ramadan inside of Ramadan. For most people, this is not possible. But that momentum must be there that it mustn't be
that that's the only time you do good deeds.
Rather, it should be a moment of change where you change something about yourself and that change persists after Ramadan is over. And so when you do this, the kids begin to see that Ramadan is special and the Ramadan changes the parents and the Ramadan changes people and the Ramadan makes people better. And this keeps that spirit of Ramadan alive that keeps people excited about Ramadan throughout the year.
So remind them also another thing you can do to keep the spirit of Ramadan going throughout the year is to remind them throughout the year or whatever you learned in the month of Ramadan. So maybe later in the year, your kids may have been lying or backbiting. Reminding that remember that time in Ramadan, we sit together as a family and we learned about fit being haraam online being around to remind them about what they learned in Ramadan. So the lessons become lessons for life and not just lessons for the month of Ramadan.
And the final thing you can do to keep that spirit of Ramadan alive out after Ramadan is to have a countdown now 11 months left on the next Ramadan 10 months left to the next Ramadan. And by the time the final month comes down, you start counting the days. So in this way, that excitement for Ramadan never goes away. Your kids look forward to it every year. They gradually grow into the worship of Allah subhanho wa Taala it becomes something that they look forward to it becomes something they understand it becomes something they see the benefit in and it becomes something that changes
forms dim and you as a community as a family, there is transformation in the month of Ramadan. So, this is my presentation for today or introducing Ramadan to children 100 we still have quite a bit of time left. So inshallah we'll be going to q&a soon if you have any questions related to be raising children and particularly raising children in the month of Ramadan and introducing them to the month of Ramadan, this is your opportunity inshallah, to to ask and inshallah I will answer to the best of my ability. So with that, I want to conclude my presentation by asking Allah to make this Ramadan beneficial for each and every one of us in our families, and to help us raise a
generation of practicing Muslims, who will be able to revive Islam across the world. And to make this task of parenting easy upon all of us, and to put into the hearts of the Muslim children across the globe, that love for Islam, the understanding of Islam and the desire to understand our parents, that it's really up to us to make a change, even if it's just in the lives of our children, because of if each of us are trying to raise righteous children, then the next generation will inshallah be better than our generation. And in that way, perhaps you may see the revival of Islam in our generation or is or the one after that. But it starts with us as parents, that we have this
responsibility to raise children who love Allah, love his deed and practice it and follow it and understand it. So with that, I will conclude Jazakallah hate to all of you for your time and for your attention. I mean, Allah help us to practice what we have learned. inshallah, we will now go to q&a segment of salaam aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa.
hamdulillah. That was an amazing session and a whole lot of information, which perhaps we have never thought about, or maybe never implemented in the manner suggested a handle on the burglar feature.
I hope that all our lovely audience benefited from the session as well inshallah.
Okay, so as the sheikh said, We are now open to questions as requested earlier as well. The guests are required to type in your questions in the chat box. Please note that the questions will be taken on first come first serve basis, inshallah. And if some questions are left out, due to time constraints, please bear with us, we'll try our best and shall not include all of them.
Okay, the first question is from Danielle, what if you haven't taught them properly, and they are 11 years old? What do we do, then?
It's a very important question. Because none of us are perfect. And many of us only started learning to do practicing later. And our kids were really bigger. or many of us, we may have learned the deed. But we didn't know how to use this concept at a young age. It's always possible no matter how old someone is to introduce them to these concepts. Now, with an 11 year old, it is a bit more challenging compared to a younger child, because you're getting close to that rebellious age, the that mischievious age, they want to be like your friends. And so this becomes a bit more difficult.
It will be easier to answer the question if there was more context, why the child for that age about Ramadan, but just to give some general guidelines, or one of the things you can do is to find out if there are any local children's programs about Ramadan, right, or maybe there's a chef in your community who's having a program to teach or teach about Ramadan to children. Or maybe there's a YouTube video that you find in the age group about Ramadan, find some resource that's age appropriate, that introduces the child to Ramadan, and give that to your child share that with your child learning together. Um, the other thing that you need to keep in mind is if your child only be
introduced to Ramadan at the age of 11, or you have to introduce him to fasting because within a year or two, if they are boys within the next two or three years, they cannot intuitive, they are girls, they may already have a deep and so fasting becomes obligatory upon them in this age group. So that fasting is the fundamental thing to focus on. Now. The Ramadan is the month of fasting, this is how we fast, this is what we need to do. And you're also going to have to pass.
Now it's not going to be easy, because they're not accustomed to it yet. But you're just going to have to do right this is just, you know, when we leave something for too long, there's no easy or quick fix solution. It's just a matter of doing what we have to do and we can do I ask you to help us understand that if your 11 year old being introduced to Ramadan, again, many people who have converted to Islam were introduced to Ramadan at the mosque.
the age if someone converts to islam at the age of 26 or 45 then that ramadan becomes their first ramadan and their first introduction to fasting but still to handler they are able to learn and be able to do it and hamdulillah they are able to grow and over time start doing it properly so it's never too late to learn find age appropriate material to teach them and focus primarily on the fasting i mean if the child hasn't been introduced to praying five times a day then that should be more important than the taraweeh that you focus on praying five times a day even if you don't read the tarawih because the five daily salah or the second pillar of islam and the dharavi is sooner the
second pillar of islam should be your priority so focus on those things the five salah and the passing and inshallah once that becomes something that your child is accustomed to then you can use them to the other things as well
okay the next question is my system of feed
i believe this has been covered already is it obligatory for a 9.5 year old to fast
generally no right again the the criterion for fasting to become obligatory is if someone has attained puberty now it is possible for a girl to attain puberty at the age of nine so that becomes a deciding factor whether the person has attained puberty or not
for a girl once they hit 12 or 13 then it's definitely obligatory upon him to fast and for a boy once they become 15 if they haven't seen the signs of puberty yet become obligatory upon the bus younger than that was only about the puberty issue so in the case of a girl you know to make it more clear if that girl's has started experiencing menstruation getting obligatory upon her to pass if not she's to the child and she doesn't have passed the law and islam is very simple fasting is obligatory upon adults it is not obligatory upon children so if the child is under the age of puberty meaning they haven't experienced puberty yet then there's no fasting for them it's training
is experienced in growth it's getting used to the ibadah but it's not watching right once they hit puberty even if it's in the middle of ramadan that the boy becomes valid the next day fasting becomes obligatory upon them because they are now adults right so that is our criterion for differentiating between who is obligatory upon pass and who is not
next question is my sister latifah she wants to know that can kids be allowed to foster 3pm maybe to teach them how to fast if as i mentioned this already that as much as they can manage whether it's four hours five hours is again the fast is not compulsory upon them it's just training right so you know in my home we have this thing that we call the half day pass and if you can't pass the entire day at least try for half right i know for my for my five year old he'll he'll wake up for school and three hours later he'll say he wants to break his fast there's a fine you managed to do three hours out you didn't think it's training for them there's no obligation on there so yes with a
whether it's 3pm based on lunchtime whatever it is it's not obligatory upon them to fast so this is just a training so if they are unable to complete it let them eat because they are still children and it's not obligatory upon them yet
okay the next question is by ayesha she wants to know how to explain that backbiting is haram to children when they are fond of complaining about your siblings
well when it comes to complaining about their siblings you want to
take a middle party alright on one hand if a sibling is doing something really bad to them they need to complain to the parents about it can't tell them that that's haram does not actually haram that's something they need to do because they can't defend themselves so for example if a child is bullying another child
there's nothing wrong with their child complaint their mother about that's not backbiting that is you know going to the authority who can fix the problem so we need to make a differential differentiation here that when there is an issue between two children there's nothing wrong with the one of them taking it to the parent and the parent resolving it between them however if they are complaining about the siblings to their friends this becomes backbiting because their friends cannot do anything to fix the problem right it just becomes spreading a bad name to somebody
Who's your family? Now? How do you explain to children the backbiting is bad? It becomes a matter of empathy, putting yourself in the other person's shoes. simply tell your child that if your brother had to say this about you, how would you feel? Give him a moment to think about it. And your child may say that if my brother said that about me, I'd be really sad, and it will hurt me, I wouldn't like it, then tell them that's how your brother is feeling because of what you say to your friends. See, this is this is how you get a child to understand why certain things are wrong. By putting them in the other person's situation, making them understand how this hurts people got a child may not
realize that what comes out of their mouth and they may think only physical violence hurts, you know, you have to get them to think about how their words can hurt the relationship with your siblings. So again, to be clear, a child complaining to the parent about the siblings on a serious issue. That's not backbiting because their parents are the only one who can resolve it. Right? But going to their friends and other people and talking bad about the siblings, this is not acceptable. This is something you have to train them not to discuss with them the thesis in the Quranic verses about backbiting, explained to them about why it is wrong. I mean, if your child is, has memorized
the basic heroes, then he's already memorized wadeville equally, Kumasi, Louisa, tell them what that means. The destruction of Hellfire to those who backbiting gossip.
That's what the worst means. And so this, this shows them it's a serious thing that even Elias has spoken about the industry in the Quran. So yes, you have to discuss them, you have to
give the show them how to have empathy, how to understand how this hurts the other person, and you still have to leave that door communication open, that your child can speak, you take a serious issue for their support. Questions.
The next question is by funnier, she wants to know, how do you explain to a nine year old that it is obligatory to fast on every Muslim, when he sees his father as not fasting?
Well, you have to teach them to pray, but I'm getting the father is not fasting, because of legitimate Islamic reasons, or just because they're not practicing Islam, this becomes two different issues, right? Because when you teach a child you have to teach them the the obligatory upon adult fast, but if they are traveling or they are sick, or if a woman is pregnant, or all these other exceptions, they don't have to pass. Right. So of course, if you teach them like that, and the father is not fasting, because he's traveling or is ill, the child will understand. The more serious situation is where the father is not fasting, because he doesn't take Islam seriously. They as a
mother, it is still obligatory upon your children to teach them right from home. Right. And it has to be clear that what their father is doing is wrong without being disrespectful, without telling him to disrespect their father. Right. But they need to know that in Islam, fasting is obligatory, if someone chooses not to pass the accommodation. That's all. You're not going to fight to the Father, you're not going to tell them to write to the Father, but you are making the law clear you cannot change the message because someone's not practicing it. So you have to tell the child it's obligatory, those who don't do it, they're committing a sin. And you ask Allah to guide them and
make dua to Allah gives your father the guidance to break past the amount of Ramadan I teach him to make to offer these people that Allah guide them rather than hating. That is more that is more important, Allah.
Allah. Next question.
This question is from sister Bella. She wants to know, is it okay to give gifts to five year olds when they first for few hours and to celebrate the first day of fasting by inviting people for Iftar and giving him presence in order to make him feel special about fasting.
There's no problem with any of this. Again, they are children. And the issue of them having lasagna and only for the sake of Allah. This is something they can't comprehend. Yet this is something they'll understand when they become more mature. At that age, they are children or they are doing something to please their parents or to be like your parents or you know, because because they know this is the right thing to do. And there's nothing wrong with encouraging them through a reward system. Rather what you are doing is you are getting them accustomed to the idea that when you do something good there is a reward for that now you are five years old, so the reward is coming.
from your parents, when you're an adult, the reward will come from Allah. Right? This this is how you have to teach you that it shouldn't be taught in a way that, you know, you're five years old. So I'm giving you a gift for fasting. And when you 15 years old, I'm still going to be giving you gifts for fasting. I mean, 55 years old, I'm still going to be giving you gifts for us. No, it should be something obvious to the child, that this is only the children that get gifts and later on when we bigger it's Allah who he was actually introduced them to the idea that good deeds are rewarded. It's just at the age his parents were giving them something and inshallah we'll be bigger here. The
rewards will be from Allah. Okay, so for small children, those who are I would say,
maybe seven and below. There's no problem with this. Allah knows best on seven they become more understanding that these things should be done for the sake of Allah. Allah knows best.
The next question is by Zaha she says I'm 12 years old. And my question is, how do I keep focused while fasting and keep away from temptations?
Mashallah, very good question and sokola for joining us, Mashallah.
When you are 12 years old, how do you stay focused while fasting?
The first thing is to make sure that your intention is correct that you are fasting, in order to increase your taqwa and to increase your connection with Allah subhanho wa Taala. Now, definitely, while you are fasting, you will face temptations. This is for everyone, no matter how old you get. When you're 2535 45, the test will still come, right tests will still come people want to back by did you put the situation proper, where you want to lie, all other kinds of sins of tests will be there because life is a test. This world is a test. Right? We need to be clear about what our goal is. Again, being perfect is not possible. But you work towards your goal. When you slip up, you see
yourself we rely you ask Allah to forgive you, and you keep moving forward. That's how you work towards only the pleasure of
being perfect is by being your best with sincere intentions. So some of the things you can do to avoid temptation in the month of Ramadan is to surround yourself with good company, surround yourself with good company. And stay away from things that make you think about one thing. So for example, the television, right? Stay away from watching things which put bad thoughts in your mind. Stay away from websites, the good that bad thoughts in your mind. Stay away from company that make you backbiting gossip. in Ramadan, it's better to be just with yourself and with your family, and focusing on Nevada, again, to be you know, hanging out in the malls or, you know, sitting in front
of the television, because that's where the temptation comes into comedy. So you want to close the doors are things that that lead you astray, you want to stay away from bad company, you want to focus you enjoy your intention to become a better Muslim. And, of course, you want to be making ecfr asking Allah to forgive you, every time you slip up, because it is human. This is Bob, and we hold our purpose all to be the best that we can be at all when you make mistakes. Next question, please.
The next question is from madiha. Khan. She says that it's extremely hot in India. So how do we keep the children hydrated when they fast?
Well, again, it's not obligatory upon the child to pass if there is a
danger to their life, and notice a fear of dehydration and, you know, sickness. Again, the child should break their past because it's not obligatory upon them. But a few things you can do to stay hydrated in the month of Ramadan is to drink a lot of water at night, at night, not not at the whole time, but attract a drink as much water you as you can carry your kids to drink as much water as they can, from eastern time
until they go to bed at night. And then you have a bit more time. So that what gets stored in the body and will take longer for them to to choose it up. The second thing is to keep them away from too much physical activities. Right? So if they go for swimming classes, or for martial arts, or soccer or for cricket or for other kinds of physical activities, and you know, it's really really hot and they're going to come back tired and thirsty and dehydrated. It's better for that 30 days to see Listen, we're not going to do this for the month of Ramadan. after Ramadan, you can go back classes, if you feel it's going to affect their their fasting and the concentration and the
hydration levels right. So better to limit the outdoor
physical activities in the month of March.
They can focus on fasting instead. So I think if the physical activity while fasting is less if they stay indoors as much as possible, and if they drink water at night as much as they can, they ensure that they will manage the past, even if it's a long pass, they still will manage. It's amazing how long a human being can actually go without water if they need to pay, but remember, the children passing is not obligatory upon them. So if there is a danger to their health, please give them water do not, you know, let things get worse? Next question, please.
Let us How can you punish a six year old for lying?
At the age of six, the child hasn't yet understood
why lying is bad. Right. And very often, maybe punishment does lead them to start lying in the first place. To see what might happen is that a child may have done something wrong. Just say the child broke a plate. And the mother asked who broke the plate. And the child spoke the truth and said I broke the plate. And the mother didn't hit the child. By doing this, you are teaching the child that if you speak the truth, I will hit you.
So the next time the child breaks that plate, and the mother asked who broke it, child will say I don't know, the child will lie. Because they know if they speak the truth, they're going to get punished. So I don't think punishment is the right way to get a child offline, if they are lying is because they there is something that made them react in that way, it's because they are afraid to tell the truth is because something bad happened to them and they tell the truth.
Maybe some other aspect of our parenting needs to change because something else we are doing is making a child life. Right. So we need to create for our children environments, where they can tell the truth without getting in trouble for it. Or rather, the trouble they will get in for telling the truth is less than the trouble they will get in, you know, for lying. Now, some of the things you can do is to again, I spoke earlier about the empathy issue. Get them to understand how bad line is. One of the examples I give my children is is how one line needs to another. And if you get into the habit of lying, you end up having to tell hundreds of lives. You know, I gave them the example that
if someone asked you who drove Detroit, and you see I don't know, that becomes the first slide. If you don't know, who do you think did it and then you may point to somebody else that becomes a second life. And then you may see I saw him do it that becomes a third life. And so what happens is one lie leads to another now imagine how many lies Allah will be holding against you. And will Allah be happy with you for that. And then the other way is to show them what happens when all these lies come back to haunt someone that someone was lying upon lying. And you're the famous story to teach them is a boy Cried Wolf. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the story. You can check it up
online, the boy who cried wolf, very famous metaphor about a fictional story about the danger of lying. My kids read that story. And it really drove straight to them. The point about just how valid is to lie often, right? But again, from a parenting perspective, we should be raising our children in a way that they should be comfortable telling us, they should not be afraid to tell us if they are lying out of fear of us, it means that we are raising that is not right, the way we are raising them is making them lie. So let us first introspect and check whether we are overreacting to the mistakes, because that's the main cause of children, right. And if that's the case, we should fix
ourselves first and adopt a more moderate way of dealing with our children's mistakes.
If that's not the problem, if it's just from them personally, then you want to educate them, teach them the stories, teach them these lessons, teach them the repercussions of line and inshallah over time, they will understand and they will learn to speak the truth when they need to. Also another thing which I like to tell children is that lying is a form of being a coward. And speaking the truth is a type of courage, a type of bravery. The children like to be brave, they like they like to think of themselves as brave. They like to show their bravery. So for me this way speaking the truth is being brave. You know, you might get in trouble but you still spoke the truth. That's something
that you know, that takes a lot of courage. So if you teach your child in that way, they will now associate speaking the truth with courage and bravery, and it will become something you'll be more motivated to do inshallah. So these are a few ways in which to deal with this issue. May Allah make it easy for all of us here, you can show them what the next question
The next question is from Xena. She wants to know what are some good topics to talk about with a four year old and Ramadan?
With a four year old
When it comes to Islam, I only teach about two things, Islamic manners and fournis. Right? Beyond that, there's not much they will understand you give them a basic understanding that we worship Allah, Allah created everything. But we go into more details about aqeedah, I find when they are five or six, it becomes easier to explain to the four year old. My general methodology with four and five year olds is to focus on
manners and character, to teach them about being good people who don't lie, and don't bully, and don't hurt people and don't make people cry, and these kinds of things. And so you know, that you'll sit together the family, and you'll teach it as this is what Islam teaches. And this is how we should be. These are the topics that should be the focus at that point in time. So from the age of four or five, that child is growing up with the correct manners and tabs. And this will become a part of whom they are before they enter the teenage phase, which is one of the biggest test of life. So this is why I believe that's what should be focused on at that age, with manners and character.
And with that stories, and what you'll find is that the stories in Islamic history, generally, the lesson is something we will model. Generally, the lessons to do with being brave, or speaking the truth, or having good manners or having good character in different ways being humble. And so through the stories, you introduce them to the personality of a Muslim, right. So those are the two things you focus on that age stories, and good character manners, and inshallah, when they are older, you can bring in more technical subjects.
Next question, please.
Okay, shake. We'll be taking two more questions. Now. The next question is by Karima. She wants to know,
what do we do if we have done all that you've said, but our children are still lazy.
At the end of the day,
we are responsible to teach our children that guidance is from Allah subhanho wa Taala. Allah is the one who puts hidayah and guidance in the hearts of people.
We cannot force someone to love Allah, we cannot force someone to be a practicing Muslim. We cannot force someone to believe in Islam. All we can do is teach them lead by example, make dua for them, and show them the right way. If after all of that, the child still chooses the wrong way, the only thing you can do once they hit puberty, and once they become adults, and they end they don't want to be able to practice Islam anymore. The only thing you can do now is make dua and talk to them. That's all you can do not make dua for them, and talk to them. And I will say don't lose hope. Don't lose hope. Because children go to phases in their life. If you taught him the right thing, they may
go through a few years where they become rebellious, and they want to experiment and do the wrong things. But then when something happens, or when they grow up, or when they get married, or when they have their own kids or when they get their first job, or some major life event happens, they begin to realize whatever my mother taught me was right. And my mother had appointed the way my mother did things right. And that's when they come back to what we taught them. So
don't lose hope. Continue to make dua be like prophet Yahoo, Elisa, grew up with Yahoo Ali Salaam, with the Prophet of Allah. And so he was amongst the greatest of parents, but his children wanted to kill their own brother. And they said, you know, we'll kill him. And then we repented a couple people. And they ended up throwing him in a well, and many years and decades past. But if you read diversity through our use of iacobelli, Islam says very clearly that he will never lose hope in the mercy of Allah. And he continued to make dua for all these children. At the end of the day, not only was he reunited with us via a Salaam, but those other sons of his became good Muslims, too. He
became good people to prevention. This is the power of the doers of the parents. So our job when they are younger used to teach them to lead by example, we offer them to show them right from wrong when they become adults. And then, you know, it's now between them and Allah, we can only advise them and we do offer them, we can't force him to teach. So why is the most important thing you get a level test?
For the Warren asks, How do you explain the reasons of fasting to a young child? And also how can we keep them motivated to keep the children motivated even after the Ramadan is over?
Angel Okay, the first question is, how do you explain the reasons for fasting to a young child hamdulillah. Many of the Islamic Studies textbooks out there have already written it and explained it out very well. So you can get it from some of the Islamic
studies textbooks particularly very simply ramadan this is how i explain to children ramadan is about getting closer to allah it's about becoming a better muslim it's about helping us grow and become better they're all of us have mistakes all of us can become better all of us can
grow closer to allah subhanho wa taala and this is a great time to do that because we now have a month where shaytan is locked up and very so much of extra goodies that we can do and so this time is all about becoming better by the end of ramadan we must be better than in the beginning i think any child inshallah should be able to understand that it is the stage of understanding it and that's as simple as you can get you know i mean you don't have to use the arabic words like taqwa and hedaya you can explain in simple english to them it's about becoming a better muslim that's really what it's about you know increasing taqwa is about becoming a better muslim preaching guidance is
about becoming a better muslim so the simplest term is telling your child that ramadan is a time to help us all become better
and the other question is that after the month of ramadan how do you keep the spirit of ramadan alive well one thing is that you continue to play a role in your child's education you continue to play a role in teaching islam to your children even outside the month of ramadan and you continue to practice islam yourself and
another thing you can do is have nuffield pass or not pass you know so you encourage your child and also with them fast on assura on you know the days of hajj when you when you are commanded to pass maybe on mondays and thursdays is recommended fast keep that spirit alive outside of ramadan and talk about ramadan whenever something happens talk about ramadan and nikki back remember in ramadan ramadan we did it this way even remember how good the all the ramadan so in this way ramadan stays in their mind as something important as something that's supposed to be life changing and inshallah in this way it's something that will affect them throughout their lives inshallah that each ramadan
you will becoming moody have become a better muslim each ramadan and the same will happen to your children as well of course none of us are perfect none of us can be perfect but inshallah will each ramadan you are getting better and they are getting better and that is accomplishing the goal of the goal of ramadan so what are the 100 i think that was the final question i want to thank you all for very interesting questions which led to a very nice discussion and may allah help us all to deal with the challenges of life may he make this ramadan that is coming up beneficial to each and every one of us and for our families and immediate forgiveness for our sins in the means of bringing us
closer to allah subhana allah and may allah help us all to deal with the challenges of parenting and to help us all to raise children who will inshallah be revivals of this deen and leaders of this desert caliphate all if your time walker that one
all persons with such fast this come to the end of this webinar and we thank you so much for being a session
before those next
conductivities not banding run on and responsibilities you may be a student mother or father working too busy on how to manage your tasks or ramadan
especially movie that is randy marsh on may 30 at 8pm quarter time so book your calendars right away and we'll meet again in just five days inshallah till then as long it can work with allahu wa barakato