Ibrahim Nuhu – Tarbiyyah 2024 #01
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AI: Transcript ©
Brothers and sisters, as you know throughout the
semester we organize Islamic events calling people towards
the sunnah of Rasulullah
Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.
However, as volunteers, many times we don't benefit
as much as audience.
So that is exactly why thervia sessions like
these are necessary.
So that we could improve ourselves and call
people towards the sunnah of Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi
Wasallam.
Now before passing the mic to the Sheikh,
I have few reminders for everyone, including myself.
I advise everyone to purify their intentions. We
are here truly to improve ourself and to
learn from this talk.
Secondly, as today is the day of Alpha,
I advise everyone to fill up their time
with Tasvee, Tahmir and Tahleel of Allah
as these words are light on the tongue
but heavy on the mizan.
And lastly, I advise everyone to make a
lot of Dua because Dua Ayum El Arafah,
after the Duwah, you Dua Ayum El Arafah.
The best of Dua is the Duwah Mir
on the day of Arafah.
Now I would pass the mic to our
beloved Sheikh Ibrahim.
So
we gathered here to
talk about this noble and important topic.
Ask Allah
to grant us ability to do the right
thing
in addressing the matter
and also to say that,
which pleases Allah
first of all like
the
Sheikh just mentioned
about
the day of Arafa.
We really need to be
serious on this matter
he mentioned because we have a long journey
to Allah you
don't know when
are you going to depart back to Allah.
And living in this contemporary time of ours.
Where the dunya has changed a lot.
That which is to be which used to
be easy
to be preserving.
Today is quite difficult
due to the social media and a lot
of entertainment.
It's not easy to maintain your righteousness and
it's a calmer.
And therefore, it is our opportunity
yeah,
because
yeah because my dear brothers and sisters only
Allah
can help you and stand between you and
this higher.
If Allah
let you live your life alone,
you will fail.
Definitely, you will fail. You need a lost
on your side.
And
today, it's your opportunity to ask Allah
for this.
Repent to Allah
You know yourself more than anybody
else. Fix your attitude and your behavior.
Open a new file between you and Allah
Subhanahu wa ta'ala that you'll be
living,
with until the day you meet Allah.
Allah
says,
to Adul.
And you also believe in Allah and be
maintained there is because
faith and belief
you know, is very simple. Everyone can accept,
and everyone can claim things, but to maintain
this up to the moment you meet Allah
is not is not easy. Yeah. To maintain
this until the time you meet Allah is
not easy.
So this is your opportunity, as I said,
my dear brothers and sisters, to ask Allah
to help you to keep this is to
cover.
Is to cover means
you maintain your good behavior,
you know, towards Allah
until the time you you meet him. There
is no circumstance or time that will force
you to change.
Yeah. So may Allah grant you good and
ability to utilize,
this
uh-uh day
and may Allah
be with all of us and make us
among the successful ones.
So today inshallah,
we'll be dealing with an important matter which
is a matter of Telia.
So it is going to be inshallah
a continuation,
you know, of what we did during the
conference.
So I'll refresh our mind on that which
we, do
and then add what to be added
on top of what we
what we did. If you remember last time,
I began my talk
about
you know, with
the reality of this life nowadays.
The reality of Telbia
in this time of ours. And I mentioned
that the war against us
is not the physical one that we see.
I see it different. The war against us
is not a physical war that we see.
Yeah. Although that one is also,
fierce
and hard for us to handle.
But the the real one is a war
against us through our children.
You know that I'm, telling you the truth
that, nowadays, somebody else is taking care of
our children,
children. Not us.
You know, the kind of mentality we have
at home is different from what is supposed
to exist in the house of a Muslim.
So the existence of the social media and
all of its forms
and also negligence from the parent. Yeah. And
also negligence from the parent.
Somebody took over.
So what happened
is, in the future, if we're not careful,
all of the people who remain, they're already
brainwashed
and trained by those people. So they don't
need to make any effort to convince them
to support their hidden agendas.
You get idea because they are already on
those agendas.
That's the reason why I see it as
the real battle between us and our enemy.
Be you Allah. The real battle between us
and our enemy is how to give terbia
to our kids. Because trust me my dear
brothers and sisters,
if we manage to succeed in
giving good terbir to the kids, you don't
need to worry about the future.
All the old ones most likely are going
to be gone. The one who will took,
take over the responsibility
of leading
the nation inshallah to success will be the
younger one.
So if they are okay, we have no
fear that inshallah
the Muhammad Muhammad
will succeed in the future.
So I just want you to have a
you know a sense of, this that the
war against the Muslim and Islam
is done through our our children.
You go to our Masajid, who do you
find in the Masajid?
The old people, usually.
Yeah. And this is
the situation almost wherever you go. You know,
you go to the massaging, the old people.
You go to the school, who cares about
the Islamic Manus and Telvia?
Almost nobody.
From the management and the kids and the
parents.
You know?
So they succeed.
You know. They succeeded, you know, in this
in this regard.
But Alhamdulillah,
change is always possible.
As long as we are looking for it,
it is always possible for us to to
change.
So how to succeed in this
Telbia? To make a u-turn, to take over,
you know, our responsibility,
you know, to take it back from those
who stole it from us and put it
in in the wrong way. The first thing
I mentioned, if you remember, is preparing a
base.
You know, this is really necessary.
That's why
it is important for you to
look with the eyes of Terbia when you
are choosing a spouse.
Yeah, it is really important.
You know, keep aside all of those, you
know, physical, you know, appearance.
Trust me, they will fizzle. They will go.
Yeah. You'll come when you will become more
matured,
more responsible,
you see things in their
reality,
then you will be, you will begin to,
you know, think that
most likely I did the wrong choice.
You know, you're supposed to have this kind
of eyes when you are choosing the spouse.
Somebody who is supposed to be with you,
cooperating and helping you to make a success
in giving terabir to their children.
When you're choosing a spouse, make sure that
you put in your mind that this is
supposed to be the mother of your children.
This is supposed to be the father of
your children.
If you don't have this, trust me my
dear brothers and sisters, you are going to
fail.
Because you will choose based on your own
personal interest,
which will not remain.
You know, the more you age, trust me,
the more you age. You are young, you
might not realize it. But the more you
age,
the,
you know, lesser your desire is.
In these type of things, that's why when
Jabeel married,
and he married not even old woman but
he married a a widow.
Asked him,
Jabeel, why are you so speedy? You're Russian.
He said, Rasulah, I just recently married.
So the prophet
told him, oh, what did you marry? Who,
whom do you marry?
Jabin said,
Absalah,
I I human catalyst, Bill Medina. He said
it was a widow who is living with
us in Medina.
The
prophet look at him, very young person, marrying
a widow.
Is it halal?
Yes, it's halal Islam
he did.
Yeah, he married
Khadija
who is way older than him.
Yeah, and all of his wives are widows
actually except Aisha
and he married a younger person who is
at the age of his grand
granddaughter
Aisha at the age of 6.
Yeah, so it's halal.
However, Islam
has its own recommendations.
It's Rasulullah.
He advised people to marry those who did
not marry
you know
yet
not to discourage people from marrying the other
ones but
he says
and he he mentioned some you know virtues
that you can find in this one which
might not be found. Not necessarily. You know,
to miss them but might not be found.
So when he see Jabir,
you know,
marrying a widow, he was surprised, he told
him, Jabil, why? Why widow?
He says, why didn't you marry
a big, a virgin,
woman,
that you will be playing with her and
she plays with you. Yeah, because the age
is still young.
This mentality of playing is still there. Okay,
this is part of the the marital life.
So the prophet
told them, why don't you get somebody like
this that will you be playing with? She
plays with you. You laugh, she laughs. Not
somebody who is always serious.
Because she went through
difficulties and experiences of life, so she might
not be like this one. So the prophet
told him why didn't you get
this? You get it? He says
so Jabin told the prophet
he said,
you Rasulullah, the reason why I
made this choice,
it was
the fact that my father, before he died,
he told me, Jabir,
you know, I'm afraid that I will be
among the first people to be killed during
this sad battle.
And please, if this happened,
take care of your your siblings.
So he has a younger uh-uh siblings.
So the prophet I'm sorry Jabin, when the
father told him this,
he
said this is the reason why I compromise
my
my right. I know it's better for me
to go for this but to fulfill the
of my father,
I compromise this fight.
So
the prophet
advised him to marry somebody. Somebody young at
that age. So that he can benefit from
the early you know part of his his
marriage.
And prophetess Allahu Soma did not advise him
to take from the widow.
So don't forget, I'm trying to emphasize
to you that the more you age, the
lesser
desire
in
what marriage necessitate,
you know,
you have. So the prophet
did not advise him to marry. We don't,
he told him to go with that one.
On another occasion, the prophet
said,
the first
three people that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will
not speak to.
And he will not look at them,
and Allah will not purify them,
and they will be among the worst in
the eyes of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
He says Sheikh Hunzani,
an old man that commits death.
And
a king that lies.
Or Ailu Mustakbir
and a poor and destitute person who is
arrogant.
You know he says Sheikh Hunzani,
an old man that commits you now.
Why is he included?
Because at this age, the desire
is is very low. But still he committed
Zina, that's why Allah is treating him in
this, in this way.
Malekum Kedab,
the king that lies.
Why do we lie?
Because we are afraid of?
Because we are afraid of punishment.
Right?
But this person is the king in the
country.
He's afraid of who?
You get it? So he got this worst
type of punishment.
When he meets Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. And
the last one
is usually arrogance comes comes from who?
Rich person.
But this person is poor and destitute. But
at the same time he's arrogant.
So the first part of this hadith you
can see.
The prophet said
among those people that will be punished by
Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. The first part of
the day of judgement and Allah Subhanahu wa
ta'ala will not even look at them.
Is this man who is an old man
but at the same time committing zina?
So what I want you to take from
these two stories is the fact that
this desire that you're having nowadays,
trust me, whether you like it or you
like it, it's part of our life. It's
very natural for it to reduce. From both
side.
So if the purpose of your marriage is
this, it is going to go down. And
now you're becoming more responsible. You have kids
next to you. They need your attention. They
need their mother's attention. This is the time
you will be remembering,
you know, that which I'm saying now.
If you do not make the right choice,
that you should be looking with these type
of glasses before you choose whomsoever you are
choosing. Yeah, this is going to be the
mother, this is going to be the father
of your your children.
We have many cases where the divorce happened.
The wife is afraid of,
the, I mean, divorcing the husband because
she believes if she do that, you know,
the custody will go to the father and
the father is corrupt.
The father is bad. You know, Or sometimes,
the father
wanted to divorce
because he believes that this marriage cannot be
tolerated anymore. But he has a strong fear
that if he divorced her, the custody will
go to her and she and he knows
who she is.
All of these are supposed to be, you
know, placed in mind. In the way when
the divorce happened, you know, Allah
even says,
do not forget the virtue and the good
life that used to exist amongst you in
the in the past when the divorce happened.
So you are supposed to divorce a person
that you don't mind,
you know, leaving your kids with her. And
she doesn't mind leaving her kids with you
because she knows who you are.
But trust me, in many instances, this is
not the case.
The father, if he's righteous, he has a
strong fear of his children getting
lost
because he's going to give them an
the hand off. The mother because he knows
who she is and the mother also on
the other hand she is afraid of divorce
and sometimes she has to you know force
herself to to stay in that marriage. Although
she believes that divorce is the best, you
know, solution for her case. You know, because
she has been traumatized and there is no
good in living with this person. However,
she's afraid of this
divorce because of the kids. Because she knows
that if she divorce him, he'll be the
one who will take over the custody of
the kids and they will get into trouble.
So my dear brothers and sisters, please
please
put this on your mind. That you're going
to choose somebody who is supposed to be
the mother or the father of your of
your children. And therefore this person has to
be the best
educator,
the best person who
you know
knows what Telvia is all about and who,
you know,
favor, you know, and prefer, you know, staying
and giving the priority to the children rather
than their personal interest. That's why it is
one of the advice of the scholars that
when you marry a person, you should
look into the readiness of that person to
to marry and also to give therapy to
the kids in in the future. If you
marry somebody who is not ready, you will
get into into trouble.
So if that person is not ready to,
you know, compromise their own personal interest for
the sake of those whom a lost mortal
will be giving you in in the future.
Trust me, it is a a time for
you
to cancel this proposal and move forward and
look for somebody else. Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.
Up to date, we still have the good
ones.
True?
Do we have good sisters?
Salam. Do we have good brothers? Yes.
Nobody can convince me that because I have
I have heard this. It's very,
difficult or that is no good person or
that's a lie. That is
a lot.
Yeah. So if this one is not ready,
why do you stick to this person?
If this person is very handsome, so pretty,
trust me, you will see somebody who is
better.
You just need to seek the support from
Allah and
open your eyes and move forward.
But don't you ever rush when it comes
to marriage.
K? I hope you guys, you know, are
opening your ears to listen to this, properly.
Don't you ever close your eyes. You know?
Open your eyes and don't rush. Yeah. Don't
rush.
Check properly.
Don't rush. No need to rush. Many of
us are really rushing when it comes to
marriages, especially those who are marrying for the
first time. No.
Your time has value. You know, your time
has value. So open your eyes
and don't rush and make sure that you
choose the person that inshallah
you will not you will not regret by
choosing,
that person. So these are the first thing
to be done. You know, choosing a good
partner,
you know, that will cooperate with you in
giving terbia to your kids. If this is
not being done, trust me, you will not
be able to make a a success in
this regard.
And that's the attitude
and the behavior of the prophets of Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala and also
the attitude and the behaviour of the righteous
people after the prophets of Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala.
Ibrahim alayhis salam, the one that I quoted
his example last last time, look at the
family of Ibrahim alayhis salam, subhanAllah
You are a very, very, very excellent and
dedicated family. You can understand why
Ismael, Is Haq, and those great great great
great prophets of Allah like that. Because they
live in the house
that has been prepared by by the father.
This man, his life is all about Tawhid.
Tawhid. Tawhid.
He understand what Tawhid means. He understand the
benefit of Tawhid.
He believes that Tahit is the only way
to to success.
There is no way for humankind to succeed
except
and through Tahit.
That's why Allah
mentioned him so many
times when Allah talks about Tahit and Akida,
Ibrahim will be mentioned.
He shows no compromise on this. So the
house is based on this. And he chose
the good people also to cooperate with him
in this regard.
His wife Sarah,
subhanAllah,
he took her to a place and she
agreed to go with him. Ibrahim technically lived
alone. You know that?
Ibrahim was living alone,
except a few with the family who are
not good.
You know, last year is for Amal Elahulot.
His father is a Kafir, grandfather Kafir, you
know. The whole city,
you know, Okufar.
You know?
And he had to leave that place,
You know, go to another place. So he
reached a city also where there was no
Muslim. He told his wife, he said he
should know that there is no Muslim in
this place except me and you. And so,
Allah, if if if let's say there was
no Muslim,
but the community is a bit accepting, you
know, somebody else,
somebody else's,
values. You know? You can,
you know,
tolerate living in that community,
but they're not.
You have to be forced to live according
to their terms. That's why when he lived
the place, he had information about who the
king of this place was. So he told
his wife, we really need to be very
careful because there is no Muslim in this
place except me and you.
SubhanAllah. And that king was
wicked, you know. So he sent to Ibrahim
looking for his his wife,
Subhanallah.
So Ibrahim,
did send.
You can see his, wife is Morabia,
somebody who believes in Allah's mother. She knows
that only Allah's mother can protect her. She
did not ask anybody else's support except Allah's
support,
and Allah supported her.
That man couldn't be able to touch
her. Why?
Because of Akida. Allah, high minded presence, it
was because of Akida.
Because she went back to Allah's mouth immediately
and said, you Allah,
never committed zina in my life.
Never destroy my honor. You know? Never use,
this part of my body except with my
husband. You Allah, do not give chance to
this person. And that was enough.
Allah protected him. A man was not able
to touch.
He tried, tried, tried. At the end of
the day, he concluded that this is Shaitan.
So he took her back to Ibrahim Alaihi
Salam and he gave her a gift of
Hajar.
That's the beginning of the history of Rasulullah
Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Salam will come into this
life.
And Subhan Allah, Ibrahim
trained Hajar because Hajar was given to Ibrahim
Alai Salam by his wife. Looking at the
fact that they lived without having a child,
you take this one. Maybe Allah's going to
grant you a child.
But then, you know, human nature.
Hajar got a child.
She couldn't,
stand that.
Not because of hazard, but jealousy is so
strong. So Hajar has to be running away
from her. Allah
commanded Ibrahim alayhis salam to take Hajar to
another place.
The fact that Hajar will accept also
to go to that place where there is
nobody
is enough to tell you that, yes, Ibrahim
invested a lot in his family.
You allah. How can you convince her to
go and stay in the forest alone? Just
tell her stay and then she stayed.
You allah, she did
stay in that place alone. She knows that
Ibrahim is going to go. And he left
her, and she accepted that.
You know?
So important and so interesting when she told
him, where are you going? You're leaving us
in this place.
To whom? He says to Allah
is Allah the one who asked you to
do that? He said yes.
She said,
She said, okay. Then if this is the
case, then I believe that Allah
will never neglect us.
So what does that tell you? It tells
you that Ibrahim invested a lot in preparing
a base for the terbiyah of his children.
This type of woman, why would you worry,
you know, to, to travel and leave your
kids next to her? You will love. Why
would you worry?
You will never worry.
You would never worry if you are to
die now. You don't worry.
And I don't talk about the father because
you know who is the father. Right? Why
would the wife worry if Ibrahim is is
the father or somebody who is imitating Ibrahim
is the father of her children?
So he invested a lot. It's a very
long and interesting story that I advise
each one of you to go to Sahil
Bukhari
and read this,
long version of the narration of the story
of Ibrahim
and Umu Ishmael. So they live in that
place, and she was the one who was
taking care of his kid upon the Arcada
and Good Tarabia and she produced that person
who happened to be the prophet of Allah
Subhanahu wa ta'ala. When Ibrahim
visited them one day and he asked his
wife, the wife of Ismael,
that's after the death of the mother Omu,
Ismael Haja. So when Ibrahim visited the place,
he asked her about
their their life.
She complained.
So when she complained to Ibrahim that they
are facing difficulty and hardship,
Ibrahim alaihis salam
realized that this is not good
for his son,
you know, subhanallah.
What matters with those people is tabia,
relationship with Allah.
Patience,
saber, somebody that can, you know, do the
job in
taking care of kids.
Because imagine somebody who is like this, not
appreciating what a last motto is doing. Not
seeing that a lot has a favor upon
them, not being patient. What kind of children
are they going to be, producing in in
the future?
Do you get what I'm saying? Right? I
don't want you to I want you to
understand
why Ibrahim
told his son, Ismail, to divorce this woman.
Yeah. Because she doesn't fit to take care
of of his kid,
you allah. She is not qualified to be
the wife of Ibrahim alaihi sallam who will
be giving terbiyah to
the next generation.
Yeah? Because Allah promised
him also that he's gonna bring out of
his descendants
somebody who will who will take over.
So
Ibrahim asked him to divorce her and to
get another one. Ibrahim Ismail divorced her immediately.
Yeah. He divorced her immediately, and,
he managed another one. That one was totally
different from the first one.
Then Ibrahim, when he came, he asked him
to keep this one because this one is
the one that fit him.
Yeah, the one that fit him, understand how
much Allah is doing for them because Ibrahim
left them with no food,
Hajar and Hassan Ismael, they were living on
what? Zamza water and Tamru. The Tamru finish,
they just live with Zamza and that's it.
And this woman, she's getting even meat, she's
getting
what do you call? Uh-uh,
damsel, you know. What else she's getting but
still she's not thankful to Allah
That means dunya is in her brain. So
she doesn't fit to live with
a prophet of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
So as I said this is also the
behaviour of the righteous princesses.
All of his wives and his families are
upon this nature.
And the companions of the prophet are
also are are like that. And the Tavion,
all of those righteous people, trust me my
dear brothers and sisters, they were like that.
They prepared a base,
you know, in the best way so that
they don't need to worry about who is
giving terbia to their to their kids.
They don't need to worry about who is
giving terbia to their kids.
Umu Musulayim,
the mother of Anas ibn Malik.
You
know her story. Right?
Her husband
died.
He refused to accept Islam when the prophetess
of Allah came, unfortunately.
But she refused to follow him, Pisham.
He accepts to be,
on the other side.
So she refused to follow him.
She maintained her religion. So you can understand
what kind of, you know, person you are
dealing with. Abutalha
proposed to marry her. And she looked into
the behavior as far as behaviors and manners
are concerned, this person qualifies to be her
partner.
However,
the main obstacle he has is the fact
that he is not a Muslim.
So she told him, a person like you
cannot be rejected. You're upon the best of
manners.
However, you are not a Muslim and I
I, as a Muslim, I cannot marry a
non Muslim. Because in Islam,
a sister cannot marry a non Muslim.
A brother in a very restricted,
way Allah
legalizes for whom to marry from
the Jews and the Christian only if they
are decent in terms of manners
and attitude, meaning not the one that is
hanging around with the brothers
and, also committing zenah or prostitution.
A brother can go for this. If he
wants to go for this, which many scholars
looking at the circumstances
nowadays and the situation nowadays, they say it
is harmful for you to call this. Not
in the sense of contradicting what Allah says
no. They are just looking at
what is going on when a person marry
a non Muslim.
We have so many people who are married
from the non,
believers, the Jews or the Christians, and they
lost their children.
You're like, it's not easy, you know. Now
a person can say, oh, no problem. Insha'Allah,
Allah can protect them. But in the future,
you will never forgive yourself.
You see your children, you are saying Allahuwahhid,
they are saying Allahuwahhid, they
are saying Allahuwahhid, they are saying Rasayu Abilullah.
Or they're worshipping idols in your house. You
see them going to churches, synagogues, or somewhere
else and you can't do nothing. Because sometimes
the
the the community is protecting her right. This
is Christian country, for instance. You can't do
anything.
So many scholars look at these consequences
and what is going on. They ban this
type of marriages.
And also, it's my personal sin, it's how
I see it, it's an insult to our
sisters.
There is no Muslim sister that qualifies your
your requirement,
and you go and get from other than
the Muslims.
And also what kind of love you have
to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
What kind of love you have to Allah
If in your house, you are there saying
Allahuwahhid and she's worshiping idols in front of
your eyes, in your territory. The house that
you bought or you rent, you're paying for
this shimp to take place in your territory,
and you can't do nothing.
Therefore,
we have to think wisely. So,
she told him you are not a Muslim.
You know, you are upon a good manner
and it's not good for a person to
reject somebody like you. However,
I have restriction,
you know, being labeled on me by the
religion I adopted.
Embrace this religion, and I'm very serious and
dedicated in my religion. The religion says this,
I'm going to follow.
You know, this woman, she's teaching who? She's
teaching us.
We do have people in this life who
are Muslims
by names.
You can see a sister marrying a coffin.
Yeah. If you don't know,
I'll let you know now. We have.
And that shows that the level of, you
know, her, you know, acceptance of the religion
of Allah is very weak.
That marriage is dinner marriage. She's committing dinner.
But many of them living in the western
community,
they think that is fine to merge with
those cultural practices.
No. A Muslim is not supposed to lose
his identity because he wants to save his
stay
in the non Muslim countries.
That's why the moment you start compromising any
of your identity,
it is wajib upon you to make
hijrah.
You have to.
Hijrah is wajib upon that person. The moment
you start compromising, you have to make hijrah.
So those sisters who couldn't find a Muslim
brother to marry them, they must make Hijra
too,
to the Muslim
countries.
Those who cannot wear the hijab, they have
to make hijra to the Muslim countries to
preserve their religion. Wallahi, they have no excuse.
No excuse unless if that Hijrah cannot be,
you know, afforded,
then this is something else.
Yeah. We look into their case as a
darura, that's why they are stay staying here.
But for the marriage, there is always a
way out. If she married a calf here,
she's committing, committing zenal. So back to a
Muslim.
Umusolem is teaching us dedication, right? When you
hold upon Allah,
keep it. Don't compromise any part of your
religion because of your personal interest.
Yeah. There's a message to people nowadays because
many instances, trust me my dear brothers and
sisters, we favor our personal interests
Rather than going with that which I lost
my daughter once.
And we take sugar, a lot of sugar
in your in our life. Rather than being
on the safe side, no, we take a
lot of sugar. As long as there is
somebody who said this, it's okay. Yeah. This
is your opinion. This is how you see
it. You know? This is, what they say.
But there is another opinion. Subhan Allah.
A Muslim is known to be somebody who
is always asking for the safest way. Don't
forget my dear brothers and sisters, you are
dealing with who? Not Ibrahim,
not Hazek, not Hassan, not Kareem, not Bashir,
you are dealing with Rambul Al Amin. You're
dealing with Rambul Al Amin.
Shouldn't play a game with your relationship with
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, ew Allah. It's a
very serious matter. Be on the safe side.
When you have controversy among the scholars, check
and see which one is the safer opinion.
Go with that.
Go with that. The prophet said,
when it comes to
the said stay away from the Shuba. Nowadays
we are looking for the for the we
are looking for
Shubhat. Rasulullah
said he want to protect your religion and
your honor and dignity, stay away from the
Shubaha
and doubtful
matters. So Olmusulaim told him,
you cannot be,
a person like you cannot be rejected. However,
I promise,
I'm sorry. She said, however, I'm a Muslim.
I cannot marry a a Kafir.
So he asked her because he's he's really
interested in the marriage. He asked her, so
what to do? She said, go and accept
Islam. It's as simple as this. And I
don't want Mahal.
You get it? Nowadays, Mahal is number 1.
Yes, it it has to be, you know,
an important, you know,
part of our managers,
but it shouldn't have, you know, the importance
of the religion in Manis.
Yeah. We focus too much on the Maharaj
and how much is he going to pay
rather than focusing on his behavior and attitude.
And tomorrow,
who is going to suffer?
The
the wife side. So she told him, I
don't need anything from you. Just go and
accept Islam from Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Salam.
Your Islam is my Mahar.
Hence,
and that's what
what happened. So they were blessed by a
child.
And Abu Talha loved this child. And Abu
Talha went to the prophet and accepted Islam.
And the companions were so happy to hear
that Mahar is Islam is the Mahar. They
used to see this Mahar as the best
Mahar in Islam.
What was the Mahar? Islam.
You know? So they married.
They had a child, Alhamdulillah.
This child became sick,
and Abu Talha really loved this baby so
much. So the wife realized that
it's really too much for this person to
hear the news of,
his,
child
dying.
The news of the demise of his child.
It will not be easy for him. Subhanallah.
I want you to understand what kind of
wife is was he living with? Smart person.
Religious and very smart person.
The child died while Abu Talha was not
around.
So now what to do? How to inform
your mother is an issue?
So she prepared the child. She washed him.
She put him in a place. She let
the child rest in that place.
That's a dead person. When the husband came,
she brought him his food. He was so
happy. He asked, how about my son?
She said, he never got rest like like
today.
So he was so happy, you know, that
his child
start gaining back his his health.
This is what he thought.
So she gave him the food. He enjoyed
his food, and then she put some perfume
that attract his desire,
and then he went and had relationship with
her.
After he finished everything,
she told him, my dear husband, I have
a question for you.
SubhanAllah.
He said, what is the question?
She said,
what if a people borrow something from another
people?
When the owner of this property decided to
take it back,
is it okay for the people who borrowed
the item to be annoyed because the owner
asked,
for his thing to be given back to
him?
The man said, no. Why would they why
would they be angry?
She said,
and please, I'm very sorry to announce
the return,
you know, of your child back to Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Now he understands what was she trying to
say, you know. Because he thought this is
a real case, you know, that happened. Somebody
borrowed something and the owner says I want
my thing back and then the one who
borrowed it doesn't want to take it back.
But she's not referring to that. SubhanAllah. You
can see even the smartness, even how to
deduct this, to put it in this way
for him. Because he cannot argue.
He knows that the child is just a
manna with him from Allah to take care
of it. Allah has the right to take
back the manna at any moment he wants.
So he was annoyed with her.
Why?
Because of the demise of the child, he
accepted the kadar because she did the nice
job in in conveying the message to him.
He wasn't annoyed by the child dying,
but he was annoyed with her.
Why did she, you know, let him had
relationship with, have relationship with her after knowing
that his child passed away?
This is what this woman did with me.
The prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam smiled. He found
it so smart, you know, a decision and
interesting. So the
prophet told him,
don't worry about Palha.
Please, if Allah
grant you a child
from that relationship you had with, with your
spouse, please, before you do anything, bring the
child to me first.
SubhanAllah. And that was how the case was
closed. So I just want you to just
go back and see what kind of a
person, you know, Musulayim was.
Whoever stays with that woman was staying with
the person who is really a responsible
person. That's why when the prophet
came, she realized that everyone is making gifts
to us to the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
She think of what to do, what to
do. She says to herself, the best
is to put my son in that house.
You Allah. She made a very nice decision.
And she quickly did that before somebody else
goes before her. She took her son.
And as he was very young.
You know.
She told the prophet she said, you Rasool
Allah,
Anas ibn Malik
is your servant, You Rasulullah. Please let him
stay with you. You are here,
as a stranger. You don't know this place.
You need somebody to help you. You Rasulah,
this boy is here just for you, to
help you.
Yeah. Whatever you want, Anas is is there.
The prophet accepted
that. SubhanAllah.
Anas was blessed with this. That's why he
got the Talbiya Farsoul, lassalallahu alaihi wa sallam.
How did he get this? Because of the
smartness of a mother.
This decision led to the production of this,
excellent
person that lived a very long life and
benefited the Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. We're
gonna use some part of his story with
the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam in in
the future.
So I guess this is more than enough
for all of us to open our eyes
to make sure that you choose somebody
who is ready to favor the terpia of
the kids rather than anything else.
Not a job. You marry somebody who is
willing to quit his job
for the sake of the family, who is
willing to quit, you know, his stay in
a country because of the family.
You will not we have some rijal like
this. They left prosperity
and,
dunya life
for the sake of the children.
They go and live in the place and
they will tell you, we do this only
for our kids.
Because they have this sense of a man
and responsibility.
On the other hand, you
have so many of them who favor,
you know,
duniya over the life and the religion of
of their
children.
They have to understand that they will regret
in the future when they meet Allah subhanahu
subhanahu wa ta'ala.
So preparation of
the family and creation of the base. And
this base as I said
the other day has to be created upon
the and
I guess
the story of Ibrahim Alaihi Salam, the story
of this old Muslim,
you know, the story of all the prophets
of Allah, small more than, you know, that
the build of that family, you know, which
is responsible to take care of their children
upon the Akida. That's why
no Alai Salam, all was his was here
to the kids.
Akida.
You know? Gave them 4 4 things. 2
things to be avoided,
2 things to be to be done. The
first one is la ilaha illallah. You
tell your children nowadays in the
age of social media, my waseya to you
is
Seer is La ilaha illallah
and subhanallah.
He says I command you to say La
ilaha illallah
and also to constantly say subhanallah.
It's Nuh alayhi salaam giving usia to his
his kid. And he said
because
subhanallah
is a prayer of everything.
And because of subhanallah,
everything is getting its sustenance from Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala. The risk you get, it is
given to you because of subhanallah.
And he asked them to stay away from
2 things,
arrogance
and shirk.
Associate and partner with Allah and arrogance.
The prophet described
arrogance. He says Al Kibru,
Batul Haki, or Gamtudas.
Stay in a rejection of the truth
and disrespecting
others. This is Kibr.
Allah says
I'm
you know Ibrahim also
the Osia His children was about the Akida.
So
that's the reason why I said the most
important, you know, foundation
you place
your,
what do you call? The the environment you
are creating for the kids upon should be
the Arcada.
Yeah. Should be the Arcada. If the Arcada
is missing, trust
me. Nothing else will succeed.
Nothing will succeed. Whatever you're gonna give them
in the future, trust me my dear brothers
and sisters, will fail.
Yeah.
So
another thing also to be observing when creating
a family, which is a base of the
terbia of the kids, is the sons of
responsibility and amana.
The prophet said,
ma min rai.
And this is supposed to be from both
side.
The male and the female side. He said,
there will be no right.
Who is the right?
Shepherds,
right?
He says, if Allah
asks you to be responsible,
you know, of a people.
If you let yourself to die,
being irresponsible,
cheating in that responsibility,
he said Jannah is going to be prohibited
upon you.
Yeah, we need to know this. Yeah, because
nowadays, these devices are given to our kids
unsupervised.
Yeah.
Unsupervised.
We bring the television at home.
Unsupervised.
They watch whatever they can. We give them
computers,
and sometimes in their rooms also, they have
their own personal computers and personal device, you
know,
unsupervised.
So
you have to understand that, yes, on the
day of judgement,
this is going to be considered as cheating
in the responsibility. If they use it in
the wrong way, you are responsible. You cannot
say no.
They are supposed to use it in the
correct way. No. You are the one who
give them and did not teach them how
to utilize it properly.
That's why
you have to be conservative in this regard.
Inshallah, we will talk about this. I know
it's very difficult to detach our kids from
this, but
some of these decision
are very bitter, but they have to be
made.
And there is always alternative.
Yeah.
You resist,
you provide alternative for the kids. We need
this for the kids. As a matured person,
you don't need alternative.
All that you need is to know that
Allah swore to warn this from you.
That the kids because,
the mindset and the mentality is not grown,
you know, enough.
They need this alternative. And this alternative inshallah,
they are not money or something. No. That
is the best alternative you can give to
your child. And be it in light of
Allah. It will replace all of those things
that are corrupting
their terpia.
So sense of responsibility,
taking this as a manner
being placed on your shoulder. The spouse, the
one that is going to be living with
you has to have this sense of, you
know, feeling that Allah is going to ask
him about about this.
The prophet
said,
Every one of you is acting as a
shepherd, and Allah will ask him about
his
responsibility.
And he started with the imam. Imam here
is referring to the imam in the Masjid.
Who's he which imam?
The leader, the authority, the king, prime minister,
ministers, you know. Rasulullah
is referring to that one. There will be
a question about this responsibility when they meet
Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala. And then he says
and you also you're aray. The alabatic.
And if you remember last time, I was
trying to quote from one of the speakers.
He says his observation
led him to believe
You know, he says he his observation led
him to believe that
the reason why the prophet
described a I'm sorry, a father, a leader
as a shepherd,
because a shepherd has to be vigilant.
And subhanallah, he was making an analysis
and comment
on the sheep, which I believe is true.
Because we used to have sheep back home,
there at home. What he says exactly is
the truth.
He says if you see
animals when they have food, food to eat.
God watch cat, you see the cat that
came here?
Give that cat
food,
a rat.
And bring another cat.
To approach that place, what happens?
Look at the the the the what do
you call? The the claws of this cat,
They will, it will bring them out.
Ready
for that one which is approaching.
Animals are like that.
Can you get it? Everyone has a defense
system to defend themselves.
It says my observation led me to believe
that the sheep
is the only
sheep is the only animal that doesn't have
a built in.
A defense system that is attached to it.
And then he says his observation led him
to believe that the sheep also has a
defense. Because when you see the sheep eating,
they don't care who is coming.
The The next one when it comes, he
just push this one to make some space
also. He can put its head also. All
of them will be eaten. Masha Allah. Very
peaceful
animal.
That's why the prophet
said if you want to
see calmness,
you should look at those who are the
caretakers of the sheep. Yeah, because you need
to be like that. For them to for
them to live. So where's the defense of
the sheep?
The defense of the sheep lies in the
shepherd itself.
That's where whenever you see a sheep, even
in the pictures and the images, you see
a shepherd next to next to the sheep
with a stick.
Yeah. They have a stick. They have dog.
Yeah. So the
sheep naturally knows that there is a defense.
Some somebody is standing for them. That's why
they don't care.
When you see negligent, look at the sheep.
Yeah. That's why taking care of them is
not easy.
Controlling sheep is not easy.
And maybe that's the reason why Allahu Alab,
there in the forest together with the companions
and they were getting from the shed one
of the fruit.
The prophet
told them
he said, get the get the black one.
It's it's the best.
They were shocked.
Because they they thought that the prophet
grew up in Makkah. You know Makkah is
a is a city, you know? So it's
just a city boy, you know? They think
that the prophet doesn't know anything about villages.
The prophet
told them
take the black one.
Because it's a it's a best.
They said
were you a shepherd before? Because knowing these
type of things
is only done by the shepherds.
So they told him Yarasula, were you a
shepherd before? He said, oh,
was there any prophet of Allah's mother who
was not a shepherd before?
So you can understand why they have to
go through this process because if they can
take care of a sheep,
trust me, they can take care of human
beings.
Your children, your family, as a as a
as a husband or the father, trust me,
your family are none other than the sheep.
Not in the sense of animals. No one
say Ibrahim called the people sheep. No. Not
in the sense of being animal,
but in the sense of negligent
and believing that there is somebody who is
acting on our behalf, then they just do
whatever they want. So you need to be
vigilant
for them to be able to do the
right thing. They're very innocent,
and they just believe naturally that somebody is
there standing for them.
If you sleep, what will happen?
They will get destroyed.
Please, my dear brothers and sisters, you know,
many of you are married, many of you
did not. Please put this in your mind.
If you don't have this in your brain,
have this feeling in your brain. That your
family needs you to be awake
every single time.
Yeah. Smart and awake. We're going to talk
about this smartness later insha'Allah. Your family needs
you to be awake
because they sleep
believing that you are awake.
If you sleep,
after they slept, they will get lost.
If you sleep after they slept, because they're
always sleeping, if you're going to sleep, they
will get lost.
That
that's what is the I mean, that is
one of the best thing you get from
this hadith of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam when he described you as a shepherd.
Meaning you have to be responsible and vigilant
every single time.
Yeah. To be aware of what is going
on in your in your house.
Not in the sense of putting a lot
of restriction to your kids in the way
they have no gender in the house.
That's another tragedy. We will address it inshallah
in in the future. But being vigilant doesn't
mean your children have no freedom.
No. They should have
more freedom than restriction. Inshallah, we will address
this in the future. So, sense of responsibility,
sense of amana.
And you know that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
will ask you about this amana on the
day of judgement. If you cheat in this
amana, you're gonna pay the price when you
meet Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala.
And I will close this, part,
insha'Allah,
with this, statement.
Don't be surprised.
Don't be surprised
that a person's
Jannah
might be delayed
because of his
children. You know,
you Allah. This is a very serious matter.
No matter how much righteous you are,
you might be delayed. InshaAllah, it will never
happen
to you, but a person might be delayed
in going to Jannah
because of his children.
Yeah. This should be a very serious matter
with you. Allah says, koo amfisa kumalikun
nara.
Allah says, protect yourself
and your family from the health.
So what happened is
that I'm negligent in my responsibility.
I don't give my kids that they need.
I give them, you know, a lot of
freedom to do whatever they want.
They are so happy with the kind of
freedom I'm providing them. So today, who is
their best friend?
Who is their best friend? The father. Right?
Or the mother who's giving them this, you
know, unrestricted freedom?
However, on the day of judgement,
who is going to fight the father? Who
is the worst enemy?
Shaitan and that father. Trust me, they will
come
and ask Allah to take their right. Allah
says
the close friends, you know, on the day
of judgement, they will become
enemies of each other.
Except those people who
made their friendship in the dunya upon that
which is pleasing to Allah.
So this is really important for a Murabbi,
a father, mother,
whoever has given Tarbia to have this sense
of amana in his heart.
That this person is going to be my
cousin when I meet Allah Today, they are
laughing. They are so happy, you know, they
are telling me you are the best, Yabi,
Yami, you know, you are the best. But
don't forget, tomorrow they will not say you
are the best.
Yeah. They will treat you with that which
you deserve.
You know, and the
will be open between you and them. As
I said, that might be the reason why
a person might be delayed from going to
to Chennai.
So we talk about preparing a base for
your
and that base should be based on what?
Should be based on the Akida. Yeah. That's
the most important thing because if Akida is
being provided, insha Allah,
everything else you want to put in that
base will be possible. If is missing, you
will never be able to succeed
in your Terbia
in the future.
So the next inshallah is to move to
the Sifat Al Murabi.
Al Moktas.
Yeah. Sifat of the Morabi.
What are the the qualities that the Morabi
should have? The Morabi that want to succeed.
What kind of qualities
he must be having. So inshallah, we'll do
that in the next session, we'll open the
session for questions if anyone of you wants
to ask
a question about what we what we did
and then be the light and that we
move forward.
So any question?
I decided to make it like this rather
than talking until Asar.
You know many many of you are going
to start sleeping. So, let's have a break
for questions. Inshallah,
if any and then we continue. We would
like to add after the questions.
And then 2 of them was
and subhanallah.
Yeah. So my question is, how do we
teach?
K. This one
will come.
When I talk about instead in you know,
Akida in the heart of the kids, we
will talk about this.
Because at any stage, you're going to be
teaching your kids what they need at that
stage.
And I'm going to the heavy explanation of
Tohid with my 1 year old child.
Yeah? But I start with simple ones.
Oh, create you to introduce the creator to
him. He already have has all of
these things. So I'm just trying to make
a lie that fitra that exists in him
since last month, they are creating. So I
start with the,
simple matters that are within his understanding.
And go according to his age, build up
this, tohid.
Yeah, so I start with the first one.
Who created you, you know, teach him over
the creator, the creator. Let him understand the
fact that whatever he sees in this dunya
of good, the source of this good is
Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. Keep the evil
part aside. Teach him about Shaitan and the
devil and how much Shaitan hate us. You
know, that simple information about the shaitan. Don't
go deeper and deeper. The understanding and the
memory cannot go cannot get that. So So
teach him about Allah and his blessings, and
there we go. As I said, according to
his age, you teach him the until
he grows and take over by himself. So
this will be addressed by
either in in the future.
Yes,
chief.
My question is in your opening statement, you
talked about,
marrying, Aisha at the age of 6. I
know. My question is, due to the level
of maturity that we find in, the kids
nowadays, is that, door still, open
for the Muslim nowadays?
Because in Islam,
the age of
marriage
for the sisters is
actually for the brothers, for both brothers and
sisters,
reaching the age of maturity.
A sister can reach the age of maturity
long before the the brother.
A man can a boy can stay until,
a boy can stay until,
15 years and then he reaches the age
of maturity whereas the sisters,
8 years.
9 years. Yeah, that's why said,
if a girl reaches
9 years, she's not girl anymore, she's a
woman.
And, so
when she start observing the fences,
that's a clear indicator that she can handle
the responsibility
of the,
marriage.
And,
obviously,
as uh-uh
sometimes
the size and the nature of a person
is also supposed to be be
taken into consideration.
If she reached the age of 9 and
she's still
so little, so tiny,
yeah, it might be better for the parent
to to wait.
And also, it is my personal advice that
don't let your daughter go to a marriage
if she doesn't know what marriage is all
about.
Yeah. She should reach the age where she
knows marriage.
Yeah. Otherwise,
that person will be in trouble also giving
her a terabir,
you know. And, also, who to take care
of his kids if they happen to get
kids. So he is going to be busy
giving terubia to this one and,
and the kids also to come. Yeah.
But is it halal after reaching the age
of maturity? Yes. The prophet
did and the scholar said it's okay. As
long as she reaches the age of maturity
then then it is fine. Aisha married the
prophet at the age of 6
and she was taken to the prophet at
the age of 9.
That was the time when the body is
ready to go to the prophet
as as a wife. And subhanallah,
that was the most
successful marriage after the marriage of Khadija with
the prophet
There was no problem in that marriage because
Aisha knows exactly what marriage is all about.
And she accepted the marriage. There was no
*
here.
Sullay Sallallahu alaihi wa sama never *
anyone.
Willingly. She also wants the marriage, she accepted.
The father advised her she did not have
any objection.
In that community they don't force people to
marry if they don't want to marry. That's
why when Umar
proposed to marry the
the daughter of Abu Bakr,
Umu Kulsu, the sister of Aisha and
Aisha told her, she said, she doesn't want.
Yeah. And this is Umar
the Khalifa. But she said she doesn't want.
Aisha radiallahuhan had to all that, but this
is Khalifa.
She says still I don't want.
It's very harsh.
But then, you know, they just
have to go to inform Omar. They inform
him that, yes, she she refused to agree
with the proposal.
They did not force her, knowing the fact
that he is Ummah, the Khalifa of the
Muslim Inn, but they never force her. She
said this is her choice. Let let her
with her choice. Aisha told her wake up,
this is Umar Radiallahu
and Khalifa to Muslimeen. She said no I
don't want.
And does it they do not force her.
And they told Omar, Omar did not say,
come on, how can she reject me?
Yeah. They told him, she said she doesn't
want, then he khalas, he closed the page.
Allah gave him somebody
who was better.
Who was that?
The daughter of Ali ibn Abi Talib. Because
that one is related to Rasulullah.
Umukufu.
That one is related to
you know the the the family of Rasulullah.
She's related to the family of Rasulullah.
So, what I'm trying to say is, in
that time, they don't force, you know, people
to marry. It's very rare to find, to
find this. So the prophet
did it, it shows promiscibility,
and it is on until the day of
judgement.
Yeah. We do have children in the primary
school committing Zena.
There's a time we're living in.
One of the worst stories I hear is
this. The girl in the primary school becoming
pregnant.
How?
Primary school. Right?
What does that tell you?
Yeah.
The parents should be very careful. When she
says she need to marry,
Yeah. If they will not get into trouble,
let her go rather than committing Zina.
You know, and then it become a shame
for the family and the community.
But unfortunately, we are living in a time
whereby
Zena can take place against kids.
* can take place against kid.
Nobody is talking about this.
It's all NIFAC. It's all NIFAC, and it
stands for woman. It stands for children. Trust
me. It's all nifaq.
It's part of the agenda to create that
kind of system that will corrupt our kids,
which, inshallah, we'll address in in the future.
They know exactly what they are doing. You
Allah. They know exactly what they are doing.
Otherwise, in an Islamic school,
Islamic school,
the curriculum for the history
is Kufar history. Kufar Kufar.
Kufar Kufar. Number 1 Kufar. Even amongst the
Kufar, they are unique among Kufar Kufar.
We teach the history. Trust me. Honestly speaking,
what does my child going to benefit from
this history?
What does my I look at the book
of history in one of the grades.
Trust me with no exaggeration from a to
z in that book that is nothing except
Christianity
until that.
The clashes because between the this church and
this church. There is no single word to
my knowledge who talks about Islam. None.
It's about them, their history.
And at the end of the day, my
son is going to be,
you know,
writing an examination based on their history.
And you know that this is very dangerous?
You will love this very dangerous.
Because history contains values.
Makes a person to be proud of who
he is.
Produces man.
Yeah. That's why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
repeats the Quran with
with history, history, history. Almost every place you
find history in the Quran.
Because it's it has a very big importance
in our life. In making you who you
are.
And imagine in my school, your school, their
school, we are teaching our children somebody else's
values,
no. So tomorrow, when they become corrupt,
you know, they have all of these bad
behaviors, we complain.
So back to that topic,
you know,
Carol might come in, you know, a boy
might come in, you know, he will up
to date, we are suffering from this, you
know. Even in the good
schools, we have cases of, you know, these
type of behaviors.
And there's not 1 or 2. No. It's
rampant.
Yeah. That's the reason why we have to
wake up. So at that age, they do.
You don't see that in the newspaper. People
are talking about that. You don't see that
in the media. People are talking about that.
However,
if Karim
let his daughter marry at the younger age,
you know, some countries even at the age
of
1918, you know, as long as she doesn't
reach the age which is prescribed by the
country, the government in that country,
they will be in trouble. Everyone will talk,
including the Muslim themselves.
Somebody was telling me, one of these countries,
committing zina
is halal. The law says, okay, somebody sent
me a question. It says, the law says,
a sister can commit zina.
At any age she want, legally is okay.
However,
marriage is prohibited unless if she reaches this
age.
And somebody will come and
tell us that their
virtues and values
are
good for us.
And Lagranta's good. So to answer that question,
it is halal.
And however,
there are many factors also emerge to be
considered. Aisha was not,
what do you call,
simple person, a very unique person.
Right? So don't take your daughter when she
was cut caught,
Yeah. To the house of, somebody. Right?
And wait for for her to reach the
age of maturity and the body also,
can handle responsibility of the marriage and then
she goes.
But that is sharia of Allah
and whoever doesn't, you know, become happy with
this, we tell him, Allah says
it's as simple as this. I hear some
Muslims are modifying. Oh, Rasulullah
at the age of 11. You know,
Something like that, you know. How if somebody
is making some modification? No. You don't modify
and we don't apologize because there was nothing
wrong being done.
There was an excellent thing that prophet
did, and it was a success.
You get it? There was no failure in
that marriage at all.
So if they talk, we tell them.
Yeah. We don't agree in forced marriages.
We're better than them. We and we agree
with responsible marriage.
You know? The Walee has been there for
what?
Why do we have Walee in in marriage?
There's a protection for them, for their sister,
right? Yeah. Police there have been placed in
the sharia of Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam as
a protector for her sister. How many times
her sister married and she got into trouble
from her husband?
How many times? A lot.
A lot of times.
So Ali is standing as a protection for
her. Alright?
And also
the husband will always remember that there is
somebody who is standing for her. So he
will try to behave well or just let
her go.
Rather than harm him because he has somebody
also who stands for
her. Yeah. LaGrange is good. K. Next question,
if any.
One last question, then we go to now.
We'll go back to the class.
Sister.
The father needs to be vigilant
in guarding the family. I know. Can sheikh
please elaborate as normally the father leaves this
responsibility to
the mother to do this? But he shouldn't.
No. He shouldn't. This is
lack of sense of responsibility and a manner
from the side of the father.
That heavy cooperation between both of them must
be maintained.
Yeah. A woman need a man on her
side to succeed in her talvia.
She need that. There has to be somebody
who is following up. That's why in the
house,
who is the monster in the house?
Salam. Who is the monster in the house?
The father.
And, who is the the kind person, you
know,
more merciful person?
The mother. Yeah. Yeah. She talks, she shouts,
she
she fights so much, but,
the kids, you know, naturally knows that it
doesn't go to the heart.
Because if the child is to get into
trouble,
the mother will lose her uncle and go
immediately. And just now she was she was
shouting at him, sending shoes to him. But
but now he got into trouble. She was
the first she will be the first person
to be traumatised
and go and get him. So this connection
between the child and the mother is always
there.
But the father
is not like that.
It's too cold.
So the father
is a bit serious. So we need this
seriousness from him. And we need that soft
softness
and gentleness from the from the mother's side.
If we have these 2 inshallah, the balance
will be maintained. And then
good will be given to to the child.
So the father shouldn't step aside and let
the mother do the herself.
You get it? The father shouldn't do that.
She needs his support and help. That's why
the kaula says, I cannot do it alone.
You Rasool Allah. My my husband did the
wihar on me, and I cannot do the
at all. He left me with kids. If
I am to leave this kid to him,
they will they will die out of hunger.
And if I leave them with me,
they will get lost because they need the
support of the father for their terabir to
be to be maintained.
Allah grant us good. So let's go back
inshallah and then we open, the session again
for questions. May Allah grant to all of
us, Tawfiq,
and be with us wherever we are. So
as I said, we'll be talking inshallah about
the Sifat Al Almorabi.
Yeah, the qualities the Morabi should have. Okay?
The first one mentioned by, some is,
I learned knowledge.
You know,
knowledge.
You see we talk about Akida, right? And
we talk about other
discipline, you know, you have knowledge, you have
Akida knowledge.
So, you're going to be, you know, giving
Tarbia of your kids, kids and you're based
them upon the knowledge.
The Arabs said,
You know, if you like something, you cannot
give it to somebody.
He meaning,
if you don't have something, how can you
present it to somebody? I want to teach
somebody knowledge. But I don't have that knowledge.
How can I teach?
That's why
the father and the mother both are supposed
to be upon the necessary knowledge
because there must be classes
organized in the class.
You know, a dead family
is a family that the father is busy
with his work, the mother also busy with
her work, whatever that work might be.
They don't have duress in the family.
This is very wrong and very dangerous.
There must be duress in the family where
the father is teaching or the mother is
teaching.
And if the mother is ignorant
and the father is ignorant, the kids have
to go and get it by themselves.
This will be the beginning of efficiency.
So knowledge is necessary.
Right? Not not in the sense of being
a Mufti,
you know, or great scholar. No. You just
need to know the basic.
Your child need to pray, need to fast,
need to pay charity when he becomes rich.
When he reaches the age of puberty, he
need to understand how to deal with that
situation.
You know? Which in many places, we even
cancel the explanation. We don't tell the kids
what to do in that
situation
due to the shyness and the cultural barrier
between us and our children.
Yeah. We felt so shy. The school is
not explaining and we are not explaining. So
they grow up and they don't know what
to do in that regard.
So knowledge is is necessary.
The father and the mother, they have to
be upon the knowledge as I said, because
they are going to engage in teaching the
kids in
in the in the future.
The second one is the Amana. There's a
first quality is knowledge. A mother should be
knowledgeable and the father should be knowledgeable. The
second one is Amana.
Because as I said, kids are
a manner on our shoulder.
So a husband should be, I mean, trustworthy.
And the wife also should be, I mean,
trustworthy.
If the spouse is not trustworthy,
that responsibility and the terbia will not be
given
correctly. You're going to leave your house,
and who is going to be giving the
terbia to the kids? Your wife.
She might be leaving the house, and who
is going to be taking care of the
kids?
The husband.
Is that clear? In our time, from time
to time, sometimes the wife will be in
in the hospital.
Or she will be with the family. And
the husband happens to be with with the
kids at home.
Yeah. If he doesn't know how to,
I mean doesn't have the sense of responsibility
in Amana, trust me, he will never do
the job correctly.
He will not fear Allah and
if there is no Amana,
they will be feeding the kids with the
wrong information.
Yeah, just to preserve their own personal
interest. Because a child as the scholars mentioned,
is just like an empty bag.
You are the one who is filling it
with whatever you want.
Get it? A child is just like an
empty bag.
You fill it with whatever you want.
The policies went show
Nashi Olfitiani,
Mina Alama Kana Awadahu, Abuhu.
You know, the kids
are going to
be grown up based on what
the parent
have fed them with. Whatever they give them,
this is going to be their attitude and
their behavior
in the future.
So there has to be a manner. So
that whatever we are going to introduce in
that family should be something that Allah
loves and he will not corrupt
the
the terbia of our our children. Because even
if there is knowledge, but there is no
a manah,
the father will let the kids, you know,
do that which they want to do.
Knowing that this is not pleasing to Allah
because this sense of responsibility is not is
not there.
The 3rd
mentioned by
some scholars is strength,
ability to decide,
to plan, and to execute.
Yeah, a weak family would not succeed in
giving a terabia to the kids. And when
we talk about co work here, we are
not talking about the physical ability.
No. A person might be so skinny, so
thin,
but has him,
you know, has him. We need this, Hazm
to be there, which is one of the
qualities mentioned by some scholars.
So he is capable to, I mean,
to plan. The wife also is like that,
and also to execute.
They're very serious in that decision, and the
kids, they know they know this.
If the family are weak, whenever the mother
asks for something, which she believes is for
the benefit of the kid. And the kid
don't want to accept.
She
submit
to their desire.
The father also submit to that desire. What
happens?
The kid will get lost.
Yeah. We are not helping them. You Allah.
We are not helping them.
That's why
one of them
somebody asked him.
He said, I I want you to advise
me on how to give Telbia to my
child.
He said, how old is your child? You
have one? He said, yes. How old is
he? He said, 1 month.
He said, oh, 1 month is too late.
Now you're asking about
Telvia?
1 month old, he told the father, it's
too late.
So he himself also the sheikh said,
but then after he left, I was thinking
between me and myself,
I think this is exaggeration. Only 1 month?
But then he said, no. It is not.
It is not an exaggeration.
Because the mother has to train the child,
you know, from day 1.
She has to be very smart
in training the child
to give him what he wants
at the time he need it.
The time he doesn't need it, he has
to be trained
not to get something. You know, kids are
very simple.
When a child look for something and you
resist because you know that this is not
good for him and he's just asking,
you know, for fun. He doesn't need it.
When the mother resists, in a nice way
of course. The father resists in a nice
way. The baby is going to do what?
What is he going to do? Crying.
A lot of cry. Usually the vast majority
of us after that cry, we do what?
We submit.
If we are going to submit, then at
the first place we are not supposed to
reject, we are supposed to give. When he
says give, just give.
Because if you let him cry and then
you give, what are you, what kind of
message are you sending the to the to
the child?
The best means to get your need is
to to cry.
Somebody says, child, you see a child, they
feel right? There's there's, cat quote is like,
the, what do you call, what do you
call this, the sample they they put
to show people any what they are selling.
Demo, demo, or something else. Charlie's like a
demo of human being.
Somebody says he's a complete human being, has
all the feeling. And trust me, this is
true. You see this baby?
Whatever you have of feelings,
rejection,
acceptance, what I want, what I don't want,
that the baby has. The only thing is
that they cannot express themselves.
They're monitoring what you're doing. Don't you ever
think and deceive yourself that
the baby doesn't understand? No. They know.
They just cannot
share the discussion with you.
But they know what is going on.
That's why sometimes you see this baby at
the age of 1
would pretend to cry. You know he's pretending.
When you resist, he would just stop crying.
Just like that. Stop.
So the sheikh said, the baby cried,
and then the mother gave him what he
wants. So she's sending a message to the
baby,
you know, that the best method for you
to get your need is to is to
cry.
That's why I said,
if you know you're going to submit,
don't resist in the first place. Just give
them what you want.
So how to make it? No. The time
you know that the child doesn't need. You're
just crying for no reason.
Then
that person says, you should stay away from
giving and let them cry. They are going
to cry. Let them cry. As long as
they are not disturbing the neighbors, let them
cry.
They cry. They come they might come and
hit the mother and do everything, you know,
wanting their right to be given to them.
The mother shouldn't worry.
Just kiss him
and continue with her work. Don't give. It's
good for him actually to cry sometimes to
have the better circulation of blood as they
said.
But, trust me, this is really, good for
the children.
Although I don't do it at the early
age of the kids. Yeah, because you might
be harming the child.
Yeah. Because the best way for them to
express their need is when they when they
cry. They have no any other method.
If the mother is supposed to is going
to put them into this, she might harm
the baby, you know, unnecessarily.
But there is a time when the boy
will grow a bit, and he's crying unnecessarily,
and the parents are giving him what they
need. Trust me. They are corrupting their child.
They have to start discipline,
the child from that age. So what they
should do? Don't give what they know the
child doesn't need to train him on how
to, you know, restrict himself to, what is
necessary. They will cry. The next time also
they look for it, when she refused or
he refused, they will cry also. But trust
me, the cry today will not be like
the cry yesterday.
And the 3rd time, they will cry a
bit until they reach the time when they
said, no, the child will just look for
something else.
They are trained. So Alcoa is necessary
to be able to make a decision
and to execute your decision.
Yeah. This is really necessary in the parent.
You shouldn't be weak in this regard.
The poll says
we'll talk about this inshallah later.
Okay. Justice. This is more applicable when you
have, you know, many children.
It's really
dangerous for you not to be fair and
just to your kids.
You get it? That's why the
prophet said, when you make a gift to
the children,
give each one of them the same thing
you are giving
the other one.
The man of Bilashid said, my father gave
me a land.
He gave him a land
and
his wife,
the mother of Noman said,
I don't want to witness this
unless if you go and talk to the
prophet
about that. So he went to told him,
yeah, Rasul, I want to make gift to
my child. And no man.
The prophet said,
oh, that's nice but did you, do you
have other children? He said, yes, I have
other children. The prophet
said, did you give them land also in
the way you give this one? He said,
no, you Rasulullah.
The prophet
said,
He said go and look for somebody to
witness this
because
I don't witness injustice.
When he says go and look for somebody
to witness this.
Does that mean it's okay for him to
go and look for somebody to witness it?
Salam.
Does that mean he can go and look
for somebody? Of course, no.
Because he says, I don't witness in injustice.
And then he says fear Allah and be
just to your kids.
So it's very wrong. It's very wrong.
And you can do that unless if there
is a justification for the gift.
For instance, you have 2 children.
1 of them is studying in UAE.
Get it? 1 of them is studying in
UAE,
and your house is nearby.
Your house is nearby. You live in Idaman,
Taman, Malati, or something,
some some
some somewhere closer to UI.
And the other child
studies in,
let's say, Kajang.
Right? He studies in Kajang.
It's too far, right? Transportation also and, food
and all of these things.
If I give them the monthly allowance, am
I going to give them an equal amount?
No. The one who goes far, you favor
him and this one also will understand.
Because he's gone far distance, that's why he's
getting this money. It's not for his own.
Personal
use the way he wants. No. It is
because of his need.
You have 2 children.
A boy and a girl.
The boy is married and the girl is
married.
You give the boy
a house.
Is it necessary that you must give the
girl also a house?
Give the boy a house. The girl is
it missus Abed you have to give her
also a house?
He thought I'm dealing with you know.
Uh-huh.
Not necessary.
Justice is not required here.
The scholar said it's not necessary.
You gave him the house, but for her,
you give her something else, something very valuable
for her. And it's not necessary to spend
the same money you spend buying the house
for him.
Not necessary at all.
You can get very nice and fancy jewelry,
very expensive, you know, and pass it to
her.
If you think she's gonna get annoyed, which
she's not, because she understands that this person
needs a house. She doesn't need because the
husband is going to provide a house for
her, but this one needs a house. So
this kind of preference is okay because you
are doing it based on a need.
How about
if one of them excel in an examination
and the other one is
zipped,
as you said. Meaning,
got
fantastic result
f.
And they are
alike.
Yeah. Like of f is
e. Right? Or something like that. Anyway,
so this one got this result, and the
other one got ace in ace.
When they reach back home,
subhanallah, you're so happy. You when you see
the result,
you know,
you hug the one who got a
you kiss him, you know. Tell him, just
go and get ready.
When we go into the mall, you choose
whatever you want. And this person, the other
one, no hugging,
and then tell him you will eat your
your paper by yourself.
Yeah. We do hard we become harsh. In
some places, trust me, they beat.
This one who got good result,
alhamdulillah.
And this one,
and they beat him also.
Why? We spent a lot on you and
you are giving us this result.
So we favor this one. We give him
all the gifts, and this one, we neglected
them. But Islamically, can this be a justification
for making preference between the kids?
No. Not at all. You can't. And actually,
it's not good for the Telabia.
Trust me, my dear brothers and sisters. It's
not good for the Telubia. Don't you ever
make a gift to a child
against the other one? Unless if he's alone,
if he's alone, no problem.
But don't you ever make a gift
for a child,
you know, against the the rest.
Who did not get the good result in
the way he get it. As a father,
when this happens,
actually, there shouldn't be any gift. If gift
is going to take place, you should give
who?
All of them.
Just tell them this is a gift as
a celebration
for completing our examination.
Alhamdulillah, we managed to see the end of
this examination
and we managed to see good result.
And inshallah, we're going to celebrate this moment
of seeing
the result from each and every one of
you. And inshallah, in the courses
where some of us did not do well,
we're going to cooperate inshallah to make sure
that the next time we get
good thing inshallah. So let's go and celebrate
this all of us. And then you go
with them. Don't show any differences. Hug all
of them. Kiss all of them. Smile and
praise them. You did a nice job. I
have been watching you guys, you know, trying
your best, you know.
Just say trying your best.
Don't say doing,
the right thing because some of them might
be so negligent, but trust me, if you
are to be lenient like this at this
moment, the next examination they
will be able to to do
well. So justice is supposed to be maintained
between the kids. You get it? No making
preference. The prophet
said in the way you want all of
them to love you, you should also equate
them when it comes to gift.
The next one, alhez. So I talk about.
The next one is alhez.
Alhez,
strong interest in doing the right thing, and
also this head should be attached to Dua
and
strong Mutaba, strong supervision
and follow-up.
You know, the life of the kids. And
Mulazama
being with the kids also.
Please take note on all of this. Dua
for the kids.
Not against the kid. Yeah.
Dua for the kids, not against the kid.
A good father, a good mother will never
open their mouth and ask Allah
to send evil to their children.
No matter how much bad they are.
You make du'a for them. Ask Allah
to guide them and to aid them and
to put them in the right way.
You remember
the story,
right? The mother made dua for him. Was
he affected by that dua?
Yes.
Exactly what she asked
for. It's the power of the dua of
the parent.
Against their kids.
You get it? So no matter how much
they upset you, do not open your mouth
and make dua against.
Always ask Allah
to show them the truth and to fix
them.
And also, al mutaba.
Taba means
follow-up.
Make sure that you know that this is
your responsibility,
and you follow-up with your child to know
what exactly they are doing.
And you have to be very careful. When
we talk about mutaba, walmulazama,
you shouldn't do it in the wrong way,
whereby the child feels that he's restricted. He
doesn't have freedom to do the right thing.
I have to do whatever they wanted to
do.
No. Your job is to supervise
and to make sure that they are doing
things in the right way. That's it.
In how
in a house,
freedom should be more than
more than restriction.
K? Freedom should be more than the restriction.
That's why they ask
the Aqil,
Who is the Aqil?
The smart
person. He says, Al Fatin Al Mutargabi.
This is a person who has aqal,
very serious
in whatever he does, but at the same
time, al Mutagafi.
What is Mutagafi?
Mutarafil. Somebody who overlooks a lot.
Yeah. Somebody who overlooks
a lot.
So you follow-up.
You know? But you overlook a lot. Let
the kids enjoy freedom in the house. In
some of these houses of ours,
subhanallah,
even how to eat food,
the mother controls. The father controls.
How to sit, how to do this. Yes,
we teach them the way the prophet was
teaching.
But trust me in some places is we
too much exaggerate.
We monitor.
No. There must be,
you know,
what do you call?
Sitting, you know,
between,
the family, you know, when it comes to
eat. That's why I suggest
no eating outside unless on the occasional basis.
I know nowadays, it's very difficult for us
to adopt this life. But question, when do
I have, when is the best time for
me to instill
values on my kids?
Trust me, during food time.
Because everyone is there and everyone's consciousness is
here.
That's the time for a joke.
You know, that's the time we jokes. That's
the time we play. That's the time we
laugh. You know, that's how it's supposed to
be. You know,
Food is there. And you are feeding the
food eating with virtues. In the best way.
Yeah. In the best way.
But subhanallah, the kids don't want to eat
with the parent.
You know why?
It's very simple.
Because my eyes is on my kids.
He touched this place I talk. Touch this
place I talk. Why do you eat this?
You're not eating slowly. You're eating very fast.
You're eating this.
The kid will be traumatized tomorrow. The next
time when I call him, you know, he
doesn't want. If he can find any alternative
outside, he will eat.
Why the child will tell me I don't
have interest in eating and he does not
eat anything?
Yeah. Because he knows that he's going to
get into into trouble when he sit with
us.
We can't keep quiet. We're too much focus
on what they are doing.
The best and the ideal way of eating
with the family
is that when you eat,
the mother should
focus on her food.
And the father should focus on his food.
What is between you and the children is
jokes.
Yeah.
Maybe sometimes when you see something wrong, just
make some jokes.
You get it? You get it? Yeah.
I personally what I did when we are
with the kids, when they do something which
is un Islamic, I bring one of these
losers among the worst kuffar.
I said, do you want to be like
this? They will smile and say, no. No.
No. We don't want to be like that.
They already understand what I meant. They quickly
fix it and come back to the correct
one.
Yeah. Rather than shouting, you know, scolding the
child,
getting angry, messing up his interest, but we
shouldn't do that. Trust me, my dear brother,
sister, there's a very good and excellent opportunity
we we have
as a family owner, as a father, as
a mother, to train our kids. But unfortunately,
it has been replaced by
by the junk food outside.
Yeah. We have no time to sit with
with the family, but this is really, really
important, to be fixed. That's why
the mother should be patient and cook at
home.
Yeah. If you happen to buy food outside,
get the food to the house and sit
all together and eat
rather than eating outside.
Because outside you will not be able to
educate.
You will not be able to enjoy that
meal in the way it should be done.
At home, nobody is there. You sit the
way you want, of course, according to the
sunnah. The prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, you
educate,
you instill the manners and the virtues,
you know, to the child. The prophet told
he says,
Subhan Allah. He said Samuel, this is a
young boy. He said Samuel.
Wakunbi Aminik Okulmi Malik.
He said, save Ismila.
If my child is eating outside,
how do I know how is he eating
you? Is he eating correctly or not?
Again, but if we eat together at home,
I can see him not saying Bismillah. And
sometimes funny things happens, and these are good,
you know, Allah, I take them as very
good.
Because the boy or the girl
will just
after, you know,
a while, you know, people are eating and
then the boy will, one of them will
say, who did not say Bismillah?
And then the rest say, oh, Bismillah,
it's good because that's mean somebody is
conscious.
Do you get it? That moment will never
be forgotten.
They do the job on on your behalf.
So the prophet
told him
if he was eating outside, doesn't eat at
home. How how can the prophet knows how
this boy is eating food? He said mention
the name of Allah
and eat with your right hand. And eat
from that which is in front of you.
Values
given to a child at that younger age,
which many of us don't agree with, If
I'm to give my children this kind of
at this age, people will tell me, no,
this is exaggeration, restricting their freedom. But the
prophet was not was not like that. So
I follow-up.
I supervise
that I should do it with wisdom, with
love.
Friendly one. The one that will always bring
my child next to me.
Yeah? That's why don't put restriction on food.
Put restriction on the type of food the
child is eating.
And put restriction on the quantity of the
food the child is eating.
In some houses, whatever the boy touches,
the father will say, yes or no? No.
Whatever he touched, no. Everything, no.
So if he's not given a good terbia,
what is he going to be doing? Taking
the food in in secret.
You have people at home and they're the
only one in the house and something is
missing,
and you're asking people, who does that?
Nobody is saying, everyone is saying not me,
not me, not me, not me. So who
does it?
One of the 2 things. Either the parent
did it by themselves and they forgot or
we have
other partners living with us in the house.
Who are they? The hidden one, the share
team, they also come to take their portions.
And the question,
why is the child lying?
You get it? Now, what are they doing?
They are lying to us, right? Why are
they lying?
Why do you think they lie?
Because they are are afraid of being rejected
and punished.
That's why they lie.
Because they are afraid of being rejected
or being punished.
And this is one of the things we
learn from the terbiya of Muhammad sallallahu sallallahu.
You have no any other choice.
You have no any other choice except to
adopt the manhaji of Rasulullah
in Terbia.
No any other choice. You want to succeed
and his Talbia. You know the good thing
about the Talbia of Rasulullah?
It fits every time until the day of
judgement.
It fits every time until the day of
judgement.
Some parents, they live
with their children,
but their children are depressed.
Trust me by their,
friends.
Some of some of the parents, they live
with their kids. If you ask them, oh,
masha'Allah, my kids are happy and
or why they're not?
The kids are depressed
because of the too much pressure we have
in the house, and there is no room
for expression
expressing their own,
you know, feelings.
That's why my child cannot come and tell
me his problems.
Because he knows when he approach me, I'm
going to open a lecture for him.
School. How you do this? How would it
so they they share their secrets, you know,
and their difficulties with their friend, but not
with the parent.
And this is very dangerous.
Because friends will advise them according to
whatever
they believe in a suit them in the
right, wrong way, no problem. But you as
a father, you should always advise him according
to what benefits him. But
you already have that barrier between you and
and him. They don't want to come to
you.
Why? Because they know when they come to
you, you have nothing except blame and Moaheed.
Nobody will appreciate this. Nobody will be happy
with this. So was
not like that.
You know, children when they come to the
prophet
those in his house, they have an absolute
freedom.
Anas ibn Malik said,
he never told me why.
Can you imagine a terbir like this? Rasulullah
never told him why did he do this?
Or why didn't he do this?
Then who is blaming others at home?
The sisters at home, right? The wives.
So when Alice did something wrong,
the
the the sisters at home, the wives will
be shouting at them.
As usual. The prophet
if he is there,
what he usually tell them, why? Why the
blame?
Allah.
He says whatever Allah swore to decree it
is exactly what happened.
Subhan Allah.
You know, if I teach my son this,
teach my daughter this, you know, all that
you need from them is to feel that
they're wrong in what they're doing.
You are done. You don't need to shout.
You don't need to do anything.
Somebody at home today
have a small table.
Just like that, they decided to climb on
it
and fellas it get destroyed.
So I told them,
oh, now you destroy the thing.
I'm very sorry. Are you angry? I said
no. But the owner of the table is
the mother. I was scared, actually.
She goes she's
gone. The gibi is called it, but alhamdulillah,
they did the right thing.
They told them it's okay. They come back
to me, okay. Alhamdulillah, they forgive.
Yeah. The case closed.
Do you understand that this is wrong? Yes.
And then we close the page. You Allah,
this is what we learn from the prophet
I don't expect them to do the same
mistake in the future. This is my personal
experience.
When you forgive in this way, you close
the page and come and cooperate with the
child to fix that mess which they did
by themselves
and told them this is being irresponsible.
But try to be smart. And laugh
and smile to them and don't show angry
face. And don't change your behavior.
What is going on in the house, don't
change it because of this attitude.
Trust me, they will always speak the truth
when they meet you.
That's why the scholars of Telbia said, your
child is lying to you because he's afraid
of being punished.
But if he has the peace,
that you are not going to punish him.
Trust me, they tell you things which you
are not there, they happen in your absence.
And you don't look for it, but they
tell you, and they will apologize to you.
That's what
my experience led me to to see in
giving terabirah to the family. And this is
what we learn from Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam. And I said, Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam never told me why.
If somebody blamed me, he will tell them,
this is qadr of Allah subhanahu wa sallam.
But at the same time don't forget, Rasulullah
Sallalla Sallam does not tolerate mistake without
correction.
He will correct it in the good way.
Right? If you see him correcting the bedwins,
then you will understand what kind of correction
and a method the prophet will be taking
in the family, right? Somebody came who is
a stranger and did something wrong, very bad
thing, but the prophet addressed the matter in
a very unique way. So you can understand
the kids at home who are innocent.
But this is part of their life, to
do experiments.
You know, sometimes intentionally the child will come
on, destroy something.
He's doing experiment
to see what will happen.
If he's called him, you're losing the child.
So the best is to let them come
closer and to become friend of you to
avoid them lying to you in in the
future. Yeah. If you're leaning to yourself to
your gentle, somebody who
is accommodating others. Others here are referring to
your kids. Be eating like the other. They
will not lie to you.
The next quality is Alhazm. I think Alhazm
we have already discusses.
You know, being serious serious in in your
term here.
When we say being serious, it's not to
be acting as a monster.
That's why I suggest
try your best to avoid hitting a child.
Yeah.
And don't you ever say
that,
oh, our parent beat us, you know.
Yeah. Why can't we do the same thing?
No.
That just happened
in in Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.
It works.
In its own way. Okay? I don't call
it a failure and I don't call it
a success. But it works.
In the past, the kind of turbia we
received, it doesn't fit our children at
all. Yeah. Why? Because in that environment, everyone
is like that.
You get
it? Your mother beats you, your father beats
you, when you go
when, when, when you go out, your friends
also, the same thing. Nobody is discussing this
matter.
Because everyone is on the same page.
Yeah, so you are not afraid of your
child getting any negative influences by the friends
because of you touching him. That was in
the in the past. Nowadays, is it like
that? No, it's not.
The kind of environment, the kind of life
we are living, it changed.
That terbia was strong.
Alhamdulillah Allah saved many of us. But that
terbia was wrong. You are not supposed to
repeat this.
I'm saying this because
many of us are repeating the terbia of
their parent.
Which they nowadays, if they look at it,
they consider it as a failure.
As a failure
I was listening to a lecture on Terbia
very good lecture by one of these
scholars who are very concerned of
this matter.
He was saying that a person came to
him one day,
He's a karate
trader.
Yeah.
You know, these these people, their their life
is very rough, you know. You see, this
person when he's,
in
smack, don't touch your face, but when he
move his hand like this,
okay, this is just the Sheikh mentioned in
his own expression. He said you you feel
that the air is going to
kick you down, you know.
And he says the person is really really
built up.
So he told, he said
the the man told me Sheikh. Yeah.
The Sheikh is psychologist.
The good one.
So
why are you
laughing?
So so he
he
he said this man told me, he said,
Sheikh, I need your advice.
I asked him, what is your problem? He
said, my children,
He said my children, they are from the
descendants of Shati.
He said, I said, what? What do you
mean? They are the children of Shati? Because
if this is true, who is he?
Right? Because if they are his children, he
said, my kids, they are descendants from this.
He said, I told him,
why do you call them descendants of Shelton?
He said, Sheikh, don't rush. Let me tell
you who they are. He said, yeah, Sheikh,
trust me. In my house, I don't have
curtains in the house.
I want, you know, think of putting, I
put, the, the, the curtain did not spend
a day.
They brought them down.
He said we sleep on a metal, no
mattresses.
They destroy them. Our chairs, the couches, they
don't have things like this. They have to
bring a metal chair to sit. That's the
only thing that works. He said yes Sheikh,
if
I keep them at home when I come,
I will come and see them, they fought
each other, scratch themselves, you know.
He said, yeah, Sheikh, the only thing I
have is to send them out. Maybe they
mix with other people.
He said whenever they see a child, they
beat that child.
If they couldn't find a child, whatever car
passes through them, they throw stone on on
the child. They spit on the people who
are who are passing. He said I remember
one day I took them to the house
of the neighbors.
He said I I I asked some to
be law that I will never take them
to any house. They broke things in that
house. They removed the curtains. They removed everything.
They want his house also to be like
ours. Right? And they come and see me
talking to the the host.
They couldn't see anything to do to the
to the host. They look at the jug,
the jug of the juice, they took it
and broke it on his head.
He said,
the sheikh said, I started to think, yeah,
definitely, yeah, not immensely shutting, but
something wrong is taking place. So then he
said I asked
I asked him.
I said do you
discipline them when they do something wrong? He
said, yes.
I did, I I do my Sheikh. He
said, what do you do? He said, I
beat them a little.
Sheikh said, Ola, when he says little, I
thought he's slapping them because his
smoking is more than enough for me, not
the kids.
He said, no, I, I, I hit them
a little.
So he said, what do you, how do
you, how do you please explain to me,
how do you do? He said,
I just beat them with, silky biology. You
know, the the clusters met the the wire
that we
there's one small tiny wire, a bit thick,
very painful when somebody hit you with it.
He said, this is what I hit them
with when they make a mistake. This is
what he called,
I just hit them a little.
So the sheikh said, you beat them with
this and you call your house the house
of Tervia.
He said, no, yeah, Sheikh. Actually, I I
was calling it a little because our father
doesn't do this, he goes beyond that. When
we did something wrong,
he will take off our cloth and hang
us upside down
on something.
Yeah. He says, and then he will come
with the stick, whatever, and beat us like
this. The leg is up and we are
like that. It's just like what you do
with the sheep when you
So, the sheikh asked him, this is the
the end of this story.
And also inshallah you understand why I brought
it.
He said I asked
him, how many siblings do you have? He
said 3.
We are 4 altogether.
He said, let me
just assume
that your father is writing an examination and
he has 4 questions.
Right? He said, you guys have 4. He
said if you don't mind, please tell me
the nature of your siblings. Who are they?
He says Sheikh, just because you asked me
to speak the truth,
there's the only reason why I will not
lie.
And he said,
the first one Sheikh,
he is busy with gambling. His life is
all about gambling.
And the the first one is dealing with
homosexuality.
And the third one is,
drugs and wine and this.
He says, Sheikh, I'm the only one that
is like this.
So, Sheikh said, let
me assume
that you, your is okay. You know, I
will, I, not happy with this terbia that
you have, but let me assume that you
are okay.
What grade
are you going to
give the father after the examination?
How much you got?
Out of 100.
Four questions, every each question has 25. How
much you got?
25.
I think in every
university and school this is?
F.
Yeah.
And here comes the importance of this simple
story.
He said he said, my brother,
you believe that your father failed in his
terbia.
Why are you repeating the same thing your
father did
when he was giving
the to you guys, which you believe it
is wrong, and you're repeating the same thing.
And you want your kids to,
to be okay.
That's the reason why I said,
you can't
imitate your parent if the method used by
the parent is is wrong.
That's the reason why I advise every one
of you, the father and the mother,
do not hit your child.
Unless if it is very necessary.
Very necessary. And trust me my dear brothers
and sisters, if you're doing things correctly in
the way Rasulullah Sallallahu alaihi wa sama used
to do them, tarbia would help they call
it. You know, friendly terbia. Even
you will never need to raise up your
hand against your child.
Trust me my Deborah and sisters, it is
not cool. Sometimes we beat them until the
time we are satisfied. It's like you are
taking revenge.
Wallahi, this is a very shameful thing to
be done with our kids.
Why would you take revenge revenge against your
child?
Why?
Why?
You will love. This is lack of thinking.
Lack of proper thinking for me to beat
my child.
Just because I want to teach him a
lesson. No. You don't need this lesson to
be
taught. That's why if you do the right
thing, you do your job, you handle your
responsibility
correctly, you will never reach this situation. Although
beaten,
moderately is halal when there is a need
for that.
That's why the prophet said in your house,
you should have what?
A stick whip that you hang on on
the wall.
You don't beat, but the stick is there.
What is the purpose of having this stick?
This is just acting like a policeman.
You know, people who are not disciplined when
they see the police,
the one who is wearing the belt will
quickly wear the belt, and the one who
is not sitting properly will sit properly, the
criminal will try to change his position. Yeah.
Whether the police is good or bad, the
existence of those ones, you know, is a
deterrent. The prophet
said have 1.
You avoid using it but it is there.
To give a signal to the kids that
the father might beat.
So it hasn't been necessary in terbia, but
hasn't doesn't mean you should become a monster
or very harsh and strict to the child.
The power says
digital.
If you're Hazim, you are serious in your
talbia,
you should also have this
seriousness in giving terribia to your family
sometimes.
That's why there has to be red lines
that cannot be crossed in the in the
house.
90%
of your life with your children is freedom.
There must be red lines, and those red
lines are the the matters that are related
to Sharia.
The kids will not mind because you already
taught them how important it is to have
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
in in their mind.
You've already taught them who is Allah. They
already know that the right of Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala cannot be violated. So you focus
on those ones.
And trust me, if those ones are being
preserved correctly,
the negligence in other matters will be will
be lesser. That's why Omar said,
he says the best,
the best
act of worship you have is the, is
a prayer.
He says man
for who? For man
whoever preserved the prayer will preserve his religion.
And whoever
neglects the prayer,
you will never find him being serious on
other matters.
That's why I said, if you neglect this
Janibul Akida in your house, in your kids,
for sure they will also be negligent on
on other matters. So please understand this correctly.
Last time I quoted for you the story
of
that sister whom
was narrating her story too. The prophet
you remember that story? Hadith Umi Zara.
Is Aisha was narrating a story to to
the prophet
about 11
sisters who sat down in the Jahilia.
Yeah. And they are talking about their husbands.
Each one of them promised not to hide
anything about her husband.
And
most
don't talk good
about their husbands.
Is it a good message to us?
Sir?
It is.
Yeah. Because
you know I'm telling you the truth.
Most of the sisters, if they are asked
to talk about their husbands, what kind of
comment do you think they will be giving?
He's the best.
If her name is going to be disguised,
nobody will know who she is. You will
hear a lot a lot a lot, you
know.
Very rough life.
Yeah. Very rough life between us and and
our family members. You know, life of slavery
sometimes.
Yeah. I have no time for her. She
has no time for me.
And the problem comes from the brother's side
more than the sister's
side. So Aisha,
amongst her mention, she mentioned
a person who described her her husband as
a vad, the cheetah.
This fad, this this animal,
they said it sleep a lot.
She said, Zauji in
My husband when he comes into the house,
he's like fat.
That means
very gentle,
very calm. He overlooks a lot.
Friendly to the family. The wife is happy
because he comes back.
You know, in some places when the husband
is coming back, trust me, the wife is
is strong stress.
What exactly this man is gonna see in
the house now?
Try her best to fix things. And sometimes
she made a mistake,
in the way,
she will get a trouble because of the
behavior and the attitude of the husband.
There was a story. I'm not sure sure
about it or authenticity. Otherwise, I will narrate
it to you to understand
how bad
is being harsh to
the
the wife.
Do you want that story?
Are you sure you want? Yeah. Yeah. K.
I got it from,
somebody from the Islamic University of Medina long
ago.
So I'm not sure
whether it happens or it doesn't happen, but,
when narrated to it was narrated to us
as something that happened.
Are you ready for that?
This person, he's living with more than one
wife,
and he got sick.
Right? He got sick.
When he got sick, he went to the
k. This is just a story here. Then
then then I read it from Ibrahim. When
you tell it, just tell this is a
story you heard from somewhere. Yes?
So he got sick. He went to the
hospital.
The doctors,
needed his,
urine for the test.
So he went,
he has the urine and he kept it
in the bottle waiting for the time to
meet the doctors.
One of them was sweeping the house, by
mistake, she hit the thing.
And it fell down.
She knows that her days are numbered.
This man would never accept the simple things.
He's like Majnoon.
But now this will be the big thing
she did.
Because most likely doctors ask him to do
this and
hid it waiting for the time to meet
the doctor.
What solution she has
to get hers and put inside?
And she has she was pregnant at that
time.
And that's why I said, are you ready
for the story? You said it. So you
are responsible, not me.
So the man came innocently and took the
urine
to the doctor.
And the doctor told him
and check and say, what? Is it yours?
He's here. It's mine.
So you get what I'm trying to say.
Right?
So should I complete the story? Yes. Please
say no.
So anyway, so the doctor told him, actually
according to the test,
you are this and that.
The man was very annoyed, you know, going
to hit the doctor. You're telling me this,
he said, yes, this is the result of
the the test.
But if you don't trust me, take the
same thing to somebody else.
That one also did. The same result.
And Subhanallah,
Dunia turned upside down.
For the first time he went back, very
humble.
To the family asking them what exactly happened.
And this is his situation.
Until the time when they pity him because
he cried, he doesn't know what to do,
you know.
How to explain to them? I mean the
people that he is
having this.
So and then after this,
that wife, when she sees how much in
Kesa, that was the time she explained to
him what exactly happened.
And she told him that yes because I'm
not sure about what will happen to my
life. So I have no any other choice
except to look for alternative.
And to grant you that.
That was the only thing that convinced him
to come
the dawg. But if he is doing it
like Rasulullah
Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalam, trust me.
She can just tell him unfortunately
by mistake I did this. Please.
Uh-uh I'm very sorry. Let's make an another
appointment.
We'll get a new one and then we
go to the doctors with it.
So this woman said,
when he gets inside the house, he's like
Fahad.
Meaning very soft and gentle and and friend
of everyone.
When Khalid the asset, and when he goes
out of the house,
he's like a lion. Because she's afraid of
somebody making negative comment on her husband that
he's very very weak.
She said no. His attitude and his behavior
at home is like this. However, he's a
very serious person when he is outside.
He doesn't come back home to interview the
people who are living in the house. Why
this thing is here?
Why this thing is not being done, why
why why why. He does it.
That's why you remember last time I said,
when you go back to your house,
don't bring
anything back to the house. Yeah, because when
you go to the workplace, you know sometimes
you get annoyed here and there. When you
go back to the house, you will become
very sensitive.
Intolerant. You have no time for the family
and no time for the kids and nobody.
So Al Hazm is necessary.
Yeah? To be
seriousness in is necessary for the family to
be able to do the right thing. But
at the same time, this seriousness should be
attached and adorned with
mercy and love. And, your kids,
your wife,
they should be the best friend
for you in this life of ours. You
know.
If you're not like that, will life change?
Your kids, they should be your best friend.
You know, this is really necessary.
Wajib,
I can call it
that your kids have to be your best
friend. Your wife must be your best
friend. Not in this sense of joke
or pretending, no, she has to. Your husband
has to be like that.
Because if you have sensitivity in your heart
towards one of them, how do you cooperate
both of you 2 to produce a good
a good child? You get it? Your kids,
they should be happy when you come back.
They should they should be waiting for you.
And therefore,
in all of their games, in all of
the things when they invite you, as long
as you are not busy with something which
is,
you know,
which cannot be compromised, just leave whatever you
are doing, go to them.
Don't trust my words, go and see the
life of Muhammad sallallahu alaihi. This is what
you find.
As soon as I saw some play with
the kids.
You know. Make them happy. Bring them closer.
Yeah. So that's why they are always truthful
and saying the truth to the prophet Sallallahu
Alaihi Salam. Number 2, the next quality is
a salah, righteousness.
You know,
righteousness. This is necessary.
Is the best way to preserve your family
and you remember my word last time I
said, a child is just like a bag,
right? That you fill it with the way
you want. And they always monitor.
They always monitor and see you. And they
always try to do what you are doing.
They always try to to do what you
are,
you are doing.
I have a child at home.
Just completed 2 years. Just completed 2 years.
Trust me. Whenever I pray
at night, if he's not sleeping at that
time, I tell him,
come. Let's pray. He will leave his his
his car. He will come.
Also looking at any place but he comes
in.
And sometimes when you see, he sees one
of us praying, he will go and start
bringing the clothes for the other one.
Prayer time, he also will come and and
start praying. These are children. You can see
that from their talk, their behavior, the way
they act, you know, whatever you are doing
at home, they are also copying.
Yeah. So if you're not good,
they're going to copy that bad behavior,
and they will be grown, you know, upon
that bad behavior, which might not be easy
for you to fix it. And
that's why we go back to the first
thing I said, right? Choosing the best person
As a base of your Tarbia.
For the Tarbia of your kids. Ask
you to
make to choose the base that is upon
what? 2 things, right? Tap of Allah and
and good manners.
Not any other thing else.
Taqwa
and good manners.
So Assala is necessary
because the kids are going to imitate you
and follow you in whatever they see you
doing.
And also my dear brothers, sisters,
this is also the best way for you
to preserve your children.
Do you know that? If you have, you
give them good and you are righteous,
Allah will protect your children because of, because
of this.
Allah
instructed Khidr to go and fix the the
wall.
Because under the wall you have
the children, I mean the treasure that belongs
to the children, and Allah
is doing
this for them because the father was was
a righteous person.
So the more righteous you are
the better protection and preservation you have
in your kids. Say it will be used
to say, sometimes I increase my righteous righteousness
for my kids to be preserved by Allah
Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala. So it's necessary for you to
become and to maintain your righteousness for the
kid to have
a good person
to imitate. That environment should be the environment
of righteousness.
A civic,
speaking the truth.
Right? If the father become a liar, and
the mother also is lying,
trust me, the kids,
they will also
grow upon lying. So I tell them not
to lie, but I lie.
Right? How do I lie? I promise him
to give him something but I don't give.
So my sister was calling a child,
you know, to give him something.
So,
she gave. The prophet
said,
had you, you know, stay away from giving.
It will be written for you as as
a lie.
You get it? So, when I tell my
child, I would do something, I should do
it.
And please,
my dear brothers, sisters, take this seriously.
Yeah. Don't lie.
Yeah. Don't lie. Don't tolerate lie in the
house, but you should be the first person
to observe this.
If you lie, you're not honest
in your affairs, your kids also are going
to
be not honest in the affairs.
Is that clear? Yeah, our kids lie, right?
A lot. Why? Because they are afraid of
being punished. So we already tackled this. You
don't want them to lie?
Stay away from punishing your kids. Be either
lighter. Allah, they don't, they will not lie
to you. Be a friend of them. They
will have no excuse except to speak the
truth because they are not afraid of
anything. And it should be the best example
for them. Yeah, when you promise something, do
it. When you promise others and they know
about this promise, do it. When you say
you will do something, do it.
Don't lie. No matter what.
Sometimes
police stopped you.
You play some games. The kids know you
are lying. You know you are lying and
the kids know you are lying. What message
are you sending to the kids?
They also should lie in in the future.
By the way, is there any good in
line?
Say no.
There's nothing good except in the rural situations,
Yusuf. Yeah, only in the rural situations.
That's why lying has never been tolerated in
our religion except in 3 situations. And each
one of them is the rural.
Number 1, when you lie at the battlefield,
you lie
to reconcile between 2
Muslim brothers who are fighting each other.
Yeah.
Or to save the life of your
your family or your friends, you know, or
any other Muslim, you can lie.
And the last one is lying to to
the spouse.
Yeah. You might say this is not necessary.
No, it is.
When you reach that situation, it is
necessary for you to see how to go
out of it, Because Islam wants the marriage
to be maintained.
Subhanallah. Nowadays, the divorce, is it decreasing or
increasing?
Yeah. Somebody was telling me so many people
are not married. I say yeah and so
many people are getting divorced also at the
same time.
To add to that pain, right? So many
people are not married. Is that true? Yes.
And so many people are divorced.
To add to that pain also.
Why? Because
the marriage is not based on
what is this supposed to
to be based based on.
So
Allah wants the marital relationship to be maintained.
Because this is
the only way we can ensure a good
terbia given to to the kids.
That's why Shaitan was happy to
hear somebody divorcing his wife. Much happier than
seeing somebody
Killing another person.
And this one is halal. And he's happy
because if this is to happen, usually the
turbia of the kids will be
corrupt. And when the terbia is gone, then
you see the kids are, that are generated
from this house,
being engaged in doing any evil in the
community.
Is that clear inshallah? So that's the reason
why the prophet said
lying to a spouse is also permissible. When
there is no any other way to fix
the situation.
Not like whenever you talk to her, you
lie to her. No. You are a liar.
And you will get sin for this. He's
talking about critical matters.
Where there is no any other way to
fix the situation except if you tell her
something in that way, the Tawia way. Then
it will be it will be okay inshallah.
So
speak in the truth is an honor.
And nobody
amongst the creation of Allah that has the
common sense in Aqal that tolerate a lies.
Adibullah Musaib once said
any sin that Allah makes kafara
for this
sin, the issue of this sin is, is
very simple.
Are we together? Whatever Allah put kafara for
it, that's mean the issue is simple.
You can tackle the matter and you can
fix it. He says that's why Allah did
not make Kafara for for lying.
That's why I really urge and advise you
to speak the truth in all circumstances.
In all circumstances.
The next quality is Al Hikma. So we
talk about the silic Al Hikma, wisdom.
What is wisdom?
Putting things in the right
position. Yeah. Putting thing in the right position.
Hit my advice.
Yeah. We need this with our kids. It's
part of what I have said. Terbiabi,
it helped
Terbia with law
And a kind of
friendly Terbia. So when you fix your children,
fix them with with Hikma.
Sit with them.
Address their damir.
You know? Don't you think this is wrong?
Don't you think if we do it in
this way, it's better? You know? Let's sit
down and cooperate. You know? Fix them with
Hikma.
I have children. If one of them did
something wrong,
you know, but nobody knows that this person
is doing something wrong.
The usual way of fixing him is to
to shout and to talk against him in
the presence of his siblings.
Yeah.
And they're gonna be happy with that. Yeah.
Because they will see they will tease him.
Yeah.
So you shouldn't do that.
What must you do? You keep it
until the moment you can sit with him.
You alone with him. Trust me. If you
are to treat your child in this way,
the evening
that bad behavior will be, will be fixed.
So wisdom is needed. Wisdom means
putting things in the appropriate
position.
And the last one I have here, a
Tavaful which I already talk about it when
I was talking about the the Hazm. The
Rafa means overlooking.
Categorize the mistakes the kids are going to
be committing at home. You know, according to
their size.
Focus on those big ones and the minor
ones, close your eyes. If you fix the
big ones in a nice way, you know,
lovely way, be even light to Allah, The
small ones will be will be fixed by
by themselves.
So, these are
the those qualities that I found mentioned by
some scholars to be you know adorned
by the the Morabi
who wants to succeed in his in his
terbia. So inshallah after this I will be
attaching
the part of
growing a child on.
But before then inshallah, we'll open once again.
Uh-uh
the session for question and
if if there is any question from your
side.
Any questions?
Assalamu alaikum, Sheikh. Sheikh,
should we wait until we give our bad
habits before going to propose?
Somebody wants to, who is the one who
is asking me this question? I don't see.
Ah, Obas.
So somebody has bad habit, right? He wants
to marry, shall he wait until he
stay away from the bad habit and then
he he marries?
Until when he will be waiting.
When do when does he think he can
stop doing that habit?
It depends on the habit. But I'm assuming
a month or 2, maybe.
In it, as a Muslim,
you know, this person who is asking me
this question is a Muslim. When does he
think he can be able to give up
that bad habit?
I don't think there's a specific time, but
as soon as possible.
And this person, we need to see him,
actually, to have a special meeting with him.
Yeah. You know why I'm saying this, Wabas?
Because
it looks like he has a written agreement
with the angel of death.
Not to come to him until he fixes
himself and then the angel will come.
You know why I'm saying this, is because
if
this is not the case, as a Muslim,
if I have, you know, the the courage
to say that I'm waiting for the time
to fix myself, that means I can do
it.
I can do it. Why can't I fix
myself right now and move forward in my
life? I know what I'm doing is wrong.
Seriously,
I want to address this question because it's
wrong decision for a person to be making.
I wait first until I fix myself and
then I marry. When am I going to
fix myself?
And subhanallah, by the time you started thinking
this way, trust me, it's like you are
inviting the shaitan to also intensify the effort
on you not to make a change.
Because it's very dangerous to live a life
without having a spouse next to you.
So a person who says this really needs
somebody to advise him wisely.
Fix yourself
right now and marry and move forward.
It's
to fix what he knows to be wrong
and propose a marriage. Don't wait
until he fix himself and then propose. No.
Fix himself right now and propose.
And that's it. And keep trying his best
to make sure that he maintain his good
behavior.
Inshallah. Rather than waiting
until when? Like what you told me. You
were right in what you said. There is
no time limit for this. Right?
Yeah. I can say I I want to
propose to marry,
but when I graduate.
Is there any time limit for this? Yes.
I know when I'm when I'm going to
be graduating.
Right? But this one is saying, when I
become righteous, when is he going to become
righteous? I'm pretty sure if I ask him,
he will tell me I don't know.
If he tells me yes, I know, then
I, then this person is a is a
player.
He knows what he's doing, he's just playing
the game.
With his religion. So my advice to this
person is to fix his attitude and his
behavior, and then propose to marry a good
person, you know.
Sheikh, this with regards to,
being,
just with
kids and the siblings. Yeah.
Sheikh, is is it from the sunnah to
start
with the girls when giving gifts,
as opposed to boys.
And, actually, I have a number of questions,
so I'm not sure if I should ask
all of them at once or one by
one share. We still have time, shall we?
Okay.
I continue with the question. That's that's question
Number 1. Number 1. Okay.
There are some but
they have some issues with their,
authenticity that the prophet
proposed that a girl should be start with.
I I can't remember any one of these
mussels that is authentic.
What we got from the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam is an intensive mercy, you know, that
has been shown to the to the girls
more than the boys. But not
seeing the,
I mean, letting the boys sees that you're
making differences between them and and the girls
because the boy doesn't understand this.
But as soon as Allah said,
if Allah bless you with 2 daughters
and you are kind with them and you
educate them properly,
they will become your protection against the help.
You know, from that life where they are
buried alive, they are killed,
Now, they are blessing to have a girl
is a blessing from Allah. It's a very
special gift. You Allah. If you don't see
it like this, see it like that. Although
it's very, very, very, very also tough nowadays
to give tarabia to,
a girl, but it's still a blessing from
Allah to have her baby girl. And all
that you have to do is to make
sure that you educate her properly and you
give her what she need. And you are
gentle and soft because this is what fits
her nature. You see, you can come and
talk to your child
in a bit harsh way,
and the child might smile and stand up
and go.
Say the same thing to your daughter.
Trust me, before you complete, you might see
tears coming from her. Alright. So different people.
That's mean in my approach,
when I talk to my daughter, I shouldn't
talk to her in the way I talk
to my son.
If I'm gonna be harsh,
I shouldn't be harsh with her. Yes. I
must make sure that she's doing the right
thing, but at the same time, I should
make sure that I'm addressing Hadamir looking up
at her nature, you know. So but to
say that, yes, I make a gift, I
give him more, or I give him more,
the scholars said justice have to be maintained
in this regard. Although majority of the scholars
said justice in this regard is supposed to
be done in the way of inheritance,
like the law of inheritance.
Boy takes twice the portion of a girl.
But if this is not necessary, I really
advise a person just to equate them. You
know, you wanna give money to both of
them, give them the same thing.
You wanna buy some gift, give them the
same thing. You know, don't make differences. But
if there is a need for a difference
to take place, yes, you do. She will
understand or he will understand. Whoever need to
be given more, he give him more. The
rest also will understand because they know that
this person need more than that. Yeah. Lagrange
is good. And to a few.
The second question
is with regards what you mentioned,
about the grades,
and never,
given,
something
to a child
as opposed to the other children.
Does this also apply for akhirah matters? Like,
for example, if they memorize
more Quran than the other person.
So does that still apply? Yeah. It still
applied.
Any,
Subhan Allah, achievement they are making in their
life,
don't reward,
you know, one of them and neglects the
other one. Unless if you already put it
as a as a condition. Let's say you
will make it as a competition
between them. That yes, I want you guys
to memorize the book of Allah and whoever
memorizes the book of Allah
has this.
So they are raising each other. Whoever finish
you will get. So the rest they know
that you are not giving them because they
did not qualify the conditions. Because it's not
Wajib upon you to give. But randomly, I'm
just coming. I I want to please my
kids without doing anything or just because they
they pass the exams.
It shouldn't make any difference. But for this
one, the competition on the matters, if that
competition is good. In the memorization of the
Quran, it's good for you to do it
in that way. Inshallah.
But other religious matters is not good. Don't
reward your kids for whatever righteousness they are
doing. You are training them to do it
for the sake of the dunya.
You know, you're training them to do it
for the sake of the dunya. You know?
Last question.
Shay, what do we make with the
from Saul to Yusuf?
Because that was a situation that Yakub found
himself. And there's a very good, actually, example
that we need to understand correctly
to see the danger of favoring some of
the kids, you know, in anything.
He loved Yusuf more than
the rest of the siblings. True?
Salaam. True? Yes.
And Subhan Allah, this love, you know, refused
to be hidden.
Why? Because it's not easy to know that
this son of yours is a prophet of
Allah
He was a prophet and he knows that
among his kids, this one also is going
to be a prophet.
So
he loves him so much. And the way
the rest of the kids, they know this.
And that caused Yusuf alaihi salaam a lot.
They plotted against him. You already know the
story, right?
They plan to kill. Allah protected him.
That's why this call is set. We shouldn't
do that.
To claim that you love your kids equally,
Is it possible?
Is it possible to love your children equally?
Is it possible to love them equally? It's
not possible.
Yeah.
You get it? It's not possible because love
is an act of the heart.
Yeah. They have different behaviors. They have different
attitude. They have different needs.
You know, sometimes you value you find yourself
inclining towards this one more than the other
one. So what is wrong is to let
the rest of the kids knowing that you
love this one more than the other one.
But that which is in your heart, only
you knows about that. You will not be
held responsible. It will not affect the kids.
But the moment you started acting upon that
love which is in your heart,
you're going to be favoring this one over
the rest. So you're putting this person into
trouble.
And they're going to be very rebellious against
you.
The moment they can tell you when they
grow older, they will start also resisting
and telling you how they feel when you
favor this one.
And you're not doing good, good to the
to the child because when you die
when you die what will happen? They will
show their true picture and true image to
this one that you used to love. Yeah.
They would tell him, your father used to
favor you, now let's see. What would you
do to live and to survive?
So that's why you have to do everything
possible to help the kids to be one
family, to have the unity amongst them.
Because they can't succeed if this unity is
is not in existence.
Her father was trying
to explain to his kids the importance of
the unity.
He brought
he asked them to
to bring
stick.
Everyone of them should bring a piece of
stick.
When they reach him, he took the stick
from from them. He put them all together
in one place. He tie them, and then
he give it to the first child. He
asked him to break the, yeah,
to break the stick.
He couldn't. Give it to the second one,
he couldn't. 3rd one, he couldn't.
It goes through all of them.
And then he said, okay, give me the
stick.
They gave him those bunch of sticks and
he untie the sticks and he gave each
one of them one stick.
And he asked them to break it.
Very easy they broke everything.
Yeah.
So he told them, I want you to
be united.
And this is your situation when you are
united. You see the way you couldn't break
the stick?
An enemy from outside cannot break you when
you are together.
And trust me, if you don't do this,
you know, for the kids, you help them
to do this, you know, through your actions,
if you are making, you know, differences in
terms of the gift you are giving them,
trust me, that unity will not exist. And
that will be the beginning of the fashion
And somebody to win against them when you
live this life. Yeah. When you are alive,
you will be their protector but when you
live this life, nobody is to do it
for them except themselves and they are not
united.
They will be cooperating against each other to
make sure that
that person fails.
Because I don't like you. Yeah. So it
is necessary when I make gifts to equate
amongst my kids and not to show any
one of them that I love his brother
more than the way I I love him.
And that's why as a father,
who do you side with?
All of your kids.
All of your kids. Side with the kids.
All of them. Even when one of them
is wrong,
you also side with him. You fix him
and you convince the other one that this
is his brother. He shouldn't fight or hate
your brother.
What he did, I agree with you is
wrong and it has to be fixed. And
I will remind him. I will talk to
him and ask him to apologize to him.
Yeah. But don't show any negative behavior towards
the one who did the wrong thing. You
know, teach him how to behave well in
in the future in a nice way. Yeah.
Last
is good. Yes. Next question.
No. Because
Yusuf alaihi salam, he's coming from the other
wife of.
From that side,
we're not told that there was any prophet.
From the wife that she has prophet,
for sure, the behavior of the husband, you
know.
He got a profit from her.
Yeah. So Yakub couldn't control. Although he's not
committing injustice against the other one, but, you
know, loving that side of the family that,
got him a profit, which is a gift
from Allah
in the way he wishes.
So that's why when he loves
that part of the family and it was
only Yusuf and his brother.
But it wasn't because Binyamin was a prophet
of Allah's.
I've never come across a place where Binyamin
is mentioned to be a prophet.
You get it? Yeah. The only Asbat even
Asbat, the correct opinion,
As but actually they are not the
they are not the children of
Yakob Alai Salam.
They are not the children of Yakob.
Amongst them you have the prophet, amongst them
you have non prophet, you have Salihin, you
have Palihin, you have all types.
But the brothers, the siblings of Yusuf alaihi
wasallam were not told
that any one of them was a prophet
of Allah, except
except, what do you call it?
Otherwise, when the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam was
asked who is the best person?
You see, he said Yusuf.
Otherwise he would say Yusuf and Binyami.
But he said Yusuf and his salah. Because
he thought they were asking him about the
lineage.
He said Yusuf was a prophet of Allah,
the son of a prophet, the son of
the prophet, the son of Khalilur Rahman, Ibrahim
alaihi salam. Nobody has this lineage like Yusuf
alaihi salam. He was a prophet. His father
was a prophet, Yaqub Alaihi
Salam. The father of Yaqub was a prophet,
Ishaq Alaihi Salam, and the father of Ishaq
was a prophet, Ibrahim Alaihi
Salam. Nobody is like that. Yeah. That's why
he was asked. Who's the best? He said,
yeah, Yusuf Alaihi Salam.
You get it? So if Binyamin was also
a prophet, he would say, you Yusuf and
Binyamin.
Or Yusuf and the the the the siblings
of Yusuf.
You get it? And also they are not
Aswab. These are the children, the immediate children.
They are not Aswab because Sibbet is the
grandchild.
You get it? Is the grandchild,
you know.
Any
other question?
My question is, come from a place where,
Christianity is more prevalent than, Islam.
It's a a very hard to find a
dual, mode of, education when it comes to
educating their kids like,
they're either left with the choice of being,
in a secular education Enough. And, or either
choosing the Islamic education. Yeah. And most of
their parents, like, the Muslim demographic is mostly
made by,
reverse.
Like, they don't have, like, they don't fit
the qualities that you cited,
that, someone that is giving should have. So
in this place, they are either choosing to
start with a secular education
or either to start with Islamic education in
which if they choose 1 or about the
others, they have to compromise the other. If
they choose the secular education,
they,
will be left behind in Islamic education. If
they choose the Islamic education,
they'd be left behind in the dunya, which
is also much more important.
What's the best way to deal with this
one? Put that through. The first thing is,
as I said earlier, to leave that territory.
Go and live in the Muslim community, whereby
he finds places that are combining both
Dunia and, Islamic education.
And actually this is just to
mention some details. Otherwise,
when you are preserving the religious education also
you are going to be preserving the the
junior
education.
And, this is one of the topics that
I,
wanted to, discuss, the topic of the place
of the education of my kids and the
role of the
school. What role the school should be should
be playing?
And unfortunately, even the Muslim territories, not even
the most the place where you mentioned, non
Muslim territories where it is not easy for
you to find an Islamic,
any oriented education. It's not easy to found,
to be found in those places. But even
in the Muslim territories, what kind of education
do we have? Like what I told you,
our history is based on Copart history.
Many things that we take, we are taking
from them. We don't have our own establishment.
And also the the
the kind of Terbia and the people who
are educating our kids, they are the people
that we know. Doing things for the sake
of business.
There's no amount in education.
That's why an ideal school, which I believe
it is possible to have a school, and
we need it because many of the homeschooling
is good. It's excellent to have homeschooling. It's
interesting,
you know. I also tried it at one
point of time. I found it very interesting.
It's so heavy. If you wanted, you have
to invest a lot, much more than what
you're investing in the
in the school. Because if I if I
go to school,
I pay a few 1,000,
you know, for the whole year, for the
kids. If I'm gonna take somebody to
tutor and educate my kids, each person I
have to take many people. Each person I
have to pay him, sometimes, you know, almost
half of what I'm going to be paying
in the school. And every Monday, I will
be paying this.
Collectively, if you count calculate how much you're
paying is a lot a lot. But it's
worth it.
No problem. But these are the rare situations
whereby,
you know, a person is doing it in
the right way.
However,
in the vast majority of the cases, the
wife is not qualified to educate. The husband
is not qualified to educate. So what kind
of homeschooling are we giving them? That means
we have to bring somebody else to to
interfere. This person, if he is not having
the good terbia we need, trust me, this
is very dangerous because it's gonna be 1
on 1. You know, he's personally addressing your
kids.
Actually worse than when you put your kids
in that environment because the teacher is not
addressing only 1. He's addressing everyone.
The impact is going to be very, very
low.
If we if you are to bring somebody
who will be having direct contact to a
child,
trust me, the influence of this person, if
he is not righteous, he's gonna be much
stronger than what he might be getting from
the from the school.
You get it? So sometimes we gather them
in one place. Somebody's coming to teach them.
If there is no proper supervision, trust me,
let's be honest to ourselves. What is the
difference between this and the school then?
This is also another another school.
Right? Because we gather them in a place,
and we bring all the teachers to come.
What do we have in the school?
Also kids being gathered in the place, and
teachers are coming from all over the place
and teaching.
And also when we gather them in a
place, and we're teaching them the same system
that we are hating. We teach them the
same thing. What are we doing?
That's why I found it interested what one
of them said.
He wasn't even a Muslim. He said it's
just you
giving the government relief rather than the government
teaching your kids but now you are doing
the responsibility of the government. Wallahi,
there is a big need to have a
Wallahi, there is a big need to have
a suitable environment for our kids.
You gotta compromise a lot. Sometimes the kids
when they are at home, always at home.
The behavior sometimes become weird.
Because the parent are not giving them, you
know, the other alternative.
You know, I mean, the other, you know,
thing they need, which is to mingle with
other people,
to grow their smartness,
you know, and to be matured properly. They
don't have this. They always be at home
with their parent.
That's why the level of their experience is
gonna be very low. You see them being
very shy, you know, so much shy. They
cannot be productive outside.
Why? Because they don't go outside.
You get it? So that's why it is
necessary.
Kids are not meant to be at home
all the time. They are supposed to go
out and mix with others.
So we have to create that environment for
them to have a good place to preserve
their akida. And that's why having
our kind of education
is necessary.
Okay. Having our kind of education is necessary.
Whereby,
we excel in both
dunya
and the Aka.
Please
take note on this, you know, not necessarily
writing but put in your brain.
Dunia and Aka and we're maintaining
the balance, you know, between both.
Whereby my child
will graduate from primary school after finishing the
book of Allah and
all the necessary Islamic studies he needs
to become a mini scholar.
He has it before he graduate from the
from the secondary school.
Tell me, which school is like this?
By the time the child goes to the
university,
he's well mannered,
excellent in terms of junior education, and excellent
in terms of academic
education. And we teach the the the kids
also the respect. I told you, nowadays, if
you go to the exam centers, go
go to go to the exam center on
the day students are writing their exams of
Arabic or Islamic studies.
Trust me. I don't want to swear by
Allah but trust me. You'll find only a
few or nobody is there.
And this school is called an Islamic
school.
No child is going for Islamic studies.
What message are we sending them?
That this is not important. But everyone has
to go.
And sit for for math. Everyone has to
go
and do math. Everyone has to go and
do English. Everyone has to go and do
so many other things which are purely dunya
things. It's mandatory. You cannot escape that. But
when it comes to Islamic studies, these are
personal matters. It's a matter of choice. So
what kind of message the school is is
sending?
We don't need this kind of school. We
don't need this type of schools. We need
the school that maintain both. And also as
far as discipline is concerned, we have to
be very serious.
That's why we shouldn't have a business
mentality when we are establishing a school.
Yeah, I know it's very difficult and very
tough, but we shouldn't have business mentality.
If business is the one that is leading
us, trust me, we will not be able
to keep that manner
correctly. We will always be focusing on that
which bring more customers
because we call the students
customers.
So business mentality should be avoided. It should
be based on how to create and produce
leaders. People who maintain balance in both Dunia
and the Akhirah. That's why an ideal school
is a place where you have a strong
counseling department
and strong discipline dis department, and you have
people that you appoint, you know, to be
in the school, not as teachers
coming to the classroom teaching.
For this one, they are just in the
school.
Their job is to make sure that every
student is behaving well.
Which school is like that? Only a few.
And even the one I know is they
started being very negligent. Before it was very
seriously done by them, but now no more.
That's why I said business mentality shouldn't be
shouldn't be there.
So we invest in our kids.
We can charge people whatever we want to
charge to support the teachers so that they
can have free time to do what they're
supposed to be doing. And on top of
all, who to teach my child?
Who to teach my child?
Usually,
we select teachers based on what?
The CV. Right? Yeah. He told us he's
this and that and then that's it. We
come to the interview, we interview him.
Just come.
No, it shouldn't be like that. You Allah.
In a school like this, the teachers have
to be selected based on merits and manners.
He teaches biology but he has to be
upon the big and respect to the Sharia
of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So that there
will be no contradiction between what he is
doing and what an Islamic study teacher is
doing. And also in his biology class, he's
not going to teach them biology alone. He
incorporate that with the terbiyah.
Every single person should be rugby in the
in the in the classroom.
Which school is like this?
In some schools, trust me, they don't care
just to finish the syllabus. Somebody told me
he was teaching 1 of the schools. He
said the management in this school just care
about finishing the syllabus. As long as you
finish, what are you teaching the student? They
do they understand? They don't understand. It's okay.
But just make sure nobody fails in the
end.
So, as a teacher, if I don't have
Amana, when they write the exams, what do
I do? Just pass everyone. That's it. But
as far as knowledge is concerned and tell
me that they have, they have nothing.
So we need to provide a good
environment.
I take it as a fire.
Having these type of schools is means
if they don't exist,
anyone who is responsible will be sinning until
the time we fix it.
You get it? Yeah. But we don't need
what we have nowadays. We need a a
school that is responsible.
You know, to replace what we have in
at home. Because in many homes, we go
for the homeschooling, but we lose our kids.
Because we are not capable to give them
what they need. They lost home and they
lost the school.
So back to the question of the questioner,
in this type of environment,
the first suggestion is to leave the environment
back to the Muslim territories. That's the first,
solution.
And if this is not possible, then they
have no any other choice except to favor
the cause and the reason why they exist.
I know it's very bitter, but that's the
only solution Islamically for them to do, is
to compromise the dunya side and to go
with the akhirah
while also thinking of how to bring the
dunya in the in the near future. But
they have to compromise the dunya side
side and go to the to the Akhla
side and put them in the Islamic places
if they are truly Islamic.
And I guess no matter how much bad
they are, they would not be equal to
the non Muslim schools because, you know, in
the schools we teach also values,
You know? I remember a person,
his child comes back home. You know? He
got a visitor. So, you know, the children
sometimes, they go to the to the guest.
So this boy was with the guest. You
know? He was with the guest. And then
he was talking to the guest.
He wrote something. He drew something, and he
told the guest this is true, Suriya.
He drew he drew something,
you know, and then he told the guest,
this is my Lord. This is the one
we worship,
you Allah. Told him this is the one
we worship.
This guest kept quiet.
He held the picture. He said, oh,
thank you. So he kept it. Until the
time, the host is there busy preparing the
food and everything. So when he came, he
told him,
we really are facing a problem. He said,
what is that? He said,
do you know what is this? He said,
no. He said, this is what my your
child just drew, and he told me this
is what they they're worshiping.
And I asked him, where do you get
that? He said, the teacher in the school
told me this.
Because he's studying a non Muslim school, you
know. He said, the teacher told me this.
Yeah. The same goes to a Muslim school,
although they don't tell him worship this person,
but the teacher teaching him
wrong things, you know, wrong values, wrong aqidah.
And trust me, they trust their teachers more
than you because you don't create that good
environment at home.
So they will be coming they're going to
become munafiqin
in your presence. When you're there, they're good.
But when they go out of your place,
they are somebody else.
Yeah. So my answer to that question is
this person, he has to leave this country,
this place to another place where he can
enroll his kid in the good place if
that place exists. But if he is not
capable of leaving that place, then he stays
in that place according to his ability, but
he has to compromise the the dunya side
and put,
his kid in the Muslim and Islamic school.
Allah
will replace him
Whoever stays away from something which Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala hates, for the sake of Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, Allah promised to grant him
better.
So I guess I exhaust you a lot,
and I still have half of what I
planned for. So if you don't mind, let
me just wrap up, and then we open
the session again for questions and then we'll
go and pray. Is that fine with everyone?
Okay.
And please I want any some of the
we face at home.
If possible to discuss them here inshallah. Okay.
Because I have been given just principles to
be done.
Maybe there are some
specific that somebody wants me to to address.
K. So
if I provide the house,
the proper base for the tilvia of my
kids,
what am I supposed to be feeding my
kids with?
And this is the question Sheikh was asking
about.
How do I teach them?
The prophet this is what he did. The
kids starting from the younger age, let them
know about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
And this is really necessary.
Yeah.
This is really necessary. This is what we
call Aqida. They have to learn it from
this younger age.
In the school,
every morning,
in the school every morning, what is the
first thing the kids are doing?
To say the national
anthem. Right? Every morning. Why every morning they
repeat it?
Why do we ask them to repeat it
every morning?
Because the country
leaders want this to become a leader in
the heart of the kids.
That's why it's necessary these values,
you repeat them a lot.
He was talking about the importance of reciting
Adan on the ear of the child
right after the child is born, he said
because naturally the first word that reaches the
brain of a child
will remain.
It's as good that Allah's
name is the first thing that reaches his
brain, not anything else.
That's why your should be based on Akida
and it by that.
Teaching the kids
the level
of the Akida which is within their understanding.
As I said, from the younger age, ask
them who created them? Who gave them this?
And inform them about Allah's matter. They already
have the fitrah with them, but they just
have to revive it
and make it much stronger. Whatever nirmah happens
to them, try to relate it to Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
And show no tolerance to any disrespect
when it comes to Allah.
When they're making jokes at home, tell them
that they should avoid using the name of
Allah
because they succeed these matters.
Let the kids * on this.
But at the same time what does that
mean? Our time is
up. Okay.
So but at the same time
don't
you ever introduce Allah
in a scary way.
Yeah incorporate that with the sight of the
mercy of Allah
so that they can maintain
their balance. That's why I said teach them
what what they need to know at that
at that age.
And as they grow also you are increasing.
You know up to the moment you teach
them the big things. You already have a
good foundation for them to accommodate
whatever you will be giving them
in in the future. Professor Lachsuma said,
he says,
You Wala,
he was talking to one of the younger
companions,
he said,
first thing that you emphasize on in dealing
and teaching your children. As I said if
they got this be anything else, anything else.
As I said, if they got this
anything else
will be possible
and you will find teaching
whatsoever you want to teach them in the
future
being,
easy.
And also train them upon the ibadat.
You're doing and you are also inviting them
to do. Prophetess said when they reach
7 years
you should
command them to to pray.
When they reach the year of 7, the
age of 7 you should command them to
pray.
If they don't pray after they reach the
year of 10, the prophet
said, you can beat them. So it's wajib
for me to command my kids
But is it halal for me to let
them pray at the age below the age
of 7? Yes.
Those are the age of encouragement.
You tell your child, come let's pray. They
don't want to pray, leave them. Don't force.
Otherwise, they will hate the prayer.
Just tell them, come let's pray. They will
come and do that prayer and don't make
comment. No correction.
Whatever they want to pray. They will pray
a funny prayer, no problem. The point is
they understand that there is something called prayer.
Whenever they see you praying,
they will remember
what is supposed to be their job. And
the prophetess of the Lord wants you to
get to do it gradually,
That's why he said starting from the age
of 7, you should start commanding.
When they reach 10 and they don't do,
only then you're allowed Islamically to to breach
them. The breaching that will not
harm the child.
And trust me my dear brothers and sisters,
if you are to
to teach and to command your child to
pray to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for 7
years,
you will never need
to beat them when they reach the age
of 10. Because how many prayers they they
prayed by then?
Thousands of prayers. Yeah. By then they will
become familiar familiar with it. So teaching kids
good manners
and akida
and abadadad
should start from a very younger age, but
you have to do that with with love
to avoid
them hating
the the prayer. That's why there shouldn't be
any punishment except if they don't do it
at the age of 10 because they are
closer to the age of below. And as
I said, if you do it correctly,
you commanded them to pray at the age
of 7.
They will
you would never need to beat them when
when they grow older.
And if you are going to command them
to pray that means you are also
also praying.
Right? You are also
praying. And here comes the importance of you
being righteous because if you don't pray,
the kids will not have a good example
at home. That's why the prophet said
the sunnah prayers should be prayed at
at home.
You know, so that the kids can see
you praying, your family can see you praying.
Let them see a best and a good
example in you. Those who are rushing in
their praise, they know that the father is
not doing like this. But if they don't
see you praying, it will be very difficult
for for them to have Alkudwa,
Al Hasina.
You get it? That's why as I said
earlier,
one of the best means at the Wased
for you to give Telbia
is Alkodua Al Hasina.
Al Kodua Al Hasina to have a best
example in the house and that best example
is you. Yeah. They need somebody to look
at him and imitate him whatever he he
does. This is how they how they learn.
So we come to this world knowing nothing.
We learn from those who are next to
us. So we should become the best Qudwa
for them.
If not, they're going to choose others because
in this life Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created
us as
social being that cannot live alone. That's why
one of the thing they mentioned in Tarbia
is choosing Aljeliso Sale. Angelis Asale for your
child.
Having a good partner and a friend for
your child.
Right? Having a good partner for for your
child.
And this is a very serious matter, so
I should be the best friend for my
child, but he cannot live alone, living with
me only.
He will need to get some other people
also in his in his company.
So those people they have to be righteous
people, and this is a very sensitive matter.
Don't cancel all the friends of your kids
and tell them they're all bad,
and at the same time also you don't
provide him with a good alternative at home.
If you are very good and you are
the best friend for him, trust me that
will help him also to be very selective
in choosing choosing friends.
That's why your kids will come back from
time to time and tell you that, I
sit with friends but they're doing this, they're
doing that and this and that. Why are
they sharing this with you?
Because the door has been opened for them.
Get an idea? So you should be the
best friend for your child, but at the
same time also help him to choose the
best company.
Rasulullah
said, a person will be resurrected on the
day of judgment according to
the attitude and the behavior of his child.
The prophet said
The Arab says Sahib,
Sahib, right? No. So it's a very serious
matter. The prophet
Don't you ever take somebody as your friend
except a believer.
Yeah.
There is no compromise here
and don't be shy. If your friend is
not according to this description given by the
prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam, you should apologize and
stay away from him otherwise you will you
will regret.
Your friend should be the best, you know,
much better than you.
Don't accept somebody who is in low level
to be closer to you.
He said
So your kids you should make sure that
those whom they're hanging around with, they are
the best one. Otherwise
trust me they are going to, they are
going to take them. Yeah, don't let them
mix with a family that are that are
wrong.
Make sure that you choose the best company
for them so you monitor who they go
with and when you realize that you realize
that they're going with the wrong people, don't
fight.
Yeah, this is my personal advice, if you
realize that your child is going, is hanging
around with the wrong people, don't fight.
Yeah bring them back home,
this is fiqh and address it with fiqh.
He will like this is your time to
be very calm because this is very dangerous
otherwise you're going to lose him completely. You're
going to lose her completely
you know. You have to relax, you remain
calm.
When they come back home
think about the best time and the best
way for you to address the matter.
Yeah. And do it in a very professional
way and use a lot of wisdom
to let him believe that this is a
wrong choice by himself
and maintaining your good mood. You know that
yes from inside you are burning but don't
let him understand this.
Let him understand that whatever you are doing
is for his own benefit and you know
that these people are not going to lead
him any anywhere.
And do a thorough research before you agree
with somebody. Let's say your child is having
a very good relationship
with you, you know, and he met somebody
that he wants to bring this person closer,
you know, and he asks
your your advice.
Make sure that you do the right checking
before you agree.
I heard one of the scholars said
a mother was complaining to him that she
doesn't know what to do with the situation
because her daughter ended up hanging around with
the wrong family.
She said I was the one who
who take her to them.
Yeah because I thought they're okay.
But then subhanAllah because of the negligence from
the mother,
she did not do the proper research.
What did she find afterwards?
That this mother, the mother of the friend,
she used to go out with her daughter.
Look at how much corrupt this family is.
They go out both,
you know, and the mother will go with
her friend.
Friend means boyfriend and the the girl also
would go with her boyfriend.
So the time my daughter started going to
them, this womb this sister was still talking
to the church, she said the time my
daughter started going to them, they also look
for a friend for her.
SubhanAllah.
She discovers afterwards.
What can she do now? The damage already?
Already happened. So open your eyes and do
the right thing. Make sure that the one
the kids are hanging around with, the other
the
Salih.
And as I said you should be the
best friend but since they cannot live with
you alone
then you should look for,
you should make sure that the person they
hang around with
is the right person.
K. So and also the last thing I
think I should emphasize on is, the issue
of teaching your kids respect.
Respecting anyone that deserves respect starting from the
parent. You know this is very important because
nowadays you know taking this leniency that the
scholars mention
we go beyond the limits.
You know the child can disrespect
his mother, disrespect the father, and the father
doesn't care, the mother doesn't care. No,
in the place
and they brought him milk, the prophet SAW
drank from it and he wanted to pass
it to
to the one that is next to him
on the right side. Unfortunately,
the one on the right side was Abdullah
ibn Abbas
and the prophet Sallama wanted to start with
the big ones,
Abu Bakr. So he had he asked Abdullah
ibn Abbas permission to pass it to Abu
Bakr.
Abdullah ibn Abbas said, not
with your left over, Irasulullah.
But then he says, I want my right.
He says you drank something and I want
to be the first one to get it.
And the prophet
gave him his right. In many places you
hear the prophet
say come bit,
start with the with the big ones.
Prophet never tolerates disrespect against the elders. That's
why he said,
The one who does not show mercy to
the younger ones and does not respect the
elders is not one of us. And the
one who does not respect our scholars is
not one of us. So you have to
teach your kids
how to respect starting from from you.
That's why at home
any word that comes from the child to
the mother, the father. If this word is
negative, the father shouldn't side with with the
child.
You should blame him for that, that you
cannot address your parent with this.
But other than that they can make jokes,
give them the freedom but they have to
maintain the level of respect they should be
having.
Yeah and also you should respect them because
I'm teaching them respect, right? So I should
also respect them. And it is part of
respecting
my
child to give him
somehow
independence in the house.
And he can make a decision.
Yeah. That's why I said not everything you
blame them for doing at home.
Yeah. Give them independence.
Make sure that they decide by themselves.
Just
watch. If you see them doing something that
is wrong,
deciding something which is wrong, then you, you'll
fix it.
For them. But don't be the one who
will be deciding
for them what to eat, where they go.
Don't be the one who will tell them
what to do in this regard. So you
respect them by giving them a bit of
independence and this will help them insha'Allah to
be able to to live
even after you you live this this life.
And to be able also to do the
right thing in terms of talab ul kamal.
You want your child to always try to
be at the best and higher position.
So if you want this to take place
then you have to give them the Istoklalia
which is independence
in in the house. So as I said,
I have a lot here that remains. I'm
trying to compress and summarize
you know what I should be mentioning.
So I will stop here. May Allah grant
you a good and tofiq.
If you have any specific matter that you
want us to discuss, we can go through
it.
And
for your patience. May Allah accept you. And
those of you who are having kids, may
Allah
aid you and help you to give the
good terbiyyah to them and to be patient
in terbiyyah and to invest you know in
your kids by producing somebody Insha'Allah who will
be replacing you
in leading the Ummah to the success of
the light of Zulul and somebody who will
be making du'a for you. Because my dear
brothers and sisters, only the right,
a righteous child will be helping you when
you leave this life. That's why the prophetess
of Allah said, When
a son of Adam dies all of his
righteous deeds will be cut up
except 1 of the 3.
And one of these 3 the prophet said,
Oh, righteous child that you live in this
life who is making du'a for you. And
take this from me my dear brothers and
sisters, the best gift you give your child
is a good
Tarbia of Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa sallam which
is tarbia with love
and mercy
and also doing the right thing.
I close this with a simple story Sheikh
Islam Intimiya mentioned in his book,
Asiyasi Sharayyah.
He talks about this matter, that the best
thing you give
your children is the tilapia.
He said there was
Khalifa from the Umrah al Muslimi who died.
And he left his kids
with abundance of wealth.
He got it, abundance of wealth.
So they inherit so much so much money.
At the same time after this one, Omar
Ibn Abdelaziz came,
and he left young children.
They said he himself when he see them
he cries.
SubhanAllah, they said they are very young and
most of them did not reach the age
of maturity.
And guess what, Omar ibn Abdul Aziz died
at the time
to have 1 dirham to buy fruit he
doesn't have.
It was the Khalifa of Busumeen, you know
how he led the believers but subhanAllah he
invested in giving tarbia to the kids.
So he looked at them,
he cried, he told them my kids I'm
very sorry, I was given
a choice to choose Allah
or to choose you. I decided to choose
Allah
however
insha'Allah you will be you will not be
neglected.
When somebody
told him
you did the wrong thing, now you are
going to leave this life and your children
they have nothing.
He told him, no my kids are one
of the 2 people.
1 of
either the
one that is righteous or the one that
is evil.
He said as for the righteous one
Allah is the of the righteous people. As
for the non righteous
one, he said I would never be the
one who will provide them with the means
of facade and corruption after I leave.
And subhanAllah he died. Sheikh Usai Min Temia
said
Sheikh Usai Min Temia said, we have seen
some of his children
sponsoring 1 of the jihad visa billab buying
200 horses with all the equipments in it.
The father left them kids having nothing.
Look at how much Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
took care of them because of the investment
he made in giving tarbia to them, putting
them upon the right path to talk about
of Allah and the righteousness.
He said at the same time
that Khalifa that died leaving his kids with
abundance, he says, we seize many of the
children of those ones
begging others on the street looking for what
to eat.
This is what is awaiting all of us.
Those of us who are having children, please
open your eyes and be serious on this
matter
and don't be lazy and make sure that
you don't fail in this responsibility and always
remember the hadith of the prophet salallahu alayhi
wasalam. If Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala assigned a
responsibility upon you, if you don't do it
in the right way, Jannah is going to
be prohibited upon you giving terbiyah to the
kids is not a joke. As for those
who do not marry yet,
please my dear brothers and sisters open your
eyes.
Yeah. Don't focus on the shallow things. Yeah.
Go and ask those people who are having
experience
before you. Inshallah. If they are honest they
will tell you the truth that focusing on
the shallow things will cause you a lot
of regret. So open your eyes,
do the right checking,
and make sure you see the future. I
mean I'm not talking about somebody who's seeing
the future but I'm saying make sure you
think about the future before you you choose
the one that you'll be staying with. What
what do I mean by that? Thinking about
the terbia of your kids. This one is
supposed to be the mother or the father
of your child. Are you really happy to
take this one as the mother or the
father of your child?
SubhanAllah, somebody
was asked, you know, by the sheikh when
he was asking,
his permission
and his advice, he said, sheikh, would you
advise me to marry this person? The Sheikh
said, I asked him one question,
would you be happy with this one to
be the mother of your children? He said
no.
He said, do you think it's good for
you to go for this? He said no.
He said that's my advice
to you. And this is a very simple
and honest advice.
You also should ask yourself this question, would
you be happy for this woman to be
the mother of your children? If the answer
is negative,
cancel this proposal and look for somebody else.
She should also ask the same thing, would
you be happy for this person to be
the father of your kids? If the answer
is no, will Allah he look for somebody
else. Yeah. Anything that you're focusing on now
is going to fizzle and you will you
will regret. May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala love
you all and grant you good and tawfiq
in this dunya and the success in the
hereafter.
And once again thank you for coming.
Allah grant you success and toffee.
We have some questions from the sisters.
How can we fix the barrier between parents
and children and get our children to express
their feelings and problems,
to us again? Example, after schools after scolding
the kids, making them reluctant to open up
again.
After?
After example,
like, after scolding the kids, how can they
how can we make them open up again?
You know, as they said,
change is always possible.
I might be claiming that my children are
changing. Trust me. If you see them changing,
one of the 2 things.
Either I change
or they don't change it realistically, they're just
being monothequing to me.
They just come to me and pretend they're
okay but they're not.
When they leave my place, they will show
the true picture of who they who they
are.
Or they are really changing, that means I
change. If you see your kids changing, that
means you are changing.
And this is applicable in the family.
Yeah, we need to change.
And please
take my advice. When it comes to terbia,
don't tell yourself I will try.
Are we together? When it comes to the
matter of terbia, no trying.
So what? What are we going to do?
Just do. Don't tell yourself, 'I will try'.
Because sometimes when you advise the brother, the
brother will tell you, 'I will try', the
sister will tell you, 'I will try'. Trust
me, this is the beginning of failure.
But don't try, just do.
Yeah. You get it? I know that this
is harming my kids.
I fix it right on the spot. It
shouldn't accept any delay. I know that my
approach is wrong. I used to be very
harsh against my kids. I don't play with
them.
What should I do? I change.
We're all not like that. Before we learn
the sunnah, we are not like that. But
then we change.
And does that harm us?
My dear brothers and sisters,
Changing in this regard brings nothing except more
respect from your kids to you.
You might not understand what I'm saying but
please do it for the sake of Allah,
Change completely like the word of salah sallahu
alaihi wasallam is doing.
You are there at home, your kids want
to play.
Usually we don't, we have no time for
them. No, you should.
Your child, no matter how much young they
are, when they invite you to things which
are useless, but to them are important.
Go and sit with them, talk to them,
you know, play with them, make them happy.
Make them happy.
Whatever they worry, make sure you you you
check their faces.
This is what a good father is all
about.
Monitoring the faces of the children in the
house.
Why is you worried?
Why is you depressed?
Sit with them, talk to them, you know?
Tickle them, you know? I'm just giving you
some of the experiences that we we pass
and we see, subhanAllah, the result is excellent.
From that being moody, you know,
good luck will take place and the child
will respect you more.
So what I'm trying to say is
the matters of Telia don't accept any any
test or trial. You just have to fix
it. I'm wrong in my approach.
I should just stop being wrong in my
approach
starting from now.
Not I will start, no starting from now.
You know, I have to be very simple,
easy to be approached.
Don't punish, overlook, pretend you don't see things,
but you know they are in existence but
pretend you give a home to your child,
let them feel comfortable,
let them miss you when they leave the
place.
Not a house that when they miss when
they go out of the place they
and other than Allahum minhum.
Yeah. Some kids they are like that.
Yeah. So my answer to that question, my
dear sister,
change
to the method of Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasallam
where you will become the best friend of
your child.
Leniency
but responsible leniency.
Mercy but responsible mercy.
You get it? Now don't be harsh at
all. Accept when it is necessary,
and leanency doesn't work anymore. Then you go
to the harshness.
You know?
Sheikh, what what can we do if our
child is going with,
good friends to the playground but hears other
kids say or do bad things? Do we
stop them from going altogether?
The child?
Is going going to the playground with good
friends, but they hear bad bad things or
do bad thing see bad things from You
add you address the matter from home.
Mhmm. You get it? You address the matter
from home. It might be very dangerous to
stop him from going abruptly.
You get it? You have to go gradual.
You start the process of, you know,
quitting him from those friendship. It has to
they have to
quit. That's why the best decision to be
taken in this is to move to another
street.
Leave this place, don't tell him I'm leaving
this place because of your friends.
Just decide and tell him family we found
a good place,
more fancy house, you know, good environment, friendly
environment.
I know you miss your friend but this
is how life is inshallah that it's better
for us. We will visit them from time
to time.
I know it's very tough but this is
the best decision. When you realize that the
terrier of your kids has been
in in trouble in the place where you
live in, you have to leave that place
to another place.
You know, because telling him not to go
and visit those those friends might be very
dangerous.
Yeah. So the best is to start the
gradual process of detaching him from them in
a very, very, very nice and good way.
In the way he himself also one day
he would tell them, why don't you go
to the front seat? He would tell him
no, I don't want to be with them
anymore.
Why is that? Because of whatever they are
discussing in that place, he's tired of listening
to that, you know.
As I said, if you can move from
that place to another locality, that's really excellent.
Go and check the place. That's why they
said Adal,
I'm sorry, Adjaro Cableta.
Yeah. Usually we don't do that.
The place is fancy, the place is rich
place, the place is a place of, you
know, what do you call rich people, the
place is this and that,
no. We go for for this, no. A
smart person is a person who is choosing
a place not because of the way the
place looks,
because of the neighborhood.
You know, he has got neighborhood and then
you go you go to that place. So
if you face problem like this, one of
the best solution is to
to move to another place.
Inshallah. It's Sheikha Alamein. I think the question
that the person has got
He has?
So the answer still applies? The answer still
applies.
They're not.
All of those families, they are supposed to
look for another place to live.
Or if let's say
your kids are good, mine are good, his
good, we try to understand this. It's better
for this family to cooperate
and to see how to connect their kids
together.
So I'm giving good to go to my
kids, you are doing, he's doing, so this
one we try to do it in the
way our kids would be around themselves.
Whenever somebody approached them they see that person
as a strange person.
And trust me
that person might not last longer
because the vast majority are all good.
So either he change and convert into them
or
or what do you call it, leave them
and go and meet somebody else.
It's really necessary. I remember
a school that,
they're really doing well in the school.
And
subhanAllah,
they train the kids
upon righteousness but the family are not like
that.
SubhanAllah they say one of the the parents,
they're very rich,
he becomes
one of the regular
regular attend,
attendees to the Masjid.
He goes to the Masjid regular even because
of his child.
A child is in a very good environment,
so the parent they are suffering but they
couldn't take him out of from that from
that school because they sense that he's really
benefiting.
So they said the father
used to hold a gun
because they have to pass, you know, sometimes
the rich people they have their own area.
So he has to pass
a place which is a bit, forest. So
he's afraid of the animals and dogs, so
he used to hold gum to the Masjid
but he comes for the facher. Because the
child told him,
my sheikh told me it is important to
pray fajr with the mastiff. And he forced
the parent to do, and they did.
So that's why I'm saying living with a
good person, with the righteous people, either the
person changes
or he has to go away. But the
parent who are good in that place, they
have to cooperate. If they're not willing to
move from that area, they have to cooperate
and see how to connect their kids to
stay around each other. But if this is
not possible, then trust me, there is no
good in being in that place.
And if I am to
to say this, I have the right to
say, I will say living in that place
is wrong.
A simple sinful act. As long as the
kids are affected then it is a sin
for them to remain in that place. They
have to move to another area, you know.
Question by brother.
Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum.
Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum.
Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum.
Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum. Assalamu alaikum.
What can you please advise that His mother
brought him to Rasool Allah.
Why don't you give credit to the mothers?
But it's good to mention that his mother
brought him to Rasool Allah because
it has his own meaning. You know? Okay,
sir.
So the question is, Sheikh. As a stepfather,
how to give tarbia in the modern day
context taking into account the complexity of the
present day standards?
Step. Step father. Stepfather.
Somebody who's not the biological father. Yeah. Yeah.
He should act to that person as if
he is the biological father. There shouldn't be
any difference.
Yeah. Especially when, the kids are,
come into his house
that,
what do you call it, younger age. He
He shouldn't let them understand that he's not
the father.
You get it? Treat them as if he's
the biological father. Don't show them any difference.
Yeah. Let them grow like that. In a
way if they are to be told that
this is your father they will not agree.
There are some parents who did that. It's
a very good invest investment.
And also it support and help the child
to,
what do you call, to be matured properly,
Not to have what do you call what
do you call negative feelings against anyone because
their trauma,
why do they need support from us and
more leniency than our own
biological,
kids?
Because they lost that hanan from the biological
parent. The parents are not there.
So inside them they will be burning. You
know everyone has a father has a mother
but this one don't have.
So that's why if we are the caretaker
of the orphans we get those big rewards
and we're supposed to treat them in the
way they will not understand that we are
not the biological parent.
So advise anyone who has a child
that belongs to his wife from another father,
he shouldn't let the children understand that they
are not his
biological children.
Yes of course he called them by their
names, Muhammad bin al Karim, you know, attributing
them to their parent. But in terms of
treatment,
you should treat them in the way they
might think, you know, he is the Kareem.
And they grow older than they know that
no this is not the biological father or
somebody else. Yeah. That will add to the
love they will be having towards him.
Yesha.
Continuation of this question.
Is he considered responsible is the stepfather considered
responsible for his flock that is all under
his household, especially if the birth father is
a kafir?
Is he
Is the
stepfather responsible for the flock all under his
household
if the birth father is a kafir?
The one who gave birth to him is
a kafir? Yeah. Is he responsible? Is Is
he responsible of this child? Of the child?
Yeah. Of course, he is.
The first responsibility
towards him is to accept Islam
to become a Muslim? No. The responsibility of
the stepfather.
Is he going to be asked
on the day of judgment regarding this
child? I don't get that question.
Caveat.
Yeah.
So you have, the father is. Mhmm. But
the husband of the wife is a Muslim.
Right? Yes. Yeah. Thank you, Yusuf, for to
clarify.
So in this case, the one the the
the responsibility the first responsibility is on the
father, the kafir one. To accept Islam
and to give good tervia to the kids,
to become good example for them. However now
the responsibility is being transferred to to the
mother. She's the one that is responsible
and this one is just a supporter. He
would not be questioned by a loss monitor
in the way he he would be questioned
about his own biological
children.
But as I said, he should invest
in them. Replacing that
missing, you know, ingredient in their life.
You get an idea? Treat them as if
he is the biological
father. Don't let them understand that they have
deficiency in life. If he has other children,
don't show any difference and don't let the
kids know that this one belongs to another
another father. Let them when they grow older,
they become big and they they know the
reality,
you know. That's good for for the child
because he's innocent.
We shouldn't punish him because of the behavior
and attitude of somebody else. And it's part
of being kind to the wife,
to be kind
to her, her
children.
Is that clear? Yeah. That's why the best
way to support an offering.
What is the best way to support an
orphan?
To marry his his mother.
You know? Because when you marry the mother,
you don't need to
to do anything. She will be supporting him
under that which she is getting from or
from you.
Mila Grant is good.
The role of the stepfather would be considered
as if he is taking care of an
orphan. And, a guardian.
Taking care of an
orphan. Often if the father is not allowed,
but technically he is because
he's a Muslim. Right? And the children are
with the mother.
But naturally he's not an orphan because the
father is still alive.
He will be questioned by a lot more
to learn about
how much he got, and he give therapy
to his to his children.
But now since he is useless to the
kids
because of the barrier in the religion and
the mother, she take that responsibility.
She's the direct
responsible person.
And then the husband,
because due to the fact that that person
also is part of the household.
Okay? And the
prophet
A person is a shepherd
upon every anyone who is living in that
in that house under his custody.
So it's like
being given to him, which he has to
be serious in taking care of that.
You know?
Keshia.
In the terbia?
Oh, that's a very good question, you know.
The oldest sibling should be having the same
role of the father.
But that can only happen
if the parent did the right investment in
the older sibling.
That's why now you have the liberalist who
come and tell you, no don't have a
lot of children because
you're going to
let them you know going around the community
without giving them the proper tilvia.
So they discourage people from having children.
They have to go for this family planning
and all of these things, you know. I
don't want to have a child now, I
want to have after 4 years, after I
graduate, after this and that. All of these
things that you have heard. But Islamically Rasool
Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said, he wants you
to
marry those who can produce children because he
wants to become proud of our size on
the day of judgment.
Is there anything wrong when a person have
a child every
every year?
Is there anything wrong with that?
Nothing wrong with that.
One of them,
was writing his book, he said, I know
there was a sister who has 25 children.
Nowadays they call her
a beast and animal.
Yeah, this is what we heard people are
calling a girl. A sister who has so
many children is like animals. She has nothing
to do in life except reducing children. Tabalamullah.
So and there was there was nothing wrong
with that. In the past actually, if you
take
this kind of light, the
artificial light we have, in the past they
were like that.
Many children,
and they were able to do the right
thing. So what I'm what I'm saying here
is, you see when the first child comes,
the parents are supposed to invest in him.
Pump and pump him with good tilbeia, good
education.
Trust me, the moment he start becoming
a big, you know, understanding things, when the
next child comes, he will cooperate in giving
therapy at 2. That next child,
their relationship look at your children, although they
are very young, but they hang around each
other more than the way they hang around
with you. This younger one is always learning
from the big one.
If I invest in the big one, my
job in the small one is going to
be
less.
That's why you reach a position when you
have 5, 6 children.
The the wife, the mother used to sit
down and teach them, you know, how to
write their homeworks and do everything. Trust me,
if she's smart, she and the father from
the beginning, she will reach a moment when
she doesn't need to do all of these.
Just to remind,
Karim, did you help your your siblings to
to do their homework? She doesn't need to
do those jobs because somebody's doing the therapy
for her.
So the role of,
the oldest child
is to act as the father for them.
In some families I'm telling you it's like
that.
That's why when when we talk about them
you see a child say the man saying
this person is like a mother to me.
She's our old the oldest sister is in
us.
But she replaces our mother. We lost our
mother but we never see difference in life.
That means the parent were doing the right
thing, most likely. You get it? So my
advice is please don't be lazy. When the
first child comes, you have a lot of
jobs.
Yeah. Don't be lazy. Do it correctly.
It is for your own benefit. For their
own benefit and for your own benefit also
to be able to relax in the future.
Otherwise, trust me, in the future you will
be giving terbia to all of them and
sometimes there are so many you're
not going to be able to do the
right thing and then you let those liberalists
to come and give you Khutva.
Why do you have them at the first
place?
Is that clear Insha'Allah? So the role of,
the children at home, the big ones, is
to do the same
thing that the parent are doing. You get
it? That's why also it is important to
teach them respect.
So that when the older one asks them
to do something, they respect that command and
do it as if,
it is coming from from the father.
Next question.
K, Sheikh. We have a question regarding Arafa.
Yeah.
Sheikh, the question is,
do we make dua in the exact window
or more virtuous of time that the pilgrims
are standing on Arafah in Makkah or between
the Asr and Maghrib in our respective country?
The day of Arafa completely, and, the time
of the Arafa is the best time. Prophet
said the best way I made me and
the other prophets before me is,
So the time when the people are there
standing in Arafat, this is the best moment
inshallah.
Allah
accept all of us and help us to
do the right thing.
So the question is, how can that had
it be considered as dua?
What is what are we asking in in
that
with that?
And that one. Yeah. I like that. A
lot.
He got into trouble.
Yeah. In the well, in the whale, right?
What did he say to Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala?
He said something.
He said something. Right?
I said Yunus? I said Yunus. I
heard Yusuf. No problem, Al Amin. No problem.
Let's say go to Yusuf and now I
make correction. Yunus.
So Yunus
alaihi salam alameen, what did he say in
the
in that place?
Did he ask Allah to take him out?
No.
He did not see anything.
Yeah.
And what happened?
All the solutions, those which did not even
come to his mind, you know, he got
them.
Because at that moment he wants to get
out of this obstacle,
and to get the,
I mean, forgiveness from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Allah gave him that, gave him health, grew
the tree for him, and sent him back
to 100,000 people. You know he's struggling to
get one, Now Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala sent
him back
to 100,000
and all of them believe in Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala.
Allah And what did he say? So this
is just like the dua will come. Some
of the Adiyeh, the prophet just mentioned Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala and he called it dua.
So this is just like the saying of
the poet
He was praising one of the leaders, he
says, you were the one that when somebody
praises you
he doesn't need to tell you what he
wants. You give. And that's so
the best dua is the dua that contains
the praises of Allah.
You're saying
Allah
Allah knows all of your needs.
That might be the reason why all of
your needs will be settled because Allah knows
and Subhanallah it is actually not in the
way we see it. He knows what
we what we what we what we want
to say. And he knows our need beyond
the way we we know them. So he
will give you things which you don't even
imagine, you know you don't even think of
them but Allah subhanahu will give you because
of that. You know that's why it's strong
for a person to make dua without starting
that dua by praising Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,
Next question, done?
Okay then, alhamdulillah, I think we are almost
done.
Next question.
If a family is affluent but do not
have enough money in cash right now, can
they borrow money for and then return it
later? Yes. They can.
You know, if they have money but they
don't have the cash, they can borrow money
for all here. It's wrong for them not
to do it, you know.
But as a poor person who doesn't have
money,
can he borrow money for over here?
No. Yes.
Yes, Sahid. Sorry, Sahid.
Yes. He can borrow money, but should he
borrow money for over here? No.
Can he borrow money? Yes. Okay. Halal for
him to do. But
is it advisable for him to go for
this? No.
Yeah. Now you can live alone.
Yeah. He didn't borrow money and then put
himself into trouble. How to pay that money
if he dies, then
it become an obstacle
against him,
until the time he meets Allah.
Yeah.
Keshia, the last question.
Sheikh, if if a father is not good
to the mother and does not give her
the rights, does not talk to her well,
and does not give her money, etcetera, what
should the child do?
Don't side with the mother and don't side
with the father.
Yeah. And actually at the first place, the
mother shouldn't let the child knows what is
going on. Yeah. This is one of the
mistakes we are making.
We inform our kids about what the parents
are doing.
This is very dangerous.
Your child shouldn't know what is going on
between you and his mother.
The mother shouldn't let the child know what
is going on between her and the father.
Yeah, they should fight inside the room,
you know, kill each other there, but when
they come out, they smile, you know. In
the heart, they don't have this, but they
don't let the children do this. And please
do understand this because it is not
possible for
people to live without having differences.
True?
Husband and wife, they don't have differences?
They they're going to have. This is part
of our nature.
So these differences should be avoided from the
kids. They shouldn't know that you have problem
with with their mother and the mother shouldn't
know that she has problem with the father.
That's why if the children ask her for
something or they show dislikeness towards that which
the father is doing, the mother should tell
them, no, your father is good in doing
that, she prays him.
Yeah, she deal with the matter between her
and the father.
This is very
bad to the kids.
Many kids are depressed
and the cause of this depression
is the environment in the house.
Yeah. One of them said I never never
see my parents having a good relationship with
each other. So that translates the situation she
is in right now.
And many many many like that, trust me
my dear brothers and sisters. That's why the
scholar said it's wrong for me
and my family to share our differences with
the kids.
You get it? We shouldn't let them know.
If they know something, we try to let
them understand that that person, the other the
other, partner
is good and is doing well.
Yeah. Let them have positive thinking.
Yeah. The child
stands with who?
The child baby the kids at home. They
side with who? Mother.
No.
They side with who?
Mother. No. That's right. It depends. It depends.
Okay? I know he's gonna tell me it
depends. Right? Since I reject this one, I
reject that one.
They side with who?
Father or the mother? No.
They side with 1 person.
No. No. No. No. You use the money.
No. If you go with whoever they like
more, you know.
The one who listens to
it. No. No. No. When the reality comes,
they're not it's not like that. I can
share with you stories which I will not,
but
I learned that when the reality comes, the
children, they have their own preference. They might
side with somebody, go with him always because
they have Maslaha.
The moment this Maslaha finished,
they come to
the other one. But what happened
in the past? Why didn't they? Because they
have must lie in that place, but their
heart is here.
You get it? Yeah. They said naturally the
kids side with the weak one among the
family the the family, the 2. Whoever is
weak.
This is their nature, if the father is
weak trust me the kids will be siding
with him. If the mother is weak they
will be siding with her. But usually because
who is weak in the house?
The father or the mother? The mother, that's
why they side with the mother more. But
if you have a family where the father
is the weak one, the mother is
giant almost punching
him, trust me the kids will always be
on his side.
They'll also punch back. Who? The mother.
Yeah. So that's why we shouldn't share,
you know, our problems with them because they
are going to translate it according to their
own translation and side with the one they
believe is weak based on this story.
Yeah. And they would disrespect the other one.
Trust me, if the mother is to tell
them something wrong about the father, a day
will come when the father asks them to
do something, they might not do it and
they'll have this hatred whenever they see
him. And if the father is going to
share these things with the with the mother,
they might have hatred towards the the mother
whenever they they meet her.
So please take this,
this from me. Your problem with the the
the father or the mother should be in
the room. The kids should know about this,
you know. The love grant is good and
if they happen to know, they are matured,
they should be very careful.
Yeah. Because I know a people, I know
a person who faces a lot of problem
because his father realized that he's siding with
the mother so the father stopped listening to
him
completely
because he told him, you're siding with so
and so and so person.
Because he wants him to side with him,
yeah? So if the boy knows or the
girl knows,
she shouldn't side with the father or side
with the mother, Just be neutral.
Try to advise both of them.
Yeah? But at the first place as I
said,
it's wrong to fight your parents. There are
families who fight fight fight fight in the
presence of their kids.
It's very dangerous and very bad
and the kids they are going to be
independent in the wrong way because they don't
see a role model in the house.
Yeah. They will see useless people
and they're under the control of this one.
So then they will they will have to
figure out how to live at all.
This message, I think, is very clear. Right?
We're gonna have differences with our own spouse,
they have difference with you but,
should be resolved
separately without letting the kids know about what
is going on in the family.
Are we done?
Okay. Jisakumullah khairan may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
grant you good and once again sorry for
keeping you here for so long, especially many
of you are not married. I wish I
have only the married one so that we
can have a discussion.
Honestly speaking, I wanted this to be just
a discussion, not talking.
Discussion between me and the people. It is
more productive than
Sarbod Masai. But anyway, having the bachelor's, those
people who are not married yet, it is
okay also to go, through the lecture lecture
kind of a mode. May Allah grant the
parents amongst you ability to give good terabirah
to their kids and may Allah, as well
as preserve you and your family.
And I really urge you to understand the
need of
the the Ummah.
Do give good tibia to your kids for
the sake of the Ummah, Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi
Wasallam
and please control
the media. I wanted to talk about this
unfortunately I couldn't. Control the media with your
kids.
If it is not necessary, don't give and
don't worry about not giving. Give them other
alternatives and they are. Play with them physically,
you rather than giving,
the devices on them. It destroys more than
fixing.
Destroying the brain, destroy the terrier, destroy so
many things. So it's not funny. It's not
also something, you know,
cool to be done. Yeah. Just resist and
be very hazy on this matter. Give them
what they need. You know, in the primary
stage,
primary school stage, I don't think any child
need to be having a phone.
None whatsoever. Even in the secondary stage. Yeah.
Give them when they come back home, when
they need it, they should focus on education
and physical
games more and more. When there is any
chance to watch things, all the family should
go and watch. Train them upon this. But
as I said, give them alternative because the
environment
is too strong in this regard. No matter
how much you try, friends will influence them
to take another path. But I do believe
inshallah you have
the ability to convince them that home is
the best and physical games is is better
than this kind of games that are none
other than things which are corrupting the behavior
of our kids. May Allah aid you in
your in your journey. May Allah not make
you regret in this life in, doing the
terbiyah to your kids and may Allah grant
you ability to please him in the terbiyah
of the kids. And may Allah grant you
ability to generate the fruits of giving terbiyah
to your kids and make them those who
will be making dua for you in the
hereafter. I mean when you pass,
pass away in this in this life. And
may Allah submit them sadaqa jariyah for you.
And Uma Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa salam.
Together in JAMA in the nearby.
So