Ibrahim Nuhu – Marriage In Islam Knowing You Knowing Me Part 2
AI: Summary ©
The importance of finding a good partner in marriage is emphasized, including finding a woman in love with a man and finding a good partner in a relationship. The success of Islam in society and avoiding regret is emphasized, along with the importance of finding a judge who handles marriages and not disrespecting a man's wife. The tension between boys and girls is discussed, with boys being considered "just thinking" and "just thinking" while girls being "just thinking" and "just thinking". The importance of acceptance of married couples in Islam and respect and privacy in marriage is emphasized, along with advice on protecting one's privacy and reputation.
AI: Summary ©
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious,
the Most Merciful.
May the peace and blessings of Allah be
upon the Messenger of Allah and upon his
family and companions.
Thank you very much for coming back.
Let's see what we can generate from the
sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ.
And then close for a question and answer
session, inshallah.
And last time we mentioned the first step
that a person should be taking when looking
for a spouse.
We said intention should be fixed, having good
intention because Allah is supposed to be involved
for you to preserve and protect your future.
And this is really necessary.
That's number one.
Number two, and then we said you must
intend to protect yourself from the evil or
using the desire in the wrong way.
And also we mentioned that it should be
part of your intention to introduce somebody who
will be remembering Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
in your family.
So after doing this then we talk about
the kind of a person that you should
be thinking about.
And I guess I reminded you about one
important, very important matter about what should be
looked for by both male and a female.
And these two things is not, they are
not my instruction, deduction.
No, these are what Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala mentioned in the Qur'an and what
we got from the sunnah of the Prophet
ﷺ supported by Rasulullah ﷺ.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says we created
Adam and we created for him his wife
so that he will be comforted.
We learn from this that the man is
looking for sakinah from the wife.
The wife is not looking for this.
She's looking for having a person that she
feels she's really next to somebody who cares
for her, lives for her and worries about
her.
Somebody that she can trust.
And we got this from the natural existence
of all of us and also from the
sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ.
When Aisha r.a told the Prophet ﷺ
about the story of those eleven sisters in
the time of the Jahiliyyah before Islam.
There was a time where eleven sisters agreed
to sit together to discuss the matter of
their spouses, their husbands.
You get it?
This is just majlis of what?
Backbiting.
Eleven of them.
But that was before Islam.
They sit down and they promise not to
hide anything about their spouses.
You can see out of eleven, I think
only four praise the husbands.
Only four.
The rest are all criticism.
And subhanallah, if you hear what they're saying
and you compare the life there with the
life now, you will say maybe, maybe, maybe,
wallahu alam.
I might not be wrong if I say
maybe 90% of the sisters might be
saying the same thing about their spouses.
What does that mean?
It means we are not doing well in
the way we treat our spouses.
Rasulallah ﷺ said, the best among you is
the one who is the best to his
wife.
We will talk about this later.
But back to that narration.
The first one, I will just quote the
first one and the last one.
The first one describes her husband.
This is the majlis of ghiva.
The first one describes her husband.
She said, zawji al ashannak.
What is ashannak?
They said the language being spoken by the
Palestinians is the most standard one.
Don't forget that.
So what is al ashannak?
Let me not push him so much.
One of the definitions given by the ashannak,
she said, my husband is ashannak.
Ashannak is somebody who has a very tall
neck, small head, and there is no connection
between the brain and the heart.
Is she praising him?
No, right?
That husband was gone.
And this is her husband.
Telling others, my husband is ashannak.
And she explains why.
She said, in antik utallak.
In askut uallak.
If I speak, I will be divorced.
If I keep quiet, I will be like
just a garbage bin or an old thing
which nobody cares about him in the house.
So she is just living with that person
for the sake of marriage, but she doesn't
enjoy marriage.
I will add for you some.
To understand how serious is the matter.
So that inshallah, in the future, you will
try your best not to be among those
guys.
The second one said, She said, zawji, ayaya,
ghayaya, tabaqa.
We managed to escape the heckle.
She said, kullu da illa huda, shajjaki, awfallaki,
awjama' kullalaki.
This is a very rich hadith of languages.
Because this is Aisha, the wife of Rasulallah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
Very strong in the language.
She said, that woman was describing her husband.
She said, my husband is, he says, ayaya,
minal'i.
Every deficiency you are looking for, this guy
has.
Ghayaya, if you are talking about oppression and
dhul, this guy is number one.
Tabaqa.
Tabaqa, as some of our scholars said, is
the one that you can't understand which one
is his leg and which one is his
head.
You know, the jassasa, animals that Tamil Madari
says, we couldn't recognize where is the head
and where is the head.
And she can't understand what exactly this man
wants.
And he doesn't care.
You are sick, you are this, he doesn't
care.
She is just living with him alone in
the house.
So imagine, I am just giving you an
example of the descriptions of those sisters to
their husbands.
But we have also the good ones.
I give you two from the bad description
and two from the good description.
Which I really, really, really want you to
observe it in your marital life in the
future.
When you agree to marry, inshallah.
She said, She said, my
husband, whenever he goes into the house, he
acts like Fahad.
What is Fahad?
The cheetah, right?
That's an animal.
They said, this animal sleeps a lot.
What is he trying to say?
The husband at home is always calm, doesn't
talk too much and fights so much.
And doesn't come to the house and, who
put this here?
Who did this?
Who did that?
Who did this?
She said, when he comes back home, very
relaxing person.
Doesn't check and balance and see what was
messed up, what was done in this way.
No.
When he comes back, they know that a
very peaceful person is reaching back home.
But then she doesn't want the brothers to
say, oh, this man is very weak.
Who is the husband then?
Is she the husband or he is the
husband?
She doesn't want people to criticize her husband
of being a weak person.
She said, But when he is out of
the house, he acts like a lion.
And he doesn't ask about what he left
at home.
Trust me.
A wife and sisters, please don't.
I might be wrong in describing sisters, but
actually nobody likes this.
To be questioned about everything.
And some of the husbands, they are experts
in this.
When he comes to the house, he knows
that this cup was placed here.
So that people can see.
If somebody put it a bit in a
different place, this would be an issue.
Comes back home, who took it here?
Do you know how much danger you are
putting the thing in there?
So, nobody wants to be blamed so much.
And you want to have a peaceful life
with your wife?
Don't blame her a lot.
Overlook a lot.
That's why they ask a Bedouin.
Okay, please listen to this carefully.
They ask a Bedouin, They told him, who
is a smart person?
Who is Aqil?
Somebody who has Aqil.
He said, A very smart person that always
overlook.
He knows that people are making mistakes, but
he focuses more on the important things.
Why the kids at home, they favor fathers
more than the mothers?
I was asking actually the kids, I thought,
maybe this is my understanding, but whenever I
ask, who is the most beloved person at
home?
From the sisters and the brothers, everyone would
say father, father, father.
Why the mothers are not being chosen?
Because whatever he did, she talks.
Sit here, no, don't sit here.
When it comes to eating food, don't eat
like this.
Sit like this.
Fathers usually didn't talk about this.
Of course, they are scary, they are monsters
in the house, but they are more closer
to the kids.
Because the mothers talk too much, that's why
they love the fathers more than the mothers.
So this is what I wanted everyone to
apply in his future life, overlook a lot.
This is a very good statement, and we
take it from Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
Anas ibn Malik said, he said, I worked
with the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam for 10
years.
He never told me, why did you do
this?
And never told me, why didn't you do
this?
How many times you receive instructions and blame
at home, if you're inside?
That's why sometimes, when you go to the
houses, the parents are in the living room,
the kids are in their rooms.
They don't want to come to the parents.
Why?
Because they don't know which bombs is awaiting
them, you know.
The moment they come, why did you do
this?
Did you do that?
Nobody likes this.
And Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam is not like
that at all.
That's why he succeeded in convincing his wife
to believe that he's the best.
If you go through the history of Rasulullah
sallallahu alaihi wasallam, you will understand that the
Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam is the best in
terms of being a husband.
He really gave his wife that which they
are looking for, which is the difference.
That's why when Allah SWT gave them the
option and the choice to choose somebody else,
not him.
None of them was thinking of choosing other
than Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
And don't say, no, they were not choosing
others because he's a Rasulullah.
No, it wasn't like that.
Wallahi, trust me, it was because of an
excellent life which they know they cannot find
somewhere else.
They cannot find somewhere else.
In the past, the Arabs in the past,
do they like sisters?
Salaam.
Do they like sisters?
In the past, before Islam, in the Jahiliyyah,
did they like sisters?
What did they do with them?
They killed them.
Actually, not all the Arabs are doing this.
Yeah.
It was some tribes who were doing this.
But because it was so evil for you
to kill your daughter, not because of anything,
just because she's a girl, you're killing her.
It was so evil.
Islam make it as if all the Arabs
are doing.
And Islam says, not those ones who were
killed in the past or the one that
are killed right now.
All of them, on the Day of Judgment,
the case is not closed.
It will be reopened again.
Those people who killed their daughters, they have
to explain to Allah SWT, why did they
kill them?
So in most of the societies, either they
have no value or they kill.
When Islam came, Rasulullah came with a new
system.
And this is actually one of the reasons
why they hate Rasulullah so much.
Because he gives them value, consults them, talk
to them, and make them equal to the
rest of the members of the community.
He says, everyone is equal in the eyes
of Allah SWT.
Those Meccans, they don't agree with this.
Because they used to, and believe it or
not, if you go to the history, you
will get it by yourself, they used to
treat sisters like properties.
And if I go to Mazen, or somebody
goes to Mazen, not to Mazen, somebody else.
If somebody, this is a bad example, I
don't want you to be in.
If somebody goes to another person and he
wanted to borrow money from him, if that
person doesn't trust him, what does he do
to gain his trust?
He gives him collateral.
His house, his car.
Trust me, in the past, the man will
ask him, what if I give you my
sister?
What if I give you my wife?
This is there in history.
That's why if you look at the dark
ages that sisters used to live in, you
see Islam, Wallahi, you will be wondering, you
will be surprised if you see a sister
rejecting Islam.
Because there is no place where a sister
ever got freedom, except when the Islam comes.
This is who they are.
I'm making this introduction to you so that
you will understand the value of the life
of Rasulullah ﷺ with sisters at home.
His wife was a young sister, Aisha.
She was very young.
Even after he died, she was only 18.
There was the time when he took her
to one of the battles.
He took her to one of the battles.
This battle has a lot of things inside
it.
That's why they call it the Battle of
Aja'ib.
She lost the necklace that she brought, which
belonged to her sister as well.
She forgot it.
Don't forget she was a woman, right?
And these are the people who are from
the Jahiliyyah time.
And not only that, these are soldiers.
I live next to the army barrack.
I know how these guys are dealing with
the things.
Very serious.
So this is a woman, and she lost
her necklace, and these are soldiers.
In the normal circumstances, who cares?
Even if she's missing, we have no time
to wait.
They just go.
But she lost this item.
The Prophet ﷺ told the army nobody can
move.
And not only she will be, I mean
the Prophet ﷺ, the first thing, he did
not blame her.
And he asked the companions, not only waiting,
they have to go and look for it.
SubhanAllah.
They have to go and look for it.
They were not happy with that.
Because this is army, and they have no
water in the place.
They worry so much, and the Prophet ﷺ
asked them to do.
So they were doing because Rasulullah ﷺ told
them to do.
But SubhanAllah, Rasulullah ﷺ did not care about
that.
He told them, please look for it.
Why was he doing that?
Because he doesn't want his wife to be
upset.
SubhanAllah.
He's the leader of the army.
He doesn't want her to be upset.
So he told them to look for it.
Because life is not about always being serious.
You have another time also to, to give
comfort to others.
To side with them, to make sure that
you don't cause them any depression, even during
the wars.
That's why only in Islam you find where
a military, the soldiers there at the battlefield,
but Islam will tell them, this person cannot
be killed.
Usually in the history of the armies, they
are blind when they reach the battlefield.
Whoever is there, he is dead.
Male, female, young, old, they don't care.
But Rasulullah ﷺ will tell them, sisters cannot
be killed, children cannot be killed, this one
cannot be approached.
To show you that Islam is not about
harshness.
We have this intensive about mercy in our
religion.
So they look for it and they couldn't
find it.
Because actually it was under the camel, so
the camel sat on it.
They couldn't find it.
So they came to Abu Bakr.
They said, do you know what your daughter
did?
Abu Bakr did not know.
He knows that the Prophet ﷺ said we
should stop here, but he doesn't know where
we stay until now.
He told him, because of your daughter, they
were annoyed.
He said, what did she do?
She lost her necklace and the Prophet ﷺ
said everyone has to stay and look for
it.
Abu Bakr said, did she do that?
They said, yes she did.
He jumped, he rushed to the place where
she existed.
Unfortunately for him, when he reached the place,
he found her with the Prophet ﷺ.
And not only sitting down talking, he found
her, you know I'm saying this because there
was a time he came also to punish
Aisha.
He came to punish Aisha because she did
something wrong.
But then he came and found her with
the Prophet ﷺ chatting, talking, he said, I
don't know what to do with you.
So when he came, he found the Prophet
ﷺ sleeping, to tell everyone that according to
Rasulullah ﷺ there is no issue.
This is a very normal thing.
He wanted to sleep.
Aisha sat down, Rasulullah ﷺ was sleeping, he
put his head on her, on her thigh.
There was no pillow there, so she sat
down, he wanted to sleep, so he put
his head on her thigh.
What does that mean?
Life is okay, it's normal with them.
When Abu Bakr came, he found them in
this way, he wanted to punish Aisha, but
he doesn't know how.
Because if he smacked her, who will wake
up?
Rasulullah.
And he doesn't want to annoy Rasulullah ﷺ.
So he went to her, what is it?
She knows what brought him.
So he held this part of her waist,
he pinched her so much, she said it
was very painful.
I suffer a lot.
I wanted to cry, but then she said,
I remember that if I cry, I will
shed tears and Rasulullah ﷺ will wake up.
Subhanallah.
That was Rasulullah ﷺ together with the family.
If you go into the details of his
sunnah, Wallahi, you will find more and more.
That's why that person says, Al-aqil is
fatin al-mutathafil.
Don't come to your house, your wife have
no easy life because you have to check
and balance everything.
Why this thing is here?
Why that thing is here?
No, overlook a lot.
You have a very peaceful life like the
life of Rasulullah ﷺ.
The second woman, which is the last one,
Umm Zahra, and actually that hadith is named
behind her name, Umm Zahra.
She said, and don't forget, the reason why
I brought this hadith is to establish what
a woman should be looking for.
She said, Abu Zahra, she was describing her
husband.
You know, after the divorce, usually a sister
doesn't remember any good thing about her husband
and the husband doesn't remember any good thing
about her.
That's why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala told
us in the Quran, Don't forget that, those
good and excellent moments that used to take
place in your life because after the divorce,
usually nobody remember anybody among them in a
good way.
But this woman, the husband divorced her in
a wrong way.
She said she was married to him and
he was very kind, very good, very excellent.
He made her be proud of herself.
He picked her up from the very poor
family.
She said, he made me rich and he
made me believe that I'm acting like a
queen.
It was a very excellent moment to live
with him.
But then, unfortunately, he came out one day
in a very, very early morning and he
saw nice weather.
You want to see this?
When you go to Ghent and Highland, you
pass the toll gate, early morning after fajr,
you see the Falaq al-Subh.
You will see what Allah wants to say
in Falaq al-Isbah.
Very beautiful scenario.
So this man came out and the weather
is so nice.
In this beautiful environment, a woman popped up
and she was extremely beautiful.
She was holding two children of hers.
They're young.
They're also very handsome.
They're going around her like this.
He says, Just like two pieces of apple
or pomegranate.
That month, the weather, the environment was so
nice and this also beautiful flower comes with
these small nice flowers that are going around.
He remembered his wife back home.
She doesn't look like this.
So what did he do?
He went back home and told Umm Zahra,
I wish you all the best.
He divorced her just like that.
Yeah, he divorced her and she married somebody
else after him.
You see, if this woman doesn't remember this
husband, can we blame her?
No.
But subhanAllah, why is she still remembering him
and praising him?
You know, she praises him.
She praises his son.
She praises his daughter.
She praises his dog.
She praises his maid also in the house.
That means we need to go and check
from the same hadith to see what kind
of life she received from him.
She said, I married somebody else after him
and that person is way richer than him.
And that person told me you can take
from my wealth, you and your family members,
not only you alone, but even your family
also can come and take whatever they want
from my wealth.
But then she said at the end of
the day, and this is the reason why
I wrote this story.
She said, فَلَوْ أَنِّي جَمَعْتُ كُلَّ مَا أَعْطَنِيهِ
She said, if I am to combine whatever
I got from this second guy, I put
everything together.
Although he gave me much better than what
I got from the previous marriage.
She said, if I combine everything I got
from the second husband, they will never be
equal to one plate I got from Abu
Zarra.
Subhanallah.
What did she miss from the second one?
She missed that which I had mentioned earlier
that a woman is looking for, a difficulty.
Wallahi, it's not about how much she has.
A woman will never, never enjoy life if
she lives with somebody who is not understanding
this fact.
When she forgot who she is and take
anyone randomly, she's going to cry.
That richness will never be taking her to
the moment of happiness in life.
So that's why I said the brothers are
looking for comfort and the sisters are looking
for a man, somebody who believes in caring
for them, standing for them, who believes that
they do exist and he has to do
everything possible to make sure that she's feeling
comfortable in her life.
A defender, a protector.
So these are the things that I had
mentioned earlier.
The next is the sifat that you are
supposed to be focusing on the person whom
you want to be next to.
We said religion and good manners and also
to look at that person to see whether
you'll be comfortable to stay with them or
not.
You see in all of these mentioned, talking
and chatting and going around jalan jalan and
all of these things is not included.
There is no place where you see in
the shariah where Allah SWT asked you to
do what we are doing nowadays.
In some cultures, a person will go to
the house of a girl, they sit and
talk until midnight and they're not husband and
wife and a lot of things happening and
the society is just keeping quiet.
These are wrong practices and I will tell
you what are you going to be generating
in the future if you accept this life.
You see that Abu Zar'ait, he went
and he sees something when he comes back,
he belittled what he has.
Do we have the simile to this in
this life of ours?
Yes.
Anyone who disturbs his life with with those
pictures and images.
The social media always look at those opposite
genders, those images.
Trust me, whether he likes it or he
doesn't like it, his wife is going to
suffer in the future because he will not
find marriage interesting in the way he found
those images interesting.
That's kind of the tragedy we are living
in nowadays because those images are everywhere except
somebody who is protected by Allah SWT.
You see when he went, what happens?
He couldn't enjoy living with his wife.
He divorced her.
And trust me, we have situations like this,
not one or two, no, situations like this
from those people who are familiar with those
kind of systems in the past, you know,
traumatizing their life with the illegal relationship.
When they marry, trust me, the marriage is
not going to be interesting in the way
it's supposed to be.
And the same goes to when you talk
too much.
You might not understand what I'm saying, but
when you marry, you will realize it.
Now you might not listen because you're too
young and this one is easy for you
to assess and somebody brainwashed us telling us
that yes, it's good for us to have
this kind of interaction which has no barrier
at all because it makes you smarter and
then you will understand how to deal with
the rest.
Trust me, it is not.
And you're going to pay the price when
you marry.
You are going to pay the price when
you marry in the way many people are
paying the price nowadays.
So protect your eyes.
Protect your relationship.
Save your energy for the future.
If not, you're going to pay the price,
as I said, in the future.
Why people are talking too much when they
want to marry?
He always go to the girl and talk
to her.
She looks for him and they talk together.
What are they looking for?
The usual statement we got from them is
that I want to understand the level of
her smartness and she also wants to understand
the level of my smartness.
I want to understand who she is before
the marriage.
How can you marry a person that you
don't know who this person is?
Question.
Is it possible for me to know the
person I want to marry before I marry
her?
No, no, no.
I want an honest answer.
Don't say the answer to make me happy.
I want an honest answer that you believe
in.
Is it possible for you to know the
person that you want to stay with before
the marriage?
Salaam.
Tell us.
You don't talk?
Is it possible?
Trust me.
It's a joke.
If somebody asks you about the definition of
joke, give him this one.
He will lie.
It's a joke.
Because usually, when we want to marry a
person, we act as the best person in
the eyes of that one.
We try to do everything that we know
he loves it.
And he likes it or she likes it.
We don't show our true picture.
We don't show our true picture.
And this is what is happening nowadays.
They marry, but then the wife is complaining,
how come he is not the one that
I was expecting him to be?
Who deceived her?
To her, he deceived her.
But realistically, who deceived her?
She deceived herself.
You can never understand your wife until you
marry her.
And she can never understand you until she
marries you.
Why is that?
Because I can hide my true image from
you.
Because I meet you once upon a time,
sometimes.
But now, the husband and the wife are
going to live together 24 hours.
They cannot keep hiding the true image.
They have to expose it.
That's why during the coronavirus, may Allah protect
us from seeing it again.
What happens during the corona?
Many divorces take place.
Because we don't know our spouses.
I go to work, I come back at
night, exhausted, I sleep.
She also goes to work and come back
and sleep.
We don't know each other.
Corona came, the government told us we have
to be at home.
So 24-7 you're going to be with
your wife.
Those behaviors that you're supposed to be familiar
with and those behaviors that she's supposed to
be familiar with, we never experienced them.
And now what happens?
I can't tolerate staying with her.
She cannot also tolerate staying with me.
Then, divorce will take place.
People are depressed.
She's psychologically disturbed.
And the husband also, the same thing.
We'll be thinking that this person cheated and
this.
No, no cheating in this regard.
We are the ones who did not make
it correct.
Therefore, I really advise you.
Wallah, it might sound so strict, but it
is not.
For somebody who is looking for a better
future in his life, it is not.
Cut the duration of your marriage proposal very
short.
Don't make it long.
There's no good in it.
And there's something called Haiba, prestige.
You really need this one to remain in
your marriage.
Those who are talking too much, the wife
doesn't have shyness of him and he doesn't
have shyness of her.
That's why after the marriage, they complain sometimes
that they couldn't find the marriage being interesting
more than the relationship they used to have
before the marriage.
You get the idea?
So we have how many things?
Three things.
Religion, manners, and to look at her to
see whether you'll be comfortable or not.
How do I know whether she's religious?
The best way to know this is to
ask her to send her CV.
Why do you laugh?
Am I saying something wrong?
Because nowadays this is how it works, right?
She sends you a very long CV.
Yeah, I'm like this, I'm like that.
I like this.
I pray five times in a day.
Before the Imam in the Masjid, I'm always
there.
I always fast on Monday and Thursday and
Alhamdulillah, MashaAllah, good Muslim.
And I'm looking for a spouse also like
this.
The husband also lie.
Yeah, we have all of these things that
we write in the CV just like we're
looking for a job.
Wallahi, I always find it very wrong marriage
to be based on CVs.
When you graduate from the university, okay?
The university write on that certificate, right?
It is mentioned that you are an expert,
right?
You master this, you study this.
That means you are an expert consultant, right?
Just sit for a moment and think for
a while.
Is it really true that you are like
this?
Honestly speaking, when do we forget what we
learn from the scholars in the school?
Right after the examination.
And the university says you are an expert.
That's why I remember one of the scholars
when they asked him, what is the meaning
of Shahadat-e-Zur?
Shahadat-e-Zur is a false testimony.
That sheikh, he was a university lecturer.
He told them, this is the certificate that
the university will be giving you after you
graduate.
But now marriages also are like that because
this is how I am going to get
a job.
I got A star in my course, in
the course I have taken.
But then they are going to assign the
responsibility to me.
And we are making our marriages also like
that.
That's why, my dear brothers and sisters, this
is a very wrong approach.
How do we know about a sister and
a brother, whether they are religious and they
have good manners or not?
Do we ask them?
No.
Shouldn't get them involved.
You get it?
I go to Maazin.
Maazin, are you good?
What do you think he is going to
tell me?
Yes.
Who will tell you he is bad?
Especially when it comes to marriage.
Maazin wants to marry.
And then I ask him, are you good?
Because they wanted to know about you and
I don't know anything about you.
Maazin, are you good?
Yes.
And then I would tell them, yes, he
said he is good.
Since you are married, I would not use
you as an example.
You get it?
So we don't ask the person about their
religion and their manners.
How do we get it?
We get it from the environment.
Are we living alone?
No.
Maazin, he lives with Waqas, he lives with
Omar, he lives with so many people.
And there are other people in the university
who are watching him, but he doesn't know.
True?
That's why I always make it as a
joke, but it is true.
If I ask him, Maazin, please take a
piece of paper, write about yourself.
What would you say?
He will be writing, trust me, when he
reaches half a page, you know, he will
ask Waqas, what should I say?
He forgot.
About himself, he forgot.
But trust me, if I ask Waqas, and
I give him a title, this title is
Maazin and his life.
This is your PhD title.
Trust me, he will produce a PhD research
on Maazin alone.
Yeah, people are watching us.
We don't live alone.
People are watching us.
When I want to know about him, I
don't ask him.
I go and ask the people who are
surrounding.
How do you think this person is?
I do it in secret.
I ask people that I trust.
This is how you can get an honest
decision about, or the honest comment and description
about a person, whether a male or a
female.
She's not living alone, he's not living alone.
That's how we get information about their manners,
and their, what do you call?
And their religion.
We don't ask them.
We check the environment to get it.
I'm just trying to let you understand that
sitting with a girl or with a boy,
just to understand who they are is useless.
It will never lead you to any success.
Is that clear, inshallah?
So we ask the surrounding about them.
We get information about them.
If we're happy with that, then you start
looking for how to see this girl.
If this girl is outside, coming outside from
time to time, you can see her, then,
khalas.
You just see who she is.
You hide.
You do it in a way she would
not be sensing what you're doing.
And that's okay.
She's also doing that.
Okay, Islam legalized this.
Because you need to know who do you
stay with.
For the purpose of marriage, if the intention
is good, what you're doing is recommended.
If somebody else is to do it, he
will get sin, but you get reward.
She will get reward by doing this.
However, if you cannot see the girl, it's
not possible for you to see.
You have to go to the house.
Then you go to the person who is
responsible and apply for that first.
Don't talk to the girl before you contact
her family members.
I know it might sound weird, but I
believe this is the best way to make
it.
Because sometimes some families might not agree with
you.
And you know what happens in this regard?
You're going to cause a lot of problem
in the family if that girl wants you.
There will be a lot of issues.
That's why sometimes both of them will run
away from the family's house.
And sometimes they go and marry without the
permission of the family.
And at the end of the day, the
sister is going to pay the price.
Because if the husband dies, or the husband
divorces her because she's not sure whether he's
going to stay with her or not.
When he divorces her, where is she going
to?
She's going to come back to the family.
And we have cases, real cases, where the
family disown a sister because she married without
their permission.
She got stranded.
She doesn't know what to do.
The friend of that boy was the one
who was supporting her to live and survive.
That's why I said there is a legal
right and also at the same time there
is advice.
Legal right might say okay.
But wise decision might tell you no.
Relax first.
Cool down.
Think wisely before you take action.
So you talk to the Wali, the father,
the brother, whoever has a say in the
house to grant you permission to come and
visit the family to meet them.
This is what is called in some countries,
Al-Nadharah or Ru'ya Al-Sharia.
You go and sit with the family members
and it's good for you also to have
that moment because if the father is there,
the mother is there, usually who will be
talking at that place?
The sister will be talking.
You will not talk too much.
And that meeting is going to be short.
They're not supposed to come and sit next
to you and watch what you're doing.
But they stay in a place where there
will be no khalwa between you and the
girl.
And you ask her important questions.
Somebody gave me hundreds of questions to be
asked to a sister or to the brother.
I was wondering.
I did not open them yet, but inshallah,
I hope it's good.
But I see that in that meeting, trust
me, you need only a bit to know
whether the sister is willing to accept you
and willing to marry at a time you
want and that's it.
Any other thing you're looking for when you
marry her, you will know.
Those things are more important, the deen and
the manners.
Deen is the haris, protect her.
If you marry a religious person, trust me,
you will enjoy life.
If she marries a religious person, she will
enjoy his life.
That's why Sayyid Ibn Musayyib said when you
marry your daughter to somebody, you should look
for a good righteous person who is well
-mannered because he is the only person that
when he loves her, he will respect her.
When he hates her, he doesn't like her,
he will not harm your daughter.
That's the kind of person you're looking for
and this is the kind of person that
a sister should be looking for.
So now we have good manners, we have
religion and we have the look, you're okay
with that, then you approach the parent to
get their permission first.
If they don't agree, the best for you
is to go and look for another sister.
This is the best for you.
How many sisters we have left?
Those are not married, how many?
Billions, right?
I'm saying this because I know some brothers,
they will be chased by the parents, but
they still fight.
I can't understand this.
When a brother says he doesn't like a
sister or sister says she doesn't like him,
why do you worry?
How many brothers left?
Millions of them.
How many sisters?
Millions of them.
If this one doesn't like you, just go
and look for another person who will accept
you.
So if the family don't accept you, no
need to push.
You might pay the price if you push
so much.
You might be accepting all types of humiliation
in the future.
So religion, good manners, and the look, and
then you move to the family.
When you move to the family, you're going
to sit with the sister.
What are you supposed to see in that
person that you are looking for?
What are you supposed to look at?
The face.
The scholar said the face and the hand
and the feet.
Why are they restricted to those ones?
I'm going to make some comment here Inshallah,
don't worry.
They said the face and the hand and
the feet.
Why did they restrict the look on these
things?
Because they said whatever you want in wife,
you will get the clue about them from
these three things.
You're looking for the beauty?
I told you there is the most beautiful
woman in this country.
When you go to her, to verify my
word, are you going to look at her
feet?
No, I'm just asking a question.
What are you going to look at?
The face, right.
That's why they said the face is okay.
Because this is how you will know whether
she is okay or not.
She also, when she is looking at the
husband, this is where she will be looking
at.
And the hands and the feet.
They explained, they said, because smoothness of the
body and softness of the body could be
detected through these two.
However, the correct opinion, this is the opinion
of the vast majority of the scholars.
The correct opinion says, you are allowed to
look at whatever is culturally exposed in the
house.
A sister wears a hijab when she comes
out.
But in the house when she is alone,
with the family, does she wear the hijab,
niqab and everything?
No.
Usually, the hands will be open, the hair
is open.
Those ones that are open, usually they are
closed from the shoulder until the knees.
Other than that, the scholars said, if it
is exposed and a person looks at it,
he is not committing a sin.
Because the Prophet ﷺ said, if somebody wants
to marry, he should look at that person
that he wants to marry.
To see what will attract him to marry
her.
Without restriction.
But then the scholars said, we look at
the other nusul to make the restriction.
However, is it appropriate or halal for a
woman to come like that?
And sit for him to come and see
those things?
No, it's not.
She can't do that.
When she comes, she just comes with her
face open, the hand open and that's it.
But they are talking about in case one
of these places was uncovered by accident and
the husband went and find his way to
look at that one, he will not tell
him ittaqillah.
He is not committing a sin.
And they said, he has to control his
emotions.
He has to control his feelings.
Because the permissibility of looking at the woman
that you are intending to marry is for
what?
For you to get information about her.
Not for you to enjoy.
That's why they said, if a person look
and he was so weak, he enjoys.
After that, he has to close the page
and tell them, I'll see you next time
inshallah.
Leave the place immediately.
Do you get it?
And he will not be sinning.
But if he comes, he want to look
and enjoy.
Then from the first look, he will get
sinned.
Because they said, it is halal, laal istimta'
wa innama huwa lil isti'ilam.
You are looking for information from her.
She is looking for information not to enjoy.
Enjoyment will come after the marriage.
Is that clear?
If a person sees the person and he
is happy, then the advice by the sharia
is to make the marriage as quickly as
possible.
Trust me, there is no good in delaying
the marriage after the girl is happy with
it and the husband is happy with it.
And I mentioned these two things because in
marriage, do not accept the failure of one
of the following five things in your marriage.
I call them my pillars in marriage.
Not pillars of sharia.
I don't go and say, Ibrahim, introduce another
new religion.
No.
But I see them one of the keys
to the success in any marriage.
The acceptance of both parents, your father and
your mother, her father and her mother, and
the girl.
Anyone who denies, who doesn't agree, it is
100% better for you to look for
something else.
Wallahi, don't go for it.
If your father doesn't agree, don't go for
that marriage.
If your mother doesn't agree, don't go for
that marriage.
If her mother doesn't agree, don't go for
that marriage.
If her father doesn't agree, then go for
that marriage.
By right, you might say, Islam give me
a right, I can just close my eyes
and go.
But as I said, I just want you
to have a better future.
Your wife is not going to remain in
the way she is.
Why Islam says you should focus on the
deed if you want to be successful in
marriage?
Because all of the things that you are
focusing on nowadays will go away.
Go and ask your mother if she has
a picture of yours when you are young.
Look at your picture now, look at yourself
in the mirror, and then look at your
picture when you are young.
How is it?
Which one is prettier?
Of course the first one.
What happened to you now?
You changed, right?
When you marry a person because of the
way she looks, because of the way he
looks, how long do you think you can
stay with this beauty or handsomeness to be
gone?
How long?
I know you are not married yet, but
just give me an imaginary answer.
10 years?
15 years, right?
10 years?
You, I don't want your answer.
Because you are married, so I don't want
your answer.
I want those guys to be swimming in
haze.
They are still dreaming.
Can we have some discount?
5 years?
5 years.
Sheikh said 2 months.
Exaggeration, right?
I remember I was having a conversation with
a friend of mine in Medina.
Then I told him, after the first child,
then the change will take place.
He said, no.
Actually, the first day, when it goes, your
wife will be a different person the second
day.
I was like, oh, this is exaggeration.
But then, when I think about it, I
say, yeah, it's true.
Yeah, I'm telling you it's true.
You are going to be different from the
first day.
You will meet your wife, she will see
you like a different person.
You know why things are very fancy to
both of them?
Because they don't see each other that much.
They don't see each other that much.
But now they are going to live with
each other for 24 hours.
If you want me to prove this, Sheikh,
you have a phone, right?
The one that I see in front of
you.
When you first bought it, how was it?
I wish you have children, I can ask.
You will be the best example I have.
When we first have our phones, the kids
comes, oh, mashallah, it's nice.
We tell them, wait, stay a bit far
from it.
I used to tell my kids, when you
see a moon, how do you see it?
They say, from up there.
My phone also is like that.
But now, they take it and do iron
with it, you know.
And I don't mind that much, except if
I'm afraid of them breaking the glass.
Before, when I pray, I put it very
gently.
But now when I come, if the carpet
is a bit soft, I throw it away.
Why the first day was so fancy was
like that.
Trust me.
Our life with our spouse is also like
that.
Because we see each other very rarely.
That's why that strong interest is there.
And also I will make connection with that
which I said earlier.
That if you too much meet your wife,
you're going to suffer in the future.
You have to force yourself to love her.
You have to force yourself to enjoy living
with her.
The same thing also goes to her.
That's why you have to cut the period
very short.
Not to make it very long.
So that's the reason why I said you
guys are still dreaming.
Usually these things go in a very quick
period of time.
And this is the reason why religion is
important.
Because trust me, if you marry a religious
person and your main focus is the religion
and good manners, you will stay with your
wife for 100 years.
And I'm not exaggerating.
This is my personal belief.
You will stay with your wife for 100
years and she will still be almost like
the same person you brought her to your
custody.
And she is also going to see you
like that.
Life is going to keep on being excellent.
And the level of tolerance, it will be
an increase.
Because what happens is that you marry her
because of the way she looks and also
after a few days you don't see that
beauty.
Other people will see that beauty.
Other people are going to see that but
you will not see it that much.
And then what will happen is you will
not be tolerant in that which you will
see from her.
Because you marry her because of that thing
and now it disappears.
There is nothing linking you between you and
her.
There is no connection between both of you.
Because what connected to you is gone now.
But if you have religion, religion is not
going to go.
Because a sister and a brother are supposed
to keep observing the religion.
That beauty will cover the deficiency that any
one of you is going to be experiencing
in the future.
Should I prove it?
And also especially with the sisters, religion is
protection.
I know a person who told me, Ibrahim
I just live with my wife because of
her religion.
I know a story of a man who
went to 20 houses and he couldn't find
the wife he is looking for.
Because he is looking for Hurul Ayn from
Jannah.
Now that's true what he is looking for
because he says I went to many houses.
In this house I found the girl, mashallah
she is at the peak of beauty.
But then she is a bit short.
In the other house I found Allahumussani a
very ugly person but the size is exactly
what I am looking for.
That's how he kept on looking for a
wife in these houses he couldn't find.
At the end of the day to cut
the story short, he ended up marrying a
sister.
His family are rich.
When his father saw the sister the father
was telling him we know who you are
but what blinded your eyes for you to
take this one?
Even the father suggested that this is not
a good person for him because she doesn't
look like, I mean that pretty.
He also when he first met her, he
was like what did I bring to myself?
But then subhanallah he was the one who
was narrating the story.
He said I was going to divorce and
then I told myself no, it would not
be a good idea.
I just married.
Let me just stay first for a while.
And subhanallah he said if you are to
give me all the sisters on earth to
take this one, I would never agree.
And she said because of religion.
She found a very excellent religious person who
knows how to live with a husband because
life is not about just having sexual relationship
I'm sorry for mentioning this.
Life is not about this.
Both are going to get tied.
You need moments that you sit down, looking
at each other making each other happy.
Solving the issues amongst you.
You sit down.
There are so many things I can say
a successful marriage is the one that maybe
90% of the moments in the marriage
are not based on this sexual relationship between
the two spouses.
But most of us don't think of it
in this way.
So please readjust the way you think.
Rasulallah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when he divorced
his wife, who was that wife that he
divorced?
Two, if not Jawad, right?
The first one and the second one, daughter
of Omar r.a, Hafsa.
He divorced her.
Do you know that right after the divorce
Jibreel was sent by Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala to command him to immediately take her
back to his custody.
And what was the justification?
Allah told him, how can you dare to
divorce a sister?
How can you divorce a sister who is
always constantly praying to Allah and fasting for
the sake of Allah?
What saved her?
Her religion.
So that's the reason why I said one
of the secrets behind getting somebody who is
religious is that it covers the deficiency the
other one has.
So that you will keep on having that
respect and tolerance between you and your spouse.
Is that clear inshallah?
So let's move forward.
So we have all of these qualities have
been there.
So now the person proposed, if the family
accept him, as I said, make the marriage
as quickly as possible.
Make the marriage as quickly as possible.
When the marriage comes, the mahr should be
a lot.
150,000 dinar Kuwaiti.
How much should be the mahr?
The sisters don't need to talk, but the
brothers how much you think the mahr should
be?
How much should be?
Free?
No, there is no such thing in Islam
like this.
How much should be the mahr?
I love what he's saying, but that's a
very general and wrong answer.
But I love that statement of his.
Can somebody just put it in the more
nicer way?
He says whatever, piece of cloth and value.
How much should be the minimum of the
mahr?
Whatever you can provide.
You go to your wife and give her
one cent.
And that's the mahr.
Is that okay?
Okay, according to the correct view of the
scholars, mahr, the minimum in the mahr is
determined by value.
Whatever has value.
So for instance, in Malaysia, what is the
minimum amount of currency that has value?
Five cents.
Five cents.
That should be the minimum.
You cannot give one cent, but five cents
and a ball.
I know a marriage like that.
I attended a marriage with ten ringgit.
I attended a marriage with a book.
I attended a marriage with a memorization of
Surah Al-Kahf.
Many other things, you know.
And the people are enjoying their life.
Because what you should understand is that we
are not having a business proposition here.
This is what many of the parents don't
understand.
They want to be rich through their daughters.
You're looking for somebody who respects your daughter.
You get it.
If you make it so expensive, trust me,
whether you like it or you don't, that
person will be thinking of your daughter as
a product that he bought in the marketplace.
And the level of his tolerance is going
to be very low.
She will pay the price in the house.
But if you make it cheaper, you make
it very less in terms of monetary compensation,
trust me, this person, if he's okay, you
took somebody who has religion and has good
manners, by the will of Allah, he will
respect your daughter.
I remember a marriage in Saudi Arabia.
Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen said, I attended this marriage,
and then the father said to the groom,
he said, I'm marrying you my daughter upon
a mahr, which is only one riyal.
One riyal.
So Shaykh knowing the culture in Saudi, he
told him, wait, please don't lie to us.
Mention all the other golds and cars and
whatever he gave you before.
The man said, no Shaykh.
He said, wallahi Shaykh, we do not take
anything from him.
And actually Shaykh, we're taking this one riyal
because we know in Islam you cannot have
a marriage without having the mahr.
Shaykh, I want him, and he's here.
I want him to understand that my daughter
has a value.
We're not selling her to him.
We provide whatever she wants.
We don't need his money, but I want
him to respect my daughter.
He should know that yes, this is a
valuable person that we're sending to him.
Subhanallah.
How do you think that person is going
to look at this girl?
Seriously, those kinds of marriages, if this person
is not wicked, is going to last longer
and she will enjoy staying with him.
I remember Sayyid Ibn Musayyid, he refused to
give his daughter to the son of the
king because she was extremely beautiful and the
king was begging him.
He said, no.
One of the students of his lost his
wife and he was missing in the class.
The Shaykh asked him, what happened?
He said, Shaykh, I lost my wife.
He said, but why didn't you let us
know to get you somebody?
He said, Shaykh, who will give me a
wife with this amount of ringgit?
He said, I have nothing, Shaykh.
Nobody will let his daughter to come to
me with this amount of money.
Shaykh said, I just asked you, why didn't
you let us know to provide you with
somebody?
He said, Shaykh, but realistically, who will agree
with me?
That's why I don't even think of it.
Shaykh said, do you want to marry?
He said, yes.
How about my daughter?
This one might be the last person he
will be thinking about.
Beautiful, well-mannered, everything he needs in a
woman, he has that.
He said, Shaykh, seriously?
He said, yes.
Subhanallah, with no waste of time.
Shaykh, of course, the daughter agreed, and he
told him, okay, just bring those amount of
money.
He brought, did the marriage finish?
No, all of these things that we used
to do, you see the boy getting white
hair before the marriage finish, nothing.
He just paid those three dirhams, and Shaykh
gave him the daughter.
At night, he said, the Shaykh doesn't feel
comfortable to stay with her at home.
He told her, he told the mother, it
is not good and inappropriate for us to
keep somebody else's wife with us.
I believe she should go to her husband.
He took her to the house of the
husband.
He never thought to get his wife at
that time.
So he was there in the house trying
to break his fast.
The Shaykh was knocking on his door, and
the man asked, who is that?
The Shaykh said, Saeed.
He said, I started thinking, which Saeed?
He doesn't have a friend called Saeed except
his Shaykh.
And he never thought that the Shaykh will
come at this moment.
He said, I opened the door, then I
saw the Shaykh.
Next to him, there is a girl just
standing like that.
And then he told me, we just don't
feel comfortable to keep your wife with us.
And I advise you to fear Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala in heart.
Take care of her according to the Sunnah
of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
And you, remember, this is your husband.
Fear Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in your
life with him.
We wish you all the best.
What do you think about this marriage?
Good or bad?
Excellent, right?
Somebody says Allahu Akbar.
And not only that, subhanallah, they mention in
some part of the story that the boy
or the man, he stood up one day,
he was going to go out.
The girl asked him, where are you going?
The wife asked him, where are you going?
He said, I'm going to study.
He said, where?
He said to you, with sheikh.
Which sheikh?
He mentioned her father.
She said, no, stay home.
She told him, stay home, don't go.
She said, I promise, whatever my father will
give you, I will give it to you
at home.
24 hours, husband, right?
So subhanallah, how much he paid for the
mahr?
Only this amount.
In the time of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam, there was a marriage that the
Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam organized and arranged
with how many dirham?
Zero.
The man was told by the Prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam to teach her what he
memorized from the Quran and the Prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam let it happen.
So mahr should be small.
The smaller it is, the more barakah you
get in your marriage.
Please do remember this, my brothers and sisters.
It is not fancy.
It is not something to show off.
And especially from the sister's side, wallahi, take
it very serious matter.
This money is going to finish.
And sometimes, actually, in our marriages, we have
very weird pessimism.
I tell the person who is marrying my
daughter that you have to keep some amount
of money in case in the future you
divorce her, she uses this one.
Why do I start thinking of divorce from
the first day of the marriage?
Why?
Wallahi, I found it so weird when I
attended some of the marriages.
I heard this just because I have no
authority to talk.
Otherwise, I will force them to cancel this
condition.
Marriage is supposed to be forever.
Why do I start thinking negatively about my
daughter being divorced by that person?
I should be optimistic.
Sharia says he should take care of the
wife in a nice way and be patient
in case in the future she doesn't like
him or he doesn't like her.
Allah says when he is divorcing, there is
something being paid which is called Mutah.
That's our religion.
When it happens like this, if there is
no any other way to resolve the marriage,
Allah says she shouldn't go like this.
He should provide her with an amount of
money that is enough for her to carry
on living until the time she gets somebody
to pick her up.
Very good system that is based on being
optimistic, planning for the future in a nice
way.
That's why she came to the house with
this sensitivity that a day will come he
might divorce.
But we don't do that.
So the mahr should be reduced.
You get it?
I'm not here to describe the way the
marriage should be conducted.
No, this one you go and learn it
in the fiqh.
But after the marriage happens, we are going
to celebrate and appreciate the marriage, right?
That one should be correct.
That one should be correct.
We go for the waliwa.
And by the way, when do we do
the waliwa?
After the consummation of the marriage.
The person has to meet his wife first
and he sit down with her.
And in that meeting, I really advise him
to remain calm.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
Remain calm.
There are things to be done before you
go and jump to what you're looking for.
No, remain calm.
You really need to remain calm.
The first thing to be done is to
get inside a place where she exists and
say as-salamu alaykum.
That was the thing the Prophet ﷺ did.
What is as-salamu alaykum?
You are asking Allah to grant her peace.
If the wife got the peace, who will
be enjoying that peace?
The husband and the family in the house.
And the second thing the Prophet ﷺ or
one of the companions said is to pray.
She prays behind him.
Why do you need to pray?
Asking Allah to grant you success in this
excellent and noble journey.
After that, he takes his hand and put
on her because who controls the house?
Who is the house actually?
The wife or the husband?
The wife.
No, not the husband.
If the wife is not okay, trust me,
the husband cannot be okay.
These are facts.
The one who controls the house is the
wife.
Yes, he is the leader as the husband
but the one who is we call her
minister of the home minister we call her.
You know, that's why she is the one
who is supposed to take care of that
house properly.
So, I'm just wanting you to understand why
you put your hand on her.
You put your hand on her head and
then you say what?
اللهم إني أعوذ إني أسألك خيرها وخير ما
جبلتها الله I ask you to grant me
any good that you created her for and
you put in her.
And if there is any evil that is
contained in her life Allah to remove it
not to let me see it.
That's the best way to interpret it.
And the sister should understand this correctly.
She shouldn't take it as belittling.
Why?
Am I evil for you to make this
dua for me?
No, it's not about that.
It's about asking Allah to protect both of
you from any shaitan that can take place
in in that marriage.
This dua is really necessary before you start
any marital life between you and your spouse.
You make dua asking Allah to be with
you in that marriage.
And remember I said you should remain calm,
right?
Because if you don't remain calm, maybe you
will go and say اللهم إني أعوذ بك
من الخبس والخبائف.
They say somebody was making this dua rather
than saying اللهم إني أسألك خيرها.
He says سبحان الذي سخرنا هذا ومفرنا له
مقرنين وإنا إلى ربنا And this wife, if
she understands Arabic language, and even if she
doesn't understand this dua, we do it when
we ride a car.
She has to force him to tell her
which car she belongs to, which company.
Anyway, so that's why I said he should
remain calm, right?
To make that dua.
After that dua, there is also something to
be done which is very important.
Before everything, sit with your wife and talk
to her.
A very honest speech.
Ask her about what does she like in
her life and she should also ask you
about what you like.
That moment, that day, cannot be forgotten in
your life, especially from the sister's side.
So this is the most important day for
you to discuss matters.
Look, my dear wife, you know, I don't
know you.
This is the first time we meet and
for sure there are things you like and
things you don't like.
So please let's be honest to ourselves.
What exactly the kind of life you want
to be?
And I will try my best to grant
you exactly what you're looking for.
As long as they are correct, Islamically, we're
going to live like that.
And then you also told her what you
want.
This is what I was told by one
of the scholars who applied this method.
He said, Wallah, he lived with his wife
for 20 years 20 years without having a
single problem with her.
20 years.
So that's the part of doing the thing
in the correct way and being calm in
that first day or first night.
Then after this, then a person should go
ahead.
After they settled all of these things, they
make a plan on how to live.
And this is important because it is the
best advice to be given to the two
spouses.
Not to adopt somebody else's life to their
house.
Usually we fail because I let my parent
get inside my house.
Do you know that there are spouses, the
parent, the mother is the one who is
dictating his wife what to cook at home.
These are things that I come across.
The mother has to call them every day.
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
What are you doing in the house?
What kind of life is this?
And sometimes the person has kids but still
he is under the control of his parents.
This is very wrong.
Wrong practices by the parent.
I don't care about any culture.
These cultural practices are wrong.
Husband and the wife, no matter how much
young they are, they should sit down and
decide the way they want to live.
As long as it's halal, this is up
to them to decide the way they want
to live.
What works with their parents might not work
with them.
And also I really advise both of them
not to adopt the life of their friends
into their own homes.
Because what fits that house might not fit
your house.
That's why in some cultures they set a
place where a person goes and dance.
If another person goes and do the same
thing, he will be beaten.
I give you a very simple story which
I don't know whether it happens or it
did not happen but there is a big
message for us to learn here.
They said there was a sister Are we
listening or am I troubling?
There was a sister who was having a
very excellent life with her husband.
Her friend asked her, I need to know
the secret behind this good life between you
and your husband because it looks like your
husband really loves you.
What really happened?
She said but don't forget I said this
is just a normal story that I heard.
I don't know whether it happens or not.
She said actually the secret behind this is
that my husband sells gold.
Her husband is a gold seller.
So what I usually do whenever the husband
comes back home I take some part of
the gold I keep it.
Not in the sense of stealing but I
was just having that fear that maybe one
day we might get into trouble then we
will need this.
So since he brings a lot at home
she would take a bit and then keep
it.
Across the ages the husband lost the business.
He came back home very sad.
She told him my dear husband what happened?
He said my dear wife we lost our
business.
We don't have anything.
So she told him no not to worry
about that.
He said what do you mean?
I am telling you that I lost my
business and you are telling me not to
worry?
She said no not to worry.
Just wait here.
She went to the house somewhere else where
he doesn't know.
She picked up those gold.
She brought them to him.
The husband was shocked.
He asked her first where did you get
this?
She said actually I am very sorry to
say but I used to take it from
your gold.
The husband hugged her he is so much
happy with her.
The life changed in the house.
She became a hero to him.
Her friend said Alhamdulillah I am going to
do the same to you.
She is also she started doing.
Every day she takes what the husband is
doing and she hides some other places.
Unfortunately the husband got bankrupt.
He was bankrupt.
He lost everything.
He came back home.
She also practiced the same thing her friend
told her.
She told him not to worry.
Relax.
Inshallah we have a better solution for that.
When she went inside the room, she brought
the things.
When the husband saw the things he punched
her.
He kicked her.
The life was messy in the house.
Worse than before.
Question.
What was the business of the second person?
Wait.
Why did you destroy my happiness?
I want to test her.
What was the business of that person?
The husband was selling calendars.
You know calendar if the month finishes.
So for ages she has been hiding them
and now they are already expired.
So rather than making him happier, now she
increased his sadness.
He started to think that she is actually
involved in his bankruptcy.
So please take it seriously.
Your house is your house.
Don't let somebody come to your house.
Don't let somebody come to your house.
Accept somebody who is giving you good advice.
And this advice shouldn't be contradictory to what
serves your interest.
As long as that interest of yours is
not violating the shariah.
Because we have so many things that are
halal, right?
If you choose one type of halal, do
not go and take another one from another
place.
Because trust me, your wife might not be
happy with that and you will have a
lot of issues with her because of your
friends.
So that's the reason why it is necessary
for you to decide how do you want
to live with your spouse.
Then after that, we go for the waleema.
In the waleema, we should make it correct.
The reason why I decided to talk about
this, it is because we want Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala to be involved in our
marriage.
And as such, we must make the waleema
correct.
Whatever you believe is wrong, Islamically, you should
avoid it and keep it aside.
Wallahi is better for you.
Instruments, apart from the one that Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala make it halal for the
sisters, which is the duf.
The duf to be used by the sisters.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make it permissible
for them to use it and enjoy their
life when there is a marriage ceremony.
After that, they should close everything.
No free mixing, no anything that Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala doesn't like because you want
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to be involved
in your marital life and journey.
And after that, I will close with this.
And now, the real moment will begin.
Which is how to live with your spouse.
Male and a female, do we share the
same emotion, emotional feelings?
Salam.
Do we share the same thing?
We don't, right?
But nowadays, I heard a lot of statements
that we are the same.
Is it true that we are all the
same?
We are equal, right?
In the eyes of Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala, in the eyes of the Lord, we
are equal.
There is no difference between male and the
female.
But are they the same?
No, they are not.
And they can never be the same.
Natural anatomy is different.
The feeling and the thinking is different.
Who is more emotional than the other one?
Trust me.
I will go and talk to Jameel and
Bashir.
I tell them a sad story and they
might listen and they are so sad.
If I am to tell Jameelah, trust me,
before I finish the story, she cries.
Is that deficiency?
No, it's not.
Wallahi, whether we like it or we don't
like it, if we are to remove this,
problem is going to take place in our
marital life.
And this is what one of the psychologists
said.
The reason why many divorces are taking place
in our families and our societies, it is
because the woman wants to act or the
husband wants her to act like him.
That's not good for us.
She is very soft and gentle and lenient
and emotional.
And family life needs this.
We cannot be like the same thing.
You are a bit serious and she is
very soft and gentle.
And that's good for the family life.
If you are a fire and she is
also like that, who will get into trouble?
The kids at home.
The kids will go.
Who will get into trouble?
So we have somebody who is very gentle
and very kind, very merciful, you know, very
tolerant so that the life of the children
in the future, which you should be looking
for when you marry her, will be comfortable.
Otherwise they will have no place in the
house.
Is that clear?
And that's why it is a ni'mah from
Allah to us that our mothers are the
ones who are taking care of us.
Right?
Yeah, because most of the husbands even look
at the time when she is pregnant, sometimes
we don't care.
And when she delivers the child after facing
all of those difficulties, subhanallah, she barely survived.
And come and see the moment when the
baby comes which she was thinking of death.
Wallah, I'm telling you the truth.
Some of the sisters, they never expect themselves
to live.
Then you will understand why Allah wants to
focus on the woman when it comes to
respecting the parent more than the fathers.
Some of them, they never expect to live.
But then they came through it.
Come and see her after all of these
deadly moments in which even sharia says if
a woman died at this moment, she will
go to paradise, bi'idhnillah azawajal.
She is like shaheedah because of the difficulty
she is facing.
But subhanallah, after you come out, what is
she going to do?
She forgets all of those difficulties.
She smiles and hugs her child as if
nothing happened.
And when she goes back home from the
hospital, babies, they usually have this unfair attitude
and behavior.
They sleep in the daytime for 16 hours.
And then at night, they don't sleep.
And who is going to live with them?
The mother or the father?
The father?
Which father stays with the kids?
Never.
She will be there, cannot sleep, you know,
in the middle of the night, the father,
when the baby cries, what does the father
do?
The father tells her, my dear wife, we
have other rooms.
Please pack your child and go to the
other place.
This is a bad example, but I'm just
telling you what is happening to appreciate why
Allah SWT is putting you under the care
of the mothers.
So please, when you marry, your sisters just
keep quiet.
When you marry, please do understand that you
are living with a very emotional person.
And that's true.
Very emotional person.
What you say to your friends, you shouldn't
say it at home, to your wife.
And those words that you don't think they
are important, they might be important to her.
Right?
Who do you love the most?
He will be shy to say his wife.
And even in the house, also he doesn't
tell her he loves her.
That's what one of the consultants said.
He received a lot of complaints from the
wives.
Never heard the husband saying, I love you.
Are you okay?
But then he said the sad part of
this, when his friend is to call him,
in front of the wife, He said, The
wife is here for ages, never heard this
word from him, but his friend, mashallah.
Was Rasulullah like this?
No, he wasn't.
They asked him, they said, Ya Rasulullah, who
do you love the most?
He said, Aisha.
He was saying this to whom?
To the brothers.
Who do you love the most?
He said, Aisha.
They said, Ya Rasulullah, how about the brothers?
We're asking about the brothers.
He said, Her father.
He was a very good husband, the most
excellent husband.
The Abyssinians came to Medina to play their
games.
The Prophet s.a.w. told her, he
said, Aisha, would you like to go and
watch what they're doing?
She said, yes.
She went and she put her chin on
the shoulder of Rasulullah s.a.w. and
she was watching them, what they're doing.
Rasulullah s.a.w. was tired.
He told her, Aisha, are you satisfied?
She said, no.
He remained, no blame, no anything.
Are you satisfied?
She said, no.
He stayed.
He asked her again, are you satisfied?
She said, no.
Up to the moment she told him, yes,
Ya Rasulullah, now I want to go back
home.
Then they left.
What is one of the worst moments of
the husbands in their life with their spouses?
Okay.
You, I think I'm asking the wrong people.
Only Nasruddin and Mazin can answer this question.
Ask most of the husbands.
One of the worst moments they have in
their life is when they take their spouse,
their wife to the marketplace.
Please, sister, don't comment.
I know you might smack me after I
go out.
You, when you go to the market, I
enter the marketplace, a big mall.
Trust me, I go sometimes even the parking
ticket I don't pay.
Because I spend ten minutes.
Straight forward to the shop, just buy what
I need and go out.
You go with your family, she wants to
browse first.
Two hours watching around to see what exactly
is there in the market.
Then, now we start checking the list first.
What do we have?
Husband don't like this.
You get it.
Trust me, if Rasulullah, based on what we
know from him, he will never face the
same problem we are facing.
And actually is it a problem?
No, it's not.
Wallahi, we make it a problem, but it's
not a problem.
Is she doing something strange?
No, she's not.
Because you want her to act like you.
That's why you see there's a problem.
That's why if you know you're going to
have a trauma, the best thing when you
go to the marketplace, either you choose the
time when you're free, just go to the
market, tell yourself, I'm here for my family
and I'm going to live until the time
they are satisfied and then we go out.
And trust me, how much good life you're
going to have in your house after you
come back to the house.
These are simple things, but it means a
lot for the family.
Or, drop them in the marketplace, tell them
whenever you are done, call me, I will
come back to pick you up.
That's not the preferable one.
The best way is to live with them
in the marketplace.
Because sometimes they need somebody to consult.
How about this?
How about that?
You might not understand why are they including
you in this?
Just buy whatever you want, you know, but
just go with them.
And side with them from your heart.
Just tell them what you think about it.
Let them finish their need, then you go
back home.
So that's why, by simple advice to all
of us, after you marry, you really need
to read about the way the Prophet used
to live with his spouses.
It's a system.
If you don't understand it correctly, you're going
to be depressed in your life.
I talk a lot about the brothers, and
not on your head a lot.
Let me also look at the side of
the sisters.
I give one example.
You know, Aisha, was she living alone with
the Prophet?
Was she living alone with the Prophet?
Or she has other partners, co-wives?
Salam.
Others?
Yes.
Was she happy to stay with the Prophet?
Yes.
Were they happy to stay with him?
Yes.
This is what we miss in this time
of ours.
Because we live with others, thinking of other
matters, that's why we miss our life.
When it happens that the system will be
in this way.
Aisha, her co-wife, Zainab, because they have
two teams in the house of the Prophet.
Two parties.
The party of Aisha, and the party of
Zainab.
Zainab is the only one who can fight
Aisha.
Because she has something that's unique, which Aisha
doesn't know how to fight it.
Her father is the most beloved person to
Rasulullah, but Zainab has something that is unique.
Hafsa can say, my father Ibn Shaitan cannot
sit next to him.
Safiya can say, my roots can be traced
back to one of the Prophets of Allah.
Aisha can say, my father is the closest
person to Rasulullah.
Jawariya can say, my father was the king.
You know, everyone can talk.
Zainab, when she talks, most likely, nobody can
say anything after that.
You know why?
Because during her marriage, who was the Wali?
The Rabbul A'lali.
So she used to tell them, you guys,
your father gave you to Rasulullah, but me,
Allah is the one who gave me to
Rasulullah.
The wives of the Prophet said, how can
we fight this?
Because how can you get this?
But anyway, there was a time Zainab came
to Aisha and Aisha was with Rasulullah.
And she started fighting, scolding her, talking against,
against, against, against.
But subhanallah, these talks are all physical talks
on the tongue, but never goes to the
heart.
Why am I saying this?
Because when people, when those criminals, the enemies
of Allah, start to accuse Aisha of committing
zina, Zainab was fighting with her.
If you look at the life of Zainab
with Aisha, it's always battle.
Somebody might say this is her opportunity also
to get Aisha, but subhanallah, when the reality
comes, when Rasulullah asked her, he said, Zainab,
what do you think about Aisha?
Because she's the one who is always fighting,
so he needs to know her opinion about
the accusation.
Zainab told him, ya Rasulullah, this is nonsense.
Aisha is one of the most righteous people
I ever met.
Keep these stupidities aside.
Whatever they are saying is wrong about Aisha.
But the part I needed from this story,
when Zainab talked against her, Aisha said, this
woman is not willing to stop talking.
And it was very much for me to
handle.
She said, I decided to take revenge.
The first thing I did, she said, He
said, He said, I look at the face
of the Prophet ﷺ to see whether he
minds if I reply her or not.
Subhanallah.
She said she wants him to be like
Rasulullah ﷺ, right?
But then she is not acting and dealing
with him like the wives of Rasulullah ﷺ.
Aisha said, before I reply to take my
right, I check with my husband first to
make sure that I will not have an
issue with him if I reply.
She said, when I realized that Rasulullah ﷺ
does not mind, then I started replying her.
That's the kind of life I suggest and
advise all the sisters to do.
Live a very peaceful life with your husband.
He should be acting as everything for you.
Marrying and living that life of marriage, Wallahi,
is tragedy.
You might think it's okay, but it's not.
Do everything possible to make sure that you
bring peace to the life and husband should
do everything possible to support the wife to
have a peaceful life at home.
So to close this session, please, after the
marriage, understand that you are living with a
very emotional person and therefore you should understand
them and live with them according to their
nature.
That's what the Prophet ﷺ said.
If you don't have knowledge, you're going to
hate your friends.
The more knowledge you have, the more tolerance
you have in your life.
Allah said in the Quran, وَكَيْفَ تَصْبِيرُ عَلَى
مَا لَمْ تُحِدْ بِهِ خُبْرًا When Musa ﷺ
told Khidr, he said, I can be patient,
Khidr told him, he said, what are you
talking about?
How can you be patient of something that
you don't know?
Trust me, I say the same thing also
in our marital life.
There is no way for you to be
patient with your wife unless if you know
who she is.
So you're going to be living with a
person who is emotional, you should understand that.
That means you shouldn't push too much, you
should be lenient, gentle, and soft and apply
the Hadith of the Prophet ﷺ لَا يَفْرَكْ
مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً إِن كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا
خُلُقًا آخَرًا A believer shouldn't hate a believer
because if you don't like one of her
behaviors, there is another behavior that you like.
That's how the Prophet ﷺ wants us to
live.
So if there is patience from both sides,
tolerance, and Islam and good manners are the
one that is linking between you and your
spouse, بِإِذْنِ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى يُحَامُ a long-lasting
life.
So ask Allah ﷻ to aid all of
you to make the right choice.
Don't forget you are selecting somebody for your
future.
So open your eyes and choose the best
person that you can live longer with him.
And base your choice on those three things
mentioned by the Prophet ﷺ.
Religion, good manners, and also the look according
to you.
And when you marry, make sure that the
Shariah of Allah ﷻ is the one that
is dominating your family.
If you like Allah, you will never regret
it.
May Allah grant you a good spouse.
And may Allah protect you.
And may Allah ﷻ aid you.
Inshallah by next year, nobody will come here
in the way you are here today, inshallah.
Say Ameen.
Ameen.
And may Allah ﷻ grant you all.
سُبْحَانَكَ اللَّهُمَّ وَبِحَمْدِكَ أَشْهَرَ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ
أَسْتَغْفِرُكَ رَتُوبُ إِلَيْكَ السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ
وَرَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ وَرَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ One more Q&A
session.
Which one?
Which point?
Intentionally Hopefully everyone took notes and learned something
new and obviously there will be doubts there
will be questions and because of that we
will have a quick Q&A session for
20 minutes inshallah we plan to end it
by 9.30 where a lot of us
are quite tired and dinner will be served
for everyone after that Please scan the QR
code and submit your answers I mean submit
your questions Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Then I don't need
to do anything Please
ask before they So please ask I love
questions actually So if you have any questions
please ask Do
you need to have this amount of salary?
Do you need to have a house?
Do you need to have this and that?
Okay there is a question here about what
do we think about those people who said
we don't marry until the time we are
financially capable or stable, financial stability exaggeration and
everything is wrong, is not good being financial
financially capable is also recommended by the prophet
salallahu alayhi wa sallam but not in the
way we define it nowadays what is financial
capability in marriage?
you can afford accommodation you can afford food
for your wife and yourself, moderately that's the
financial capability the prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam
is asking you to have, even if this
is on the daily basis, it means you
have to go and do the day to
day business and get something to eat everyday
that's more than enough that's why in the
time of the prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam
that man was given a wife and he
has nothing in his house except his garment
one piece of garment and he has a
house to keep the wife and the prophet
salallahu alayhi wa sallam let them marry is
financial capability but not in the exaggerated way
we are making these are wrong practices I'm
aware that nowadays when you go to propose
to a girl the first question the family
asks is about your job it's good to
know about the job but to emphasize so
much on it is wrong what you need
to know is to know that this person
can have the ability to support your daughter
what is the lowest food here in Malaysia,
the cheapest one nasi lemak no, roti is
more expensive than nasi nasi is a food
alhamdulillah swt brought for anyone who cannot afford
buying food and it depends on how you
eat it so I see some people eating
nasi lemak and they come out and the
other one ate briyani and mandi and all
of these things when they come out, how
do I recognize who is a mandi eater
and who is a nasi lemak, oh from
the face wallah I need to know this
yeah when I see them I don't recognize
who ate mandi and who ate nasi lemak
you get it so as long as you
can provide food for her at home, even
the lowest food if she agrees with that
that's fine, she wants you and you want
her, just go ahead and this is what
the parents should be focusing on somebody who
is responsible not a person that is lazy
will come and put their daughter into trouble
this is wrong practice that we have in
our communities, you have to have a car
you have to have this and that and
sometimes also unfortunately you must have certain type
of businesses for you to be accepted by
the parent these are all useless practices because
none of these things will bring happiness to
your daughter what brings happiness to your daughter
is the manners and the behavior of the
husband you are sending her to so it's
good to be financially capable, but at the
same time we shouldn't exaggerate may Allah grant
us good any other question?
so the question was thumbs up can we
know your opinion on marrying outside your nationality
and culture is excellent marrying outside your nationality
is excellent, I know many of the cultures
don't appreciate it and they have a lot
of questions on it they believe that it
is one of the sources of problem in
the marital life let me ask you this
question from whatever country you are coming from
do people divorce in that country?
and the marriages in that country, the vast
majority of the marriages, I can say maybe
99.9% is a person marrying from
his country and sometimes from his family members
actually but still nowadays the divorce is at
the increase right?
salam, yeah we blame marrying other race they
said because of the cultural barriers then you
are going to face a lot of problems
but my question is, the one that share
the same culture with me why is it
possible for them to still have a lot
of problems also and they divorce in which
sometimes you might not be wrong if you
say that the rate of divorce from among
the marriages that are taking place between the
country members is more than the one that
happens when the marriage took place between two
people who marry from different do you get
what I mean right?
they marry from different countries he is from
Malaysia, she is from Saudi she is from
Pakistan, she is from this and that but
they married because in most instances if there
is respect among them and they do it
correctly, trust me the level of respect in
each other will be more than the respect
you will get if you marry from somebody
who is coming from the same race can
we say which one is better?
no, because Rasulullah asked you to focus only
on religion and manners is there any difference
between a woman that comes from Malaysia and
the one that comes from Pakistan, Africa and
Western communities trust me no difference, let them
sit down and talk, you will see the
same way of thinking, brothers also are the
same thing the same human being woman is
a woman, man is a man that is
why Rasulullah tells you, he said, take somebody
who has deen, you will be successful regardless
of where they are coming from so this
is my answer to that person marry whoever
you want to marry, from wherever she is
coming from, she is coming from the earth
from the mars, from wherever as long as
she has deen, she has religion, this is
what the Rasulullah is advising you to go
for is that clear for you that's the
only correct answer I found in this regard
Rasulullah tells you, focus on the deen and
manners not on your race, not on your
language, not on your colour not on this
and that that's why when Fatima bint Qais,
she lost her husband the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam asked her, anything popped up, she
said yes there are three proposals I got
she said there are three proposals I got
proposal number one, and this is a very
good message to the sisters also, she said
I got three proposals number one is from
Muawiyah bin Abi Sufyan, his father is Abu
Sufyan right?
number two is from Abu Al-Jahab, number
three is from Usama bin Zaid his father
is a slave and he was extremely dark
in colour they said he was extremely dark
and also his father was a slave so
when she told the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam, she said Rasulallah I got this proposal
three proposals and she was from the Arabs
from the Quraysh, at the high level of
the Arabs according to their custom so she
told him Rasulallah these are the people who
proposed to marry me, Rasulallah sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam said because when somebody asks you about
this, you have to be honest and tell
him who that person is, and you're not
biting him who is this person?
you tell him the person is good the
person is bad, you have to say everything
that affects marriage, you cannot hide anything, so
Rasulallah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told her, he
said as for Mawiyah, he said Mawiyah is
a poor person, he doesn't have money why?
yesterday he gave a wife to somebody who
doesn't have anything why is he saying this
to Mawiyah?
because now there is a comparison between Mawiyah
and others when there is a comparison, of
course this one is rich and well mannered
and religious person who do you choose for
your daughter?
this one or the other one?
of course this one if she agrees with
him, I mean you have two people she
agrees with both, she can take this one
she can take this one, but one of
them is poor and the other one is
rich, and both of them have religion and
manners, which one should you choose for her?
of course the rich person, so that's why
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told her
Mawiyah is poor I don't advise you to
go for him as for Abu Al-Jahm
Abu Al-Jahm, they said Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam said he is a man that
doesn't bring down his stick from his shoulder
what does that mean?
what do you understand from this?
always ready to beat another opinion, always travelling,
so that means she is going to be
living with nobody at home in another narration,
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told her
this person beats a lot don't go for
him now who left?
Usama ibn Zaid, and you know who is
Usama the way I described him Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam said marry Usama, she said
Usama he said yes, marry Usama she repeated,
he said marry Usama, this is my advice
to you subhanallah she accepted the advice of
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam she married him
sisters in her time they used to wish
that they were the one that the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was advising to marry
Usama that is the power of accepting the
advice from Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam but
you can see Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
he did not care about the race of
that person he asked her to marry Usama
if she is looking for good, because he
sees among all of those one that proposed
to marry her, Usama is the best for
her that's why the best opinion among all
the opinions of the scholars is the one
that says it's compatibility only in the deed,
that's it not in the race, not in
the language not in the color, not in
the country marriage, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam said marry somebody who loves, who is
a loving person and also can produce children,
that's the basis of marriage, sister says she
wants this person who cares the way he
looks brother says he wants this sister, who
cares the way she looks, he said he
wants case closed, as long as he is
religious he is religious, ala baraka let them
marry each other we are not the one
who will be staying with that person on
their behalf, they choose to live together that
should be ok so compatibility in Islam is
based on what?
Religion only, cultural practices doesn't get involved here
business, money, wealth, race color, languages, they have
no place in Islam kafa'ah that Islam
mentions is only based on the deed that's
the best opinion of all scholars Allah grant
us good history nowadays Zina is very rampant
in society, so a lot of sheikhs have
this idea saying it doesn't matter like if
one person committed Zina but the other one
didn't, they say they marry they say, the
sheikhs say a lot of people say if
they are a virgin they want a virgin
nowadays but nowadays it's harder to find that
in society so some sheikhs to get people
married in the Muslim community they say the
past doesn't matter, just go ahead what is
your opinion on that?
It's right and wrong at the same time,
it matters a lot actually Islamically a person
to marry another person who is committing Zina
is haram Islamically, a man cannot marry a
sister who is committing Zina and a sister
cannot marry a man who is committing Zina
if she accepts then she is also one
of those sisters that she is doing Zina
with them, that marriage will never legalize what
she is going to be doing with him
in the future, and he is also not
allowed to marry a sister who is committing
Zina, if he does, this is what Allah
says in Surah An-Nur, if he does
marry her and she is still committing Zina
with others, he is none other than one
of those brothers who are committing Zina with
her so she has to repent and her
repentance has to be known and he has
to repent and his repentance has to be
known, then it's good for them to marry
each other, I always say this if a
person commits Zina with a sister, and we
know about that the best is to get
them married after she does the istibra, istibra
means she has one haidh to make sure
that she is not carrying any child from
him, because that one has to go out
because he cannot mix halal and haram in
one place, usually what they do is they
commit Zina but to conceal the affairs so
that they will not have a child out
of wedlock and then they will go and
marry this is wrong and if the child
comes out, it's still the child of that
sister, not his child Islamically, the child cannot
be attributed to him, how are they going
to make it?
she has to be patient you know, if
the child already gets sold, they cannot abort
that child she has to be patient, when
she delivers the child, then they come and
do the do the marriage, she cannot marry
him until the delivery of the child but
right after that, then it's better for them
to marry, to conceal the affairs of each
other and if she repents, it is halal
for everyone to marry her, I know it's
very sensitive in the society, if a person
knows that a sister used to commit Zina
trust me, even the bad one also might
not go and marry her, that's the reason
why I kept on saying, the victim is
always the woman, always up to date he
can go and marry, and people know that
he commits Zina, but they can forget very
easily and he marries, but trust me, if
a sister commits Zina and the community knows
most likely she might not be able to
find somebody to go with her, throughout her
life unless if he doesn't know, that's why
the scholar said, if she commits Zina before,
and she repented is it a must, she
must tell him that she committed Zina, no
she shouldn't, some people say no, she has
to tell him, otherwise she will be cheated
no, she is not she shouldn't tell him
actually she should keep quiet, he comes and
ask people about her and go and look
for whatever information he is going to get
from her, about her, from others, and then
does it, she shouldn't tell him because trust
me, if she is going to tell him
that she committed Zina most likely that will
be the last time she will see him
in the house, and if the next person
also comes, if she tells him also she
used to commit Zina, but now she repented
no repentance can be accepted by him, that's
why the best is to conceal her affairs,
also in our religion, we are not supposed
to tell others what we used to do
in the past that's what it should be
meant by the statement of those scholars that
we should forget the past when we repent,
we should forget the past but before the
repentance, no the past should be brought to
our present life also because if a person
marry a person who is committing Zina, he
is also an adulterer you know, staying with
that woman and she is also committing adultery,
staying with that with that person so this
is the best hukum, Zina is rampant the
best way to curb this is to stay
away from any possibilities and marry Wallahi this
is my advice, and a person as I
said, and I mean business here, don't go
and watch other than that which Allah SWT
make halal for you, Wallahi trust me my
dear younger ones in the future, if you
don't listen to this, you are going to
face a lot of problems with your wife,
because she will never be able to please
you, no matter how much pretty she is,
you will see a person hanging around, maybe
you might say the most ugly person you
see in your life you go and commit
Zina with her, and his wife is the
most beautiful person maybe in the society but
he doesn't see what she has, but he
sees that one, that's what images are doing
in us preserve your energy don't do it
in a wrong way otherwise you will face
challenges in your marriage you cannot stay married
and divorcing married and divorcing, because your wife
cannot tolerate seeing you, even if she is
corrupt but she sees you watching videos that
are wrong and why are they watching, do
we have people who are doing that, yes
we do we do, he married his wife
is there, but he cannot be patient he
still go and watch those things which he
has access to them very freely, why is
that because he couldn't get what he got
from his wife whose fault is that it's
his fault, the fault of the wife is
very little, yet they do have also fault
and problem in that, because sometimes the husband
might be looking for things from the wife,
but she is not feeling comfortable to do
that, and these things are halal, because there
is no barrier between husband and wife after
the marriage no barrier, these are the only
one that can see each other like the
way Allah SWT created them, that's why they
said if you died, the best person to
watch you should be your wife, and the
best person to watch the wife is the
husband because these are the one that have
no barrier between them and Allah SWT when
the Jew said, if a person married, and
he has relationship with the spouse, but he
is doing it from the back side, but
in the correct way when the child comes
out, he is going to be ahwal, what
is ahwal?
cross-eyed you know those people they are
looking at you, but they are looking at
somebody else you know, they said his eyes
will be like this, because when he is
having relationship with the wife, she is lying
on his stomach, and he is coming from
the back side but through the correct way,
not in the * part when they mention
this, Allah SWT says this is false, this
is lying, he said he said your wife
is just like your farm meaning this type
of life is just up to the husband
and the wife to decide what they want
to do to enjoy their marital life nobody
should suggest what you are supposed to be,
actually it's a very dumb idea, wallah it's
a very dumb idea for a person to
look for how to enjoy his marital life
from others and it actually goes against our
nature if you want to prove it, get
a person who never met another person and
he never married, and nobody told him about
sexual relationship between their two what you call
spouses, nobody talked to him about this, get
him and get a wife, put them in
a house, and leave them let them marry
legally put them in a house and leave
them inshallah after one year two years when
he comes, you will find baby who told
him what to do salam who told him
what to do, nobody this is part of
our nature I'm saying this because somebody is
saying it's good for you to buy those
books to see how to have relationship with
your spouse this is dirty, wallah this is
very ugly and trust me you might be
reading or seeing things which you might not
be seeing them in your spouse, and you
are going to hate your wife you are
going to face a lot of problems, please
my dear brothers and sisters, be patient, sabr
sabr sabr do the thing in the correct
way, so what I'm trying to say here
is it is up to them to give
them self relief in the way they want,
as long as they avoid the * part,
and also when the wife is observing the
menses these are the only two things Allah
swt says you should stay away from them
is that very clear, so inshallah have a
smooth life, and prepare for your future, so
that in the future you will not blame
magic some of us when they have issues
with the marriage they will say, somebody did
magic on me is it true?
no, there was no magic he was the
one who destroys his life before and now
he is facing the consequences thank you very
much my dear friend, it's a very good
question Allah swt make it easy for us
but marrying a person who used to be
bad, and now she is good is very
good, is very excellent actually, because if I
am to say ok I don't want her
sheikh doesn't like her, anyone doesn't like her,
what message are we sending to her?
salam, what message are we sending to her?
you have no place with us, go back
to the old situation you are in and
then tomorrow we come and write in the
newspaper our sisters are corrupt and that's what
we do the brother used to be corrupt,
but nobody is willing to give him a
wife sometimes the brother will accept Islam if
my sister would accept Islam you will see
from the community we are very sensitive towards
them wallahi this is wrong very wrong practice
what message are we sending them?
if not Allah swt protecting them then they
will have no place they would rather just
go out no, this kind of cooperation should
be maintained we should help that person who
repented, be with him somebody should pick her
up, somebody should pick him up that's how
we contribute to fixing the community may Allah
grant you good spouses and good life and
protect your life here in Nartilus and wherever
you are inshallah, barakallahu fikum no problem I
cannot answer this question because I think the
two questions that most comes up are really
the second one if a married brother approaches
me for marriage his deen and akhlaq are
good is it wrong if I reject it
because I want to be his first wife
no, it's not wrong yeah, it's not wrong
rejection of rejecting to be the second wife
is ok Islam never make a mandatory upon
the sisters to accept somebody who has a
wife Islam says it's ok and it remains
ok until the day of judgement but is
it a must for her to accept it?
no, it's not what is wrong is to
say this is haram which some sisters are
saying some brothers are saying that this is
kufr it's disbelief but is it a must
for a sister to accept being the second
wife?
no, it's not a must it's up to
her to accept and it's up to her
to reject actually in Islam, there is no
forced marriage there is no forced marriage I'm
saying this because you might be reading some
books that says the father can force his
daughter to marry these are all fake although
some of our scholars said it but these
are all wrong statements there is no forced
marriage in Islam a sister and a brother
both of them have to choose who they
want to be with parents have no right
to force them to marry somebody that they
don't like a sister was married to a
person which she doesn't like she complained to
the Prophet Rasulullah ﷺ revoked that marriage he
said as long as you don't like it
then that marriage could be dissolved she said
Ya Rasulullah I don't want to cancel something
that is organized by my father she said
father I agree I don't want to destroy
it I don't want to go against my
father in this regard but I just want
the sisters to know that their parents have
no right to force them to stay with
somebody who they don't like to be that's
why in our time in some cultures and
some customs which I know we know about
their existence and some of us might be
from those cultural practices we force our daughters
to marry I still remember a person a
sister was complaining asking me for advice what
can she do because the parent forced her
to marry a brother who was Hafiz she
said she even told him please you memorize
Quran how can you force a sister to
marry you she told him she doesn't like
you and you know what the brother told
her he said you have to, you have
no choice he said you have to you
have no choice so subhanallah the parents are
forcing and also to be a husband also
is forcing I received a complaint young sisters
who came to my office one day subhanallah
the parents of this girl are telling her
that no way for you to choose the
person that you want to be with wallahi
I did not know how to imagine a
parent like this they told her we invest
in you we spend our money for you
and today you are the one who will
choose the person that you want to be
with I received another two couples I don't
know whether I should call them married people
or not these people came to me to
my office, I spent four hours trying to
convince them that this marriage is bantid when
I see the girl the supposedly wife I
know that oh I taught this one in
the secondary school I said are you so
and so she said yeah I taught also
her older sister I remember her older sister
came to me in my office when I
was in the school she was crying she
said please I really need your advice because
I reached the age where I need to
marry but I know the mentality of my
parents they will never let me marry somebody
I want they will force me to marry
somebody they want so she was asking me
for advice what to do when I see
the younger ones come in I remember that
old story and this younger one she is
not like the old one the old one
was patient to accept what the parents said
although she doesn't like it but now we
are living in the 21st century social media
is the big boss give us all the
freedom and you have actually big big organizations
who have nothing except to send their representative
to convince the sisters to rebel against their
parents believe it or not we met people
who are like that you know this heavy
organization I don't want to mention their name
but they send people to our communities to
make sure that they detach their daughters from
their parents wallah we have to be very
careful but to cut the story short I
asked these people why are you here in
my office they said somebody advise us to
come to you because we have problem in
our marriage to come to you to help
us to resolve this problem I said ok
no problem so you know Ibrahim is troublemaker
sometimes so I kept on asking them are
you guys married?
Oh Alhamdulillah they went on also to tell
me how did they marry I said your
parents say yes parents are ok with that
our parents don't know about our marriage wallah
the girl said the only one who knows
about our marriage is her older sister the
father doesn't know the mother doesn't know that
she married nobody knows they went to one
of the masajid and the marriage was organized
for them so I told them wait a
minute actually according to my belief there is
no marriage between you guys because Rasulullah said
any sister who went and marry herself by
herself without the permission of the father and
the wali the marriage is batil the father
doesn't have a right to force her but
he has to approve I can tell my
daughter please my dear daughter this person is
not good for you please look for somebody
else but I have no right to bring
another person and tell her you must marry
this but I have a right not to
let her marry somebody that I believe is
a wrong doer and is going to put
her into trouble because it's my right and
it's my job actually responsibility to make sure
that I protect her from any possible crime
that could be committed against her in the
future so subhanallah I tried my best to
dissolve that marriage I couldn't for four hours
trying to convince them they don't want to
agree that this marriage is wrong why did
they go and do this because of the
attitude and the behavior of the parent at
home because of the attitude and the behavior
of the parent at home so that's why
we really need to adjust the way we
are thinking as a parent as I said
forced marriages doesn't exist when you push so
much in this time that we're living in
wallahi you have to be very careful your
kids might go away from you and took
other people you know as their spouses and
you don't know there is a university that
I used to go and give a lecture
almost every time I give lecture they will
ask me about the question which says what
is your opinion on the marriage of this
university I will not mention the name of
the university it's one of the private universities
here they will ask me this question what
is your opinion on the marriage that is
happening here I ask them what is this
marriage is all about you guys are always
asking they said this is a boy who
will come from his country and then he
knows that his parents will never agree with
his marriage he will sit with a girl
they will live in one house and they
get child sometimes also nobody knows amongst them
I mean from the family members and sometimes
they don't even marry they just sit together
and commit you know so we as a
parent we have to think wisely you as
a future parent also you have to think
wisely we are not living in the old
time you have to be very lenient and
soft and know how to deal with these
matters may Allah grant us good and Tawfiq
Barakallah I have
a question with the most thumbs up how
do I know if the guy is how
do I know if the guy is actually
practicing the right Islam or the cultural version
of Islam because Islam is very clear right
Islam is very clear how to know what
is right Islam is very clear very clear
you don't need to make any effort for
you to know this so you see him
you know about him you know how he
prays and people watch him people know about
him you got all the information about what
kind of religion he has trust me my
dear sister this is not going to be
difficult you will know about his religious practices
whether it is based on the cultural practice
or the true religion of Allah SWT check
about his life from the community inshallah you
will get all the information you need Barakallah
next question
is how to approach someone at the university
as you can't go straight to the family
why not why can't you go straight to
the family and if you cannot go alone
why can't you talk to your parent to
get involved in the matter because usually they
find that her parents are going to take
it seriously when your parents get involved I
will advise you to talk to your parent
to go or anyone amongst the community members
who is smart and okay for him to
approach her family members to talk to them
you get it get the number from the
friends if not there is no any other
way except through her either you ask her
if it is okay for you to do
that or you ask somebody who can I
mean contact her and get the number of
her parent and then you link with them
and I don't see it a problem and
an issue I don't advise you to go
straight forward because they might not take you
seriously talk to your parent first let them
go and get involved inshallah things will be
good and if they reject the one that
you propose because usually what happens is you
see a girl or she sees a man
in the campus you know from another race
from another country and her family are going
to reject what is the best approach in
this regard don't fight no don't give up
don't fight but stop communicating with the parent
through the phones wait first until you go
there sit with your father sit with your
mother they see you face to face when
they give you through the phone they might
not give you when they see you they
see you first that's going to come from
them they remember that yes it is part
of their responsibility not to make you upset
they will start become lenient inshallah if not
then you contact any of the grandparents inshallah
they will do the job for you but
I advise you not to give up as
long as that person is ok keep on
talking to them nicely unless if they insist
and you are becoming late then I will
advise you to just look for somebody else
it's one of the mistakes we are doing
we take our children we put them in
the university that is the mixed university university
means I'm talking about having different races I
remember one of them was saying that if
she has a child she would never agree
with the child to go to these kind
of universities not because of the environment no
because of the way the parents were treating
her because she wants somebody from the university
but he's not from the same country and
the parent insisted that she would not marry
them she had to end up marrying somebody
that she doesn't like so she look at
it as injustice and unfairness and this is
true because why do you expose your your
children to that kind of community and environment
if you want to preserve your culture then
don't let them go out let them study
at home they are not exposed to other
races and culture but when you let them
go out then you should also be open
to let them get the person that you
want to stay with Allah grant us good
and Tawfiq don't
forget I have this Kaboos so you have
to raise up your voice are you allowed
to marry a woman your mother doesn't approve
because she's older or she's of a different
race or because of different race or age
or education or yes I got it as
far as your name is Luqman right as
far as permissibility is concerned Luqman it's halal
for you to marry a person even if
your father doesn't like it your mother doesn't
like it as a boy because you don't
need their permission legally permissibility is allowed but
advice wise is wrong very wrong for you
to marry somebody who your mother doesn't like
your father doesn't like you might say one
second one second you might say it's ok
since Allah make it halal for me I'm
just going to go with that it's fine
you are not disobeying Allah SWT saying but
don't forget tomorrow you will be bringing your
family to who you cannot live alone without
visiting your mother imagine you bring in to
your mother somebody that she hates and she
is your mother she might react negatively in
the presence of the wife do you think
you are going to have a nice wife
a nice life with your wife after you
come back no that will reflect in her
behavior towards you and she doesn't have a
right to stay with you like that because
why would you take her to a person
that hates her so it's not good for
you now it will sound nice because you
see how you want to live with her
no it's not like that sabar sabar you
don't give up but at the same time
don't go against her unless if you use
all the effort you know exhaust all of
the possibilities then I will advise you not
to marry that girl apologize to her because
it's not good for her she might be
upset but let her be upset it's good
for her actually because she is going to
be in the family of people who hate
her and you cannot you cannot keep her
at home whenever you visit your family members
even the feeling that she will be having
that your mother hates her is more than
enough to mess up her life with you
that's why I would never advise a person
to marry a person who his parent or
her parent don't like him to go forward
no no problem whatever whatever causes let's say
currently I'm talking to I have a case
that I'm dealing with try to see how
to bring it in a nice way the
mother is rejecting that person just because of
their age and what is their justification they
said the girl is almost similar to the
boy the same age and they see it
as a very wrong thing to do and
they were telling him that no that is
a problem for a person to marry somebody
who is older than him or the same
age you have to marry somebody who is
very young I was asking him I said
in your country in the place where you
live do people divorce their wives?
he said yes most of the marriages are
they like people married younger than them?
he said yes most of them like that
and they do divorce?
he said yes so what is she talking
about then if she says if you marry
somebody who is at your age you will
face a lot of problems why do we
face problems when we marry younger people that's
why Rasulullah said Deen and Khulq only he
married Khadija how old was she?
40 how old was she?
25 it's like a mother to him and
he married Aisha at the age of 6
with no apology that was the most excellent
marriage and it worked go and look for
any marriage that was excellent trust me you
will never find a marriage like Rasulullah and
Aisha so he married Aisha at the age
of 6 like a granddaughter to him and
the marriage of Khadija was the most successful
marriage Rasulullah couldn't forget her even after her
death and the marriage of Aisha was the
most successful marriage Rasulullah remember her even when
she is away from him that's why Rasulullah
said Deen and Khulq you get it?
but if the mother doesn't like based on
whatever I really advise the person not to
go for it because trust me he is
going to face a lot but at the
same time also I advise him to be
patient not to give up I remember a
brother I taught them two kids I taught
them in the school from a younger age
and subhanallah I found them in a wrong
way they got scared because I am part
of the disciplinary department in the school and
I am the one who is getting them
so Alhamdulillah I have good relationship with the
student at that time I told them no
don't panic I brought them to my office
we sat down they didn't know what exactly
am I going to say I told them
look what I see you doing I am
not against it so they were shocked what
I am against is to make it in
the wrong way I am not against marriage
I am pretty sure you guys want to
marry each other they said yes I said
I am willing to support you but this
way you are making it is wrong I
really advise you not to get disconnected keep
that interest of marrying each other in the
future but this kind of relationship is wrong
Wallahi trust me to my knowledge that was
the last time they met that was the
last time but they kept their relationship I
mean their interest to marry each other in
the future the boy proposed he told the
mother that he wants to marry from this
country you get it they are both different
types of Asian countries but it's like one
is in the last part of the Asian
and the other one is in the other
part they don't look alike you get it
so they want to marry the mother says
no way this boy has been fighting I
told him be patient sabar sabar sabar sabar
whenever he talks about this girl the mother
used to cry I told him whenever she
cries cool down don't talk about the thing
again just keep quiet just keep quiet whenever
you find her being happy just talk about
it again subhanallah to cut the story short
a time comes they were sitting down laughing
and then he told her about the girl
she smiled for the first time she smiled
he came he was so happy he told
me about it I said alhamdulillah we are
almost there sabar sabar and subhanallah to cut
the story short I think now they have
two children with the permission of the mother
I was actually in the middle of that
marriage that's why I don't forget they brought
me in to celebrate that marriage with them
that's the reason why I was saying if
your parents reject cool down first don't communicate
with them through the phone go and sit
with them explain to them why do you
think this person is the most pleasing one
to you inshallah they will accept me we
have a lot of questions I will just
read out the ones with the most votes
as of now can we give 10 minutes
if people don't mind I can answer whatever
I can in 10 minutes and then we
close the class I can just be over
speeding yeah we'll have a 10 minutes quick
Q&A session speed Q&A session so
10.05 we stop inshallah inshallah what is
considered being acceptable what are the boundaries set
by Allah concerning interaction with the opposite *
am I supposed to answer this question but
is there anyone who doesn't understand what free
mixing is all about salam in this university
you don't understand what is free mixing what
kind of relationship should we have between us
and the sisters sisters with the brothers relationship
that is based on respect right there are
many things Allah says don't do right what
are these things let us list them from
Taylor so we can have a brand this
is Taylor looking at each other unnecessarily halal
or haram salam halal or haram haram right
unnecessarily sitting down chatting very close to each
other very close halal or haram living in
the same place where there is nobody except
both of you halal or haram what do
you want me to say then I guess
everyone knows what is right and everyone knows
what is what is wrong there is always
a better way to make it correct between
both genders there should be respect should be
respect and protection and that's it and that
relationship that we are talking about the free
mixing wallahi will never take us anywhere that
question that sheikh mentioned is very interesting and
it shows the reality is an honest question
I will leave you with this principle and
please don't forget it one of our scholars
said he
said wallah any relationship which begins in displeasing
Allah he says wallah the end of it
will never please you any relationship that you
are doing which is not pleasing to Allah
the end of it will never be pleasing
to you and you have to be great
whether you say it or you don't say
it you have to be great therefore I
really advise you studying in this university whatever
you study remember Allah watches whatever you are
doing I just leave you with your consciousness
are you happy with Allah's wanted to see
you in that moment if you want to
go more just ask yourself since as a
Muslim and human being I believe that death
can come at any moment are you really
happy with the angel of death to come
at this moment to take your life if
the answer is no I really advise you
to stay away from it you don't need
fatwa from the mufti everyone should be responsible
always ask yourself the kind of relationship I
have with my sisters is it good or
bad the kind of relationship she has with
her brothers is it good or bad wallah
if it is bad I really advise her
to cut off that relationship with no apology
it's better for her she is going to
be the victim at the end of the
day and nobody is to say sorry to
her and actually system in this dunya of
ours doesn't support women up to date we
are just lying we are looking for women's
right we don't go to the most sophisticated
place that talk about these things up to
date they will never agree with a sister
to lead them what kind of democracy they
are talking about I'm not making reference but
I think we watch media we see right
what is going on so it's a fake
statement a sister has to protect her honor
and dignity by herself otherwise nobody will do
it for her injustice and unfairness is still
there up to date up to date what
you see in the jahil media time is
still present in our time we still have
people who are killing her daughters because they
are daughters we still have people who hate
their children because they are females troopers we
still have them so this is jahili mentality
a sister have to understand that Islam is
the only one that stands for her no
any other protection she has except in Islam
so this premixing and bad relationship if the
sister doesn't open a chance for it it
will never exist brothers no matter how much
courage they have they cannot approach her we
have people who start well you know addressing
correctly and all the other bad invitation they
are getting they fizzle they are gone so
I advise you as my brothers and sisters
please think wisely preserve your future protect your
future protect your relationship with Allah SWT do
the right thing and be responsible may Allah
grant us good and Tawfiq ok now we
have to go to the quick Q&A
session 6 minutes left I
think that maybe this one if this coming
from the sisters maybe you should ask ask
this one first or it's finished no if
you ask this I think the brothers I
can meet them anytime so I don't care
about them that much is it fine if
I send you the questions yeah just exhaust
this 5 minutes first by now you took
1 minute from me so you have to
add another minute then later on you send
me the questions the question is my parents
don't want me to get married before my
sister they are ignoring my request to get
married what should I do in this case
sabar sabar sabar patience keep on telling them
that according to our sharia this one doesn't
work your sister if she wants to marry
she should go for it but if she
doesn't have the chance to marry why would
you deprive your daughter from marrying just because
her sister doesn't get anyone this is one
of the oppressions that we do against our
children but I will advise this person to
be patient and not to not to give
up keep on advising them keep on reminding
them about the importance of you marrying and
making dua for her also to get a
good spouse Allah grant us good ok the
next question is where I am from it's
customary for women to send pictures of themselves
to potential suitors both with and without the
hijab no that's wrong actually sending the picture
is wrong unless if there is no any
other way for a person to know about
the sister then some scholars even after that
they disagree do we have people who look
at the pictures and enjoy I'm just asking
innocently is it possible this person that I
am sending what kind of trust I have
on him that he is not going to
use this picture in that way I'm just
deceiving myself if I say yes I trust
him that's number one number two pictures do
they really represent the truth I have a
friend who used to say go and dress
up and dress a nice dress I will
go and be in the mechanic place and
get all the oils and things we come
and take picture people will see me more
prettier than you that's pictures you might see
a person mashallah alhamdulillah this is what I'm
looking for but when you see them in
reality and these are facts that we know
we witness a person seeing a picture and
agreeing with the sister but when he see
her realistically he change his mind a sister
sees a brother when she sees him in
person physically she change her mind so don't
be deceived pictures are only there by the
scholars these are the minority of the minority
that says if there is no any other
way for a person to see the sister
then he can see her through the picture
but nowadays we don't need it right whatever
could be presented by the picture we have
video conferences right yeah they have that conference
he can see who whoever he wants to
he wants to do better than the picture
right any other question okay
who is looking for who the boy looking
for the sister right is it okay for
her to propose yes it is but I
will advise the sisters that you shouldn't propose
to marry somebody the proposal coming from you
unless if this person is really really really
qualifies if not this is deficiency wallah is
deficiency is putting yourself down because the last
one to put a sister in that position
that he has to struggle and go and
look for her however she is also allowed
it is okay for her to go and
propose to marry him but that person should
be really somebody that cannot be missed if
he is a normal person I will advise
her to let him come otherwise she might
face problem in the future if he look
at her as somebody she is the one
who needs him actually I don't want the
marriage you can so it is better for
her to keep the system according to the
norm he comes and take her to his
house therefore he should know how to respect
her not she fighting and struggling to get
him it doesn't sound nice it is halal
islamically to do that but I advise my
sisters not to do it except with a
person that really qualifies and worth making effort
to get him it happens with the prophet
right parents also can look for their daughters
you know somebody who is good and kind
the other question is how to get married
with a huge financial requirements from society I
think I answered this question right we answer
this question is it possible
for a father of a real married girl
to be her wali or attend the nikah
in the masjid the father can attend the
nikah in the masjid because of the need
but he cannot be her wali the wali
should be the king the leader in the
muslim country he should be the wali because
after she convert to islam then she is
at the level on top of him but
she shouldn't marry without asking him that's the
best unless if they already chase her out
of the house but she is having a
good relationship with them she should also observe
looking for their permission because just having a
parent who are not muslim it doesn't mean
you should disrespect them Allah says it should
be kind to your parent even if they
are not muslims so it's not being kind
for a girl to disrespect the parent that
go and marry even if they don't like
it she has to talk to them first
unless if they oppose it because of the
religion then she can go and look for
somebody who is decent to protect her honor
so the wali should be the hakim the
judge imam that is appointed by the king
to handle marriages you get it but the
father can come to the marriage the mother
can come to the marriage inshallah the last
one already finished no
the marriage is batil the prophet said any
marriage that happens without the permission of the
wali of that woman he said batil batil
batil three times he said this marriage is
invalid invalid invalid so it means whatever comes
after that they are just like people who
are committing zina get it they are just
like people who are committing zina so what
can they do it's simple they have to
be separated immediately and go and talk to
the parent in a nice way and then
remarry they don't need to make it a
big event they just remarry just bring two
witnesses the father is there or anyone who
is the wali is there then do the
process and the case is closed pays the
mahar simple amount of money you know whatever
he wants to pay which he agrees with
and the case closed inshallah but sabr sabr
as i said please please please we have
a lot of options in this dunya when
you see a girl that you want to
marry and your parent don't like please don't
go and marry without their permission please don't
do that it's not good for you and
not good for the girl and she also
shouldn't agree to marry you if your parent
don't like her it's not good for her
it's not good for you also sabr sabr
sabr sabr sabr sabr sabr and then go
and marry you know it's so funny there
is a madhhab i will not mention the
madhhab this madhhab says a sister can marry
if she is a widow she can marry
somebody you know without without informing her wali
but subhanallah the country in which this madhhab
is being practiced i'm telling you they are
one of the harshest people in terms of
looking for wali they actually sometimes kill the
girl when she marries without informing the family
but the madhhab says she can marry without
informing the wali but the country doesn't want
to but if you ask any of the
country members he will tell you my madhhab
is this madhhab but then in this regal
because it's a very sensitive matter they keep
the madhhab aside so alhamdulillah the sunnah of
the prophet is with the other side so
i really advise the sister don't marry without
the permission of the wali and to add
to this also before i close you know
if you marry a person is there any
possibility for you to have a problem with
that person yes right and naturally who is
stronger in the family physically the man or
the woman salam the man or the woman
the man he is stronger right so you
expect mashakil problem to happen in the marriage
right salam does he need somebody to come
and protect him from you no he doesn't
unless if she is also she learned this
self defense you know i heard one of
them saying that the wife went and she
learned this she is living in one of
the countries you know in this country the
criminals they started attacking muslim sisters so then
the muslim in that country this is a
true story the muslim in that country they
decided to teach their wives this self defense
karate, kung fu and all of these things
yeah so the wives went and they learned
so this person she came back her name
is Zainab are we together yeah so she
has her picture breaking this you know this
they hit them and they got broken she
has her picture and she broke all of
the series of these things and this girl
is troublemaker the wife she took the picture
she put it next to the next to
the bed the husband always see this so
they used to fight at home after the
existence of the picture in the house he
told her my dear wife from now on
inshallah we will resolve our problem through the
mutual understanding so is it lillahi ta'ala
of course it's not lillahi ta'ala it's
because of what he says he doesn't want
his hand to and subhanallah some of the
sisters as he said they use it in
the wrong way one of the sisters came
she said she came to that scholar she
said sheikh what is the hukum because I
knock him out the husband is there fainted
that's wrong that's wrong but anyway what I
was trying to say is that you naturally
you have a protection if there is a
physical fight usually the one that get harmed
according to what we know usually is is
the woman you need the protection wallah trust
me husband sometimes many times he thinks wisely
before before he touch the wife because he
knows the father is there she has a
father and the father is happy with that
marriage and she has brothers we have heard
the moment when the brothers went and beat
up the husband because he beat and what
they are doing is wrong but I am
just putting it to understand that wali is
necessary this is your defense and your protection
in case something will happen in the future
there is somebody to stand for you in
the future so it's not a matter of
freedom restricting your freedom no it's not like
that it's an honor actually to have a
defense system in a way inshallah in the
future nothing can happen to you without having
a revenge from the side of your family
may Allah grant you good and be with
you wherever you are I guess my number
is with the sheikh if there is any
question that I did not answer please do
communicate with me I will try to find
time to respond to you whatever you think
I can benefit you in please do not
hesitate whatsoever you think I can benefit you
please do not hesitate to contact me at
any time inshallah don't get bored and annoyed
if you don't see me replying inshallah I
usually come to find a day to scroll
my whatsapp chat to see what are the
questions that I missed so if you have
an urgent question please when you ask the
question write a separate message and write urgent
just that one don't write anything again when
I see the urgent inshallah I will have
to make a time and come and address
the Matabis Allah ta'ala I love you
all for the sake of Allah last last
question what is that the
grandfather should go forward can take over but
does that mean if the father doesn't agree
we can move to grandfather move to the
uncle move to the brothers is that the
meaning yeah because if this is the meaning
this is okay actually a sister does Islamically
when a sister talk to the father the
father is not willing to agree and the
boy is okay he is fine religiously mannerly
wise and the father says no and whatever
reason he has he says no she go
to the grandfather the grandfather said no she
goes to the uncle the uncle says no
she goes to the brothers her brothers siblings
all of them said no now all the
family members none of them is agreeing to
let her marry that person what next step
to be taken she goes to the Hakim
the Hakim cannot reject you get it as
long as the boy qualifies he is righteous
and he has good manners the Hakim has
to give her that right and make the
marriage the question is she disobeying her parents
no she is not the parents have to
repent to Allah for what they did because
they are not allowed to deprive her from
marrying somebody who is okay who is good
however this is the legal right we call
it is it advisable for her to do
it no I will never advise sister to
go for this I will advise her to
be patient because simply if this person dies
or he divorce her what can she do
she is going to come back to this
family which all of them rejected her how
can she survive she will be depressed throughout
her life if they do accept her you
get it so the best is to be
patient to see other ways and avenues to
convince them if they agree Alhamdulillah if they
don't agree let her go and bring somebody
else she doesn't know what is it better
for her that is the reason why we
need to do Istikhara that is one of
the most important thing that I forgot to
mention asking Allah to choose for you the
best you get it and please when you
are doing Istikhara be honest when you ask
Allah be honest make sure that from your
heart you want Allah to choose for you
the best because usually we have our own
personal choices and we are scared of Allah
choosing for us what we don't like then
when we do the Istikhara we are not
sincere in the way the Istikhara might not
be resulting in any good for us because
we are not sincere but if you are
sincere you ask Allah to choose for you
inshallah he will choose for you the best
that which is better for you may Allah
grant us good