Ibrahim Hindy – Managing Marriage
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The transcript discusses the importance of finding a balance between personal and professional relationships in healthy marriage, as it is crucial for healthy sex and marriage. The speaker emphasizes the need for models to help navigate difficult situations and offers examples of how the Prophet sallahu Alayshi wa sallam advises men to use their bodies to express their love for their partner. The importance of showing respect and love for one's partner in marriage is emphasized, as it is crucial for healthy marriage.
AI: Summary ©
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All praises due to Allah alone him and him we seek aid and assistance into him we churn both in repentance and for forgiveness. Truly Hume Allah subhanaw taala guides non kin mislead and he whom Allah leaves to go astray, There is none who can guide and that everyone is that there is nothing worthy of worship, save Allah alone. And then Muhammad Sallallahu are they he was selling them his both his servant and His messenger.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
narrated to us
an example of the hatred and enmity that shape Han has to the children of Adam.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam described IBLEES sitting on his throne, surrounded by his followers from the jinn.
And so IBLEES orders his followers to go out and to cause corruption amongst mankind.
And when they return, he asks them
what did you do to cause evil? What did you do to cause corruption?
So one of them will say,
I attempted so and so until he stole.
And another will say, I tempted this person until he abused another.
And then one of them will say, I did not leave Amen, until I caused him to separate from his wife.
And so IBLEES will say,
he will boast about this one, and honor him and say now and yes, you are the one, you are the one who achieved something, you separated the men from his wife, meaning he is the winner amongst all of the shayateen on that day.
And this shows us
that's marriage is a tremendous blessing that Allah subhanaw taala has given us and that through the destruction of marriage, comes corruption.
In the land in between the people and corruption often for the children as well.
Allah subhanaw taala when he talks to us about marriage in the Quran, he says women Aya T, from his sign Subhana Allah, from the signs of Allah, meaning it is from the miracles of Allah subhanaw taala what and Halophila human and foresee calm as water that he created for you from yourself, spouses
that you may find tranquility with them.
This is a miracle from Allah subhanho wa Taala woman cliche in Hello Kanazawa, Jane that Allah comfortable with Allah come to the Quran. Allah says in from all things we created spouses to mates, so that you may remember, Allah could have created us
like the organisms
that reproduce on their own. But instead he created us man and woman.
This is a miracle from Allah subhanaw taala. Allah tells us Kundalini baths when Lacan went to the bathroom learn
that they are a clothing
for you and you are a clothing for them.
That you and your spouse, just like the clothing you wear, the clothing protects you.
You are a clothing for them and she is a clothing for you. You are protecting one another. Just as your clothes beautify yourself, your spouse beautifies you and you beautify them
each of us are not completes. If you were not wearing clothing, you would not be complete. You would be seen as naked. Exposed incompletes your spouse completes you and complements you and protects you. And just like the clothes are intimate and close to you, your spouse is intimate and quote close to you as well.
Who will let the caller come in? Either Shannon Fajr Isla Hoonah seven also Hurrah. What cannot Boca Khedira Allah says He is the One who created from water.
The human being fecha Allah Who and he made for him two things. Nessa then NASA is your progeny, your children and your children's children. He created for you your immediate family, your bloodline.
Nessa then we'll say Ron Sarah is your in laws, those who you are related to through marriage. So Allah is saying he gave you family. He gave you your direct family and he gave you your indirect family subhanaw taala because this is a blessing from Allah.
A happy family translates into a happy life. A strong family translates into a strong society.
And this is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in the man in the Madonia Matera
what, what a seminar in Matera dunya che enough one minute more slowly, half. He said, All of the dunya is a pleasure. It's an amusement.
Right?
But the best of all of the pleasure of this world is the righteous woman.
The best pleasure of all of this world is a righteous spouse. The best way to live in this dunya to benefit from this dunya to have a good life is to have a good spouse. And without that relationship, the best of the dunya eludes the person
And this is why when Allah subhanaw taala created Adam, before He created Jana, he created his wife her well as if to tell us, what's the point of Jana. If Adam does not have someone with him, his spouse to be with him, then they are entered into Janna and told go eat and drink.
And when ALLAH SubhanA, Allah sent His prophets, he says what your Anala home, as well John wants to Rhea, we made for them spouses, and children and offspring.
And so by and large, the prophets were given wives and children.
And so in the climate that we live,
we see how divorce rates continue to skyrockets.
It used to be a time when we would say, you know, the non Muslims divorce and Muslims don't. And there was a time where that was true. Now, whether we're talking about Muslims in the west or even Muslims in the east, divorce rates are incredibly high.
And so we should reflect on the legacy of our Prophet sallallahu it listen to them, and understand how he managed marriage, how he arranged the affairs of his family life, how he stood as an example, and dealing with strife and conflict and problems that happened in his life so that we can better navigate our own life. Look for the Canada Duckenfield rasool Allah He was watching Sana, Allah says that indeed in the messenger of God, there is a good example. There is a role model for you. Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had conflicts at times in his marriage.
And there's a wisdom in this. Number one, no marriage is perfect. Every marriage will have its conflicts, every marriage will have its problems. Number two, that even though there are problems, sometimes in marriages, it doesn't mean the people in the marriage are bad.
This is Rasul Allah, his wives or mothers. These are the best of the people.
So just because there's a conflict does not necessitate one person is evil, the other person is good, as people often talk about. And it's a reminder for us that every marriage will have its hardships. Every marriage will have its difficulties.
And what matters is how we deal with those difficulties, how we navigate those difficulties, how we treat each other despite a difficulty that may arise from time to time.
And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would instruct us in many of the affairs of our lives and instruct us in relation to the affairs with our families. He said, Do you know instructor who firaga that's in Widener on the Salafi island the skin worthy now an instructor who either Alec album will have a juvenility instructor who the Prophet sallallahu sallam said that the dollar you spend to free a slave and the dollar you spend on the needy, and the dollar you spend to take care of your family. He said the greatest of it is the dollar you spend to take care of your family. Some people will leave their family with no money, struggling, can't even buy food, can't even buy
clothing. The profit is reminding you what you spend on your family, to take care of them to give them their basic necessities. This is the best dollar you can spend.
And our Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, even when we are not, he said in Nicola in terms of NASA hotel, telling me how much Hala elicited we had Raja he said you don't give anything for the sake of Allah, except that it will increase your rank by a degree. And then he gives you a beautiful example. He said had to look now I told her I have heard from him. He said, even the morsel of food that you put you place in the mouth of your wife. You buy a morsel of food, and you put it in the mouth of your wife who said this URL, this is the sadaqa that you're going to get a reward for and you will be raised to degree. We'll look at how the Prophet sallallahu idea set him by giving us
this example. What is he implying to us? That the person has this kind of kindness and love and affection to his wife? That he's even willing to put the food in her mouth?
And we know the hadith of Aisha Radi Allahu wa Ana.
She's a controversial Amina. Wonder how she said I was drinking from a cup while I was in my menstruation.
And then the Prophet said Give it to me.
So she gave the cup to the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam. She said So the Prophet sallallahu Airism turn the cup and
Please his mouth where I placed my mouth.
This is the Rasul allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam showing affection. He's not above showing affection and love to his wife,
even in a time where they could not have relations.
But he still shows this love for his wife, Sal, Allahu Allahu wa sallam.
We know that hadith.
When,
you know the women came complaining to the Prophet sallallahu eleison, about the treatment their husbands were having with them. Some of them were hitting their wives. He said, Look, atrocity Ali Mohamed El NYSAC cathedra will law him at home because he had he come, he said many women have come gathering around the house of Muhammad. And indeed, they are not the best of you, ie the ones who are their husbands are not the best of you, but they are treating them like this.
And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam even though he instructed the men in relation to the women, he also instructed the women in relation to the men.
We know the Hadith,
they will come to an ER ahead and yesterday harden the American more understood, reasonable jihad. He said Were I to command any man, any human, any person to prostrate to another person, I would have commanded the wife to prostrate to her husband.
Now prostration here so Jude here does not mean sudo de la Riva does not mean the prostration of worship, and means the prostration of respects. Like in the story of Yusuf, when his brothers and his parents prostrated to use if they were not worshiping Him, they were respecting him. But in our city, it is not permitted to prostrate even out of respect. He said, Were I to commend it, I would have commanded it first for the wife to to prostrate to her husband. A lot of people will look at this hadith and say, it's this or it's that there's an excellent book called The surrendered wife. That talks about an important concepts. It says women are seeking love. What women need is love from
their husbands. You see the example of the Prophet Sall Allahu Allah and send him drinking from the exact spot that I Isha is drinking from this is a sign of love for his wife. He's a women need love. What do men need? Men need respects. They need to feel like their wife respects them.
Right, this is how the marriage is healthy. So when the Prophet is saying, I would have told the wife to prostrate to the husband, because the wife should show respect to her husband, when the husband is showing love to his wife, and the wife is showing respect to her husband. This is the Healthy Marriage, because both parties are getting what they need.
If we eliminate the concept of the wife showing respect to her husband, then it's gonna be a broken marriage because the husband is not getting what he needs.
If the husbands are inattentive, and don't care about showing love for their wife, then the wife is not getting what she needs. And it's a broken marriage. And so the prophets of Allah, where it was sending them
was pushing us to having this type of healthy marriage
where there is love and there is respect between them.
And Allah subhanaw taala says, Why should only be my roof, live with them in kindness. And so there are different things that men and women value, but they are of equal importance. And sometimes they need to be shown and derive during different means.
Right, we know the Hadith, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when he married Sophia or the Allahu Anna,
and she came to ride the steed whether it was a horse or a camel, but it's too high up for her. She can't get to the top.
So the prophets Allah Allahu Allah has sent him bent his knee, so she could put her foot on his knee and get up to the horse.
This is chivalry sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
And because he's showing her this love, she has respect for him. She said, it's definitely a tool I felt
for Kajal to which is I felt shy and other Academy. I left off with Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam. So I felt shy to put my foot on the thigh of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam. So what did she do? She bent her knee and she put her knee on the knee of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam and she boosted herself up that way.
Like she has so much respect for the Prophet, she does want to put her foot on him. So Allah who already has set it up. So when one party shows love, and the other party shows mercy, shows respect. This is you know, the beautiful marriage and our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
You know, we see
Throughout his life, moments where He is joking and laughing with his wives,
we know the Hadith from the Prophet sallallahu wasallam tells Isha or insha. Allah he I know in the ILM either consider all the eternity with a continuum, Donna, he said, I know when you are happy with me, and I know when you are angry with me.
She said, How do you know? He said,
When you are happy with me, you say LAO or a B, Muhammad. And when you are angry with me, you say Allah or B Ibrahim. He said, When you are happy with me, you swear by Allah, you say BY THE LORD OF ONENESS. And when you're angry with me,
you say, I swear by the Lord of Ibrahim.
He's, you know, kind of bringing it up jokingly to her is I noticed when he don't like me, he'll swear by the Lord of Ibrahim rather than by the Lord of Muhammad Sallallahu it, of course is the same Lord.
Then I shall have the Allahu and she tells the prophets of Allah, where are you send them. You said Edgerly Allah school Allah will Allah Hema has a little less smoke. She said, It's true, a messenger of Allah will lie, I can only abandon your name. Meaning my love for you is so much. I can't bear I can't abandon you physically, I can't physically leave you. I can't physically turn away from you. The most that I can do is I don't say your name. This is the most that I can abandon. This is the most that I can turn away. This is because of her love for the Prophet sallallahu usnm and from how excellent his treatments and Allahu alayhi wa sallam was for her. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
salam guided us in our family relationships. He said Leia from Milan, Mina, and Carrie Hammond have full Lacan, probably I mean,
he said the believing men should not hate a believing woman. And this hadith works in reverse as well. Why? He said in Keti, Hammond hafler, or in Karianne, and hafler. If he hates a characteristic of her, he will love a different one.
What does this mean? One of the main drivers of problems in marriage sometimes has nothing to do with your spouse, or little to do with the spouse, and it has everything to do with you.
Because we enter this mindset of lack of contentment, we enter this mindset of wanting to compare everything. So Allah gave you a wife or gave you a husband? What do we start doing comparing our wife, our husband, against somebody else's wife and husband?
Why is it that his wife cooks better than you?
Why is it that her husband
makes more money.
And you go on and on and these comparisons? And what happens when you compare what you have looks like it's small, even if it's a lot,
right? This happens in life, you can get a brand new car,
top of the line fully loaded, what's gonna happen, somebody else is gonna have another car that has a feature you don't have.
Next year, there'll be another model better than your model. And you start comparing, you feel like what you have is less, because you're comparing. So the Prophet says, if there's something you don't like about your spouse, there's something you do like.
So maybe there's something maybe she's not the greatest cook.
But maybe she raises your children, well.
Maybe she encourages your children to memorize Quran.
If there's something you don't like about her, maybe there's something you do.
He doesn't make that much money, maybe he spends more time with his children.
And so this is what allows a person to have a good marriage. If you dislike one thing, you probably will like another and if we have that mentality, that insha Allah will be happier in our marriages.
And it's about changing our perspective.
Another beautiful story is the story of Imam Ahmed Rahim Allah to Allah. His wife passed away, Omar Abdullah, and he was,
you know, remembering her and making dua.
And he said, knock on the door are Selena Sena MacDonough Nephi che? He said me and her. We lived together for 20 years. We were married for 20 years. He said we've never disagreed about anything. Like we never had a conflict or a fight about anything. When people said How's this possible? How could you live 20 years like that?
I now have conflicts and issues. And he said to them come to this
country, the other two are late any way the other of its money or relate to her. He said, When I became upset, she would seek to please me. And when she became upset, I would seek to please her.
They had this compromise with each other, like a rope between them. If she pulled on it, because she's upset, she's angry, you know, he would let go.
If he's upset and he pulls on the rope, she would let go, what happens if both of them pull on the rope at the same time, the ropes gonna break.
So they compromise with each other. When one party notices the other party is upset, they find a way to, you know, to let go of their demands to make things easier for the other person and vice versa. And it's not just one person compromising all the time. It's both of them compromise same. Right? Whenever there's one party person is really affected the other person Let's go.
So poor quality hard or soft money enough, Mustafa.
Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah, who Allah Allah, he was the woman who Allah, there was research done on the major forms, or the major signs of a divorce. And they mentioned four
signs of a divorce. The first they mentioned was criticism. And this is different from a complaint. A complaint is you're complaining about a problem.
Criticism is you're criticizing the person.
And so as an example, you're complaining.
I was scared when you didn't call me. And you didn't tell me that you're running late. I didn't know where you were. And I became obsessed. I became scared. You were out at night late, you'd ever called me to message me and tell me what time you're getting home. I was scared about this. This is a complaint. You're complaining about a problem?
A criticism is you don't care about me. You don't care how your behavior affects me.
You have no respect for me. You never think about me. So you didn't even message me when you were out late.
There's a difference between A and B. The first one complains about the problem. The second one is accusing the person criticizing the person is usually the first step leads to the other.
We see the profits on the lung where he was setting them. He would avoid these things. Like you see how many a hadith the Prophet SAW Allah is Able to wake up. And he would ask,
you know, is there any food? And they would say
the wives of the Prophet would say there's no food. He said Indeed on saw him, then I'm fasting.
He could have been like, why didn't she get me food? What's wrong with you? You never think about me. You never go get foods. I have no breakfast in the morning. No, he just solved the problem. I'm gonna fast.
And so you'd avoid these issues. So Allah wherever you send them.
Contempt was the second sign of divorce. When the criticism graduates, it becomes content content. So you're not just attacking the individual. Now you're disrespecting them. One of them says they're tired. He said, You're tired. Get out of here. You're sitting on the couch all day. I'm the one working I'm the one doing this. I'm the one doing that you're just lazy. You're just this you're just that's now you're attacking the person. You're disrespecting the person. You're calling them lazy. You're calling them this. You're calling them that. And our profits a little lower and he will send them said I am the advocates. For a person to get a garden in paradise. If they abandon
arguing, even if they are rights, even if they are in the rights they give up the arguments for what reason to avoid the problem of getting into you know, contempt and attacking one another. We know the idea in the Quran. Yeah, you will Adina Ave in a minute as long as you can. Why without laughing?
Oh, you believe indeed some of your wives and children are an enemy to you. This area was revealed when some of the Muslims in Mecca wanted to perform their Hijra and their wives and their children are trying to convince them not to do Hijra. So Allah says some of your wives and children are an enemy to you. So beware of them. Then what does Allah say at the end of the verse, When tafel with us for who will tell Pharaoh for in Allah Allah for Allah Rahim. But if you forgive if you overlook, if you pardon each other than indeed Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. Despite the fact your wife is trying to stop you from doing Hijra to Rasul Allah, Allah
Love it. Listen, you know, if you can
get over the problem and call on forgive them at the end, you know, don't listen to them, beware don't listen to them do your job. But then forgive them and overlook if a serious issue like that Allah is telling you to forgive and overlook, shouldn't we do this more often in our lives? The fourth the third top sign they mentioned is defensiveness. And this is, you know, we do this all the time to routine, but it's a problem. So, for instance, you know, the wife says to the husband, did you call so and so and schedule an appointment? Defensiveness was I'm too busy, you know, I'm busy. Why did you even ask me to do this? You're getting defensive. Whereas if you're not defensive to
say, Ah, I forgot some Hanalei forgot, Inshallah, next time I will do this, I was too busy. I'll call them now or I'll call them tomorrow. There's a difference in the responses right? First one is trying to be defensive. And I think of the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
when I use over the Allah when I
woke up at nights, and she thought the Prophet lefts so she was jealous. She thought the Prophet went to the other wives. So she started feeling around, and she felt the head of the Prophet sallallahu It was Sunday. So the Prophet woke up, because she's touching his head.
And the Prophet realized what's happening. So he said to Aisha PAJAK Okay, che phonic? He said, Your Shavon came to you? Right? He's making your you're making you jealous. So I usually gets defensive. What did she say? She said yes to a lot. At least silica shaytaan? Don't you haven't shaved on to? Are you talking always about my shape on don't you also haven't shaved? Fine.
Now the profit could take the beats here because what happens when one party gets defensive? What happens the other party starts to fight back. Where he talks about my chiffonier The one who's accusing me now it gets into a fight, right? The prophets Allah Allah isn't doesn't do that. What does he do? He says, now he says, Yes, I do have a shape on Well, I can Allah on any and effects them. But Allah helped me overcome him and he accepted Islam. So my shaitan is now Muslim. So it's not actually fun anymore. Right. So he didn't take the bait and get into the argument. He just solved the issue. And the last point is stonewalling, which is refusing to respond to the other. So
there's a conflict on one side just shuts down, doesn't respond doesn't say anything. And men are more likely to do this than women. 85% of the time, it is a man who stone walls rather than a woman. And the brothers are smiling. They know that they do this from time to time. And this can be dangerous because it's frustrating. And it causes the wife sometimes to give up. She doesn't even want to try anymore in the marriage, because she feels like there's no point because the person is not responding. And I think of the hadith of Abu Zahra, I almost wish it was it should have the Allahu Ana. It's a long Hadith. And she's telling the prophet the stories of women in Medina with
their husbands long Hadith. And at the end is the story of OMA Zara, because she gives the example of her husband and she says her husband basically was the best, but he divorced her and she was still in love with him even though he divorced her. And she says at the end, if I were to gather all of the gifts I was given, they will not be equal to a single gift of EPO Zara. And the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam is listening to the whole thing. Because at the end he tells her Oh Aisha I am to you like Evelyn is to almost
but I thought about this life is parallel you know sometimes the wife comes home she tells you this long story about all her friends and you're not even listening when she asks you at the end what happened and you forgot the whole thing. It was one chef every time he gets home his daughter talks to him. He just tells you Masha Allah, Masha Allah, Masha Allah, he's not listening to her. Then one day the wife comes in she said, Why did you tell her daughter Masha Allah she told you she cut her hand because he's not listening. It's just as much as Allah the Prophet listened to everything he says. And then he comments with the beautiful comments. I am to you like it was almost thorough. And
so not having the stonewalling rather engaging and listening and and being connected in our marriage is something inshallah that will protect it. May Allah subhanaw taala protect our homes and protect our children in Aloha Mala activists, Luna and in Libya, European analysts, Allah Allah He was sitting with Sneem last Sunday was selling on a CD, you know, whenever you know, have you been a Muhammad, Allah with Saudi Arabia, Mohammed Maduro documented abroad was the leader of the hiragana photowalk School of Saudi Arabia hiragana salatu salam and then immediately on the Dean, who, who was obviously you know, for Haiti, and well I don't know how many and ya know, I know you better
than Hassan in Aloma data data and a few more comment ahead. Log of razza Willa Manila for razza while arena Illa Kalita or la la vita allah how determine how I didn't even if they were here like another one and if your Salah in LA platosa To have your article come rock mean Aloha magazine Islam Allah Misty mean where are the Republic of Kenya with an update with Dean Olam? Have you been in an email and was able to follow Vienna well Canada in in and put forward for software Austrian or German or Austrian in Allaha audible had to do with accelerator for a while Hello fasho you and Mark
Hello, welcome to the karoun Let's pro life cuckoo mush guru and I mean, is it political? Allahu Akbar Allahu Jana registerone under welcome Santa