Ibraheem Menk – Parents And Children
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
If we are to take a look at
our bodies
in the mirror,
we will see that there is a point
at which you have got a hole in
your belly.
And that hole
is known as the belly button.
We were once connected to our mothers
through this hole.
And we received nutrition
by this very means.
And Allah
sustained us
through
that cord that attached us to our mothers
known as the
umbilical cord.
And then you find fast forward
12,
20, 30,
40 years later,
50 years later.
And the adult human being feels that he
has the right to shout
in the face of his parents.
And at times it reaches a point where
the person is ready to be violent
with their very own parents.
Yet Allah
sustained that child
through
those parents. Allahu Akbar.
And in reality, we need to ask ourselves
at this juncture that what are we doing?
How can we behave in this manner?
And we find that when
we get married
and we have our own children, we begin
to understand.
And it begins to make sense to many
of us.
Why Allah
says
And your Lord has decreed that you should
worship none other than him.
Your Lord,
worship him alone.
That is the message that he first gives
you and then he immediately
attaches to it.
And with your parents, you should be good.
You should be good towards them.
And Allah
is commanding us first and foremost to do
what? To worship him alone.
And that worship
is the very salvation
for us in the akhirah which means we
know that a person who
dies
associating
partners with Allah.
He will not
be
showered with the mercy of Allah.
We know where he is headed.
And the person
who worships Allah alone
and does not associate
partners with him, we know that such a
person, his end is the pleasure of Allah
His end is the mercy of Allah
His end is paradise,
everlasting
bliss.
And to this,
Allah
is attaching.
And with your parents,
be good.
So a person may ask,
what happens
when my parents are telling me to do
that which is detrimental
to me?
In that
When it comes to that which is detrimental
to you, and the most detrimental
thing to you would be to associate partners
with Allah.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says even when they
are commanding
you
to associate
partners
with him.
Just say a good word.
Disobey them. You are allowed to disobey them
in this regard, but just say a good
word.
Say something good and leave.
You are still not allowed to shout in
their faces. You are still not allowed to
be violent with them. So the question is,
how can we then behave in such a
manner with our parents?
And Allah
has promised
to maintain a relationship with the one who
has maintained a relationship with his parents and
to cut off the one who has cut
off his parents.
So your tie to your parents is
Your tie to Allah
The happiness of Allah is in the happiness
of the parents. And the anger of Allah
is in the anger of the parent. So
if you anger your parents
and you say something to them that you
are not meant to go and apologize.
In the first place, you've done something.
Don't even say the word
to them. What is
It is the lowest forms of disrespect
by turning around and saying,
How can you talk to me? Why did
you say that to me? And you say
and you turn around. Allah says don't even
say
When you do something of this nature, we
are human beings. We at times avoid it
at all costs
because it has a very heavy cost. But
when
you have erred and you have said something
to them, go to them and seek their
forgiveness.
Apologize
to them. And do you know what?
9 times out of 10, you will find
them saying, I forgive you my son. I
forgave you before you even did it. It
doesn't matter.
Why? Because they love you. Allah placed a
rahma
in their hearts
for you.
And that is why we are meant to
be respectful towards them.
And let's flip the coin.
And look at the other aspect
of this relationship.
One where Allah
has given the parents a child.
The gift of a child. It's important to
look at both aspects. Why? Because we usually
talk about the rights of the parents over
their children.
But it is ever more
important to talk about the rights of the
children
over their parents. And yes, a child has
rights.
And the right of the child is to
have a good upbringing.
A decent upbringing where the father provides for
that child. Goes out and looks for sustenance.
Tries his best.
Ensures that he gives him a good terbia.
Teaches him manners. Teaches him what is right.
Teaches him what is wrong.
That
is the right of the child. Today,
you have some parents
who actually
are disrespectful,
evil, and bad towards their children. And oftentimes,
I get messages today, my mother, my father,
especially
when it comes to this particular
form of abuse, it is usually the males.
My father has sexually abused me. And to
Allah, I need to talk about it from
the mimbar because it is becoming
ever more common.
My father is sexually abusing me to date.
There are instances where a person is messaging
me saying, he is The abuse continues. I
am 19 years old. Allahu Akbar.
Allahu
Akbar.
What kind of a father does this to
his child and what
rights does that child have at that moment?
Does that child still need to obey the
father? No. Absolutely not. In that regard, when
the father is calling her to do something
wrong, calling him to do something wrong, no.
I will not obey you. You have the
right to leave that home and live on
your own. Find a home of your own.
And this happens, dear brothers and sisters in
Islam, we think it is not common. But
do you know what happens in families? When
these issues
occur, we find it is swept under the
rug.
Why? In the name of honor.
In the name that our family name will
be out there and people will drag it
through the mud and we are washing our
dirty laundry in public. No. It is not
washing your dirty laundry in public. It is
standing up for what is right and standing
with the abused. And do you know what
happens when on a miniature level we stand
with the abused?
You find that society is strengthened as a
whole
because there is justice being meted out
at the micro level and at a macro
level. You want justice as at a macro
level, at a higher level, then deal with
it in your own families.
Be just when it comes to standing up
against those who are wrong. Be just.
Be fair. And this is why Allah
says,
Oh you who have believed Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala is addressing your belief in your heart.
Stand upright for justice
even if it is against your own self.
1st and foremost, what do you do? Let
me give this example because it is common.
You go out there. You have an accident.
What is the first instinct?
Blame it on him.
Pay the copper something
and let him say
that which is wrong. In order to receive
that which I shouldn't be receiving. This is
common.
People are doing it. This is the instinct
that we have. What do you say when
you are wrong? You get out and you
say, my brother, my sister, if you are
worried that they may do the same to
you. They may bribe and get worse out
of you. Get more than they write out
of you. The least you can do is
let us follow. Let the law follow its
course and I will not talk right now.
Later on, you can offer. I know it
was my fault.
And I will stand up against myself as
a witness. Why? Because I know Allah is
watching. And I know I will have to
answer to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. So you
stand up as a witness against yourself. You
take out that money, pay, fix his car,
and wallahi.
I have done this at times. I have
an accident. I get out. I tell the
person it was my fault. I'm sorry. And
you know what happens? They are so taken
aback. Oftentimes they say it doesn't matter. You
carry on. You fix yours. I fix mine
and we carry on. It has happened to
me more than one time. More than one
time. Why? Because they are so taken aback
by the fact that you've admitted guilt right
there
that it's okay. It doesn't matter. It's a
minor issue. You fix yours. I fix mine.
Let's carry on. That's life. It happens.
Allahu
Akbar. Had you come out raging,
ranting, angry at the person,
what would the outcome have been? So first
and foremost, justice against your own self.
Secondly,
Awil Walidayn.
Those very parents
that Allah
told you to be obedient towards.
He told you to be decent towards. He
told you to be respectful
in your words
and not to be disrespectful.
Those parents, Allah says, stand up for justice
even against your own parents. Why your own
parents? Because naturally, the instinct is let me
defend them. Let me stand with them regardless
even if it is against yourself
or your parents.
You want to say. You want to defend
but you remind yourself that you know what?
Here, I know that my parents are wrong.
So I need to stand up for justice.
I will not be disrespectful. I will not
shout at them. I will not be violent
towards them but I will be
fair in my judgment.
And I will be honest
with myself, with Allah and with them. And
that is true justice. When you can stand
up against yourself, your parents, and
those who are close and near and dear.
You can tell them that look brother here
you are wrong. Oftentimes we see see this
happens in the family home where you have
husband and wife and they get along. There's
a dispute between the mother, mother-in-law and the
daughter.
The mother is wrong. Your mother is wrong
as a man.
And you cannot tell your mother that you
are wrong. You need to stand up for
justice even in this instance and say, mom
you are wrong. And where your wife is
wrong,
and those who are near and dear as
well tell her you are wrong. Why? It's
not about you and me.
It's not about
winning a fight. It's not about taking sides.
It's about meeting Allah
and standing before him and saying, You Allah.
I did the right thing.
You Allah. I did the right thing. And
that is what we are meant to do,
dear brothers and sisters in Islam. So you
find at times that parents do take advantage
of this. How many times we get parents
saying, the the child saying,
my father calls me and demands for money
from me. Hey. Give me money. Give me
money. I give him more than he needs.
And now he is abusing that to the
extent where he is demanding
such that I am deprived.
And he uses the words of Rasulullah salallahu
alaihi wasallam to abuse me and tell
you and your wealth are for your
father. So then he says, no. Give me
all of it. Wow. How do I live
then? So where it comes to something being
detrimental
to you and your well-being and the well-being
of your children and your spouse, you are
allowed
to disobey your
parents.
But
you must be respectful.
You know, right now things are tough. I
have nothing to give you. That is not
a lie. Because you have nothing to give
them. Everything else has been accounted for. You
need to pay x y and z. It's
okay. You can be respectful
and disagree.
Learn to say no with respect.
Learn to say no with respect. Without
disrespecting
anyone.
Especially
your parents. May Allah
grant us the ability to pray for our
parents. And may Allah
grant us good relationships
with our parents. And may Allah
allow us to enter into Jannah by being
righteous towards our parents. Ameen.