Ibraheem Menk – How To Love Your Family
AI: Summary ©
The importance of showing love to children in the context of personal priorities is emphasized. The dunya is a foundation for success and it is essential for children to have a belief in Islam. The speaker discusses the involvement of children in gathering events and sharing information, emphasizing the importance of being present and respecting children. The speaker also addresses the involvement of children in gathering events and sharing information, emphasizing the importance of being present and allowing children to have their own values.
AI: Summary ©
Do you love your children?
If I were to ask you this question,
most of us would say that yes, we
do indeed.
What do you mean by that?
How can you even ask that question?
But then if I am to follow it
up with, how do you display that love?
Most of us will say, we've given them
an iPad, we've given them an education, we
send them to cricket and football and rugby
and we are training them, etc.
And when we look at that answer, the
answer is attached to the dunya.
The answer is attached to that which is
to do with the material being and the
material wealth of this world.
How often do we hear a person say
that I have gifted my child with the
gift of salah?
I taught him how to pray.
I taught him how to make dua.
I taught him to trust Allah.
I taught him to rely upon Allah, Rabbul
Izzati wal Jalal.
How often do we hear people say this?
And it teaches us where our priorities lie.
Our priority is the dunya, first and foremost.
And this is the prophecy of Rasulullah ﷺ
come true in our lives.
Where he says, It is not poverty that
I fear for you.
But I fear that the dunya is given
to you.
So you will compete for that dunya in
the manner that the people of the past
competed for that dunya.
So it will destroy you in the manner
that it destroyed them.
It will destroy you in the manner that
it destroyed them.
That we hope and we pray, dear brothers
and sisters in Islam, that it has not
yet come to pass.
And we hope and we pray because we
don't know in reality whether we have already
been destroyed.
And what does that mean?
Your destruction is when you cannot find yourself
praying your five salawat in the day.
That is your destruction.
That is your end.
That means that you have destroyed that which
is everlasting and sold it in return for
the temporary.
So our children and the priorities that they
have are based on the priorities that we
have.
What is a simple display of this?
When it comes to madrasah, the madrasah that
they learn from grade one to grade seven,
and that is the basic education in Islam
that they get.
What happens when you tell the parent, go
and speak to the school and explain to
them that we are religious people.
We are Muslims.
We need to teach our children their faith.
What do they come back to you with?
No, the school said it is mandatory.
The school said you have to.
There is no way to get away from
this.
Well then if your priorities are set straight
and you know what is good for that
child, what you actually do is say, go
back to the school and say, for me
this is so important that I will find
a school that is suitable for my child.
Until that time I will educate my child
at home.
That is the response of a believer.
That is the response of a person who
knows that he and his child and his
future generations are all on a journey to
Allah rabbul izzati wal jalal.
We are all on a journey to Allah
rabbul izzati wal jalal.
That is belief in Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala.
That shows where your priorities lie.
And let me ask you a question.
When your child is going through a midlife
crisis, 10, 15, 20 years down the line,
adolescence, puberty, and then the teenage years, and
then adolescence, and then the midlife crisis, etc.
Do you think it is that time that
you gave the child on the iPad that
is going to benefit the child?
Do you think it is that device that
you put into their hands and let them
watch for hours on end that will benefit
the child?
Do you think that it is the sport
that they played back in the day that
will benefit that child?
Or is it they link with their maker,
rabbul izzati wal jalal, the one who fashioned
them, the one who made them, the one
who created them, the one who gave them
a system to cope with these problems?
The mechanism created within you by Allah rabbul
izzati wal jalal to return back to him
is a coping mechanism for you to survive
and navigate your life in this dunya.
What do you think that that child will
be looking for on that day?
Why is it that we find those who
have the dunya and everything within it and
the man puts a gun to his temple
and blows his brains out?
Why?
Why?
If that was the answer, if that was
the answer, then why did he blow his
brains out?
He had millions of people following him due
to the music that he is propagating.
He had billions of dollars but he put
the gun to his temple and he blew
his brains out.
He ended his life because that's not the
answer.
And what are we doing?
We're simply prioritizing that material dunya in the
lives of our children by saying they mustn't
be lacking anything.
They mustn't be lacking anything.
So in that name, what do we do?
We give them these screens the whole day.
They're sitting watching things that we don't even
know what they are watching.
We have no idea what is being fed
into their brains.
If you really want to understand what your
child believes in, watch the shows that your
child watches.
Get to know what games they are playing.
You know, recently I saw a video where
a man pitches up at the house and
the child is playing in the yard and
he begins to have a conversation with the
stranger as though he knows the stranger.
And he says, hey, how's it going?
How are you doing?
And the stranger is talking back to him.
And then he says, where's your mom?
You told me about your mom.
And the child actually goes back into the
house and calls the mother out and explains
to the mother that I met this man
on a video game, Allahu Akbar.
I was chatting to him on a video
game and I told him my mom is
single so he's come here today.
Allahu Akbar.
This is a game that the child is
playing online.
They are chatting live.
You know when they have that microphone and
earphones?
They are chatting to other people.
Those people can be posing as children, yet
they are adults.
Do you even know the extent of what
your child is exposed to, is my question.
How involved are you in the life of
your child?
How much do you know your child knows?
And do you know what your child knows
and doesn't know?
Do you know whom your child is interacting
with?
Do you know the beliefs of your child?
Wallahi, we had a child come to madrasa
and tell the teacher.
When the teacher said, who is Jesus?
You know what the child's response was?
The son of God.
This child is in madrasa.
This child is in madrasa and he's saying,
the son of God.
You know why?
He goes to a Christian school.
And the madrasa is lacking because what happens?
We say, it's okay, today go to sport,
don't go to madrasa.
Where are your priorities?
Where are your priorities?
Where are we going?
Ask yourself that question.
And we need to have this tough conversation.
Because if we don't, then what is the
future of Islam in our communities?
What is the future of Islam?
Where is Islam?
In South America, maybe four to five years
ago.
Not four to five, 10, 15 years ago.
Someone went and visited.
And they asked the people, what's your name?
Muhammad.
What's your name?
Fatima.
Are you a Muslim?
No, I'm a Christian.
Why is your name Fatima?
Why is your name Muhammad?
My great-grandfather, he was a Muslim, so
we carried on those names.
A Christian with the name Muhammad.
Allahu Akbar.
Allahu Akbar.
Is that what we are waiting for?
For the day that our children only know
they are saying, La ilaha illallah because my
father said it.
I'm just saying it because it's tradition.
It's no longer something that is the banner
of my faith, the flag that will carry
me into my I don't even know why
I say it.
And we're not far off from that.
Do you want to understand our attachment to
the deen?
Then look at our dress.
Look at our attachment to the masjid.
Look at our attachment to salah.
Look at our attachment to the madrasa.
Look at our attachment to any form of
deen.
And ask yourself, where is your priority?
Where is your priority?
Is it with Allah or is it with
the dunya?
If we don't do something for our children
today, then it will get weaker and weaker
and weaker and weaker.
And in the meantime, what is happening?
We are busy competing for the dunya.
We are busy competing for the dunya.
Who's built a bigger house?
Who has a better car?
That is what matters today.
Never mind the education of the child.
The child must get better grades so I
will go and bribe the teacher in order
for the child to get better grades so
that I can seem better in society than
the next man.
You are destroying that child to build your
ego.
Where have our priorities gone?
Where have our realities?
Where is the reality of what we believe
in?
In Allah rabbul izzati wal jalal.
You see Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam had enough
time for the children to the extent that
the children would attend the majalis, the gatherings
where Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam was.
Anas ibn Malik is sitting on the right
of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam Anas ibn Malik
is sitting on the right of Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wasallam and the rest of the companions
or some of the companions from amongst the
elders are sitting on the left of Rasulullah
ﷺ.
So he pulls out something to drink, I
think it was some milk.
And he says to Anas, because he is
on his right, he says to him, do
you permit me to give these elderly people
the drink?
Do you permit me to give these elderly
people the drink first?
And who is this?
None other than Rasulullah ﷺ.
Seeking permission from who?
From a child in his community.
From a child from amongst the people, he
is seeking permission from him.
Can you give me permission to give these
elderly people first?
You see the respect and the involvement that
Rasulullah ﷺ had with the children.
He is there at the gathering in the
first place, that's something big.
Secondly, he is seeking his permission because he
knows he is sitting on my right, he
deserves to drink first.
Will you allow me to give them the
drink first?
And do you know what the response of
Anas ibn Malik is?
He says, no Rasulullah, no, I won't allow
you to give them the drink first.
And Rasulullah ﷺ honours him and honours his
request.
That, that is the involvement of a man
who changed the geopolitics of the globe today,
Allahu Akbar.
He is involved with the children to that
extent.
He shows them that much respect.
And when it is to do with the
right of the child, what does he do?
He says, okay, I will give you your
right.
I will seek your permission.
A simple example, when it comes to our
children, when someone comes to the home to
play with your child.
You know, children from another home come to
your home to play with the child.
What do you do?
As they are leaving, these children who have
come, they pick up the toys of your
child and say, I'm taking them.
I'm taking them.
So what do you do as an adult?
You look at your child and say, it's
okay, let him take it.
No.
Seek permission from that child.
Those are his toys.
If he says no, tell the person who
is visiting, I'm sorry, but they belong to
him.
He said, no.
You know what happens?
You're building a personality who knows how to
say no.
Tomorrow when they come to you with letters
of the alphabet and the rainbow and they're
telling your child certain things, he knows how
to say, no, I don't believe in that.
That is not my value.
Those are not my principles.
He knows how to say, I don't believe
in that.
Islam does not permit me to do such
and such.
That is the value that you are inculcating
in your child when you show him respect
in front of other people.
Never humiliate your child.
Never say these kids are a problem.
Never put them down.
That is the future of Islam in your
community.
That is your seed that you have planted
for your akhirah as well.
When you are gone, that child will remain.
That child will have children and their good
deeds will continue.
You will be in your grave earning the
reward.
Look at your children as an investment.
Take time to spend time with them on
their play mat.
Talk to them.
Push the car towards them.
Let them push it back.
Let them throw a ball to you.
Let them throw it back.
Why?
Because you are actually investing in that child.
It is an investment.
Nobody said it will be easy.
It is easy to hand over the screen
today and say, sit and keep quiet.
Why is the child quiet?
They say a quiet child is a danger
sign.
It's bad.
It means something is not right.
You should hear the child in the home.
If the child is quiet, they are either
doing something they shouldn't or they are sitting
on their screens today.
And what is being inculcated into their brains?
What is it?
All sorts of letters of the alphabet, the
rainbow color.
All of this is being inculcated into their
brains.
Tomorrow you grow up and you see the
child has a problem navigating their gender.
Hey, I don't know whether I am male
or female.
And you are worried.
Where did this come from?
How did this happen?
This child was brought up in my home.
How?
Well, perhaps it was the iPad.
Perhaps it was that tablet that you gave
the child free reign to.
Perhaps it was the adult that was conversing
with them online and you had no idea.
So it may seem like an easy fix.
Just give the child the screen.
Let them keep quiet for another four hours.
But in reality, you have sacrificed the future
of that child by giving the screen to
the child for four hours, five hours every
day.
Do the hard thing and involve yourself in
your children's lives.
Play with them.
Listen to them.
Talk to them.
Take them out.
Yes, it is difficult.
Yes, it is not easy.
But do the hard today to benefit tomorrow
from that which is easy.
May Allah grant us the ability to inculcate
the correct values in our lives and to
prioritize the deen.
One last point before I end off inshaAllah.
When Ibrahim alayhi salatu wasalam went to sacrifice
his son and he placed him on the
ground, Allah rabbul Izzati wal Jalal tells us
something profound.
When Ibrahim had placed him on the ground
and he was ready to sacrifice his son,
Ismail, he tells him, Ismail looks at his
father before anything happens and he says, My
father, do that which you are being commanded
to do.
What was being commanded?
The command was to sacrifice the son and
the son is saying, My father.
Take it, it's okay.
It doesn't matter.
Do you know what kind of a tarbiyah
that child required to say, Prioritize Allah right
now.
That is what matters more than my life.
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.
That is the tarbiyah we want for our
children.
That is the tarbiyah where you have left
something of value with your children.
Something that it doesn't matter what they have
lost in the dunya.
If they have it, they will remain straight,
upright, normal, sane and okay.
May Allah rabbul Izzati wal Jalal give us
the ability to grant our children the right
tools.