Hosai Mojaddidi – The Post Ramadan Slump Ten Positive Signs You Are Growing Spiritually
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The speakers emphasize the importance of finding time to focus on one's growth period and finding clarity and support in finding time to find clarity and support. They stress the need for parents to be mindful of their children and not to get into these extremes, while also highlighting the importance of listening to others' thoughts and feelings, being sincere in everything, and being aware of one's emotions. The speakers also emphasize the need for parents to be attentive to others' emotions and not to get into these extremes.
AI: Summary ©
All right, we don't even have the level set was salam ala I should
have an MBI even more sitting. Say that our Mowlana Have you been a
Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa salam. Why don't you save yourself
the Sleeman Kathira Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu. Those
of you who are joining and tuned in
I am, we're on a zoom call. So I just want to be clear with the
platform. If you're watching on YouTube, and Hamdulillah, that
you're you have your child, everything's going well, I'm I
haven't checked out, but I'm hoping it's streaming. Or if
you're on Facebook, if you want to engage, you know, ask me
questions, please do. Go ahead and type out your question on either
platform, we do have someone moderating this discussion. So
hopefully, Inshallah,
that person can send me the questions on Zoom, so that I can
feel those questions or at least look at them and see if it's, if
we can answer those Inshallah, during the session. But I wanted
to thank all of you for joining hamdulillah it's been a long time,
I feel like since I had these sessions, for those who are
familiar, you know, we were doing monthly sessions at MCC have the
lab for a while now. So had some interruptions. Due to the pandemic
and Hamdulillah, we were very active, actually, you know, once
we were fully into the pandemic, and then during Ramadan, a lot of
great programs, so mail was packed the reward all of the volunteers
and the staff at MCC for facilitating, but I know that it's
been a while and I think all of you for your patience, some of you
had reached out to me asking, When are we going to do our sessions
again, and I really appreciate your support. And so I'm so happy
to finally have this opportunity to be with all of you and
Hamdulillah.
Initially, you know, my plan was to actually return right after
Ramadan, because I know myself included all of us. It's hard, you
know, once the month is over, you go through this immense and
intense, emotional spiritual high of the month. And then it can
often happen where you just like a crash right right afterwards. So I
feel like that's actually the time where we need the most support,
and we need to be with one another, as you know, stuff about
it, to hold one another to support one another to remind one another.
So there has been, again, some time
between the end of Ramadan, and now so I apologize that we weren't
able to put these programs or organize them sooner. But
hamdulillah we're here, I did want to sort of pick up though, from
that place of post Ramadan, you know, reflections, and to kind of,
you know, ask ourselves where we are, I know, there's a lot of
burnout, I feel from my conversations with friends, and
from sort of the things that I'm picking up on, people are burnt
out, you know, it's, it's a very intense time in our lives. Maybe
perhaps, for some people, the most intense they've ever experienced,
you know, from what April or March actually March. Until now, you
know, we've been in this place of deep, deep uncertainty, a lot of
anxiety, a lot of panic. So, you know, I know that from my
conversations, again, with people that things are just really hard,
and people are struggling in many different ways. And that's why
it's so important to have these types of programs where we can at
least, come together and not feel completely isolated, although we
are, in many ways still in isolation. Because we're not, you
know, physically we're separated, but emotionally, spiritually,
we're all actually going through many, many similar things. And
again, just from my assessment from conversations and things that
I've heard, across the board, people are struggling, so
Hamdulillah, I wanted to just create a space, you know, we have
about an hour together, where we can at least try to, you know,
tackle some some issues together, and maybe get a sense of, you
know, just hope to look ahead, you know, with So, with that said,
some of you who may follow me on social media might have seen a
post that I had written few, maybe a couple of weeks ago, it was
really well received. Alhamdulillah a lot of people
shared it and liked it, and I got a lot of great feedback on it.
You know, Hamdulillah, it just kind of came together quickly. But
it was something that I was reflecting on in terms of, you
know, analyzing where I've, you know, kind of my spiritual growth
over the years, and some of the things that I feel from our
tradition 100 up from obviously, the example of the problems that
I'm that I have sort of put together, you know, just a short
list of qualities that I think really speak about, speak to
someone's emotional growth. You know, if you're trying to figure
out where you are, you know, in your spiritual path, it's
important to always
Look back to where you were right? And to see, do you see growth
because sometimes, you know, especially post Ramadan, we are
pretty hard on ourselves, you know, we might have done a lot in
Ramadan. And then immediately, like I said, there's this crash.
So it's a time that is we're vulnerable. And you know, this
feeling of, I'm just not, you know, like, you start to feel
guilty and bad, because you're not able to maintain a lot of the same
things you were doing during the month. So I think a lot of people
fall into sadness and just depression or, you know, just not
feeling good about themselves, because they're comparing
themselves to that standard of Ramadan. But I think, you know, no
one is just exceptional, we know this, it's a it's an exceptional
time of the year, it's an exceptional month, there's a lot
of facilitation, Allah's Panthera, you know, it's a blessing Mobarak
month, we all feel that, and that's why we're able to produce
and just do so much during that month. So it's not quite a fair,
you know, think to measure yourself, if you're going to
compare where you were in Ramadan to any other time of the year, I
think most people would find that they are deficient. But a better
assessment would be to look at, you know, your growth period, your
growth in terms of, you know, years or months, maybe or just,
you know, a substantial amount of time or a substantial amount of
time. So, um, the list that I came up with is just, you know, simple
10 signs that you're growing spiritually, and I wanted to, for
today, just kind of go through that list a little bit. And to,
you know, again, give more context to this just to see, you know,
where we are, and shall again, inspire some of us who really need
more, you know, programs like this, or conversations or just
support, you know, you want to feel like you're not doing
everything alone all the time. So to feel like you can, you know,
have a common goal with other sisters, Inshallah, I thought
maybe it'd be good to go through the list. And then to, to talk
about each point and kind of give some ideas and context around it.
So, the list, the first point on the list I had here was that you
seek solitude, okay. And again, you know, why did I come up with
this, because I found myself, you know, comparing myself to my
younger years, I felt like I always needed, you know, people
around me. But I found with age, with maturation, natural, you
know, maturity, that I actually appreciate time by myself more.
And it's befitting now that we're in this quarantine period, right,
because we have a lot of time. I don't know, if everybody's always
alone, though, because sometimes the house kind of, you know, can
feel like it's closing in on you. And you're always seeing the same
people over and over again, and ever be sort of sharing a space.
So I don't know if everybody's able to isolate in their homes.
But if not, it is important to do that. And to find a way to
actually, you know, internally just go inward. And even from
family, even from children, even from your spouse, your parents or
siblings, whoever you live with, to kind of just pull back a little
bit, and have that time to reflect right, the time to really
contemplate things because there's so much noise. You know, in our
world, there's just way too much noise we've been through a lot,
especially, as all of you know, in the past month or so, there's been
a lot of intense emotions, there still are a lot of intense
emotions, and the messages are just coming from so many different
angles. You know, we have the pandemic on one side, and we have
the election coming up on the other, then we have all these race
debates and identity politics. So there's just a lot going on, and
of course, uncertainty about the future, like what's going to
happen. Many people are, you know, dealing with more personal
problems, you know, maybe their health, they're having health
issues or financial issues. So there just seems to be a lot all
at once. But it's hard to find quietude when you don't have times
to actually pull apart, pull away, and to go and reflect. And this is
something highly encouraged, as we all know,
the halwa the process of finding of being in solitude is very much
part of our tradition. It's part of the sort of the process of him
he did that. I mean, this is we know the history of that and the
importance of that. But how much of how many of us really do that
intentionally, purposefully and make it a priority? That's, I
think, where I would say once you start to grow spiritually, you
realize it's a necessity, you know, it's not a luxury, it's not
something that you just do, because it's convenient to do,
right, like, your family maybe is out of the house, or they you
know, you're spending time alone and just kind of happened, that
you have some time, but that you actually look for those times of
solitude. So prior
We're tising the need for solitude. You know, there's many
again, Hadith and other references from our tradition that we can
pull from but one that comes to mind, the Bravo sermon or one of
the narrations of a hooded a read the lion related. The roses on
said he said, Saba calm Ofori Diona. And which means those in
seclusion have raced ahead. And so his companions asked on Messenger
of Allah Who are those in seclusion, and he said, Lavina,
you've thrown a few decree law, there are those who are absorbed
in the remembrance of Allah. And that's really what seclusion
offers you, that, instead of being bombarded with, you know, news and
media, and entertainment, and conversations with this person,
and that person and text messages and emails, work emails, that when
you actually isolate, the opportunity that you have, is to
immerse yourself to just be absorbed in the remembrance of
Allah subhanaw taala. And that's why it's a necessity because if,
again, we're looking at the life or the world that we're all in.
You know, I was reading a study recently about I think it was the
US Census Bureau, but they had published, you know, data
reflecting COVID, 19, and the pandemic and, and the effect that
it's having on on Americans in terms of depression and anxiety.
And the current the most latest stats, I think it was published,
maybe in May, were that 1/3 of all Americans are actually now would
have exhibit the signs of depression and anxiety disorders.
So 1/3 of Americans are really suffering, and that includes many
of us. So, you know, this is necessary, it's now it's not, like
I said, just something that you do, as a you know, recreational or
optional or just something, you know, that you it's, it has to be
a priority that you try to just pull away. And you know, I've
friends who you might have small children, for example, you don't,
it's not easy, or you have, you know, obligations that are just
throughout the day, but even just taking time. For example, one of
the things that I do very frequently actually, is if I go
out,
you know, if I'm shopping or I'm doing something, running an
errand, when I come back, I always stay in the car for a few minutes.
Because I just, I know hamdulillah my family's inside, and inshallah
they're fine. But I think I just need that stillness, you know
that, that cocoon like feeling that the car gives me, some
people, you know, they parked their car, in the garage, or on
the street and their driveway, a carport wherever your car is, but
just to give yourself a few minutes, even that much, I know,
it might not sound like no significant amount of time. But if
it allows you to just center your mind and your heart and to think
about something that's you're really grateful for, or to just,
you know, take a breath before you have to go back in. And you know,
start cooking and cleaning and putting stuff away and answering
all the questions and dealing with just the same issues you deal with
every day. It's important to do that for yourself. Sometimes we're
going from one thing to another in this rushed state, and we don't
take that time. But it can actually make a big difference
when you when you give yourself that. So really, you know, trying
to find pockets of time, where you have solitude or if you can, on a
larger scale, take out more time and retreat inwardly, you know, do
some meditation. You know, when I say meditation, of course we're
talking when they could have Allah prayers extra not enough NFLs
reading plan, but something that gives you nourishment. Another
habit I have, you know, just kind of sharing if it's helpful for
anybody is when my husband and children leave, let's say they
have something somewhere to go and I am home alone. I always have the
intention. And I do it right away because I don't want Iblees to
distract me into a different path. I will go immediately to we
haven't you know, the speaker system like a Bluetooth speaker
system. So I'll go immediately to the iPad. And I have a list of
playlists. And I'll just start playing put on my favorite
recitations, the ones that I really enjoy to listen to, because
I want to not give my enough's the opportunity to, you know, take me
in a different direction, which is hey, you know, they're gone. Maybe
you can catch up on some TV or go talk on the phone and you know,
talk to someone or do a FaceTime or go browse the internet and
start watching things or browsing. You know, all of the
those things, if you look at it, we do them throughout the day, but
when you have a lone time, like you should cut at that time, and
you should, like covet it, for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala.
Because, again, there are many people who don't have that luxury
at all, there are people who have to work full time jobs, they have
to be around people all the time, they would do anything, if they
could have an hour, half an hour, 20 minutes of just total time to
be still and to think of God and just feel that power and that
energy. So when you have those opportunities are really golden
opportunities.
Don't, you know, let your knifes kind of getting in the negotiation
sort of process of what to do with it, you know, were weak, or just
inherently weak and then have strong, but if you kind of have
sort of protocol in place, and you do it, then inshallah it disrupts,
you know, that you I mean, it prevents your nerves from
distracting you. So I like to do that and have that. And I just
always, I'm so grateful to Allah, because I have that kind of locked
in my mind. And the whole house is, you know, if there's clutter
and playing in the whole house, and then, you know, I can do other
things, if I want to, you know, kind of clean up or fold the
laundry, or just sit and think about the verses, or take out my
translation of the Quran and start to read some of the verses, I'll
do all of that, depending on what I need to do that day. So that's
just one idea. But I hope that's helpful to you guys. So again,
finding those opportunities for solitude. The second point on the
list was you contemplate existence. This is also a very
important, you know, we need to contemplate the fact that our
bodies are all parts or, you know, parts of our practice that we
should be doing daily Maha Sabha, really taking into account of
things contemplating things, reflections, you know, looking
back on your past and kind of, you know, just, you know, connecting
dots may be but they all all of it should be with the intention to
bring you back to that place of remembrance of Allah subhanaw
taala. But existence, you know, the gift of life, like if we, you
know, think about how profound existences and how amazing
consciousness is the fact that we have thought and the ability to
articulate what we're thinking, I mean, you can go in so many
directions with that line of thinking, if you start to really
do that I was actually, in a class earlier today with some teens, and
we were talking about, you know, one of the diseases of the heart
is that you are in denial of the blessings of Allah like you, you
can't, you know, you're oblivious to those blessings. And how we get
oblivious is we just don't do this enough. We don't contemplate, you
know, if you're, if you're not contemplating, you know, on a very
micro level, to a macro level, all the blessings you've been given,
then you fall, you know, into the disease of just denying the
blessings of Allah because you're not thinking about it. So, you
know, I mentioned like, if you will think of yourselves and you
think of all the systems that are actively working, without any
effort on your part at all, you know, when you think about your
digestive system, your respiratory system, your circulatory system,
or other systems, I was blessed as with, you know, the fact that
they're just kind of doing what they do. And Al Hamdulillah, for
health, you know, all of this, what it does is, you're
contemplating who you are, how you got here, where you're going, but
it brings you back to that place of Allah. Right. So that's a great
benefit of doing that as a regular practice. And this, if you're
doing that regularly, inshallah that's definitely showing
spiritual growth. And if you're not doing it enough, you want to
ask, why is it because you are, there's too many other
distractions that maybe you're giving, you know, you're giving
importance to that, or that are taking you away from the
remembrance of these things, you kind of have to do that internal
dialogue to figure out why you're not thinking about the bigger
picture, you know, and this is where, you know, studying again,
the diseases of the heart, heart is helpful, because likely, you
know, when you have an attachment to the material world, you know,
that's where your lenses, so you're thinking more about, you
know, what, what's happening here, whereas when you start zooming
out, and you're thinking about your existence, you're, you're now
you know, thinking about the other world and the importance of that
world. And that starts to take precedent, and then you start to
think about what do I need to prepare for that world? So your
lens just shifts completely. So it's very important part of
spiritual growth is to contemplate, and one of the great
scholars was actually asked, what it what it is to contemplate these
things about, you know, to contemplate deeply as there was a
I couldn't foresee and he said,
it is to abandon preoccupation with the past and the future. And
I really appreciated this answer because you know, we have this
whole new way, wave or New Age sort of idea of mindfulness, which
has become very popular in our society. But this is the
definition of mindfulness. Because when you're mindful, you're
present in the moment, you're not thinking about the past, which is,
again, it's irrelevant. It's, I mean, to think about the past in
terms of you know, where I was, and where I am, that's one thing,
but holding on to the past, right, holding on to things, or as we
know, regret about past things. These are all signs of you know,
Wes was because he believes,
you know, he wants us to deny or to, to to be displeased with the
decree of Allah. So what you'll do is he will make us look into our
past. And question, Why did this have to happen? Why did that have
to happen? Or maybe had I not done this just yesterday, actually
assign a close friend, and we were speaking about this, but you know,
these thoughts can come where you wonder, maybe you made a mistake
somewhere in your life. And that's why you are in a place where you
are now and had you not done that. And all of that is what's wasa?
Because the past is done. And, you know, that's why we have, you
know, the Hadith, low administrator, and because when
you start saying, what if, or had I done this differently, you are
literally denying the decree of Allah, so we don't hold on to the
past as something that, you know, we attach remorse and regret to,
and we wish we could undo, we accept it for what it is, and just
move forward. And then as far as the future, you know, again, the
quote, is abandoning preoccupation. So preoccupation is
where it's that word is key, because if you are, you know, long
hopes, you know, or false hopes, is also one of the diseases of the
heart, you know, to the llama, which is to think that you have so
much time that, that you can delay and procrastinate, things that you
should be doing now. So this is why it's also very dangerous. So
when we're mindful, we're in the present, we're actually very, you
know, we're aware of what's happening. And that's why, you
know, I know, right now, as I mentioned before, with this
pandemic, it's really hard for people because they want answers,
that's why it's so anxiety inducing, because we're looking to
have someone give us, you know, a green light, that things are going
to be fine. Or, you know, they found a cure or vaccine. And so
there's all this uncertainty about the future. And it's making people
really worried about their health, their family, their loved ones,
their, you know, even
their children's schooling, and college and all of these things
that are normal worries that most people have. But at the end of the
day, you know, what we have to remember is we're not promised
anything, right? We're not promised a single thing. I was on
the news earlier, and, you know, headline news, you just kind of
catch different different news stories, but there was a an
actress who, sadly, I mean, it's just, it's tragic. She, she's, you
know, I think declared or they think she's she died, she went on
a lake, on a boat with her son. I don't know her. I've never I don't
know who she is. I've never followed her work. I just saw
that. She just went on a boat ride with her four year old son. And,
you know, I think she had just posted in the news article,
something about, you know, just the two of us. It was like she
tagged a photo of herself and her son. And they went on a boat ride
in a lake. And then they found the boy, asleep. Some people found the
boy asleep on the book, no sight of his mother. So, you know, the
police have been doing a search, but I think they kind of have
concluded that she likely drowned. And it just made me realize, Aha,
there you go. I mean, that's, you know, these stories are, they're
everywhere. They're happening everyday people die in these
random sort of situations. And I think these are signs for us to
reflect on when those things happen, to realize that really, we
have no guarantees nothing, you know, and we should make the most
of today, instead of worrying about what's to come. And when you
you know, have that belief in that strong belief and alas Partha,
that he is really all of this is a lot none of it is the Coronavirus,
it's not China. It's not Trump, none of it. It's Allah subhanaw
taala and we have to just, you know,
surrender and and say, okay, you know, this is your will you've and
you know, when I talked to my mom, she's, she'll say certain things,
and it makes me think, you know, she said she'll say like, you know
all
These years you wouldn't, you know, you're too busy, for
example, and she's not talking to me, she's not talking to me
directly, she's just saying that this is from Allah because people
have become so accustomed to. And then she'll list off certain
things like not seeing their family, not visiting each other,
not eating even meals together, fighting all the time. And so that
maybe that's why all of this is happening as the last part that is
forcing us to actually, you know, look at one another, pay attention
to one another, be more grateful for each other, and appreciate the
smaller things because everybody was so ambitious, and always
thinking big, and in the dream, you know, the American dream and
luxury vacations and traveling. And it's like, we're always
looking out. And here we have incredible blessings, you know, so
close to us that sometimes people lose, right? So why we have
divorce rates are so high, because people tend to just think that,
hey, I mean, a lot of divorce. Obviously, there's reason for
people needing to go that route. But some divorces are just
basically people losing, you know, appreciation for another person,
and thinking that there's something better out there. And
you know, that type of ingratitude, unfortunately, has
caused a lot of pain. But I think that's the condition that we're
in, where we've lost that ability to see the blessings of God. And
so, maybe that's why all this is happening. But the point is, is
just to bring it back to the now. And so that's when we talk about
contemplating existence, you contemplate your own existence.
And then you think about the condition of the world and where
we're at, you know, it's, it's a very unique time in our history as
human beings on this planet. And we should be thinking on that
level, instead of just distracting ourselves with, you know,
whatever, you know, medication that we need, we turn to, to numb
ourselves from, from pain, discomfort, it could be food,
drink, could be entertainment, could be many things. But rather,
instead of doing that, numbing ourselves, facing reality, and
thinking on a deep level, which leads to the next point, which is,
you know, detesting idle talk. So if you're especially growing, or
you're trying to grow spiritually, this one is really important. You
want to stay away from idle talk, and I feel like I don't talk is
really just wasteful, you know, conversation, wasteful information
being exchanged. So, you know, I think it would extend to even
consuming, you know, idle consuming of information, you
know, spending hours on beauty blogs, or TMZ, or, you know,
tabloid news or conspiracy theory, YouTube videos, I would say it's
just an utter waste of time. And, of course, you know, talking with
other people about futile things and just, there's no Baraka other
people, you know, it's talking about other people talking about
things that there's really no
blessing or no Baraka, no benefit to you, or the other person, those
would all fall under idle talk, right? So the process of actually
told us and I thought about this, this hadith Subhan Allah, but I'll
read it first. He said, whoever sits in a gathering, and indulges
in idle talk, then says before leaving the gathering, Glory beats
you, oh, Allah, in your praises, I bear witness, there's no God, but
you, I seek your forgiveness and repent to you, he will be forgiven
for what happened in that gathering on his and I thought
what a incredible mercy from a loss brother of course, and and
the process that I'm who gave us this da, because a lot, of course,
knows his creation better. And I just feel like the fact that we're
being given the, like, almost like the antidote to what we've done,
is tells us that this is probably because, again, we're gonna do
this too much, right? So we need to first accept our weakness that
we might inclined to do these things, often not being aware of
ourselves. And also, sometimes again, because of the information
overload, and not having healthy communication skills, or process
skills, you know, we don't really process information correctly, we
might have just habituated to turning to friends, family,
spouses, whoever is in our, you know, vicinity, and just kind of
information dumping, you know, because that's all we know how to
do. But there are other ways and methods of being able to sort of,
you know, clear the mental clutter, instead of just talking
about everything because, you know, there's some things like I
said, there's beneficial and some things are just there's really no
benefit to it whatsoever. So you all always want to use your
judgement.
into when you're sharing information. And that's, you know,
the test, is it beneficial or not? If it's not beneficial, like
speaking about another person, for example, you know, this is a
really, who's not present, and things that are going on in their
life. If you really think about that, you know, as something to do
with like you and let's say a friend, or together, and you
haven't seen each other in a while, and then you use that time
to speak about oh, did you hear about so? And so? Yeah, they're
gonna go on vacation around here. Yeah, last year, they went to this
place, can you believe that? Wow, how can they afford that? Aren't
they, you know, isn't it so expensive, and then you just start
going into, you know, see how the conversation spirals into this
really negative place where you're making a lot of judgments, a lot
of assumptions. And it all just started with bringing up something
that was really none of your business, and none of the nobody's
business in that gathering. So this is the kind of, you know, you
know, process that we have to have, when we're thinking about
bringing topics up in discussion, you know, is there benefit from
you even mentioning this, what is the aim of this conversation
piece, if I'm gonna bring it up or not, but really try to stay away
from that. So as you grow spiritually,
you start to be much more aware of your, the words that are coming
out of your mouth. And, you know, and, and more judicious, right
with how, what's the things that you bring up with the topics that
you want to talk about. And if you're in a larger gathering, and
people are, you know, engaging in idle talk, always remember, you
have the option to get up and, and leave, you know, and you don't
have to be dramatic about it, you don't need to draw attention and
be rude, you can just get up and maybe, you know, go get some thing
to eat something to drink, kind of walk around. And like, you know,
make us a non verbal statement in a way that you're really not
interested in that kind of conversation, you could do that.
Or you could do something even better, which is to take control
of the conversation and redirect it to something more positive.
Again, with subtlety with tact, you never want to shame people,
you know, make people feel bad, because these are just human
habits that I think are become so normalized, that people don't
always know that they're doing something wrong by talking about
certain things. So if you have that awareness, you want to be,
you know, understanding that not everybody is at the same place.
And at some point, you're, you know, doing the same. So don't get
ahead of yourself and get to self-righteous where you need to
like, let's not talk about that, you know, don't do that just, you
know, try to redirect the conversation to something more
interesting. Hey, did you guys read that article, and, you know,
beneficial, and that way, in sha Allah, you're helping them you're
helping yourself that you are really setting the tone, right?
For your friendships to that I'm not someone that I want to hear
gossip, I want to hear, you know, just wasteful talk, I actually
want intellectual conversations or beneficial conversations. So
without having to say it, you're kind of saying it. So that's also
a sign of spiritual growth. That's number three. Number four, is that
you apologize with ease. This is really important too, because
we've come to a place of you know, I mentioned self righteousness.
And this is definitely a disease of the heart where you start to
think that you're just better and above other people and you forget
to, you know, see people's humanity and part of the humanity
is that people will make mistakes, people are going to hurt you.
People are going to maybe share sensitive information that you
told them not to. They may, you know, not fulfill a promise. There
will be, you know, betrayals that happen and you can either react in
a really explosive way where you just, you know, again, act as
though you you've never ever made a mistake in your life and shame,
and make the person feel horrible cut people off, or you can do the
opposite and just say, You know what, I just need to stop doing
things, you know, as a, as a reflection of what's done to me,
but rather as, as a reflection of where I want to be with Allah
subhanaw taala. So, you know, that whole tit for tat sort of dynamic,
you just get rid of it. someone wrongs you, you don't need to
repay them, you don't need to go get them back. You don't need to
hold a grudge and be bitter towards them speak ill about them
to other people that's just petty It's low. What you do is you say a
lot you know, we're all human beings we all make mistakes.
Clearly they made a major mistake.
I forgive them for your sake. And then if you know if, depending on
what it was, you know, you can have some safe distance between
you and that person. You certainly don't need to bring them into your
close inner circle if there was a really major betrayal, but you let
go of that need to be you know, full of rage.
sentiment towards them. Because resentment is just poison it's
poison to the heart. And you let it go because you know that
ultimately Allah's the judge, and if he feels the need to teach them
a lesson for what they did to he will, regardless of how you feel,
like if that's an Allah's, you know, it's all up to him, because
he will exact justice as He wills. So you don't need to think about
that, what you need to think about is what were your standing is with
Allah, right? Someone wrongs you, your your focus should immediately
be on, well, can I use this opportunity to get closer to Allah
or not? And that's really how we should look at everything in life,
right? It's an opportunity to get closer to Allah or not, and when
that's why we have a choice. So you take that hurt, and you say,
What would please Allah subhanaw taala, you're more forgiving. And
this is why we have again, many, many, you know, Hadith that relate
to apologizing, and forgiveness. And that kind of goes hand in
hand, right? Because sometimes, you know, you might be, you know,
doing the wrong and so you are humble, and then to enough to
admit that, but also that you forgive easily. So it's kind of,
you know, just a mindset that you accept your own humanity, and
you're humble enough to admit you're wrong actions. And you're
also humble enough and gracious enough to forgive other people
easily. So those two, because I have actually two points. One is
you apologize with ease. And then the other one is you prefer
forgiveness that comes at the end. So they kind of do work hand in
hand. But there are many Hadith that talk about these. And I'll
just kind of go ahead and pair them together, even though on the
on the list, they weren't quite next to each other. But since I
brought up forgiveness, I might as well go ahead and put them
together. So, you know, the prophesies that I'm said, once he
said, Shall I not tell you of what is better in degree than extra
fasting, prayer and charity? So again, the words make the matter.
And so he's saying all three of these lump sum together, what's
better than all of them fasting prayer, and charity, or, or extra
fasting, excuse me, Prayer and Charity? And they said, of course,
you know, this, however, like, yes, please tell us. So the
province was sent and said, reconciliation between two people.
Okay, rarely corrupted relations between people is the razor, okay?
It destroys right a razor cuts, it hurts. So you know, when you are
quick to reconcile that's, you know, and you're willing to just
do it first. Because again, you realize that what that reward, you
know, I want some reward that's greater than extra fasting Prayer
and Charity, I want to please Allah subhanaw taala. So you
subdue your naps, and you say, I'm sorry. And you don't play the
whole pride game, which is I'm not, I'm not gonna say anything
until they say it to me first. You know, that's, that's not the way
of a person who's spiritually growing, the spiritually growing
person says, I want to be the first to apologize. So you
apologize with ease. And then number five is you shut down
gossip. So we talked about, right gossip, as well as that, that can
be part of you know, the process of idle talk is that you
eventually start to talk about other people in a really negative
way. So the, you know, the person who wants to grow spiritually and
get near on this path and sees it before it's even coming and shuts
it down, right? You don't have room or any interest whatsoever in
listening to that engaging in that, and you will definitely not
entertain it and you'll shut it down. So this is again, a Hadith
of the Prophet, I said, and whoever defends the flesh of his
brother from backbiting, it will be a duty upon Allah to free him
from the hellfire. So this is of course, a lot, you know, imposing
that on himself. Nobody can, you know, put any imposition to honor
Allah, but he's made this, you know, his sort of, it's a promise
that if you do that, that this is what he'll do for you. So
Subhanallah What better? Can you imagine like, you know, that just
because you prevented people from speaking ill of a brother or
sister that this would be your reward? I mean, isn't that worth
it as opposed to again, all the beloved, the, you know, the
Quranic iron sword on hoodrat, which describes what, what it is
to gossip is that you're eating the dead flesh of your brother or
sister and so it's like, you're a cannibal
on the block, and that's what it's like into it's such a disgusting
thing to do. So that's the opposite. You know that or would
you rather have freedom from the Hellfire thing? The choice is
pretty clear, right? So you shut down gossip.
The next quality I had was that you embrace minimalism. And this
is also really important because Hubbard Dinya is one of the
Biggest diseases of the heart and some of the automat actually
believe that it is the root disease of all the spiritual
diseases. So we want to be really clear on you know, the more we, we
have material wealth and we get attached to our material
possessions, the harder Armada is going to be in this life. Because
you attach yourself to this world, you're not going to want to leave
it, you know, I was watching a documentary the other day about a
famous person. And he was, you know, very,
very active and productive, even into his later years. I think he's
in his 70s. But he was saying that he hates the, the idea of death,
okay, he just doesn't want to die. And he kept saying, I don't want
to die, I don't want to die. And then they interviewed his, his
daughters, and they were saying, you know, he is one of those
people, he loves life so much, that he would probably like, you
know, easily freeze his body whatever way he could to live on
this earth. And it's because, you know, he's gay, he's very
materially, you know, successful, he's very wealthy, he's had a lot
of great privilege in his life, so he doesn't want to leave.
But that's not the mindset of the believer, we don't look at this
dunya as being a place that we want to stay in forever, and will
do anything, you know, to stay, we actually want to have the opposite
mindset, which is we realize this is just a transitory sort of, you
know, place and we are travelers and we'll have, we have a final
destination that somewhere else. So to live a minimalist life is
just be simple, you know, you don't want access of everything,
when you're in it can, you know, be on a daily, you know, like,
every day, the way that you live your life, you know, if your,
again, the food that you eat, the things that you do, if there's too
much extravagance, or just a lot of you're, you're very indulgent,
and your self or your comfort and your time and all the things that
you're giving into your inbox all the time,
then it can, you know, it can increase these, these your Majah,
the spiritual struggle that you'll have. But the there's a hadith
related to this, the prophesy centum said, very simple living is
part of faith, simple living as part of faith. And when he would
repeat things, it was to get you know, us to really understand it,
and to internalize it and to hear it. So he would often it was part
of the Sunnah, when he wanted to really get a message across, he
would repeat it, so he's repeating it twice for us, so that we're
paying attention, you know, that this world is very attractive and
appealing, and it's seductive, but live simple, you know, don't be
too you know, always wanting the big things, you know, the nicest
things, the most exquisite things, inshallah we'll have Jana, to
indulge all of that. So, you know, again, spiritual growth is you're
not about that anymore. You don't need the big house, the big
palatial home that nobody, you know, the rooms that nobody
enters, for, for months on end, or the cars that are, you know, that
are, you're making extra payments on your living beyond your means.
You don't need that stuff, you just need ALLAH SubhanA data.
The next thing I had on the list was that you daydream. And so just
to qualify that, because you know, getting lost and sort of
fantasizing is also is considered a disease of the heart because you
might lead to blameworthy thoughts. So we're not talking
about that. I think this was more about really just thinking about
the good of this dunya of Allah in the hope that we you have for the
next life. So when you daydream, it leads you to that, right? That
your heart when you have those times of contemplation, that you
start to think more about the next life because you know, there's
people who have, they live with chronic pain, for example, you
know, I know many friends, I myself, have have been through
that, were you live just in pain, and if you can't help but think of
a time when you'll be pain free. And so your mind kind of may
wander to those places of hope, to the places of promise of delight,
Inshallah, in the next life, so, you know, if you're doing that,
and it's taking you to that place of hope, with Allah and you know,
just like you're removing or you're decreasing your attachment
to this world, because you're always thinking about the next
world. That's what that that meant, you know, as far as
daydreaming is concerned, and then, you know, this is also a
hadith that kind of relates, but the Bible says and said, None of
you should die unless he expects good from Allah. So always having
that has not done of Allah and
being hopeful. And that's really what what the Daydream aspect is.
So that can go in so many different directions, but having
that vision of something better, and it's directly related to your
faith in Allah. Right. So that was the seventh point, then we have
more put you read with joy. So again, spiritual growth, you know,
you're, I think there was a time many of us may relate, where life
is just so fast paced, and there's a lot of things that goals and
pressure, that you might not have time to sit and do something like
read, write a lot of people I know, even with my own, you know,
Facebook posts, I'll get comments from family and friends are like,
your posts are too long. Because it's a few paragraphs, you know,
and so I get it, people are just too busy to read. But I think as
you grow spiritually, you realize that disconnecting and unplugging,
that is very fast paced, it's very, it's like instant
gratification, you know, it's just, it's, it's a different
experience. And it's, it's very, you know, react, you're, it's
impulsive, right, there's this sort of reactivity that inspires
in us, we're cooking, we're constantly moving from this page
to this page is too much. Whereas when you actually read and, you
know, I mean, like a book, that you look forward to it, it's like,
Oh, I get to pull away from life and read. And so you don't think
about, you know, that connection to knowledge as being also a sign
of your spiritual growth. And, you know, reading, obviously, for
beneficial things, not, you know, novels that just are a waste of
time. And, of course, you know, that, I mean, we were allowed to
read, you know, for leisure. But I think when we're talking about
everything that we're speaking about spiritual growth, is the
content that you will read, should evoke
love of God of His creation, and there's ways to do that, it
doesn't always have to be religious texts, it could just be
really compelling stories, or other, you know, books that kind
of just make you think, a deeper level, you actually really look
forward to that as something you want to do. And so there's a joy,
there's this yearning and, and it's different than, you know, the
way that maybe your experience was as a child or a young adult, when
breeding was more like a chore. So that's kind of showing you also a
sign of growth.
Let's see here. Sorry, check something real quick.
Bismillah. So we have,
yeah, the next one was you listen with heart.
You know, this is so important. For those of you who know me, I
speak a lot about emotional intelligence. And, you know, this
is all prophetic. Every part of emotional intelligence is, is
really borrowed from the processes example, we know that he is a
definition of an empath, you know, he really took on the pain of
everybody that was around him, and not just around him, but even
those coming after him, he would weep for us, right? I mean, that's
the degree of empathy that he had in his heart. For even those of us
who came, you know, centuries later than him, he's weeping for
us. And he's his preoccupation and worry about our state was real, it
was sincere. So that's the kind of empathy that causes him had, he
had it for women, children, you know, the poor, the impoverished,
he had it for animals, you know, so we really have to understand
and appreciate that listening is absolutely attentive listening is
a part of being an empathic person. If you are in a place in
your life, where you're too rushed, or, you know, you're, you
are rushing yourself, maybe because I don't know, unless
you're like an ER, emergency physician, or you're doing some
major, you know, important work that's going to affect the lives
and security of millions of people. I think some of the
rushing, is self imposed, we just don't have time management skills,
or we were just too busy or we're trying to crunch too much, or were
flat out, you know, not, you know, giving people respect their do
sometimes people are just like rushed, because they don't want to
hear you, you know, and they don't want to make time for you. But you
want to really think about how far removed that is from the process.
I mean, if there's anybody who had more important things to do on
this planet, it was the province was set up, nobody could even can
ever even get close, you know, to his status to how important he is.
To this universe to our existence,
and so nobody can compete with with in terms of time management
and whose time is better, you know, served here or there. But
he, in his, you know, sunnah in his theater, read it over and over
again, you'll see that he stopped for people, he stopped in his
tracks. And he made time to listen to people, you know, many great
stories, you know, there's one in particular, where he was with a
group of his companions, and a woman who was known to have some,
you know, mental health issues came and he, she interrupted the
circle, you know, he was with his companion, she interrupted them.
And he was so gracious in his response, you know, he said to
her, go to any of the streets, like choose any of the streets of
Medina, and I will come and I will speak to you, and He honored her,
and he listened to her, she had all these complaints, and she was,
you know, upset about things, but he completely gave her that
respect. And that, you know, he showed her that you matter. And he
could have easily, you know, chastised her for interrupting his
circle and treated her like, she was a nobody, you know, throw
away, he could have done that all the Beloved, He, of course, he
would never do, and he's the Prophet I set him. But how many of
us do that to people, how many of us completely ignore people,
because we just don't think they're worth our time. And that
is tragic, you know, everybody deserves to be heard and to be
seen, and to feel that they matter. And we have a crisis, you
know, we have a crisis in our world of a lot of people who just
don't have that they don't have people who are doing that anywhere
in this in their life, there's a lot of people are ignored. They
are literally, you know, sidelined, pushed away, cast away,
they're just not seen. And then you they come online, desperate
for attention, you have young people doing this, you have even
people well into their older years, who've been so neglected
emotionally, and treated as though they just really are irrelevant.
Or the biller
that they are desperate for connection, desperate for
validation, desperate for attention. And this is what we
see, you know, we see this all over our world, with all the
things that are happening on social media, where people are
putting themselves out there, you know, it's really sad, and we can,
yes, judge them and look down on them, like, Oh, look at these
people, they're so you know, pathetic, and they all they want
is attention. But if you actually dig deep, a lot of these people
are deeply scarred, you know, they're, they're hurting, because
maybe they never were, they were neglected as children from their
parents, or, you know, they were abused somehow, or, you know, in a
situation in, or in an abusive relationship currently, where
they're just really not given any attention. And so we can help to
heal some of the wounds that are out there, just by, you know,
being in the practice of trying to really listen to people. And I
know, it's not easy, you know, we, you're, you're always trying to do
things and be productive. And time is always running and racing,
you're racing. But if you're, if Allah has put people in your life,
he's put them there for a reason, and you will be judged, we will be
judged, with our treatment of them. You know, it's not something
that, Oh, it's okay, I can get away with it. No, every
relationship we have are going to be judged about how we handle that
relationship. So parent to child spouse to spouse, parent, to to
child to parent, sibling, to sibling, student to teacher,
coworker, to coworker, employer to employee and vice versa, every
relationship, there's, you know, we're going to be judged on how we
treated those people. And the best thing to do is to look to the sort
of the prophesize to them and say, Oh, he was just fair, he just
treated people with dignity with respect, kindness, compassion, and
that's the model right? And you don't have a preferential
treatment, you know, I'm gonna treat you the only people that are
like me a certain way and then everybody else gets the worst of
me, although that's that's not Islam. So here are the problems. I
sort of says and, again, this is specific to Yama, Gemma, but I
think the fact that it was mentioned in the list is really
important. Whoever performs a thorough ritual bath on Friday
proceeds at the earliest to the mosque sits below the Imam and
listens carefully, without talking. He will have a reward for
each step. He took a year's worth of fasting and praying. So this
isn't the sort of testimony but you know, it's your mojo Max
advocate of Jamar but I think the fact that he would mention it
The importance of listening attentively in that, you know,
dynamic, you know, and in this case, it's a hot bar. But I think
it's teaching us that there's virtue and listening attentively.
And, you know, to humble ourselves that we sometimes can benefit
greatly if we're actually listening more than we're talking.
So even, for example, those of us who are parents, sometimes we
think our kids are just like being kids, and they have nothing really
a benefit to say, and we push them and tell them, not now, no, I
don't want to hear you, I got other things to do. We may say it,
or we may treat them that way. But you know, shutting them down. But
if you actually open conversations with children, anyway, my
experience, you know, as a teacher, and as a mom, I found
time and time again, some of my most
intense sort of spiritual realizations have come because my
children have said something profound. And so they can
sometimes their little philosophers, you know, they'll
speak these things that are like, Whoa, I never thought about that,
you know, these ideas, because they're so creative. Mashallah,
Allah has given them, you know, this ability to think beyond the
physical, you know,
sort of restrictions that are our mental restrictions that we have,
right? Because they're sometimes in the world of imagination, and
we can't access that as well. So I found that my children have
definitely opened my eyes to a lot of aha moments. And it's
unfortunate that so many people lose out on that because they
don't have time. So attentive listening is very important to
spiritual growth, pay attention to people listen to what they're
saying, take the time to actually absorb information Don't
interrupt, interrupting is actually it's a it's very bad
etiquette, you know, lack of others to interrupt. And I
remember our teachers, they taught us that, you know, one of the
etiquettes of the people who know is that even when they know
something that someone's sharing, they never interrupt to say, Oh, I
already knew that. Oh, I already read that. Oh, yeah, I heard that
before. You don't do that. Because people either they want to always
just show respect to the person they're speaking with, or who's
speaking to them, instead of preferring their own knifes,
right? Because there's a there's an element of, Oh, I gotta tell
you that I already knew that. Right? There's enough see sort of
component to that. It might not be conscious, you might not be aware
of it. But if it's something that you do often where you're, you're
quick to interrupt people, even, like letting them you know, they
told you a story five times, six times you've heard it before, but
they're so excited to tell you, you know, it's okay. You know, my
mom, for example, you know, she's in her later years, seven days,
she's definitely done that, or she'll tell me something that I
already knew. And I've known for years, because she shared it with
me before. But you got to just go with it and act as though it's the
first time you're listening to it. People sometimes as they age, they
might just get in the habit of repeating the same stories. But
it's totally rude to be like, No, yeah, I've already heard that, you
know, that's okay. Something else or you know, you just kind of,
it's just rude, but I feel like it's, um, for some people, they
think that's okay, because, again, they're rushing, they're racing.
So we want to just pay attention to these things as in terms of our
own spiritual growth, and recognize, you know, everything
that we shared, as you saw is all from the Sunnah of the prophesy
Salam, but they are good signs. If you have 1234, however many you
have, Inshallah, the goal is for all of us to try to inculcate
these things more and more and habituate ourselves to these
practices. So that inshallah we can grow spiritually and this is a
better and healthier way of measuring your growth and just
looking at what was I doing in Ramadan? And where am I now?
Because that's not fair. You know, Ramadan is exceptional, or what
was I doing in Hajj last year, I have a lot of people who are like,
will go back to hajj and umrah and these times of high peaks, you
know, spiritually, and then they'll feel bad, but they aren't
there yet. Well, you know, those moments are those times are
exceptional for a reason, you know? And it's because you're in
sacred spaces. During sacred times there's a facilitation, there's
Jamar there's a lot of things going on that are helping you. So
don't be so hard on yourself. rather look at your overall
progress. You know, five years ago, six years ago, 10 years ago,
have you grown and that's how you see if you're growing or not, and
inshallah just stay positive, right. We always want to have a
good opinion of Allah and keep our intentions good and not lose hope
and not get into these extremes. Black and white thinking all or
none. No, Allah's father doesn't expect perfection. He all he wants
is sincerity. That's
If we're sincere in sha Allah, that's the best thing that we can
do for ourselves is to be sincere in everything that we do, as
opposed to just trying to make it look polished, and make it look a
certain way. It's what's in the heart right? Under the law. So it
is 804. I went a little bit past I'm not sure if there's any
questions, I'm going to quickly check if there are any questions.
So you guys can let me know. And I'll check the
MCC page as well. I know as I said, there's people who are
watching on MCC. And there's people who are watching on the
YouTube page, so I don't get to quickly just see if there's
anything and then also, if the moderator they MCC moderator can
let me know if there's any questions from YouTube, I'd
appreciate that. Because it's hard to multitask with all these
different platforms. hamdulillah Okay, so I see some comments,
mashallah, we'll just like all fit in for the comments. I don't see
any questions. But if you have any questions, and maybe the last few
minutes, before we hang up, I am happy to answer anything.
Also, I guess I can quickly look on YouTube, just to to be
sure here Bismillah.
So, I want to say Oh, thank you. There's a lot of nice comments
just like Hello, Hayden. You guys are very kind. Thank you for your
support. I see I just see a lot of great comments. Thank you. It
means a lot to me to have your support. Thank you for tuning in.
You guys are I know you could be doing anything at this time. So I
appreciate your time. Inshallah, we'll see you in how many in two
weeks we're gonna do these. As long as we're in quarantine. We'll
be doing these every other week. My usual schedule when things were
normal was once a month but I wanted to again provide a support
a regular sort of support system and place inshallah for us to get
together and I do welcome questions. So if you have anything
for next time, please do let me know inshallah feel free and I'll
be better at trying to multitask and check all these platforms but
I did I think look at all of them and I didn't see any questions so
we'll go ahead and and inshallah
just like okay, and thank you again on everybody for tuning in
medical if you come so we'll go ahead and finish and inshallah
we'll see you in two weeks at same time, same place inshallah. So and
please remember everybody in MCC and your daughters will go ahead
and in sha Allah Subhana Allah home obey Him because shadow Allah
Allah Elantris Doctor according to WWE Lake, along with a set of a
set of organic auto say that our mole no have you been hammered?
Some Allahu Allah. He was set on water. It was your cylinder.
Sleeman Kathira Bismillah AR Rahman Rahim Allah Azza indolence,
anamorphic Illallah Nina and Manu while I'm in Saudi Haiti, whatever
so we'll happy with who I saw this summer.
Alright, just like a little hidden you guys. We'll see you in Sharla
in two weeks, and I want to come all the way