Hosai Mojaddidi – Social Media’s Impact On Muslim Youth
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The speakers discuss the potential danger of "tick tock" in the face of social misinformation and emphasize the importance of highlighting the value of social media for children and their parents. They also discuss "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children" mental health issues that come from young people's "we are children"
AI: Summary ©
It's been so it's such an honor to be with you tonight is that Jose
and
to be with whoever's watching us from the now welcome. And we just,
we just had this conversation right about, you know, this, this
little meeting of ours here online. And this discussion that
we're about to have came out of a really interesting conversation
that, that you and I and some other
teachers were having just about a topic that was of great concern.
And so yeah, maybe you want to announce a little bit more about
that. And you're? Yes, we were on a thread, right, we're on a thread
together. Alhamdulillah, as you said, with several other teachers,
and I believe one of the other teachers that have mentioned
something regarding tick tock, which as maybe some of you who are
watching know about, maybe some of you don't, but just a little bit
of background on tick tock is an app, like many of the popular
social media apps that has really kind of taken flight. For the
past, I would say maybe a couple of years, I think it originated in
China, I want to say it's a Chinese app that was then brought
over to the US and it became very, very popular as a platform
primarily for performers for skits, entertaining, sort of, you
know, has an entertainment value for people to showcase maybe their
dance skills, their singing skills, their acting skills. So it
became I think, initially, that was its great pole is that a lot
of people were just interested in watching, you know, complete
strangers from all parts of the world, showcase their, their,
their unique talents. And I had always not heard of it, you know,
in the past, you know, a year or two maybe as an app, but I never
understood what it really was, until very recently, I would say,
I think it was the beginning of the year, I do programs with
teens. And you know, they're coming of age talks, and I try to
really reach, you know, reach across the generational divide,
and make a connection with them. So I allow them to open up about
things that are going on in their lives, what, you know, what are
they watching in terms of television, in terms of film, and
songs are they listening to, and of course, social media comes up.
And so I like to, you know, get a pulse on what's going on. Because
it's constantly evolving, there was a time where Snapchat was the
popular app, right? And then people left Snapchat, all of a
sudden, there was like an exodus mass exodus. And then it was, you
know, Instagram, everybody suddenly jumped on Instagram. And
then I saw also that there was the switch. You know, we know that
teens for the most part, I think they don't even come close to
Facebook. It's like the older people's app. But these other more
visually based apps were popular for a while, but I noticed that I
feel like teens are kind of also leaving Instagram. So this is
where my inquiry query began. And I asked like, what's, what are the
popular apps now. And this is when a group of teens told me that the
most popular app was probably Tik Tok amongst their demographic. And
again, I knew of Tik Tok but I just never ever bothered to
download it or really explore what it was. So after one of the teens
admitted to me that it's so highly addictive, she was just kind of
being herself, and being honest and said to me, that she one time
was so just enthralled by it, or you know, captivated by everything
that was going on, she ended up spending four hours on it in like
one setting. And she realized, wow, it's just so addictive. Like
she can almost pull herself away. That statement is what compelled
me to say, Okay, I need to know what's going on. So I downloaded
the app. And instantly, I just remember that as soon as I got on
the the first, you know, on the signup process, they asked you,
you know, to pick your interests, and there's a you know, menu of
different things that you might want to see, right. So I kept it
very minimal. I think I picked two things, because I just didn't want
to be bombarded.
And so I was like, let's see what comes up. But it's to curate, you
know, the content for you. So, as you move in, it's a very quick
signup process, by the way, they're not really asking a lot of
information. But as soon as I started the app, I was like, Oh,
my God, and I could see that the interface was designed in a way
that was quite I mean, you know, genius, I guess you could say from
a, you know, perspective, or, you know, creators perspective, a
developer, excuse me perspective, because it's so easy to use all
you have to do basically literally a swipe, you know, kind of like
the tinder format, you know where you're it's like a dating app,
right meander did Tinder, there's all these ones, but
It's like, Yeah, I'm not interested, I can just move on
from this person and then find something that interests me. So
it's the same exact thing. And but it moves very quickly. So I found
myself as I'm first experience ever going, okay, whoa, whoa. And
I spent a, you know, maybe 30 minutes, 40 minutes plus, just
trying to get a grasp of what it was. And then it started to sink
in, like, oh my gosh, because the content initially started pretty,
you know, innocent, a lot of dancing and singing, but weaved.
Between all of that was some very suggestive stuff, highly graphic
content, very disturbing from a Muslims perspective. And then I
just thought, Oh, my God, I can't believe teens are exposed to this,
like, Muslim teens, especially, you know, do parents know what's
going on? Yeah, I took a break. But I gave myself a little bit of
time, because I didn't want to, you know, make this sort of
definitive declaration about it without being somewhat fair. So I
said, let me just go back to it, maybe the next day, or whatever it
was, and I'll just see what else I see. During that I would say, you
know, research phase, I guess.
I just was like, Oh, this is this is very, very toxic. And I just
was like, parents should absolutely not have their kids on
this. This is horrible. Because it started the content started
getting worse and worse. And I don't know if that was an
algorithm feature where, you know, they're looking at what videos I'm
maybe spending a little bit too much time on. I don't know why.
But I just realized, like, why did we go from singing and dancing to
now an overwhelming amount of, you know, just very inappropriate
graphics, sort of, sexually, you know, a lot of over, I can't even
explain it. But like couples, oftentimes, many of them were gay,
you know, men and women, doing things inappropriately making
jokes, but it was just like, so much of that. And I thought you'd
have a 12 or 13 year old in which some of these kids were on this
app, even if they're watching their friends and private
accounts. This feature allows them to watch anybody because some of
the videos were, you know, from very popular people, celebrities,
others were unknown people, but it was a very, it was like a
hodgepodge. How can you control what's coming to you? I couldn't
control it. And so I disturbed me on a very deep level, I wrote a
post on it on Facebook. And that post Alhamdulillah went, I guess,
a bit viral, they say,
in the sense that moms were, I think, you who didn't know and
parents who didn't know started cutting and pasting kind of
putting out a warning to their friends. And then the I'm sorry,
I'm kind of giving you a very long answer, but it gives you the
background of how this all came about. The final sort of, you
know, combination of all that was it. One mom shared it on a
whatsapp page or thread and then that and then her daughter, who is
on Tik Tok, she came on to kind of vent that my mom really wants me
and my younger brother to get off of Tik Tok, and look, and then she
posts in the background, my post
saying that, you know, this Muslim lady, thank God, my name wasn't on
that, right? This lady is telling everybody to get their kids off of
Tik Tok. And so she was lamenting, but she was Marshall, she had good
about it. So that was relieving. But I think, you know, that was
where the conversation took place on the thread is that I referenced
that incident happening, and then just gave more of a warning about
the dangers of this app that I believe
parents are really not very well informed about, but also the teens
themselves, may not quite understand why this content, or
this, you know, outpouring sort of bombardment, in terms of, you
know, what the content is, is is is quite actually detrimental to
them spiritually. So that's why you were so gracious to, to
respond to that, you know, on that thread, and then here we are,
right, how good is that? And then, it's really good. I mean, I'm so
I'm so happy that you I mean, you obviously you really care a lot
about the people who you're working with. And Colin, just the
whole background of how you how, you know, knowing that someone
could spend four hours on something like this, just how that
struck your heart. I mean, that's just that just gives me shivers
because
you know, really literally, I have goosebumps, because that's what we
need we need. We really need people like you who care and who
will say okay, fine. You're in this swamp and I'm coming in to
get you like, because then you went and signed up for this thing
to figure out like what is this that's taking? that would that
would suck someone in for for a whole hour?
Whereas I need to know I need to, you know, figure it out so that I
can help people. And then you wrote that beautiful post, and I'm
saying beautiful, yeah, it was full of warnings, but beautiful
because again, it's an expression of care. And I think, you know, I
mean, I'm, I didn't really know what tick tock is, like, I didn't
know until you explained it,
which, you know, shows that I'm just not in that world. And, but I
also seen it appearing a lot on like, tick tock videos appearing
on Instagram. So it's, it was clear that it was getting quite
popular if it and I saw people who I not like who I follow on
Instagram, there might be professionals in different fields,
doctors and people like that, saying, Oh, I'm on Tik Tok now.
And then you would start to see videos with with with music and
with a very particular format. So it kind of crossed over, I guess,
into into other types of social media at a certain point. But I
think the real reason we wanted to get together and talk about this
is just to talk about how, you know, forum formats and genres of
social media or platforms, as they're called, you know, how
people are using them, especially at a time like this, when we are
being told to be socially distant from each other. That means we
cannot, we can't go to a restaurant with our friends, we
can't go to the park, in many cities, you can't the parks are
closed. So in my city, the parks are literally closed.
You know, we have neighbors who are being empowered to call a
snitch line if they see people outside who they suspect are not,
you know, family members. So it's a very,
it's a time when people are choosing to stay home, or they're
being asked to stay home, or it's the law at this point to stay
home. And given that, you know, what, what happens, then what are
people turning to, in order to pass the time? And in order to
have a sense of connection, or community? So I'm interested in
hearing from you what what are you seeing there? And what are your
concerns? Since you are kind of our expert in tick tock?
There's, we would hardly call myself an expert in anything, but
thank you for that. Mashallah, you know, I have seen, I think an
uptick, in, you know, social media use, because, as you mentioned,
people are isolated, they're, you know, bored. And that's really the
essential, you know, issue here is that in the absence of something
productive, what what do what do we do? How do we respond, right.
And I think a lot of times, people who are maybe not, who don't have
that level of self awareness, perhaps they don't realize that
they're, you know, that they have the propensity to just kind of
fall into things that are quite dangerous only because they they
don't, they're not doing something like I said, productive, right. So
again, you're spending so many hours at home, where, as before,
there were there was always something to do to keep you
occupied. You were in school, maybe you were in a sport, you
know, specifically speaking to teens, right, they were engaged in
some activity that kept them away from it. And between those, you
know, activities, I'm sure they found opportunities, because
that's what you know, I've heard anyway, that there was always a
way to try to get check into your social media apps to your text
messages at school or at extracurricular activities, but it
wasn't as consistent. But these big large blocks of time that
we're seeing now, right from the morning, if there's no schedule,
or your classes, maybe online, if you're still doing school, which I
think most people are, might be reduced hours. So you're leaving a
lot more time to kind of figure out what to what to do with that
time and pass that time. And unfortunately, the phone is so
accessible, it's in our hands, we have Wi Fi at home. So you know, a
lot of those barriers that would maybe take place in other cities,
you know, situations or locations are removed, the ease of access is
so easy. And then it's just, it passes a time quickly, you know,
so I do feel, unfortunately, there's been an uptick. I know
myself, for example, I've never until this quarantine, see my
internet unstable, but I've had unstable internet quite a few
times. And my assumption is, my neighbors are probably all of us
are online a lot because even the streaming services, right, the
Netflix and all the other film, film or television streaming
services take up internet. So I just feel like the dependency on
these devices has increased considerably. It you know, and
just to kind of give you a quick little story to make that point.
My son's I homeschool my children and so we have to
Eat with their, what we call es, who are educational specialists,
she's a teacher, but she checks in on their work. And so she asked
about, you know, different books that my oldest son was reading.
And so I kind of told her that, you know, he's finished, you know,
some of the classics. And so she wanted to suggest, you know,
certain literature, you know, to him, but she immediately went to,
oh, you know, you can, he can do it online, and you can use the
Kindle. And, you know, he she started offering that, and I just
told her, I said, you know, I have a very different philosophy about
my, you know, reading, I want my kids to actually touch a physical
book, and I might get my oldest is 11, he doesn't really even know
how to use a browser.
He's, he's very off the grid in terms of the internet, I do
everything for them, if they need a search of something, they can,
you know, we have a little home pod for Apple. So they can ask
Siri questions, but in terms of, you know, giving a device to a
child, I'm very, like, this is my personal philosophy. But she was
like, really? Like, she was kind of surprised that I wouldn't even
want them to read a book. I was like, You're asking me to give a
classic, you know, something like Huckleberry Finn, to my child?
It on a on a online on a device? Like why would I do that? That's
like, So anyhow, I think that's just the the popular, you know,
sentiment is that everything's online anyway, might as well, you
know, read. So it's, it's definitely a concern. I feel my
you know, I feel like we're gonna probably have a lot of addicts
come out of this quarantine. Yeah. So their social media usage?
That's right. I agree with you. And I think that we can we can
broaden our discussion, I think that we can certainly come back
to, to tick tock specifically, because it has all those elements,
as you mentioned, that really make it palatable to someone who, you
know, maybe a young person who, you know, it's easy to sign up to,
and then it just comes at you, you know, you don't really have to go
looking. And I think that this is something we really have to
emphasize because I think people don't realize that I see, for
example, we have a sort of, you know, we put out a message
yesterday send a collective
that, you know, a lot of people for a lot of people.
So not yesterday, but Friday, so for a lot of people the past
Friday was the third Friday without subtle Joomla. Right? For
the holidays that started to I think the the first round of
closures of Joomla happened three weeks ago. And the prophets nodosa
Nam forbade any man from missing three Juma prayers in a row, it's
a very serious sin. No, man SubhanAllah. I mean, it's when we
I think it's so important to look at sin, not only in terms of the
ficlet or the Okay, yes, we know that. Okay, if the, if the
massages have been closed for a legitimate reason, okay. It's not
a sin in the sense that they couldn't attend, they had no
choice, right. But we're talking here about that when the Prophet
says, and I'm insist on something, it's because he, there's a message
behind that there is a there's a value, there is a NFR, there is a
benefit, there is a goodness that comes from being there a drummer
that he's telling us you if you miss it three times in a row,
it's, you're in a danger zone basic, absolutely. Virtually
speaking, you've you've lost something that should be a
fundamental part of your spiritual diet. And so that was this Friday
was really critical in that sense that here we are, and where are
you? Like, where are we now? So we've not had this congregational
gathering with advice coming from from, you know, whatever the
advice is, you know, we know that not all sorts of us. Not all
Friday, sermons are brilliant, but nonetheless, there are words that
are spoken in a Friday sermon that are the exact same words that the
prophets they said them said, and there is a blessing in that. Not
that hasn't been spoken now in some places for three whole weeks.
And that's a 21 day thing. And then when you think about it, you
know, many, many people say many
self help and social scientists and whoever say that it takes 21
days to form a habit. So what are the habits that we form now? Like,
and what are the habits? I mean, you have to be careful that it
doesn't become a habit for us to feel like oh, I don't go to the
mosque. I mean, if tomorrow, everything opened up, how many
people would be like I it's very challenging for me to even go
because I've just become very used to the way things are right now.
Yes, maybe for the first few days. It wasn't. It felt odd. You felt
the pain of not going to to the press
or if you were someone who went often to the masjid. And then
after that, it just becomes a new norm as they say, right, the new
norm. Right. And so that so we put out a little message on Friday, as
I said to say, hey, and not only that, but it's I was also 21 days
till it on hold on. So here we are, it's been 21 days since
quarantine started. And now we have 21 days. So Ramadan, let's
make good habits going forward. And so why am I talking about all
this? I think that it's I think that a lot of people, some someone
commented on the little post there and mentioning, you know, Netflix
and saying Netflix is, you know, you guys shouldn't be saying no to
Netflix, because Netflix is a platform. Netflix is a tool, you
can watch good things, you can watch bad things. And I think
that's been a statement that Muslims have been making. And it's
come from Muslim scholars back in the day, for a long time. Right?
It started with television when I was young. That was still a
question, is TV. A bad thing? Is it okay, I remember my dad would,
you know, sometimes be like, I don't know. And then that view was
out there that look, it's just a tool. If you use it for good, it's
good. If you use it about it's about it's neutral. And and then
of course, when we when I got older, we read things like the
medium is the message that it is not just neutral, like the way it
bring any medium also is is teaching you to think a certain
way and teaching you to interact a certain way with its content.
And now I think I just want to bring that up, because this whole
comment that Netflix is just a medium, I think, you know, kind of
similar to what you were saying about tick tock when I first
watched something on Netflix, I just borrowed someone else's
account. I couldn't believe how addictive it was. Right? And it
wasn't because of the actual content it the thing I was I was
watching this.
I watched a little bit of that show. What's it cause about the
Queen, and nothing special, really, in terms of a show. But
what made it addictive is that there were no commercials, right?
There were no brakes at all. Not only that, but you could even skip
the intro. So you didn't know, there was no way that you would
pause and be like, ah, you know what, maybe maybe I won't watch
the next one. It's just a hit after hit after hit after hit. And
it's, I think we need to talk and we need to just acknowledge that
and say that, listen, it's hard when something is coming at you
with that much ease. But you have to find a way to step back from
that and say, what's going on from me here? You know, Is this really
how I want things to go? And I really understood at that point,
how it's possible to do a Netflix binge. Subhanallah I agree with
everything you said. And that's a I mean, as you were speaking, I
just kept thinking about, you know, again, this idea of which I
think I mentioned to you privately that I think people have lost sort
of maybe sight of, you know, we know from our tradition that was
kind of created this week, and that we you know, have, you know,
sort of
what are they called,
we have internal and external forces that are pulling us right
away from ALLAH SubhanA data and those internal forces are of
course, our knifes, our, our, our lower sort of, you know, selves
that want to indulge want to just basically sit down and do nothing,
you know, inertia, inactivity, eating, sleeping, all of those
appetites that are you know, very much associated with sitting and
watching television or film, or browsing on the internet, right
are very much a manifestation of the knobs right on the lower
enough. So basically, indulging itself because the more you do
those things, the more you kind of fall into a spiritual slumber in a
way, right. And this is why people, as you said, when they're
binging whether it's their phone, or they're binging on Netflix,
even if they're watching documentaries, and everything is
good. The problem is that we're so forgetful, right? Instead, we know
this, you know, the word that always probably describes us with
comes also from the same root word as Sen right, which is to forget,
we are so forgetful, that when we indulge too much in our lower
selves, we set ourselves up to potentially, you know, slip in
terms of our spiritual efforts, right? So prayers are missed, we
forget Oh, oops, I was supposed to, you know, call mom or, you
know, call dad or do you know, run this errand or do my recitation of
the Quran for the day or whatever, all these things that we should
normally have as part of our daily practice suddenly become
compromised, because then EFS falls into the state of
Just absolute. As I said, it's kind of like an intoxication. And
that's how, you know, you know, I have two young boys, but I very
early on, in explaining the human nature introduced this world word
addiction to them because I wanted them to understand, you know what
the word addiction was, and that it was something that all human
beings are prone to. Because sometimes when we hear it, we
think immediately of alcohol or drugs. But no, addiction is
something that we, every single human being can fall into if we
don't learn self regulation, which is where the framework of
emotional intelligence becomes incredibly useful for people,
because everything you were just describing is an outline of, of
emotional intelligence. If you're the if you're self aware, and
you're paying attention to your, you know, own tendencies, then you
it just sort of naturally develops into wanting to, you know,
practice restraint, right. And so you're you become aware of
yourself, and then that leads, that's the second quality. And
then there's five qualities of emotional intelligence, you know,
according to Daniel Goleman, he's the leading expert actually have
his, his book right here, so I'm gonna just share it because yeah,
people, some people, you know, that I just feel like, it's such a
great resource. But here's the book, right. And in this book, he
talks about five qualities. And so if you pay attention to the five
qualities I've always said, because I love talking about this,
but I say subhanallah This is a slab he literally, I feel like he
just went into our dean and said, Okay, let me just cut and paste.
But, you know, first one is self awareness. So you don't have
knowledge of yourself know that you're weak in certain things.
And, you know, you're strong in certain things, you have talents,
you have skills, but you have Shaohua, you have certain things
that are unique to you. Not everybody will have that right,
Mujahidin, right, there are certain things, some people
struggle with their prayers, some people struggle with fasting, some
people, you know, struggle with riba so everybody has to know what
your own internal issues are. And struggles are, that's self
awareness, right. And there's so many other components of self
awareness, but just in the context of what we're talking about, you
know, that's self awareness. self regulation is withholding, you
know, to escape enough. So like, you need to know how to, you know,
purify yourself and how to strengthen yourself so that you're
not falling into these dangerous behaviors. And then motivation is
the third quality, empathy and, and social skills. So all of these
he goes into, and you know, in depth, but if you just parallel
them with a slam, in terms of what we're taught, and the example of
the process of it all makes sense. And I think my observation is that
we have lost this mindset, we've lost the structure that our deen
has given us. And people forget that, you know, what becoming, you
know, or a practicing Muslim is not just someone who prays five
times a day and does their ritual acts, there are people who are
actively engaged in the process of self purification on a daily
basis, right. So you can't just, you know, study a book or take a
class on the skin, enough's and feel like, check, I'm done. And,
you know, as long as I pray and do this, I'm good. The process of
purification is every day. And the bottom line is we sin every day,
and we're, we falter every day, and we slip every day. And so we
don't learn that that's a such an important priority to constantly,
you know, practice or be in the practice of them, we set ourselves
up to, like you said, or kind of you you, in a way, you, you
mentioned earlier about our tendency to make excuses, right?
Television, Netflix, that's again, the naps, right? And apps is very
good at, it's like a lawyer. It knows well how to defend what it
wants, right? So we justify certain things because we want it
right. It's all that's what it is. But you learn if you're paying, if
you're in this mindset, how to distinguish those thoughts, you
know, that this is really nuts, this is my knifes wanting to
indulge in this. And I, you know, have to control it. Because if I
don't I run the risk of, you know, majorly slipping. And then, you
know, there's so many consequences, as you said,
ramifications. So that's where I think my heart breaks for the
youth out there. Because if we don't empower them with these
toolkits, and with this knowledge, and then we give them these
devices, which I firmly believe are more dangerous than a weapon
to give your young children a phone, or an iPad or anything that
gives them access to all of the dangerous elements of our world
with a click of a button without giving them the toolkits to help
them understand why the
Things are so dangerous is really, it's very dangerous, and
especially in the teen years, right, because this is where, you
know, the medical experts know more, but from what they've
shared, they don't have executive function, you know, that part of
the the prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed for teens. So for
them to actually have self control and restraint, their Mujahid
basically is much harder. Right there. Moja is much harder. And so
you're giving a young adolescent, or up to up until, you know, I
think 21 is the age where late adolescence completes. And that's
where that part of the brain forms completely. So look at that span
of, you know, time that we're talking about, were giving them
access to this information is almost like really putting them in
the battlefield without any armor. And then we wonder why we have
addictions and social anxiety disorders and all these mental
health crises in that demographic? I just feel like, you know, it's
all there, you know? So that's right. Yeah, it's,
it's really depressing diagnosis.
I think we need to call it what it is, I think we're in in a major
crisis, that is far worse than any physical virus. And it's, it's
this situation that we're in, has just brought it to light, but
it's, it's been festering for a good long time. And I think that
it's really, you know, we have to ask ourselves as individuals, what
have we done? I mean, again, I mean, we started this conversation
with you telling us what you did. And I think that's really
individual of the whole story, because you made you cared about
this youth that you are with, and yet a lot of Muslims are living
out, Muslims are living our lives in a real bubble. And we have no
idea what's happening with the youth, we have no idea what's
happening with the 95% of Muslims who don't attend the functions
that, you know, take place at Masjid even they're just not they
don't feel included. And what's happening with all of these
people, and what have we done to take a stance, you know,
subhanAllah, we saw people during this whole Corona crisis,
everybody was taking a stance practically everyone was, you
know, making statements like stay home and stay home and stay home,
even your average layperson who
don't know anything about medicine or anything they got involved in
this cause. And I think we need to see that kind of effort being
galvanized for the cause of saving youth from, from a kind of
addiction that is unlike any other kind. So I want to talk about that
just for a little bit. And ask you about that. Because you mentioned,
I think that's beautiful that you talk to your your, your son's
about addiction. And, you know, there's addictions, and there's
addiction, and their sin, and then there's sin, and sexual addiction
and sexual sin is unlike anything else really does warp the fifth
law in warps your natural desire to attain to a spiritual closeness
to God, it works it and it can actually destroy it. And that's
what we see going on, this is not a joke, it's really a very serious
thing. To have children as young as 10 and 12. Seeing sexual images
is an attack. It's an attack on what God has given them. Allah
subhanaw Donna gave us something inside us. That's precious. And I
mean, I, you and I, and maybe you're from my same generation, or
maybe I'm older than you by a little bit. But
you know, based on your back to the future comment, maybe we're
the same generation. But anyway, you know, spa, we I come from a
time when there really weren't all like there was email came in. I
remember when I was when I started to attend university. That was the
first email and it was just text based. And so I had a childhood
and a teen hood that had none of these images and no access to this
kind of thing except movies. That was it. And so planula you're
talking about this ability to the you know, how difficult it was for
teens to resist temptation and so on. And yet Allah subhanaw taala
also put in teens very powerful energy to if they can get the
right teachings at the right moment. They also have a very
powerful energy to reach heights that that you cannot reach later
on. And this has to be said Allah subhanaw taala praises the youth
who grew up in a state of coming to Allah or being obedient to
Allah
are being in the in the service of God, He specified youth, because
there's something that is so unique about that energy that
youth have. And right now it's really being undermined and
directed towards things that are extremely detrimental and
extremely damaging for their future. And to me, it's actually
appalling that as Muslims, we haven't taken a universal stance
to say, Enough is Enough with this stuff, including things like tick
tock, because
I mean, what is the difference between the kinds of things you
are describing and *? Right? Is there an actual
difference? Absolutely. Oh, mama, I agree with everything you said.
And say, you know, the thing is, as you said, you know, teens
Mashallah. They're, you know, part of the seven that are, are
guaranteed shade on the Day of Judgment, those who come right to
Allah subhanaw taala in their youth. So absolutely, they're
honored. But But I think people need to understand this is why I
love talking to teens, because you're right. They we
underestimate their intelligence, they're far more capable than what
maybe we think I think there's this dumbing down element that we
have to fess up to, which is not from Islam, it's a very western
thing, you know, this idea that, Oh, they're not an adult until
they're 18. I don't accept that. I definitely don't accept that. I
reject that. I think exactly what our deen teaches, which is, when
they hit puberty, they are adults speak to them in that way that you
they can rationalize, you know, information, instead of just
trying to sugarcoat or shield them, you know, give them the
truth so that they know what to do with that truth. So when I talk to
teens, I let them know very clearly what's going on in terms
of the exploitation of their demographic, you know, teens
should know that there is an agenda by the higher ups and we
can sit here and it's not conspiracy theory, this is just
plain capitalism at play. You have a system that is, you know,
basically functions on getting as many consumers as possible. So
they are and we know this from research, they target children now
forget teens, they're targeting our children. Right, the
magazine's still in the grocery stands, why are the most
inappropriate foul images placed at eye level for young children?
Right, the home goods and and housekeeping magazines are up top,
but the salacious, scandalous you know, just tabloid junk is put on
the media. Why? Because these people are the biller. There's
definitely an agenda. There's, there's there's people who are
paid a lot of money to study human behavior to study, you know, these
things and to figure out how to market whatever they're selling to
new consumers. And so we're very naive if we think they're not
targeting our children, when you see young children's clothing with
highly suggestive sexual messages. Like why does a little five year
old girl, first of all need to have a bikini? I don't know why
she would need to wear a bikini and target you know, they have
these ridiculous outfits, or have on her underwear written something
like juicy the word. Why is that acceptable in our society? Why are
we Why do we have these beauty pageants shows that, you know,
take these little girls who are innocent and pure and fitrah, as
you said, some of them are six, seven years old, and we dress them
up, like women, and we do hair and makeup and then have them
struggling. There was once I think, Oh, the Buddha, I just
couldn't believe that this is again,
no, this wasn't flagged by some child advocacy group as being
highly inappropriate. You know, these girls who are doing
basically * and you know, routines that you would
find, you know, strippers doing for mostly, or, you know, mixed
audiences, many of which I'm sure I'm certain are child creditors
sitting there, because this is what they would love to watch. So
we have a society that is sick in terms of these things. And we as
Muslims have to like you said, we have to be more ahead of this. And
we have to have, you know, enough is enough stance, we have to be
vocal when we see the threat, not just for our own group, we know we
don't do this, oh, you know, us versus them. This is humanity.
This is, you know, I'm going to be my roof. And so when you see the
evil, the pervasive evil everywhere around you, and whether
it's on an app or in a film or on a cartoon, whatever, we have to
sit a stand up, but unfortunately, we see the opposite we we see. Oh,
I don't know if you, you know, got wind of anything that happened at
the Superbowl halftime show, but it was quite all over the media. I
wrote a post because I was so disturbed by that performance. I
watched it. Not all of it. I was honestly disgusted by it. But I
said, this is so disturbing. I can't believe anybody. Nobody
You know, stood up for families and children because children
watch football, you know, there's kids all over America all over the
world who are into sports, they like the sport of it. So you're,
you know, putting them in, you know, out of this position where
they're, they have no idea what's going to happen all of a sudden,
these two women who are in their 40s and 50s, basically doing a
strippers routine, and we're having shots, you know, the camera
angle going directly into their private areas. This is
unacceptable America. The shocking thing was on the comments of my
post, many Muslims came to the defense of these artists as they
call them. This was for me, like, wow, what, uh, what's happened in
our community? We're clear, wrong, you know, we don't even need to
sit here and define, you know, lines in terms of religion, you
know, this is just human, like, you know, like moral, you know,
ethical, you know, wrongs have been committed, but we still try
to somehow, you know, we're just kind of again, I feel like we
we've lost our, our sight of all of this, and our children,
unfortunately, are the biggest victims because they're following
our lead, you know, so this is why I think I mentioned to you or
possibly sister the House who was with us earlier, that the
disturbing thing about tick tock because that's, you know, what
we're focusing on is that a lot of times, from what I've witnessed is
that the teens, Muslim teens that are on there, they are doing
inappropriate stuff. I mean, I've seen a lot of highly inappropriate
material from visibly Muslim children or teens that are wearing
hijabs, for example, many young girls are posting pictures of boys
that they say are cute, or just maybe referencing having, you
know, crushes or perhaps more than that, on certain boys, and then
they'll put images of those people up, or boys doing the same thing,
a lot of references about, you know, gender relations and
flirting and boyfriends and girlfriends. And also, I've seen,
just dancing and gyrating. And just really, like I said,
seductive performances, that alone is disturbing. But what's also
disturbing, and this is where I think we need to really speak to
the parents here is when the parents are involved in the
recordings, you know, you see them in the background, you see them
participating, you see them giving license for their kids to do these
things. This is to me a big, huge, huge problem, because what is that
is that you thinking you're, you know, you're trying to be your
child's best friend. And that's, you know, the in that in that
endeavor, you forego the role of parent and the role of guide the
role of spiritual teacher, because to allow your child to, you know,
like, for example, you know, I think I've mentioned it to you,
one of the areas that really troubles me is when there's a
mockery of religious practice, you know, and one of our other
teachers, you know, she highlighted that today, I'm so
glad she did that in one of her posts, Xena, because she reminded
me that I had seen those same posts of young Muslim teens in
prayer outfits, or standing up for prayer with parents in the skit.
And the whole point of the skit is to make fun of, of the prayer or
some component of the prayer, how is that acceptable? How have we
lost our way to the point where we even allow our teens to now make a
mockery of our religion and, and for likes? For To what end? Right?
To what end for popularity? And we don't see the incredible danger of
doing that. Because if they don't respect this tradition, and they
don't respect, right, the sanctity of this tradition, how should we
expect them to hold on to it or have any value for it? If we're
teaching them, that it's okay to make a mockery out of it? Right?
Absolutely. The other beloved, rather than lead. So it's really,
I really hope that everybody feels the need. I think we don't. Some
people might be asking, Okay, well, what's your what's your
solution? And I really believe that it, you know, the solution
starts by, as you said, a broken heart. And I think you said that
your heart really breaks for these teenagers. I think that that's
where we that's where all the solutions come from, because the
solutions are from Allah subhanaw Dona they are from our Lord. Our
Lord is watching everything, and Subhanallah he looks for that
broken heart. This is what we know from our tradition that Allah is
with the one whose heart is broken for his sake. And when your heart
breaks for a teenager because they're losing their capacity to
connect to Allah, then your heart is breaking for Allah sake. And
you know, so many people when they've if they've heard that,
that, that the teaching that Allah Allah says that I am with the one
whose heart is broken for my sake. Many people think it's just a
personal thing like oh, you know,
Whatever, maybe you missed your prayer or something, or maybe you
feel like you're not a good enough Muslim and your heart is breaking,
but really what you what you spoke about highlights for me a whole
other meaning of that, of that. Teaching that it's your
heartbreaks for the sake of people.
Because you love them for the sake of God. And I believe that anyone
listening, that's what I would invite you to do is to really feel
the pain, like it's when I just listening to you, sister Jose, I
feel like I just want to call and just cry in a corner. You know,
it's a really devastating thing. There's no, there's no collected
way really to talk about it. It's heartbreaking. It's devastating.
It's
it's this whole system that is there and humbled. I mean, we have
we have our Lord. And I believe that
if anyone watching this would just take a moment tonight, to really
pray and surely beg Allah, to guide people to save youth from
these things will law who would see big, big changes, because this
is what's missing, I believe from our own mind today is people who
they have this prophetic concern. And the prophets, I said them,
he cried for us, he cried for us for these very reasons, for
worried that our capacity to connect to Allah would would,
would be diminished and will be compromised. And so I really
encourage people to feel sadness about this as a starting place and
to watch then how Allah unfolds for you opportunities to, to take
the next step in that journey of being the change that you wish to
see. And that could be that you become inspired, perhaps in these
days to say, Listen, I want to open a prayer circle. for teens,
the, let's say, for the daughters of my friends, I'm just gonna open
up a zoom, we'll get on
maybe twice a week. And we'll read, we'll read like a little bit
of the clips together, we'll just recite some things together. You
know, you have no idea that could be that could be a turning point
for people. And I just want to mention this because, you know,
you talked also the essay about how people don't realize how high
the stakes are, we don't realize that there are consequences to
everything that we do, or that we allow to happen, right? If I'm a
parent, I'm allowing certain things to happen. And I kind of
want to downplay that, it will really, it's maybe it's not that
big a deal, etc. But I want to say that when we've got something like
20 days left, hold on, hold on, and we may be facing out on hold
on where we can't bring our families to the masjid, the stakes
are high right now, the stakes are high, because if we are developing
habits that are all centered around our use of media, social
media, then I don't think that we can hope for some kind of instant
change the day that Ramadan comes and it's very close right now. And
normally in our in our mosques and all around, you would be seeing
lots of programs that are prepping people for Ramadan, you've got a
certain feeling in the air right now, that's, there's no feeling
like that all the feeling is still about the whole epidemic or the
whole pandemic. And before we know no more than is going to be there.
And we'll maybe I'm worried that certain habits will will still be
lingering in the air and it is going to be upon each and every
family to to then deal with the consequences of this. So again,
what I'm saying is Pray take a moment, if you care about this
whole thing to pray tonight, and then May Allah's Panadol open the
door for you to do something like a prayer circle, which really for
if you could do it even every other day for the next 20 days.
That could be everything to someone and they could be like,
You know what? I want that to continue in Ramadan. And who
knows, who knows great things could come up something like that.
You know, mashallah, I love everything you just said, because
you spoke exactly to the truths of our deen, which is, you know, in a
mala Mala vignette, we have to start with the right intention,
which is where that beautiful advice you gave about your heart
really has to break, which requires us to know, right? We
can't have fight or flight right now. You know, I know a lot of
people are they run when the problems and conflicts are brought
up there get very uncomfortable. They don't want to talk about
these things because they want to live in a utopian world, that
everything's gonna be fine. Everything you know, I'm just
going to either focus on right now, but I don't want to think
about the possibility that God forbid, my child may, you know,
have this problem and have that
from someone who works with teens and parents, I can tell you right
now that we this is so important for us to focus on. I mean, I'll
tell you, for example, I just recently finished a course at our
local Masjid on purification of the heart. Consistently for four
weeks, every single after every single class, there was a mom in
the background waiting for me to finish. And there were different
URL for all four times I did seven sessions. But this happened for
two weeks in a row, where as soon as the class was over, the mom
would come to me. Some of them were complete strangers, I'd never
seen them before in my life. And they said, You know, I need your
help, please. And all of a sudden, it was tears and everything was
just coming like an overflow, an ambush, like an avalanche of
emotion. And what was the issue? My teen daughter, my teen son,
they're into vaping, drugs, *, violence, being
really just away from everything that we want for our children. And
the consistent theme, and all of them was, I did everything I put
them in XYZ school in Sunday school, or they went to full
Islamic school, one mother Subhanallah, she came to me and
she was just really devastated. Her son who was in a hips program,
he completed his hips program, can you imagine this program is now
telling her that he's doubting his faith?
Why? Because if we're not vigilant as parents, and this is why, you
know, a Caloocan, random or critical mass on and on variety is
such an important Hadith for everybody to know, the process of
them is telling us, we are shepherds, right? We have we're
responsible for our flock, what is the shepherd protecting their
flock from from the wolves that are out there. And yet, we seem to
think that because we're in the West, and we live in the safest
cities, and we've, you know, live in gated communities, and our
children go to the top tier schools, and they're, you know,
taking all these wonderful programs and classes that they
did, there's no wolves were the wolves, you know, oh, it's just
the internet, everybody's on the air, it's not a big deal. There
are wolves everywhere, there are shouting, literally around us all
the time, trying to take us away from our Lord, He, we've been
warned, this is our doing movie, and he will do everything and
anything to destroy us spiritually. And if we're not
vigilant for our children, and we don't give them the tools to
protect themselves with and then we, on top of that, turn a blind
eye to the portal with which the wolves are coming in droves to
attack them. What do we expect, because this is a portal that as
you said, there's so much destruction in one image. And if
we look at the, the process of the human brain, which is so powerful,
right? Most addictions, or especially when it comes to
*, right, which is a huge problem. And in our world,
right, there was a beautiful article that was recently posted.
I don't have the reference offhand. But hopefully, when this
is done, maybe we can post it somewhere where this French, you
know, I think he's a possibly a mental health person, but he just
was so compelled to write this articles is really speaking about
the dangers of *, that people just do need to understand
about the rewiring of, of the brain, how one image and o can
lead to, again, this, this relenting nagging feeling of
wanting to basically get the next fix, right, because there's a
dopamine surge that happens when you're looking at something that's
igniting that pleasure center in the brain. So if you look at for a
child, let's say a child who is 1112 years old, he was you know,
he or she are exposed to one image, let's just say it's an
image, it's an inappropriate image, maybe it's a lady in a
bikini or a man without a shirt off. But that image is going to
remember, these are the beginning years of sexual desire, you know,
they before that before adolescence, kids are so innocent,
they don't get any of this stuff with that thought. But the
hormones are surging, their brains are being rewired. And now to see
an image of a half naked body is going to give them a sensation
that they've never had before. And the brain and of course, your
thought is right there in their ear telling them, you know, look
again, look again, and then the next time, especially if they have
access to a web browser, that they know the words by the time they're
in junior high, trust me if they go to a public school, even
Islamic school, or just a schooling environment, where kids
are not really monitored all the time. For sure they're learning
these things earlier than people think. And I have stories that
would probably either bring a lot of people to tears about young
middle school students knowing way too much way too early, to the
point where I was left stunned, and I've done enough of these
coming of age talks with teens where I'm hardly shocked. But I
was recently left shocked and stunned and disturbed on levels
that I can't
even expressed because I said this is too young. How could Muslim
children already know these terms? Right? So we are very naive if we
think our kids have never done so it's almost, I think it's I don't
know the exact research behind it. But that three letter word
especially is the most commonly Google search at all times, pretty
much. So when you think a child who for the first time has a
phone, and it has a browser, and he has unlimited data, isn't going
to do those searches. And trust me, they know how to fool you as
parents, because they're like online forums, and so many shared
things between teens about how to get rid of clearing cache, how to
get rid of your history, how to people don't even know, for
example, what a vault app is, we should know what a vault app is.
They're apps that look like a calculator or calendar, or some
innocent little thing, but it's actually a portal into another
dimension that allows them to share videos share pictures, and a
parent would have no clue. Because there's 1000s of developers that
cater to this demographic, why these are the future consumers,
they want them to get addicted, why not? Why not have a 1213 year
old boy who can't help himself? We had you know, recently again, we
did a we did a, you know, a talk with teens, the boys, they knew
the website *, which is one of the most atrocious things in
existence. And he knew it. So you think that kid who's already
addicted 12 years old to this website that has an N I don't even
know if you can even you know, count, right? How many
* images and videos and the base they host. It's just
endless. But you don't think he's going to be a lifelong consumer,
for sure you start them at 12 Forget it, he'll have dysfunction,
and problems his whole life likely he will have. And I've actually
encountered that I've had parents call me and say, My child is gone.
The child that I knew and raised up until 1415. He's gone. He's now
like a zombie. He's lost all like emotion. He's completely just a
different person, because all he wants to do is spend his entire
day in the bedroom.
So we're just we need to not turn away from this. And I know it's
uncomfortable. I we had a question, actually, that was
brought up saying that parents are uncomfortable speaking about these
topics. I understand that and as someone who's a teacher, and who
does these talks, I understand 100% That these are uncomfortable
conversations for every parent to have, but I don't think you should
have it if you're uncomfortable. What you can do is outsource
because it's imperative that you find the mentors in your
community, the teachers, right we have like mashallah here we have
unsay Chavez, who is an invaluable resource for those of you who are
in the Senate collective community. And, you know, people
like her or people who have trained under her who understand
the spiritual, you know, way that we have to, you know, frame these
conversations, that you you hand it off to someone like her or
someone trained maybe in again, this area, who says, you know,
what I will have, you know, I do enough youth work, I understand
you I can I can do this for you. But you need to start early, don't
please don't wait because I think my the thing that breaks my heart
is when I get those, you know, it's kind of like emergency
services, you know, someone's coming in, it's like, everything's
kind of already. So beyond not repair. I never want to say that I
never want anybody to be able to biller to get that idea that it's
beyond repair. Yeah, the biller, we're not a dean of despair. We
don't believe in that anything is possible with a loss of habitat.
But it's more than it's so critical. And it's gotten to a
point where it's so difficult, that that's when parents seek
help, please don't do that. Don't let you know, your fear your
shyness, you know, blameworthy. Modesty, this is a disease of a
heart. And you know, we should look into that. But don't let that
modesty of oh, what will people say? What will people think about
me and my family prevent you from seeking the help for your child,
if you think there's a problem, if you're already seeing battles over
video games, and, you know, phone at 1011, and I've had, I've had
parents say, they my kids are throwing tantrums and I don't know
what to do. And then they feel that the best thing to do is just
give in, but that's actually the worst thing to do. And, you know,
I could go on and on about, you know, how that why that is. But my
point is, is, please don't wait until it gets so dangerous that
now you're really panicking. Because that's what the
experiences I've had too many parents have come up to me in that
state. I would rather we put our thinking caps on, be very, very
vigilant and say, first of all, I'm not going to give devices and
I know I'm at a point where I just say that, please, I beg you for
the sake of our own love for the sake of our future for the sake of
the beautiful, pure hearts of fitrah that our children have to
please not give your children devices until late into their
adolescent years if they really really need it. When they've
already done all the emotional intelligence work, hopefully with
a qualified teacher, a spiritual guide, who can really help them
understand that if they don't practice self
regulation, they are handing their future in every which way,
professionally, politically, relationship wise, and most
importantly, spiritually to the hand to something that will
control them. And that's the danger of this, this these, you
know, and that's a dangerous danger of addiction in general,
which is why I think we should be having conversations and you know,
really normalizing the term addiction. Because really what it
what it means is, or what it what it explains is the weakness that
were created, you know, this has always been has told us, right,
that he's made us weak. So we should be very open about that,
that we're all weak and we need strength. And if you don't
understand how human nature works, then you're you're going to, you
know, like, like many before, unfortunately, fall, may Allah
protect us from that, inshallah.
Yeah, I mean, I, what you're saying is so profound, and it's so
onpoint.
And, yes, it was kind of done, it says that he created the human
being, you know, in a state of weakness, or having this weak side
to us. Yes. And I think that, um,
you know, it's, it's important to acknowledge that, and I think that
that's, that's exactly why I hate Netflix. And I'm going to say that
I really hate it. Because I, what I feel is, as you're saying, just
like those magazines that are placed at the eye level of a
child, I mean, this is, this isn't a talk, this is a, an awareness of
people's weakness, and a manipulation and taking advantage
of people. And as a human being, there is nothing that is more.
There's more angering to watch than to see my own fellow human
beings being manipulated, being taken advantage of and being
oppressed. This is exactly how you have to feel a kind of anger
inside you that how dare you take advantage of the weak points of
human beings. And, you know, subhanAllah how many students of
mine have fallen into a week long Netflix binge? Because they had
some difficult thing that happened in their life. And then there's
Netflix for you. Available? Easy, seemingly comforting. Yeah, honey,
it's it's makes me so angry from inside that How dare you try to
replace God for people? You know, I mean, I've, we've all been
through things that are hard in our lives. And I remember I'm from
a time when there was none of that available, had been available,
that would be me. That's why I'm so that's why I dislike those
things so much. Because I know that's I'm looking at myself when
I look at people who are stuck in those bad habits. But I'm just, I
just got lucky that I wasn't there for me when I was young. And so I
remember when I was 16, I could drive and I remember, whenever I
will be really upset about something, I would take the car, I
would tell my parents, I want to take the car. And I would go and I
would drive 20 minutes to the mosque. And I would just sit there
and cry it out.
I mean, I I don't want that to be an experience that's no longer
hard by 16 year olds, right.
Why don't they get to have that? I mean, that was life shaping. For
me, as you're saying, you know this, you don't give away your
power. That's a power. That's a memory that I can always go back
to and say, Oh, that's how that's how it's done. And I'm worried
that people you know, when you have addictions and Gabor Ma Tei
Dr. Gabor Murthy talks about this that what is an addiction, it's a
lack of connection. You go to it because you want some kind of
comfort. And that's where that's actually where it's all coming
from. Of course, there's shockline, but it's a manipulation
of the need the weakness that we have, which is supposed to be
something we bring to God. Yes, I'm weak, and that's why I need
you God. I'm so weak, I can't handle this situation. And please
your coffee, you are the strong and I'm the weak. And it's this
thing is coming between us and God. And that's why it has to be
something that makes our hearts break on the one hand, but also
makes our blood boil so that we can do something about it and that
we can feel no How dare you? How dare you come between the human
being and their Lord, You have no right to do that. When somebody is
sad, that's a holy sadness and it has to be taken to God not taken a
numbed by Netflix or alcohol or whatever, or * as you're
saying. So there has to be I think that that attitude and I think
Muslims are very good at being angry about oppression and
injustice. And we need to see this as the ultimate injustice, the
abuse of the human soul and their and forcing people basically into
sin. This is something that
You have to be more upset about than any other catastrophe or war,
or political injustice that we see in the world. This has to really
galvanize us.
I agree 100% And this is what is meant by right kowtow to shaitan
because it's incremental their footsteps he's literally leading
us down the rabbit hole to basically, you know, fall short of
everything right? But it's not so it's subtle because as we said,
you know, we know how to read for the most part Muslims, you give
them alcohol, haram right? You give them porque haram you give
them certain things haram but what is it about this, you know, device
or these devices that we suddenly start blurring, you know, the
lines of what's haram and halal. And it's because shaytaan, as you
said, is exploiting our weaknesses. And this is why it's
so important to study the diseases of the heart to study your
momentum was that is incredible work alchemy of happiness, for
example, her purification of the heart, where he goes into the
diseases, right? The the appetites that we are we have that all
someone has given us and the dangers of not regulating those
appetites, because they're all connected, right? And this is why,
you know, even now, I've done quite a few lives. And one of the
things I've seen in conversations throughout is people are so in an
indulgent state, because like you said, it's like we're self
medicating, right, we're, we're in a state of despair. There's
uncertainty all around us, we're afraid for our families, our loved
ones ourselves. And instead of taking, like you said, our hearts
to our Lord, who's the only one who can change our circumstance,
literally, and we know this, we are, instead of doing that,
instead of making the most of this incredible windfall of time, we've
been given the spiritual, you know, time that we've been given
to actually lean on Him and to get strength from him. People are,
again, defaulting to what is normal, and what's normal in our
cultures and our societies is to self medicate to run from our
problems. Through indulging ourselves with as you said, food,
and I'm sorry, a, you know, a diet of
binging on television or film, music, which are all of it is just
so toxic. I mean, have we even paid attention to the lyrics? I've
been to places where I'm, you know, there's music playing and
the lyrics are so troubling, that this is what is popular music now.
It's a horrible, it's horrendous. But you'll see, you know, young
Muslim kids jamming away as if it's nothing, you know, we don't
realize that all of that leaves an imprint on the spiritual heart,
that when we're, you know, consuming, that kind of toxic
stuff, that it's going to affect us and, you know, darkened the
heart that we've been given a force it does. And the more and
more the heart darkens. Then it you know, just like when you see
those images of people, usually, you know, indulging in something
wrong and inappropriate, they're always in these little dark
spaces, right? The bedroom or the bathroom, and everything's dark,
because that's what shaitan wants, he wants you to be in that dark
state inwardly and outwardly. So that you're hiding in your shame
and in your, you know, whatever you're caught up in. And as long
as he has his hooks in you that way, then you don't come into the
light, you don't stand for prayer, you miss your your budget, because
all night long, you were watching XYZ, or during the day, you're
just gorging on food all day long that as I said, you're too lazy
and lethargic to maybe pray some extra sunnah or, you know, do
something severe or read some Quran because what happens with
the body when we feed it too much, it feels heavy, so people don't
make the correlation. This is why our scholars are brilliant, like I
have these books. Subhanallah people, I think these are so
powerful, I'm sure I don't know if you I'm sure you've seen these
right? These are the Imam Al Ghazali little chapter books,
like, you know, look on the treatment of the lust of the
stomach and the sexual organs. What would we how much benefit
could this book is incredible resource in these few pages.
There's so many gems that give you an inside view in how weak we are
in terms of our appetites. But then we have you know, the harms
of the tongue. I have pride and conceit. You know, we have power
and control. Why are we studying these with our children? Why are
we having honest conversations with our teens to say, Listen, you
know what I was like you once I know how it is, I empathize with
you. And I understand that you are in a totally different world. Like
you said, we're, I'm sure likely from the same generation. I'm
probably older than you but
but, you know, we were in a time where we didn't have this attack,
visual attack of imagery. Right at every point of our day, we were
actually able to exist in a relatively, you know, normal, you
know, environment and not have to constantly cover our eyes all the
time, or is now
Oh, you could be on. And I've seen it. You know, I'll tell you a
story just to show you how demonic these forces are. This was the
point where I and it was probably last year, what I truly was, like,
all the diversion analogy I, you know, we just seek refuge with
Allah. But I was doing a search for the idea hold on to the rope
of Allah. And I did a Google image search because I was looking for a
really beautiful image of Arabic calligraphy with this is
my heart. And I don't want to get emotional right now. But it to me
was like, This is what we're up against this
in a search for a verse of the Quran, I was looking through the
scroll. And at the bottom, these demons had a * image of
a woman in tied up in ropes. Just because I did a Google search of
rope. Do you see how DeMont and I have all the safety features on
my, you know, browsers. So I was like, how did how did this come
onto my browser? She is uh, it was like a from a film possibly. I
don't know what it was, I didn't even look I just saw and I was
like, Oh my God, this came up on a Google search for an idea of ALLAH
SubhanA wa, tada. This is why we cannot be naive as parents and
think that our kids will be fine. Because all their friends have it.
And what have you know, it's too dangerous. Let them grow up and
innocence and keep their fitrah as long as possible, even if they're,
it doesn't matter if they're 15 and 16. And don't know really much
about anything. It's okay. You know, I don't know why parents
feel the need to rush their children into adulthood, they're
going to have decades of responsibility. And you know, all
of these problems to deal with, they're inheriting a very toxic
world that we've left them, can we let them enjoy their childhood?
Please? Like, let them enjoy the innocence of daydreaming about
unicorns and butterflies? Why do they need to see, you know, this
just toxic world that invites curiosity? That is untameable. And
that's the danger is that we were I think we've just lost sight of
the way that you know this, that who's behind all of this, how do
they why do they do what they do, and the fact that our children
deserve, you know, for us to protect them and not to just turn
away because we're too distracted with our world and our problems.
And it's a nice babysitter, you know, it's okay, just go play on
your video, or your iPad. You know, while I take this phone
call, or while I cook dinner, no, no, no, please give them something
more useful. Because that 120 30 minute interaction, could be the
beginning of a really, really dangerous thing for your family
may also find that protective saw and I again, I feel bad because I
don't want people to leave feeling helpless and just miserable from
this conversation. But I do think it's important, as a physician, as
mentioned that we bring this out and talk about it openly because
the naivete is really the problem, you know, is that there's a and
there's you know, and I know parents, of course, we all love
our children, we want nothing but the best for them. So this is no
blaming and shaming. It's just rather, I think we sometimes we're
just not aware that the demonic forces are so strong.
They're everywhere, and they're gunning for our children. You
know, may Allah protect them. But we have to be vigilant. I mean,
there's a question here. So that will say about some successful
strategies? And I would, I would say, either you can, let's take
the question. Or maybe we do a follow up session, I'll put that
to you. I would be honored to do anything with you. This was such
an honor to to meet you and see you for the first time. So I'm
just letting you know, I'm at your service, you let me know what you
want from me, I will do anything. It's my honor. I think that you
have I mean, you're a wealth of resources. And I would love
actually to do a whole session. You know, you don't need me on it,
actually. But,
you know, you know, I think it would be great for all of us to
hear, what are the strategies as as the sister is asking, what are
the techniques you use? And also, what are some resources that
people could read about like we could use? You mentioned the
article about the effects of *.
There are all kinds of things that we can equip ourselves with, I
think, I think we really hear your call to get involved and stop
turning a blind eye. So there are a lot of things we need to equip
ourselves with as adults at this point, including this art that I
heard you referring to when you didn't go further but I would love
to see you talk about holding your ground when your child is
insisting that everybody else has
as that, and you know, I see so many parents and I sympathize with
them. They're tired and they've got stuff to do. And they don't
have the, you know, the bandwidth, as they say, to tolerate a big
tantrum. Or if it's a teen, to tolerate a week of being your teen
being rude to you, and passive aggressive because you didn't let
them do something or it didn't let them access some some, some
platform or something. I think it would be so helpful if we would,
if you could give a talk about that and just empower adults to
feel okay, about their children being displeased with them.
Because I think the tables have unfortunately really turned where
we are worried about are our children happy with us. And that
was never the case. The prophets, I send them Allah subhanaw taala
as asking us make sure your parents are pleased with you.
You're so the law and why the day not gone. Oh, lads.
And
I see, I see. Almost all the parents in my generation are just
worried about, oh, what my child will be so upset if I do that, oh,
my child, I want my children to be happy. And what is happiness?
First of all, and in so many questions, there's, I'm, I'm just
putting this to you that perhaps we can have another online
session. And I would love I really would, I would, I would be so
honored to do as I said, anything with you at all, and especially on
this topic, as you as I explained to I'm very, very passionate about
certain topics, anything related to protecting to children, excuse
me, or teens from all of these pitfalls and dangers, and you
know, just traps of shaytaan to help fortify them spiritually, I'm
always on board for it's a bulk of what I do in terms of my work with
youth. So I love doing that parenting advice. And, you know,
really talking about effective tools and strategies, I'm happy to
do all of that, as well as really giving people the toolkits like,
like emotional intelligence, which I referred to earlier, because
that is, to me, a real starting ground, if you want to really get
ahead, especially for parents with small children, because sometimes
people think these conversations have to be had later, but no, you
you start the planting, you know, and the tilling of the soil early,
and then you plant the seeds, you know, when when the soil is right,
but you don't just, you know, wait and neglect the soil and then
start planning when it's dry. And you know, you don't do that. And I
think that's where, you know, getting ahead of the conversation,
becoming very well versed in child development and understanding
children's brains, how they function, understanding what
tailored parenting is, which is I've done parenting workshops,
specifically about tailoring parenting, because I think this
one size fits all model is also very dangerous, because it's
convenient, it's easy, I just have general rules for all four or five
kids in the house, everybody has to follow it. And we kind of just,
you know, basically, like a drill sergeant, you know, everybody
falls in line. And that's how the house is run. And this is not
effective. The prophesies set up, which is why I love emotional
intelligence, because a whole component of emotional
intelligence is empathy. There is no human being who is more
empathic ever than the prophesy said, he was empathic as an
infant, people forget, as a nursing infant, he did not drink
milk until his milk brother was full. What does that teach us
about the value of empathy. So if we don't look at our children, as
individuals, and we just think of them as little minions that just
run our errands for us. And that's all we see in them. And we, you
know, speak down to them and not honor them. And, you know, someone
said to me, something that was so beautiful. They said, we forget
that these children are, you know, their souls are eternal, and there
that's still inside of that child, you know, the soul alone, you
know, so why do we treat them like they're just these, you know,
little, you know, unintelligent, you know, they don't get it. And
you see people speak that way, whether they do it in that
diminishing, very insulting sort of tone, or they do it in the oh,
you know, I'll explain it to you later. It's the same thing. Stop
because your children deserve to know the truth in portions that
are appropriate. You do it correctly, but you don't lie to
your children. You don't you know, that I think people just resort to
me anyway, I'm sorry, I could go on and I'm going to stop because I
kind of get carried away emotionally. But as I said, I'm
honored to do anything with you, you let me know date and time I
will make myself available for you. You're very busy. You have so
much to do. So just let me fit into your schedule, but I would be
honored truly. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. So thank
you, um, did not I think we got a message that some of the parents
are expressing a lot of guilt and helplessness
would say to you, what I would say to you is I think that guilt is
maybe I'll just end with this and then say that Jose, you can
Take it from there.
But guilt is a
an emotion I think that paralyzes us. Whereas shame and regret and
remorse are very important things, especially if what you mean by
guilt is a sense of regret that I wish I had been aware of this
earlier. I wish I had done better, because regret is the very essence
of Toba. The prophets I said, um, said Toba is regret it Toba,
Madame, madame Toba. That's what it is. You can't
We can't try to avoid the discomfort of that feeling. That
feeling is what brings us again to the door of God. And I think it's
okay to sit in that place for a little bit and say, you know, what
am I doing and out of that grows so much. So much determination. At
the beginning, it feels like you're just thrown to the ground,
right? When you first feel that feeling like oh my god, I've been
letting my kids use these devices, or oh my god, I've been so
involved in my own life that I haven't realized that. I have a
lot of responsibility. I get it.
And but when you're thrown to the ground, reach for God, it'll come.
Don't try to rush past that. Because again, it's like that
broken heart, Allah season, Allah is with you. And when you let
yourself as uncomfortable as that feeling is when you let yourself
be washed by that, you find that the next day, you're full of
determination to go at it, and make and make changes. And so it's
okay to feel that way. And it's not something I want to comfort
you out of, because I think that we are in a very,
we're in a very dangerous position. If we don't feel that
way, then there's something wrong with us. So feel that way and feel
like Oh, my God, what are we going to do? We're in the middle of the
situation. I've already got kids who are 13, and I don't know
what's going on with them. This man cry out to God in that
situation. And helplessness again, yeah, we're all helpless. We are.
We're unbelievably helpless. We don't acknowledge it. We are so
helpless. Allah is our only hope.
We call we say Allah dedikate. Harlequin, this is something that
we see the the people who are close to Allah, they have this
beautiful way of talking to Allah that that, you know, shows us
whole dimensions that we didn't even understand that could be
possible in a relationship with Allah. And it's one of the things
that our pious predecessors say is they refer to God as your
dedication had a keen Oh, yeah, who saves the people who are
destroyed. Who are they referring to talking about? Highly keen over
there? They mean themselves? A lot. I mean, Hallie, Kim, you're
the one who can save me I'm destroyed if not for you. I see
myself right now I'm heading towards destruction y'all Allah
grab me and save me. And I let us do that in these days. This is
Chava and this is a month that we're right before Ramadan. Let us
have some nights that are like that. Let us have some tears that
are like that. And you know Subhan Allah, they say about April What
did they say April showers bring May flowers. Well Shaba and
showers bring it on, hold on flowers, let yourself cry those
tears you will see beauty come. So that's what I would say to that.
We should feel that way right now. I feel that way. I feel that way.
I don't have children and I feel your Allah Ya Allah if you don't
help us, what are we going to do? You know, and yes, I want Jose to
give us the strategies. And I know that they're going to help. But I
want to stop here because I want us to take that time to really big
Allah, we have a tendency in our in our day and age to jump to the
solution.
Everything is about that, you know, and it's also part of our
culture that's been created for us by online. Because back in the
day, if I had to figure out how to take a stain out of something, if
I had to figure out anything, I couldn't just go online. Now I can
go online for anything at all and find that solution. Even for
mental health problems. You can diagnose yourself, you can
diagnose your partner, you can decide that your mother is a
narcissist based on a checklist. I mean, everything is just let's get
to it, let's get to it. Whereas there is no space given to okay,
this is a situation let me ask Allah for help. I don't know what
the solution is. I don't actually know. I'm not sure. All I know is
I got a problem and that Allah sees me and Allah can help me
so beautiful. So let me answer China's I really don't have much
to add to that. It was beautifully put. And I agree with everything.
I don't want anybody to walk away feeling in despair. Despair is the
station of shaitan we are not an ummah of despair. We always have
hope all those parts that I can do anything and that's why we have
stories like you know a
Prophet Yunus, Saudis and what did he do when he was in the belly of
the whale, right, trapped in darkness, but immediately he
recognized you know, his mistake and he turned to Allah and Allah
freed him, he gave him he entered his office. So, the power of the
law cannot be overestimated the power of reconnecting with ALLAH
SubhanA and like you said, the healing oftentimes is in the
process. So allow yourselves to sit with these feelings for a
little bit to reflect on them as you as I said, not to rush through
the process and look for quick you know, fixes this is not a quick
fix situation this is I have to uproot the situation fix and
uprooting requires some thoughts and planning some work and
inshallah in for in future, you know, conversations with our
beloved and say, we will be able to give you more solutions and
hopefully we can do that soon I as I said, I will make myself
available to because I want to give people some hope and not you
know, oh, I'm going to be left to myself with all these thoughts for
weeks on end No, I I'm making myself available really within the
next few days week, however long you need and say, just let me
know. And we can do a part two right away that really is more
solution oriented. And that way everybody who's been with us may
Allah bless all of you may Allah bless your children your home,
don't lose hope everything inshallah we can turn things
around and we can give you the tools that you need to really
start creating the homes of balance that that we should all
wish for. And at the center of that is everything that NC has
been talking about, which is our connection to Allah Subhana Allah
because if we don't start there, and we try to read this book or
that book or follow this it's going to fall apart we have to
realign ourselves with with him first and foremost. And and then
from there we can grow Inshallah, so I'll fit in for your time. I'm
sorry, I realized I have to pray also to so I need to leave. I hate
to rush it but I know I am. So I'm so grateful to you and I want to
say to everyone was spend that. Let's aim for I'm good for
Tuesday, if you want to do Tuesday, we're going to ask
everyone who's watching this make sure you round up your friends so
that we have an even bigger community of people who are
praying about this and inshallah aware and you know, we'll call it
an awareness campaign isn't that why not? And so bring all your
your parent friends or teacher friends and let's inshallah gather
with a beautiful intention, Tuesday because then that will get
out the information to you as soon as we can. And let's do this in
sha Allah behold Allah by the by the help and the power of our Lord
and Shama.
Please, can you end in the answer so that we can part inshallah with
your bucket with your Budda Budda Colossi comes smashing, oh Allah
we ask that you will guide everyone who is listening to this
yeah Allah we ask that you would guide all our teachers and all
those who are striving to benefit the Ummah to benefit all of
humanity with goodness with pathways to come back to you your
Allah. Allah we ask that you would that you would increase the
brokenness of our hearts towards you your Allah for you have said
that while you are with every broken heart that is broken for
your sake your Allah we ask that you would grant us that holy
station of having a heart that's broken for your sake, for that as
a station that you showed us your profits I sent them has your Allah
we ask that we would remain in that place of caring deeply for
the well being not only of our own children, but of the children of
all of humanity, whether whether it is whether or bride whoever it
is, who's who's lost in a sea of a filthy ought to be with us that we
would beg you on this night to liberate them from the chains of
that darkness your Allah and we know that you are the one who
hears prayers your Allah Ya Allah we ask that we would dedicate the
best of our prayers to praying for all of humanity and especially the
children and the youth to be liberated from the chains that are
holding them your Allah away from you. You know Allah and we trust
you and we know that you are the one who is near and you're the one
who hears from the the head of it I mean it really should have been
the view early hit you the honor of the prophets I send him and his
family affair to spend that extra money to him and from the dinner
you don't rely on him in a rough man in many Kiyomi Diem. Yeah, I
can I will do it. Yeah, I kind of stay in it you know sit off and
stuffing syrup and Medina and I'm tiny later Moldoveanu II and what
baldy
just like a walk in shower.