Hosai Mojaddidi – Raising Children Dignity, Devotion & Deen Parenting Workshop (Part 2)
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AI: Transcript ©
Bismillah zakat Hamdulillah. So, you know, in addition to the
staff, the shepherd also holds another tool, which is called a
rod or a club. So again, you have to think of yourself in these
terms, I have to make sure I have reached control safety down. Now,
what can I do the rod, the rod is there to literally ward off, you
know, any predators or anything that's dangerous. So please, if
you see things that are clear and present risks for your children,
you have to speak out, you can't just be passive, and I'm not sure
if I should say anything, if I should do anything, you have to be
of that mindset that I need to shut it down. Because, you know,
if I give this any more time, it might turn into something worse.
And I shared last time, for example, you know, there was a
mother that I had met who, whose daughter, who was a middle school
aged girl, and she was, she had made some friends who basically
started making her doubt her own sexuality as a 12 year old girl,
or loving Middle School. And, and I had, the mother asked me what I
should, what she should do. And my advice was very clear. I was like,
You need to remove her, these people from her life, there's no
question in my mind, that as long as they remain in her life, she
will continue to have problems because, you know, if you have
friends like that, God forbid, who are putting all these thoughts in
your mind that, you know, they're not that she didn't, you know,
come up with them. They're, you know, planting these seeds, like,
Well, how do you know that you really are straight unless you
experiment Starla with someone else, that's the only way you can
definitively know these are the types of thoughts that this poor
girl was exposed to, which obviously caused her a lot of
confusion. Now, imagine if the mother just maintain those
friendships or allowed her to continue to, you know, hang out
with those people, you don't think that it's going to spiral into
even worse things, you know, more experimentation with drugs,
alcohol, God knows what else. So you as the parents have to know
how to immediately shut things down that you know, are dangerous
for your, for your children, yes.
Right.
Right. So I mean, I think every, you know, in this situation, it
was the schooling environment that her daughter was in. So that I
mean, that's a logistical issue that, you know, if you really as,
as parents that are thinking, like, you know, what, if the
environment is like this, and there's, this is common practice,
maybe we need to consider just pulling her out of that school,
right. So it's kind of an easy fix, every situation is going to
require that sort of, you know, you know, tailored response. So
it's hard to kind of get across the blanket, because if it's
family, it's obviously going to be closer, and it's going to cause
more problems, or if it's someone in the community, so you have to
really, you know, be thoughtful about how you approach these
things, and maybe seek counsel, but I think having this sort of,
you know, I don't know, if I should do anything, because of a
fear of a consequence, I think is far more dangerous, because the
consequences should be very clear, like, allowing your children to
continue to be exposed to these types of threats is far worse than
any fallout from actually, you know, stopping it. And it's
because their soul is at stake, right? I mean, people suffer a lot
nowadays, you know, like I said, this is such a common thing. Now,
it's, these are topics that are very, you know, talked about,
loosely in, you know, amongst our children. And so if you allow them
to, to be exposed to this more and more, that's exactly what shape on
wants, you wants to normalize all of these things, make it not a big
deal, and stuff, but a lot, it just starts to chip away at their,
their heart, their faith. And so that's why it's sort of like,
Nope, I have to shut it down. Because the more they're in that
environment, the more you know, there's risk for them losing their
soul literally from from an Islamic perspective, right. So I
would say again, it's going to require different responses per
situation, but just to be
as as thoughtful as process I mean as possible. So um, then we talked
about similar you know, so once you see yourself again, that
parenting isn't just this dream that I live, you know, that I
dream up and then I, I imagined and it's all gonna go exactly like
the script that I want because I am who I am and my wife is who she
is, or my husband is who he is. And we have the blob, all these
amazing people, those are all great, but the responsibility is
still on every single one of us. And when we see that then we look
at okay, now that I see myself as this leader and I have to protect
the people that are under my care. How do I do that? You need to know
your responsibilities first and then your rights. So you need to
know what are the rights of
Children over the parents because that informs you what your
responsibilities are right? If you know what the children's rights
are, then you know what you have to do as a parent, then what are
the rights of the parents over the child, unfortunately, the script
is totally opposite. Now all parents go into parenting, knowing
very well what their rights are over their children. And that's
all they repeat to them, you know, you have to obey me, you have to
listen to me, Jenna's under my foot. And we're just like,
constantly using, you know, Scripture to tell children to put
them in their place, and let them know clearly that we have all
these have over them. But we need to also be very informed
beforehand what our rights are over them. And then also, we
talked about, you know, does culture define your parenting
model? Or does Islam because if you come from a specific cultural
understanding of parenting, and there's a conflict there with
Islam, you have a decision to make, what's it going to be?
Right? We talked specifically about double standards and the
danger of double standards, because in many cultures, this is
common, right, that there's double standards for the way boys are
treated versus the way girls are treated. And people don't realize
that these are not fair. And when you have things that are
imbalanced and unfair, they have consequences to that. So if you,
you know, prefer your, your your sons, and you're always letting
them get away with everything, and you're treating them like they
basically do no wrong, and then you're hypercritical over your
daughter's and her every move is analyzed, you're going to create
real problems for them in their adult life, your boy will rate
grow up to be a man who's very entitled, and he wants, you know,
he has a lot of expectations from his wife, and it's gonna cause
problems for him in that regard.
And also your daughter might, you know, grow up very resentful,
because she was suppressed. All during her childhood, she wasn't
allowed to do anything, you know, there were curfews imposed on her,
there was always rules, she had to do more chores in the house, she
was always like, treated a different way than her son, then
you don't think that's going to cause resentment, right? It will
absolutely cause resentment. And this is where, you know, she might
also you know, it just breaks things, the relationship down
between parents and child. But if you abandon cultural, you know,
standards and say, what is the standard of Islam, then you see
that it's just all the way across, boys and girls are treated
equally, as children, they have the same, you know, obligations to
their parents, they should participate in the household the
same, and men shouldn't, you know, voice should not be prevented from
doing domestic work. This is not girl's work, to wash plates and do
fold laundry, doesn't make your boy feminine. These are attitudes,
unfortunately, that are very, very, you know, just damaging and
wrong. Because it's completely against the center of the
province, I set up the province I sent him washed his own dishes he
saw he's, you know, he was known to patch up his own clothing. So
somehow, who's whose standards are we accepting the, the greater
society around us who really, you know, sort of, you know, poses
boys and girls against each other and makes everything that's that
girls do low and just, you know, like, we don't want to, you know,
participate in those things. And so if boys are taught that, then
they learn to disrespect women's work, and they learn to see
themselves above and better. But if it's like, no, this is the son
of the boss, I set him and we all practice it across the board, then
it again brings that balance and so inshallah you raise men and
women who have respect for each other, and who aren't being pitted
against each other like the society wants, right? So always
maintaining that balance. And we talked about the importance of,
you know, being, you know, true to whatever you want your children to
do, model it first, you can't expect that your children are
going to raise, you know, grow up to be these models, citizens and
perfect, you know, in every which way if you don't model that
behavior for them. So it's very important to be, you know, to if
you want your children to be properly guided to, to know that
they learn by imitating, listening to you, watching you observing
you. And so you need to check yourself and all the things that
you want for yourself, make sure that you're doing them as well.
And we also talked about tailored parenting and making sure that we
know that no two children, even if they're in the same household,
even twins are the same. And you have to know how to again, when we
talk about reach control and security, it's going to be
different in some ways per child even in the same household.
communication styles for boys and girls, for example, are going to
be different and you have to
do that research and do the reading to know how to talk about
certain topics with each child differently, right? But also,
which we're going to get to Inshallah, knowing your children's
temperament, knowing that, you know, how, how are children
different, you know, in what ways and knowing and understanding how
their personality types present themselves differently, but
knowing again, how to reach different personality types, which
we'll get to inshallah. And so then we talked about, you know,
the five characteristics of an effective leader are strong
communication, passion and commitment, positivity, being
positive, not being this negative person, and then you know,
authoritative model of parenting, where you're just barking rules
and orders constantly, and you're always in a negative state, it's
going to be very difficult for you to get the respect of your
children, if you're like that, they may fear you, and you may get
them to do what you want in the moment, but you won't have the
respect. And if you do it with young children, for just wait and
see what happens to you, when they get into their teenage years, if
that's your model of parenting, where you're just angry, and
negative, and yelling, and it's just like, just constantly like
that, don't expect anything, but the same to be shown to you when
they hit those teenagers, and they're slamming doors in your
face, and they're just not responding to you anymore, right?
Because you've they, they're marveling what you've shown them,
right that I'm just gonna be negative and angry, and I'm
shutting you out. And what I you know, conversations get shut down,
it's going to all repeat itself. So positive is really important to
when you're parenting to really watch yourself and make sure your
energy isn't down and negative all the time, innovation to be
creative. So a big responsibility, you know, we talked about this
too, is we have to be willing to, you know, read and get creative in
terms of, you know, all the things that we want from our children,
whether they're really young, and we want to teach them different
things. But we have to do that. I think our problem is, and it's
just the, you know, circumstances many of us live, we're living in
difficult times, it's especially Bay Area life, a lot of us work
full time. So it's almost like we're in this constant, you know,
rush or race, and we don't have the time to do certain things. But
if you can, you know, if you're if you're always outsourcing
everything, that when it comes to your children to other people, and
you're not taking certain things on your own, it's gonna cause a
problem, you won't have much, because you're bright, you're
breaking down that relationship, they need you more than anybody
else. So there's times, yes, where you need, you can rely on other
people to whether it's dropping them off, you know, into childcare
schools or Sunday school. But if you're not doing anything of your
own, that's unique for you and your child, then this is going to
call, it's going to break down your relationships. So you got to
have to start thinking innovatively about how can I make
time for my children? How can I do certain things that are just me
and them and I'm not always, you know, just rushing from one event
to the other, or one thing to the other. And they're kind of, you
know, we're like, ships passing, you know, during the day or the
night. And that's what families a lot of times happens. It's like,
we're all skin overscheduled you have two of these going on. But
where is the innovation is where it's like, no, I have to do
something. So I have friends, for example, who make it a point
where, you know, once a year, for example, they will, you know, take
a trip, maybe like a weekend trip or a day trip with, with each
child, just separating, you know, the children. So it's not, it's to
show that child that I see you, you matter to me, and our bond is
really important. So just you and me, we're gonna go, you know, for
a day trip somewhere, and we're going to do whatever you want to
do, and I'm gonna bring you into my world, or I'm gonna go into
your world. This is innovation, it's really thinking outside the
box instead of, you know, always, like I said, just, you know, the
default setting, which is just to do, you know, same routine every
single weekend, or every single week, think creatively about how
to recharge your children in Sharla. And then collaboration,
this is again, you know, knowing where if you if you do need help
with certain things, knowing who your collaborators are, and
working with people, whether they're educators, whether there
are other, you know, maybe mental health, people in the mental
health field, people who know about children that you want to
learn from, read from, there's people like Leonard Sachs, he's
amazing. And he's come to the Bay Area several times. If next time,
if he comes, I highly encourage you to attend his talks. Because
he even though he's not Muslim, he's, you know, still a moral
ethical person who sees the dangers that are happening in the
society at large. And he's really trying to get parents back on
track to take control again, because we've we've lost control,
right? So he's someone who we should definitely look to his
books, he's written amazing books, look to his material, but there's
people like that, that we should know about, like, you know,
whether they're, you know, again, authors or educators or therapists
outside in the you know, or here in our communities, but make sure
that we know who to rely on rely on. So again, those are the five
things
characteristics of an effective leader. And then reminding
ourselves constantly that parenting is a trust from Allah
subhanaw taala, we will absolutely be asked about every single thing
that we do. And when you weigh that constantly on your heart,
then you don't look at your children as being little, you
know, sort of servants that are just there to make your life easy,
but you look at them, like, I have to do everything in my power to,
to love them, to guide them to give them the foundations that
they need to take on this very, very dangerous world. And so it's
all on us. It's, it's a, it should weigh us down, it shouldn't be
something that we just use to kind of justify exploiting our
children, which unfortunately, a lot of parents, you know, it's
like I made them, I brought them into this world, I can do whatever
I want with them. And we said, No, this is that's totally have to
reject that thinking, 100% They belong to Allah subhanaw taala.
And he gave them to us for an appointed time. We don't know how
long, but if we accept that this is a huge weight on our shoulders,
then we'll take this as seriously, right? It's not we're not
passively parenting, we're going to be actively parenting every
day. Okay. And then you know, that children's rights are mandated by
God. So knowing what those are.
The prophesied said, I'm said, sorry, hold on.
Fear Allah and treat your children small or grown fairly with equal
justice. So this, again, brings back you know, what we talked
about earlier, just making sure that you're really fair with your
children and equal with them, not preferential treatment, just
because one child maybe really is sweet and very obedient. And they
always do what you say, doesn't mean that they get more rights and
more sort of, you know, you give them you know, more privileges,
just because you know, you like them better, it's true that you
will have that it's just the reality of life that some
children, you will feel stronger bond with, than your other
children if you have multiple children. But you have to be fair,
and just when you're parenting, if you're using, you know, them
again, in this way, where it's like, oh, because you know, I like
you better or you do more things for me, therefore, you get this
and this, you're setting a really dangerous precedent, and you have
to be for yourself, you know, you have to really be careful, because
last time, it will take you to account for that equal justice all
the way across, and be fair.
So the these are from this is from the parents with a bucket of the
promises, or excuse me, I was part that says that the Father will
bear the costs of their food and clothing on equitable terms. So
this is just a reminder for the brothers that, you know, providing
for your children is, is on you, this is you know, one of the
rights over you. And then another
Hadith, the process and said, one of the rights of children over
their parents is being given a nice name and having a good
education, you will be called out with your names and your father's
names on the Day of Judgment. So give nice names to your children.
So just making sure that their education, who they're learning
everything from is again, in line with your belief with your with
what you want for them. And that is what active parenting is making
sure you're, you know, if you have young children, and they're in
first grade kindergarten, knowing what their teachers gonna be
exposing them to, I think it was, I think it was Fremont. Right.
Recently, they had a vote where they were going to start
introducing, you know, was it
there's something about marriage, I can't remember, but they had a
huge vote that they had to take with the school board, because
they were trying to introduce, you know, certain concepts to children
at a very, very young age, about different types of families,
right. And so I'm humbled that your people showed up, and they
were able to shut it down. But some parents, the sisters that I
knew were involved, were very disappointed and more Muslims
didn't show up, as we know, there's a very large population of
Muslims in the Fremont school district, but they weren't
probably even aware that this was being proposed. So this is the
kind of stuff that we have to as parents, again, be ahead of know,
what is our what are our kids being exposed to? And it's a
right, it's one of the rights of your children, that their
education is solid. So making sure that you know, you know that.
So yeah, we talked about this, but again, these this is another
reminder that there's no you know, no two children are the same. And
these are two beautiful quotes from
Olive Rhodiola. Han, who said, Do not raise your children the way
your parents raised you. They were born for a different time. And
this is very important, because a lot of our parenting is modeled
after the way we were parented. But this is again, a form of
passive parenting because you're just repeating things that were
done to you. Even things that you didn't maybe even like as a child.
You think that worked for me because I turned out okay.
I'll just repeat it to my kids, but we're living in very different
times. And so being more active as a parent, you're looking at the
world around realizing children are totally different now than
they were 1015 20 years ago, and basing your parenting on what
needs to be done now. And then, you know, this is another Hadith
that a lot of our understanding about how to reach children and
how to teach them, you know, from different stages is, is, is rooted
from the, from this quote of, even if it's all up again, on the line,
he said, play with your children till the age of seven, discipline
and teach them from the age of seven to 14 and befriend them at
the age of 14. So and then, you know, we went into the different
stages and what we should what our mindset should be. So in that
early stage, between two and seven, play, everything should be
play based, or we should really be reaching our children with,
with just, you know, their imagination, they're in a world of
imagination, and we need to reach them there. So storytelling with
animation, Song rhymes, and obviously modeling good behavior,
these are ways that we can teach them right about almost behind
that, uh, you know, giving those you know, are creating a
connection with Allah in the process, and, and we have to be
willing to meet them where they're at, and they're in that
imaginative state. So actually getting really well versed in how
to teach children in that younger age. These are the things that
you'll learn storytelling is huge, but not just, you know, reading a
book, because we're all very good at reading books we can read, and
we're great at that. I'm talking about animated storytelling, where
you actually bring a story to life, and really bring them into
the age of wonder, right children, why do we, they love cartoons and
Pixar movies, it's because they tap into this, you know, love of
wonder and magic in this world, that's just beyond their, you
know, imagination. And so when we create that in our storytelling,
and connect it to a lot on the prophesy centum, you're having the
same effect. So when you tell stories from the Sierra that are
miraculous, bring it to life, right? Don't just say, oh, you
know, it's a mirage, the prophet jumped on a horse, and it had
wings, and it went, you know, like, make it so dry and boring,
bring it to life, you know, bring that, just that, like that vision,
that those visual effects into their mind so that they can
actually imagine it. And if you can draw even better, you know, if
you can actually draw things while you're telling, that's amazing
talent, why not use it, but using that, and then songs and rhymes
being you know, willing to just sing things to them, getting them
like, mashallah, you know, for the Molad, that was here last night,
bringing them to places like that is really beneficial for their
hearts, children love songs, they love movement, they love all of
those things. So exposing them to that is really important to leave,
which is not too far from here, especially on a Sunday, it's about
20 minutes, I do that drive from Pleasanton, in this area, they
have weekly molds, and it's a beautiful, if you've never been
there, you should definitely attend. Because there's children
everywhere. And they all you know, there are martial arts appraiser
promises I sent him, but they you know, they love it, and exposing
your children to that is great. So those are things that we can do
from a very early age to attach their hearts, to the love of the
prophesy said and obviously level. The last part that of course
modeling, that's for the younger age, for that middle school age
children from between seven and 14, where we should be in the mode
of teaching, okay, because now they can actually take instruction
before seven, they're just in play mode. But at seven and beyond,
they actually can, you know, think on a different level. And
actually, you can reach them by teaching them and really breaking
things down for them. So storytelling still works.
Metaphors analogies, really kind of tapping into their more logical
brain where they're, you know, thinking things are on an abstract
level, and they're able to think things differently than when
they're children, you know, just kind of, you know, again, looking
at see it up, put on whatever it is that you want to teach them,
but doing it and having that understanding that now they're
open to these types of things, right. And then still, modeling is
very important that we continue to model really good behavior. So
also in this age, you know, teaching them concepts, like, you
know, and really bringing down breaking down the why of what we
do, right? Because in the beginning, it's just we're just
teaching them what what it is that they may know, poor and they have
no idea of meanings. They might not know all of the different
beliefs, you know, because they're too young to sort of get certain
concepts. But once they're a little older, you start breaking
things down breaking, you know, this is why we do certain things.
So Phillip, and then also I encourage,
sharing stories that display things that appeal to this age,
write stories that talk about valor, nobility, courage, honesty,
bravery, a lot of kids in this age because they're dealing with their
own insecurity.
He's, they might see bullying going around them, they might not
have friends that are sort of, you know, being mistreated a certain
way, it appeals to them to have stories that talk about, you know,
about valor about winning, you know, instead of always seeing
things that are kind of in a negative light around them. So you
want to expose them to that, you know, Inshallah, and then
I also think it's really important at this stage, to teach them
practical rules and tips and life skills that boosts their
confidence. So I was actually telling my husband, you know, that
I think middle school children should totally, parents should
really look into putting them into classes for to boost their
confidence that, you know, teach them public speaking skills. And
so we're just having this conversation and he attended
actually, there's a Have you heard of Toastmasters before? I mean,
I've heard of Toastmasters. Right? So a lot of professionals use this
and people who, you know, are trying to obviously get their
public speaking skill set. But he said he went to one. And there was
a man there who brought his young, like, 12, or 11 year old kid, and
I was like, Yes, that's a really smart parents, because he, he's
realizing, if I give my middle schooler who's full of insecurity,
and opportunity to actually work on hone in on that skill set, it
will boost their confidence in ways that you can imagine, as they
grow into the high school age, you know, college and on and on, in
their professional careers, just to be able to be comfortable
speaking in front of people, and, you know, having their voice and
knowing how to do that, effectively, why not start early.
So these types of life skill sets are really important, or just
anything that you, you know, a skill set, you know, if they're in
a sport or something else that they can learn that kind of,
again, is special, it's their own thing, you know, nurture that if
they have an interest in something like that, nurture that because it
does help boost their confidence in an age where they're, you know,
shaitan is just really tries to break their confidence down. And I
know, because I work a lot with teens. And this is we all
remember, right? Adolescence is a really difficult time for kids.
But if you give them things that inshallah can offset that, it
really helps. But it also creates a nice bond, because it came from
you, you saw a talent, if they like to draw, put them in arts
classes, if they like chess, give them you know, play with them, let
them get so good that they beat all the adults in the family, it's
good, it's good for their confidence. But because you did
that you see what you're doing is you're, you're, you're tightening
your bond with your children. So this is innovative parenting, it's
thinking, I need to, you know, look at where my kids are the
different unique talents that each has. And I'm going to nurture each
one in their own way as best as I can. But I want to do that I don't
want a teacher or someone else to take that, right. I mean, it's
okay if if those opportunities are there, but it's much more special
if it's coming from you as the parent, but you have to think of
these things.
And then the teenagers 14 and beyond, the theme really should be
tip a friend, we have to befriend our children. Again, this isn't a
time where, unfortunately, you know, in the early ages, the
stages are early years, parents are the main influencers over
their children. But there is a time where friends become the main
influencer. So even you know, like, whoever your children's
friends are, they can absolutely over you know, ride you, you know,
in your absence. This is where kids learn to be more deceptive
until lions start doing these behind their parents back. Because
maybe they were peer pressured? Or maybe, you know, they just
listened to someone who gave them bad advice. How does that happen?
It's B especially. And it's actually worse, if you have this
authoritative model, where you have no personal or sort of
friendly connection with your children, and it's sort of like
top down, like I'm your parent, that's it, just follow my rules.
And I don't really, you know, want to engage with you on a more
deeper, you know, level is just follow the rules. And that's it.
If you have that type of parenting style, then for sure your kids are
going to be under the influence of their friends more than you. But
if you realize like, you know, what the teenagers is where I
really, really need to be close with my friends, then you'll take,
you know, the time to start doing things more, you know, with you
and them and, you know, so for example, you know, I suggest
taking classes and doing experiences together. So you and
your children if there's a class, or something that you think would
be good for them, doing it with them, not just dropping off and
going I'll see you in a couple hours, no, going with them,
accompanying them sitting with them and learning the same thing.
And then using that as an opportunity to discuss the
dialogue to debate it's really good to encourage your teenagers
into discussion because what you're saying when you're open to
have discussion discussions with your children with your teenagers
is that I
actually respect your point of view, I want to listen to your
point of view, even if you think they don't know what they're
talking about. And it's like, internally, you're just like, Oh,
here's those teenagers going on about things they don't know. It's
okay. You know, let them get it out, let them feel that they're
validated, you know, when they're talking to you. Because sometimes,
again, we talk at our teens, like, yeah, you know, but this is very
unhealthy. And it's actually going to cause more division and more,
you know, just distance. So the opposite of that is true, engaging
them having this, what do you think of this, when you think of
what's going on, you know, with with the world, or whatever it is
any news story that's going on, but letting them know, I respect
you, okay? Because this is one of their primary needs in this age,
that you respect them. So these are, you know, the different
things per age group.
And then we just kind of went over some statistics.
So, this is encouraging for parents who are really trying to
raise children who are rooted in their faith, okay, because there
is clear difference between children who have strong faith in
homes that faith is important, whereas homes that are more
secular, and it's like, you know, it's not really a big thing, you
know, a primary thing that's, that's talked about or irrelevant
into the, in the family. So here, 54% of teens devoted to God say
they're happy, while only 29% are disengaged, okay. 47% of religious
teens, think about the meaning of life. So and hamdulillah if you
plant the seeds early on, you get your teenagers actually to think
about life seriously, to weigh the consequences of their decisions,
you know, to have this sort of, you know, mindset will prevent and
protect them Inshallah, from what the culture outside is telling
them, right, which is YOLO, FOMO, right, you only live once, these
are the things that teens are getting bombarded with, like just,
you know, do whatever you want, you only live once, and that's
honestly the most one of the most destructive messages, but
everybody, all the, you know, the people in media, the, you know,
the icons that a lot of teens look up to, whether it's social media,
or musicians or artists or whatever, this is their way of
life, you know, it's promoting this attitude, just live in the
moment, feed your knifes basically do whatever you want. So you have
to think how can I offset that is giving your children a really
strong foundation early, about God about their relationship with
Allah subhana data. And the numbers speak for themselves. When
you do that it does in sha Allah protect them, right? They say
here, with 95% of devoted teens feel it is important to wait until
marriage for *. I mean, that's really big. And that's to our
advantage. Because they're, you know, you're giving them those
those things early on. And by the time the topic becomes something,
that they're again, you know, confronted with that they
Alhamdulillah have, you know, their conscience is clear, and
they know exactly that. It's not something for them. And then, as
far as the last statistic here, according to the Journal of
adolescents, findings demonstrate that religiosity measured as
perceived importance of religion, attendance in worship services,
and participation. Oh, I'm sorry, you're not reading the same slide.
Pardon me hear that. Here we go, the one in the yellow.
So, findings demonstrate the religiosity measured as perceived
importance of religion, attendance and worship services and
participation in religious youth group significantly contributed to
explaining variation in six youth risk behaviors, smoking, alcohol,
use, truancy, sexual activity, marijuana use and depression. So
to bring them to the masjid to attend those classes with them to
constantly remind them again of the importance of religion and
having a connection with Allah. It's going to protect your
children Inshallah, tada from a lot of the stuff that teens are,
that are plaguing teen culture. So it's, it's good news for us
Inshallah, as long as we do what we're doing. So now, this was a
summary because I wanted you to follow the conversation. For those
of you who weren't here for the last time a summary of what we
talked about the first session. Now part two, the outline is a
little different. And we're going to try to get to as much as
possible but let's go ahead Bismillah and jump into here. So
spiritual principles and practices for every Muslim home, every
Muslim home should really think about where they are when it comes
to these issues here. Number one to love Allah subhanaw taala
wholeheartedly and practice daily gratitude to him. Okay, now we
obviously know Inshallah, we know the importance of the five daily
prayers. This should be something set in stone in your home, where
hamdulillah everybody prays their prayers, and you should, you know,
encourage this as much as possible.
Have all in congregation. So obviously, during daily hours when
kids are in school, you're at work, it's difficult. But in the
evening, if you can make Maghrib and Isha together and even
budgeted before they go to school. That means you've done three
prayers as a family together. And two of the prayers are not done
together. This is still huge. And you should make this part of your
family culture where it's just this is what we do. We pray in
Gemma. We this is the importance of prayer and not like everybody
for yourself. And oh, you know, you just kind of walk in and I
gotta pray real quickly. And it's just disjointed and disconnected.
It doesn't give your children the sense of how important prayer is,
if everything's rushed, and nobody's really communicating
about prayer, you know? Or if it's just like, Yeah, did you pray and
you're just shouting from across the hall as reminders to each
other about prayer, why not pull us it's time for prayer, everybody
together, right? It should be done as a family. And it keeps you in
check. And it keeps them in check. Love of recitation of the Quran,
this is really important. You know, I used to teach Quran to
little kids. And, you know, I always remember that parents, some
parents would come, you know, first couple of weeks or a few
weeks into the school year, and they'd be very, very concerned
about how many sodas their children was memorizing, you know,
their child was memorizing. And as a Quran teacher, I would have to
stop them and say, Listen, this isn't a hips program, okay? If you
want hips, put them in a hips program, we're teaching your child
to love the Quran. Okay. And so that is a process, it's not, you
know, you don't like focusing on memorization alone isn't enough,
if you want your child to love the Quran, you have to, again, bring
those stories to life, make the Quran relevant to them. But in
addition to that teach, teaching the recitation of the Quran, like
an art form, instead of the subject is a really beautiful way
to make an enjoyable experience. So teaching them how to recite
beautifully, teaching them to, you know, to find meanings or, you
know, certain meanings of sources that really speak to children's
hearts, you know, there's so many things that you could do, but it
all takes again, your, you know, some some creativity on your part.
But I would have to tell parents, I remember having to actually do
like, assembly sort of, to just address this issue. Like, listen,
it's so important that we teach your children I don't want the
Quran to really know what the Quran is the greatest treasure, we
have to know how to treat it, to know how to walk with it. I've
seen kids, you know, in many spaces, you know, they're going
maybe in Sunday school or wherever they have, no, they're just
treating the Quran, like it's another book, they just tuck it
under their arm, and they're walking around with it sometimes
dangling it stuff or law by their side. This is unacceptable. We
have to as parents, teach them, this is the greatest thing that we
have, and you have to honor it, hold it with two hands above your
waist, make sure you're in a state of will do Be very mindful and
respectful when you're touching the Quran. And then when you
recite it, you bring your own, you know, this is the book of Allah
subhanaw taala you don't sit there distracted looking at your phone
while it's like okay, you know, it's like this is what
unfortunately, again, with so many kids are forced into because their
parents aren't really watching over them or they're just
outsourcing the subject to other people and they're not really
aware of what's going on, but walk you know, go into certain spaces
and you'll see, you know, really tragic things I remember at one of
my friends stuff a while she was in a in a masjid. And she was
working in a room adjacent to where the Quran teacher was
teaching, you know, the students. And she was just listening to the
banter that was going on between before the I mean, during the
class, and when the Quran teacher was present, the kids were just
like, frozen, you know, model they were listening because they were
afraid right? She said one time in particular certain stuff or they
left it according to you let stepped out for a moment. And as
soon as he walked out, the kids started saying the worst thing
like I hate this, you know, in softball, they used a curse word,
class, what do my parents bring here, and they're all like angry
and bitter. Because you know, their parents or just maybe, you
know, it's after hours after school hours. It's like a
convenient drop off for them. And they're just, you know, they
think, like, Oh, they're gonna go learn plan. If your child
expresses to you a disinterest in learning the book of Allah or is
frustrated every time you tell them to go learn, then you're not
going about it correctly. There's the problem. There's a disconnect.
They're not if they're like, you know, and that's their attitude to
the book of Allah, but you still forced them to do it. What are you
doing? You're creating a total negative association.
I had a student once tell me that her friend
stuff rely on me, this is what goes on in our community. But her
friend
began to cut herself
because she had been traumatized her whole life. And one of the
main reasons was because her mother was so hard on her when it
came to Quran that even as a young three, four year old, if she would
make a single mistake, she would chase her around the house,
beating her hitting her. So if you hit your children, stop for Allah,
yell at them, and force them to learn the book of Allah. And then,
you know, give them the entire time, you're making terrible
mistakes, terrible mistakes, because you're literally giving
shake on ammunition to make them stuff for Allah hate the book of
Allah, Samantha. So if you're, please be mindful of who you how
you teach your children Quran, and who you allowed to teach your
children. Make sure that they're gentle and that they're loving,
and that they do it with beauty, because it's the book of the Most
Merciful, merciful, you can't remove mercy when you teach The
Book of Allah, and compassion. So be very careful with that. But a
big part of how you beautify the Quran is to again, approach it not
as just this subject that has, you know, it's all a numbers game, but
rather, you know, make it a beautiful experience, recite with
them, teach them to recite, and go easy on them. You know, it's
unless you're trying to produce the next, you know, machete, if I
see, don't look at just numbers, because the these verses will,
will, will, there'll be responsible for them, whatever
they've memorized, that they're not acting upon later in life.
You know, they're going to be held accountable for it. So you have to
be very careful with just trying to, you know, get to like, Oh, I
just want them to finish and then I can have like this big party for
them and, you know, hold them up as a trophy into the front of the
community. Your priorities aren't right. It's very important that
they love the book of Allah. So make sure that when you're
teaching them or earn that it's done in a really beautiful
setting, and our teachers advised having some treats out for them,
their favorite treats, always making really positive
associations, you can do dates, if they like dates, you can do
cookies, you can give them candy, but like having that out as part
of the experience, right? We're learning Quran, and you know, in
sha Allah, this is what we will have to look forward to bringing
stories to life. These are all tips. Okay. So, and then Vic, it
you know, I, I've talked about this a lot, but it's very
important that we do the protective laws every single day.
Okay, so how many people here do Elrod every day like you do a word
as a family?
Hamdulillah. Good. So the Elrod there's different ones. But our
teachers here all of our teachers here, they all recommend that we
do the word Latif, which is the word of enamel her dad, you can do
a search for it. There's PDF files, it's all available to you
for free, and there's YouTube videos. It's an 18 minute
recording, every single day, this should be part of your house holds
like you know, experience. What in our household, for example, we do
it at night, excuse me in the morning, while I'm making
breakfast. For the kids. We have a Bluetooth speaker, we play it,
it's resonating in the whole house, everybody hears it. And
it's just 18 minutes, but it's protective DAWs and I promise you
if you get into the habit of this, you will see the blessings in your
own life, but also your children even in the younger ones, they
will memorize it without even knowing they're memorizing it,
they might not speak Arabic, they might not have any idea they might
not even be reciting along with it. But if they're hearing it
every single day, you will ask them you know, in a few months
time to recite parts of it, they will know it so this is beautiful
for them and for you because it's like they can be coloring they can
be playing with their Legos, they can be eating breakfast, but it's
just inshallah reminders and its covers everything you can think
about in terms of you know, all the potential problems of your day
and it's asking Allah to protect your everything you know, protect
you from from worry and depression, anxiety, protect you
from debt, protect you from physical harm, protect you from
every evil in his creation, and you're just it's all from the
Sunnah. But these are things that we should make as a practice in
our home if we want to protect ourselves and our children from
all the harms out there we are empowered with these dogs the
process of them left them for us for that exact reason. Their
protective was so if you're worried about oh my god, I'm
worried about my children but then you're not doing this. There's a
there's a problem. There's a disconnect. You can't be with them
all the time. You can't oversee their every movement but by it's
kind of like putting them in this
protective forcefield around them before you send them off to school
or wherever they go, even if your kids are a little older, and they
work, how did I put make this a part of your culture, in your
home, in your your family life that you you do daily abroad
everyday and to be honest, 20 minutes of your time is nothing if
you consider the peace of mind, you have to know and hamdulillah
I've called on Allah to protect my children very specifically with
very specific dot. And I In short, light, I put my trust in Him,
okay, so it's very important to do that. And then to be devoted to
the prophesy Saddam and committed to following his son. Now it's so
important that we again model this behavior ourselves. So taking on
the attributes and the characteristics of the prophesy
centum for ourselves, and then teaching our children the
importance of modeling that being gentle being soft spoken, just all
the things that you associate with the process of being
compassionate, speaking kind words, being generous, right, all
these things that we love about him and that brings us to tears
when we read about him. We're supposed to model it, it's not
just that we look up to him and we're in awe of him in that sit,
the objective is that we're doing it so we follow his sunnah in
every which way as much as possible. And this is for the
brothers and the sisters. Right?
So
you know, and this is a direct command from Allah subhanaw. In
surah chapter 59 Verse seven, he says, Well, Matt Atacama rasuluh
for Hello Gu Amana hakam. And we'll find out who what type Allah
in Allah has shut up, which is and Allah says and whatsoever the
prophesy Saddam gives you take it. And whatsoever he forbids you
abstain from it and fear Allah verily, Allah is Severe and
punishment. So following the Sunnah of the Prophet was to do
exactly that. Do following his way and abstaining from what he
prevented us from abstaining from.
And then daily set a width right?
Very important, again, for us to realize how
how much we should be calling on or bringing in the silhouette into
our homes, making sure that our children are reminded of, of how
important he is, in our life. He's a central figure in our life, we
should be remembering Him, we should be seeking, you know, just
that connection with him. But if we're not doing these things, and
then we're constantly, you know, saying, when we're bringing him
into our life, and when we're trying to make him
you know, the central part of our family, we cannot do that if we
don't realize that he and everything he did from you know,
the moment he woke up until the moment he slept, he gave us
something to model. It's recorded for us. There's no other tradition
you'll find that has as much detail of how the pelvis was sort
of lived. But if we're not doing these things, and then we're
saying, Oh, he's important. It doesn't make sense, right? How
convincing is that? If you're not doing anything, or you're very
minimally following his sunnah, when you wake up, you don't say
the laws that you're supposed to say, when you go to change your
clothing. There's the law for everything, going to the restroom,
leaving that restroom, eating food, finishing your food, leaving
the home, if we're not putting the Sooners in place, but then we're
trying so hard to convince our children how important he is. How
convincing is it right? You're not You're can't sell something that
you yourself don't even believe. So it's so important that if you
want him to be followed and respected and loved, that you
first emulate that in your own practice. And so make sure that
you're, you know, doing the things that are necessary for your
children to say, okay, you know that they can follow you, but you
have to create that. So that's where Sana wealth is very
important, making sure that your children, you know are doing that,
but you're doing it as well. And there's actually a really, I can
read a few of them. But here's some of the benefits of just doing
so the web on a daily basis. First of all, you're responding
responding to the order of Allah Subhana Allah commands that we do
Salawat right.
And then you're also the angels the angels do settle back on the
prophesy center. There's 10 blessings from Allah for the one
who invokes one blessing on the prophesy center. So there's
immense reward in that he sends blessings upon the process on a
lot of raises him by 10 degrees. So your rank will literally be
raised just by making this a regular practice.
He's also written for him 10 Good deeds are erased from his record
10 bad deeds, you receive intercession of the prophesy
setup. Okay. It's a means to have your sins forgiven. To have your
worldly needs met. It's a means to draw
nearer to the province, I set them on the Day of Resurrection. It
compensates for giving charity for those who are too poor to give it.
So if you're not in a means to financially give much just do
silhouette and almost pop, it'll give you that same rewards pile
up. It's immediate, it's a means of fulfilling one's needs. It's a
means to receive the prophesy sounds blessings, right?
Especially on the day of Jamal, every time we recite silhouette on
the day of Jama specifically, he by his own tongue will respond
subtle with backline to us individually by me. So just
imagining the process of them will say your name and say your
children's name. Right. I mean, that should just blow our mind.
But we if we're not doing it together as a family, then again,
we're not creating that, you know that, that love for him. And it's
all on us. Our it's our duty as parents to be doing these things
and teaching our children to do them as well.
It's a means of salvation from the horrors of the Day of
Resurrection. It's a means for the prophesy son to return blessing.
So we just said that. It's a means to remember something which has
been forgotten. So if you've ever tried to remember something, and
you can't, this is the practice just you said about them
appropriately setup, if, or if you've lost something, there's
people who want if you lose something, they'll tell you to do
something about them. And you'll find it, I found in my own
personal life. And this is like, it's amazing how often this
happens for me, if I'm ever in a parking lot, and they need a space
especially like, you know, during like the Christmas shopping season
was like almost impossible to find a parking spot or in a place where
it's really difficult to panelized. As soon as I begin
silhouette, every single time without fail, not only do I get a
space that opens up, it's usually amazing. It's like in the first
row. So do it. It's amazing. You just see Allah just opens doors
for you. And I've done this so many times where I know it's
completely an opening from from just doing this otherwise, but
these are things that you know, if you put it into practice, you
realize that there's immense benefits that you will feel in
your children as well. They'll feel that they'll experience that
in their hearts in everything. It's just your opening so much
better get your cheers your home.
There's so many martial art in this list. It refines the worship
worshipers character and manners. So you'll just benefit by becoming
better, you know your your m&a more nor you'll actually start
emulating, you know, other qualities of his because if you're
taking on the practice of doing Salawat, the mole size processor,
and your connection with him is stronger than inshallah naturally,
you know, you're going to start following more and more of the
Sunnah, and taking on more and more of his qualities. So it's
like just all the way around and incredible benefit for you. But I
would really recommend and I've written about this too, about you
know, giving children their own this be making it a special, you
know, sort of thing for them where they actually get to go and select
their own, they get to pick the beads, and this becomes something
that they can have, that's their own, but that you you know, give
them encourage them through incentives to do their setup let
you know that inshallah you should make this a regular practice. And
then also Friday is especially should be a really special day.
It's the you know, the problems and said, It's the Eid for the
believer. So really making it a fun day. My kids, for example, I
don't give them devices regularly. We have no device role during the
week, but on Fridays select games that they really like I will allow
them for because it's Friday, and I want them to make those positive
associations. And I tell them, this is because of Joma they'll
get lollipops on Friday, they'll get you know, ice cream, certain
treats that they really like. But I always remind them, it's because
it's Friday, that you're getting these things, this is the blessing
of the day of the prophesy center. So day he was born. And so we
always tried to, you know, I didn't use the word on Monday, but
we always remind him this is the day of you know, Salawat for the
bullseye. So to remind him to remind them that this is why it's
such a special day. That's why you're getting these things is
really good because you're making again positive associations with
him and with with with the death of John Locke.
And then to understand that these are principles that we should all
definitely teach our children and understand them first and foremost
ourselves. The concept of sin and its plan sandwich is to do things
with spiritual excellence, okay? And if plan is to do it
meticulously but also thoroughly. So whatever, you know, when we do
something, first of all, again, it goes back to us we have to model
this if we're going to be effective at teaching our
children. But there are concepts that if you start applying it in
your home and everybody falls in line, it's just a benefit all the
way around to you know what, let's just start doing things really
well. So if we're going to do something if we're going to cook a
meal, we have really good ingredients and everybody's you
know, all hands on deck. We're all doing it as a family. We do
Just we're always mindful, we're present in the moment. And we're
not, you know, short, you know, taking shortcuts here and there.
But just making this just a part of how you conduct yourself
yourself in every which way. If you, you know, clean something, if
you like a chore, if your parents or if you yourself are delegated
to do certain tasks, that you do it so well that it's impressive,
and then that, you know, something that they'll model. So it's like,
Oh, if you're cleaning the bathroom, you know, do it really
well show them, this is how I want it to be done, make sure that
everything is clean, it's not just like this, you know, quickly wipe
down and you know, I'm out the door going back to my games, sort
of experience that a lot of kids unfortunately, do, right? And then
the parents walk in, and of course, whenever we're really
happy, but we're like, we'll just take it, no, you should bring them
back and said, What do you really think this was done with SN, I can
still see a big mess here, you didn't even touch this, you didn't
do that, right? But remind them that they didn't really do a good
job and make their standard better. And then you know, the
same for yourself have the same standard, but teaching them these
concepts early will inshallah you know, benefit them in many ways
spiritually, but also in their work and their school, because
you're not, you're teaching them not to just, you know,
be sort of, like live in this sort of blase sort of mindset, because
that's where our culture, everything, nobody's doing things
sincerely, or really, with wholeheartedness anymore. It's
just like, limited effort possible, because we're all spread
thin, everybody's tired and exhausted, right. But it really
does affect your spiritual state, if that's just who you are. And
that's how you live, where it's like, you're not really putting
your, you know, your full effort into something. So try to teach
that early on. And then to fuck it into the Buddha says, to reflect
and to think, right to contemplate the consequences of things. So for
young children, you know, just teaching them to think about
things and when they make mistakes, if we're just focusing
on the punishment, and not really teaching them how to, you know,
realize what like to dig deep realize the source of why they did
what they did, but also to wait consequences before they act. So
preventative measures, right, when you teach them to do this, then
they'll weigh the consequences of every act seriously. And they'll
think about maybe twice about doing something they shouldn't do,
because you're teaching them that this is something we should do as
muslims, we should reflect on things and we should reflect on
the consequences of things. So obviously, as they get older, when
certain topics come up, this is easier to do, because you can kind
of as a family have a discussion about certain things. But it's
just important to this, these terms for them to know what they
are. And then to for you to put them into practice, maraca, which
is to meditate, okay, to watch over one's spiritual heart, this
is also another very important thing that they should be learning
and learning, even at a young age, to really just, you know, think
about their connection, you know, with Allah to think about these
things, to think about the, to know the diseases of the heart,
for example, right? How many people here have the book, the
purification of the heart? Moshe Hamza, this is a wonderful book
that every family should have. And you should actually go through and
look at the diseases of the heart and talk about them and say, you
know, like, how, you know, anger, anger is a big thing that a lot of
kids struggle with, but really looking at that as a disease and
talking about that, how that affects you know, your spiritual
heart, and what, you know, what the remedies are from the Sunnah
of the Prophet, I said, um, how should we deal with anger, but
like, you know, give it getting giving them topics like this to
really reflect on and identifying that as this is a process in our
faith we do this is we should do this, we should do Morocco, we
should think about these things. And then Maha Sabha, which is self
inventory, very important to teach your young kids to look at their
day, every single day and, and figure out, you know, where they,
what their high points were, what their low points were, where they,
you know, need to improve, but making this like a daily sort of
practice. And you can either do that as a, you know, as a family
where you kind of talk about things, maybe over dinner, like
have like a, you know, a sort of line of questioning, like who
wants to share you know, maybe their high point of the day and is
there anything that that you're not proud of that you did today
but these could be very important family discussions, right? But it
allows them to again, learn this skill set that I need to take
myself into account every day and to really think about my the you
know, what I've done and and make this a spiritual practice that
they continue well into their teen years and adult years inshallah.
And then,
teaching them also because, you know, kids need to know the
balance of how to be to be generous with their time with just
who they are.
Are without, you know, what you know without affecting their
spiritual heart. So giving, being generous is very important in our
tradition, we should know that. And, you know, you can teach them
all of the Hadith in the eyes that are related to generosity, but to
be also mindful and wise about how much they give of themselves of
their time of their money. You know, sometimes kids get taken
advantage of, you know, because their hearts are so pure. So just
teaching them to give with prudence, to not give everything
right away, you know, that's important. And also, another very
important concept that they need to learn early on is to mind their
own business. Okay, this is a principle in our faith, you know,
that we, you don't nosiness and getting involved in things that
are not for you to get involved in is not part of our tradition. And
unfortunately, a lot of kids get pulled into very dangerous things,
because, you know, they're, they're either nosy or someone's
pushing them into doing something, you know, a friend's especially,
you know, they're getting involved into maybe another person's drama,
right, a lot of kids are peer pressured into getting involved in
things that are not there, like that have nothing to do with them.
Because maybe, you know, again, it's it's something it's happening
in their peer group with their friends, but just teach them that
as a principle, we don't get involved in things that have
nothing to do with us. And you shouldn't either, okay, if you see
something that's happening in school, it's a fight people are
fighting, it's not for you to go and see what's going on. And like
dig, or if you know, some, something's happened with a
friend, for you to start calling up and what's going on what's
going on with her. Just mind your own business and live like that,
you know, it protects you. And it's just part of, again, our
tradition.
And this is again, based on the Hadith. And Hosni Islam in Telugu
manner. Yeah. Which is indeed, among the excellence of a person's
Islam is that he leaves that which does not concern him. So it's
really a matter of, you know, for us, too, as adults. I mean, if
we're nosy, and we're, you know, on social media, I mean, that's
another big part of it, right? Like, within our friends and peer
groups, one thing, but also if you're just looking into
everybody's business, and constantly wanting to know things,
and that's how you're living, then your kids are going to follow, you
know, if you're talking about other people, what they're doing,
did you hear about so and so? Did you hear about so and so it's
like, you're modeling the worst qualities for them. So just mind
your own business and teach them that you shouldn't be, you know,
worried about what other people are doing focus on yourself. And
if they have, like I said, social media accounts really monitor what
they're doing, why they're watching certain things, why
they're following certain people, what's their main objective, but
controlling that, because it's a very serious issue. Okay, so now,
in the time that we have inshallah
I see here. So I wanted to talk about here.
It's hard for you guys to see this. So I'm just gonna go to the
next slide, the power of five. Okay, so there's a couple of
things that are relevant to what we're talking about here. Experts
say that maintaining this magic ratio of five to one is a positive
to negative comments is really healthy model for all
relationships. So going back to your parenting style, if you're
negative, you know, comments, and whether it's with your spouse or
with your children, if you're more negative, then you have to take
yourself into account is it you know, how off are you from this
ratio? If it's more negative than positive, you're on a very
destructive path for your marriage. It's not gonna go well.
And this is based on Dr. John Gottman. He's a leading
psychologist, psychological researcher and Relationship
Expert. He basically studied 700 married couples. And, you know,
they he watched, they were given prompts, and then they were
allowed to discuss things for about 15 minutes. And then they
went back and they watched the tape of their interactions. And he
was able to with 94% accuracy, determine which couples were going
to last and which ones were going to divorce, just based on watching
them for those 15 minutes because they picked up on how many
negative exchanges they had versus how many positive so you in your
marriage with your marriage and with your children, you have to
see where am I in this ratio, do I you know, am I very hyper critical
parent or hypercritical spouse, where all I'm doing is nitpicking
and nagging and finding things to criticize, or am I fair and
balanced? Do I praise just as much as I criticize, but try to this is
the magic ratio. They say if you can stay within this, where you
have five positive and then maybe you can be creating you know,
because we're you also don't want to you know completely gloss over
clear issues. You
have to call things out if you see them and their problems, being
critical is important. But also, you know, being tactful not being
harsh, but still being constructive criticism is
important, but keeping this ratio five to one. And so it's just
something to remember. And then The Five Love Languages is also
very important. How many of you have heard of this The Five Love
Languages, okay. So this is another really important you can
do a search in or there's books, you know, John, Dr. John Gray, he,
I think that's the author, he wrote, this book that talks about
basically every single person has different ways that they
communicate love, and that they receive love. So not only do we
communicate it, or we give love differently, but we also receive
love differently. And you have to know your own love language, and
your partner's love language, but also your children's love
language, because children are different. So when we talk about
tailoring parenting, this is part of it to really recognize that not
all children receive love the same way. So the first love language is
called Words of affirmation. So if you're the type of person that
really responds to words, like praises compliments, if someone
writes you a card or a letter, or send you a nice text message, or
email, or it's just sending you a really love loving message, and
that really means a lot to you. That's one of your love languages,
it means that you need a lot of feedback, you need positive
feedback. So if you for the sisters, like for example, if you
cook a meal, okay, um, this is one of my love languages. And I've set
it out and my husband doesn't say anything.
It instantly bothers me, right? Because I expect I'm waiting for
it. I'm waiting for him to go, oh, this is so delicious, right? So he
knows that and he knows that I'm excited waiting for you got to say
something so humble, we're very clear on our communication. But
this is for me, I told him I said, words matter to me. So I am
expecting certain things, you know, communicated, you can't just
eat and then expect me to know that you liked it, right? Tell me
that you'd like to tell me what you liked about it. And I'll know
if you didn't like it. Because yeah, there's very little or
nothing at all. So. But this is one of my love languages. Another
love language is acts of service. So if you really appreciate when
your partner helps you with certain things, whether it's
chores around the house, or just, you know, different
responsibilities and things where they're willing to always take
care of certain things for you. And that matters a lot to you,
then you can empower your partner and your children. like listen, I
might not need compliments, and don't like flower me with all that
stuff, I need you to take care of stuff. So if I give you a
responsibility, just do it. Because that I you know, remove
stress from my life, then now they know that this is the way that I
can actually show, you know, show you love gifts if gifts really
mattered and you're the type that mashallah when you give a gift.
You go all out and you're very thoughtful, you shop at specific
stores, you package things beautifully. And there are people
who are like that they really are amazing a gift giving than this is
likely your love language to and you really appreciate when someone
goes all out and gives you like an amazing personalized gift or just
something that tells you that they were thinking of you, it might not
even have to be anything expensive or anything like that. But just
the fact that they went through that trouble, right to go and get
you something and thought of you in your absence, that means a lot
to you, then that's your love language, quality time, if none of
those things really matter, you're not looking for compliments, you
can do things on your own gifts, really, you don't have that much
value from material things, but you really want to spend a lot of
time together and you want like physical proximity, like you don't
even have to be sitting next to me but just be in the house, you
know, I need to see you I need to feel your presence in my life,
don't be always leaving, then that's probably your love
language. And then physical touch. So if you're affectionate and you
really respond to that, that's your love language. But all of
these are so important to identify in ourselves first, identifying
our partners and then in our children so there's actual you
know, you can take there's quizzes that can kind of help you
determine what your love language is, I would definitely encourage
you to do this with your children and you'll see what it does again
is it helps you to customize your your parenting with your children
better because you'll know like some kids they might want gifts
more where as others want you know quality time but it may makes a
big difference in your parenting style. So these are just you know,
the power five two little things that I thought were good takeaways
for you to think about when when when considering your again
parenting style. Okay, so any questions before we get to this
because this is the the topic that I've been waiting to get to the
temperaments. Any questions before we get here?
Yes.
Yes
Oh, that brings up this
array
right?
Does that
right?
Mashallah, you're doing the bare minimum, which is what that hadith
was right? isn't the same as saying that I'm not, because we're
not talking about necessarily quantity, we're talking about
quality. So if you're going to do the bare minimum, then you better
be doing really well. So if you're just going to do your further
prayers, let's say, and you're not going to do so now, then you
better be doing them with absolute for sure if you're going to use
that hadith, right? Because you can't just use that hadith to say,
Well, I'm just doing the minimum, because that's not the standard of
the prophesy. So the problem is, I'm making it easy for people to
say that you don't have to do beyond that quantitatively. But
the quality you there's no argument there, right? You have to
have for sure, you have to make sure you're present and mindful of
all those contents, all those things. So that's where you I
would focus on, you know, because sometimes children, they can be
very smart, right? And they think they've outsmarted you, and they
come with all these quick comebacks, but you have to also
think like the mind of a child and say, I see what you're doing here,
you're looking for a nice little shortcut out. But I'm going to
remind you that the prophesies said I'm didn't give that you know
that that hadith isn't related to us, so that we can just use it,
you know, basically take the easiest route, it's actually made
to simplify for people who have maybe challenges and difficulties,
but the quality of standard is not compromised, right? And so remind
them that you have to do whatever you if you're going to pray a
certain amount or fast a certain amount, whatever it is, just make
sure it is 100%. And that's right, the quality is still there. What's
a good question? 100 Allah? Okay, so the four temperaments is a
topic that, you know, it's highly encouraged to study when it comes
to again in individually for us to know ourselves really well, our
spouses, but also our children. And so what is it?
So it originated
in ancient Egypt or Mesopotamia many, many, many 1000s of years
ago. And it's very, it's linked to the steps are the science of the
four elements, okay, and this is around 400 BC. So the four
elements are earth, air, water, and fire.
And this was
the, you know, Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine, he
basically came up with this theory, based on, you know, his
just looking at different human behavior and emotions. And he said
that based on either an excess of or a lack of certain bodily
fluids, people behave differently. Okay. And so he looked at blood,
yellow bile, black bile and slim. And these are the four fluids that
he was looking at different again people and saying, if there was an
excess or or there was a shortage of these humors, he called them,
then people would behave differently. Now, centuries later,
Galen, who's another Greek physician, he came up with a
typology of temperament based on the same science and he said, he
went to the next level and said, He classified human behavior as
either hot, cold, dry or wet. Again, this is related to the four
elements, but then he gave them knees and he said, people based on
again, there are different levels of these fluids in their body,
they behave differently. And their typography is our sanguine,
choleric, melancholic and phlegmatic. So basically, based on
where you are, where your fluids are, you're going to behave a
certain way. And it's going to fall in line into one of these
four temperaments. They called them. Now Ibn Sina, who we know as
every or every channel, I haven't seen him, you know, he, he's the
greatest or one of the greatest, you know, physicians in Islamic
history. He extended the theory of temperaments to encompass
emotional aspects, mental capacity, moral attitudes, self
awareness, movements and dreams. So they're all kind of expanding
on this science right and then later on other visit Muslim
physicians.
In addition to Ibn Sina, our Abu Bakr, Muhammad Zakaria, raazi
family, Joe Zia, and then Jelena Dean, so up they all also
commented on the science and use the science of the four
temperaments. Okay, so this is a very big part of our history. So
what are they? Here are the four temperaments again, the choleric,
the sanguine, phlegmatic and melancholic. So every person
according to the science falls into predominantly one of these
temperaments. So all of us here. Well as we read the descriptions,
you're gonna find okay, that actually sounds like me. And
you'll once you get more well versed in this science, then you
can study it for your children too. It's very important to know
your children's temperaments. So the first one is called the
coloring. Okay? So what who are the coloring? So, you know, the
names are kind of difficult sometimes for people to remember.
So just remember the animal that's associated with it. Okay, the
choleric animal is a lion. Okay. And they are extroverts. Okay, so
if you're an extroverted person, you might be a color. They're
reactionary, so very quick to react to things fiery sort of
energy. They're rational, and not very emotionally expressive. So if
you're not someone that's you know, easily, or you just don't,
you know, express yourself very well, emotionally, you might be a
choleric natural born leaders, so very strong willed people. That's
where that red fire energy. So just, you see that, again, the
Lions have all that imagery there. They're assertive, and in charge,
they tend to dominate whatever they do. So if you're ever working
in a group setting, you will know the choleric very clearly, they're
probably the one who's talking over everybody. They like things
done their way. They're argumentative, they're kind of
just really just strong willed and strong headed people. And their
motto is we like to have it our way. So that's one of the you
know, controlling sort of personality type. So if you
identify with this, you are likely a choleric, and this is again for
brothers and sisters.
The next is a sanguine, and this is represented, represented by the
animal, the golden retriever. Okay. So, extroverts as well. So
friendly, super, just, they're reactionary but they're very,
they're emotionally expressive. They love people in large groups.
So they're kind of tend to be like the life of the party. They just,
they're bubbly. Okay, that's where that yellow color, just just happy
there. They seem to be a little too happy, maybe to chipper all
the time. They're talkative and excitable.
They're optimistic. Other they love to laugh and are usually
again, the life of the party. And their motto is we like to be
popular. So they're very well known. Okay? They're always maybe
just social, just very social people. Okay, so if you're a
sanguine, then just keep this in mind. Again, that golden retriever
happy sort of personality type.
Then we have the phlegmatic. Okay, so now we're into the introverted
signs. So they're introverted, and they're represented by the otter.
Okay, they're non reactionary. They're emotionally expressive.
They love to analyze people. So they tend to just be a little bit
more quiet, analytical. They're humble and calm. They have a very
calming nature. So they're not excitable, they don't when they
talk. They're not like, loud and boisterous. They're just calm.
They have, you know, they're versatile. That means they're
flexible. They're kind of go with the flow. They're great listeners.
So if you have
a phlegmatic in your life, they're the ones you could turn to and
they're just very, very sad, that calming healing presence, and
their motto is we like it peaceful and calm.
And then, the last one is the melancholic.
Okay, there are introverts as well. They're non reactionary.
They're not emotionally expressive. So the melancholic is
similar to the choleric in that way, okay, there, but they're the
differences. That one's reactionary, the others not right.
They're serious and very analytical. So if you're a numbers
kind of a person, and you're just like, you know, you like to just
stay focused and on task and you you know, you're not, you know,
like a dreamer, always thinking about things, but you're just very
focused on what's happening in front of you. You like being
systematically done, you're like organization, you're likely a
melancholic, task oriented and natural problem solvers. They're
very disciplined and organized, and their motto is we like it done
the right way. Okay, so these four temperaments again, all right, all
of us fall it predominantly into one there are blends, but you
should by now know where you are. How many people feel like they
identify with at least one? Yeah, okay, good. So once you know
yourself really well, as I said, and there's a book it's called the
temperament that God gave you. It's a non Muslim author. I can't
remember the author, but you can find it even in libraries. If you
don't want to buy it. You can just check it out. But it's a book that
our teacher
recommend reading, because it does give you more context into the
science, but also helps, as I said, with children with with
parenting, because you'll start to see your children's temperaments,
you'll start to see if you have an extroverted child and an
introverted child, you'll see that they, they're different for a
reason. And the two primary things that really helped to measure this
is, you know, pretty detailed, but like, just a quick way to assess
what your what a person's temperament is, is, how
reactionary are they? Are they reactionary? And how long does
that reaction last? Okay, so let's say you're, you know, if you have
a conflict with someone or in a confrontational situation, the
choleric, right, this person, they're going to fire right back.
Okay, so it's like a hostile sort of exchange. They're not ones to
back down from confrontation ever, and they will not forget. So if a
choleric personality type is not afraid or intimidated by
confrontation, and they'll likely cut you out, like you're just
done, I have no time for you. And because they don't, they don't
it's not they're not very forgiving. So they'll hold that
grudge for like years. Okay, the sanguine. They might react in the
moment because you're catching them off guard. And so they might,
you know, have a response right away, but then guilt will, you
know, overtake them. So maybe 10 minutes later, they feel bad. And
they'll come to you and go, I'm so sorry. Can we forget about what
happened, please. And a lot of times in marital situations, it's
very common, right? One partner or the other will do something like,
hit below the belt say something really mean, but then they'll just
feel so bad for it a few minutes later, and it kind of can throw
people off like what you know. So, you know, it's very common to have
this dynamic. But sanguine will want to fix it right away, even
though they're reactionary. Now, the phlegmatic. They're the type
that if they're in a confrontation, they almost freeze.
They don't know how to deal with it in the moment, because it's
completely like they just shut down. So they won't say something
right then and there. They'll just stand there listening, observing.
And then three, four days later, you'll get that text message or
phone call. Okay, that says, you know, what you did was very
offensive. I'm very hurt by what you said. And so they're non
reactionary, okay. But they're forgiving. So they want to fix it,
because they're still emotionally, you know, invested in the care. So
it's like, they don't react right away, but then they want to patch
it up quickly. So they'll say, I still love you, I still I forgive
you. So they're quick to get over it. And they won't hold a grudge.
The melancholic is the toughest one to crack, because this person
is not reactionary at all. So they'll will if it's a
confrontation, they'll just against remain quiet. And you
won't hear anything for them from from them for maybe years. Okay.
So like, you won't even know half the time with a melancholic why
they're upset at someone, they won't say anything until maybe
years down the line. And then they go, Well, 10 years ago, you know,
you said this to me, or you did this, you disrespected me, you
know, and you're like, what? You've been holding on to that for
that long, but they are very capable of holding on to things
for a very long time. So they hold on to grudges, they're not very
easily forgiving. And they're non reactionary. So think about your
children, do you see because you should see patterns already, you
should see that child who's very unforgiving. If you have one of
those, if something happens, and they're just like brooding
forever, I'm forgiving. I'm so mad at you, you know. And then you
might have the other child who as soon as something happens, they're
just like, it's okay. It's not a big deal. And they're like, quick
to forgive and move on. This, this the their temperament, it's
revealing itself. But when you study it really in depth and helps
you to again, know how to reach them better, right, you're not
just doing a one size fits all, parenting, you're actually
tailoring it to their personalities, like this is, you
know, unique to you. You're unique in this way. Therefore, I have to,
you know, parent differently for you. And honestly, the science is,
you know, it's been used for, for decades by educators by
psychologists, unfortunately, now, you know, it's not as common
anymore. But you see it and even in the professional world, you
know, there's companies that that do Personality Typing and testing,
right what for, it's because they know that if you actually, you
know, figure people out and kind of see patterns of behavior,
you're able to place them better in the company, or give them
assign work and tasks to them that's more suitable for their
temperament. For example, like, you know, a melancholic person is
great for, you know, like, accounting, accounting work or
office work, right? Because they're not very personable. So
they're
You're not somebody that you would put at the front end of the office
to meet and greet people or, you know, in a business, because their
personality types there, they don't have that disposition.
They're serious, analytical, critical thinking people, great
for doing things like in the back office, right. And then a
sanguine, right, though, a sanguine would just wilt like a
flower, if you put them in an office, or put them in a job where
they're not interacting with people, they need to be in the
front end, they need to be out talking to people, because a lot,
you know, gave them that personality where they can just
really engage well with people. So if you know your children, then
you can see their strengths, right. And then help them to
develop their strengths and also prevent them from doing things
like I had. I remember I did a talk once and then afterwards, one
of the moms came up to me, she was totally devastated. I did a
similar presentation where I talked about the temperaments. But
she was just crying, and I was trying to calm her down, she just
felt horrible. She said that she realized that her two sons were
very different. One was an extrovert, and one was an
introvert, but their whole life basically, she measured her
introverted son, to her extroverted son. And he was never
good enough. And she always felt like he was lacking, lacking or
just lagging behind. Because her extroverted was outgoing, he was
just very successful, he was athletic, he did all these things
that were just, you know, just really shine, you know, and her
ex, her introverted son was not that person was very timid, very
quiet, if you went to a social gathering, he wanted to carry a
book with him everywhere he went, and he would just find a corner.
But she always felt like she was in she did in after the talk, she
realized that she had she known this before, she would have just
seen their individuality. But unfortunately, she, she, you know,
really damaged her own words, her relationship with her second son,
because she made him feel always inferior. So you know, it was a
moment for her, but I, you know, this is why it's so important to
study these things early. Because you won't do that Inshallah, you
actually start to see your children for who they are. And
you'll start to tailor again, your parenting to them. But if you
don't have this in your tool belt, and you're just going to treat
them all the same, then you're, you're not going to make those
connections, which we talked about in the beginning that reach,
you're not going to have very much reach with your children. So this
is what, why it's so important to really, you know, learn your
children's personality types, be attentive to their differences,
and honor them and validate them. Because just like you're unique,
I'm unique, we're all unique, so are your children. And even though
we have ideals about how we want them to be, if we see them
exclusively as extensions of ourselves, it's a total injustice.
Because they're not, they're not extensions of us, we, you know,
they're our children, but they're individuals, and they might have
sparks of us here in there. But you have to let them grow into
their own person, still guide them still, you know, show them the
right way, but don't judge them so critically, and harshly that just
because they do things differently than you do, or that you think is
you know, as good or ideal, that you start looking down on them and
then treating them harshly and using words like oh, you're you're
a loser and you know, parents, well, they can really damage their
children. They're not aware of the harsh words that they say when
they're critical. But it can be very, you know, like these are
lifelong, you know, issues that are that happened when you when
you talk to your children that way they'll deal with that for their
whole life.
Yes
absolutely, because as we talked about the emotional expression,
right, that's gonna be a big, you know, sort of indicator of what a
person's love language is because emotionally expressive people do
like like the sanguine is absolutely gonna love words of
praise and affirmation, right? Because that's their, their
expressive right and phlegmatic as well, like Maddix love to connect
they love. They're very emotional people. They're just not as
reactionary as a sanguine, but they're similar. So these two
signs are similar, just as the melancholic and choleric, are
similar. They're not as emotionally expressive, but they
might respond a lot to acts of service, for example, right? Or
quality time, because even though I don't need you to, you know,
shower me with words, I still appreciate you around me, right.
So, yes, there's definitely a correlation there. And again, when
you're learning these things together, you're gonna start
seeing patterns for yourself, your spouse, your children, everybody
in your life, you're gonna start to suddenly see them through their
lens, instead of seeing them through your own subjective lens,
which is usually not accurate, right? We don't always read people
accurately, but we're
You know, unfortunately, because we only have our own selves to
rely on, we think we've got it down. There's a lot of
overconfident people who think they know people really well. But
if they really don't know that, they're just applying, projecting
their own views onto them. But when you do things this way, you
really are knowing people, because it's like I've studied you, I've,
we've looked at this, we've looked at your love language, we've
looked at your temperament, we now have, you know, something to help
identify the nuances of your personality. And therefore, you
know, we're becoming more fluent in reading each other. And if the
whole family's doing the siblings know, each others, like my
children, they know their temperaments. We've talked about
love languages, and it comes up, you know, they use it even for
themselves. Like, oh, you know, if they're, you know, if they're
having, you know, like an outburst, and they go, so Mr.
choleric, you know, it's coming out now, you know, but it's a good
thing for them to use, because then it prevents them from
labeling and harming each other with language, you know, which is
children can do that siblings do that with each other all the time
you start fighting, there's no understanding, right? It's just
like, oh, they just, they're angry, because they don't
understand their siblings behavior, or words or whatever. So
then they just start taking everything personally. But if you
actually frame it this way, and empower them to know that you're
different than them, they operate differently than you be respectful
of how you engage with them. And you know, take these things into
consideration, then everybody's validated, right? It just creates
more empathy, which is what we want, we want to be more
empathetic, we want we should want our children to be more
empathetic. These are all prophetic qualities of positive
sentiments very, like he, when he was with people, he really took
time and made them feel like they were completely seen and visible
and heard. He really paid attention to people, we're again,
because of our distracted worlds and natures, we're all just sort
of, you know, robotically moving through our worlds and our
families and our home life is like that. But this requires you to
actually be more present. So that's why it's very important
that we study the sciences. Yes.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Absolutely. Absolutely. And the objective here, yes, is to
identify where you are, but to not just look at yourself, like, uh,
you know, this is who I am. And that's it, your work in progress.
And they say that, actually, in the, when you're saying the four
temperaments, I'm not sure who came up with this, but that all of
the four full EFA are represented by one of each for, so you can
see, and then they said, The problem is on had perfect balance,
right. So he's a perfect balance of everything. And our objective
is to look at his model, and you'll see that everything, all
the negative qualities that go into each one are resolved when
you get to the process. Because you don't see that there. Right.
He's, he's just, he's the perfect representation of how we should
be. But when you Yes, you if you look at yourself, again, as a work
in progress, and you'll realize that my task, my spiritual task is
to, you know, to, to attend to all these things, whatever my negative
qualities are, are the things that I need to align with his way I
have to work on that. So if I have a problem being more, you know, if
I'm not as affectionate if I'm a melancholic or a choleric, and I
have an issue, being affectionate with my children or my loved ones,
this is not from you know, this is not the prophetic way, right?
There's Hadith where he talks about that, about, you know, being
more affectionate with your loved ones. So how am I going to work on
that I have to dig deep be more vulnerable, kind of find the words
if it's hard for me work on that. Right. But looking at yourself
constantly as a work in progress, and trying to bring more balance.
Okay.
Yes.
So would it be a good idea?
extrovert?
Right. You want that?
Absolutely. Yes. You're bringing balance because the same one, what
do you think let's just talk about, for example, spiritual
diseases. What do you think might be a spiritual disease that a
sanguine personality would would fall into?
From the from the diseases of the heart
showing off? Exactly, if I if if you're a sanguine, and Allah has
given you this ability to just be like, super friendly and talkative
and you can, you're outgoing and you can go out there and do
anything. This is potentially going to be something that you
have to work on right or a risk for you that you're probably going
to, you know, because popularity is now is what motivates you that
you're studying to do things just to be seen, just to be recognized
to be praised. So this is a disease of a heart attack.
for you. So this is where, yes, you have to bring balance. If
you're always in the front, if you're always in the center of
attention, maybe you're leaning too much on that. And even now,
with social media, you know, this is unfortunately, a big thing as
social media promotes, to be seen to be seen to be seen. So even
people who aren't necessarily saying when are, you know, are
afflicted with these with this disease. And so it's definitely
something to consider. But each one of them like choleric,
they're, they're one of their primary diseases, that they have
to work on his anger, because they're very reactionary and
fiery. And so if you're a choleric personality, you have to be true
with yourself and say, Yeah, I have to rein that in. I'm too
intense. And I can intimidate people, I'm maybe I am scary,
maybe I need to be real with myself and just say, You know
what, it's not that I'm a terrible person. Because the reason why I
love the science is it does really validate the fact that there is
design in human personality and temperament. And we're all just
designed differently and uniquely, but it's not that it's a blemish,
you know, because sometimes we, we, we break other people down, or
we break ourselves down and just attribute all these negative
qualities and take it on, like, we're horrible human beings, and
especially when you're comparing it to the problems I saw, and then
you just feel like the worst, right? But if you actually sit
there and say, Subhan, Allah, it's just designed, and that's why I
love that, you know, the forefront of that are represented in each of
these, because you can see that like, no matter who we know, he's
he was very Jalali, right. And he was very intimidating, but he's
also incredibly soft. And he, through his journey, literally, he
transformed. So there's hope to say that no matter where you are,
there's hope for positive transformation, if you like the
brother was saying, see yourself as you know, a work in progress,
like wherever your negative qualities aren't. But when you
empower your children with the science, again, it validates them,
you're not attributing them all these horrible qualities, and
they're just labeling them and like making them feel like
they're, they're nothing you're saying, this is just your
personality type. And these are the areas that you know, you need
to work on. And these are your strengths. So mashallah, you know,
Allah has given you this great ability, and it's just it's a
very, it's a much more positive way to help and bring it more
understanding. And shallow. Yes.
Right away. I mean, you can see him very early on Oh, yeah. That's
why the book, the temperament that God gave you, it's really like for
parents and educators to look at for children. So you'll see like,
yeah, you can see the signs very early on. And people like I said,
well, they can change. Yeah, so it's not like it's, you know, set.
Because as you grow, and you know, environmentally things happen,
you're you might shift or you might start taking on sort of a
blend between two different and so there is a primary and a
secondary. So when you take the test, and they're online, and even
in the book, you can, it'll determine for you what your
primary is and what your secondary is, and you'll see a good
crossover. So yeah, it's very, very helpful tool.
I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Yes. So this is like that a
you know, a lot of I don't know, maybe because the four
temperaments is initially based on right the fluids, so if, you know
if we're really true to the science, and there is a
physiological sort of aspect there, right. And that's what the
science is, is that all of these different fluids and, you know,
it's, it explains the variation of human behavior. So yeah, I'm
sorry, the other ones too sanguine.
The, I know, the text is very small. But I can if you, if you
like, to give me your email, I can always send you like, the more
clear descriptions. Okay, inshallah. But any other questions
about this?
Yes, sure.
Right.
Every single personality test out there is based on the four
elements, and that's why they're all very multiples of four, you'll
have 16 personalities, eight, so they're all based on this ancient
science. So that's why, you know, when you you look at it, it's so
fascinating. I mean, this has been around for millennia. So Pamela,
right.
I'm gonna I'm just like looking if there's no other questions in
shallow we're, I think we're right on time. So we can end inshallah
into it.
Because I got him so we'll finish it off. And so the next one will
be in a month. Yeah, we'll announce the date. I don't I think
the date is set on the website, but I'm not sure. Do you know the
day?
Okay.
Inshallah Hamdulillah.
Alright, so what end Subhanak Allah home well behind the
grechetto Allah, Allah Allah Allah, Allah to bootleg along so
there was no robotic Odyssey they don't
All right, I'm trying to sell a La Jolla San Juan and he was
listening and
I heard him while I sort of enter in Santa Fe Passarella Latina and
marijuana oh sorry I had to do so will happen. But so
does that come off here and thank you so much for coming inshallah
we'll see you next time and if you have any questions, I don't have
it written but I can provide my my email address to anybody and
offline, we can exchange more information. Thank you