Hosai Mojaddidi – Qur’anic Parenting Lessons & Stories in the Quran (Part 2)

Hosai Mojaddidi
Share Page

AI: Summary ©

The speakers emphasize the importance of parenting and sharing experiences to manage emotions and communicate with others. They stress the need for self-reflection and self-control, personal experiences to be more aware of one's emotions and be motivated by love, and creating environments where children do not feel safe and enjoy their day. They emphasize the importance of practice and regular practice for children to stay safe and enjoy their day.

AI: Summary ©

00:00:00 --> 00:00:03
			Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim.
Welcome to Quranic parenting. Last
		
00:00:03 --> 00:00:08
			week we began our first session of
the series on intentional
		
00:00:08 --> 00:00:11
			parenting, right? Because with all
as with all things, we have to
		
00:00:11 --> 00:00:15
			have the right intention, right.
And so even with our parenting
		
00:00:15 --> 00:00:20
			journey, we have to really
confront and and come to terms
		
00:00:20 --> 00:00:25
			with what are our intentions with
wanting to be parents. And so we
		
00:00:25 --> 00:00:29
			spent a lot of time exploring
that. But first, we looked at what
		
00:00:29 --> 00:00:34
			parenting today looks like, right?
Because parenthood, of course, in
		
00:00:34 --> 00:00:39
			our society, today is very
different than the ideals of what
		
00:00:39 --> 00:00:45
			our deen teaches us or aspires to
us to write. So we want to examine
		
00:00:45 --> 00:00:48
			that what we're dealing with,
right, so we went through some of
		
00:00:48 --> 00:00:52
			the trends that we're seeing with
people delaying marriage, as well
		
00:00:52 --> 00:00:56
			as motherhood, right, so a lot of
women because of the opportunities
		
00:00:56 --> 00:01:00
			afforded to them, now, they're
delaying this part of their life
		
00:01:00 --> 00:01:04
			until, you know, their mid 30s or
later, and then just some
		
00:01:04 --> 00:01:10
			experiences of the pressures that
both women and men feel in terms
		
00:01:10 --> 00:01:13
			of managing, you know, the
parenting, whether they're doing
		
00:01:13 --> 00:01:20
			it as a couple in a nuclear, you
know, traditional family or single
		
00:01:20 --> 00:01:25
			parents, but each gender does have
some, some pressures that are
		
00:01:25 --> 00:01:27
			unique to them. And so just kind
of exploring some of the data
		
00:01:27 --> 00:01:32
			there. And then we also talked
about how, and the reason why it's
		
00:01:32 --> 00:01:35
			so different is because we are in
a time where a lot of things are
		
00:01:35 --> 00:01:39
			being redefined, right, gender
roles, you know, the institutions
		
00:01:39 --> 00:01:44
			of marriage, what what it even
looks like. Now, in this society
		
00:01:44 --> 00:01:47
			is very, again, different than
what it always has been
		
00:01:47 --> 00:01:49
			traditional, because you'll find
different types of families or
		
00:01:49 --> 00:01:53
			family units or marriages,
marriage unions. And so we want to
		
00:01:54 --> 00:01:58
			really be aware of what we're up
against, of course, the economics
		
00:01:58 --> 00:02:03
			and behind why people marry. The
goals and objectives of families
		
00:02:03 --> 00:02:06
			and couples are also different. In
some cases. In many cases, I
		
00:02:06 --> 00:02:11
			should say, cultural shifts and
attitudes towards, for example,
		
00:02:11 --> 00:02:14
			premarital relations and
monogamous relationships are also
		
00:02:14 --> 00:02:18
			very different than what it was in
the past. And then the importance
		
00:02:18 --> 00:02:22
			of having partners that have
either the same or similar
		
00:02:22 --> 00:02:25
			religious affiliation and
commitment, right to those
		
00:02:25 --> 00:02:28
			conservative values is also
different. You find a lot of
		
00:02:28 --> 00:02:33
			people now marrying, sometimes not
only people who are not
		
00:02:33 --> 00:02:37
			necessarily on the same wavelength
or path. But even outside of the
		
00:02:37 --> 00:02:40
			face, it's more and more common.
So these are things we have to be
		
00:02:40 --> 00:02:44
			aware of. And then we talked about
the importance of when we talk
		
00:02:44 --> 00:02:47
			about intentionality, that there
are two mindsets that you have in
		
00:02:47 --> 00:02:51
			all things, right. And everybody
in the world is one of these two
		
00:02:51 --> 00:02:55
			minds. You're either thinking in
worldly terms, whether it's
		
00:02:55 --> 00:02:58
			parenting, or marriage, or or
anything else, or you're thinking
		
00:02:58 --> 00:03:02
			and other worldly terms, right. So
when it comes to parenting, the
		
00:03:02 --> 00:03:06
			mindsets are, you're you're
focused on worldly parenting with
		
00:03:06 --> 00:03:09
			that, and we kind of explore what
that means. And then what other
		
00:03:09 --> 00:03:12
			worldly parenting is, is, of
course, you're, you're setting
		
00:03:12 --> 00:03:16
			your sights on the next world on
what will get you there. So
		
00:03:16 --> 00:03:20
			parenting becomes a means to that
end, whereas the worldly parenting
		
00:03:20 --> 00:03:24
			is more focused on, you know, just
the benefits of coming together,
		
00:03:24 --> 00:03:27
			having a family having children,
and you get really caught up in
		
00:03:27 --> 00:03:32
			that right. And so, I also just
reminded everyone of the cost of
		
00:03:32 --> 00:03:38
			parenting today, that it's quite
expensive. I'm sorry. So according
		
00:03:38 --> 00:03:46
			to one study, $233,000.06 102 or
$610, to raise one child today,
		
00:03:46 --> 00:03:49
			right? This is from 2015. So it's
probably even more now with all
		
00:03:49 --> 00:03:53
			the inflation costs and costs of
food and gas and clothing and
		
00:03:53 --> 00:03:57
			everything right. So we're, it's
very difficult for many people to
		
00:03:57 --> 00:03:59
			have children because of this
reason.
		
00:04:00 --> 00:04:03
			And just to bring it back to that
point of worldly versus
		
00:04:03 --> 00:04:07
			otherworldly. A lot of times
people get caught up in the
		
00:04:07 --> 00:04:11
			experience of being pregnant or
having the, you know, the baby
		
00:04:11 --> 00:04:16
			pictures and the newborn phase
because that is a phase that is
		
00:04:16 --> 00:04:20
			fun, right? There's, there's a
celebratory aspect of, obviously,
		
00:04:20 --> 00:04:23
			bringing in a new life, but having
a lot of celebration around that.
		
00:04:23 --> 00:04:26
			So people will get caught up in
that. But then they don't think
		
00:04:26 --> 00:04:31
			that that child will grow and you
are then responsible for making
		
00:04:31 --> 00:04:34
			sure that it is provided for in
every sense of the word, but
		
00:04:34 --> 00:04:38
			spiritually, most importantly,
that you have to raise it with the
		
00:04:38 --> 00:04:44
			values with that it can maintain
its religious identity. And that's
		
00:04:44 --> 00:04:47
			a lot of work for parents. So we
have to look beyond just this
		
00:04:47 --> 00:04:51
			commercialization of parenting
that we unfortunately see
		
00:04:51 --> 00:04:55
			everywhere around us. And then,
you know, a reminder about the
		
00:04:55 --> 00:04:59
			fact that it is our duty right
parenting isn't a manner it's our
		
00:04:59 --> 00:04:59
			responsibility.
		
00:05:00 --> 00:05:04
			To make sure that we raise our
children on Fidra otherwise they
		
00:05:04 --> 00:05:08
			will stray and this is the the
task before us as parents are
		
00:05:08 --> 00:05:12
			really having the understanding of
what it means to have the other
		
00:05:12 --> 00:05:15
			worldly lens is that you realize
the objective is to raise
		
00:05:15 --> 00:05:20
			inshallah the next generation of
believers. And that will be your
		
00:05:20 --> 00:05:25
			means to paradise insha Allah. And
so, you know, the intentional, you
		
00:05:25 --> 00:05:27
			know, the questions that we have
to ask ourselves when we want to
		
00:05:27 --> 00:05:30
			be intentional about parenting is
why do I want to become a parent?
		
00:05:31 --> 00:05:35
			How do I plan to prepare for
parenthood, mashallah, I had a
		
00:05:35 --> 00:05:39
			sister earlier in our Likud, she's
single, and she said she's not
		
00:05:39 --> 00:05:42
			married, but she asked if she
could stay. And I told her, You
		
00:05:42 --> 00:05:45
			are the shining example that I
always like to show people that
		
00:05:45 --> 00:05:49
			yes, when you are attending these
types of events, whether it's
		
00:05:49 --> 00:05:52
			parenting or marriage, without you
know, in preparation, you are
		
00:05:52 --> 00:05:55
			actually doing it right. We all
should have been doing that. We
		
00:05:55 --> 00:05:58
			all should have been sitting into
these types of classes, long
		
00:05:58 --> 00:06:03
			before we ever got our selves in a
marital or you know, parenting
		
00:06:03 --> 00:06:06
			role, because the preparation is
so necessary, it's so necessary to
		
00:06:06 --> 00:06:09
			do that preparatory work. And then
when do I plan to get started?
		
00:06:09 --> 00:06:12
			Right, so asking these questions,
we talked a lot about what a
		
00:06:12 --> 00:06:15
			parent is and what it isn't. So I
mentioned that it's an Amanda,
		
00:06:15 --> 00:06:18
			it's a trust from God. It's a
sunnah obviously, the prophesy
		
00:06:18 --> 00:06:21
			centum he had children, it's a
gift parenting is a gift there. We
		
00:06:21 --> 00:06:24
			mentioned also, in the previous
vicar that we had, one of the
		
00:06:24 --> 00:06:27
			sisters reminded us to make the
offer those who wish to have
		
00:06:27 --> 00:06:30
			children, because there are many
who are struggling with
		
00:06:30 --> 00:06:36
			infertility. And they, they really
want this gift of parent to be a
		
00:06:36 --> 00:06:40
			parent. And so when you have it,
you have to see that Allah gave
		
00:06:40 --> 00:06:44
			you preferred you in for this
role. And it is an immense,
		
00:06:44 --> 00:06:47
			immense gift as well as in a
manner. And then it's also also
		
00:06:47 --> 00:06:49
			going to be a test of faith,
because as the last one, it tells
		
00:06:49 --> 00:06:52
			us that he will try us He will
test us through our children,
		
00:06:52 --> 00:06:56
			right. And so you will have times
where things are going to be
		
00:06:56 --> 00:07:00
			difficult. It comes part, it's
part and parcel of being a parent.
		
00:07:01 --> 00:07:05
			And what parenting isn't, is this
rite of passage that has to happen
		
00:07:05 --> 00:07:08
			just because you're married,
because if that's what you think,
		
00:07:08 --> 00:07:13
			then you're not doing it for the
greater goals of wanting to please
		
00:07:13 --> 00:07:16
			us by that you're just doing it
because your family is pressuring
		
00:07:16 --> 00:07:19
			you, right? Your mom is asking
you, your grandma's asking you and
		
00:07:19 --> 00:07:22
			your limited understanding is
well, I just have to get chill, I
		
00:07:22 --> 00:07:25
			have to have children, just like I
had to get married. Now, you see
		
00:07:25 --> 00:07:30
			that that's a very flat, lacking
lackluster intention. It's just
		
00:07:30 --> 00:07:33
			like, I'm just doing something,
because it's custom. But we have
		
00:07:33 --> 00:07:37
			to be better about our intentions,
right? Avoiding the criticism of
		
00:07:37 --> 00:07:42
			family or society or community is
not a reason to have children is
		
00:07:42 --> 00:07:46
			because you want to raise good,
you know, believers, and you want
		
00:07:46 --> 00:07:49
			to be a part of that. And that's
the the intention you have to come
		
00:07:49 --> 00:07:53
			at it with. And then it's also not
just for fun and games, right. As
		
00:07:53 --> 00:07:56
			we mentioned earlier, the
celebratory sort of excitement
		
00:07:56 --> 00:07:59
			around children or marriage is
often what we get caught up in.
		
00:07:59 --> 00:08:03
			But that is not the purpose of it.
It's the wedding is not the
		
00:08:03 --> 00:08:06
			purpose of a marriage. And neither
is the baby shower, a purpose of
		
00:08:06 --> 00:08:10
			parenting, right. It's also not a
way to exploit oneself or family.
		
00:08:10 --> 00:08:13
			So if you're having children so
that they can continue the family
		
00:08:13 --> 00:08:17
			business, and you can use them for
free labor out of the blood,
		
00:08:17 --> 00:08:20
			certainly not, you know, a good
intention.
		
00:08:21 --> 00:08:25
			And it's also not a way to parade
your children around just as
		
00:08:25 --> 00:08:28
			little extensions of you because
sometimes parents think of their
		
00:08:28 --> 00:08:32
			children as their property. And
you know, I want a good image in
		
00:08:32 --> 00:08:35
			front of people. So I'm going to
have multiple children just so
		
00:08:35 --> 00:08:38
			that I can show how cute my kids
are, how well behaved, they are
		
00:08:38 --> 00:08:41
			their model children, they go to
school, they finish the report,
		
00:08:41 --> 00:08:45
			and by the age of seven, I am
gonna throw them a party and we
		
00:08:45 --> 00:08:48
			just make it all the spectacle,
which is look at me, I'm such a
		
00:08:48 --> 00:08:51
			great person. I have such
beautiful, amazing children. Look
		
00:08:51 --> 00:08:54
			at me, look at me, these are the
wrong intentions. It has to be for
		
00:08:54 --> 00:08:58
			the sake of Allah subhanaw taala.
And we talked about the importance
		
00:08:58 --> 00:09:02
			of having a parental vow, right,
which we, because it's Quranic
		
00:09:02 --> 00:09:05
			parenting, we're going back to the
Quran to see these things modeled
		
00:09:05 --> 00:09:09
			for us. So we mentioned had been
proposed, who is the mother of our
		
00:09:09 --> 00:09:14
			mother, Mother Mother has said,
and how she literally made a vow
		
00:09:14 --> 00:09:18
			to Allah subhanaw taala that she
whatever was in her womb, that she
		
00:09:18 --> 00:09:21
			was offering it in the service of
Allah subhanaw taala that is
		
00:09:21 --> 00:09:24
			intentional parenting that is a
perfect example of someone who
		
00:09:24 --> 00:09:28
			understands that when a child is,
you know, Allah has blessed you
		
00:09:28 --> 00:09:31
			with a child, that your mind
should not be about how you're
		
00:09:31 --> 00:09:35
			going to benefit from this child
in this life, but rather that that
		
00:09:35 --> 00:09:40
			child grows up to to know Allah
subhanaw taala and is on the right
		
00:09:40 --> 00:09:47
			path and is a is is an agent of
guidance for others of light and
		
00:09:47 --> 00:09:50
			worships ALLAH SubhanA as he so
deserves that that is the
		
00:09:50 --> 00:09:54
			intention. Right? And so she made
that beautiful intention. And then
		
00:09:54 --> 00:09:58
			we also talked about the prayer
because our doors are very
		
00:09:58 --> 00:09:59
			important and we sometimes do
		
00:10:00 --> 00:10:03
			Forget, there's a lot of anxiety
in parenting today. I know because
		
00:10:03 --> 00:10:08
			I talk to a lot of parents. And
the anxiety is always directed
		
00:10:08 --> 00:10:10
			towards other people. Do you know
someone, I can ask for this? Is
		
00:10:10 --> 00:10:14
			there a therapist is there this? I
need help with my child with this.
		
00:10:14 --> 00:10:17
			And we're always looking at the
worldly means of how to address a
		
00:10:17 --> 00:10:21
			lot of our fears. But then when
you ask, okay, I understand you're
		
00:10:21 --> 00:10:24
			worried about your child's
behavior, their friends, you know,
		
00:10:24 --> 00:10:27
			whether or not their their deen is
strong. But what are you doing in
		
00:10:27 --> 00:10:30
			terms of spiritually addressing
those concerns, right, if you're
		
00:10:30 --> 00:10:33
			just picking up the phone and
calling and trying to network, but
		
00:10:33 --> 00:10:37
			then you're not waking up in the
middle of the night, right. And
		
00:10:37 --> 00:10:40
			this goes for the mothers and the
fathers, we have to get up. And we
		
00:10:40 --> 00:10:45
			have to ask the only one who can
actually change our children's
		
00:10:45 --> 00:10:48
			situation, whether it's a health
issue, a mental health issue, a
		
00:10:48 --> 00:10:52
			behavioral issue, whatever it is,
the only one who can actually
		
00:10:52 --> 00:10:55
			bring about the change you're
seeking is Allah subhanaw taala.
		
00:10:55 --> 00:10:59
			So you cannot bypass Allah and
then go through everyone else,
		
00:10:59 --> 00:11:06
			right? You have to get up. And the
your real sincerity of concern is
		
00:11:06 --> 00:11:10
			shown by how much you seek ALLAH
subhanaw taala. Because otherwise,
		
00:11:10 --> 00:11:12
			it's lip service. Oh, I'm so
worried about my kids. If you're
		
00:11:12 --> 00:11:15
			worried about your kids, show,
you're worried Get up. Don't
		
00:11:15 --> 00:11:19
			compromise your sleep. Right? Show
us panda. I'm really stressed out
		
00:11:19 --> 00:11:22
			about my children's guidance,
y'all please guide them, please
		
00:11:22 --> 00:11:24
			guide them, please guide them and
also make good choices for them.
		
00:11:25 --> 00:11:28
			Right, which we're gonna get to
today in session two, this is just
		
00:11:28 --> 00:11:32
			a summary. But it's so important
that we really use the means that
		
00:11:32 --> 00:11:35
			Allah's Prophet has given us the
promises and reminded us that the
		
00:11:35 --> 00:11:40
			DA is the weapon of the believer.
So if you're battling demons, then
		
00:11:40 --> 00:11:43
			take out your weapons, right and
use them which are your daughters.
		
00:11:43 --> 00:11:46
			We talked about parental self
reflection, it's very important
		
00:11:47 --> 00:11:51
			that we, we, of course, have those
high expectations, and we work
		
00:11:51 --> 00:11:55
			towards them. But we also remember
that outcomes, we don't control,
		
00:11:55 --> 00:11:59
			right, it's very important to have
that pause to say, Okay, I'm
		
00:11:59 --> 00:12:01
			trying my best, I'm doing
everything, but at the end of the
		
00:12:01 --> 00:12:07
			day, they belong to Allah subhanho
data. And I can only do my best
		
00:12:07 --> 00:12:10
			when you have prophets. And that's
why we have the Stories of the
		
00:12:10 --> 00:12:13
			Prophets, to remind us like
Prophet alayhi salam, who we know
		
00:12:13 --> 00:12:16
			struggled because his son
literally disobeyed him and did
		
00:12:16 --> 00:12:19
			not believe. And that was a
struggle for a prophet of God.
		
00:12:19 --> 00:12:24
			Right? So if he, you know, had to
face this, this reality that
		
00:12:24 --> 00:12:27
			outcomes are only decreed by
Allah, then certainly we do as
		
00:12:27 --> 00:12:31
			well. And we have to submit Now
that doesn't mean we stop praying,
		
00:12:31 --> 00:12:35
			and we get we become resigned. No,
it just means that at a certain
		
00:12:35 --> 00:12:38
			point, you know, what you can do
and what you can't do, but hold
		
00:12:38 --> 00:12:42
			yourself accountable, right, hold
yourself accountable. And this is
		
00:12:42 --> 00:12:47
			again, where constantly going back
to, you know, asking for Allah's
		
00:12:47 --> 00:12:52
			father to guide you to surrender
to his decree, and also asking for
		
00:12:52 --> 00:12:57
			those things that you want with
clarity be very descriptive in
		
00:12:57 --> 00:13:00
			your daughter's, you know, just to
do general does Allah protect my
		
00:13:00 --> 00:13:04
			children? Yes, but how? What do
you mean by that? Protect them
		
00:13:04 --> 00:13:06
			from what harms? Do you know, the
harms? Are you aware of all the
		
00:13:06 --> 00:13:11
			harms show that you really are,
like, Be explicit as possible in
		
00:13:11 --> 00:13:16
			your doors, because that will give
you again, that sense of ownership
		
00:13:17 --> 00:13:21
			of your responsibility as a
parent, but also connects you to
		
00:13:21 --> 00:13:24
			the fact that Allah's father was
the only one who can help you. So
		
00:13:25 --> 00:13:28
			make sure making sure to do that.
And these are all from the
		
00:13:28 --> 00:13:32
			examples again, from the Quran,
that we that we can learn from. So
		
00:13:32 --> 00:13:34
			inshallah really important to,
		
00:13:35 --> 00:13:38
			to know that. So this is the
summary and again, you know, you
		
00:13:38 --> 00:13:42
			can go back and watch the first
video from last week to get more
		
00:13:42 --> 00:13:45
			in depth discussion on all of
those things. I'm just summarizing
		
00:13:45 --> 00:13:48
			before we get into today's
discussion. So these are the
		
00:13:48 --> 00:13:53
			points of the summary that you can
go ahead and if you want to just
		
00:13:53 --> 00:13:57
			screenshot or take, and then we'll
go ahead and begin for session
		
00:13:57 --> 00:13:58
			two. So
		
00:13:59 --> 00:14:02
			as I mentioned, we start,
obviously, with intentionality.
		
00:14:03 --> 00:14:06
			And now that we've inshallah
aligned ourselves with the proper
		
00:14:06 --> 00:14:10
			intentions, we need to look at the
target and the target is the best
		
00:14:10 --> 00:14:14
			of examples the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam, he is enough for
		
00:14:14 --> 00:14:17
			us to know how to parent
effectively if we learn his
		
00:14:17 --> 00:14:21
			methodology, His ways, His
teachings, his words, we will
		
00:14:21 --> 00:14:25
			inshallah become effective parents
if we abandon his ways and take
		
00:14:25 --> 00:14:28
			our own ways our mom our mother's
ways, our fathers ways, our
		
00:14:28 --> 00:14:31
			grandparents ways, our culture's
ways, we will struggle so that's
		
00:14:31 --> 00:14:36
			really as simple as we can, you
know, state that the province was
		
00:14:36 --> 00:14:40
			Saddam is the best example. So
now, what does that mean? Well,
		
00:14:40 --> 00:14:45
			here is a Hadith that is often
related when we talk about
		
00:14:45 --> 00:14:49
			marriage where the prophesy centum
is teaching us about how to
		
00:14:49 --> 00:14:53
			approach parenting right and he
reminds us a lot cooler camera and
		
00:14:53 --> 00:14:57
			we're colloquium Missoula and
Andre at each of you, every one of
		
00:14:57 --> 00:15:00
			you is a shepherd and his response
to
		
00:15:00 --> 00:15:03
			for his or her flock, and then he
goes into the details of what that
		
00:15:03 --> 00:15:06
			means, right? The leader of a
people. So the general community
		
00:15:06 --> 00:15:10
			leader or leader of a nation is a
guardian and is responsible for
		
00:15:10 --> 00:15:15
			his or her subjects. A man is the
guardian of his family, and he is
		
00:15:15 --> 00:15:19
			responsible for them. So the
wording matters here, because
		
00:15:19 --> 00:15:24
			family is not specified to just
wife and children. He also has his
		
00:15:24 --> 00:15:28
			parents, his siblings, other
people that he also is responsible
		
00:15:28 --> 00:15:31
			for. And sometimes women need to
be reminded of that, right? That
		
00:15:31 --> 00:15:35
			he is responsible for all of the,
you know, maintaining all of that.
		
00:15:35 --> 00:15:40
			And so sometimes you have to let
him go, right, let him tend to
		
00:15:40 --> 00:15:43
			other family needs. And it's
difficult, but it's a good
		
00:15:43 --> 00:15:46
			reminder for us. And then the
woman is the guardian of her
		
00:15:46 --> 00:15:50
			husband's home, and his children,
and she is responsible for them.
		
00:15:50 --> 00:15:54
			So this is why we say that the
domain of the house and the way
		
00:15:54 --> 00:15:57
			the house is run the household,
the the culture that's in the
		
00:15:57 --> 00:16:02
			household is the domain of women,
right, she should be allowed to
		
00:16:02 --> 00:16:05
			really dictate and to lead
Inshallah, of course, with her
		
00:16:05 --> 00:16:09
			husband there to support her. But
this is where running a household
		
00:16:09 --> 00:16:13
			effectively, because the woman is
likely doing a lot of that
		
00:16:13 --> 00:16:17
			management anyway should be her
domain. And she can flourish in
		
00:16:17 --> 00:16:21
			that responsibility as a leader,
because a shepherd is a leadership
		
00:16:21 --> 00:16:25
			role, right. So he's delineating
all of the ways that we are
		
00:16:25 --> 00:16:29
			leading independently. And then
the servant of a man is a guardian
		
00:16:29 --> 00:16:32
			of the property of his master, and
he's responsible for it. No doubt,
		
00:16:32 --> 00:16:36
			every one of you is a shepherd and
is responsible for his or her
		
00:16:36 --> 00:16:40
			flock. And I love this because
even though it's not mentioned
		
00:16:40 --> 00:16:44
			here, when we are talking to our
children about these types of
		
00:16:44 --> 00:16:48
			messages from our prophesy setup,
that last line matters, because if
		
00:16:48 --> 00:16:51
			we want to empower children, we
want children with strong Muslim
		
00:16:51 --> 00:16:55
			identities, we have to also imbue
in them this understanding that
		
00:16:55 --> 00:17:00
			they also are called to leadership
roles. So give your children
		
00:17:00 --> 00:17:05
			responsibility early on, let them
flourish as leaders in their own
		
00:17:05 --> 00:17:08
			way with between their siblings,
as they're teaching them or
		
00:17:08 --> 00:17:12
			cousins or other friends, give
them responsibility early, don't
		
00:17:12 --> 00:17:17
			coddle them because when we overly
coddled children, we, we then
		
00:17:17 --> 00:17:20
			create these imbalances and these
co dependencies that they don't
		
00:17:20 --> 00:17:25
			know how to find their their voice
or their you know, their their the
		
00:17:26 --> 00:17:29
			roll that of leadership that that
is expected of them. If you look
		
00:17:29 --> 00:17:32
			at the theater, the prophesy
Saddam was because he was the most
		
00:17:32 --> 00:17:36
			emotionally intelligent human
being ever he made space for all
		
00:17:36 --> 00:17:39
			of the community members, everyone
felt heard and listened to and
		
00:17:39 --> 00:17:43
			felt that they had a role in that
community. He would even seek out
		
00:17:43 --> 00:17:47
			the youth and give them leadership
roles for that reason. So what
		
00:17:47 --> 00:17:51
			about us in our households? When
we say no, no, and especially when
		
00:17:51 --> 00:17:54
			it comes to, you know, some of our
cultures where there's a major
		
00:17:54 --> 00:17:58
			disparity between how, you know,
some genders are treated versus
		
00:17:58 --> 00:18:01
			others. So you will find a lot of
the young girls in many households
		
00:18:01 --> 00:18:05
			in many cultures, doing a lot of
the work and taking on a lot of
		
00:18:05 --> 00:18:08
			responsibility helping their
parents, but then there's a double
		
00:18:08 --> 00:18:12
			standard when it comes to boys,
right? No, no, that's their boys,
		
00:18:12 --> 00:18:16
			let them go out and do other
things. But not girls work, right?
		
00:18:16 --> 00:18:20
			Not not the housework. This is
completely anti. So now the
		
00:18:20 --> 00:18:24
			prophesy Saddam was known to wash
his own dishes meant his own
		
00:18:24 --> 00:18:28
			clothes help in the household. So
what are we saying when we are,
		
00:18:28 --> 00:18:32
			you know, creating this, this
disparity and, and teaching our
		
00:18:32 --> 00:18:36
			boys that to to help in the house
is not something becoming of a
		
00:18:36 --> 00:18:40
			young boy, and he should just be
out, but the girls have to do at
		
00:18:40 --> 00:18:43
			all this is wrong. And that's why
we don't know these things. And
		
00:18:43 --> 00:18:47
			obviously, we're going to pass on
these. These just, you know, just
		
00:18:47 --> 00:18:50
			wrong messages and feel the
effects of that as the resentment
		
00:18:51 --> 00:18:54
			between in our in our children
grows, because it's not a it's not
		
00:18:54 --> 00:18:58
			a fair system, right. So that's
just a side note, but this hadith,
		
00:18:59 --> 00:19:03
			I love because when you think of a
shepherd, right, look at this
		
00:19:03 --> 00:19:06
			picture. This picture is a
beautiful picture of a shepherd
		
00:19:06 --> 00:19:11
			and look how he is overlooking his
flock. And he has some tools
		
00:19:11 --> 00:19:15
			around him, right? He's holding
his staff, which is the crook.
		
00:19:15 --> 00:19:20
			This is a very important tool that
shepherds use, because it gives
		
00:19:20 --> 00:19:26
			them the ability to do what, first
of all, it serves as an extended
		
00:19:26 --> 00:19:30
			arm. Okay, so look at the amount
of in this image anyway, there's
		
00:19:30 --> 00:19:36
			several animals. So for him to be
able to show the boundaries for
		
00:19:36 --> 00:19:39
			his flock, he has to have an
extended arm and that's where the
		
00:19:39 --> 00:19:44
			crook can also the staff of the
shepherd can come in place. He
		
00:19:44 --> 00:19:47
			extends his arm this way and the
sheep know, to go this way. Right.
		
00:19:48 --> 00:19:52
			So that tells us that one of the
important parts of parenting is
		
00:19:52 --> 00:19:56
			that we have to have reach, we
have to know how to reach our
		
00:19:56 --> 00:19:59
			children, which means
communication if we don't have
		
00:19:59 --> 00:20:00
			strong
		
00:20:00 --> 00:20:04
			your communication skills, then we
will not know how to reach them,
		
00:20:04 --> 00:20:06
			we won't, they won't listen to us
just the same way as if he's
		
00:20:06 --> 00:20:12
			trying to get their attention. And
he's waving his, his arms, but
		
00:20:12 --> 00:20:15
			they can't see it, it's because
he's not using the tools at his
		
00:20:15 --> 00:20:18
			disposal to actually get the
message across, which is don't go
		
00:20:18 --> 00:20:22
			there or go here, right. So that's
the shepherd, it's on the shepherd
		
00:20:22 --> 00:20:26
			to know how to communicate. The
other important thing that it does
		
00:20:26 --> 00:20:30
			is also gives him control, right,
so he's reaching them through
		
00:20:30 --> 00:20:33
			communication, but also that sense
of control, because yes, there are
		
00:20:33 --> 00:20:38
			boundaries that he's supposed to
be protecting the flock from. So
		
00:20:38 --> 00:20:41
			that's the other parenting tool
that we need to have, we have to
		
00:20:41 --> 00:20:46
			be able to also make sure that we
create, you know, that we have
		
00:20:46 --> 00:20:50
			that stability and safety, and
that we're showing control as
		
00:20:50 --> 00:20:52
			parents, right. So we have to have
the reach, we have to have the
		
00:20:52 --> 00:20:58
			control. And the last, which is,
you know, the the part of the the
		
00:20:58 --> 00:21:02
			top part of the staff has a crook.
It's like a cricket sort of bent
		
00:21:02 --> 00:21:06
			over a park. And that's
intentional, because when the
		
00:21:06 --> 00:21:11
			animal falls, for example, into a
ditch or somewhere that it
		
00:21:11 --> 00:21:15
			shouldn't go to, you can imagine
these animals are quite heavy,
		
00:21:15 --> 00:21:20
			right. And so for a shepherd to
not be able to help the animal up
		
00:21:20 --> 00:21:25
			right to get out of that dangerous
situation, then it would perish.
		
00:21:25 --> 00:21:30
			So immediately, that crook can be
used to take put it either around
		
00:21:30 --> 00:21:34
			the neck of the animal or around
the ankle, or whatever is lodged.
		
00:21:34 --> 00:21:38
			And so the shepherd can pull the
animal out to safety, right. So
		
00:21:38 --> 00:21:42
			that safety that control that
reach, these are the three main
		
00:21:42 --> 00:21:46
			tools that parents have to have
and learn from the example of a
		
00:21:46 --> 00:21:50
			shepherd. And so you know, we
mentioned this one, you know, tool
		
00:21:50 --> 00:21:54
			that that is at his disposal. But
then there are other things that
		
00:21:54 --> 00:21:58
			the shepherd also does in order to
make this happen. First of all,
		
00:21:59 --> 00:22:02
			who, you know, if I don't know how
many of you have ever been on a
		
00:22:02 --> 00:22:07
			farm or know any shepherds
personally, but if you know that
		
00:22:07 --> 00:22:12
			life, you know that they have to
wake up early, right? You cannot
		
00:22:13 --> 00:22:16
			effectively lead a flock anywhere
and take care of them if you're
		
00:22:16 --> 00:22:20
			going to sleep it right because
they are on a different schedule,
		
00:22:20 --> 00:22:25
			they animals tend to wake up, you
know, with with the sunrise and
		
00:22:25 --> 00:22:28
			they have their own needs that
need to be met. So you have to be
		
00:22:28 --> 00:22:32
			ahead. So a lot of people who live
these types of homestead lives or
		
00:22:32 --> 00:22:35
			shepherding lives, they will be
awake very early. Now how does
		
00:22:35 --> 00:22:40
			that relate to parenting? That
translates to we have to be ahead,
		
00:22:40 --> 00:22:42
			right? We cannot be
		
00:22:43 --> 00:22:47
			totally oblivious to what's going
on in the world of children, just
		
00:22:47 --> 00:22:50
			like a shepherd cannot be
oblivious to the needs of his
		
00:22:50 --> 00:22:53
			flock. So you have to be reading,
you have to know what's going on
		
00:22:53 --> 00:22:56
			in their world, what's happening
at school, if especially,
		
00:22:56 --> 00:22:59
			especially if you're sending your
children to public school, that is
		
00:22:59 --> 00:23:02
			so critical that you know what's
happening in their classroom, who
		
00:23:02 --> 00:23:05
			their teachers are, what are the
philosophies of that teacher,
		
00:23:05 --> 00:23:09
			because you will when you're
witnessing it right now, it's like
		
00:23:09 --> 00:23:12
			a takeover of our educational
system, there are people with
		
00:23:12 --> 00:23:17
			agendas literally trying to bring
in and indoctrinate our children
		
00:23:17 --> 00:23:20
			with their own ideas. And if you
don't know that, and if you don't
		
00:23:20 --> 00:23:24
			know how to even be aware of that,
or how to handle that situation,
		
00:23:25 --> 00:23:27
			then you're gonna get yourself in
trouble. Because your children
		
00:23:27 --> 00:23:32
			will be in these classes for 810
hours a day learning things that
		
00:23:32 --> 00:23:35
			are antithetical to your faith and
your culture and your home life.
		
00:23:36 --> 00:23:40
			And that influence is going to
increase over time. So we have to
		
00:23:40 --> 00:23:42
			be ahead, we have to know what's
going on at school, we have to
		
00:23:42 --> 00:23:45
			know what's going on with their
friends groups, who are they
		
00:23:45 --> 00:23:47
			talking to what kind of friends
listen in on some of their
		
00:23:47 --> 00:23:51
			discussions, it's okay, this whole
idea of, oh, I have to respect my
		
00:23:51 --> 00:23:54
			children's privacy, to what end if
especially if you don't know the
		
00:23:54 --> 00:23:57
			quality of their friends, you're
going to let them go into their
		
00:23:57 --> 00:24:00
			rooms, closed doors and have no
idea what they're talking about.
		
00:24:00 --> 00:24:03
			This is wrong, open door policies,
especially when they're young,
		
00:24:03 --> 00:24:06
			they shouldn't be closing off.
Why? What are you talking about
		
00:24:06 --> 00:24:09
			that, that someone else, if they
passed by it would be, you know,
		
00:24:09 --> 00:24:11
			wrong, or you would feel
		
00:24:13 --> 00:24:17
			uncomfortable with that. So these
are the types of rules if we
		
00:24:17 --> 00:24:20
			implement them in our house at an
early when they're young, then
		
00:24:20 --> 00:24:24
			it'll be very normal for them. So
you know, making sure that we know
		
00:24:24 --> 00:24:28
			what's going on. Also in the world
of, of social media, a lot of
		
00:24:28 --> 00:24:32
			parents give their kids these
devices, not realizing that these
		
00:24:32 --> 00:24:36
			devices are more dangerous than
weapons. They are more dangerous
		
00:24:36 --> 00:24:40
			than weapons. Right? If you if you
would, you couldn't even think of
		
00:24:40 --> 00:24:45
			giving your child an actual gun
with bullets loaded. But you would
		
00:24:45 --> 00:24:48
			happily give them a device without
any supervision, no parental
		
00:24:48 --> 00:24:52
			controls, know even, you know,
time like management where it's
		
00:24:52 --> 00:24:56
			like, oh, they could just have it,
it's fine. Then it's the same as
		
00:24:56 --> 00:24:59
			just telling them here play with
this gun. It's fine. It's actually
		
00:24:59 --> 00:25:00
			worse, I should say
		
00:25:00 --> 00:25:05
			Because what this exposes them to
is a slow and painful death, it's
		
00:25:05 --> 00:25:09
			you know, whereas a weapon is
instantaneous, this is slow death
		
00:25:09 --> 00:25:12
			of the soul, when they're exposed
to the evil that can come from
		
00:25:12 --> 00:25:17
			this, this thing. So we have to be
very careful about making sure
		
00:25:17 --> 00:25:20
			that we know what is going on and
that we're ahead, right. So the
		
00:25:20 --> 00:25:23
			shepherd, again, going back to
this model, wakes up early, gets
		
00:25:23 --> 00:25:27
			their food prepared. And also, the
shepherd knows the boundaries of
		
00:25:27 --> 00:25:31
			where to go. So you, as a parent
have to know those boundaries.
		
00:25:31 --> 00:25:35
			That's where that again, control
region safety comes into play. And
		
00:25:35 --> 00:25:38
			that staff, by the way, is also
used to test the grounds. So I
		
00:25:38 --> 00:25:41
			know, for example, parents, some
parents, I'm just gonna mention
		
00:25:41 --> 00:25:45
			this, because I know there is this
in my generation Generation X,
		
00:25:45 --> 00:25:49
			there are some parents who are
there, maybe like Luddites, which
		
00:25:49 --> 00:25:51
			are people who are like anti
technology, they're just not
		
00:25:51 --> 00:25:54
			really interested, right. And if
you have that attitude, I
		
00:25:54 --> 00:25:56
			understand personally, you don't
need to be on social media, you
		
00:25:56 --> 00:25:59
			don't need to have a single
presence. But that does not
		
00:25:59 --> 00:26:02
			absolve you of the responsibility
of knowing what is on social
		
00:26:02 --> 00:26:05
			media, you get it, you don't have
to have a presence, you don't have
		
00:26:05 --> 00:26:08
			to be active, but you should know
what's happening in the world of
		
00:26:08 --> 00:26:12
			social media. And so that is where
that staff of testing the ground
		
00:26:12 --> 00:26:17
			before the flock, you know, goes
is an essential role of the
		
00:26:17 --> 00:26:20
			shepherd because he has to make
sure it's not quicksand, you know,
		
00:26:20 --> 00:26:24
			or it's not a slippery slope that
they're gonna fall slide and to
		
00:26:24 --> 00:26:27
			their end. So this is where we as
parents have to really take this
		
00:26:28 --> 00:26:32
			analogy of the shepherd to heart
and learn from it. And remember,
		
00:26:32 --> 00:26:34
			we are responsible ultimately.
		
00:26:35 --> 00:26:40
			Now, I love this because this goes
to this is sorry, this is
		
00:26:42 --> 00:26:45
			based on this quote up here at the
top of vessel only pours out what
		
00:26:45 --> 00:26:50
			it contains, is actually from a
famous story from St. Nisa, Allah,
		
00:26:50 --> 00:26:55
			you sit down that we have where he
was once with his disciples, and
		
00:26:55 --> 00:27:01
			He walked by a group of men, and
those men cursed him. Okay, so
		
00:27:02 --> 00:27:06
			he's with his disciples, they
cursed him. And he responds with
		
00:27:06 --> 00:27:06
			Da,
		
00:27:07 --> 00:27:10
			you know, said I want a more
greeting, a beautiful greeting. So
		
00:27:10 --> 00:27:14
			his disciples are shocked, like,
why would you do that they cursed
		
00:27:14 --> 00:27:19
			you? You know, they didn't
understand. And his response was
		
00:27:19 --> 00:27:25
			this, a vessel only pours out what
it contains. This is so beautiful,
		
00:27:25 --> 00:27:30
			because if we all understood this,
and we understood for ourselves,
		
00:27:30 --> 00:27:35
			first and foremost, to really
manage our vessels, right, our
		
00:27:35 --> 00:27:39
			hearts, our bodies, our minds, and
to make sure that we're careful of
		
00:27:39 --> 00:27:42
			what we are consuming, and what
we're putting into it, then we can
		
00:27:42 --> 00:27:46
			have that same understanding when
it comes to our children and
		
00:27:46 --> 00:27:52
			realize, I want my children to
have the purest right? of vessels.
		
00:27:52 --> 00:27:55
			And how can I do that as parents?
So why is this image so powerful?
		
00:27:55 --> 00:27:59
			I use this image a lot, especially
when I talk to youth, because I
		
00:27:59 --> 00:28:02
			will say to them, tell me what you
see here. So any guesses? What do
		
00:28:02 --> 00:28:06
			we see here? You guys, what are
these glasses of? Of what?
		
00:28:07 --> 00:28:13
			Okay, you've listened to my talks
before anyone else. So I get
		
00:28:13 --> 00:28:18
			answers like tea. Some even say
beer. I don't know why they know
		
00:28:18 --> 00:28:22
			that. But okay, coke, you know,
the coffee, they'll throw out all
		
00:28:22 --> 00:28:24
			of these answers. And I'm like,
good, good, Keep coming, keep
		
00:28:24 --> 00:28:28
			coming. And then they're mortified
when I tell them, actually, this
		
00:28:28 --> 00:28:32
			is from a water treatment
facility. These are all different
		
00:28:32 --> 00:28:36
			cups of water that have obviously,
there's contaminated water here,
		
00:28:36 --> 00:28:41
			right? So they test levels of
different water sources. So why is
		
00:28:41 --> 00:28:45
			this such a powerful image because
we're all human beings, we're all
		
00:28:46 --> 00:28:49
			here with the same opportunities
to know Allah subhana wa, tada,
		
00:28:49 --> 00:28:52
			we're all here. And yes, we will
have different struggles and
		
00:28:52 --> 00:28:57
			different tests in our life. But
we ultimately choose what we
		
00:28:57 --> 00:29:02
			consume, right? What we take in
every one of us has the same
		
00:29:02 --> 00:29:08
			freewill right to choose good
versus, you know, evil in every
		
00:29:08 --> 00:29:13
			instance. And so if we're not
cognizant of that, then you know,
		
00:29:13 --> 00:29:15
			we want obviously all of us
Inshallah, we want to be that
		
00:29:15 --> 00:29:20
			first cup on the right, clear,
pure, you know, untainted, but
		
00:29:20 --> 00:29:24
			because we're not paying attention
to what we're consuming, we ended
		
00:29:24 --> 00:29:26
			up taking in a little bit here.
It's okay, a little bit here. It's
		
00:29:26 --> 00:29:29
			okay. Oh, um, I'm not going to
read the Quran today. But I'm
		
00:29:29 --> 00:29:32
			gonna go and, you know, watch a
Netflix series and waste my brain
		
00:29:32 --> 00:29:36
			cells. Okay. Well, you do that
over time, and it's going to turn
		
00:29:36 --> 00:29:39
			into that dark drink at the end,
right? Whereas Allah Spano was
		
00:29:39 --> 00:29:42
			always calling us to his
remembrance and to do good works,
		
00:29:42 --> 00:29:46
			and to really think about how can
I polish this vessel of mine
		
00:29:46 --> 00:29:50
			because I'm accumulating sins all
the time, but we have to be
		
00:29:50 --> 00:29:53
			mindful of that and then when we
are mindful of our own vessels,
		
00:29:53 --> 00:29:55
			then inshallah we can
		
00:29:56 --> 00:29:59
			have that as part of our parenting
as well, which is really
		
00:29:59 --> 00:29:59
			essential.
		
00:30:00 --> 00:30:00
			So
		
00:30:02 --> 00:30:06
			here are the prophetic principles
back to that shepherding model
		
00:30:06 --> 00:30:09
			that we want to think about. And
the reason why again, that image I
		
00:30:09 --> 00:30:12
			wanted you to hold it is because
you have to be a person of
		
00:30:12 --> 00:30:17
			character, before you demand it of
others, you cannot be a person of
		
00:30:17 --> 00:30:20
			low character and then expect that
your children are gonna have high
		
00:30:20 --> 00:30:24
			character. But there are a lot of
people who curse, who lie, who use
		
00:30:24 --> 00:30:27
			raise their voice, who are, you
know, who do not have good
		
00:30:27 --> 00:30:31
			character who are impatient, who
explode, but then they want model
		
00:30:31 --> 00:30:34
			children. Right? I want my
children to be perfect, it doesn't
		
00:30:34 --> 00:30:38
			work that way. So when we say you
have to be a leader, you have to
		
00:30:38 --> 00:30:42
			be responsible, we are saying you
have to do it first and then your
		
00:30:42 --> 00:30:45
			children will learn from you. You
have to be knowledgeable, you have
		
00:30:45 --> 00:30:49
			to know your deen. There are a lot
of parents who don't invest in
		
00:30:49 --> 00:30:54
			their own knowledge of Deen. They
don't study Aqeedah or fic, or
		
00:30:54 --> 00:30:57
			Quran, they don't know how to read
the book of Allah subhanaw taala
		
00:30:57 --> 00:31:00
			they will not invest in
themselves, but they will bring
		
00:31:00 --> 00:31:05
			their kids to the Sunday school
and pay the fees. And then, you
		
00:31:05 --> 00:31:08
			know, really get hard on them for
why aren't you doing your work?
		
00:31:08 --> 00:31:11
			Why aren't you doing your work?
But if it's time to read the Quran
		
00:31:11 --> 00:31:14
			with them, and they come to you,
and you say, Oh, I don't know how
		
00:31:14 --> 00:31:15
			to read go to so and so.
		
00:31:16 --> 00:31:21
			How can you? How are you
effective, you have to learn to be
		
00:31:21 --> 00:31:25
			able to model what you want from
it for your children so that when
		
00:31:25 --> 00:31:27
			they see you doing it, then it's
normal for them. But if they're
		
00:31:27 --> 00:31:32
			like, Oh, you don't even do it?
Why should I do it? And then once
		
00:31:32 --> 00:31:35
			they get to the to the age of
logic and reasoning, and being
		
00:31:35 --> 00:31:38
			able to talk back, they will come
to you don't even do it? Why
		
00:31:38 --> 00:31:39
			should I do it?
		
00:31:40 --> 00:31:43
			Right? You don't? And that's in
there? How can you defend that
		
00:31:43 --> 00:31:45
			argument. So you have to be
knowledgeable, you also have to be
		
00:31:45 --> 00:31:48
			attentive, if you're always
looking at your devices when
		
00:31:48 --> 00:31:52
			they're talking to you. Uh huh.
And you know, we're all guilty of
		
00:31:52 --> 00:31:54
			this to a certain degree. But you
have to have the presence to say,
		
00:31:54 --> 00:31:59
			Wait a second, my child has
entered the space. And I have a
		
00:31:59 --> 00:32:02
			short time with them. And this is
the heartbreaking thing about
		
00:32:02 --> 00:32:05
			parenting. If you've ever met
anybody who's in the later stage,
		
00:32:05 --> 00:32:10
			where they're empty nesters, they
cry for the years that they
		
00:32:10 --> 00:32:13
			neglected their children, because
now they're alone. Now there's no
		
00:32:13 --> 00:32:17
			sounds in their home. Now there's
no doors opening and closing. And
		
00:32:17 --> 00:32:20
			you know, all of those noises that
children make the laughter It's
		
00:32:20 --> 00:32:23
			none of it, it's dead silence. And
it's very uncomfortable for a lot
		
00:32:23 --> 00:32:27
			of people who are lonely and
isolation. You know, there are
		
00:32:27 --> 00:32:31
			entire groups of people and areas
in our world where people are,
		
00:32:31 --> 00:32:36
			there's a crisis of loneliness,
because parents have children that
		
00:32:36 --> 00:32:39
			have left them and now they have
nobody. So if we don't realize
		
00:32:39 --> 00:32:44
			that appreciate the value of our
children when they come in, to our
		
00:32:44 --> 00:32:47
			space, and honestly, it's one of
the most heartbreaking things and
		
00:32:47 --> 00:32:49
			I'm speaking as a mother, like
when you watch your children,
		
00:32:49 --> 00:32:52
			suddenly, overnight, they're grown
and you're like, Yeah, Allah, all
		
00:32:52 --> 00:32:55
			those years, when I could hold
them, you know, I see some
		
00:32:55 --> 00:33:00
			precious babies here with us hold
those children. And do not ever
		
00:33:00 --> 00:33:04
			forget that that will, it's not
gonna last, and they're gonna grow
		
00:33:04 --> 00:33:07
			up and they're gonna go on their
own path. And it's really hard,
		
00:33:07 --> 00:33:10
			but we have to be attentive,
attentive to them. So when they
		
00:33:10 --> 00:33:14
			come to you, and they want to tell
you a story, and you've heard it
		
00:33:14 --> 00:33:18
			1000 times before, or, or they're
one of those, and then and then
		
00:33:18 --> 00:33:22
			and then and then it just never
ends. It's hard because we have
		
00:33:22 --> 00:33:27
			things to do. But what like, Just
give yourself pause and say, I
		
00:33:27 --> 00:33:31
			have to appreciate this, this joy
that this child is presenting me
		
00:33:31 --> 00:33:35
			because a lot of the adults in the
world have lost it. Our hearts
		
00:33:35 --> 00:33:39
			have just lost joy of Allah, we
don't get excited about things
		
00:33:39 --> 00:33:42
			that are deserving to get excited,
right. So when a child comes to
		
00:33:42 --> 00:33:44
			you, they're kind of they're an
eye, they're a sign for you from
		
00:33:44 --> 00:33:49
			God, that look look at this child
who can find joy in a leaf in a
		
00:33:49 --> 00:33:50
			rock in a pebble.
		
00:33:55 --> 00:34:00
			So be attentive. And that means
put the phone away. Look at them.
		
00:34:01 --> 00:34:07
			Our eye, parental eye is so
potent. We don't realize that our
		
00:34:07 --> 00:34:12
			children are hungry for our eye,
they want to be seen they want to
		
00:34:12 --> 00:34:16
			know that we they matter and
nobody can do that more than we
		
00:34:16 --> 00:34:21
			can. Nobody, nobody can can give
them that. That that feeling of I
		
00:34:21 --> 00:34:26
			see you more than the parent. So
be attentive. listen to their
		
00:34:26 --> 00:34:32
			stories answer their questions.
Why mommy? Why daddy? Answer. be
		
00:34:32 --> 00:34:35
			in control right back to the
shepherd model. You have to know
		
00:34:35 --> 00:34:40
			how to know the difference between
authority right authoritarian
		
00:34:40 --> 00:34:45
			versus authoritative.
Authoritarian is I have to raise
		
00:34:45 --> 00:34:48
			my voice to get something from
you. I have to threaten you. I
		
00:34:48 --> 00:34:52
			have to take something away from
you * it from your hands. If
		
00:34:52 --> 00:34:55
			you're doing that you have no
control. You have no control.
		
00:34:55 --> 00:34:59
			You're forcing control. You are
demanding
		
00:35:00 --> 00:35:05
			Respect, but you're not commanding
it commanding respect, is having
		
00:35:05 --> 00:35:10
			management of your emotions, and
speaking in a very direct voice so
		
00:35:10 --> 00:35:14
			that the child knows that you
there's no option, right? If you
		
00:35:14 --> 00:35:18
			ask them to do something, you give
them the instruction. And it's
		
00:35:18 --> 00:35:23
			not. You know, there's no debate.
Because you're the authority,
		
00:35:23 --> 00:35:27
			you've established yourself as an
authority. But if you're having to
		
00:35:27 --> 00:35:29
			debate every single time,
		
00:35:30 --> 00:35:33
			we've lost control. And so you
have to go back to how can I
		
00:35:33 --> 00:35:37
			establish that communication?
Because if the child doesn't feel
		
00:35:37 --> 00:35:40
			like they want to listen to you,
maybe there's something that you
		
00:35:40 --> 00:35:43
			need to explore their Why Why
don't you want to listen to me?
		
00:35:43 --> 00:35:46
			Are you upset with me? Is there
some resentment you're holding?
		
00:35:46 --> 00:35:51
			Talk to me, let me know. So I can
heal that wound? Because you're
		
00:35:51 --> 00:35:56
			you're coming at me with this
aggression? No, no, well, there's
		
00:35:56 --> 00:35:59
			more to it. And if we actually
probe a little bit, we might find
		
00:35:59 --> 00:36:03
			that they are holding on to some
pain. So explore that and
		
00:36:03 --> 00:36:07
			communicate, be resilient. As we
mentioned, you have to realize
		
00:36:07 --> 00:36:10
			you're not always going to be in
control and you have to be able to
		
00:36:11 --> 00:36:14
			bear through the tough times and
not fall apart. In sha Allah,
		
00:36:14 --> 00:36:18
			Allah is with you and your dogs
are powerful. And remember, they
		
00:36:18 --> 00:36:21
			ultimately belong to Him. But
don't fall apart just because you
		
00:36:21 --> 00:36:25
			have a crisis or a problem with
your children. Turn to Allah
		
00:36:25 --> 00:36:28
			subhana wa, tada. Be compassionate
children and youth, especially
		
00:36:28 --> 00:36:33
			teens need empathy, they need
compassion from us more than they
		
00:36:33 --> 00:36:38
			need our demands and our threats
and all those ultimatums they need
		
00:36:38 --> 00:36:43
			compassion and patience, and
respect. children deserve to be
		
00:36:43 --> 00:36:48
			respected if they don't want to
wear for example, a shirt. And you
		
00:36:48 --> 00:36:53
			are forcing them to wear it unless
you know, there's a real reason.
		
00:36:53 --> 00:36:57
			You have to ask why maybe they
feel and I know I have, you know,
		
00:36:57 --> 00:37:00
			I've seen this happen to some,
some children are more sensitive
		
00:37:00 --> 00:37:03
			to certain fabrics, for example.
So if they're telling you it's
		
00:37:03 --> 00:37:07
			itchy, I don't like it, please,
then you have to find the
		
00:37:07 --> 00:37:10
			solution. Maybe wear an
undershirt, but not to be like,
		
00:37:10 --> 00:37:13
			No, you must, because that's
disrespecting the very basic need,
		
00:37:13 --> 00:37:17
			which is I am uncomfortable. And I
don't want to go to this event for
		
00:37:17 --> 00:37:21
			five, six hours, miserable.
Because you want me to look like a
		
00:37:21 --> 00:37:25
			little trophy kid. So respecting
your children is meeting their
		
00:37:25 --> 00:37:29
			needs, are listening to what their
needs are trying to meet them, but
		
00:37:29 --> 00:37:34
			actually wanting to hear what's
the issue, not be quiet? What do
		
00:37:34 --> 00:37:37
			you know, out of the way, if so
many people talk to young
		
00:37:37 --> 00:37:41
			children, or if they don't want to
eat something, don't force them.
		
00:37:41 --> 00:37:44
			Sometimes, you know, some picky
eaters I understand they might
		
00:37:44 --> 00:37:47
			like the attention of being the
picky eater in the family. So you
		
00:37:47 --> 00:37:50
			kind of have to discern whether or
not that's happening or if it's
		
00:37:50 --> 00:37:54
			really that they don't like
something and work, you know,
		
00:37:54 --> 00:37:58
			navigate that conversation.
Respectfully, be vigilant, be
		
00:37:58 --> 00:38:01
			consistent, be humble, all of
these qualities we have to
		
00:38:01 --> 00:38:05
			possess, Inshallah, if we want to
be effective parents, right. And
		
00:38:05 --> 00:38:08
			so how do we prepare for
leadership? Well, you know, we
		
00:38:08 --> 00:38:12
			have to understand our self Well,
our own needs, the needs of those
		
00:38:12 --> 00:38:16
			in our care, the needs, I'm sorry,
we have to understand those in our
		
00:38:16 --> 00:38:20
			care and also their needs, the
potential dangers and threats that
		
00:38:20 --> 00:38:24
			are out there, and how to prevent
with proper measures. We have to
		
00:38:24 --> 00:38:28
			seek the help when necessary.
Sometimes, you know, we we don't
		
00:38:28 --> 00:38:32
			seek help at all, which is a
problem because we are a dean of
		
00:38:32 --> 00:38:35
			the CEA and we should seek out
people with experience who can
		
00:38:35 --> 00:38:40
			help us but do it obviously in a
way that is comfortable for you.
		
00:38:41 --> 00:38:45
			And ultimately, the most important
thing that we do is we rely on
		
00:38:45 --> 00:38:49
			Allah subhanho wa Taala and submit
to His will so constantly bringing
		
00:38:49 --> 00:38:54
			it back to Allah. Now, because we
this is Puranic parenting and we
		
00:38:54 --> 00:38:58
			are talking about the province I
sent him we need to now set our
		
00:38:58 --> 00:39:04
			sights on the on the on him right
or on his blessing. countenance an
		
00:39:04 --> 00:39:08
			example for us. So the character
of the prophesy centum, as was
		
00:39:08 --> 00:39:14
			described in many Hadith was
likened to a walking Qur'an, right
		
00:39:14 --> 00:39:18
			when they got a hold of Denali and
he had the greatest character,
		
00:39:18 --> 00:39:21
			right? The bra was awesome was
described in the Quran directly in
		
00:39:21 --> 00:39:26
			chapter 68 four, verse four, as
having the great, great character
		
00:39:26 --> 00:39:30
			so and then, of course, also
reminds us as part of that also
		
00:39:30 --> 00:39:36
			reminds us that he has our example
right in chapter 33, verse 21, and
		
00:39:36 --> 00:39:41
			that he SubhanAllah. In everything
he did, right, every word he said
		
00:39:41 --> 00:39:46
			all of his concerns, his worries
were for us, right? He wants our
		
00:39:46 --> 00:39:50
			success. And here in chapter nine,
verse 128, almost father says,
		
00:39:50 --> 00:39:54
			There has certainly come to you an
apostle from among yourselves,
		
00:39:54 --> 00:39:59
			Grievous to him is your distress
so he is is you know
		
00:40:00 --> 00:40:05
			pained by our burdens Subhan
Allah, he has a deep concern for
		
00:40:05 --> 00:40:09
			you, and his most kind and
merciful to the faithful. So, you
		
00:40:09 --> 00:40:12
			know, think about that when you're
again, looking at his example, in
		
00:40:12 --> 00:40:16
			his words, in his instructions,
that it's all out of love, it's
		
00:40:16 --> 00:40:21
			out of concern. And that's where
you know, where he's coming from
		
00:40:21 --> 00:40:24
			always when it comes to these
things, and then the process is
		
00:40:24 --> 00:40:29
			the most gentle. So by again, all
from the Quran is versus so by
		
00:40:29 --> 00:40:33
			mercy from Allah or Muhammad, you
were lenient with them, right. And
		
00:40:33 --> 00:40:36
			if you had been rude and speech
and harsh and heart, they would
		
00:40:36 --> 00:40:40
			have disbanded from about you. So
just mentioning his beautiful
		
00:40:40 --> 00:40:43
			qualities that he was always
lenient and gentle with people. So
		
00:40:43 --> 00:40:47
			this is our example. And if we
don't see ourselves reflected in
		
00:40:47 --> 00:40:51
			anything here, if we don't have
gentleness, we're not concerned,
		
00:40:51 --> 00:40:57
			we were kind of in our own worlds,
self centered, egoistic, you know,
		
00:40:57 --> 00:41:02
			lives were very, very far from his
example. And of course, character
		
00:41:02 --> 00:41:05
			is virtue. So you have to think
about all the virtues that he
		
00:41:05 --> 00:41:08
			possessed. He was the most
trustworthy, the most honest, the
		
00:41:08 --> 00:41:12
			most loving the most kind and was
compassionate. He was always
		
00:41:12 --> 00:41:15
			empathic with everyone, and we'll
get to that in a moment. But all
		
00:41:15 --> 00:41:20
			of these things are speak of his
character. Also the descriptions
		
00:41:20 --> 00:41:23
			of him in the Hadith, so those are
from the Quran. And here are the
		
00:41:23 --> 00:41:27
			Hadith that describe him, said I
shouldn't she says, or I'm sorry,
		
00:41:27 --> 00:41:31
			Qatada, he said to say the Aisha
Oh Mother of the Believers, tell
		
00:41:31 --> 00:41:34
			me about the character of the
Messenger of Allah and she asked
		
00:41:34 --> 00:41:39
			him, Have you not read the Quran?
I, of course, he says, and she
		
00:41:39 --> 00:41:43
			said, Verily, the character of the
Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam was
		
00:41:43 --> 00:41:47
			the Quran. So he was the Quran
again, walking, right?
		
00:41:48 --> 00:41:51
			How he honored his children or
children in general, not only his
		
00:41:51 --> 00:41:55
			own children, but others as well.
This is from Anas Ibn medic, he
		
00:41:55 --> 00:41:58
			said that the prophesy seven would
pass by young boys and greet them
		
00:41:58 --> 00:42:02
			with peace. So you want to think
about that? Do you do that? Do you
		
00:42:02 --> 00:42:06
			are children invisible to you
other than your own. I feel like a
		
00:42:06 --> 00:42:09
			lot of us are just walking by our
children. You see in this
		
00:42:09 --> 00:42:12
			community. Nobody wants to greet
the children. And they just walk
		
00:42:12 --> 00:42:15
			right by because they see them as
nuisances, we shoot children away
		
00:42:15 --> 00:42:20
			all the time. Go to the kids
section. Why are you here? Or we
		
00:42:20 --> 00:42:20
			see
		
00:42:21 --> 00:42:24
			this and I always have to catch
myself. Because we do this
		
00:42:24 --> 00:42:28
			reflexively. We'll see families
will see our friends. Oh, so I
		
00:42:28 --> 00:42:31
			want to go home and the kids are
just standing there. And nobody's
		
00:42:31 --> 00:42:34
			turning to the kids and I'm
wanting to come how are you?
		
00:42:35 --> 00:42:39
			This was his sunnah to go down and
talk to the children, meet them at
		
00:42:39 --> 00:42:43
			their eye level. Ask them
questions, engage that make them
		
00:42:43 --> 00:42:47
			feel seen and heard. And imagine
if we all did that to our
		
00:42:47 --> 00:42:49
			children, to each other's
children, what a beautiful
		
00:42:49 --> 00:42:53
			community we had. But you have a
lot of children who are invisible
		
00:42:53 --> 00:42:55
			to their own parents. And then
they come to the community and
		
00:42:55 --> 00:42:58
			they're invisible to the
community. So you think they're
		
00:42:58 --> 00:43:00
			not gonna want to be seen
elsewhere? Of course, and that's
		
00:43:00 --> 00:43:04
			when the social media becomes
something right. Let me go get an
		
00:43:04 --> 00:43:07
			Instagram, Tik Tok and then become
infamous instafamous. Or let me go
		
00:43:07 --> 00:43:11
			and join other groups that do see
me, right, because there are other
		
00:43:11 --> 00:43:16
			people who are well willing to
welcome our kids in, fully embrace
		
00:43:16 --> 00:43:20
			them, but it comes with a price.
Give up your deen, right? Don't be
		
00:43:20 --> 00:43:24
			Muslim, and you can be part of
this club of inclusivity we're all
		
00:43:24 --> 00:43:27
			a family. Right? This is the
message that they're getting
		
00:43:27 --> 00:43:32
			outside. So if we don't step up as
a community and start seeing
		
00:43:32 --> 00:43:35
			children, and honoring them, the
way our prophesies have taught us,
		
00:43:35 --> 00:43:38
			and we cannot complain when we
find faith crises happening, or
		
00:43:38 --> 00:43:41
			them just not wanting to come to
the machine anymore.
		
00:43:42 --> 00:43:45
			And this is a failure on us.
Right? Because we're we've strayed
		
00:43:45 --> 00:43:49
			so far from his example. The
process was also playful with
		
00:43:49 --> 00:43:52
			children, right? So he would play
with Zainab, the daughter of M
		
00:43:52 --> 00:43:56
			selama. And he would even, like,
have little cute phrases like, oh,
		
00:43:56 --> 00:44:01
			Jose, Jose, and I've just imagine
him saying that to, you know, this
		
00:44:01 --> 00:44:05
			little girl and how special she
felt that here's the Prophet of
		
00:44:05 --> 00:44:09
			Allah, you know, playing these
little games with her. That's our,
		
00:44:09 --> 00:44:11
			that's our prophesy centum. So
here's our example. And this is
		
00:44:11 --> 00:44:15
			not just for your own children,
right? We have to be better when
		
00:44:15 --> 00:44:19
			we're with even children that are
not our own. And then he was also
		
00:44:19 --> 00:44:23
			very loving and endearing. So
there's many stories about the
		
00:44:23 --> 00:44:28
			promise of son with children, but
one in particular is when this boy
		
00:44:28 --> 00:44:32
			who was called a boo man, when he
lost his little sparrow, the
		
00:44:32 --> 00:44:37
			prophesy said, um, you know,
really attended to him because he
		
00:44:37 --> 00:44:40
			lost his bird, his pet bird. So
the suffering of you know,
		
00:44:41 --> 00:44:43
			children, even in these little
things when their toy breaks,
		
00:44:43 --> 00:44:48
			right when they dropped their ice
cream cone, their little hearts
		
00:44:48 --> 00:44:52
			broken over things that we might
think are trivial, but if you
		
00:44:52 --> 00:44:56
			don't stop and empathize and show
them some compassion in that
		
00:44:56 --> 00:44:58
			moment, then again, you're not
following the prophesy system.
		
00:44:59 --> 00:45:00
			Because for some of you
		
00:45:00 --> 00:45:02
			people, especially those who are
not from cultures where pets are
		
00:45:02 --> 00:45:06
			even kept. So what's the big deal?
She's a bird. You know, there's
		
00:45:06 --> 00:45:08
			millions of birds. That's the kind
of attitude a lot of people have
		
00:45:08 --> 00:45:13
			that's so harsh to tell a child
that even if they had a bug, and
		
00:45:13 --> 00:45:16
			they love that bug Did you can't
be like, Oh, it's a big deal. It's
		
00:45:16 --> 00:45:20
			just a little snail Oh, well, I
got crushed. No, it may have had a
		
00:45:20 --> 00:45:23
			bond with that snail, maybe it was
talking to the snail, maybe the
		
00:45:23 --> 00:45:27
			snail was a friend, or even with
toys. So we have to be really
		
00:45:27 --> 00:45:31
			gentle when we're with children,
as was his example. This is the,
		
00:45:31 --> 00:45:33
			again the character of the
politician. This is prophetic
		
00:45:33 --> 00:45:34
			parenting.
		
00:45:35 --> 00:45:40
			More Hadith. This is from on us.
So he says, I served the province
		
00:45:40 --> 00:45:46
			of Sam for 10 years. He's not his
child. And he never said
		
00:45:48 --> 00:45:51
			of his what is the word that many
of us say when we're frustrated
		
00:45:51 --> 00:45:52
			right off?
		
00:45:54 --> 00:45:57
			Of he didn't even say that. So
imagine all of us were like, no,
		
00:45:58 --> 00:45:58
			no.
		
00:46:00 --> 00:46:05
			It's just automatic for some
people. You know, and for no
		
00:46:05 --> 00:46:08
			reason. A lot of us have become so
tyrannical that we have the most
		
00:46:08 --> 00:46:13
			arbitrary rules. today. You can
watch a little bit of TV tomorrow.
		
00:46:13 --> 00:46:13
			No.
		
00:46:15 --> 00:46:19
			Why? Will you love me yesterday?
No, I said, so. That is tyranny.
		
00:46:20 --> 00:46:23
			And that is so confusing to a
young child. Like you're not
		
00:46:23 --> 00:46:27
			consistent in your parenting? Why
is it based on your mood, if I can
		
00:46:27 --> 00:46:31
			have a piece of candy today, but
then because you're bitter at the
		
00:46:31 --> 00:46:35
			world, you want to cut me off from
my joy. This is because we don't,
		
00:46:36 --> 00:46:41
			there's no concept of like, treat
the child with respect and stop
		
00:46:41 --> 00:46:45
			projecting your all your anger and
frustration onto this little pure
		
00:46:45 --> 00:46:50
			vessel whose heart is in fitrah.
And it's he or she was sent to
		
00:46:50 --> 00:46:56
			you, so that you are reminded of
God, we have to do better. But he
		
00:46:56 --> 00:46:59
			didn't even say off. I can't even
imagine, right? Because we all
		
00:46:59 --> 00:47:03
			fail so miserably, but
SubhanAllah. And he says, Why did
		
00:47:03 --> 00:47:07
			you he never even told him? Why
did you do so so and so or didn't
		
00:47:07 --> 00:47:10
			do. So imagine all of us when we
get upset with our children for
		
00:47:10 --> 00:47:14
			not cleaning their rooms or
dishes, we do it all of us. But we
		
00:47:14 --> 00:47:19
			have to learn from his example,
that he didn't assign blame. And
		
00:47:19 --> 00:47:22
			that's the point here, there was
no shaming, you can certainly be
		
00:47:22 --> 00:47:25
			responsible because you want to
obviously, you know, lead your
		
00:47:25 --> 00:47:29
			children to correct behavior. But
the shaming is what we're
		
00:47:29 --> 00:47:32
			addressing here. Right, the
process of didn't shame children.
		
00:47:33 --> 00:47:35
			So if you're shaming your
children, like what's wrong with
		
00:47:35 --> 00:47:37
			you, right?
		
00:47:38 --> 00:47:42
			Learn we have to all learn May
Allah forgive us. I should then
		
00:47:42 --> 00:47:45
			also reported, I have not seen
anyone who resembled the
		
00:47:45 --> 00:47:48
			prophesies and in terms of words,
speech and manners, more than
		
00:47:48 --> 00:47:52
			Fatima, his daughter out of the
law and her and she now look,
		
00:47:52 --> 00:47:56
			she's describing the interactions
between the province on cinema and
		
00:47:56 --> 00:47:59
			his daughter. So this is for all
of us who have children,
		
00:47:59 --> 00:48:03
			especially those who are who have
daughters, fathers, in particular,
		
00:48:03 --> 00:48:07
			look at how the father greeted his
daughter. I mean, the prophet ism
		
00:48:07 --> 00:48:11
			greeted his daughter, when he saw
her coming, he would greet her he
		
00:48:11 --> 00:48:15
			would stand up from his place. So
imagine she enters the room, the
		
00:48:15 --> 00:48:19
			prophesy son would stand, because
he wanted to welcome her. Right,
		
00:48:20 --> 00:48:24
			embrace her. It wasn't like just
come in. Yeah, I said, there it
		
00:48:24 --> 00:48:28
			was, I'm gonna welcome you. And
then he would go, you know, to
		
00:48:28 --> 00:48:32
			her, or she would, you know, meet
in the middle, kiss her, take her
		
00:48:32 --> 00:48:37
			hand by the hand, and brought her
to her seat. This was the prophesy
		
00:48:37 --> 00:48:41
			systems with his own daughter. So
how are we with our children, you
		
00:48:41 --> 00:48:44
			know, sometimes we're pushing them
away, or we're just again, showing
		
00:48:44 --> 00:48:49
			them he welcomed and this was
their way of visiting each other,
		
00:48:49 --> 00:48:55
			this beautiful report of mutual
respect, love, right between their
		
00:48:55 --> 00:49:00
			hearts. And she would do the same,
right? When he would visit her,
		
00:49:00 --> 00:49:04
			she responded, because she learned
from the best of examples, he
		
00:49:04 --> 00:49:07
			modeled it for her. And then she
would do the same. So she would
		
00:49:07 --> 00:49:11
			stand and greet him and kiss him,
and also lead him to see I mean,
		
00:49:11 --> 00:49:15
			it's so beautiful to imagine a
father doing that for his own
		
00:49:15 --> 00:49:17
			daughter, right, with so much
love. But we can all do that. Of
		
00:49:17 --> 00:49:19
			course, for mothers, we can do
that with our daughters and our
		
00:49:19 --> 00:49:24
			sons, we should just learn. This
goes for all across the board. And
		
00:49:24 --> 00:49:28
			then I will Hodeidah reported that
this another Sahaba could have
		
00:49:28 --> 00:49:32
			been having saw the process of
them kissing a husband, right? So,
		
00:49:32 --> 00:49:36
			you know, and he said, I have 10
children. So you're the boss and I
		
00:49:36 --> 00:49:40
			was kissing his grandson. And this
man is like, you know, I'm such a
		
00:49:40 --> 00:49:45
			tough guy. Right? Because he that
is not his culture or customer in
		
00:49:45 --> 00:49:49
			his family that was not normal to
have a grown man, like doting and
		
00:49:49 --> 00:49:51
			being affectionate to a young
child. So he's trying to act
		
00:49:51 --> 00:49:55
			tough. And he says to the
brothers, listen, I have 10 kids,
		
00:49:55 --> 00:49:59
			and I've never kissed any of them,
like as if it's a boastful comment
		
00:49:59 --> 00:49:59
			right now.
		
00:50:00 --> 00:50:03
			He's boasting to the prophesy
setting. And the brothers ism
		
00:50:03 --> 00:50:07
			says, He who does not show mercy
towards children, then no mercy
		
00:50:07 --> 00:50:10
			will be shown. So it there's a
direct correlation. If we are not
		
00:50:10 --> 00:50:14
			merciful to our children, we
better watch out. Because the Most
		
00:50:14 --> 00:50:20
			Merciful, does not forget. So be
very careful about this attitude
		
00:50:20 --> 00:50:23
			that a lot of people approach
parenting, like I have these
		
00:50:23 --> 00:50:26
			defined roles. And I don't bend
because my dad was this way. And
		
00:50:26 --> 00:50:31
			my mom was this way, no, raise
your children differently than how
		
00:50:31 --> 00:50:35
			you were raised because they were
raised in a different time. So now
		
00:50:35 --> 00:50:39
			Ali, gave us that sage advice. Do
not raise your children the way
		
00:50:39 --> 00:50:41
			you were raised. They're
different. They're living in
		
00:50:41 --> 00:50:44
			different circumstances. And
especially the children of today,
		
00:50:44 --> 00:50:49
			they need love. They're in a very
difficult world. So they need
		
00:50:49 --> 00:50:49
			love.
		
00:50:51 --> 00:50:54
			Now, this is a topic that we don't
have too much time to cover. But
		
00:50:54 --> 00:50:57
			it's so important because I speak
about this a lot. But if you do
		
00:50:57 --> 00:51:00
			not know what emotional
intelligence is, it's really
		
00:51:00 --> 00:51:05
			important that you know it because
it is basically a modern framework
		
00:51:05 --> 00:51:11
			that parallels perfectly with the
prophetic example. And it's just a
		
00:51:11 --> 00:51:16
			simple guide, five point guide
that helps you to understand how
		
00:51:16 --> 00:51:19
			to be more prophetic, like, right,
so emotional intelligence, to me,
		
00:51:20 --> 00:51:23
			is the same as sunnah. Because if
you read the five qualities, then
		
00:51:23 --> 00:51:26
			you'll understand but it's
basically the ability to identify
		
00:51:26 --> 00:51:29
			and manage one's emotions, as well
as the emotions of others the
		
00:51:29 --> 00:51:33
			process, I've heard that he was
perfect at that. And here are the
		
00:51:33 --> 00:51:36
			five qualities. So when you become
emotionally intelligent, you're
		
00:51:36 --> 00:51:39
			self aware, you know yourself,
well, your temperament, your
		
00:51:40 --> 00:51:44
			personality type, all those things
that we should know even these
		
00:51:44 --> 00:51:47
			ideas like the love languages,
right? We should know what you're
		
00:51:47 --> 00:51:49
			you should know what your love
languages, and you should be able
		
00:51:49 --> 00:51:52
			to communicate that if you like
gifts, you should tell your
		
00:51:52 --> 00:51:55
			family, I love gifts. That's how I
feel loved. If you like words of
		
00:51:55 --> 00:51:58
			affirmation, where people are
giving you compliments when you
		
00:51:59 --> 00:52:02
			prepare a dish, for example, and
you're waiting, like, where's my
		
00:52:02 --> 00:52:06
			feedback, tell your family, I feel
loved when you actually give me
		
00:52:06 --> 00:52:11
			feedback over the things I do for
you. If I clean the house, and you
		
00:52:11 --> 00:52:14
			guys come out from being out all
day, and I have the house is
		
00:52:14 --> 00:52:16
			spotless and beautiful, and the
clothes are done. And laundry is
		
00:52:16 --> 00:52:20
			done. I want recognition because I
feel loved and appreciated. So
		
00:52:20 --> 00:52:23
			tell me, good job. And husbands
you know, and wives, we have to do
		
00:52:23 --> 00:52:26
			this to each other, we have to
know each other's love languages,
		
00:52:26 --> 00:52:31
			right? motivated, sorry, the third
quality of quality time, right?
		
00:52:32 --> 00:52:34
			Spend time with each other. If
that's your love language, that I
		
00:52:34 --> 00:52:38
			want to be around you, I want you
near me, even if you're doing your
		
00:52:38 --> 00:52:40
			own thing, and I'm doing my thing,
I just feel loved when I feel you
		
00:52:41 --> 00:52:44
			your presence, right? Tell your
family that not just your spouse,
		
00:52:44 --> 00:52:47
			but your children, they should
know what your love language is,
		
00:52:47 --> 00:52:51
			or physical touch. Some people are
very affectionate. And if you
		
00:52:51 --> 00:52:54
			don't feel like those daily
touches, you know, like a hug
		
00:52:54 --> 00:52:58
			here. You know, a pat on the back
or a kiss on the cheek, whatever
		
00:52:58 --> 00:53:02
			it is that you feel, just some
affection and love. Tell your
		
00:53:02 --> 00:53:06
			family that that is your way of
receiving love. And so that they
		
00:53:06 --> 00:53:10
			can learn empathy to so they can
learn to give not just give what
		
00:53:10 --> 00:53:13
			is comfortable for them, but give
according to what you need. And
		
00:53:13 --> 00:53:16
			then the last one is what we
talked about gifts, words of
		
00:53:16 --> 00:53:21
			affirmation, quality, time
physicals and acts of service.
		
00:53:21 --> 00:53:24
			This is really important too. If
you are juggling all the time,
		
00:53:24 --> 00:53:28
			you're managing the house
responsibilities you work outside
		
00:53:28 --> 00:53:31
			you have, you know, elderly,
parents, elderly parents you're
		
00:53:31 --> 00:53:35
			taking care of. And it really
means a lot to you when something
		
00:53:35 --> 00:53:38
			is taken off of your checklist or
to do list because someone else
		
00:53:38 --> 00:53:41
			did it for you. You're like thank
you, I don't have to worry about
		
00:53:41 --> 00:53:44
			that. That's your love language
but communicate that to your
		
00:53:44 --> 00:53:47
			spouse and your family so that
they know how to love you
		
00:53:47 --> 00:53:51
			accordingly. Right? That's what
self awareness teaches us you have
		
00:53:51 --> 00:53:54
			to be aware of well aware of
yourself so that you can teach
		
00:53:54 --> 00:53:59
			other people how to you know be
around you in a healthy way. And
		
00:53:59 --> 00:54:05
			then self regulation is to control
yourself the ability to not always
		
00:54:05 --> 00:54:09
			given to every impulse and every
urge if you are reactive in all
		
00:54:09 --> 00:54:12
			situations you're very dangerous
person because you have no
		
00:54:12 --> 00:54:16
			regulation if you're constantly
like a button gets pushed and you
		
00:54:16 --> 00:54:20
			explode always you're triggered
easily. Your emotions are out of
		
00:54:20 --> 00:54:24
			balance. You need work on
regulating your behavior. And that
		
00:54:24 --> 00:54:28
			comes from the tusky a process
right we're taught to ski at the
		
00:54:28 --> 00:54:32
			knifes you know where we we
address their spiritual diseases
		
00:54:32 --> 00:54:35
			of our heart. So there are books
methodical follow the
		
00:54:35 --> 00:54:39
			clarification of the heart 25
diseases of the heart outlined for
		
00:54:39 --> 00:54:43
			your signs and symptoms this is by
Hamza Yusuf. excellent book,
		
00:54:43 --> 00:54:46
			everybody should have it, read it
look at it and be like oh wow, I
		
00:54:46 --> 00:54:49
			have this disease and that disease
and that disease, okay, what can I
		
00:54:49 --> 00:54:53
			do to get rid of it? I better work
on myself that you know process
		
00:54:53 --> 00:54:58
			of, of working on yourself, makes
you better as a human being and
		
00:54:58 --> 00:54:59
			guess what? You will be better as
a spouse
		
00:55:00 --> 00:55:02
			So you'll be better as a mom,
you'll be better as a dad, as a
		
00:55:02 --> 00:55:06
			son, as a daughter, as a brother,
as a sister, as a friend, because
		
00:55:06 --> 00:55:09
			you're working on yourself to
become better to Allah subhanaw
		
00:55:09 --> 00:55:12
			taala. So it has a ripple effect
to all of your relationships, but
		
00:55:12 --> 00:55:15
			that regulation process is
essential, right? And then
		
00:55:15 --> 00:55:20
			motivation, you have to be
motivated to towards higher goals.
		
00:55:20 --> 00:55:24
			Right? You cannot just have
worldly goals, right? I was with a
		
00:55:25 --> 00:55:29
			celebrate mercy last night. And
she has her family may Allah
		
00:55:29 --> 00:55:32
			protect and preserve him gave a
beautiful talk on this point that
		
00:55:32 --> 00:55:37
			a lot of us are so limited in our
goals. Everybody is with our
		
00:55:37 --> 00:55:40
			children even Oh, what do you want
to be when you grew up? And, you
		
00:55:40 --> 00:55:43
			know, doctor, engineer, lawyer,
and we're like, Yay, we're so
		
00:55:43 --> 00:55:45
			accomplished his parents, you
know, our children want to be
		
00:55:45 --> 00:55:49
			these wonderful things. That's it.
Right? He was like, That's it. You
		
00:55:49 --> 00:55:52
			have really you have to work on
your dreams if that's your limit,
		
00:55:52 --> 00:55:55
			if that's your ceiling, to want to
be a doctor and engineer. What
		
00:55:55 --> 00:55:59
			about you know, greater loftier
aspirations that are more pleasing
		
00:55:59 --> 00:56:02
			to Allah Spanner, not to say that
there's anything wrong with going
		
00:56:02 --> 00:56:05
			in the medical field or the law
field. It's like, we got to raise
		
00:56:05 --> 00:56:09
			the bar for our children to aspire
to greater things like all of us
		
00:56:09 --> 00:56:14
			should make dua even right now. Ya
Allah make my children who fell
		
00:56:14 --> 00:56:18
			out of the Quran, like why not
make that da ya Allah, give my
		
00:56:18 --> 00:56:22
			children your book, put it in
their hearts, if they're gonna sit
		
00:56:22 --> 00:56:26
			here and listen to lyrics, and
watch all these shows, and
		
00:56:26 --> 00:56:29
			memorize all these lingos from
commercials and, and whatever the
		
00:56:29 --> 00:56:34
			shows they're watching? Why are we
not, you know, excited for them to
		
00:56:34 --> 00:56:37
			learn his book and putting them on
that path? We should want them to
		
00:56:37 --> 00:56:41
			they're sponges, right? So make
doors that are lofty, for the
		
00:56:41 --> 00:56:45
			other world, not just wealth and
material success in this life.
		
00:56:45 --> 00:56:48
			Sure, you can want those things,
but if that's it, then you don't
		
00:56:48 --> 00:56:52
			have the right lens right. So,
motivation is always looking to
		
00:56:52 --> 00:56:55
			something greater outside of this
world. And then empathy. So
		
00:56:55 --> 00:57:00
			important. Again, time after time,
after time, you will see examples
		
00:57:00 --> 00:57:03
			of the prophesy some teaching us
empathy, what it looks like,
		
00:57:03 --> 00:57:07
			right? Very, I mean, he we know
that when a when he would be
		
00:57:07 --> 00:57:10
			leading the prayer, and if he
heard the wailing, or cries of an
		
00:57:10 --> 00:57:14
			infant or a child or a toddler,
what would happen, he would not
		
00:57:14 --> 00:57:17
			read from the longer sutras, he
would not stay in such that for,
		
00:57:18 --> 00:57:23
			you know, an extra 3040 seconds,
because he was emphasizing with
		
00:57:23 --> 00:57:27
			the child who has a need, but also
with the mother whose heart is
		
00:57:27 --> 00:57:29
			breaking to fulfill the need of
her child and wishing the prayer
		
00:57:29 --> 00:57:35
			was over soon. Right. So this is
the prophesy son teaching us he
		
00:57:35 --> 00:57:39
			many famous stories one, once a
crema, who is the son of Abuja,
		
00:57:39 --> 00:57:42
			who wanted to meet with the
prophesy Saddam after the Battle
		
00:57:42 --> 00:57:46
			of a hood. And and when he came,
he the process sort of, you know,
		
00:57:46 --> 00:57:50
			he commanded all of the I'm sorry,
battle and butter, when he came
		
00:57:51 --> 00:57:57
			the promises and commanded the
Sahaba, to not call it karma,
		
00:57:57 --> 00:58:01
			right, even a B Jahaz. Don't call
him the son of the father of
		
00:58:01 --> 00:58:05
			ignorance, because that was his
father's name. And he did not want
		
00:58:06 --> 00:58:10
			to break further economic heart,
he just lost his dad and battle.
		
00:58:10 --> 00:58:15
			So he instructed his Sahaba Don't
call him that just call him by his
		
00:58:15 --> 00:58:19
			name. That's empathy. Right? You
told us when there's two of you
		
00:58:19 --> 00:58:23
			and a third person, don't speak in
secret, don't talk in a different
		
00:58:23 --> 00:58:27
			language, it's rude. It makes the
other person feel left out, you
		
00:58:27 --> 00:58:31
			are hurting another person
unnecessarily. So don't do that.
		
00:58:31 --> 00:58:35
			This is an empathy. Example, after
example, after example, when a
		
00:58:35 --> 00:58:39
			woman came to him once when he was
sitting with his companions,
		
00:58:40 --> 00:58:42
			imagine this, you're with your
friends, you're just you know,
		
00:58:42 --> 00:58:45
			you're having your own social
interactions in a beautiful
		
00:58:45 --> 00:58:49
			setting. Everything is lovely. And
then someone comes in disrupting
		
00:58:49 --> 00:58:52
			the gathering in a agitated state.
I need to talk to you I need to
		
00:58:52 --> 00:58:53
			talk to you.
		
00:58:54 --> 00:58:58
			Many of us would be like, whoa,
whoa, whoa, we may even have a
		
00:58:58 --> 00:59:02
			shame the person what's what's
going on and not really know how
		
00:59:02 --> 00:59:05
			to deal with that. We may not
react properly, because we feel
		
00:59:05 --> 00:59:09
			like it's an intrusion. On our
gathering, right? I'm speaking to
		
00:59:09 --> 00:59:12
			someone you don't know people
react in different ways. The
		
00:59:12 --> 00:59:16
			prophesy Salam Subhan. Allah, this
woman, she had a mental health,
		
00:59:16 --> 00:59:19
			she was known to have mental
health problems. So she came in
		
00:59:19 --> 00:59:22
			this agitated state saying, I need
to talk to you about something.
		
00:59:22 --> 00:59:26
			And he received her so
beautifully. First, he honored her
		
00:59:26 --> 00:59:28
			and he listened to her he let her
say what she had to say. Then he
		
00:59:28 --> 00:59:29
			said to her,
		
00:59:31 --> 00:59:35
			pick any street in Medina, and I
will come and I will sit with you
		
00:59:35 --> 00:59:39
			and I will listen to whatever
grievances you want. You pick the
		
00:59:39 --> 00:59:43
			street, I'll come to you. That's
our Prophet. So I said I'm right.
		
00:59:43 --> 00:59:48
			And he did. He went to her and he
was able to pour her heart out.
		
00:59:48 --> 00:59:51
			And he listened to her. So many
examples with children with
		
00:59:51 --> 00:59:55
			animals, even animals. As I
mentioned, many of our cultures
		
00:59:55 --> 00:59:58
			are very heartless when it comes
to the care of animals. We don't
		
00:59:58 --> 01:00:00
			you see people out
		
01:00:00 --> 01:00:04
			Are the biller kicking cats and
dogs and just oh, they're
		
01:00:04 --> 01:00:07
			disgusting, they're dirty. All of
it is not from the province
		
01:00:07 --> 01:00:11
			license example, he did not do
that. He did not treat the
		
01:00:11 --> 01:00:15
			creation of a law that way.
Subhanallah he hugged the palm the
		
01:00:15 --> 01:00:19
			day palm tree trunk. When it wept
when he changed his memoir, he
		
01:00:19 --> 01:00:22
			literally hugged a tree that was
wailing. And this is what a
		
01:00:22 --> 01:00:27
			wetter, witnessed by many of the
sahaba. But he extended empathy to
		
01:00:27 --> 01:00:28
			a tree.
		
01:00:30 --> 01:00:34
			Many stories of empathy we can go
on and on. But he, especially with
		
01:00:34 --> 01:00:39
			animals, the camera or the bird,
many stories, we need to inculcate
		
01:00:39 --> 01:00:43
			empathy as adults so that we can
then teach it to our children. And
		
01:00:43 --> 01:00:47
			then social skills very important
that we understand how to be
		
01:00:47 --> 01:00:50
			around different groups of people.
Adults should be comfortable
		
01:00:50 --> 01:00:53
			talking to children, children
should be comfortable talking to
		
01:00:53 --> 01:00:57
			adults, we need to teach our
children to say Salem to not
		
01:00:57 --> 01:01:00
			cower, when an adult asks them,
how are you and you see a lot of
		
01:01:00 --> 01:01:03
			shutdown of conversation, children
freeze, I don't know what to say,
		
01:01:03 --> 01:01:07
			why is that that's wrong, it's a
failure on us to not be able to
		
01:01:07 --> 01:01:12
			give them the skills to be able to
speak to people, so expose them to
		
01:01:12 --> 01:01:17
			good people to good company, it's,
we can't just have them in, you
		
01:01:17 --> 01:01:22
			know, in these in these controlled
environments all the time with
		
01:01:22 --> 01:01:26
			their peers, where they never
learn how to engage people of
		
01:01:26 --> 01:01:30
			different backgrounds of different
ages. So we have to work on our
		
01:01:30 --> 01:01:33
			own social skills to know that if
we have social anxiety, or
		
01:01:33 --> 01:01:37
			problems with that for ourselves,
and then teach it to our children,
		
01:01:37 --> 01:01:37
			and,
		
01:01:38 --> 01:01:42
			and so this is the next. So that's
on emotional intelligence. But
		
01:01:42 --> 01:01:44
			this is just a quick I like
acronyms because they're easy to
		
01:01:44 --> 01:01:49
			remember. So this is a acronym on
prophetic parenting, all the
		
01:01:49 --> 01:01:52
			things that we just talked about
that I hope it's easy for you to
		
01:01:52 --> 01:01:56
			remember, CPR, we know what CPR
is, right? It's to resuscitate
		
01:01:56 --> 01:02:00
			someone who is losing, who cannot
breathe, right or who's losing
		
01:02:00 --> 01:02:06
			life. So in order to, to give them
that life force, we give them air
		
01:02:06 --> 01:02:10
			through CPR, right? So CPR,
compassion, we need compassion, if
		
01:02:10 --> 01:02:14
			we want to be successful and
actually give our children the
		
01:02:14 --> 01:02:17
			best in line with the process and
example, we have to be
		
01:02:17 --> 01:02:21
			compassionate. And this is a
really important point. Most of
		
01:02:21 --> 01:02:25
			our struggles as adults are
actually in fact egoistic, right?
		
01:02:25 --> 01:02:32
			Egoistic, is self selfish. It's
like my needs, right? Whereas
		
01:02:32 --> 01:02:35
			children's struggles are
egocentric. What does that mean?
		
01:02:35 --> 01:02:39
			Is they just want, like, they,
they want you to, they want
		
01:02:39 --> 01:02:43
			attention on on themselves. But
it's not. It's not the same
		
01:02:43 --> 01:02:46
			because egoistic, it's like it's
serving your needs. So when you're
		
01:02:47 --> 01:02:49
			and and not to say that we
obviously we have, you know, we
		
01:02:49 --> 01:02:52
			care for our families, and we're
thinking of others. But sometimes
		
01:02:52 --> 01:02:55
			in our daily exchanges. I mean,
you know, when things get petty,
		
01:02:55 --> 01:02:58
			when we're moody, when we're
having those, you know,
		
01:02:58 --> 01:03:01
			interactions with our children
that aren't going well. Sometimes
		
01:03:01 --> 01:03:05
			we can become egoistic where
we're, it's enough, whereas
		
01:03:05 --> 01:03:09
			children just need attention. They
just need to be seen and heard.
		
01:03:10 --> 01:03:13
			But it's not really for any other
purpose. If there's not an ego
		
01:03:13 --> 01:03:17
			involved, they're right. They're
struggling to find their voice,
		
01:03:17 --> 01:03:20
			their place, their identity in a
world that is intimidating, and
		
01:03:20 --> 01:03:23
			anxiety inducing, so we have to be
gentle with them, right. And this
		
01:03:23 --> 01:03:27
			is again, another Hadith you must
be gentle. Verily, gentleness is
		
01:03:27 --> 01:03:30
			not in anything except that it
beautifies it. And it is not
		
01:03:30 --> 01:03:33
			removed from anything except that
it is grace is it. And then
		
01:03:33 --> 01:03:37
			patience, right, when you're,
while your clock may always be
		
01:03:37 --> 01:03:40
			ticking. Remember, children don't
quite have their own concept of
		
01:03:40 --> 01:03:43
			time. So sometimes we are rushing
our children. If you're really
		
01:03:43 --> 01:03:47
			looking at a lot of the negative
interactions. We're rushing them a
		
01:03:47 --> 01:03:50
			lot. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up,
I gotta go Hurry up, hurry up,
		
01:03:50 --> 01:03:53
			hurry up. And then we get mad at
them and explode on them when they
		
01:03:53 --> 01:03:56
			don't do something in our time.
Right? I told you five minutes
		
01:03:56 --> 01:03:59
			ago, I told you 10 minutes ago, if
you're talking to a three, four or
		
01:03:59 --> 01:04:01
			five year old good luck, they
don't know the difference between
		
01:04:01 --> 01:04:04
			one minute, two minutes, five
minutes, 10 minutes all it's all
		
01:04:05 --> 01:04:08
			relative to them because they're
enjoying lala land in their games,
		
01:04:08 --> 01:04:12
			right? But we get mad and we
abused children because we're with
		
01:04:12 --> 01:04:14
			our words, and we get upset with
them and explode on them. Because
		
01:04:14 --> 01:04:18
			we think that they were
disrespectful of our time that we
		
01:04:18 --> 01:04:21
			set for them. It doesn't work that
way. We have to understand how
		
01:04:21 --> 01:04:26
			their minds work there, especially
children under seven that are in
		
01:04:26 --> 01:04:30
			that stage of play, where they're
in an alternate world half the
		
01:04:30 --> 01:04:33
			time they're in an imaginary
world, right? Because their minds
		
01:04:33 --> 01:04:37
			are so creative, Mashallah.
They're not with us. You know, so
		
01:04:37 --> 01:04:41
			our concept of time and theirs is
different. And we have to remember
		
01:04:41 --> 01:04:45
			again, this hadith of the prophets
I said I'm consideration is from
		
01:04:45 --> 01:04:49
			God and haste is from the devil at
the Name of Allah, why Jimena
		
01:04:49 --> 01:04:53
			shaytaan if you're rushing all the
time, you have failed to time
		
01:04:53 --> 01:04:58
			manage. So do not project that
frustration onto your children and
		
01:04:58 --> 01:04:59
			punish them because you
		
01:05:00 --> 01:05:03
			You are late for something, right?
If you're late for something then
		
01:05:03 --> 01:05:06
			you were mismanaging your time.
And now if your child takes five
		
01:05:06 --> 01:05:09
			extra minutes in the bathroom or
to put on their shoes, it's not
		
01:05:09 --> 01:05:13
			fair to make them feel bad or
shame them because you're running
		
01:05:13 --> 01:05:18
			late now own it, you failed to be
gentle, right? And then the
		
01:05:18 --> 01:05:21
			report, become an emotionally
intelligent person and you'll know
		
01:05:21 --> 01:05:24
			how to build prophetic rapport
with your children so that they
		
01:05:24 --> 01:05:28
			gravitate towards you instead of
being intimidated, repelled and
		
01:05:28 --> 01:05:31
			distinct from you. Right? Allah
soprano says a messenger of Allah
		
01:05:31 --> 01:05:33
			is a great mercy of God that you
are gentle, right? We read that
		
01:05:33 --> 01:05:37
			verse before, and kind towards
them for had you been harsh and
		
01:05:37 --> 01:05:40
			hard hearted, they would have all
broken away from you. This is a
		
01:05:41 --> 01:05:46
			excellent reminder of us, for us
of the formula for anybody, not
		
01:05:46 --> 01:05:49
			just you know, in our Dawa, but
even with our children, if we're
		
01:05:49 --> 01:05:53
			not gentle, and we're harsh, they
will go for us.
		
01:05:54 --> 01:05:59
			It's inevitable. If you're a harsh
parent, and you don't have this,
		
01:05:59 --> 01:06:02
			these qualities, prophetic
qualities, your children will not
		
01:06:02 --> 01:06:05
			want to listen to you, they will
not want to be around you, they
		
01:06:05 --> 01:06:09
			will basically buy their time
until they can leave your house.
		
01:06:09 --> 01:06:14
			And, and what a to me, that's
just, that would be the most
		
01:06:14 --> 01:06:19
			tragic thing ever, that my
children are in the house, but
		
01:06:19 --> 01:06:22
			grudgingly hating every minute of
it. And just looking at the
		
01:06:22 --> 01:06:26
			escape. Soon as I turn 18
students, I go to college, and
		
01:06:26 --> 01:06:30
			I'll just bite my lip and make it
through this. Like that's our home
		
01:06:30 --> 01:06:33
			environments, all the below that
we've created homes where that's
		
01:06:33 --> 01:06:36
			the reality, that they just can't
wait to break free from the
		
01:06:36 --> 01:06:40
			shackles of our parenting. But
that's a lot of kids, I'll tell
		
01:06:40 --> 01:06:43
			you I work with you with all the
time. That is what many of them
		
01:06:43 --> 01:06:47
			are thinking they cannot wait to
break free. So what are we doing
		
01:06:47 --> 01:06:50
			to create environments, homes
where children don't want to spend
		
01:06:50 --> 01:06:50
			time with us?
		
01:06:52 --> 01:06:56
			Right, may Allah forgive us and
guide us. So on this topic of
		
01:06:58 --> 01:07:00
			the last point of emotional
intelligence, I just wanted to
		
01:07:00 --> 01:07:02
			mention this because it's really
important.
		
01:07:03 --> 01:07:06
			If you have young children,
especially this is the time I had
		
01:07:06 --> 01:07:10
			a sister earlier asking me she has
a young girl, if she knows of any,
		
01:07:11 --> 01:07:14
			you know, classes and
opportunities for her children.
		
01:07:14 --> 01:07:17
			And you know, we explored some
concepts. And then she said she
		
01:07:17 --> 01:07:21
			was you know, gonna put her in to
public school. And I really
		
01:07:21 --> 01:07:24
			caution I just have to speak
freely here. I really caution.
		
01:07:25 --> 01:07:27
			Parents putting their children in
public school, if you have
		
01:07:27 --> 01:07:31
			options, I have to just speak from
my heart. Because I work with
		
01:07:31 --> 01:07:35
			youth, I know what's going on with
them. And we all for paying
		
01:07:35 --> 01:07:38
			attention to the political
environment we're living in. The
		
01:07:38 --> 01:07:41
			schools are not what they were.
And they are not what they were
		
01:07:41 --> 01:07:44
			intended to be. It's not just
about education anymore, it is
		
01:07:44 --> 01:07:48
			about indoctrination. And you are
seeing a lot of parents actually
		
01:07:48 --> 01:07:52
			go away from public schools,
towards other private schools or
		
01:07:52 --> 01:07:55
			homeschooling homeschool models,
because they are seeing it for
		
01:07:55 --> 01:07:58
			themselves. They're looking at
curriculum being handed to their
		
01:07:58 --> 01:08:01
			children, their children are asked
to attend classes without parental
		
01:08:01 --> 01:08:05
			consent. And they're forced into
these conversations very young,
		
01:08:05 --> 01:08:09
			when that are inappropriate that
they're not ready for. So I really
		
01:08:09 --> 01:08:13
			caution. Parents, please if there
are options for you to not put
		
01:08:13 --> 01:08:16
			your children in public school, no
matter how high the ratings are,
		
01:08:16 --> 01:08:19
			how amazing and stellar their
programs are, what amazing STEM
		
01:08:19 --> 01:08:22
			programs they have, please for the
love of God, if you want your
		
01:08:22 --> 01:08:26
			children's Eman to be preserved.
Don't send them there, look for
		
01:08:26 --> 01:08:31
			alternative options, inshallah.
But I mentioned to her that in
		
01:08:31 --> 01:08:36
			addition, she needs to look for
like minded families that have
		
01:08:36 --> 01:08:40
			children of similar age, so that
they can create bonds, sacred
		
01:08:40 --> 01:08:44
			bonds that can last because we're
at a point in history, where we
		
01:08:44 --> 01:08:48
			have to, we have the hamdulillah
our community is strong, may Allah
		
01:08:48 --> 01:08:52
			protect our community, we have a
masajid we have some semblance of
		
01:08:52 --> 01:08:55
			community left. Other traditions
don't have a lot of empty
		
01:08:55 --> 01:08:58
			churches, a lot of empty temples,
a lot of empty synagogues, because
		
01:08:58 --> 01:09:01
			people aren't going there. And you
know, Mallanna tests us with the
		
01:09:01 --> 01:09:05
			same fate. But we have to also in
addition to supporting our massage
		
01:09:05 --> 01:09:08
			and our institutions and our
teachers, we also have to create
		
01:09:08 --> 01:09:13
			communities, smaller communities,
of like minded people, where we
		
01:09:13 --> 01:09:17
			can come together and arch and
raise our children together so
		
01:09:17 --> 01:09:21
			that they have good Sahaba around
them at all times. And they don't
		
01:09:21 --> 01:09:28
			seek out friends that have very
different views of life, and then
		
01:09:28 --> 01:09:32
			they do, but that's what will
happen if we don't supplement or
		
01:09:32 --> 01:09:36
			offer them. Relationships, you
know, bonds, sacred bonds, and we
		
01:09:36 --> 01:09:40
			prefer more dunya. Right, chasing
the dunya is something that,
		
01:09:41 --> 01:09:44
			again, a lot of people it's one of
the diseases of the heart. Hubba
		
01:09:44 --> 01:09:48
			dunya is that we get too impressed
and distracted by all of the
		
01:09:48 --> 01:09:52
			worldly delights, right and all
the world so we want money, we
		
01:09:52 --> 01:09:55
			want wealth, and that's the goal.
So then everything becomes about
		
01:09:55 --> 01:09:59
			that. What school can I put my kid
into that will give them the best
		
01:09:59 --> 01:09:59
			test scores that will get them
		
01:10:00 --> 01:10:02
			The Best College is that they can
make a lot of money and we can
		
01:10:02 --> 01:10:05
			travel, we can eat, and we can
have the best hotels and we can
		
01:10:05 --> 01:10:08
			fly business class and we can,
it's just duniya.
		
01:10:09 --> 01:10:13
			The most important thing we can do
is say, What can I do for myself,
		
01:10:13 --> 01:10:17
			my family, my children, that their
Iman is intact, because this world
		
01:10:18 --> 01:10:23
			is designed to test them, they
will go through tests, and if we
		
01:10:23 --> 01:10:28
			don't give them Islam and fortify
them, with the right protection
		
01:10:28 --> 01:10:32
			over their hearts, they may Allah,
we don't know, we don't we
		
01:10:32 --> 01:10:34
			shouldn't even I don't want to, we
don't even want to go there. But
		
01:10:34 --> 01:10:38
			we have to, you know, realize that
that the fate their fate will be
		
01:10:40 --> 01:10:42
			will be perilous. If that's the
case, may Allah protect and
		
01:10:42 --> 01:10:46
			preserve them. So it's our job
again, to, to provide that. So
		
01:10:46 --> 01:10:49
			what are sacred bonds look like?
You know, the virtues of good
		
01:10:49 --> 01:10:52
			company and friendship. This is
again from the Quran and keep
		
01:10:52 --> 01:10:56
			yourself patient by being with
those who call upon their Lord in
		
01:10:56 --> 01:10:59
			the morning and evening, seeking
His countenance. So if your
		
01:10:59 --> 01:11:02
			friends and the people that you
are bringing to your home, or
		
01:11:02 --> 01:11:05
			you're going to their home, don't
do this, don't call on a law, they
		
01:11:05 --> 01:11:09
			don't even pray, if you sit
through dinner, and McGraw enters
		
01:11:09 --> 01:11:10
			and nobody gets up to pray.
		
01:11:13 --> 01:11:15
			That's a problem. And if your
children see that, those are the
		
01:11:15 --> 01:11:18
			types of people around, then when
it comes time to pray at home,
		
01:11:18 --> 01:11:21
			they're gonna be like, I don't
feel like doing it. Because you've
		
01:11:21 --> 01:11:24
			just shown them, all of your
friends and all the people around,
		
01:11:24 --> 01:11:27
			they don't care to pray. So it's
why can I not pray either. I don't
		
01:11:27 --> 01:11:30
			want to fast there's people who
don't fast, but they're your
		
01:11:30 --> 01:11:32
			friends. So now your parents, your
children are seeing that that's
		
01:11:32 --> 01:11:35
			normal. And that's an option.
Okay, I guess I don't need to fast
		
01:11:35 --> 01:11:40
			either. Right. So you have to be
very careful of the friends that
		
01:11:40 --> 01:11:43
			you that you keep in that you
bring into your intimate spaces
		
01:11:43 --> 01:11:46
			intimate, right? And make sure
that they are those who call upon
		
01:11:46 --> 01:11:50
			Allah seeking His countenance, and
let not your eyes past beyond
		
01:11:50 --> 01:11:54
			them, desiring adornments of the
worldly life, right? Don't worry
		
01:11:54 --> 01:11:58
			about climbing social, the social
ladder and trying to get into that
		
01:11:58 --> 01:12:02
			in group and that group, and who I
want to be invited to this, that
		
01:12:02 --> 01:12:07
			was in that wedding and that dunya
that shouldn't be your concern. If
		
01:12:07 --> 01:12:10
			you never get invited to any of
the social events that are
		
01:12:10 --> 01:12:12
			happening. Sorry.
		
01:12:14 --> 01:12:14
			If you're not
		
01:12:15 --> 01:12:18
			getting invited to any of those
events,
		
01:12:19 --> 01:12:22
			then I say 100, lower sugar,
especially if you know what's
		
01:12:22 --> 01:12:26
			going on there. These are social
environments were dancing and free
		
01:12:26 --> 01:12:29
			mixing and a lot of and lack of
remembrance of Allah is happening.
		
01:12:29 --> 01:12:33
			You didn't lose anything. Allah
protected you and you have to see
		
01:12:33 --> 01:12:37
			it that way. Right? So don't seek
those things out, and do not obey
		
01:12:37 --> 01:12:40
			one whose heart we have made
heedless of our remembrance and
		
01:12:40 --> 01:12:45
			who follows His desire and whose
affair isn't ever in neglect? Make
		
01:12:45 --> 01:12:48
			sure again, that we choose the
right company and the right people
		
01:12:48 --> 01:12:52
			who become our who influenced us
right? In our behavior, if they're
		
01:12:53 --> 01:12:56
			heedless of their and LeFleur. Why
are we following them?
		
01:12:57 --> 01:13:00
			The Prophet I sent him was
reportedly asked which of our
		
01:13:00 --> 01:13:03
			companions are best, and he
replied, One whose appearance
		
01:13:03 --> 01:13:07
			reminds you of God, and whose
speech increases you acknowledge,
		
01:13:07 --> 01:13:10
			and whose actions remind you of
the hereafter? Again, this is the
		
01:13:10 --> 01:13:14
			yardstick that we should measure
the company that we keep, and also
		
01:13:14 --> 01:13:18
			ourselves, are we this? Are we
these people? Are we people who
		
01:13:18 --> 01:13:22
			remind other people of God? Are we
people whose speech increases
		
01:13:22 --> 01:13:26
			other people knowledge? Do we
have, you know, good actions that
		
01:13:26 --> 01:13:30
			remind people of the hereafter? If
we don't, I mean, our actual
		
01:13:30 --> 01:13:32
			moment, right? The believer
supposed to be a mirror for the
		
01:13:32 --> 01:13:36
			believer, why are we seeking out
you know, excellent company, but
		
01:13:36 --> 01:13:39
			then also putting some investment
in ourselves. So we have to start
		
01:13:39 --> 01:13:43
			in ourselves. But we should also
seek out excellent company. And
		
01:13:43 --> 01:13:45
			the process instead of person is
on the religion of his companions.
		
01:13:45 --> 01:13:49
			Therefore, let every one of you
carefully consider the company
		
01:13:49 --> 01:13:53
			that you keep. And then earlier,
the line reminds us mixed with the
		
01:13:53 --> 01:13:56
			noble people, you become one of
them, and keep away from evil
		
01:13:56 --> 01:13:59
			people to protect yourself from
their evils. Again, this is so
		
01:13:59 --> 01:14:03
			essential, because if we want our
children to have excellent
		
01:14:03 --> 01:14:07
			character to preserve their Eman,
it starts with us and the people
		
01:14:07 --> 01:14:10
			that we expose them to and the
company that we keep. And we have
		
01:14:10 --> 01:14:15
			to give primacy more than ever
before, I would say honestly, to
		
01:14:15 --> 01:14:19
			making sure our children have good
Sahaba young, make sure they have
		
01:14:19 --> 01:14:22
			really good friends at a young
age, that have good adult that
		
01:14:22 --> 01:14:26
			their parents have good character,
because those parents may end up
		
01:14:26 --> 01:14:29
			being your mentor that your
children's mentors, and I'll tell
		
01:14:29 --> 01:14:31
			you I live this reality I know
this reality.
		
01:14:32 --> 01:14:38
			Either will come a time when
you're teenagers. And you may have
		
01:14:39 --> 01:14:43
			you know, maybe butting heads over
something, but well Llahi it will
		
01:14:43 --> 01:14:47
			be the greatest gift from you when
you can say I have so and so my
		
01:14:47 --> 01:14:52
			dear friend who has a bond with my
child. And I can call that person
		
01:14:52 --> 01:14:52
			and say hey,
		
01:14:53 --> 01:14:56
			I'm having a rough time with so
and so. You know my child, my teen
		
01:14:56 --> 01:14:59
			boy girl, can you please make some
time to talk to him?
		
01:15:00 --> 01:15:00
			and
		
01:15:01 --> 01:15:04
			it is a gift from Allah to have
people in your life that you think
		
01:15:04 --> 01:15:08
			that you can turn to. But if you
don't have anybody in your life
		
01:15:08 --> 01:15:12
			that you can turn to for that role
of mentorship when it's time
		
01:15:12 --> 01:15:16
			please seek those people out now
do it it's we don't believe in
		
01:15:17 --> 01:15:21
			this you know, fatalism or
defeated attitude no Sharla put
		
01:15:21 --> 01:15:24
			your trust in a lot and ask Allah
spanner to give you your children
		
01:15:24 --> 01:15:27
			good stuff about literally make
dogs added to one of your Ramadan
		
01:15:27 --> 01:15:30
			dogs. Yola bring the best company
for my children, I need them to
		
01:15:30 --> 01:15:33
			have really good friends, give us
good friends good, me and my
		
01:15:33 --> 01:15:36
			husband, or me and my wife, give
us good friends so that when our
		
01:15:36 --> 01:15:40
			children are with their children,
I don't worry of what's going on
		
01:15:40 --> 01:15:43
			in closed doors, right? Because I
know their children are good
		
01:15:43 --> 01:15:46
			children. I know their parents are
good. I know they have the same
		
01:15:46 --> 01:15:49
			philosophy about what to what they
teach your children what they give
		
01:15:49 --> 01:15:53
			their children, but have this
intention with the people that you
		
01:15:54 --> 01:15:57
			mix with so that inshallah Allah
brings you, the best of company,
		
01:15:57 --> 01:15:59
			for yourself and for your
children.
		
01:16:00 --> 01:16:03
			And just some further reminders do
not speak much without mentioning
		
01:16:03 --> 01:16:06
			a lot of promises and reminds us
here for too much speech without
		
01:16:06 --> 01:16:09
			mentioning Allah hardens the
heart, and the hardhearted other
		
01:16:09 --> 01:16:12
			farthest of all people from Allah.
It's
		
01:16:13 --> 01:16:17
			something that we should be very
intentional about. And I really
		
01:16:17 --> 01:16:18
			want to make this point.
		
01:16:20 --> 01:16:24
			We, when we get invited to social
gatherings, family, friends, you
		
01:16:24 --> 01:16:28
			know, we can't always dictate how
that's going to unfold. Sometimes
		
01:16:28 --> 01:16:31
			you want to just go to preserve
the bond, right? I want to, I want
		
01:16:31 --> 01:16:34
			to call it because that's Sunday,
you get invited to somewhere you
		
01:16:34 --> 01:16:38
			go, you respond. So your intention
is I don't want to hurt their
		
01:16:38 --> 01:16:41
			heart. I don't want to offend
them. They've invited me they
		
01:16:41 --> 01:16:45
			thought of me it's beautiful. But
make part of your kneel with Allah
		
01:16:45 --> 01:16:48
			that especially if you have like,
a religious family, secular
		
01:16:48 --> 01:16:51
			family, family that's not
interested in religion at all.
		
01:16:51 --> 01:16:55
			Make your Nia to Allah subhana wa
Tada and be intentional about it.
		
01:16:55 --> 01:17:00
			Y'all Allah make me a means by
attending this gathering of
		
01:17:01 --> 01:17:05
			opening their hearts, you know,
give me the words, prepare in
		
01:17:05 --> 01:17:09
			advance, what are topics that you
can talk about, that are not
		
01:17:09 --> 01:17:12
			overly religious, but maybe
there's a beautiful moral lesson
		
01:17:12 --> 01:17:16
			value, something that you give
them, that it's like the perfume,
		
01:17:16 --> 01:17:19
			you know, maker, right, that
you've, you've sprayed them with
		
01:17:19 --> 01:17:24
			the perfume of the beauty of our
deen so that even though they may
		
01:17:24 --> 01:17:29
			not have bought the bottle, right
from you, that that smell
		
01:17:29 --> 01:17:31
			resonates with them and they love
it. And then after you've left,
		
01:17:31 --> 01:17:36
			they may recall that smell and
then maybe because you've left
		
01:17:36 --> 01:17:39
			such a good impression on them
with your beautiful Ecolab and
		
01:17:39 --> 01:17:43
			your intentionality, to be in
those gatherings for the sake of
		
01:17:43 --> 01:17:49
			Allah, that maybe you will be the
means where they find Allah
		
01:17:49 --> 01:17:52
			subhanaw taala because it was your
beautiful o'clock every time you
		
01:17:52 --> 01:17:54
			entered their space, but have the
intention that that's why you're
		
01:17:54 --> 01:17:58
			going not just because I want to
be nice. You don't I mean, like
		
01:17:58 --> 01:18:02
			raise the bar, because sometimes
we respond to invites, like, with
		
01:18:02 --> 01:18:06
			with with friends and family, but
we don't take our intention to
		
01:18:06 --> 01:18:09
			this level, like elevate the
intention, which is make me a
		
01:18:09 --> 01:18:12
			means of guidance for this person.
I love them. They're my family.
		
01:18:12 --> 01:18:15
			They're my friends. They're not
religious, but I love them. But
		
01:18:15 --> 01:18:20
			maybe I can be the means, you
know, and do it do that with that
		
01:18:20 --> 01:18:24
			intention. And then here's the
Hadith the prophesy so it says a
		
01:18:24 --> 01:18:27
			good friend and a bad friend are
like the perfume seller, and a
		
01:18:27 --> 01:18:30
			blacksmith right the perfume
seller might give you some perfume
		
01:18:30 --> 01:18:32
			as a gift or you might buy some
from him or at least you smell the
		
01:18:32 --> 01:18:36
			fragrance. As for the blacksmith
he might send your clothes and at
		
01:18:36 --> 01:18:39
			the very least you will breathe in
the fumes. We don't ever want to
		
01:18:39 --> 01:18:42
			be all the biller like the last
the ladder, we want to be the
		
01:18:42 --> 01:18:45
			former. And we also want to
surround ourselves with people who
		
01:18:45 --> 01:18:47
			are not like the ladder either.
		
01:18:48 --> 01:18:50
			And then the parable of the
believers in their affection,
		
01:18:50 --> 01:18:53
			mercy and compassion for each
other is that of a body when any
		
01:18:53 --> 01:18:57
			limb aches, the whole body reacts,
and with sleeplessness and fever,
		
01:18:57 --> 01:19:00
			and then the rights that we have
for each other that we have five
		
01:19:00 --> 01:19:02
			rights over another to return the
greeting of peace we have to be
		
01:19:02 --> 01:19:06
			better at the Salam. Salam Wa
alaykum gets what why Lake Como
		
01:19:06 --> 01:19:11
			Salam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
always elevate it right you can
		
01:19:11 --> 01:19:15
			give the same or but it's better
to give a greater reading and if
		
01:19:15 --> 01:19:17
			someone obviously says a somewhat
akin what I have with Allah here,
		
01:19:17 --> 01:19:20
			but I can't do you don't say why
they consider you match their
		
01:19:21 --> 01:19:25
			their Salam but be in the practice
of that. And whether it's verbally
		
01:19:25 --> 01:19:29
			or even on text. And we'll I
mentioned this in a previous talk
		
01:19:29 --> 01:19:33
			this week. And just yesterday, I I
was sending a text and my son was
		
01:19:33 --> 01:19:37
			next to me and he saw me right
because reflexive ws was set up.
		
01:19:37 --> 01:19:41
			And I said this reminder that we
have to even expand our greetings
		
01:19:41 --> 01:19:46
			and mommy love you. Because you
reminded me we forget we get into
		
01:19:46 --> 01:19:49
			habit. So I said thank you and I
went back and I change it. So
		
01:19:49 --> 01:19:52
			little children can be your
teachers but we should give the
		
01:19:52 --> 01:19:55
			greeting in the best way possible
visit when someone is sick, follow
		
01:19:55 --> 01:19:58
			the funeral procession so even if
you don't know that the person
		
01:19:58 --> 01:20:00
			who's deceased it doesn't matter
if you
		
01:20:00 --> 01:20:03
			You know, there's a funeral and
you have time, go, go to the
		
01:20:03 --> 01:20:07
			funeral, go to the janazah follow
it. Because when you go, ALLAH
		
01:20:07 --> 01:20:11
			SubhanA may send a lot of unknown
people, and maybe among them are
		
01:20:11 --> 01:20:14
			sprinkled with saints. You know,
maybe there'll be a bunch of
		
01:20:14 --> 01:20:19
			saints that come for your time to
pray over you. So be intentional.
		
01:20:19 --> 01:20:23
			And then answer the invitation, as
we mentioned, and respond to the
		
01:20:23 --> 01:20:27
			sneeze. Right? So someone sneezes
and teach your children young
		
01:20:27 --> 01:20:31
			Alhamdulillah What do we say? Your
hammock Hola, what do we say?
		
01:20:32 --> 01:20:35
			Yeah, de como la jolla, slim balco
right, learn the Greek, learn the
		
01:20:35 --> 01:20:39
			DUA and teach them to your
children. And another, narration,
		
01:20:39 --> 01:20:42
			the process and when he seeks your
advice you counsel him, right. So
		
01:20:42 --> 01:20:47
			be also the type that is picks up
the phone, when people reach out
		
01:20:47 --> 01:20:49
			to you for help, don't just turn
them away. Because you're too busy
		
01:20:49 --> 01:20:53
			with your own problems, you don't
have time, that apathy and lack of
		
01:20:53 --> 01:20:57
			concern for others will also come
back to haunt you at some point
		
01:20:57 --> 01:21:00
			when you need help. And nobody
wants to pick up your phone call
		
01:21:00 --> 01:21:04
			everything, there's a son of
Allah, the law of reciprocity, how
		
01:21:04 --> 01:21:08
			you are with others, Allah will
show in your own life. So if you
		
01:21:08 --> 01:21:12
			want to be that person, as I don't
have time, I'm too busy, then
		
01:21:12 --> 01:21:15
			don't be surprised when nobody
comes to your aid. Allah will show
		
01:21:15 --> 01:21:18
			you these things right, do not
hate each other, do not envy each
		
01:21:18 --> 01:21:20
			other do not turn away from each
other, but rather be servants of
		
01:21:20 --> 01:21:23
			Allah as brothers and sisters. It
is not lawful for a Muslim to
		
01:21:23 --> 01:21:27
			boycott his brother for more than
three days. That's it three days,
		
01:21:27 --> 01:21:30
			work it out, you have an ego
problem. After three days, you
		
01:21:30 --> 01:21:33
			really do your egos in charge. But
if you have three days to deal
		
01:21:33 --> 01:21:37
			with your issues, whatever the
resentment is, whatever the you
		
01:21:37 --> 01:21:41
			know, hurt is the pain is. But
after three days, for the sake of
		
01:21:41 --> 01:21:44
			Allah, you have to be willing to
have that spine, pick up the phone
		
01:21:44 --> 01:21:48
			or go to the open the bedroom
door. If it's between spouses,
		
01:21:48 --> 01:21:51
			sometimes this happens, you know,
you get upset with each other. And
		
01:21:51 --> 01:21:54
			then it's a cold war. Not for
three days, unfortunately for
		
01:21:54 --> 01:21:57
			weeks, sometimes for months. It's
terrible. And she thought is just
		
01:21:57 --> 01:22:01
			loving it. But you have to
challenge yourself to say, I have
		
01:22:01 --> 01:22:05
			to get over my my ego. So I need
to go into into that their space
		
01:22:05 --> 01:22:08
			and go, Hey, we should talk. And
just because you do that you
		
01:22:08 --> 01:22:12
			initiate conversation doesn't mean
you're saying I was your you know,
		
01:22:12 --> 01:22:14
			I'm completely in the wrong and
you're in the right what you're
		
01:22:14 --> 01:22:19
			saying is I'm a grown up, right,
I'm a grown up, and I hold myself
		
01:22:19 --> 01:22:21
			accountable to Allah subhanaw
taala. And our Prophet listened
		
01:22:21 --> 01:22:24
			and said, We have to work things
out after three days. So here I
		
01:22:24 --> 01:22:27
			am, let's work it out. That's what
a grown up does with a proper
		
01:22:27 --> 01:22:30
			understanding who has commanded
their ego, right?
		
01:22:31 --> 01:22:34
			And then the final thing because I
know this has gone on, forgive me,
		
01:22:35 --> 01:22:37
			well, one more thing, never ever
forget.
		
01:22:39 --> 01:22:44
			So all of these advices and all of
these reminders, of course, the
		
01:22:44 --> 01:22:48
			combination of that should lead us
to constant reliance and turning
		
01:22:48 --> 01:22:52
			to Allah subhanho data, we have
got to call on Allah Subhana Allah
		
01:22:52 --> 01:22:55
			with what as the prophet Isaiah
says, was certainty that He will
		
01:22:55 --> 01:22:58
			answer you know that Allah will
not answer the supplication of a
		
01:22:58 --> 01:23:02
			heart that is negligent and
distracted. So if we are not
		
01:23:02 --> 01:23:07
			really all convinced of Allah has
put it out of his power. And we
		
01:23:07 --> 01:23:11
			are weak in our Yaqeen right, the
province of Islam said, Not
		
01:23:11 --> 01:23:15
			harmful at Almaty it adopted
Yaqeen I fear but my for my ummah,
		
01:23:15 --> 01:23:19
			the weakness of certainty, that we
don't have certainty and Allah
		
01:23:19 --> 01:23:23
			subhanaw taala he feared that for
us and we are in this age where we
		
01:23:23 --> 01:23:28
			make half hearted dogs. If you
can, I will do whatever you can to
		
01:23:28 --> 01:23:33
			Allah convey your good you can do
anything you say it with your
		
01:23:33 --> 01:23:38
			Allah you can do all things please
your Allah make this easy for me
		
01:23:38 --> 01:23:41
			I'll Please fulfill this need
fulfill this thing whatever it is,
		
01:23:41 --> 01:23:44
			but you do it with that certainty
that Allah can do anything and you
		
01:23:44 --> 01:23:48
			want to be worthy of that so you
say Make me worthy, right Forgive
		
01:23:48 --> 01:23:51
			me, whatever you need to say call
him up by all of his beautiful
		
01:23:51 --> 01:23:56
			names, but do it with certainty
Inshallah, right and be patient
		
01:23:56 --> 01:24:00
			because Allah will answer our
doors either in this world, he may
		
01:24:00 --> 01:24:03
			delay it in the next world he may
replace it with something better,
		
01:24:03 --> 01:24:06
			but to think for a moment that
your drawers will not be answered
		
01:24:06 --> 01:24:11
			is is tantamount to cover because
what are you that's your your your
		
01:24:11 --> 01:24:15
			you're not realizing you're you're
limiting Allah subhanho data and
		
01:24:15 --> 01:24:19
			who are we to ever limit Allah we
can never do that right? So don't
		
01:24:19 --> 01:24:22
			let your mind go there. And if you
go there that's a West fossa from
		
01:24:22 --> 01:24:28
			shaitan LW Michelle, I don't ever
presume to know what Allah will
		
01:24:28 --> 01:24:32
			do. I just put my need out there
the rest I submit and I surrender.
		
01:24:33 --> 01:24:37
			Right So Alhamdulillah that is the
end. Next week inshallah we will
		
01:24:37 --> 01:24:42
			do balanced parenting and there's
another one as well I forgot the
		
01:24:42 --> 01:24:46
			title of that but can see it in
the in a flyer and we will close
		
01:24:46 --> 01:24:51
			next week Inshallah, but I'm happy
to stay on for any questions for a
		
01:24:51 --> 01:24:55
			few more minutes. I know we went
over any questions or comments?
		
01:24:57 --> 01:24:59
			Yeah, no, it's an excellent,
excellent question just like you
		
01:24:59 --> 01:24:59
			Okay.
		
01:25:00 --> 01:25:04
			And so this is your asked about
situation where, you know, some of
		
01:25:04 --> 01:25:08
			us want to come and you know, to
the, to the sacred spaces to do
		
01:25:08 --> 01:25:12
			our own worship. And we may even
bring our children just to be
		
01:25:12 --> 01:25:17
			participating in these beautiful
events and nights of especially
		
01:25:17 --> 01:25:21
			this month. But we may find that
other families because they also
		
01:25:21 --> 01:25:24
			have the same intention, though,
they're here they might not be
		
01:25:24 --> 01:25:29
			managing their children with
correctly and that they give their
		
01:25:29 --> 01:25:34
			children devices where it's
unsupervised, and maybe exposing
		
01:25:34 --> 01:25:37
			not only themselves, but also
other enabling children to
		
01:25:37 --> 01:25:42
			content, or just in general to the
device, you know, without
		
01:25:42 --> 01:25:45
			permission or without the, you
know, the the desire of the
		
01:25:45 --> 01:25:50
			parents who are praying. So that's
absolutely happened. It happens
		
01:25:50 --> 01:25:53
			all the time. And I'm sure we're
all witness to that. So I do think
		
01:25:53 --> 01:25:56
			this goes back to personal
responsibility and all the things
		
01:25:56 --> 01:25:58
			we talked about as parents, we
have to raise the bar and really
		
01:25:58 --> 01:26:03
			be mindful of, of our spaces, you
know, how you conduct your
		
01:26:04 --> 01:26:07
			business at home is between you
and Allah, but your behavior that
		
01:26:07 --> 01:26:11
			impacts other people is more,
you're held more accountable,
		
01:26:11 --> 01:26:13
			right. So if you're going to do
something, and it harms or
		
01:26:13 --> 01:26:17
			potentially exposes other people
to harm, that's going to be
		
01:26:17 --> 01:26:21
			greater against you, it's going to
be greater than whatever you're
		
01:26:21 --> 01:26:25
			doing. It's just between you and
you know, your I mean, it's just,
		
01:26:25 --> 01:26:29
			you're only harming yourself. So
we have to really take that to
		
01:26:29 --> 01:26:32
			heart. And that's part of becoming
more emotionally intelligent, when
		
01:26:32 --> 01:26:35
			we talked about those social
skills and empathy, and all those
		
01:26:35 --> 01:26:39
			things. If you're not thinking of
other people in general, because
		
01:26:39 --> 01:26:42
			you're so self centered, then that
doesn't occur to you that wait a
		
01:26:42 --> 01:26:46
			second, my giving over my
childhood device, because I can
		
01:26:46 --> 01:26:51
			benefit from their distraction may
in fact, distract other people.
		
01:26:51 --> 01:26:55
			Right, then that's not the great,
right, you know, protocol, what,
		
01:26:55 --> 01:26:59
			what, what else can I do? So this
is where I think I mean, a couple
		
01:26:59 --> 01:27:02
			of things, obviously, we want our
children to come to the massage,
		
01:27:02 --> 01:27:05
			we want our children to be here.
But this is where the parents have
		
01:27:05 --> 01:27:08
			to coordinate, you know, there
might be a time where and I saw
		
01:27:08 --> 01:27:12
			this actually happening here even
just earlier, but there might be a
		
01:27:12 --> 01:27:16
			time where you have to hand off.
So if you're wanting to do some
		
01:27:16 --> 01:27:19
			extra prayers, you know, and your
husband is free, or your wife is
		
01:27:19 --> 01:27:22
			free, they have to maintain the
children while you're doing your
		
01:27:22 --> 01:27:25
			prayers, and you're responsible,
you have a guardian, basically,
		
01:27:25 --> 01:27:28
			taking care of that
responsibility. That could be one
		
01:27:28 --> 01:27:31
			thing to bring them but the
parents are handing off and tag
		
01:27:31 --> 01:27:34
			teaming, and taking that
responsibility and allowing for
		
01:27:34 --> 01:27:37
			each other to benefit from their
worship and the space. Right.
		
01:27:37 --> 01:27:41
			Another thing is that you can find
if you if you really, if it's
		
01:27:41 --> 01:27:44
			difficult for you then find
someone to watch the children,
		
01:27:44 --> 01:27:48
			sometimes people have, you know,
other friends or family in the,
		
01:27:49 --> 01:27:51
			you know, in the masjid to that
they may ask, can you please watch
		
01:27:51 --> 01:27:56
			them while I do some extra America
or whatever it is, but look for
		
01:27:56 --> 01:27:58
			helpers, because there are
sometimes people who have no
		
01:27:58 --> 01:28:00
			problem, they would love to sit
and play with the children. And
		
01:28:00 --> 01:28:03
			this is also a good way to
encourage community. And so if
		
01:28:03 --> 01:28:05
			your children are comfortable with
that person, ask them could you
		
01:28:05 --> 01:28:08
			watch them for just a few minutes,
but to just immediately default to
		
01:28:08 --> 01:28:11
			the device, I think is really the
issue here, right? Because this
		
01:28:11 --> 01:28:15
			becomes a nuisance, and even the
rest of the congregants not
		
01:28:15 --> 01:28:19
			wanting to hear the sound of, you
know, Shark whatever that song is.
		
01:28:20 --> 01:28:22
			Baby shark shark. Now I don't want
to hear a Baby shark when I'm
		
01:28:23 --> 01:28:27
			doing, you know, my my extra NLF
ID right or reading Quran. But if
		
01:28:27 --> 01:28:31
			you for you that works at home,
then you have to have a plan B for
		
01:28:31 --> 01:28:36
			the for public spaces, Plan B is
more considerate of other people,
		
01:28:36 --> 01:28:40
			right. And so think not so much
about your own needs, but also how
		
01:28:40 --> 01:28:44
			you can have a system that's
mutually beneficial for everybody
		
01:28:44 --> 01:28:46
			also for the child because it goes
back to make sure the child is
		
01:28:46 --> 01:28:50
			safe, feels good is happy in the
care of whoever you leave them.
		
01:28:51 --> 01:28:53
			And not just you're not just
neglecting them, of course that
		
01:28:53 --> 01:28:57
			would be terrible. So those are
all some suggestions. The other
		
01:28:57 --> 01:28:59
			thing is, as a collective as a
community, we can certainly
		
01:29:00 --> 01:29:07
			organize with the masjid and ask
if there is a way to hire or to
		
01:29:07 --> 01:29:10
			you know, bring in some services
during prayer time so that we have
		
01:29:10 --> 01:29:15
			actually qualified, well trained
supervisors with children who know
		
01:29:15 --> 01:29:18
			how to engage children who can
maybe manage, you know, the child
		
01:29:18 --> 01:29:22
			programming part so that parents
can come out here and enjoy all of
		
01:29:22 --> 01:29:27
			the other talks and benefits of
the masjid without the fear of Oh
		
01:29:27 --> 01:29:30
			no, is my kid being exposed to
something or learning something?
		
01:29:30 --> 01:29:32
			That's not beneficial. So there
are a lot of things we can do in
		
01:29:32 --> 01:29:36
			this space. Outside of that,
obviously, the answer would be to
		
01:29:36 --> 01:29:39
			leave them with other caretakers
that you trust, and then allow for
		
01:29:39 --> 01:29:43
			the congregants to come together
and peace but I'm personally I
		
01:29:43 --> 01:29:46
			would love to see more children.
We just have to do better about
		
01:29:46 --> 01:29:48
			managing them. So it's an
excellent question because like
		
01:29:48 --> 01:29:49
			well, thanks.
		
01:29:51 --> 01:29:54
			Any other questions? I want to
come thank you for coming on
		
01:29:54 --> 01:29:54
			delay. Yes.
		
01:30:00 --> 01:30:00
			All
		
01:30:05 --> 01:30:06
			right.
		
01:30:13 --> 01:30:17
			Sure, sorry, we're just gonna wait
for the microphone to turn on. And
		
01:30:17 --> 01:30:17
			then
		
01:30:19 --> 01:30:24
			do you have any advice for parents
for small but impactful habits
		
01:30:24 --> 01:30:27
			that they could pick up to help
them, you know, get closer to the
		
01:30:27 --> 01:30:31
			last one with Allah in the Quran
and the prophesy Salam when they
		
01:30:31 --> 01:30:35
			are managing smaller children who
require perhaps a little bit more
		
01:30:35 --> 01:30:38
			time, a little bit less sleep,
things like that. So just small
		
01:30:38 --> 01:30:42
			but impactful things that are easy
to be consistent with sure martial
		
01:30:42 --> 01:30:45
			law, just like you're locked in
for the question. So I can only
		
01:30:45 --> 01:30:49
			speak from what has worked for me
and what I've seen other teachers
		
01:30:49 --> 01:30:53
			or other people that I believe
have also found, you know, things
		
01:30:53 --> 01:30:57
			that work for them. And I think,
you know, as we know, we're all
		
01:30:57 --> 01:31:00
			creatures of habit and children
are certainly creatures of habit.
		
01:31:00 --> 01:31:04
			So at a young age, I think if we
really increase their connection
		
01:31:04 --> 01:31:07
			with the book of Allah subhanaw
taala, their connection with
		
01:31:07 --> 01:31:11
			initiate with Viken, right, so
that when they're very young, they
		
01:31:11 --> 01:31:13
			understand that there's a routine
to your day, right, we have the
		
01:31:13 --> 01:31:16
			five daily prayers that are kind
of interspersed throughout the
		
01:31:16 --> 01:31:19
			day. And sometimes we do it at one
time and other time, we may do it
		
01:31:19 --> 01:31:22
			another time, right? It's not as
routine based, right? But there
		
01:31:22 --> 01:31:26
			are certain routines that can be
fixed every day at a certain time.
		
01:31:26 --> 01:31:29
			So one of the things I speak about
often, which our teachers really
		
01:31:29 --> 01:31:33
			encouraged us to do, is as a
family to have that have a
		
01:31:33 --> 01:31:37
			practice of a litany write a word.
And so in the morning, for
		
01:31:37 --> 01:31:40
			example, in my household at home,
the land this has been for
		
01:31:40 --> 01:31:44
			decades, maybe over a decade, now
we've done this, and it works is
		
01:31:44 --> 01:31:49
			we have a Bluetooth speaker, so it
reaches the house, everybody can
		
01:31:49 --> 01:31:53
			hear it. And the boys know I have
two sons, that in the morning,
		
01:31:53 --> 01:31:56
			when they wake up, they go and
they play the wizard, which is you
		
01:31:56 --> 01:32:00
			know, on a YouTube link, and it
reaches the whole house. And then
		
01:32:01 --> 01:32:04
			you know, so that's the morning
routine, we start the day off in
		
01:32:04 --> 01:32:08
			the remembrance of Allah subhanaw
taala after that we also listen to
		
01:32:08 --> 01:32:12
			there's different machines, you
can listen to the line Clara at
		
01:32:12 --> 01:32:16
			the border, you know, whatever
you're comfortable with. There are
		
01:32:16 --> 01:32:20
			many other dogs that you can
listen to as well. But we do
		
01:32:20 --> 01:32:24
			usually do it a lot. And then we
also listen to Quran. And that's
		
01:32:24 --> 01:32:28
			kind of our gist day, like in
terms of what's going on everybody
		
01:32:28 --> 01:32:31
			can because I homeschool. So my
kids are doing their homeschooling
		
01:32:31 --> 01:32:35
			work, or I'm cooking, but there's
always something playing that is
		
01:32:35 --> 01:32:38
			connecting them to the book of
Allah and hamdulillah as someone
		
01:32:38 --> 01:32:42
			who used to teach children for
earn, you know, previously, I know
		
01:32:42 --> 01:32:46
			from working with children that
they love to play, even if they're
		
01:32:46 --> 01:32:50
			playing with Legos or their
blocks, or drawing or coloring or
		
01:32:50 --> 01:32:55
			painting. And also be listening to
something right because they have
		
01:32:55 --> 01:33:00
			that natural affinity to rhythm
and rhyme and music. Musical most
		
01:33:00 --> 01:33:04
			children love dance and song and
play. So when you find them
		
01:33:04 --> 01:33:06
			reciters that they really like,
and I would create playlists for
		
01:33:06 --> 01:33:09
			them. There are now much like I
mentioned this last week, but
		
01:33:09 --> 01:33:14
			there's a an app called Claudia
QAR I, ah, that's an all female
		
01:33:15 --> 01:33:17
			there. They're all female
reciters. So if you have young
		
01:33:17 --> 01:33:21
			girls, I would definitely
encourage them to find maybe some
		
01:33:21 --> 01:33:23
			connection there. I mean,
certainly any of the great
		
01:33:23 --> 01:33:27
			reciters. But just give them a
curated list that's special to
		
01:33:27 --> 01:33:29
			them. And that it's their
playlist, right? So that they can
		
01:33:29 --> 01:33:34
			go and listen to certain sources
or nasheeds, even because those
		
01:33:34 --> 01:33:38
			are even more musical, right. And
that becomes a routine for them.
		
01:33:38 --> 01:33:42
			And something that they always
know is there. And for you, it
		
01:33:42 --> 01:33:43
			actually helps because
		
01:33:44 --> 01:33:48
			you'll see your children kind of
almost in like a trance like state
		
01:33:48 --> 01:33:51
			when they're doing their games,
because children love their
		
01:33:51 --> 01:33:55
			imaginary play. Right? So part of
the challenge for a lot of parents
		
01:33:55 --> 01:33:59
			is they want our attention a lot,
right? So it's like you're trying
		
01:33:59 --> 01:34:02
			to cook and they're like Mommy,
mommy, mommy, come play, but come
		
01:34:02 --> 01:34:06
			do this with me. And then we're
divided and torn. But I think if
		
01:34:06 --> 01:34:09
			they're tiny pockets of time,
where you can keep them engaged in
		
01:34:09 --> 01:34:12
			their activity, but also feel
almost as if there is a presence
		
01:34:12 --> 01:34:16
			with them right through the
nasheeds or through the angelic,
		
01:34:16 --> 01:34:19
			you know, realm because there's
angels of course that come that I
		
01:34:19 --> 01:34:22
			think you'll find those are good
breaks for you like, Oh, they're
		
01:34:22 --> 01:34:25
			enjoying their little machine,
song and dance while coloring or
		
01:34:25 --> 01:34:29
			doing whatever, and you can then
take care of other things. For you
		
01:34:29 --> 01:34:32
			as a practice the word is
certainly important, but also
		
01:34:32 --> 01:34:36
			finding the good that you can do
throughout the day even while
		
01:34:36 --> 01:34:40
			you're doing daily tasks, right.
So for some people silhouette is
		
01:34:40 --> 01:34:44
			something they love to do. They're
people I know people who do 1000
		
01:34:44 --> 01:34:47
			or more silhouette the day that's
just their practice, which is of
		
01:34:47 --> 01:34:51
			greatest of the car or Leila
hayleigh whatever vehicle that you
		
01:34:51 --> 01:34:55
			feel is speaking to you maybe
calling on Allah specific names,
		
01:34:55 --> 01:34:58
			you know that speak to what you're
going through, but finding those
		
01:34:58 --> 01:34:59
			ways to check
		
01:35:00 --> 01:35:05
			You know, your, your mind back to
him right is really helpful but
		
01:35:05 --> 01:35:08
			having a habit of that right and
inshallah you know those are the
		
01:35:08 --> 01:35:12
			things that come to mind now that
I think if you you know start with
		
01:35:12 --> 01:35:15
			inshallah you will feel that
Baraka, you know, in the household
		
01:35:16 --> 01:35:21
			and I would also say as a, you
know, a site that is limiting
		
01:35:22 --> 01:35:27
			the, the amount of, you know,
entertainment they're watching, I
		
01:35:27 --> 01:35:31
			know, it's very normal for
because, you know, but I really
		
01:35:31 --> 01:35:35
			think stipulating some some clear
limitations, about like,
		
01:35:35 --> 01:35:39
			television especially is really
important. There too drawn to
		
01:35:39 --> 01:35:42
			that, it's very, like what I said
about the imaginary world, you're,
		
01:35:43 --> 01:35:46
			you're teleporting them into
someone else's imaginary world
		
01:35:46 --> 01:35:49
			when they have all the imagination
in their mind. And if you do that
		
01:35:49 --> 01:35:51
			too much, then then what they do
is they don't want to come back
		
01:35:51 --> 01:35:55
			into their world. Now, they only
want that world. And so I feel
		
01:35:55 --> 01:35:58
			like, although it's a crutch for
some of us, if we create a
		
01:35:58 --> 01:36:02
			dependency on that for our kids,
and we're stifling their own
		
01:36:02 --> 01:36:07
			imagination and creativity, and
that's, that's really sad, if you
		
01:36:07 --> 01:36:10
			think about right, so imposing
restrictions, I would say, I mean,
		
01:36:10 --> 01:36:15
			my my kids knew 30 minutes to an
hour a day. In most days, it never
		
01:36:15 --> 01:36:19
			really happened. But that was
always the limit of cartoons, and
		
01:36:19 --> 01:36:25
			devices, games, like we have
iPads, they are only allowed on
		
01:36:25 --> 01:36:28
			Friday, because our teachers
taught us like your module was a
		
01:36:28 --> 01:36:32
			day of Eid and celebration. So you
should always have exciting things
		
01:36:32 --> 01:36:35
			to do for your kids. Right? So if
you're going to teach them
		
01:36:35 --> 01:36:38
			anything from the theater or Quran
have their favorite treats with
		
01:36:38 --> 01:36:41
			them if they like cookies, cupcake
ice cream, just make it's okay,
		
01:36:41 --> 01:36:44
			one day of the week to break some
of these dietary restrictions for
		
01:36:44 --> 01:36:48
			fun so that your children have
this positive association with
		
01:36:48 --> 01:36:52
			Allah and what's the right the job
was a very special day is really
		
01:36:52 --> 01:36:55
			important. And so I in addition to
doing that, I also added games so
		
01:36:55 --> 01:36:58
			you can have your games but as
they grow older because now I have
		
01:36:58 --> 01:36:59
			preteen and teen
		
01:37:00 --> 01:37:04
			they have to do chores on Friday.
So Friday's their day of chores,
		
01:37:04 --> 01:37:08
			and then rewards so this is now
the next level of parenting, you
		
01:37:08 --> 01:37:12
			know where you want to teach them
Inshallah, to work and strive and
		
01:37:12 --> 01:37:19
			really, you know, have have a have
some responsibility inshallah. So,
		
01:37:20 --> 01:37:21
			inshallah that'll help
		
01:37:22 --> 01:37:23
			but yeah, okay.
		
01:37:26 --> 01:37:30
			And I know we're way over so I
think inshallah we will end here
		
01:37:30 --> 01:37:33
			does that come off? Great. And
thank you, everyone. If there are
		
01:37:33 --> 01:37:35
			any other questions, we can wait
till next week, but I'll go ahead
		
01:37:35 --> 01:37:39
			and end in dua Bismillah R Rahman
r Rahim. Al Asad inland salah,
		
01:37:39 --> 01:37:42
			Picasa Hill. Alladhina amanu. I'm
gonna slowly have you with us.
		
01:37:42 --> 01:37:45
			We'll be happy with the vessel the
summer Subhanak Alohomora. We have
		
01:37:45 --> 01:37:48
			decrescendo Allah Allahu ALA and
that Asakura Kona to bootleg
		
01:37:48 --> 01:37:51
			Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik
ala say that our Mo Lana, where
		
01:37:51 --> 01:37:54
			have you been? I'm Hamid
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam while
		
01:37:54 --> 01:37:58
			he was happy with Olympus Sleeman
Kathira Subhana Arabic herbalist
		
01:37:58 --> 01:38:02
			at EMI UC * was salam ala l
Mursaleen. 100 Allah Hi Robert.
		
01:38:03 --> 01:38:07
			Zack North here and thank you so
much everyone, for being here and
		
01:38:07 --> 01:38:10
			salah. We will see you next week
for the final week and shall of
		
01:38:10 --> 01:38:12
			this course medical Oh Fico.