Hosai Mojaddidi – Privacy & Healthy Boundaries My Spouse in Our Marriage

regarding privacy within the marriage, we're talking about

transparency. What are the limits? What if others like the in laws,

ask your spouse not to share a Hillel but private conversation?

I saw that question I was a little confused by the context.

The in laws are speaking to whom and it was a bit confusing for me.

But in general, I would say that, as I mentioned, during the talk,

you know, there are certain

things that are sacred in, in the marital relationship. And the bond

that we have with our spouses is really important to maintain, as

we know, he believes seeks to destroy the family, because if he

destroys the husband and wife, he destroys the family, he destroys

the community has this ripple effect. So we have to be on guard

and know his tactics, and having secrecy and these duplicitous

natures where I have my life and you have your life, and we don't

ever really have transparency, I think is very dangerous game to

play. And it comes from a lot of these modern ideas about you know,

women and men having to always have everything as Michelle, Dr.

Haifa beautifully alluded to, it's always these political ideas that

come into our marriages, we have to use Hekmat, we have to use

wisdom. And I think just having some, some basic, you know,

understandings between you and every couple is going to have to

decide what that means. For my, for example, my marriage, my

husband any day, anytime of the day, it is a matter of some of the

middle of the night in the morning, if he wants to see my

phone marhaba Here you go. There's no, oh, no, you can't look at my

stuff, it's private, he doesn't have access to my passcode, I just

don't believe that that's healthy, so he can get into my phone, and I

can go into his phone, I have all his access to his emails, he can

go into my email, he could do whatever he wants, but he knows

respectfully, there are certain things that are very private, and

I tell him because I have sisters, that message me that for that

reason, please do not touch these things. Because it's kind of

confidence that I have other women or other people, but everything

else between him and I, there is this understanding that there's no

privacy. So I think, you know, really having a culture of mutual

respect of honoring one another's preferences, some people might

have more, you know, things that they are, that they want, just

from experiences, you know, I know people have come out of really

unhealthy relationships. So they might need, they might need a

little bit more, you know, in their current relationship because

of their past. So just being compassionate, and seeing people

where they are and having open dialogue, I think will remove a

lot of the doubt and suspicion and all of those things are shaved on

and you know, that he wants to create between the couple. So just

have open communication. That's that as far as in laws and other

people, I mean, again, we have to be very clear about boundaries,

within our marriages, and that goes for, for anybody that's not

involved in the marriage, you can always seek advice, but to have

people meddling in your marriage,

I think is also a very dangerous thing. So we should, you know, be

very clear that we will as a couple, for example, if we have

problems that we have one person or at least there's a due process

of how we're going to mediate our problems, but it's not this kind

of, you know, open, haphazard way of letting anybody into the

marriage because there's things that are very private and once you

lose trust, again, this is how shaytaan sews those seeds of

discord. So these agreements, a lot of this stuff can be taken

care of with premarital counseling. So please, if you're

not married, go into premarital counseling because experts like

mashallah, Dr. Rania and others who are in the field of either

mental health or do this as a professional, this is part of

their expertise, they will guide you on how to have these contracts

that are mutually beneficial, that is the key, it has to be mutually

beneficial, that's very different than equal, okay? And those words

I know are interchanged but mutually beneficial is rooted in

respect is rooted in, in again, top law in Inshallah, in the

pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala above the knifes and if we I think

conduct ourselves in that respectful way, we will have

agreements with our spouses that will not leave anyone feeling that

they you know, have a need to hide or have a need to, to, to do

things any other way. So