Hosai Mojaddidi – Privacy & Healthy Boundaries My Spouse in Our Marriage
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the importance of privacy within marriage and how it can affect relationships. They suggest being mindful of boundaries within marriage and having open communication to avoid privacy issues. The speaker also advises seeking advice from experts in mental health and advises seeking professional advice to avoid leaving anyone feeling embarrassed.
AI: Summary ©
regarding privacy within the marriage, we're talking about
transparency. What are the limits? What if others like the in laws,
ask your spouse not to share a Hillel but private conversation?
I saw that question I was a little confused by the context.
The in laws are speaking to whom and it was a bit confusing for me.
But in general, I would say that, as I mentioned, during the talk,
you know, there are certain
things that are sacred in, in the marital relationship. And the bond
that we have with our spouses is really important to maintain, as
we know, he believes seeks to destroy the family, because if he
destroys the husband and wife, he destroys the family, he destroys
the community has this ripple effect. So we have to be on guard
and know his tactics, and having secrecy and these duplicitous
natures where I have my life and you have your life, and we don't
ever really have transparency, I think is very dangerous game to
play. And it comes from a lot of these modern ideas about you know,
women and men having to always have everything as Michelle, Dr.
Haifa beautifully alluded to, it's always these political ideas that
come into our marriages, we have to use Hekmat, we have to use
wisdom. And I think just having some, some basic, you know,
understandings between you and every couple is going to have to
decide what that means. For my, for example, my marriage, my
husband any day, anytime of the day, it is a matter of some of the
middle of the night in the morning, if he wants to see my
phone marhaba Here you go. There's no, oh, no, you can't look at my
stuff, it's private, he doesn't have access to my passcode, I just
don't believe that that's healthy, so he can get into my phone, and I
can go into his phone, I have all his access to his emails, he can
go into my email, he could do whatever he wants, but he knows
respectfully, there are certain things that are very private, and
I tell him because I have sisters, that message me that for that
reason, please do not touch these things. Because it's kind of
confidence that I have other women or other people, but everything
else between him and I, there is this understanding that there's no
privacy. So I think, you know, really having a culture of mutual
respect of honoring one another's preferences, some people might
have more, you know, things that they are, that they want, just
from experiences, you know, I know people have come out of really
unhealthy relationships. So they might need, they might need a
little bit more, you know, in their current relationship because
of their past. So just being compassionate, and seeing people
where they are and having open dialogue, I think will remove a
lot of the doubt and suspicion and all of those things are shaved on
and you know, that he wants to create between the couple. So just
have open communication. That's that as far as in laws and other
people, I mean, again, we have to be very clear about boundaries,
within our marriages, and that goes for, for anybody that's not
involved in the marriage, you can always seek advice, but to have
people meddling in your marriage,
I think is also a very dangerous thing. So we should, you know, be
very clear that we will as a couple, for example, if we have
problems that we have one person or at least there's a due process
of how we're going to mediate our problems, but it's not this kind
of, you know, open, haphazard way of letting anybody into the
marriage because there's things that are very private and once you
lose trust, again, this is how shaytaan sews those seeds of
discord. So these agreements, a lot of this stuff can be taken
care of with premarital counseling. So please, if you're
not married, go into premarital counseling because experts like
mashallah, Dr. Rania and others who are in the field of either
mental health or do this as a professional, this is part of
their expertise, they will guide you on how to have these contracts
that are mutually beneficial, that is the key, it has to be mutually
beneficial, that's very different than equal, okay? And those words
I know are interchanged but mutually beneficial is rooted in
respect is rooted in, in again, top law in Inshallah, in the
pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala above the knifes and if we I think
conduct ourselves in that respectful way, we will have
agreements with our spouses that will not leave anyone feeling that
they you know, have a need to hide or have a need to, to, to do
things any other way. So