Hosai Mojaddidi – Empathy & Respect Hallmarks of a Prophetic Home

Alhamdulillah just like on welfare and see the reason for that

beautiful talk, my shot law had so many gems. Some of the things that

really stood out are the three focuses that you had, in terms of

really modeling our homes to the prophetic model, we're trying our

best to model our homes to the prophetic standard. So you know,

maintaining or looking at that the home and doing the house cleaning,

as you said, of the home, the cleaning of the heart, and then

the cleaning of our software, our companions.

But the point that you made about happiness and becoming happiness,

actually wanted to kind of speak about that for just a moment

because even Michelle had been I when we were just speaking

earlier, we were talking about perspective, right? The

perspective that we have in life really does shape our experience,

and inshallah she'll speak more on that point. But one of my favorite

Hadith, of course, is the Hadith klutzy ALLAH SubhanA. Wa Tada,

says, an IND then need appdb. And I love this hadith, because it's

very empowering. What Allah is telling us is, again, what you

think of him right? And and that extends to your circumstance, he

will of course, affirm. So if you have a positive outlook, and you

accept that, whatever you're going through, whether it's a

tribulation, whether it's higher blessing, whatever it is, that it

because it's from Allah subhanho wa taala, that there's meaning

behind it, that there's a purpose behind it. And you don't let your

perspective turn from Allah, right, because this is the nature

of the dunya when we don't have the right understanding of why

we're in certain circumstances, we then are left to the whisperings

of shaitan, the external, right, evil that is outside of us, but

also our own knifes which will start to whine and complain and

you just become very Nevsky, you know, in your understanding,

you're not thinking of the greater wisdom of why you may be going

through something. So having that mind shift is really important.

And that's why, again, when we look at this idea of how do we

establish a prophetic household, another Hadith that is really

important for all of us to, to learn and to under and to

internalize is the Hadith at Aquila, Cumbre, and Wakulla, Kama

Sutra and Andhra et, indeed, all of you are a shepherd. And each of

you is responsible for your flock. And this is another empowering

Hadith because what is almost brothers telling us he's saying

that he has given all of us leadership roles. And that

includes men, of course, women, as well as children, believe it or

not, yes, even you have leadership roles, you have expectations, that

from your, within your household. And so defining those roles

becomes now the next part of how we can bring some balance into our

homes, right, because leadership, of course requires to know what

your role is. So if you know that you're a leader, because Allah has

appointed you a leader, he has told us that men are leaders over

there, in their in their households, over their families,

and their responsibilities to maintain their families and for

women, their leadership role is to maintain their children and their

household. And then of course, for children, it's to help in the

household and to take some of those burdens from their parents

and to be a part of the household. So immediately, you set the tone

of what two things respect, right, respect is so essential in a

household, in order for a household to have balance and to

have peace, we have to have respect. And if we see each other

all if everyone sees one another as a leader, and they see that

they have an important role to play in the household, then

naturally, you will bring respect into the conversation into the way

you treat one another. So respect is essential. And the other really

important quality is empathy. If we don't have either of these two

qualities in our homes, which all of which we learned from the

Prophet sallallahu sallam, you will not find a single example of

the prophets I seldom ever of course, because he had the best of

character of ever speaking to anyone, without respect, even

those who wished harm on him Subhanallah he had because why, as

as the saying of said, Nisa, a vessel only pours out what it

contains, he was incapable of putting out anything other than

respect, because he that he was pure. And so if we understand

that, then we look to ourselves and hold ourselves accountable. So

you will not find any example of him ever speaking to a child or a

person

have a different background. It doesn't matter in a way where he

put himself above them never even though he was the best of

creation, the most beloved of Allah's past that and if anybody

had that, you know, if anybody could have done that it should

have been him, right. But he didn't do it. Why? Because he knew

he was who he was with Allah. And he didn't need to do that. And it

also has modeling for us that if you want to have the households

that are peaceful, you don't need to come you don't need, you don't

need to demand respect, you don't need to raise your voice. You

don't need to, you know, lead with, with an iron fist and

threaten and use charged language, you don't need to do that. If you

are respectful,

right, people will listen to you. So really watching the way that we

talk to one another. And this is an every direction from parent to

child, to spouse to spouse, every direction, we need to restore

respect in our homes. And we also need to restore empathy. And this

is really important, especially as I see so many teens here. You

know, earlier today, I was with a group of teens, and I did a

icebreaker with them. I was getting to know them. So I asked

them. Tell me your name. Tell me your what's your favorite day of

the week? And why? And then tell me what's your happy place? And

subhanAllah? The answer is really touched my heart. favorite day of

the week. What do you guys guess? Knowing teens? What do you think

it's gonna be?

By Friday, Saturday, Sunday, pretty predictable. Saturday and

Sunday, the majority with the exception of two people who said I

think, Monday and Wednesday, and you want three people Monday,

Wednesday and Tuesday for very different reasons. Everyone else

said Saturday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. What do you think the

reason why they love those days? Yes.

There's no school, that was part of it. But there was another

really beautiful reason.

What is it?

They get to stay home a few reasons were given one, it's time

with family, which is really beautiful to hear. To they get to

sleep in.

Okay, why do I mention this? Because I wasn't surprised. This

is something that I have heard repeatedly for years, from

teenagers who are going through one of the hardest phases of life,

that they feel that sleep, which is a human need. It's everybody

needs rest, right is something that they don't get enough of. And

if they speak up, they're not respected. That is not seen as an

important need. And I think it's it's, it's really we have to look,

look to ourselves and really understand when a child, you know,

who again, is growing development they're developing, their brains

are developing, just like an infant, you wouldn't wake up an

infant right from sleep, you know that an infant or a toddler, they

need their sleep, you let them have their naps when they wake up,

they wake up. But how many of us in our households don't have the

basic empathy, to respect this very basic human need. And basic

by in the sense of, if you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, this

is on the bottom tier, right? We need food, we need water, we need

air, we need rest, we need sleep. So if a child is coming to their

parent and saying, I don't want to go to so and so I don't want to do

this because I'm really tired. Can I please sleep? And the parent is

no, you have to go get up right now. And then knocking on the door

and waking them up and being you know, irritated. Why? Because I

have a scheduled I have something that I need to get done. Get up

and do it right now. Right this minute. What do you think is going

to it's a breakdown immediately of respect and empathy. There's no

respect that child has a need. And I say this because again, I want

to advocate for our youth, sometimes these very basic things,

they feel like no one's understanding them. And if you

think about, although it seems like okay, why is that a big deal,

but the sleep not affect everything. Right? How many of us

when we don't get enough sleep, are not very pleasant to be

around? Right? So when I hear the parents telling me about their

teens, who are having an attitude problem, or grumpy, who don't want

to talk to them who don't want to sit and you know, have dinner with

the family or who just they can't figure out I have to point them to

these very basic things. Are they resting? Are they getting enough

rest?

Oh, yeah, you're in there and you know, then then you start like

questioning and you realize, if you made these little simple

adjustments of fulfilling each other's basic needs, what do you

need? Do Are you okay, checking in with them? are you resting? Do you

need anything or anything else? Because there's a lot of things

that are going on, you know, on both sides, and this goes both

ways. By the way, parents obviously have needs to they may

be tired and exhausted as well, but they don't think that you can

help them but what would

Do teenagers. I mean, how do you think your parents would respond?

If you went up to them after they just cooked dinner or came home

from a long day's work your father, when he enters the

household, and you empathize, empathize, realizing that he was

out all day long, and a long commute, we live in an area where

there's usually long commutes for a lot of our parents. So you have

the, you know, the the fatigue of just being out all day. And then

on top of that, that, and then you have to come home and get dinner

ready help with homework? How do you think your parents would feel

if you just went up to them and said, Hey, Dad, are you okay? Can

I get you anything? Or Mom, can I help you with anything? Do you

need like a shoulder rub? Maybe I can give you a shoulder of after

dinner? How do you think they would feel? Suddenly, they feel

seen, suddenly they feel appreciated, suddenly they feel

validated. Those exchanges, as simple as they seem, can do

incredible wonders to repair some of the breakdown that we have in

our households. Because again, we live in a time where everybody's,

you know, just doing their own thing. Kids have their homework,

they have their sports, they have their routines, their clubs,

parents are at work, they have to go shop, they have this and that

to do and nobody's really seeing each other. Nobody's really

stopping and appreciating one another and then offering these

two things that we are taught in our deen from the very beginning,

if you're looking at any part of our faith, you will find these

themes of how we speak to one another should always be with love

Muhammad with respect, right? With empathy with compassion, you will

find it throughout the Quran throughout the Hadith. But if we

don't have that in our own households, then are we surprised

when we find a breakdown in communication? Should we be

surprised? Of course not. So really essential that we first and

foremost understand our roles that each of us have leadership

qualities all of us and that should command right respect from

others as well as that we give back right respect to everyone in

the household and then that we also empathize inshallah.