Hosai Mojaddidi – Empathy & Respect Hallmarks of a Prophetic Home
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The speakers discuss the importance of respect and empathy in relationships, particularly among children. They emphasize the need for empathy and respect in order to establish a healthy household, and for empathy and compassion in helping teenagers grow in their roles. The speakers also emphasize the need for empathy and respect in helping teenagers grow in their roles.
AI: Summary ©
Alhamdulillah just like on welfare and see the reason for that
beautiful talk, my shot law had so many gems. Some of the things that
really stood out are the three focuses that you had, in terms of
really modeling our homes to the prophetic model, we're trying our
best to model our homes to the prophetic standard. So you know,
maintaining or looking at that the home and doing the house cleaning,
as you said, of the home, the cleaning of the heart, and then
the cleaning of our software, our companions.
But the point that you made about happiness and becoming happiness,
actually wanted to kind of speak about that for just a moment
because even Michelle had been I when we were just speaking
earlier, we were talking about perspective, right? The
perspective that we have in life really does shape our experience,
and inshallah she'll speak more on that point. But one of my favorite
Hadith, of course, is the Hadith klutzy ALLAH SubhanA. Wa Tada,
says, an IND then need appdb. And I love this hadith, because it's
very empowering. What Allah is telling us is, again, what you
think of him right? And and that extends to your circumstance, he
will of course, affirm. So if you have a positive outlook, and you
accept that, whatever you're going through, whether it's a
tribulation, whether it's higher blessing, whatever it is, that it
because it's from Allah subhanho wa taala, that there's meaning
behind it, that there's a purpose behind it. And you don't let your
perspective turn from Allah, right, because this is the nature
of the dunya when we don't have the right understanding of why
we're in certain circumstances, we then are left to the whisperings
of shaitan, the external, right, evil that is outside of us, but
also our own knifes which will start to whine and complain and
you just become very Nevsky, you know, in your understanding,
you're not thinking of the greater wisdom of why you may be going
through something. So having that mind shift is really important.
And that's why, again, when we look at this idea of how do we
establish a prophetic household, another Hadith that is really
important for all of us to, to learn and to under and to
internalize is the Hadith at Aquila, Cumbre, and Wakulla, Kama
Sutra and Andhra et, indeed, all of you are a shepherd. And each of
you is responsible for your flock. And this is another empowering
Hadith because what is almost brothers telling us he's saying
that he has given all of us leadership roles. And that
includes men, of course, women, as well as children, believe it or
not, yes, even you have leadership roles, you have expectations, that
from your, within your household. And so defining those roles
becomes now the next part of how we can bring some balance into our
homes, right, because leadership, of course requires to know what
your role is. So if you know that you're a leader, because Allah has
appointed you a leader, he has told us that men are leaders over
there, in their in their households, over their families,
and their responsibilities to maintain their families and for
women, their leadership role is to maintain their children and their
household. And then of course, for children, it's to help in the
household and to take some of those burdens from their parents
and to be a part of the household. So immediately, you set the tone
of what two things respect, right, respect is so essential in a
household, in order for a household to have balance and to
have peace, we have to have respect. And if we see each other
all if everyone sees one another as a leader, and they see that
they have an important role to play in the household, then
naturally, you will bring respect into the conversation into the way
you treat one another. So respect is essential. And the other really
important quality is empathy. If we don't have either of these two
qualities in our homes, which all of which we learned from the
Prophet sallallahu sallam, you will not find a single example of
the prophets I seldom ever of course, because he had the best of
character of ever speaking to anyone, without respect, even
those who wished harm on him Subhanallah he had because why, as
as the saying of said, Nisa, a vessel only pours out what it
contains, he was incapable of putting out anything other than
respect, because he that he was pure. And so if we understand
that, then we look to ourselves and hold ourselves accountable. So
you will not find any example of him ever speaking to a child or a
person
have a different background. It doesn't matter in a way where he
put himself above them never even though he was the best of
creation, the most beloved of Allah's past that and if anybody
had that, you know, if anybody could have done that it should
have been him, right. But he didn't do it. Why? Because he knew
he was who he was with Allah. And he didn't need to do that. And it
also has modeling for us that if you want to have the households
that are peaceful, you don't need to come you don't need, you don't
need to demand respect, you don't need to raise your voice. You
don't need to, you know, lead with, with an iron fist and
threaten and use charged language, you don't need to do that. If you
are respectful,
right, people will listen to you. So really watching the way that we
talk to one another. And this is an every direction from parent to
child, to spouse to spouse, every direction, we need to restore
respect in our homes. And we also need to restore empathy. And this
is really important, especially as I see so many teens here. You
know, earlier today, I was with a group of teens, and I did a
icebreaker with them. I was getting to know them. So I asked
them. Tell me your name. Tell me your what's your favorite day of
the week? And why? And then tell me what's your happy place? And
subhanAllah? The answer is really touched my heart. favorite day of
the week. What do you guys guess? Knowing teens? What do you think
it's gonna be?
By Friday, Saturday, Sunday, pretty predictable. Saturday and
Sunday, the majority with the exception of two people who said I
think, Monday and Wednesday, and you want three people Monday,
Wednesday and Tuesday for very different reasons. Everyone else
said Saturday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. What do you think the
reason why they love those days? Yes.
There's no school, that was part of it. But there was another
really beautiful reason.
What is it?
They get to stay home a few reasons were given one, it's time
with family, which is really beautiful to hear. To they get to
sleep in.
Okay, why do I mention this? Because I wasn't surprised. This
is something that I have heard repeatedly for years, from
teenagers who are going through one of the hardest phases of life,
that they feel that sleep, which is a human need. It's everybody
needs rest, right is something that they don't get enough of. And
if they speak up, they're not respected. That is not seen as an
important need. And I think it's it's, it's really we have to look,
look to ourselves and really understand when a child, you know,
who again, is growing development they're developing, their brains
are developing, just like an infant, you wouldn't wake up an
infant right from sleep, you know that an infant or a toddler, they
need their sleep, you let them have their naps when they wake up,
they wake up. But how many of us in our households don't have the
basic empathy, to respect this very basic human need. And basic
by in the sense of, if you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, this
is on the bottom tier, right? We need food, we need water, we need
air, we need rest, we need sleep. So if a child is coming to their
parent and saying, I don't want to go to so and so I don't want to do
this because I'm really tired. Can I please sleep? And the parent is
no, you have to go get up right now. And then knocking on the door
and waking them up and being you know, irritated. Why? Because I
have a scheduled I have something that I need to get done. Get up
and do it right now. Right this minute. What do you think is going
to it's a breakdown immediately of respect and empathy. There's no
respect that child has a need. And I say this because again, I want
to advocate for our youth, sometimes these very basic things,
they feel like no one's understanding them. And if you
think about, although it seems like okay, why is that a big deal,
but the sleep not affect everything. Right? How many of us
when we don't get enough sleep, are not very pleasant to be
around? Right? So when I hear the parents telling me about their
teens, who are having an attitude problem, or grumpy, who don't want
to talk to them who don't want to sit and you know, have dinner with
the family or who just they can't figure out I have to point them to
these very basic things. Are they resting? Are they getting enough
rest?
Oh, yeah, you're in there and you know, then then you start like
questioning and you realize, if you made these little simple
adjustments of fulfilling each other's basic needs, what do you
need? Do Are you okay, checking in with them? are you resting? Do you
need anything or anything else? Because there's a lot of things
that are going on, you know, on both sides, and this goes both
ways. By the way, parents obviously have needs to they may
be tired and exhausted as well, but they don't think that you can
help them but what would
Do teenagers. I mean, how do you think your parents would respond?
If you went up to them after they just cooked dinner or came home
from a long day's work your father, when he enters the
household, and you empathize, empathize, realizing that he was
out all day long, and a long commute, we live in an area where
there's usually long commutes for a lot of our parents. So you have
the, you know, the the fatigue of just being out all day. And then
on top of that, that, and then you have to come home and get dinner
ready help with homework? How do you think your parents would feel
if you just went up to them and said, Hey, Dad, are you okay? Can
I get you anything? Or Mom, can I help you with anything? Do you
need like a shoulder rub? Maybe I can give you a shoulder of after
dinner? How do you think they would feel? Suddenly, they feel
seen, suddenly they feel appreciated, suddenly they feel
validated. Those exchanges, as simple as they seem, can do
incredible wonders to repair some of the breakdown that we have in
our households. Because again, we live in a time where everybody's,
you know, just doing their own thing. Kids have their homework,
they have their sports, they have their routines, their clubs,
parents are at work, they have to go shop, they have this and that
to do and nobody's really seeing each other. Nobody's really
stopping and appreciating one another and then offering these
two things that we are taught in our deen from the very beginning,
if you're looking at any part of our faith, you will find these
themes of how we speak to one another should always be with love
Muhammad with respect, right? With empathy with compassion, you will
find it throughout the Quran throughout the Hadith. But if we
don't have that in our own households, then are we surprised
when we find a breakdown in communication? Should we be
surprised? Of course not. So really essential that we first and
foremost understand our roles that each of us have leadership
qualities all of us and that should command right respect from
others as well as that we give back right respect to everyone in
the household and then that we also empathize inshallah.