Hosai Mojaddidi – Emotional Intelligence- Developing Quranic Resilience and Prophetic Brilliance
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of self-awareness in achieving emotional intelligence and managing emotions. They stress the need for self- frequency, self- frequency, and gradual natural motivation to develop emotional intelligence. They also emphasize the importance of social skills and empathy for personal growth and success, as it is crucial for personal development and personal growth. The challenges of art, marketing, and challenges for personal life are discussed, and examples are given to illustrate these points.
AI: Summary ©
And then another psychologist by the name of
Daniel Goldman stumbled upon their research and he
really liked this idea, this concept that they
were defining that intelligence is measured in different
ways, right?
We typically think of intelligence as IQ or
spatial reasoning, thinking, critical thinking, mathematical skills.
So we kind of have it, you know,
measured in that abstract or concrete way, whereas
they were providing a different definition for intelligence,
which is actually the highest form of intelligence
is emotional intelligence.
And so Dr. Daniel Goldman, he went on
to write the book called Emotional Intelligence, Why
It Can Matter More Than IQ.
And this was, you know, kind of revolutionary
groundbreaking stuff.
In the 1990s, his book sold instantly millions
of copies translated in 40 different languages, became
very, very popular because it was a concept
that people didn't really think about.
And so I started to stumble into this
in my own independent reading.
I like to read on different material and
just like subjects.
And so I was like, what is this
emotional intelligence?
And as soon as I started using this
research, I was like, you know what?
This sounds awfully familiar.
This sounds very familiar, actually, if I think
about it.
And I started to see how much it
aligned with the principles of Islam.
So it became something, a tool that I
used because we live in a modern time
and some of us are used to like
schooling and work.
We're used to spreadsheets.
We're used to, you know, bullet points.
We're used to, you know, bite size sort
of information that we can digest and process
and then act upon.
So I felt like this was actually a
cool tool.
I can use it to teach and explain
the fundamentals of our faith.
And so I started to put that together
and it really resonated with them.
So what it is, is it's something that
you learn.
It's a skill set.
And the outcome is that you become more
emotionally aware in and of yourself.
So, you know, this is really just being
in tune with who you are, how you
feel, why you feel the reason, why you
feel what you feel, what are the underlying
reasons, because of course there's primary emotions or
secondary emotions.
So really just having the language to be
able to articulate feelings and emotions in a
way that's true and authentic, and then be
able to teach others in our personal lives
how to read us better.
And then there's regulation of emotion.
So controlling our emotions, as we know as
women, and we talked about this with the
teens, and I'm sure Mashallah in the other
discussions today with Dr. Jessica and Zermina and
others who talked about hormones and the impact
that hormones have on women, that we fluctuate
a lot in our emotions.
And during every stage of a young girl's
life, all the way up until death, basically,
we are dealing with these fluctuations.
So being able to control our emotions is
really an important skill set that you can
actually learn and manage, if you do so
thoughtfully.
So that's the regulation part.
And then the final part of it is
the management, which really has to do with
other people.
And as women, whether we go on to
be married and have children, or we may
have to work in spaces with different ages
and groups, we end up taking on a
lot of management, whether we want it or
not, of other people, even in our own
respective families.
Whether you're a middle child or you have
feuding family members.
So there's this role that we end up
having where we're managing a lot of other
people's emotions.
And so what emotional intelligence does is it
helps you to develop a skill set to
be able to do all three of these
things, to be aware of yourself, to regulate
yourself, and then to be able to manage
the emotions of other people using the same
principles.
So it's quite fascinating.
And so the qualities, the five essential qualities
that Dr. Daniel Bowman laid out are done
in this sequential order.
And this is where, when I say that
I started to see the similarity between what
he was teaching and his slam, I'll explain
it.
I'm going to get into it more.
But just to give a quick overview, and
I apologize, there's some, I don't know why
that typo happens when we project because it's
not showing.
Anyway, but that S should be up there
at the end of awareness.
I'm an editor too, so that kind of
stuff really does.
Anyway, I'll regulate my own emotions right now.
So self-awareness is the first quality of
emotional intelligence.
Okay.
So, and I'm going to get into the
specifics of this, but this is the starting
point.
You cannot move on to self-regulation if
you don't know yourself.
You can't be motivated if you don't know
yourself.
You will not have empathy for other people
if you don't know yourself and your social
skills will be very poor if you don't
know yourself.
So the starting point of becoming an emotionally
intelligent person is to actually do self-study,
to actually sit with yourself and say, who
am I?
What am I?
Why am I the way I am?
What are my quirks?
What are my shortcomings?
What are my strengths?
To really go down that path of that
self-exploration and to create a concept of
oneself that is true and that's informed, right?
Because we have various voices in our head
sometimes about who we are that may not
be true until we do this work.
So self-awareness is a whole process and
I'll get into it in a moment, but
when we move from self-awareness into self
-regulation, and this is where we actually start
to see the effects of our awareness in
our ability to control ourselves, our emotions, our
reactions to other people, to things, to life
events.
We're going to be hit with tribulation.
We're going to be hit with loss.
We're going to be hit with grief.
Accidents are going to happen in front of
us.
We're going to be part of problems.
We're going to be the recipients of other
people's betrayals.
How do we accept and how do we,
or do we accept it?
Do we reject it?
How do we process those things?
All of that is tied into self-regulation.
And then as you're working on yourself and
really developing these skills, you see that there's
this gradual natural motivation that comes about.
And again, I'm going to tie all of
this with spiritual practice in a moment, just
going to go through these terms.
And then suddenly there's a shift because all
of that self-work that you're doing, it's
filling your cup, filling your cup, filling your
cup so that you can do what?
Now I think outwardly, now I'm ready to
give.
Most of us have never spent enough time
filling our cup, but we are giving.
And when we do that, it's detrimental to
our spiritual wellbeing, our emotional wellbeing, our relationships.
That's why if you're ever that type of
person that's normally very agreeable and just, you
go with the flow.
And then all of a sudden there's this
buildup and buildup of frustration and resentment.
You're not getting enough help in the house.
There's this on top of your head.
There's too many stressors.
And then explosion happens, right?
A lot of women go through that.
And then what ends up happening?
We riddle ourselves with guilt, shame.
We hate ourselves.
I'm so horrible.
How can I lash out on my husband?
It's not fair to him, my poor children.
What's wrong with me?
I wasn't raised this way.
Why do I do this every month or
whatever it is?
We're not even realizing that there's definitely most
likely 99% of hormonal factor.
If you don't have awareness, you're not going
to make that connection.
So then there's self-shame takes over.
But you end up still giving and it's
because you didn't take the time to really
know yourself to give yourself some validation and
boundaries, all of which will help you to
give properly.
But when you do this correctly, the empathy
will be developed so that you can start
to give.
And then you, of course, further develop your
ability to think outside of yourself with your
social skills.
So this is the natural path of becoming
an emotionally intelligent person.
Now let's get into why is this particular
framework?
How can it benefit Muslims?
I mean, we have a perfect deen.
I agree.
Absolutely.
100%.
But as you can tell, I'm sure in
your own families, just surveying your community, there
are many people who have this incredible tradition
of Islam.
They were born into the faith, but they
take it for granted.
Right.
And this is because we're human beings.
We're tested in our faith.
And many of us just like the way
that, you know, how many of you, how
many of us are moms here?
Right.
So if you remember your child, you get
them a shiny new toy and what happens?
They play with it for what?
Yeah.
Five minutes.
And then all of a sudden they're on
to the next thing.
And you're like, what's all that effort and
all that money spent?
And it's nothing to you.
So when you give, when you have something
of value, but you don't know its value,
you tend not to use it in the
way that you should.
Every one of us, we have been given
the ni'mah in Islam, but some of us
maybe haven't awakened or maybe inshallah all of
us have to really understand the immense treasure
Islam offers us.
The same with our family members who are
not practicing and our community members.
So why this framework works is because it's
a redirection.
I know very well that when I'm using
emotional intelligence, all I'm doing is redirecting people
to something shiny and new because people like,
you know, lists and that sounds cool.
We talked about the influence of pop psychology,
all of these things.
People are impressed by these things.
But then when you start to make the
connections and show them that all of that
is actually a cheap imitation of something perfect
that Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la
gave every one of us, then you see
the value.
So that's what I'm trying to do.
And it is beneficial in other ways as
well because it provides that structure.
It's a modern tool.
So it kind of speaks to our modern
sensibilities and it offers clarity as well, right?
Because if you think of it, we're in
an information age where there's so many paths
and a lot of people are like overwhelmed.
Like, what do I do?
Where do I start?
Who do I learn from?
Is this person fake?
Is this person real?
I don't know.
So what this does, it kind of brings
some order and structure that allows a person
to really methodically develop a spiritual identity.
And so that's why I appreciate it.
And the formation again, a character formation through
the mind, body, spirit, and social connection, which
is very much embedded in our tradition.
So it does that beautifully.
And then it helps one to develop a
foundation for one's faith that is based on
the purity of normative Islam.
We are again in an age where there's
a lot of things that are not Islam
but presented as Islam.
And we have to be very clear that
our tradition, Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A
'la perfected it and He promised that it's
preservation.
So we have to be able to discern
what is truth from falsehood.
And I think using a model and a
tool like this will help us to do
that inshallah.
Because again, there's so many different competing ideas
out there that we need to be aware
of.
So now I mentioned Daniel Bowman.
I mentioned the two researchers as kind of
being the ones who coined the term.
But as I said, when I studied it,
I was like convinced this is Islam.
They just repackaged it into these five steps,
but it is 100% Islam.
And I'll go through that with you.
So I was like, there has to be
something in our tradition that ties this idea
of intelligence and emotions.
There must be.
Because this is not groundbreaking that Daniel Bowman
and whoever discovered.
This is truth.
It's haqq.
But our tradition is the deen of haqq.
Therefore, it must be in our tradition.
So I asked my teacher, and he said,
of course.
Of course, emotions and intelligence are connected.
And he told me that the Prophet ﷺ
said this.
Which means, now look at the words.
It's very clear.
The basis of reasoning.
So to establish that you are an intellectual
thinking human being, the basis for that in
our faith is that you believe in God.
Because if you deny your own createdness, if
you deny that there is a creator in
the face of every example of design possible
to you, you're cognitively impaired.
There's something wrong with your mind.
That you can look out into the universe
and deny that there's a creator of this
universe.
So that's what the Prophet ﷺ is telling
you.
So that's the first indication that you're actually
a rational, intelligent person.
After that, what does he say?
Is what?
Showing loving kindness towards people.
It's basically having the ability to bring people
together.
You cannot do that if you're void of
emotional intelligence.
So in fact, the Prophet ﷺ is the
originator of the idea that emotions and intelligence
paired together is the highest form of intelligence.
Remember, he was the unlettered Prophet ﷺ.
But there is no one with more wisdom,
more hikmah, more intelligence by any metric than
the Prophet ﷺ.
And he had this skill set down to
the dot.
Every element of emotional intelligence he displays for
us is in his perfect example.
So this is why it's such a great
tool.
Now I mentioned this in my previous session,
but I really think everybody should memorize this
because it's a life mantra.
It's a code that you follow, that you
live by, which is, and it speaks to
what we're talking about here, but مَنْ عَرِفَ
نَفْسَهُ فَقَدْ عَرِفَ رَبَّهُ The one who knows
him or herself will know their Lord.
There is a direct correlation that self-knowledge
will lead you to the knowledge of God.
You can't bypass self-knowledge and get to
God, in other words.
So how is this, again, related?
Well, we talked about self-awareness being the
number one first step of becoming an emotionally
intelligent person, right?
Self-awareness is about understanding one's emotions and
recognizing how we affect other people.
Islam encourages us to constantly, constantly, at every
stage of life, reflect on our thoughts and
actions.
We're taught over and over about making sure
that we are intentional, that we are aware,
that we're mindful of what we're doing, that
we're considerate of other people, that we're respectful
of other people.
There's so much that we can say about
this.
The whole body of Islam that talks about
adab and how we, you know, the transactions
that we have, right?
Even fiqh, when we talk about, you know,
the laws about how we interact with other
people, all of it bring us back to
managing, you know, ourselves, but it starts with
being self-aware.
So then, of course, Allah Subh'anaHu Wa
Ta-A'la says in Surah Al-Khashar,
O you who have belief, fear Allah and
let every soul to look what it has
put forth for tomorrow and to fear Allah.
Indeed, Allah is acquainted with what you do.
So Allah is telling us to look at
yourself, be self-aware, right?
And so, and then the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi
Wasallam again, he even knows himself, knows his
Lord.
So self-awareness is such a large, overarching
topic, but in that umbrella term, what we
can say is, for example, knowing that you,
as Dr. Rania beautifully explained earlier, especially for
us, it's very important that we understand before
we are a mother, before we are a
wife, before we are a daughter, before we
are a sister, before we are a friend,
before we are an aunt, a niece, a
grandmother, whatever label this culture or families have
given us, all of that aside, we are
amatullah, we are servants of Allah Subh'anaHu
Wa Ta-A'la.
That is the most fundamental identity every single
one of us have here.
We're all aligned on that identity and that
should be your number one identity, that I
am a servant of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa
Ta-A'la, He brought me into this
world only to worship Him.
So that becomes number one.
Aha, okay.
So that means that everything I do has
to come from that place of embracing that
identity, my primary identity.
And then knowing your temperament, it's, you know,
Imam al-Fazali said that anybody, and this
is really important for the mothers and the
teachers and the educators or the aunties and
the grandmothers, anybody here who's around children, he
said that no one who has not studied
temperament theory should be around young children.
Because if you don't even know how human
personality works, you're a danger to yourself and
you're a danger to other souls.
Because what you're going to do, and you
know, this happened to me, I once was
giving a talk on this topic of temperaments
at an event and one of the mothers
came up afterwards and she was crying.
And I was like worried because I thought,
you know, it's a fun topic for me
anyway, but she felt really guilty.
And she said, I wish I had studied
this idea of temperament before, because as you're
explaining these things, I realized that I treated
my children very differently.
My first son was outgoing and athletic and
very extroverted and really, you know, just sociable.
My second was extremely introverted.
And I measured him according to the yardstick
of my first and I made him feel
like he's deficient.
But now that you've explained that Allah Subhanahu
wa Ta'ala, just like gives us varieties
of flowers and fruits and we have variety
in our personalities and our temperaments.
And it's not fair to box people or
to tell them that, oh, because you're not
this extroverted, outgoing person that can just go
in and charm people, that there's something wrong
with you.
Why are you so shy?
Why are you so quiet?
Why aren't you like so-and-so?
These are very dangerous messages, but unfortunately our
community and just the species of humanity has
done this for centuries, for millennia.
We've, we judge people in these very horrible
ways and then make people feel like they're
deficient.
Whereas when you actually appreciate that, no, there's
variety in human beings and I'm a little
bit of this and I'm a little bit
of that and I need to be in
touch with those realities and parts of myself
because I'm multifaceted, then it becomes a place
of gratitude.
Like Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah that I can do this
and I don't have this issue.
But studying temperament is really important.
Studying and owning your gifts.
We come again from, you know, it's in
our culture, but it's also female culture because
women have a very difficult time owning gifts,
right?
We have a difficult time owning our, the
gifts and skills Allah has given us.
We tend to reject compliments.
No, no, no, it's not me.
You know, we're not good at receiving things.
We have to learn the art of appreciating
that if Allah gave you a gift that
Alhamdulillah, the only way to handle a compliment
like that is to redirect all praises to
Allah.
It's not me.
I didn't wake up with this magical ability
to do this, that or the other.
Allah gave me that gift and inshallah I
use it for his pleasure.
But that's the kind of healthier attitude.
So self-awareness is really about just accepting
yourself, seeing yourself in a light that's true,
that's authentic, that's informed and not just, you
know, giving into any negative ideas.
And then there's more to say about that.
But again, in the interest of time, I
have to move on.
I've gotten the warning.
So once you become a self-aware person,
you embrace your identity as a believer.
Now it's the tough work because our deen
teaches us that you can't just, you know,
say, well, I am who I am and
that's it.
No, you actually have to do mujannada nafs.
So self-regulation is very much aligned with
taskiyat al-nafs, taskiyat al-nisan.
Are you in control of yourself?
Do you have, you know, are you the
type of person that, as I said, just
sets off?
Are you aware of your spiritual diseases?
Are you paying attention at all at your
shortcomings spiritually?
So self-regulation is to really hyper-focus
on, okay, instead of pointing at other people's
faults, which we're all very quick to do.
And I've done this talk many times where
I'll, you know, shout out different vices, right?
Because virtues, everybody's like, ooh, I got that
virtue, I got that virtue.
We're always like very like, you know, generous
with our self-perception.
But for vices, it's very interesting.
When we think of bad qualities, every one
of us will think of a person outside
of ourselves.
If I said, think of the greediest person.
Think of a person who's ungrateful.
Think of a person who's this.
We tend to not think of ourselves in
a negative light, but we are quick to
think of other people.
So that's just to show you how off
we are because the believer is humble enough
to start with themselves.
Like, oh, I probably have that.
I probably have that.
And studying diseases of the heart, that's what
it does.
When you study the diseases of the heart,
it's like self-diagnosing in a way.
Like, oh, I got this problem.
I got that problem.
But that's what self-regulation is.
And here again, Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala
tells us who spend in the cause of
Allah during ease and hardship and who restrain
anger and who pardon the people.
So Allah is telling us, restrain yourself, practice
self-restraint.
Don't be the type of person who's just
like, I am who I am, deal with
it.
No, that is not our deen.
If you have deficiencies, if you are spiritually
flawed, fix yourself.
But don't be arrogant to go around thinking
that everybody else has to, you know, pander
to you and to, you know, walk on
eggshells around you.
That is full-blown arrogance.
And we are not a deen of arrogance.
We are a deen of humility.
The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said again, the
strong man is not the one who can
overpower others in wrestling.
The strong man is the one who controls
himself at the time of anger, right?
Having the ability to, again, like the man
who asked the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, what
should I do?
He said, don't become angered is what he
was saying.
Not don't become angry.
Anger is a human emotion Allah gave us.
There's times to be angry.
There's times in the face of oppression and
justice, we should be angry for the sake
of Allah.
But to be angry is different than to
be angered.
To be angry means you just lose your
comportment.
You're like a bomb that just set off.
That is not becoming of a Muslim.
So these are the types of messages that
our deen has for us.
And this is self-revelation.
It's the next evolution of an emotional intelligent
person.
Then we get to motivation.
Again, being a motivated person is someone who
wakes up with purpose.
We live in a time and day where
purpose has been stripped completely.
People are literally taught there's no point in
life.
So why do we have a skyrocketing anxiety?
Why do we have skyrocketing mental health problems?
It's because they have created a world that
is godless.
Of course, that's impossible for the believer, but
that's what they want to do.
They want to manufacture a world that god
is irrelevant, right?
The Time Magazine cover.
I won't even say it.
It's horrible, but this was from decades ago.
But this is the kind of ideas they
want to put out there that we don't
need God.
Well, here we are.
Look at the world around you.
I think we need God.
We've always needed God.
So to feel motivated is to wake up
every day with a sense of purpose, to
be aligned with why you were created, what
you're here to do.
And Allah SWT again reminds us, He does
not burden a soul beyond what it can
bear.
So to know this, that everything that you're
going through is intentional, it's with purpose, to
bear with it, go through.
And then the Prophet ﷺ says, strive, always
do what is best.
When you face a difficulty, say, be, you
know, motivated.
Don't worry.
Don't give up.
If you fall, pick yourself up.
Try again.
When you have himmah, you will see openings.
But you have to have the ability to
get up and to have hope that Allah
can make anything happen.
There are people who have had major scenario
openings overnight.
So don't be, you know, limit yourself, but
never limit Allah SWT.
Then we get to empathy.
This is really the hallmark quality of the
believer, especially of the Prophet ﷺ, who is,
of course, our perfect example.
But the Prophet ﷺ exuded empathy in every
which way, with every creation he met, whether
it was Muslim, non-Muslim, animal, child, adult,
you know, profligate.
He always had mercy in his heart towards
people because he saw the soul before he
saw the physical form.
He didn't judge based on ridiculous things that
we are conditioned to base on, the color
of someone's skin, how tall they are, how
they look.
We're very superficial in the way we assess
people, the way we treat people.
And this is not our way.
The Prophet ﷺ always saw the soul.
So to be an empathic person, again, here
the Qur'an says, the believers are but
brothers.
So make settlement between your brothers and fear
Allah that you may receive mercy.
Reminding us over and over again, be empathic.
Want for your brother what you want for
yourself.
None of you truly believes until he loves
for his brother what he loves for himself.
Empathy is a huge part of this now.
And if we don't have this ability to
empathize with other people, we're so self-centered.
It's because we didn't do the first three
steps.
We're completely lost.
And this is what we have now in
this selfish world of me, me, me, nafsi,
nafsi.
It's because people no longer have the ability
to empathize with others.
We see a genocide happening in front of
our eyes every single day for almost a
year.
And you're just amazed at how heartless people
are.
Well, if they don't think they don't need
God, they're not even controlling themselves, and they
have no purpose.
Why would we, why are we surprised, right?
So, and then the final point here, social
skills.
This is really essential for us to develop
because, again, Allah ﷻ created us as social
beings.
We're not supposed to be isolating ourselves.
Other than spiritual retreats, I know Dr. Rani
talked about itikaf, which is very important to
do on occasion.
Khalwa is a practice of the believer, but
to be completely removed from any social obligation,
to be so self-absorbed in your own
ibadah that you forgo the communal obligations that
are due, the familial obligations that are due
on you.
This is not our way.
So social skills are very important to, oh,
think okay.
And again, Allah ﷻ says, so by the
mercy, so by mercy from Allah, you were
lenient with them.
So the Prophet ﷺ, of course, taught us
how to speak to different groups.
And he spoke gently because Allah is then
saying, and if you had been rude and
harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from
you.
The importance of being able to, again, manage
your emotions, speak to people according to their
level and have that, those social skills.
And then the best of people are those
who are most beneficial people.
So these are the qualities of emotional intelligence
that are very important for us to, okay.
Now I have many more slides and I'm
going to try to zip through them, but
something that you can even take screenshots because
I don't think we'll have enough time to
discuss them.
But the Quranic resilience, the themes in the
Quran are so important.
If you're not connected to the book of
Allah ﷻ, if you take anything that I
said today, please take this away.
Please engage with the book of Allah ﷻ.
Do not leave a single day where you
don't read the book of Allah.
Please, I beg you for yourself sake, but
also for the sake of our ummah.
We need to go back to our roots.
We need to go back to our tradition.
And if we don't embrace our relationship with
the book of Allah, then we cannot complain
about what's happening in our ummah.
It's our job to reclaim the very source
of where we will find relief, which is
the book of Allah.
But looking at the themes will really help
us to know that Allah, it's a mirror
for us to see that all of the
trials and tribulations that we go through, whether
it's with family dysfunction, oppression, war, a lot
of people are having faith crises because they
can't manage everything that's happening.
Well, when you start to read the Quran
and you see this is just basically humanity.
This is what the angels asked Allah about,
about the creation that will spread bloodshed.
It starts to make sense that this is
all part of the plan.
Trust the process.
There is a day of judgment.
Everything will be clear at some point, even
if you don't have the answers now.
The loss of children.
I know there's a lot of people who've
suffered through losses, whether it's children or family
members, health issues, infertility.
These are real serious issues that women, we
go through and we look to all these
other people.
We will read articles and journals for answers.
The Quran has the answers.
There are many examples of how people overcame
these very human experiences through the Quran.
Dunya wealth and power, scandal, fitna.
So there's nothing that we can't find through
the Quran.
May Allah give us that ability to really
reclaim our, again, relationship with the book of
Allah and then the prophetic brilliance.
Again, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was
the best creation.
He has the best character.
So if we want to be the best
versions of ourselves and we think that we're
going to go to self-help gurus, we're
going to go to all these pop psychologists,
we're going to go through therapy, we're going
to go through all these things, secular, I'm
talking about not Islamic, but if we're going
to go through all these different channels to
try to develop ourselves, right?
We read books.
There's people who will literally pour in books
of this expert and that expert.
They'll go to gyms and they'll do this,
but they don't even look to the best
of creation to develop themselves.
Huge disconnect there.
We have to do better.
He is the starting point.
He is the final point.
And if we align ourselves with his way,
we will see Tawfiq in every area of
our life.
And there's much more to be said, but
here are some virtues that we want to
think about being balanced, being responsible, being knowledgeable,
being attentive, being in control, being resilient.
These are the virtues that we want.
Compassion, patience, respectfulness, vigilance, consistency, humility, all of
these qualities we want inshallah.
And then boundaries we talked about earlier.
Again, we don't have a lot of time.
I do have a quiz for you guys
or an activity.
So I might not have time to do
my activity.
Okay, good.
So these are just take screenshots, but these
are basically virtues and boundaries that if we
develop emotional intelligence, it will help us.
And it kind of has a, you know,
rebel effect because we need emotional intelligence to
do a lot of these things, but then
it increases us in emotional intelligence.
You know, having mutual respect, trust, honesty, compromising,
anger control, fighting fair, problem solving, empathy, individuality,
good communication.
I'm going through this like super fast.
I know.
I'm so sorry, but if she's up here,
that means I'm about to, my mic's about
to go cut off.
She was over there.
I felt a little safe.
I felt a lot safer when you're over
there, but you came up here.
I was like, oh man.
I didn't get to be quiet.
The teacher has spoken.
So individuality, good communication, self-confidence, being a
role model, health relationship, check-ins, all of
these things are, like I said, there's kind
of like this loop effect that emotional intelligence
will help you in these areas, but it'll
also be developed and further enhanced when you
start to do them.
So Inshallah, there's so much more to say
on this topic.
It's one of my favorite topics.
Again, I'd love to speak to you if
you have any questions afterwards.
Forgive me for going at turbo speed, but
I just wanted to not leave you hanging
on anything.
And then as far as the group activities,
I do have three of them and I'm
very, I'm trying to be emotionally intelligent because
I know that there's different types of personalities
in the room.
Some people are highly competitive, like myself, as
Stanifird will tell you, I'm cutthroat when I
compete.
I leave no one.
I leave no one, roughly.
Even small children.
She's right.
If you're playing a game with me, I
play fair, but I definitely am not playing
soft.
So if you're very competitive, I've got something
for you.
If you're more like artistic, Inshallah, I have
something for you.
So there's three activities.
I wanted to explain them to you so
you can choose which one you want to
do.
And it's totally entirely up to you.
You can do it individually or with your
table.
I'm a group person.
I love group work.
So I'm always a fan of bringing people
together, but let's explain them.
The first activity, if this speaks to you
and you can listen to all three and
then decide, I'll go back to the slides.
The first one is called emotional exploration.
So what I'd like you to do is
review the list of emotions that I have
at the bottom here.
And I want you and maybe your group,
if you want to do this with your
group, to think about a surah or hadith
or dua that comes to mind when you
think about that emotion.
Okay.
And you're going to create a little list
because we have to make associations.
And actually I did, someone did do this.
Maybe if I could find the link, we
can share it.
But they did an amazing website where they
said, if you're feeling this, go to this
surah, go to this dua.
Have you seen it?
It's an amazing resource.
May Allah bless whoever created that.
But this is a way of, again, getting
in touch with our emotions and also having
some sort of a tool or a mechanism
to be able to know where to go
when we're feeling certain things.
So that's the first activity.
You can do that if that speaks to
you.
The second one is a word cloud, and
this is a little funner for the artistic
people in the room.
Word clouds, if you're not familiar, can come
in all different shapes and sizes.
But basically what I'd like you to do
is think about a historical figure that you
feel really represents the ideals and virtues that
you resonate with.
It can be anybody.
And I have some suggestions.
You can think of the four perfect women,
or to say the Aish, Asya, Maryam, Sayyidina
Khadija, Sayyidina Fatima, any of them.
You can think of the great Sahaba, the
Khulafa, the Ashura Mubashara, any of the great
Sahaba, the Imams, anybody that you just are,
oh, as soon as you think of them,
you're like, oh, that person.
And the word cloud idea is just to
think of names, honorifics, virtues that come to
mind when you think of that person.
And an example of word clouds are like
this, right?
So you basically, and you have your pens
and notebooks, you can do this with them,
but you basically use like the main adjective
or word or title or honorific as a
central focal point.
And then you start to build maybe a
shape if you want to, or it doesn't
have to be, can be very random of
other terms, but it should be done in
this way where it's creative.
It's a creative outlet for you to really
honor someone that you resonate with.
So this is, again, for the artistic people,
if you want to do this one.
And then the last one is a little
bit more of a challenge.
So this is for my intellectuals, for people
who want a little bit of a challenge,
all right?
So again, we talked about how we live
in this age of new age, spirituality, mysticism,
pop psychology, self-help gurus, life coaching programs,
masterclasses, self-care retreats, and they're all heavily
influenced by secular or occult ideas that promote
contrived quotes, mantras, life philosophies aimed at selling
enlightenment.
It's marketing, right?
That this is just the commercialization of these
ideas.
So I want to challenge you.
Can you spot a charlatan?
Would you be able to tell a real
message from someone that was properly sagely or
something that was made up by who knows,
right?
So that's the first topic.
I'll give you the quote in a moment.
So you're going to review the quotes, and
I don't want you to look them up,
obviously.
That will be cheating.
So there's no cell phones or iPads or
any other gadgets that you're allowed to use.
And then you're going to...
They have a list of quotes where there's
complete quotes, and those are the ones you're
going to identify as either being sagely advised
or just fake.
It just sounds way too over the top.
Let's see if you can do that, okay?
This is about discernment.
It's about how well can you zone in
on real, true authenticity versus just something that's
salty, right?
And then the next one, part of it
is let your inner philosopher out.
This is by completing quotes.
So I actually have real quotes from real
people, and I want to see what you
think the missing word would be.
This is more of a challenge for you
to see, are you speaking in the same
language?
Are you on the same page as this?
Or do you have maybe an out-of
-the-box idea?
Maybe your term still fits, but let's see
how well you're familiar with these in a
moment.
And then if you have time, you can
come up with a similar quote with your
group if you want to make it even
funner.
But this is, again, a more challenging, more
intellectual exercise.
So here is the first part, which is
looking at these complete quotes, right?
Is it a sage or a charlatan?
The first one, anger.
Okay, let's say it in actually a sagely
voice, okay?
Let me get into my Zen voice.
Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful
to us than the injury that provokes it.
So how many of you think this is
sacred advice?
Okay.
All right, we'll go on to the next
one, and then I'll reveal the answers if
that's true.
Okay.
Within the quiet labyrinth of your soul.
Oh, is it not loud enough?
Okay.
Within the quiet labyrinth of your soul, the
universe whispers its truth.
I feel like I need sound effects or
something.
Only when you align your inner frequencies with
the cosmic flow can the infinite wisdom of
your higher self emerge, guiding you toward the
sacred path of a luminous being.
All right, I'm going to come back and
quiz you.
Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by the
doubling of our joy and the dividing of
our grief.
Drown not in the tempest of thy troubled
mind, for even the stars wane beneath the
weight of doubt.
Yet in the silence of thy deepest despair,
dost thou not hear the secret song of
the universe?
It is there in the abyss that the
soul is woven anew and the heart torn
asunder becomes the cradle of endless light.
Okay.
All right, so let's do this.
Okay, number one, sage or charlatan?
Raise your hand if it's sage.
All right, let me think, less than 50
% maybe.
All right, so if it's charlatan, raise your
hand.
I just want a visual.
If you think number one is a charlatan,
raise your hand.
Okay, come on.
Like less than half of you raised it
for sage, so that means the other half.
These are the safe ones.
They're like, you know what, I'm not gonna
be.
All right, I'm not getting it.
Sage or charlatan?
I've known you for too long.
I'm going to throw up last night writing
all of this.
You know me too well.
Tell me, what is it?
Okay, I'm going to reveal the answers after
I go through the votes here.
Number two within the quiet labyrinth, what do
you think, sage or charlatan?
Are you unanimous?
Was it that obvious?
All right, okay.
Number three, I'm not going to give it
away just yet.
I'm going to keep you on your toes
a little bit.
Number three, friendship, sage or charlatan?
Sage, okay.
And number four, all right, I hear some
difference of opinion here.
Okay, that's good.
That's what I wanted.
I wanted there to be some, I don't
know, I'm not sure because that's actually when
we're reading a lot of these quotes, sometimes
it's like, that does sound good.
It does sound, you know, good, but let
me just reveal two of these were written
by none other than the very sagely ChatGBT.
And if the clues aren't obvious, they are
the verbose, lengthy, over-the-top, ridiculous ones.
It was actually fun giving ChatGBT prompts.
I'm like, make it sound like Rumi and
Shakespeare.
And the other two, I actually forgot who
they are, but they're real people.
So those were, and if you know this,
and this is actually a good lipist test
for us, when we read texts, one of
the things that you'll realize is that true
philosophers, true people of intellect are not verbose.
They actually say a lot in a little.
And so looking at succinct words is important.
That's not always going to be the case,
but in most cases, the message is real.
The message is clear.
You don't have to go through all this,
like, oh, let me get a dictionary.
What does that mean?
What does that mean?
That's not effective speech.
And people who study rhetoric and are part
of, who have studied these things know how
to deliver messages.
So, okay, I'm done.
Great job.
You did that very well.
Now, this is actually really fun.
And Insha'Allah, if you can dig out
your notebooks, I would love to hear your
examples for me.
So I'm going to liven this up.
This is just your inner philosopher.
I want to see what you think fills
the blanks that makes this quote complete for
you.
And we're going to hopefully get a variety
of responses, and then I'll reveal the actual
quotes because they are real, true quotes from
real people.
But please don't look them up, okay?
Try this on your own.
But the first one is, blank is a
mean, right, math term here, between two vices,
one of excess and the other of deficiency.
So try to think what could possibly fit
there, right?
Between two vices or negatives, right?
One excess and one of deficiency.
And then the second one is, you have
power over your blank, okay?
Not outside events.
So write your answers, please.
I would love to hear some examples, Insha
'Allah.
Realize this, and you will find strength.
So what is your power over?
Think about that.
What does that mean for you?
And then, by three methods, you may learn
wisdom.
First, by blank, which is noblest.
Second, by blank, which is easiest.
And third, by blank, which is the bitterest.
So how do you learn wisdom?
What are your ideas, right?
So just think about that.
And then being deeply loved by someone gives
you blank, while loving someone deeply gives you
blank.
So just, you know, you can do one,
you can do all of them, but it's
a fun exercise.