Hosai Mojaddidi – An Agenda to Change Our Condition (Session 12)
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AI: Transcript ©
You don't even have to know. So that was what I wanted. I should
have been MBI even more sitting. Say that our mode no have you been
on Hamid Sinhala who it was sent him while he was talking to tell
him to Sleeman kathira. For those of you who are joining, we are
covering a very important text called agenda to change our
condition which I have right here in front of me. And what I'm going
to do in sha Allah is screenshare, because we're going through some
slides that I've created. So let me go ahead and
share my screen if you just give me one moment. All right, so as
I'm just gonna do a quick summary, because some may be joining again,
and I want to bring them up to speed. So we're on we're in this
we're reading this text together called agenda to change our
condition by Showhomes Zeus, If any man has a check in, we're on
chapter three, which is titled practical steps to change our
condition. And we've covered so far.
Let's see here we have the five pillars active outreach, and
focus. That's what we and I'll go back to the slides here. So we
covered these three slides last time. So it's about two weeks
before right when we met. So we have these three that we went
through for today, we're going to continue with chapter three. And
actually, let me go back to this slide. In this chapter, this, this
is all as you know, there's several sections in this chapter.
And so these are all the different sections. So that's where we cover
the five pillars active outreach and focus. And so now we're going
to inshallah do the next four sections here, and we'll talk in
depth, so go ahead and read from or get to that slide. So the the
slide for today we're going to do is cooperation. So this is for
those who do have the book, it's on page 29. So if we read this
particular section of the chapter, it talks about the and I'll just
go to read this religion is based on recognizing the abilities of
the believers that constitute the Ummah, the Muslim community, and
facilitating the use of their respective gifts, we need to
understand that if one person focuses upon an area that differs
from our own area of concern, he or she is complementing our own
work and not detracting from it by not joining us. So this is, you
know, again, practical steps to how and how we can change our
condition, right. So we need to understand the importance of
working together with our fellow community members, the people in
you know, around us so that we have mutual goals, and we don't
see one another, as in any way a threat or you know, competition,
but rather, we see that we all have the same basic desire, which
is in sha Allah, to do the work, the good works, that will please
Allah subhanaw taala. And that can be in many different forms, right?
There's people who are
very politically activated, there's other people who do relief
work. There's other people who enjoy teaching and grassroots, you
know, work working within the community. So everybody has their
own niche or their own calling, and we should respect that and
also see that inshallah we're all part of a larger body, the OMA and
we have to respect one another. And so this chapter, or this
section is really about cultivating that. And so you know,
again, if you continue, point three here, to not see individuals
or organized groups as competitors, or antagonists, but
rather again, as brothers and sisters working towards the same
purpose and really, they go into a lot of detail, but just the
importance of the inculcating that love for one another, you know,
through the all of the Sunnah that we're taught, you know, I've just
set out my beta comm spread peace, right? We smile smiling as a
setup. So when we see one another, whether it's in the masjid or at
events, or just you know, in the grocery store, when we know that
people are working for the cause of Allah subhanho data, that we
wish them well that we want their success, but that we're genuine in
our love for them. And that we really are about seeing one
another as part of again, one body that and there's so many Hadith
that reinforced that idea to always write that the almost one
body of one part of the body hurts the entire body hurts all of these
have either to remind us to really see one another as being part of
something great and not to in any way let those divisive feelings
entered our hearts where we start to compete or suffer law, maybe
even do worse than that right to to deter people or to ruin or
somehow affect the progress of other people's works. There's, you
know, people are the beloved May Allah protect us from those
diseases of the heart that would lead to that but there are some
people who, you know, may sabotage another person's efforts just
because they don't see them as, as their
brother or sister but rather as a competitor. So we're really trying
to read your yourself from that. And they go on to say, there are
many paths to Allah and He guides those who struggle with
themselves. For his sake alone, we should not see other Muslims,
either individuals or organized groups as competitors or
antagonists. Rather, we should see them as brothers and sisters and
either work with them, or work separately with amicable
relations, the least of which is giving them the greeting of peace
with a smile, right? Our communities suffer from an
unhealthy competition, viewing another's failure as our own
success, we should all hope and pray for the success of any
activity that is good in nature and beneficial to the aims and
purposes of sacred law. So for example, competing massages, or,
you know, organizations or even businesses, you know, subhanAllah
if you have, you know, a restaurant or some other business,
that you don't see another Muslim who has a similar business, or
restaurant, down the street or in another part of the city, as being
your competitor, but rather as another believer who inshallah is
providing, you know, the community members with Halal risk and is
Insha Allah, you know, putting Halal income in back into the
community. So you always see the fruits that these fruits will
reach everybody, but instead of just looking at your own personal,
maybe, you know,
your own personal issues that you may have, you know, those we have
to work out, right. So really getting rid of those those
feelings in the heart. And then they go on to say Islamic work
through diverse organizations should never be the basis for
negating the bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood established between
us by Islam. When that happens, we are no longer doing Islamic work,
but are engaged in politics. So, you know, really, may Allah
protect us, again, from fitna from, in any way being a part of
fitna because we may be part of, you know, some organization or a
masjid or other in school or something else. But if we allow
politics to enter, you know, the community and to cause divisions
and, you know, parties and a lot of breaking up, then obviously,
stuff would allow, we're not doing much, you know, to please all us
privately, but when we may, in fact, be held accountable for our
part in all of that. So, we should really seek refuge from that, we
should speak well of other organizations or be silent about
them, you know, instead of trying to take down or discredit or you
know, just cast a negative, you know, opinion or perpetuate maybe
gossip stop for a while, never do that, right? Just with with
anybody, let alone an entire organization, right.
Once we recognize that most of them are engaged in a different
aspect of the same struggle, we come to respect their efforts.
Now, there does, you know, there's some space here for thinking if
you feel that an organization or an individual may be eligible or
doing something wrong, of course, that's a different situation,
right. So if some appear to be or actually are misguided, then we
should offer counsel and pray for them, if they have deviant
positions or beliefs, and we should request that qualified
scholars clarify with clear proofs, what those deviations are,
in doing so, such a scholar must not use personal opinions, but
rather those of the rightly guided scholars of our tradition, who are
recognized by the scholars of the past. So when there are again,
those people who may be doing something questionable, you want
to always have the right approach, you know, casting people out, or
you know, what now is very popular, which is canceled culture
is, you know, it's really tragic because it's, you see, communities
being really affected by that. And I've personally spoken with
community members who have a hard time with their faith when they
see fitna or people being canceled, or entire organizations
almost being shut down because of some scandal or what have you. And
most of the time, it's because, you know, the approach to these
situations is off, we should try to always seek, you know, to, to
fix the situation with good intentions, not just to want to
see something go down just because we're unhappy or upset or angry
about it, but rather thinking of the collective benefit or the
collective harm and that's where we make our decision. So if
there's going to be a collective harm that of course, we should be
very careful. Make sure that we approach the individual or the
organization with discretion, you know, request meetings privately
try to approach them that way first, and then you know, however,
the consensus is to proceed at least doing it that way. Inshallah
the consciences are clear, and we can avoid
Why'd you know some really horrible things from happening. So
just to make sure that we know that there's protocol, and that
protocol, we should follow that always with the best of intentions
and shallow, rare opinions of one or two scholars that stand in
disagreement with the majority of scholars on a given issue must not
be used at the cost of unity through diversity, though the
opinions may be valid, if it turns out there is a difference of
opinion among our scholars regarding the issue, then we
should leave it for the sake of unity and not argue or fight over
it. However, if it is indeed wrong by consensus, then we can bring it
to their attention wisely and with a sincere desire to help them. So
you can see the intention and the counsel here is to always seek to
do things without causing bigger problems, right to have the most
minimal effect, you know, that you can possibly have, give the
council try to, of course, you know, make sure that the right
opinion is issued and is understood, but not to argue not
to fight and not to let it you know, have ripple effects that
affect the entire community. We ought to keep in mind that Mossad,
a Saddam was commanded to go to fiddle around and speak to him
with a gentle word, which is, of course, chapter 20, verse 44. And
this is advice for all of us, really, because giving advice is
something that not everybody
can do. It really isn't, we should learn how to I should say, you
know, just because you you want to correct someone doesn't mean
you're the right person to do it. Because if you don't have the
gentle or right approach, it could actually cause a further a bigger
problem. So you want to make sure that you're somewhat aware of the
the art of giving this Yeah, how does one do that being gentle,
again, not having, you know, not being accusatory right off the
bat, you want to approach it very just in in doses and steps and
make sure that you're aware of how to do that in the best way
possible. And so this reminder is good for all of us, just in
general, but especially those in the community who may be charged
with this responsibility to correct another individual, a
public figure, a teacher, someone in the public eye, or or an
organization, on an issue that's controversial, that person should
absolutely know what what how to approach it. And here's the advice
right to be gentle, but of course firm in sha Allah, and try to not
cause further problems. And then they go on to say that remembering
that we are not more righteous than most is that um, and then our
brother or sister is certainly not farther astray than frown, we can
approach the matter with gentle humility and a genuine desire for
the well being and guidance for all. And that, again, is the
mutual benefit, right, the collective benefit inshallah for
everyone. We have an example of this gentle approach when he mom,
it sent even our best seller, the Aloha and to reason with the
cedars the holiday, given our best, but on the other hand,
succeeded in guiding 1000s of them by providing clear proofs, this
mass repentance lesson to the severity and length of the
configuration when the two forces met on the battlefield. So it's
just you know, from from the history, we cannot view other
Muslims as objects of hatred, no matter who they may be, if they
are Muslims, they have the sanctity of Islam, and their name
is to be honored. Unless a situation obliges us to condemn an
act or position that is in contradistinction to the sacred
law, and tenants of universal Islam, as opposed to sectarian
views of Islam. And then moreover, we should not listen to or partake
in backbiting Muslims, or people of other faiths. And I think this
is really also very important counsel that you know, backbiting
or any negative quality lying in and of itself, they're they're
blameworthy. They're wrong. They're haram. It's not a matter
of the object, right? Sometimes people think, Oh, well, if it's
anonymous, and why doesn't matter, oh, they're Catholic, or they're
this No, that's you're reflecting the disease within yourself and
the target of it is irrelevant at that point. The fact that you do
it the fact that you back by the fact that you lie, is the problem.
It's not who you're lying about. And so this distinction that we
should not harbor negative feelings towards Muslims, but also
we should not
allow our these habits to extend to people of other faiths is very
important. It's just wrong in and of itself, right. If it is
necessary to point out deviations, to clarify them, we should do as
the messenger of allah sallallahu Sallam did. On occasion, he
declared, what is wrong with the people who do such and such? So
when the problem is someone would want to correct something, or, you
know someone's behavior he would never out them he would never
mention their name and Paul
Blake and stop for lunch anyway embarrass them or humiliate them,
he would always focus on the issue. And so this is a very wise,
mashallah way of addressing the problem without speaking directly
to the individual. Right. So that is certainly acceptable. And of
course, we should be tactful and mindful of how the phrasing and
the words we use, you know, you want to make sure, like our
teachers would remind us not to use identifiable or identifying
language, you know, if you're speaking about a specific
situation or incident or organization, you don't want to,
you know, in any way reference things or give clues that would
lead people to know who you're speaking about, or which
organization you're speaking about. So, you know, don't, you
got to be tactful and very general, in your, in your delivery
so that people can't draw their own conclusions. Because otherwise
you're just, you know, you're contributing to further maybe
suspicion and unwarranted suspicion or gossip and those
things so you want to just keep it to the issue itself, right.
We should also be vigilant in avoiding stale and sterile debates
that have persisted for centuries and produce little benefit and
much harm really argumentation is there's plenty of Hadith and
proofs against arguing, it's really blameworthy. It's something
we should avoid at all costs. Healthy you know, productive
discussions are different than argumentation right. In addition,
we should avoid labeling people, right or groups such as Salafi
Sufi Wahhabi, for example, as these engender animosity, name
calling is condemned in the Quran. If the intention is contempt, so
if you are referring to a group of people in your delivery, it's
clear that you don't like them. This would fall under this and you
know, may Allah forgive us because sometimes, again, we think we're
in the right you know, there's sometimes you see something that
maybe deviant or you just don't agree with and you feel justified,
you know, why do they do this? You know, anybody who's been to the
sacred lands, for example, you may have seen things or heard things
that really bother you or trouble you. But if you are using those
labels, again, in this way, this is what they're speaking about
that we have to be careful from that. If the intention is to
elucidate a position that we must examine our intention and also our
level of understanding most most of us are not capable of debating
with any legitimate authority whatsoever. Mmm. Rather than as
Bethenny said, disputation, is detestable for scholars, and those
close to Allah. So what is to be said of the argumentation of the
uneducated and foolish? Consider the words of ALLAH to His Prophet,
civilize Saddam, we said, debate with them with what is most
excellent. This is in chapter 16, verse 125. So this is all still
we're still talking about cooperation they've given
mashallah more than two pages, almost three pages to this
section. And it's because there is so much fitna that we already see
in our community but also to hold ourselves accountable, so that
we're not in any way participating or condoning or blind to what what
is behavior that would either the law be blameworthy beyond us, so
all of this is really important to consider. Then, they go on to say
that thus Allah did not permit the prophesy centum to dispute without
stipulating that it'd be with kindness and in a beautiful
manner, more overall describes the prophesy centum as being a vast
ethical character, and disparages argumentation in his words, right?
This is Chapter 43, verse 58, they did not say it except to argue.
And then another verse almost progresses from among humanity or
those who argue about Allah without knowledge or guidance or
an aluminum or an illuminating book. That's chapter 22, verse
eight. And then always, they say, heed the advice of Allah subhanaw
taala if you find those who ignorantly discuss our signs and
turn away from them, that's chapter 668, verse 68. And the
mathematics said, what are the law when he said disputation is not
from our religion. So this, all of these verses, all of these proofs,
all of these quotes are to reiterate the point of not falling
into disputation argumentation, especially when you don't have the
knowledge and you're not in a position of authority to do that.
May Allah forgive all of us and you see this a lot now, maybe not
so in the masjid or in the community, per se, but a lot of it
is online. You can go to anybody's any of our scholars pages online
and you'll see trolls you know, people who are that's all they do,
they just look you know, go around nitpicking arguing they've lost
other. They may even address the scholar in a really contemptible
way just really lacking basic identity, because they think that
they have a position that's so
per year or better, or they found some mistake the scholar made and
they're ready to just cancel the scholar. You see this all the time
online, it's very, very toxic behavior. And this is demonic
behavior. It's not part of our tradition. So may Allah protect us
from that behavior? And when we see it, we should certainly not
encourage it. You know, you see some people liking this, these
comments. It's just vitriol, vitriol, it's just pure poison.
And you'll see a bunch of likes, and you're just like SubhanAllah.
So the one who's doing it, you know, so for a while, they, you
know, at least they had, they were able to speak up and say whatever
they wanted to say, even if you know they were wrong, but the
cowards who don't say anything, but then fanned the flames by
liking and forwarding and sharing and spreading the fitna. Those are
also we have to make sure that we don't do that, you know, because
that's just as worse if that just or potentially even worse, because
you're spreading the fifth. All right. So all of this is on the
section on cooperation. Now, we go into the next slide here, which is
on good character. And this is just a shorter section. But of
course, reminder for us. All right, we must inculcate good
character in our daily lives and always display courteous behavior
with Muslims and non Muslims alike. This is again, reinforcing
what was previously said about just being a good person and not
falling into, you know, bad character flaws. Fourth, anybody
Muslim or non Muslim, it doesn't matter, we should rid ourselves of
those character flaws. And really display the best character in sha
Allah, the most effective outreach is good character, this is that if
we wanted to do effective Dawa, to our family members, you know,
there's people who have non Muslim family or secular family, people
who are just not practicing. You know, giving them lectures, is not
really effective. You know, you can guilt I, I've seen it unfold
in front of me, but I've also seen people really get worked up
because, you know, so and so doesn't pray, or they're not
fasting, and I get so mad, and I can't help myself. And they get
really worked up because they feel so justified to correct their
family member when they're, you know, when they're heedless, or
they're, they're disobeying Allah subhanaw taala. But we have to be
very careful from that, because everybody's at different levels.
And there's also this is where I go by going back to the point I
made earlier about nisi Hmm, not everybody is able to given us
Yeah, because it takes patience. It takes understanding it takes
emotional intelligence to know where people are at, are they
emotionally stable? Are they even listening? Are they receptive? Are
they having a faith crises? You know, there's something going on,
if you're not aware of that, and you're just, you know, caught up
in your own self righteous indignation and anger and
frustration, then you may very well push them further away from
Islam instead of, you know, what you may think is this tough love
approach. So within our family, when it comes to Muslims who may
be not practicing, we want to be very careful. And then of course,
outside of that our neighbors, our co workers, the people that we
meet in this markets or wherever we go, we want to remember that
the best Dawa is not, you know, we're not people that, you know,
go and force our faith on people. We don't proselytize. Everywhere
we go. We're not preachers, we invite people, right. We invite
people with good character, we're kind or patient or gracious, we
are, you know, generous, we're hospitable. We have all those
Insha Allah, prophetic qualities, we try to inculcate them in
ourselves, and we display them so that when people meet Muslims,
they are impressed. And then they may inquire like, oh, wow, you
know, or they're just curious, like, Why are all of these people
so kind? Or why do they treat their elders with so much respect
are their children are all the beautiful things that we learn
from the prophesy centum this will hopefully, make them want to
learn, and that's how we can do effective power. And then they go
on to say that with good character, people achieve levels
of proximity to Allah, that even those who are persistent in
praying and fasting, have a hard time reaching Subhan Allah, that's
really, you know, just a powerful reminder for all of us that the
ritual acts, of course, they're far they're important, we have to
do them, but they are many times you know, they're self serving,
they, they're more fulfilling your obligations to Allah and they
benefit us. But when you, you know, suppress your, your,
or when you're you're patient with people who are difficult or you're
displaying these beautiful character qualities that may
require restraint. That is harder, oftentimes to do, right. It's a
sacrifice, you're actually it's more of a Majah. So people who
have really great characters
Shot they've gone through, they're disciplined people and they
oftentimes do suppress themselves for the sake of, you know, the
good the sake of the other. And that is why there are so much
immense reward in that so that's the point here is that you could
really advance in your relationship with Allah subhanaw
taala by having really beautiful character because the Messiah is
so sincere and it's really truly difficult whereas some people may
pray and fast but they don't work on their character and they don't
really excel right? They don't get as ahead because they may be
impatient or rude or disappearing. We've all I'm sure had incidences
with people who outwardly look practicing, but they just didn't
really leave us feeling good, you know. And that's, that should be a
sign. When you're with a believer, someone truly sincere, you should
feel good in their presence, you should feel positive, you should
feel their light. You should feel love, genuine sincerity, have the
love all those beautiful qualities, but if they constrict
you, and they make you feel bad, they chastise you admonish you or
they speak ill or other things. Even if they outwardly look the
part, then clearly, there's a problem there, right. So good
character is very, very important. This is the most
important thing that we should all be working on every single day and
shot lot to achieve. So then he goes, I'm sorry, then they go on
to the next section. So good character, again, very short
section. This is on page 31. Now for those we're following along
with the text, the next section is on kinship. So we should strive to
maintain excellent kinship bonds and forgive the shortcomings of
our relatives for the sake of Allah and hope that He may forgive
our shortcomings. The sacred bonds of blood must never be severed.
One of the greatest of the major sins is filial impunity, which is
prevalent in modern society. So we know what filial piety is right,
that's been invalidated. So serving our parents. Well, this is
the opposite, right? Relationships are a trial from Allah and the
Quran reminds us we have made some a tribulation for others, will you
show patience, this is chapter 25, verse 20. And they say family is
difficult. Subhanallah right, family is difficult, but the
rewards of kindness toward family aren't immeasurable in this world,
and only realized in the next Moreover, the least harm that has
accrued from severing kinship bonds is a life of penury. So you
know, the fact that
and I guess, because in my work, I deal with this quite a lot,
actually, you know, people have complex relationships with either
their parents or their siblings, or, you know, mother in law, or
father in law, or someone in the family. And a lot of times, they
feel that the only thing to do is just cut that person out of their
life. And, you know, they don't have time for them. And there's a
lot of just intense emotions. And, you know, they want to, they're
protecting their own interests. And so it just seems like the
easier route to take right? To just say, I'm done, I'm not going
to bother anymore, cutting this person out. And that's it, or
reminded over and over again, that, you know, cutting ties is
one of the combat and it's actually considered, you know,
grave sin. And so we really an enormity, we really want to ask us
proud to to protect us from that. But also to just remember that,
you know, the prophets, I said, I'm told us in a, an sahih Hadith,
this is related in the Muslim, remember, that the believer who
mixes with the people and endures their harm, has a greater reward
than the one who does not mix with the people nor indoors that are
harm. So this is a really powerful reminder for us that, you know, in
some cases, the family member who gets on your nerves who maybe asks
too many questions who's, you know, you know, prying and always,
you know, into your business and or just don't really like to be
around so much. Not coming around or causing, you know, problems
with the family, because you just can't handle that person. You
don't like that person is actually you know, less there's, it's
you're not getting you're you're losing out on so much reward here.
The hadith is clear. If you go and you sacrifice your comfort for an
hour, half an hour, or however long it is, just for the sake of
your parents, let's say it's an uncle or an aunt or someone that
is close to them that maybe you have no connection to. And you're
there and you're just going to take a little bit of that
discomfort for the sake of your parents. Just imagine the immense
reward and doing that right. First of all, you're pleasing your
parents, but then on top of that, as this hadith reminds us that
you're enduring that hardship and so the process is promising that
the reward is greater
All right. So remember that if you have to be around people that are
challenging to be around instead of just wanting to take the easier
route, because, you know, again, it's very,
in this society, if you look at the, you know, the breakdown of
the family bonds, it's just everywhere, you know, people don't
talk to family members for decades sometimes, or they've lost touch
with aunts, uncles, grandparents, and they don't really think twice
about it. But then you'll know the value of your family over other
friendships or other relationships that may come and go. Even
marriages are not. Sometimes they don't last, right? We know that
divorce, divorces are very common. So you know, sometimes people
think that giving up their family is worth whatever they're going to
get, you know, peace of mind. Or because of this relationship I
want, I need to, you know, give up my family. But the reality is, is
those relationships are oftentimes conditional. And, you know, they
may not may or may not last, whereas with family, in many
cultures, traditional cultures anyway, there's this unspoken sort
of understanding that even if you don't agree, even if you very,
very different lifestyles, and just beliefs, or you know, you
don't, you just don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. The bond
of family keeps you together. And so you'll be able to call on your
family, when God forbid, you're, you know, facing some hardship.
Maybe you have a debt or a health problem that you didn't know
about. And all of a sudden, you're in need, you know, how many people
have have had their lives saved, because of a family member who
stepped in, not because of that friend, or that roommate, or that
co worker, that you maybe yes, enjoy a rapport with. And you get
along with and you, you know, everything's fine. But again, when
the going gets tough, that's when you really know, right? Who, who's
there for you and who's not. And oftentimes, it is your family. So
we have to really appreciate
appreciate our our families, and not take them for granted. And so
this is the reminder, and I apologize, I just realized there's
a a
little typo here on this slide. It should be kinship bonds. I don't
know what happened here.
I clearly missed that. But so that's the this is the slide on
kinship and then right after this particular section is it follows
up you know, kinship, of course, has to do with you know, extended
family members. But now we get bring it a little bit more closer
with regards to the actual family, right. And so the next section is
called families.
So here they mentioned that we're obliged by sacred law to treat our
families, and especially our spouses. With the utmost respect
and dignity. The Prophet sallallahu sallam said, the best
of you are those who are the best to their families. A man is judged
in this religion by the honor and love, he shows his wife and
children, wives should treat their husbands with respect and
flexibility. For most women, the spiritual struggle of this life is
within the confines of home and family, according to the tradition
to bear this with patience and righteousness, is to obtain the
reward of a warrior for the sake of Allah. No room whatsoever
exists in the Islamic tradition for domestic abuse or violence.
That home is a sanctuary and if the wife and children do not feel
safe, it is not a Muslim home. But a generally house in jaggedy means
ignorant. violence toward family is clearly prescribed, prescribed
in the sacred law, and the blight of domestic violence must be
uprooted from our communities. This is a really important section
also to think about because, you know, there's so many homes where
there's immense strife and conflict and you wouldn't know it
because we've gotten to a point where people
are very consumed with their image right? So social media, of course,
adds to that but even prior to social media reputation, right,
you want to have a good standing with your community members. You
know, I'm an upright citizen, I go to the masjid I do this, I do that
I volunteer at my child's school. So you have parents who are very
concerned or very good about keeping those those appearances
and making sure that they look put together and everything is fine.
They'll show up at weddings and events and parties and and other
things and you would never know that behind closed doors is a
completely different reality.
This, of course, is troubling, just hearing something like that
should trouble anybody, but also for the people who are living that
lie. You want to think about your standing with all law, you know
that if everybody in the community sees you with respect, and they
come to you, and maybe they asked you for advice, maybe you have
that position, right of status and importance and people mashallah
turn to you. And so you, you're feeling the benefit of all of
that, but then in your home, you are a different person, you know,
you are a tyrant, or you're abusive, and you use foul language
and you curse and you, you know, just threaten and you withhold,
and you're very harmful, you're, you're weaponize your words, your
actions are harmful, then, where do you think your reality is? You
know, is it because the people all praise you and you have their
esteem? Is that who you really are? Or is it that your spouse may
be displeased with you may not may have issues with you, your
children may be afraid of you, you know, think about that, think of
what your family feels about you, right? How they would describe you
is really, I think, a good indicator for all of us to
evaluate where we are with a lot like if you're in shelter, your
family members, of course, are upright and good. But if someone
were to ask them, What do you think about this person? Are they
kind? Are they compassionate? Are they patient? Are they you know,
do they care? Are they genuine? Are they sincere, all those
beautiful qualities that we readily display to strangers, you
know, subhanAllah, some people, it's like a switch, they can go
outside their house and their neighbor, they can be so kind and
just engaging and really chatted up and generous and willing to
help their neighbors are willing to help their family members, I've
worked with many couples where this has actually been really big
complaint in the marriage that with other people, my spouse, is
so gracious is so kind, and everybody thinks that he or she is
just an angel, you know, has the best character and they all sing
his or her praises all day long. But in the house, it's a different
story. And I always, you know, that's to me very. It's just
Subhanallah we should all really wake up to that to the fact that
what what does it matter if we are good actors? You know, what does
it matter? How does that say anything about who we are, if
we've managed to impress everybody outside our home or at work or in
the community to assume that we are upright and kind and this and
that, if to the people closest to us, we are the complete opposite.
And this is actually a reality. That's why we have you know,
domestic violence is a very common problem. Unfortunately, in our
society, and certainly in our community, we have shelters we
have and it works both ways. I actually know of a male, you know,
males who have been abused or have been been in situations that are
incredibly toxic, and they have had you know, they've been
threatened and they've had their rights taken or you know, those
things have been threatened against them. So they've been
forced in really difficult circumstances forced to accept
conditions that they wouldn't normally accept because of a
threat that was a real threat to them their finances their standing
you know, stuff for a while, there's a lot of very vindictive
behavior that can happen in marriages sometimes and or in
divorce situations. So we have to relay all the Blasco law to
protect us from falling into that type of a delusional state where
we, you know, think we can get away with these things, you know,
within our because nobody knows about it, right? And then go
outside and present ourselves as something else. Now, Allah
subhanaw taala sees everything and we should fear a lot in that, you
know, every injustice, every harm, harmful word, every harmful action
is accounted for. And he, you know, will certainly take us to
task over those things. So not to get too comfortable,
especially for anybody in a marital situation who has more
power, you know, we really want to think about what that means
because it's not just about physical power anymore. financial
power is also a very big you know, that this is probably more of an
issue in many marriages that the one who has more financial power
tends to wield that power. And they can sometimes be unjust
because of it, right? So you want to
be really aware of these things that how your spouse or children
see you, is really telling about who you really are. And if you
feel that there's been complaints, we want to work on those
complaints, because, like I said, if social media, you have a great
following, and you're getting all this praise, or in the community,
like I said, people are just always turning to you, or they
make you feel like you're just the greatest thing ever. But in your
home, that's not consistent, then none of that is relevant, because
they don't have rights over you, right? Community members and
strangers, but your family, your spouse, your children, they
absolutely have, right. So those are the people that you want to
prioritize and make sure you're impressing them. And that your,
the best of you is, is to them. And this is why the profit lesson
tells us right here, the best of you are those who are the best of
their families that he didn't say, the best of you, or those who are
the best in their communities, or have the most friends you know, or
have the most titles and and get the most praise. That's not what
the Hadith says, right. And so really important to hold ourselves
accountable, inshallah. And then this last comment about domestic
abuse or violence, you know, stuff, the law.
I've worked with so many couples and sisters over the years, it's
certainly I agree 100%, with the wording here, it's a blight in our
community in our world, and we have to do everything we can to
remove it. So one of the advice or something from my experience I'll
just share is making sure that when if we know that someone is in
a situation, where we think that they are either being emotionally
verbally, or like other law, you know, God forbid, physically
abused, that we don't
give them that advice of oh, just be patient, you know, it's okay,
be patient, where we don't take their pain seriously. Or maybe we
are so uncomfortable with the situation somebody may turn to us
and confide in us with their deep secret, and we just are really
uncomfortable knowing that information. And so we take that
quick exit out of the conversation and say, hey, you know, it's okay,
he'll change, or maybe she'll do this, and you just kind of give
some, you know, just general advice, because you want to move
along from the topic, you're not thinking about the person's well
being or their safety, or what if you know, there's children
involved, you're thinking about your own safety, or I'm, excuse
me, your own comfort. And this is wrong, you know, that's not Islam,
right? want for your brother, what you want for yourself. So if you
if someone can Fides in you, you should really, you know, help them
to get help, you may not be the right person, you know, you
shouldn't feel obligated to counsel them and check on them and
do that, you know, because that's not for everybody to do. But the
very least you can do is empower them to turn to the professionals
in Inshallah, in the community, or the services that are provided in
the community, where they can figure out what their options are,
it doesn't mean that you're pushing them into divorce, and the
family is going to fall apart. And now you're going to bear the brunt
of all that, that's, I think, the line of thinking, and a lot of
people think, Oh, I don't want to be a part of that, you know, I'm
just gonna stay out of it. Because I don't want to be, I don't want
that on my head, you know, that they divorced and the poor kids
and everybody kind of takes the story to that extreme. And so they
recuse themselves completely and want nothing to do with it. But
then they leave that for brother or sister or you know, situation,
they leave it, they just completely leave it and wash their
hands clean of it. And then Subhanallah we just don't you
know, there's so many ways that that story can end we've certainly
seen horrible, horrible outcomes, all the Billa where people's lives
have been lost because nobody wanted to step in and do the right
thing. So if we become aware of a situation of violence or any type
that would even lead to that young couples, you know, if you know, of
a new couple were already red flags are present, encourage them
please, to be brave enough to speak up, you know, and that can
be to their parents, to the people that you know, are their appointed
Muharram if there's someone you know, a convert, for example, or
the community members that are doing this type of work, whether
they're a therapist or a spiritual counselor or someone who has the
background to be able to advise them but not to just turn away and
be like oh no my problem you know stuff for a while because you
could very well help you know that couple inshallah. save their
marriage.
urge instead of, you know, lead it go let it go down and into a
really horrible, worse situation. So anyway, you know, just just an
advice there about really being responsible with information that
comes to you, and putting the needs of the other people before
yourself in sha Allah in your in the advice that you give. So I'll
have the the lab that concludes this section. So okay, we're sort
of right on time. I'm gonna go ahead and stop here so that I can
see if there's any questions.
But again, I'm just looking over if there's anything else that I
missed. So chapter three, we covered five pillars, our active
outreach, focus cooperation. Yeah, so from the last, the rest of the
next section will be on charity. And we'll continue with the
remainder of chapter three and shot love but let me go ahead and
stop the screenshare here.
All right, Hamdulillah. So now if you just permit me, I'm going to
try to go on here and again, I'm doing this solo brother Sama,
mashallah was had a previous engagement. So he was not able to
facilitate tonight, but he shall he'll be back with us, hopefully,
next time around. So let me look and see if there are any
questions. And if there are, please do feel free to I'm on by
the way. I am not sure if this is broadcasting live to Facebook, I
have no or excuse me, YouTube, I have no idea. But I'm on the
Facebook page. So let me reload here and see if there's any
questions or comments.
Matala, salaam? I see some lovely comments from some of you here. I
just see.
This is interesting. I see 1234 comments, but it's saying there's
nine comments. That's odd. I've never seen that before. But let me
see if I switch this around. Do I see any more? No, I don't see any
more comments. Okay. So I don't know where the other four comments
or five comments are? I don't see them. But if there aren't any
questions, and inshallah we can conclude. And oh, wait, is there?
Is it okay to ask a sister to make an offer for a son, or family
member? Of course,
of course, we can always ask someone to make the offer for
another person, there's nothing wrong with that. Inshallah, I
don't, you know, you don't have to give the details. You know, if
it's a private matter that they're going through, and they need some,
you know, help, or you just want to provide some, some support for
them. You don't have to disclose the reason you could just say,
please make the offer. So and so, you know, you can say they're
going through a difficult time or just, you know, for their well
being for their guidance, you can say general things like that,
without giving any specific information. But yeah, there's no
harm and
I'm doing that. Yes, that's true. Actually, maybe that is the reason
Thank you, Sister, Nancy. Mashallah.
But thank you for your question.
So, um, Alhamdulillah Are there any other questions. And again,
for those who are watching, I really do encourage you to get the
book the book has, you know, just, it's just a very good resource to
always have on hand and there's some nice exercises in the back of
the book that you can do on your own. It's a great resource to
have. So I think you should, inshallah all invest in this
and get this book, and then we can read along and you'll be able to
follow I try to, you know, match the slides as best as I can with
the content but in sha Allah, I look forward to more conversations
with you guys. And thank you again, sorry for the technical
issues tonight, but inshallah the recording will be up soon. If you
missed any part of it, and you can catch up and then we'll see you on
I think the next one is on the seventh 10th I want to say yeah,
so two weeks from tonight and shot law. We will see you but thank you
again for tuning in just like golfing and will end in Doha. I'll
be Lahemaa shaytani R rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Allah
Azza inland Salafi hosel Illa Lilina Amarillo, Amarillo, Swanee
Hattie whatever, so we'll happy with the rest of the suburb
Subhanak Allahumma VMDK Shawanda ilaha illa antenna sofiero Kawana
to boo Lake and hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen thank you so much
everyone. Inshallah, we will see you in a couple of weeks. All
right. So I'm already gone or I haven't told you about it yet.