Hosai Mojaddidi – 2020 MSA West Conference Men & Women The Islamic Paradigm Sisters Panel
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AI: Transcript ©
So my name is Sena and among the programming committee this year,
and thank you, and I've had the honor of facilitating this main
session. So basically this main session, the title is correcting
misconceptions of being a Muslim Ummah. And we're going to explore
the struggles that we face as Muslims in America, and just all
over the world. So just a little bit of intro about the session.
With certain standards defining how a Muslim should act, we must
go back to the Sunnah, to see how our mothers in Islam acted in the
best manner, we must understand our fitrah which is our purpose,
why me why we must be modest, and what it means to truly serve for
the sake of Allah subhanaw taala while being a sister, mother,
daughter, and a Muslim. So throughout this session, I have a
couple of questions to ask our speakers. And then our speakers
will just answer them in sha Allah.
So in this panel, we have the honor of having a sada who say, we
have sister Hannah, we have sister hubba. And then we have Sister Yes
mean. So Can we clap once more? Just
so first, let's start with estado sighs, thoughts on the rights that
we have as Muslim women that have been mentioned in the Quran and
the Hadith.
So a lot of manna, Haim said, I want to come again. Mashallah.
Hamdulillah. Again, I'm honored to be here with all of you and to be
a part of this wonderful panel. I'm excited to hear from my co
panelists, and I'm going to try to stick to the timeline as best as
possible Inshallah, forgive me if I go a little over but I have a
lot of content here. So I'm just gonna jump right into it.
The prompt that you know, I was just given was about the rights of
Muslim women. I wanted to first before I go into the lists, and
list all the although all of those I wanted to first mentioned, how
many of you have heard of Lesley Hazleton. Okay, look her up, want
you to look her up. She has an awesome YouTube video. She's a
journalist and author story and a really amazing woman. She's done
actually more than one video on Islam. But this particular one is
on TEDx that she did, where she talks about the Quran. And she
says something that, you know, she says it very subtly, she's talking
to an audience of non Muslim, she is a non Muslim herself, an
agnostic Jew, as she says in the talk. But she says this quote, and
I'm going to read it for you, that I think sort of
will answer what we're talking about right now in terms of the
rights of women, she said, where the Bible is addressed exclusively
to men, using the second and third person masculine. The Quran
includes women, talking, for instance, of believing men and
believing women, honorable men and honorable women. So the very fact
that here's a non Muslim woman, who can acknowledge the that Islam
is distinct, in that the, you know, our book, is mentioning
women, as you know, they're relevant enough to be mentioned,
versus, you know, other religious texts is, you know, is enough of a
proof, right, that certainly we have rights, we have the right in
that we're being acknowledged right there in that particular
reference throughout the book of Allah subhanaw taala. And there's
many examples where I was part that reiterates how we are
individual from men that we as women are separate from men that
we're not just, you know, a part of a collective, but we are
distinct. So in chapter four, verse one, for example, he says,
all mankind be dutiful to your Lord who created you from a single
person, and from him created his wife, and from them both, he
created many women, many men and women, and fear Allah through whom
you demand your mutual rights. So these words are important to pay
attention to mutual rights, the fact that again, all of us found
that as establishing we are side by side, right, we're not just
hidden, we've we haven't just you know, disappeared in the text
we're actually being mentioned and wish not for things in which Allah
has made some of you to excel others for men, there's reward for
what they have earned. And likewise for women, there is
reward for whatever and this isn't Quran, chapter four, verse 32,
another verse chapter 48, verse five, that he may admit the
believing men and the believing women to Gardens under which
rivers flow and the verse goes on. And then the last quote I'll share
is from chapter three, verse 195, never will I allow the loss of the
work of any worker amongst you male or female, you are one of
another. So again, Allah subhanaw taala is acknowledging our shared
humanity between
Are women and men and reiterating that we have mutual rights and
that he has the same expectations from us. So right from the from
that, you know, we can see that we have many rights. Now, if we jump
into the actual rights, there are so many, but I'm going to kind of
do something a little unconventional than the standard
list we've all seen is usually like a top maybe, you know, 10, or
less of major rights that women are given in Islam, but I'm going
to be a little bit more specific, because I feel like it's important
for all of us to really look at the power of our tradition and how
it has empowered us for centuries. And to really, you know, not just
to highlight certain things, but actually, you know, be very
specific in terms of defining what those rights are. So the first
one, the right, to be treated as a human being with dignity, and to
live peacefully. Okay, so it's not just that we are human beings, but
we actually have all this power that is telling us in the verses
again, of the Quran, that we have the right to live in peace, okay,
which is something that unfortunately, so many women
throughout the world, not just in the Muslim world, but they don't
live in peace, right. And here, all of us find those telling us we
have that right. And among His Signs is that he created you
created for you wives amongst yourselves that you may dwell in
tranquility with them, and he has put love and mercy between your
heart so this is sign number one, the right to be a leader. Okay?
One of my favorite hadith is Allah Kulu, camera in Wakulla, comas,
Erland, Andhra Yeti, this is where the prophesy centum tells us that
all of you are shepherds, and each of you is responsible for his
flock. And in this hadith, he then goes on to list the different
roles that everybody has, in terms of what that entails. And he
specifies that men have responsibilities. And then he
specifies that women have responsibilities. And the
responsibility of a man is that he is the shepherd of his family, and
will be questioned, and a woman is the shepherd of her husband's
house, and that she will be responsible for that. So that's
really empowering. Because, you know, don't look at that as like,
Oh, so that's all I have. No, it's a domain, and that is your domain.
And like, for example, in my house, my my boys know, and I
straight up I have two sons, they know and my husband is cool with
it. I say, these are my words, Baba is the boss of the outside,
okay, because, you know, they're young. And that means like, you
know, when we go somewhere, okay, fine, you know, you can take us
here, take us there, whatever. Or if we travel somewhere, he can
make, you know, the big plans. But Mommy is the boss of the inside,
okay, and they appreciate that because it gives them clear, like,
you know, they understand the roles. So when there's something
that has to do with the house, the way the house is run chores,
whatever it is, obligations, duties, they know who to come to,
and they give, you know, me my place and my, you know, rank over
my domain, and they honor their dad's domain as well. And of
course, we have, you know, we're a team so we work together, but it's
just a way of reiterating this idea that mothers, women there are
domains that are designated for us and this is the process of saying
you have the right to run your house the way you want to run it
let's just keep it real and once you Inshallah, enter that you know
part of your phase of your life, you'll appreciate this so much
because it is important that things are run a certain way and
usually women you know, we just have Hamdulillah you know, an
ability to we all know this multitask we can keep things in
order. So it just makes sense. But it's really great that again, the
Prophet was sent an honored us and that way, the right to be honored
we know from the Hadith, right that Heaven lies under her feet.
And the other Hadith where you know, man came to the whole system
and asked about who should he respect most in his life and the
process and reiterated your mother, he asked again, your
mother, your mother so all of this is again a way of our you know,
profit or loss Potter whether it's a verse in the Quran or Hadith,
telling us reminding us that we matter and that we have the right
to be treated with respect the right to an education, right
again, seeking knowledge and is mandatory for every Muslim male
and female, the right to stay home if you wish to okay if you want to
be a stay at home mom, you have that right? This is in the Quran,
chapter 46 Verse 15, And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and
kind to his parents, his mother bears him with hardship. And she
brings him forth with hardship honoring again, that you're, you
know, you should take care of your mother, honor her and if she
wishes to, you know, be at home and do whatever she wishes you let
her but also the right to work or an income own property. We know
from the examples of setting the HUD IJA, one of the four perfect
women we should know Anyway, her biography and know that she was an
entrepreneur. She was a businesswoman she was in every way
her reputation actually preceded the prophesy stones at the time
before they were married. People knew of her because of what
incredible work she was doing. And she did stand out. You know, there
weren't it was uncommon for a woman to have her own business.
isn't to employ men, but she was a boss lady, right? And so we should
know that about her. And this is again, I continued even after a
slam even though this, you know she was in, she had that role
before Islam, she continued to have that role even after Islam.
So it's not only, you know, further honored her in that the
right to inheritance, right? Again put on chapter four verse seven
there's a share for men and a share for women from what is left
by the parents, the right to be happily married. Okay, this is so
important as someone who works with couples all the time. A lot
of women just think like, oh, you know, I'm stuck in this situation.
I don't want to disappoint my mom or my dad. I mean, I remember
speaking to one woman, she actually came up to me after an
event. And you know, I had just come off the stage. And she asked
me say, can I talk to you? I said, Sure. We went to a corner. She
looked at me and she said, You know, I felt compelled to share
something with you. I've never shared with anybody. I said, What
is it? She said, I've been in an abusive marriage for 30 plus
years, my husband has beat me so much on a daily basis. I have
neurological and physiological injuries from that. And her part
of her face was paralyzed. She went on and I said, and I'm, of
course, standing there shocked. I mean, there's people walking all
around me. But I asked her, I said, have you tried to seek you
know, help or get out? Like, I'm just like, How is this possible?
And you know what she said to me? I mean, I pray nobody in this room
ever even thinks of this thought. But unfortunately, some of our,
you know, women in our, you know, community from older generations,
this is what they were conditioned to believe. She said,
I was taught that I don't leave my husband's house unless it's in my
for to my grave. Like that's what she was told. And she believed
that. So she was like, basically, I'm just, you know, unburdening
and sharing this with you. Because I felt compelled to tell you, but
I'm not going to do anything about it. That was her answer to me. And
I was, like, horrified to hear that. I tried to follow up with
her and offer her advice. But the point is, is you have the right to
be married and to be in a happy marriage. And if you're not in a
happy marriage, you have the right to leave that marriage. Right? The
most perfect believers are the best and conduct and the best of
you are those who are best to their wives is the prophesy setup.
He is telling men that you know, if you want to be close to Allah,
this is how you do it. You treat your wife in the best way. The
right to divorce. One of my favorite hadith is about a thank
you is about a woman who came to the province I sent him
complaining, she said that her father had just married her off to
her cousin. And she wanted to, you know, she was upset about it. So
the balls I sent him asked her well, you have the right if you if
you didn't choose to marry this relative of yours, you have the
right. What do you want to do? Do you want to stay or do you want to
divorce? And she said very clearly, I want to stay. But the
reason I spoke up is I want every woman to know that nobody has the
right to force them into a marriage. They don't want to that
hadith has been preserved and transmitted for 1400 years.
Because the prophesy centum wanted us to know that hadith, right.
It's a story that that was shared. And I was found that I wanted us
to know that hadith. So we have that it's an empowering Hadith to
know that you have the right to speak up and in terms of, of your
marriage, the right to be outspoken and negotiate with a
head of state, Judea. The hadith is one of the wives of the
prophesy Sonam look at her biography. She's amazing. She was
a princess. Okay, she was actually a princess of her tribe, her
tribe, there was a raid on her tribe, because they were going to
plot against the Muslims. And they she was actually a captive. So
she's so bossy, oh, my god, like her story. She went and to the
person who kept like, captured her, she negotiated a deal where
she's like, I need to talk to the Prophet Muhammad. She's not a
Muslim. So she somehow got him to agree to that negotiation, or to
that meeting. And then she goes, and she presents to the province.
I said, I'm like, You know what, I'm the daughter of you know, the
head of my tribe. And I am asking you to free me like to basically
free me from the situation. And he was so impressed by her. This is
what I love about our province. I said he was so impressed by her
strength. So for all of you in Charlotte, when you get you know,
the marriage conversation starts happening. If you get any man
who's trying to, you know, prevent you from growth or prevents you
from being who you want to be, because he's threatened by your
strength, literally close the doors on a modicum. Thank you. No,
thank you. Okay. Thank you. So I'm gonna wrap up in a second. But
she, she, she was he was so impressed by her strength. You
know what he did? He proposed to her. They married she she took her
shahada, they married Subhanallah and then to honor her even more,
and to empower her even more to show everybody like look at what
an amazing wife I have. He freed all of her fellow tribesmen to
honor her and her family. This was our province lies to them. So the
right to actually speak up, you know, Islam gave the right to vote
and
and participate in civic duty. So many incredible stories, no safe
havens can look at her biography and I'm gonna move further to the
right to be defended in the face of slander. During the period,
there was a slander happened with say, nyesha the prophesy seven
came to her defense, he didn't just, you know, Oh, someone's
saying something about my wife, and he's, you know, believing it,
he actually preserved her honor defended her honor, the right to
have boundaries and to be respected. This is important,
because some of our male you know, or, you know, some of the needs in
marriage is often have to do with boundaries with the opposite *.
And I meet with a lot of women who are like, you know, my husband,
you know, he's too comfortable with his coworkers or his, you
know, cousins or whatever, it's, he's overstepping, but I don't
know he's not listening to me. Look at this hadith, the prophet
Isaiah and says, the eyes fornicator and their fornication
is looking at prohibit things, the ears fornicating their fornication
is listening to prohibited things. The tongue for indicates and it's
fornication is speaking to women, strangers, and the Hadith
continues. But he is specifically talking to men like you don't just
go and leave that door open, especially if it's disrespectful
to your wife. So honor her, you know, don't do that. The right to
be given a tender loving care during our periods. This is
important, because again, we should exercise our rights. When
we are on our periods. Our husband should take care of us the
prophesy Saddam right when he would rest on the lap. Thank you.
I've given entire talks entirely on that topic, by the way, because
I'm very passionate about menstruation rights, I think we
should start a movement like, you know, seriously because I'm so
tired of men, not respecting the fact that you know what, we were
created to worship, let's find that He created us for one
purpose, which is to worship Him. And He says, You know what, take
some time off. You know, I mean, he says, take some time off. Don't
fast don't pray, but then our men who expects us to cook meals and
serve guests, no, no, no, if my Lord right, thank you.
And I'm almost done. I'm so sorry. I'm gonna wrap it up the right to
foreplay. I'm gonna keep it real ladies, sexual satisfaction, and
just plain affection with no strings attached. Come on, not
every time you want to do things, you know what I mean? But the
problem is lesson was very clear that we have the right to all of
those things when we wanted on our time. He said, Let none of you
come upon your wife like an animal. Let there be a messenger
between you. What's the messenger yada so Allah, the kiss and sweet
words, thank you. Thank you, right. Thank you.
Another Hadith do not begin in do not begin * until she
she has experienced desire, like the desire you experience, lest
you fulfill your desire before she does. Can I get an Amen? Please?
Thank you.
One day and look at this so beautiful one day, the Messenger
of Allah wanted to kiss me This is our Aisha saying he wanted to kiss
me and I told him I'm fasting. He said, I'm fasting as well and he
kissed me in spite of that Alhamdulillah affection love, it's
okay, we can have that without more right we should exercise that
the right to be advanced with dignity. If one of you and what I
mean by that is if your husband approaches you he should be clean
and not smelling not coming from the gym and having a Reek about
him. This is in the Hadith, the prophesy centum said if one of you
has sexual relations with his wife and afterwards wanted to return
let them perform the will do it is pure better and more hygienic. I'm
almost done the right to be honored and greeted with love the
right to be remembered in your absence. The right to be not
abandoned and neglected the right to be honored even after death. So
many more mashallah will stop I'm pologize for going over all if you
want to talk to me afterwards. I'll give you all the other deeds
sorry. Thank you
oh boy, that's gonna be a very tough act to follow. Masha Allah.
My Allah so I'm gonna use that the Malone's
sister. That was really, really good. Thank you so much. Next up,
I have a question for you, sister, Hannah. So according to you, what
are some of the values that young Muslim women today are lacking?
All right, so not a difficult question to answer at all.
So I timed what I wrote up and that's exactly 10 minutes. So I'm
going to read through it quickly and
so I'm just making an excuse for myself as to why I'm going to read
and not be as personable as this
Masha Allah, so Okay, so the questions I were, I was asked,
I've written them up here, can you discuss the values that young
Muslim women are lacking today? What are some ways in which we are
held back from reaching our full potential? And how can we serve as
better mothers, daughters, wives and sisters? So before anything
else, it's really important to clearly define our terms in order
to understand the framework within which we'll be having this
discussion. And the truth is that full potential might mean
something completely different to you than it does to me. Are there
universal characteristics for a woman's full potential? Are there
even any universal characteristics in the first place? What is the
full potential of women when compared to the full potential of
men? Is there even any distinction between the two. So, for the
purpose of our particular discussion, I'm going to frame
full potential as our potential to live a life solely dedicated to
seeking the divine Pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala to knowing
Allah subhanaw taala before we die, to being close to Allah
subhanaw taala in this life before we meet him in the next life.
Ultimately, all human beings, whether male or female, young or
old, should have the desire for reaching this full potential as
their end all be all goal. We are blessed that Islam gives both men
and women equal opportunity to accessing their Lord and Creator.
Human souls needs don't change. Despite how different the world
today may look from the world of centuries ago, our Souls still
need that connection to Allah subhanaw taala. And without that
connection, we suffer. Allah subhanaw taala tells us himself in
the Holy Quran, Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts
find rest. Therefore, my claim is that one's full potential
culminates with one having a heart that always remembers Allah
subhanaw taala and then tries to live a life pleasing to Him. So in
response to the question that was posited, which values are young
Muslim women lacking today? I have to confess that I personally am
not comfortable telling anyone what they are lacking, especially
young people. Because the truth is, I find that even at my older
age, I'm still learning something new every single day. And so many
times I have been inspired and motivated and taught by young
people like yourselves, young people, who am I see out there in
the world, striving, persevering, improving, growing in their
religion, in their relationships, in their studies in their careers.
So while I can't tell anyone what they're lacking, as your older
sister in Islam, I can share with you what I have seen that has
worked for the women who came before you in their personal
attempts to reach their full potential of living a life that is
pleasing to Allah subhanaw taala. We're all on this journey called
life together. And it behooves us to learn from one another
inshallah. So the theme of this year's MSA West is illumination
through service. Well, I'm going to let you in on an epiphany that
many people have had in the past, and that is, service is only
illuminated through intention. Service is only illuminated
through intention. Intention, makes the smallest act
illuminated, and great, because our measure is not what the world
weighs. But what Allah subhanaw taala ways life is illuminated,
when we stop focusing on where will one day be and start focusing
on where we're actually at, when we begin to worship Allah subhanaw
taala in the space and time that we're currently in. So how many of
us are constantly thinking, I can't wait until I can't wait
until I can drive. I can't wait until I graduate from high school.
I can't wait until finals are over. I can't wait until I
graduate from university. I can't wait until I get hired and start
my career. I can't wait until I meet the one and get married. I
can't wait until I get out of here and have my own place. I can't
wait until I have a child of my own. I remember one day long ago,
being completely overwhelmed while tending to the needs of three
little sons. I felt like a chicken with their head cut off running in
100 different directions. And it was with some envy that I got to
watch another mother peacefully sitting and focusing on her put on
reading, taking her time with her prayers and her the was I couldn't
help but think aloud. I can't wait
ate until the day when I too, can sit and worship properly without
interruptions.
She smiled and said to me, yes, I'm a sitting mother now. But I
wasn't always a sitting mother. My children are grown and don't need
me the way they did when they were little. Allah has blessed me with
this time now to focus on my ibadah. My worship your Ibadah is
to run after your children and raise them to one day grow up to
be believers. That is what you have to focus on now. Then she
told me something that I will never forget. She said, infuse the
seemingly mundane with lofty intentions, infuse the seemingly
mundane with lofty intentions. My life changed when I began changing
my attitude towards the mundane, everyday tasks that were at that
time seen by me as boring, and predictable, and unexciting. So
instead, I started telling myself, I'm doing laundry so that we'll
have clean and presentable clothes to wear as neat and tidy
representatives of Islam. I'm cleaning my home, in order to
attract angels and to repel jinn. I'm sleeping so that I will have
the energy to wake up and worship. I'm exercising and eating healthy
so that I can take care of this body that Allah subhanaw taala has
blessed me with. I'm drinking chai and eating chocolate chip cookies,
so that I will be in a good mood and can try to be a patient mother
who will guide her children to that which is most pleasing to
Allah Spano Bella.
Everything becomes Ibadah becomes worship with intentionality, aim
high, your reward can be far higher, higher than what you can
actually physically and practically do. Intentions can be
so much higher than what any of us can actually do. Be present with
Allah subhanaw taala in the moment that you find yourselves in, ask
yourselves, why do I want my college degree? Why am I staying
up late to study? How am I using the gifts Allah subhanaw taala has
given me how do I want to benefit the Ummah, why do I want to get
married, and then flip everything on its head and make it all about
Allah subhanaw taala I want to be rich so that I can support Islamic
institutions so that I can give and not take, I want to be
successful so that I can be a financial resource to the ummah. I
want to wear nice clothes so that as a Muslim, I look dignified and
honorable. I want to decorate my dorm room so that it is a peaceful
and calming space in which I can study and worship effectively. I
want to be at the top of my class because Allah subhanaw taala loves
that which is done with excellence. I want to get married
so that I can follow the Sunnah of the prophets and loneliness Salam,
and raise children who grow up to be believers of Allah subhanaw
taala the Messenger of Allah Himself sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam told us actions are but by intentions, and every man shall
have only that which he intended. Thus he whose migration the Hijra
from Mecca to Medina, was for Allah and His messenger. His
migration was for Allah and His messenger, and he whose migration
was to achieve some worldly benefit or to take some woman in
marriage, his migration was for that for which he migrated.
Everything we do in life can be an act of service to our Lord Most
High, but our acts of service can be illuminated only when we have
the proper intentions. Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts
find rest. We may think of remembrance of Allah only as
salah, and vicar, and Quran recitation, but can it not also be
simply thinking of him in every single thing that we do? Imagine
the peaceful minds and restful hearts that will result from
remembering him. This intentionality will also allow
many young people to avoid falling into the trap of thinking someday,
when I'm older, I'll start worshipping Allah properly.
Someday, when I'm more pious, I will start dressing more modestly.
Someday when I have more time I'll start praying and fasting. Someday
is not a day of the week. We need to do our best to be with Allah
subhanaw taala in the space and time that he has currently put us
in. So when it comes to the question of how to be the best
mothers, daughters, wives, sisters, just make the intention
to do your best for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala and you will
see your deepest desires manifest as realities inshallah. Allah
subhanaw taala
Moses and a Hadees could see that whoever intended to do a good
deed, but did not do it, that Allah writes it for himself as one
complete good deed. And if a person intended to do a good deed,
and then did do it, then Allah subhanaw taala writes it down as
10 Good deeds all the way up to 700 It's the best kind of math
ever. Allah's Mercy always works in our favor. But it all begins
with intentions, whether it takes us 40 days to accomplish our
goals, or 40 years, our goal is to die trying. May Allah subhanaw
taala grant assault though fique success and all of our desires to
reach our full potential, our desire to know Allah subhanaw
taala in this life, as well as in the next AMI
does that go low? Could ancestor can Oh, that was really beautiful.
And thank you so much for ending with that beautiful Dr as well.
Now, can we turn to sister HIPAA? And I have one question for you.
So how can we as Muslim as be assertive and confident while
still maintaining our modesty? I hear this question a lot in the
context of HIA relating to being shy. And I want to just take a
moment to differentiate between shyness and having to hire, right?
Because hey, shyness can actually be
can have a negative connotation to it. When we talk about you know,
societally speaking, when we say that someone is shy, oftentimes we
associate them
with something more negative, like they lack the courage to stand up
for themselves or speak up for others or speak up and state their
needs, right, or if their needs are being violated, right, or
their rights are being violated, then they lack the courage to be
able to take a stance and speak up. So that's typically how we
speak of shyness, right? But HIA is a little bit different.
And it's not a type of morality to be imposed. But something that
arises like a seed that's watered within you.
It is this feeling that you have of I respect Allah subhanho wa
Taala too much for me to transgress against him in this
way. Or for me to hurt someone in that way. Right, or for me to
violate the rights of others right in this manner. So it's really
something like a barrier within you that I have too much self
respect, because a part of it relates to myself, a part of it
relates to a loss of Hannah Montana, and then a part of it is
related to the community. So we are part of a culture today, and I
talked about this in my workshop earlier today, for those of you
that were there. And I talked about the culture that we exist in
today, being all about not caring what others think of you. Right.
And that is really problematic. And I stated why earlier, but I'll
state it again here for everyone. And that is not, you know,
something that's part of our Islamic
like, our our Islamic attire, if you if if you so call it right, in
the sense of community plays a big role in keeping us on track,
keeping us in check, keeping us aligned with our true core values
and principles. So for us to say that we don't care you do you boo,
right and don't care what other people think. That's a huge thing.
Because basically what you're saying is eliminate shame
entirely. And just do whatever it is the church whims and desires
command you to do. And this is this can be disastrous, right?
Because this leads us more in the direction of being animalistic, as
opposed to being dignified in the way that Allah subhanaw taala
created us the left column, not many Edom, right? Allah has given
us dignity. And we can't violate that dignity that ALLAH SubhanA
wa, tada has given us. So it's like three part, right?
In the sense of, I respect myself too much to act in a way that's
not dignified. I don't want to violate my own self. And then
secondly, right I respect the last panel Tada too much to transgress
and leave him in this way. Because he essentially when I transgress,
I move away from Allah subhanaw taala right. And then third is
that
I, I respect those around me too much to commit this sin or
transgress this way in front of them, because I don't want to
encourage them to commit the same sin. First of all, when when you
have young individuals around you who are watching, through
observational learning, this is how they learn. Well, so and so is
so respected in the community, but I saw her talking to guys left and
right.
Or, you know, my dad, I hear this a lot in therapy. My dad is like,
really open with women. So for me, as a guy, it's okay for me to talk
to women. Right? That's his model. That's his example that he looks
up to. So this is, so this is where hieght comes in. Right? I
want you to think of it as like a seed that is planted that is
within you, right? It's innate. And it depends on if you water it,
or you don't, that is that that is what will determine is if it will
grow, or if it won't, if it will become stagnant within you. Right.
So it's not just a private matter, it does concern the community and
the society that you live in.
Now, can I be confident, yet assertive, while maintaining my
higher, right. And I often hear this framed as though they're
pitted against one another, like they can't coexist together. And
that's really interesting to me, because I feel like those two come
hand in hand.
I cannot be a strong believer who is not confident. And who is not
assertive, who lacks the ability to be assertive. Right. And
actually, Being assertive is part of our faith, because it's not
just about looking out for me, myself and I, it's also I am
looking out for you as the person that I'm engaging with. So it's
not just about what's good for me, I'm also looking out for what's
good for all of you.
Right? I'm not just looking out for my own best interest, I'm
looking out for the best interest of everyone who's involved in this
party. Right? Right. So it's important to think of
assertiveness as something that's a necessity, it is something that
we need to have a skill that we need to have. And part of what
Jose was saying earlier, and I was debating whether I should go there
or not. Right. And I'm glad that you went there so that I can kind
of build upon it.
And that is, you would be shocked how many couples within the
therapeutic relationship that come in. And when I meet with an
oftentimes do this right out of respect for when I see that
there's too much tension between the spouses, I have to split them.
And I have to ask one of them to leave for approximately 2030
minutes, because there are certain things that a female will tell me
within that private safe space that she doesn't really feel
comfortable saying in front of him, because he may harm her. Or
he may have abusive tendencies. So to protect her, I just asked him
to leave politely. And I do the same thing with him. So that I
show her that it's also equal, right? I'm not just, I'm not just
singling her out and trying to have right and alliance with her
against him. It has to be fair across the board what I do with
her, I have to do with him. So when I meet with women, one on
one, I think this really blew my mind because one time I sat with a
woman was married for 20 years. And she confessed to me through
tears was sobbing, that during their intimate relationship, she
had never experienced what it means to experience pleasure in
within an intimate, right capacity. She's never experienced
what that feels like. And so I told her what my question was,
was, did your does your husband? Is he aware of this? Right?
Because I don't want to make her feel bad about her situation. So I
have to be very careful about how I react to what she says because
it feeds into how she's how bad she's already feeling. And she
said to me, no, because I've just learned how to fake it.
And this, to me, is an indication and I see this across the board.
And this is something that I struggled with when I was younger
because I was I always got these subliminal messages that it's not
okay for Muslim women to be confident.
And if you were confident people would look at you as though why is
she strong? Where did she get that strength from? And what does she
want to do with it? Like how does how will like where's she going
with that strength? Right? As if it's like
Something that's threatening or harmful or, or shameful to have
right? Where to be. And so I really noticed that our work,
especially with females in the Muslim community really relates or
ties into teaching the skill of assertiveness. Because when I'm
assertive, I'm asserting rights that the Most High has given me.
And I tap into a toolbox that is divinely sourced, it is not
anything from me. And this is when we talk about, you know,
illumination through hikma, when I'm serving the service is not
about me, I shouldn't bring myself into it. Right? I don't, I'm not
it's I'm not speaking so much about myself, it's all about the
person, the project, the initiative that I'm serving,
that's all that it's about. Right. And sometimes I have to reveal a
little bit about myself in order to connect with others. Because if
there's no connection, then there may not be
a sound delivery of that service. But we really have to detach from
ourselves being a part of that emotion and infuse so much of
myself into that hitman, right. And so that's part of being
assertive. And that toolbox is not mine to keep, it's not mine to
hoard. It's really something that Allah subhanaw taala has given me.
And that's where the confidence comes from, is because I know the
source through knowing Allah's 99 names, if you attended Austin, a
little Noah's workshop, right, she used to be my Ostara leader way
back when in LA, and she was one of the first people to talk to us
about the 99 names of Allah subhana wa Tada. And if you know
the 99 names of Allah, then you know, that this toolbox that you
were gifted with, is unlimited. Right. And that is where the
confidence is derived from. So it's not associated with me. These
are not my skills and my talents and my abilities that I boast
about or flaunt, it's really from Allah subhanaw taala. And it can
be taken from me at any moment in time. Anyone who has had a health
scare, you know, that overnight, everything can be gone.
So I must cultivate gratitude for this toolbox that Allah has
allowed me to take on loan until the time that my time basically
expires. And I go back to the creator of the toolbox, right? Who
gave me all of these abilities and this capacity, right? And we have
different capacities that we respect in one another through our
assertiveness, right, so recognizing my need. So when we
talk about Muslim as of today, it's really about us being much
more aware than our parents generation. And with that
awareness is also a slight bit of tragedy, because you come to learn
things that you wish you hadn't known. And I encounter this in
therapy with women as well, when they say that I had no idea that I
was being abused by my father, this whole time, until I learned
what abuse actually was. Because abuse is not just physical abuse
is also forms of manipulation, verbal abuse, right financial
abuse, sexual abuse, that we have such a hard time addressing and
facing in our community, right, because we wish it didn't exist,
and we don't know what to do with it after we find out, right? So
it's really,
it's really the thing that we need to focus on. And one last thing
that I will end with is that there's recently been a rise in
studies that talk about or correlate, being assertive with
being healthier physically in your body.
Right? Dr. Kelly McGonigal talks a lot about this, she's a health
psychologist, and she speaks about the benefits of learning how to be
assertive, because I'm compassionate. But I'm also able
to state my needs. These are not my wants. These are not just
frivolous things that I would like they're not just luxurious things
that I would like, you know, to be given. These are things that I
can't really survive or continue to do well without.
But I also recognize that that my spouse that I'm speaking to, he
also has needs, and I have to figure out how we can best have
them in this harmonious stance in which his needs are met and my
needs are met. And we come to like a middle ground where it's like
harmonious right. It's this beautiful symbiotic relationship,
right that can coexist. To the best of our abilities. We will
fall short. We I won't
be able to deliver all the time, but I do the best that I can. And
when your spouse knows, right or your friend knows or your parent
knows or your sibling knows or whoever it is that you're engaging
with, knows that you're also looking out for their own best
interest, you will have a much better relationship in the long
term right? So this is something that I feel like as communities we
need to really work on is learning how to be assertive. Right?
Because it can give rise to so much beauty in our relationships
second volcano
everyone's kind of asleep Can you all get up just get up do I want
to do like jumping jacks or something just get up there's no
man it's fine it's fine
even if there was a man
Okay, that's enough sit down
that was not a call to just fall apart women let's do this.
All right, thank you so much sister hip up
all right, can we all sit down please love to chit chat. I don't
like it. And I'm
gonna just insult them they'll quiet down
please be sluices please speak out. You're cute but sit down.
Yeah, you Yeah, you're adorable. Sit down. You're so pretty.
Mashallah.
You are freaking gorgeous.
You are more gorgeous when you sit. And you stick Wyatt.
Did you want to ask me a question? Yes, please. All right. So for the
last question of the night inshallah. I'm gonna make this so
quick, you guys, because we want to do question to answer during
our let's get to the meat. Potatoes. Time In sha Allah. Yes.
I said me and they were like me. Love it. All right. Can we finally
have Sister Yes mean? Dive into how a Muslim must go about the
struggle of sexism
using
using Islam's beauty and empowerment as her shield.
Okay.
I'm sorry, was no better card stand in front of yourself.
See me because I'm
so excited to be here, especially with these. Look, you know, just
beautiful illuminated women. Sexism. I'm not going to tackle
I'm not going to fix sexism in five minutes. But
what I'm going to tell you is what I've done to try to combat it a
little bit. When I was your age in MSA in college, I really wanted to
unite all the MSA is in Atlanta.
And the guys were like, oh, okay, little girl
you do it. Yeah.
Like I was like, okay, like you guys don't want to help and
they're like, no, well, let's just you take the lead. Let's see what
happens.
So these guys legit. Legit set me up for failure for like a
fundraising dinner. And they're like, yeah, we'll bring the
projector. We'll make sure to order the food. See you there.
And then they call me for hours before the event. They're like,
sister, we could not find the projector.
We also did not order any food.
Good luck in your fundraiser.
We may show up. And they did they showed up because they wanted to
see it fall apart. And so I had to do in four hours was like
scramble, as many women have to write. Here's sexism. It's ugly.
They question you. They mess with you after they mansplain to you.
Why you won't get it right without them. And you scramble, right? You
become resourceful. That's what I did. I like called my university.
I got a projector. I called another restaurant to get the
catering done at the banquet hall because I knew that you could do
that at that banquet hall, get outside food. And we slip in did
the thing and these guys showed up to like laugh at me right laugh in
my face.
It didn't work.
It didn't work.
Yeah, I mean, like, I I'm not the one who did that. Like every woman
can do that. Right? It's 4am Everyone's hungry. You know, no
one's like your kids aren't asleep. They're just
awake, staring at you. It's cold. It's cold in this room, right? I'm
not this room, but I'm just saying, you get what I mean. And
you're like, figure it out, feed the kids put them to sleep good
luck. And we do it. We just make it happen. Now, okay, is it
excuses sexism? Absolutely not. But what I had to do is sort of
like, prove myself I had to go above and beyond, I had to become
undeniable. Now, it's not fair to ask any minority group to be like,
okay, as long as you become undeniable, you'll make it That's
not fair. It's not a fair burden to place on them. But sorry, guys,
the world's not fair. So you either rise to the occasion or you
get washed away.
Right.
So when I rose to that occasion, first of all, I prayed a lot about
it. Like I was like, Oh Allah, I am so abandoned right now. Right?
I'm by myself and these guys want to see me fail. Oh, Allah, if you
want to see me fail. I'm done with that.
I'll crash and burn.
But oh, Allah. If I'm supposed to succeed, no one's gonna be able to
stop me
not any man who's scared of me.
And not any woman who a little bit jelly.
Except I wasn't even dealing. I mean, it was like all men, right?
It's like Georgia Tech. MSA. It was like, man,
every type of man tall, short all of them.
I mean, men held Kennesaw, they held Georgia Perimeter and they
held every university. Right. So anyways, I show up and you know,
we ended up raising like $50,000 at night. And the guys were like,
Oh, sister. Oh.
You did it?
I'm like, yeah. Okay. A whole Yeah, I did it.
Without your help. And I made sure to tell them that I'm like, yeah,
no, thanks to you, sir.
Maybe next time, you hope. And it kind of looks to me, they're like,
Yeah, next next time, we'll do it. Yeah.
So, I mean, you know, you're talking about being assertive. I
was assertive. I was assertively, like, you know, screw you. Right,
like I was assertively. I can do this without you. But it'd be
cool. If you want to help. I'm open to that. Right? Like, if you
want to join this party,
you got an invite, but the party is going to happen without you.
You gotta start walking like that. I mean, this I mean, from in my
opinion, we were talking about, you know, sexism, and from the
beauty of Islam and empowerment Islam gave women so, so many
perspectives on access to Allah. Okay, you have to understand that
the environment that Islam entered into were women were inherited,
like they were. items, items. So one of the things that was
prohibited was, If a man dies, it's not like his wife just gets
inherited by his brother or his dad. It's not forbade that
practice. That is not going to work. Obviously giving her
inheritance rights before the West even heard about it at the end of
the 18th century.
Just kidding 19th century.
So you have to you have to understand that the beauty is that
we had women that were not only empowered because they have
nobility, a lot of them had noble blood, and they invested their
funds and they acted nobly. But we had women also that were a part of
oral traditions. They were smart. Right and they showed them to be
they showed themselves to be undeniable I show that I know is
undeniable. Right? She walked into a room she's like yeah, I know all
that. I know it all you right so she she she comes from, you know,
a very intelligent tradition. She comes from also noble blood. So
what I'm trying to say is like, after that moment after that, like
debacle of a fundraising dinner at dunya banquet hall in Atlanta,
Georgia.
They like wanted to meet up they wanted to know how I did it. They
wanted to know you know, that's like they wanted to some of that
secret sauce. So you've got to walk around like I got the secret
sauce if it tastes good.
Like I need you to go
man
Thank you.
There were like mics to high cut it
cut the battery for she says the place on fire.
Universities we don't need man. Anyways.
So anyways, they attempted to try to then they Subhanallah it's like
they all stood up straighter. Right and they had respect for me.
And they saw that, okay, through the process of this person sort of
like pushing us and
pushing our communities, we can all stand up a little bit
straighter on the sentiment of the Lauryn Hill, wife of the Prophet
alayhi salatu salam, she asked the Prophet and so some for a day for
women. Right she stood up and said I want a day for women and
everyone likes stood up a little straighter. Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
we'll do that for women.
Right That didn't happen without her asking. Without her showing
interest without her showing up. So that's, that's what I want you
guys to know. Like, you have a very strong tradition of also,
this oral tradition is the creation of tradition. So long in
Christianity and Judaism. Muslim women are so different because in
Christianity Judaism, women are not involved in tradition. Making
of sacred texts, Muslim women are involved. Imam Ahmed 75% of his of
his Hadith books 75% are narrated by a woman not one when not one
woman in the history of Hadith sciences ever was considered a
liar not one every chain that runs the woman is pure truth we know
that
you don't have to tell us that Imam Ahmed you know, but Imam and
a lot of mine who was the most stringent of Hadith collectors. So
the fact that so many women are part of his chains of transmission
is because he only took the best. So unlike so I want you guys to
walk up a little a little straighter, right? Walk a little
straighter knowing that. Like, oh, actually, I don't lie. I tell the
truth and I get things done. Okay. Boo. Like, that's you have to walk
like that. Can't be like, I want your help. Like, can you help me?
Like I don't know where I'm like going?
Like, where do I put the like, file? What am I like? How do I
save it?
Don't you flipping do that? Except if you get stopped by the cops
I'm driving, I can't drive. What was he driving? Can read signs.
I'm gonna open up for questions. Now. I think that was sufficient.
But I mean, like, like, become undeniable and sexism sort of
starts like, there's holes in that. I grew up in Huntsville,
Alabama. Right. Okay. All right. Thank you for the one person from
Alabama.
Sort of
where are your family there? That's adorable. Okay.
You know, you're not cool. Okay. Oh, Tennessee. That's good. That's
good enough. Yes, I'll take you. You're good. But you know, when
you're in that situation, you have to be undeniable. And your
communication strategy is when you walk into a room, and those people
are like, Oh, she's a little bit scared. They'll eat you alive.
Right? If you project the success, you want to see, you dress in a
certain way you comport yourself in a certain way. You hold
yourself up high, you hold yourself up to excellent
standards. You push yourself, you show up. No one can say anything.
And if you got something to say, you walk around, like you know,
you want this
it's basically Lizzo it's just Lizzo it's all Lizzo
Welcome to
Stock Market and we have like five minutes for q&a. So whoever wants
to ask a question, I'm going to run to you with a mic.
Oh my god. So many questions, too. I've got two. Okay. Yeah, go
ahead. I just wanna say thank you. So I actually recently just went
on a rant because I'm a barista at Starbucks. And I had a Muslim
brother come up to me because I like to wear hair clips, because
you know, it's iconic and it's cute.
So he came up to me how the audacity font on my manager and my
co workers told me that I'm a disgrace to my religion, that I'm
going to * I need to take I need to take it off. I'm not gonna
lie. I went to the back and cried because it did hurt me. But then I
went to Hayward came out a New Year's and Rancher my shit. I went
on a rant, I told him, I'm fed up. This has to stop. No guy isn't to
tell a Muslim sister to take off their hijab. And if they do, I
want them to say right to my face, because they have no right. If we
want to wear a certain style, we're gonna do that. We want to
wear makeup. We're gonna do that. We want to wear accessories. We're
gonna do that. Who are they? They tell us what to do. I like sick of
it. So like, I'm like, honestly going around about it now. Anyway,
thank you for sharing your rant.
Sister.
This woman has a question but in the meantime, I just want to say
not only should they say to your face, it should be ready to sit in
front of Allah.
That's what you gotta say. You gotta be like I'm meet you on the
Day of Judgment. Bruh
done. He's silent. That guy goes side
Okay, so I have like quite a heavy question to unpack. So bear with
me. I tried to compose my thoughts before I ask. But so I kind of
wrote a little stuff down. So I was, okay, so I'm Islam has always
just been Muslims or not. And our Creator has given us all these
rights that he that you've talked to us about today. But our culture
and societies have set up institutional sexism that has
sprouted into our families and society functions and like
structures that have silenced a lot of those God given rights. For
example, you talked about how a woman's right to control of the
home yet domestic violence is one of the most common issues amongst
Muslim women in our community. And then the right to divorce, that
violent man is then silenced by societal, like misconceptions and
consequences from divorce that we've set up. So these are two
rights that are already silenced and taken away. So clearly, there
is this huge gap in executing those rights that it has given us.
And that's why Muslim women feel that they need to turn to another
ideology outside of some like feminism, because they feel like,
like, there is no active outlet for us to basically demand those
God given rights. And as a community, we openly talk about
how we don't need feminism because because it is an ideology outside
of Islam. And it's like saying that the rights that Allah has
given us are not enough. And I 100% agree with that. But for
every leader in our community that pushes down feminism, I would like
to see talks like this, that give an outlet to fight for our God
given rights. And the best way.
And the best way to build that healthy outlet is by educating
Muslim women and men of those rights. So this talk here is
amazing. Yeah, because and the best way to build that healthy
outlet is by educating women and men like you're doing here today.
You could hear in this audience, like as you were reading those
rights, it was news to a lot of girls here. So you can only
imagine that it's even less knowledge to men in the streets,
right? And men, unfortunately, in our society are what run a lot of
our social structures. So I think the most important people to
educate our men about our rights. So I want like more organizations
like MSA West and mass in general, when we do have talks about this,
about woman issues like this, of course, it's beneficial for women
to hear it, but it's almost more beneficial for men to be to be
here with us today to hear about these rights. So
there was a question. Okay.
Great, so thank you. So the question essentially, is, how do
you think as a community, we can set up more like, advances to set
up that healthy outlet outside of feminism and something that's, you
know, born inside of our faith, and that's something that's
something that can be influential, essentially, in our community?
Just
just like golf, and I was seriously like, yes, yes, yes to
everything you said, I'm sure all of us agreed, thank you is
beautiful. But I think every single person on this panel, they
shared something that is exactly the remedy to this issue, being
assertive, owning your power, having intentions, knowing your
rights. So it starts with knowledge. It starts with knowing
and I mean, this is my mission for the past 20 plus years has been to
do exactly this, I've led helicopter, helicopter help. I've
done classes with women, all about learn your rights, learn your
rights, go study from other women don't just show up for, you know,
the great shift that comes and then be empty when you have female
teachers coming to learn from your female teachers, because they're
the ones are going to tell you they're gonna, because from
experience, you know, you know, I've had my fair share of personal
issues I've been, I was in a previous marriage, I have
experienced emotional abuse. I know what that's like. So when I
sit and I talk to my students, I'm not just, you know, spouting, you
know, things from books, you know, I'm actually talking experience
and life experiences, how you, you know, teach people you teach them
that this is how you do it differently. You know, if you
learn from my experience, learn from my mistakes, or what I didn't
do, right, but you can't get that if you're going to only attend
classes or listen to lectures online, from you know, and I know
no hate on the male teachers and Shuhai. You know, may Allah bless
them all. But I think when we're so close minded, we don't look at
where are the powerful empowered women in our community, let me
access knowledge from them. And we're only looking for the you
know, headliner speakers and we only make those a priority. This
is a problem I see. So I say bring more people like this panel to
your events and push for community programs at your program. You
know, wherever you are, say I want more female teachers bring bring
them with female teachers. Let us hear from empowered females,
because you will see a shift happening if you do that, I
promise
See you. But as long as we just kind of act like we have nothing
to do and we can't help it the men run the show. We're not being
assertive. We're not showing our power. Okay, thank you
this Oh, okay
just shout It's okay
It's only if it's like an aside seductive way. So I want to say is
like, what is your pet like? Like it's like because I'm just
confused and I want to ask on that. And also any more commentary
on like the females. So questions
did you get my questions? Yeah, okay
you know, when I first started speaking, that's why there were
very few female speakers because we were spoon fed that lie that
oh, your voice is out or you can't get on a stage. It's a lie. That's
it, Hollis said that Aisha she was teaching the men behind a pillar.
I mean, avail. But guess what? They were listening to her voice.
Right? Hello. So it's just a lie. It's a way of oppress, you know,
suppressing women from doing what we should be doing. So we need to
push back on that idea. Intention matters. This is his entire talk
was about when your intention is to go and speak in front of an
audience and you're not sitting there going semi naked brothers.
How are you? Today? I'm going to tell you no like it's not who does
that? No, nobody does that. I don't go up to any situation and
speak like that in front of brothers. None of us do. We're
here asserting our power. And if a brother has a problem with that
leave Hello, sleep leave the room. You don't need to hear my voice.
Because you're not going to silence me.
Yes, please.
Hey, what's up?
Are you asking that question? Because you feel like have you do
you feel silenced because of that?
So no, right?
Cool.
I just want to make sure that like don't yeah, no one use that
against you. Yeah, I mean, the assault of in general like even
the smell of a woman all that stuff. It's like, if your
intention is to like put somebody in Haram no matter what you do,
that's wrong. Right? What man or woman so I'm just saying if your
intention is to leave behind beneficial knowledge, which was
one of the things that was also said and said will actually give
us good deeds after you enter the grave. Right. Then how could that
be haram or our or cruel except to just basically keep quiet half of
your population? It just seems so antithetical to the smell the
fragrance of our profitable center
you had something else that you want it
I really think this needs a whole talk by itself. Yeah, that's a
whole other topic if that's okay. By itself. Yeah.
I think there's a sister over Yeah, cycle. Desert glow head for
all the amazing words that you guys had to say. I was wondering
if you guys can also emphasize on the idea of woman empowerment. We
hear so much about powerful Sahabi yet and the amazing things they
did but we don't almost like we hear them separately. And
especially today in our society where we're turned against each
other because men know that if they turn us against each other
they'll actually have a chance in life. So like can you guys
emphasize on that
basically not to turn against each other
Yeah, loving one another. Hugging
Yeah, so female empowerment. Okay, so I'm just thinking about my
circles and my friends and how supported I feel by them and
inshallah I hope they feel supported by me. And the way that
manifests itself is really having a good opinion of one another. Not
jumping to conclusions, making 70 excuses. Not doing Reba about one
another, you know, and Reba is to speak about someone in a way that
if they heard you, they wouldn't like it. So I have a friend who is
very, very modest and wouldn't appreciate me even complimenting
her a lot
When she's not around so that could even be libo right? So just
keeping in mind like, what
basically how we can support each other the best Right? Like just
being each other's cheerleaders and being happy for one another
when you see your friends succeed and yeah, like I mean Husain
mashallah, in our community and beyond is one of the most popular
public speakers and I got put on the whole public speaking track
because of her because she said, You can do this, you have to do
this or we need more women. I didn't want to do it. I didn't
think I could do it. But she completely encouraged me. That's
what we have to do for one.
Yes, absolutely.
100%
I mean, what's your question? And I just watch my show. I mean,
Hannah, I see Star Power right? You saw it, you see it, you see
it, I saw it. It's a fact hum de la she's doing what she's doing
mela increase all of all of our panelists here, but I just want to
add you know, the the toxic culture that we live in yes pits
women against one another. And you see it all over social media, you
see this nastiness, it's just everywhere, we have to rise above
that and remember that every like risk is from Allah subhanaw taala
whatever you are going to get in this life, it's already been
portioned for you. So don't be afraid to share the light. Like if
you're threatened by another person and thinking like oh, I
have to have all of this because I can't share it. You don't have
your Aikido straight you're not you're not clear because Allah
subhanaw That determines everything for everybody it's
already set and done. So just be you know, the type of person that
says I you know, I want to build people up because that will come
back on you just like when you make the offer someone in their
absence the angels are there, they're making off for you. So
have that mindset that anytime you build another person up and you
sister brother, whoever that Allah subhanaw taala is going to repay
you in many ways you know, in different ways in this dunya in
sha Allah and in the next life and not to ever think like you're
going to lose something like with with when we give us a cat same
concept, right? You're never losing your wealth when you give
us a captain sadaqa it's actually a way to increase your wealth. The
same goes with sharing your light and the same goes with building
other people up so just build each other up inshallah.
So many come so my question is,
when did I feel like our generation is growing up with like
the right ideas with Islam and our rights as woman and what we want
to do, where we got, we're where we want to go, and we're gonna get
it done. So above us, there's many people who are in our way, who did
don't have the same cultural ideologies as us. And they do
think like 100% No woman should not be doing this
is the work okay, just kidding.
So how can we work around them being our boundaries?
Respectfully, like if my dad has this certain ideology that, you
know, as a woman, I need to have this. It's not even here yet. It
just like, different I don't even know what it is. Or like men in
the masjid. Like, no, you know, women need to be like this. Don't
even try to like come in to do this or anything. So what can we
do to overcome these boundaries?
You know, I'm going to share a story with you. And this is why
knowing your rights is very important. When I was previously
married, I had an opportunity, a golden opportunity to study a
Koran with one of the famous most famous scholars of our time. My
now ex husband said no,
he said, you can't go.
And it was a private class like hand selected people. So knowing
Alhamdulillah my rights. I obeyed when he told me I can't do other
things while within our faith, but when he's told me that I can't
learn the book of ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada. I said, * no.
So you know what I did?
What did I do? I lied to him straight to his face. And I said,
I'm going to be taking a class really early in the morning. He
didn't even like question it was after fajr for the love of God. He
didn't even ask me like, why are you what kind of class starts at
like six o'clock in the morning? He was like over, right? But guess
what I did. Alhamdulillah I drove to that class. And I took this
class with this incredible teacher. He was able to give me
great openings and Quran that enabled me to go on to become a
poet.
and teacher that was fuddled from Allah subhanaw taala. Do I regret
disobeying my husband? No, because I know my rights as a woman, that
anybody who stands in your way to grow to become, you know, the best
version of yourself and to get closer to us about that,
especially when they're stopping you from that you have the right
to go over them. And so we have to know where we can assert ourselves
a little bit more and and push back those boundaries in terms of
the masjid and the structures that are around us. This is why women
have to be in leadership roles like mashallah, the woman sitting
next to me, she is on the board of our Masjid. So you know what she
does? She's sitting there with all the men in the power room and
saying, no, no, I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that. So
move away from being a bystander and watching things happen. And
say, I'm going to get into the leadership roles and start making
changes go in when I came back to the Bay Area after living in
Southern California, right away, I was like, Okay, I need to identify
who are my allies here who are in there are male allies, I don't
want to do this whole male versus female thing. We absolutely have
male allies. We are blessed to know my eyes, identify them and go
up to them and say, Listen, brother, this is what we need. How
are you going to help me make it happen? Let him go and talk on
your behalf or deal with you, whatever, use him as you, like, do
what you got to do, to get what you get, but do it and then watch
things change? Alhamdulillah you know, that's just the mindset you
have to have. So that's why I applaud the women that are on the
stage because this is exactly what we're all telling you. It's been
done. We've done it, we do it and even to this you know, now so just
keep you know, look at our examples, learn from it and follow
course. Yes, look, okay, look, look, look, look, look Okay, look.
This answer answers. I'm gonna try to answer you. You SATA. Okay, and
you miss the women. Okay, I like it. It's a huge topic, my friend.
But okay. Look, it's not bad a dub.
It's not bad a dub to find a need, and meet that need in your
community. As a woman, I don't need I like that you're on the
board. I don't need to be on the board to do good work. You
understand? So it's not bad a dub, I'm not stepping on any toes or
saying bad things to anybody, or telling people you better believe
I'm walking that way. I'm talking in a way that's respectful and I'm
meeting the need. I'm setting up a program I'm setting up a homeless
shelter, I'm doing clinical work, whatever it is. So what I'm saying
is like, you're saying how do we overcome that the way you overcome
that is you create lanes. There are lanes, do you get what I'm
saying? But you've got to carve them out. So here's the structures
pillars that stop you. And you look at them and you say, okay,
nothing's going to stop the good work of Allah remember what I'm
saying? Right? Nothing's gonna stop the good work of Allah. So if
something is good, it's well intention, studying the Quran,
meeting some type of need of the orphan, whatever it is. No man is
gonna be like, that's bad up sister. You'd be putting on a
program, getting up here talking about children, you know what I
mean?
Like he's gonna look dumb.
We have to have edit with those male allies that she's describing,
but all men, so like, if you're gonna joke with a guy, don't make
it sexual.
If you're gonna joke with a guy, don't let him be married. You
know, I'm saying like,
you know what I mean? Like, be smart. Don't get flirtatious.
Right. I'm not saying women are like naturally flirtatious is not
one of this. Forget that crap. But you know, when you attracted to
somebody, right, you have to comport yourself in a certain way.
That's one of the higher that he was talking about. So if you feel
like you might be leaving, brushing up against the line, you
know, that line, all of us do. It's not like we weren't raised
right handler.
But you have to figure out your own lane, and you're going to,
you're going to lead a silent revolution until it becomes a
little louder and a little louder, till the people in the back can
hear. Then the men want to come they want a piece of it. They want
to know they want to learn these guys. You see him to come and
peeking in on these women. What is the women doing in here? What are
they there's so many of them.
It's like fish in a barrel you got I'm saying
they're interested. But you so what I that's what I want to tell
you. You can create your own leadership. Nothing stops you from
doing good work. And if you continue to do that good work,
Allah will bless you and more people will join your movement and
then suddenly you're something because you're something right
now. Yeah. Without any titles.
Allowed was
a huge, huge, huge thank you to everyone for being here.