Channel: Hesham Al-Awadi
This lecture is from “JIMAS Conference 2012: Being Faithful to Revelation”. The lecture is entitled “Serving Society -Taking Inspiration From the Prophet’s Guidance” and is delivered by Shaykh Hesham al-Awadi (Kuwait)
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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah. While he was a happy woman, voila, welcome back brothers and sisters sokola her. We're ready to start our next lecture inshallah, and ahamed Allah gives us great pleasure to welcome back. Dr. Sharma lawai. Does UCLA head, Dr. Hassan for those who don't know, brothers and sisters hamdulillah he completed his master's in philosophy, and then his PhD in Middle Eastern politics hamdulillah and, of course, has done his degree in Islamic studies with the Institute of Cairo Al Hamdulillah. He's a regular to the gms conference hamdulillah. And he's done a number of series of lectures of which you may be familiar with,
including an explanation of surah Yusuf, he's done children around the Prophet sallallahu sallam, and the life of the four imaams has been one of many series that he's delivered hamdulillah he'll be lecturing in Sharla. Today on serving society, taking inspiration from the profits of larger slums guidance in Charlotte de la, her
master's in philosophy, by the way, in international relations, I wish I could become a philosopher this microphone.
Okay, Mona Lehane
Salatu, salam, ala Sayyidina, Muhammad Ali.
Last year, I spoke about serving neighbors. So there was this idea of serving.
And I talked about neighbors, not just the physical neighbors, but the virtual global neighbors, enabled by Facebook, Twitter, social networks, etc. So I think I served
the subject of today. And therefore I would not repeat it, the easiest would be actually to bring from my printer, the same lecture and lecture it on the hope that you would have forgotten it. This is not going to be the case, because the lecture is on YouTube, so you can listen to it at any time. So what is it today that I will be offering when something hopefully new?
I'm going to talk about teenagers.
And I'm going to talk about how we can serve our teenagers. And I'm talking specifically about Muslim teenagers, anyone from 12 to 19. I would encourage and if he or she are not here, please text them and say come to attend. Because today is only about teen ages, and how to serve teenagers. And hopefully by serving teenagers, we are serving our society.
When I searched this theme, I was encountering three obstacles. The first is that teenagers tend to think if you're going to talk to them about prophetic guidance on how to deal with children or teenagers. They would say, Well, I'm a teenager. And I cannot relate to Mohammed Salim because he wasn't a teenager, he received revelation at the age of 14. So whenever he said about teenagers, or personal experiences or experiences, it's always about a teenager came to a for profit, but it will it's not about the Prophet himself. This is one reason I really can't relate to the Prophet. Another problem is that, well, he's a prophet, I'm not a prophet.
The third obstacle is that well, whenever you will tell me about the Prophet. It's a story that in most cases took part in Medina. Well, I live in Manchester
or Birmingham, actually, these are Islamic cities. So the example is not that good. backburner any city that is non Muslim. So what I'm going to do today is something hopefully, I would hope will be new, and I will hope you will benefit from I'm going to talk to you about Mohammed sauce, lm, the teenager
to a teenager and see what is it in the life of Mohammed Salim the teenager that could be of inspiration to a teenager.
And to do that, then we find the connection then we find it very relevant because he's a teenager. You're a teenager.
He's not he's a nonprofit. You are nonprofit. Number three. You live in Manchester he lived in mud. So here we find the three connections. What disconnected now are beginning to connect okay.
So how to do this is going to be divided into two sections.
Mohammed's are selling the teenager inside the household.
And Mohammed saw sell them the teenager outside the household. And hopefully by these two sections, we can give a teenager some sort of prescription as to how to survive as a teenager in a non Muslim society in this case would be UK, or Germany or America or Canada. Okay, so that is the overall framework.
There are three things that Mohammed saw Selim the teenager, not the Prophet, experienced when he was a teenager. And incidentally, that is, since he was a child.
And a very important thing, teenagers. Yes, the age group is different than when they were a child, but the way you treated them as a parent does not start by them becoming a teenager.
But since they were children, so what is it in a continuum consistently was available to the child till he reached the age of 1213? Until 19? Well, three things. The first thing is love. The second thing is respect. The third thing is belief. But you told me, my Muslim nonprofit, no, I need a different kind of belief, which I'll discuss in a minute. So let me actually talk about the love. So if you're taking notes, write this heading if you're going home and typing it in bold, capital, love.
And I don't mean it in a romantic sense, by the way, not just to please your egos love your child. I mean, it genuinely as someone who has, I think read a lot of sera books. Because even if you look at what Amina provided to Mohammed Sol Sol and Amina, by the way, you know that Amina lived with Mohammed Salah, sell them for six years, actually less than that one would say two years, because out of the six, about four years was spent away from Amina in the desert with Halima. So even the period, the already short period that Mohammed Salim lived with Amina, was already shortened even further by the absence of four years. So the body or the desert was like a residential onboard
During these two years, and I struggled a lot to see what is it in terms of love that she could have offered and I found amazing quotations. The first thing you need to understand is that Amina chose not to re marry after the death of her husband Abdullah.
And when we think about Amina, we tend to think about her as the mother of Muhammad Salah as someone who was senior, mature enough not to think about these things after the death of her husband. Well, if you read Sierra, even a sham, and some of the historians they say that she was below 20 when Mohammed Salim passed away, in our terms today, talking about teenagers, she was practically a teenager, because when he passed away, she was only 19. Yet, she decided not to remarry in a society that did not find it inaccurate or wrong to marry widows. In fact, widows and divorced were immediately remarrying in a patriarchal society where a single mother would find it difficult to
survive on her own. So that's number one. She did not remarry. Despite her being a normal human being having physical, emotional spiritual needs to get married. She decided not to remarry. The second thing was that Mohammed Salim never had any siblings, no sons to army and no other daughters to Amina, where they could fragment her emotional concentration directed only and solely and wholly to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So no husband in the household, no sisters or brothers in the household. And the third important thing was there was no incentive only pushing the mother to work outside the household because the husband has passed away, because historians tell us that
since the death of the Father, the grandfather took care of the financial expenses of the household. What do they What do you end up having you have a mother that has indeed spent only two years with her son, but a very committed mother. And the circumstances were conducive to create a very caring mother that was both able to provide quality,
time and quantity.
So the period was short, but it was condensed and concentrated.
This love was important and love is to be expressed
To a child here, I'm talking in abstract terms. Now, love has to be expressed to a child in verbal and nonverbal communication. So you would have expected that she had them.
She smiled at his face, eye contact, looking at his face while breastfeeding, singing, perhaps,
hugging, kissing, all the sort of things that a mother would do, but perhaps would not be able to do continuously because she's pregnant. She wasn't because her husband is calling her to do some tea and cook she wasn't Oh, because tomorrow is Monday morning and I need to sleep early she wasn't she provided Mohammed Salim with quality and quantity time. Now, if you read the parenting Literature Today, they say that the concept of quality time has been provided created to
address the guilt conscious that a working mother feels not being able to give her son or her daughter the appropriate enough time. And today even they are talking about what is called quantity time, by at least incorporating the child into the daily habits of the working mother such as when she's doing the laundry, cooking, washing the dishes, at least bring the child into the kitchen, take him or her with you shopping. Because what you are doing here is that you are combining both quality time which is very artificial, because when you spend one hour a day in on regular basis, I can only dedicate this one hour from seven to eight. But the child they realize goes through
different moods and different phases that he needs his mother to be with him and at that time you are not in the house. So what Amina therefore provided to Mohammed Salah despite the short period was this continuous care and attention. I'm not asking mothers here now to
quit because you need to pay your bills. But I'm asking the mother and indeed the father to think about connecting with the children beyond the concept of quality time.
That is love that was offered to Mohammed Salim the child what about love to him as a teenager? Well,
I thought about that. Listen, listen to how we really usually narrate the car. I'll give you a traditional way of narrating Mohammed Salim was born and often his father died since he was in the his mother's
when he was praying, you know, his mother was pregnant with him, and then lift six years with his mother, his mother passed away. And then after that, no female comes into the house. No female comes into the life of Mohamed Salah until what happens until he gets married to her deja 25. But what about 1213 1415 1617 1819 2021 2223 24? I'm not teaching accounting here.
But I'm actually I want to actually hit you hard in trying to tell you what happened during this period. We don't know because in most cases we know when we generate the spirit. It's what adopted by his grandfather male adopted by his uncle male, but a male in a patriarchal society could not in no way provide what a mother would be able to provide to a young boy. So certainly there was a female other than Halima,
that was able to close bridging the gap between Mohammed for selling at the age of six when his mother died till he marries Khadija data of 25. Who was this mother?
If you tell me now,
I'll give you a glass of water as a present.
what's her name?
Okay, you get half a glass of water.
Exactly. The wife of the uncle. No one really talks about her. But can you imagine that if Mohammed Salah name is Fatima, if you imagine that Mohammed saw Selim lived with Fatima Fatima, the uncle's wife, not Fatima, his daughter in fact, I believe, or I'm just throwing it away to play with that he loved Fatima so much that he called his daughter Fatima. Like you call your daughter
named after level song.
Okay, he lived with foreigner from the age of eight till the age of 25.
We know a lot about Abu Talib, but we don't know much about Fatima. Just let me give you two or three pieces of information. First of all, the shocking information is that Fatima converted to Islam. Fatima became a Muslim, Fatima migrated to Medina unlike the uncle who died in MacAllan Muslim
lived long enough to live with Ali
Hassan when her son got married
to his wife, Fatima bint Mohammed in the household. Therefore, in Ellie's household therefore, there were three people. There was a Lea, there was Fatima bint Mohammed and there was farting I've been to acid.
Imagine the relationship between the daughter and her mother in law. Would it be heated? relation? No way. jokes are being told about the relationship between daughters and mothers in law. Okay. Oops. But here, this is not just a mother in law. This is actually the mother that has brought up her father since he was eight. Okay. What is fascinating when she died when she passed away, Mohammed Salim duck her grave in Medina, went inside the grave, made
for Allah, have mercy on Fatima
and then went abroad the body and buried it in Medina and the Sahaba said, Yara Salalah. We never saw you doing this with any deceased person.
And he said there was no one who took care of me after about our lab, more than she did. So in no way she could have abused, insulted, attacked, beaten, hated, in no way he would have done this. And in no way he would have said this. And in no way he would even perhaps agree that she gets he gets his daughter married to a boy that this is his mother. Because so everyone the fact that she brought it the fact that she took care of it, the fact that she developed Mohammed, the fact that the uncle agreed to marry her from the beginning. And the uncle is a decent person. Everything conquers to create this picture that everyone was living in the household was a decent person. And this is the
environment that you need to create for your teenager if you want your teenager to be decent. Okay, so love. The other thing has to do with respect if you are writing, so the second heading would be Respect.
Respect is different from love, because I can love you, but I don't respect you or I can respect you, but I don't love you. I can respect you based on you know what you stand for your ideas, I feel you but I don't love you or vice versa.
Mohammed Salim has offered both love and respect Now, the only thing I want to say about respect is that and this is very, very, very important.
handler even even, even the universe is conquering with the fact that what I'm going to say to you is important and given us very important water.
Respect has nothing to do with a child.
Respect has nothing to do with a teenager
about politics did not respect Mohammed Salah sell them because he was Mohammed sell them when he was 12 although this was part of the factors,
but Allah subhanaw taala chose that Mohammed Shah seldom lives with the uncle because the uncle is a respectable, respectful, decent person. In fact, one of the reasons that Mohammed Salim lived with the uncle is because on his deathbed, the grandfather brought about Parliament said if I pass away, you take Mohammed knowing that about all of his poor, knowing that obatala has many children, knowing that there are other brothers to Abu Talib, like Abu lahab
that Mohammed could be raised and brought up in but he chose deliberately autopilot because he knows that about Allah is the best person available. And incidentally, some historians say that because I was the only brother to Abdullah the father of Mohammed from the same mother. So he would be more caring. But I'm talking here about the respect. What is it that tells you or tells you that he was a respectful person? Well, when you read about the life of a pilot, you see that he was a dominant person, respectable person. That's why they could not humiliate
Mohammed Salim until I'm in prison until the uncle died. You see, it's not about Mohammed Salah Abu lahab is not respecting Mohammed Salim because he's the Prophet. Look at the humilation when, when the uncle died, they were respecting him more than 60% because of the uncle. They respected the uncle a lot. And he was dominant in the Mexican society, although it's difficult to become dominant in the Mexican society if you're not rich, he was poor, but he was still prestigiously dominant because he was respectful. Okay, so what is it that we have we have two things we have love and respect that was offered to them. Now how do you respect a teenager? Well, you can do many things
and literature in how to deal with teenagers is a lot here, but I want
To connect them to Mohammed assassin and the first thing you need to do is that you need to listen.
You need to listen to your child, you need to listen to your girl for your, your boy, your teenager, you need to listen, even if what they talk about is hip hop. Even if what they talk about is Batman The rise of The Dark Knight, if I got to try it, whatever you need to listen.
And I know this is difficult, but you need to add to the listening. And that is listening without judgment, not that you agree with what they say. But you listen so that you create this vulnerable intimate moment whereby they can speak to you without being intimidated and tell you everything, even the dreams and that is the same relationship. And he spoke about me delivering suit, I use it. As intimate as his dreams use, it finds no problem in going and confessing to his father, his intimate dreams. I'm not suggesting that teenagers tell their fathers, or their dreams, though. But I'm just telling you that it was this kind of intimate relation, that I will talk to my father or my
mother if she was a girl or a boy, without me being judged. And the second thing which is very important to do with respecting the teenager and showing respect is that you do not condemn the personality, but you condemn it from the action.
So there is a difference between Don't be silly. And between this is silly. There is a difference between Don't be no t this is no tea or don't be no tea or you're naughty or this is no tea. So condemn label, the action is ego, his personality, his self must be respected. Because at the end of the day, he is a human being he has potential for for you, but also for Salah.
He has the ability we all not just teenagers, we all have the ability to be good or bad. So what we condemn, and incidentally, this is the Quranic style, welcome anybody on mcaloon that I'm innocent of what you do not innocent of you, because the moment they make muscle and become Muslims, he hugs them. And he incorporates them into the community of Sahaba.
So respect now the third point before we leave the household is the belief that I spoke to you about and what I mean is belief in the teenager. What do you mean by that? Okay, a common expression that Mohammed Salim personally heard since he was young is this boy will have a great future.
The grandfather said it and Mohamed salah and heard it.
The monk said it and the gram and Mohammed heard it. Okay. Maybe when the mother said it to Halima, he was too young to understand it. But what do you have here? You have three things. You have people who believe that climate will have a great future circumlocution, incidentally say a cooler ocean, exactly literally was said by the monk in Shang, grandfather in Mecca. And six years before that, in Armenia. It is what it is what it was as if it was like the cloud now, it was an umbrella overshadowing everyone who saw him communicate communicated that same belief that they expressed it even conquering literally with the same expression.
What was amazingly ironic, though, about those who said it, that he will have a great future what two things first, is that they never had in mind, except the monk perhaps, that having a great future, say akula Hussein means that one day he will become a prophet, yet they believe that he will have a great future. The second thing, which was amazing, perhaps is that they actually never lived long enough to see that great future Amina died, the grandfather died, yet they believed
the bad news is that your teenagers
will never become profits.
The good news is that
your teenagers since they were children,
they were born with unique talents as unique as their finger prints. And you need to believe in that. And you need to believe that they have great potential, say akuna han Shan be them in engineering, medicine, nursery, teaching, art, anything.
So what is amazing here are three things is that they believe you should believe and the belief should be genuine. So you can't tell a teenager You are an idiot. But I believe you will have a great future. It doesn't work. This is silly. What you're doing is silly. And I don't think you want to do that again because I believe you are unique and you have a great future. There is a difference. So belief in the child or the teenagers future, whatever that future might be inspired by circumlocution and trying to find
connections here, and relations. Okay, so love, respect and belief, belief in the child's, or the teenagers future. Belief entails three things you genuinely believe. you express that belief until it becomes a self prophecy in the mind in the heart of the girl, or the boy since he is 12.
I'm not creating, I'm not talking about creating an arrogant child, no, I'm talking about recognizing that this person has great potential. And you as a parent is here to facilitate the growth of that teenager.
And number three, you need to treat him based on that belief that treatment will not be based on any other thing than love and respect. So really, it's a cycle rather than hierarchically organized. I want to move now to the teenager in the outside the household. And listen, I want to be frank with you. The challenges that encounter teenagers today are a lot, but I will talk about to peer pressure and attraction to the opposite sex, isn't it not? I mean, there are other things issues, but these are essentially them. So I want to actually tell you, what is it that we can learn from Amazon selling the teenagers experience in these kinds of things and see how he would these experiences can
help us and help us bring healthy teenagers.
Okay, if you're taking notes, write this down. Don't laugh, but it will make sense in a minute. I call itself punching mechanism,
self punching mechanism.
And the other heading which I will address in a minute, we'll come to compliment the self punching mechanism. Why do you call it the self punching mechanism? Well, let me tell you a story that happened to Mohammed Salah Salem, when he was a teenager. And he narrates the story himself.
He says, When I was a young boy, I was playing playing with the rest of the boys. And you can see now the peer pressure in operation. And the young boys what we're doing. And this is my These are my words. Now, just to give you a background, it was the Arab custom at that time. And this was socially acceptable that when you were carrying stones, usually you would carry them on your shoulder. So because the stones were heavy and you you know, you didn't want them to hurt your shoulder. What did you do?
back then? Mecca seventh century, you will take off your lower garment, and you'll become practically
undressed, and make it like a towel and put the stone on the top of it.
Can you visualize this? So if I'm reading an exam, you know, I will take it off and put it and if there are no children here, I would like to tell you that in the seventh century, there was no concept of underwear. That was the underwear. So when they take it off, you know what happens?
Everyone was doing this.
It was acceptable. And Mohammed Salah was about to do that because of peer pressure.
So the girl who goes to school and finds that she is the only one who's wearing hijab, that's peer pressure. Everyone is naked. No, no, in this case, everyone is not wearing a job. Well, it's similar to everyone's taking the izhar off. Everyone is smoking. Everyone is trying it or at least why shouldn't you?
So here is peer pressure. He was about to do it though, until he received a punch.
And he says felucca many LACMA tune wedges and he punched me
and said to me with a voice that I could not see where it was coming from. FIA qaisar. uk.
No one will punch you today. That's the bad news. You will not be punished. teenager if you go to school, they tell you try the first cigarette. Don't say, may Allah punch me or send me a job ready to punch me the punch will not come
because you're not a prophet. And because Mohammed Salah needed the punch, because no one else could give it to him. No parent, no father, no mother, because it was socially acceptable behavior. But in your case as a Muslim living in a non Muslim society, you know that if Calvin Klein did an underwear, that is Calvin Klein, which this should not appear from the back behind of you, even if everyone in this country has turned his underwear into an overwhelmed because this is part of your empire like a Zara
Titan your underwear. You are not a prey you're not a victim of the fashion in
This country, they tell you cover your cover, they tell you take it off, you take it off.
So you need Therefore, as a parent to develop in your child in your teenager, what I call a self punishing mechanism, that the teenager because you are not going to be with him in the mall in the school, the teenager must heal a punch telling him don't do this, this is unacceptable. This is haram. This is not befitting you to do it. And the punch therefore will come from the inside of you because your parent will not be with you in school.
When a when a boy came to me and said yo Rasul Allah, the Louisiana give me permission to commit adultery.
Mohammed Salim What was he doing? He didn't say it's Haram, although haram would have been acceptable, and he knew it's Haram. In fact, I let I want to challenge you with this. I think that the boy knew that it was Haram. Otherwise, he would not have sought permission, give me permission to drink water, not to that extent. So give me permission to commit something that I want to have green light from you, knowing in most cases that he will tell him No, but maybe he will say it in such a way to dissuade that boy who's going to do it in most cases, anyway. And here, Mohammed says lm begins to create what I call a self punching mechanism that begins to operate within the
teenager, even when Mohammed Salim is not with that boy, if he ever thought of committing adultery. In fact, he created what I think Mohammed Salim created was what I call now multi self punching mechanism. Because the mother thinking about the mother, would you like it for your mother? No. Would you like it for your sister? No. Would you like it for your, for your holla for these are all self punching mechanism, because in his case, two years from now, his mother has passed away or three years from now his sister got married and she or jasola, I don't have a sister anyway, he was creating multiple punches so that if you will find do not think about your mother, think about your
sister, think about your armor, think about your collar, think about anything that will continue to hit you until you do not do it. And then with love, not discuss, not discussed. He put his hand that is as soft as a silk on the chest of the boy shows the boy that is acceptable shows the boy that he's beloved and is tolerated and is accepted.
makes up for the boy. And the boy then says nothing I detested more than Xena. You see this conversion. So what you need to do is that you need to think about punching mechanisms since your teenager is a child so that when he comes to school, it's not a great transformation. It's not a radical, tempting challenge. Would you commit sins? Of course he would. He might do it once or twice or three times. But he doesn't become addicted to it. It doesn't become as a habit.
But for this self punching mechanism to work, you need to develop with it something else now the second title if you're taking notes is
conscious awareness. conscious awareness in the teenager because listen, I can punch you all the time. But you have anesthesia. You cannot sense it. You have what I call Imani numb. You have a man but it's so low it's not working. Would you like it for your mother? She you know i you know i don't care about my mother, etc. She she's you know, if someone's a convert, she's a non Muslim, I never would you so Mohammed Salim spoke about the concept of offer honor, because it clicked with an Arabian with an Arab desert, tribal, whatever extended family, but it might not click with a teenager here. So for it to click, you need to do something else and to make it hitting all the
time, but also relevant to the teenager. Let me tell you this story and I will conclude with the story which illustrates what I'm talking about regarding conscious awareness.
Mohammed Sol Sol, and this is attraction to the second to the opposite sex. Mohammed saw Selim said
I one day had a desire, like all the Ctr of Macau, like all the boys in Mecca, to go and party
to go this night for entertainment. So
I was I never thought about taking part in what people who lived in ignorance were organizing in the way of entertainment except on tonight's Okay, the idea if you can read it, I'm going to talk to you about what happened in these two nights and then tell you what I mean with conscious awareness.
Well, the first night he was on his way, but he fell asleep.
This is the divine intervention.
Some people are already falling asleep by this I don't think this is maybe it's a divine intervention. But
He sat on the way.
And he didn't wake up until the following morning, stricken by the heat of the sun.
What does he do? He tries again, he goes The following night,
and he falls asleep.
Second time. Then at the end of the Hadeeth, he says, After these two nights, I never tried it again.
This is the conscious awareness that I'm talking to you about when it's your first date.
And you fall ill
when it's the first time you access an inappropriate site, and the Wi Fi disconnects, or the homepage doesn't download, you can go on this track, which says, I'll try tomorrow, I'll try the third time I'll try the fourth time become relentless, become adamant. Take a small puff, cough, then,
and then they say it's okay. It's just the first time try it 60 times before you enjoy it. You take a tablet as to see or whatever, and you feel the dizziness. It's okay. It's the first time you're an amateur, you will get used to it you try again three times, four times what happened with Mohammed Salah. And he tried first time, second time, third time he understood the message or made to understand because again, in society, nothing condemned the action. So he couldn't remember an inner voice coming from his uncle or grandfather, which to them, these sort of things were acceptable. But in your case, in your teenagers case, the inner voice, the falling to sleep will never happen. But
what will happen is this desire growing desire within your teenager, that if it didn't work once or twice, there is a divine intervention here that Allah subhanaw taala is it's not a matter of the Wi Fi. It's not a matter of technology. It's a matter of something wrong that I'm doing. And although it didn't work, well it didn't work exactly, because Allah didn't want it to work. And therefore this is a message that I should keep away from it.
This will only happen when you have self punching mechanisms in operation, but you're also responsive to the self punching mechanism through continuing 711 being conscious of the punches.
I'm done. Thank you so much.