Bearing our Burdens

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Hesham Al-Awadi

Channel: Hesham Al-Awadi

Episode Notes

This lecture is from “JIMAS Conference 2011: Drawing near to Allah; Living Graciously – Honouring the Final Messenger”. The lecture is delivered by Shaykh Hesham al-Awadi.

The content of the lecture involves analysing examples in Muslim History whereby virtues and the patience in observing these virtues led to overcoming our burdens.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Over the below I'm going to show you on a Raji smilla your Walkman you're rocking

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Scylla wa salatu salam ala rasulillah Welcome to day three of the conference.

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It's titled affirming our values bearing our burdens. And without further ado, I'll hand over to our chef Dr. Hisham al Abadi.

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Brothers and sisters today, most of the talk will be about Sierra.

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And my dream is one day to do an album on Sierra Nevada. I did it in the past, it was recorded by immaturely done. That was 1995 when some of the youngest youngest people were not born perhaps

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I cherish it a lot. I've been quoting Sierra for many years, sometimes through the fourth grade Imams, children around the Prophet women around the Prophet but never the prophet SAW Selim. And I told you about my old passion with the prophet SAW Selim.

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So this is my dream. And perhaps today, I want to accomplish a small bit of it and talk about Sierra. But as always, I do not talk about things in a narrow narrated way, in a chronological order, unless it's a CLR, full full course on a CR, which I'll begin with MC and then end with Medina. But I give it titles,

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and bring from the Sierra what serves that title in accordance with the main theme of the talk, firming our values, and accepting something to do with burdens. And to me, again, this dichotomy between maintaining my value yet accepting responsibility, mixing with people enduring the pain and the agony,

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maintain my value.

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I allow you to smoke, but not on, on the site of the conference. I allow you to do X, Y, and Zed but not here. So this is the dichotomy that we go through as parents as husbands as wives, is how to balance. And I want to bring out from the Sierra, what could serve that paradox and help us address this problem. So there is a lot of talk about Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam. But for the sake of the youngsters and the elders as well, I thought that this person that we talk a lot about,

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let's at least draw sketches, sketches of, of him. And I'm not going to give you a detailed picture. In fact, I'm going to

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present it in some maybe new way just for the sake of the answers here, you can go to the internet and just write descriptions of the profit and you will get all sorts of description and shemar tirmidhi is a classic here, and this in this theme, but I want to actually make him as accessible to the youngsters again as possible. So the first thing I would tell you all youngsters is that this person was good looking, was handsome, but make no mistake. He wasn't good looking in the sense of a beautiful

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if I may use the word sexually attractive celebrity that you today identify as an actor or a singer.

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He was majestic and honorable in his look. And I want to make a confession and people especially sisters perhaps will hate me for that. But I said it and I articulated it in sort I use it. I made the argument that what made this woman fall in love with Youssef wasn't necessarily the looks for she saw him when he was young. She grew up with him and he grew up with her. So the idea of a shock. The sexual excitement wasn't that she was more attracted to his imagistic honorable look, because there were a lot of new facility in that gave us if you will our feminine attributes because that's how they identified beauty. Beauty.

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is not women beautiful, does not equal women. Beautiful does not equal sexually attractive. Beauty is a variety is good looks and good in the sense of comfortable to look at happy to look at.

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And

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sometimes I say this to

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Yeah, I don't want to say a lot of things here because everything is recorded and since I've been in YouTube now I'm beginning to be very careful what I say. But there are people that when you look at them

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your your lower participation.

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But there are people who are equally beautiful that you when you look at them, your upper part only is excited your heart and brain, and both are beautiful, but one immediately excites the sexual desire.

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And this and the second one immediately excites the higher level of attraction.

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And this is applicable in women.

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And this is applicable in men. And also seldom was this person, good looking, but majestic and honorable, so much so

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that one of the companions said, I have never

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stared at the prophet SAW Selim and looked at him deep in the eyes

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to comprehend his beauty out of respect and honor.

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This is different than when you look at a beautiful lady or a beautiful man, staring at them wanting to suck them or absorb them. This wasn't the attitude. So he was good looking. Number two in a majestic sense number two, if you look at him, he actually appears younger than he looks.

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Usually people when they grow up, men

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usually lose hair usually grow a belly. Usually, of course, most in most cases, they have gray hair, when wasn't all over

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broad shoulders, strong chest, no belly whatsoever. So if he was to wear a belt, it would actually stretch to the third or fourth or fifth hole in the belt, and gray hair 12. More not more than that there were so few that people could count them without a calculator.

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Hair is wavy, not currently not straight, nothing against curly hair, nothing against straight, straight hair. But that's how Allah wa sallam chose the head is not too small.

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So that it looks funny with a big massive body. Neither did this look big head so that it doesn't also look funny. So it's medium

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black eyes, very black eyes, that makes a striking color contrast with the light area that surrounds it. Some people when they are tired, they have read in between some people when they wake up from from the some people of course, below when they drink a lot they also sell them would never have any red line in between. So much so that the wide strikes the black in a nice, nice big eyes that is covered by long eye shadow and eyelashes. Sorry, eyelashes.

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I'm not going to compete to the tournament, but I thought that this is enough for me now, about the profit just to draw this sketch about okay.

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I have five headings,

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actually four headings. And today Listen, this is my last last lecture. So let me take liberty to be as

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as full as possible, liberated, you know, as free as possible. I'm not going to be as an intellectual in the first lecture because first lecture I saw people leave you know, they allow you to get wild Global Village man Come on, and they left global global neighbor. Okay, so try to make it as as friendly as possible, I have four themes,

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or four titles.

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Number One has to do with Mastering the Art of disconnecting

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between inverted commas being professional,

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disconnecting, and I'll tell you what I mean in a minute. Number two, be sensitive to personality types, and know very well your audience.

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Number three,

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be patient. And listen, even if the speaker

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says something that is not interested or under interesting or understood by you bear with him or her and actively listen. Number four, do not be judgmental. Number four Do not be judgmental. So these are the four headings and I want to now serve them with stories from the seal.

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master the art of disconnecting. What do you mean by that? Look, we are human beings and also asylum is no exception. We have feelings, and also silom has no is no exception. Sometimes I am moody sometimes I'm having a bad day. And also Solomon is no exception. Sometimes I'm excited and jovial and happy. So solemn is no exception.

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But the difference is that our lawsuits are seldom whatever he felt that did not reflect on his attitude and dealings with people.

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When our salsa Selim was in Mecca,

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looking for the tribes that would protect him and offer him

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protection, he would go on an annual basis for more than three or four years to meet as many tribes as possible. In the Sierra, the numerate will give you a list a long list of the tribes that he has met on a level of tribe heads, or individuals belonging to that tribe. And they are over 15 or 20 tracks that he had met along all over along the three, four years that on an annual basis, he would go, and I would like you to imagine, you know, with your camera, imagine him going to the place the pilgrimage, where they will food, the Cabal are situated in Africa, etc. And then No, no, no, no, no, no, no, of course, they wouldn't say no one would say You must be joking, another say, you know,

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you're crazy, you are a lunatic, etc, etc. And then he goes and waits for another 12 months and then goes back, etc. Imagine that.

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But I want to tell you that during that, that period, what was happening to him in his life.

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Three massive calamities, on a personal level, he lost his wife Khadija.

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On an external level, he lost his uncle, so much so that the year was called the air of sorrow or sadness.

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And the third, which to me, and I say to me, and I will tell you why in a minute is the most important is that he was approaching the tribes while back home, he was under economic sanction.

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So the moment he was speaking to the tribes, perhaps he was fasting, not because it was Ramadan, but because he had nothing to eat because he could not find anything to eat.

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Brothers and sisters, how many husbands I am included, go to the house, expecting dinner. And for whatever reason, dinner wasn't ready, and he had lunch, and he had breakfast. And he was on the brink of desert of divorcing his wife. Because the dinner wasn't made. It's cooked. But she's taking her time she's actually cleaning the chicken and slaughtering it. But she's taking her time it will be ready within perhaps five minutes or two hours.

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But she can't wait. I saw Sailor Moon climb on the mountains and the tribes would be situated on the mountains in Jebel alpha.

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Waiting, and you will climb the mountain

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and speak to the tribes about Islam. Negotiate, persuade, explain to while if you have a microphone close to his stomach, it's

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it's empty.

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He's thirsty. He's tired. He lost his wife. He lost his uncle. Abu lahab is behind them saying he's a liar. Abu Jamal is behind him saying he's crazy.

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But he was able to master the art of disconnecting.

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And being if I may use the word, prophetically professional.

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Today, they are the culture of being professional is taught and educated. And you know that people give you training in customer service, customer sales, marketing, sales managers, parents, husbands, wives, we all need to be professional, not just because we are paid, but because this is how the prophet SAW Selim was. And when you say follow the Quran and Sunnah, okay, follow that, including myself, be professional in the way that you deal with people.

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Sometimes,

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when I'm happy, my wife comes and says, Oh, you are happy to deal and in a good mood, give me something give me money. Let's go out. Oh, you're in a bad mood. No, no, I'm not going to speak to you. It wasn't like that. I show it make as many mistakes as possible without being sensitive, whether today was in a good mood or in a bad mood because he's always in a good mood. That doesn't mean that he doesn't feel he has no feelings, but his feelings do not spill over into his social relations with his daughter's wife or with even the mushriks and the kafar.

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When he went to a five

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and brothership you spoke about him being bleeding. So much so that the office didn't say that the blood good

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His feet to the very shoes that he was wearing. And this you see it sometimes when someone bleeds, we can become sticky so much that that's even harder is the one that's telling us because he was with him.

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And the brother said, they aren't the angels Ganesha, shall I actually destroy the mountains nor leave them alone. And then he sits.

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And then he meets a young boy wearing the cross. Yesterday, let me pose here yesterday, I had some questions.

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What's the verdict on pigs delivering meal on pigs etc. I've never seen a pig. I've never delivered the pig.

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You know, I don't know anything about pigs, except in the cartoon.

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I was upset and I was saying

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to some brothers why they asked me these questions. And I was still carrying this kind of come on, man. Let it go. It happened yesterday. Today is a new day. Okay. Lady, sitting just one minute. After he was stoned and a boy comes he would say What's your name? I does. What's happening with those people are does How How? How are you able to deal with them live with them? You're Christian, just leave this place. Look what they did to me.

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That didn't happen. Disconnect. A new page, a new day, a new experience, a new position, a new event, A New Hope and new opportunity, a new promise a potential person that I hope I could change even if he was a young boy, and he will not be able to. He will not be able to bring me protection. He's not in the mission and vision statement. My mission is just to focus on the potentially Arabs who could go up and protect Who is this yet? What's your name? My name is or does? Where are you from? I am from Nino. Nino is a place in Iraq in Kufa today in Kampala, where MRSA was assassinated, very much celebrated by the sheer

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Where are you from from nainoa? Oh, nainoa.

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The whole land of Yunus? I guess, you know, Yunus Yes, he was a prophet, my brother, and I am a prophet, and suddenly begins to hug and kiss and kiss his feet, his bleeding feet with his lips, and becomes a Muslim. Now, I don't know what happened to our bus or does. Maybe he began to convert his mother, his father, I don't know what happened.

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But I do know that in this five minutes encounter when I was bringing the grapes, I knew that this was a very powerful

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encounter. I knew that our does wasn't just listening to the verbal conversation, what's your name, but I just was looking at the very black eye.

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The very majestic, honorable face. And while the Prophet is talking, he's making the connection and saying this is not the face of an IRA.

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So disconnect, and be professional number one. Number two, be sensitive to your audience. be sensitive to personality types, rather than sisters.

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I challenge you.

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And I know what I'm talking about. A lot of you do not know, what is your personality?

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What is the personality type, and there are a lot of tests that people can make and do. And they are available on the internet. Some of them are sold. The most famous one is the Myers Briggs Myers

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test. And

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some people take three, four, sometimes two weeks training just to be experts in this test, and it simply sketches your personality.

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Are you expressive? Are you analytical? Are you social? Are you a leader?

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And it doesn't mean that you can't be any of those. But what it means is that you are of a dominant type, that's your comfort zone. When you are in a crisis or when you are hungry, you become the crazy type, but comfort zone you are the leader type. So a lot of us do not know personality to our personality, not to mention the wife's personality, not to mention the father's personality, not to mention the sisters personality.

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So

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seldom knew about the personality types that he dealt with, not necessarily in the modern technical sense with labels, etc. But generally, he would know how to deal with people

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And with a dance, he realized that it doesn't have to be a talk about Christianity. And whether Jesus was cross was put on the cross or not because he's wearing the cross, it could be something totally different, as intimate as, what's your name and where you come from.

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So you have to know what clicks with your audience and what excites them. And if I may use the word turns them on, you must know this. And also sell them did know it.

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also sell them in Mecca was walking

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in a street, and there was no one in that street. And suddenly someone called O'Connor appeared.

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Or O'Connor

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was one of the youngsters in Mecca. And he was I call him the Arnold Schwarzenegger of Mecca. He was the strongest person in Mecca.

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I don't think he used to take steroids, but the point is, neither tablets routine tablets.

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Yeah, and I don't think they had gyms at that time. But you know, naturally, genuinely muscular, and powerful. And they're also salimos, walking and rocking.

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And said, Dr. O'Connor, why don't you believe in me?

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He said, because I don't believe that you are the Prophet.

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Or also Salim said, okay, you can if I wrestle you,

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and I throw you and I beat you up. Would you believe in me?

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If it was a woman, he wouldn't have said this.

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If it was, but very thin and coward, he would say, Look, I know if you don't believe you will go to help i O. Allah, Allah. But because he's so arrogant and so muscular and so powerful. He needed a different language.

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I beat you up. This is the language that you understand. No, please don't try this at home.

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So he beats him up, and he throws him in a shock. And he says, Yeah, Mohamed, do it again.

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If it was me, I would say Mohammed, come on. I'm a Muslim now. But it seems so adamant. Maybe there was a mistake. Maybe his feet slipped. Maybe that wasn't his day.

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So he stood up again, and the wrestle happened again. And O'Connor again was beaten, put on the floor.

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And Rotana became a Muslim.

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Was there a talk about Islam? Was there at that clip distributed Turkana? Was there a video on was there visit WWE dot link? No.

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Because that was the language to address. What's your name?

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Turkana let me beat you.

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There was someone called Sohail.

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So I live in if you saw the message, was this person that negotiated the treaty have a beer with our soon saw seller? Amazingly, he's the only actor that came with a British accent in the movie as if you know, your British have this legacy of being you know, diplomatic somehow coming? I don't know. But he comes in this movie no Yokohama Do you know, right? No, we don't accept that. You are the Prophet. You know, right. Muhammad ibn Abdullah. So it's amazing. I like the scene. And he has this beautiful goatee beard that, you know, anyway, so the point is that, so he was known to be a diplomat, and Mustapha, the director of the movie knew that so he live in Hamburg also was a massive

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was a very eloquent speaker.

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So much so that when he was captured in Belgium, the Battle of beggar Omar Agnew Kapow suggested that before he is to be released, remove

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you know the one that doesn't mess up. So he said, the other Sula remove this, this teeth here the thinner they call it this tip here that makes some of us look like slight lion when they go home you know where is my dinner? So remove this and this remove it. So that he becomes less eloquent when he speaks

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poor soil if they remove these, today we have anesthesia and say are you go to the dentist and how would you remove this you know, I don't know. But anyway, so remove it. And also Salim said Yama

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one day. I'm not going to remove these teeth because

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One day, maybe they will be used to defend Islam.

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So it is as if the prophet SAW Selim knew and saw into a efficient a personality, a character. In fact, he says about sohei in Syriac language often, I see in him an intellect and an honor. And so Pamela, how many of the British people today non Muslims have shut off and Aachen but they need someone like the prophet who would not be eager to take their teeth and give them some time to think about Islam and presented well to them.

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So anyway, so halen for davia signs the treaty, this beautiful scene in the message.

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He's released, of course, and better. And then of course, he got time goes and then he negotiates Arabia, and then the opening of Mecca happens, the conquering of Mecca. And also Selim goes inside Mecca. Sohail son is a Muslim. So So he goes to his son and says, My son,

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tell the prophet to spare me and give me a man, a man, I just don't want to be killed. He wasn't talking about becoming a Muslim. He was just saying, speak to Mohammed to give the Give me the amount so his son went and said the rule of law My father is asking for a man for pardoning for protection for safety. Otherwise, they used to leave Mecca running are invalid, some Muslims that actually ran away immigrated.

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So he said, Okay, I give him the AMA, let him stay in his house not to leave it. So he was more or less technically under house arrest. But still, the prophet sees in him a potential person. Now, the prophet SAW Selim, went after that to the Battle of her name, after the opening of Mecca, Prophet Mohammed saw Selim doesn't usually take much licks with him in the army, for whatever reason, I think, mostly security reason.

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But he made an exception for Sohail. And I will tell you why in a minute, but just let me tell you now that he decided to take civale with him in the army. And so he went with the Prophet, non Muslim mushrik, just just to witness the Battle of her name.

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And then,

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in the Battle of her name, he had a conversation with the prophet SAW Selim, after seeing the defeat of housing, in her name, he felt the cost of housing is gone, if Mecca is doing what what has remained. And incidentally, this was the thing that was going going on in the minds of

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those people that taught people that their mind You know, they knew about some but only, you know, arrogance, and waiting and seeing and judging things and how things will go, they reach the point that tell us it's it's, it's not it's a matter of time before also selling dominates

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their entire Arabian peninsula. So so right at that time, when he saw all this massive defeat of housing, he became a Muslim. Now, a minute after that, when he became a Muslim, he was looking at us,

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like a valley, that this valley

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was full of sheep, and you call it full of dollars. You call it full of gold, you call it full of whatever

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you value today in the 21st century, but to him, so hey, that's what they valued in the seventh century.

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Go cattle, sheep

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are also on sale and look at the word be aware of your audience looked at him and said, Okay, so hey, do you like it? So hey,

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what can I say? What can I say? So he didn't say, What can I say? I'm saying What can I say? Because I'm imagine he was speaking to me.

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I would say,

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maybe not maybe Rolex watches, you know, 50 and ami gun, maybe maybe I don't know, a car or,

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you know, paid mortgage house that excites you? I don't know.

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But so I said, Yes, I would like it. And not talking about 1000s 1000s of brothers and sisters, with all due respect more than the attendance of this conference.

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He said he'll

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take it.

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And that what upset you understand the answer, who took the profit protected the profit in there?

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20 years ago, 15 years ago, 10 years ago, were with him, fought with him, died with him. And this person who just became a Muslim two minutes ago, you give him all this.

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But

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he knew the personality of soil and knew that

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yes, he is a Muslim.

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But he will be a stronger Muslim if you deal with him according to his interests and his interest at that stage of his life was money. Give it to him.

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Time goes and also seldom dies and some of the Arabs become more tidied

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up apostates.

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massive amount in Vietnam and massive amount in Bahrain, massive amount in Oman.

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And hardly the middle east on a mission goes to fight.

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And with his sin

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that Armando hapa wanted embedded to remove. So halep nam stood and gave a wonderful speech that converted a lot of people to Islam.

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And Omar heard

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and remembered

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the conversation back then embedded. That's the story of Islam. So in Islam,

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I was reading a book called The art of persuasion.

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I went to this charity shop. And so it's a massive book 50 P. I felt the light, I must read it. I bought it. I was upset the following day, when I came to see that there were 50 copies of it. Each copy was for 10 P.

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Anyway, that's the art of persuasion. Yeah, they misled me, they say, you know, anyway, so the point is that in this book, The lady the author narrates how to persuade people. And she mentioned this woman that was a manager in a company, and how they wanted to propose a proposal to her but she was, especially she had, you know, a very bad attitude towards men. I don't know why

00:31:51--> 00:32:15

she would put them down in meetings, she would interrupt them, she came across as aggressive. And she said, Those men that wanted to present the proposal, what they did is they understood her personality, knew that she likes a particular kind of chocolate, and she likes particular paintings. So what they did is that they scheduled a meeting with her, offered these chocolates in the middle of the table, put the same paintings that she likes all over the wall. And when she came,

00:32:16--> 00:33:06

the turning point was that her attitude has improved a lot. And that reminded me of a story in the Sierra of our saw Sailor Moon, he was in Philadelphia receiving delegates to come and negotiate with him before Suhail, actually, so he was the last one that signed the treaty. Before that there was someone called and release and in place is from a tribe that really respect the idea of presenting offerings to the cabinet. And he could not see how people that came to provide offering to the cabinet and make Obama could be labeled as Al Qaeda or terrorists, he could not understand that he could not reconcile that. So when he came to negotiate with us, I sell them and also sell them from

00:33:06--> 00:33:29

a distance saw him. And the moment he saw him, he said to the companions, he is from this tribe, that respects offering. So bring all the goats in front of you, and let it strike his gaze. So that the moment he comes on what he sees is the head. All what he sees is the chocolate in the middle of the table. All what he sees are these beautiful paintings all over the wall.

00:33:31--> 00:33:49

And I tell you, brothers and sisters, I don't know whether this lady manager accepted the proposal or not, I tell you that underlays did not continue walking to talk to the Prophet. He stopped halfway and went back and said to Quraysh, you need to admit him. He came with the offering. He didn't want to lecture.

00:33:50--> 00:33:59

He wanted to see goats. He wanted to see sheep. He wanted to eat chocolate. He wanted to see beautiful paintings on the wall.

00:34:02--> 00:34:10

I asked you a question now. So hay and her nice and broken power.

00:34:13--> 00:34:14

Offering offerings,

00:34:15--> 00:34:16

money.

00:34:18--> 00:34:31

I have a question for you. What is the dominant personality type? The dominant? It's a difficult question, but think about it. What is what is the dominant personality type

00:34:32--> 00:34:33

of the British society?

00:34:35--> 00:34:36

Is it Jeremy Paxman?

00:34:38--> 00:34:59

Is it? I don't know? What What is it? I know that British society is so diverse, and I'm talking about the dominant personality. If you tell me what's the dominant personality of college, I tell you 123 What's the dominant personality of the answer? What's that dominant personality of the margerine? What's the dominant personality of Nigerians sumar

00:35:00--> 00:35:52

Kenyans Kuwaitis, Emiratis Pakistanis, Bengalis, British people, what is the dominant personality? And how can I then deal with this personality to persuade it, not necessarily to convert it, but to at least make it like alpha lace said, these are not potential alpha or terrorists. Incidentally acrylates did not become a Muslim, but he became an advocate of Muslims entering Mecca. And that to me, is what we need the society to recognize, we do not need necessarily conversion in nicoleta it may be them British or English or whatever. When I kinema, Manisha, but I am responsible, affirming the value and accepting the burdens, I'm responsible for making them persuaded that I'm not a

00:35:52--> 00:35:55

potential threat, but a positive contributor

00:35:56--> 00:35:57

to the society.

00:35:58--> 00:36:07

Okay, number two, be sensitive to personality types. Do we have how much 10 minutes? Number three, be patient and listen,

00:36:08--> 00:36:09

even if not interested?

00:36:15--> 00:36:16

I have a lot of

00:36:17--> 00:36:38

discussions with my wife, for example. And she comes and tells a story and I must interrupt 60 times. First of all, is this a true story or not? Secondly, who said it from where? That's stupid? How come? If I was him or her, I would say this, this this. Now I she comes to me

00:36:39--> 00:36:53

and says Yara Salalah I'm going to narrate to you a story of 11 women. Wow. 11 women, if it was me, I would say let's do them in three parts. Every day three stories. 11 women, I'll be dead by then.

00:36:54--> 00:36:55

11 women

00:36:57--> 00:37:02

who came together to discuss their husbands? What a waste of time.

00:37:05--> 00:37:06

You know,

00:37:07--> 00:37:09

in the men's world.

00:37:10--> 00:37:16

In the men's Look, if you enjoy this topic, you have to lobby him to give me more minutes. I'm sorry.

00:37:17--> 00:37:29

In the men's world, people do not men do not usually talk about their wives to other men. So as salaam alaikum. Brother, salam, how are you? I am fine. hamdulillah How is

00:37:31--> 00:37:38

family? How is the children how's the but don't come close to the you know, not to mention discussing it.

00:37:39--> 00:37:49

But in the women's world, it's totally different. They go to the toilet together, they do makeup together, they dress together, they talk about intimate things together. And usually it's about their husbands.

00:37:51--> 00:37:54

So those 11 men came together and to talk about their husbands and listen.

00:37:58--> 00:38:03

Listen to the talk that is uninterrupted, uncensored

00:38:04--> 00:38:15

to give this lady honorable girl who was perhaps a teenager at that time to talk as much as she took without telling her you have only 10 minutes.

00:38:16--> 00:38:18

So the point is,

00:38:20--> 00:38:24

she says 11 women came together.

00:38:25--> 00:38:38

Look at what every woman SubhanAllah. And you can tell that 90% 99% of the women are suffering and complete complaining from from their husband. But it's interesting how each one is articulating that.

00:38:40--> 00:38:43

The first one says My husband is unapproachable.

00:38:44--> 00:38:51

He doesn't listen. And if he speaks if I speaks he puts me down. That sounds familiar.

00:38:55--> 00:38:59

It seems that her husband is a teacher or something. Don't speak until you raise your hand or

00:39:00--> 00:39:04

the second one said My husband is so bad

00:39:05--> 00:39:10

that I am afraid to describe I'm afraid even to describe him

00:39:14--> 00:39:21

to describe his faults, both visible and invisible. So he only he's so bad. I'm not going even to mention it.

00:39:22--> 00:39:25

He's visible and invisible. So

00:39:26--> 00:39:27

you don't want to know

00:39:28--> 00:39:33

the third said so bad, you know, right bad number one bad number two bad.

00:39:34--> 00:39:38

The third one said my husband lacks intelligence so he's a jerk or he's an idiot. You know, basically.

00:39:42--> 00:39:56

If I give my if I express my feelings about him, he will divorce me but he's not with us here. No, no, still he might be bugging the room or something. You know, you might you might be his other wife or something. You know, it happened in the past. So

00:39:58--> 00:39:59

actually happened the true story that led

00:40:00--> 00:40:12

He was having a best friend and saying to her how her husband was bad bad. And the lady was saying nobody is not that bad. And whenever she's accusing the other one is defending it appeared that she is her second second wife anyway.

00:40:14--> 00:40:38

So my husband lacks intelligent intelligence. Okay. The fourth one so bad or idiot. The fourth one said, yeah, that's, that's a bit romantic. He's not too cold, not too hot. Which he doesn't say much anyway. Neither there is any fear of him or grief. So he's, you know, I said he's safe. You know, he's okay. He's neutral. It is as if he doesn't exist. Really.

00:40:39--> 00:40:39

You know,

00:40:41--> 00:40:43

the fifth one said, My husband is like a leopard.

00:40:45--> 00:41:00

Like, ringgo Have you seen ringgo? Anyway, he's like a leopard, or Rango is like a leopard as he enters the house, and believe and behaves like a lion when he gets out of the house. And this is I think the majority of us right? goes down.

00:41:02--> 00:41:03

any food today?

00:41:05--> 00:41:08

It's okay, if there is no food, we can order pizza.

00:41:10--> 00:41:12

Home Delivery, you know, I pay.

00:41:13--> 00:41:16

And he goes off as salam alaikum brothers, let's do jihad.

00:41:18--> 00:41:26

So, yeah, this this kind of attitude. But But, you know, we don't like that, but they like it. So actually, right next to it good.

00:41:28--> 00:41:34

Women like that, you know? Oh, he's so nice. He's so romantic uncle so coward. You know, he wouldn't say that.

00:41:36--> 00:42:17

And behaves like a lion when he gets out. And he doesn't ask about that which he leaves in the house. And I like this actually, as a person, that when you give money when you you don't say, Oh, I gave you 510 100 pounds, what do you do with it? You know, I'm not saying it's not your right. But this person is she's saying he's so kind. He's so malleable. He's so soft. He's like a plasticy, you know, in a nice in a nice way. I've actually done done a bad image of him, but he is good. So right, good. Next to him. The sixth one. She says so far as my husband is concerned, he eats so that's that's a really good one. He eats so much that nothing is left back. And when he drinks, he drinks

00:42:17--> 00:42:38

that no drop is left behind. He reminds me of the children, dude, you know, your children, one of the sizes that they drink all the rivers and the next one from your Juju will come and say, oh, there was water here. But it was all drunk. So it's like him, they bring him the you know the chicken, he eats it all. And then he says, you take the rest and the rest is an empty plate. So she said she's saying that

00:42:40--> 00:42:51

and I like this one as well because this is how and we'll look at that when he lies down he wraps his body with the blanket so he doesn't even allow her to

00:42:53--> 00:43:05

have It's okay if he does this in Gemma's conference, because it's hot anyway. But she's implying something else that there is no physical contact. So she says he's not you're selfish but he's again an idiot. I think

00:43:06--> 00:43:33

he's selfish. He doesn't care about others, you know, politely put, he's emotionally he's not emotionally intelligent or he is an idiot. That's the eighth one said My husband is sweet. This one is nice. She's a nice lady. I think she's an artist or something says My husband is sweet, as sweet as a smelling plant and a soft as the softness of the hair and animal. You know, at that time, the eighth person, I would stop and say to my wife.

00:43:34--> 00:44:02

Let's continue tomorrow. You know, I have a meeting now you know, I need to Oh, the eighth person and I think that I'm not like him. You know, I'm the sweet person. Don't you imply that now let's stop it now. Let's let's do something else go and cook. So so but then also Selim is listening and listening and listening. And she goes on and on and on. Of course she comes to the 11th and we have to now skip number nine and 10 and go to the 11 the 11 said My husband is a busara

00:44:04--> 00:44:11

and this is the only husband that means the only white that means her husband and that is really a sign of love.

00:44:13--> 00:44:15

That's why when he says

00:44:16--> 00:44:31

I know when you are angry with me. You love me when you are angry. Don't mention my own you love me. You mentioned you my name. So the only one that says the other one he eats pizza and he grabs the blanket and the other one is a jerk or an idiot this way she says My husband has algebra

00:44:33--> 00:44:33

and

00:44:35--> 00:44:38

and and how fine is he makes me happy.

00:44:39--> 00:44:40

He makes me happy.

00:44:41--> 00:44:45

And also tell him no interrupts after she has ended and said

00:44:46--> 00:45:00

I am to you like Abu Zubaydah to Hamza Well, I hope so at least. You're a solo ally or even 60 times better than Amazon. But that's the least he could say. As a way of concluding

00:45:00--> 00:45:12

The story that we don't know whether it's true or fictitious, whether it happened by 11 Muslims or 11, non Muslims, all what we know is that she spoke and he listened.

00:45:13--> 00:45:14

Okay, I just want to end

00:45:15--> 00:45:16

really another.

00:45:18--> 00:45:19

The fourth and final point.

00:45:21--> 00:45:22

Don't be judgmental,

00:45:23--> 00:45:24

don't judge people.

00:45:25--> 00:45:38

And you know, when I searched the word judgmental, there are many, many explanations. But the idea is, do not judge people according to their looks, or race, or immediate action,

00:45:39--> 00:45:55

but get to know them closer, deep inside their hearts, for there might be another personality that potentially might be another human being. That in that particular interest, particular instance, is action didn't serve his personality,

00:45:56--> 00:46:13

his looks didn't reflect his true essence. So don't judge people superficially. And this, I saw it on many occasions, really, on many occasions in the life of the prophet SAW seven, but I just want to actually mentioned, I mentioned to

00:46:14--> 00:46:21

the idea of being non judgmental, one of the things and this is very important to parents, and husbands and wives, is that it makes you approachable.

00:46:23--> 00:46:38

You know, the literary literature about parenting is that when when you have when you want to have when you want to have your child, when you want your children to have access to you, the biggest gate to accessibility is that they feel that you are non judgmental.

00:46:41--> 00:46:50

So imagine someone comes a girl comes to you and say, I know this will sound extreme extremist. Sounds shocking. I'm seeing this boy.

00:46:51--> 00:47:24

I'm dating this boy, I'm seeing that she didn't say necessarily that something happened. But she's seeing that boy, she's what will. So today, we live in a world that really you can shout as much as you want, you can become angry as you can give lectures as much as you I give my my daughter's lectures, you know, they go like this, or No, they don't go but you know, they have their way to switch off. And you can say you can tell, you can see their eyes going left or right. And neuro linguistic programming, it means I don't get what you're saying, you know, you feel that you read it in their facial expression.

00:47:26--> 00:47:40

So being approachable doesn't mean that you are lenient doesn't mean that everything goes but it means that you are willing to listen. So that what To my mind, this made this boy come to also sell himself jasola allow me

00:47:41--> 00:47:42

to phone again.

00:47:43--> 00:47:46

So in our terms, he's ready.

00:47:49--> 00:47:52

Maybe the girl is available, maybe he has seen her

00:47:54--> 00:47:58

own what remains is that you give me permission, and I will do it.

00:48:01--> 00:48:36

And then also selling at that time would be as much as very approachable in the sense that he will converse with the boy. The point is that when he converses with the boy, he again know your audience, he would say would you like it for your sister? Would you like it for your mother? I don't recommend that today. We use that only because we might reach a stage 5060 maybe now what 5060 years where you say would you accept it to your system, you would say my sister has already got a boyfriend. So why not? This is a free country. Everyone is free to do so you need to attune the discourse, the art of persuasion 50 p then 10.

00:48:38--> 00:49:08

According to the audience, so it might be something else other than would you like it your system, but it worked. It clicked with this Arabian boy, because the concept of honor Indian society Muslim or Muslim was so high, and it really came no Far from it, then they wouldn't accept it to others, the girls today they would accept it to their guns. So that might be a weak argument. But the point is that nonjudgmental he put his hand on his chest and make dark for him.

00:49:10--> 00:49:15

Another question, another story. And this also moves me and I will conclude with it.

00:49:18--> 00:49:28

concept of an addict, someone who's addicted and incidentally when someone is addicted to something, it's not usually just tracks or heroin or drugs. It's anything that

00:49:31--> 00:49:44

you are so much dependent on it, that if you do not fulfill it, withdrawal symptoms and headaches and shivering and all sorts of things begin to happen to you. Okay, that's really addiction.

00:49:45--> 00:49:59

And that as a phenomena happened at the time of the prophet SAW Selim with this companion, who saw the prophet and if he stood today here, he would be better able to describe the prophet SAW Selim not because unlike not because like

00:50:00--> 00:50:07

He read it insha Allah, Allah tirmidhi. But because he saw the Prophet, yet he was an addict, an alcoholic.

00:50:09--> 00:50:15

And he drunk in public, so much so that they caught him.

00:50:16--> 00:50:43

they smelled his mouth, and they could establish that he has consumed alcohol, they took him to the prophet in the masjid. And the Prophet punished him who punished him, who punished him, the prophet who held the web in his hand and lashed him, if according to the phipa 40 times the profit, and then he would leave with marks on his back.

00:50:45--> 00:50:47

It The next thing to do is go home and drink again.

00:50:49--> 00:51:34

drink so much that he begins to drink in public so much that he is caught again. And they would take him again to the masjid and he would be lashed, who lashes him the Prophet. He takes his clothes that's not narrated in the Hadith, but I could imagine it and there are the old scars on his back. Yet he punishes again, on the old or new ones, I don't know. But the point is that recently he was lashed recently he was punished. And the second time is done. The third time. I'm trying to dramatize so that you would say the same thing that this companion said at the third time when he said May Allah curse you.

00:51:35--> 00:51:39

How often do they bring you here to be lashed?

00:51:40--> 00:51:51

You don't come here to pray you come here to be lashed. May Allah cancer. Now I don't know whether this alcoholic heard what this person said.

00:51:53--> 00:52:10

Because he left but I know that our muscles are seldom heard it and commented on it and said law Callahan who say no, you have the law sudo do not curse him. For he, for him stop here Stop.

00:52:11--> 00:52:25

For he is an alcoholic, for he is an addict. For He is someone that I have lashed him with my hand three times each time 14 times multiply by 320

00:52:26--> 00:52:27

is all that.

00:52:29--> 00:52:33

But he also loves the Prophet. He also loves the person who lashed him.

00:52:35--> 00:52:38

He also loves Allah. He knows that what he's doing is wrong.

00:52:40--> 00:52:41

Help.

00:52:43--> 00:52:45

I I don't know whether

00:52:47--> 00:53:49

the alcoholic heard what the resource alum said. But I would say 99% that among the congregation, someone went to that alcoholic and said to him, by the way, I also saw Selim said, you love Allah, you love our soul, brother, there is hope. There is hope. And I want to say something brothers and sisters. an addict is someone who lost trust in himself, who lost confidence in himself, who lost confidence in people around him supporting him. When someone comes and says I heard him says that he loves you, loves you. You see this is a companion. This is not a robin hood thing that I spoke about yesterday that Abdullah was rude says no more aka lahab Beck, no, he is saying to him, you love

00:53:49--> 00:54:31

Allah, you love Allah soon. And because of that Allah saw Selim is opening the door for you to repent, believing that this love will always make you a potential person to repent and to change. And it is this glad tiding this non judgmental approach whether to someone who is dating fornicating and just once a permission, or whether someone who has been consuming alcohol so much so that he became an addict for both. You need as a community as a society as a husband, as a father, to be approachable and to be optimistic that one day they will change and help them realize that change.

00:54:32--> 00:54:41

I had a wonderful time with you. I took my time brother, man and I apologize. But brothers and sisters, if anything.

00:54:42--> 00:54:59

I love the car. I love it more because I am a Muslim and this is my profit. It's emotional. It's sentimental, sentimental. I do believe that if we can read it with a new eye with a 21st century I not to twist it.

00:55:00--> 00:55:01

tweak it perform it.

00:55:03--> 00:55:10

But to give it a new dimension to extrapolate it to make it more meaningful, particularly to the young people.

00:55:11--> 00:55:20

I believe it inspires me and I hope that it has done the same for you as well. Boulder Colorado and stuff. It'll it will come faster through November 4.