Hamzah Wald Maqbul – Mlik Fiqh Guarding the Private Parts and the Importance of Good Sex Addison 04032020
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Before we,
before we jump into our
material for today, I wanted to remind everybody
that on Sunday,
we will not have our regularly scheduled Maliki
fit class.
Rather,
you can jump to the Dar Al Qasim,
YouTube,
account,
which I
suggest you all subscribe to.
And, I ask that, if you find benefit
also that you subscribe to this account as
well.
Both of which because,
I guess you have to have a minimum
of 10 thou or, 1,000 followers in order
to be able to,
livestream
from your mobile. So it will kinda help
us,
help me and then help Darqasem also be
able to expand their capabilities for streaming.
But at any rate,
on Sunday,
sheikh Amin had
asked me,
to read from the Shamal of Imam Tilmidi.
And so we're doing that. We're having that
dares, InshaAllah. We're reading with the unbroken chain
of narration
from my most beloved Ustaji Moana Hassan,
who is currently the emir of the Khattman
Nobua in,
in in Pakistan,
and
a very saintly and virtuous,
person,
almost to an unbelievable
degree.
So, inshallah, we will be reading,
we will be reading that
on Sunday, but it's gonna be on Darulqasim's
channel, d a r
u l q s q a s I
m. I will
I will try to link in the comment
section,
the the link to that page. So if
you're tuning on on Sunday
at the same time,
go ahead and and and go to that
page,
and we can take the
hadith of the
messenger,
and we started that also from the middle
of the book because many people oftentimes
begin these,
these books, but they don't finish them. So
we're gonna,
start that from the middle of the book.
Or we did start that last week from
the middle of the book. And I think
my page also has a playlist with with
links to those duroos,
although we've only done one so far. So,
you can look for them here as well
if you want to not tune in live,
but tune in after the fact.
The the thought process with that again is
that the Nabi his,
kalam has barakah in it, and his Mubarak
his Mubarak person has barakah
and is itself a reason that Allah
will fend from this Umma,
Balaya, and Afat
tribulations
and calamities.
Allah
keep us connected with him in this world
and in the hereafter.
I mean, I also before before, starting the
darsa, I wanted to give a shout out
to,
my wife's first cousin.
He's a young young man.
He's,
the age of my children. He's, I think,
a 10 or 11 or 12, something like
that.
Saad,
Heder,
he just, had the ceremony for the completion
of his HIFS today.
Allah
make the
memory of the Quran solid in his heart
and give him the tawfiq now of learning
the Arabic language and learning the meanings of
the Quran,
and that he become a man who stands
and speaks.
When he speaks, he speaks with the Quran
on his tongue.
And with the when he,
feels, he feels with the Quran in his
heart. And when he acts,
he acts according to the Quran. And when
he rules and makes judgment, he makes judgment
according to the Quran rather than an operatic
performer,
on
on
on weeknights,
in Ramadan.
And they are from a a,
a clan of, the Sadat,
of the the the olad of the prophet
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. And it makes me
happy when anybody,
takes up the responsibility for this Mubarak element
knowledge
and, to preserve and guard this Mubarak Quran.
But when somebody from the family of Rasoolallah
Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalam does it, it brings a
special
a special flavor and a special pride also
in the heart. So Allah
protect them and and give them give them
more and give tofir, inshallah to their family,
both immediate and and in a more general
sense.
Inshallah to, champion this,
champion this deen and serve, serve the ummah
of their grandfather
so that they can take their rightful place
and their rightful rank next to him in
this world and hereafter.
So with that, we continue.
Uh-uh, I'll
the,
author
Evan Abizaid,
he says,
Well,
We mentioned that last time that let a
person
hold his hand back, restrain his hand from
touching,
that property or that body or that blood
that, Allah has forbidden for him.
And don't walk,
don't walk with your, 2 feet,
to that thing that, Allah has not made
permissible for you. And this is an interesting
this is an interesting expression.
Obviously,
as a we don't take it literally,
that it only has to do with not
walking on your feet. So it's okay to,
like, drive there in your car or
to,
perhaps,
ride a bicycle or be carried
or, fly in the air,
or something like that. That's not that's not
what's meant. What's meant is just don't go
there.
Don't go don't move in the direction of
those things that that, those places that sins
occur.
Whether you intend to sin over there or
you don't intend to sin over there or
you tell yourself you're not intending to sin,
but you actually are intending to sin. Allah
protect us and
forgive us and protect us from
we seek refuge in Allah from the the,
evil of our own souls,
this evil ability that we have to fool
ourselves and make fools out of ourselves,
to use our intelligence in order to make
fools out of ourselves.
And we seek refuge in Allah from our
own bad deeds.
So that's as a faqih, and that's what
that means.
As a a a Sufi, as a person
of spirituality. When I say Sufi, I'm talking
about looking at,
the the deen through the prism of the
heart and through the prism of the objective
of worshiping Allah as if you see him.
And if you don't see him, to at
least know that he sees you,
which is also something that impacts the fact.
These things are
these things are connected with one another.
They're not you know, you have to look
at the things you have to look at
the dean holistically.
As green tea with, with mint. Don't don't
get too excited.
So at any rate, the, the the point
is is that from the Sufic perspective, from
the spiritual perspective, when you look at this
when you look at this,
statement, there's also something there,
which is that walking to places
is something that
has a type of spirituality in it. Walking
to the masjid, walking, with a janaza,
walking to the.
These are all.
These are all in and of themselves.
They
are They are,
litanies of that a person does. It's mentioned
in the hadith of the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam that when a person walks toward the
Masjid,
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala with every step
gives a good deed
and
forgives a sin and raises a rank. And
these are all 3 separate benefits that are
there with walking to the masjid.
So,
we feel a bit deprived that, many of
us, at least in the United States, we
build these palatial masjids out in
out in the burbs.
And, even those of us who live in
urban areas, we oftentimes don't walk to the
masjid.
And that's a deprivation
that, I feel sad about.
Give us the ability to live together and
to be able to walk to our masjid.
Obviously, there's exceptions,
but, you know, unfortunately, that's that's the the
situation that we many of us find ourselves
in.
And
when you go to the Muslim world, you
go to Istanbul,
you go to Umrah, you go to the
Haramain, Sharif, and all of a sudden you're
required to walk to the masjid. And it's
not just good for your it's not just
good for your body, it's good for your
soul because all these things are connected with
one another. You know, you understand what I'm
saying? When your your body is connected to
your mind, your mind is connected to your
rue. Your body is connected to your rue.
You know, all of these things are interconnected.
So when a person inside their qalb, inside
of their their qalb, which is the the
the the center of the of the of
the ruh, of the spirit. When a person
has a good intention
and then the body is engaged in walking
to that place, it has a it has
a good effect on the body, has a
good effect on the mind as well. Remember
that walking is neurologically
a relatively complex procedure.
There's a lot of things that the body
has to coordinate in order to do it.
And so walking in specific and exercise in
general, it's good. It stimulates the mind as
well. And so when all of these things
are working in tandem, there's a lot of
in it. In fact, the Nabi sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam, he advised some of the Ansar
who wanted to move their their settlement, a
clan that wanted to move their settlement from
further away from the masjid to closer to
the masjid. The prophet
said if you knew what the the reward
and the benefit was in coming from such
a long way in order to come to
the masjid, you would keep it. You'd be
patient with your your place that you walk
from.
And they they said yes.
Again, this is a type of literalism,
that,
you know, many Mashallah Masjid board member, doctor
uncles will probably find fanatical. But,
you know, I take it seriously, and our
forefathers took it seriously. And there's a reason
that even in this,
you know, there this this wording is used
literally. And on the flip side, what does
it mean? If you're walking to somewhere bad,
it has a, you know,
it makes the the the darkness,
and it makes the evil of that act,
filter from the heart through the veins pumped
through your blood,
and become a part of you, in a
way that you just don't want you just
don't want it to happen.
So a person, let their their literally let
their 2 feet not make sigh,
toward,
that thing,
toward that thing that Allah has
not made permissible,
for you.
A person should be very cognizant of that.
And on the flip side, a person should
be avid to try to walk to those
places that, Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, has put
good in for you.
So this is he says that,
don't.
He says,
he says, don't.
Don't touch from your
from your private parts,
or from any part of your body that
which is not permissible
for you.
And
says
in his book in Surat Surat
So
this is a
ruling that is very categorical,
in regards to the
prohibition of,
of *
of
family friendly part of the Darzas.
We've moved on from it. So if there
are young ones who probably don't need to
be hearing this right now where, you know,
the discussion may get a little bit discussion
may get a little bit frank. So, inshallah,
you know, there's there's, perhaps it would be
better for them to be,
better for them for for them below a
certain age to be
occupied with something else.
But, this is a
a, unequivocal
mention of the ruling of the prohibition of
*.
And the
dalil or the proof from the Quran
is that Allah
describes the believers as
So that those people who guard the, the
private parts, meaning they don't they don't use
the private parts,
in the context of,
any sexual activity.
Except for
with their,
with their spouses,
or the slaves that their right hand possesses.
In those cases, those people, there's no blame
on them for that. And so, obviously, the
slave that the right hand possesses is somewhat
of a a theoretical discussion. We're not gonna
get into it too much except for, to
mention that I get every now and then,
some people who have this question with regards
to,
you know, can a woman give herself to
me as a to be my as a
slave or whatever? And the answer is no.
Slavery is a particular hukum in the sharia,
that, can only be entered into in a
set of circumstances that don't really exist in
the world today to my, to my knowledge.
And,
so yeah. No. You cannot just voluntarily make
yourself a slave. It has to be like
a war captive that's captured by,
the sovereign, polity of the Muslims, which is
not what they call the Islamic state, but
an actual,
Islamic,
polity,
sovereign,
polity.
And,
that, like I said, that that mechanism doesn't
exist anymore.
There may be a couple of places where
there are still slaves left like in Mauritania
or whatever, but even that's exceedingly rare.
So the idea is this is that, so
put put that issue to the side, you
know,
for a second.
And,
it it means that you your private parts
can only be used in their sexual function,
with your
with your, with your spouse,
That
Allah mentions in his book that those people
who guard the private parts and the exceptions
are what? The exception is only with your
spouse or
And other than that, meaning the self or,
another person or some other means,
whether it be and the Foucaha mentioned these
things, whether it be like, you know, an
animal or, you know, all these other things
people are into,
whether they admit it publicly or not. I
guess exceedingly now they've become proud of it.
They have parades to celebrate that. But, those
things are not those things are not permissible
in our sacred sharia.
And further than just knowing the
the the legal ruling. Okay? If you know
the legal legal ruling, that's fine.
The Sharia is not only the legal ruling
as well. Like we mentioned, there is a
spiritual aspect to all of these things as
well. There's a Sufik aspect to these things
as well, which is important in knowing and
appreciating what the legal ruling is and why
it's there for your benefit.
And that legal ruling is there in theory
because what? Because the heart, which we mentioned
is the is like the center the the
center of the,
of the of the spiritual makeup of a
person. It is the most important part of
the spiritual makeup of a person. And that
heart is described like a city,
and the city has gates.
All sorts of different gates,
that you can access or enter the city
from. And so those gates,
if you, you know, if you look in
the,
the the terminology of the sunnah,
those gates are referred to as
as limbs.
And,
even though not all of them are limbs,
you know. So one of the they're not
limbs in the physical or anatomical sense. So
one of the gelada head is the stomach
or like the tongue or whatever. These are
not traditionally
anatomically
thought of as limbs, but,
they are
spiritual
entry points for effect
to enter and and touch the heart. Now
the Nabi
he mentions in the hadith, for example, whoever
can guarantee for me the thing that's between
their 2 jawbones, meaning what? Their tongue and
the thing that's between their 2 legs, meaning
what? Their private parts, a lot I guarantee
for that person Jannah. Meaning what if you
can stop the tongue from speaking Haram
and tasting Haram,
and and doing haram, and you can stop
the private parts from engaging the haram. I
guarantee you Jannah. Why? Because these are 2
very powerful,
and very,
big entry points to the heart. It is
not possible for a person to have sexual
relations with,
someone or with something or in a certain
way except for it is going to
impact the heart in in a way that
the heart has no defense against.
And, look, this is, you know, this is
this is, an important issue that there is
an emotional and psychological
connection between sexual gratification and,
you know, between,
between a person's spiritual state.
And if you just like if you eat
the haram, it's going to poison your heart.
If a person,
obtains this gratification, it will overwhelm them. And
it will slowly turn
the heart in the wrong direction. It will
poison the heart if they obtain gratification
through their private parts in a way that
is harmful for them. In a way that's
haram and not countenanced by the shala of
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
And the flip the flip side is true
as well, that the the companions said
there's somebody
sees a woman in the mark a man
sees someone in the marketplace and is attracted
to her, then let him go home and
make love to his wife because he'll
he'll find, with his wife what he what
he found
in that other person that that was attractive.
And
then the mentions in Nafi,
Indeed in the the flesh or the body
of a person
is a for their for their spouse,
meaning, and meaning what? That a person in
the first person does it properly and does
it well, they'll receive reward. The companions
they they were, you know, they expressed
the. They expressed amazement and be wonderment.
That how is it that a person will
receive reward for,
having,
sexual relations or sexual *
with their spouse.
They'll receive reward for this. And the messenger
of Allah
said that don't you see how bad it
would have been if a person,
took their sexual desire to the Haram
and, put it there?
How much punishment that would have been worthy
of? Because this companions
understood how grave of a sin
this,
zina was.
And so
they were
they were astonished. How is it that a
person will receive
reward for making love to their spouse? And
the prophet
says, don't you see how if a person
were to take this desire and put it
in the haram, they would have received sin?
That's the amount of reward that a person
receives when they put this, when they put
this,
desire in its right place. And the Muslims
traditionally took this very seriously.
Yeah. And there's a lot of weird
post
colonial,
Victorian era hang ups that a lot of,
especially immigrant Muslims have. And even people who
are converts to Islam, they have a lot
of hang ups with regards to
guilt,
in in in,
sexuality
that
are like carryovers
from, from, Christianity or from Catholicism or to
somewhat of a lesser degree even from Judaism,
or even from atheism because this is the
dominant culture. This is the the the dominant
culture that has been
that that kinda, like, has
ruled this
these lands, and these lands have ruled other
lands. And so it's kinda spread itself over
the entire,
the entire world. And the nature of extremism
is such as the the pendulum when it
swings too far one way, it's gonna necessarily
swing really far the other way as well.
So that calm who, you know, idealizes,
for example,
celibacy,
and that idealizes,
you know, staying away
from from, sexual * except for
when absolutely dead necessary.
That comb, it's not
surprising that they
then, end up becoming one of the most
lecherous of societies,
known to history on a level, you know,
that proliferates faqish and indecency on a level
hitherto unknown
that turns faqishah into a religion. Like, this
whole LGBTQ
movement, it's like a religion. It's it's not
I mean, it's like the primary thing that
they identify as, and it is the yardstick
against which they,
they will then
measure the the moral worth of everything
thereafter.
And so,
you know, the the pendulum swings from one
side hard to the other, especially like or
for example, the same thing, look at Catholicism.
I know,
brothers who are converts to Islam from Catholicism.
They said, we saw my grandmother. One brother
said, I saw. Saw. My grandmother showed me
there was a sheet that had, like, a
small cut in in it, just a small
slit in it. And he said that that,
that my grandmother showed me this to me
so that we were taught in the church
that,
and this is in in Latin America, that
we were taught by the church
that,
this is such a sin, and this is
so bad that it's only permissible because it's
a necessity for procreation. So when husband and
wife do it, let them do it with
this sheet in the middle so they neither
see each other nor touch each other except
for in the way that is bare minimum,
necessary, and and feel ashamed of it the
whole time while you're doing it and feel
repentant the whole time that that you're doing
it. Obviously, this is gonna, like, psychologically mess
a person up really badly. It's gonna give
them all kind of weird bizarre hang ups
and things like that.
So it didn't come out of nowhere. It
it came out of the, you know, the,
you know, it came out of the fact
that, yes, committing,
and,
you know, having casual *
is, you know, cheapens a person,
and it's basically an act of disrespect that
a person does to oneself
because it has such a,
has such an impact on the mind, it
has such an impact on the heart, and
it has such an impact on the body.
When a man and woman,
make love to each other,
there are certain,
you know,
like, hormones that are released. Like, cortisol is
a destressing
hormone.
And the the physical relationship that, you know,
a husband and wife have with one another.
Not only does it release the cortisol,
but it
triggers the release of cortisol when the 2
of them are together later on afterward even
when they're not,
when they're not,
you know, in the act of making love.
And, apparently,
I'm told that, if a person has too
many partners,
then this effect no longer it no longer,
is there. And anyone who is a, you
know, a scientist,
in particular,
a person who knows the physiology of these
things, they're welcome to elaborate or call out
if something is wrong that I'm saying.
But,
the the point is is what is that
Imagine not like if you if you do
it wrong,
you literally,
physiologically
will harm yourself.
And,
you will also,
psychologically
harm yourself.
And the Dina is saying you'll spiritually harm
yourself. But the point is is that there's
a happy balance between what? Between completely freaking
out, oh my god, *, we're all going
to *. And on the flip side,
you know,
being very careless with us to the point
where you have these you have these scenarios
where look.
2 men, when they
share intimacy in that way,
you will not have children. You will not
have families anymore. You can call it a
marriage, but it doesn't
serve the
civilizational
function that marriage serves.
You know, when 2 women do it, it
doesn't serve that same civilizational
function.
And,
you know, whatever other permutations, you know, there's
LGB,
TQRS,
TUV, WFE. None of those the rest of
the alphabets, they serve the function that that
that a marriage does. And so, you know,
you you wander and stray into a type
of
a type
of,
incoherence that that that does actually threaten
the way civilization
is built. You can live off of the
fat that is
generated by breeders, but after some while, if
enough people get onto that bandwagon necessarily, it's
going to cause a a collapse in any
society and any civilization.
And so the Muslims didn't take it then
like they take it now. Now what is
it if you grew up in
a typical,
a post colonial,
Muslim family? What is it?
You know, you have you have issues. Other
people have issues as well, but if you
grew up in a Desi family, an Arab
family, what is the what is the hang
up? Shh, don't talk about this at all.
And, until you get your PhD, you're not
gonna get married. Until you get a master's
degree, you're not gonna get married. You know,
if you mentioned marriage about, you know, about
marriage to somebody
before,
any sort of, like, professional degree, whether how
are they gonna support themselves, how are they
gonna live, how are they gonna this and
that. This is very impractical.
And the sunnah is what is that when
a person
reaches maturity,
both for a man,
both physical maturity, but as well, like, as,
being able to work and provide enough to
to be able to take care of
one's own expenses and one's
wife.
Then, the men used to get married, and
the women, when they reach physical maturity maturity,
they used to get married. And,
there are 2 things that many Muslims will,
kick and scream and,
say that they, you know, they detest and
they hate and they, you know, you know,
never in a 1000000, 1000000000 years,
that you don't have to look in any
family, Muslim family lineage more than 3 generations
in order to find.
And one of them is polygamy, and the
other one is child marriage.
People used to when I say child marriage,
like someone getting married under the age of
18 by the the the the, you know,
modern,
definition of what child marriage is.
And the thing is this is that look.
If you want to
grow up according to these values, the Quran
says what?
That they guard their their, their,
their private parts
against any, usage except for
between the spouses.
Those people are free of blame. If you
actually want to live a civilization like this,
you can't just tell somebody,
you know, you're gonna go blind and then
forget about it. That civilization tried that and
look what's happening right now. They're all, much
like, taking advantage of free subscription offers during
COVID 19.
And don't pretend like you don't know what,
Moana Sab is talking about. And if you
actually don't know, you should make the offer
me you're a relatively pious person.
The point is is this, is that
the point is is this, is that if
you wanna have a civilization that is going
to
live according to the book of Allah
more than just lip
service. Then the sunnah is what is that
people used to get married. Women used to
get married at the age of puberty, and
men used to get married either then or
shortly thereafter when they are competent enough to
be able to support a family. And support
a family means what? It doesn't mean having
a, like, a palatial house in the suburbs.
It doesn't mean driving,
a a particular,
type of nice and fancy. It doesn't mean
any of those things. What does it mean?
Means pay their rent, pay pay basic expenses,
you know, pay your electric bill, etcetera. Have
2 rooms in the house. If your pops
is a nice guy that he says, okay.
You know, I'll charge you subsidized rent. You
guys take this side of the house or
whatever. Here's a bathroom, and here's whatever with
you. Whatever it is, when a person can
bare minimum do those things, then they should
get they should get married. It's time for
them to get married, but we don't do
that. We make this elaborate customary kabuki out
of this entire thing. We make the process
of getting married into, like, a pain in
the backside,
and, we end up with then people who
are, you know, in their thirties and then
sometimes in their forties. They've never been married
before. Or the process is so painful, it
actually ends up stunting or harming that that
relationship.
Now imagine when 2 people get married and
they're young, they grow together. Whereas when 2
people are coming together, both of them just
finish their MDPH. They're relatively,
you know, chiseled and,
you know,
formed to a very
delicate degree. They're relatively formed as human beings.
How are they going to change? 1 of
them is going to have to kill their
personality in order to get, you know, get
along with the other one. And that's why
we see, you know, like, take it or
leave it type attitudes between husbands and wives.
And, you know, you can always default to
the Sharia and say, oh, look. You know,
like, in a disagreement, wife should listen to
her husband. That doesn't happen in real life.
That doesn't happen in real life. If your
wife does that for you, God bless you,
You just found a unicorn that's like vomiting
rainbows. Good for you,
For everyone, the rest of it. That's not
how human beings work. You know? That's not
and I'm not blaming wives or whatever. Who's
there's nobody who's gonna want to nobody's gonna
wanna be like, oh, look. I'm gonna spend
my life with this person and, like, at
a arbitrary whim. I have to, like, sacrifice
who I am as a person and my
mental well-being in order to, like, serve serve
this person or whatever. Right? Whereas when you
get married when you're younger, you grow together.
I remember having this discussion,
out of all the fun places I've been
and all the fun things I've done in
my life, having this discussion on a train
from Lahore to,
Lahore to
Karachi.
And you sit with some very folksy people,
you know. Usually, in the lower AC coach,
you sit with, businessmen, you know, but small
time traders. Not like people who own, like,
you know, multimillion dollar industries, but like middlemen
type people.
And so there were some Sindhi,
businessmen, and there was a Patan businessman and
a Punjabi. And we're sitting all talking, and
then there's student of
knowledge,
And I mentioned something about how it's sunnah
to get married early on. And the Cindy
2 Cindy gentlemen, they say, oh, no. The
girls have to get an education and they
have to go to school and they have
to this and that, which by and large
I agree with. Girls should get an education.
They should go to school.
You know,
they should they should be educated, both in
the deen and in the secular sciences, and
the boys should too for that matter. I
have no objection to that.
But the the the batan,
like,
he just chimed in with this soliloquy.
He says, no. We should get married early
on. And the sindis were, like, getting ready
to, like, you know, refute him. And he's
like, I got married when I was
15 years old, and my wife was 13.
And,
and and and he then went straight into
and the thing is when you say that,
it's it becomes awkward because people will be
very careful what they say about the topic
because they don't wanna offend the persons, like,
you know, personally.
And so he just launched into a soliloquy
about all of the vile and all the
virtues of having *. And he he said
he said, there's one thing, and it was
in wonderful,
There's this one thing. It's a gift Allah
gave that me and my wife shared since
we were teenagers.
If I'm sleepy at night, you know, and
sleeping in the morning, it will wake me
up. If I'm tense and I can't go
to sleep at night, it will help me
go to sleep. If I'm sad, it will
make me happy. If I'm, you know, confused,
it will let me clear my mind. If
I'm this, it will that. If I'm this
and he just he went on this, like,
amazing soliloquy in the Sindhis afterward. They're like,
yeah. Okay. We kinda get what you're saying
right now. Look. Your grandparents and my grandparents,
they all got married at that age.
And they were good people. They were better
people than us. Our great grandfathers and great
great they were better people than us. They
were people who used to wake up and
pray the Hajj. Sure. They did some messed
up stuff in their life, so do we.
But at the end of the day, the
iman was there and them in a way
that, like, we don't recall for ours. And
my grandmother was
a woman who lived to her eighties. Allah,
my maternal grandmother,
Allah have mercy on all of our forefathers.
You know,
when I think back, I'm like, wow. She
must have been like a of Allah
because all I remember her doing was praying
when nobody else was praying. She would read
Quran when nobody else was reading Quran, and,
she would go for walks every day. You
know? And, those were good people. Those were
good people.
And we don't have to be exactly like
them. You know, they lived in villages. We
don't have to be villagers. But this is
one thing. Imagine them growing up without the
angst of
of, of, like, this thing that's, like, burdened
on you. You're thinking about it all the
time, and you're not allowed to admit in
front of anybody that you're thinking about it
all the time, lest they judge you. And
you have this kinda weird, like, super sensitive,
sensitive, like,
disposition
because of which you can't even talk about
this with other people. And religious people expect
that, like, their parents are gonna arrange marriages
for them. It doesn't happen anymore. I wish
it happened. It doesn't happen anymore.
So these, boys will go to, like, these,
you know, ages, and they are obviously attracted
to the women, but they can't say anything
about it because it's sits in their mind
that this is irreligious or, they have hang
ups or the because the shame involved in
it like, if I go and ask somebody,
to to marry me or ask someone's father,
can I marry your daughter, and they shut
me down, the amount of shame involved in
it is going to completely debilitate me? The
problem is is what? Is that,
you know, like, if you go beyond a
certain point like this, obviously, you're gonna turn
into a misogynist and you're gonna turn into
a weirdo, and it's gonna strain you psychiatrically,
you know, psychologically.
What is strain? Stress and strain the difference
between stress and strain,
in engineering is what? Stress is like when
you bend something and then it comes back
into into into its normal or proper form.
That's stress. Right? So if I I can
bend my my fingers backwards, and then they'll
pop back to, like, what their normal form
is. You know? Strain is what? When you
bend it so hard that it it can't
come back to its proper form. It's deformed
now
forever.
The strain,
comes on young people. And I'm only mentioning
about the boys. Why? Because I obviously don't
know what it's like to be a girl.
And many of you, if I start giving
girls advice, you'll find it disingenuous,
probably for a good reason,
because I don't know what it's like to
be a girl. But I imagine that our
sisters go through something as well, and the
shame issues are probably compounded even worse,
with them. And so
people act out in weird ways. You know?
The brothers act out by becoming red pill,
alt bro type people, and the sisters act
out how, you know,
by by starting to post pictures of themselves
where they're kind of advertising themselves with a
credible amount of cover of being hijabi and
Ibabi, but, you know, whatever. Like, my
one of my daughters, she she saw a
picture of a woman in the cloud with
her eyes done up. And she says, Babo,
how come this woman is,
you know, how come this woman has so
much makeup on for just this amount of
her eyes? I'm like, I don't know. But
I don't know why if I say those
types of things out loud, people will say
you're being just judgmental and so I try
not to say those things. But,
you know, good good for you for noticing.
It's kinda defeats the purpose. But what's the
problem?
Nobody wants to marry the girls with the
niqab because they're not throwing themselves out there.
Nobody wants to marry the girls that are
not throwing themselves out there. We have not
given marriage a priority,
so the sisters have 2,
options.
They can either be ignored
and, suffer in their own anonymity,
or they can throw themselves out there and
have some,
you know,
some dream of
being married
and having a sexual life that's fulfilled. But
it's not just all sexuality. Like, * is
a a type of attention, you know, that
they'll have a healthy,
person who gives them healthy attention and makes
them feel beautiful, which is a need that
all human beings have. Perhaps the sisters have
more than the brothers have on average. And
then the brothers on the flip side, you
know, why is it that, you know, screw
this, bro, and whatever? Why are why are
they doing that? I promise you I promise
you if they were
fulfilled from the time of their teenage years,
that they would be different people. They would
be like our grandparents were, not constantly burdened
and thinking about, like, this one thing as,
like, the like, the elephant in the room
of their mind all of the time.
Rather, they would get on to what the
actual work of life is, which is not
to walk around like, you know, like a
thirsty pervert,
but to actually, you know,
have a family,
to actually,
build the masjid, to build the community,
you know, provide for your loved ones, to
raise your children,
in a nurturing way, to proliferate the uloom,
to do all of these other things.
And, for that reason, the ulama used to
actually write books about this. Yes. The ulama,
Suyuti wrote 3 books about doing it.
Imam Suyuti wrote 3 books, a
long book which is very detailed,
a short mukhtasar
compendium,
and then, like, a medium book that has
a medium amount of details. But he's by
far not the only one. I have several
books sitting upstairs in my in in my
or not upstairs, but, like, on upper shelves
of these,
of the the collection. Not necessarily because of
the sacredness of those books, but, you know,
they're behind the so that the children don't,
don't reach them. But there are literally Ulla
Maa wrote books about doing it. They begin
the book with
There's one book,
I have. It's really it's really funny. I
haven't actually read the whole book, but people
see it and they're like, oh, what is
this, Molhan Asav? And I'm like, it's a
book of elm. Like, if you want, read
it. I've never had time to read it
from cover to cover, but apparently, a number
of people have have have, like, joked about
it and, like, you know, cracked. And I'm
like, be be be mature. Go ahead. And
they they read it. There's a remarkable amount
of detail in it with regards to, you
know, you know, there are this
many types of men. This this type of
profile, and then there's these types of profiles
of women, and this is how a man
can give pleasure to a woman, this is
how a woman can give pleasure to a
man. This is how this problem gets solved.
This is how that problem gets solved. Why
did they write those books? Right? Why did
they write those books? A pious person,
who who wants to live a pious and
fulfilled life according to the deen of Islam
and according to the sunnah of the prophet
They have to be fulfilled in this way,
and they have to be able to give
fulfillment to their to their spouse or to
their spouses,
be as it may. They have to be
able to do that. If you cannot do
that, then
then then there's the you know, like like
we mentioned in previous, there's a whole set
of predictable issues that,
that will,
you know, start to plague people and give
them a hard time.
You have to be able to make your
your please your wife. Yeah. And that requires
saber. It requires patience.
It requires not being
in. Don't be like the donkey that goes
to the she donkey that it just goes
and gets its,
its, you know, pleasure and then it it
leaves.
And, it's funny, you know, when I was
in Tamanat in Mauritania,
like, you you could actually see the way
that the donkey does it. And it's savage.
It doesn't look like anything at all fulfilling
or, helpful for,
for the the she donkey at all. You
can't do that.
You cannot be that way. And the problem
is that when you have all this angst
and frustration,
that that is, like, the basis of any,
relationship,
when you're going to emotionally
poison the relationship because good good, relations intimate
relations are built upon what? They're built upon,
a a good emotional relationship that a husband
and wife have with one another.
And I'm not trying to be, like, self
helply. I mean, it's just really it's just
it's true. If you don't like each other,
then you're not gonna be able to be
like, oh, look. You're,
you know, we're copulating right now, so I'm
gonna now suspend what I feel about you
and start to enjoy. It doesn't work that
way.
The Ulemaa wrote books about these things. Why?
Because fulfilled people are very important.
Fulfilled people are very important for a healthy
and a proper society.
And like other types of beneficial knowledge, this
is also a type of beneficial knowledge that
people used to, have.
And the only thing that we have in
our civilization that we've produced in in anything
that comes close to it from our, like,
small, like, little side note, footnote of civilization
is Mufti Muhammad bin Adam
Allah,
reward him. He has this, like, small Islamic
guide to sexual relations.
It's a step in the right direction. Many
people oftentimes won't,
won't,
you know, won't
push the matter any further. Why? Because of
the weird, colonial,
post colonial Victoria Victorian
sensibility,
stigma
that, people will be,
you know, stuck with these things. People need
to not only because they figure if a
person reads about how to do it, they're
gonna wanna do it. And if they're gonna
wanna do it, they're gonna wanna get married.
And if they're gonna wanna get married, you
know, like, well, they haven't finished their PhD
or their master's degree or their,
you know, or their their their education yet.
And the fact is by the way, I
don't want, you know, the brothers when they
read this, so you guys bogus. How come
I can't get married when I'm 14? It's
because our parents baby us. They baby the
boys. We don't we don't learn to be
independent. We don't learn to be a man.
Many of us end up becoming board members
or even imams and masajid. You don't learn
how to be a man. You don't know
how to take responsibility for yourself. You don't
know how to pay the rent. You don't
know how to earn earn enough of a
living to pay the rent. You don't know
how to defend yourself, much as defend a
woman,
you know, much as defend your children. And
so it's not something that's a right. You
know, procreation is not a a right by
any,
standard. As a man, even biologically, like, even
zoologically,
if you want to procreate, you have to
show that you have
the evolutionary fitness,
required in order to do that. That's really
hard,
that's a really hard process. It's not an
easy process to go through.
But, like, you know, look on the other
hand. We're we're we're, like, don't talk about
it. And then Nabi sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
this comes the hadith of the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam that he used he he
would he would visit the Azwad Mutaharat between
Asr and Maghrib. Right? Now the Hanafis, you
know, this is the deal perhaps that your,
that your Asir may be a little bit
sooner
because it may require a little bit more
time. But he was able to
visit each one of the Aswadu Taherat.
And the Muhaddi Thun, if you look in
the shawhat of it, it means what? That
he was able to fulfill all of them
in 1, in one afternoon.
And that's the Nabi
from his hasa'asis that he was allowed to
have so many wives, which nobody in the
ummah afterward is allowed to have. But,
you know, I I remember
one of the ulama from South Africa was
telling me, he said, I sat I sat
in the dars of the Sheikh Abdul Fattah
Abu Hudda,
the the great arch Muhadith of Aleppo
of Halab, Allah
speed its
liberation,
from, from the tyranny of the enemies of
Islam,
that he said that I sat in his
Darst,
in in the Arabian Peninsula,
and I,
heard him
comment about this hadith
and say that this is also a a
person should have been physical fitness and should
be able to, if they have 4 wives,
that they should be able to in one
one afternoon, please all of them, and this
is how you do it. And he said
that he described it in an amount of
detail. I myself would blush to share with
you on the, on the YouTube studio because
of my own colonial and Victorian hang ups.
However, it's something that it's something that they
they talk about. They did talk about to
this day.
Is like Alam al Khuda. He's like the
flag of guidance. He's one of the,
one of the one of the most respected
Hanafi,
Muhandi Thun,
and Muhandi Thun in general, but he was
a Hanafi. He was a very a
very traditional Sunni
scholar that was respected by all different branches
of Sunnism,
the ones that other Sunnis wanna admit are
Sunnis or not, but all branches of Sunnism.
His books are wonderful. They're amazing.
He did because the wasi of his
Baham al Huallahu Tabarakota'ala,
the adjunct to the last sheikh of the
Islam of the Ottoman Empire, Mohammad Zahid al
Qothari, he loved the ulama adioban.
Al Qothari,
used to make morassala. He was like he
would write letters back and forth with Allama
Yusuf Ben Nuri
The the masses of Benuri town and the
the probably the most prolific of the students
from the most prolific of the students of
Moana Anwar Shah Kashmiri Rahimahullah.
And he made wasiya to his student that
served the books of the ulema, the Muhandi
Thun, and the ulema of the subcontinent.
And so
many of the books, Sheikh Abdul Fattah Abu
Huda wrote ta'aliphat,
on the, works of the Durbanir ulama and
the ulama of the Indian subcontinent.
And he sent his, one of his sons
actually to study in Benury town,
in in in one of the most renowned,
if not the most renowned, Durbandi Madrasa in
in the, in the Indian subcontinent.
And so these are people these are not
people who are, like, Lak Haya or, like,
our modernist or deviant or weirdos in any
way, shape, or form. These people are the
custodians guardians of this tradition. Their hearts were
the the pure receptacles Allah
kept in order to in order to preserve
the tradition.
They were aware of these things as well.
You know, people should lighten up, loosen up
about these things. Not lighten up and loosen
up in the sense that they don't take
them seriously. They're very serious.
But they should not treat these issues as
if there's some sort of, like, you know,
like, somebody just, like, gave you a bowl
versus bowl full of coronavirus,
you know, and, like, you just try not
to touch it or whatever. It's important.
You know, help your kids get married when
they're when they're young. Raise your sons in
order to be able to not ask their
mother for money by the, you know, by
the age of 14.
Get them, like, small time jobs. Teach them
how to budget. Teach them how to live
alone. Teach them how to, you know, not
be dependent on you, like, you know, like
like, Desi mothers try to kind of keep
the umbilical cord tied,
for for no. No. Don't do that. That's
bad. That will result in all sorts of,
like, psychological problems and hang ups and weirdnesses
afterward, and it will cause a lot of
problems later on in life.
And, whoever if someone is listening to this
and they're like themselves, like, yeah, man. This
is bogus. I'm suffering from angst and difficulty.
Allah make it easy for you. Allah make
it easy for you. Allah make it easy
for you. If you're a father who is
like, hey. Yo, man. This is this guy
is crazy. He's talking some crazy nonsense. My
kid, how is he gonna support a wife,
or how is she gonna marry a husband
or whatever as a teenager or something like
that? Look. So hadith of the prophet
that,
that,
the the mafoom of which is that any
child who
grows up and their father doesn't help them
to get get married. Help them doesn't mean,
like, I'm gonna flip the bill or whatever,
but, like, prepare them for it and, like,
assist them in a reasonable way in order
to get married. And that person
ends up that child ends up.
Then the father will get 2 sins. 1
is that they'll be punished for the sin
of that child committing because
there was no way for them to to
to avoid something that's very spontaneous. You can
tell your kids, oh, look, girl girl's evil.
Don't look. Haram, haram, stuff, allah, toba, toba,
stuff, allah. You know what? You can do
that. But the fact is, like, there's, like,
an entire machinery of, like,
anatomy and physiology that's, like, kind of built
against that. It doesn't really work that way.
And, that's not the attitude that we see
that, like, you know, so and so Sahaba
passed by, like, you know,
you know, 5 women in the marketplace, and
they grabbed their ears and said, oh, I'm
gonna go to *.
You know? That's not that's not that's not
how it worked.
That's not how it worked.
And, you know, we can do that. Why?
Because if you grew up in the village
in the Indian subcontinent or really any other
village in the Muslim world, you tell kids
like that when they're 7, don't oh, women,
oh my god, stay away. You know, when
they're 10, when they're 12, they're they're gonna
get married when they're 16. They're gonna get
married when they're 18,
and they're gonna be fulfilled. And they're not
gonna have these phones in their pockets,
and they're not gonna have these shashat that
you're watching YouTube right now. Allah knows what
you watch and what I watch when when
when we're done.
Allah knows best. Allah protect us and forgive
us for arson. Allah knows, you know, this
is a very emperor's new clothes y,
type of stuff. You know? Allah knows what
people are watching. Allah knows best. Allah to
help protect us and forgive us and keep
the the parda and the the the sitar
of, of his,
of his,
majesty
and his mercy,
over us that we should ever, that we
should ever be taken to task for this
in front of the creation or in front
of him for that matter in this world
over here. I love how it looks best.
They didn't have to have to deal with
those things. So you could tell the kids,
yeah, that's tough for a lot. Girls don't
look. You know?
And then what? They'll get married. They'll get
married to, probably, their cousin from the village,
and then they're gonna make you know, they're
gonna truly love each other. They're gonna make
love to each other.
You know,
you know, the
women are washing and scrubbing the clothes in,
like, you know, in good physical shape, and
the men are working the fields in their
good physical shape, and they're, you know, they're
happily ever after, you know, like,
you know, like,
like a cortisol shower.
Sorry. Oxytocin. Not cortisol. Oxytocin. Cortisol is a
stress hormone. Oxytocin is a destressing hormone. It
was mentioned earlier.
So, but it was mistakenly meant this is
oxytocin,
you know, like a a shower of oxytocin
oxytocin, like,
Indian movie,
music scene level of that. And then they'd
be happy with each other, and they truly
love each other in a way that I
don't think many people are gonna love each
other nowadays. The people may not even be
capable of loving each other anymore like that.
And then afterward, what happens is the village
mentality coupled with, like, the, you know, part
post partition or post, like,
you know, whatever, post 1967,
thing of, like, we all have to become
doctors and we all have to become engineers.
It was great. All become doctors. All become
engineers. I talked I have no problem with
the doctors. I just talked today with Mohan
and Mateen Khan. He's in,
in in Jersey.
And he graduated from the Darulum in Buffalo.
And he's actually a very learned person,
And he's also a medical doctor. He's in
the ER, and he was telling me about
how how it is dealing with the corona.
It's very interesting to have his perspective as
both a scholar and as a as a
as a as a medical doctor. And he
seems like he's actually good at both of
them. And you can see the unwatered in
his eyes. He's a very handsome person anyway,
but you'd see the spirituality in in in
in him.
And, you know, look, go ahead. Do all
of that stuff. Right? Go ahead and do
all of that stuff. But you have to
find solutions that work for the, situation that
we're in. And that's one of the beauties
of our civilization is that its its underpinning
is not a piece of land. You know?
Like the ancient Egyptians, they believed, like, in
their Ba'athil, Kufr religion, they used to believe
that if you don't die in Egypt, you
won't be resurrected. That's why they had, like,
very powerful army and civilization, but they never
left the land because they needed the land
for their civilization.
You know, India is kind of like that
also where they consider the land to be
like like, a a god that they worship
or something like that. Even though all the
Indians seem to have marshal admitted here to
Chicago and to other places that that, you
know, but that's
what it was supposed to make sense. And
the Muslim Indians, obviously, they're gonna go everywhere
anyway,
in any case.
But the point is is this is not
it's not contingent on a piece of land.
It's not contingent on a particular crown or
a particular sword or any physical thing. It's
contingent on one
on principles
that are based on wahi, that's based on
revelation,
that's based on the book of Allah ta'ala
and the person of the prophet
and everything he said and everything he did
and everything he accepted in all of his
state noble states
And it's portable from one place to the
other. If somebody ripped open a window into
dimension x and we went over there and
all of a sudden gravity pushes things away
from each other and all life is based
on silicon and all, still, Sharia will give
us a way of living that's beneficial in
in dimension x. You know, if aliens come,
from some other planet and they're mukallaf, they're,
like, they're mentally,
they're they're together,
We'd give them dawah, and they would,
you know,
accept the deen, and they would come in
their spacesuits where they're breathing sulfur instead of
oxygen, and they would try, you know, cry
tears of sulfuric acid in front of the,
in front of Muadja Sharif while saying,
and
whatever weird alien languages that they speak, you
know, in their tears of sulfuric acid. If
the hood was released, it would probably be
toxic enough to kill everybody in Medina. But,
like, you know, they're and then they'll have
their own that will deal with their own
weird messiah and whatever. Right? Why? Because Ushuli
tradition is a principle tradition.
And so we have to use a tradition
in order to find,
solutions that work for us, you know. And
we part of it is gonna have to
do with what? Like learning the knowledge of
the ancients. Man, if some moldy wrote a
book about how to do it, you should
probably read the book. And you should be
good at it. You should be so good
at it that when you walk by, your
missus cannot help but smile. You know? You
should be so good to your husband
that when he walks by, he cannot help
but, like, you know, you you you, like,
grab his attention. You should do that. That's
how the companions were of the Allahu Anwar.
You know, that's how the, you know, you
know, someone it's floating around the Internet, and
I don't even know the veracity, but somebody
sent a, you know, sending around, like, a
quote about Imam Ahmed that, like, myself and
my wife, we were together for so many
years. And, like, never I never utter we
never had, like, so much of a as
a fight with one another.
That's a healthy relationship. It's not just that
they sit together and read the Alamo is
best, you know? Like, maybe they did. I
don't know. Right? But, like, use your common
sense.
If a relationship is a holistic thing, this
is a, you know, a a part of
that,
that you have to be able to
you know, if you want to live this
ayah of the Quran, you know,
You actually have to make some planning for,
like, this thing to happen. You can't just
you can't just, you know, magically assume it's
gonna happen and, you know, all of a
sudden, I'm a doctor, so all my problems
are solved and, like, magically,
happily ever after. And we can never have
a conversation about it because my god, if
my mother found out, she'd kill me or
my father found out, you know, he'd, like,
take a stick and beat the * out
of me. And, like, oh, I said, you
know, grab your
that's not that's not cool. That's not good.
And that fakery, that type of fake living
ends up
usually resulting in weird perversions. Right? Like, let's
fake like we're celibate
and live like a whole life, and then
when we become old, it's gonna work out.
Right? And say, go ask the the the
Catholic church how did it work out for
them. Go ask those people in Latin America
whose grandmothers, you know, can show you a
sheet with a small slit in the middle,
and see their great grandchildren, you know. You
know, what what is their idea with regards
to how this thing is supposed to go
down. You know? Go ask those people who
even the Muslims, we're not there to just
mock and jeer other people. Even the Muslims
themselves, even Muslims themselves, it's very sad to
say. It's very sad to say. See see
which one of their olad and which one
of their progeny is is is chaste and
which one isn't.
Our forefathers were chaste people. You know, our
father our fore our parents were not people
who committed zina, and their parents before them
were not people who committed zina, and their
parents before them. They're they're people
whose lineages were known.
And,
you know, those of us who accepted Islam
from another from another tradition knows what the
value of that is. And through your saying
La ilaha illa Allah, Allah made you of
that same status,
that you're a pure a pure nussel.
You know? How unfortunate and how how bad
would it be if us or our children,
we put them in a position such that
they're the 1st generation that broke this purity
and tainted it with something with something
You know, we have to we have to
make plans in order to
execute the civilization which
Allah,
you know,
made for made for us and laid the
principles down for us. And we have to
use creative means in order to,
in order to in order to make it
work. Allah
give us. Perhaps people may find it strange.
Why?
For an hour, he's talking about doing it.
It's important. It's important. You know?
And the the thing is that, you know,
when it happens well, you know, you have,
like, Ahmed bin Hambal and all these you
have, like, these people that it's a good
piece, of an an entirely good pie.
You know? But on the flip side, what
happens? Because it's so viscerally connected to your
body and it's so, in intensely connected to
your heart and to your mind as well.
What happens? When this doesn't work for people
properly, what will happen? They'll, shaitan, will put
in their heads in the moment of frustration
this idea
that if you can't do this according to
Islam, then you can't do any of Islam.
So people I've seen so many people, you
know, I don't believe in the deen anymore.
Why?
And, you know, you question question. You find
out that the person just he found a
girlfriend, she completely blows his mind. Mind. You
know? You found a woman who found a
man who cares for genuinely cares for her
and cares for her needs and takes care
of her. That's the problem. He's haram for
her.
That solution wasn't found, and then that person
was put in a fitna. And there's no
excuse there's no excuse to leave the dean
whatsoever. And people don't study Aqidah, so for
that reason, they think that if they committed
sin, it's you know, you may as well
throw the baby out with the, you know,
bathwater, that it's some sort of kufr. And
it's not kufr. You know what I mean?
You could be sexually attracted to, like, office
desks.
And, it's wrong, and it's haram as heck,
and really weird, and, like, never gonna find
sanction in the sharia,
as long as the sharia is protected and
its, you know, its people are not lifted
from this earth. But,
you know, you still
you're still you're still a Muslim. Not everybody
has that that that even that much understanding.
So, you know, this is this is a
necessity for the survival of iman itself
amongst people on a civilizational level.
Even if the solutions don't work for you
or for me, we should work toward them
because civilization is more than just individuals.
Let's see. We have
Amin from Sherjil by Amin.
Let's see what else. Would the would that
be similar to the perfume garden by Schiff?
I don't yeah. I don't know.
Let's see. Amin. What else? Who
are some of the students of Sheikh Ablafataha
Abu Huda that we can still benefit from?
The most well known of, them that I'm
aware of is the sheikh Awama,
who was in Madinah Munawara until relatively recently,
and I think he's now in Istanbul.
So you can, you can benefit from him
as well. And,
man, the computer is a little bit far
away.
So let me sneak up and see what
does that say because Arabic is really small.
That's beautiful. I mean, you know what? That's
that's so beautiful, MashaAllah. That's wonderful.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala raised both of their
ranks.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, give them a maqam
with and Jannah forever.
And Allah ta'ala give us a place at
their feet as well because we love them
and that we're happy for them. And, may
Allah
give us something that he gave them as
well in this world and the hereafter,
both from
both from their spiritual graces and from Thee.
The the the khairumata'ad duni almar'a'us salihayats.
You know,
I remember hearing this attributed to Imam Ahmed
as well that the best of the enjoyments
of this world is a righteous wife. Allah
give righteous wives and husbands to all of
us,
according to
the proper designation thereof.
We make du'a, Allah accept from us and
forgive us if we said anything
excessive Whoever wishes to say something can say
something in the comment section as well. And,
like I said, remember Sunday,
the dars will be on Daw Asim's page
and it will be from Shamal of Timothy.