Hamzah Wald Maqbul – Marry Early, Live Happy & Be Blessed
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AI: Transcript ©
So
the topic for the second talk that I
was given was regarding marriage. I had a
certain
angle in mind, and that angle was that
the room would be filled more with
people who are,
people who want to get married so I
can talk to them about how to get
married. It seems that
that demographic is a little bit less in
the room,
and there are a little bit more, people
in the room who probably have been married
for longer than I have and have more,
experience regarding marriage than I do, and,
probably have enough common sense not to ask
me for marriage advice.
So
No. Yeah.
Wouldn't that be great?
Wouldn't that be great? Inshallah, we'll try to
keep it short. Inshallah. And then whatever question
and answers, you know, we have afterwards, we'll
we'll try to indulge. I I thought I'd
talk a little bit about that. And it's
still important because I suspect that a lot
of people in this room, if you're not
yourself looking to get married or recently married,
you may have children or you may have,
young people who are in your life, nieces
and nephews, etcetera, etcetera, who are
people who
are on the verge or on the cusp
of getting married.
Nabi
there are a number
of hadith of the prophet
that are very
key and essential
to understanding the concept of marriage.
And the Nabi
says
said, that,
that
and then Nabi alayhi salatu wa salam said,
That the,
nikah
to be married is from my sunnah,
and whoever turns away from my sunnah,
that that person has nothing to do with
me.
These are very,
these are very,
emphatic statements. They're very important statements. We need
to take them very seriously.
And traditionally, Muslims took them very seriously.
This is why you see in pre modern
Muslim cultures and still in certain places in
the Muslim world
to this day, people get married or people
used to get married very young.
Girls would get married at the age of
puberty or slightly thereafter.
Boys would be maybe given a couple of
more years because of responsibility.
But still 18,
19, 20,
this was the norm for young men to
get married
and to push much beyond that,
was considered to be, was considered to be
something abnormal.
Who,
was a very special person. He wasn't just
anyone
from
the rather he was one of less than
10 people that
the
looked to as a
as
a fatiye.
All of the Sahaba
have this daraja. They have this this
virtue over the rest of the ummah, But
in 'ilm, all of them were not the
same. All of them used to not give
fatwa. There are just a handful of them
who used to give fatwa. The khulafa
Rashidun,
Sayyidna Abdullah
bin Mas'ud
There are a number of the younger Sahaba
who use Sayyidna Zayd bin
and then after that there were a number
of people from the younger sahabah
that gave fatwa but only after the elders
passed away like
Sadna
Abdullah Ibn Amar
and these people, they were they gave fatwa
only after the elders passed away because of
the necessity that they were there. The the
the last people who preserved the direct knowledge
of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. Sayna
Mu'al bin Jabal radiAllahu anhu even though he
was young, he was similar in age to
Sayna Ali radiAllahu ta'ala anhu perhaps a little
bit older than him. He was a person
that that the prophet handpicked during his lifetime
to be a judge and a
master of of the sacred law. And he
was a person that the prophet
sent to be a governor over the people
of Yemen. And he was a person the
prophet
bore witness
regarding his faqaha to this ummah that the
one who has the most knowledge of halal
and haram amongst you is Mu'ad bin Jabal.
So
understanding that context what what this statement means
that when he was dying,
after the prophet
passed away during the reign of Sidna, Omar
alaihi wa ta'ala Anhu in,
Sham. He was in Sham amongst the people
of Sham. A
plague afflicted the people, and he also died
in that plague.
When he was dying, his wife passed away
before him from the same plague. And when
he was dying, the people around him asked
him if they could get anything for him
out of respect because of his high maqam
amongst the companions of the messenger of Allah
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
And so he asked for something very what
people might think is very peculiar, which is
what he asked that I would like to
get married.
As a Sheikh, you're dying.
Why why you wanna get married for?
They didn't say it like that. They have
more adam, But that's you know,
the reaction
was elicited.
And he himself understood
that this reaction
where it was coming from. And he says,
I know what you're thinking. You're wondering why
am I asking this?
The only reason I ask is because
I heard the messenger of Allah, sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam, emphasize
the importance of just being married. Just the
importance of being he emphasized the importance of
being married so much
that now I feel ashamed that I'm going
to meet him,
and not having conformed to his wish that
every person in this Ummah should be
married. And this is not a this is
not a, a small matter. This is a
big matter.
Is saying, what is the
Right?
It's half of the Deen, and he's saying
that this is my Sunnah. He's saying, this
is this is,
nikah is from my Sunnah.
Right? And the min here is Zaida, right?
That the nikah is my Sunnah.
Someone may say Tabireed, someone may say Zaida
meaning
what? That the Nikah is my Sunnah. And
whoever turns in a different hadith, whoever turns
away from my Sunnah, that person has nothing
to do with me. Right? That person has
nothing to do with me. Which is what
does that mean has nothing to do with
me?
The one that the Nabi
says Shafa'ah for, that person enters Jannah, the
person who has no Muhammad or Rasulullah, that
person, Jannah has haram on him just like
eating pork is haram
on the people of this Ummah in this
world. In fact, even more because there's some
exceptions to the rule. There will be no
exception to the former rule.
Now this is something extremely important.
Okay? One of the sunan,
of of Islam is what?
If something is if something is good, if
it's a good thing to do, it's better
to do it sooner rather than later. And
this is corroborated by a hadith of the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam that there are
3 things that shouldn't be delayed once they're
ready.
There are 3 things that shouldn't be delayed
once they're ready. And one of them is
what? The salat when the time comes in.
Right? Those of us who went to Hajj,
one of the most amazing things about Hajj
is that when the adhan is called,
everybody immediately
their mind goes to what? I have to
pray.
Whereas when we're in Toledo, Ohio and Chicago,
Illinois,
we're like, oh, I still have a couple
hours. Right? It's a very different reaction.
What is the sunnah? Is that when when
the the prayer comes in, it's best to
pray right at that time. There are obviously
the have written certain reasons why it is
permissible,
or even,
preferred to delay the prayer. But those are
exceptions to the rule. They're not the rule.
You don't understand anything about the rule by
understanding the exception. Tell me, is it what's
the of eating pork?
Haram. It's haram.
It's very haram,
Even our small children know that. Right? It's
haram. What if you're starving to death? Okay.
But maybe it's not haram anymore.
But does that tell you, well see it's
not really haram anymore? No. What? The exception
doesn't teach you anything about the rule.
Right? This is a precept in our sacred
law. The exception doesn't teach you anything about
the rule. So what's the first thing the
prophet so we put a theory forward, right?
That nikah is very important
and and that that it should be done
as soon as possible.
So the hadith says one thing it mentions
is what is the salat when it comes
in. What's another thing that the hadith mentions?
The when it's when it's ready,
when the hustle of the
has happened, when the the the
the the body has been washed and the
the the has happened.
Right? The the body has been shrouded
at that time. You're not supposed to delay
the the burial.
What's the theory that the person who is
a good person
speed them to their reward with Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala. The person who is a bad
person
relieve relieve relieve what's above the ground from
from this person as soon as
an unmarried girl when she becomes
that she should be married right away.
Now according to our modern sensibilities,
right, this is like setting off, like, red
flags and this is horrible. And what are
you saying? Girls should just get married when
they're young and not get any,
not get any education and not this and
not get that and not anything?
And this is what? This is
a a a type of like emotional reaction.
It's not a rational reaction. Why?
Because there are many many women who got
married at a very young age that went
on to do great things, to learn great
things,
to,
do great deeds, to
do great things in in in society to
benefit people.
The Sahabiat radiAllahu anhunna, they are a prime
example of this. Musayda Aisha radiAllahu anha,
she was she was a Mujtahhid from amongst
the Sahaba
People used to come to her and they'd
ask her her fatwa and they would challenge
her about why she meant what she meant
and she used to provide
very excellent daleel for her positions and she
used to shut down her people who disagreed
with them and she didn't care if it
was Sayidna Umar or Sayidna
Uthman or Sayidna Ali
and whom despite of course not carrying meaning,
not that she disrespected them. But when it
came to having,
an opinion
that was well formed, it didn't matter to
her as as long as she brought up,
an argument in support of her opinion
that would shut other people down. There are
number of judgments in which Sayidna Umar
will reverses
his opinion. Why? Because the Khole of Sayidha
Aisha radiAllahu ta'ala Anha and not all of
them have to do only with women's issues.
Not all of them have only to do
with women's issues. She was a master interpreter
of the Quran. She was a a Fatiha.
She was a master interpreter of the Hadith
of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. She's a
master Muhaditha, one of the 4. Muqathirin
Biriwaya.
The the 4 who gave the most number
of riwayaat of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam
as well. Say that Aisha
Tell me something. Right? Tell me something. What
age was she married at?
She was married at such an age. It
boggles it boggles the mind of people to
this day.
She was married at the age of 7.
Now, Sheikh, are you saying we should get
married? No. I'm not saying that. But I'm
saying what?
If this bearing early is an impediment to
somebody fulfilling the rest of their potential in
life, This would have been the biggest impediment
to fulfill to fulfill anything. And what happens?
It's the absolute opposite. It's irrelevant. Now people
will bring up this whole other issue that,
like, oh, how could the prophet marry someone
who's so young? Blah blah blah. Look.
Okay?
The objection regarding the Nabi's,
marriage to say that Aisha had
such an age is irrelevant for a number
of reasons. 1, we believe the prophet is
the Rasulullah,
that he did these things by wahi if
Allah told him to, then our
own,
judgment we suspended.
But even if a person wants to say
something, there are many people who don't believe
in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that still have
these
have these
was that you don't find in any book
of hadith or any book of tariq that
the the the the
the of Quresh or the
had an objection about it.
Married to the Zaydab, the
the the the ex wife of Sayedan Zayd
bin Habifar radiAllahu anha.
Anhu.
She was the, the divorced
wife of the prophet
son he adopted in Jahiliya.
The mushrike made a huge fuss about it.
They made a huge fuss about it. Right?
How come there's nothing they said anything about?
Why? Because these are all culturally relative things.
And
cultural relativism is not an usuli it's
not an usuli matter. If you don't want
to do it, you don't have to. But
somebody for them culturally, something is normal. For
another person, it's culturally not normal. Right? Pakistani
bride may wanna wear white. Afghani bride may
want or wear red. Afghani bride may wanna
wear green. You're not gonna say, oh, this
is right. This is wrong. This is what
makes you people happy. This is what makes
our whatever. Right? Actually, it's very interesting. One
of my colleagues,
Sheikh Abdullah,
Nana who lives in California,
he actually asked one of the Muhaddithin. There's
one,
Mullana Latifur Rahman. He's Muhadithi compiled the Musnad
of Imam Taha. He went through all the
books of Imam Taha and then poured them
in Musnad form. He he, compiled the Maruiat
of Imam Tahaweh in 16 volumes.
He's a master Muhadith and a researcher. He
has basically a room in a Masjid in
Makkamukaram and he just basically,
takes different manuscripts of books that are unpublished
and he makes tahleet of them and he
published the publishes them by day night. So
he asked him a couple of questions with
regards
and have you know, there's certain people who
say that she was older at the time
of her marriage and what's the comparison and
this and that. What's the for this? What's
Do you think it's even possible? He says
forget about possible. I'll give you a very
practical deal. He said that the prophet
consummated
his marriage with Sayedha Aisha
and at the age of 9. So I'll
tell you one even better. So what? So
my mother bore me at the age of
9.
If you think if you think this is
disgusting and horrible, promise you. 2 things that
you that that every modern
American Muslim that's born and raised in America
will find offensive.
2 things. 1 is child marriage, and the
second is, what? Polygamy. If you say anything
about these things in the in the member,
good luck ever coming back to the Masjid
again. Okay? I'm not advocating either of them.
I'm just saying 2 these two things, I
promise you every single one of you who
are, in a in a Muslim that was
born into a Muslim family, look into your
own own family.
95%
of you will not get past 3 generations
and, when, until you hit one of these
two things in your in your own lineage.
Right? So when you say, oh, this is
horrible. This is disgusting. What are you saying?
You're saying we're disgusting and horrible people. I'm
glad that Masha European came to enlighten us
and teach us about, you know, morality.
Look how that's going. Look what marriage happened
with them.
There are a lot of people who voted
for Trump. They're like, yo, look. You know,
I'm not excited about, like, you guys getting
put up in a registry, but this gay
marriage thing is too much for me.
Okay?
This is something you'll find. So coming back
to the point. The point is is what?
Is that we have this hang up that
somehow marrying is going to not let you
get an education.
It's going to somehow not let you,
fulfill your life's dreams. It's somehow going to
make you getting married early is somehow a
backward
practice. And the fact of the matter is
that this ummah, the the best of this
ummah, this is a practice they took seriously
because it's a sunnah of the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam. It should be done quickly
both by an Usuli standard and by a
hadith standard. Literally, the prophet commanded the people
of this ummah that when someone is ready
for marriage that you should marry them. And
so you you only talked about the girls.
What about the boys?
Sheikh Aznina hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam. Man comes to your house and
he proposes marriage to your proposes marriage to
one of your daughters
that you should marry her. If you're pleased
with this, you should you should, grant that
marriage. Otherwise, what's the punishment for not doing
so there'll be facade in the earth? What
did he say when it comes to your
house and you're pleased with your akhlaq, then
you should ask which Kabila are you from?
You should ask how much money you're making.
You should ask when are you gonna finish
your PhD son?
You should ask what do you drive son?
No,
there trust me, We don't take this seriously.
There was a part of the Ummah that
took it seriously. That part of the Ummah
actually was much more respectable than we are.
Was much more respectable than we are.
And we have to admit that. And this
is part of what this is the this
is this is this is usool, by the
way. It's laid down in the book of
Allah. The people of Iman are those who
say what?
The the the right? And the people who
come after the Muhajir and Ansar are the
people who say, oh oh oh, our lord,
forgive us and forgive the people who came
before us in iman and don't put,
poison in our heart for the people who
believe currently. Right? Which is what? We have
a good opinion of the that came before
us. This is the text of the Quran.
Right? We have a what what what is
our opinion about the Muslims that came before
us? Not that they were backwards or stupid
people or what. We have a good opinion
regarding them. What is the the the precept
for the people of Kufr? Right?
The people when they're entering into Jahannam, the
Ummm are entering into the hellfire.
Every time an Umma enters into the hellfire,
it will curse the people who came before.
It will curse its sister that sister that
came from before it, that you left us
on a
bad on a bad path. Okay? So what
are we saying? We're saying that, look, there's
no guarantee. This is a superlative example. Right?
No one's asking anyone here that their daughter
should get married at 7 or 9. Okay?
Even the one who did that, even then
look at what the ceiling is for achievement.
It's not necessarily
an impediment to doing anything or having any
fulfillment in life whatsoever unless you choose to
make it so. And your choice is not
because of being married at an early age.
It's because something that's completely delinked and decoupled
from that.
Now one of the one of the problems
that I have in conveying this message, especially
to parents and to,
elders
is that parents and elders come from and
I mentioned this in the talk with the
youth from before
is that I don't, you know, people say,
oh, Sheikh, come and speak with the youth.
You were born and raised here. Okay. How
am I gonna relate with the youth?
I graduated from high school of 1999.
So what's 17 years ago? Okay.
I'm telling you the guys
who graduated, the girls who graduated from high
school 4 years ago, they don't even know
what's going on in high school right now.
When I hear some of the high school
kids, some of the stuff they they're saying,
I'm like, oh my goodness. Right? I remember
when I was in high school,
not that I'm, like, endorsing this, but when
I was in high school, I remember
a boy came to the prom dressed up
as a woman.
The captain of the football team beat him
up and threw him out of the prom,
and he didn't get in trouble. Rather, the
principal expelled this boy who got dressed up
as a woman.
He expelled him and the captain of the
football team, nothing happened.
Now what's happening? Najanat, the captain of the
football team himself is dressed up as a
woman. They give him an award for how
wonderful he is. Right? No one beats up
anybody. Not that I mean, advocating. I'm just
saying it's very different culture now than what
it used to be from before.
Now the elders have no idea what the
kids are going through. The elders have no
idea what the kids are going through. I
promise you there
are 99 different types of deviancy that the
kids are going through. They would be solved
by what? They'd be solved by the children
being married. And the first objection I received,
the first objection I received regarding this idea
is they're not mature enough. And the fact
of the matter is many of them are
not mature enough. And whose fault is that?
Family. The family. I mean, part of it
comes on part part of it comes on
the child. Much of it comes on how
the child was raised. Now this is a
very basic precept. I wish more of our
Masha youth were here to hear that.
That
young men,
when you hit the age of puberty,
Okay?
13, 14, 15, maybe somebody 16, 17, maybe
18. After the 18,
no
will accept that you're still a child. Okay?
And that's lunar years.
That's not solar years. So you you you
know, it's like 17 and like a month
basically.
You're required to pray fast all these other
things. After that, you're an adult.
You're an adult. And the Sharia teaches us
what?
Right the hadith it's in forget you don't
have to be a Muhadith you don't have
to be like reading Bukhari and Muslim. It's
in right
Hakim Bin Hizam.
He came and asked the prophet
for money once. Prophet gave him. He came
twice. Prophet
gave him. He asked a third time that
he said he can't ask no more. He
said here's a dua. Ask Allah
after this day don't ask anyone for anything
ever again.
And it's very clear from the hadith of
the prophet
that a person is only allowed in 3
very specific situations to ask another person for
for money.
Other than that,
and other than certain exceptions, it is haram
to ask another person for money if you're
able not to. And the punishment from Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala for asking from another person
is what?
Is that Allah will open the door of
fakar. He will open the door of poverty
on you for it.
That's the punishment.
Now tell me something. The kids aren't ready.
The kids are are not ready to get
married.
Right? Have we trained them that
go get a job
when you're 16, when you're 15, get a
job. If nothing else, get a job from
your father.
Do work for him. He'll pay you. Don't
ask for money. Don't ask your don't you
dare ask your father. Don't you double dare
ask your mother for money. It's shameful. It's
shameful. And if your father lets you live
at home, this is a sadaqa from him.
If your father pays your tuition, this is
a big time sadaqa from him.
People ask me I mean, I'm this thing
this thing happened to me consistently, constantly.
Sheikh, can you come talk to my son?
He doesn't listen to his mother. She tells
him clean the room and he doesn't clean
his room. This is not. I'm like, yeah.
Sure. We'll talk to him. I think he's
like a middle school kid or something like
that, elementary school kid.
Bam. 20 year old college student.
This guy?
Really? He doesn't clean his room? I said,
what am I gonna talk to him about?
He's he's a grown man. He's a man,
brother. He's a grown man. What? I'm not
gonna talk to this
guy. He's become like that because you made
him into that.
What do you mean, Sheikh? I said, listen.
Bring him bring in you, your wife, you
know, his mother, sit down with him one
day, say, listen, you're a grown man. You're
an adult.
We raised you as best as we could.
Now it's time for you to take responsibility
for your life.
So here, we got you an apartment. We
paid the 1st 3 months of
rent.
After that, you're welcome to come and have
dinner with us on Fridays.
Good luck.
He cleans his room. He doesn't clean his
room. What are you gonna baby? You're gonna
baby that that person will lie. 35, 40
years old is still not gonna get be
ready for marriage. And we have to counsel
those those issues also.
Woman comes, Sheikh. What am I supposed to
do? My husband, he spends all of his
time at at his mother's house, and he
spends the night over there, like, for 3
or 4 days at a time. He doesn't
come home. He doesn't fulfill my haq. He
doesn't, like, you know, he only eats the
food his mother cooks. He only does this
is at this point, something is more wrong
than just something that an individual did. It
requires what? A different a different,
a way of looking at these things. Right?
Boys, you you know you know if you
show your face in front of your own
father and mother and say, I need to
get married. You know they'll laugh at you.
Okay? That's your own father and mother. If
you show your face in front of the
father and mother of a girl, he might,
like, get out a baseball bat or a
shotgun.
Why? It's not totally their fault.
It's not totally their fault.
Why? Because they want to see, man, can
this guy, you know, do, like, basic things,
take care of himself, pay rent. I say,
it's very difficult to find a
a a a good girl for your son
to marry. It's even more difficult to find
a good boy for your daughter to marry.
And what's the definition I have for a
good boy to marry right now? What's the
current, like, definition of somebody who's like 85th
percentile in terms of like a groom?
Somebody who prays 5 times a day and
can pay the rent.
That's very difficult to find. You guys are
laughing about it.
Right? Which of you,
do I wanna get married? Okay. Great. Which
one of you is praying 5 times a
day paying paying your own rent?
I promise you, you'll find it. Right? There
are there's a glut of of sisters who
want to marry somebody who's, like, slightly more
mature than a 14 year old. If they
find someone, they'll say yes. Their father will
say yes as well.
Their father will say their their father whoever
you are, I wanna study Dean and said
there are also girls who wanna study Dean,
they'll get married also with you. Right? The
sheikh, I'm not like fancy. I don't wanna,
like, have a big house. No. There are
girls like that as well. There are families
like that as well. They would be happy
to marry their daughters to you, but you
have to be able to be in a
position where you man up, where you are,
able to sustain that that,
that lifestyle.
Much
of that as parents, you can give your
sons a leg up. You can give your
sons a leg up by what? Teaching them
responsibility,
not babying them about everything all of the
time.
Making them get a job paying for for
and pay for things themselves.
Right? Making them responsible,
treating them like a grown man rather than
like a child.
On the flip side, what is the issue
that we have with the way we raise
our daughters? Okay? As a woman, what's the
from the nusus, what's the most important role
you'll ever have as a as a woman?
From the nusus, the nus of the Quran,
the sunnah of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
What is the most important role you'll ever
have?
PhD? Doctor?
What?
Manager of your vice president of your division
at the corporation?
What?
Mother. A mother. You'd be a mother.
The of the mother is so high, Allah
ta'ala, his says that
the the the the the the the Jannah
is
And
the Nabi
said that the reward for childbirth is like
the reward for going Jihad fisa billillah.
Masha Allah manly man here who's manly enough
to even like put his head up, you
know, without fear of what the consequence of
that is.
Right? You receive the reward of that. If
a woman dies in childbirth, she dies as
a shayid.
This is a
from Allah and His Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.
What are you saying Sheikh? I can't be
a doctor? No.
What do you say? Can't get a PhD?
No. I never said
that. Al Azhar Sharif
The
best and most ancient
school to train,
women doctors, female doctors,
and, obstetrics and gynecology.
The same Al Azhar al Sharif that you
become a Qari from and that you become
a Fatiha from and you become a Muhadid
from, the same Al Azhar al Sharif of
the Subqis and the same Muratasid, Murataz Abidi,
and all of these people. That same Al
Azhar al Sharif for centuries.
For centuries is training women as doctors.
Right? What is getting married,
getting married at the age of 18? Does
it stop any of those ladies from becoming
a doctor and from doing great service to
the Ummah, Sayida Muhammad
No. Did it stop Sayida Aisha from being
a a a a a a a a
a a a muhadditha and a faqihah or
any generation between that and this?
There are so many. Right? Say, Anas Khatun,
the the wife of Hafiz ibn Hajar Askalani.
She herself had certain and hadith, certain chains
of narration that were superior to her husband
who wrote the.
They say after Hafez ibn Hajar died. Right?
A number of the, they proposed marriage to
her. Some of them, they say only so
they could get out her books and they
could get out her ilm. That's how much
knowledge she had.
Did this did this sunnah stop any of
them? No. But what is it? Why is
it we feel ashamed to tell our daughters
that?
Still, you know what? The most important thing
one day you'll get married, you'll become a
mother
and make certain choices in your life in
order to not jeopardize that.
What are the choices that the people around
us make now? If you read, like, write
whatever slate and, like, Rolling Stone and the
Atlantic and whatever. You see, what are women
doing in the corporate world?
Now it's a a perk. It's a corporate
perk, by the way. If a woman gets
hired to,
an executive position, so we'll freeze your eggs
for you.
That's just creepy.
What will we'll freeze your eggs for you.
Is that a solution?
Right? We're we're human beings. We're not like
some sort of,
like, a chicken that's being genetically engineered to,
like, yield a higher
cow that's gonna yield give a higher milk
yield or something like that. They're gonna take
the eggs out of you and put it
in a freezer and then afterward insert it.
This is ridiculous. This is not in Sam.
This is,
honored mankind,
and your your child will be like, yeah.
I guess my mother was, too busy going
up the corporate ladder. I had to be
born in a test tube or conceived in
a test tube.
Right? How does a Muslim
conceive a child? Right? That when husband and
wife, they're both on Tahara
before they they they
have intimacy with one another. There's literally
the
mother who eats the halal and drinks the
the halal and reads Quran and reads the
Surah of Maryam while the child is in
the womb and etcetera etcetera. And then what
happens? The child who's born is like a
wali of Allah.
Is it born is like a of Allah.
Maybe one child who's born like
that. People droves of people from this Umma
because of the that child will enter into
Jannah because of the goodness that this child
spreads in the.
And on the other side, someone is born
like, like
like the Borg or like some terminator cyber,
like
I mean, fine. If it happened to happen,
someone's like, Sheikh, I was born like that.
I remain no. Stuff for love. Somebody maybe
there's someone has, like, fertility issues and blah
blah blah. What did we say in the
beginning?
The exception
tells you nothing about the rule.
There are exceptions to every rule. The exception
tells you nothing about the rule. To obsess
with the, with the exception
is a a type of mental weakness.
You should shoot for the rule. Right? Someone
says, well, I know a person who is,
you know, blind and they became the greatest
Sheikh.
Right? Abu Abu Bakr,
he's, you
know, Sahib and the his son
and this and that. Wonderful. What does it
mean? All of us should go and blind
ourselves?
No. It means if Allah Taha gave you
a certain situation you cope with it, some
people allow allow them to fly. It won't
hold them back. But it doesn't mean that
all of us should
I have to understand, put everything inside of
its place.
So this is a problem we put on
top of ourselves. Now what is a hadith
of the prophet
The hadith is when the the,
is easy, then becomes difficult.
And when
and when, becomes difficult, becomes what?
It becomes easy.
Now I'll say this, maybe people will be
shocked. They'll be offended from me saying it,
but it's the hap. Somebody has to say
it. You can kick me out of your
masjid, but you're not gonna be able to
remove this knowledge from your mind that there
are from our Shabaab,
This is what they're committing zina with now.
Forget about people.
Not 1 or 2 of them
Because they come and they tell me what
they don't tell mommy and baba.
This is disgusting.
This is horrible.
How many mental illnesses do you think come
with this?
How many psychological illnesses do you think come
with this?
That boy who's been doing this thing for
a decade.
Right? From the age of 16 to the
age of 26, mommy and are open minded.
I found a girl who let me get
married before,
before,
whatever. I get my PhD done. So I'm
26 now. I'm going to get married. How
is that man going to be intimate with
a woman?
His habits are already screwed up. They're already
messed up.
They're already sustafar al shaykh. Are you talking
about that in the house of Allah ta'ala?
I'm telling you Nabi sallallahu alaihi wasallam talked
about it.
It's a hadith of the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam. If a man goes to the
souk and he sees he sees something that
excites his, arouses his,
his desire,
then let him go home to his wife
because he'll find with his wife the thing
that he would have found in the in
the suk. And then
said on top of that, what? That if
someone of you goes to your wife in
a good way and the wife and husband
please each other, they will receive the reward
of sadaqah. They said, you Rasoolullah,
a person will make love to his,
wife and receive reward for it. So don't
you see? Just like a man if or
a woman if they went and committed how
much punishment they would be worthy of? How
much sin they'd be worthy of? That's how
much reward they'll receive from?
From what? From the having relationship with each
other in a halal way.
This thing is completely jeopardized. I promise you.
You you have
everybody comes to it. Imam figures to complain
about their relationships. This is one of the
reasons. Right? We're not trained. I'm not I
don't know. Sheikh may be trained. I'm not
trained to deal with these things. I spend
my time studying and studying,
you know,
hadith and studying if someone dies, I'll tell
you how much inheritance they're supposed to get.
If you get a divorce, I'll tell you
who can get the kids and what's permissible,
what's not. They never taught me how to
like sit 2 people arguing down and reconcile
between them. This is a special skill that
certain people have. Right? So one of the
reasons I'm happy with the the Khalil Center
we mentioned it from before, that there are
people, who have these skill sets and they're
working in the Muslim community. We should send
people who have problems,
to those people. But coming back to the
issue,
there are people who complain
against one another as husband and wife, and
they come into the office storming. Oh, she
doesn't cook anything. She doesn't clean anything. This,
that, the other thing. Oh, he doesn't make
any money. His parents are like this. He
says bad things to me. He whatever. And
then when you peel away the layers, what's
the actual problem?
This this one thing is messed up.
I actually met there's 1, imam in California.
His name is Yasser Fazaga. I don't know
if any of you heard of him before.
Right?
He actually did his, a bachelor's degree in
clinical psychology and he did a master's degree
as well.
And it's in literally they call sexology, dealing
with sexual dysfunction between people.
He said the this is not Islam, by
the way. This is what? This is,
the secular field. He said that in in
sexology, what did they say? This is their
2 There's 2 points of view with regards
to relationship therapy between
between,
between couples.
Right? Them husband and wife doesn't mean anything.
It's between couples.
They say one school of thought says what?
The relationship is broken. As the relationship gets
better, the intimacy will get better. And there's
another school of thought which is much stronger,
which is what the intimacy something's wrong with
it. And and that's why the relationship is
broken. As that thing gets broken, then the,
it gets fixed and the relationship will get
fixed as well.
But tell me it's very embarrassing that I
said this thing. I myself feel very shy.
I would feel shy just in front of
my elders saying something like this. The sisters
are here too. I'm also wondering what the
* have I what kind of worms have
I opened up. But the fact of the
matter is this is something this is something
that's happening. This is this is something that's
happening. Okay? This is causing problems with people
when they get married afterward.
Why?
Because a man has some weird and bizarre
expectations.
And then when he actually, like, meets a
woman who prays 5 times a day and
whatever, and that woman is supposed to become
his wife, he's not able to, they're not
able to,
you know, they're not able to be together
as a as a husband and wife properly.
What did we say? There's a proper way
of doing all of these things, right? The
prophet
you know he he said all of this
advice literally about * that let a man
not go to his wife like a donkey
goes to the she donkey and all that.
I don't wanna get into all of that.
The point is is what? Is that when
you do things the right way, then your
children will come out.
Mubarak children.
Munawar children.
People who love Allah
People who give sadaqah, people who love one
another. And what will happen if you don't
do these things properly?
Right? What is the dua? What
does that mean? O Allah, spare us from
the shaitan and spare the the what risk
happen? What risk happens between a husband and
wife making love? It's what you receive children.
Right?
Spare that risk that you gave to us
from shaitan.
That's not happening now.
So then why why would we have to
ajub if what? The whole since there may
be a a family, a lineage in which
are and
and and and and and and and and
and Quran,
people of purity, people of decency for the
last 40 generations in a family, no child
was born in zina.
And this is the one generation that we
ruined it. Is that worth is that what
is is that worth it? Is that worth,
you know,
not telling our our daughters, you know, that
the most important thing you're gonna do is,
be a mother. So make some consideration for
that along with your plans of getting educated,
becoming a lawyer, becoming a doctor, and fulfilling
your other dreams. Is it worth that? Just
because we're a little bit,
embarrassed in front of, like, other people in
the public that they're gonna say, oh, you're
old school and you're backwards and you're this
and that. Or we're embarrassed in front of
our own Muslim friends or our own family
members to say that. What is it? Is
it worth, a boy,
He's gonna get married at the age of
40?
You got married at the age of 40?
That's because you're waliyah of Allah. Not everybody
works like that.
Taqwa for an individual is very wonderful.
As a
a a matter of public policy, it's a
failure.
What does that mean?
That means what? If you're an individual and
you're in a difficult situation,
then you ask Allah for his help and
you fear Allah ta'ala in as much difficulty
as you go through, Allah will reward you
for that. It doesn't mean you set other
people up to fail.
Say the
very simple example. Okay?
Right?
One of the funny things I'm by the
way, I'm I'm just saying this as a
third party. Right? You know, Jama'at Tablikh, I'm
not very active with them. People make the
objection, Why do you go for 4 months?
Isn't this a bida'a? It's not actually an
Asul Uth Salaf It's
not a bida'a. The
asl is that
he
actually pulled the the women of Madina, the
wives of the soldiers.
He said he asked the soldiers and he
asked the wives of the soldiers,
how long is the longest that you can
go without your husband being there before things
start to become like too much for you.
Right? That you're now deprived and you start
thinking about other things or whatever. How much
is, like, the max you can go without,
you know, without your relations with your husbands?
How much is the max you can go
without your relations with the wives? And after
pulling them, it was saying the umrah
who's the
4 months is the the longest that the
average person, maybe someone is less, maybe someone
is more. But as a issue of public
policy, it's the longest the longest that that
the husband and wife should be separated from
one another. So what did they used to
do? They used to have rotations at the
armies that are going to sham and going
to elath and going to
Khorasan
and going to Misr and going to these
different places that the soldier was not away
from home,
for longer than 4 months, and they would
have a chance to come back home and,
b, spend time with their family and then
go back out into the field again afterward.
Why?
What did he what Curia said,
your
your husband
as a matter of public policy would have
become a disaster. What would happen? The wives
back home, the ones who cannot make it,
they'll do something bad And it's your fault
as an administrator
that you put them in that bad position.
And the men who are out in the
field,
you're a soldier. It's not like there's police
and judges watching over you. You get a
chance to do stuff for us, something bad
with a woman. Maybe she's not even a
Muslim. You're the 1st Muslim she meets. You
did something bad with her because you have
complete power over her as a soldier and
a conquering victorious army and you shamed Islam
that that family for generations
will never forget the the foul thing that
Islam did to them. He wanted to avoid
that and so guess what? They did it.
Guess what? It doesn't only count for the
Sahaba radiAllahu anhu, it counts for all of
us. It counts for Behati. Behati narrates a
hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
that is the hap of a son that
the father teach him adab and get him
married
on time.
And if he doesn't
and he falls into haram,
Literally it's a wording of the hadith,
That he will
then reside and abide with the sin that
the the the the son makes.
You wanna close a blind eye to these
types of things. This is like what? These
are the kids who are like, Safal, I
don't wanna commit zina. Right? The one who
has a girlfriend nowadays, even if someone comes
to me and says, Sheikh, oh my son
has a girlfriend, my daughter has a boyfriend,
what do I do?
He said, Alhamdulillah, say Alhamdulillah.
What do you mean, Sheikh? He said, Alhamdulillah.
What do you mean? Astaghfirullah. What do you
mean, Sheikh? He said, Go talk to that
guy over there. His son has a boyfriend.
That's the age we live in.
You laugh about it. There are probably just
statistically there's at least 1 if not more
people in this room that this issue is
affecting.
So don't laugh about it. It's very serious.
I didn't bring it up as a joke.
This is a very serious issue. How do
people get from this place to that place?
It's a perversion of the fitra. So my
my heartfelt
advice
and my sincere request
is that inshallah for those of us who
have people in our family that are in,
you know, younger people
that are, that are, you know, under our
charge, care, whether they be our children, grandchildren,
nieces, nephews, etcetera.
You know, whether they are our own children,
prepare them for this thing
and
look at it seriously and don't do it.
Don't postpone it if the time has come.
Trust me. Getting married doesn't stop people. Look
at it doesn't stop a CAFR from getting
a degree. It doesn't stop a CAFR from
getting a job. It doesn't stop stop a
CAFR from,
advancing in their personal achievement.
Right? Having a boyfriend or a girlfriend or
any of these things. It doesn't stop any
of them.
If it's a sunnah of the prophet and
we're commanded to it, and it will ward
off all those evils. And those evils, if
they're not worded off, we're going to be
stained with the sin of it as well.
And it's a it's a source of great
paraka. It's a source of great,
blessings, not just to the people involved, but
to the entire Ummah, Sayed Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi
Wasall.
Marry the prophet is the hakam of the
prophet
is Amr. Right?
Marry the the the the the woman who's
beloved to you and the one who will
bury your children because I will boast about
the greatness of your numbers on the.
It's literally the hookah of the prophet
It's not just a way of preventing all
of this evil. It's a source of all
of this good.
Why would we why would be be out
of our minds
to delay to delay these things unnecessarily?
Sheikh, my son's not ready. My daughter get
them ready then.
Get get on it. Get working on it.
Get them ready. Don't be the one who
says, oh, I'll finish when I'm done with
my master's degree. And then after someone's done
with their master's degree, you find out all
of these other things. Then they get married.
You find out all of these other things.
Anyone who's going through these issues, may Allah
make it easy for you. My point in
bringing this up is not to say bad
about you or disparage you. My message to
you is that you can you can get
help for all of these things.
You can get help for all of these
things. If you want to, you can take
my contact with Omar God. Raise your hand.
You can from this young man, from one
of the sisters in the youth group. You
can get my contact
and and email me privately. Don't ask in
front of other people. Right? Preserve your dignity.
All these things can be worked on. But
what is better to mess everything up in
the first place and then,
then say, oh, we'll work on it later
or to do things right in the first
place.
Nothing's messed up. Allah is great on this.
His father is great on this.
Every person who says
his father is great on this ummah. The
most bleak situation allata can turn it around.
That is not an excuse for us to
put ourselves in a bleak situation though. Not
an excuse to put ourselves in a bleak
situation. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give all of
us so much tawfiq.
Yes. You had raised your hand. Oh, yes.
I just wanted to ask
you how it's possible to commit sin over
the phone.
People people it's *.
People see.
It is not in the sense that you,
get the hadith punishment for for it. Right?
But there's a hadith in Sahih Muslim
that every person,
every person will, be,
afflicted with their share of, and there's no
way of avoiding it. The of the eyes
is to look at the haram.
The of the ears to listen to the
haram. The hand is to touch the haram.
The feet is to walk to the haram.
Right? Right?
That the heart which is the most the
worst of all of them by the way
I've heard people say, say, oh, Mufti so
and so said that,
* on the phone is not really *.
Why? Because it's all pixels.
A, gross.
B, whatever. Right? What's the most worst part
of what's the worst part? It's not what
the eyes see. Right?
It's not what the eyes see. The eyes
are a gateway to the heart. It's what's
in the
Right? That the heart then desires something
and and and longs for something and has
a craving appetite for
something. The fact that someone's eyes saw haram
is bad enough,
it's not as big of a deal, however,
when compared to the that somebody in their
heart will look at the Haram and like
that.
That's the that's the thing that destroys a
person. That's the thing that destroys a person
that the heart will then see the haram
and a person will be pulled to her
word it. Whereas what?
Right? Is one of the means the word
is love. Right?
1 of you will not perfect your belief
until your desires are conformant to that which
I brought. Now if a man is going
to like see a woman walk down the
street and the first thought comes to his
mind, or a woman is gonna see a
man, or a man is gonna see a
man, or a woman is gonna see a
woman and have this, that even if the
pixels look at the pixels at
fatwa, someone says, I'm convinced it's not aram.
Still the poison is the real poison doesn't
reside in the eyes, it resides in the
heart. And then afterward like sheikh said that
afterward that then the private parts of the
person either will act in conformance to all
of this other's zina or it will it
will
act in defiance of it. But the the
the point is fine. It's not the zina
that you're going to get a head of
punishment from. Although it might be. There are
I don't even wanna talk about all kind
of weird like Tinder and all this other
crap that's on there. Right? It's a hadith
of the prophet that
the people of this ummah are gonna follow
the people who came before if you don't
by the way, if you don't know what
Tinder is, say right now. Okay? Alright? If
is this the people of this, will find
follow the people before you, hand's breath for
hand's breath, to the point where if they
went into a lizard hole, you would go
into a lizard hole and then rewire it
to the point where if one of them
were to commit zina with their mother, you
would have committed zina with their with your
mother. And who is it? Is it that
you you Rasoolah? Is it the yahoo of
nasa?
Who else would it be? Who else would
it be? Guess what? There's actually someone told
me there's a app called Minder. What? Muslim
Tinder.
I didn't believe them. I really thought they
were joking, and they insisted. I looked at
the app
store.
It's actually there. I felt so embarrassed. I,
like, deleted my history from my history from
my
phone that, like, I was so embarrassed. Oh
my god. This is actually a thing, and
it's, like, on my phone now.
Right?
Okay. There's a 35 year old boy who
hasn't, like, been married and look it's not,
like, looking good for him. Okay. What are
you gonna what are you gonna do at
this point? Right? This is
it's still haram. If you're in that position,
it's still haram. So just don't go there.
But I'm just saying like, okay. As parents
and as people who plan for our society,
we shouldn't be putting people in this position
in the
first place. And please, forgive me for what
is probably one of the more embarrassing talks
I've given in my life.
What is the Islamic ruling on interfaith marriages
specifically with non Abrahamic religions such as Hinduism,
Buddhism, and Sikhism?
So in the sharia,
it is permissible
in theory
for a Muslim man
to marry a, a Kitabia,
a woman who is either a practicing Christian
or a Jew.
There are a number of,
there are a number of,
qualifiers
that are attached to this
as well. It's not just as straightforward as
that.
One of the qualifiers is that what the
children
it should be it should be,
securely,
assumed that the children will be raised as
Muslims.
That that woman will not,
you know,
disrespect the deen,
bring alcohol and pork and things into the
house or mention opinions that disrespect Allah and
His Rasul salallahu alayhi wa sallam.
Even then the fuqaha have said it's makru.
And the dawil for someone say, how can
you say it's that it's that it's that
it's. Right? That even then, saying that this
is something recording recorded in Tariq, he actually
told the Sahaba those of them who are
married to, people from the Ahlul Kitab to
divorce them to that this is not this
is not a proper way to live.
Now it's it's valid. The children from such
a marriage are not,
are not,
illegitimate.
However,
you know,
even if a person are is to assume
that these these conditions are in place, there
are actually several conditions that are more,
strict than that according to certain from the
and they're all based in in Dalil from
the Kitab and Sunnah.
But, even even then, you know, all these
conditions take place. Why is it it's Magru?
My father, he had a friend, Allah Ta'ala,
have mercy on him. His name was Siddiq.
Okay? So Sadeel, he married
a
catholic woman.
He married a catholic woman
and all of these agreements were there and
the children had Muslim names and were raised
as a as Muslims. Right? And,
my father's friend, Sadiki, got cancer.
He died of cancer.
And, what happened?
The moment he died, his wife flipped out.
She,
lost it, And she insisted that he be
administered,
last rights
buried in a coffin with a cross in
his hand like this in a suit.
And the children were then raised as Catholics.
If you're a 100% sure you're not gonna
be in that situation and there's some extenuating
circumstance,
circumstance. If someone in this room may be
married to a a a woman who's a
Christian or
a a a a person of the Jewish
faith. My point of mentioning this is not
to object about you or say bad about
you in public. Inshallah Inshallah, your marriage will
be happy and successful, and all of these
things won't happen to you. But this is
something that again, what what did we say?
We say the exception doesn't teach you about
the rule. We always pray for the best
for everybody inshallah. But when you make your
decisions
ahead of time, you know, don't put your
children in a in a in a position
that a child should according to the fitrah,
love love his mother, love her mother.
And then your child, you know, grows up
and they know that their mother is not
a a person of the deen of Islam.
What is the reason? Right? There's a reason
why is it that the Muslims are allowed
to,
marry the women of the people of the
book and eat the the slaughter of the
Ahlul Kitab.
Right? There's an reason. The reason is not
because that somehow
they fit into a maqam that's
between Kufur and Iman, which is what many
people assume.
Rather the hadith of the prophet
is very clear.
Kufr is all 1. There's no one kafir
is better than the other one or one
type of kafir is better than the other
one. And if you study akhida, it's very
strange how
all different
religions that that that that don't conform to
the deen of Allah, how similar they are
despite how
outwardly different they may seem. How in a
sense they're very similar.
At any rate, and because this is not
like a session on Ilmul Kalam, so we
can't get into that. At any rate,
not the,
the Sufi, but the,
someone who worships stone and rock,
it's easy for them to say the stone
and rock is not helping you. There's only
1 Allah ta'ala, you know, snap out of
this. It's not that difficult to,
establish proof on that person. Whereas if a
person makes the dawah of Islam to a
naslani or to yahudi,
they say, well we worship 1 god also.
Even the even the nasara that worship the
trinity, they say, well it's really one god.
Right? And we also follow the commandments of
the prophets
and we also, have the same values.
And so we don't need what you have.
So what has to happen? You have to
live amongst them so that your dawah and
their dawah, they can see what the difference
is. We pray 5 times a day. They
go only once during
church. Well, now we only go once a
week, also stuff for a lot. But there's
a time at any rate. People used to
go 5 times a day and some people
here also do as well. Right? That our
our our our children don't commit Zena.
Their children is rife with them. Our children
are are pure. Our people love the deen
and are willing to sacrifice the deen. We'll
fast. Our children will fast a month of
Ramadan.
Your kids haven't been to church for, like,
the last 10
Right? These are things you only will be
able to prove them not by yapping about
stuff, but by living with one another and
people seeing this. And this is what
Qadhi Abu Bakr wrote, and I feel that
this is this is from a point of
view, a very, a very cogent and cohesive
explanation,
and the explanation that people have or the
assumption that people have that somehow
the somehow, like, between Kufr and Iman. I
I don't see that being borne out by
the nusus of of Islam, and Allah knows
best.
A Muslim woman marrying anyone who's not a
Muslim or a Muslim, any Muslim marrying anyone
who's a Hindu or a sick or a
Zoroastrian or anyone who's not, Huqman,
a Yahudi or an Asrani, it's not valid
in our in our deen.
I will I apologize. My
answers are long winded. I will
I
will
I will try to be quicker. What is
your response to women who are at at
the appropriate age for marriage yet do not
feel ready mentally
or emotionally for
marriage, don't force your daughters to marry if
they're not ready and they don't want to
be.
I mean,
as a as a a kind of a
societal issue, right, it's it will be the
case that certain,
daughters will not want to marry
literally because of the stigma that we've ourselves
manufactured with regards to getting married at a
young age. That's a societal issue. That's not
an issue to an individual level. You're not
gonna tell someone like, oh, you're just not
ready because of stigma blah blah blah. A,
it may not be true. There may be
other reasons. B, even if it is true,
it it's you're not gonna say that to
the individual. You work with the individual. If
as an individual,
if someone doesn't wanna get married, don't force
them to get married. It's just gonna harm
them. It's gonna,
traumatize them. It's gonna traumatize the person poor
person who gets married to them assuming that
this is they're going into this marriage.
You know, you know, 2 parties that are
ready for it.
Take your time inshallah when you're ready inshallah,
then you can get married. And if one
recognizes that perhaps there are reasons that are
need to be addressed for why someone is
not ready to get married, then get the
help you need for for those things as
well. So for example, like,
there are many women who
they'll never tell anybody because of the taboo
about it that had been abused
by somebody,
as children. They may have a very,
a very powerful aversion or fear of of
of of intimacy with a man. Right? If
you force someone like that to get married,
you're just gonna end up like,
a, making that person's life more difficult, and
you're gonna also make the life of the
person that they end up getting married more
difficult. That's an example. That's not every woman
who doesn't wanna get married. That's not the
reason that we should assume. But I'm saying
there are examples of reasons. Figure out what
the reason is and deal with the reason.
But at the end of the day, don't
don't force someone to marry who who's not
interested or doesn't want to get married. Indeed,
it's not it's not wajib on everyone to
get married.
If you're a man and you have no
desire to get married,
then don't get married. You're gonna like whatever.
Keep your wife,
hanging on the hook, and she'll live an
unfulfilled life. If that's not your thing, then
don't get married. If you're a woman, there's
a hadith. By the way, there's a hadith
of the prophet amazing. The Sahaba
how amazing they were. Okay? This hadith, like,
is so offensive to modern sensibilities.
I
enjoy telling things like this, but
I recognize maybe not everybody does. Right? There's
a a a a I forget the name
now. She probably remembers there's a asked a
messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
What is the haqq of a husband over
the wife?
This is something very not well known by
the way. That the haqq that a husband
has over his wife is higher than the
haqq that parents have over their children.
It doesn't mean that the wife is a
slave of the husband, but it just means
that she owes him respect.
And that he should look out for her
and he's responsible for her and she should
respect him as well.
Maybe a child is smarter than their parents
are. That doesn't mean that they have the
right to disrespect them. If you you know,
if a woman doesn't
isn't able to respect her husband, she should
seek a divorce
because that's not a proper marriage for her.
But once you're married, women should respect her
husband a lot. Right? So this hadith, the
prophet was asked by the Sahabi what is
the hack of a a a husband or
a wife?
Nabi what did he say? He said the
hack
of the of of the, of the husband
over the wife is if he has
a festering wound
and there's no other way to clean it,
that she has to lick the wound
clean, that she should do that for him.
And she she she said after hearing that
from Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, I decided
I'll never get married.
I don't recommend that,
but you have to,
a,
admire.
Right?
That the a, what is their level of
Islam? What is their level of submission to
the to the deen of Allah? They actually
considered
Rasulullah to be the messenger of Allah sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam. This is a hookm of
Allah ta'ala. This is not something that we
argue or put our 2¢ into. She accepted
that this is true.
And she also though knew herself realistically, like,
I ain't gonna do that for no man.
So she didn't get married. Right? Again, it's
not as an example of what to do,
but it is it's yeah. So if a
woman doesn't wanna get married, this is a
daleel that you don't force her. People in
their twenties thirties are not married. Perry parents
have many ideas about,
who
child shared many
k.
Or who who child should marry? Example, ethnicity.
Parents keep saying,
Sabar and Nasiv, but children are frustrated.
Muslim marriage epidemic,
parent tells, girls must finish education,
like medicine rather than just undergraduate degrees. Girls
are better qualified both in dean and in
worldly education.
Sorry, sisters. I mean, if I could make
them be better than they are,
I I would have.
I think a lot of these things are
frustrations. There are things that we talked about
in the talk. I don't know if I
can give any specific,
any specific,
answer except for is good, like,
for, like, 6 months or for a year
or 2 years. Subvert until you're, like, done
with medical school.
You know, I'm not I'm not taking responsibility
for that. I'm telling you it's not right.
From the perspective of a young individual, we
can't wait for our parents to teach us
and give us the talk about marriage.
What is our role toward making the first
step? What advice do you have for younger
individuals toward
learning the appropriate and right ways of doing
things?
Oh my goodness. You should ask this stuff
when your parents are not around.
Look.
One very sad realization I've come to.
Okay? Look at me.
Beard and Juba. I'm not wearing my turban
right now, but,
you know,
I'm the last person who
endorses,
you know, like people going fishing at, like,
NSA or whatever for a for a spouse.
But the fact of the matter is and
I very sadly and with a great,
hesitation
and with great,
sorrow
say that majority of people in America, their
parents are now unable to find a suitable
match for them
to get married. Open minded parents,
close minded parents, everybody.
Right? Everybody. The people who say, I'll just
marry your cousin. None of the cousins wants
want to get married anymore. The people who
say, oh, find someone with they don't know
any anymore. That's like the right age and
whatever. People say, oh, marry for money. They
don't know any rich boy or girl for
their son or daughter to marry. It's just
all broken down now.
If you're a parent, you don't want your
kid to jump ship, I suggest that you
seek help in in in finding a suitable
match that your child will marry because mostly
they don't want to break your heart and
do something that
that that's against your wishes. They'll mostly do
it only when they're find themselves caught in
a bad situation. They're good kids. They're not
perfect, but they are good kids.
And they don't wanna break your heart. But
this is a situation that they'll find themselves
in, and it's something that has overwhelmed them
before it overwhelmed you. So I suggest if
you don't wanna find
yourself in that situation, please have a very
frank talk with your children. I've known many
parents cannot have a frank talk with their
kids. That's a problem too. That's very dysfunctional.
Just because your baba growing up in the
Bilad was so stern that you were afraid
to say anything in front of them, you
can't do that over here.
I'm the first one who says people should
respect their parents. It's not gonna work over
here, though. That level of haybah is not
gonna work over here.
So,
you know, have that talk. If you are
children, you're in the situation.
First of all, don't break your mommy and
baba's heart. If they put you in a
situation,
then especially for the boys. Right? From the
time that you're,
you're grown man.
Okay?
Find a way to pay your rent and
pray 5 times a day, and then take
your proposal to a girl. If your mommy
and baba don't say yes and you fear
that you're gonna fall in the haram,
then write
there's no obedience to the creation,
in disobeying the creator. But you also have
to put yourself in that situation that you're
able to do something like that.
Okay?
The sisters is a little bit more difficult.
Why? Because the way the Sharia works that
a person can only get married through
that you can only get married through the
of your, of your father or
of, someone from your Asaba.
You know,
this is something that if you're in extreme
you feel like you're in extreme
situation, there's you know, go talk to one
of the or one of the in your
in your area and seek specific advice regarding
your situation. There's no one size fits all,
scenario. This is something in our Sharia as
well, by the way, that if if, a
woman can appear in front of a in
front of a in front of the judge
of the court
and present proof
that her is doing on her, that she
needs to get married and he's not letting
her get married, not for something that's in
her interest in the din or in the
dunya, but for something that's that's not in
her interest
at all. Baqadi can give her the the
the her own and say that you just
choose anyone from your and
that person will will marry her. The will
himself marry her to somebody who's an appropriate
match.
We don't have a anymore. What are we
supposed to you know what I mean? These
are issues we have to deal with. Right?
And the fact that all you guys are
gonna go to med school and nobody wants
to study filth anymore is not helping that
situation, by the way. But,
you know, the idea is still there are
people who are of
of of. There are people who stand in
the place of these institutions, and they're the
of
your locality. So please consult with them. If
you can't find anyone else,
I will be happy to put you in
touch with someone who could help you. But,
that's for, like, really exceptional situations. For most
people, don't, you know, don't don't don't, don't
assume that you can just jive your father
or jive your mother and just have a
secret marriage. Those things usually end in disaster.
In general, sisters, whoever doesn't have
enough decency to show his face in front
of your father,
in front of your brothers.
He's not he's not somebody he's not somebody
to marry. People find this lesson out the
hard way oftentimes.
Can you talk
and text someone,
alone to get to know them for marriage
purposes if you have permission of the 1is?
You should you should have some you should
have somebody that that monitors that talk. A
and b.
Uh-huh.
And b, the second thing is this. Right?
This whole idea of, like, oh, I have
to get to know someone. You get to
know them when you're married. You ask certain
questions.
After a certain point, there's no way you're
gonna get to know someone until you spend
your time with them. We're not the ummah
of, like, shack up together for 2 years
and then get married.
Okay?
Ask what questions you can think of that
are important.
Get the answers. If there's some more questions,
you can ask them again 2, 3 emails.
That's it.
If you get to know each other before
marriage, then there's, you know,
there's no barakah in in that relationship. Why?
Because it didn't start under the sanction of
of of of the the deen of Allah
Ta'ala. So there's not gonna be barakah in
it. Right? Look.
The fact of the matter is that 2
people could be super compatible. They still end
up divorcing. It happens all the time.
2 people could be I know a lot
of couples that are like this. They're you
look at them and say, how the *
did these people get together? It makes no
sense whatsoever.
Someone is uneducated. The other one's educated. Someone
has no manners. Guess what? They're happy. It
happens too. Sometimes they're happy. Sometimes they're oftentimes
they're not. But sometimes they're even happy together.
Right? Why? Because Allah
The hearts are between the two fingers of
Ar Rahman. He he turns them in whichever
direction he wishes. So if you if you
show and you're, person you're gonna marry, show
that respect to Allah Ta'ala, he's the one
who make barakah in your marriage and it'll
make it work out. So be careful not
to cross that line,
and, like, WhatsApping people for all,
hours of the day and night for, like,
6 months is way over the line.
I promise you there's no barakah in it.
I see the the kids that that they
do that, and then
it's a hadith of the that the barakah
is in having, a small amount of Mahar
and a short engagement. Some people have these
ridiculous engagements,
6 months, 2 years.
Right?
1 year. It's so long. Right? What's gonna
happen in that time? You're just gonna break
up with each other. That's all that happens.
Someone came to my sheikh one time in
the zawiyah. Someone came to the sheikh, oh,
crying. Oh, sheikh, what do we do?
Okay. You know, what do I do? I
don't know what to do. What happened to
you, son?
You know, I was engaged, and my,
fiance broke off broke off the engagement.
He said, how long were you engaged for?
He said, 2 years.
He said, Why else is going to happen
in 2 years man?
And this guy is crying and then he
says to everybody, Okay make dua for him
and then everybody make dua for him. That's
it. But what are you gonna do at
that point? Right? So this type of thing,
it's like, you know, send a couple of
3, 4 emails back and forth, get your
clarifications. If you need to do one more,
then do it. But after a while, this
whole, like, kind of chatting each other, like,
oh, what are you up to? What are
you doing? This is all nonsense. And this
I promise you, a marriage that could've worked
out will ruin it.
It will get you to the point where
it will you'll get into a fight, and
then you're gonna come and be like, oh,
Sheikh. What do I do? She's not gonna
marry me. He's not gonna marry me. Oh,
Sheikh. What do I do? He married someone
else. She married someone guess what? A person
falls in love, no guarantee you're gonna fall
in love with somebody who you're gonna get
married to or that someone's good for you.
So be careful who you fall in love
with because then the pieces, the broken pieces
of that, when I have to hear someone
in my office bawling about it for, like,
5 okay. Inshallah, I'll feel sorry for you.
Trust me often. I feel really bad for
you at that point. I'm not gonna kick
you out. But please spare both of us
the the experience.
And and that is by what? You wanna
get to know someone, get to know them
when you get married? Important questions you can
ask in a couple of emails Insha'Allah or
1 or 2 meetings at our chaperone
What is permissible communicate? Okay. So that's
done.
Should You select 1?
2 2 more.
I'm sorry for holding you guys up. I'll
make it quick. Can you please discuss the
importance and benefits of fostering and adopting children
in Islam?
Yeah. Taking care of taking care of children
that have nobody to take care of them.
The,
that is very great.
Situation
in different parts
of the world is such that there are
a lot of there are a lot of
children that need, people to take care
of them. And sad one of
the
sad facts is if we don't do them,
then there are many non Muslims who are
prepared to do so as well.
We don't have the actual idea of Tabandi
that the child becomes your son or becomes
your daughter.
But we raise,
the children of of our brothers and sisters,
as if they are family to us. And
there may be some, you know,
you know,
stipulations that you should find out from if
you choose to do adoption, but there's a
great fable in it. There's great reward in
it in keeping that amana.
And, Allah Ta'i is pleased with the one.
Forget about Hadith and forget about just adopting
the child.
Allah says, pleased with the person who just
puts his hand on the head of an
orphan. You know? Just to make them feel
like, hey. You know? You're you're you're one
of us. We've got your back. You're you're
you're you're okay with it. Imagine how much
reward there is for,
feeding, clothing, and and and, taking care of,
the child of another person of
and how much that person's
debt to you, how how much it will
come in handy on the day of judgment.
If you can't adopt a child, right, I
work for Islamic Relief. You don't wanna do
it with Islamic Relief, you can go somewhere
else If you wanna do Islamic Relief, you
can get my card also.
You can you can sponsor an orphan in
another country. Any way you can help a
child in need,
you know,
so and we just made a little
said that me myself and the
the the one who takes care of the
upbringing of an orphan will be like this
in Jannah, and he just made a small
gap between his two fingers.
And lastly, should you deny someone for marriage
if you have
more knowledge and passion to learn the deen
than them even though they have good character
and know the basics,
depends.
You know, if you wanna, like, study and
become like
Hadith and your husband's like,
yo, that's bogus. Let's, you know, go to
Hawaii this summer, then maybe not. Doesn't mean
he's a bad guy. It just means he's
not gonna be a a good match for
you.
Right? But if it's like you wanna do
that and
the person is like, yeah. I, you know,
I would support that. I would really you
know, I can't do it myself, but I'm
willing to support that. Then maybe it will
work out. Maybe he's just saying it. Maybe
he doesn't know what it means. Maybe he
does know what it means.
It's all case by case basis, and maybe
I'm one of not one of the good
people to ask about that. Maybe there are
other people who are better judges of character
in the community,
that would be able to tell you that,
but not necessarily. It's not necessary. You know,
sometimes 2 people are very different character, and
it works out really well. You don't have
to look at somebody who's completely exactly the
same as you. Certain personalities,
they complement themselves, and certain ones, they actually
are antagonistic to themselves. This is something inshallah,
your elders and your
people in Hikma and your community will decide
for your barakalah if you come for sitting
through all of that and being patient and
and having a lot of add up. And
if I said said something to offend somebody,
especially one of the elders or or one
of the sisters or just anyone, please forgive
me. That's not why I came to your
community. I only said what I said because
I wanted
Islam and to rectify whatever,
is broken
in the Muhammad