Hamzah Wald Maqbul – Circumnavigating Family Problems Shaykh Hamza Maqbul 42917
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
And the dean as ideas in this world.
In the higher realm, they have a physical
and concrete form.
Many things that are ideas in this world,
they have a physical form and concrete form
in the in the higher realm.
Truth,
falsehood,
love,
all of these things they have a concrete
form, and the concrete
world.
So for example, the hadith is very well
known, inshallah, you'll hear it in Ramadan as
well, that on the day of judgment,
the recitation of the Quran and fasting will
both come in the form of in in
the anthropomorphic form, in the form of a
human being.
In the middle of the judgment of a
slave, they'll come in and they'll they'll cut
in and they'll they'll ask they'll request
a opportunity to speak in the court of
Allah
ta'ala. And they'll say, yeah Allah, all of
these deeds that you're bringing up, please forgive
forgive him on my behalf.
This recitation
will say, please forgive him on my behalf
because of me he used to lose sleep.
And fasting will come in a physical form,
the form of a human being or human
like form,
and
he will say to Allah ta'ala, please forgive
him for my sake.
All these sins that are there, please just
put them to the side for my sake.
Because of me, he used to be hungry,
he used to go hungry, he used to
miss his food and drink.
So
the rahim, the kinship bonds that a person
has on the day of judgment,
they will come while a person is being
judged,
and they will request to speak, and they'll
And whoever cut me off, on this day,
you cut them off.
Whoever cut me off, on this day, you
cut them off. Whoever kept good relations through
me, keep good relations through that person. And
whoever cut me off, you cut cut them
off.
So this is something very important. This is
something that's not super,
what you call glamorous.
Keeping your family members happy is not super
glamorous, not for anybody.
Because they don't care who you are.
To you, they're just like
the baby that you were always. You're like
the doormat. They take you for granted.
The
they didn't respect the prophet
the sorry, the the
their families didn't respect them, the prophet
his family. Some of them didn't respect respect
him sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
Abu Lahab, who we mentioned from before, was
one of the closest relatives of the prophet
sallallahu and he's one of his most ardent
and and hot and,
aggressive enemies.
If it's something like that for the and
he still spent time keeping good relations with
his relatives,
then who are we that we should abandon
the sunnah?
If you were to memorize the Quran and
become a master Qari, you would sit in
the masjid, then you would recite and dazzle
everybody.
The sound of the Quran entering into their
ears would remind them of Allah, it would
remind them of Jannah.
To your family members, they don't care.
If you're a master Alem,
if you're a master Faqihin, master Muhadid,
You will narrate to the people such a
hadith will make tears.
The eyes would flow with tears,
and the hearts would tremble.
When you get home, your mother will narrate
to you where's the milk.
Go back out and don't come back to
the house until you have the milk.
You're not special in this tribulation. Everybody had
to deal with it.
Imam Abu Hanifa
it said that once his mother
said go to full on so and so
other sheikh and ask him
this question for me.
And then, mohannifa, being a dutiful son, he
went and asked,
the faqihi he asked
himself is like dying of embarrassment. He says,
you're the imam al-'Adham. You're the you're the
faqihi of the ummah. You're the patron of
the the the Mila Ibrahimia.
You're the one Muqiyama.
The other will be proud of you much
less the Ummah.
How how how are you asking me? He's
like, listen, you know, I mean, I don't
I mean, obviously, he those are very the
people, but to translate it into the language
of people myself is like,
listen, man. That's all great. That's all wonderful.
I just she told me to do it.
Just tell me the answer.
And so he says, okay. Why don't we
do this?
You I'll ask you the question,
you tell me the answer, and then you
ask me the question, and I'll tell the
same answer back. Okay.
What's the point? If Imam al Hanifa's own
mother is not gonna be interested in his
opinion about fiqh.
Your mother doesn't care what your opinion about
fiqh is. Your father doesn't care, your brothers
and sisters are not gonna care.
They just don't. How can you expect them
to? It's not good, it's not bad, it
just is what it is. Get over it.
You like did this thing for the sake
of Allah ta'ala. You cried all night and
blah blah blah. It's
not they're not gonna care.
How could how could they? They're human beings.
You have to forgive them. Why? Because it's
a blind spot. When you're close to somebody,
it's a blind spot.
Sometimes being close to somebody is like a
hijab between you and them.
Sometimes being close to somebody is like a
hijab between you and them. It happens. Get
over
it. Judging whether things are good or bad,
that's Allah Ta'ala's job.
There's a group of people in this ummah
who also have to judge certain things. Who
are they? Judges.
The quda.
And even amongst them, out of like, 4
of them, 3 or 3 of them will
be in the fire.
I remember I said that in Darul Qasim
Mu'an Tamim. I I narrated that about the
that out of 4 of them, 3 of
them will be in the fire. I swear,
because we teach the sisters from behind the
pardah as well. Right? Masha'Allah. I we taught
many sisters.
Never saw them. We taught them from behind.
I remember saying that hadith and
hearing a gasp from behind the the part
of the like,
and I'm like, is everything okay?
Why would but they're supposed to be so
learned in this and that.
You know, that's that's
It
doesn't matter. The judges that's their job to
judge people, and that's part of the fakaha
of a person. Their understanding of the deen
is that anything that they're asked,
they want to run away from it. So
if they're not asked, you have to be
a moron to answer a question you're not
asked, and you have to be a moron
to try to give a judgment on a
case that you're not asked to judge. Why?
Because it's
it's a very big danger to judge something
that you're not even asked what your opinion
is in the first place.
To judge somebody, nobody asked you what what
the what your opinion was about that person
in the first place. Is Fulan a Muslim?
Is he not a Muslim? Is this haram?
Is this halal? Whatever. The person who answers,
if they don't answer with due diligence and
they don't answer properly,
then they they'll be responsible for that. And
now everybody wants to put their opinion forth.
Everybody wants to put forth their opinion now.
At any rate, don't judge why you have
to worry about it. Right? Your mama's not
gonna be impressed with your deen. Your your
baba is not gonna be impressed with your
deen.
Okay? Your relatives are not going to be
impressed with your deen. So many
their children, it's like, you know, to them,
the only thing that they receive from their
parents is like, yeah, Baba is like, you
know, he's in all this religious stuff.
So many people, their brothers and sisters, they're,
like, yeah, I'm not trying to hear about
any of that.
It happens. It's normal. It's not like, you
know, it's not even why judge? It just
is what it is. Now knowing that's the
beginning from the beginning, knowing that that's how
you're gonna deal with your with your family.
Right? Because this talk is what? It's it's
entitled,
what? It's
like family relations? Circumnavigating
problems. What does circumnavigation mean?
You can either sail through the storm or
you can sail around
it. Sail through the storm and you'll lose,
you know, your mast, you'll lose your sail,
your ship might sink, someone get blown off
the deck, all these difficulties might happen. If
you sail around it, then it just takes
you a little bit longer, a little bit
more patience, but you'll be just fine.
There are some people who are looking for
solutions, and there are some people who are
looking for problems. Which of those 2 is
sunnah?
Looking for solutions.
Mawana Junaid Kharsani. May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
forgive him for leaving us. May Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala
protect him wherever he is and keep him
happy wherever he is.
He he was one of our
very mystical and amazing
elders in deen.
He he said this to some people, they're
so much looking for problems, they turn into
a human repellent. They use the deen as
like a spray that they spray on people
just to keep them away. You know how
they have like certain sprays you keep away
like, insects and you can have a spray
to keep away wild animals and things like
that. Some people, they use
the dean. You
know, like,
the
this thing, that thing. They just spray it
on people and then people run away from
them. The point of the deen is not
to be human repellent. Rasool Allah was
a a person who people were attracted to
him.
Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. Not in the way
that we use the word generally in our
speech, but people are attracted to him Sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam. Anyone who saw him wanted
to be friends with him. Anyone who saw
him wanted to be close to him. Anyone
who saw him wanted
to wanted to wanted
him to love that person and wanted to
love him, sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
Saidna Anas bin Malik radiAllahu alaihi wa sallam
who he he he puts it in terms
that almost border on the comical.
He said, there would be a person who
would come to us,
and we know they're only here because they
hear that the prophet gives out money, and
they're like, oh, I heard there's this person
in Madinah who gives out money to people.
And so they would just be like, okay,
we're passing by, their tribe is passing by,
the nomads are passing by, they're like, let's
go get some money from him.
There would be a person, everyone in the
Majlis knows this person is just here to
ask for money.
And
a short time would pass, not even a
short time would pass, and that person, Allah
and His Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam would be
be become more beloved to them than anything
else in the dunya.
That's the way that's the way to do
it. Right? People like, oh, so and so,
you know, they're this and that, and question
other people's intention. Come on. Get real. Everybody's
here because of their sincerity?
Is everyone here because of their sincerity?
Somebody's here because their friends are here. Somebody's
here because their mom made them come. Somebody's
here for this reason. Somebody came in the
beginning
for that reason, and they even forgot what
that reason was, but it wasn't sincerity.
And that's
Ta'al's generosity. Whoever come The person who sat
with Rasool Allah SAW Alaihi Wasallam, even if
they came to kill him, sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam.
So many there's like a list of people
who came to kill him and became his
became the the the greatest of his or
the greatest of his the ones who love
him.
Even the prophet is such a person you
can't sit with him except for you love
him. Even the people the people died in
Kufr and Shirk, they still loved him salallahu
alaihi wa sallam. If they were asked, they'd
still say, yeah. He's a truthful person, this
and that. Their kibr was getting in the
way. It's like the wrong signal.
Their heart was tuned into the wrong frequency,
so they couldn't get the picture properly.
So the idea is this, is don't become
a human repellent with your deen.
Okay? Don't become a human repellent with your
deen, and especially
don't become a, human repellent to your relatives
with your dean. Now, little asterisk could caveat,
if any of my relatives ever heard this
talk, they'd be like, This guy is saying
that? That's rich.
I didn't say it was easy.
I didn't say a, I didn't say it
was easy, and b, I didn't say it
was gonna be pretty.
Allah ta'ala puts people in weird, weird, weird
circumstances in exams.
There are certain exams that the deck is
stacked against you so badly that it's already
a foregone conclusion you're going to fail. The
best of people are the ones who, like,
barely fail, and the worst of people are
the ones who muck it up even worse.
That's also a reality. That's a fact. There's
a way of failing
in a good way. There's a way of
failing in a bad way.
So I admit there are certain people who
have problems with their families and there are
certain people who have bigger problems and there
are certain people who have extreme problems with
their family. No matter what you do, they're
still gonna hate you.
Obviously, Obviously, it's not the case for most
people, but there are certain extreme cases. This
is one problem with the the the the
mind, the western mind as it likes to
fixate on exceptions to the to the to
the exclusion of rules.
Okay?
Tell me something. Is it Haram to eat
pork?
Is it? Is it? You tell me. Is
it? What if you're starving?
What if you're starving? Okay. Well, no. Then
it is not then it's not really haram
to eat pork, is it? No. It's it's
still pretty much haram.
And, the exception is the exception. It doesn't,
you know, the the the sun of the
rule is undimmed by the cloud of the
exception.
Do you understand what I'm saying? Right? The
rule is undimmed by the exception. The the
exception teaches you nothing
about the rule. So okay. That's fine. You
know, so we'll talk about these things, and
there may be exceptions. Maybe some of the
things that I'm trying to say, they're like,
okay, Sheikha, it doesn't work
for me. Oh, Sheikh gave this ban, and
it was horrible. It ruined my life, and
people should think a little bit more before
they open their mouth and say things. No.
I mean, I agree with you. We have
to use a hikmah in dealing with people,
but a topic that's just general. We'll talk
about general rules. If you have some, like,
personal exception or situation or whatever,
Tamim Saab is here, Moana Fasi Saab is
here, the local olamah is here, Khalil Center
is here, all of these people are here,
go and get mashra before doing something that's
gonna make everything worse.
But the idea is this, is and it's
a very simple idea I want to share
with you. Some of you who know me
for a long time and have gotten personal
advice from me will know that this this
is this is an idea I share with
people,
that the only person the only not the
only person, Asafar. Let's start that again. The
only being that you have full and complete
honesty,
like transparency, like you have complete honesty with
is who?
Ta'ala.
The only being you have full and complete
honesty with all is who?
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. After that, there's no
human being. Right? The Nabi
is
is is is departed from this world
and his life has moved to the barzakh.
You may see him in a dream, but
you're not going to, you know,
In normal circumstances, you're not going to see
him physically in front of you. Right?
But the idea is what?
Is that there's nobody that you need to
be completely 100%
transparent with. Does that mean Mullana Saab is
saying it's okay to lie? No. Between telling
a lie and being completely transparent, there's a
a whole lot of
there's there's a large like, there's a whole
universe between the two things.
For example.
Okay?
A person this
morning, missed fudger,
overslept. It was an innocent mistake or whatever.
They they missed fudger. Okay?
Are you gonna tell the 1st person you
meet? Are you gonna tell the 2nd person
you meet? Are you gonna go to the
master to tell Moana Saab? No. Why? Because
we're not Catholics. There may be people who
used to make confession here at one time.
Now the only confession happens is to who?
Allah ta'ala.
Allah ta'ala.
Okay?
Another example.
You
are running a store.
Okay?
And you sell in your store
portable microphones.
And an especially cheap customer comes.
Especially cheap customer comes. Happens to be a
member of the Muslim community, incidentally.
Maybe from India, Pakistan. I don't know.
Total coincidence. Okay?
And he wants a discount,
and
he asks you,
how much did you buy it for?
Now this guy is not gonna care that
you have to pay rent on your shop,
and you have to pay taxes, and you
have to, you know, live in a home
and your wife gets upset when you don't
bring food home to eat and, like, stuff
like that. He's just asking you a bunch
questions.
Listen, man. You wanna buy the mic or
you don't? Did you lie to the guy?
No. They asked you they asked you a
question that's none of their business.
There are so many questions that are really
none of anyone else's business. There are even
some questions,
if you're over the age of, like, whatever,
14 or 16 or something like that, they're
really none of your parents' business.
There are certain questions even they're not none
of your, they're none of your brother and
sister's business. You don't have to have full
disclosure with people. So I'm gonna say something.
I want you to listen to it very
carefully, and don't misinterpret it. Okay? Everyone's here,
witnesses here. Masha'Allah. We have witnesses. Listen to
it carefully. Don't misinterpret. We have the noble
ulama, Masha'Allah, that that are bearing witness to
this. Okay?
In some ways,
the fusak and fujar children are better children
Islamically to their parents than pious ones.
In some ways, the profligate kids are better
children to their parents than the pious kids
are. Why?
Obviously, Marshall, we have young people here. So,
Shahab Baba, you can explain to the kids
later on if they didn't understand why did
Mullan Asad say this. But this is true.
This is real. These are issues. We live
in, like, a time that's weird that you
have to explain these things to people. Okay?
Is having a girlfriend permissible in Islam?
No. It's totally it's not, like, just a
little bit haram. It's like so haram right
now, like, it's almost embarrassing that I even
said it. Right? Like he's not even looking
at me. Right? It's com like it's totally
haram. Right? Is smoking weed halal or haram?
It's completely haram. Stop it. It's haram. I
don't care what website you're on or what
your friends on Facebook, like, say in, like,
a 100 comments that ensue afterward. It's haram.
It is
har Marshall Mufti Saab is like the faqih.
He's like the of this locality. He'll say
it's
but, I mean, functionally, it's haram.
Right?
We won't make and say if someone says
weed is halal, we won't call him a
kaffir, but it's a sin. Right? To to
smoke weed is a sin. Right?
He's from Hyderabad.
That that doesn't mean no. That means yes
where he comes from, by the way.
He's shaking his head from side to side.
He's saying yes. He's not saying no. Okay?
You can like We get This has become
like a like a nikah. You have to
say like
it's haram. Trust me. It's haram. Okay?
Now,
so imagine
that being aside. So there's 2 children. 1
one one son has a girlfriend and smokes
weed. The other one, he he goes to
Darce everyday.
Okay?
Obviously, the weed and girlfriend part is haram.
Going to Darce everyday is good. Right? You
understand that? There's no confusion here yet. Is
there?
So every deed is separate. Maybe one person
does one deed wrong and he does another
deed good. You can understand that concept.
Okay?
The parents,
they dislike
the weed, they dislike the girlfriend, and they
dislike Darce also.
Why would they dislike Darce? Remember we said
in the beginning, you don't judge. That's Allah's
job. Allah didn't say, you know, oh children,
judge your parents on everything they do. No.
That's not your job.
Okay? So they you know they dislike 3
things, and you know you're supposed to keep
them happy.
The kid who has a girlfriend and smokes
weed, what does he do?
He hides it from his mother. He hides
it from his father. Why?
Because he knows it would break their heart.
He knows it would break their heart, and
it's like, that's my mama. That's my baba.
Like, why why would I do that to
them?
Why would why would I do that to
them? My mother heart? She's
the sweetest person, always been wonderful to me,
took care of me when I was a
kid, still loves me so much, still gives
me so much dua. You know what it
would do to her if she found out?
So what will he do? He'll hide it.
The other guy going to Darce, man, who's
trying to be like, I'm gonna become the
and
like I'm gonna become
the the the the sultan of the oliya
type dude, you know.
He's gonna be like
mama's gonna be like, where were you?
I was at Darce.
And like, why do you waste your time
with those, you don't understand me.
I'm doing what's right. I hate you. And
storms into the room and cries and makes
a big scene about it as if he's
gonna become like a martyr, Fisa binillah. It's
your mother for God's sake. She's not gonna
kill you.
You know it upsets her.
The ulema said what? They said that if
your parents tell you
to, pray not pray your fard, you have
to pray the fard. Like,
you can't do something haram for another person
for good. You cannot you cannot disobey the
creator and the obey the creation and disobey
the creator at the same time. That's not
a valid excuse.
The right, if your parents tell you don't,
pray in the masjid, pray at home, pray
at home.
If they tell you don't pray your sunnahs,
then pray your father, then don't pray your
sunnahs.
Why? Because that's the Haqq of your parents
over
you. That's the Haqq of your parents over
you.
Now, for example, if you went to school
and then you studied and and then you
went to Darce, and then you came home,
and your mother was like, where were you?
And you're like,
I went to school and I did my
homework.
Did you lie to them?
No.
You're an adult in the Sharia. Is it
really any of their business?
Do they have a right in the Sharia
to, like no.
If they ask you specifically what are you
doing at this time, then don't lie to
them.
But if they don't know, you make your
life easier, you make their life easier.
So if one son is good in that
they don't commit sins and the other son
is good if they,
good in the way that they deal with
their parents. Right? Which one is better?
Totally irrelevant question. Totally irrelevant question. Didn't I
tell you we're not here to judge
anybody. But if you have half a brain
in your head or a quarter or a
tenth,
you will quickly realize, wow, why
don't I do both? Why don't I do
both?
This is not a justification for you to
do something haram and then say, Moana Saab
told me to hide my haram things from
my parents. What is he saying? He's saying,
don't upset your parents and don't do haram.
I'm telling you both things.
But what we're doing is we're separating the
2 of them so you can understand each
thing in its own place. Do you understand
what I'm saying? Don't do haram. Don't have
a girlfriend. Don't smoke weed, don't do any
of those things.
Do both good things, which is what? Do
what Allah and his Rasulullah alaihi wa sallam
tell you to do and what makes him
Allah happy, what makes his Rasool salallahu alaihi
wa sallam proud of the ummah,
don't upset your parents.
Don't upset your relatives. Don't upset your family
members.
This is when it comes to the This
is when it comes to matter of din.
Matters of din. When it comes to anything
other than matters of din.
My cousin's so stupid. He likes the Hornets,
and I like the whatever. Miami Heat.
Man, just shut up and, like,
don't say anything about his favorite team.
Okay? You already know that, like, you know,
you haven't visited them for, like, 7 years
because your parents got into a fight with
each other and they just recently, like, forgave
one another and this and that. Now you're
gonna muck the whole thing up because of
a stupid basketball game, or you're gonna muck
the whole thing up because of something, like,
completely irrelevant, something completely
tangential. Has nothing to do with the
any of that stuff.
What is it? What is it about what
is it about honesty
that that that's good? Is that when a
person is honest about the haqqah, that's something
that shouldn't be hidden.
When a person is honest about what? When
a person is honest about who you are,
there's no fa'idah in it. There's no benefit
in it because this entire path that we
have, this entire path to Allah
you don't even start on it until you
face your
own nafs. Until you you face your own
nafs, until you get to the
that your own nafs
is what?
Right?
He's talking about some weird mystical goofy type
stuff. No. This is a hadith of the
prophet that's
Sahih. No way we actually
writes a whole tract about how Sahih this
hadith is. It's very Sahih. It's the of
his.
1 of you will not perfect his belief.
Literally, the word is one of you will
not believe, which is a prerequisite of Allah
accepting you. 1 of you won't even start
on the path until what? Until their what
they love and what they desire is conformant
to that which I brought. So
if I'm telling you right
now that when it comes to the haqq,
don't you don't use it as a means
to repel other people.
Don't use it as a means to drive
other people
away. Then what do you think about other
than the what do you think what do
you think we need to do about that?
You think it's okay to drive people away
based
on that? Absolutely not.
Be like the water. There's a rock in
your way, just flow around it.
The rock that is flowing over is greens,
the water looks
green. The rock is and some people, you
know, by the way, this is just a
limited metaphor. Don't like, you know, let the
kite of your imagination fly away. But it
comes to things that have nothing to do
with the dean, it's okay. It's fine. If
everybody else wants to go to, you know,
sushi, just go to the sushi restaurant. If
you don't like raw fish, go order a
salmon
teriyaki. If everybody else wants to go to
Taco Bell,
then and you don't like Taco Bell, then
just order, like, whatever
nachos or something or order a drink or
whatever. It's okay. People, when you're with them,
don't be a haraj on them.
This is very important especially in family in
family issues.
So many people ask me questions like this.
My husband doesn't pray. What do I do?
My wife doesn't wear hijab. What do I
do?
I tried to ask them nicely and they
slapped me in the face or they they
not physically, because if they did physically, you
should call the police. But they they they,
like, they, you know, they threw it back
in my face and, like, they were, like,
you know,
like, they're they're not appreciative at all of
the the even though I did it for
the sake of Allah and for their betterment
in this world and the hereafter. I tried
being nice. I tried being harsh. Especially in
in marriage, there's no point in being harsh.
The hadith of the prophet
is what? Is that the the the the
the
the
the woman was created from the curved rib
that was say sayin Adam alaihi salam. If
you try to force it if you try
straighten it by force, it'll break. Right? So
there's no khair in that. There's no good
in that at all. This is one of
the first advices that my sheikh
gave me after I I got married. I
went to the and
I asked him, what advice do you have,
about marriage? He says, what what do you
wanna know? I said, when should I be
when when should I be soft and when
should I be harsh?
He said, never be harsh.
Done. Anything else to ask? He literally said
that. He said never be harsh.
I mean, that's it. Right? So when you're
dealing with other people, that's what I'm saying
is that that imagine if it comes to
the deen of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala and
you have to lower yourself, humble yourself so
much to be so soft when dealing with
your relatives.
Then what do you think it has to
do with other things?
Dunya things. People
get into fights with their parents. My father
didn't give me this. My father and mother
didn't give me that.
They don't have to give you anything. Nobody
owes you anything.
You're a grown you're a grown man from
the time you're 14 years old. Everything else
your father and mother give you is complete
sadaqah.
If they don't give you anything,
then that's their right.
And if they give you something, they're receiving
reward from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. Because
what? And it's actually it's actually as a
separate hookahum, by the way, it's haram to
ask people. If you don't if you don't
absolutely have to ask, there are certain exceptions
in general. It's haram to ask people for
stuff. From the, I be I believe it's
Hakim and Hizam,
one of the one of the, one of
the people who ex accepted Islam after the,
after the, Fathur Makkah, Mukarama.
He asked the prophet
for money once, Rasool Allah alaihi wa sallam
gave him. He asked the second time Rasool
Allah alaihi sallam gave him. He asked the
3rd time, he says, Hakim, it's not good
for you to ask.
It's not it's not in your benefit.
There's another hadith that says that because we
talking about risk earlier.
One of the reasons for for poverty is
asking people.
The hadith of the prophet salaam, a person
doesn't take up begging except for he opens
the door of poverty on himself.
It's a spiritual reason for a person to
be afflicted with poverty.
People get into fights with their relatives because,
oh, so and so didn't give me this,
so and so. You shouldn't have been asking
in the 1st place. Right? What am I
saying? I'm talking about there will be times
your relatives are not gonna like you. Why?
Because because of your nisbah with the haqq,
because of your relationship and your tie and
your connection with the haqq because
of your connection and tie with Rasulullah
with the deen, there are gonna be people
who don't I mean, if the Rasulullah sallallahu
alaihi wasallam's family
mocked him and jeered jeered him, then who
are we that we're gonna show better akhlaq
than Rasul sallallahu alaihi wa sallam did? And
whose family is better than Banu Hashim?
That they can say what? That that that
these people, that these people, they're going to
accept me. Right?
So when it comes to all of these
other things, let them go.
For the sake of Allah ta'ala, let them
go. What does that mean? When you let
something go for the sake of Allah does
Allah like,
say, yoink, done.
No. What does he do? He never takes
anything from you except for he replaces it
with something that's so much better you couldn't
even imagine. He never takes anything from you
except for he replaces
it with something so much better that you
couldn't imagine. He never takes anything from you.
Maybe that thing was so harmful for you,
you had no idea.
You had no idea.
You'll see it.
But Allah doesn't take anything from anyone except
for he replaces it with something that's so
much better
The whole idea is what? The whole idea
is that The whole
idea is that for all things other than
your, you know, the things that you have
to do for your deen, which you have
to do what you have to do,
don't don't cause a problem with them. With
your relatives, don't cause a problem with them.
Rasulullah sallam was so particular about this. You
know what he said? He said to the
any Egyptians in the house? We love Egyptians.
Right? My Mahmoud
Yeah.
So
Rasulullah
told his companions. Can you imagine this? He
told his companions that one day you'll go
to Egypt. This is a miracle of the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. There are many
things from the future he foretold. Right? The
the
the
the Masnoon Miqat of the people of Iraq
when they come for Hajj. Prophet said, when
they come for Hajj, tell them to take
a haram from that to
Irk. Not one Iraqi made Hajj during the
life of the prophet,
although right after he passed from this world,
very quickly the biggest waft of hijab comes
from where? Comes from Iraq. So this is
also a miracle of the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam. He said, you guys will you
you, my companions, you all will go to
Egypt one day.
When you go to Egypt,
honor them.
Why?
Because they're our relatives. Can someone tell me
how they're how they're the relatives of the
Arabs?
Said that Ibrahim Alaihi Salam. Right? Said that
Hajar, she was a princess of
of of of of the Egyptians. South
Egypt.
Yeah. Southern Egypt.
Yeah. In the house, baby. Woo.
Is my favorite. I love them for the
sake of.
Right? That she's she's a she's a she's
a princess,
of the of the royal house. She's a
noble
woman of what? Of Egypt.
This is
more than a 1000 years before Rasulullah
There were many many of the Christians of
Egypt, they had accepted Islam when they heard
this. The Sahaba radiAllahu ta'ala and whom they
they showed iqram to the Egyptians. They're asking,
why are you giving this type of and
they they they honored them. Why are you
giving this type of honor? And what did
what did they say? They said because the
messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam told
us to what? Honor you because you
are relatives.
Now tell me something.
Somebody, anyone You don't have to raise your
hand. Anyone here ever have like a spat
with a relative because you said, essentially, what's
the hakta and they just hated on you
for it?
Well, I know it's
never happened to you. Right? Never never happened
to any of you guys. Has has it
ever happened to you, Hooman Hwang?
Never?
There may be someone who it happened to
once or twice ever.
Nobody
is going to be able to say
that my relatives are the imams of Kufr,
and we took the battlefield against them for
the sake of Allah ta'ala.
The Sahaba of the Allahu and whom entered
Egypt as what? As Fatihin,
as conquerors.
And still, what are they doing?
They were they're making.
They're showing an extreme amount of iqram for
the Egyptians. And when asked by the the
patriarchs and the priests of the Egyptian Orthodox
Church,
why are you doing this?
They said, our messenger
taught us
that we need to honor our kinship bonds
and you're our relatives.
And obviously, they're like, how the heck are
we your relatives? How are you our real
how how what? What?
We just like had a like, there was
just a battle. I don't know if you
guys noticed, and now you're telling us that
we're relatives?
This may be like a bro thing, because
some people are real, what's going on bro?
But it's not really really your bro. Right?
Maybe it's like one of those things. How
is that possible? They say, don't you know
that Sayna Ibrahim alayhis salam, his, his wife
Hajar alayhis salam, she's one of your people,
and she's the mother of Isma'il alaihis salam
who's
our forefather. Not just in in lineage, but
in deen as well. There are people that
accepted Islam because of that.
There are people that accepted Islam because of
that.
This is why all of these
nutcase,
kwadage, weirdo, da'esh type people, they have nothing
to do with
Allahu is Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.
Did Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam say blow up
a church in the middle of Easter?
Did he say that?
Absolutely not.
Am I soft on kufr by saying that?
Oh, look he's a hippie camp. Lovey dovey
this and that guy. This is the hukm
of Allah and His Rasulullah
alaihi wa sallam. He said what? Show them
iqram, honor them.
Honor them.
Why?
Because they're your relatives.
Someone's like, well, I'm not an Arab. Why
should, you know, like, I honor they're not
my real they're the relatives of Rasool Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam. There's a hadith of the prophet
by the way that's narrated in Hakim
that say and and it's worth mentioning again
and again. Right? It showed the of Sayna
Abu Bakr Siddiq. Saydna Abu Bakr Siddiq on
the day of the Fath, his father Abu
Khulafa. Imagine how old of a man he
is. Saydna Abu Bakr Siddiq is only one
1, year younger or sorry, 2 years younger
than Rasulullah
So his father is still alive. He's blind
by this time. He's so old and he's
blind.
In the sun, Abu Bakr brings his father,
Abu Khahaafar
to to accept Islam and to take to
take the oath of allegiance at his hands.
Rasulullah
being
being the like the the one who he
is.
He said, why did you give all of
this difficulty to this sheikh and elder of
Quraish? If you had told us, I would
have gone to him.
Said Abu Bakr radiAllahu anhu. No. He needs
the he needs the reward of coming to
you.
And Said Abu Bakr radiAllahu
begins to weep.
He begins to weep.
And Rasulullah
asked him, why do you weep?
He says, on this day, I would have
rather I would have rather put the hands
of your uncle Abu Talib in your hands.
And I would have rather that he become
a Muslim on this day, and my father
my father, even if it meant that he
went to the hellfire, I would rather have
done that for you on this day.
Rasool Allah sallam says, why?
Abu Bakr alaihi wa sama was not a
person who he's not a hater. Everything story
about him is like so much love. It's
like overwhelming.
Rasulullah
alaihis salam asked him why.
He said, because I know it would have
made you happy.
I know because it would have made you
happy.
So what if you're not an Arab?
Keeping the kinship bonds of Rasulullah salallahu alaihi
wa sallam is more beloved
to the best of this after its Nabi
than keeping his own kinship bonds.
So imagine what kind of yahoos are going
to come and then disrespect the relatives of
Rasulullah
and disobey and violate the the commandment of
Rasulullah
Do they have any connection with him that
they're going and spilling the blood of the
people? Rasulullah salallahu alaihi wa sallam himself said,
these are my relatives, you should honor them.
Absolute nonsense.
Okay. Sahaba
came, and they're honoring they're honoring these people.
So go go find Coptic Christian and buy
him lunch.
They're gonna be like, what's going on? Many
of them don't like us. I I don't
know if you noticed or not. Go buy
him lunch. Say, this is the commandment of
our Rasool, sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. We're sorry
about these other yahoos. They have nothing to
do with us. Here. For all for the
sake of Allah ta'ala. Go make make their
iqram.
The, prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, this is
what he he commanded his sahaba to do
for the people who took the field of
battle.
So
we're all students of knowledge.
Everyone likes to give their own fatwas and
talk about usul. So let's make let's make
an analogy
right now. An a priori, batarik al ola
analogy.
You're not more pious than the sahaba radiallahu
and whom are you?
No.
Your relatives are not so evil that they're
taking the field of battle against you, and
against not you, against the deen. Are they?
No.
If they're gonna be expected to
make sure to honor
the Sahaba are going to be expected to
honor who?
The the
the the the Christians of Egypt.
Rasool Allah knows they're all mushrikeen and they
worship the cross and they have pictures everywhere
and God knows all of these other completely
and things. He knows all of that. He
knew all of that. Trust me. It's the
Quran. It's all there. They all know it.
Right?
If this group is going to be expected
to honor that group, then
you who are not as righteous as them,
and I who am not as righteous as
them,
and our relatives who are not, like,
trying to, like, extinguish the light of iman
from the world.
Right?
They're not as, you know, they're not they're
not as, like, actively and aggressively, like, enemies
of the deen.
Does it not make sense that that same
hookam, that same ruling applies to us? If
not the same amount, it then even more?
Doesn't it make sense? Doesn't it make sense
you shouldn't bring taklief to the to the
hearts of your relatives?
Doesn't it make sense that if you can
behave in a certain way
that has more to do with you having
concern for other people's feelings than for your
own,
that you should do that, and that that's
not hypocrisy.
It's not lying.
It's not being disingenuous.
It's not being a cheater. Rather, it's you
following the hookahum of Allah and
his
Rasool So what I want you to do
is a homework assignment.
What is the homework assignment?
Heart
heart you don't like them. Okay? Think of
it. Make a game plan.
Okay? They're gonna say
5 annoying things to me that that that
are gonna under my chest. What am I
gonna how am I gonna react to it?
They're gonna insult my favorite basketball team. I'm
gonna be like, yeah. No. The you know,
they're they're having a good season this
year.
They got a good pick in the draft,
I guess. Say something nice about the team
that they like.
If they say something bad about your team,
say, yeah. Sometimes they're kind of bogus. Are
we gonna do?
Right? If they say something, oh, you still
have a beard?
Be like, yeah. You know you know me.
Just laugh it off. Even though it's not
funny, it's not a laughing matter. So another
prophet salallahu alayhi said, just laugh it off.
Don't worry.
So may think in your mind maybe they
meant it they meant not as a joke
against the deen. Maybe they were just trying
to make, you know, light and whatever. Even
though you know that's not the case. You
know they're a total hater.
Think of all those, like,
annoying, like, mother-in-law type things they're gonna say
to you. Mother in law's is like a
different topic. Most people are not related to
them. If they're related to them, we're not
talking We're talking about her as your auntie,
not as your as your mother-in-law. Right? Masha'Allah,
some people, their mother in law's My mother-in-law
is like an angel. I hope she hears
this in the recording. She really is. I
know she probably will not, but she's a
very righteous woman. Masha'Allah. I give her.
Masha'Allah.
But the idea is what is that all
of these people, you know, call somebody
and be on, like,
be on, like, charm
duty. You're gonna talk to that person for
15 minutes or for 10 minutes or for
5 minutes or for 3 minutes,
and you're that conversation is gonna begin and
end without that person feeling bad in any
way, shape, or form.
As long as you don't outright say a
lie or say something haram or say kufr,
as long as you don't do one of
those things, you will say whatever it takes
to make that person happy.
If you don't like your you know, the
first person in this list, by the way,
is your your parents
and maybe a tie, I guess, at that
level is your your spouse.
If somebody people, they have these like tense
moments with their tense sometimes 10 years go
by like that their their spouses are angry
at one another.
You will remember that one thing that will
make them happy.
No matter what they did, you'll remember that
one thing that will make them happy. You
will have an entry plan and an exit
plan. Because sometimes getting along with relatives involves,
you being able to know how to leave
the situation before things get get bad. Some
people, they themselves have this thing that they
need everything to burn down. They don't enjoy
themselves until arson happens.
Right? They don't enjoy themselves until massacre happens.
They don't enjoy themselves until we paint the
walls red with, like,
people's what's inside of their heart, and with
people's feelings and things like that. This is
not about them. Who is this about?
It's about us. It's about you, and it's
about me, and it's about Allah
It's not about them.
Rasulullah
showed
good akhlaq even to his enemies. Abu Sufyan
came to,
Abu Sufyan sorry, came to,
Madinah Munawara.
So Heibar Rumi and Bilal
gave him the cold shoulder. This is before
he became a Muslim.
And Abu Bakr,
Sadiq
he's our elder. He's the elder of Quresh,
you know,
show him some respect.
I mean, the rest of the hadith is
what? That the the prophet
he he said no.
Suhayb and Bilal have more with Allah ta'ala
than than than this person does.
And they do. By the nass of the
Quran, they do. Do. But the idea is
what? The 2 are not mutually exclusive of
one another. Right? Because you being nice to
your relatives is not admitting that they're, you
know, like, they're like Imam Khazali of the
age or something, or they're like everything they
do is righteous or whatever. It has nothing
to do with any of that. This is
about who is about you and Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala.
That you will do this thing
just just one time.
Right? If you if you're, like, really, like,
wanna take the path of, like, becoming a
wali of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, you know,
like, imagine
some pious and righteous person,
they'd remind you of the name of Allah
ta'ala. So they give you the the the
the weird they say. Right? The best the
best thing that I the Rasulullah said the
best thing that I ever said or any
of the prophets ever said is, and
Alright? Like Moana Fasi said this morning. It's
so beautiful. It's like hit every time, guaranteed.
That renew your iman
by saying Are you just gonna say it
once and then like vacation for the rest
of the year? No. What is the what
is the,
the sign of the righteous?
You'll see them again and
again. When they finish the Quran once, what
is the next thing they do? They start
all over again. Right? When they're done with
2 rakas, they're gonna read 2 more rakas.
They're the are they the ones who who,
you know, say, oh, I made Hajj one
time. I'm I'm kinda done with that. Let's
go to Dubai next year. No. They're like,
yeah, Allah, bring me back again and again.
Right?
So do it. Try it one time. If
you really want to be somebody whose heart
is enlightened and who Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
loves, then just like you grab the and
say, Allah Allah so many times.
Right? Grab it, and do this this practice
again and again and again and again, until
it becomes easier and easier and easier and
easier and easier. Maybe you'll do it.
You say
like a 1000000 times, and light
won't penetrate your heart completely. I
wally of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
It will happen.
And the other nice thing that will happen
in the process is you'll become a nice
person as well, by the wayside.
You'll become a nice person. You'll become a
beautiful person. People will love you. Why? Because
that love you have in your heart, it
overpowers it overpowers the hate that other people
have for you.
And this is how the Sahaba radiAllahu ta'ala
Anhu could be so
firm and and and harsh in the field
of battle that the Romans and the Persians,
they had to literally come to heal and
bow in front of
But what everybody loves them. Why? Because they
have this this ability to do this thing.
Do it again and again. The last thing
we 6 o'clock is saat. Right?
6:15. Insha'Allah, no no harm in ending early
because or have some questions or whatever maybe
as well. But the last thing I wanna
say, maybe we can have like 5:5:10 minutes
for questions. And the sisters, you can write
your questions and send them over the barrier,
Insha Allah, or under the barrier,
if you throw like a disney.
So so the the last thing is what?
Is that Look.
Intention is important. Right? So
for example,
if
you are gonna get married
at the masjid,
right after Asr.
Okay?
Don't be like, oh, I'm going to the
masjid to, pray Assur, and maybe that's deed
will save me oh, Mutiamah. Insha'Allah, you are
and it will, but you have a right
to suspect your own nafs that, you know,
if this big thing wasn't gonna happen, maybe
Assur wouldn't be like the number one thing
on my my schedule.
There's a conflict of interest there.
In those cases, you don't stop doing those
good things. You just do your best and
fear from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that, you
know, that maybe my has a part in
this deed. Just do it. And if you
are surprised and you get rewarded for good
for
you. But there are certain deeds, you look
inside of yourself
the hair stands on the back of my
neck. That's how much I hate doing this.
And the only reason I'm doing it for
the sake of Allah ta'ala.
That should be a source of of occasion
for happiness for you. Why?
Because you know this deed you're doing, you're
only doing for his sake.
There's no conflict of interest whatsoever. It's the
deed of a crazy person. You would never
in your right mind do it except for
what? For who? For the sake of Allah
And in that, there's a special secret in
these things. That even if you try your
best, and you have your game plan, and
you're gonna go on your, what they call
it, charm offensive.
Right?
Khali, you can be charming, can't you?
Look at this. Look, see how he's smiling?
Of course, he's a pro.
Right? You're gonna go on charm offensive with
your relatives,
and then afterward,
everything fails, or during everything fails, and they
somehow find a way to get up into
your nerves and say something stupid, and
you know, you're like, please, I don't wanna
get into this. Oh, you think you're better
than me? You know, I'm not worth your
time to get into it? No, no, no,
that's not what it is. Then what are
you saying? You you can't communicate with me?
And it completely goes on in a down
in a ball of flames. Right? Even if
that happens.
Knew you you didn't do it except for
for his sake. You controlled yourself, whatever. I
mean, if you didn't control yourself and did
get
into it with them, then we have to
have a remedial about how to how to
deal with that as well. There's like, there's
like, if kinship bonds 99, cause we're not
ready to go into 101 yet. But like,
yeah. That that,
that the idea is what? Is that you're
doing it for his sake, inshallah, there'll be
reward for you. You went out in the
path of Allah ta'ala. If you're successful, you
know, 2 thirds of your reward, you got
it in the dunya. 1 third will be
waiting on the day of judgment. If went
down in a ball of flames, then that
means you got the whole reward on this
in this earth because,
because you only did it for his sake.
Okay.
Questions. I'm a little confused.
Kids hiding things from parents is not doing
good things like praying sunnah just because the
parents said no. Why? Can you please elaborate?
Look.
This is very simple. It's a very simple,
concept. Okay?
Doing something good, that's and
and the commandment of deen. Is it a
good thing or a bad thing?
It's a good thing.
Telling your parents absolutely every single thing you
do as if, like, every moment you're living
and you're the slave and they're Allah. Is
that wajib?
It's not even possible.
It's not not only is it not wajib,
it's not possible, and there's actually no commandment
I find in the Sharia that you're supposed
to do that.
That's not hiding anything from anyone. That's not
lying. That's not being
deceptive. That's just having common sense.
Do you understand? I'm just saying those 2
things are together. Okay. Fine. Your parents found
out. Should you lie to them? No. You
shouldn't lie to anybody.
Right? Our the our tarik is not the
tarik of liars. A believer is everything. He
can commit so many sins, but he's not
a liar. It's a hadith of the prophet
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
A believer can do so many sins, but
he doesn't 's not a liar. Right? That's
what,
the the the Habib al Ajami and Al
Hasan al Basri. Right? They were they were
together,
and the the the
the of of of Banu Umayyah bust in
the door looking for looking for,
Al Hasan al Basri,
and,
you know, those are people they mean business.
They'll kill you. They'll kill you. If they're
upset with you, they will kill you. There's
no human rights tribunal afterward. Not that the
ones that we have nowadays do anything, but
there's there's not even there no one will
even pretend like they're gonna do anything about
it.
Ajami, the soldier,
opens the door. The soldier asks where is
Hasan al Basri? He says he's right there.
Hasan al Basri is like, what
are you doing? Like, if there's Zulum and
someone's gonna kill you, you have a right
to lie. Someone comes if someone in Zulum
comes looking for me, they have a feeling
they're gonna kill me. Please,
this oh, this is just brother, Bill.
He be he's
part of the Hispanic community. He just became
Muslim the other day, and he's a hipster,
and he just, you know, is into ethnic
clothes. Right? Right. He's right there.
And the soldier says where? He couldn't see
him.
He's right there. He says, are you making
fun of me? Slapped him hard in the
face. He hit him in the
face. And he says, I should kill you
for this. If you see him, tell me.
You're lucky I didn't kill you for this.
And he shuts the door. Al Hassan al
Basri, like, you know, to translate it into,
like, common parlance. What was that all about?
He said, I'm sorry. I know the fiqhih
ruling, but I just couldn't bring myself to
lie.
That happened in too.
He he was he was he was running
from the the the Farangi
oppressor,
and he sought refuge in a masjid,
and their the their their the British, they've
surrounded the masjids, firearms and everything.
And he thought, you Allah, they're gonna start
shooting at the masjid.
They're gonna kill me. My blood, it's najis.
It's going to even though people like that
maybe,
it's not
just people like that is that their blood
is, like, you know,
redder than crimson
and sweeter than musk.
But he said, I don't want my blood
to spill in the house of Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala, so I may as
well give myself up right now.
So he got up very calmly, walks out
of the masjid,
and the soldier soldiers come toward him, and
they say, where is Qasem?
He says, you know what? He was there
just a short while ago, and he just
walked away. They had no idea. Right? The
truth will set you free. I'm not telling
you to tell the truth, but at the
same time, you don't have to be, I
was reading my sunnies. I don't care if
you don't like it. I hate you. Right?
That's what I'm talking about. There's a difference
between the two of those things.
Right? This is what Circumnavigation.
If your parents drag you into the storm,
then it's time to get into the storm,
I guess, as the father of Allah as
well. But the sunnah is what? There's no
two options except for Rasulullah
would choose the easier option, except when it
involved just obeying Allah
if the good people stay in the company
of good and misguided bad people stay in
the company of misguided, how can a good
person influence a misguided person to become good
with vice with vice versa happening?
And if good people stay with the good,
then how can a misguided person be in
the company of good? Okay. So the idea
is this, listen,
to go and spread the deen of Allah
to Allah and tell people a good word,
whether they're Muslims or whether not Muslims.
This is a sunnah of the Prophet
and this is one of the things Rasulullah
used to do, and this is one of
the things that the Sahaba
used to do as well. And there are
many levels of it. The small level is
1 person one good person reminding or helping
or encouraging another good person to do something
good. And and the most extreme uphill
version of it is that somebody is, like,
completely like a and,
you still remind them remind them of the
Haqq, you know, in whatever way that that's
appropriate for the setting. Okay?
That's a sunnah when when when.
The person who is saying what's good is,
a, has a has a chance of expecting
that something good will come out of this
interaction,
and b, is reasonably assured that I will
call them to my good, they won't call
me to theirs.
So for example
for example,
you set a stall up in the farmer's
market, In the farm farmer's market is there.
You set set a stall up, the dawah,
you send some students of knowledge there. The
masjid is right here. People are coming, going
to see you. You talk to people. You
tell them good word. You know, maybe it
has a good effect on someone. Maybe a
person that you don't like bag the conversion
or whatever. It's not a sports match. Allah
guides whoever he wishes. But often
times you'll say a good word to someone,
and that will have such an effect some
point before. Sometimes even on their deathbed, they'll
remember it and they'll they'll accept it at
that time. So you just say the good
word. That's one example.
What's another example?
Right? A man, like, you know, whatever, commits
sexual assault and then goes to jail, and
then,
you know,
is a repeat offender or whatever, and they
just got out of jail, and they know
they have this problem.
And, you know, there's a woman, and he's
like, oh, I have I can give dua
to her. Right? No. This is a weakness
of yours. Allah has forgiven
you.
This is a weakness of yours. Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala has excused you. Why? Because the
chance that you're going to go into that
into into
into something haram,
is more chance than something good is gonna
come out of it. So just stay away.
That's all it is. That's all it is.
So don't go into the, you know, you
never read fiqh, you never read aqidah, you're
gonna go into college,
philosophy class and then make dawah to be
you're completely unequipped to deal with any of
that stuff. Right? But on the flip side,
if you are, then go for it.
People ask, is it better to put your
kids into Islamic school or into
Islamic school and,
what you call,
or is it better to put them in
public school? Because it depends on the kid.
There are some kids, masha'ali, send them in
public school. They'll they'll they'll they'll bring people
to them. They'll bring shahadahs to the masjid.
Several of them.
There's some kids, if you send them to
public school, the kid is gonna abandon the
salat, abandon everything. They're going to, you know,
start dressing dressing properly, stop dressing properly, they're
gonna stop,
you know, whatever with the deen, they're gonna
get in with the wrong crowd, they're gonna
smoke weed, they're gonna, etcetera.
They're gonna do all of these things. It
depends on what your state is.
So, unfortunately, like many complex questions, there's not
a simple answer.
If a child hides information from parents and
they later find out and things could get
worse, is it not better to be transparent
and sincere at all times so the parents
can know the child and be open and
truthful always? Right?
So what is there are certain suppositions and
assumptions that this question is predicated
on. Okay?
1 is that the child is hiding something
bad.
2 is that the parents are gonna find
out.
3, is that the parents are,
the parents are going to, like, flip out
about all of these things. Okay?
If all 3 of the suppositions are true,
then don't hide it.
Life is complex. There's a lot of moving
parts. There's no yes or no answer, and
then you just like a hammer keep hammering
away at things. One part of Hikma that
I think is really useful to know in
the question like this is that it's always
easier to apologize later than ask permission first.
It's always easier to what?
Apologize later than ask permission first In the
dunya.
With Allah Ta'ala, it doesn't work like that
because he'll I mean, he he he knew
before he created the heavens and the earth
what you're up to.
With the creation,
it's always easier to apologize later than to
ask permission first.
So many a time, so many a time,
if you were going to do something, you
went and did it retroactively, it's not worth
the effort for for for people to get
up on you.
But if you ask for permission from the
beginning, they'll say say no. And now once
they have said no, now it's enough issue
that if you go against them. Right? These
things are not a science. They're an
art. They're not a science. They're an art.
Your specific situation, what I'm not telling you
do this or do that. I'm saying sit
back, think about things, make with people about
your specific situation, and tailor a plan that's
like tailored. What does tailored mean? Like, it's
measurements and whatever. If, you know, Aman Shamsaddin
bought a kurta and I tried wearing it,
what's gonna happen? Like, Incredible Hulk. It's all
the seams are gonna rip when I, you
know, try to put
it on. Right? It's not tailored for me.
It's tailored for him. Tailor a solution that's
based if your parents are like your father
is like, whatever, the super of Allah and
your mother is like me
every 3rd day or whatever. Then you'll be
like, oh, shit. He told me to hide
stuff from my parent. No. You're a moron.
The shaykh never told you anything like that.
He said, ask your you stand in front
of your parents, make chidma for them by
day and by night.
And if you wanna do something you think
it's right, you're probably wrong. They're probably right.
That's a scenario.
There's another there's so many scenarios it could
be. I'm just saying, I'm giving you the
idea
that if you run into a roadblock when
trying to do something right with your relatives,
these are certain tools you can exercise based
on questions that come to us all the
time, all the time, all the time that
people have these issues, that you don't have
to say every single thing to every single
person, especially if you know what's going make
them upset.
Especially if you know what's going to make
them upset.
Yes.
We have maybe 6 10 or 6:15.
Okay. So we'll go 5 more minutes until
I'll try to get through. How do we
respond to relatives who want to express deviant
views, I. G. Uncle who doesn't believe in
hadith only in Quran? Don't talk to him
about deen.
Don't talk to him about don't talk to
him about deen. Talk to him about the
bulls.
Talk to him about the weather.
Talk to him about
whatever, but don't talk to him about
Dean. Because you're gonna put yourself into a
bad situation where he may say something and
you're obliged to an answer at that point.
Just don't get into it in the 1st
place. Everyone will be okay.
You understand what I'm saying?
If you pull a gun out, other people
are gonna pull out guns, everyone's gonna start
firing. Why don't we just, like,
order a coffee and just, like, you know,
just talk this through. Okay? Don't don't escalate.
Don't escalate. Do not escalate.
You're speaking from knowledge. That person is speaking
from ignorance.
What's gonna happen? Remember who was here in
the the talk earlier I gave earlier in
day. Right? When the jock gets into a
fight with a crazy person, the jock punches
as hard as he can, the crazy person
starts laughing, jock breaks his hand, no one's
a winner.
Okay?
You're not proving anything. Okay. Tell tell me
something. Melania Sab, if somebody's if somebody themself
is, like, like, clinically not well,
that person is, like, mentally,
incapacitated.
They, like, you know, they went around their
whole life thinking that 2 +2 is 3.
What's the point of getting argument about math
with them?
Absolutely not. In fact, at that point, who's
the insane one?
The one who is clinically, you
know, like, they they're not able to see
anything other than that, or the one who
knows better.
The one who knows better is is the
one who's gonna bear the burden for that
interaction,
What of you have
to speak harshly,
to one relative who is hurting and abusing
another relative
in the,
ladder's defense?
What if your father who is hiding
or who's hurting your mother by drinking and
partying?
Okay. Look.
2 things.
1 is specific situations that are really harsh
and really
extreme. What is the sunnah of the prophet
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam when making a decision?
1 is you pray istikhara, the second is
you make mashura.
Ask
tell me what to do. There's a for
you can use there are actually more than
1. You can read them
The long one or the short one.
If you don't know either of them, just
say, Allah, please show me what the right
way to do it is. The best way
of doing it is to pray, so and
then make it after the prayer. But you
can just do it on the spot. If
you don't know the words, you just do
it in whatever words. Ask you allah. Show
me the way.
The other sunnah is what? Is that go
to people who know what they're talking about,
who know how to help, and ask their
mashra, where's Bahayuman? Did he leave? Right? Khalil
Center has a fundraiser on Friday. And, there
are people who are experts in, you know,
dealing with people who have
and, there are people who are experts in,
you know, dealing with people who have different,
like, levels of difficulties in in in their
mental faculties, their psychological faculties. You see the
the poster for the fundraiser is back there,
go please give them a $100,000
and all that other good stuff, because we
need this so badly.
Because right now all we're doing is we're
going to imams. The imam is the one
who's like he teaches the hidayah for for
a living. So he'll tell you,
you know, about like, you know, if a
person, you know, like, if a buffalo falls
into a well and you can't get down
there and slaughter it, is it permissible to,
like, shoot it with an arrow or not?
He'll tell you all that stuff with brilliance,
but like, how is he gonna tell you
about how to deal with your, like, whatever,
drunk husband himself,
his wife is like upset with him, you
know? Like, what are you gonna do?
So these people are professionals. Make with
them. Our our
the the the
who are people who know these things very
well, make sure with them. They're here. The
is here. Right? Go go ask them what
should I do in a situation like that.
And, you know, there may be he may
tell you, don't you dare say a word.
He may say you have to stand up
and speak up.
Don't assume that, like, every every every, marriage
fight, you know, is going to result in
someone saying, have patience, have patience, and don't
assume everyone is going to result in get
a divorce.
There's a lot of stuff in the middle,
and you may be thinking it's one way
and it's actually the other. You may be
thinking it's the other way. Mulan Joonaid, I
saw this
one time. I saw this. It was one
of the.
I don't I wouldn't be as impressed if
somebody floated in the air or like shot
a you'd like rainbows out of their, like,
finger hours
of your hours of your time. So I
was like, okay. So I went with him.
I just sat with him. He said, this
is sheikh so and so. He's also here
to help. And he just and I was
just quiet the whole
time. Man, this this sister came in, and
she described her husband as if he was
the antichrist. He was the Masih Dajjal. He
is going to, like, this is gonna be
40 days, of, like, pure *, like, one
of which lasts a month, one last week,
one last a day, or whatever, like, you
know, or a year. I mean, it's gonna
be bad, because this guy is horrible.
Then the other dude, she leaves, the other
dude comes in, and this woman is like,
she is the devil incarnate,
and she is horrible. I'm just like,
we don't have to spend much time here.
This is easy. We're just gonna be like,
okay. It doesn't work out all the time,
you know, whatever. The children, like, you know,
this is your right. This is it's gonna
be talaq. Now, Melania, he sat there and
he just asked he starts he brought them
both in. He starts asking one question, second
questions, 3rd question, 4th question.
And, you know, they went from, like, being
like this, like, not looking at each other
to, like,
you know, all lovey eyed, and I'm like,
what? What just happened? What was that?
When it comes to, like, your family relations,
don't be on a suicide mission.
Okay? There's this is an art. There's a
way of doing this well. If you think
of things as a zero sum game or
if you think of things as like, you
know, I'm like a commando that's gonna go
and shoot everything up and like, if I
die, I'll be a shahid, like, that type
of mindset,
you're gonna end up becoming functionally the human
repellent that we don't wanna be. There's better
ways of doing these things. These are all
skills that you learn from other people, and
then you have to practice as well. They're
all art forms. That's the the point of
this. There are so many problems and troubles
you can circumnavigate
instead of going head on with. And, inshallah,
if you have specific questions, inshallah, please, Mawana
Tamim Saab is here. The Mawana Fasi is
here.
Abdullah is here. All of these people. Alhammar
Al Baniyun. Khalil Center is here. Doctor Rania
is here. Sheikh Rami is here. The whole
he'll tell you, he himself is a clinician.
They of of of of now by this
point, significant,
learning and also
experience. Right? All of them go get in
touch with these people and get help, inshallah.
But don't go into it. If you go
into it thinking think about, you know, it's
gonna be a massacre, it's gonna be a
suicide mission, then obviously it's gonna be a
self fulfilling prophecy. There's ways to work these
things out,
not all of which involve, like, becoming shahid.
That's, like, I guess the summary of what
I wanna say.